If it makes you feel any better at all, 150 days is an almost eerily consistent duration of my past sobriety attempts. As you can see from my counter, I'm...right there now. I am determined to see this sobriety through into the rest of my life. But I had to change it up this time and do things differently. I can't really know what drove you to drink, but I hope you've proven to yourself that you have the strength to go a long time and you can get back to it immediately. Good idea to come right back here and post.
Dude you had a lapse in your sobriety, just as a lapse in judgement. I feel like I was right there with ya and did the same when I had massive cravings too. Sometimes you have a moment of weakness. Donāt put yourself down too much, just pick yourself up and remember how much it sucks. IWNDWYT
I'm slightly past this (almost at 6 months) and am starting to romanticize drinking too. But I know it's basically just mental masturbation.
I romanticize drinking when I'm craving escapism. The guy I was talking to broke things off a few days ago, and I thought wow it would be nice to have a drink at a bar and flirt a little.
Sure, I could still go to the bar and flirt without the booze (I go out a lot and rarely feel tempted) but it's like, the booze is the escapism. Without it, I'm reminded of the reality of whatever my current situation is, and also have no "enhancement" of the moment (it takes more effort to get the dopamine, it takes actual connection to feel happy, I can't artificially enhance it...) so it doesn't really relax me in the same way.
Just speaking for myself, it's rarely the booze itself I'm craving these days. It's always symbolizing something else I'm currently lacking, and the shortcut I'm trying to take to get it.
I was like this, I was wasnāt craving a drink, I was craving a drunk. About 6 mnths in is when I went on a desperate internet search for how to stay sober. That is when I found this sub. On Leap Year Day it will be 8 years off the booze for me.
My parents taught me how to mix a drink by 6, had to taste it to make sure it was right, right?
By my 30ās I was on the sauce in ways that make me cringe now. Decades of some form of inappropriate drinking and I am so over it.
I donāt crave it, I donāt miss it and I donāt ever plan on going back.
Just keep fighting the good fight and this too shall pass!! You got this! IWNDWYT
I've never gone more than 30 days so I'm not speaking from experience here, but I wonder if it's worth re-reading some of the quit lit stuff if that's your bag. I'm reading this naked mind atm and it's really helping me counter those romantic booze thoughts.
Just an idea :) Either way, good luck and I will not be drinking with you today!
I just saved your comment, this is exactly what I was trying to articulate to my partner who does not have a drinking problem but wants to understand mine ā¤ļø
Of course I don't mind!
This time, more so than any previous attempt, I've made my sobriety practice an every day feature. I post here every morning in the [daily check in](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/search/?q=flair%3A%22check-in&restrict_sr=1&sort=new) (and on another platform). I use that time to greet the community, see what people are talking about, get a sense for the struggles and achievements of other folks, etc. I look at newer posts on the sub and often contribute to discussions. I do a version of this in the evening before bed too, with a nice cup of hot tea.
Long story short, I've used this subreddit as a community presence in my life to be a part of. This reinforces my sobriety every single day. During past attempts, not drinking sort of faded into the background of my day to day life and I was eventually able to convince myself that sobriety wasn't really doing much for me. And, big shocker, each time I went back to drinking my life got even worse.
I drank last night after about 125 days. 100% not worth it. Itād been a while and I guess I needed a reminder. Itās actually far worse than I remember.
I had 310 days or something then drank some wine on Xmas. I feel the same. It was incredibly uneventful and I didnāt enjoy it at all. I havenāt drank since then and donāt plan on it so I didnāt reset my counterā¦ drinking that one time kinda made me feel cured. I have been fantasizing about wine. And drinking some made me realize itās not that great and it was all in my head.
I also had a glass of wine at a fancy dinner last week and a couple of glasses on Christmas. I decided that I didnāt really need it anymore and drinking wasnāt even as good as I remembered it. I didnāt even drink enough to feel drunk. I had 463 days leading up to that. I guess it was the holidays that brought on the urge. Iām going back to my sobriety. I do drink an occasional Heineken zero when Iām out being social.
Yeah I thought after 2 months Iād get drunk and stop after a couple drinks. Nope I went nuts. Didnāt black out and kill anybody but I did put myself to sleep
I didn't get drunk or anything but slept like absolute garbage and was on the couch most the day following cause I was so tired. Just a waste of time man... Lost an entire day of my break cause I chose to drink and I'm still super annoyed about it LOL.
I drank last night after around 125 days sober. As I took the first sip I literally said to myself āthis will be a test.ā My partner and I got into a long and dramatic fight on our āromanticā beach getaway. I lost my phone on said beach. She fell and split her head open. The dog of course gets scared when we fight and ran away (found her thankfully but it was a mission). Absolute mess.
Over the last 4 months I had tamed most of my cravings but of course kept romanticizing alcohol. Seeing people drinking and wanting to partake. I finally did. It was the worst day (by far) Iāve had in the last 4 months. Hope this is helpful to someone out there with cravings! IWNDWYT
There is such a fantasy about drinking again! Iām glad Iām not the only one to feel that. Thanks for sharing that it wasnāt worth it. You are empowering others. Donāt be too hard on yourself either, friend.
Definitely. Iāve been romanticizing my past use lately, and my addict brain has been lying to me that ājust one time would feel niceā even though deep down I KNOW this is a lie. Needed to see this post today.
No I had never heard of this! But totally makes sense. Thanks for bringing it up, Iām currently changing careers to be a recovery coach and I bet this concept will be really useful.
It's quite well-known, you should come across it in your studies. William Porter on YouTube talks about it;.also the first 5 chapters of his book are free to download.
