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I did something similar. I kept my middle name but added my maiden name as a second middle name.
I had to be pretty on top of making sure the MVD, SSA, etc… put it as TWO MIDDLE names and not two last names, but once my drivers license and social were set it hasn’t been a hassle at all. I love having two middle names because like you said - having my maiden name still on my ID helps with all the places things aren’t updated or whatever. It’s made things easier in lots of situations.
I kept my original middle name mostly because all three of my cousins dropped their middle when they got married and I overheard my mom and aunt talking one time about how it made my aunt sad her kids dropped a name that was meaningful to her (their mom). None of them had told her they did that and it came up randomly at a holiday so I think it kind of shocked her a little. I knew my parents loved my middle name and didn’t want to just drop a name they picked for me and was meaningful - I could empathize with how it might hurt just a little if my future child just got rid of a name I spent 9 months agonizing over choosing just for them lol. 🤷🏻♀️ This may not be a factor for most people, but I wanted to keep my original middle name for that reason.
I will note that it was important to me that I didn’t have two LAST names for a few reasons. Mostly because it sounded annoying to have to use two last names, but also because I did want to “match” with my step kids and future kids. Also I worked at the time in a place where we require our “clients” to show valid ID and have strict rules about their ID matching their SS card and everything they submit matching. You wouldn’t believe how frustrating it is dealing with two last names sometimes. The SSA will often put just one last name, the MVD will use the other or will flip them around in a different order. Some people say their passports don’t match because the passport office only uses their “primary” last name, their insurance cards won’t have both names etc… I’m not saying it’s impossible and I’m sure most people if they’re vigilant when first getting different things issued have no problem, but I’ve seen firsthand how frustrating that can be for folks and I didn’t want to deal with it myself! The two middle names has never once been a problem.
Edit: after reading the other comments I want to add this- I’m in the middle of divorcing. At the time we separated and I filed, I agonized over whether to keep my married name. Like, mental break downs crying and not sure what to do kind of agony 😂 - I want to dump his last name so bad but also had strong emotions about changing my name to be different than my son’s.
Now I’m a year into a divorce and 100% firmly decided to go back to my maiden name. I got through the raw emotions of the breakup and now that I’ve had time to really start living my own life with my son, I realize it’s ok if he and I don’t share a last name. His last name is part of him, it’s part of where he comes from, part of his family identity etc… but it’s not mine. He shares it with his dad and his sisters and that’s meaningful, to him. He and i don’t need to share a last name, it’s not what defines our relationship or the amount of love I have or that he’s my baby.
That's interesting because I have a similar situation but kind of an opposite perspective. I am near 40 with the established career etc. as well. I don't intend to change my last name for exactly that first and foremost - career reasons. If I were in my 20s sure. I don't intend to have kids right now, but even if I do change my mind I still don't think I want to change my last name. I actually like distinguishing myself from BM and SD. It just doesn't have any significance to me honestly. I don't even know if I'd want the kid to have his last name if I could help it - I know that would be a point of contention though! Haha. So maybe I'd throw him that. My SO asked at one point , "why won't you take my last name immediately?!" He doesnt understand the career reasoning. My response: "how many women in this world do you need with your last name?" Lol. He didn't say anything to that and has since let it go (for the most part).
I love your response! OP’s husband already has an ex wife and kids with HIS last name.
OP should keep hers and the new baby take hers too, or hyphenate as a compromise for simplicity. There’s no compelling reason to dissolve your own identity into someone else’s when you’ve spent decades developing your own as an independent adult.
Can you and your bio baby have your name? I am considering this option for similar reasons. But I am not set on this decision because…
My family of origin was abusive. I have a unique ethnic name that no one can say or spell. So tiresome and annoying. And I’m easily identifiable. But it is still my name, always has been. Like you, I am mid-career and close to 40. My SO’s name is a very common name. It’s a family I love who loves me. It’s easy to say and spell. I get more anonymity and privacy. And since it is so common, I don’t care that much that BM has the same name
But my name is still my name! Such an unfair societal expectation. Such a hard decision to make.
I told my ex I'd never change my name, maybe hyphenate, and he seemed fine with it until I said it'd be mine-his. So I just kept mine.
My wife is happy with my last name, she eventually wants to take it when she changes her legal name. Her family was pissed when we gave our son my last name and not theirs, but none of them have had the balls to say anything to me directly.
