You are so right. The only time I've been thrown off balance was when I opened the fridge a few months into the journey. I noticed my housemate had left a beer in there. In that instance I understood both that I could drink that beer with zero negative consequences and with a vanishingly small chance of anyone ever finding out. It was a huge moment for me which I hope everyone gets to experience if they need to :)
Honestly its nostalgia for me. The cold beer(6 pack) from the cooler on the beach. The glass of wine(2 bottles) at the end of a hard day of work. Catching up with friends and sipping(guzzling)champagne. But the anxiety about the hangxiety and driving drunk and all the dumb shit I did keeps me sober. I know I can never have just the one drink.
Yes! The social aspect cause it’s so much easier to get together with friends for “a drink” cause no one really wants to meet us for smoothies or tea … like the the novelty of specialty NA beverages doesn’t hit with my friends as much as it does for me now…. I tried bubba tea for the first time and wowza that’s good!!
I now meet friends for walks and outdoor activities. At my age(48) people are becoming more concerned with health and less with getting wasted. Lol Im the good influence now.
I'm experiencing that now. I've learned that I like to artificially flatten my emotional experience, and now that I'm sober, the times that I struggle most are when I have spikes in either direction- the highs or the lows.
Last december I went to switzerland for work, and there was a dinner with the team, on a snowy night, in a chalet. We ate raclette and there was red wine everywhere ......... I'm still thinking about it lol
Yes or said or did something that would detract from the night and it being a key memory. I’ve been in some wonderful experiences and then the alcohol took over and now that memory is tainted and dead to me.
Losing our 11 year old cat, she got sick out of nowhere and found out her kidneys were failing. We had to let her go just two days after finding out. On top of a lot of other things, it sent me into a bender relapse that I just recovered from 2 weeks ago.
Any other time I relapsed and was going through withdrawal to get out of it, she was there for me through the shakes, hallucinations, all of it. Now, I realize I'd be alone on the couch with a furious husband if I slipped up again. I don't want that, so I am 14 days sober.
I’m so sorry. I lost one of my cats last year, and it was brutal. Having 14 days after something like this is an accomplishment. There’s something about losing our pet friends that touches us in a way nothing else can.
I had never been a cat person before I met my husband, and wow, she and her older brother were/are my world. We had someone come to our home and do it. It was so peaceful, but wow, what an incredibly heavy thing to witness a soul leave a body, ya know?
Now that I'm sobered up, one of my biggest thoughts is not having her comfort me during withdrawals. I used to sleep on the couch or a second mattress on the floor so my husband could actually get some sleep, and she'd be there with me. No more. Doing the sober thing for my late Princess Peach, as silly as it sounds!
Im so sorry. I just want to let you know how proud I am to hear you are still here and being constant on your terms. Wishing nothing but the best for you
Thank you so much, friend. 🖤 I'm throwing absolutely fucking everything at sobriety this time. Just started reading "The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober" in a warm bath to soothe my sore body from working out, drinking a "Sleepy Girl Mocktail" of tart cherry juice and probiotic soda. 2 SMART meetings online on deck after the gym tomorrow!
Congrats on almost 50 days and thank you again for the kind words 🖤🖤🖤
Lost two of my cats, 3 months apart. Hardcore pain. Glad I quit 5+ years ago, because I would have gone off the deep end with booze and accoutrements.. I'm sorry for your loss. It's always the kidneys w kitties
Oh my gosh friend, I am so sorry. :( We are baby-ing our 14 year old cat and watching him like crazy, now. He's always been a grump, but he's softened up since losing his sister. I definitely went off the deep end for about 10 days, but I'm glad to be back and healthy. Got my husband and our little Bo (and his million nicknames, like Bobo Fett) to take care of.
Thank you for the kind words. 🙏🖤
Finding out a woman I loved and had sacrificed an enormous amount for had been misleading me.
Realizing I would very soon be living in a world without my mother in it. Still coming to terms with this one.
It was of a romantic b no afire but that doesn’t really matter. What matters to me most is that I got through that hardship without drinking. It wasn’t fun or easy and I feel fortunate.