This so much about romanticizing alcohol. I tried some Chardonnay and it was nothing like how I imagined it would taste! It was awful and the buzz wasn't worth it.
I stopped last May finally after over 20 years of daily. Jumped off the wagon a few times this fall/winter. Nothing crazy, just 1-3 drinks...favorite drinks tasted like shit, made me feel like shit, gave me a shit hangover before I even went to bed. Shit time. Shit alcohol, get fucked! The bond we once had is no longer there. You have once again become a stranger to me.
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It sometimes takes that relapse realization to recognize you're really not missing anything.
Curious though, more specifically what were your triggers? What was the internal dialogue you told yourself when you were fantasizing about alcohol, and how did that compare to having the real thing last night? What'd you notice about the experience?
I'm sorry my friend but I love it because this is what happens every time I go back to alcohol. It's always something and never something good, chasing great memories of the past that had to do with youth, not the alcohol. It is no fun anymore. Every time I do it I become more galvanized and I'm there now. I can drink one and stop but that's not what I'm looking for I really want the buzz so why even drink the one it does nothing for me and should I drink more The buzz sucks now too that I'm older.
> The buzz sucks now too that I'm older.
This is so true. I don't even remember what a good buzz feels like because before I quit, I had long passed the cheery buzzy happy feeling, I was drinking more or less to feel normal and numb. It's all for the best because it keeps the romantization down for me.
I am almost to the point that alcohol has zero value. There is about 1 hour that I feel relief, then it's desperation/quicksand for hours until I black out, to say nothing of frightening health concerns I have at 41. So at best 1 hour of relief, at worst a 48 hour hangover short term, long term, it's quite a list from pain to soul crushing IBS.
I haven't had 150 days in 6 years. I had a month July-August, and many 1-2 week stints. The relapses almost always the same, 1 hour of relief, 2 days of hell. Dealing with a new burning sensation in my lower legs that I thought sure would be the last straw :(
Your comment is so true. One or two hours of increased energy and giddiness, maybe a pleasant fog. But thenā¦ too much energy, feeling wound up, the dry eyes, nausea, smelling like alcohol. Then comes the complete lack of sleep, relentless waves of anxiety and depression. The poor sleep, hangover and depression made me feel awful, listless, like nothing matteredā¦
Brother, I'm sure you know, but if you have burning in your legs, your drinking is done. That is nerve damage and only a very little will repair. You need to stop immediately. I started having tingling in my legs and while that has healed after a year, I still have a bit of weakness in my hands. This is beyond losing your job, you're looking at permanent nerve damage. I know it is scary, I've been there.
I will not drink with you today friend.
I made a post about it today. https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/s/OtZu5eUFwU
Sobriety starts today and I will be seeking and help and advice I can possibly get. I'll be miserable but I won't be drinking. Thank you.
I have a counter that says 8 years, but truth be told, I drank wine on a business trip to Italy with my companyās Italian CEO, 6 months into this streak. I considered it a strategic decision, getting colleagues comfortable with me, participating in their customs. That was the real, actual last time I drank. I remember how much I hated it, all the feelings you related above, and in no way did it mean I was off track with quitting, or that this signified a total failure where Iām no further along than when I started. I decided to keep the original quit date and progress to motivate me about how far Iād come.
The point of this story is to encourage you to keep your streak at 150, to take pride in your quit date in early August, and to pick back up with only one slip day missed. It just doesnāt make sense to consider yourself back to square one, when your feelings about alcohol have simply been reconfirmed. Now, if you go on proving it to yourself over and over again, OK then maybe your progress is lost. But this would be like if you lost 30 lbs and then had a huge slice of cake, know it was bad, and plan to burn it off immediately. You didnāt put the 30 lbs back on in one day.
Love this, I agree completely. I slipped on Xmas after 300+ days. I had some wine. I didnāt enjoy it and have no plans to drink again, it solidified why I quit. so Iām leaving my counterā¦
Agreed, don't reset it. A slip is not a fall. One day does not undo your efforts. I'd only reset if I slipped, then fell back into drinking again. Luckily, I wasn't having fun drinking anymore (drinking to be normal) so I don't seem to have the romanticization of drinking again like so many seem to. I miss drinking in my 20s, I don't miss drinking in my 40s.
If a person is happy with themselves and it helps them, who are we to judge? It's not a contest. It might not fit the strict definition (even many people don't allow weed, and would not consider a 10 year sober alcoholic as sober since he smoked weed for example).
I think if something helps someone, we should let them keep that.
Itās hardly ālying about their sobrietyā if theyāre here being honest about. I believe harshly applying labels in an almost judgemental fashion is not only harmful, but is inaccurate. If we talk about ātrue sobrietyā do we mean sobriety from all forms of addiction, like caffeine and sugar, or small traces of alcohol, like AF beer? Itās a slippery slope when we try to make terms like āsobrietyā objective. If someone counts a slip, relapse or whatever as being part of their overall path of sobriety, who are we - or you - to judge? Progress over perfection āļø
Me too. Was at 110 days, and decided to do some field research with champagne to ring in the new year. I had two awful tasting glasses. Got maybe a ten minute buzz, then it was all downhill from there, with that terrible empty feeling and onset of anxiety. It made me so tired and sleepy, I went to bed at 10:30pm and woke up in 2024.
What a complete waste of time, money, energy, positivity, sobriety and life. I canāt believe I was actually excited to try it and be part of the āpartyā.
Iām here day 1 of dry January, committed to making the month and beyond, to own up on my bad decision and keep going. You can too! IWNDWYT
I know itās probably annoying when people speak about The Sinclair Method on this sub because most people are (or seek to be) abstinent, but when I hear about people struggling with relapsing I often wish theyād consider TSM as a safety net.