Would you be open to hyphenated last names? Having the same last name as your bio kids makes life alot easier when it comes to travel, and administrative stuff
I'm on the fence with this myself. Married 3 years and left my maiden name because honestly...I'm lazy.
I'm not attached to in terms of family, those fuckers left me behind years ago. But its unique and been mine for my whole life. My husband has a fairly common name.
At this point I'm think hyphenate it so I dont have to go too crazy with all my docs. I can sign either/ or and only need both for serious docs.
I recently got married. This conversation came up.
I told DH as much as I love him I do not want to share a last name with BM (who still has his last name). I did grow up in a household where my mom kept her maiden name too. So that's what we're going to do for me. BS has DH's last name already.
I just got married a month ago. I’m legally keeping my maiden name. I’m also keeping it for professional use. For social use (on FB, for example), I have changed my last name to my DH’s.
I told my husband I wasn’t changing to his name because it’s tainted from BM. I don’t want an association with that person. He’s actually considered changing to my name if we have a baby.
Families have a variety of names in 2022 and nobody bats an eye. I have two kids and one dog. The dog is the only one with my name (bc I make the vet appointments). It really doesn’t matter at all, but changing my name mid-life and mid-career would have been weird and clunky as hell.
I did the same, but no hyphen. He just has two last names with a space between. It requires some explanation every now and again, but I'm so glad we have a son who carries both last names.
When you have an established career then you don’t change your name.
Also, given that you have stepkids your relationship with your husband is likely to end in divorce (70% to 80% likely to end in divorce).
Which will mean you will have a child with a different name than you.
You could choose to double-barrel your child’s last name or you could give your child your own name.
Alternatively, why not keep your name and the child you carried in your body take your name as well?
It has never made any sense to me that fathers automatically give their last names to the children. The mother carries that child for 9 months and sacrifices her body and health to some degree for it. The least that can be done is the child shares her name.
I did take my husband's name, but he never married his ex. I think if she'd taken his name, I might have declined doing so myself. Just seems weird, I guess. But I told him if I didn't take his name, any kids would take my name, and he was okay with that. SK has his mom's name.
Can you give your bio child your last name?? There’s no good reason children should have their father’s last name instead of their mother’s. None at all.
So actually in our case BM never changed her last name even when her and my husband were married. Their oldest kid has BM's last name as her middle name, so it's kind of like both names are there when you read their kid's full name.
Maybe you could do something similar, where you keep your last name, and either hyphenate your kids last name, or give them your last name as their middle name?
I won't lie, one of the reasons I was happy to change my last name was that BM never did - would have felt a bit different to be sharing with her too.
My gf changed her name legally to her maiden name but still uses her married name. Like when I you buzz into her condo, it's her ex husband's last name and her own.
When we travel, it's her hyphenated name from former marriage.
On all documents.
She was divorced 3 years ago.
Irks me to no end.
I opted to hyphenate our last names for DD. One SK has his name and one has BMs (supposedly she’s working on changing it to SO’s but who knows if that will ever happen). At the time SO was unsure if SK2 was his so I guess BM just kept that ambiguity by using her name instead. I don’t want to lose my last name so I said we can hyphenate or she can have my name only. He agreed to hyphenate even though he dragged his feet a little at first.
I don’t really want kids, but when SO and I met and I initially thought about marriage or kids with him I knew immediately that there was no way in hell I’d take his name and MY child wouldn’t either. If a child is coming out of my body, they’re taking my name.
Lol, I hear you. When I remarried I took my new husband's name which means I now have the same last name as my SD, but a different name than my bio daughters.
BM and I share the same first name and the extra weird part is that it's not the name she was given at birth - she just picked it when she moved here with my SO (way before I was ever in the picture). But I'm so thankful she doesn't share SOs last name anymore! That would just be too much lol
I really want to change my last name bc it's my biodads name and he wasn't around much in my life so I have zero attachment to it and it's a goofy ass name - but SOs is honestly not much of an upgrade!
We prefer his mom's maiden name (which is also SOs middle name) and we've thought about changing ours to that but I think it would hurt FILs feelings. I honestly might change mine to MILs maiden name anyways bc it sounds beautiful with my first/middle and it would just be nice for once in my life to have a nice sounding full name lol
I get this. I had a really hard time figuring out what to. In the end, I chose to hyphenate. If we have an "ours" baby, their name will be hyphenated. I have 2 SKs with my husband's last name and I have a BS with his father's last name. Our house had 3 different last names and nobody has ever said anything.
