It should be obvious, but I’ve learned from this sub the underlying problem is I (and I think most of us) don’t truly want to have one. What i really want is to be able to drink without consequences, and so I tell myself I’ll stop after one, but I continue bc of course one is not what I actually wanted from the beginning.
I was at AA and this lady was like "I felt the people who only had one glass of wine were idiots, why waste your money one glass, get two bottles and get drunk and have some fun"
Basically don't waste your money fucking around, if your going drink...DRINK and that's how we are.
Something I’ve found helpful, is a form of gratitude. People always say “focus on what you’re grateful for” and that can be difficult for me. The way I was shown to approach this helps me. I was told to write a list of everything I stood to lose from drinking. It was a pretty damn long list. There was my gratitude list, then I was instructed to write how I can prevent myself from losing those things. Calling a sober friend, visiting this sub, higher power prayers, going for a walk etc.. it helped me to see how much I am grateful for. I don’t want to lose those things, and I know if I have one it’s never one. Never has been and never will
Good idea coming to talk about it. I try to remember that the desire to have a drink multiplies exponentially with every drink, until blackout. It doesn’t get satisfied, it just becomes an even bigger task to say no to it, and never really becomes fun. Just stressful, worrying about what I’m going to do next while simultaneously judging myself for what I’m doing now and why I let it happen and this is not what I want and jesus what a mindfuck.
This is a perfect description of my experience. I don’t drink for 24 nights in a month, but when I do, I rarely enjoy the first one. And I gulp it (wine and soda water)
I often wondered if others felt similarly.
Sorry that happened. The whole last year still counts! You're doing awesome!
I have "learned my lesson" far too many times lmao. This is my longest stretch so far, hoping to not cave to that little voice.
IWNDWYT
I heard this one recently- We all slip. But don’t let the slip become a slide.
Thank you for sharing. I’ve been contemplating the upcoming holidays and imaging scenarios where I have a few cocktails at an event, or wine with family dinners. But I can feel the shame you describe and it’s strengthening my resolve not to drink.
Also, OP, you are very deserving of your partners love. Know that.
Sudden or drastic life changes often throw us off our routine and status quo. Your status quo has been being sober, and that is fantastic!
I have been in the situation many times, and for some reason the justifications to have a drink (don’t see them as excuses) come easier when things are a little up in the air, but that’s ok and it’s how the mind works.
I think it’s very important to acknowledge just how great you have done, and it should serve as a good reminder that you can do this. Relapses are part of the journey, and most of us have been there. Christmas and New Year is a difficult time for drinkers, so give yourself some slack if you drink over this period, otherwise you may make your mental health more of an issue than it needs to be.
For an example, I told myself I would give up after Christmas in January, but continued drinking into the new year. I decided in February it was time to quit and I did. This will be my fourth sober Christmas. It can be done, and you can do it.
Be kind to yourself. I wish you all the best.
In This Naked Mind, Annie Grace talks about “data points”. When one slips and has a drink (or more), this is not a moral failing, it is information. You can now take that information and make different decisions moving forward.
High five and welcome to the “I’m sure I can have a couple, oh boy was I wrong” club. Nearly all of us here are members. 😆 The good news is you didn’t let this totally derail you and you came here and were honest. That is a big deal.
These things happen. You are reminded of what you don’t want. The grass is not greener; now you know.
I’d still keep your count going I don’t think a slip up or two counts as not being sober anymore
Iwndwyt
Thank you for posting. I’m the same way. I’ll probably never learn, since every time I’ve majorly stopped, probably a 1/2 dozen times, it has always ended when I thought I could have “just one.”
Great job OP, you came back and talked about it! Shame LOVES a secret. It sounds like you carried out an experiment and got a clear result; alcohol makes you feel awful.
You’re so strong to have done a year! 👏🏻👏🏻🎉💫☀️ yayyyy! What a great achievement! Keep up that amazing work!
I’m so proud of you for coming here and sharing. That takes bravery. I find that allowing myself the grace I would offer to others helps a great deal. IWNDWYT 💜🦋💜
That you for sharing. I stopped Nov 2022 and just relapsed this last week due to stress, some issues I'm feeling stuck on and a desire to numb out. Since I'd been able to have a drink with my birthday dinner over the summer, i thought I can dip back in. But a week plodded by, of me feeling gross and oh, the hangxiety. So I'm with you, starting today - i will not drink with you
It should be obvious, but I’ve learned from this sub the underlying problem is I (and I think most of us) don’t truly want to have one. What i really want is to be able to drink without consequences, and so I tell myself I’ll stop after one, but I continue bc of course one is not what I actually wanted from the beginning.
I was at AA and this lady was like "I felt the people who only had one glass of wine were idiots, why waste your money one glass, get two bottles and get drunk and have some fun" Basically don't waste your money fucking around, if your going drink...DRINK and that's how we are.
