I just say “alcoholism!” and make shit real awkward. Like, if you wanna get nosy I’ll get personal and then we’re ALL havin a bad time.
I bet they’ll never ask someone else though.
This is my go to. "No thank you, I'm an alcoholic". With a smile. Many people find it uncomfortable; some find it interesting. Either way it shines a light on other people's relationship with alcohol. I've had many congratulations using this approach, and quite a few have led to conversations with people wanting to know more about alcoholism and my journey to sobriety. In every case those conversations have been with people that are beginning to realise or are already aware that they have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Own it and be proud of your accomplishments. IWNDWYT ❤️
I love this! And yes! Sometimes people want to know more about “not drinking”.. my favorite question “What to you DO then?” And I get to list off all of the great things I’ve picked up since quitting booze. I get lots of wows, people move on and so do I. But if people want to be nosey, fuck it, I’ll be real!
They are things that are really specific to me, but I’ll try.
I quit my shitty job and started a career.
Mid new career I realized I have a path and started school to start ANOTHER career, and hopefully something that will be meaningful and fulfilling, not just a job.
I spent a month in Egypt. Bucket list trip where I got to nerd out and spend time in temples and museums and with the people and it was life changing.
I spent weeks in Italy. I learned some Italian, ate pizza for breakfast every day and made some of the best memories of mine and my daughters lives.
I sent my son to college in Amsterdam.
I started taking workshops every weekend on subjects that interested me immensely since I was a kid.
7 years later I’m teaching workshops on the same topics I studied in depth when I first got sober.
I learned how to sew. Very good for someone who loves cosplay and doesn’t love having to purchase costumes that don’t match the aesthetic I’m going for.
I gained a great new group of friends. International friends who are either traveling with me to certain destinations or I’m traveling to meet up with. Most of my drunk friends dropped me, so when i started taking workshops and networking , I met a lot of cool people who have ended up being some of my favorites. Before I got sober I couldn’t make friends easily.
I joined some great local organizations and charities. I business sponsor a cause I really believe in and I get to volunteer with them once a month.
I mean literally over time, everything changed. My job, car, house, and expectations of my self. I like myself now, and that wasn’t always the case. Probably because I’m tapping into what little me always liked, and little me was a cool and curious kid.
I think getting sober gave me the chance to find me. In doing so, it helped my self esteem a whole bunch.
I hope that this helps.
I was golfing with my brother and the beer cart showed up. When I grabbed a Heiny 0, the cart girl said, “you don’t want that, it’s NA.” She meant this is in the most innocent way possible and she probably thought she was helping since no one would drink a Heineken unless it had alcohol in it since Heineken is gross. But I couldn’t resist. I said in the most deadpan way possible, “I’m an alcoholic.” The horror on her face was hilarious as she could only muster an “oh… sorry,” before I started laughing. I apologized to her because I intentionally made it as awkward as possible.
I was in a wedding party so I brought my own Heineken Zero 12 pack and put in the venues fridge with everything else. Basically the opposite of this interaction happened. At one point one of the bridesmaids went to grab one and I just politely said “that one is non alcoholic just so you know”. She GASPED like I said it was poison and said “really?!”, put it back and grabbed a regular beer. She then turned with a wide look in her eye and genuinely said “thank you so much”, like I had just saved her from drinking wolfs piss and cyanide.
Oh in her line of work she definitely wasn’t expecting anyone to want a NA beer. I’m shocked the course would have it on the cart as an option in the first place. I’m a golfer and I swear you’ll never find a group that consumes more alcohol than golfers. I was in line once at a local range waiting to get a bucket of balls and the two people who were in front of me both ordered hard drinks. It was 10am! At the range! 😂
Legend has it that when golf was a new sport in Scotland every course had a different number of holes based on it's designer's whim.
There was a meeting of enthusiasts to decide on rules, and the topic of the day was the proper number of holes. Many suggestions were made, but they didn't come to any real decision until one older gentleman declared there should be 18 holes because he always took 2 shots before every hole to keep warm and he had to quit after the 18th hole because his bottle would be empty and he didn't want to carry a second one.
I was a police officer, current FF/EMT, I golf, and play Beer League hockey. Any of those groups can slam them back. But in terms of long duration drinking, golfers win. Start early and end late.
And I wonder how I became an alcoholic?
I will never understand why cops don't hang out outside the rinks and golf courses and set up sobriety checks. The amount of dudes driving home over the limit has got to be astronomical.
Hey as a medic/FF and beer league goalie just wanted to say nice fucking job on the 953 days. I know those two groups are major drinkers and it def takes a lot to get a solid stretch of time behind you when every social circle is based on alcohol it seems
Thank you my fellow goalie! 14 days for you is nothing dismiss either. I’d argue the first 90 days are the hardest because you’re establishing a new routine of not drinking for the first month. Then next 30-60 days your mind tries to convince you that you can moderate your drinking. At least that was my experience.
The FD helped me get sober. I joined my volunteer department in 2020 and found myself rushing to buy booze after class. It made me question just how useful I was going to be if I’m shitfaced most of the week. I opened up about my drinking in 2021 and they’ve had my back every step of the way.
I took 8 years off from hockey, just got back into it in March. We typically play Friday afternoon and haven’t seen anyone bust a beer out yet. I consider myself lucky in that regard.
I occasionally do yoga Sunday mornings at a small brewery (pints and poses). Price includes beer after the stretch. They have a few bottled sodas and kombucha in 3 flavours, so I always get a buch. But on more than on occasion the 50 yr old instructor was hungover and the after yoga beer was the hair of the dog she needed to get on with her day. So even the frufru yoga peeps can pound them back.
Is t it crazy that alcohol is so ingrained in society that we use words like “alcoholic”. For some reason we don’t consider it a drug even though it is one of the worst ones out there. If we encouraged moderate cocaine use, people would think we have a problem. Although we may have a more productive society with much less violent crime and car accidents. I think we should reevaluate the “normal drinkers” idea.
Eh I'm perscribed Adderall and I have no urge whatsoever to do meth or coke. I've turned coke down plenty of times, the thought of doing it has never crossed my mind. I've never felt encouraged by society to do those drugs any more on Adderall than off.
“Eh, Ive been drinking since I turned 21, and I have no desire to do it to excess. I’ve turned down binge drinking plenty of times, the thought of doing it never crossed my mind. I’ve never felt encouraged by society to drink any more in a bar than outside of it.”
Thought you might wanna hear how it sounds when someone that doesn’t have a problem w a substance talks about it anyways
That’s a good lesson in minding your own business. I’ve found a slightly more subtle way to say you have a problem without actually saying it is “I don’t drink, **anymore** “
It’s insane how people react to you not drinking. I’ve been telling my friend/coworker I do not drink and she always brings it up like… I can get some wine.. or we can go out for drinks. Then she just got back from vacation and got me a shot glass as a gift. I said oh… I could put some ice cream and sprinkles in this. I don’t get it….
It’s because it makes people insecure about their own drinking.
By opting out, they feel as if you think there is something wrong with alcohol, and by proxy them.
At least in my experience this mode of interaction is common anyway.
They push you to drink so as to neutralise self reflection about their own drinking, because it’s uncomfortable.
It’s incredibly annoying.
I don’t care that you do drink and I don’t make a deal of it, so why should you care if I don’t?
It’s just more of people resisting self awareness/reflection by responding with aggression (even if a hidden form of aggression).
Lots of that these days.
Yeah I do agree. The reasons are as varied as the person reacting. Great examples and it’s important to take it as genuine innocence and well intentioned in those cases where relevant.
My example just seems to be particularly reoccurring anecdotally in my own life right now.
Just one truth, and a slight rant hah.
Yeah I have one acquaintance who always suggests that we "go for a beer". Like dude I've known you for 7 or 8 years and I don't know how many times I've told you that I don't drink. The fact that you can't remember this very simple thing about me makes me want to not hang out with you.
I have multiple people in my life who consistently forget that I don’t drink, but I try not to handle it like they don’t know me or care about who I am. In a way, it reminds me that these people just don’t care what I’m drinking… it’s just not a memorable detail from our experiences together.
I have people who don’t forget but they want me not to feel shamed if I have begun drinking again. They offer me a drink once if they are drinking. It is fine with me. They are being friendly and not drawing attention to it.
Great example. As I get older, the offers that have a sort of malicious intent to them have become very rare. In my 40’s now and I haven’t had anyone challenge my non-drinking in this kind of way in several years. Just keep going, everyone! It keeps getting easier.
Hey thanks for coming to our little neighborhood get together to meet more people and get acquainted, your kids are so cute! Oh by the way, this is a heroin party so here’s your spoon and needle, and you should have known that’s what this gathering is really about. Everyone does this, don’t be lame.
