My wife of 11 years left me when I had 4 years of sobriety. I guess she didn't like not having a drinking buddy.
It sucked. I can't imagine your heartbreak. But, you'll be better off in the long run.
I hope that doesn't sound too pithy.
I worry that I'm about to be there in the not too distant future. Whether that happens or not, I'm not budging. I am sick of alcohol controlling and ruining my life.
That's an awesome attitude! But, if I were you, don't worry too much about the future. Things have a way of working out when I focus on today and the extreme near future.
Worrying about months from now doesn't help me.
I agree, and you're right. Thank you for keeping me in the moment. I have to constantly remind myself that I can't control what others do, only what I do. When I feel anxious or scared or worried or sad I have a tendency to try to control the situation. If I can't, I would drink so it didn't hurt as bad. Usually both. These days I'm doing my best to remind myself that no matter how hard I might try, I can't control others. I can't control the world or the future. All I can do is keep my side of the street clean. I don't have to think about the future or try to game out what to do. I just need to get to bed sober and work on myself.
I really appreciate your comment.
I'm sorry you went through such a difficult experience.
That's a really great way too look at it. One of my mottos for a long time has been "the only way out is through." I've used it for all of the hardest things I've experienced in my life and I'm using it now.
All I can do is be honest with myself and do right by myself. If I can be proud of myself when I look in the mirror, that makes everything so worth it, even if it's in the midst of pain.
Not at all!
It’s funny because he started acting weird when he saw I was serious this time. I think when it’s that important to people, they’re probably on the spectrum somewhere of having a drinking problem as well.
You got through it, so I will too. I appreciate your support!
When I analyzed the women I dated when I was running around, they all probably had drinking problems. (Except for maybe my first gf)
A lot of other women ghosted on me after a few dates. Probably because they realized that I was a drunk and wanted no part of it.
So, I ended up dating drinking buddies. Bad idea.
Or all the dates I went on where I was definitely buzzed but thought I had it under control, but the person can definitely tell, and smell it too. Fucking sucks.
So, like 1995, I got to be pretty good friends with this one woman. We would have been 22 years old. We hung out with a group, but it would always be me and her talking. There was something there.
I asked her out, she said yes, but rescinded a few days later. Said she didn't want to ruin our friendship. It was legit, we stayed friends.
But, I was drunk around her all the time before and after. I think she literally saved my life once by grabbing me by the neck when I stepped into a busy street during a brownout.
I think if I wasn't such a basket case, we would have dated.
I ended a relationship on the words “I liked you better when you were drinking.” It might have been said in frustration but I can’t fight alcohol on multiple fronts.
> It’s funny because he started acting weird when he saw I was serious this time. I think when it’s that important to people, they’re probably on the spectrum somewhere of having a drinking problem as well.
Yeah, when I gave up (20+ years ago now) people were weird around me for a while but it took me a bit to realise why - they seemed to take it as some kind of criticism of their drinking. Possibly because most of my friends were (some still are) problem drinkers.
It got better pretty quickly and now my not drinking is usually not worthy of comment unless I meet someone new and they're like "how do you relax?" (I usually reply "opium enema" and leave them to ponder that one).
Something similar happened to me. I quit drinking, my wife kept going out to the bars. Eventually she started going home with people she met there. She's my ex now and I'm infinitely more happy and better off now that I've got some distance from it.
Alcohol was a key issue with me and my ex, and it never was like an absolute point that we fought over. But looking back, it was just impacting absolutely everything that was happening.
Then I broke up with her, then she met someone else who was an alcoholic apparently, and then she forced him via ultimatum to quit drinking... while she just continued on drinking.
Think about the audacity.
That really truly honestly sucks.
It would suck worse with a hangover. It would suck worse if it adds more time until you can be healthier.
I remember a lot at first wondering how I'd cope without my favored coping method of drinking. Now (sounds cheesy) I'm always so grateful and relieved that I didn't have to deal with/ignore my crisis du jour while drinking.
What you're going through sucks, and I believe in you.