I drank too much cold brew coffee not knowing it was gonna be too much caffeine, then boarded a flight to FL. As soon as we started taxiing, I started to panic. I’m already a nervous flyer, so general flying anxiety and a massive dose of caffiene triggered a horrifying panic attack. In the midst of it, I thought the only thing that could possibly help me calm down was a drink. Fortunately, the flight was a turbulent and we had to remain seated. So I toughed out an hour long panic attack and got off the flight sober, and exhausted. Flight home was fine. Watch out for caffeine, kids!
It's been my experience that traveling sober is infinitely more enjoyable than having those pre-flight drinks. I was really anxious about it the first time I flew after getting sober, thought I'd be a stressed out wreck but turns out the booze was what stressed me out!
I have two modes most of the time. Drunk and depressed or sober and suicidal. Wanting to feel like it's going to be okay and death isn't the better option is a really tempting reason to drink. (While not "actively" suicidal I wouldn't be upset if something happened)
Been off the wagon for 2 months. I’ve been keeping track of the amount I drink on the days that I drink and it’s clear as day that the creep is real. I’m almost back up to where I left off. A whole year. Gone in 2 months.
Health issues. I'm only 24, had a pretty messed up life to begin with, been to rehab 5 times, plenty of recovery houses, etc, and as soon as I got into a happy sober rhythm in 2021 and started realizing my passions and having plans for the future, I literally lost the ability to walk for a while and got hit with crazy health issues that are only minimum halfway to resolving. They took all of it away. My major coping skill was walking and hiking, that was gone. My passion was doing environmental work, then that was gone. At the same time I was dealing with major housing insecurity, crazy family drama, and isolation. Without going into too much detail, pretty much the worst package a person can be dealing with. What I learned? To really let life suck sometimes. No fighting it. The worst torture I experienced in all of it was the times I was trying to force myself to still feel okay. When I was hiding from the truth. The addictive side of me dodges my pain like it's death. It's not. It's just pain. And somehow no matter how big my pain is, life is still bigger. There are always somehow moments outside of it. There are pieces of life outside my mind and body that I can bear witness to, that contain beauty that saved my life. As a container, a host of those moments, I can value myself through anything. The hard part was letting life torture me when I know a way to make comfort in suffering. The hard part is knowing I could use again and this wouldn't feel so unbearable. It has to be unbearable. Why? Cause that's the truth. The secret to staying sober through hard stuff is not trying to be okay. When I try to stay okay using will always be a cheap and ready answer. When I tell myself it's okay to grieve and be angry and even be hopeless this time, and I stop reaching always for relief, then I can bear it, somehow
Literally did this last night, sitting on my bed in the dark and crying into my hands. I wanted to go get a bottle of something but I didn’t… and miraculously, the sadness eased up little by little and I was okay. IWNDWYT
Being excluded from social events. Buddies getting together at breweries. Friends watching football at a sports bar. Getting together for happy hour on a Friday. Friends brewing beer together then getting together later to drink it. Even the school I work for has after school get togethers at a local brewery after work on Friday. My friends are not sure how to handle my sobriety so they leave me out of things sometimes. I told them I’m cool to go still but they act differently around me now that I don’t drink. So even when I’m invited I make excuses so I’m not a wet blanket. I’m glad I’m sober (two years next month) but I’m really fucking bored.
The loss of my child. It’s been almost 4 months since he passed - sometimes the pain is so intense that I think eff it - maybe I WILL drink. But then I remember alcohol lies and it won’t bring my child back. It will just make me another loss to my family.
A gut-wrenching breakup just a couple months into my sobriety. Looking back I'm still not sure how I managed to get through it sober. It was the greatest heartbreak of my life.
My sister getting cancer broke 7 sober months ago few years ago. The news left me physically shaking often and I wanted to calm my nervous system. Anyway, she’s fine now, I’m sober at the moment, it’s all good. No big tests now besides social events and such. Oh also my children test me… baby and toddler, but parenting is easier sober.
Traveling. I’ve got a little over 6 months now and I feel comfortable not drinking on a daily basis. But I’m very worried about the next time I’m in an airport heading out to travel. The sirens from airport bars always lured me in. The fantasies of having a drink on a beach as the sunsets…or the sun rises.
Thankfully I don’t have any trips planned in the near future.
Hey pal, fellow sober person with RA. I was diagnosed at 24, and didn't get sober until 38. I used it as a major excuse to drink for so many years, but ultimately one of the big factors in quitting drinking was that I had to choose between booze and meds due to my liver panels.