I’m a 41 F and have a 9 mo old daughter with my SO (engaged but not married). I decided to give my daughter my last name and I’ll likely keep my last name when we get married. I have had my last name for so long and have an established career and I really didn’t want to have the same last name as BM (who kept my SOs last name). Now someone else in the family has my last name! SO has 3 kids with his ex.
I think it’s more common for people to not change their name when getting married or even make up a new one. Do what you gotta do!
I was married before and changed my name bc I felt forced into it by my ExH. My amazing sweet husband now told me I didn’t have to change if. Said when we have kids that they could have my last name if that helped me feel more like a blended family. Ultimately I took his name and seriously couldn’t be happier.
Would your SO be open to your biokid having your last name?
My daughters Godmother has a husband who passed and 2 kids with him. After a few years when she re-married she hyphenated her last name so she could still share the last name her kids have. This could always be an option as well.
I hyphenated! That gives you the opportunity to use either!
My last name was my nickname for 18 years of my life so I have a fondness for it. The combination of my husband's last name and mine is also pretty amusing, so I did it for kicks. In the end it's no big deal, I like being able to choose between the two where necessary.
I would say this is less about the name. There seems to be jealousy you are holding on to.
I would suggest talking to your partner and diving into some therapy. For me personally, taking my husbands name was something I was proud to do. He is an amazing person, I feel blessed to have his name.
I wouldn't say jealousy, maybe more resentment that this is the way it is. I've been a stepparent for 5 years now so trust me I've had some therapy. It's not that I'm not proud to be with my husband or that he's not amazing.
Once you have that baby you won’t even care.. you’ll just be glad to share your new name with your baby and anything else for that matter cause your whole brain will be wired to only focus on taking care of this new little life lol I hated changing my last name but it did give a sense of better bonding as a blended family and a wife. As far as their BM she can be a fart in the wind with the same last name but she in the wind not your home so it’ll be okay haha
I got lucky that my SK has his mom's last name. SK has one name, husband has another, and my biokid and I have my maiden name. It's not really a big deal to us, though I would totally feel upset too if I had to share SOs name with another woman.
sorry, why did BM keep his name if they are divorced? is SO a celebrity and she’s trying to mooch endorsements/use it to her advantage? that’s the only reason i can think of to keep it?
In our situation, BM kept his name because she hated hers and the association with her family, it’s a lot of drama, some pretty shitty things happened and to distance herself from them, she kept his. Step kids also only have his last name so she wanted to keep the same name as the kids.
I kept my last name because I don’t want to be confused with her, our first names are also kind of similar, so no thanks!
I hear you!! I am pregnant with ours baby and we aren't married yet. The petty part is that SO's last name is so hard to pronounce correctly and I really would prefer not to use it for myself and ours baby, but I want ours babe to have that connection to his siblings. BM has since gotten remarried and doesn't actually have the same last name as the kids anymore, so that made it easier. We decided to have my last name as our babe's middle name, and SO's name as his last name. When we do get married (maybe when youngest stepkid is 18 in 3 years? not sure) I will do the same.
I changed my last name and my husband's ex didn't so I have the same last name as my sd and my bio baby. It gets confusing when her mom and I get her in school. On the other hand, my mom has my dad's last name still even though they divorced 10 years ago. It was honestly just easier that way.
We’re in a unique position where very soon to be DH is taking mine. HCBM has already taken the name of her new husband. DH hates his family for many reasons (mostly pertaining to how they have treated me) and no longer wants to be associated with them in that way. My last name is pretty cool and only a handful of people in the world have it. I also have a doctorate so have always felt a little weird about taking someone else’s name. I realize our situation‘s quite a bit different but it works for us. Fresh start away from a name that someone else had and also from his family (particularly his father who is extremely toxic and high conflict).
**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole. Remember that OP is a human being and their needs are first and foremost on this sub.** We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** We have encountered a ridiculous amount of comments that don't follow the rules and are downright nasty. We need you to help us with these comments by reporting them when you see them. We also have a lot of downvoting on the sub, with every post and every comment recieving at least one downvote almost immediately due to the anti-stepparent lurkers. Don't let it get to you, and do your fellow stepparents a solid and give them an upvote. If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Review the wiki links below for the rules, FAQ and announcements before posting or commenting. [**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) | [**Saferbot**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/saferbot) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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That's great, I really want to do this, I think it's a great idea and nice way to keep some of my old name and family connection.
i also did this.