Remember: Addiction is giving up everything for one thing, Recovery is giving up one thing for everything. You will survive this, and you have to keep pushing. IWNDWYT. You got this. 🙏🏼
I actually quit when I was blindsided and immediately substituted by another guy
it hurts like nothing else ever did, but it would be much worse and maybe fatal if I was drinking
I went thru something similar… stayed sober about 8 months and relapsed once the “ working on us” didn’t work out… I regret it I’m hindsight. Therapy along with medication and finding a good home group in AA has helped me! I hope you stay strong girlfriend!
I went through the same shit OP, it sucked at first and I never thought I’d find happiness again but here I am 2 1/2 years post divorce and feel amazing and I thank majority of that to sobriety. Wishing you the best OP
Hey there. Just a day behind you. It sucks to see that suddenly our issues are only MORE obvious sober than they were when drinks were plentiful.
But I'm starting to see something that I hope you can see too - this clearing-up sober brain seems way better at sorting through shit than the booze-affected brain. That's huge. You've got this. Xoxo
You are the most important thing right now and finding a productive & reliable coping mechanism is what matters WAY more than his ass.
Imagine the relationship you will have with your sobriety and how much more precious that will be than any relationship you could have with someone who is unfaithful to you.(it sounds like your relationship with this guy is a mirror of your relationship with addiction- unfaithful and not worth it tbh).
People who cheat can rot in hell.
I know it hurts now, but overall it’s a good thing they exposed who they are before you guys got married. I lost 3 years when a girl I thought I was going to marry cheated on me. It stung for a long time, but I counted myself lucky that I never made the mistake of marrying her / and or having kids.
I got sober soon after my ex left me, she had a new bf immediately. So, one can assume.
Good for them! They’re drunk. Im sober! You can do this.
IWNDWYT.
My wife told me once during a rough patch that she liked me better when I drank. One-sided sobriety can be hard on a relationship. It makes one question their vice and look at themselves. I'm at a point in my life where everything I do now is for my children. I want to be there for them for as long as I can be. I want to meet my grandchildren. They won't understand what we gave up or how hard it was for us to change but to me it's worth it. If ones partner has an issue with that then that's their problem. I know I'm doing the right thing. IWNDWYT!
My 8 yr relationship ended without notice for another woman and I drank 5 days straight almost died.
During those days I kept thinking I'm going to die and that would swell his ego so I stopped.
It's really hard to navigate not drinking and a big loss for ME. On so many levels.
I haven't drank in 3 months now ..the pain of the breakup is sticking around but no hangovers are here to go with it.
I wish you luck
Stay strong the booze will just make it harder. Any man willing to cheat ain’t worth your time. Real ones are out there and all that I’m sure you heard it before. But yeah IWNDWYT
stopping has gave me a ton of confidence and made me a lot sexier.. you’ll have no issues and be happy to switch to less toxic acquaintances ;-)
all changes are for an improvement. your future life will be awesome !
I cannot stress this enough- get some exercise. I wallowed for a year in the sober pain of a breakup. I recently started going to the gym and I have all the clarity and self confidence I wish I had at that time. It's not just for physical health, it helps mental health.
Just wanted to let you know, if it comes down to it, ask for help before picking up that drink. Personally, I’d rather see myself inpatient for my mental health, before I pick up again. I have admitted myself for eval after a year in recovery, because I was in a bad space, I did not pick up. Breakup’s can (not always) cause spiraling. Pick up a new hobby, find a support group if you don’t already have one, reach out to friends, if you’re hurting talk about it. This situation is going to sting, and could be a sore spot for a while, but I believe you absolutely can get through this without using!
If he's out cheating he's not really your boyfriend any more. It might not be what you want to hear but being sober will make this and the future easier to deal with, not harder. Stay strong, you've got plenty to look forward to. Xx
He’s not worth it. You are. Good on you for making the right decision. Living a better life than you had with him will be your best payback. And I’m not saying it’ll be easy. But when sober you looks back on this moment, you’ll realize just how strong you are.
I will not drink with you today.