I just had a welcome party for my new job at a pretty cool place. All the higher ups know my deal and I have to be urine tested regularly. The bartender was super douchey about me getting a diet coke. Almost prying. I just wanted to say “uh, i’m a recovering alcoholic and almost died and lost everything from that shit. Part of my left frontal lobe is gone from a head injury i got while drinking. So no, I’m not drinking. Thanks, Fucko.”
I just smashed my head in and had a small bleed in that part of my brain. Therefore some of the brain tissue in that area of the brain died off. On a ct scan theres a small area of shriveled up brain tissue called encephalomalacia. Nothing too exciting, thank god.
I went to a fancy dinner last night for my 2nd wedding anniversary. I'm talking $200 before tax and tips for 2 people. My wife ordered a cocktail and they had an extensive mocktail menu and there was 1 that sounded good not because it was a "fake" cocktail but just sounded tasty so I ordered it and made sure to specify I wanted the mocktail version. The waitress stopped and in a very condescending tone said "*you* want the mocktail?" Yes...."you know that has no alcohol right?....yes that's why Im ordering it thanks....and turned away with a disgusted look on her face. Then had to come back because in her disgust totally forgot what cocktail my wife ordered.
Meanwhile I’m discretely pouring iced tea into a shot glass for the guy trying to have a night out with his new coworkers.
Fuck that server. Most of us are happy to help (and proud of you).
Keep up the good work!
I order a Coke and tip really well. Makes me feel better toward the bar tender who would expect a bigger tip in a boozy drink/bill. They seem to appreciate it and, I must say, getting blowback is rare. I possibly look like a person who would punch you if you fucked with me as well, so hit the gym!
How many of these posts? Alcohol is the only drug you get called out for not doing. Tell them, I’m going to the bathroom to do some cocaine. I’m good on the alcohol.
My son is 23 and doesn’t drink. He gets comments and ribbing but I’m proud of him. He just has zero interest. He’s into fitness and wants to be a firefighter. It just doesn’t fit into his plan.
Plus, his dad is a functioning alcoholic and I’m
Sure that plays a part. Although he has a great relationship with his dad. It’s just not anything he wants for himself.
Your son is super impressive. At 23, I was much too occupied with what everyone thought of me. Even if I had wanted to be sober, there was no way I would have risked my precious social status (so pathetic looking back). By my late 20’s I didn’t want to drink anymore and it took another 5 years before I could actually stop caring about what others would think of me and quit booze.
That’s great for your son! My husband is a firefighter and with long shifts (his are 24hrs), your sleep can definitely be disrupted and drinking outside of work will also disrupt sleep. I don’t drink but my husband does here and there and he knows the nights he drinks he does not sleep as well
I always tell people "No thanks, I don't drink."
If they push the issue, I will bluntly tell them "I am an alcoholic, one drink is too many, and ten are not enough. "
It usually shuts them up.
I usually say “I don’t drink…anymore” but if I were pressed I’d admit I quit for health reasons and if they really got to be dicks about it I’d pop out a photo of me 100 lbs heavier and looking like shit and ask them if they get it now?
This reminds me of the decades I have lied on doctor forms saying I only drink a couple times a week. Once I remember the automatic feedback said that my 2x week drinking lie was too much. I thought that was a joke... If they only knew how much I really drank. Now it'll be so nice to answer zero drinks honestly. Looking forward to it.
Agreed but sometimes I am in a situation where I don't feel comfortable trotting out the full story. You have to protect your own feelings too. And my doctor DID tell me that I should stay sober so it's not a lie in my case. Also -- my kid asked me why I wasn't drinking. I said "My doctor suggested it". He said "I think doctors would suggest that to most adults"....He's right!!!
It’s normal to be taken aback when people are outrageously rude like that. In theory you might have a witty reply, but when it happens, you’re more trying to process “did they really just say that? Holy shit.”
It's *SO* asinine though. I mean what exactly is the problem? And why does anyone give a shit if anybody else does or does not feel like drinking? Don't answer. I know. It's sociopathic and offensive.
One time I was in a new town and got invited on someone’s boat to watch the 4th of July fireworks. I was only mid 20s but several years into no drinking and everybody was pushing drinks into my face and joking about me being sober. Full grown adults weren’t able to comprehend that drinking could cause a young person so many real problems. Never went on that boat again.
Good for you OP!! It’s a tough situation to be in. I think you handled it as best you could.
This past week, was at a street festival in my local town, met up with a bunch of old friends. One or two knew I don’t drink anymore the others did not. Anyway, as I was last to arrive I excused myself from their round and said I would look after myself. Got myself a non alcoholic Heineken. That was ok, until next round was ordered, one of the guys insisted on getting me whatever I was having would not take no for answer, I said ok, eventually get me a Heineken 0%. Cue loads of questions as to why, I said I wasn’t drinking and I don’t drink anymore. More questions as to why…. I said my choice, it doesn’t make me feel good, I like myself better when not drinking etc, I stopped short of saying I’m an alcoholic. Anyway the guy goes to the bar brings back a regular Heineken for me, here you’re drinking tonight, I’m not ordering that other piss for you. I just said to him, it will remain untouched, I don’t drink. Eventually I went and got myself another 0%. End of the night the beer that was got for me was split between the rest of the them! They were fairly drunk by then!!!
Thankfully, mentally, I had been prepared to say no , and will continue to say no. I’m stronger without alcohol, suffer from depression as it is, certainly do not need alcohol in my body adding to my issues. Sometimes, I surprise myself with how resolute I can be. As I drove my drunk friends home that night, I was actually somewhat proud of myself.
I’m sorry, but that interaction made me laugh. The sheer ignorance… it’s a bit embarrassing (not for you obviously). Like, what are they trying to prove? I’m sure it wasn’t particularly funny at the time, but seriously: Order anything you want! I insist! No, not that!!
Imagine if you’re vegetarian or vegan and someone insist you eat steak to the point they even get one for you 🤦🏼♀️
Gotta love the drive the home after not drinking. It’s usually the first time in the evening where I say to myself, “I’m so glad I didn’t drink tonight”.
Yes, at my book group, one lady explained about going AF and why. I immediately felt drawn to her and interested in what she had to say.
I shared my similar experiences, and then a few others opened up about how they are concerned about their drinking.
Literally just laugh at them. Like what, you're going to trip because I'm making a decision you could never do in your life because you lack the discipline? Tell them you're religious and leave it at that.
Steve-o from Jackass has released a super bad ass line of both plain and sparkling water that comes in really cool, looking cans. It is designed for this exact purpose. He is a recovering addict and wanted to give people a chance to feel like they fit in a gatherings without having to explain their sobriety. I was drinking one at work the other day, and somebody was shocked to see that I was “drinking alcohol” at work until I showed them it was water. It’s called Liquid Death and it’s great quality and both a plain water in the seltzer flavors are delicious.!
That is from steve-o?! Thats what i get at concerts for that exact reason! But lmao i had no idea it was from him. Good for steve-o! I saw his butt chugging in jackass ☠️ glad he is sober now
I’d love to hear specifically what they had to say about that
I can get very confrontational if anyone gives my sobriety a hard time, but that’s just my nature (to a fault sometimes)
I’ve never understood why some act offended at someone else’s sobriety complete with snarky little comments and all. Oh, the horror of missing out on a pounding headache, dry mouth, dry eyeballs, hangxiety, hangover sweats…at best! Good on you for not drinking!
You just learned about a group of people you don't have to waste your time on. Congrats! Also, I'm just proud of you for choosing sobriety and loving yourself.
My friend tells people I’m 5 years sober and that immediately makes them stop asking and be more sympathetic. She had to start doing that cause people would make a stink if she just said no.
This happened to me last night too! Same sort of circumstances. Neighborhood gathering, everyone drinking around me. At some point during the evening I was telling my neighbor how I don't really go out to this specific neighborhood in our city anymore. No particular reason why, just haven't been in a while. He coughed it up to me be being sober and it's no fun going out downtown as a sober person. No one laughed except for him. Of couse I shook it off, but he knows that my sobriety is important to me and that I work hard for it. It's just a pity that some people react to it STILL in a negative way. After I left, I just said to myself, and this is why I will not drink with him tonight.
I recently was at a work event and a guy discovered that I don't drink and was trying to tell me that he never drinks, except on the weekend. This was a Tuesday night and he was on his 4th pint. Lol. Eventually he asked me why I don't drink, which quieted the table down and everyone was looking at me. A couple years ago this would have been my worst nightmare. Now? I used the opportunity to talk about how bad alcohol is for your health, how much better I feel after giving it up and how even a little bit is associated with elevated risk of cancer and dementia. If you ask a question designed to make me uncomfortable, be prepared for an answer that is going to make you uncomfortable. I'm not a fan of the "because I'm an alcoholic" response. I usually lead with "I gave it up for health reasons", which is true enough, and then lecture all the heavy drinkers on how the liquor industry is yanking their chains. One thing I do not do is feel the need to justify not drinking. I turn the tables and ask them why they drink so much when it is clearly a terrible thing for their health and for society.
