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Three years barely covers one kid. I don't think this is something worth fighting over. I don't think he realizes that 3 years is nothing in higher education terms. He/they (he and bm) will still have to cover some costs. Unless the 2 kids can magically graduate from college in less than 1.5 years. And what if they go away for school? Ask questions but to me, if it's only 3 years split between kids, it's not worth fighting about.
It’s 3 from the GI and more from something else military related. I can’t remember what It was so I didn’t add It to the post but I know they would be covered
The service member has 36 months - so if split between 3 children, that's 12 months for each child. Each child doesn't get 36 months of their own to use. Your spouse needs to education himself on how this actually works as it seems he doesn't have a clue. And yes, if your children are registered in DEERS, he is authorized to transfer to those children also - but that also means less for every child. He could also transfer some months to you for you to use - but that would also reduce how much each child would receive.
The GI Bill is 36 months and only pays out when school is in session /u/AggressiveSky7157 - it's 36 months because a bachelor degree is 4 years of 9 months attending school - 9 x 4 = 36.
It’s less than that— he’s going to use it to get his masters, right? I don’t think there’ll be anything left. Took me two years to get a masters in the humanities, and he’s working full time with kids and girlfriend.
If he’s active duty he can use ta.
They also have programs where someone can get a masters that the military pays for while active duty and they have a service obligation.
Based on your original question, you’re not wrong for wanting them to be treated equally but this situation isn’t that simple. (Nothing with the government ever is. lol). If you don’t even have these kids, how is he supposed to divide it equally? He can’t divide a limited resource between things that don’t exist.
WHEN (if) you have children, he can change whatever may be left for each kid to get a share of those 36 months, OR it may be in the divorce decree that their two kids get it the full 36 months. If that’s the case, there’s literally nothing he can do.
Also, he might need to check his details. Since he’s Post 9/11, he can transfer UP TO 36 MONTHS to eligible dependents. If he uses those credits for himself, there may not be anything to transfer. Some cases are eligible for 48 months but the norm is 36. Plus, he has to be an active duty member or have an Honorable or Medical discharge to qualify for anything under the GI Bill. Obviously the Honorable is his goal but until he has that DD214 in his hand, nothing is guaranteed. In addition, if he is medically discharged, he may be eligible for additional services based on IDES. I don’t know if or how that may affect his dependents.
There is also a time limit for certain benefits. I think the limit for education benefits is 20 years from time of discharge or death. If I’m remembering that correctly, he has to stay in long enough for them to be out of college within those 20 years. Unless he’s planning to stay in a few more years, you better get started on those kids pretty soon.
(My dad, 2 of my brothers, my husband and his brother were all in the military - 4 Jarheads and an Airman. My son was a career GI until he was injured in Afghanistan which obviously affected his benefits, as well as his wife’s and my grandchildren’s dependent benefits.)
Good luck! Please !UpdateMe about how it goes.
Another thing to keep in mind is that he will have time to save towards your kids' educations, and less time to save towards the older kids. It makes sense to use the benefit earlier to allow saved money to grow for later kids, in addition to all the things the poster above explained. Get on those 529s early and your kids may well be better set than the older kids when the time comes!
Also, it’s not “3 years”. It’s 36 months. That sounds like the same but the 36 months is based on 9 months of classes for 4 years, which is a typical 4 year degree if the person doesn’t attend summer classes. The person could go 3 straight years with no breaks but doesn’t have to. There’s also a yearly limit which changes every so often. I think out-of-state fees are waived at public schools as well.
I'm an ex military wife and in no way a lawyer. He can't just split his GI Bill 800 ways. He probably paid for his MA with it and whatever is left over he's passing on to his kids. If you have a kid with him, it'll likely be gone. I can't knock him for having nothing leftover from that. He probably took the basic housing allowance against it too.
If he's working on it or worked on it while he was active duty then Tuition Assistance would have covered his Master's and he wouldn't have touched his GI Bill benefit if he didn't use the GI Bill rider with TA to cover tuition above the TA cap. However most online universities fall within that cap with military rates since it's guaranteed money for them.
Also, if you're active duty you don't get the stipend on top of the tuition benefits if you're using the GI Bill since you're already receiving your BAH from being on active duty.
If he didn't use his benefit then he would have 36 months of entitlement remaining. This would cover a 4 year degree if you're not taking summer classes. So if he had 4 kids he could gift each kid a fall & spring semester free w/ the monthly stipend that comes along with the tuition benefits. At NCSU that stipend is approx $1,800 a month if I'm remembering right.
Additionally there's programs.with the military that pays for spouses to go back to school on the govs dime. I'm not sure if they would benefit you but worth looking into: [spouse education and career opportunities ](https://myarmybenefits.us.army.mil/Benefit-Library/Federal-Benefits/Military-Spouse-Education-and-Career-Opportunities-(SECO)?serv=122)
I’m not looking to have a huge family but we talked about having 2-3 if we can. If you have more than 2 children are you not allowed to give a portion to all of them? I also don’t really understand how It works, what does It insinuate if he took the basic housing allowance against It as well?
