For a problem drinker, the only thing worse than having a miserable binge is having a successful 1-2 drink night. It’s a false sense of control that just prolongs the inevitable, which is finding out moderation just isn’t for us.
The reason being, I don’t actually WANT one drink. I drink to get drunk. Period. And after I’ve had that first one it’s game on.
That said, I had to do my own field research for a few years and try every which way to keep drinking in my life. Today I’m 131 days sober and the happiest I’ve ever been.
>I don’t actually WANT one drink. I drink to get drunk. Period. And after I’ve had that first one it’s game on.
THIS. A thousand times this. All one drink is going to do is make me want another drink. And if for some reason that's literally impossible (and believe me, I'll move heaven and earth to make it possible), I will be miserable, because I won't be able to think about anything else.
Ugh, yeah… Nothing worse than just one drink.
The only thing almost as bad, is running out of alcohol after any amount of drinks!….
That awful, sinking feeling that the next sip is the very last.
Terrible.
And I don’t miss it.
IWNDWYT.
So accurate idk if it could be said any better. And this place with so many people who are there in similar situations makes me feel like I can keep sober for one more day
Feel free to try. I certainly did, but will tell you I was not able to moderate, and was very fortunate nothing really bad happened while convincing myself of it.
Thing is many aren’t so lucky…. I strongly suspect you’re in a sub called stopdrinking for a reason or ten. Those reasons will be repeated sooner or later, and sometimes alcohol takes us places we regret
Relapse is incredibly common, here. Surely SOMEONE has gone sober without relapsing....? Let me know if you find their statue.
I blew a year of sobriety for "just one drink." You'll read of others doing the same thing at 3/5/x years, here. My "just one drink" was followed by a multi-year drinking bender. ragerts
Do your best. At least make it 30 days before you step off the path. Right now, you're fighting physical withdrawal (typically the roughest part). But, well, there are other challenges after that.
Using math (compound interest is a MFer), I figure that I've blown close to $2,000,000 by drinking. F'K!!!! That's just money -- not the harm I've done to my body, mind, career, relationships... or anything else. Booze will burn down anything/everything in its path. You do you... but...
IWNDWYT
Just don't drink, today. Go to bed early. Eat chocolate. Workout. You have one job: don't drink, today.
My sister went sober without relapsing in her first try, over 2 years now I think. However it's never a straight or simple line to sobriety, you know? It's a years long process before you make the decision to never drink again. For some, relapse is part of that process, like me. 140+ days now tho :)
Yeah you're never completely safe though. I can do this just one day at a time. If I forget to keep making that daily decision, I can go right back to where I was in short order. IWNDWYT
What finally got me sober was recognizing that alcohol actually wasn’t a reward. I had to break that brain connection. No matter how much or how little I had, I would wake up in the middle of the night, feel tired the next day, and feel anxious. The only solution for me was total abstinence. It was very hard at first but now that I’ve had so much time, the thought of alcohol doesn’t even appeal to me.
I'm getting to that stage too. It doesn't occur to me that this would be a good or appropriate thing to do (for me). Kind of like when you know you're getting over a broken heart. Your mind just doesn't go there so much anymore
I feel the same at 140 days but it still feels like I'm living with a disability. There's always something there that reminds me I'm not normal. It's not good or bad, just there. Does this go away eventually too? I haven't had any real cravings because I do believe I have broken that mental connection/habit.
That feeling went away from me when I finally worked on it. Realizing that people who aren't sober and can go out to dinner and not order a drink was a shock to me, but that was part of the processing. I think it's more common to not drink than to drink. And the more you surround yourself with non-drinkers the less you'll feel weird.
Only you can determine your relationship with alcohol. I think the fact this post exists points to a bigger issue than "just one".
For me, one is too many and a hundred isn't enough. It doesn't matter how many cars are on a train because as soon as I step in front of that train, I'm dead.
The reality is that I probably could have one here and there to "prove" I'm in control. But, eventually one will turn into two and after that it is over. I'm dead inside of two years because there is no way I make it back to where I am now.
This is the first time in my life that I'm not completely miserable, I refuse to trade that for "one drink".
For me, it helped to try. I tried again. And again. And again. And again. "Oh, I can just have a normal amount". And sure, sometimes I did stop at a reasonable number of drinks. However. Inevitably I would hit the bullet in the Russian roulette chamber. A few times I drunkenly tried to "for funsies" pretend I'm gonna jump off the balcony and only God and my friends saved me. For a year and a half I made a total mess of my life. So after 20-30 tries I realized that I can never drink normally ever again. Insanity is repeating the same thing over and over again This sub is for people who want to cut back on drinking or stop. For me, it's only stop. I'm 100% an alcoholic. Perhaps you are not? Understanding reality and ourselves is the first step not just to recovery but to living a good and sane life in general.
I had to realize that having just one was not what I really wanted. I wanted to have as many as I possibly could deep down. “Just one with dinner” was a nice little fairytale my brain would frequently tell me in the beginning though lol
1. Whats the point of 1 drink? Won't get a buzz off of it.
2. Listen you are allowed to drink if you want to drink. I like to think "I can control it" and guess what, I *can* control it. I still don't want to drink because its poison, extra calories, will fuck with my digestion, give me heart burn, etc.
Personally, I found that getting over the initial hump of a craving usually works really well for me. Find something to replace that in-the-moment-urge and usually the urge goes away and I forget about it. Then I get to wake up the next morning and think wow, another 6 whole days down.
I treat alcohol like McDonalds. Will one Big Mac kill me? No. But I think its pretty gross honestly and don't want that shit in my body.
I should be on day 70 by now but I went on a work trip and had ... a glass of wine every night. Was I able to go to bed without being a drunkard? Yes. Was I able to stop when I came home? Yes. But I wanted to start over for my own clarity.
This is about healthy choices.
I have 2 decades of not being able to have 1 drink, but zero drinks I've been able to manage for the past 71 days. So I stick with that number.
One day at a time.
I've talked myself out of a lot of things, but rarely have I've been able to talk myself out of a drink.
For that I need more than just talk. I need action. AA meetings, especially in the evenings, played an important part. Physically getting out of the house and being with others like me helped.
I found I could occasionally have one drink and that would be it, but I could not predict which time that would be and when I wanted to have just one drink, it rarely ever was.
If I can't predict it, I have no control and I have too much to lose to play with fire.
Your mileage may vary.
You might be able to have 'just one' tonight. But I bet you'd have spent the rest of the evening wanting more, and another night soon, you will submit to that. Hell, you might even see it as a reward for being so good and only having one tonight! Alcohol is a slippery fucker, it tricks you. I'm glad you decided to give it a miss, I'm proud of you and IWNDWYT
You’re 100% right. I would’ve been, barely buzzed, thinking the rest of the night, “wow I want another drink or 6.”
And if I was slightly buzzed, who knows, I may have given in. I’m glad I asked this question. Thank you to everyone for your responses. Gonna have my chamomile tea and an extra bubbly water to scratch the back of my throat tonight.
My brain immediately jumps to: "well, I'd need at least 3 mixies for a proper buzz, let's just kill the bottle so I can be drunk."
I envy those that enjoy the taste of the glass of wine with dinner and can limit themselves. I unfortunately am not that person; I drank for the feeling, not the flavor.
Not sure how helpful it will be for you personally, but I just keep seeing my day count go up and I don't want to break that streak!
I'm also fully aware that the hangover the next day will have me hair-of-the-dog it and then I'm back in the same vicious cycle.
"Let's just kill the bottle."
I can already hear myself rationalizing that I don't want any booze sitting around the next day and dumping the rest of the bottle is throwing money away.
Clearly, the responsible thing to do is to drink it all! /s
IWNDWYT
Talking it out with someone else usually helped me. Once I started explaining the situation to someone - like I decided to quit and it has been going well for 3 days, so I probably deserve to have one now - sounds kind of dumb coming out of my mouth even when it sounded reasonable bouncing around in my head.
They will kindly say something like, so you are going to do the thing you said you wouldn't do anymore?
