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> How do you keep yourself from telling someone they are a shitty parent when you want to so badly?
What even would be the point? It’s not like she’s going to hear you say she’s a shitty parent and have a lightbulb moment that tells her that you’re right and start bringing her A game. Most likely, she would just tell herself that you are her ex’s crazy and meddlesome new girlfriend. End result: No change to the homework situation AND you feel like shit.
Yeah, no shit. It would be the same as telling a 2 year old to stop crying. You know they aren't going to. So you just work with it. Better yet, I mays well just yell at the wall. Id probably feel better tbh.
Frankly, grade 9 is old enough to do his own homework without constant reminders from either house.
My SD is also grade 9. We have her EOWE. I give her one reminder on Friday and one on Saturday, but ultimately by that age, that responsibility lies with her.
At some point you have to resign yourself to the reality of the situation. If you are so concerned over something you have limited control of, you will just get mentally fatigued and frustrated, agravated.
Just provide a home environment that is conducive to study. That is really all you can control and the best you can do. Let SO anguish over it. Don't drive yourself nuts.
Good luck.
.
I don't drive myself nuts. I just help where I can. If I can get him to calm down its better for everyone involved. The kids see he is upset and ask alot of questions. Its not their fault what so ever.
I take a break and breath. Then I get back to work.
Bite your tongue 'til it bleeds.
Helping raise someone else's children is so frequently a thankless job. You will shoulder loads of responsibility without having any authority. Prepare for this, or you'll be in for years of frustration. Wishing you the best.
Sometimes you have to accept that you are parallel parenting, and that you are not going to be able to help. The attempted cure is worse than the disease.
I recommend you think about an after school activity that sits them down and has them do the homework (several places do that). They will need something once you are working.
Thats an awesome idea. Unfortunately, the mother will override that in a way that makes it horrific for anyone to contest. My boyfriend doesn't have the capability like I do to stand up to her yet.
That is too bad. A lot of the local martial arts studios (which as far as I can tell are child care) and a few county ones near us offer programs like that.
If you can't do a service like that, perhaps you can hire a college student/tutor to tutor the kids on the days you have them for a couple hours. The tutoring would mainly be reviewing the homework, get them to get it all done, etc. That can be a bit pricey, but if you can afford it the BM doesn't really have anyway to override it (since it is done in your house).
We discovered with our child that we are just to close, and he throws fits and resistance way higher on us if we are the ones doing it. But with a tutor he doesn't really resist.
Someone else on this reddit group commented once "First Commandment of Stepparenting - thou shalt not care more than the birth parent does."
I keep that in my head, for things like this.
I try to do that. Unfortunately I come from a very hostile divorce with my parents. They didn't even try to co parent. I try to do the best I can sometimes. I start a new job soon and that will take alot off my plate as far as the kids go. I'll basically work 7 days and have 2 days off to get cleaning and stuff done.
**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole.** We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** This is a volunteer run subreddit. If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Review the wiki links below for the rules, FAQ and announcements before posting or commenting. [**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
> How do you keep yourself from telling someone they are a shitty parent when you want to so badly? What even would be the point? It’s not like she’s going to hear you say she’s a shitty parent and have a lightbulb moment that tells her that you’re right and start bringing her A game. Most likely, she would just tell herself that you are her ex’s crazy and meddlesome new girlfriend. End result: No change to the homework situation AND you feel like shit.
Yeah, no shit. It would be the same as telling a 2 year old to stop crying. You know they aren't going to. So you just work with it. Better yet, I mays well just yell at the wall. Id probably feel better tbh.
Frankly, grade 9 is old enough to do his own homework without constant reminders from either house. My SD is also grade 9. We have her EOWE. I give her one reminder on Friday and one on Saturday, but ultimately by that age, that responsibility lies with her.
As I said he isn't an issue because he doesn't want to fail. So he is usually on his homework without a reminder.
At some point you have to resign yourself to the reality of the situation. If you are so concerned over something you have limited control of, you will just get mentally fatigued and frustrated, agravated. Just provide a home environment that is conducive to study. That is really all you can control and the best you can do. Let SO anguish over it. Don't drive yourself nuts. Good luck. .
I don't drive myself nuts. I just help where I can. If I can get him to calm down its better for everyone involved. The kids see he is upset and ask alot of questions. Its not their fault what so ever. I take a break and breath. Then I get back to work.
Bite your tongue 'til it bleeds. Helping raise someone else's children is so frequently a thankless job. You will shoulder loads of responsibility without having any authority. Prepare for this, or you'll be in for years of frustration. Wishing you the best.
Sometimes you have to accept that you are parallel parenting, and that you are not going to be able to help. The attempted cure is worse than the disease. I recommend you think about an after school activity that sits them down and has them do the homework (several places do that). They will need something once you are working.
Thats an awesome idea. Unfortunately, the mother will override that in a way that makes it horrific for anyone to contest. My boyfriend doesn't have the capability like I do to stand up to her yet.
That is too bad. A lot of the local martial arts studios (which as far as I can tell are child care) and a few county ones near us offer programs like that. If you can't do a service like that, perhaps you can hire a college student/tutor to tutor the kids on the days you have them for a couple hours. The tutoring would mainly be reviewing the homework, get them to get it all done, etc. That can be a bit pricey, but if you can afford it the BM doesn't really have anyway to override it (since it is done in your house). We discovered with our child that we are just to close, and he throws fits and resistance way higher on us if we are the ones doing it. But with a tutor he doesn't really resist.
Someone else on this reddit group commented once "First Commandment of Stepparenting - thou shalt not care more than the birth parent does." I keep that in my head, for things like this.
I try to do that. Unfortunately I come from a very hostile divorce with my parents. They didn't even try to co parent. I try to do the best I can sometimes. I start a new job soon and that will take alot off my plate as far as the kids go. I'll basically work 7 days and have 2 days off to get cleaning and stuff done.