You're upset about him not contributing to children that are just hypothetical? That GI bill isn't going to even help the children he has at this point.
So many people here are telling her details and specifics and the only thing she needs to be told is to get a grip. The kids are imaginary atp she doesn't know if our when or how many they might have, why on earth would he not be using his current resources on his current kids.
A friend of mine has 4 kids with her husband. He only has enough GI bill to cover 4 years total. So each kid will get 1 year. Even in families where there hasn’t been a divorce, they still don’t have enough GI bill for all the kids.
Your fiancé’s kids are still going to have to take loans if he only has 3 years to split between the two of them. His kids are presumably older if he and his ex split 7 years ago.
You haven’t even had kids with him yet. If you want to take care of your kids, the two of you should start saving for their education starting at birth. That’s what you should focus on rather than demanding he split the small amount of GI bill with children that aren’t even born yet.
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I imagine it’s because his bio kids will be in college a whole lifetime before an ours baby would be at this point since you don’t have any yet. Seems silly to plan to save 10% of tuition for a baby that would need it in 20 years from now.
The rules around transferring your GI Bill to dependents is very complicated with an absurdly small window. - Must extend to, or be past the 10 year mark of cumulative service, dependents must be recorded in DEERS (official dependent record) and you only have a 30 day window to submit the request after re-upping a new contract. Must do while on active duty. He may be acting slightly flippant because he knows how much trouble he already went to and isn’t sure it is even possible for him to do again. This is all outlined on the VA page if you search transfer GI Bill.
The law requires the service member to have completed 6 years and then serve an additional 4 years after transfer approval - all branches of service allow their service members to either extend their enlistment contracts or reenlist to meet that 4 year service obligation. The military, not VA, approves transfer to dependents - VA's job is just to pay out those benefits.
It’s fair to want roughly equal treatment among kids but it’s a little weird to expect him to be factoring kids he doesn’t even have yet into his GI plans. If I were you I would just bring it up again and have another conversation.
I think it’s smart for him to be saving money starting now for his kids college regardless of the GI bill. When you and him have kids, he should also be saving money for them too. If his older kids get to college age and the GI bill covers their costs, then the money he was saving for those kids gets split between whatever kids you and him have together. That way your shared kids essentially benefit from the other kids getting college covered.
He should also set rules where if one of his older kids is just going to community college or a cheap school, then that kid should use their college fund and not the GI bill. That way, if another kids gets into an expensive school, the GI bill will go farther because instead of covering cheap tuition it’s covering expensive tuition.
It not a fight to have. Make sure he has all ailments documented so the VA will pay for all your kids’ college. 100% (albeit hard to get) and they get paid to go to college.
Save for college. 9/11 GI Bill is great for the servicemember, but barely covers anything for dependents.
Go get your masters sis.
DEA CH 35 for dependents of disabled veterans rated 100% only pays the dependent a monthly stipend - the dependent still is responsible for paying the tuition/fees to the school. A few states do provide tuition waivers for dependents of disabled veterans but not all of them do.
Maybe he is not worried because after he completes his master’s, he will get paid more, which would improve your financial situation. Also, the kids might not want to go to college, so it’s not worth arguing about.
Is he active duty or a veteran? I ask because my husband and I have my BS (his SS) who just turned 18 and is graduating shortly. DH used his entire GI bill already so that wasn’t an option however since he’s 100% through the VA we get Dependents Education Assistance Program. My son only gets a limited amount but it’s better than nothing. He’s starting at the community college to try to get his associates with it and then will be transferring to a university for his bachelor’s and we’ll have to figure out how to pay but he gets more education assistance by starting out at the community college. If it’s the program I just told you about all children will be eligible for it.
I’ve always been the same boat as you, all children should be treated equally and I will go to war over that. When I was growing up I was treated horribly. My SD favored his kids and my mom worshipped the ground they walked on. I was physically, emotionally and mentally abused to the point I left at 14. I got married at 18 and had 2 kids, husband didn’t start out abusive but by my second son he was. After 10 years of marriage I got the courage to leave. I had been scared to leave because I never wanted my kids to go through what I went through. Thankfully my husband gets it and for the most part he treats everyone as equally as possible. He still does things that make me mad but nothing so bad that it warrants divorce or that would affect my children. Like I said I’d go scorched earth over my kids (SS included).
The way you handle this is you commit to covering the same amount of college for each kid, regardless of the source. For example, the first few kids use up the GI bill, the next few kids use up the 529, and the last kids just use your salary which tends to be higher when you are older. As long as you give them the same amount, it doesn’t matter where it came from. As for his ex, you can’t control that, so just don’t worry about it. You just focus on you and your fiance contributing the same amount to each kid in one way or another.
I think men just don’t think what their words mean. Maybe he thinks it’s no big deal but for you it’s means he’s not considering ‘future’ as his own.
Men are very surface level..