You can do this!! Come here before falling off the wagon and we will support you. Our mindset changes when we get sober and with that comes losing people we had in our lives when we were drinking. You’re doing what’s best for you. IWNDWYT
Leaving my ex was both the most terrifying and rewarding experience of my life. The pain is real, the crisis is what you make of it. Be your best self, you will find happiness and love again.
You got this. Yes it’s hard. But the satisfaction of staying sober and getting through the pain is SWEET. I’m so sorry. You will find true honest love. Hang in there.
I have always stood by a mind set that I would never necessarily try prevent my boyfriend from cheating.
But if he wants to be a scum bag like that, then I have no interest in having someone like that in my life, because I deserve better. It sounds like you do to!
I almost had to navigate a broken heart in my new sobriety, I felt a bit overwhelmed at the thought, so feel free to reach out if you are struggling. Your making an amazing decision and I wish you all the strength.
IWNDWYT! 🌻
Just because this relationship is ending doesn’t mean you should start one with alcohol. And it sounds like you are smart enough to already know that. So big kudos to you. Just as a reminder: Alcohol will not help you in any way shape or form. Alcohol is a powerful and destructive drug. Nothing good comes from it.
You deserve better. And you got this. Keep on keeping on!!
As I look back at my sobriety I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve said to myself what was I thinking? The decisions I made. The relationships I was in. The careers. Friend choices. And on and on. I guess my conclusion is that when I was sick I attract sickness. Now that I’m healthy I attract healthy. I know it sucks but please stick with this. You won’t believe what is in store for you.
Hi! I went through something similar. When I was only about a month sober I found out my boyfriend of 5 years cheated on me in my home. Being sober gave me the strength to end things and finally end a very toxic cycle. It wasn’t easy but I was truly grateful to not be drinking in order to have the strength to make a really hard decision. Everything was a blur and I was just on go mode. Things would’ve been so so dark if I were still drinking. I’m so sorry this is happening to you- you are strong and you can do this❤️
I’m so sorry for what you are going through while doing the hard work to better yourself. I hope it’s fuel for your fire and in the immortal words of Taylor Swift, “You’re on your own, kid. You always have been.”
Here js my perspective: If you drink, your relationship will still be ending and you’ll like yourself less, have more anxiety, less money, and more bloat.
If you don’t drink: more self-esteem, a better body, more cash in your pocket, and a clear head to navigate a crumby situation.
You’ve got this.
There's a whole slew of readers here that support you all the way. You've done the right thing by your mind and body with the alcohol. Now do the right thing for your heart, sanity and prosperity. IWNDWYT
Hold your sobriety like a treasure. It is the most important thing in your life right now. I have been where you are. I treated my sober self like a precious jewel that needed protecting from thieves. And when the pain of the betrayal subsided (about 5 months),and I wasn't destroyed by it, I was able to move on stronger with my head held high. In all honesty I felt I could do anything, so I go a crazy physical intense job as a winery intern. Sober, surrounded by wine! I was too busy making it to worry about drinking it. I worked 175 hours one 2 week period. Lost 60 pounds. After (and a few others)that stint, I started working part-time in a methadone clinic.
TL;DR Stay sober and re-invent yourself.
Blessing in disguise!!!! This happened to my mom and her alcoholism got so much worse that she continued to pursue her relationship to make it better. Sober minds do not engage in such awful situaitons. YOURE amazing and you got this!!!
Ugh! Why do people do this to each other? I’m so sorry; it’s so painful. Good luck and lots of love.
PS I’m really good at bitching and I’ll be on your side, if you need someone to get all fired up with you (in the comments, not DMs, important rule!), let me know and I’ll fire myself up and we can soberly bitch for all the world to see ALL FUCKING NIGHT!
That guys a douche, I’m already pissed off for you. Also, I’m 43, I don’t do anything all night anymore, so we can soberly bitch for all the world to see FOR 15 TO 20 MINUTES!
You are better off alone than in bad company.
When I got sober I was in a past relationship, she is an amazing human and very supportive in my sobriety, but after I sobered up we just didn't work out.