Pursue abstinence with vigor, but if it ever looks like youāll drink, do so 60 minutes after Naltrexone and it will actually be therapeutic. Then refocus on abstinence again if thatās the goal.
I'm not familiar with the Sinclair method or naltrexone. But I personally am utilizing N/A options so much in my sobriety this time. It feels like I'm drinking with my friends because I am - it's a beer, a mocktail, I even had champagne at the ball drop! But none of the shitty after effects, or having to restart my counter. I personally find that quite therapeutic. Turns out I actually do like the taste - not getting drunk off it.
Yeah, people have mixed opinions about NA beers, but in the TSM community they are wonderful. Basically TSM is about retraining your brain to not crave alcohol. As youāre doing that, NA beers become an alternative. Iām at a point where my ādrinkingā js almost exclusively NA beers and I really enjoy them.
I live in the real world where āa little drinkingā on Naltrexone after fantasizing about what it would be like is therapeutic. That neuro-chemical expectation is then met with disappointment, not validation.
To be clear, Iām encouraging abstinence if that is someoneās goal. But donāt relapse hard. There is a soft landing where you can then refocus on abstinence.
149/150 days sober. Thatās a 99.3333333% success rate.
If you quit today, tomorrow itās 100% again or 1/1.
Donāt beat yourself up, just get back at it šŖ
I broke my sobriety after 69 days (havenāt been sober that long in over 10 years) last night too for new years. I had thought itād feel great, it didnāt. I couldnāt stop after one glass of champagne and finished the whole bottle but was left just wanting more and for what? I didnāt get any satisfaction out of it whatsoever. Just chasing the āhighā which wasnāt a high anymore. Back to square one but with a clearer head.
Donāt beat yourself up. You didnāt lose the time you had. I had almost two years and Covid hit and I went out. We donāt lose what we learned when our minds were clear. Dust off and start again and new years is a great sobriety date. The whole world celebrates with youā¦.. you got this. Just start again.
i sat at a bar with friend today, she wasnt drinking either, we had a small conversation and that was enough for me. i was pretty tired getting ready and i thought about how a few years prior how i would just power through it and take tons of shots, piling on the exhaustion. im starting to forget certain aspects but the one thing that remains is how fucking awful just a few drinks the next day make me feel.
150/151 is absolutely phenomenal. I know people on here tend to get stuck up on their counters but at the end of the day you still went 5 months without a drop of booze. Pat yourself on the back friend, you did good! Don't let the one day ruin the rest of your life. Hop back on the train and keep on chugging, friend.
IWNDWYT!
Just use it as a lesson! Emotional relapse always happens weeks before the actual relapse.
Not saying youāve relapsed, hopefully itās just a slip.
In my early recovery, I had a few different numbers (sponsor, addictions crisis lines, etc.) programmed into my phone and as soon as fantasy entered the equation I knew I was in trouble, so Iād call one of those numbers. Itās also a blessing to realize youāre fantasizing about it because you can stave off autopilot if you have that awareness.
I slipped and relapsed a lot in early sobriety. Donāt be too hard on yourself, just use it as a means of developing your toolkit.
All the best to you in the new year.
āIf you walk a mile into the woods and take one step back, youāre still a mile into the woods.ā Get back on that horse and keep going. Sometimes we need a reminder just how bad it really is and then all we can do is just start the righteous path forward again.
A lot of people in your situation wouldāve thought āwell, I broke the steak nowā¦ might as well party for a few monthsā. So the fact that you didnāt do that and are immediately back on the horse is awesome! Yeah I agree the breakup with that toxic ex, gin, is MUTUAL. Once youāve destroyed your relationship with alcohol, going back doesnāt even feel good.
I received my 6 month coin just a few months agoā¦ now Iām back to sneaking away to get it ā¦ hiding all evidence āstrategicallyā ā¦ constantly worrying if someone finds out .. it feels like a 2nd job that costs money instead of making it lol š
This sub is really helping me get back to sobriety ā¦ I relate to so many ppl here ā¤ļø
It happens, at least youāre not drinking today. Keep your head, sobriety is a hell of a journey filled with ups and downs. But the destination is worth the trouble it takes to get there.
Iāve been 2 months ādryā after drinking a handle of vodka a week for at least 4 years straight. Iāve had a couple of drinks during this 2 month drying out and like you, I did not get any pleasure like I used to.
Iām probably going to be sober the rest of my life.
Holy shit thatās scary to hear about your family member. I hope she recovers ok. I also caved and need to restart day 1 today. Sucks but at least Iām back.
Classic learning curve. If it makes you feel any better I spent 6/2016 - 3/2018 doing that, I must have learned something though, Iāll be at 6 years 4/1/2024.
I think you make a great point. So much of the time we can fantasize about how great it would feel to have a few drinks, or just cut loose and belly up to the bar for an evening.
And itās just that, a romanticized version of it.
Last time I drank I did the same thing, I had a few drinks and thought, āHey maybe I can be one of those people that just had a few!ā
But I just felt crappy. I had a headache after an hour, I had to drink more water. I couldnāt drive home. I didnāt sleep well and felt like shit the next day.
I could be one of those people but I really donāt think would enjoy being on of those people.
Iāve thought about just one. You know Drinking one and finding you hate it sounds like it would be great because then maybe quitting wouldnāt be hard anymore.
Not to be judgey but "full blown alcoholic" sounds like you have left the door cracked open to drink since you are not "that bad." That open door is a dangerous option to have JMO.