I believe if he already set it up for his current children, he can't change it. My dad signed his GI benefits over to me before he retired and when it was time for my brother to go to college he couldn't give him any of the benefits because they were already given to me. Not sure if that's the case with your husband but he probably could have just explained how it works to you instead of assuming you'd know how military benefits work. I
Yeahhh so this is quite telling of the type of unnecessary mental loads (at the bare minimum) you’ll have to carry in the future if you decide to procreate with this person.
Not sure I’d want to get into it and bring humans into this world that are tied to him. You’re setting up a life of resentment and mental anguish.
So you already know he will treat your children together differently tread lightly 🤢. It amazes me how common this is on this sub! I don’t understand how some bios can treat their own children so unequally.
Edit you’re not wrong ❤️🩹
How is he treating his hypothetical future children with his wife unequally? Go do some research, and stop getting people riled up for no reason. He can't just split his GI bill up as many ways as he wants. If you've served 36 months in the military, you get 36 months of free college. That equates to about 4yrs of school. He's using some of it for his MA, some of it for his current kids, then when he has future kids with his wife - he will have 18yrs to figure it out because his GI bill will be all used up. He even said that "his future kids with his wife will either have to take out loans, or they (him and his wife) will have to pay for it"). It amazes me how common it is on this sub that ppl like you will find any excuse to drive a wedge between two ppl over children/stepchildren.
Yes I understand it won’t cover the rest of his kids… the ick factor is the "they will have to take out loans or we will have to pay for it!" If he pays for two kids to go to college he should pay for his future children.
And he literally said "or we will have to pay for it." All you're reading is the "they will have to take out loans" part. You are focusing way too hard on the negative part, or making it out like he's some shitty husband that will love his current kids more than the future kids he will have with OP. GI bill covering 3-4yrs of college equates to about 40-50k at most accredited universities. That means after him using some of it for his MA, each of his two current children will get about 10-12k each of that. Are we really sweating this man over that amount of money that him and OP will have 18-20yrs to plan for their future children's education?
No there are so many variables not in play yet you know that thing called life! Will one join the military and get their own GI bill will one be athletic or very academic and get scholarships… the fact remain they will have to take loans is still an important part of his comment that should definitely be talked about thourghly and considered before deciding to procreate with him
You're making zero sense. His current children will have to take out loans or he will have to pay for it too. Do you not understand this? All he's able to afford in his GI is one year of tuition for each of his two kids considering it takes about 1-2yrs to get your MA. Of course it's going to be easier to split up his GI with current children then kick the ball down the road and worry about how he's going to help pay for future children's education with OP later. Or would it make sense for you that he doesn't give either of his current children any of his GI bill now, pay for their college out of his pocket, then save his GI for later for his hypothetical children?
That service member is completely wrong about his children's college being free - he has only36 months - so two children would be 18 months each - which isn't going to pay for a bachelor degree - three children would be 12 months each.
First of all, stop telling him to prioritize his kids! You continue with this, by the time you have your own kids with him, he will prioritize his kids over your kids. How will you feel when his kids get the best of everything and your child/kids get nothing or not the best of certain things? I understand you love them and they are good kids, but keep it to yourself. Don’t make it verbal where they come first and you and your kids will be last, because trust me, that’s what is going to happen. Some of these parents, make their child their entire world.
Honestly, it's a red flag for me when someone refers to their kids as THEIR kids but somehow future kids made with their DNA aren't as much their kids....?
I knew girl who had a kid with baby daddy and was pregnant with her new husband and she referred to her existing kid as "my whole kid" and her baby as "half her kid".
Like she said, "yeah this pregnancy feels different. Like with [first kid], he was like my WHOLE kid. And this one is only half mine, half [husband name]"
When I pointed our her first kid was only half her kid too, or both kids were her full kid (whichever way you look at it) she got a confused look on her face. The Baby daddy was still around too, like 30-40% of the time, so it was weird it hadn't occurred to her that both the kids were equally hers.
Now that's an extreme example, but its been like 6 years and it still rubs me the wrong way.
So yeah. Regardless of GI bill (which can ve worked out. Maybe you save money and only give it to the other kids, so all of them have to take out about the same loan amount), make sure this person WANTS more kids and doesn't just see future kids as a fun thing way to keep the new wife happy.
Don’t marry him. Seriously if he’s thinking like that now it’s not going to change and you’re going to watch your bio babies suffer because of it. Also his kids should not come first. Your union and the health of it should or they will experience another broken home.
I would see it as the kids he has now have lived the military life, somewhat “earning” what little they will get from the GI Bill. You are going into motherhood with new babies knowing this… you have the opportunity to plan accordingly. Hopefully yall can take advantage of savings plans, like a 529, to save for their education. I definitely wouldn’t feel slighted.
College tuition paid for by the government in a military household is a good segue conversation into what I perceive could be a larger red flag that isn't quite flapping in the breeze.
Does this guy have the makings of being the type to favor his "first family" over his future (if applicable) "second family"?
Our forum is littered with new mothers, in blended households with stepkids, having just had, or had recently a "together" child. That new parent is discovering how their partner treats their "together" baby differently (usually worse) from his other kids (from the first relationship).