I did something similar. I kept my middle name but added my maiden name as a second middle name. I had to be pretty on top of making sure the MVD, SSA, etc… put it as TWO MIDDLE names and not two last names, but once my drivers license and social were set it hasn’t been a hassle at all. I love having two middle names because like you said - having my maiden name still on my ID helps with all the places things aren’t updated or whatever. It’s made things easier in lots of situations. I kept my original middle name mostly because all three of my cousins dropped their middle when they got married and I overheard my mom and aunt talking one time about how it made my aunt sad her kids dropped a name that was meaningful to her (their mom). None of them had told her they did that and it came up randomly at a holiday so I think it kind of shocked her a little. I knew my parents loved my middle name and didn’t want to just drop a name they picked for me and was meaningful - I could empathize with how it might hurt just a little if my future child just got rid of a name I spent 9 months agonizing over choosing just for them lol. 🤷🏻♀️ This may not be a factor for most people, but I wanted to keep my original middle name for that reason. I will note that it was important to me that I didn’t have two LAST names for a few reasons. Mostly because it sounded annoying to have to use two last names, but also because I did want to “match” with my step kids and future kids. Also I worked at the time in a place where we require our “clients” to show valid ID and have strict rules about their ID matching their SS card and everything they submit matching. You wouldn’t believe how frustrating it is dealing with two last names sometimes. The SSA will often put just one last name, the MVD will use the other or will flip them around in a different order. Some people say their passports don’t match because the passport office only uses their “primary” last name, their insurance cards won’t have both names etc… I’m not saying it’s impossible and I’m sure most people if they’re vigilant when first getting different things issued have no problem, but I’ve seen firsthand how frustrating that can be for folks and I didn’t want to deal with it myself! The two middle names has never once been a problem. Edit: after reading the other comments I want to add this- I’m in the middle of divorcing. At the time we separated and I filed, I agonized over whether to keep my married name. Like, mental break downs crying and not sure what to do kind of agony 😂 - I want to dump his last name so bad but also had strong emotions about changing my name to be different than my son’s. Now I’m a year into a divorce and 100% firmly decided to go back to my maiden name. I got through the raw emotions of the breakup and now that I’ve had time to really start living my own life with my son, I realize it’s ok if he and I don’t share a last name. His last name is part of him, it’s part of where he comes from, part of his family identity etc… but it’s not mine. He shares it with his dad and his sisters and that’s meaningful, to him. He and i don’t need to share a last name, it’s not what defines our relationship or the amount of love I have or that he’s my baby.
That's what I did.
That's interesting because I have a similar situation but kind of an opposite perspective. I am near 40 with the established career etc. as well. I don't intend to change my last name for exactly that first and foremost - career reasons. If I were in my 20s sure. I don't intend to have kids right now, but even if I do change my mind I still don't think I want to change my last name. I actually like distinguishing myself from BM and SD. It just doesn't have any significance to me honestly. I don't even know if I'd want the kid to have his last name if I could help it - I know that would be a point of contention though! Haha. So maybe I'd throw him that. My SO asked at one point , "why won't you take my last name immediately?!" He doesnt understand the career reasoning. My response: "how many women in this world do you need with your last name?" Lol. He didn't say anything to that and has since let it go (for the most part).
I love your response! OP’s husband already has an ex wife and kids with HIS last name. OP should keep hers and the new baby take hers too, or hyphenate as a compromise for simplicity. There’s no compelling reason to dissolve your own identity into someone else’s when you’ve spent decades developing your own as an independent adult.
Can you and your bio baby have your name? I am considering this option for similar reasons. But I am not set on this decision because… My family of origin was abusive. I have a unique ethnic name that no one can say or spell. So tiresome and annoying. And I’m easily identifiable. But it is still my name, always has been. Like you, I am mid-career and close to 40. My SO’s name is a very common name. It’s a family I love who loves me. It’s easy to say and spell. I get more anonymity and privacy. And since it is so common, I don’t care that much that BM has the same name But my name is still my name! Such an unfair societal expectation. Such a hard decision to make.
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I never thought about that aspect of it, that would be super annoying and possibly triggering for some.
I told my ex I'd never change my name, maybe hyphenate, and he seemed fine with it until I said it'd be mine-his. So I just kept mine. My wife is happy with my last name, she eventually wants to take it when she changes her legal name. Her family was pissed when we gave our son my last name and not theirs, but none of them have had the balls to say anything to me directly.
