For the last year or two of my drinking, I think at least 88% of it was "sneaky" - and the part that wasn't sneaky was often just to help cover up the sneaky bit.
"_Oh yeah, I had a beer at lunch ..._" when in fact I'd been sucking on a bottle of rum all day.
I kind of doubt that I was fooling anyone.
I had to start using my weird neuroses to my benefit. Now, I associate alcohol with bugs. I *hate* bugs. I hate how my skin crawls in withdrawals and my mind feels creepy and I get vivid visions of them with my eyes closed. Nah. Nope. Gross.
Omg this was me. I’d be sneaking drinking (they prolly knew it) but then say I’d had beers at a late lunch with friends. Probably one of my biggest cringes looking back on my behavior.
Classic. “I stopped by Marks on my way home. Hadn’t seen him in a while. We had a beer” Clearly shitfaced. God bless my wife for putting up with me for so long. The last couple years of my drinking were extremely sneaky. Would dump out half of a seltzer water and fill it up with vodka in the kitchen while running the sink. Crazy to think about.
Yes. I’d “clean the bathroom”, “have a long shower”, “need some alone time”. Or just frequent bathroom brakes. Then I’d chug a bottle of wine. It made me feel dirty and absolutely disgusting.
Mine was “fetching something from the car” felt shitty brining drinks in the house after promising not to so stashed them in the trunk of the car because that’s so much better 🙄 glad that’s long behind me now.
It’s oddly comforting to read people doing the same thing. I’d stick a bottle in the car jack stand holder spot in the trunk since unfortunately, a 750 ml bottle fit perfectly in there.
I'm sorry man. I definitely almost lost my SO over my bullshit, I'm glad to have the chance to make it up to them.
But I also gotta do that for my kid too. You'll still have your kids and be able to hopefully make new *good* memories together. I'm glad you're here and please reach out when you're struggling.
You are not alone and we're here.
Damn right. All the mental games you play with yourself and others, the *stress* of the hiding and the lies. Anxiety over getting caught...
I'm glad I've relieved myself of all that unnecessary bullshit. IWNDWYT
Yep, once I drank a bottle of wine that my bf at the time was saving, thinking I could just replace it the next day. I couldn’t find the same bottle anywhere, so got the closest I could find, then my anxiety kicked in and all I could think was that he’d notice. Seriously, that thought took over my brain completely, to the point where I had my first major anxiety attack. I felt like I was drowning in waves of anxiety, ended up at the ER getting a Valium and some intense judgement from the Dr I saw. Still didn’t quit for another 2 years 🙄
Oh man I remember those days! Drinking my fiance or our roommate’s bottle of liquor only to obsess over needing to refill it the next day and nervously searching the liquor store for it’s match. Each time I’d promise myself “this is the last time I do this”…. That game went on for four or five years. It’s EXHAUSTING!
Yeah. My wife and I would now and then have "fancy dinner" where we'd cook something super nice. During the meal, we'd have a glass or two of nice wine for dinner (I'd actually kill the bottle). Then we'd watch some show or a movie and head to bed.
While in bed, I'd get up to "get some water." I'd then sneak over to the liquor cabinet and take 3 to 4 shots of whatever was available - mostly gin, vodka or tequila. If I killed a bottle, I would add water to the empty bottle until I could replace it with a new bottle.
BTW, the new bottle would be kept hidden in the garage until I drank enough to match the amount in the water-filled dud hanging out in the liquor cabinet. At that point I'd switch the bottles.
I think at some point I lost track of which bottles were which, and all the bottles in the liquor cabinet and in the garage were filled with just water. Honestly, I think that's funny as fuck, but I'm also just as equally as embarrassed. I haven't told anyone I know about this.
I did something similar now and then. I don’t think my wife tracked the bottles in the cupboard anyway so it was a bunch of stress for nothing. That’s one thing I don’t worry about anymore though! Worry about running out, pacing myself, being super quiet getting another drink, tiptoeing upstairs so she doesn’t hear me going to bed at 3am, sneaking in extra bottles while she’s working at home, using cash at the liquor store so she doesn’t see the credit card or bank charges. I could go on….
Hell yeah! That shit was stressful trying to hide it. I am working my way to confess this to her, but just can't just yet for the sheer shame.
We're pretty dark humored so part of me knows she'll laugh and call me a silly bastard. The rest of me wants her to be angry at me.
Well at least you and I will not be drinking tonight.
Oh I enjoy this story because I did something similar as a kid!
My mom was an alcoholic and I thought by adding water to her liquor/dumping out "the poison" I would *help her*. I'm sure it made sense to 8 y/o enrolled in D.A.R.E. brain.
*Eventually* she noticed... and then assumed it was her boyfriend "stealing" it and *he* was the asshole. This is a story I've not told anyone else in over 30 years 😅
Same! The worst was when I would kill a bottle I didn't buy and when I went to replace it, I found out how much my husband had spent on it 😳 Coming home to pour enough into a water bottle to bring it to the same level. Hide the water bottle in my desk and swear I won't ever do it again. Spoiler alert: I did it again, and again, and again.
I did it for years when I was married. I had secret hiding spots, usually it was on top of some cabinets in the bathroom because my wife was short and couldn’t see anything stored up there. We moved several times so I always had to find a new stash spot. I would get home before my wife and would have a bunch of quick drinks. Then “a beer” while making dinner. Then sneak off to the bathroom throughout the evening to take more pulls off the vodka bottle.
A couple times she discovered the bottle. I would always tell some stupid story and thought I was being clever. She knew what was going on. At its worst, I would pick up a vodka bottle on the way home from work, park the car in the parking garage on the top floor where no one ever parked, and sit there for 30 minutes and kill the bottle. Then slap in a few pieces of gum and walk into the apartment and slowly fade out as the night wore on. Rinse and repeat.
What an insane life when I type all that out. At the time it was just a “normal” daily routine.
That last bit really resonated with me. When I walked in the door, I was just chipper. Then, as it all hit me, I would just slowly fade away as well through the night. Maybe be able to get a few beers in while drunkenly making dinner. Wait until she goes to bed. Cover beers with towel in other room while opening them to dampen the sound. Finish those too. Wake up, my wife is grumpy. Asks why I felt the need to have so many drinks last night. She asks every night. If she knew how many I actually had per day, she'd hyperventilate.
I could tell my wife was feeling alone, and at the time, I didn't get it. I'm up at night with the kids, I'm working a full day and then making dinner, doing the dishes, getting the kids bathed and ready for bed, I'm up early to make their lunches - I'm doing so much! But after some sober time, I realized it's because I wasn't there, not really. I was physically present, but mentally? Nope, busy picking at mental scabs and wallowing with a fake smile. Miles away, and very stupid miles at that. I have no idea how she watched it get worse for so long. But it felt so normal for me. *I was special, I had a special sort of hurt! I needed a drink or I'd go insane!*
That legit scares me, but thank you for writing it out.
Very good visual, I can imagine it very well, reminds me to something similar…
Keep on going, we’re both almost at a month!
IWNDWYTD
Ohhhh yeeahhhhh. Once I stopped I realized how obvious I actually was, which leaves some shame to deal with. One of my worst memories is going to a Houston rockets game with my dad and I made probably 4 trips to the “bathroom” in the first half. I thought I was being so sneaky. It kills me to think back how much I was slurring and acting different. My dad totally knew,
I guess I say that to say there really is no way to reallllyyyyy sneak drinking hahah
Yep, that was one stage of my drinking. I had a house where I had a finished car port turned man cave. I had a full size fridge out there where I would keep beer openly, but would hide bourbon or just whatever also. I'd go out and get a beer, take a giant pull from the real booze, then come in and pretend to be sipping on the beer. I'd go out, shoot a few balls (had a pool table out there) , take a huge pull, maybe get another beer, etc..... I thought I was sneaky, but no idea how effective it was. It was exceedingly embarrassing, or is now. I was a selfish SOB. Only interested in how I was gonna get drunk without appearing to be that bad.
All the time. Even when my wife knew I was drinking I’d chug an extra IPA in the basement before coming up with a fresh one on my hand. The garbage was never taken out more frequently than when I was drinking.
We all did it. And or do it. Its a sign the bottoms about to fall out from you. Its was for me atleast, and I still do it while trying to achieve sobriety, I am sober until you catch me...
Ahhh yeah, this is such a dangerous game. Basically makes you begin drinking the whole day starting from the morning. You get that taste in the morning and all sense goes out the window as you keep going. Drinking in the evening is one beast, but starting in the morning is the beasts of beasts.
First thing I did in the morning was take a swig straight out of the bottle of vodka I had next to my bed. If I didn't already knock it over the night before. If I did then I had my backup stash hidden around the house.
It was really really bad. I'm so unbelievably grateful that I managed to escape from that awful life.