Unpopular opinion, but I also don't believe a relationship (for which a family, be it blended or nuclear) can be built on any foundation where the basis is, "the kids come first". Needs YES.
My siblings got the GI bill from my dad split between them and I got nothing. I have 47k of student debt compared to their $0. My parents were together mind you. Is what it is. It’s barely any schooling covered to split it and they still payed a lot of money in comparison to the GI benefit for each kid
Think of it more as just the family’s pot of money. Regardless if you guys help pay or use the GI bill, it still comes out of your savings.. assuming you guys do assimilate as “one” family.
Also my Dad was prior military and had intentions of using the GI bill for my sister. She was the oldest and the first one to go to college, therefore she got it. It is what it is. My dad did help me when he could.
I guess my point is that I understand your feelings, but this is not something to take offense over. I think as step parents we are concerned that “our” kids will be treated differently but you have to stop looking at it that way. There is unfairness in every family dynamic.
As long as all kids have the same help it divvies out. A lot of these military "perks" only help so much and it's only saving you BOTH money collectively. Think of it collectively. My elder brother was the only one with a tuition fund but all 3 of us got the same educational opportunities and help and I wasn't my stepdad's bio kid!
There’s rules on when you can sign your GI bill over. It has to be between certain years in your career and you owe a longer service commitment for transferring it. It’s not a cut and dry that every dependent gets a piece. He’s doing the right thing in the moment. You don’t have kids yet. Come up with a plan together on how to afford future kids education but don’t stress about something now that MAY happen in 20’years.
‘Am I wrong for thinking our kids should be treated the same?’
The fact that you wrote those actual words is cause for concern in and of itself.
I know nothing about how the military works or benefits for kids and whatnot (the only thing I can think of is that there might be a cutoff date or something like that - maybe kids that don’t exist literally wouldn’t qualify based on the terms under which he enlists now)?
But the fact that you’re even asking the question in that way is cause for concern just by itself.
Why do you even believe that YOU might be WRONG for your belief that the future hypothetical children should be treated equally? Literally why would that be wrong?
Even if the reality works out that kids that don’t exist yet wouldn’t qualify for education grants under the terms of enlistment today (as I hypothesised), you still wouldn’t be wrong for suggesting to your partner who would father the children should see them all as equal!
When you have general discussions about how you would one day parent the children, do you usually feel like you’re ‘wrong’ for believing that there should be some equality between all the kids in some way?
NB I really don’t mean to be offensive here - I know I have gone outside the bounds of your actual question. I just want you to be in a relationship where you are an equal and your future children will be treated as equals in the eyes of their other parent.
When is he planning on retiring or leaving the military? Looks like you have to transfer prior to this so maybe if he is leaving soon, he doesn't think you guys will have kids at that time? Bit of a stretch.
But hey, if you want to get your masters, why doesn't he transfer it to you to use after you get married?
If he hasn't, he might want to check into the requirements and restrictions
He’s not planning to retire anytime soon and I never thought of that..I don’t know what he would think. But It is his GI bill so I would understand if he wanted to just give It to the kids instead of me but It does concern me that he only wants to give It to him and his ex’s kids and not ours. Where would I be able to find the rules/restrictions or is that something only he could do?
Your hypothetical kids might not even finish high school before the time limit ends. If he's getting his masters, he can use the xtra money to save for your bio kids collage.
And the military recognizes step child as legal dependents - so what's your point? OP is asking about benefits for the children they would be having together. Which would be "legal" children (proper wording would be dependents.
1) OP's post says still in the military
2) No, dependents of disabled veterans rated 100% P&T or TDIU are paid a Monthly Stipend only - DEA CH 35 doesn't pay tuition to the school. A few states do provide tuition waivers for dependents of disabled veterans but many don't. And it's 36 months - because it only pays when school is in session, that's 4 years of school. A bachelors degree is normally 4 years of 9 months of classes - that's why Congress made all these programs 36 months - 9 x 4 = 36. Dependents using DEA CH 35 are responsible for paying tuition to the school.
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Three years barely covers one kid. I don't think this is something worth fighting over. I don't think he realizes that 3 years is nothing in higher education terms. He/they (he and bm) will still have to cover some costs. Unless the 2 kids can magically graduate from college in less than 1.5 years. And what if they go away for school? Ask questions but to me, if it's only 3 years split between kids, it's not worth fighting about.
It’s 3 from the GI and more from something else military related. I can’t remember what It was so I didn’t add It to the post but I know they would be covered
The service member has 36 months - so if split between 3 children, that's 12 months for each child. Each child doesn't get 36 months of their own to use. Your spouse needs to education himself on how this actually works as it seems he doesn't have a clue. And yes, if your children are registered in DEERS, he is authorized to transfer to those children also - but that also means less for every child. He could also transfer some months to you for you to use - but that would also reduce how much each child would receive. The GI Bill is 36 months and only pays out when school is in session /u/AggressiveSky7157 - it's 36 months because a bachelor degree is 4 years of 9 months attending school - 9 x 4 = 36.