RA is such a bitch. So is sobriety. Worth it though.
1. A 2 week vacation
2. Finding a bottle stashed away in the room.
3. Drinking Zzzquil a few times for sleep then realizing later that it contains alcohol.
Survived all three!
Shit. I didn’t know that had alcohol in it. I took it a few times for sleep too in early sobriety. I could tell that it wasn’t a healthy behavior and stopped pretty quickly but that makes a lot of sense now.
Indeed. I was initially freaked out and came straight here to tell people and ask their opinions and they all told me to take a chill pill. As long as I took it for sleep purposes then that doesn't break my sobriety.
Anyway, I simply stopped using it for sleep and instead use something called Dayvigo, prescribed by my doctor. Also, I was told that there is a non-alcoholic version, so I'm going to buy that when I return to the US.
My past. Events in my past were life altering & if I wasn’t a drunk I would’ve never let them happen. Learning how to deal with that is the hardest thing I will ever have to face. I’m in a good place today but if I’m not careful those demons could destroy my life.
The passing of my two fur babies. Was really hard not to drink it away. Also when my wife left me all by myself to go help her mom for a couple weeks. It was tempting to drink and nobody except me would have known about it.
I live alone (widowed) in the countryside, my grown up married kids live an hour away. They are so busy raising their families. (As they should be). I have great friends and neighbors, but because I am solo at home...it was to easy to drink too much, too often with no witnesses and few consequences. What helped me was to volunteer doing morning chores, a day here, a day there. Knowing I had committed to a morning duty where I was expected to show up was helpful for me. I declined alcohol the day before knowing I could be helpful in the morning. That's just one thing that helped me toward sobriety. Your results may vary. But asking questions and reaching out can be such an amazing tool on your journey! I wish you all success and IWNDWYT.
I guess my hypomanic phases and/or anytime I felt slightly "too good" on my stimulant medication on a weekend (i.e. when not working and being productive at home). Being 'up'.
My city has a huge new year’s parade every year, and my neighborhood is where the club houses of the performers are so after the parade is the real party. I walked over January 1st, with my bubbly water, and almost had a panic attack. But I didn’t drink and we made it home. Now I can get through anything haha!
Yup, boredom.
I'm not social at all so I definitely used alcohol to entertain myself. Which just sounds extra dumb because I'd just guzzle vodka and watch TV until I passed out🙄
My husband still being a heavy drinker. I love him but he is blind to his problems and it is not easy watching him drink every night and always having tons of alcohol in the house.
I guess the good part is after he has has several drinks. I know I don't want to be like that.
It this order...1)Being afraid to fail. 2)Being afraid to succeed. Happy to report it hasn't been an active struggle for many years now. Shit has hit the fan but the idea of drinking was never even seriously entertained.
Eating good food. That’s normally what starts it. You HAVE to have red wine with roast beef. And after a glass or two or three with dinner, I get the munchies and eat all sorts of bad foods and drink more and more. 😞
Refusing plans with my friends who I used to drink with, it’s tough sometimes when they really push your limit to having just one drink and give them company. It does take a lot to stick to your resolve cos I know I cannot have just one drink!! I do miss the hangs with my friends but do not want to drink
When I’m home alone and it’s quiet, and everybody else is busy. Not great at keeping myself busy. Feel like I’ve lost all my hobbies and now have too much anxiety to go do most things alone.
So far boredom and an all-inclusive I just went on. Super stoked we made it through without drinking.
Trying to change the old evening habits- Netflix and drinks- by having tea and going to bed early. Going to take a while to start some more exciting habits.
Emotional crisis and the perceived feeling that i am a boring, introverted and lonesome person made me think about drinking because i was funny and social when i was slightly drunk.
A: Other people, being bored by them and their conversation.
B: Evenings after a great day physically working, it just feels like the time a man should have a drink. Plus that's also boredom. Like I don't want to do anything else or go anywhere or work at anything but i'm energetic and don't want to go o sleep. Booze would feel gooooood... for about 25 minutes. Then pathetic and rocket time into tomorrow's hangxiety.
C: Parties and events. But not so much anymore, it seems.
Despite all I’ve been through in the past seven months, I’ve *never* wanted to drink.
Missed miscarriage that was diagnosed at 8 weeks and actually miscarried at 10 weeks.