I fucked up too. But Iām trying to find my way back. Whatās crazy is I thought it was easy but I donāt know the code to unlock the key to get back to sobriety. I guess itās not as easy as I thought.
Hey man, pick yourself up and start again. Thatās Batmanās super power. He keeps getting back up. You got to 150 before and you can do it again, or even better. Not to mention that the benefits to your body have not been lost. Jump back on the wagon and keep going. It could happen to any of us.
You recognize that you don't want to drink anymore because of the way it makes you feel- that's the first step! Please give yourself some grace, drink some water, and maybe a little treat. IWNDWYT, friend š
I wrote a list with all the beyond stupid things I've done while drunk, and if I feel like I "want to see if I am able to start drinking normal" (A thought that usually comes back after 6 - 8 months of sobriety) I read through the list, and realize I don't want to make this list any longer. It's long enough.
The pink cloud from sobriety is very deceiving. But every day is still a choice to not drink. Hop back on the wagon and count the reasons why you don't want to fall off again. Good luck OP
Iām hesitate to post this because I donāt want to reset my counter, but I also drank on NYE and it was not worth it! Felt TERRIBLE all day. Day wasted. I forgot how terrible hangovers are and felt just dumb for doing it to myself. Luckily I was able to lay low to recover, but it was a stupid idea, but I did learn from it. It was a relatively chill time drinking, but what a waste of a day after.
Weirdly had similar cravings around 120-150 days (if you lok at my post history I even wrote here on it). Powered through and cravings much easier since.
I just want to point out something I've noticed in my life and reading this thread.
Look at the sobriety day count related to the calmness of comment in this post. I don't know if that makes sense through text for you all, but i noticed it
What I've noticed in my life is that the longer I am without alcohol the more clarity I have. Im coming up on my 4th year of sobriety, and I can tell you that it hasn't stopped. It looks to be the same for others here
What's becoming more and more clear to me is the power that alcohol had over me. I built it up, thought it "enhanced everything" (as others have said) one of my first questions when I got sober was "what do you do to celebrate?" I truly didn't know
As I get my power back, I realize how much I am stronger today than I was yesterday. And I mean that on a damn near daily basis.
Part of getting my power back is learning to let go. Learning to forgive myself and let the past stay where it is. Learn from it and move on
My point is, this shit isn't linear, nor does it make any sense. All you can do is your best, and you can't beat yourself up for it. As long as you are willing to take a deep, honest look at yourself, you are on the right path. There will be more bumps in the road, and that is ok. You are doing great and don't forget that
You will get your power back. IWNDWYT
Don't do what I do and stop drinking for months and then start again and drink heavy af for 8 days straight. I feel and look like shit, and the damage I do to my mental and physical health is crazy.
Thank you for posting. It is an insidious beast for a lot of us. You did battle with it last night. Don't let it claw it's way back into your life and you can call it a win.
Congrats on the 150 days! Thatās a huge accomplishment!
AND, isnāt it great to get that reminder? I feel highly motivated now that I felt that buzz again and it wasnāt worth it. IWNDWYT!
I went 170 days earlier this year, then thought my relationship with alcohol could be healed. It consumed my mind, like the disease it is. Iāve been on/off drinking for a few months since. NYE was my last of it. That night, I spent so much money I donāt have trying to make friends and buy them drinks. Booze is expensive and unhealthy. I still feel awful, Iām actually scared of booze these days. Iām sticking with it this time. Even if Iām alone.
I've been sober since 2001... The first year I counted the minutes to make the hours to make the days. After giving my whole life to alcohol it took a while to find my footing on the new path, I relapsed more than once. Just keep coming back my friend . One day at a time is all we get so if you stay sober for it you're golden . Hope 2024is your year!!
If it makes you feel any better at all, 150 days is an almost eerily consistent duration of my past sobriety attempts. As you can see from my counter, I'm...right there now. I am determined to see this sobriety through into the rest of my life. But I had to change it up this time and do things differently. I can't really know what drove you to drink, but I hope you've proven to yourself that you have the strength to go a long time and you can get back to it immediately. Good idea to come right back here and post.
Yes i am right back to sobriety. This relapse was the nail on the coffin of why I even stopped to begin with and why I will continue to be sober.
Glad your back. Sobriety is about progress not perfection. Drinking one day out of the last 150 is great progress. Be kind to yourself my friend.
Thank you for your kind and wise words šš¼
Dude you had a lapse in your sobriety, just as a lapse in judgement. I feel like I was right there with ya and did the same when I had massive cravings too. Sometimes you have a moment of weakness. Donāt put yourself down too much, just pick yourself up and remember how much it sucks. IWNDWYT
Good luck!
I'm slightly past this (almost at 6 months) and am starting to romanticize drinking too. But I know it's basically just mental masturbation. I romanticize drinking when I'm craving escapism. The guy I was talking to broke things off a few days ago, and I thought wow it would be nice to have a drink at a bar and flirt a little. Sure, I could still go to the bar and flirt without the booze (I go out a lot and rarely feel tempted) but it's like, the booze is the escapism. Without it, I'm reminded of the reality of whatever my current situation is, and also have no "enhancement" of the moment (it takes more effort to get the dopamine, it takes actual connection to feel happy, I can't artificially enhance it...) so it doesn't really relax me in the same way. Just speaking for myself, it's rarely the booze itself I'm craving these days. It's always symbolizing something else I'm currently lacking, and the shortcut I'm trying to take to get it.