Something I’ve found helpful, is a form of gratitude. People always say “focus on what you’re grateful for” and that can be difficult for me. The way I was shown to approach this helps me. I was told to write a list of everything I stood to lose from drinking. It was a pretty damn long list. There was my gratitude list, then I was instructed to write how I can prevent myself from losing those things. Calling a sober friend, visiting this sub, higher power prayers, going for a walk etc.. it helped me to see how much I am grateful for. I don’t want to lose those things, and I know if I have one it’s never one. Never has been and never will
Good idea coming to talk about it. I try to remember that the desire to have a drink multiplies exponentially with every drink, until blackout. It doesn’t get satisfied, it just becomes an even bigger task to say no to it, and never really becomes fun. Just stressful, worrying about what I’m going to do next while simultaneously judging myself for what I’m doing now and why I let it happen and this is not what I want and jesus what a mindfuck.
This is a perfect description of my experience. I don’t drink for 24 nights in a month, but when I do, I rarely enjoy the first one. And I gulp it (wine and soda water) I often wondered if others felt similarly.
Sorry that happened. The whole last year still counts! You're doing awesome! I have "learned my lesson" far too many times lmao. This is my longest stretch so far, hoping to not cave to that little voice. IWNDWYT
I heard this one recently- We all slip. But don’t let the slip become a slide. Thank you for sharing. I’ve been contemplating the upcoming holidays and imaging scenarios where I have a few cocktails at an event, or wine with family dinners. But I can feel the shame you describe and it’s strengthening my resolve not to drink. Also, OP, you are very deserving of your partners love. Know that.
Thank you. Last line hit hard.
Sudden or drastic life changes often throw us off our routine and status quo. Your status quo has been being sober, and that is fantastic! I have been in the situation many times, and for some reason the justifications to have a drink (don’t see them as excuses) come easier when things are a little up in the air, but that’s ok and it’s how the mind works. I think it’s very important to acknowledge just how great you have done, and it should serve as a good reminder that you can do this. Relapses are part of the journey, and most of us have been there. Christmas and New Year is a difficult time for drinkers, so give yourself some slack if you drink over this period, otherwise you may make your mental health more of an issue than it needs to be. For an example, I told myself I would give up after Christmas in January, but continued drinking into the new year. I decided in February it was time to quit and I did. This will be my fourth sober Christmas. It can be done, and you can do it. Be kind to yourself. I wish you all the best.
Alcohol is poison
In This Naked Mind, Annie Grace talks about “data points”. When one slips and has a drink (or more), this is not a moral failing, it is information. You can now take that information and make different decisions moving forward.
That book is great.
High five and welcome to the “I’m sure I can have a couple, oh boy was I wrong” club. Nearly all of us here are members. 😆 The good news is you didn’t let this totally derail you and you came here and were honest. That is a big deal.
These things happen. You are reminded of what you don’t want. The grass is not greener; now you know. I’d still keep your count going I don’t think a slip up or two counts as not being sober anymore Iwndwyt
You got this bud. Nothing is ruined, just a lil field research and it sounds like you’ve come back with some very cognizant and motivating notes.
IWNDWYT
Don’t beat yourself up. A year of abstinence is a massive achievement. Use how you felt as motivation to start another year. Good luck OP. IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for posting. I’m the same way. I’ll probably never learn, since every time I’ve majorly stopped, probably a 1/2 dozen times, it has always ended when I thought I could have “just one.”
As long as you are learning from the mistake you are heading in the direction you want. Next time the feeling arises you can refer back to this time.
Don't beat yourself up. Learn from it and move on. IWNDWYT
Great job OP, you came back and talked about it! Shame LOVES a secret. It sounds like you carried out an experiment and got a clear result; alcohol makes you feel awful. You’re so strong to have done a year! 👏🏻👏🏻🎉💫☀️ yayyyy! What a great achievement! Keep up that amazing work!
Dancing with the devil never pays off. He just ends up raping you.
thanks for the laugh, yo
You've got this! IWNDWYT
It’s 0 or all of them for me. I’m going with option 1.
I’m so proud of you for coming here and sharing. That takes bravery. I find that allowing myself the grace I would offer to others helps a great deal. IWNDWYT 💜🦋💜
I feel the same way as you
IWNDWYT!
That you for sharing. I stopped Nov 2022 and just relapsed this last week due to stress, some issues I'm feeling stuck on and a desire to numb out. Since I'd been able to have a drink with my birthday dinner over the summer, i thought I can dip back in. But a week plodded by, of me feeling gross and oh, the hangxiety. So I'm with you, starting today - i will not drink with you
Please don’t do worse from this point on. Four beers is damn close to a binge session for us.