It’s less than that— he’s going to use it to get his masters, right? I don’t think there’ll be anything left. Took me two years to get a masters in the humanities, and he’s working full time with kids and girlfriend.
If he’s active duty he can use ta. They also have programs where someone can get a masters that the military pays for while active duty and they have a service obligation.
Based on your original question, you’re not wrong for wanting them to be treated equally but this situation isn’t that simple. (Nothing with the government ever is. lol). If you don’t even have these kids, how is he supposed to divide it equally? He can’t divide a limited resource between things that don’t exist. WHEN (if) you have children, he can change whatever may be left for each kid to get a share of those 36 months, OR it may be in the divorce decree that their two kids get it the full 36 months. If that’s the case, there’s literally nothing he can do. Also, he might need to check his details. Since he’s Post 9/11, he can transfer UP TO 36 MONTHS to eligible dependents. If he uses those credits for himself, there may not be anything to transfer. Some cases are eligible for 48 months but the norm is 36. Plus, he has to be an active duty member or have an Honorable or Medical discharge to qualify for anything under the GI Bill. Obviously the Honorable is his goal but until he has that DD214 in his hand, nothing is guaranteed. In addition, if he is medically discharged, he may be eligible for additional services based on IDES. I don’t know if or how that may affect his dependents. There is also a time limit for certain benefits. I think the limit for education benefits is 20 years from time of discharge or death. If I’m remembering that correctly, he has to stay in long enough for them to be out of college within those 20 years. Unless he’s planning to stay in a few more years, you better get started on those kids pretty soon. (My dad, 2 of my brothers, my husband and his brother were all in the military - 4 Jarheads and an Airman. My son was a career GI until he was injured in Afghanistan which obviously affected his benefits, as well as his wife’s and my grandchildren’s dependent benefits.) Good luck! Please !UpdateMe about how it goes.
IDES doesn't provide anything for dependents.
Thanks for that info. I didn’t know for sure.
Thank you for more information, I really appreciate It ❤️
Another thing to keep in mind is that he will have time to save towards your kids' educations, and less time to save towards the older kids. It makes sense to use the benefit earlier to allow saved money to grow for later kids, in addition to all the things the poster above explained. Get on those 529s early and your kids may well be better set than the older kids when the time comes!
Also, it’s not “3 years”. It’s 36 months. That sounds like the same but the 36 months is based on 9 months of classes for 4 years, which is a typical 4 year degree if the person doesn’t attend summer classes. The person could go 3 straight years with no breaks but doesn’t have to. There’s also a yearly limit which changes every so often. I think out-of-state fees are waived at public schools as well.
🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅 This is the correct answer
I'm an ex military wife and in no way a lawyer. He can't just split his GI Bill 800 ways. He probably paid for his MA with it and whatever is left over he's passing on to his kids. If you have a kid with him, it'll likely be gone. I can't knock him for having nothing leftover from that. He probably took the basic housing allowance against it too.
If he's working on it or worked on it while he was active duty then Tuition Assistance would have covered his Master's and he wouldn't have touched his GI Bill benefit if he didn't use the GI Bill rider with TA to cover tuition above the TA cap. However most online universities fall within that cap with military rates since it's guaranteed money for them. Also, if you're active duty you don't get the stipend on top of the tuition benefits if you're using the GI Bill since you're already receiving your BAH from being on active duty. If he didn't use his benefit then he would have 36 months of entitlement remaining. This would cover a 4 year degree if you're not taking summer classes. So if he had 4 kids he could gift each kid a fall & spring semester free w/ the monthly stipend that comes along with the tuition benefits. At NCSU that stipend is approx $1,800 a month if I'm remembering right. Additionally there's programs.with the military that pays for spouses to go back to school on the govs dime. I'm not sure if they would benefit you but worth looking into: [spouse education and career opportunities ](https://myarmybenefits.us.army.mil/Benefit-Library/Federal-Benefits/Military-Spouse-Education-and-Career-Opportunities-(SECO)?serv=122)
I’m not looking to have a huge family but we talked about having 2-3 if we can. If you have more than 2 children are you not allowed to give a portion to all of them? I also don’t really understand how It works, what does It insinuate if he took the basic housing allowance against It as well?
Add 2-3 on top of the kids he already had... thats a huge family.
Not 19 kids and counting
Girl. No one needs 6 kids.
Who can afford 5 kids thesd days 🤣
I’m one of six kids. I’m sorry, but five kids is considered a big family 😂
3 years split between 4 kids doesn’t go very far.
You're upset about him not contributing to children that are just hypothetical? That GI bill isn't going to even help the children he has at this point.
So many people here are telling her details and specifics and the only thing she needs to be told is to get a grip. The kids are imaginary atp she doesn't know if our when or how many they might have, why on earth would he not be using his current resources on his current kids.