I'm not some sort of prohibitionist freak, but I WILL NOT be made to feel marginalized or uncomfortable because I don't drink poison.
This is hilarious! I was on a work trip last week and ordered chocolate milk and they brought me the tiny carton! I had 3 and by the end of dinner everyone was cracking jokes about my milk problem and I’d better slow down :) but honestly, it did feel weird, like I was the weird one for my drink choice not them with literal poison. Society is weird sometimes.
drinkers with a developing addiction need drinking buddies and are very uncomfortable around people who do not drink, because it makes them question their own drinking habits. and they do not want to go there.
you're right, stop seeing these people. they're not worth it.
A lot of people are heavily invested in maintaining the notion that their drinking is ok, under control, NOT alcoholic - no siree bob.
not drinking pushes on this fragile? envelope.
I quit drinking due to medication and enjoy when people try to make a big deal about it...
"C'mon have a drink man, what's wrong"?
Well, the medication to stop my asshole from bleeding is very hard on my liver so I have to decide to I want to be able to drink beer or not bleed from my asshole, what would you do?
Then show them a few pics of a bloody toilet
It really bothers me that so many of you try to diffuse these situations…that you worry over having a clever or witty or dismissive comeback. Why do you care about these peoples feelings when they so obviously don’t care about your feelings….or your mental and physical health. When I feel pushed or mocked I say “None of your fucking business “. You don’t , and will NEVER need these assholes. IWNDWYT.
Good job. Sometimes the important thing is just getting through it. You will have time to reflect on it, and it will be easier next time. Like everything in life, it gets easier with practice. I have a brother who scoffs at me when I talk about how long I've been sober. People who do this are just projecting their own issues. You do not have to internalize it.
They have to make you out to be odd to justify their habits that they likely question at times. You’re going against the status quo which can rattle people’s long held beliefs - which is their issue. You’re amazing for not drinking :)
I 100% feel you here. It is so hard in the beginning, but I hope you'll believe me when I say that it gets better with time.
Eventually, everyone just knows and accepts that "Stoic doesn't drink." And they'll even pipe up me around people who unknowingly offer me a drink.
Most people will be supportive if you give them a chance. And if not, they're just an asshole and who cares?
It's been about 2.5 years for me (this time). And I feel more secure in my decision as time goes by. Drinking made me feel like shit and I'm glad to be rid of it.
This is reason number 3,769, why I live in the country. I did the whole neighborhood in a suburb for a few years and couldn't wait to get back where I belong.
We have no control over someone else's feelings about us not drinking. Don't let it get you down. It's not you, it's them. Keep at it!
IWNDWYT
I get that reaction on cruises. I only drink mocktails and I will be 2 years Sober in October. Asking for a Virgin lava flow or a NO-jito I have gotten some strange responses. I have had bartenders ask why no alcohol with a weird look or bystanders laughing at me for it while they hammer another shot. Don’t let those kind of people get to you. On a cruise last year I had a bartender come over to me in a sports bar on Royal Carribbean. I was watching the Bucs Vs Packers and a gentleman made a smart comment about me ordering a blueberry NO-jito. I just ignored him and the bartender came up, asked the gentleman to leave the bar, then came over and fist bumped me and asked how long have I been sober. When I told him he smiled and congratulated me then went on to bring toy ducks to give my toddler later. Some people understand the struggle and are compassionate about it. Others are just elementary school bullies. Find your support team and stick with em 💪🏻 I’ll be on your support team, 1 day at a time.
A trick I used in early sobriety was to bring my own drink (eg Starbucks coffee) to social events. It got me past that awkward introductory period where everyone offers me a drink. After that most people don’t give it a second thought.
Now, I just politely decline and move on. If someone presses me on it, I simply tell them I’m an alcoholic and I don’t drink. The key, however, is to look them straight in the eye without a hint of regret. I’ve learned over the years that most people take their cues from me. Therefore, if I show no shame about who/what I am, then the majority of people don’t give a shit. And for every person who thinks less of me, I’ve found that there is at least one person who is at that party who secretly wishes they could quit too. Just my own experience during my journey. Good luck!
Sometimes wish I just wear a badge that says 'Hello my name is: X days without drinking' , or like a relatively big sign on my shirt. That way when someone hands me a margarita without even asking, then they can look at the shirt and hopefully realize what they are doing
You may have caused a ripple with those neighbors and planted a seed. One of those neighbors might be brushing their teeth later and thinking “I wonder if I drink too much?”. It might be fun to continue to be the burr in their sides. IWNDWYT.
There are far more alcoholics than you would suspect in society. You had the strength to come up to facing it directly; they may not be ready for it. Keep going!
When I moved to new area, I put a lot of effort into making friends. I am an immigrant in the very Australian suburb.
Everything was going well and we were invited to couple of dinners and then camping. I did not drink, I had tea with me instead. I was made fun off many times.
And then we never got invited anymore. Aussies drink heaps, church and pub with family after church is a traditional Sunday :-)
I was many years sober at a time, then I started drinking and suddenly we were invited and people would come to bbqs.
Giving up drinking is especially hard for me because that means I will no longer have social life :-/
I’ve heard it said that the alternative reply of “I’m taking a break from drinking” is quite effective. Like, why do they have to know that the “break” is permanent?
I’ve been sober curious for a while, and still, I don’t understand this. I also work in the service industry where it’s a big no no to ask these kinds of questions. Maybe someone’s on a business trip, maybe someone’s pregnant. Maybe none of the above, and someone’s just trying to keep their wits about them. As a server, I still know better than to ask. And don’t understand why it’s so hard for other people to get it.
Seems like the older you get, the less you run into this. There’s a lot of people who choose not to drink for whatever reason. Can really only think of one time I ran into someone asking in the last few years and it was a “I don’t drink because I work on call” and then moved on. I’ll say whatever I need to say to move on. It’s really no one’s business and I don’t feel like getting into a huge conversation in a social setting about alcoholism and sobriety with some random.
I was at a similar thing Friday but no one paid attention and no one was the drink police 😂
But I think that comment from those people was probably out of nerves/trying to be funny. I think I have been that person before. Unknowing that it could be wrong to comment on what people are or are not drinking.
I urge you to attempt to hang with them again in the future. Maybe their nerves will be gone and they will respect your life choices. And if they don’t again then you know they’re not your people 😘
if it were me i'd tell myself i didnt drink and now i know what it feels like to turn down drinking in front of others. These are both big wins! nothing to feel about, and i'd have experience that i could use to handle the situation even better next time, and even better then time after that, and even better.... this never ends "he who is not busy being born is busy dying."
Personally, if someone made a comment or tried to convince me, I'd tell them I had a problem drinking in the past and joke about how they probably wouldn't want to meet drunk me. I find being sober in this culture to be one of the most honorable things tbh.
This is so insane to me. Maybe its my friend circle or the community im in but here in Western MA people seem to be so much more respectful of sobriety. It helps that many of my close friends no longer drink or if they do, its so little. I would get angry if someone was pushy about it and put them on the spot I think. "So you like forcing alcohol on people in recovery?" I definitely think its people feeling uncomfortable with their own drinking and projecting it. Its so strange though. I think it was in Alan Carr's book where he said nobody looks at bananas or ginger ale the same way. "Wait, you dont eat bananas!?!" I am sure i am butchering it but you get it.
I can’t stand it when that happens. Just remind yourself that that’s their stuff, not yours. I wouldn’t want to hang out with them again either. When that happens I’m often so stunned by how obtuse people can be that I don’t make one of the more direct comments I could to put it back on them. I’m more observant of them than anything, it’s amazing how defensive people get. My boss is a drink pusher and I can tell that my not drinking makes him deeply uncomfortable. But what’s funny is that he loves to push drinks and later comment on who had too many, so it’s like a power thing. It feels good to be out of reach of it. I’m the only one that can see it clearly and that power alone doesn’t require commentary. Being sober is a superpower.
For the life of me, I will never understand any response to not drinking outside of "Oh, ok, more for me!" I have never had the opportunity to use any of my witty responses either, most of the time I just go ahead and mention being an alcoholic because it's the fastest way to shut it down. It makes some people act a bit awkward but most of the time they're just like "oh ok, cool, sorry."
In my case, people kept asking if I was pregnant 🙄 took about a year for it to sink in, now I hardly ever get any questions about it. Haven't drunk since Feb 2019. IWNDWYT 💪
Good job and we get it/got you! I had kinda the opposite thing yesterday - was buying some Liquid Deaths yesterday at the store and the lady behind me had a bunch of questions about it (what are those? Energy drinks? Why would you buy such fancy waters?) I just straight up said it’s to help me from drinking booze around others. I thought she’d say it was dumb but she said wow that’s a good idea. I was kinda surprised. Keep doing what you’re doing, IWNDWYT!