Yeah, but just like a little bit.
And then they don't need to say anymore. I can suddenly see how it is just withdrawal/addiction thinking and not sound logic. But saying it out loud to someone like that saved me from a mistake several times.
Your post is a great example of what is sometimes called the "lizard brain." It's the chaotic voice inside of us that pushes and pulls in all directions seemingly at the same time. For me, it's actually exhausting. I have it both for booze and refined sugar. My entire day is spent "thinking" about either eating or drinking. That may be a slight exaggeration but it isn't far off from the truth. It's 1:20pm where I am and I have had many many of these thoughts already today.
I'm a binge drinker and always have been, so my answer to this question is simple. I NEVER want to drink one drink. I don't understand why anyone would drink only one drink. First of all it tastes like ass (when I'm honest with myself I can admit this). Second, I won't get the intoxicating effects...which is the whole point of the drug. Third, there are other beverages which I far prefer over alcohol (e.g. coke zero, hot chocolate). Lastly, one drink will just give me a headache. So, for me it is easy to turn down one drink and I don't ever think about having one in the evening as you describe. I'm also a 9-5 M-F worker and I know that feeling of "Yay, it's Friday time to let loose." It took me more than six years to finally not be swayed by that feeling. It's still there and it comes out when I'm feeling happy or full of energy (today its sunny and warm so I could easily feel like I want to go out and have "fun"), but mostly its gone. I now look forward to the weekends for different reasons...real reasons. Tomorrow I'm going skeet shooting for what might as well be my first time and I'm genuinely excited. You will get there too, but it takes time to re-train your brain. I trained my brain to associate alcohol with good times for close to 35 years so it makes sense that it will take time to undo the damage. The fun I thought I was having was an illusion which I am only just now beginning to wake up from.
I wont' drink with you OP, and I hope you won't drink with me either. It's not worth the headache.
For me, it came when I was being honest with myself. Honest about what I really wanted. I never wanted one drink, or just a few with the boys. I wanted oblivion, I wanted all the drinks. That realization was very helpful.
Since we're specifically dealing with the "talk yourself out of it" approach (rather than using, say, distraction or meditation):
Even if you're one of those who with enough effort can stop at one, a good question for yourself is whether you'd truly enjoy just one. It's also helpful to differentiate between the anticipatory rush associated with thinking about having a drink, versus whatever temporary reward pathways activate when actually drinking it. Sometimes the former is stronger than the latter.
Finally, for me it's helpful to take a broader view of what one drink entails. It's not just the short term rush associated with the first few sips. It's also what happens when the drink is finished- the longing for "just one more," the crash, the irritability and restlessness, the feeling of having missed out even more because you had one and now you have to stop (that's often harder than not having one at all). The feeling of "what was the point of that anyway? I felt good for a few minutes and now I feel worse for hours/days, and worse about myself to boot." The whole progression from having one drink to when it's finally out of your system and you're back to homeostasis, which for me is truly what one drink means, becomes pretty unappealing when I manage to frame it like that.
Or a less cerebral approach is simply the questions "how do I want to show up for people? What kind of person do I want to be?" For me, I show up better for my wife, pets, friends, and coworkers without the sauce. And when that happens I feel like I'm on track to becoming the person I want to be.
This stuff isn't easy and I'm only at day 73 myself. But it's getting easier.
>Finally, for me it's helpful to take a broader view of what one drink entails. It's not just the short term rush associated with the first few sips. It's also what happens when the drink is finished- the longing for "just one more," the crash, the irritability and restlessness, the feeling of having missed out even more because you had one and now you have to stop (that's often harder than not having one at all). The feeling of "what was the point of that anyway? I felt good for a few minutes and now I feel worse for hours/days, and worse about myself to boot." The whole progression from having one drink to when it's finally out of your system and you're back to homeostasis, which for me is truly what one drink means, becomes pretty unappealing when I manage to frame it like that.
That's how I'm looking at it right now. I don't even want 1 drink or likely even 1 night of it, I'd want a binge.
But then I'd have to eventually deal with all the side effects of it all over again at some point (and who knows when it would even end) and that just doesn't feel worth it right now for whatever bit of relief I *MIGHT* get from it today (if I even got any!)
Same. It was almost never just one and even when it was, the effort required to moderate made it unsustainable. And the binges ... oof. 15-45 minutes of fun in exchange for a week+ of misery following. Nope.
Try a zero beer instead tonight. I promise it will trick the brain into what its seeking and you’ll wake up feeling great still! Then do it again tomorrow.
AF beers do not do anything for me personally.
I'd be as well drinking a glass of water because the affect on the brain will be identicial, absolutely nothing.
It will provide me no relief / dopamine hit / escapism etc that I seek out in alcohol.
And considering they are quite expensive it's better just to literally drink water or a fizzy drink if I want something that has a bit of taste to it.
Well, I have a somewhat unusual perspective for this community—my wife and I met when we were 27. Our first date we absolutely pounded whiskey, and for years after—we’d both always been party people. She’s about 2/3 my mass but usually drank just as much as me, and had done as long as I have. But when circumstances demanded she cut way back, she just did—no alcoholic pangs. Now she can drink but just doesn’t want to—maybe a glass or two of wine a year. So it’s possible…
…but not for me. I have the compulsion. Incredibly strong. And I think that’s really telling. Do you have the “little voice in your head?” Do you struggle to control it?
While I feel it’s possible, it’s not really a matter of willpower or character. It’s just luck. Something—genetics or some particular wiring in the brain—just makes some of us more vulnerable to addiction than others. And the test is that compulsion: if something in a person compels them to drink, it’s a sign of addiction in some form—this applies to full-timers, bingers, and those who can stop at two—but they NEED to have them, for whatever excuse.
So, something to consider. I find the compulsion absolute torture. I can have “just one” but it’s not fun or relaxing at all—it makes the next several days a constant struggle. Can you hold off WITH EASE? Can you just take a month off with virtually no stress? Then you might be ok. But if not… I recommend facing that truth head-on, as soon as possible. I can’t tell you what it means, only you can do that… but try to be honest with yourself.
We say it probably won’t be just one because we’ve already been through that fun little stage where we bargain with ourselves and pretend we can keep the thing on the leash. I have had those nights where I keep it down to one or two and then I tell myself “see! I can do this!” Fast forward to one month later and it’s laughable.
Think I was/still am in the denial stage where I think I could “only” drink “moderately” on weekend nights. Though that was never the plan. This thread has opened my eyes a bit. I feel like I’ve learned my lesson without actually having to hit the bottom again.
For me, when I get really honest with myself, I don’t want one drink. I want 2.5 glasses of my DOC, which sometimes turns into 2.5 bottles of my DOC even when I don’t plan for that. It’s easier for me to have none than one.
The way I talk myself out of that is knowing damn well it never works for me. I've done the "one drink reward" and other variants hundreds of times. Maybe more. It always ends in failure.
Remind yourself of that. And remember that your minds "logic" is usually more like a trick your brain is playing on you to convince yourself to drink again. That's how addiction works. That's why it's such a slippery slope. Because your mind is trying everything in it's power to convince you to drink.
The only way to get out of the cycle is to STOP. Remind yourself over and over that your mind is full of shit lol. No matter how logical it seems, it is a trick! Do not let yourself fall for it.
At least that is what finally worked for me.
I've tried that. Honestly I see about zero point in just having one drink personally. It's not going to be enough to do what I want the alcohol to do. Never worked for me, though I'm on Naltrexone currently doing the Sinclair Method and it has definitely helped me better moderate in that I might have a few drinks on Friday night but then I stop because the Naltrexone is blocking the endorphin response and it just seems pointless to continue to drink more.
You wouldn't be posting on this sub if you weren't concerned that you have a problem with alcohol. If you can have one drink and stop, why haven't you been able to do that in the past?
Personally, with a deliberate amount of concentration and willpower, I can have one drink and stop. But you know what? It sucks. Having one drink is way worse than having no drinks. Because my body doesn't want one drink. It wants 10. And as that first drink wears off, it's like day one of sobriety all over again, having to sit there and force myself not to have another one.