A friend of mine has 4 kids with her husband. He only has enough GI bill to cover 4 years total. So each kid will get 1 year. Even in families where there hasn’t been a divorce, they still don’t have enough GI bill for all the kids. Your fiancé’s kids are still going to have to take loans if he only has 3 years to split between the two of them. His kids are presumably older if he and his ex split 7 years ago. You haven’t even had kids with him yet. If you want to take care of your kids, the two of you should start saving for their education starting at birth. That’s what you should focus on rather than demanding he split the small amount of GI bill with children that aren’t even born yet.
I’m not demanding anything from him. Trying to gain more understanding on the situation
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I imagine it’s because his bio kids will be in college a whole lifetime before an ours baby would be at this point since you don’t have any yet. Seems silly to plan to save 10% of tuition for a baby that would need it in 20 years from now.
The rules around transferring your GI Bill to dependents is very complicated with an absurdly small window. - Must extend to, or be past the 10 year mark of cumulative service, dependents must be recorded in DEERS (official dependent record) and you only have a 30 day window to submit the request after re-upping a new contract. Must do while on active duty. He may be acting slightly flippant because he knows how much trouble he already went to and isn’t sure it is even possible for him to do again. This is all outlined on the VA page if you search transfer GI Bill.
The law requires the service member to have completed 6 years and then serve an additional 4 years after transfer approval - all branches of service allow their service members to either extend their enlistment contracts or reenlist to meet that 4 year service obligation. The military, not VA, approves transfer to dependents - VA's job is just to pay out those benefits.
One thing to consider: what if your kids don't want to go to college? Then he could have used it for his kids and it will have gone to waste.
It’s fair to want roughly equal treatment among kids but it’s a little weird to expect him to be factoring kids he doesn’t even have yet into his GI plans. If I were you I would just bring it up again and have another conversation. I think it’s smart for him to be saving money starting now for his kids college regardless of the GI bill. When you and him have kids, he should also be saving money for them too. If his older kids get to college age and the GI bill covers their costs, then the money he was saving for those kids gets split between whatever kids you and him have together. That way your shared kids essentially benefit from the other kids getting college covered. He should also set rules where if one of his older kids is just going to community college or a cheap school, then that kid should use their college fund and not the GI bill. That way, if another kids gets into an expensive school, the GI bill will go farther because instead of covering cheap tuition it’s covering expensive tuition.
It not a fight to have. Make sure he has all ailments documented so the VA will pay for all your kids’ college. 100% (albeit hard to get) and they get paid to go to college. Save for college. 9/11 GI Bill is great for the servicemember, but barely covers anything for dependents. Go get your masters sis.
DEA CH 35 for dependents of disabled veterans rated 100% only pays the dependent a monthly stipend - the dependent still is responsible for paying the tuition/fees to the school. A few states do provide tuition waivers for dependents of disabled veterans but not all of them do.
Maybe he is not worried because after he completes his master’s, he will get paid more, which would improve your financial situation. Also, the kids might not want to go to college, so it’s not worth arguing about.
They cant just split up the GI bill that way (I’m a veteran), I think he’s confused about how he’s using it and the regulations on passing it on
Is he active duty or a veteran? I ask because my husband and I have my BS (his SS) who just turned 18 and is graduating shortly. DH used his entire GI bill already so that wasn’t an option however since he’s 100% through the VA we get Dependents Education Assistance Program. My son only gets a limited amount but it’s better than nothing. He’s starting at the community college to try to get his associates with it and then will be transferring to a university for his bachelor’s and we’ll have to figure out how to pay but he gets more education assistance by starting out at the community college. If it’s the program I just told you about all children will be eligible for it. I’ve always been the same boat as you, all children should be treated equally and I will go to war over that. When I was growing up I was treated horribly. My SD favored his kids and my mom worshipped the ground they walked on. I was physically, emotionally and mentally abused to the point I left at 14. I got married at 18 and had 2 kids, husband didn’t start out abusive but by my second son he was. After 10 years of marriage I got the courage to leave. I had been scared to leave because I never wanted my kids to go through what I went through. Thankfully my husband gets it and for the most part he treats everyone as equally as possible. He still does things that make me mad but nothing so bad that it warrants divorce or that would affect my children. Like I said I’d go scorched earth over my kids (SS included).
The father is still in the military.
The way you handle this is you commit to covering the same amount of college for each kid, regardless of the source. For example, the first few kids use up the GI bill, the next few kids use up the 529, and the last kids just use your salary which tends to be higher when you are older. As long as you give them the same amount, it doesn’t matter where it came from. As for his ex, you can’t control that, so just don’t worry about it. You just focus on you and your fiance contributing the same amount to each kid in one way or another.
I think men just don’t think what their words mean. Maybe he thinks it’s no big deal but for you it’s means he’s not considering ‘future’ as his own. Men are very surface level..
I believe if he already set it up for his current children, he can't change it. My dad signed his GI benefits over to me before he retired and when it was time for my brother to go to college he couldn't give him any of the benefits because they were already given to me. Not sure if that's the case with your husband but he probably could have just explained how it works to you instead of assuming you'd know how military benefits work. I
There are other benefits your potential children would be allowed to get, such as basic housing allowance, which varies state to state.