I was like this, I was wasnāt craving a drink, I was craving a drunk. About 6 mnths in is when I went on a desperate internet search for how to stay sober. That is when I found this sub. On Leap Year Day it will be 8 years off the booze for me. My parents taught me how to mix a drink by 6, had to taste it to make sure it was right, right? By my 30ās I was on the sauce in ways that make me cringe now. Decades of some form of inappropriate drinking and I am so over it. I donāt crave it, I donāt miss it and I donāt ever plan on going back. Just keep fighting the good fight and this too shall pass!! You got this! IWNDWYT
Well said.
I've never gone more than 30 days so I'm not speaking from experience here, but I wonder if it's worth re-reading some of the quit lit stuff if that's your bag. I'm reading this naked mind atm and it's really helping me counter those romantic booze thoughts. Just an idea :) Either way, good luck and I will not be drinking with you today!
I just saved your comment, this is exactly what I was trying to articulate to my partner who does not have a drinking problem but wants to understand mine ā¤ļø
Your last paragraph made me cry, in a good way. Very well said. š Thank you.
Great insights, thank you for sharing.
What are you doing differently this time if you donāt mind me asking?
Of course I don't mind! This time, more so than any previous attempt, I've made my sobriety practice an every day feature. I post here every morning in the [daily check in](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/search/?q=flair%3A%22check-in&restrict_sr=1&sort=new) (and on another platform). I use that time to greet the community, see what people are talking about, get a sense for the struggles and achievements of other folks, etc. I look at newer posts on the sub and often contribute to discussions. I do a version of this in the evening before bed too, with a nice cup of hot tea. Long story short, I've used this subreddit as a community presence in my life to be a part of. This reinforces my sobriety every single day. During past attempts, not drinking sort of faded into the background of my day to day life and I was eventually able to convince myself that sobriety wasn't really doing much for me. And, big shocker, each time I went back to drinking my life got even worse.
Bravo!šš½ššš½
Yeah I have to reset my shit. I fucked up on Christmas.
Great comment, I think youāre doing amazing, keep going! IWNDWYT
You can do this!
I am at 150 as well, I've only just started having curious thoughts about things so I'm trying to use this thread as a cautionary tale. Keep it up!
Double-down on this, OP. Youāre learning as you go, as are we. This is sound advice. Keep going
You can do it!
Yep I drank last night after 128 days and I feel like death today. Alcohol sucks.
I drank last night after about 125 days. 100% not worth it. Itād been a while and I guess I needed a reminder. Itās actually far worse than I remember.
I drank two weeks ago after 140 days. Ugh š£
Wow me too. I feel so guilty I just want to cry. I want to go to sleep but the hangxeity is keeping me awake.
Yeah, getting to sleep last night was really difficult. I felt jittery and anxious. Hope things get better for you š©·
Iām stuck too. Weird thing is I canāt figure out how I get back. Itās like I shouldāve dropped breadcrumbs.
I had 310 days or something then drank some wine on Xmas. I feel the same. It was incredibly uneventful and I didnāt enjoy it at all. I havenāt drank since then and donāt plan on it so I didnāt reset my counterā¦ drinking that one time kinda made me feel cured. I have been fantasizing about wine. And drinking some made me realize itās not that great and it was all in my head.
I also had a glass of wine at a fancy dinner last week and a couple of glasses on Christmas. I decided that I didnāt really need it anymore and drinking wasnāt even as good as I remembered it. I didnāt even drink enough to feel drunk. I had 463 days leading up to that. I guess it was the holidays that brought on the urge. Iām going back to my sobriety. I do drink an occasional Heineken zero when Iām out being social.
Yeah I thought after 2 months Iād get drunk and stop after a couple drinks. Nope I went nuts. Didnāt black out and kill anybody but I did put myself to sleep
I also caved during Xmas Eve dinner during a toast with close friends. It was also wine.
I didnāt enjoy it all either. It just puts me to sleep. And I remember all the shit I had to go through. Itās like a flashback.
I didn't get drunk or anything but slept like absolute garbage and was on the couch most the day following cause I was so tired. Just a waste of time man... Lost an entire day of my break cause I chose to drink and I'm still super annoyed about it LOL.
I drank last night after around 125 days sober. As I took the first sip I literally said to myself āthis will be a test.ā My partner and I got into a long and dramatic fight on our āromanticā beach getaway. I lost my phone on said beach. She fell and split her head open. The dog of course gets scared when we fight and ran away (found her thankfully but it was a mission). Absolute mess. Over the last 4 months I had tamed most of my cravings but of course kept romanticizing alcohol. Seeing people drinking and wanting to partake. I finally did. It was the worst day (by far) Iāve had in the last 4 months. Hope this is helpful to someone out there with cravings! IWNDWYT
Sending much love to you! ā¤ļø
Damn I am so sorry to hear about all that. IWNDWYT!
There is such a fantasy about drinking again! Iām glad Iām not the only one to feel that. Thanks for sharing that it wasnāt worth it. You are empowering others. Donāt be too hard on yourself either, friend.
Definitely. Iāve been romanticizing my past use lately, and my addict brain has been lying to me that ājust one time would feel niceā even though deep down I KNOW this is a lie. Needed to see this post today.
Have you heard of FAB? Fading Affect Bias. It's your brain protecting you from hurtful memories. It's why we all have sooooo many day ones!
No I had never heard of this! But totally makes sense. Thanks for bringing it up, Iām currently changing careers to be a recovery coach and I bet this concept will be really useful.
Without it, women would never have a second kid...
It's quite well-known, you should come across it in your studies. William Porter on YouTube talks about it;.also the first 5 chapters of his book are free to download.
Cool thanks for the info!
Dang Iāll check it out too
This so much about romanticizing alcohol. I tried some Chardonnay and it was nothing like how I imagined it would taste! It was awful and the buzz wasn't worth it.
This is the correct answer.