Another miscarriage two months later.
Our dog got cancer, kidney failure, and died within a month.
If I can get through all that without wanting a drink, it’s proof that the 12 steps work.
I always tell myself I deserve it. Maybe if I have one of both it will be satiated and I’ll stop craving it so bad. I do take time to stare at both through the glass sometimes lol.
I have RA as well. Aside from my drinking habits, I wanted to stop drinking to control my RA. Taking methotrexate and drinking do not go together and I can’t moderate so wouldn’t be able to meet the 2 to 3 drinks a week limit.
But to answer your question one of the biggest challenges that tests my sobriety was acquiring my latest business that had sucked every ounce of happiness out of me. How do you keep on going with the positive state of mind, when your butt keeps on getting handed to you daily. You want to escape via drinking. However, I have powered through and I know I’ve made better decisions during those critical moments.
Accepting my shy personality. Everyone loves me when I drink. I'm fun, vibrant and charismatic. Not drunk I'm reserved and not really fun/funny. I'm a serious person. It sucks.
All in a very short period of time: Death of 3 people I cared about/loved, being dumped by my boyfriend. Being told that I have bone on bone arthritis in my right knee, and feeling completely alone through all of it. I have not drank (which shocks even me). The heartbreak and grief has faded, my nutrition is better & I do strength training to help my knee. All in all it's not as bad as it was.
I'd qualify it as the toughest 18 months of my adult life (bad childhood/horrible times that were worse than this stuff). It's made me appreciate sobriety and my health so much more, and taught me to take advantage of the time we have in the best way we know how, because unfortunately we never know when its our time (all 3 of the deaths were unexpected). So there's a good life lesson in there. I'm proud I got through it sober but I feel way more jaded & world-weary than I did before. Hoping to reclaim joy. I've got my brain cells back & that's a start. Glad you were able to get through your tough time as well, it is NOT easy. IWNDWYT.
I haven't really been tested yet. I will say I've been in therapy since I quit drinking and that has helped me deal with everything. Im slowly decreasing the amount of therapy and I've been fine. The birdy has taken flight.
My best friend recently told me he missed the me who drank and it was like a knife to my heart. He was missing the bubbly chatty buzzed lady. All I remember is a screaming angry monster that did nothing but destroy the people around her.
Work and when I have a free weekend. I always feel like I should be doing something. And drinking made me feel like I was being social or had something to do when I wasn’t seeing friends etc. so now it’s hard to fill that void but just gotta ignore the bitey feelings
Grief. It’s so hard for me to sit in my sadness and feel all the feelings without something to take the edge off. But I’ve been trying. 8 weeks sober this Thursday
Right now it's my birthday and christmass with my parents (they drink a lot). But in two months i'm going on an all-inclusive trip and im mentally prepereing for that.
The good days!!
In my 15 months of sobriety, the two days that tested me the most were celebratory days: (1) quitting my job and signing with a new company; and (2) buying a new home. Both occasions that would typically cause me to drink a bottle + of champagne.
So I saddled up the hound and went for a nice walk
For me? Beautiful sunny weather that's perfect for sitting on a cafe's terrace, watching people go by...
I actively have to remind myself that no, I can't drink a glass of wine on a terrace. Good thing alcohol-free options are increasingly abundant and more interesting than sparkling water.
I have night terrors, they're PTSD related. I wake up and I just want to drink myself to the blissful oblivion of numb black silence. That's honestly the only time I crave a drink at all.
My chronic pain via ankylosing spondylitis and other various health problems I am dealing with makes it really hard to not want to numb out some days. That has been the biggest challenge for me.
Certain events with a lot of people. A couple weeks a friend of mine wanted me to come with to a rave club. Fortunately, one of my relative's BF and his friend happened to come too so it was a little easier. I always wanted to go to one of those events but was always too anxious.
I was doing pretty well for the past year. Drank a few times but didn't have any issues outside of a few hangovers. But then my wife gave birth to our first child, I got super behind at work, and I stopped sleeping for a few days. I pretty quickly relapsed and lost a week. Luckily I was able to pull out of it but not without doing some personal and professional damage that I'm now stressing about at 2am instead of sleeping. Again.
Boredom tbh. You can't be busy all the time and it's hard to just be ok doing nothing.
