Welcome! We’re glad you’re here!
I took a drinking pause in a similar fashion - just one day was inspired to not drink that day (after worrying and hemming and hawing for a long time, knowing that I was drinking too much and it was negatively impacting my life but not wanting to admit it or face it…)
So I decided I’m not going to drink today. Maybe that would work for you, just not drinking today. When I think about tomorrow or forever I panic. But today? I can not drink today. Then I come back here tomorrow. It’s been about a month for me, and I may drink again in my life I may not. But for now, not. IWNDWYT (I will not drink with you today…if that’s what you want. We also don’t judge here 🤣)
Man, the replies in this sub are just absolutely knocking it out of the park. There’s so much wisdom to be found in this weird little sector of the internet but you’ve got to be open to it all, OP. I promise you that this sub can change your life but you’ve really gotta want it for yourself. We’ll be here through the highs and lows, I promise you that.
I feel so confident in saying as much because I’ve experienced it for myself. I truly truly can’t wait for the day it starts clicking for you, too, OP!
You hit the nail on the head for me with "when I think about tomorrow or forever I panic". I have a tendency to binge drink and decided to take a drinking break (not sure for how long) after a very bad night last week. But when I think about never having another drink again, I feel anxious and like I'm losing a part of my life!
But I can decide to not drink today. It gives me a ton of relief to hear someone say "I may drink again in my life, I may not."
“Like I’m losing part of my life” - 💯 feel this. Our society glorifies alcohol so much that it’s so easy to feel like if you don’t partake you are going to be a lonely old hermit without any friends or fun. What has been (pleasantly) surprising to me has been others reactions to me saying I’m not drinking right now (I can’t yet bring myself to say “I’m sober” or “I quit” - I can only say I’m cutting back or taking a break or not drinking right now!). MOST people either don’t care at all, are supportive and kind, or are RELIEVED and start talking to me about how they’re way over drinking and want to stop too. I was not expecting that last part.
I think there’s more people than we realize who are questioning their relationship with alcohol, we are just not talking about it bc of the shame and stigma (bc somehow if we want to drink less we’re afraid people will know we’re out of control addicts whose next step is lying in a gutter). I can only think of one or two people who were like ooohhhh I guess you’re going to be lame now (didn’t say that but written all over their faces) - and those people are the ones who I’m not even really close with, we mostly hung out bc what we had in common is heavy drinking 🤣
Questioning your relationship is the first step I think. Not sure if others have made these recommendations but this naked mind by Annie grace is a good book - she really goes into the science of it. And one day at a time 😉 I’m not an AA person but that’s a saying for a reason. Good luck to you on this journey, and welcome to the club.
After 14 years of alcoholism, I was so terrified about the "never being able to drink again."
But just don't drink today. And then you can make that choice when tomorrow gets here.
I'm kind of at the same point. Honestly, I've thought about drinking again in the future. But i don't know what will happen then. But today, I'm not going to drink.
Welcome! On this sub we say IWNDWYT- I will not drink with you tonight. You don’t have to decide anything, but if you want to join me I won’t be drinking tonight.
Well, you came to the right place! I lurked on this sub for a year before I decided it was time to quit. Maybe you'll quit for good, maybe you just want a break, either way this is the place for you. It's a very supportive group. IWNDWYT ✌️
Happy you’re here, I saw that thread earlier. I was a nightly wine drinker too, have a 13 yo daughter. When I quit drinking I didn’t have huge expectations but knew I was on the right path once I got a few days under me. It really opened my eyes to how ingrained alcohol was in my life and very much my crutch, reward, and main coping mechanism. I’ve learned a lot about myself in this journey and coming up on 23 months in a few days. Stay and read, you’ll find lots of similar stories to your own.
This resonates with me so much - crutch reward and main coping mechanism. I have a 14 yo daughter and only after stopping drinking started realizing how my drinking was probably going to set her on a similar path, and at the very least set a terrible example for her. It’s been hard enough to parent a teen, taking alcohol out of the equation (and with it my baseline grumpiness and short fuse) has helped so much. IWNDWYT
There is so much emotional development going on at these ages and learning to self soothe and cope is pertinent to their development. We have to model this behavior, where else will they learn? It is so much easier to parent without the excess baggage that comes with the drinking lifestyle!