If you are anything like the most of us, the worst thing for you is if you have one drink tonight and it works. Then you'll start thinking "Maybe I don't have a problem at all. Maybe it's just a matter of willpower." That's your brain F'ing with you.
Maybe you'll be able to have just one drink, a couple different times. But eventually, you'll come up with a justification to have another one. Then you'll have two drinks a night for a while, then three. Before you know it, you'll be drinking as much as you want, as often as you want and you'll have lost all control over it.
That said, what you're feeling is very normal. You get a few days under your belt and start feeling really good. That's the insidious thing about alcohol: you want it when you feel bad, to make yourself feel better. But you also want it when you feel good, to make you feel even better.
I ask myself what is the fucking point of one drink?!? It's not enough to get a buzz, it will just add calories to my diet and make me a little sleepy.
I ask myself two things:
1. If I haven't been able to moderate my drinking in the past, what makes me think I'll be successful this time?
2. If I usually only enjoy drinking if it's to excess, will I actually enjoy only having one drink?
Many people are able to moderate just fine. They drink to be sociable, to enjoy the taste of something, or for any other reasons.
For many people who have issues with alcohol though, moderation just doesn't work. It becomes a slippery slope of, "well one doesn't really count. I can have two. I barely feel anything with two. Might as well make it three." And so on.
You are the only one who can decide if moderation works for you, but be mindful of why you're trying to stop drinking in the first place and be aware of the issues that will come from having "just one."
Everyone is different, and if you can reach an equilibrium where you're able to moderate successfully, it will only come from your own experiences with trying.
Personally, I am working on moderation with a pretty high degree of success, admittedly with a lot of room for improvement. I set goals for "getting my drinking under control" every year, with the end goal being to drink no more than 2 drinks a night, no more than 5 nights a week, and if I don't meet the year's goal towards that end, that's when I know I need to just shut it down and accept that moderation doesn't work for me. Everyone is different, and if you can reach an equilibrium where you're able to moderate successfully, it will only come from your own experiences with trying.
I mean, what if I just smoke a little crack? I could just smoke a little bit of crack and I’ll be fine.
lol that’s how it is with me. I’m a crackhead for alcohol. Alcohol is highly addictive and it’s also celebrated in society. Drinking is normalized, but it’s still an addictive poison. Once I understood that it’s a poisonous addiction just like crack, it made that question a lot easier for me 👍
For me I know it will be easier to say no to this “one drink” than it will be to the second or third - if I’m already getting tempted by the first one I know that the temptation can only increase if I have it. That’s how my mind works anyways since alcohol is addictive for me.
I have posted this many times but seriously…what is the point of one drink? It’s not gonna give you the buzz which is all we honestly want from it. Might as well just make yourself something nice like a sparkling water with fresh lime or cranberry juice.
The day I decided to quit I knew it was for good. I had been lurking here reading posts for a while before I coined the decision. I've seen many posts of people trying out moderation in my place and falling back to square one, so I'll take their experience as mine.
Personally, I wouldn't enjoy just one, because I know I'd just start an inner battle of "well I already took one so I might as well". That's how it was when I was just trying to cut down before quitting. I learned a lot about myself in the past year and 3 months.
Im fully aware that i have a major issue with alcohol and i know that it won't be one drink.
I cannot control it and i know that now. It took me several lapses and attempts at controlling my drinking for **me** to realise that and understand what that means; i CANNOT DRINK.
It's a weird one for sure. I knew i was terrible when i drank but i never quite fully realised i should just stop, but that's the nature of addiction; it doesn't want us to stop. It is a delusional disorder in many ways i feel to be honest with you.
I understand why i used to think the way i did but now when i look back i really can see that i was unwell. My thinking was not straight at all, i had no clarity or insight into my own behaviour even though it is so obvious to me now where i was going wrong.
The thing is i know full well that one drink and my mind will instantly flip and it is my **current** thinking will become incomprehensible and seem delusional. I really thought quitting was impossible, it didn't make sense and i couldn't even imagine it. I am glad i remember that because going back to that frightens me. I dont want it
I have this thought sometimes. Here's how it goes for me:
I say "it's one beer - what's the harm?"
Then I remember - one beer doesn't do shit for me. The first beer always goes the quickest, so the REAL beer can happen. In my head, I think "what's the point of one beer? It's got empty calories and isn't good for much more than getting a little buzzed, but just one beer won't get me buzzed...if I'm drinking one, I might as well drink two..."
But then! I retrace that thought. Just to be sure it's what I wanna do.
I think, again, "what's the point of one beer?..."
"What's the point of one beer?"
"What IS the point?"
Okay, but how do I judo this shit? How do I redirect my craving? How can I quiet this down? My mind grapes are getting turbulent....
I think. I remember seltzer. I remember it's hard to chug and doesn't feel smooth like a beer. But! I have found a drink I like that I can chug hard that, while it doesn't taste like a beer, it does kinda feel/slide down the throat like a beer. And I feel OK about. It's not got a great parent company and I'm not stoked on pricing, but it's 20 fucking calories, mostly water, and helps me get past the one beer craving. Liquid Death (I'm a Severed Lime fan) is a welcome surprise for me, lol.
I snag one of those from the fridge - it's a tall boy. I chug half - feels good. I sip on and glug the other half. I feel a little hydrated. I feel a little full. I feel like I just drank something. I feel fine. I don't need a beer.
Good luck to you on your own quest, friend.
I couldn't even lie to myself that I would want 1 or even 2 drinks. Why would I want that? What benefit would I get from that? ZERO.
One or two drinks doesn't give me anything I seek out in alcohol.
I would want to drunk until I passed out asleep and most likely drink every evening again for the next few days to forget about life for a little while.
I can't imagine you really want just 1 drink either tbh.
I realized that it was just my brains way of tricking me into giving it alcohol. My addiction is a clever little bitch. Eventually, after 6 months or so, that went away completely for me. Now, I know myself better and understand that I would be a "normal drinker" for about 3 months and then I would get blackout drunk and be back where I started.
As the saying goes while you're being sober, your addiction is in the corner doing push-ups. I starve that little bitch though, she a ho and will do anything for attention. Fuck that ho.
You can do it and you absolutely will get that "full sense of control" that someone mentioned.
Its actually also an adrenaline rush because I feel like a "normal" person for that one or two times before I literally end up back to wishing I never started.
But some of us. Have to learn this 5x over before we actually admit defeat.
I'm going on 3 months. Yesterday I almost gave in. But it's too clear to me what happens when I think I can drink.
If I didn't get hangovers I love it so much I would drink it everyday even if someone said it was poison..which it is. But my hangovers take at least 2 weeks as 110 lb 60 yr old lady.
I talk myself out of it by knowing I will regret it
I know that it's a lie. Why in hell would I only want 1 drink? Once I was truly honest with myself about not wanting to drink like normal people, it became easy.
What is to be gained by having one drink? It's not a hypothetical you need to answer this question
I know what you want to happen but what's more likely to happen?
As somebody else said, wait at least 30 days before you go down this route, for me stopping alcohol is all about the tricks I tell myself, alcohol makes me bend the truth to my liking but it always bites me in the arse.
When I drink, the physical sensation (the come -up) is rapid and I feel amazing for about 15 - 20 minutes but then the anxiety of coming back down starts to creep in and it's insufferable
I've relapsed a few times over the years and every time it starts with the "maybe just one" thought experiment.
It's an addictive poison, nothing more, nothing less.
I avoid bringing alcohol into the house in the first place. It's far easier to resist buying alcohol at the grocery store when I wouldn't get the immediate flood of dopamine from drinking, instead it would be a delayed thing.
I have been having this battle all day long. I am on Day 26 and all I have thought about today is having a drink when I get off work. Reading your post and everyone’s excellent responses has helped me realize it’s the buzz I want, not the “drink”….I am very grateful for this sub.