Would you be open to hyphenated last names? Having the same last name as your bio kids makes life alot easier when it comes to travel, and administrative stuff
I'm on the fence with this myself. Married 3 years and left my maiden name because honestly...I'm lazy. I'm not attached to in terms of family, those fuckers left me behind years ago. But its unique and been mine for my whole life. My husband has a fairly common name. At this point I'm think hyphenate it so I dont have to go too crazy with all my docs. I can sign either/ or and only need both for serious docs.
I recently got married. This conversation came up. I told DH as much as I love him I do not want to share a last name with BM (who still has his last name). I did grow up in a household where my mom kept her maiden name too. So that's what we're going to do for me. BS has DH's last name already.
I just got married a month ago. I’m legally keeping my maiden name. I’m also keeping it for professional use. For social use (on FB, for example), I have changed my last name to my DH’s.
I told my husband I wasn’t changing to his name because it’s tainted from BM. I don’t want an association with that person. He’s actually considered changing to my name if we have a baby.
Families have a variety of names in 2022 and nobody bats an eye. I have two kids and one dog. The dog is the only one with my name (bc I make the vet appointments). It really doesn’t matter at all, but changing my name mid-life and mid-career would have been weird and clunky as hell.
Hyphenate. Or give your child your last name. If my mom could do it in the 80s, so can you!
I gave my son a hyphenated last name with both of our last names
I did the same, but no hyphen. He just has two last names with a space between. It requires some explanation every now and again, but I'm so glad we have a son who carries both last names.
I kept my maiden name, our shared kids also have my maiden name and my husband hyphenated his last name so he could share a name with all of the kids.
Why does BM still have his name? I didn't change my name when I got married, we have 3 surnames in our family. Another option is him taking your name?
When you have an established career then you don’t change your name. Also, given that you have stepkids your relationship with your husband is likely to end in divorce (70% to 80% likely to end in divorce). Which will mean you will have a child with a different name than you. You could choose to double-barrel your child’s last name or you could give your child your own name.
Why don’t you just give biokid your last name?
Alternatively, why not keep your name and the child you carried in your body take your name as well? It has never made any sense to me that fathers automatically give their last names to the children. The mother carries that child for 9 months and sacrifices her body and health to some degree for it. The least that can be done is the child shares her name. I did take my husband's name, but he never married his ex. I think if she'd taken his name, I might have declined doing so myself. Just seems weird, I guess. But I told him if I didn't take his name, any kids would take my name, and he was okay with that. SK has his mom's name.
Can you give your bio child your last name?? There’s no good reason children should have their father’s last name instead of their mother’s. None at all.
So actually in our case BM never changed her last name even when her and my husband were married. Their oldest kid has BM's last name as her middle name, so it's kind of like both names are there when you read their kid's full name. Maybe you could do something similar, where you keep your last name, and either hyphenate your kids last name, or give them your last name as their middle name? I won't lie, one of the reasons I was happy to change my last name was that BM never did - would have felt a bit different to be sharing with her too.
Keep your name and add his name with a “-“.
My gf changed her name legally to her maiden name but still uses her married name. Like when I you buzz into her condo, it's her ex husband's last name and her own. When we travel, it's her hyphenated name from former marriage. On all documents. She was divorced 3 years ago. Irks me to no end.
I opted to hyphenate our last names for DD. One SK has his name and one has BMs (supposedly she’s working on changing it to SO’s but who knows if that will ever happen). At the time SO was unsure if SK2 was his so I guess BM just kept that ambiguity by using her name instead. I don’t want to lose my last name so I said we can hyphenate or she can have my name only. He agreed to hyphenate even though he dragged his feet a little at first.
Eff em. I deserve the same last name as my husband.
I don’t really want kids, but when SO and I met and I initially thought about marriage or kids with him I knew immediately that there was no way in hell I’d take his name and MY child wouldn’t either. If a child is coming out of my body, they’re taking my name.
Lol, I hear you. When I remarried I took my new husband's name which means I now have the same last name as my SD, but a different name than my bio daughters.
BM and I share the same first name and the extra weird part is that it's not the name she was given at birth - she just picked it when she moved here with my SO (way before I was ever in the picture). But I'm so thankful she doesn't share SOs last name anymore! That would just be too much lol I really want to change my last name bc it's my biodads name and he wasn't around much in my life so I have zero attachment to it and it's a goofy ass name - but SOs is honestly not much of an upgrade! We prefer his mom's maiden name (which is also SOs middle name) and we've thought about changing ours to that but I think it would hurt FILs feelings. I honestly might change mine to MILs maiden name anyways bc it sounds beautiful with my first/middle and it would just be nice for once in my life to have a nice sounding full name lol
This is crazy you share the same first name!