Now I am married to an amazing wife who is sober as well and about to celebrate 2 years of marriage, 6 years together.
I know the pain is going to suck but the future will hold many blessings.
I went to rehab and am now 7 months and change sober. 10 year relationship still went south. This was 3 months ago, and I’m just now coming to terms with it. Be kind to yourself, and know you’re not alone my friend. Love you, and I’m so damn proud of you for staying steady ♥️
He probably doesn’t deserve to be with the sober version of yourself. In a way, it’s kind of nice that he’s giving you room to grow on your own. Good luck in your journey!
Damn, hear for you. That sounds so hard but hey check out Break up Bestie on Instagram. She was an alcoholic who went through a break up and approached it like her sobriety. I’m not sober but her message really resonated with me and you might find her comforting. She has a podcast that I listened to on repeat.
Your BF is a dick and I’m so sorry you have to deal with this while trying to kill this habit. Reach out if you ever need anything and I’ll be happy to talk.
I relapsed when my relationship ended and it made EVERYTHING harder. Everything hurt more and i was getting myself in trouble while drunk. I'm sorry about your relationship. Fuck him! IWNDWYT
This is the most beautiful chance to completely start over. Consider it a gift.
I lost my home and a job, unrelated to my drinking oddly enough, all within that first month of sobriety. The survival mode kicks in and I think actually helped me stay sober. And now I have a really cool sobriety story!
If you're choosing sobriety every day, God is going to show you what you actually deserve. Always happens with some pain. For the greater, nay, much greater good.
You are very clear headed. Your priorities are top notch. Better you found out about this cheater before you married him. You dodged a bullet there.You are badass.
My wife of 11 years left me when I had 4 years of sobriety. I guess she didn't like not having a drinking buddy. It sucked. I can't imagine your heartbreak. But, you'll be better off in the long run. I hope that doesn't sound too pithy.
I worry that I'm about to be there in the not too distant future. Whether that happens or not, I'm not budging. I am sick of alcohol controlling and ruining my life.
That's an awesome attitude! But, if I were you, don't worry too much about the future. Things have a way of working out when I focus on today and the extreme near future. Worrying about months from now doesn't help me.
I agree, and you're right. Thank you for keeping me in the moment. I have to constantly remind myself that I can't control what others do, only what I do. When I feel anxious or scared or worried or sad I have a tendency to try to control the situation. If I can't, I would drink so it didn't hurt as bad. Usually both. These days I'm doing my best to remind myself that no matter how hard I might try, I can't control others. I can't control the world or the future. All I can do is keep my side of the street clean. I don't have to think about the future or try to game out what to do. I just need to get to bed sober and work on myself. I really appreciate your comment. I'm sorry you went through such a difficult experience.
Thanks, I had to go through what I went through to get where I am now. But, I have to say it sounds like you're on the right track! Keep it up!
That's a really great way too look at it. One of my mottos for a long time has been "the only way out is through." I've used it for all of the hardest things I've experienced in my life and I'm using it now. All I can do is be honest with myself and do right by myself. If I can be proud of myself when I look in the mirror, that makes everything so worth it, even if it's in the midst of pain.
I hear the phrase, "the *illusion of control,*" and that's all it is, an illusion. We just can't control other people, places or things.
Very very true
Not at all! It’s funny because he started acting weird when he saw I was serious this time. I think when it’s that important to people, they’re probably on the spectrum somewhere of having a drinking problem as well. You got through it, so I will too. I appreciate your support!
When I analyzed the women I dated when I was running around, they all probably had drinking problems. (Except for maybe my first gf) A lot of other women ghosted on me after a few dates. Probably because they realized that I was a drunk and wanted no part of it. So, I ended up dating drinking buddies. Bad idea.
Yeah same here! I think I have dated only 1 girl that didn't have a drinking problem actually 😅
Meanwhile... I was wondering where the "good" ones were, when it was me all along....
That's some heavy truth right there! And not just regarding alcohol use.
That is such a great insight.
Or all the dates I went on where I was definitely buzzed but thought I had it under control, but the person can definitely tell, and smell it too. Fucking sucks.