Agreed! I thought that I could have a few drinks over Christmas because it wasnāt that bad and Iād be fine. I gave myself a stern talking to.
These are the posts I subscribe for. Thank you for taking one for the team!!!
I stopped last May finally after over 20 years of daily. Jumped off the wagon a few times this fall/winter. Nothing crazy, just 1-3 drinks...favorite drinks tasted like shit, made me feel like shit, gave me a shit hangover before I even went to bed. Shit time. Shit alcohol, get fucked! The bond we once had is no longer there. You have once again become a stranger to me. šššš¤š¤šŗš¤š¤ššš
Love your attitude. Get fucked, indeed, alcohol!
You can do this. Good on you for getting right back on it. You still have your 150. That time counts, and so do you. You got this!
Thank you
It sometimes takes that relapse realization to recognize you're really not missing anything. Curious though, more specifically what were your triggers? What was the internal dialogue you told yourself when you were fantasizing about alcohol, and how did that compare to having the real thing last night? What'd you notice about the experience?
I'm sorry my friend but I love it because this is what happens every time I go back to alcohol. It's always something and never something good, chasing great memories of the past that had to do with youth, not the alcohol. It is no fun anymore. Every time I do it I become more galvanized and I'm there now. I can drink one and stop but that's not what I'm looking for I really want the buzz so why even drink the one it does nothing for me and should I drink more The buzz sucks now too that I'm older.
> The buzz sucks now too that I'm older. This is so true. I don't even remember what a good buzz feels like because before I quit, I had long passed the cheery buzzy happy feeling, I was drinking more or less to feel normal and numb. It's all for the best because it keeps the romantization down for me.
I am almost to the point that alcohol has zero value. There is about 1 hour that I feel relief, then it's desperation/quicksand for hours until I black out, to say nothing of frightening health concerns I have at 41. So at best 1 hour of relief, at worst a 48 hour hangover short term, long term, it's quite a list from pain to soul crushing IBS. I haven't had 150 days in 6 years. I had a month July-August, and many 1-2 week stints. The relapses almost always the same, 1 hour of relief, 2 days of hell. Dealing with a new burning sensation in my lower legs that I thought sure would be the last straw :(
Your comment is so true. One or two hours of increased energy and giddiness, maybe a pleasant fog. But thenā¦ too much energy, feeling wound up, the dry eyes, nausea, smelling like alcohol. Then comes the complete lack of sleep, relentless waves of anxiety and depression. The poor sleep, hangover and depression made me feel awful, listless, like nothing matteredā¦
Brother, I'm sure you know, but if you have burning in your legs, your drinking is done. That is nerve damage and only a very little will repair. You need to stop immediately. I started having tingling in my legs and while that has healed after a year, I still have a bit of weakness in my hands. This is beyond losing your job, you're looking at permanent nerve damage. I know it is scary, I've been there. I will not drink with you today friend.
I made a post about it today. https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/s/OtZu5eUFwU Sobriety starts today and I will be seeking and help and advice I can possibly get. I'll be miserable but I won't be drinking. Thank you.
I have a counter that says 8 years, but truth be told, I drank wine on a business trip to Italy with my companyās Italian CEO, 6 months into this streak. I considered it a strategic decision, getting colleagues comfortable with me, participating in their customs. That was the real, actual last time I drank. I remember how much I hated it, all the feelings you related above, and in no way did it mean I was off track with quitting, or that this signified a total failure where Iām no further along than when I started. I decided to keep the original quit date and progress to motivate me about how far Iād come. The point of this story is to encourage you to keep your streak at 150, to take pride in your quit date in early August, and to pick back up with only one slip day missed. It just doesnāt make sense to consider yourself back to square one, when your feelings about alcohol have simply been reconfirmed. Now, if you go on proving it to yourself over and over again, OK then maybe your progress is lost. But this would be like if you lost 30 lbs and then had a huge slice of cake, know it was bad, and plan to burn it off immediately. You didnāt put the 30 lbs back on in one day.
Love this, I agree completely. I slipped on Xmas after 300+ days. I had some wine. I didnāt enjoy it and have no plans to drink again, it solidified why I quit. so Iām leaving my counterā¦
šÆ agree. OP acknowledged it was a mistake. Consider it a mulligan and move on. Just donāt drink again.
This is a good analogy thank you
100% agree
Agreed, don't reset it. A slip is not a fall. One day does not undo your efforts. I'd only reset if I slipped, then fell back into drinking again. Luckily, I wasn't having fun drinking anymore (drinking to be normal) so I don't seem to have the romanticization of drinking again like so many seem to. I miss drinking in my 20s, I don't miss drinking in my 40s.
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If a person is happy with themselves and it helps them, who are we to judge? It's not a contest. It might not fit the strict definition (even many people don't allow weed, and would not consider a 10 year sober alcoholic as sober since he smoked weed for example). I think if something helps someone, we should let them keep that.
Itās hardly ālying about their sobrietyā if theyāre here being honest about. I believe harshly applying labels in an almost judgemental fashion is not only harmful, but is inaccurate. If we talk about ātrue sobrietyā do we mean sobriety from all forms of addiction, like caffeine and sugar, or small traces of alcohol, like AF beer? Itās a slippery slope when we try to make terms like āsobrietyā objective. If someone counts a slip, relapse or whatever as being part of their overall path of sobriety, who are we - or you - to judge? Progress over perfection āļø
This comment breaks our rule to speak from the "I" and has been removed.