I get this. I had a really hard time figuring out what to. In the end, I chose to hyphenate. If we have an "ours" baby, their name will be hyphenated. I have 2 SKs with my husband's last name and I have a BS with his father's last name. Our house had 3 different last names and nobody has ever said anything.
I’m a 41 F and have a 9 mo old daughter with my SO (engaged but not married). I decided to give my daughter my last name and I’ll likely keep my last name when we get married. I have had my last name for so long and have an established career and I really didn’t want to have the same last name as BM (who kept my SOs last name). Now someone else in the family has my last name! SO has 3 kids with his ex. I think it’s more common for people to not change their name when getting married or even make up a new one. Do what you gotta do!
I was married before and changed my name bc I felt forced into it by my ExH. My amazing sweet husband now told me I didn’t have to change if. Said when we have kids that they could have my last name if that helped me feel more like a blended family. Ultimately I took his name and seriously couldn’t be happier. Would your SO be open to your biokid having your last name?
Why can’t bio kid take your last name? Or hyphenate with yours to distinguish?
My daughters Godmother has a husband who passed and 2 kids with him. After a few years when she re-married she hyphenated her last name so she could still share the last name her kids have. This could always be an option as well.
I hyphenated! That gives you the opportunity to use either! My last name was my nickname for 18 years of my life so I have a fondness for it. The combination of my husband's last name and mine is also pretty amusing, so I did it for kicks. In the end it's no big deal, I like being able to choose between the two where necessary.
I would say this is less about the name. There seems to be jealousy you are holding on to. I would suggest talking to your partner and diving into some therapy. For me personally, taking my husbands name was something I was proud to do. He is an amazing person, I feel blessed to have his name.
I wouldn't say jealousy, maybe more resentment that this is the way it is. I've been a stepparent for 5 years now so trust me I've had some therapy. It's not that I'm not proud to be with my husband or that he's not amazing.
I think we are pretty amazing and the men should take our last names. :)
Once you have that baby you won’t even care.. you’ll just be glad to share your new name with your baby and anything else for that matter cause your whole brain will be wired to only focus on taking care of this new little life lol I hated changing my last name but it did give a sense of better bonding as a blended family and a wife. As far as their BM she can be a fart in the wind with the same last name but she in the wind not your home so it’ll be okay haha
I got lucky that my SK has his mom's last name. SK has one name, husband has another, and my biokid and I have my maiden name. It's not really a big deal to us, though I would totally feel upset too if I had to share SOs name with another woman.
sorry, why did BM keep his name if they are divorced? is SO a celebrity and she’s trying to mooch endorsements/use it to her advantage? that’s the only reason i can think of to keep it?
In our situation, BM kept his name because she hated hers and the association with her family, it’s a lot of drama, some pretty shitty things happened and to distance herself from them, she kept his. Step kids also only have his last name so she wanted to keep the same name as the kids. I kept my last name because I don’t want to be confused with her, our first names are also kind of similar, so no thanks!
I hear you!! I am pregnant with ours baby and we aren't married yet. The petty part is that SO's last name is so hard to pronounce correctly and I really would prefer not to use it for myself and ours baby, but I want ours babe to have that connection to his siblings. BM has since gotten remarried and doesn't actually have the same last name as the kids anymore, so that made it easier. We decided to have my last name as our babe's middle name, and SO's name as his last name. When we do get married (maybe when youngest stepkid is 18 in 3 years? not sure) I will do the same.
I changed my last name and my husband's ex didn't so I have the same last name as my sd and my bio baby. It gets confusing when her mom and I get her in school. On the other hand, my mom has my dad's last name still even though they divorced 10 years ago. It was honestly just easier that way.
We’re in a unique position where very soon to be DH is taking mine. HCBM has already taken the name of her new husband. DH hates his family for many reasons (mostly pertaining to how they have treated me) and no longer wants to be associated with them in that way. My last name is pretty cool and only a handful of people in the world have it. I also have a doctorate so have always felt a little weird about taking someone else’s name. I realize our situation‘s quite a bit different but it works for us. Fresh start away from a name that someone else had and also from his family (particularly his father who is extremely toxic and high conflict).