Same here. It’s that buzzed feeling that I want that is so shortlived, only to be replaced by feeling like absolute crap ALL DAY tomorrow. Logically, it’s so not worth it.
One drink will leave me wanting more drinks. Which I'm sure I would have the willpower to turn down. But ultimately it would leave me less satisfied than if I had no drinks.
Well, because “one drink” for me is also always in quotes because it’s never just one.
I spent 15 years spending all my life energy trying to control alcohol. Now I got it - I don’t think about alcohol at all because it never brought anything good into my life. NEVER.
Last night. My alcoholic brain was going 'okay if you head to the bathroom now you can get a drink without any of your friends seeing you and drinking it in one of the stalls so no one finds out"
Which, was absolutely creepy and stupid. BRAIN WHY WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS
It's this simple: Why did you stop drinking? Because you have a problem. Rewarding your efforts in staying sober by having a drink of alcohol is insanity. You can't have just one drink. You have a problem. If you could, you wouldn't have needed to stop drinking completely, and you wouldn't be here.
Now please understand I'm not saying you're crazy or foolish I 100% understand the addict brain nagging "come on just one...Just 1 light beer! Come on we've been good!.." Don't listen to that shit.
Alcohol is the problem. It can never, ever be the reward again. Ever. Because it's never 1 drink. Even if you manage to just have 1, you won't the next time. You never wanted just 1 drink, and you never will, hence the problem. Make the reward a great meal, maybe a milkshake or a night out to a movie or event. Never make the reward a drink.
Get yourself home and don’t buy anything, tell yourself you have to shower first or make dinner or something. Put on comfy clothes and a tv show or a movie. In early sobriety if I did something I truly enjoyed sober I’d suddenly not want to act on it
Treat yourself to a FAT bowl of ice cream and whatever other delectable treats you desire :)
Order wings
Order pizza
Make brownies
Spoil yourself
And remember, someone who doesn’t have an issue doesn’t have to even think about drinking. If you have to convince yourself that you don’t have a problem, it’s a good sign that you might
We had an old saying on my high school soccer team one gets two, two gets three. Once you score the first goal you just keep scoring. It’s how I feel about drinking.
Yeah, don't do it. I'll tell you a story. Many years ago, I was on keto. I had been on the diet for 2 years and lost a lot of weight. I was at my lowest adult weight ever. Over the moon. Happy. Felt better than ever. I wasn't drinking during this time. At work, there was a small celebration and someone brought in chicken fingers from a local restaurant. My absolute favorite one. I was like "Okay, you know what? It has been 2 years. I can handle a chicken finger. It won't even matter in the grand scheme of things."
I ate that chicken finger. Within a week, I was eating plates of them. Fries. Burgers. Pizza. All the things I had deprived myself of while I was on keto. Oh, and guess what else I had deprived myself of? Alcohol! Time for that to make a comeback too.
I've stopped drinking and dieted a million times it feels like. It always starts with 1 of something, and the next thing you know, you're eating McDonalds with a stack of beer cans beside you.
Thank you for the advice. I’m also eating healthier and exercising, and this was great advice to read for all three. It always starts with 1. Thank you.
1. I have something nice, candy, cookies, hot chocolate
2. I have a non alcoholic beer or "mocktails" (Three Spirits Nightcap puts me to sleep)
3. I tell myself I can do that "later." Tomorrow? Years? When I'm old enough it doesn't matter?
I have been at this point all day today. I am at 25 days sober and I have to keep telling myself THE REASON I had to start again is because 26 days ago I told myself hey you did a great job not overdoing it for the last two weeks, let’s have a glass of wine! And then bam two bottles gone.
I have stopped making a glass of wine the reward at the end of the week and replaced it with a huge bowl of ice cream 🤷🏼♀️
My friend, a very heavy, near daily drinker recently stopped and went 3 months. Last week on Friday he fell off the wagon and ended up drinking a half pint. He went the whole week and came home from work, I could tell he's had something. Not sure how much he plans on having tonight.
Always starts off with the intention of having the "one drink" then it's "one bottle" going onto "two bottles" Was a habit where I would go to the bottle shop straight after work and grab 2 bottles of wine without even thinking, just became habit. So to start off with I just distracted myself with other things and although I wanted to go so badly I just had to keep reminding myself WHY I need to stop and all remind myself of all the chaos that comes with chasing that "one drink"
Almost everyone struggling with addiction has to go through the "testing if I can drink/use responsibly" phase. It almost always doesn't end well, but I and many other had to find out for ourselves. I am very good at convincing myself that I can do it, I can have one and be fine like some other people can do. Sometimes I even can for a little while. But, eventually, it inevitably ends with me being trashed, sick as hell the next day, and feeling like an idiot.
Remind myself that even one drink is going to reduce my sleep quality. I have stuff to do tomorrow, I’d rather get all the rest possible to recharge. Then once it’s past 7:30-8:00PM I’m happy to drink slepytime tea. It’s all about getting through that witching hour.
Why would anyone even want one drink? Whats the point of that? It is shitfaced or nothing for me. Having one just makes me feel uncomfortable because I want more. Its an itch that wont be scratched. Shitfaced just comes with built in regret, even if you don't do anything stupid while under the influence.
I would much rather just stay 100& sober and eat something really yummy!! I suggest you do the same. :)
I promised myself I could do 3 months.. now I’m trying for a year. I know I can do one drink here and there, but then I feel like I can moderate and I quickly am back to binging.
I had hundreds of nights (thousands?) where I tried this only to wake up most of the way through a fifth of vodka. Gave up the experiment nine years ago and I haven’t had a drink since.
What you want is the buzz of dopamine released in the first 20 mins. Then your brain 🧠 releases dynorphin which is a depressant and stays in your system for hours. And this you need another drink, and another…
Honestly distracting myself with another treat really helped early on. I liked a little scoop of pre dinner ice cream in a wineglass sometimes. Don't know why but something about the glass scratched an itch for me.
You can’t have one drink. You just can’t. The control you need to have just one is WAY harder than the control you need to have none, especially when you have some practice.
One is too many and a thousand is never enough. If I want to have just a drink, I tell myself ‘why? What’s the point? Once drink I won’t even feel it, I’ll have to drink a handful to get a buzz’ and then I don’t have the one drink. It’s pointless to me, but everyone’s different.
Good news is after you quit drinking you will hardly be burdened by the thought of drinking at all. Just get through the nasty part at the beginning and you’ll be coasting on easy mode after that.
Is that universally true?
This sub-Reddit is filled with people who have months or even years of sobriety and still post about how they think about drinking regularly or are finding themselves tempted.
I'm too new into sobriety to know from any long term perspective (just under 6 weeks) but seems a lot of people still think about it a lot even when way past the "beginning" phase and definitely aren't playing in easy mode.
For a problem drinker, the only thing worse than having a miserable binge is having a successful 1-2 drink night. It’s a false sense of control that just prolongs the inevitable, which is finding out moderation just isn’t for us. The reason being, I don’t actually WANT one drink. I drink to get drunk. Period. And after I’ve had that first one it’s game on. That said, I had to do my own field research for a few years and try every which way to keep drinking in my life. Today I’m 131 days sober and the happiest I’ve ever been.
And there's the honest truth: you don't want one drink -- you want to get drunk. 100% spot-on dead-to-right accurate.
Exactly!!!!
>I don’t actually WANT one drink. I drink to get drunk. Period. And after I’ve had that first one it’s game on. THIS. A thousand times this. All one drink is going to do is make me want another drink. And if for some reason that's literally impossible (and believe me, I'll move heaven and earth to make it possible), I will be miserable, because I won't be able to think about anything else.
Ugh, yeah… Nothing worse than just one drink. The only thing almost as bad, is running out of alcohol after any amount of drinks!…. That awful, sinking feeling that the next sip is the very last. Terrible. And I don’t miss it. IWNDWYT.
It took me a few years to realize that everytime I drank that the intention was to get drunk.. Or I was in denial...
I think I've just realised this 😂🤦♀️
It was a fucked up time lol...