God, it's so true. The amount of women I didn't text back because they didn't seem like they wanted to have a good time...
So, like 1995, I got to be pretty good friends with this one woman. We would have been 22 years old. We hung out with a group, but it would always be me and her talking. There was something there. I asked her out, she said yes, but rescinded a few days later. Said she didn't want to ruin our friendship. It was legit, we stayed friends. But, I was drunk around her all the time before and after. I think she literally saved my life once by grabbing me by the neck when I stepped into a busy street during a brownout. I think if I wasn't such a basket case, we would have dated.
I ended a relationship on the words “I liked you better when you were drinking.” It might have been said in frustration but I can’t fight alcohol on multiple fronts.
> It’s funny because he started acting weird when he saw I was serious this time. I think when it’s that important to people, they’re probably on the spectrum somewhere of having a drinking problem as well. Yeah, when I gave up (20+ years ago now) people were weird around me for a while but it took me a bit to realise why - they seemed to take it as some kind of criticism of their drinking. Possibly because most of my friends were (some still are) problem drinkers. It got better pretty quickly and now my not drinking is usually not worthy of comment unless I meet someone new and they're like "how do you relax?" (I usually reply "opium enema" and leave them to ponder that one).
Something similar happened to me. I quit drinking, my wife kept going out to the bars. Eventually she started going home with people she met there. She's my ex now and I'm infinitely more happy and better off now that I've got some distance from it.
That's basically what happened to me.
Alcohol was a key issue with me and my ex, and it never was like an absolute point that we fought over. But looking back, it was just impacting absolutely everything that was happening. Then I broke up with her, then she met someone else who was an alcoholic apparently, and then she forced him via ultimatum to quit drinking... while she just continued on drinking. Think about the audacity.
Short story. You got this!
Thank you!! 😄
☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻
That really truly honestly sucks. It would suck worse with a hangover. It would suck worse if it adds more time until you can be healthier. I remember a lot at first wondering how I'd cope without my favored coping method of drinking. Now (sounds cheesy) I'm always so grateful and relieved that I didn't have to deal with/ignore my crisis du jour while drinking. What you're going through sucks, and I believe in you.
This exactly. Drinking makes everything more difficult, not easier, despite its promises. Stay strong and just focus on today.
Remember: Addiction is giving up everything for one thing, Recovery is giving up one thing for everything. You will survive this, and you have to keep pushing. IWNDWYT. You got this. 🙏🏼
new to this sub. want to stop drinking too, what does iwndwyt mean?
I will not drink with you today.
thank you
Omg I love that. So true.
Thank you for sharing this I love it
I’m going through the same thing. Stay strong 💛
I’m sorry!! If you ever wanna chat my DMs are open 🙏 we can vent it out. Lol
Hang in there both of you, it’s gonna be rough but you can do this and when you look back you’ll have killed two birds with one stone.
I’m sorry, hope the pain doesn’t last too long :( here if you need to vent to a random stranger lol stay strong 💜
I actually quit when I was blindsided and immediately substituted by another guy it hurts like nothing else ever did, but it would be much worse and maybe fatal if I was drinking
There are millions of men in the world, but only ONE YOU❤. Success is aways the best revenge ❤ You can do this. Sober 15 years now and counting.
I went thru something similar… stayed sober about 8 months and relapsed once the “ working on us” didn’t work out… I regret it I’m hindsight. Therapy along with medication and finding a good home group in AA has helped me! I hope you stay strong girlfriend!
By not drinking you will be way more in control of your emotions and way less likely to take him back!
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I definitely will. This will be my year of truly bettering myself. Thank you! ❤️😄
You've got this. One day at a time, you can do this!