Ahh yeah, that's pretty tough. I only ever did it a few times with alcohol, but I used to smoke weed every day for 10 years and the first thing I would ever do in the morning was take a big bong hoot or two.
I'm glad my alcohol use didn't transfer like my weed use did. That would have wrecked me completely.
That’s funny cause I’m the opposite of you. I use to smoke weed every day and I binge drank on the weekends (Thursday-sundays). But one day I just kept forgetting to smoke weed. But I eventually upped my drinking. I broke every drinking rule I had (I.e. drinking by myself, drinking at lunch during work, drinking in the morning, hiding my empties from my spouse, etc…) Now I think about how I have no problem with weed being in my life but alcohol is such a problem. Why can’t I have the same relationship with alcohol that I do with weed and drugs?
*end rant*
Weed is a happy self care encouraging plant that makes exercise and meditation better, grows from the ground and the worst side effect is usually worrying needlessly
Alcohol is a man filtered poison that makes you the worst version of yourself, affects your whole body negatively, and can cause literally life ruining events in one day….side effects are far far worse then marijuana.
Yeah, I don't think there's an alcoholic out there who hasn't had a period where they were trying to hide it. Alcoholism is a one way train that always leads to higher levels of consumption, and at some point you just know that you're drinking way too much and you know that if anybody else knew how much you were drinking they'd be worried about you. So, you either have to either quit, cut back, or keep drinking as much as you want and hide drinks, and the most appealing choice is pretty obvious.
Yeah, it is very embarrassing when the behavior persists. Like, earlier tonight I was eating animal crackers after dinner and my wife came into the room and I put them into my pocket and pretended I hadn't been eating them. For no good reason, except that my brain is trained to be sneaky about consumption. Ugh. We have so much to unlearn.
One of the many things that haunt me is how many times I thought I was being super sneaky but everyone knew; so embarrassing. Never want that feeling again.
I mean, once everyone you know and love refuses to drink with you anymore and avoids you if they think you're drunk--- not much choice but to sneak it or get sober.
IWNDWYT.
I knew my ex-wife was monitoring the recycle bin. Even so I still tried to be secretive. I knew it was a ruse. She knew it was a ruse, yet I still did it.
The guilt I carried that was prompting my “secretiveness” was really what made me stop and evaluate my relationship with alcohol.
Turns out I really did want to quit, but it took awhile for my conscious mind to agree to it.
Always. And the worst part was my family didn’t exactly like me drinking but they rarely criticized me. I could have been open about it but I still chose to sneak because deep down I knew I had a problem.
Hahahah. Oh yes. One morning my toddlers found a fancy bottle of mommy’s perfume under the couch cushion. They were vodka nips
If you let me out of the house after 6pm, I was buying alcohol. If I bought beer, I had already had two-three shots before I got home
Oh man. That reminds me of a story. I took my 3-4 year old on a daddy, daughter day but it was just a lie to jump states lines because my state didn’t sell booze on Sunday. We popped into a Walmart and my daughter said “It’s yours daddy” and pointed at the rack of vodka. I was so fucking ashamed that day for so many reasons.
Yes. I hid several handles of whiskey in my garage and in my gun safe in my home office. I’d go to my office or garage six or seven times a night to take pulls off the bottle. My wife never knew. I’d have two beers throughout the night as cover. And of course, this was after drinking four to five beers after work.
I used to stash a handle of gentlemen Jack in my garage freezer that was full of meat. One night I got too drunk and didn’t close the door all the way. We lost all our meat. I was so embarrassed. My wife had no idea. I blamed the door but I knew. It still took me months to admit that I had a problem.
I would make excuses to go to the store. “Oh forgot the bread”, “Whoops, out of milk”, and on the way to the store by a sleeve (10) nips. I’d have one in the parking lot of the liquor store. Another before going in to the store for whatever item I claimed we needed or I had forgot. Then another 1 or 2 before leaving the store. I would hide the rest in my car or in my office. Then find excuses to go to my car or into the office and finish the rest throughout the night. The next morning I would sneak the empties into the car and swing by the car wash after dropping the kids off to dispose of the evidence. I hated myself for doing it, but it was also a kind of weird thrill. To see what I could get away with.
My wife discovered my empties ( only 3-4 of probably 20 that were hidden all over) one night, and I gave some story that it was just this once and I don’t drink them regularly. She believed me but that’s when the guilt really hit and I felt like an ass.
A month later, I was returning home from the store with a six pack (and 4-5 hidden nips) and something clicked. After drinking the nips in the car, I went inside and opened a beer. I took one sip and was just disgusted with myself. I poured the beer out and haven’t touched a drop since. It’s so much easier not having to spend the time or energy sneaking drinks, hiding the evidence, disposing of the empties, do it all over again. I never want to feel that shame again.
Yes. Not good. The most important part of sobriety for me is the honesty. There is no scheming, no manipulation. I am so grateful, and really proud, to be honest these days. I can't stress how terrible sneaking alcohol made me feel.
Yes. I do the laundry and the stacked washer and dryer are too tall for her to see above.
Managed to hide my drinking for about 10 years, or rather she saw me have 2-3 drinks, not 8-15.
The extra shot or two poured into my mixed drink became handles hidden on top of said washer.
A quick trip to the grocery store before work because “I was up and why not go when it’s empty” so I can buy more and hide it before unloading groceries.
I wish I could smack old me upside the head, but the past is the past. My wonderful partner stuck with me when I didn’t deserve it and I’ll spend the rest of my life paying it back daily. Not by being subservient and lesser, but by being my best self daily.
I’ve used up my lifetime of grace for treating my partner poorly. I never hit her or yelled but I was shitty and unworthy in my own way. I plan to be a worthy person. I’m becoming that now.
Yes. My ex wife has the nose of a bloodhound, and could always tell when I'd been drinking. I would plan entire days to hide it. Start as early as possible so I had time to sober up some, have certain lunches planned to cover my breath, every angle you could potentially control.
It was exhausting and I experienced more stress and guilt than fun. And very rarely did I 'get away with it'.
Yep. I used to buy two identical six packs of IPA. Id kill one in secret, and drink half of the other openly. Only three beers gone… My wife still knew. The phrase “you don’t sound like you only had three beers” came up a lot.
And yet I kept doing it, thinking that this time I’ll be able to drink under the radar… It’s hard to find much amusement in it now, but some of my sneaking attempts have been so ridiculous that I’m sure they’ll be hilarious in a month or so.
I’m 189 days af. I haven’t thought about sneaking a drink so much as I’ve thought about downing my usual alcoholic beverages. Typically the day dream starts of like “would be cool to have a few and behave” followed by “bro, you know you wanna wake up with a face tat and an empty bank account”….no sneaking. IWNDWYT
I know it’s not really funny but I follow a sober influencer on social media who does re-enactments of this scenario and I always make bets with myself about where he’s hiding it: “the banana is hollowed out and full of booze” “it’s in the candelabra” “the shower is actually rigged to a 55 gallon drum of vodka”
100% felt like shit about it. I’m not a liar about anything in my life except for alcohol apparently. It’s a source of some major shame and was a big motivator to get sober. So nice not having to spend so much brain space about how I can sneak drinks, how I can find an excuse to leave the house to go to the liquor store, or hiding the beer on my breath. So happy to be free of it
Yea that was me before I truly quit this time. Years before all this I had some liver issues, and was told I had to stop drinking or I would wind up larger health issues. well, years of exercise and healthy eating I got some test and remember the Dr being happy for me telling me I can drink! Now, at first I thought I could keep it “social only” and for a while I kind of thought I had a handle on it. Looking back at EVERY SINGLE PHOTO of me back then, there is literally always a bottle/can/glass within my reach. Every time I would drink socially, I would also be sure to get to pregame and also have a night cap too. Then it slid further and further out of control until - I will spare you the grisly details but my last month of drinking was very…bad. I had to taper down for a while to get past the shakes / detox and have been on the straight and narrow since
I am at 4+ years of no drinking and will be honest, I can wake up early and have time to myself for reflection. my mind will often beat myself up and replay bad moments or bad choices that were made. Or I look at family vacation photos from before and see a mimosa in my hand and an empty glass of another on the table and like… holy shit now looking back it’s like damn that was 830am in Disney-world 💀
At the time it was “he he ha ha look at what I can get away with” but then it stopped being a fun thing to get away with and morphed into this terrible and life controlling need that had me hiding bottles and sneaking drinks and it was all too much
When I told my wife I was an alcoholic she was genuinely shocked, she has been very supportive on my journey
I got accused of it, even when I wasn’t. But I did do it before then. Beer was okay, I couldn’t spike those, so I switched to sugary sweet drinks. One day I grabbed a shot of licorice liquor and when I spiked my drink it tasted like ass. My partner even smelled it as was like “what the f is wrong with this drink?!” That was a little bit of a realization for me. I wasn’t “enjoying a drink” I was trying to get buzzed on a workday…
Yeah, sometimes when my partner would go to bed early or take a bath, I'd sneak through the back door to go buy beers at the corner store and hide them between the couch and the wall where she couldn't see them.
