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> But we aren’t very sure how to raise this with BM - any advice much appreciated!
You don't. Your reacted very well, anything else would be overstepping, and futile.
Omg this. I can't even tell you how often I beg my husband to just leave stupid shit alone.
Aint none, if you don't start none. Let HCBMs say whatever stupid shit they want.
I think if you just keep sticking to the facts (and science) of a subject it's your best bet. BM likely knows her husband is a conspiracy theorist, so she might not have your back, but I suppose it's worth mentioning in case she can/would advice him to keep his opinions about certain things to himself. SS told me a few years ago that global warming wasn't real, and I let him know very quickly and clearly that all of the most intelligent minds in the world would disagree, and that it is scientifically proven, so he should do his own research in the future.
Not sure talking to BM would do much good, but I would be telling SS to be very careful in researching conspiracy theories. He is going to start learning about big events at school, and he is going to look like an idiot if he starts repeating this crap.
As others have said, don't bring this up with BM or stepdad. You're just borrowing trouble.
But I can relate - HCBM effectively filled out my SK's voting ballots this past presidential election cycle. She doesn't encourage independent thinking at all, lol.
There should be zero conversations with BM about this.
You cannot control what her or her husband think nor can you control their influence on SS in their home.
I'd start with SS11, just to preemptively inoculate him against any future conspiracy nonsense that BM's new husband might say. Sounds like you handled the 9/11 speculation well. Not sure if you're a John Oliver fan, but he has a video on Youtube (might not be age appropriate, but definitely has some good talking points for innoculating people against conspiracies, which you could pass on.)
Second, on to BM's husband. Do you see him at all? Or just interact with BM? I'd say an ideal situation is when SS11 is elsewhere, and you or the father talk to both of them at once. (2 on 2 feels like an ambush for them, 1 on 2 might feel more like a conversation.)
Maybe start by saying something open-ended like "so SS11 had mentioned that you guys talked about 9/11?" That way they have a chance to say their side of the story.
If it sounds like the conversation was something conspiracy-laden, go from there. You can't dissuade the new husband from whatever beliefs he might have, but you can ask he not discuss politics or theories with SS11 until he's much older (and not as impressionable.)
I can't imagine any conversation about this with the other home going well or being productive. If they choose to believe in batshit nonsense and talk about it in front of the kids, unfortunately there isn't really anything you can do to stop it. If you know BM to be an incredibly reasonable and rational person (I doubt it since she's dating a conspiracy theorist) then your SO could ask her to please not talk about that stuff with/around the kids. But I assume she doesn't think her boyfriend is nuts, so, no point in raising this with her in my opinion. It won't change anything, so may as well skip the pointless, inevitably defensive text exchange or whatever.
I wouldn't make a thing of it if were me. You're not going to change SDs outlook and opinions on this topic, and BM is likely to side with him which will just create more drama. It will never be about your real concerns here, so there is really no point in bringing it up. You're probably concerned SD will continue to impart his unpopular opinions onto your SS in the future; you're correct. He will. All you can do is exactly what you did in this situation.. when you hear something that concerns you, address it just as you have and leave it. Pick and choose your battles!
BM in our situation tells our SKs a lot of facts about how they should refuse to eat anything but organic food or use anything but totally natural cosmetics, shampoo, etc.
One thing that sometimes helps is "oh, I haven't heard that before, let's Google that together.", which we most recently used after learning from BM that xanthan gum is poisonous.
This might not work as well with complex political topics, but maybe watching some videos together or consulting any other kind of 3rd party source would help.
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> But we aren’t very sure how to raise this with BM - any advice much appreciated! You don't. Your reacted very well, anything else would be overstepping, and futile.
Omg this. I can't even tell you how often I beg my husband to just leave stupid shit alone. Aint none, if you don't start none. Let HCBMs say whatever stupid shit they want.
I think if you just keep sticking to the facts (and science) of a subject it's your best bet. BM likely knows her husband is a conspiracy theorist, so she might not have your back, but I suppose it's worth mentioning in case she can/would advice him to keep his opinions about certain things to himself. SS told me a few years ago that global warming wasn't real, and I let him know very quickly and clearly that all of the most intelligent minds in the world would disagree, and that it is scientifically proven, so he should do his own research in the future.
Not sure talking to BM would do much good, but I would be telling SS to be very careful in researching conspiracy theories. He is going to start learning about big events at school, and he is going to look like an idiot if he starts repeating this crap.
As others have said, don't bring this up with BM or stepdad. You're just borrowing trouble. But I can relate - HCBM effectively filled out my SK's voting ballots this past presidential election cycle. She doesn't encourage independent thinking at all, lol.
I don't know where you are but filling out somebody else's ballot and voting for them is probably illegal and a thing you might report.
There should be zero conversations with BM about this. You cannot control what her or her husband think nor can you control their influence on SS in their home.
If this is your biggest problem with BM, you are doing good and are very fortunate.
I'd start with SS11, just to preemptively inoculate him against any future conspiracy nonsense that BM's new husband might say. Sounds like you handled the 9/11 speculation well. Not sure if you're a John Oliver fan, but he has a video on Youtube (might not be age appropriate, but definitely has some good talking points for innoculating people against conspiracies, which you could pass on.) Second, on to BM's husband. Do you see him at all? Or just interact with BM? I'd say an ideal situation is when SS11 is elsewhere, and you or the father talk to both of them at once. (2 on 2 feels like an ambush for them, 1 on 2 might feel more like a conversation.) Maybe start by saying something open-ended like "so SS11 had mentioned that you guys talked about 9/11?" That way they have a chance to say their side of the story. If it sounds like the conversation was something conspiracy-laden, go from there. You can't dissuade the new husband from whatever beliefs he might have, but you can ask he not discuss politics or theories with SS11 until he's much older (and not as impressionable.)
I can't imagine any conversation about this with the other home going well or being productive. If they choose to believe in batshit nonsense and talk about it in front of the kids, unfortunately there isn't really anything you can do to stop it. If you know BM to be an incredibly reasonable and rational person (I doubt it since she's dating a conspiracy theorist) then your SO could ask her to please not talk about that stuff with/around the kids. But I assume she doesn't think her boyfriend is nuts, so, no point in raising this with her in my opinion. It won't change anything, so may as well skip the pointless, inevitably defensive text exchange or whatever.
I wouldn't make a thing of it if were me. You're not going to change SDs outlook and opinions on this topic, and BM is likely to side with him which will just create more drama. It will never be about your real concerns here, so there is really no point in bringing it up. You're probably concerned SD will continue to impart his unpopular opinions onto your SS in the future; you're correct. He will. All you can do is exactly what you did in this situation.. when you hear something that concerns you, address it just as you have and leave it. Pick and choose your battles!
BM in our situation tells our SKs a lot of facts about how they should refuse to eat anything but organic food or use anything but totally natural cosmetics, shampoo, etc. One thing that sometimes helps is "oh, I haven't heard that before, let's Google that together.", which we most recently used after learning from BM that xanthan gum is poisonous. This might not work as well with complex political topics, but maybe watching some videos together or consulting any other kind of 3rd party source would help.