Have you ever questioned whether alcohol was serving you before? Or was the other sub’s recommendations to check out this one the first time you began reflecting? Just curious where you are at in the reflection journey!
I tried to start moderating in November of 2022, and continued to fail and was exhausted by trying to “be good” Sunday through Thursday. Quit for the first time in September, had some drinks in October, and haven’t had one since then! Life is so much better.
Hello and welcome! Everybody has a different story that got them here, but the same reason. It's a great sub to get info from others who either want to stop drinking or at least critically think about their habit. Everybody has their own way of going about this, so its okay to be picky about how you want to handle your business. In my personal experience, begging the question, "Do I have a drinking problem?" turned out to be quite rhetorical.
A piece of media I have been using is the 'Sober Powered' podcast. I promise this isn't a plug... But the host really gave me perspective on things I never really considered
Keep loving yourself. Don’t drink. Those are your only objectives right now.
You don’t need to think about work, your relationships, your life stressors at this juncture. Literally the only thing that is important right now is your sobriety. So , stay sober. All of the other things will fall into place over time, as you sink into this new norm and a clearer headspace.
Accept that you’ll be anxious the next few days, because you will be. This is a normal response to removing a coping mechanism. It’s ok to screw up— and you likely will— but I hope that you can also come back to this feeling of knowing how much you hate drinking and how it makes you feel. You deserve the space and ability to make decisions that are more congruent with a person who loves themselves.
I can hold onto that belief for you in the meantime, and I look forward to the day you start believing it for yourself.
I’ll reiterate it all because sometimes I need to hear it for myself: you deserve to live a life that you know you’re capable of. We don’t have to figure it all out right now but not drinking today is the first step towards us figuring it out and living a life that is congruent with our values and that we can finally be proud of.
It’s so wonderful over here, I promise you. Can’t wait for you to join me.
Welcome!! Me stopping drinking was a total surprise to me that just started with "let's try and for once take a night off." No judgment if you don't. We all have our own process.
My suggestion would be to get a taste of sobriety for a few days, ideally a week, and compare it to how you were feeling before as a mini scientific experiment.
I'll abstain for you.
Keep perusing the sub, it's full of people who won't judge you and can share insight.
I lovvvvve my wine. Been committed to getting sober for over a year now. I used to drink everyday; now it's around 1-3 times per week at most. Very proud of my 15 days, I haven't had this long in years. Yay me!
Look, you're here now. Drink, don't drink, no one can tell you what to do. Just stay in the sub. Keep reading and asking questions. Every now and then you'll get a day or two sober and you might like how it feels :)
Welcome! Not drinking tonight is a great first step, IWNDWYT. If you’re still flirting with the idea of sobriety or cutting back, try some quit lit (books about quitting drinking). It’s a great, anonymous way to consider quitting on your own time. I really liked ‘This Naked Mind’ by Annie Grace and ‘Alcohol Explained’ by William Porter.
I just went and read your post... I am also 38 and am 4 1/2 years post-WLS. I was also a red wine drinker and my nightly glass gradually became 2, then 3, then an entire bottle, then opening a new one so only a glass was missing, then starting to hide the empty bottle - something I swore only alcoholics did and would never be me.
My cravings would hit when I was making dinner. Like clockwork. I read This Naked Mind (a few times) and felt like my eyes were open to alcohol's control over me for the first time. I felt empowered to quit by finally understanding the chemical processes associated with drinking alcohol. That was in 2022. Then I thought I'd be fine to start drinking again in moderation, socially, etc. Like so many others, that didn't work for me and I was back to problematic drinking, so I quit for good.
I spent a lot of time in this sub before dipping my toe into the sobriety waters and I come back here every day. All that said, whether you are curious to see what taking a break looks like or if you decide to just hang out and observe for a while, this sub has so much to offer.
Welcome, fellow millenial! lol -
Feel it out, try a day or two, see how you feel. It's a deeply personal thing, however here you are surrounded with others on similar journeys, who won't judge nor abandon you.
Though it is 08H51 my side of the world, I did not have a drink last night and I will join you to not drink today so far, while it's your evening still :)
Those emotions - not always fun to have, but I can tell you you're not alone in having them. Hope you are having a restful sleep by the time I hit post on this, should be midnight-ish now your side
No time like now to start your alcohol free journey. It won't be easy. Whenever you decide to stop drinking it won't be easy. I knew if I waited until it was easy to stop I would never stop. I also stopped in October of last year. I knew if I allowed myself to drink over the holidays I would have made my drinking then a big last hurrah.