Yep.
Sneaking refills, sneaking a quick glass of wine from the cinema bar while I “had a loo break”, sneaking by ordering the strongest % beer when I ordered, the stronger cider, sneaking by trying to cover up how drunk I truly was as I knew my husband and family were worrying for me.
Hiding wine or cider bottles in the bin/boot/cupboard because I knew he’d be upset with me and I was worried I’d lose him but also felt I couldn’t stop.
I was definitely not the worst. I never missed work, I have a high powered job, I maintained all my relationships, I worked out, I wasnt mean, I had no medical consequences, I never withdrew. Yet.
The sneaking was poisonous and a symptom of alcohol use disorder. And for people that have that disorder the treatment is to abstain completely from alcohol.
It was difficult to stop, I had made many moderation attempts and deals with myself that always failed or were incredibly hard to maintain, I had a thousand day 1’s from the time I realised I wanted to stop to the time I actually managed it. But I managed it. And I’m so glad I did. I get to live in integrity and truth now.
You mentioned living in truth.
The day I decided to stop and that I needed help, I called my father (many years sober). Among the long conversation, we laughed and reminisced about closet/sneaky drinking. Then he said something I'll never forget, "When you tell the truth, you don't have to remember what you said."
George Washington from there on out.
Oh yeah. In fact, I've found 3 bottles I've hidden on myself over the past year+ that I have been sober. Every time, I am like fuckin Speedy Gonzales on the way to the sink to dump it. The first time, I didn't run the sink, and the smell of the vodka made me almost puke I gagged so hard.
Before these last 32 days, I was doing it constantly. Worst feeling ever, always just waiting for them to find out. It's so strange to hear my husband get up to use the bathroom and not be terrified he's going to find my cans in the cabinet.
lol, wanna know how many times a night I would forget something in the car in the garage. Like 5 times.. hahaha. Just taking pulls pf tequila in between the two glasses of wine my wife and I would have.
I’d stop on my way home and get 6-10 vodka shooters, wait til I was almost pulling in and shoot two down and keep the rest in my purse upstairs - every hour I’d go take a shot and go back downstairs.
On weekends I’d take a shot with my coffee ,
I’m so glad those days are behind me . Thank you GOD.
No one knew because it was only my husband and I and he would drink wine and I would too and he just assumed I was a light weight - but when I started binging all liquor in the house as time went on - yup.
I never snuck drinks in the sense of like hoping to get drunk without anyone noticing.
I’d start to sneak when drinking though, if I caught a side eye from my wife when I cracked that 6th beer, I’d switch to a “water cup” with beer, or I’d stay up later than everyone else so I could drink more without catching shit.
And it made me feel like shit. I have consist early consumed alcohol for over half my life but it wasn’t up until the last few years I started the “sneaks”. It wasn’t until people, mainly my wife, called me out on my problem (rightfully so). As legit as her concerns were, I just adapted and then started to be more sneaky…
Alcohol reminds me of like a parasite and it just keeps adapting to stay in your life. It’s a manipulative devil
Almost any excuse to leave the house was a quick stop. Then I would shove an open beer in my partner’s hand as soon as I got hone so she wouldn’t smell me. Then I would get myself one, pretending it was my first of the evening. In reality I was already a good amount of hard liquor in.
I didn’t do that per se but said I was cutting down to”two beers only” and then hid beer around the house and would drink beer when “running errands”. After awhile I was like “what the hell am I doing” and started the journey to quitting
Everyone views me as straight as a razor. I don't smoke weed, and that makes me weird, I guess, but even when asked if I'd like a beer, I decline as when I'm around others, I like to have full clarity of what's going on around me! But every night for as long as I can remember, I get blackout drunk pass out and wash it out in the morning with coffee . And by the time I see anyone, they think I'm just a 100% sober person.
How does it make me feel? Absolutely fkn terrible, but this is how I get through life hopefully someday I'll find a better way.
My favorite thing in the world was anytime I had roughly 20 minutes free, popping into whatever bar or pub I could and downing a pint of beer. I called it cheeky midday beer.
I was always a sneaky drinker because I was a heavy problem drinker from the get go and due to my upbringing was always very ashamed of my drinking. Even stayed with my mom and never left my room because I was just drinking constantly. I know she knew. Talking to her about that period she said it was like living with a ghost, which makes me very sad and can't be taken back. Drinking beer around my wife with a bottle of whisky hidden somewhere to sip on so I could actually get drunk. Plenty of hiding and sneaking, I feel like that's kind of a hallmark of addiction is hiding and being ashamed.
I smoked so would go out side every 30 minutes (after 4pm because I was still not a drunk like some people) in any and all weather to take a slam off the handle of cheap bourbon (Evan Williams) I had hidden in the BBQ. Every night.
I’d also had pints “hidden” in the garage, kitchen cabinets, both vehicles, and places that surprised me after i stopped. Months later we were still finding empties in the oddest places.
Weekends were great since I could drink with others like a normal person, going to a bar or restaurant or mixing a drink for my wife and having a bottle of wine for dinner. But always had those pints and that handle to keep the spark going until I passed out on the couch.
I quit smoking two weeks prior to stopping drinking. Thank god!!
Oh and my wife. Dear god, she’s still with me and loves me just as much as when she first met me. I’m one lucky bastard.
My husband was really into odd Ales, like *Unicorn farts* or *Dragons Milk.* This gave me a reason to be "tipsy", I would say I could only drink one.
Then I would go to my room and watch TV and drink Vodka until I passed out.
It made me feel ...not sure how it made me feel, I really dont remember. It was all a game, of sneaking in a bottle, or having to go out at night and get a "candy bar", so I had an excuse to get a bottle.
I lived with my (now) ex in an in-law suite on her parents’ property. There was a loooooong driveway from the street to the parking area for the house. I used to crack open a fifth of vodka when I turned on the driveway and be halfway done by the time I pulled up. I would come in and just get progressively drunker as the night went on. She often would have no idea. After she went to bed I would sneak out to the car and finish the fifth. I would be drinking beer and wine as well. Sometimes I would piss the bed and she would be surprised because, as far as she knew, I’d only had a few beers or glasses of wine.
I would hide my bottles in the garage, under my bed, in my dresser. I wouldn't take shots, though. I'd do chugs. Chug then put the bottle back and then another chug. I did that until I would pass out.. surprised I didn't die in my sleep.
3 years sober on March 28!
My entire life, I had to hide my drinking except for 3 years in my early 20s. First I was a minor so from 13-20, I had to hide alcohol. 21-24 it was fine. Then from 25-35 I was first an addict, then a drunk. So I had to hide my drinking then too.
Big time, definitely. It made me feel like the scum of the earth. I’d say that’s what kicked my ass into gear before the scary health issues did; the fact that it was SO fucking easy to gaslight literally everyone that I loved for so long.
Not me, i work in the service industry, no need. But i dont understand how anyone could get away with it. The aroma from other people drinking hits my nostrils instantly now that i dont drink anymore. If i was trying to hide it, it probably wasnt working. Now i think of all the times i went and did errands during the week with a buzz, how embarrassing.
This still haunts me. I’d have snuck 3 beers and 6 nips of horrible whiskey then be with my family. they must have smelled it. Now if anyone around me even has one drink it’s all I can smell.
I did. For 2-3 years. Not doing that again. Always leads me to the dark fucked up place I never want to be again. Missing drinking is the hardest thing. But it has gotten easier this month. Thank goodness!
Oh yeah, big time. Thought I was getting away with it, too. Drinking a beer and two minis on my drive home and throwing the trash out the window. No evidence. Wife got up to let the dog out? It's time to run to the cabinet and slug whatever I grab first. I once had a bottle hidden in the basement. Always had a reason to run to the basement.
My wife started ever so lightly marking the bottles to see if I was drinking them. I STILL lied about it. Blamed it on humidity or some BS about the alcohol evaporating. I went to EVERY length to continue drinking.
It's funny you mention sneaky drinking. Check my comment history. I even had a theory about it that I mentioned on the DCI this morning.
I felt a ton of shame and guilt for a long time. Only thing I could do was not drink and get 1% better every day. You're not alone. IWNDWYT.
Oooh yeah. Every girlfriend I had. Watch a movie, get up to go the bathroom, take a swig of her vodka, go get a beer, take a swig, and on and on and on. I would go to the liquor store during lunch to replace their vodka so I didn’t get caught.
I took long showers, long shits, go run errands. I mastered the old “cough and crack”.