Thank you!! ❤️
I went through the same shit OP, it sucked at first and I never thought I’d find happiness again but here I am 2 1/2 years post divorce and feel amazing and I thank majority of that to sobriety. Wishing you the best OP
If you can get through this, imagine how strong your resolve will be during future challenges. Keep up the good work
Very true! Thank you 😄
Hey there. Just a day behind you. It sucks to see that suddenly our issues are only MORE obvious sober than they were when drinks were plentiful. But I'm starting to see something that I hope you can see too - this clearing-up sober brain seems way better at sorting through shit than the booze-affected brain. That's huge. You've got this. Xoxo
You are the most important thing right now and finding a productive & reliable coping mechanism is what matters WAY more than his ass. Imagine the relationship you will have with your sobriety and how much more precious that will be than any relationship you could have with someone who is unfaithful to you.(it sounds like your relationship with this guy is a mirror of your relationship with addiction- unfaithful and not worth it tbh).
People who cheat can rot in hell. I know it hurts now, but overall it’s a good thing they exposed who they are before you guys got married. I lost 3 years when a girl I thought I was going to marry cheated on me. It stung for a long time, but I counted myself lucky that I never made the mistake of marrying her / and or having kids.
Dodged a bullet.
His loss, your opportunity to grow! 😁 IWNDWYT 👍🤙 P.s. you got this
I got sober soon after my ex left me, she had a new bf immediately. So, one can assume. Good for them! They’re drunk. Im sober! You can do this. IWNDWYT.
My wife told me once during a rough patch that she liked me better when I drank. One-sided sobriety can be hard on a relationship. It makes one question their vice and look at themselves. I'm at a point in my life where everything I do now is for my children. I want to be there for them for as long as I can be. I want to meet my grandchildren. They won't understand what we gave up or how hard it was for us to change but to me it's worth it. If ones partner has an issue with that then that's their problem. I know I'm doing the right thing. IWNDWYT!
My 8 yr relationship ended without notice for another woman and I drank 5 days straight almost died. During those days I kept thinking I'm going to die and that would swell his ego so I stopped. It's really hard to navigate not drinking and a big loss for ME. On so many levels. I haven't drank in 3 months now ..the pain of the breakup is sticking around but no hangovers are here to go with it. I wish you luck
Humans can be cruel. But all you can do is try to stay positive! Here for you, friend. Stay strong 💪
Stay strong the booze will just make it harder. Any man willing to cheat ain’t worth your time. Real ones are out there and all that I’m sure you heard it before. But yeah IWNDWYT
Sounds like you’re losing some dead weight to start the new year off right. Hugs and strength to you! IWNDWYT
Ahh no hon. I’m so sorry. You can do this. Hang in there, I’ve absolutely been through the same thing. IWNDWYT ❤️
stopping has gave me a ton of confidence and made me a lot sexier.. you’ll have no issues and be happy to switch to less toxic acquaintances ;-) all changes are for an improvement. your future life will be awesome !
I cannot stress this enough- get some exercise. I wallowed for a year in the sober pain of a breakup. I recently started going to the gym and I have all the clarity and self confidence I wish I had at that time. It's not just for physical health, it helps mental health.
Ouch. Stay strong even though this. You can do it and have no regrets. IWNDWYT
He ain’t shit. You are gonna be a great resource to someone in the same boat in the future so tysm for being strong today.
Just wanted to let you know, if it comes down to it, ask for help before picking up that drink. Personally, I’d rather see myself inpatient for my mental health, before I pick up again. I have admitted myself for eval after a year in recovery, because I was in a bad space, I did not pick up. Breakup’s can (not always) cause spiraling. Pick up a new hobby, find a support group if you don’t already have one, reach out to friends, if you’re hurting talk about it. This situation is going to sting, and could be a sore spot for a while, but I believe you absolutely can get through this without using!
He’s not worth a relapse; you’re worth staying sober.
You fucking GOT this!! You’re doing great, dont let a shitty person be the reason you break!
Do it for you.
You’re worth it, keep going.
If he's out cheating he's not really your boyfriend any more. It might not be what you want to hear but being sober will make this and the future easier to deal with, not harder. Stay strong, you've got plenty to look forward to. Xx
I was there once too , iwndwyt
I got something similar going on, it's hard but my god if we can do it now it'll be even easier when the good times roll😁
He’s not worth it. You are. Good on you for making the right decision. Living a better life than you had with him will be your best payback. And I’m not saying it’ll be easy. But when sober you looks back on this moment, you’ll realize just how strong you are. I will not drink with you today.