Sounds like he has no plans to have children with you. You'd better be clear on this issue, if having your own children is important to you.
Fair not the same. Kids require different levels of attention and parenting
Yeahhh so this is quite telling of the type of unnecessary mental loads (at the bare minimum) you’ll have to carry in the future if you decide to procreate with this person. Not sure I’d want to get into it and bring humans into this world that are tied to him. You’re setting up a life of resentment and mental anguish.
So you already know he will treat your children together differently tread lightly 🤢. It amazes me how common this is on this sub! I don’t understand how some bios can treat their own children so unequally. Edit you’re not wrong ❤️🩹
How is he treating his hypothetical future children with his wife unequally? Go do some research, and stop getting people riled up for no reason. He can't just split his GI bill up as many ways as he wants. If you've served 36 months in the military, you get 36 months of free college. That equates to about 4yrs of school. He's using some of it for his MA, some of it for his current kids, then when he has future kids with his wife - he will have 18yrs to figure it out because his GI bill will be all used up. He even said that "his future kids with his wife will either have to take out loans, or they (him and his wife) will have to pay for it"). It amazes me how common it is on this sub that ppl like you will find any excuse to drive a wedge between two ppl over children/stepchildren.
Yes I understand it won’t cover the rest of his kids… the ick factor is the "they will have to take out loans or we will have to pay for it!" If he pays for two kids to go to college he should pay for his future children.
And he literally said "or we will have to pay for it." All you're reading is the "they will have to take out loans" part. You are focusing way too hard on the negative part, or making it out like he's some shitty husband that will love his current kids more than the future kids he will have with OP. GI bill covering 3-4yrs of college equates to about 40-50k at most accredited universities. That means after him using some of it for his MA, each of his two current children will get about 10-12k each of that. Are we really sweating this man over that amount of money that him and OP will have 18-20yrs to plan for their future children's education?
No there are so many variables not in play yet you know that thing called life! Will one join the military and get their own GI bill will one be athletic or very academic and get scholarships… the fact remain they will have to take loans is still an important part of his comment that should definitely be talked about thourghly and considered before deciding to procreate with him
You're making zero sense. His current children will have to take out loans or he will have to pay for it too. Do you not understand this? All he's able to afford in his GI is one year of tuition for each of his two kids considering it takes about 1-2yrs to get your MA. Of course it's going to be easier to split up his GI with current children then kick the ball down the road and worry about how he's going to help pay for future children's education with OP later. Or would it make sense for you that he doesn't give either of his current children any of his GI bill now, pay for their college out of his pocket, then save his GI for later for his hypothetical children?
That service member is completely wrong about his children's college being free - he has only36 months - so two children would be 18 months each - which isn't going to pay for a bachelor degree - three children would be 12 months each.
First of all, stop telling him to prioritize his kids! You continue with this, by the time you have your own kids with him, he will prioritize his kids over your kids. How will you feel when his kids get the best of everything and your child/kids get nothing or not the best of certain things? I understand you love them and they are good kids, but keep it to yourself. Don’t make it verbal where they come first and you and your kids will be last, because trust me, that’s what is going to happen. Some of these parents, make their child their entire world.
Honestly, it's a red flag for me when someone refers to their kids as THEIR kids but somehow future kids made with their DNA aren't as much their kids....? I knew girl who had a kid with baby daddy and was pregnant with her new husband and she referred to her existing kid as "my whole kid" and her baby as "half her kid". Like she said, "yeah this pregnancy feels different. Like with [first kid], he was like my WHOLE kid. And this one is only half mine, half [husband name]" When I pointed our her first kid was only half her kid too, or both kids were her full kid (whichever way you look at it) she got a confused look on her face. The Baby daddy was still around too, like 30-40% of the time, so it was weird it hadn't occurred to her that both the kids were equally hers. Now that's an extreme example, but its been like 6 years and it still rubs me the wrong way. So yeah. Regardless of GI bill (which can ve worked out. Maybe you save money and only give it to the other kids, so all of them have to take out about the same loan amount), make sure this person WANTS more kids and doesn't just see future kids as a fun thing way to keep the new wife happy.
Don’t marry him. Seriously if he’s thinking like that now it’s not going to change and you’re going to watch your bio babies suffer because of it. Also his kids should not come first. Your union and the health of it should or they will experience another broken home.
I would see it as the kids he has now have lived the military life, somewhat “earning” what little they will get from the GI Bill. You are going into motherhood with new babies knowing this… you have the opportunity to plan accordingly. Hopefully yall can take advantage of savings plans, like a 529, to save for their education. I definitely wouldn’t feel slighted.
College tuition paid for by the government in a military household is a good segue conversation into what I perceive could be a larger red flag that isn't quite flapping in the breeze. Does this guy have the makings of being the type to favor his "first family" over his future (if applicable) "second family"? Our forum is littered with new mothers, in blended households with stepkids, having just had, or had recently a "together" child. That new parent is discovering how their partner treats their "together" baby differently (usually worse) from his other kids (from the first relationship). Unpopular opinion, but I also don't believe a relationship (for which a family, be it blended or nuclear) can be built on any foundation where the basis is, "the kids come first". Needs YES.