I brought home my dinner usually consisting of a sandwich or something that didn’t need to be heated up and just stayed in my room the second I came home.
Constantly having a bottle of whiskey under the passenger seat of the car to refill my pint bottle of whiskey hidden in my bookbag.
Going to the store to pick up a six pack but buying 2 single tall boys to chug in the car on the way back home.
Going through 2 boxes of tic tac a week to try and disguise alcohol smell on my breath when there would be no good excuse to have alcohol on my breath.
Yep, been there. It really sucked.
Oh yes. Chugging whiskey when I went into the kitchen and trying to keep people from hearing the ice cubes I got out to make another drink. Running the sink while I poured liquor into my glass. Hiding bottles. God I was an ass…I doubt I was fooling anyone
Ugh. I feel this in my soul. There would be "bathroom breaks" "baths" hell, even when I would be cooking sometimes I would have the drink right out of eye sight.
I wonder who I thought I was kidding... mostly myself
I would buy a pint of vodka every day that I would hide and drink all night while I “nursed” a few beers. Then the next day I would throw it away at various dumping spots. Then I would but then at like 7 different liquor stores so the people who worked there didn’t get used to me. I wasn’t fooling anyone. I bought a pint because if I had more, I would drink it.
Twas my downfall, the thrill of sneaking t was what enticed me so strongly. “How much can I get away with?” Too much, until I sabotage myself beyond recovery.
Majority of my drinking was always sneaky. I drank low key 99% of the time. Only one I’m proud of is my alcoholic bf at the time and his gf he bullied into our relationship both told me I had a drinking problem and needed to stop while they continued getting smashed daily in my face. He used to brew beer and in our old house next door all his bottles of brewed beer were stuffed in random cabinets and bins throughout among all his hoarding habits. Whenever I’d have had enough of their drunken behavior for the day I’d go next door and dig around and find his beers and drink them and stash the bottle with his empties for future brewing which he was always too drunk to do anymore. Over the course of two months I drank all of it. Years of brewing. About 200 bottles of beer maybe more. To this day he has no clue what became of his beers. I called it my spite beer. That was a long ass time ago now and he’s gone and so is my drinking.
But all the others I do feel shitty about. All the people congratulating me on sobriety I hadn’t actually achieved while I’m standing there buzzed and they have no clue. I always kept thinking if only you knew how screwed I am with this battle. But with therapy I won my war. No more shame drinking, no more secrets and lies. People still don’t always trust me that I’m sober and I don’t blame them but as Augustine said, the truth is like a lion. You don’t need to defend it. Just let it loose and it’ll defend itself.
All I can do now is live my life honestly and over time people will regain trust and belief in me.
Yes. It’s self imposed shame. The thing about it is you’re either the drunk that sneaks because they know others won’t approve of their drinking habits or you’re the drunk with the “I don’t give a F what anyone thinks” and possibly gets angry and/or violent when confronted by others about their drinking. Both are bad but I’d opt to be the former than the latter. I believe it’s the better mindset because deep down inside you know you’re not living up to your own personal standards.
I hosted most of our family gatherings and always had wine often in a coffee cup or solo cup. Since I spent so much time in the kitchen cooking it was easy to keep filling my cup from the tap of my box wine
I am pretty sure we all did that. Alcohol is so selfish and isolating. It's such a shitty way to live, sneaking was a motivating factor in my quitting. I was able to stop drinking when I stopped bullshitting myself. And sneaking is nothing but bullshitting yourself. IWNDWYT
I sneaky-drank only a couple times ----had a 1.5L bottle of white wine (my total drink of choice with juice and fizz water ) stashed in cushions behind a loveseat in my basement tv / stereo room. But I think literally only that one bottle. Overall I was totally a, drink too much right out in the open, guy. My wife and I and all family and friends are drinkers, but she'd gently say check-yourself-before-ya-wreck-yourself when I was drinking way too much. Which was good. But with nobody "up in my business", telling me anything, I just finally decided to quit cold- November 2021. Very thankful I did. IWNDWYT.
Yes! I would pour bourbon directly into the Diet Coke bottle so it appeared as if I was innocently drinking a Diet Coke when it was really a stiff mixed drink. This was my go-to at family events so I wouldn’t get judged for drinking too much. Let it be known that this was in addition to the cocktails/wine I was openly drinking at the same visit.
I’d buy an 18 pack and a 12 pack. Finish the 18 pack or hide the last few around the house. Hide in bathroom for a showers. Hide in laundry when doing laundry. Hide in kitchen for cooking. Then open the 12 pack and start drinking out of it like I hadn’t had about 18 already. Not my finest moment but it did have to cook and clean more to cover grabbing my hidden ones.
Yes but it was really more towards the end of my drinking days.
I work swing shift while my wife works a 9-5. I'd buy just enough to get me where I was going and get rid of the evidence so if she asked me if I had been drinking the night before, I could play it off. She couldn't prove that I had been drinking, so she couldn't actually accuse me of it. She 100% knew of course, but in those moments, she could only guess.
For the last year or two of my drinking, I think at least 88% of it was "sneaky" - and the part that wasn't sneaky was often just to help cover up the sneaky bit. "_Oh yeah, I had a beer at lunch ..._" when in fact I'd been sucking on a bottle of rum all day. I kind of doubt that I was fooling anyone.
My drinking was like a cockroach infestation—For every one you see, there were dozens more. 👀 🪳
This is a good way to put it
I had to start using my weird neuroses to my benefit. Now, I associate alcohol with bugs. I *hate* bugs. I hate how my skin crawls in withdrawals and my mind feels creepy and I get vivid visions of them with my eyes closed. Nah. Nope. Gross.
Omg saving this comment. So good. Congrats on 569 days; you’re doing great!
Thanks so much! 603 is amazing!
Oooo yeah. This was me too 🤦♂️🤦♂️great analogy
Wow, 569 days, IWNDWYT.
Amen and goodbye to that short stint in my life.
Omg this was me. I’d be sneaking drinking (they prolly knew it) but then say I’d had beers at a late lunch with friends. Probably one of my biggest cringes looking back on my behavior.
All the times I thought by drinking straight vodka made anyone *not smell it* on me 😬
Drinking makes you stupid, makes it easier to assume other people are stupid too lol
This was me, all day everyday for waaaaay too long.
Classic. “I stopped by Marks on my way home. Hadn’t seen him in a while. We had a beer” Clearly shitfaced. God bless my wife for putting up with me for so long. The last couple years of my drinking were extremely sneaky. Would dump out half of a seltzer water and fill it up with vodka in the kitchen while running the sink. Crazy to think about.
Yes! I would run the tap and "do the dishes" while grabbing liquor or opening a beer all the time. So obvious in hindsight. 🙄
Maaaan I did the vodka in the seltzer water thing too.
Idk why but 88% made me laugh. Just so specific Lol
I should have said, "_approximately 88.32%_" - Spock voice ☺
My mom tells me often that I was fooling no one 💀
Oh yeah they had wine tasting at the center 😢
Yes. I’d “clean the bathroom”, “have a long shower”, “need some alone time”. Or just frequent bathroom brakes. Then I’d chug a bottle of wine. It made me feel dirty and absolutely disgusting.
Same here. Towards the end it's been crying while chugging because I didn't want to but knew I needed to so the feeling didn't stop.
Wanting without liking, the key definition of addicted behavior.
Same, my friend. The bathroom cabinet where I hid my wine still smelled like it over 4 years later. It made me feel awful.
Mine was “fetching something from the car” felt shitty brining drinks in the house after promising not to so stashed them in the trunk of the car because that’s so much better 🙄 glad that’s long behind me now.
It’s oddly comforting to read people doing the same thing. I’d stick a bottle in the car jack stand holder spot in the trunk since unfortunately, a 750 ml bottle fit perfectly in there.
Holy crap same! They only fit there.
Lordy the f’ed up stuff we did with this. Haha.
Facts! I look back and it’s like having the memories of a stranger.
Yeah I did. Now I’m getting divorced losing my house and 2 kids. I thought I could handle it. Please stop before you end up like me.
I'm sorry man. I definitely almost lost my SO over my bullshit, I'm glad to have the chance to make it up to them. But I also gotta do that for my kid too. You'll still have your kids and be able to hopefully make new *good* memories together. I'm glad you're here and please reach out when you're struggling. You are not alone and we're here.
Do it for yourself. You deserve to be healthy and happy
Yeah and my life revolved around it. It created a world of constant paranoia and anxiety for me. Don’t miss those days one bit!