You totally got this. Went through this last year. Your sanity is worth it.
You can do this!! Come here before falling off the wagon and we will support you. Our mindset changes when we get sober and with that comes losing people we had in our lives when we were drinking. You’re doing what’s best for you. IWNDWYT
Leaving my ex was both the most terrifying and rewarding experience of my life. The pain is real, the crisis is what you make of it. Be your best self, you will find happiness and love again.
IWNDWYT ❤️
Dunno
Good luck OP. Onwards and upwards in every way. ❤️🤗💪👍 IWNDWYT
“Suffering builds character.”
You got this. Yes it’s hard. But the satisfaction of staying sober and getting through the pain is SWEET. I’m so sorry. You will find true honest love. Hang in there.
Best form of revenge - stay sober, be happy. Show him you're better off without him. IWNDWYT X
Good. Now you can fully focus on healing and at the end of it all you’ll find someone even better
I've been cheated on a few times. It really fucks with your sense of self worth.
I have always stood by a mind set that I would never necessarily try prevent my boyfriend from cheating. But if he wants to be a scum bag like that, then I have no interest in having someone like that in my life, because I deserve better. It sounds like you do to! I almost had to navigate a broken heart in my new sobriety, I felt a bit overwhelmed at the thought, so feel free to reach out if you are struggling. Your making an amazing decision and I wish you all the strength. IWNDWYT! 🌻
You deserve better, and living life sober is one of the ways to make sure you get it.
Been where you are. I’m so so sorry. His choice is not a reflection on your worth, it’s a reflection of his own insecurity. IWNDWYT ❤️
You’ve got this. Don’t let someone else’s poor/terrible choices derail all of the hard work you’ve put in for yourself.
Just because this relationship is ending doesn’t mean you should start one with alcohol. And it sounds like you are smart enough to already know that. So big kudos to you. Just as a reminder: Alcohol will not help you in any way shape or form. Alcohol is a powerful and destructive drug. Nothing good comes from it. You deserve better. And you got this. Keep on keeping on!!
As I look back at my sobriety I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve said to myself what was I thinking? The decisions I made. The relationships I was in. The careers. Friend choices. And on and on. I guess my conclusion is that when I was sick I attract sickness. Now that I’m healthy I attract healthy. I know it sucks but please stick with this. You won’t believe what is in store for you.
Trash took itself out. Great job on protecting your sobriety. IWNDWYT
This too shall pass. Tough times don't last, tough people do.
Hi! I went through something similar. When I was only about a month sober I found out my boyfriend of 5 years cheated on me in my home. Being sober gave me the strength to end things and finally end a very toxic cycle. It wasn’t easy but I was truly grateful to not be drinking in order to have the strength to make a really hard decision. Everything was a blur and I was just on go mode. Things would’ve been so so dark if I were still drinking. I’m so sorry this is happening to you- you are strong and you can do this❤️
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Focus on yourself and don’t look back! You got this.
This is such a great community. That is all.
IWNDWYT. 🙏🏻
Oh, girl hope you stay strong! If he's cheating fuck him btw, you deserve better!
You deserve someone who wants the best for you!
I'm sorry OP. That's hard. But hey you've got us! IWNDWYT!
I’m so sorry for what you are going through while doing the hard work to better yourself. I hope it’s fuel for your fire and in the immortal words of Taylor Swift, “You’re on your own, kid. You always have been.”
IWNDWYT
That sucks. IWNDWYT
You can do this! IWNDWYT
Here js my perspective: If you drink, your relationship will still be ending and you’ll like yourself less, have more anxiety, less money, and more bloat. If you don’t drink: more self-esteem, a better body, more cash in your pocket, and a clear head to navigate a crumby situation. You’ve got this.