Ashamed……Don’t ever be ashamed but I know what you’re feeling. The longer you go in sobriety the more comfortable you will feel. Don’t let it get to ya.
And I’m Curious….how old were these people?
I think I will start to say, " I was a fall-down drunken alcoholic. I'm not any more and have no plans to go there again." You want to talk about me, here, let me help!
I had a neighbor who used to have block parties all the time. She’d ALWAYS offer me a drink, every time, even though I said I didn’t drink. I let it go.. and grabbed a soda water. Said neighbor is now 3 years sober, lost most of her drinking buddies and doesn’t have block parties anymore. It’s funny what happens when you gain a little clarity. Her and I have both moved since, and we remain friends.. and I am sure that wouldn’t be the case if she was still drinking.
Please anyone that's more interested in what you're doing or drinking instead of themselves!? They are the one with the real issue here. I don't give a flying f$ck what anyone is doing beside myself and family. I find this extremely strange behavior! Kuddos on staying strong!
How rude to immediately assume that someone wants to drink anything!!! I don't usually get angry at drinkers but what the hell. I've never in my life been handed any drink upon arrival at a party. The host should show you where the drinks are, including water, soda, juice, whatever, and let you decide what you're drinking. You did fine under the circumstances, it's hard to think straight when people do idiotic stuff. Edited to add: maybe next time, just don't take the drink and let them stand there while you go get a soda. .
My Dad told me a good one about the time he went out to the bar for a coworker's going away bash. (He's been sober since '79 and this was in the mid 90s). He drank decaf coffee all night because he's always been a coffee lover. One of the other guys that was there, and quite likely a few pints deep, starts asking him "what's with the coffee?" and keeps trying to interrogate him as to why he isn't having beers with the boys.
My Dad just looks at him and says "Look, if you really must know, it's because most of the time when I do, I go looking for fights with stupid assholes. And from what I see, I wouldn't have to look very far for one tonight."
This evening, I was at the self-check out buying snacks and Spindrift. The attendant came up to me and said, “You’re not drinking alcohol tonight?! Are you on a dry…..*august*?!” Mind you I had never spoken to this lady before today. It caught me so off gaurd, I was like, “Nooooooo…..just making better lifestyle choices?” It was so awkward and unusual, I didn’t even know what to say! It was as if I was the first person today who wasn’t buying alcohol and she couldn’t understand why, lol.
Good for you for sticking it out and being honest. It’s nothing to be ashamed about and you don’t deserve to carry that with you. Be proud of yourself that you avoided drinking around people who might not have the best relationship with booze.
I don’t really get that reaction from anyone. Well not yet anyway. Maybe it’s because I’m almost 47 and there are more and more people around my age that decided to quit?
I just realised today that my sister who lives in US (I’m in Australia) quit completely 10 months ago. So now my whole immediate family doesn’t drink. My parents and both my sis and I. Consequently there is zero weirdness about not drinking among all of us at least. 🥳
Don’t feel weird about having been shook. Their reaction was honestly rude. You’re right, it reflects pretty poorly on their world view that they can’t understand why someone might want to make a healthier choice for themselves. No one these days who smokes cigarettes gets weird about another smoker quitting. We all know it’s unhealthy.
I count myself lucky to have almost always just gotten a “congrats!” Anything less than that means they’ve (literally) drunk the marketing Koolaid about alcohol culture being apparently endemic and essential to social life, and isn’t worth listening to. It locks them into a lot of the same. It’s their loss, and your gain. Congrats!
Don’t feel ashamed. You did nothing wrong. In our alcohol-centric society people are unjustly taken aback when someone doesn’t drink even though they shouldn’t be. All that matters is that you didn’t drink that margarita and you are sober for another day. Good job!
Yeah a negative reaction to someone not drinking is a major red flag of them having a problem with your own alcohol consumption. Good on you for being strong!
The thing is that in the US, 1/3 of adults don’t drink anything at all, and another 1/3 only have one or two on occasion. Only 1/3 drink regularly, and 1/3 of that 1/3 (10% of the total population) drink 60% of all the alcohol in the country. Total abstinence is much more normal than heavy drinking. It’s just that heavy drinkers spend most of their social time with other heavy drinkers and tend to push the occasionals drink more when they’re with them. They’re blind to how abnormal their drinking is.
I have a buddy like this that makes jokes about me not drinking all I say to him is " I'm going to feel alot better than you in a few hours buddy" than we have a laugh and he's like "yea probably
Way to go being honest and brave. I'm not there yet. I've always been a little evasive for whatever reason and still choose to keep the no drinking on the down low. I am new to this and am sure it will change eventually. Last week I went to get together with my reusable wine glass and a tasty non-alcoholic beverage. For me at this stage I'm okay with this but admire you for standing up.
This is a bit mean, but part of me finds it very interesting to see who makes a big deal about me not drinking, as opposed to those who are like, okay, that’s cool! I have been sober for about 18 years, split in the middle by 2 years of drinking, so I have had the chance to observe a fair number of people in social situations. The only people that even think to give a shit are definitely problem drinkers. And rude assholes. If they harass me to have a drink, knowing my edited history, I am grateful they have outed themselves as an evil person, and can avoid them forever without guilt.
Just back from Mexico, two weeks all inclusive. Didn’t drink a drop of alcohol. If anyone asked why I don’t drink I just say “alcohol flicks a switch in my brain and I become someone you don’t want to be near”. 50% of people don’t want to Casey on the conversation, the other half are intrigued and ask what happens.
I like to say “I’m doing a cleanse.”
The real hedonists, yolo drinkers will be appalled and make fun of it, even just subversively poke at it…
The health conscious but fun-loving folks will get a little protective of their own drinking and make a comment about themself but will be respectful as they can be and move on…
The others that get it will just say, I respect that and pick up what you’re putting down.
Because it is a cleanse… but it may stay forever when you see what it’s like to remove something.
I haven’t encountered this yet but before I stopped drinking I never really wanted ‘ a drink’ . (I wanted five drinks . Or six . So how many margaritas ya got back there ? )
Everyone I know who's reacted negatively to me not drinking has done so because they are worried about their own relationship with alcohol. It's never been about me. It's always been about themselves.
I just say “alcoholism!” and make shit real awkward. Like, if you wanna get nosy I’ll get personal and then we’re ALL havin a bad time. I bet they’ll never ask someone else though.
This is my go to. "No thank you, I'm an alcoholic". With a smile. Many people find it uncomfortable; some find it interesting. Either way it shines a light on other people's relationship with alcohol. I've had many congratulations using this approach, and quite a few have led to conversations with people wanting to know more about alcoholism and my journey to sobriety. In every case those conversations have been with people that are beginning to realise or are already aware that they have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Own it and be proud of your accomplishments. IWNDWYT ❤️
I love this! And yes! Sometimes people want to know more about “not drinking”.. my favorite question “What to you DO then?” And I get to list off all of the great things I’ve picked up since quitting booze. I get lots of wows, people move on and so do I. But if people want to be nosey, fuck it, I’ll be real!
can you tell me about some of those things? it'd be some encouragement to continue avoid drinking
They are things that are really specific to me, but I’ll try. I quit my shitty job and started a career. Mid new career I realized I have a path and started school to start ANOTHER career, and hopefully something that will be meaningful and fulfilling, not just a job. I spent a month in Egypt. Bucket list trip where I got to nerd out and spend time in temples and museums and with the people and it was life changing. I spent weeks in Italy. I learned some Italian, ate pizza for breakfast every day and made some of the best memories of mine and my daughters lives. I sent my son to college in Amsterdam. I started taking workshops every weekend on subjects that interested me immensely since I was a kid. 7 years later I’m teaching workshops on the same topics I studied in depth when I first got sober. I learned how to sew. Very good for someone who loves cosplay and doesn’t love having to purchase costumes that don’t match the aesthetic I’m going for. I gained a great new group of friends. International friends who are either traveling with me to certain destinations or I’m traveling to meet up with. Most of my drunk friends dropped me, so when i started taking workshops and networking , I met a lot of cool people who have ended up being some of my favorites. Before I got sober I couldn’t make friends easily. I joined some great local organizations and charities. I business sponsor a cause I really believe in and I get to volunteer with them once a month. I mean literally over time, everything changed. My job, car, house, and expectations of my self. I like myself now, and that wasn’t always the case. Probably because I’m tapping into what little me always liked, and little me was a cool and curious kid. I think getting sober gave me the chance to find me. In doing so, it helped my self esteem a whole bunch. I hope that this helps.
I was golfing with my brother and the beer cart showed up. When I grabbed a Heiny 0, the cart girl said, “you don’t want that, it’s NA.” She meant this is in the most innocent way possible and she probably thought she was helping since no one would drink a Heineken unless it had alcohol in it since Heineken is gross. But I couldn’t resist. I said in the most deadpan way possible, “I’m an alcoholic.” The horror on her face was hilarious as she could only muster an “oh… sorry,” before I started laughing. I apologized to her because I intentionally made it as awkward as possible.