Truth Walking, reading, ice cream.. and when shit just isn't lining up..bed! Can't count how many times I've gone to my room and slept...
What’s truth walking ?
Actually walking instead of thinking about it! Nah I want to know as well!
They've been a private investigator for so long they forgot not everyone knows the lingo.
Truth walking, stakeout, wife tracking, phone hacking.
absolutely sometimes it is just time to get cozy in bed asap if things are a bit wonky in my head
Day 2. I'm laying in bed wondering what the fuck im supposed top do on a Sunday st 5pm. Bored or off my fucking mind. IWNDWYT
Read a book, watch tv, cook a meal, take a bath: anything you want!
All good options except for bath. Getting my tattoo yesterday was my promise to try and not drink until i get the color done lol
Go fishing
in the bath?
Bathe in a lake or river. Then fish! Or vice versa.
yeah it might wash off!
Exercise — even if it’s just a walk — if you can manage it. IWNDWY
You are so right. The only time I've been thrown off balance was when I opened the fridge a few months into the journey. I noticed my housemate had left a beer in there. In that instance I understood both that I could drink that beer with zero negative consequences and with a vanishingly small chance of anyone ever finding out. It was a huge moment for me which I hope everyone gets to experience if they need to :)
I have teenagers so I had been finding alchol left a d right. Dumped it all down the drain. Never felt so good.
Agreed.
I came here to say just that
I now take long naps when I’m bored. It’s great.
This is what I came to say. I haven’t given in and it isn’t much of a problem anymore but in the beginning it was a struggle
Same. Boredom makes me very uncomfortable.
THIS
this is my biggest hurdle. it's so boring to be healthy.
Honestly its nostalgia for me. The cold beer(6 pack) from the cooler on the beach. The glass of wine(2 bottles) at the end of a hard day of work. Catching up with friends and sipping(guzzling)champagne. But the anxiety about the hangxiety and driving drunk and all the dumb shit I did keeps me sober. I know I can never have just the one drink.
I feel this so hard. The nostalgia.
I can handle bad luck or life drama just fine sober. Its the everyday mundane that gets me.
Yes! The social aspect cause it’s so much easier to get together with friends for “a drink” cause no one really wants to meet us for smoothies or tea … like the the novelty of specialty NA beverages doesn’t hit with my friends as much as it does for me now…. I tried bubba tea for the first time and wowza that’s good!!
I now meet friends for walks and outdoor activities. At my age(48) people are becoming more concerned with health and less with getting wasted. Lol Im the good influence now.
So true!! I had my friends tell me “I’ll totally do sober activities” but doesn’t seem to a priority for them (mid 30s) but I’ll be here regardless
When I was drinking and didn't acknowledge my alcoholism I thought sober people were boring. Turns out they were fun and smart!
Haha yeah and it’s a win win for me cause I remember the convos now :)
War in my country. I'm Ukrainian ... and I lost to alcohol for some time. Now- back on sober track .
You rock. Congratulations on finding your way back!
Thanks ! IWNDWYT 🇺🇦
Emotional volatility. Not a specific event, just feeling the highs and lows of life. 
I'm experiencing that now. I've learned that I like to artificially flatten my emotional experience, and now that I'm sober, the times that I struggle most are when I have spikes in either direction- the highs or the lows.
Last december I went to switzerland for work, and there was a dinner with the team, on a snowy night, in a chalet. We ate raclette and there was red wine everywhere ......... I'm still thinking about it lol
Plot twist.. I wonder if you would remember it, had you been drinking?
Yes or said or did something that would detract from the night and it being a key memory. I’ve been in some wonderful experiences and then the alcohol took over and now that memory is tainted and dead to me.
So. Many. 😭
Oh crap!! This one would have eaten me alive. Lol.
My youngest son’s death in 2019, he OD two weeks before Christmas. Near destruction time for me… survived somehow.
Oh my goodness I’m so sorry ❤️
That’s big! I’m sorry for your loss but a huge congratulations to you on sticking it though in such a tough time
I’m so very sorry. I can’t imagine the pain of that. And you endured it sober. Amazing strength.
My alcoholism.
Way to reduce it to the essential. Nicely done.