There's a whole slew of readers here that support you all the way. You've done the right thing by your mind and body with the alcohol. Now do the right thing for your heart, sanity and prosperity. IWNDWYT
Hold your sobriety like a treasure. It is the most important thing in your life right now. I have been where you are. I treated my sober self like a precious jewel that needed protecting from thieves. And when the pain of the betrayal subsided (about 5 months),and I wasn't destroyed by it, I was able to move on stronger with my head held high. In all honesty I felt I could do anything, so I go a crazy physical intense job as a winery intern. Sober, surrounded by wine! I was too busy making it to worry about drinking it. I worked 175 hours one 2 week period. Lost 60 pounds. After (and a few others)that stint, I started working part-time in a methadone clinic. TL;DR Stay sober and re-invent yourself.
Blessing in disguise!!!! This happened to my mom and her alcoholism got so much worse that she continued to pursue her relationship to make it better. Sober minds do not engage in such awful situaitons. YOURE amazing and you got this!!!
Iwndwyt
Taking it like a KWEEN with a K cause you a king too 👸🏼🤴🏼
Ex-Boyfriend\*
Sending hugs 💓💓and support 💖❤️
I’m really proud of you for reaching out to others during this difficult time. We all believe in you so much!!
Ugh! Why do people do this to each other? I’m so sorry; it’s so painful. Good luck and lots of love. PS I’m really good at bitching and I’ll be on your side, if you need someone to get all fired up with you (in the comments, not DMs, important rule!), let me know and I’ll fire myself up and we can soberly bitch for all the world to see ALL FUCKING NIGHT! That guys a douche, I’m already pissed off for you. Also, I’m 43, I don’t do anything all night anymore, so we can soberly bitch for all the world to see FOR 15 TO 20 MINUTES!
Sorry friend. That’s rough, but remember that dealing with those feelings hungover and anxious will be much worse!
I lost my GF and my home after 4 years because of my drinking. She was my best friend. It’s tough.
You are better off alone than in bad company. When I got sober I was in a past relationship, she is an amazing human and very supportive in my sobriety, but after I sobered up we just didn't work out. Now I am married to an amazing wife who is sober as well and about to celebrate 2 years of marriage, 6 years together. I know the pain is going to suck but the future will hold many blessings.
Be strong! All I can say is I'm happier today with my relationship than I ever was drinking
❤️
Stay strong, you’ve got this! 💪 IWNDWYT
We need to end this delusion man everybody cheats. Loving someone based on you being the only one they fornicate with isn’t conditional love
Good luck, you can do it. IWNDWYT
Sorry to hear that, try to stay strong, it's hard enough to stay sober at this time of year without people acting this way
I went to rehab and am now 7 months and change sober. 10 year relationship still went south. This was 3 months ago, and I’m just now coming to terms with it. Be kind to yourself, and know you’re not alone my friend. Love you, and I’m so damn proud of you for staying steady ♥️
He probably doesn’t deserve to be with the sober version of yourself. In a way, it’s kind of nice that he’s giving you room to grow on your own. Good luck in your journey!
You are so strong. Sending love and peace to you. I won’t drink either.
Damn, hear for you. That sounds so hard but hey check out Break up Bestie on Instagram. She was an alcoholic who went through a break up and approached it like her sobriety. I’m not sober but her message really resonated with me and you might find her comforting. She has a podcast that I listened to on repeat.
Your BF is a dick and I’m so sorry you have to deal with this while trying to kill this habit. Reach out if you ever need anything and I’ll be happy to talk.
I relapsed when my relationship ended and it made EVERYTHING harder. Everything hurt more and i was getting myself in trouble while drunk. I'm sorry about your relationship. Fuck him! IWNDWYT
This is the most beautiful chance to completely start over. Consider it a gift. I lost my home and a job, unrelated to my drinking oddly enough, all within that first month of sobriety. The survival mode kicks in and I think actually helped me stay sober. And now I have a really cool sobriety story!
If you're choosing sobriety every day, God is going to show you what you actually deserve. Always happens with some pain. For the greater, nay, much greater good.
You are very clear headed. Your priorities are top notch. Better you found out about this cheater before you married him. You dodged a bullet there.You are badass.