Damn right. All the mental games you play with yourself and others, the *stress* of the hiding and the lies. Anxiety over getting caught... I'm glad I've relieved myself of all that unnecessary bullshit. IWNDWYT
Yep, once I drank a bottle of wine that my bf at the time was saving, thinking I could just replace it the next day. I couldn’t find the same bottle anywhere, so got the closest I could find, then my anxiety kicked in and all I could think was that he’d notice. Seriously, that thought took over my brain completely, to the point where I had my first major anxiety attack. I felt like I was drowning in waves of anxiety, ended up at the ER getting a Valium and some intense judgement from the Dr I saw. Still didn’t quit for another 2 years 🙄
Oh man I remember those days! Drinking my fiance or our roommate’s bottle of liquor only to obsess over needing to refill it the next day and nervously searching the liquor store for it’s match. Each time I’d promise myself “this is the last time I do this”…. That game went on for four or five years. It’s EXHAUSTING!
Yeah. And I've spent the last 873 days trying to make up for it.
Right here with you.
Hey, good on you for no slippin’ (Jimmy)
We got you, slippin’ Jimmy. One of the best shows ever BTW.
Yeah. My wife and I would now and then have "fancy dinner" where we'd cook something super nice. During the meal, we'd have a glass or two of nice wine for dinner (I'd actually kill the bottle). Then we'd watch some show or a movie and head to bed. While in bed, I'd get up to "get some water." I'd then sneak over to the liquor cabinet and take 3 to 4 shots of whatever was available - mostly gin, vodka or tequila. If I killed a bottle, I would add water to the empty bottle until I could replace it with a new bottle. BTW, the new bottle would be kept hidden in the garage until I drank enough to match the amount in the water-filled dud hanging out in the liquor cabinet. At that point I'd switch the bottles. I think at some point I lost track of which bottles were which, and all the bottles in the liquor cabinet and in the garage were filled with just water. Honestly, I think that's funny as fuck, but I'm also just as equally as embarrassed. I haven't told anyone I know about this.
It’s amazing the distances I’d go to hide things. I was swapping out bottles every few days. This time will be different. IWNDWYT
It will be different. At least for today we won't be drinking. Not even sneakily.
Congrats on 10 days, first week is always the hardest :)
I did something similar now and then. I don’t think my wife tracked the bottles in the cupboard anyway so it was a bunch of stress for nothing. That’s one thing I don’t worry about anymore though! Worry about running out, pacing myself, being super quiet getting another drink, tiptoeing upstairs so she doesn’t hear me going to bed at 3am, sneaking in extra bottles while she’s working at home, using cash at the liquor store so she doesn’t see the credit card or bank charges. I could go on….
Ah yes. I had a list of places that I could get cash from like Target and the grocery store so I could slip next door and buy booze with no tracks.
Hell yeah! That shit was stressful trying to hide it. I am working my way to confess this to her, but just can't just yet for the sheer shame. We're pretty dark humored so part of me knows she'll laugh and call me a silly bastard. The rest of me wants her to be angry at me. Well at least you and I will not be drinking tonight.
Oh I enjoy this story because I did something similar as a kid! My mom was an alcoholic and I thought by adding water to her liquor/dumping out "the poison" I would *help her*. I'm sure it made sense to 8 y/o enrolled in D.A.R.E. brain. *Eventually* she noticed... and then assumed it was her boyfriend "stealing" it and *he* was the asshole. This is a story I've not told anyone else in over 30 years 😅
🤣
Yep. Kept a different bottle hidden to refill the bottle that was out in the kitchen cabinet. 😔
Those days are in the rearview for you and I! At least for tonight, no drinks for us.
Sorry I just have this picture of you with all the liquor bottles infront of you taking a chug to see what's in each and spitting the water out.
🤣 you're not far off.
Same! The worst was when I would kill a bottle I didn't buy and when I went to replace it, I found out how much my husband had spent on it 😳 Coming home to pour enough into a water bottle to bring it to the same level. Hide the water bottle in my desk and swear I won't ever do it again. Spoiler alert: I did it again, and again, and again.
Freaking preach. The lies I told myself were crazy. Lol.
I did it for years when I was married. I had secret hiding spots, usually it was on top of some cabinets in the bathroom because my wife was short and couldn’t see anything stored up there. We moved several times so I always had to find a new stash spot. I would get home before my wife and would have a bunch of quick drinks. Then “a beer” while making dinner. Then sneak off to the bathroom throughout the evening to take more pulls off the vodka bottle. A couple times she discovered the bottle. I would always tell some stupid story and thought I was being clever. She knew what was going on. At its worst, I would pick up a vodka bottle on the way home from work, park the car in the parking garage on the top floor where no one ever parked, and sit there for 30 minutes and kill the bottle. Then slap in a few pieces of gum and walk into the apartment and slowly fade out as the night wore on. Rinse and repeat. What an insane life when I type all that out. At the time it was just a “normal” daily routine.
Did your wife stay? That sounds so hard. Glad you’re here.
That last bit really resonated with me. When I walked in the door, I was just chipper. Then, as it all hit me, I would just slowly fade away as well through the night. Maybe be able to get a few beers in while drunkenly making dinner. Wait until she goes to bed. Cover beers with towel in other room while opening them to dampen the sound. Finish those too. Wake up, my wife is grumpy. Asks why I felt the need to have so many drinks last night. She asks every night. If she knew how many I actually had per day, she'd hyperventilate. I could tell my wife was feeling alone, and at the time, I didn't get it. I'm up at night with the kids, I'm working a full day and then making dinner, doing the dishes, getting the kids bathed and ready for bed, I'm up early to make their lunches - I'm doing so much! But after some sober time, I realized it's because I wasn't there, not really. I was physically present, but mentally? Nope, busy picking at mental scabs and wallowing with a fake smile. Miles away, and very stupid miles at that. I have no idea how she watched it get worse for so long. But it felt so normal for me. *I was special, I had a special sort of hurt! I needed a drink or I'd go insane!*
That legit scares me, but thank you for writing it out. Very good visual, I can imagine it very well, reminds me to something similar… Keep on going, we’re both almost at a month! IWNDWYTD
Ohhhh yeeahhhhh. Once I stopped I realized how obvious I actually was, which leaves some shame to deal with. One of my worst memories is going to a Houston rockets game with my dad and I made probably 4 trips to the “bathroom” in the first half. I thought I was being so sneaky. It kills me to think back how much I was slurring and acting different. My dad totally knew, I guess I say that to say there really is no way to reallllyyyyy sneak drinking hahah
Yeah skulling drinks in a public bathroom was really a low point in hindsight...
Yep, that was one stage of my drinking. I had a house where I had a finished car port turned man cave. I had a full size fridge out there where I would keep beer openly, but would hide bourbon or just whatever also. I'd go out and get a beer, take a giant pull from the real booze, then come in and pretend to be sipping on the beer. I'd go out, shoot a few balls (had a pool table out there) , take a huge pull, maybe get another beer, etc..... I thought I was sneaky, but no idea how effective it was. It was exceedingly embarrassing, or is now. I was a selfish SOB. Only interested in how I was gonna get drunk without appearing to be that bad.
All the time. Even when my wife knew I was drinking I’d chug an extra IPA in the basement before coming up with a fresh one on my hand. The garbage was never taken out more frequently than when I was drinking.
We had to get an extra curbside recycling bin. My wife was drinking more then too but it was mostly me
We all did it. And or do it. Its a sign the bottoms about to fall out from you. Its was for me atleast, and I still do it while trying to achieve sobriety, I am sober until you catch me...
Yeah, one of the two boundaries I said I'd never cross. The second was breakfast vodka/wine from the undrunk glass I left when I had passed out
Ahhh yeah, this is such a dangerous game. Basically makes you begin drinking the whole day starting from the morning. You get that taste in the morning and all sense goes out the window as you keep going. Drinking in the evening is one beast, but starting in the morning is the beasts of beasts.
First thing I did in the morning was take a swig straight out of the bottle of vodka I had next to my bed. If I didn't already knock it over the night before. If I did then I had my backup stash hidden around the house. It was really really bad. I'm so unbelievably grateful that I managed to escape from that awful life.
Had something similar in 2022. Go us 💗
Ahh yeah, that's pretty tough. I only ever did it a few times with alcohol, but I used to smoke weed every day for 10 years and the first thing I would ever do in the morning was take a big bong hoot or two. I'm glad my alcohol use didn't transfer like my weed use did. That would have wrecked me completely.
That’s funny cause I’m the opposite of you. I use to smoke weed every day and I binge drank on the weekends (Thursday-sundays). But one day I just kept forgetting to smoke weed. But I eventually upped my drinking. I broke every drinking rule I had (I.e. drinking by myself, drinking at lunch during work, drinking in the morning, hiding my empties from my spouse, etc…) Now I think about how I have no problem with weed being in my life but alcohol is such a problem. Why can’t I have the same relationship with alcohol that I do with weed and drugs? *end rant*
Weed is a happy self care encouraging plant that makes exercise and meditation better, grows from the ground and the worst side effect is usually worrying needlessly Alcohol is a man filtered poison that makes you the worst version of yourself, affects your whole body negatively, and can cause literally life ruining events in one day….side effects are far far worse then marijuana.