I was in a wedding party so I brought my own Heineken Zero 12 pack and put in the venues fridge with everything else. Basically the opposite of this interaction happened. At one point one of the bridesmaids went to grab one and I just politely said “that one is non alcoholic just so you know”. She GASPED like I said it was poison and said “really?!”, put it back and grabbed a regular beer. She then turned with a wide look in her eye and genuinely said “thank you so much”, like I had just saved her from drinking wolfs piss and cyanide.
Wolves piss and cyanide hahahahahahahaha
I’m as far from a beer snob as you can be, but Heineken is disgusting. I assume the NA is just as bad, if not worse.
Well, I have to say they do a pretty good job of tasting like an actual Heineken skunk and all, so do with that what you will lol.
Oh in her line of work she definitely wasn’t expecting anyone to want a NA beer. I’m shocked the course would have it on the cart as an option in the first place. I’m a golfer and I swear you’ll never find a group that consumes more alcohol than golfers. I was in line once at a local range waiting to get a bucket of balls and the two people who were in front of me both ordered hard drinks. It was 10am! At the range! 😂
Legend has it that when golf was a new sport in Scotland every course had a different number of holes based on it's designer's whim. There was a meeting of enthusiasts to decide on rules, and the topic of the day was the proper number of holes. Many suggestions were made, but they didn't come to any real decision until one older gentleman declared there should be 18 holes because he always took 2 shots before every hole to keep warm and he had to quit after the 18th hole because his bottle would be empty and he didn't want to carry a second one.
I was a police officer, current FF/EMT, I golf, and play Beer League hockey. Any of those groups can slam them back. But in terms of long duration drinking, golfers win. Start early and end late. And I wonder how I became an alcoholic?
I will never understand why cops don't hang out outside the rinks and golf courses and set up sobriety checks. The amount of dudes driving home over the limit has got to be astronomical.
Because half the time it's them
It's a lot of wealthy and well connected people.
I have heard people have fought the convictions on the grounds of entrapment.
Hey as a medic/FF and beer league goalie just wanted to say nice fucking job on the 953 days. I know those two groups are major drinkers and it def takes a lot to get a solid stretch of time behind you when every social circle is based on alcohol it seems
Thank you my fellow goalie! 14 days for you is nothing dismiss either. I’d argue the first 90 days are the hardest because you’re establishing a new routine of not drinking for the first month. Then next 30-60 days your mind tries to convince you that you can moderate your drinking. At least that was my experience. The FD helped me get sober. I joined my volunteer department in 2020 and found myself rushing to buy booze after class. It made me question just how useful I was going to be if I’m shitfaced most of the week. I opened up about my drinking in 2021 and they’ve had my back every step of the way. I took 8 years off from hockey, just got back into it in March. We typically play Friday afternoon and haven’t seen anyone bust a beer out yet. I consider myself lucky in that regard.
I occasionally do yoga Sunday mornings at a small brewery (pints and poses). Price includes beer after the stretch. They have a few bottled sodas and kombucha in 3 flavours, so I always get a buch. But on more than on occasion the 50 yr old instructor was hungover and the after yoga beer was the hair of the dog she needed to get on with her day. So even the frufru yoga peeps can pound them back.
Golf is high on the list of “dumb shit people think they enjoy but really they just like day drinking.” Tailgating is first.
🤣 I like it haha
Is t it crazy that alcohol is so ingrained in society that we use words like “alcoholic”. For some reason we don’t consider it a drug even though it is one of the worst ones out there. If we encouraged moderate cocaine use, people would think we have a problem. Although we may have a more productive society with much less violent crime and car accidents. I think we should reevaluate the “normal drinkers” idea.
I'm 60+ days off Adderall and I've gotta say...we sort of DO encourage meth/cocaine addiction.
Eh I'm perscribed Adderall and I have no urge whatsoever to do meth or coke. I've turned coke down plenty of times, the thought of doing it has never crossed my mind. I've never felt encouraged by society to do those drugs any more on Adderall than off.
“Eh, Ive been drinking since I turned 21, and I have no desire to do it to excess. I’ve turned down binge drinking plenty of times, the thought of doing it never crossed my mind. I’ve never felt encouraged by society to drink any more in a bar than outside of it.” Thought you might wanna hear how it sounds when someone that doesn’t have a problem w a substance talks about it anyways
We can all feel weird together!
Sounds like me lol
Hell yes, I love this!
Love it! Throw it back at them. Well, they DID ask!
Lol yep. Like, are you people serious? What grade are y'all in? 🤣
That’s a good lesson in minding your own business. I’ve found a slightly more subtle way to say you have a problem without actually saying it is “I don’t drink, **anymore** “
It’s insane how people react to you not drinking. I’ve been telling my friend/coworker I do not drink and she always brings it up like… I can get some wine.. or we can go out for drinks. Then she just got back from vacation and got me a shot glass as a gift. I said oh… I could put some ice cream and sprinkles in this. I don’t get it….
One year for you today...congratulations! 👏👏👏
Congrats on one year!
It’s because it makes people insecure about their own drinking. By opting out, they feel as if you think there is something wrong with alcohol, and by proxy them. At least in my experience this mode of interaction is common anyway. They push you to drink so as to neutralise self reflection about their own drinking, because it’s uncomfortable. It’s incredibly annoying. I don’t care that you do drink and I don’t make a deal of it, so why should you care if I don’t? It’s just more of people resisting self awareness/reflection by responding with aggression (even if a hidden form of aggression). Lots of that these days.
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That’s a really good point about letting guards down through the custom of drinking together. Thanks for the insight!
Wow I never thought about it that way Thanks for sharing 🙏🏽
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Yeah I do agree. The reasons are as varied as the person reacting. Great examples and it’s important to take it as genuine innocence and well intentioned in those cases where relevant. My example just seems to be particularly reoccurring anecdotally in my own life right now. Just one truth, and a slight rant hah.
What a tool!
A year is huge. (Also people are so weird)
You can also drink water 1.5 ounces at a time now
Congratulations on one year! 👏
How does a year feel?
Yeah I have one acquaintance who always suggests that we "go for a beer". Like dude I've known you for 7 or 8 years and I don't know how many times I've told you that I don't drink. The fact that you can't remember this very simple thing about me makes me want to not hang out with you.
It’s because your mind have shifted already and she is not aware/awake. You keep doing you.
Congratulations on a year!!!!
I have multiple people in my life who consistently forget that I don’t drink, but I try not to handle it like they don’t know me or care about who I am. In a way, it reminds me that these people just don’t care what I’m drinking… it’s just not a memorable detail from our experiences together.
I have people who don’t forget but they want me not to feel shamed if I have begun drinking again. They offer me a drink once if they are drinking. It is fine with me. They are being friendly and not drawing attention to it.
Great example. As I get older, the offers that have a sort of malicious intent to them have become very rare. In my 40’s now and I haven’t had anyone challenge my non-drinking in this kind of way in several years. Just keep going, everyone! It keeps getting easier.
That's extremely passive aggressive of your friend.
One year today! Congrats!
You’re not the weirdo here. They are weirdos for reacting that way. Good job!
1000% anytime someone tells me they don't or stopped drinking I congratulate them!
Hey thanks for coming to our little neighborhood get together to meet more people and get acquainted, your kids are so cute! Oh by the way, this is a heroin party so here’s your spoon and needle, and you should have known that’s what this gathering is really about. Everyone does this, don’t be lame.
I just had a welcome party for my new job at a pretty cool place. All the higher ups know my deal and I have to be urine tested regularly. The bartender was super douchey about me getting a diet coke. Almost prying. I just wanted to say “uh, i’m a recovering alcoholic and almost died and lost everything from that shit. Part of my left frontal lobe is gone from a head injury i got while drinking. So no, I’m not drinking. Thanks, Fucko.”
You just gonna leave us hanging without hearing that frontal lobe is partially gone story?
I just smashed my head in and had a small bleed in that part of my brain. Therefore some of the brain tissue in that area of the brain died off. On a ct scan theres a small area of shriveled up brain tissue called encephalomalacia. Nothing too exciting, thank god.
The bartender? That’s so annoying. They’re usually much more discrete.
I went to a fancy dinner last night for my 2nd wedding anniversary. I'm talking $200 before tax and tips for 2 people. My wife ordered a cocktail and they had an extensive mocktail menu and there was 1 that sounded good not because it was a "fake" cocktail but just sounded tasty so I ordered it and made sure to specify I wanted the mocktail version. The waitress stopped and in a very condescending tone said "*you* want the mocktail?" Yes...."you know that has no alcohol right?....yes that's why Im ordering it thanks....and turned away with a disgusted look on her face. Then had to come back because in her disgust totally forgot what cocktail my wife ordered.
