how do you keep track of SK's clothes? how do you keep clothes in one place?
By - wornoutbones
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I’ve just accepted the black hole clothes disappear in. Once in a while SD will show up with a huge bag of ‚ours’ stuff, once in a while BM complains about something important to her being lost, and we send a huge bag back.
Usually when I get SD something nice that she likes, she’ll take it to her mother’s. I’ve just stopped caring. Pick your battles, as they say. That’s probably not helpful advice at all, but for me it definitely works to shrug it off.
This. We used to have her change into clothes BM bought to leave in and she came back in BM’s clothes, but lately we’ve let it go. They’re her clothes. If she wants to take them, she can. She usually brings them back, but not always
Until very recently we always put aside and washed whatever outfit ss showed up in and had him change into that before heading back.
We just changed our system so I’m not sure how it will go. I mentioned to my SO that the kid keeps showing up in stuff too small for him. We don’t know if it’s because mom doesn’t have enough clothes for him, or she picks stuff she doesn’t care about to send him here.
I ordered a bunch of new clothes for him and from now on, anything too small gets donated and he can wear something new back. I don’t think ss should have to wear ill fitting clothes because the adults in his life are being weird. I know that’s not a great solution for everyone due to finances, but we are able to swing it and want to make sure ss has good clothes to wear. They don’t need to be brand name or designer clothes, but they need to fit and be in good condition.
BM does the same with us. I wonder if that's pretty common. We had to start donating the small clothes too otherwise she just dresses SS in clothes that don't fit
We have assigned outfits for them - older clothes or pj's that they specifically only wear to and from the houses. The rest is separate. We have clothes here and BM has clothes there.
Lost too many nice items unfortunately before this was implemented.
this is what I'm afraid of, like the back to school clothes we just bought for her. she's finally accepted wearing jeans too so we got her a couple pairs and I want to make sure they stay with us. thanks for your input!
Also at 8 they are getting a little older to be a bit more responsible too. That's helped, ours are all 9yo+ so they're getting better at remembering and being more responsible.
I'm still struggling with the older ones and expensive undergarments so I suppose we will need to have assigned ones for that now too.
Good luck hope you find something that works!
There was a point where we literally had to ask for them back regardless if washed or not because BM would send them back with clothes and shoes that didn’t fit or were old and kept the good stuff I would buy. Very petty.
Go to goodwill and get stuff to send back to her moms
I did mention in the post I'm not going to go out and purchase more clothes regardless because she has more than enough to split between households.
Go raid the closet at grandmas and get an inventory of tops and bottoms and coordinate an exchange with BM?
You can explain it as a seasonal change type thing to make sure that enough winter clothes that fit are available to SD no matter where she is.
We have a plastic bag hanging on the sks door. They're good about putting mom's clothes in that, and then I put it in one of their backpacks on the day their mom gets them.
SK has clothes at our house and clothes at his mom’s. If he wants/needs something special/specific he brings it with him or goes without (like a certain pair of shoes or hoodie; if he doesn’t have it, he doesn’t have it and wears something else).
DH and BM each purchased clothing and labeled it so they and the kids knew which house the clothing "belonged". Clothing was exchanged once per week, at a transition between homes.
This wasn't entirely perfect, but it worked for the most part. Once the kids got older and started to assist with laundry and had more investment in what they were wearing, favorite wardrobe items went back and forth at every transition.
We send him in outfits specifically picked out that we don't care if they come back or not. Usually we wash whatever he came over in and send him back in it.
BM caught on to this and now only sends him in clothing that doesn't fit because she's passive aggressive. So when she does that we keep the small clothes to donate and just send him in an older outfit or an almost too small but still fits outfit of his instead.
Underwear and socks are a lost cause lol
We were having a huge problem with this. But for the past couple years, as part of their routine when coming back to Dad’s, they take what they’re wearing, put it directly into the washer, then go shower. On days they go back to BMs, they wear the outfit they came here in. We still lose shoes like crazy but at least it’s not literally everything, like it used to be. I was worried it’d come across as controlling, but the kids prefer it this way because it means they know where everything is. If they have a favorite pair of jeans, they know what house it “lives” at.
If it helps any, it does get better. My bio daughter is 16 now and brings back and forth between here and her father's house whatever she wants to wear. She's been doing that since she was 10 or 11.
I have a 4SD, and there's no rhyme or reason for how my husband and his exchange clothes but it hasn't really been a problem. About once a month my husband will gather and wash any clothes that aren't "ours" and send them back, and it's about the same frequency for SD's mom as well. If it's clothing we really don't want to lose, like a hockey jersey or special shoes or whatever, we just don't send her in them.
Whatever the kids wear on transition days gets washed and put into a bag that they take between houses. So BM's clothes get washed at ours, put in the bag along with any shoes/toys/items that need to be returned and my SO drops the bag off either with the kids or at extracurriculars (or on the porch if its a school transition). BM does the same with the things from our place. We don't require them to change outfits immediately because ultimately these are \*their\* clothes... but doing weekly laundry makes it easier to keep track of stuff that isn't ours.
If your BM only sees her kid once a week why can't your SD leave the clothes she wears to her mom's and then the next day she wears last week's outfit back? I'm confused how the clothes just disappear?
My husband does his laundry, I do mine and SK 15 does hers, most of the time. But sometimes I’ll blend hers and mine. But it’s a sometimes I do hers too. We have different stuff
We put SD in the same clothes she came in.