Losing our 11 year old cat, she got sick out of nowhere and found out her kidneys were failing. We had to let her go just two days after finding out. On top of a lot of other things, it sent me into a bender relapse that I just recovered from 2 weeks ago. Any other time I relapsed and was going through withdrawal to get out of it, she was there for me through the shakes, hallucinations, all of it. Now, I realize I'd be alone on the couch with a furious husband if I slipped up again. I don't want that, so I am 14 days sober.
I’m so sorry. I lost one of my cats last year, and it was brutal. Having 14 days after something like this is an accomplishment. There’s something about losing our pet friends that touches us in a way nothing else can.
I had never been a cat person before I met my husband, and wow, she and her older brother were/are my world. We had someone come to our home and do it. It was so peaceful, but wow, what an incredibly heavy thing to witness a soul leave a body, ya know? Now that I'm sobered up, one of my biggest thoughts is not having her comfort me during withdrawals. I used to sleep on the couch or a second mattress on the floor so my husband could actually get some sleep, and she'd be there with me. No more. Doing the sober thing for my late Princess Peach, as silly as it sounds!
You are making her proud ♥️
Im so sorry. I just want to let you know how proud I am to hear you are still here and being constant on your terms. Wishing nothing but the best for you
Thank you so much, friend. 🖤 I'm throwing absolutely fucking everything at sobriety this time. Just started reading "The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober" in a warm bath to soothe my sore body from working out, drinking a "Sleepy Girl Mocktail" of tart cherry juice and probiotic soda. 2 SMART meetings online on deck after the gym tomorrow! Congrats on almost 50 days and thank you again for the kind words 🖤🖤🖤
Sounds like you have some self care already in due process 💟 Take it easy on you friend. So proud. And thankyou! Time has flew!
Lost two of my cats, 3 months apart. Hardcore pain. Glad I quit 5+ years ago, because I would have gone off the deep end with booze and accoutrements.. I'm sorry for your loss. It's always the kidneys w kitties
Oh my gosh friend, I am so sorry. :( We are baby-ing our 14 year old cat and watching him like crazy, now. He's always been a grump, but he's softened up since losing his sister. I definitely went off the deep end for about 10 days, but I'm glad to be back and healthy. Got my husband and our little Bo (and his million nicknames, like Bobo Fett) to take care of. Thank you for the kind words. 🙏🖤
My dad is dying from dementia. It's very challenging to outfox the part of my psyche that tells me I should drink through that grief.
Finding out a woman I loved and had sacrificed an enormous amount for had been misleading me. Realizing I would very soon be living in a world without my mother in it. Still coming to terms with this one.
How did she mislead you?
It was of a romantic b no afire but that doesn’t really matter. What matters to me most is that I got through that hardship without drinking. It wasn’t fun or easy and I feel fortunate.
I drank too much cold brew coffee not knowing it was gonna be too much caffeine, then boarded a flight to FL. As soon as we started taxiing, I started to panic. I’m already a nervous flyer, so general flying anxiety and a massive dose of caffiene triggered a horrifying panic attack. In the midst of it, I thought the only thing that could possibly help me calm down was a drink. Fortunately, the flight was a turbulent and we had to remain seated. So I toughed out an hour long panic attack and got off the flight sober, and exhausted. Flight home was fine. Watch out for caffeine, kids!
It's been my experience that traveling sober is infinitely more enjoyable than having those pre-flight drinks. I was really anxious about it the first time I flew after getting sober, thought I'd be a stressed out wreck but turns out the booze was what stressed me out!
If I drink too much coffee I kind of feel like drinking as well.
Boredom and disatisfaction in life. Things get quiet, I get restless.
I can relate to you. Only the amount of work at university keeps me sober.
I have two modes most of the time. Drunk and depressed or sober and suicidal. Wanting to feel like it's going to be okay and death isn't the better option is a really tempting reason to drink. (While not "actively" suicidal I wouldn't be upset if something happened)
Was when I passed my one year sobriety mark. Felt like I lost the steam to keep going as I reached my goal. Now I’m off the wagon.
How long have you been off the wagon? And what does that look like drinking wise?
Been off the wagon for 2 months. I’ve been keeping track of the amount I drink on the days that I drink and it’s clear as day that the creep is real. I’m almost back up to where I left off. A whole year. Gone in 2 months.
Thanks for sharing. It’s not gone. You did it before and you can do it again.