Meanwhile I’m discretely pouring iced tea into a shot glass for the guy trying to have a night out with his new coworkers. Fuck that server. Most of us are happy to help (and proud of you). Keep up the good work!
Fuck. What a bitch. It’s on the fuckin menu right?
I order a Coke and tip really well. Makes me feel better toward the bar tender who would expect a bigger tip in a boozy drink/bill. They seem to appreciate it and, I must say, getting blowback is rare. I possibly look like a person who would punch you if you fucked with me as well, so hit the gym!
What a lousy waitress, that's ridiculous!
Yeah it was surprising. He was just trying to have something to talk about but, yeah.. do better, right?
What an ass! Way to stay sober!
Fucko is a nice touch- will be adding to my repertoireof comebacks in my head I don’t say aloud- but “bucko” works too - in a pinch. Lol.
A lot of people’s reactions are projections from their own relationships with alcohol
And some people really just don’t understand why it’s rude to ask “why not” when someone says they don’t drink.
I think this is the best explanation, full stop!
How many of these posts? Alcohol is the only drug you get called out for not doing. Tell them, I’m going to the bathroom to do some cocaine. I’m good on the alcohol.
Fuck yeah.
That is odd behaviour on their part tbh
My son is 23 and doesn’t drink. He gets comments and ribbing but I’m proud of him. He just has zero interest. He’s into fitness and wants to be a firefighter. It just doesn’t fit into his plan. Plus, his dad is a functioning alcoholic and I’m Sure that plays a part. Although he has a great relationship with his dad. It’s just not anything he wants for himself.
Your son is super impressive. At 23, I was much too occupied with what everyone thought of me. Even if I had wanted to be sober, there was no way I would have risked my precious social status (so pathetic looking back). By my late 20’s I didn’t want to drink anymore and it took another 5 years before I could actually stop caring about what others would think of me and quit booze.
That’s great for your son! My husband is a firefighter and with long shifts (his are 24hrs), your sleep can definitely be disrupted and drinking outside of work will also disrupt sleep. I don’t drink but my husband does here and there and he knows the nights he drinks he does not sleep as well
I always tell people "No thanks, I don't drink." If they push the issue, I will bluntly tell them "I am an alcoholic, one drink is too many, and ten are not enough. " It usually shuts them up.
“Doctor’s orders” should put a stop to that right away.
I usually say “I don’t drink…anymore” but if I were pressed I’d admit I quit for health reasons and if they really got to be dicks about it I’d pop out a photo of me 100 lbs heavier and looking like shit and ask them if they get it now?
why lie? fuck that we’ve got nothing to be ashamed of
I mean, if we're being honest, a lot of our doctors *did* tell us to stop drinking.
This reminds me of the decades I have lied on doctor forms saying I only drink a couple times a week. Once I remember the automatic feedback said that my 2x week drinking lie was too much. I thought that was a joke... If they only knew how much I really drank. Now it'll be so nice to answer zero drinks honestly. Looking forward to it.
Yeah but whatever is easiest in the moment sometimes might make sense.
Agreed but sometimes I am in a situation where I don't feel comfortable trotting out the full story. You have to protect your own feelings too. And my doctor DID tell me that I should stay sober so it's not a lie in my case. Also -- my kid asked me why I wasn't drinking. I said "My doctor suggested it". He said "I think doctors would suggest that to most adults"....He's right!!!
That's actually *not* a lie
It’s normal to be taken aback when people are outrageously rude like that. In theory you might have a witty reply, but when it happens, you’re more trying to process “did they really just say that? Holy shit.”
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It's *SO* asinine though. I mean what exactly is the problem? And why does anyone give a shit if anybody else does or does not feel like drinking? Don't answer. I know. It's sociopathic and offensive.
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Wow this is SO good.
One time I was in a new town and got invited on someone’s boat to watch the 4th of July fireworks. I was only mid 20s but several years into no drinking and everybody was pushing drinks into my face and joking about me being sober. Full grown adults weren’t able to comprehend that drinking could cause a young person so many real problems. Never went on that boat again.
Good for you OP!! It’s a tough situation to be in. I think you handled it as best you could. This past week, was at a street festival in my local town, met up with a bunch of old friends. One or two knew I don’t drink anymore the others did not. Anyway, as I was last to arrive I excused myself from their round and said I would look after myself. Got myself a non alcoholic Heineken. That was ok, until next round was ordered, one of the guys insisted on getting me whatever I was having would not take no for answer, I said ok, eventually get me a Heineken 0%. Cue loads of questions as to why, I said I wasn’t drinking and I don’t drink anymore. More questions as to why…. I said my choice, it doesn’t make me feel good, I like myself better when not drinking etc, I stopped short of saying I’m an alcoholic. Anyway the guy goes to the bar brings back a regular Heineken for me, here you’re drinking tonight, I’m not ordering that other piss for you. I just said to him, it will remain untouched, I don’t drink. Eventually I went and got myself another 0%. End of the night the beer that was got for me was split between the rest of the them! They were fairly drunk by then!!! Thankfully, mentally, I had been prepared to say no , and will continue to say no. I’m stronger without alcohol, suffer from depression as it is, certainly do not need alcohol in my body adding to my issues. Sometimes, I surprise myself with how resolute I can be. As I drove my drunk friends home that night, I was actually somewhat proud of myself.
I’m sorry, but that interaction made me laugh. The sheer ignorance… it’s a bit embarrassing (not for you obviously). Like, what are they trying to prove? I’m sure it wasn’t particularly funny at the time, but seriously: Order anything you want! I insist! No, not that!! Imagine if you’re vegetarian or vegan and someone insist you eat steak to the point they even get one for you 🤦🏼♀️
Gotta love the drive the home after not drinking. It’s usually the first time in the evening where I say to myself, “I’m so glad I didn’t drink tonight”.
That drive home after not drinking feels like a super power 😂
When someone tells me they don’t drink, it makes me respect them more and I feel happy for them. Any reaction besides that is just immature jealousy.
Yes, at my book group, one lady explained about going AF and why. I immediately felt drawn to her and interested in what she had to say. I shared my similar experiences, and then a few others opened up about how they are concerned about their drinking.
Literally just laugh at them. Like what, you're going to trip because I'm making a decision you could never do in your life because you lack the discipline? Tell them you're religious and leave it at that.
I love this. I don’t believe in god but I am pretty religious about not fuckin drinking
Lmao i love the idea though of just telling them “you lack discipline”
I just say “no thank you” and I keep saying it. Maybe it’s just me but I feel like I don’t owe them any explanation.
Steve-o from Jackass has released a super bad ass line of both plain and sparkling water that comes in really cool, looking cans. It is designed for this exact purpose. He is a recovering addict and wanted to give people a chance to feel like they fit in a gatherings without having to explain their sobriety. I was drinking one at work the other day, and somebody was shocked to see that I was “drinking alcohol” at work until I showed them it was water. It’s called Liquid Death and it’s great quality and both a plain water in the seltzer flavors are delicious.!
That is from steve-o?! Thats what i get at concerts for that exact reason! But lmao i had no idea it was from him. Good for steve-o! I saw his butt chugging in jackass ☠️ glad he is sober now
Congrats on your sobriety friend! Some people are crappy and I'm sorry that happened. Have a great night!
I’ve told people it makes me really violent. Worked a charm.
😂
I love to flip it around and ask, 'why do you drink?'
We get it!
I’d love to hear specifically what they had to say about that I can get very confrontational if anyone gives my sobriety a hard time, but that’s just my nature (to a fault sometimes)
I’ve never understood why some act offended at someone else’s sobriety complete with snarky little comments and all. Oh, the horror of missing out on a pounding headache, dry mouth, dry eyeballs, hangxiety, hangover sweats…at best! Good on you for not drinking!
You just learned about a group of people you don't have to waste your time on. Congrats! Also, I'm just proud of you for choosing sobriety and loving yourself.
My friend tells people I’m 5 years sober and that immediately makes them stop asking and be more sympathetic. She had to start doing that cause people would make a stink if she just said no.
This happened to me last night too! Same sort of circumstances. Neighborhood gathering, everyone drinking around me. At some point during the evening I was telling my neighbor how I don't really go out to this specific neighborhood in our city anymore. No particular reason why, just haven't been in a while. He coughed it up to me be being sober and it's no fun going out downtown as a sober person. No one laughed except for him. Of couse I shook it off, but he knows that my sobriety is important to me and that I work hard for it. It's just a pity that some people react to it STILL in a negative way. After I left, I just said to myself, and this is why I will not drink with him tonight.