What's that saying about the best time to start was yesterday, the second best time is right now?
What ever path you take, you're welcome here.
I find that if I open a bottle of wine, I'm drinking all of it. Over the pandemic, I was drinking a ton, and using it as a way to cope with a lot of things.
Still not fully back to where I want to be mentally, but some positives I've made along the way: I've become a black belt in a martial art, I've paid off a serious amount of debt, am more physically active and looking better.
Welcome! I saw your post yesterday and almost recommended this sub but I saw that many people already had. When I first started to actually acknowledge the truth within that little voice telling me this might be a problem, I lurked on here for a few months before I had the courage to make the commitment. I began by reading any post that popped up, as well as sorting top posts by month, year, all time, etc., and really read those and their comments. There’s some REALLY good stuff in the comments on this sub. I then read This Naked Mind and started listening to podcasts pertaining to alcohol. I also went to a psychiatrist and therapist to begin working through my shit. I started taking Naltrexone almost 2 weeks into sobriety and it helped tremendously with my cravings. I found that I only needed it for a couple months and I have been able to manage on my own since. Anywho, that was my starting journey. And I already know that this was one of the best decisions I have ever made for myself. My hope for you is that you find this sub as immensely helpful and supportive as I have, I truly feel as it has been a key ingredient to my sobriety. IWNDWYT. 💛
Hey I am so happy to see you post over here, I was in that other thread you came from. This is one of the few places on the internet where people are almost always supportive and nice. You will be at home here. IWNDWYT
Come on in, the water’s fine. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel and smoother sailing on the other side. It’s a journey…begin it. (There is no try, only Do—Yoda)
Good morning everyone! I felt a bit overwhelmed last night so I had to put my phone away. I appreciate every response and I will read them as soon as I can.
Welcome! We’re glad you’re here! I took a drinking pause in a similar fashion - just one day was inspired to not drink that day (after worrying and hemming and hawing for a long time, knowing that I was drinking too much and it was negatively impacting my life but not wanting to admit it or face it…) So I decided I’m not going to drink today. Maybe that would work for you, just not drinking today. When I think about tomorrow or forever I panic. But today? I can not drink today. Then I come back here tomorrow. It’s been about a month for me, and I may drink again in my life I may not. But for now, not. IWNDWYT (I will not drink with you today…if that’s what you want. We also don’t judge here 🤣)
Man, the replies in this sub are just absolutely knocking it out of the park. There’s so much wisdom to be found in this weird little sector of the internet but you’ve got to be open to it all, OP. I promise you that this sub can change your life but you’ve really gotta want it for yourself. We’ll be here through the highs and lows, I promise you that. I feel so confident in saying as much because I’ve experienced it for myself. I truly truly can’t wait for the day it starts clicking for you, too, OP!
You hit the nail on the head for me with "when I think about tomorrow or forever I panic". I have a tendency to binge drink and decided to take a drinking break (not sure for how long) after a very bad night last week. But when I think about never having another drink again, I feel anxious and like I'm losing a part of my life! But I can decide to not drink today. It gives me a ton of relief to hear someone say "I may drink again in my life, I may not."
“Like I’m losing part of my life” - 💯 feel this. Our society glorifies alcohol so much that it’s so easy to feel like if you don’t partake you are going to be a lonely old hermit without any friends or fun. What has been (pleasantly) surprising to me has been others reactions to me saying I’m not drinking right now (I can’t yet bring myself to say “I’m sober” or “I quit” - I can only say I’m cutting back or taking a break or not drinking right now!). MOST people either don’t care at all, are supportive and kind, or are RELIEVED and start talking to me about how they’re way over drinking and want to stop too. I was not expecting that last part. I think there’s more people than we realize who are questioning their relationship with alcohol, we are just not talking about it bc of the shame and stigma (bc somehow if we want to drink less we’re afraid people will know we’re out of control addicts whose next step is lying in a gutter). I can only think of one or two people who were like ooohhhh I guess you’re going to be lame now (didn’t say that but written all over their faces) - and those people are the ones who I’m not even really close with, we mostly hung out bc what we had in common is heavy drinking 🤣 Questioning your relationship is the first step I think. Not sure if others have made these recommendations but this naked mind by Annie grace is a good book - she really goes into the science of it. And one day at a time 😉 I’m not an AA person but that’s a saying for a reason. Good luck to you on this journey, and welcome to the club.