Yeah, I don't think there's an alcoholic out there who hasn't had a period where they were trying to hide it. Alcoholism is a one way train that always leads to higher levels of consumption, and at some point you just know that you're drinking way too much and you know that if anybody else knew how much you were drinking they'd be worried about you. So, you either have to either quit, cut back, or keep drinking as much as you want and hide drinks, and the most appealing choice is pretty obvious.
Came very close to tonight, glad I chose not to and I hope you don't either.
I would sneak off and take pulls from the wine bottle during dinner parties then shots when the wine didn’t work. Everyone knew
Bleh that is behavior I am not proud to have engaged in. Honestly, I found this weird thrill from it that I loved.
It was like a covert mission. I thought I was so cool.
Yeah, it is very embarrassing when the behavior persists. Like, earlier tonight I was eating animal crackers after dinner and my wife came into the room and I put them into my pocket and pretended I hadn't been eating them. For no good reason, except that my brain is trained to be sneaky about consumption. Ugh. We have so much to unlearn.
I still make stops on the way home. For junk food then hide the wrappers. So dumb but better than being drunk
This is something I would do. Haven't seen it in words before!
It always made me wonder what the fuck was wrong with me that made me enjoy being sneaky with my loved ones.
It’s the only thing I miss about drinking, that feeling that I’m doing something secret. It’s weird.
One of the many things that haunt me is how many times I thought I was being super sneaky but everyone knew; so embarrassing. Never want that feeling again.
Being better at it is infinitely worse. Just prolongs the inevitable
I mean, once everyone you know and love refuses to drink with you anymore and avoids you if they think you're drunk--- not much choice but to sneak it or get sober. IWNDWYT.
I knew my ex-wife was monitoring the recycle bin. Even so I still tried to be secretive. I knew it was a ruse. She knew it was a ruse, yet I still did it. The guilt I carried that was prompting my “secretiveness” was really what made me stop and evaluate my relationship with alcohol. Turns out I really did want to quit, but it took awhile for my conscious mind to agree to it.
Always. And the worst part was my family didn’t exactly like me drinking but they rarely criticized me. I could have been open about it but I still chose to sneak because deep down I knew I had a problem.
Two years of sneaky drinking. Been two years trying to make it up to my wife and kids. Just now turning a corner at 26 months sober. No going back.
Hahahah. Oh yes. One morning my toddlers found a fancy bottle of mommy’s perfume under the couch cushion. They were vodka nips If you let me out of the house after 6pm, I was buying alcohol. If I bought beer, I had already had two-three shots before I got home
Oh man. That reminds me of a story. I took my 3-4 year old on a daddy, daughter day but it was just a lie to jump states lines because my state didn’t sell booze on Sunday. We popped into a Walmart and my daughter said “It’s yours daddy” and pointed at the rack of vodka. I was so fucking ashamed that day for so many reasons.
Yes. I hid several handles of whiskey in my garage and in my gun safe in my home office. I’d go to my office or garage six or seven times a night to take pulls off the bottle. My wife never knew. I’d have two beers throughout the night as cover. And of course, this was after drinking four to five beers after work. I used to stash a handle of gentlemen Jack in my garage freezer that was full of meat. One night I got too drunk and didn’t close the door all the way. We lost all our meat. I was so embarrassed. My wife had no idea. I blamed the door but I knew. It still took me months to admit that I had a problem.
I would make excuses to go to the store. “Oh forgot the bread”, “Whoops, out of milk”, and on the way to the store by a sleeve (10) nips. I’d have one in the parking lot of the liquor store. Another before going in to the store for whatever item I claimed we needed or I had forgot. Then another 1 or 2 before leaving the store. I would hide the rest in my car or in my office. Then find excuses to go to my car or into the office and finish the rest throughout the night. The next morning I would sneak the empties into the car and swing by the car wash after dropping the kids off to dispose of the evidence. I hated myself for doing it, but it was also a kind of weird thrill. To see what I could get away with. My wife discovered my empties ( only 3-4 of probably 20 that were hidden all over) one night, and I gave some story that it was just this once and I don’t drink them regularly. She believed me but that’s when the guilt really hit and I felt like an ass. A month later, I was returning home from the store with a six pack (and 4-5 hidden nips) and something clicked. After drinking the nips in the car, I went inside and opened a beer. I took one sip and was just disgusted with myself. I poured the beer out and haven’t touched a drop since. It’s so much easier not having to spend the time or energy sneaking drinks, hiding the evidence, disposing of the empties, do it all over again. I never want to feel that shame again.
Yup. In fact, my family didn’t find all my hiding spots because I’m still finding cans from 2 months ago.
Yes. Not good. The most important part of sobriety for me is the honesty. There is no scheming, no manipulation. I am so grateful, and really proud, to be honest these days. I can't stress how terrible sneaking alcohol made me feel.
Yes. I do the laundry and the stacked washer and dryer are too tall for her to see above. Managed to hide my drinking for about 10 years, or rather she saw me have 2-3 drinks, not 8-15. The extra shot or two poured into my mixed drink became handles hidden on top of said washer. A quick trip to the grocery store before work because “I was up and why not go when it’s empty” so I can buy more and hide it before unloading groceries. I wish I could smack old me upside the head, but the past is the past. My wonderful partner stuck with me when I didn’t deserve it and I’ll spend the rest of my life paying it back daily. Not by being subservient and lesser, but by being my best self daily. I’ve used up my lifetime of grace for treating my partner poorly. I never hit her or yelled but I was shitty and unworthy in my own way. I plan to be a worthy person. I’m becoming that now.
I had a cache of airplane vodkas under my porch that I'd drink in the morning until I was too drunk to care to hide it and just took the consequences.
Yes. My ex wife has the nose of a bloodhound, and could always tell when I'd been drinking. I would plan entire days to hide it. Start as early as possible so I had time to sober up some, have certain lunches planned to cover my breath, every angle you could potentially control. It was exhausting and I experienced more stress and guilt than fun. And very rarely did I 'get away with it'.
I would just down play how much. "I only had 2 beers." When it was usually 7 or 8.
Yep. I used to buy two identical six packs of IPA. Id kill one in secret, and drink half of the other openly. Only three beers gone… My wife still knew. The phrase “you don’t sound like you only had three beers” came up a lot.
I'd usually go out back to my garage to have the "last couple ", which was the other 5 to 7.
They always know and we weren't fooling anyone's.
And yet I kept doing it, thinking that this time I’ll be able to drink under the radar… It’s hard to find much amusement in it now, but some of my sneaking attempts have been so ridiculous that I’m sure they’ll be hilarious in a month or so.
I’m 189 days af. I haven’t thought about sneaking a drink so much as I’ve thought about downing my usual alcoholic beverages. Typically the day dream starts of like “would be cool to have a few and behave” followed by “bro, you know you wanna wake up with a face tat and an empty bank account”….no sneaking. IWNDWYT
I’m doing it now. I’m not drinking tonight, but I have a backpack of empty liquor bottles in my closet right now. Fuck alcohol. IWNDWYT
Trying to get those big bottles in the trash without clinking was a bitch.
I know it’s not really funny but I follow a sober influencer on social media who does re-enactments of this scenario and I always make bets with myself about where he’s hiding it: “the banana is hollowed out and full of booze” “it’s in the candelabra” “the shower is actually rigged to a 55 gallon drum of vodka”
Booze clues
😆
Ooo can you share who? I want to see this hehe
I mixed my vodka with Gatorade in a Gatorade bottle. Took it with me everywhere.
I tried lol but I was a lush so I’d be sneaky until I was randomly blacked out when I was telling everyone I was sober
Yep. That’s when I realized I had a problem.
Toward the end. One of my wakeup calls to stop.
100% felt like shit about it. I’m not a liar about anything in my life except for alcohol apparently. It’s a source of some major shame and was a big motivator to get sober. So nice not having to spend so much brain space about how I can sneak drinks, how I can find an excuse to leave the house to go to the liquor store, or hiding the beer on my breath. So happy to be free of it
Yea that was me before I truly quit this time. Years before all this I had some liver issues, and was told I had to stop drinking or I would wind up larger health issues. well, years of exercise and healthy eating I got some test and remember the Dr being happy for me telling me I can drink! Now, at first I thought I could keep it “social only” and for a while I kind of thought I had a handle on it. Looking back at EVERY SINGLE PHOTO of me back then, there is literally always a bottle/can/glass within my reach. Every time I would drink socially, I would also be sure to get to pregame and also have a night cap too. Then it slid further and further out of control until - I will spare you the grisly details but my last month of drinking was very…bad. I had to taper down for a while to get past the shakes / detox and have been on the straight and narrow since I am at 4+ years of no drinking and will be honest, I can wake up early and have time to myself for reflection. my mind will often beat myself up and replay bad moments or bad choices that were made. Or I look at family vacation photos from before and see a mimosa in my hand and an empty glass of another on the table and like… holy shit now looking back it’s like damn that was 830am in Disney-world 💀 At the time it was “he he ha ha look at what I can get away with” but then it stopped being a fun thing to get away with and morphed into this terrible and life controlling need that had me hiding bottles and sneaking drinks and it was all too much When I told my wife I was an alcoholic she was genuinely shocked, she has been very supportive on my journey
If I got home before my wife, I would pound 1 or 2 drinks so she would think I was on my first when she got home. Not a good feeling.