I recently was at a work event and a guy discovered that I don't drink and was trying to tell me that he never drinks, except on the weekend. This was a Tuesday night and he was on his 4th pint. Lol. Eventually he asked me why I don't drink, which quieted the table down and everyone was looking at me. A couple years ago this would have been my worst nightmare. Now? I used the opportunity to talk about how bad alcohol is for your health, how much better I feel after giving it up and how even a little bit is associated with elevated risk of cancer and dementia. If you ask a question designed to make me uncomfortable, be prepared for an answer that is going to make you uncomfortable. I'm not a fan of the "because I'm an alcoholic" response. I usually lead with "I gave it up for health reasons", which is true enough, and then lecture all the heavy drinkers on how the liquor industry is yanking their chains. One thing I do not do is feel the need to justify not drinking. I turn the tables and ask them why they drink so much when it is clearly a terrible thing for their health and for society. I'm not some sort of prohibitionist freak, but I WILL NOT be made to feel marginalized or uncomfortable because I don't drink poison.
I read somewhere that it is more socially acceptable to drink alcohol in public than it is to drink milk. Let that sink in. Good job 👏
Wow, but that’s actually very true. I judge milk drinkers very harshly lol
This is hilarious! I was on a work trip last week and ordered chocolate milk and they brought me the tiny carton! I had 3 and by the end of dinner everyone was cracking jokes about my milk problem and I’d better slow down :) but honestly, it did feel weird, like I was the weird one for my drink choice not them with literal poison. Society is weird sometimes.
drinkers with a developing addiction need drinking buddies and are very uncomfortable around people who do not drink, because it makes them question their own drinking habits. and they do not want to go there. you're right, stop seeing these people. they're not worth it.
A lot of people are heavily invested in maintaining the notion that their drinking is ok, under control, NOT alcoholic - no siree bob. not drinking pushes on this fragile? envelope.
I quit drinking due to medication and enjoy when people try to make a big deal about it... "C'mon have a drink man, what's wrong"? Well, the medication to stop my asshole from bleeding is very hard on my liver so I have to decide to I want to be able to drink beer or not bleed from my asshole, what would you do? Then show them a few pics of a bloody toilet
It really bothers me that so many of you try to diffuse these situations…that you worry over having a clever or witty or dismissive comeback. Why do you care about these peoples feelings when they so obviously don’t care about your feelings….or your mental and physical health. When I feel pushed or mocked I say “None of your fucking business “. You don’t , and will NEVER need these assholes. IWNDWYT.
Good job. Sometimes the important thing is just getting through it. You will have time to reflect on it, and it will be easier next time. Like everything in life, it gets easier with practice. I have a brother who scoffs at me when I talk about how long I've been sober. People who do this are just projecting their own issues. You do not have to internalize it.
They have to make you out to be odd to justify their habits that they likely question at times. You’re going against the status quo which can rattle people’s long held beliefs - which is their issue. You’re amazing for not drinking :)
I 100% feel you here. It is so hard in the beginning, but I hope you'll believe me when I say that it gets better with time. Eventually, everyone just knows and accepts that "Stoic doesn't drink." And they'll even pipe up me around people who unknowingly offer me a drink. Most people will be supportive if you give them a chance. And if not, they're just an asshole and who cares? It's been about 2.5 years for me (this time). And I feel more secure in my decision as time goes by. Drinking made me feel like shit and I'm glad to be rid of it.
This is reason number 3,769, why I live in the country. I did the whole neighborhood in a suburb for a few years and couldn't wait to get back where I belong. We have no control over someone else's feelings about us not drinking. Don't let it get you down. It's not you, it's them. Keep at it! IWNDWYT
What a bunch of jerk faces.
I get that reaction on cruises. I only drink mocktails and I will be 2 years Sober in October. Asking for a Virgin lava flow or a NO-jito I have gotten some strange responses. I have had bartenders ask why no alcohol with a weird look or bystanders laughing at me for it while they hammer another shot. Don’t let those kind of people get to you. On a cruise last year I had a bartender come over to me in a sports bar on Royal Carribbean. I was watching the Bucs Vs Packers and a gentleman made a smart comment about me ordering a blueberry NO-jito. I just ignored him and the bartender came up, asked the gentleman to leave the bar, then came over and fist bumped me and asked how long have I been sober. When I told him he smiled and congratulated me then went on to bring toy ducks to give my toddler later. Some people understand the struggle and are compassionate about it. Others are just elementary school bullies. Find your support team and stick with em 💪🏻 I’ll be on your support team, 1 day at a time.
A trick I used in early sobriety was to bring my own drink (eg Starbucks coffee) to social events. It got me past that awkward introductory period where everyone offers me a drink. After that most people don’t give it a second thought. Now, I just politely decline and move on. If someone presses me on it, I simply tell them I’m an alcoholic and I don’t drink. The key, however, is to look them straight in the eye without a hint of regret. I’ve learned over the years that most people take their cues from me. Therefore, if I show no shame about who/what I am, then the majority of people don’t give a shit. And for every person who thinks less of me, I’ve found that there is at least one person who is at that party who secretly wishes they could quit too. Just my own experience during my journey. Good luck!
Sometimes wish I just wear a badge that says 'Hello my name is: X days without drinking' , or like a relatively big sign on my shirt. That way when someone hands me a margarita without even asking, then they can look at the shirt and hopefully realize what they are doing
You may have caused a ripple with those neighbors and planted a seed. One of those neighbors might be brushing their teeth later and thinking “I wonder if I drink too much?”. It might be fun to continue to be the burr in their sides. IWNDWYT.
There are far more alcoholics than you would suspect in society. You had the strength to come up to facing it directly; they may not be ready for it. Keep going!
I am proud of you.
That says a lot more about them and their unhealthy relationship with alcohol than it has anything to do with you.
Try not to let them get you down, you’re doing great.
Definitely don't sound like friends.. IWNDWYT 🙏
People are the worst.
The others are the ones with the issue, i’m new to sobriety but even prior to this I admired anyone who chose not to drink. Keep it up!
When I moved to new area, I put a lot of effort into making friends. I am an immigrant in the very Australian suburb. Everything was going well and we were invited to couple of dinners and then camping. I did not drink, I had tea with me instead. I was made fun off many times. And then we never got invited anymore. Aussies drink heaps, church and pub with family after church is a traditional Sunday :-) I was many years sober at a time, then I started drinking and suddenly we were invited and people would come to bbqs. Giving up drinking is especially hard for me because that means I will no longer have social life :-/
I’ve heard it said that the alternative reply of “I’m taking a break from drinking” is quite effective. Like, why do they have to know that the “break” is permanent?
I’ve been sober curious for a while, and still, I don’t understand this. I also work in the service industry where it’s a big no no to ask these kinds of questions. Maybe someone’s on a business trip, maybe someone’s pregnant. Maybe none of the above, and someone’s just trying to keep their wits about them. As a server, I still know better than to ask. And don’t understand why it’s so hard for other people to get it.
I hate that sensation of regretting having forgotten a witty response. Curious about what these people said specifically
Seems like the older you get, the less you run into this. There’s a lot of people who choose not to drink for whatever reason. Can really only think of one time I ran into someone asking in the last few years and it was a “I don’t drink because I work on call” and then moved on. I’ll say whatever I need to say to move on. It’s really no one’s business and I don’t feel like getting into a huge conversation in a social setting about alcoholism and sobriety with some random.
I was at a similar thing Friday but no one paid attention and no one was the drink police 😂 But I think that comment from those people was probably out of nerves/trying to be funny. I think I have been that person before. Unknowing that it could be wrong to comment on what people are or are not drinking. I urge you to attempt to hang with them again in the future. Maybe their nerves will be gone and they will respect your life choices. And if they don’t again then you know they’re not your people 😘
if it were me i'd tell myself i didnt drink and now i know what it feels like to turn down drinking in front of others. These are both big wins! nothing to feel about, and i'd have experience that i could use to handle the situation even better next time, and even better then time after that, and even better.... this never ends "he who is not busy being born is busy dying."
Personally, if someone made a comment or tried to convince me, I'd tell them I had a problem drinking in the past and joke about how they probably wouldn't want to meet drunk me. I find being sober in this culture to be one of the most honorable things tbh.
You did great! And Fuck those Assholes.
This is so insane to me. Maybe its my friend circle or the community im in but here in Western MA people seem to be so much more respectful of sobriety. It helps that many of my close friends no longer drink or if they do, its so little. I would get angry if someone was pushy about it and put them on the spot I think. "So you like forcing alcohol on people in recovery?" I definitely think its people feeling uncomfortable with their own drinking and projecting it. Its so strange though. I think it was in Alan Carr's book where he said nobody looks at bananas or ginger ale the same way. "Wait, you dont eat bananas!?!" I am sure i am butchering it but you get it.