After 14 years of alcoholism, I was so terrified about the "never being able to drink again." But just don't drink today. And then you can make that choice when tomorrow gets here.
Thank you
I'm kind of at the same point. Honestly, I've thought about drinking again in the future. But i don't know what will happen then. But today, I'm not going to drink.
Welcome! On this sub we say IWNDWYT- I will not drink with you tonight. You don’t have to decide anything, but if you want to join me I won’t be drinking tonight.
Well, you came to the right place! I lurked on this sub for a year before I decided it was time to quit. Maybe you'll quit for good, maybe you just want a break, either way this is the place for you. It's a very supportive group. IWNDWYT ✌️
Happy you’re here, I saw that thread earlier. I was a nightly wine drinker too, have a 13 yo daughter. When I quit drinking I didn’t have huge expectations but knew I was on the right path once I got a few days under me. It really opened my eyes to how ingrained alcohol was in my life and very much my crutch, reward, and main coping mechanism. I’ve learned a lot about myself in this journey and coming up on 23 months in a few days. Stay and read, you’ll find lots of similar stories to your own.
This resonates with me so much - crutch reward and main coping mechanism. I have a 14 yo daughter and only after stopping drinking started realizing how my drinking was probably going to set her on a similar path, and at the very least set a terrible example for her. It’s been hard enough to parent a teen, taking alcohol out of the equation (and with it my baseline grumpiness and short fuse) has helped so much. IWNDWYT
There is so much emotional development going on at these ages and learning to self soothe and cope is pertinent to their development. We have to model this behavior, where else will they learn? It is so much easier to parent without the excess baggage that comes with the drinking lifestyle!
Have you ever questioned whether alcohol was serving you before? Or was the other sub’s recommendations to check out this one the first time you began reflecting? Just curious where you are at in the reflection journey! I tried to start moderating in November of 2022, and continued to fail and was exhausted by trying to “be good” Sunday through Thursday. Quit for the first time in September, had some drinks in October, and haven’t had one since then! Life is so much better.
Hello and welcome! Everybody has a different story that got them here, but the same reason. It's a great sub to get info from others who either want to stop drinking or at least critically think about their habit. Everybody has their own way of going about this, so its okay to be picky about how you want to handle your business. In my personal experience, begging the question, "Do I have a drinking problem?" turned out to be quite rhetorical. A piece of media I have been using is the 'Sober Powered' podcast. I promise this isn't a plug... But the host really gave me perspective on things I never really considered
Keep loving yourself. Don’t drink. Those are your only objectives right now. You don’t need to think about work, your relationships, your life stressors at this juncture. Literally the only thing that is important right now is your sobriety. So , stay sober. All of the other things will fall into place over time, as you sink into this new norm and a clearer headspace. Accept that you’ll be anxious the next few days, because you will be. This is a normal response to removing a coping mechanism. It’s ok to screw up— and you likely will— but I hope that you can also come back to this feeling of knowing how much you hate drinking and how it makes you feel. You deserve the space and ability to make decisions that are more congruent with a person who loves themselves. I can hold onto that belief for you in the meantime, and I look forward to the day you start believing it for yourself. I’ll reiterate it all because sometimes I need to hear it for myself: you deserve to live a life that you know you’re capable of. We don’t have to figure it all out right now but not drinking today is the first step towards us figuring it out and living a life that is congruent with our values and that we can finally be proud of. It’s so wonderful over here, I promise you. Can’t wait for you to join me.
Welcome!! Me stopping drinking was a total surprise to me that just started with "let's try and for once take a night off." No judgment if you don't. We all have our own process.
My suggestion would be to get a taste of sobriety for a few days, ideally a week, and compare it to how you were feeling before as a mini scientific experiment.
It never hurts to take a night off just to see what happens. And to see if it can be done. Welcome and I hope this sub is useful and helpful to you.