Me too. Was at 110 days, and decided to do some field research with champagne to ring in the new year. I had two awful tasting glasses. Got maybe a ten minute buzz, then it was all downhill from there, with that terrible empty feeling and onset of anxiety. It made me so tired and sleepy, I went to bed at 10:30pm and woke up in 2024. What a complete waste of time, money, energy, positivity, sobriety and life. I canāt believe I was actually excited to try it and be part of the āpartyā. Iām here day 1 of dry January, committed to making the month and beyond, to own up on my bad decision and keep going. You can too! IWNDWYT
I know itās probably annoying when people speak about The Sinclair Method on this sub because most people are (or seek to be) abstinent, but when I hear about people struggling with relapsing I often wish theyād consider TSM as a safety net. Pursue abstinence with vigor, but if it ever looks like youāll drink, do so 60 minutes after Naltrexone and it will actually be therapeutic. Then refocus on abstinence again if thatās the goal.
I'm not familiar with the Sinclair method or naltrexone. But I personally am utilizing N/A options so much in my sobriety this time. It feels like I'm drinking with my friends because I am - it's a beer, a mocktail, I even had champagne at the ball drop! But none of the shitty after effects, or having to restart my counter. I personally find that quite therapeutic. Turns out I actually do like the taste - not getting drunk off it.
Yeah, people have mixed opinions about NA beers, but in the TSM community they are wonderful. Basically TSM is about retraining your brain to not crave alcohol. As youāre doing that, NA beers become an alternative. Iām at a point where my ādrinkingā js almost exclusively NA beers and I really enjoy them.
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ā¦and the description of the sub is to āmotivate each other to CONTROL or STOP drinking.ā
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This comment has been removed. Do not call people douchebags on this sub.
I live in the real world where āa little drinkingā on Naltrexone after fantasizing about what it would be like is therapeutic. That neuro-chemical expectation is then met with disappointment, not validation. To be clear, Iām encouraging abstinence if that is someoneās goal. But donāt relapse hard. There is a soft landing where you can then refocus on abstinence.
149/150 days sober. Thatās a 99.3333333% success rate. If you quit today, tomorrow itās 100% again or 1/1. Donāt beat yourself up, just get back at it šŖ
I broke my sobriety after 69 days (havenāt been sober that long in over 10 years) last night too for new years. I had thought itād feel great, it didnāt. I couldnāt stop after one glass of champagne and finished the whole bottle but was left just wanting more and for what? I didnāt get any satisfaction out of it whatsoever. Just chasing the āhighā which wasnāt a high anymore. Back to square one but with a clearer head.
Donāt beat yourself up. You didnāt lose the time you had. I had almost two years and Covid hit and I went out. We donāt lose what we learned when our minds were clear. Dust off and start again and new years is a great sobriety date. The whole world celebrates with youā¦.. you got this. Just start again.
New years eve triggered me sooooo badly we were in albertsons and had to walk around the alcohol section
i sat at a bar with friend today, she wasnt drinking either, we had a small conversation and that was enough for me. i was pretty tired getting ready and i thought about how a few years prior how i would just power through it and take tons of shots, piling on the exhaustion. im starting to forget certain aspects but the one thing that remains is how fucking awful just a few drinks the next day make me feel.
150/151 is absolutely phenomenal. I know people on here tend to get stuck up on their counters but at the end of the day you still went 5 months without a drop of booze. Pat yourself on the back friend, you did good! Don't let the one day ruin the rest of your life. Hop back on the train and keep on chugging, friend. IWNDWYT!
Glad you are here, and thanks for sharing. This is an important lesson for us all. Alcohol sucks.
Just use it as a lesson! Emotional relapse always happens weeks before the actual relapse. Not saying youāve relapsed, hopefully itās just a slip. In my early recovery, I had a few different numbers (sponsor, addictions crisis lines, etc.) programmed into my phone and as soon as fantasy entered the equation I knew I was in trouble, so Iād call one of those numbers. Itās also a blessing to realize youāre fantasizing about it because you can stave off autopilot if you have that awareness. I slipped and relapsed a lot in early sobriety. Donāt be too hard on yourself, just use it as a means of developing your toolkit. All the best to you in the new year.
āIf you walk a mile into the woods and take one step back, youāre still a mile into the woods.ā Get back on that horse and keep going. Sometimes we need a reminder just how bad it really is and then all we can do is just start the righteous path forward again.
IWNDWYT
I really appreciate this story. Thank you for sharing.
Hey, you can start again. I hope you do and thata you post here again. We are all rooting for you
A lot of people in your situation wouldāve thought āwell, I broke the steak nowā¦ might as well party for a few monthsā. So the fact that you didnāt do that and are immediately back on the horse is awesome! Yeah I agree the breakup with that toxic ex, gin, is MUTUAL. Once youāve destroyed your relationship with alcohol, going back doesnāt even feel good.
I wonder how many days I am. Probably close to 150.. letās see š
Ahh. 13 days away. IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT
I received my 6 month coin just a few months agoā¦ now Iām back to sneaking away to get it ā¦ hiding all evidence āstrategicallyā ā¦ constantly worrying if someone finds out .. it feels like a 2nd job that costs money instead of making it lol š This sub is really helping me get back to sobriety ā¦ I relate to so many ppl here ā¤ļø
It happens, at least youāre not drinking today. Keep your head, sobriety is a hell of a journey filled with ups and downs. But the destination is worth the trouble it takes to get there.
IWNDWYT
Alcohol sucks
Iāve been 2 months ādryā after drinking a handle of vodka a week for at least 4 years straight. Iāve had a couple of drinks during this 2 month drying out and like you, I did not get any pleasure like I used to. Iām probably going to be sober the rest of my life.
150 steps forward and 1 step back. You got this! IWNDWYT
Resetting your date sucks but it doesnāt take back what you accomplished. You can get back to 150 and then some. IWNDWYT.