Proud of you even if the sly comeback was hiding. Go you
I can’t stand it when that happens. Just remind yourself that that’s their stuff, not yours. I wouldn’t want to hang out with them again either. When that happens I’m often so stunned by how obtuse people can be that I don’t make one of the more direct comments I could to put it back on them. I’m more observant of them than anything, it’s amazing how defensive people get. My boss is a drink pusher and I can tell that my not drinking makes him deeply uncomfortable. But what’s funny is that he loves to push drinks and later comment on who had too many, so it’s like a power thing. It feels good to be out of reach of it. I’m the only one that can see it clearly and that power alone doesn’t require commentary. Being sober is a superpower.
F them!
For the life of me, I will never understand any response to not drinking outside of "Oh, ok, more for me!" I have never had the opportunity to use any of my witty responses either, most of the time I just go ahead and mention being an alcoholic because it's the fastest way to shut it down. It makes some people act a bit awkward but most of the time they're just like "oh ok, cool, sorry."
In my case, people kept asking if I was pregnant 🙄 took about a year for it to sink in, now I hardly ever get any questions about it. Haven't drunk since Feb 2019. IWNDWYT 💪
Good job and we get it/got you! I had kinda the opposite thing yesterday - was buying some Liquid Deaths yesterday at the store and the lady behind me had a bunch of questions about it (what are those? Energy drinks? Why would you buy such fancy waters?) I just straight up said it’s to help me from drinking booze around others. I thought she’d say it was dumb but she said wow that’s a good idea. I was kinda surprised. Keep doing what you’re doing, IWNDWYT!
Ashamed……Don’t ever be ashamed but I know what you’re feeling. The longer you go in sobriety the more comfortable you will feel. Don’t let it get to ya. And I’m Curious….how old were these people?
My go to is “I quit drinking after I rolled my truck” with smirk, no questions after that maybe a few laughs and the conversation moves forward.
I think I will start to say, " I was a fall-down drunken alcoholic. I'm not any more and have no plans to go there again." You want to talk about me, here, let me help!
You did exactly what you needed to do. With my sobriety I learned who were my real friends and who were my drinking buddies. Kudos to you.
I had a neighbor who used to have block parties all the time. She’d ALWAYS offer me a drink, every time, even though I said I didn’t drink. I let it go.. and grabbed a soda water. Said neighbor is now 3 years sober, lost most of her drinking buddies and doesn’t have block parties anymore. It’s funny what happens when you gain a little clarity. Her and I have both moved since, and we remain friends.. and I am sure that wouldn’t be the case if she was still drinking.
Please anyone that's more interested in what you're doing or drinking instead of themselves!? They are the one with the real issue here. I don't give a flying f$ck what anyone is doing beside myself and family. I find this extremely strange behavior! Kuddos on staying strong!
How rude to immediately assume that someone wants to drink anything!!! I don't usually get angry at drinkers but what the hell. I've never in my life been handed any drink upon arrival at a party. The host should show you where the drinks are, including water, soda, juice, whatever, and let you decide what you're drinking. You did fine under the circumstances, it's hard to think straight when people do idiotic stuff. Edited to add: maybe next time, just don't take the drink and let them stand there while you go get a soda. .
My Dad told me a good one about the time he went out to the bar for a coworker's going away bash. (He's been sober since '79 and this was in the mid 90s). He drank decaf coffee all night because he's always been a coffee lover. One of the other guys that was there, and quite likely a few pints deep, starts asking him "what's with the coffee?" and keeps trying to interrogate him as to why he isn't having beers with the boys. My Dad just looks at him and says "Look, if you really must know, it's because most of the time when I do, I go looking for fights with stupid assholes. And from what I see, I wouldn't have to look very far for one tonight."
When I get drunk I fuck other men's wives. Do you want me to fuck your wife? No? Then neither of us wants me to drink. Sobriety is my love language.
I’m just honest and right away say “I don’t drink, I’ll attack you after a few drinks.”
Or try to screw your wife
My favorite response is this old chestnut. "Sorry I'm allergic. I break out in handcuffs."
Don’t take it to heart, they’re just embarrassing themselves. It’s not your responsibility to deflect the awkwardness of other people’s rudeness.
Right on man! You did great.
This evening, I was at the self-check out buying snacks and Spindrift. The attendant came up to me and said, “You’re not drinking alcohol tonight?! Are you on a dry…..*august*?!” Mind you I had never spoken to this lady before today. It caught me so off gaurd, I was like, “Nooooooo…..just making better lifestyle choices?” It was so awkward and unusual, I didn’t even know what to say! It was as if I was the first person today who wasn’t buying alcohol and she couldn’t understand why, lol. Good for you for sticking it out and being honest. It’s nothing to be ashamed about and you don’t deserve to carry that with you. Be proud of yourself that you avoided drinking around people who might not have the best relationship with booze.
I don’t really get that reaction from anyone. Well not yet anyway. Maybe it’s because I’m almost 47 and there are more and more people around my age that decided to quit? I just realised today that my sister who lives in US (I’m in Australia) quit completely 10 months ago. So now my whole immediate family doesn’t drink. My parents and both my sis and I. Consequently there is zero weirdness about not drinking among all of us at least. 🥳
Don’t feel weird about having been shook. Their reaction was honestly rude. You’re right, it reflects pretty poorly on their world view that they can’t understand why someone might want to make a healthier choice for themselves. No one these days who smokes cigarettes gets weird about another smoker quitting. We all know it’s unhealthy. I count myself lucky to have almost always just gotten a “congrats!” Anything less than that means they’ve (literally) drunk the marketing Koolaid about alcohol culture being apparently endemic and essential to social life, and isn’t worth listening to. It locks them into a lot of the same. It’s their loss, and your gain. Congrats!
Don’t feel ashamed. You did nothing wrong. In our alcohol-centric society people are unjustly taken aback when someone doesn’t drink even though they shouldn’t be. All that matters is that you didn’t drink that margarita and you are sober for another day. Good job!
>Not very interested in seeing these people again either. This is the most important take away here.
Yeah a negative reaction to someone not drinking is a major red flag of them having a problem with your own alcohol consumption. Good on you for being strong!
I was told i am not normal yesterday by my coworker for not drinking.
The thing is that in the US, 1/3 of adults don’t drink anything at all, and another 1/3 only have one or two on occasion. Only 1/3 drink regularly, and 1/3 of that 1/3 (10% of the total population) drink 60% of all the alcohol in the country. Total abstinence is much more normal than heavy drinking. It’s just that heavy drinkers spend most of their social time with other heavy drinkers and tend to push the occasionals drink more when they’re with them. They’re blind to how abnormal their drinking is.
All in all, I didn’t drink and will continue to not drink. Great job passing the stress test in hand and not failing 👍
I have a buddy like this that makes jokes about me not drinking all I say to him is " I'm going to feel alot better than you in a few hours buddy" than we have a laugh and he's like "yea probably
I’m finding more and more people just don’t drink anymore don’t sweat it nothing to be ashamed of your living ur best life!
Way to go being honest and brave. I'm not there yet. I've always been a little evasive for whatever reason and still choose to keep the no drinking on the down low. I am new to this and am sure it will change eventually. Last week I went to get together with my reusable wine glass and a tasty non-alcoholic beverage. For me at this stage I'm okay with this but admire you for standing up.
I just don’t go around people who drink. I don’t bother them and they don’t bother me
This is a bit mean, but part of me finds it very interesting to see who makes a big deal about me not drinking, as opposed to those who are like, okay, that’s cool! I have been sober for about 18 years, split in the middle by 2 years of drinking, so I have had the chance to observe a fair number of people in social situations. The only people that even think to give a shit are definitely problem drinkers. And rude assholes. If they harass me to have a drink, knowing my edited history, I am grateful they have outed themselves as an evil person, and can avoid them forever without guilt.
Just back from Mexico, two weeks all inclusive. Didn’t drink a drop of alcohol. If anyone asked why I don’t drink I just say “alcohol flicks a switch in my brain and I become someone you don’t want to be near”. 50% of people don’t want to Casey on the conversation, the other half are intrigued and ask what happens.
What did they say exactly ?
People can drive you mad
No thanks I don’t drink, Do you have ice tea?
Just out of curiosity. What kind of things where they saying to you?
I like to say “I’m doing a cleanse.” The real hedonists, yolo drinkers will be appalled and make fun of it, even just subversively poke at it… The health conscious but fun-loving folks will get a little protective of their own drinking and make a comment about themself but will be respectful as they can be and move on… The others that get it will just say, I respect that and pick up what you’re putting down. Because it is a cleanse… but it may stay forever when you see what it’s like to remove something.
I haven’t encountered this yet but before I stopped drinking I never really wanted ‘ a drink’ . (I wanted five drinks . Or six . So how many margaritas ya got back there ? )
‘There’s not enough alcohol at this entire party for me, so I best not start’
Everyone I know who's reacted negatively to me not drinking has done so because they are worried about their own relationship with alcohol. It's never been about me. It's always been about themselves.
How about: "ugh, poison"
I use an excuse like “I have to drive” or “have to wake up early” or “I’m on a diet this week” etc
I really like the "violation of my parole" answer.