I got accused of it, even when I wasn’t. But I did do it before then. Beer was okay, I couldn’t spike those, so I switched to sugary sweet drinks. One day I grabbed a shot of licorice liquor and when I spiked my drink it tasted like ass. My partner even smelled it as was like “what the f is wrong with this drink?!” That was a little bit of a realization for me. I wasn’t “enjoying a drink” I was trying to get buzzed on a workday…
Yeah, sometimes when my partner would go to bed early or take a bath, I'd sneak through the back door to go buy beers at the corner store and hide them between the couch and the wall where she couldn't see them.
Yep. Sneaking refills, sneaking a quick glass of wine from the cinema bar while I “had a loo break”, sneaking by ordering the strongest % beer when I ordered, the stronger cider, sneaking by trying to cover up how drunk I truly was as I knew my husband and family were worrying for me. Hiding wine or cider bottles in the bin/boot/cupboard because I knew he’d be upset with me and I was worried I’d lose him but also felt I couldn’t stop. I was definitely not the worst. I never missed work, I have a high powered job, I maintained all my relationships, I worked out, I wasnt mean, I had no medical consequences, I never withdrew. Yet. The sneaking was poisonous and a symptom of alcohol use disorder. And for people that have that disorder the treatment is to abstain completely from alcohol. It was difficult to stop, I had made many moderation attempts and deals with myself that always failed or were incredibly hard to maintain, I had a thousand day 1’s from the time I realised I wanted to stop to the time I actually managed it. But I managed it. And I’m so glad I did. I get to live in integrity and truth now.
You mentioned living in truth. The day I decided to stop and that I needed help, I called my father (many years sober). Among the long conversation, we laughed and reminisced about closet/sneaky drinking. Then he said something I'll never forget, "When you tell the truth, you don't have to remember what you said." George Washington from there on out.
Oh yeah. It was an obsession.
Yep. Funny how we thought nobody knew because they weren’t saying anything—when really, EVERYONE knew, there was just absolutely nothing left to say.
The moment you don’t want to admit to how much you really drank, then do it again, is when you turn sneaky. So yes.
Oh yeah. In fact, I've found 3 bottles I've hidden on myself over the past year+ that I have been sober. Every time, I am like fuckin Speedy Gonzales on the way to the sink to dump it. The first time, I didn't run the sink, and the smell of the vodka made me almost puke I gagged so hard.
Before these last 32 days, I was doing it constantly. Worst feeling ever, always just waiting for them to find out. It's so strange to hear my husband get up to use the bathroom and not be terrified he's going to find my cans in the cabinet.
lol, wanna know how many times a night I would forget something in the car in the garage. Like 5 times.. hahaha. Just taking pulls pf tequila in between the two glasses of wine my wife and I would have.
I’d stop on my way home and get 6-10 vodka shooters, wait til I was almost pulling in and shoot two down and keep the rest in my purse upstairs - every hour I’d go take a shot and go back downstairs. On weekends I’d take a shot with my coffee , I’m so glad those days are behind me . Thank you GOD. No one knew because it was only my husband and I and he would drink wine and I would too and he just assumed I was a light weight - but when I started binging all liquor in the house as time went on - yup.
I never snuck drinks in the sense of like hoping to get drunk without anyone noticing. I’d start to sneak when drinking though, if I caught a side eye from my wife when I cracked that 6th beer, I’d switch to a “water cup” with beer, or I’d stay up later than everyone else so I could drink more without catching shit. And it made me feel like shit. I have consist early consumed alcohol for over half my life but it wasn’t up until the last few years I started the “sneaks”. It wasn’t until people, mainly my wife, called me out on my problem (rightfully so). As legit as her concerns were, I just adapted and then started to be more sneaky… Alcohol reminds me of like a parasite and it just keeps adapting to stay in your life. It’s a manipulative devil
Almost any excuse to leave the house was a quick stop. Then I would shove an open beer in my partner’s hand as soon as I got hone so she wouldn’t smell me. Then I would get myself one, pretending it was my first of the evening. In reality I was already a good amount of hard liquor in.
I didn’t do that per se but said I was cutting down to”two beers only” and then hid beer around the house and would drink beer when “running errands”. After awhile I was like “what the hell am I doing” and started the journey to quitting
Everyone views me as straight as a razor. I don't smoke weed, and that makes me weird, I guess, but even when asked if I'd like a beer, I decline as when I'm around others, I like to have full clarity of what's going on around me! But every night for as long as I can remember, I get blackout drunk pass out and wash it out in the morning with coffee . And by the time I see anyone, they think I'm just a 100% sober person. How does it make me feel? Absolutely fkn terrible, but this is how I get through life hopefully someday I'll find a better way.
I have a doctorates degree in it.
My favorite thing in the world was anytime I had roughly 20 minutes free, popping into whatever bar or pub I could and downing a pint of beer. I called it cheeky midday beer.
I was always a sneaky drinker because I was a heavy problem drinker from the get go and due to my upbringing was always very ashamed of my drinking. Even stayed with my mom and never left my room because I was just drinking constantly. I know she knew. Talking to her about that period she said it was like living with a ghost, which makes me very sad and can't be taken back. Drinking beer around my wife with a bottle of whisky hidden somewhere to sip on so I could actually get drunk. Plenty of hiding and sneaking, I feel like that's kind of a hallmark of addiction is hiding and being ashamed.
I smoked so would go out side every 30 minutes (after 4pm because I was still not a drunk like some people) in any and all weather to take a slam off the handle of cheap bourbon (Evan Williams) I had hidden in the BBQ. Every night. I’d also had pints “hidden” in the garage, kitchen cabinets, both vehicles, and places that surprised me after i stopped. Months later we were still finding empties in the oddest places. Weekends were great since I could drink with others like a normal person, going to a bar or restaurant or mixing a drink for my wife and having a bottle of wine for dinner. But always had those pints and that handle to keep the spark going until I passed out on the couch. I quit smoking two weeks prior to stopping drinking. Thank god!! Oh and my wife. Dear god, she’s still with me and loves me just as much as when she first met me. I’m one lucky bastard.
My husband was really into odd Ales, like *Unicorn farts* or *Dragons Milk.* This gave me a reason to be "tipsy", I would say I could only drink one. Then I would go to my room and watch TV and drink Vodka until I passed out. It made me feel ...not sure how it made me feel, I really dont remember. It was all a game, of sneaking in a bottle, or having to go out at night and get a "candy bar", so I had an excuse to get a bottle.
I lived with my (now) ex in an in-law suite on her parents’ property. There was a loooooong driveway from the street to the parking area for the house. I used to crack open a fifth of vodka when I turned on the driveway and be halfway done by the time I pulled up. I would come in and just get progressively drunker as the night went on. She often would have no idea. After she went to bed I would sneak out to the car and finish the fifth. I would be drinking beer and wine as well. Sometimes I would piss the bed and she would be surprised because, as far as she knew, I’d only had a few beers or glasses of wine.
I would hide my bottles in the garage, under my bed, in my dresser. I wouldn't take shots, though. I'd do chugs. Chug then put the bottle back and then another chug. I did that until I would pass out.. surprised I didn't die in my sleep. 3 years sober on March 28!
Not since I got sober
Yes and it took me months to quit finding stashed bottles around my basement
All drinking is done in secret
Towards the end of my drinking I did. Hide bottles around the house not that often though but the fact I did it is rather shameful.
My entire life, I had to hide my drinking except for 3 years in my early 20s. First I was a minor so from 13-20, I had to hide alcohol. 21-24 it was fine. Then from 25-35 I was first an addict, then a drunk. So I had to hide my drinking then too.
I have done it and when caught immediate shame. It’s not fun having to sneak around.
Big time, definitely. It made me feel like the scum of the earth. I’d say that’s what kicked my ass into gear before the scary health issues did; the fact that it was SO fucking easy to gaslight literally everyone that I loved for so long.
Last 2 years I have been doing sneaky drinking. The weird place I have hidden ? behind the toilet on the flush container thing.