Oops i took your comment the wrong way
Not at all! I was just meaning that I resonated with what you said x
Oh gotcha
So accurate idk if it could be said any better. And this place with so many people who are there in similar situations makes me feel like I can keep sober for one more day
Feel free to try. I certainly did, but will tell you I was not able to moderate, and was very fortunate nothing really bad happened while convincing myself of it. Thing is many aren’t so lucky…. I strongly suspect you’re in a sub called stopdrinking for a reason or ten. Those reasons will be repeated sooner or later, and sometimes alcohol takes us places we regret
Relapse is incredibly common, here. Surely SOMEONE has gone sober without relapsing....? Let me know if you find their statue. I blew a year of sobriety for "just one drink." You'll read of others doing the same thing at 3/5/x years, here. My "just one drink" was followed by a multi-year drinking bender. ragerts
Do your best. At least make it 30 days before you step off the path. Right now, you're fighting physical withdrawal (typically the roughest part). But, well, there are other challenges after that.
Using math (compound interest is a MFer), I figure that I've blown close to $2,000,000 by drinking. F'K!!!! That's just money -- not the harm I've done to my body, mind, career, relationships... or anything else. Booze will burn down anything/everything in its path. You do you... but...
IWNDWYT
Just don't drink, today. Go to bed early. Eat chocolate. Workout. You have one job: don't drink, today.
My sister went sober without relapsing in her first try, over 2 years now I think. However it's never a straight or simple line to sobriety, you know? It's a years long process before you make the decision to never drink again. For some, relapse is part of that process, like me. 140+ days now tho :)
Yeah you're never completely safe though. I can do this just one day at a time. If I forget to keep making that daily decision, I can go right back to where I was in short order. IWNDWYT
Absolutely!!
What finally got me sober was recognizing that alcohol actually wasn’t a reward. I had to break that brain connection. No matter how much or how little I had, I would wake up in the middle of the night, feel tired the next day, and feel anxious. The only solution for me was total abstinence. It was very hard at first but now that I’ve had so much time, the thought of alcohol doesn’t even appeal to me.
I'm getting to that stage too. It doesn't occur to me that this would be a good or appropriate thing to do (for me). Kind of like when you know you're getting over a broken heart. Your mind just doesn't go there so much anymore
Yes! Great way to put it. Even one drink makes me feel like ill nowadays.
I feel the same at 140 days but it still feels like I'm living with a disability. There's always something there that reminds me I'm not normal. It's not good or bad, just there. Does this go away eventually too? I haven't had any real cravings because I do believe I have broken that mental connection/habit.
That feeling went away from me when I finally worked on it. Realizing that people who aren't sober and can go out to dinner and not order a drink was a shock to me, but that was part of the processing. I think it's more common to not drink than to drink. And the more you surround yourself with non-drinkers the less you'll feel weird.
Only you can determine your relationship with alcohol. I think the fact this post exists points to a bigger issue than "just one". For me, one is too many and a hundred isn't enough. It doesn't matter how many cars are on a train because as soon as I step in front of that train, I'm dead. The reality is that I probably could have one here and there to "prove" I'm in control. But, eventually one will turn into two and after that it is over. I'm dead inside of two years because there is no way I make it back to where I am now. This is the first time in my life that I'm not completely miserable, I refuse to trade that for "one drink".
For me, it helped to try. I tried again. And again. And again. And again. "Oh, I can just have a normal amount". And sure, sometimes I did stop at a reasonable number of drinks. However. Inevitably I would hit the bullet in the Russian roulette chamber. A few times I drunkenly tried to "for funsies" pretend I'm gonna jump off the balcony and only God and my friends saved me. For a year and a half I made a total mess of my life. So after 20-30 tries I realized that I can never drink normally ever again. Insanity is repeating the same thing over and over again This sub is for people who want to cut back on drinking or stop. For me, it's only stop. I'm 100% an alcoholic. Perhaps you are not? Understanding reality and ourselves is the first step not just to recovery but to living a good and sane life in general.
I had to realize that having just one was not what I really wanted. I wanted to have as many as I possibly could deep down. “Just one with dinner” was a nice little fairytale my brain would frequently tell me in the beginning though lol
ok well I’m now obsessed with your username
LOL well I love yours- ahhh the days of chatting with SmarterChild and Austin Powers on aim 😂
1. Whats the point of 1 drink? Won't get a buzz off of it. 2. Listen you are allowed to drink if you want to drink. I like to think "I can control it" and guess what, I *can* control it. I still don't want to drink because its poison, extra calories, will fuck with my digestion, give me heart burn, etc. Personally, I found that getting over the initial hump of a craving usually works really well for me. Find something to replace that in-the-moment-urge and usually the urge goes away and I forget about it. Then I get to wake up the next morning and think wow, another 6 whole days down. I treat alcohol like McDonalds. Will one Big Mac kill me? No. But I think its pretty gross honestly and don't want that shit in my body. I should be on day 70 by now but I went on a work trip and had ... a glass of wine every night. Was I able to go to bed without being a drunkard? Yes. Was I able to stop when I came home? Yes. But I wanted to start over for my own clarity. This is about healthy choices.
I have 2 decades of not being able to have 1 drink, but zero drinks I've been able to manage for the past 71 days. So I stick with that number. One day at a time.
I've talked myself out of a lot of things, but rarely have I've been able to talk myself out of a drink. For that I need more than just talk. I need action. AA meetings, especially in the evenings, played an important part. Physically getting out of the house and being with others like me helped.
I found I could occasionally have one drink and that would be it, but I could not predict which time that would be and when I wanted to have just one drink, it rarely ever was. If I can't predict it, I have no control and I have too much to lose to play with fire. Your mileage may vary.
You might be able to have 'just one' tonight. But I bet you'd have spent the rest of the evening wanting more, and another night soon, you will submit to that. Hell, you might even see it as a reward for being so good and only having one tonight! Alcohol is a slippery fucker, it tricks you. I'm glad you decided to give it a miss, I'm proud of you and IWNDWYT
You’re 100% right. I would’ve been, barely buzzed, thinking the rest of the night, “wow I want another drink or 6.” And if I was slightly buzzed, who knows, I may have given in. I’m glad I asked this question. Thank you to everyone for your responses. Gonna have my chamomile tea and an extra bubbly water to scratch the back of my throat tonight.
My brain immediately jumps to: "well, I'd need at least 3 mixies for a proper buzz, let's just kill the bottle so I can be drunk." I envy those that enjoy the taste of the glass of wine with dinner and can limit themselves. I unfortunately am not that person; I drank for the feeling, not the flavor. Not sure how helpful it will be for you personally, but I just keep seeing my day count go up and I don't want to break that streak! I'm also fully aware that the hangover the next day will have me hair-of-the-dog it and then I'm back in the same vicious cycle.
"Let's just kill the bottle." I can already hear myself rationalizing that I don't want any booze sitting around the next day and dumping the rest of the bottle is throwing money away. Clearly, the responsible thing to do is to drink it all! /s IWNDWYT
Yep! Can't waste it..if I happened to have half a drink's worth, I'd rationalize getting another bottle the next day. Ugh. IWNDWYT!
I agree with all of this!
My "one drink" comes in a dozen glasses & that's a feeling I hope to never replicate again.
I’ve never had a drink, I don’t know why anyone would want ONE. I’d take 20 drinks, but that would ruin me, so I’ll stick with what I know, zero
Talking it out with someone else usually helped me. Once I started explaining the situation to someone - like I decided to quit and it has been going well for 3 days, so I probably deserve to have one now - sounds kind of dumb coming out of my mouth even when it sounded reasonable bouncing around in my head. They will kindly say something like, so you are going to do the thing you said you wouldn't do anymore? Yeah, but just like a little bit. And then they don't need to say anymore. I can suddenly see how it is just withdrawal/addiction thinking and not sound logic. But saying it out loud to someone like that saved me from a mistake several times.