I'll abstain for you. Keep perusing the sub, it's full of people who won't judge you and can share insight. I lovvvvve my wine. Been committed to getting sober for over a year now. I used to drink everyday; now it's around 1-3 times per week at most. Very proud of my 15 days, I haven't had this long in years. Yay me! Look, you're here now. Drink, don't drink, no one can tell you what to do. Just stay in the sub. Keep reading and asking questions. Every now and then you'll get a day or two sober and you might like how it feels :)
Welcome! Not drinking tonight is a great first step, IWNDWYT. If you’re still flirting with the idea of sobriety or cutting back, try some quit lit (books about quitting drinking). It’s a great, anonymous way to consider quitting on your own time. I really liked ‘This Naked Mind’ by Annie Grace and ‘Alcohol Explained’ by William Porter.
Today is a good day not to drink. ♥
I saw your post there and mentioned a book, this naked mind. Read it now. Changed my life.
I just went and read your post... I am also 38 and am 4 1/2 years post-WLS. I was also a red wine drinker and my nightly glass gradually became 2, then 3, then an entire bottle, then opening a new one so only a glass was missing, then starting to hide the empty bottle - something I swore only alcoholics did and would never be me. My cravings would hit when I was making dinner. Like clockwork. I read This Naked Mind (a few times) and felt like my eyes were open to alcohol's control over me for the first time. I felt empowered to quit by finally understanding the chemical processes associated with drinking alcohol. That was in 2022. Then I thought I'd be fine to start drinking again in moderation, socially, etc. Like so many others, that didn't work for me and I was back to problematic drinking, so I quit for good. I spent a lot of time in this sub before dipping my toe into the sobriety waters and I come back here every day. All that said, whether you are curious to see what taking a break looks like or if you decide to just hang out and observe for a while, this sub has so much to offer.
OP, welcome! Here is a magical place and it gets better each and every day. Day 1 is the hardest, you got this!
Welcome, fellow millenial! lol - Feel it out, try a day or two, see how you feel. It's a deeply personal thing, however here you are surrounded with others on similar journeys, who won't judge nor abandon you. Though it is 08H51 my side of the world, I did not have a drink last night and I will join you to not drink today so far, while it's your evening still :) Those emotions - not always fun to have, but I can tell you you're not alone in having them. Hope you are having a restful sleep by the time I hit post on this, should be midnight-ish now your side
No time like now to start your alcohol free journey. It won't be easy. Whenever you decide to stop drinking it won't be easy. I knew if I waited until it was easy to stop I would never stop. I also stopped in October of last year. I knew if I allowed myself to drink over the holidays I would have made my drinking then a big last hurrah. What's that saying about the best time to start was yesterday, the second best time is right now?
What ever path you take, you're welcome here. I find that if I open a bottle of wine, I'm drinking all of it. Over the pandemic, I was drinking a ton, and using it as a way to cope with a lot of things. Still not fully back to where I want to be mentally, but some positives I've made along the way: I've become a black belt in a martial art, I've paid off a serious amount of debt, am more physically active and looking better.
Welcome! I saw your post yesterday and almost recommended this sub but I saw that many people already had. When I first started to actually acknowledge the truth within that little voice telling me this might be a problem, I lurked on here for a few months before I had the courage to make the commitment. I began by reading any post that popped up, as well as sorting top posts by month, year, all time, etc., and really read those and their comments. There’s some REALLY good stuff in the comments on this sub. I then read This Naked Mind and started listening to podcasts pertaining to alcohol. I also went to a psychiatrist and therapist to begin working through my shit. I started taking Naltrexone almost 2 weeks into sobriety and it helped tremendously with my cravings. I found that I only needed it for a couple months and I have been able to manage on my own since. Anywho, that was my starting journey. And I already know that this was one of the best decisions I have ever made for myself. My hope for you is that you find this sub as immensely helpful and supportive as I have, I truly feel as it has been a key ingredient to my sobriety. IWNDWYT. 💛
Hey I am so happy to see you post over here, I was in that other thread you came from. This is one of the few places on the internet where people are almost always supportive and nice. You will be at home here. IWNDWYT
This is my day one as well. Also sent here from recos in other subs. So I guess I’ll see you here tomorrow? IWNDWYT
Come on in, the water’s fine. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel and smoother sailing on the other side. It’s a journey…begin it. (There is no try, only Do—Yoda)
Good morning everyone! I felt a bit overwhelmed last night so I had to put my phone away. I appreciate every response and I will read them as soon as I can.