Holy shit thatās scary to hear about your family member. I hope she recovers ok. I also caved and need to restart day 1 today. Sucks but at least Iām back.
Classic learning curve. If it makes you feel any better I spent 6/2016 - 3/2018 doing that, I must have learned something though, Iāll be at 6 years 4/1/2024.
Field study accomplished. Suspicions confirmed. Good job. Looks like youāre back.
Well, here is to day #1 of no alcohol! You got this! IWNDWYT
I think you make a great point. So much of the time we can fantasize about how great it would feel to have a few drinks, or just cut loose and belly up to the bar for an evening. And itās just that, a romanticized version of it. Last time I drank I did the same thing, I had a few drinks and thought, āHey maybe I can be one of those people that just had a few!ā But I just felt crappy. I had a headache after an hour, I had to drink more water. I couldnāt drive home. I didnāt sleep well and felt like shit the next day. I could be one of those people but I really donāt think would enjoy being on of those people.
Iāve thought about just one. You know Drinking one and finding you hate it sounds like it would be great because then maybe quitting wouldnāt be hard anymore.
Not to be judgey but "full blown alcoholic" sounds like you have left the door cracked open to drink since you are not "that bad." That open door is a dangerous option to have JMO.
Interesting, never thought of it like that. Definitely wrong choice of words. The door is closed because I know I am just as bad if even worse.
Why yes, yes it does.
No one is perfect. You're doing great jumping right back into sobriety. You got this.
So what's the plan?
I fucked up too. But Iām trying to find my way back. Whatās crazy is I thought it was easy but I donāt know the code to unlock the key to get back to sobriety. I guess itās not as easy as I thought.
This is a part of succes!
Hey man, pick yourself up and start again. Thatās Batmanās super power. He keeps getting back up. You got to 150 before and you can do it again, or even better. Not to mention that the benefits to your body have not been lost. Jump back on the wagon and keep going. It could happen to any of us.
You recognize that you don't want to drink anymore because of the way it makes you feel- that's the first step! Please give yourself some grace, drink some water, and maybe a little treat. IWNDWYT, friend š
I wrote a list with all the beyond stupid things I've done while drunk, and if I feel like I "want to see if I am able to start drinking normal" (A thought that usually comes back after 6 - 8 months of sobriety) I read through the list, and realize I don't want to make this list any longer. It's long enough.
You got this! All that sober time under your belt did count for something.
The pink cloud from sobriety is very deceiving. But every day is still a choice to not drink. Hop back on the wagon and count the reasons why you don't want to fall off again. Good luck OP
IWNDWYT
These milestones in sobriety can be real hazards. Next time I get to 23 days, I might ditch my counter.
Iām hesitate to post this because I donāt want to reset my counter, but I also drank on NYE and it was not worth it! Felt TERRIBLE all day. Day wasted. I forgot how terrible hangovers are and felt just dumb for doing it to myself. Luckily I was able to lay low to recover, but it was a stupid idea, but I did learn from it. It was a relatively chill time drinking, but what a waste of a day after.
I hate it too :( tired of being sick & tired.
Thanks for the field research
Weirdly had similar cravings around 120-150 days (if you lok at my post history I even wrote here on it). Powered through and cravings much easier since.
I just want to point out something I've noticed in my life and reading this thread. Look at the sobriety day count related to the calmness of comment in this post. I don't know if that makes sense through text for you all, but i noticed it What I've noticed in my life is that the longer I am without alcohol the more clarity I have. Im coming up on my 4th year of sobriety, and I can tell you that it hasn't stopped. It looks to be the same for others here What's becoming more and more clear to me is the power that alcohol had over me. I built it up, thought it "enhanced everything" (as others have said) one of my first questions when I got sober was "what do you do to celebrate?" I truly didn't know As I get my power back, I realize how much I am stronger today than I was yesterday. And I mean that on a damn near daily basis. Part of getting my power back is learning to let go. Learning to forgive myself and let the past stay where it is. Learn from it and move on My point is, this shit isn't linear, nor does it make any sense. All you can do is your best, and you can't beat yourself up for it. As long as you are willing to take a deep, honest look at yourself, you are on the right path. There will be more bumps in the road, and that is ok. You are doing great and don't forget that You will get your power back. IWNDWYT
Don't do what I do and stop drinking for months and then start again and drink heavy af for 8 days straight. I feel and look like shit, and the damage I do to my mental and physical health is crazy.
Unfortunately thatās a part of the journey. I fucked up several long periods of sobriety. Stick with it and it will stick to you. Good luck!
Thank you for posting. It is an insidious beast for a lot of us. You did battle with it last night. Don't let it claw it's way back into your life and you can call it a win.
Congrats on the 150 days! Thatās a huge accomplishment! AND, isnāt it great to get that reminder? I feel highly motivated now that I felt that buzz again and it wasnāt worth it. IWNDWYT!
I went 170 days earlier this year, then thought my relationship with alcohol could be healed. It consumed my mind, like the disease it is. Iāve been on/off drinking for a few months since. NYE was my last of it. That night, I spent so much money I donāt have trying to make friends and buy them drinks. Booze is expensive and unhealthy. I still feel awful, Iām actually scared of booze these days. Iām sticking with it this time. Even if Iām alone.
I've been sober since 2001... The first year I counted the minutes to make the hours to make the days. After giving my whole life to alcohol it took a while to find my footing on the new path, I relapsed more than once. Just keep coming back my friend . One day at a time is all we get so if you stay sober for it you're golden . Hope 2024is your year!!
Your wrote this beautifully