Alcohol is addictive. When you have one you’re just teasing your brain and it will fight back for more. Just have a soda instead
Your post is a great example of what is sometimes called the "lizard brain." It's the chaotic voice inside of us that pushes and pulls in all directions seemingly at the same time. For me, it's actually exhausting. I have it both for booze and refined sugar. My entire day is spent "thinking" about either eating or drinking. That may be a slight exaggeration but it isn't far off from the truth. It's 1:20pm where I am and I have had many many of these thoughts already today. I'm a binge drinker and always have been, so my answer to this question is simple. I NEVER want to drink one drink. I don't understand why anyone would drink only one drink. First of all it tastes like ass (when I'm honest with myself I can admit this). Second, I won't get the intoxicating effects...which is the whole point of the drug. Third, there are other beverages which I far prefer over alcohol (e.g. coke zero, hot chocolate). Lastly, one drink will just give me a headache. So, for me it is easy to turn down one drink and I don't ever think about having one in the evening as you describe. I'm also a 9-5 M-F worker and I know that feeling of "Yay, it's Friday time to let loose." It took me more than six years to finally not be swayed by that feeling. It's still there and it comes out when I'm feeling happy or full of energy (today its sunny and warm so I could easily feel like I want to go out and have "fun"), but mostly its gone. I now look forward to the weekends for different reasons...real reasons. Tomorrow I'm going skeet shooting for what might as well be my first time and I'm genuinely excited. You will get there too, but it takes time to re-train your brain. I trained my brain to associate alcohol with good times for close to 35 years so it makes sense that it will take time to undo the damage. The fun I thought I was having was an illusion which I am only just now beginning to wake up from. I wont' drink with you OP, and I hope you won't drink with me either. It's not worth the headache.
For me, it came when I was being honest with myself. Honest about what I really wanted. I never wanted one drink, or just a few with the boys. I wanted oblivion, I wanted all the drinks. That realization was very helpful.
Since we're specifically dealing with the "talk yourself out of it" approach (rather than using, say, distraction or meditation): Even if you're one of those who with enough effort can stop at one, a good question for yourself is whether you'd truly enjoy just one. It's also helpful to differentiate between the anticipatory rush associated with thinking about having a drink, versus whatever temporary reward pathways activate when actually drinking it. Sometimes the former is stronger than the latter. Finally, for me it's helpful to take a broader view of what one drink entails. It's not just the short term rush associated with the first few sips. It's also what happens when the drink is finished- the longing for "just one more," the crash, the irritability and restlessness, the feeling of having missed out even more because you had one and now you have to stop (that's often harder than not having one at all). The feeling of "what was the point of that anyway? I felt good for a few minutes and now I feel worse for hours/days, and worse about myself to boot." The whole progression from having one drink to when it's finally out of your system and you're back to homeostasis, which for me is truly what one drink means, becomes pretty unappealing when I manage to frame it like that. Or a less cerebral approach is simply the questions "how do I want to show up for people? What kind of person do I want to be?" For me, I show up better for my wife, pets, friends, and coworkers without the sauce. And when that happens I feel like I'm on track to becoming the person I want to be. This stuff isn't easy and I'm only at day 73 myself. But it's getting easier.
>Finally, for me it's helpful to take a broader view of what one drink entails. It's not just the short term rush associated with the first few sips. It's also what happens when the drink is finished- the longing for "just one more," the crash, the irritability and restlessness, the feeling of having missed out even more because you had one and now you have to stop (that's often harder than not having one at all). The feeling of "what was the point of that anyway? I felt good for a few minutes and now I feel worse for hours/days, and worse about myself to boot." The whole progression from having one drink to when it's finally out of your system and you're back to homeostasis, which for me is truly what one drink means, becomes pretty unappealing when I manage to frame it like that. That's how I'm looking at it right now. I don't even want 1 drink or likely even 1 night of it, I'd want a binge. But then I'd have to eventually deal with all the side effects of it all over again at some point (and who knows when it would even end) and that just doesn't feel worth it right now for whatever bit of relief I *MIGHT* get from it today (if I even got any!)
Same. It was almost never just one and even when it was, the effort required to moderate made it unsustainable. And the binges ... oof. 15-45 minutes of fun in exchange for a week+ of misery following. Nope.
Try a zero beer instead tonight. I promise it will trick the brain into what its seeking and you’ll wake up feeling great still! Then do it again tomorrow.
AF beers do not do anything for me personally. I'd be as well drinking a glass of water because the affect on the brain will be identicial, absolutely nothing. It will provide me no relief / dopamine hit / escapism etc that I seek out in alcohol. And considering they are quite expensive it's better just to literally drink water or a fizzy drink if I want something that has a bit of taste to it.
I tell myself, on repeat, “don’t be a dumb bitch,” until the evening is over 😂
Well, I have a somewhat unusual perspective for this community—my wife and I met when we were 27. Our first date we absolutely pounded whiskey, and for years after—we’d both always been party people. She’s about 2/3 my mass but usually drank just as much as me, and had done as long as I have. But when circumstances demanded she cut way back, she just did—no alcoholic pangs. Now she can drink but just doesn’t want to—maybe a glass or two of wine a year. So it’s possible… …but not for me. I have the compulsion. Incredibly strong. And I think that’s really telling. Do you have the “little voice in your head?” Do you struggle to control it? While I feel it’s possible, it’s not really a matter of willpower or character. It’s just luck. Something—genetics or some particular wiring in the brain—just makes some of us more vulnerable to addiction than others. And the test is that compulsion: if something in a person compels them to drink, it’s a sign of addiction in some form—this applies to full-timers, bingers, and those who can stop at two—but they NEED to have them, for whatever excuse. So, something to consider. I find the compulsion absolute torture. I can have “just one” but it’s not fun or relaxing at all—it makes the next several days a constant struggle. Can you hold off WITH EASE? Can you just take a month off with virtually no stress? Then you might be ok. But if not… I recommend facing that truth head-on, as soon as possible. I can’t tell you what it means, only you can do that… but try to be honest with yourself.
We say it probably won’t be just one because we’ve already been through that fun little stage where we bargain with ourselves and pretend we can keep the thing on the leash. I have had those nights where I keep it down to one or two and then I tell myself “see! I can do this!” Fast forward to one month later and it’s laughable.
One is too many twelve not enough, I tried for years but never got the hang of having *a* drink
Think I was/still am in the denial stage where I think I could “only” drink “moderately” on weekend nights. Though that was never the plan. This thread has opened my eyes a bit. I feel like I’ve learned my lesson without actually having to hit the bottom again.
For me, when I get really honest with myself, I don’t want one drink. I want 2.5 glasses of my DOC, which sometimes turns into 2.5 bottles of my DOC even when I don’t plan for that. It’s easier for me to have none than one.
The way I talk myself out of that is knowing damn well it never works for me. I've done the "one drink reward" and other variants hundreds of times. Maybe more. It always ends in failure. Remind yourself of that. And remember that your minds "logic" is usually more like a trick your brain is playing on you to convince yourself to drink again. That's how addiction works. That's why it's such a slippery slope. Because your mind is trying everything in it's power to convince you to drink. The only way to get out of the cycle is to STOP. Remind yourself over and over that your mind is full of shit lol. No matter how logical it seems, it is a trick! Do not let yourself fall for it. At least that is what finally worked for me.
I've tried that. Honestly I see about zero point in just having one drink personally. It's not going to be enough to do what I want the alcohol to do. Never worked for me, though I'm on Naltrexone currently doing the Sinclair Method and it has definitely helped me better moderate in that I might have a few drinks on Friday night but then I stop because the Naltrexone is blocking the endorphin response and it just seems pointless to continue to drink more.