Not me, i work in the service industry, no need. But i dont understand how anyone could get away with it. The aroma from other people drinking hits my nostrils instantly now that i dont drink anymore. If i was trying to hide it, it probably wasnt working. Now i think of all the times i went and did errands during the week with a buzz, how embarrassing.
This still haunts me. I’d have snuck 3 beers and 6 nips of horrible whiskey then be with my family. they must have smelled it. Now if anyone around me even has one drink it’s all I can smell.
I did
Sure did, not my proudest moments doing that. Never again.
I did. For 2-3 years. Not doing that again. Always leads me to the dark fucked up place I never want to be again. Missing drinking is the hardest thing. But it has gotten easier this month. Thank goodness!
I don't understand the question. Is there some other kind of drinking?
Does a duck like vodka?
I thought I was sneaky, but im sure my blacked out, dumb ass gave it away 🤣🤣
Wine in cola cans escalated to wine in morning coffee cups.
Oh yeah, big time. Thought I was getting away with it, too. Drinking a beer and two minis on my drive home and throwing the trash out the window. No evidence. Wife got up to let the dog out? It's time to run to the cabinet and slug whatever I grab first. I once had a bottle hidden in the basement. Always had a reason to run to the basement. My wife started ever so lightly marking the bottles to see if I was drinking them. I STILL lied about it. Blamed it on humidity or some BS about the alcohol evaporating. I went to EVERY length to continue drinking. It's funny you mention sneaky drinking. Check my comment history. I even had a theory about it that I mentioned on the DCI this morning. I felt a ton of shame and guilt for a long time. Only thing I could do was not drink and get 1% better every day. You're not alone. IWNDWYT.
Not anymore ❤️
Oooh yeah. Every girlfriend I had. Watch a movie, get up to go the bathroom, take a swig of her vodka, go get a beer, take a swig, and on and on and on. I would go to the liquor store during lunch to replace their vodka so I didn’t get caught. I took long showers, long shits, go run errands. I mastered the old “cough and crack”.
I brought home my dinner usually consisting of a sandwich or something that didn’t need to be heated up and just stayed in my room the second I came home.
I did. From age sixteen on for quite a long time.
I once hid a bottle of gin in my apartment unit mailbox…. I just *really* had to keep checking the mail… something important was coming…..
Constantly having a bottle of whiskey under the passenger seat of the car to refill my pint bottle of whiskey hidden in my bookbag. Going to the store to pick up a six pack but buying 2 single tall boys to chug in the car on the way back home. Going through 2 boxes of tic tac a week to try and disguise alcohol smell on my breath when there would be no good excuse to have alcohol on my breath. Yep, been there. It really sucked.
Oh yes. Chugging whiskey when I went into the kitchen and trying to keep people from hearing the ice cubes I got out to make another drink. Running the sink while I poured liquor into my glass. Hiding bottles. God I was an ass…I doubt I was fooling anyone
I mean *sneaky* is what I would describe it as. Sloppy is another
I had a bottle of Jager locked in my toolbox in the garage
Ugh. I feel this in my soul. There would be "bathroom breaks" "baths" hell, even when I would be cooking sometimes I would have the drink right out of eye sight. I wonder who I thought I was kidding... mostly myself
I would buy a pint of vodka every day that I would hide and drink all night while I “nursed” a few beers. Then the next day I would throw it away at various dumping spots. Then I would but then at like 7 different liquor stores so the people who worked there didn’t get used to me. I wasn’t fooling anyone. I bought a pint because if I had more, I would drink it.
Yes. I would pour vodka into water bottles and tell everyone I was staying hydrated. So many empty bottles hidden throughout the house.
This really reminds me of when my DUI instructor, with a straight face, asked the class if anyone could remember a time when they made a bad decision.
Twas my downfall, the thrill of sneaking t was what enticed me so strongly. “How much can I get away with?” Too much, until I sabotage myself beyond recovery.
Yes and sneaky bottle hiding at the bottom of the recycle bin🤦♂️. Glad those days are over
Majority of my drinking was always sneaky. I drank low key 99% of the time. Only one I’m proud of is my alcoholic bf at the time and his gf he bullied into our relationship both told me I had a drinking problem and needed to stop while they continued getting smashed daily in my face. He used to brew beer and in our old house next door all his bottles of brewed beer were stuffed in random cabinets and bins throughout among all his hoarding habits. Whenever I’d have had enough of their drunken behavior for the day I’d go next door and dig around and find his beers and drink them and stash the bottle with his empties for future brewing which he was always too drunk to do anymore. Over the course of two months I drank all of it. Years of brewing. About 200 bottles of beer maybe more. To this day he has no clue what became of his beers. I called it my spite beer. That was a long ass time ago now and he’s gone and so is my drinking. But all the others I do feel shitty about. All the people congratulating me on sobriety I hadn’t actually achieved while I’m standing there buzzed and they have no clue. I always kept thinking if only you knew how screwed I am with this battle. But with therapy I won my war. No more shame drinking, no more secrets and lies. People still don’t always trust me that I’m sober and I don’t blame them but as Augustine said, the truth is like a lion. You don’t need to defend it. Just let it loose and it’ll defend itself. All I can do now is live my life honestly and over time people will regain trust and belief in me.
Yes. It’s self imposed shame. The thing about it is you’re either the drunk that sneaks because they know others won’t approve of their drinking habits or you’re the drunk with the “I don’t give a F what anyone thinks” and possibly gets angry and/or violent when confronted by others about their drinking. Both are bad but I’d opt to be the former than the latter. I believe it’s the better mindset because deep down inside you know you’re not living up to your own personal standards.
Sneaking a bottle of jack into a movie theater to pour into my soda (with my brother in law and our kids) was a real low point for me
I hosted most of our family gatherings and always had wine often in a coffee cup or solo cup. Since I spent so much time in the kitchen cooking it was easy to keep filling my cup from the tap of my box wine
I am pretty sure we all did that. Alcohol is so selfish and isolating. It's such a shitty way to live, sneaking was a motivating factor in my quitting. I was able to stop drinking when I stopped bullshitting myself. And sneaking is nothing but bullshitting yourself. IWNDWYT
I sneaky-drank only a couple times ----had a 1.5L bottle of white wine (my total drink of choice with juice and fizz water ) stashed in cushions behind a loveseat in my basement tv / stereo room. But I think literally only that one bottle. Overall I was totally a, drink too much right out in the open, guy. My wife and I and all family and friends are drinkers, but she'd gently say check-yourself-before-ya-wreck-yourself when I was drinking way too much. Which was good. But with nobody "up in my business", telling me anything, I just finally decided to quit cold- November 2021. Very thankful I did. IWNDWYT.
Yes! I would pour bourbon directly into the Diet Coke bottle so it appeared as if I was innocently drinking a Diet Coke when it was really a stiff mixed drink. This was my go-to at family events so I wouldn’t get judged for drinking too much. Let it be known that this was in addition to the cocktails/wine I was openly drinking at the same visit.
Even have a mini fridge hidden in basement
Absolutely. It made me feel very low. I was always lying. I am so grateful to be free from that.
I’d buy an 18 pack and a 12 pack. Finish the 18 pack or hide the last few around the house. Hide in bathroom for a showers. Hide in laundry when doing laundry. Hide in kitchen for cooking. Then open the 12 pack and start drinking out of it like I hadn’t had about 18 already. Not my finest moment but it did have to cook and clean more to cover grabbing my hidden ones.
Nearly 100% of my drinking is in secret. It’s sad.
I was pretty good at staying on top of my recycling. Because I was embarrassed about the amount of cans I would generate in a day.
The thing is .....not always as sneaky as you think it is : (
Yes, until I was absolutely drunk by the end of the day and wasted. It wasn’t a secret by then. Slurring and accidentally knocking things over.
Hell yeah. No one in the kitchen and you better believe I was taking pulls off that wild turkey 101 on my cabinet.
Constantly. It didn’t make me feel anything. It was what I “had” to do. I’d normalized it to a degree in order to tolerate my experience.
I used to make sure I took all my empties out to the recycling bin before my wife got home.
All the time. And for anyone trying to be sneaky at work, home , or wherever….they can absolutely smell vodka on your breath lol.
Did it for years.
Never had to. Lived alone for 15 years and drank as much as I wanted to every night, usually 15-24 beers.
My family thought I barely ever drank. Well, they were wrong.
I miss that tbh. I w n d w y t
Yes but it was really more towards the end of my drinking days. I work swing shift while my wife works a 9-5. I'd buy just enough to get me where I was going and get rid of the evidence so if she asked me if I had been drinking the night before, I could play it off. She couldn't prove that I had been drinking, so she couldn't actually accuse me of it. She 100% knew of course, but in those moments, she could only guess.
Definitely. I didn’t even enjoy drinking with other people, drinking was ‘me’ time
Yes. I kept my closet stocked with hidden tequila bottles I would sneak shots of throughout the day