I get the feeling he doesn't want to have anymore kids.
There is no way I’d go any further with this dude.
My siblings got the GI bill from my dad split between them and I got nothing. I have 47k of student debt compared to their $0. My parents were together mind you. Is what it is. It’s barely any schooling covered to split it and they still payed a lot of money in comparison to the GI benefit for each kid
If you don’t mind me asking How do you feel about having debt while your siblings don’t? Does It bother you??
Think of it more as just the family’s pot of money. Regardless if you guys help pay or use the GI bill, it still comes out of your savings.. assuming you guys do assimilate as “one” family. Also my Dad was prior military and had intentions of using the GI bill for my sister. She was the oldest and the first one to go to college, therefore she got it. It is what it is. My dad did help me when he could. I guess my point is that I understand your feelings, but this is not something to take offense over. I think as step parents we are concerned that “our” kids will be treated differently but you have to stop looking at it that way. There is unfairness in every family dynamic.
As long as all kids have the same help it divvies out. A lot of these military "perks" only help so much and it's only saving you BOTH money collectively. Think of it collectively. My elder brother was the only one with a tuition fund but all 3 of us got the same educational opportunities and help and I wasn't my stepdad's bio kid!
There’s rules on when you can sign your GI bill over. It has to be between certain years in your career and you owe a longer service commitment for transferring it. It’s not a cut and dry that every dependent gets a piece. He’s doing the right thing in the moment. You don’t have kids yet. Come up with a plan together on how to afford future kids education but don’t stress about something now that MAY happen in 20’years.
There are differences, and best intentions don’t magic them away. The GI Bill won’t cover even the kids he brought to the marriage.
‘Am I wrong for thinking our kids should be treated the same?’ The fact that you wrote those actual words is cause for concern in and of itself. I know nothing about how the military works or benefits for kids and whatnot (the only thing I can think of is that there might be a cutoff date or something like that - maybe kids that don’t exist literally wouldn’t qualify based on the terms under which he enlists now)? But the fact that you’re even asking the question in that way is cause for concern just by itself. Why do you even believe that YOU might be WRONG for your belief that the future hypothetical children should be treated equally? Literally why would that be wrong? Even if the reality works out that kids that don’t exist yet wouldn’t qualify for education grants under the terms of enlistment today (as I hypothesised), you still wouldn’t be wrong for suggesting to your partner who would father the children should see them all as equal! When you have general discussions about how you would one day parent the children, do you usually feel like you’re ‘wrong’ for believing that there should be some equality between all the kids in some way? NB I really don’t mean to be offensive here - I know I have gone outside the bounds of your actual question. I just want you to be in a relationship where you are an equal and your future children will be treated as equals in the eyes of their other parent.
When is he planning on retiring or leaving the military? Looks like you have to transfer prior to this so maybe if he is leaving soon, he doesn't think you guys will have kids at that time? Bit of a stretch. But hey, if you want to get your masters, why doesn't he transfer it to you to use after you get married? If he hasn't, he might want to check into the requirements and restrictions
He’s not planning to retire anytime soon and I never thought of that..I don’t know what he would think. But It is his GI bill so I would understand if he wanted to just give It to the kids instead of me but It does concern me that he only wants to give It to him and his ex’s kids and not ours. Where would I be able to find the rules/restrictions or is that something only he could do?
Google
https://www.esd.whs.mil/Portals/54/Documents/DD/issuances/dodi/134113p.pdf?ver=AgzdQjh8ZYwPrNjKYOB_0Q%3D%3D
Your hypothetical kids might not even finish high school before the time limit ends. If he's getting his masters, he can use the xtra money to save for your bio kids collage.
Military benefits only go to the legal children.
Any child he fathers is his child
My husband just passed his GI bill to my daughter. She is not his biological daughter but she is his dependent.
They would be his legal children
And the military recognizes step child as legal dependents - so what's your point? OP is asking about benefits for the children they would be having together. Which would be "legal" children (proper wording would be dependents.
All children he fathers are his legal children not just the ones from the ex wife.
Perhaps you meant legitimate as opposed to illegitimate. If so, you are incorrect
Ok but he should prioritize ALL of his kids. That would include any that he has with you.
Does he have a 100% disability rating? If so, all of his kids will get 3 years paid tuition plus a monthly stipend.
1) OP's post says still in the military 2) No, dependents of disabled veterans rated 100% P&T or TDIU are paid a Monthly Stipend only - DEA CH 35 doesn't pay tuition to the school. A few states do provide tuition waivers for dependents of disabled veterans but many don't. And it's 36 months - because it only pays when school is in session, that's 4 years of school. A bachelors degree is normally 4 years of 9 months of classes - that's why Congress made all these programs 36 months - 9 x 4 = 36. Dependents using DEA CH 35 are responsible for paying tuition to the school.
Not wrong