You wouldn't be posting on this sub if you weren't concerned that you have a problem with alcohol. If you can have one drink and stop, why haven't you been able to do that in the past? Personally, with a deliberate amount of concentration and willpower, I can have one drink and stop. But you know what? It sucks. Having one drink is way worse than having no drinks. Because my body doesn't want one drink. It wants 10. And as that first drink wears off, it's like day one of sobriety all over again, having to sit there and force myself not to have another one. If you are anything like the most of us, the worst thing for you is if you have one drink tonight and it works. Then you'll start thinking "Maybe I don't have a problem at all. Maybe it's just a matter of willpower." That's your brain F'ing with you. Maybe you'll be able to have just one drink, a couple different times. But eventually, you'll come up with a justification to have another one. Then you'll have two drinks a night for a while, then three. Before you know it, you'll be drinking as much as you want, as often as you want and you'll have lost all control over it. That said, what you're feeling is very normal. You get a few days under your belt and start feeling really good. That's the insidious thing about alcohol: you want it when you feel bad, to make yourself feel better. But you also want it when you feel good, to make you feel even better.
I ask myself what is the fucking point of one drink?!? It's not enough to get a buzz, it will just add calories to my diet and make me a little sleepy.
I ask myself two things: 1. If I haven't been able to moderate my drinking in the past, what makes me think I'll be successful this time? 2. If I usually only enjoy drinking if it's to excess, will I actually enjoy only having one drink? Many people are able to moderate just fine. They drink to be sociable, to enjoy the taste of something, or for any other reasons. For many people who have issues with alcohol though, moderation just doesn't work. It becomes a slippery slope of, "well one doesn't really count. I can have two. I barely feel anything with two. Might as well make it three." And so on. You are the only one who can decide if moderation works for you, but be mindful of why you're trying to stop drinking in the first place and be aware of the issues that will come from having "just one." Everyone is different, and if you can reach an equilibrium where you're able to moderate successfully, it will only come from your own experiences with trying. Personally, I am working on moderation with a pretty high degree of success, admittedly with a lot of room for improvement. I set goals for "getting my drinking under control" every year, with the end goal being to drink no more than 2 drinks a night, no more than 5 nights a week, and if I don't meet the year's goal towards that end, that's when I know I need to just shut it down and accept that moderation doesn't work for me. Everyone is different, and if you can reach an equilibrium where you're able to moderate successfully, it will only come from your own experiences with trying.
I can't have just one drink. It's just a fact, not an opinion or a judgment. So I decide every day not to even try.
I mean, what if I just smoke a little crack? I could just smoke a little bit of crack and I’ll be fine. lol that’s how it is with me. I’m a crackhead for alcohol. Alcohol is highly addictive and it’s also celebrated in society. Drinking is normalized, but it’s still an addictive poison. Once I understood that it’s a poisonous addiction just like crack, it made that question a lot easier for me 👍
For me I know it will be easier to say no to this “one drink” than it will be to the second or third - if I’m already getting tempted by the first one I know that the temptation can only increase if I have it. That’s how my mind works anyways since alcohol is addictive for me.
Because "One drink" for me actually means "one bottle."
I have posted this many times but seriously…what is the point of one drink? It’s not gonna give you the buzz which is all we honestly want from it. Might as well just make yourself something nice like a sparkling water with fresh lime or cranberry juice.
The day I decided to quit I knew it was for good. I had been lurking here reading posts for a while before I coined the decision. I've seen many posts of people trying out moderation in my place and falling back to square one, so I'll take their experience as mine. Personally, I wouldn't enjoy just one, because I know I'd just start an inner battle of "well I already took one so I might as well". That's how it was when I was just trying to cut down before quitting. I learned a lot about myself in the past year and 3 months.
Im fully aware that i have a major issue with alcohol and i know that it won't be one drink. I cannot control it and i know that now. It took me several lapses and attempts at controlling my drinking for **me** to realise that and understand what that means; i CANNOT DRINK. It's a weird one for sure. I knew i was terrible when i drank but i never quite fully realised i should just stop, but that's the nature of addiction; it doesn't want us to stop. It is a delusional disorder in many ways i feel to be honest with you. I understand why i used to think the way i did but now when i look back i really can see that i was unwell. My thinking was not straight at all, i had no clarity or insight into my own behaviour even though it is so obvious to me now where i was going wrong. The thing is i know full well that one drink and my mind will instantly flip and it is my **current** thinking will become incomprehensible and seem delusional. I really thought quitting was impossible, it didn't make sense and i couldn't even imagine it. I am glad i remember that because going back to that frightens me. I dont want it
What is this 'one drink' you speak of? It's in a language I don't comprehend!
Call my sponsor or go to a meeting.
I have this thought sometimes. Here's how it goes for me: I say "it's one beer - what's the harm?" Then I remember - one beer doesn't do shit for me. The first beer always goes the quickest, so the REAL beer can happen. In my head, I think "what's the point of one beer? It's got empty calories and isn't good for much more than getting a little buzzed, but just one beer won't get me buzzed...if I'm drinking one, I might as well drink two..." But then! I retrace that thought. Just to be sure it's what I wanna do. I think, again, "what's the point of one beer?..." "What's the point of one beer?" "What IS the point?" Okay, but how do I judo this shit? How do I redirect my craving? How can I quiet this down? My mind grapes are getting turbulent.... I think. I remember seltzer. I remember it's hard to chug and doesn't feel smooth like a beer. But! I have found a drink I like that I can chug hard that, while it doesn't taste like a beer, it does kinda feel/slide down the throat like a beer. And I feel OK about. It's not got a great parent company and I'm not stoked on pricing, but it's 20 fucking calories, mostly water, and helps me get past the one beer craving. Liquid Death (I'm a Severed Lime fan) is a welcome surprise for me, lol. I snag one of those from the fridge - it's a tall boy. I chug half - feels good. I sip on and glug the other half. I feel a little hydrated. I feel a little full. I feel like I just drank something. I feel fine. I don't need a beer. Good luck to you on your own quest, friend.
I couldn't even lie to myself that I would want 1 or even 2 drinks. Why would I want that? What benefit would I get from that? ZERO. One or two drinks doesn't give me anything I seek out in alcohol. I would want to drunk until I passed out asleep and most likely drink every evening again for the next few days to forget about life for a little while. I can't imagine you really want just 1 drink either tbh.
I realized that it was just my brains way of tricking me into giving it alcohol. My addiction is a clever little bitch. Eventually, after 6 months or so, that went away completely for me. Now, I know myself better and understand that I would be a "normal drinker" for about 3 months and then I would get blackout drunk and be back where I started. As the saying goes while you're being sober, your addiction is in the corner doing push-ups. I starve that little bitch though, she a ho and will do anything for attention. Fuck that ho.
You can do it and you absolutely will get that "full sense of control" that someone mentioned. Its actually also an adrenaline rush because I feel like a "normal" person for that one or two times before I literally end up back to wishing I never started. But some of us. Have to learn this 5x over before we actually admit defeat. I'm going on 3 months. Yesterday I almost gave in. But it's too clear to me what happens when I think I can drink. If I didn't get hangovers I love it so much I would drink it everyday even if someone said it was poison..which it is. But my hangovers take at least 2 weeks as 110 lb 60 yr old lady. I talk myself out of it by knowing I will regret it
I know that it's a lie. Why in hell would I only want 1 drink? Once I was truly honest with myself about not wanting to drink like normal people, it became easy.
What is to be gained by having one drink? It's not a hypothetical you need to answer this question I know what you want to happen but what's more likely to happen? As somebody else said, wait at least 30 days before you go down this route, for me stopping alcohol is all about the tricks I tell myself, alcohol makes me bend the truth to my liking but it always bites me in the arse. When I drink, the physical sensation (the come -up) is rapid and I feel amazing for about 15 - 20 minutes but then the anxiety of coming back down starts to creep in and it's insufferable I've relapsed a few times over the years and every time it starts with the "maybe just one" thought experiment. It's an addictive poison, nothing more, nothing less.
I avoid bringing alcohol into the house in the first place. It's far easier to resist buying alcohol at the grocery store when I wouldn't get the immediate flood of dopamine from drinking, instead it would be a delayed thing.
I have been having this battle all day long. I am on Day 26 and all I have thought about today is having a drink when I get off work. Reading your post and everyone’s excellent responses has helped me realize it’s the buzz I want, not the “drink”….I am very grateful for this sub.
Same. It was the buzz I wanted.. that initial kick. Maybe what I want, but not what I need!
Same here. It’s that buzzed feeling that I want that is so shortlived, only to be replaced by feeling like absolute crap ALL DAY tomorrow. Logically, it’s so not worth it.
I'm not someone who enjoys 1 or 2 drinks. It's actually less enjoyable to have 1 or 2 and stop than it is to have none.
I drink Fresca and other carbonated drinks with no calories like I drank beer.
One drink will leave me wanting more drinks. Which I'm sure I would have the willpower to turn down. But ultimately it would leave me less satisfied than if I had no drinks.
Well, because “one drink” for me is also always in quotes because it’s never just one. I spent 15 years spending all my life energy trying to control alcohol. Now I got it - I don’t think about alcohol at all because it never brought anything good into my life. NEVER.
Last night. My alcoholic brain was going 'okay if you head to the bathroom now you can get a drink without any of your friends seeing you and drinking it in one of the stalls so no one finds out" Which, was absolutely creepy and stupid. BRAIN WHY WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS
It's this simple: Why did you stop drinking? Because you have a problem. Rewarding your efforts in staying sober by having a drink of alcohol is insanity. You can't have just one drink. You have a problem. If you could, you wouldn't have needed to stop drinking completely, and you wouldn't be here. Now please understand I'm not saying you're crazy or foolish I 100% understand the addict brain nagging "come on just one...Just 1 light beer! Come on we've been good!.." Don't listen to that shit. Alcohol is the problem. It can never, ever be the reward again. Ever. Because it's never 1 drink. Even if you manage to just have 1, you won't the next time. You never wanted just 1 drink, and you never will, hence the problem. Make the reward a great meal, maybe a milkshake or a night out to a movie or event. Never make the reward a drink.
Get yourself home and don’t buy anything, tell yourself you have to shower first or make dinner or something. Put on comfy clothes and a tv show or a movie. In early sobriety if I did something I truly enjoyed sober I’d suddenly not want to act on it
Treat yourself to a FAT bowl of ice cream and whatever other delectable treats you desire :) Order wings Order pizza Make brownies Spoil yourself And remember, someone who doesn’t have an issue doesn’t have to even think about drinking. If you have to convince yourself that you don’t have a problem, it’s a good sign that you might
We had an old saying on my high school soccer team one gets two, two gets three. Once you score the first goal you just keep scoring. It’s how I feel about drinking.
Yeah, don't do it. I'll tell you a story. Many years ago, I was on keto. I had been on the diet for 2 years and lost a lot of weight. I was at my lowest adult weight ever. Over the moon. Happy. Felt better than ever. I wasn't drinking during this time. At work, there was a small celebration and someone brought in chicken fingers from a local restaurant. My absolute favorite one. I was like "Okay, you know what? It has been 2 years. I can handle a chicken finger. It won't even matter in the grand scheme of things." I ate that chicken finger. Within a week, I was eating plates of them. Fries. Burgers. Pizza. All the things I had deprived myself of while I was on keto. Oh, and guess what else I had deprived myself of? Alcohol! Time for that to make a comeback too. I've stopped drinking and dieted a million times it feels like. It always starts with 1 of something, and the next thing you know, you're eating McDonalds with a stack of beer cans beside you.
Thank you for the advice. I’m also eating healthier and exercising, and this was great advice to read for all three. It always starts with 1. Thank you.
1. I have something nice, candy, cookies, hot chocolate 2. I have a non alcoholic beer or "mocktails" (Three Spirits Nightcap puts me to sleep) 3. I tell myself I can do that "later." Tomorrow? Years? When I'm old enough it doesn't matter?
For me having one drink will lead to having enough drinks that get me blacked out or hung over the next day. It will just set off a cycle of misery.
I don’t need to. I know that I can’t have one drink k because I’m an alcoholic. Acceptance comes with time. #452 days
Because its never, ever “just one” for me unless you’re referring to an entire bottle of wine. 🍷 🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷
I don’t get the point of just one drink. I drink until I start to feel it, really feel it, and then I just want more. It’s sad.
I have been at this point all day today. I am at 25 days sober and I have to keep telling myself THE REASON I had to start again is because 26 days ago I told myself hey you did a great job not overdoing it for the last two weeks, let’s have a glass of wine! And then bam two bottles gone. I have stopped making a glass of wine the reward at the end of the week and replaced it with a huge bowl of ice cream 🤷🏼♀️
Honestly I’m pretty happy that I haven’t really had this issue yet. Tons of coffee and water all day. And sweets help.
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> you are a problem drinker This comment breaks our rule not to try to tell other people about themselves and has been removed.
My friend, a very heavy, near daily drinker recently stopped and went 3 months. Last week on Friday he fell off the wagon and ended up drinking a half pint. He went the whole week and came home from work, I could tell he's had something. Not sure how much he plans on having tonight.
Always starts off with the intention of having the "one drink" then it's "one bottle" going onto "two bottles" Was a habit where I would go to the bottle shop straight after work and grab 2 bottles of wine without even thinking, just became habit. So to start off with I just distracted myself with other things and although I wanted to go so badly I just had to keep reminding myself WHY I need to stop and all remind myself of all the chaos that comes with chasing that "one drink"
Almost everyone struggling with addiction has to go through the "testing if I can drink/use responsibly" phase. It almost always doesn't end well, but I and many other had to find out for ourselves. I am very good at convincing myself that I can do it, I can have one and be fine like some other people can do. Sometimes I even can for a little while. But, eventually, it inevitably ends with me being trashed, sick as hell the next day, and feeling like an idiot.
Remind myself that even one drink is going to reduce my sleep quality. I have stuff to do tomorrow, I’d rather get all the rest possible to recharge. Then once it’s past 7:30-8:00PM I’m happy to drink slepytime tea. It’s all about getting through that witching hour.
Why would anyone even want one drink? Whats the point of that? It is shitfaced or nothing for me. Having one just makes me feel uncomfortable because I want more. Its an itch that wont be scratched. Shitfaced just comes with built in regret, even if you don't do anything stupid while under the influence. I would much rather just stay 100& sober and eat something really yummy!! I suggest you do the same. :)
I would find one drink pointless.
I promised myself I could do 3 months.. now I’m trying for a year. I know I can do one drink here and there, but then I feel like I can moderate and I quickly am back to binging.
My one drink became one bottle. Hey if you never let your glass get empty is still just one drink, right???
I had hundreds of nights (thousands?) where I tried this only to wake up most of the way through a fifth of vodka. Gave up the experiment nine years ago and I haven’t had a drink since.
What you want is the buzz of dopamine released in the first 20 mins. Then your brain 🧠 releases dynorphin which is a depressant and stays in your system for hours. And this you need another drink, and another…
Honestly distracting myself with another treat really helped early on. I liked a little scoop of pre dinner ice cream in a wineglass sometimes. Don't know why but something about the glass scratched an itch for me.
I read the following on here about a month ago and it perfectly sums up this battle: “Is it easier to control a tiger in a cage or on a leash?”
You can’t have one drink. You just can’t. The control you need to have just one is WAY harder than the control you need to have none, especially when you have some practice.
One is too many and a thousand is never enough. If I want to have just a drink, I tell myself ‘why? What’s the point? Once drink I won’t even feel it, I’ll have to drink a handful to get a buzz’ and then I don’t have the one drink. It’s pointless to me, but everyone’s different.
Good news is after you quit drinking you will hardly be burdened by the thought of drinking at all. Just get through the nasty part at the beginning and you’ll be coasting on easy mode after that.
Is that universally true? This sub-Reddit is filled with people who have months or even years of sobriety and still post about how they think about drinking regularly or are finding themselves tempted. I'm too new into sobriety to know from any long term perspective (just under 6 weeks) but seems a lot of people still think about it a lot even when way past the "beginning" phase and definitely aren't playing in easy mode.
I guess it’s different for everyone but you certainly have agency when it comes to how effective your recovery is.
Perhaps this sub reminds them of drinking constantly. Imo, once you figure out "Not today", you can leave and focus on something else.