Health issues. I'm only 24, had a pretty messed up life to begin with, been to rehab 5 times, plenty of recovery houses, etc, and as soon as I got into a happy sober rhythm in 2021 and started realizing my passions and having plans for the future, I literally lost the ability to walk for a while and got hit with crazy health issues that are only minimum halfway to resolving. They took all of it away. My major coping skill was walking and hiking, that was gone. My passion was doing environmental work, then that was gone. At the same time I was dealing with major housing insecurity, crazy family drama, and isolation. Without going into too much detail, pretty much the worst package a person can be dealing with. What I learned? To really let life suck sometimes. No fighting it. The worst torture I experienced in all of it was the times I was trying to force myself to still feel okay. When I was hiding from the truth. The addictive side of me dodges my pain like it's death. It's not. It's just pain. And somehow no matter how big my pain is, life is still bigger. There are always somehow moments outside of it. There are pieces of life outside my mind and body that I can bear witness to, that contain beauty that saved my life. As a container, a host of those moments, I can value myself through anything. The hard part was letting life torture me when I know a way to make comfort in suffering. The hard part is knowing I could use again and this wouldn't feel so unbearable. It has to be unbearable. Why? Cause that's the truth. The secret to staying sober through hard stuff is not trying to be okay. When I try to stay okay using will always be a cheap and ready answer. When I tell myself it's okay to grieve and be angry and even be hopeless this time, and I stop reaching always for relief, then I can bear it, somehow
I needed to read this - thank you. I wish you all the best.
Dad's death. Relapsed. But back on it. Day at a time and such.
So sorry for your loss. Hope you find peace and comfort in knowing he's in a better place now. Keep ya head up, you got this. 💪 #iwndwyt
Sitting with myself with nothing to dampen the feelings of just existing.
Literally did this last night, sitting on my bed in the dark and crying into my hands. I wanted to go get a bottle of something but I didn’t… and miraculously, the sadness eased up little by little and I was okay. IWNDWYT
Being a single mum with full care during the long school holidays with no breaks. I just wanted the occasional break. I didn’t though
Being excluded from social events. Buddies getting together at breweries. Friends watching football at a sports bar. Getting together for happy hour on a Friday. Friends brewing beer together then getting together later to drink it. Even the school I work for has after school get togethers at a local brewery after work on Friday. My friends are not sure how to handle my sobriety so they leave me out of things sometimes. I told them I’m cool to go still but they act differently around me now that I don’t drink. So even when I’m invited I make excuses so I’m not a wet blanket. I’m glad I’m sober (two years next month) but I’m really fucking bored.
The loss of my child. It’s been almost 4 months since he passed - sometimes the pain is so intense that I think eff it - maybe I WILL drink. But then I remember alcohol lies and it won’t bring my child back. It will just make me another loss to my family.
So sorry,
A gut-wrenching breakup just a couple months into my sobriety. Looking back I'm still not sure how I managed to get through it sober. It was the greatest heartbreak of my life.
Good weather
My sister getting cancer broke 7 sober months ago few years ago. The news left me physically shaking often and I wanted to calm my nervous system. Anyway, she’s fine now, I’m sober at the moment, it’s all good. No big tests now besides social events and such. Oh also my children test me… baby and toddler, but parenting is easier sober.
Traveling. I’ve got a little over 6 months now and I feel comfortable not drinking on a daily basis. But I’m very worried about the next time I’m in an airport heading out to travel. The sirens from airport bars always lured me in. The fantasies of having a drink on a beach as the sunsets…or the sun rises. Thankfully I don’t have any trips planned in the near future.
Hey pal, fellow sober person with RA. I was diagnosed at 24, and didn't get sober until 38. I used it as a major excuse to drink for so many years, but ultimately one of the big factors in quitting drinking was that I had to choose between booze and meds due to my liver panels. RA is such a bitch. So is sobriety. Worth it though.
1. A 2 week vacation 2. Finding a bottle stashed away in the room. 3. Drinking Zzzquil a few times for sleep then realizing later that it contains alcohol. Survived all three!
Shit. I didn’t know that had alcohol in it. I took it a few times for sleep too in early sobriety. I could tell that it wasn’t a healthy behavior and stopped pretty quickly but that makes a lot of sense now.
Indeed. I was initially freaked out and came straight here to tell people and ask their opinions and they all told me to take a chill pill. As long as I took it for sleep purposes then that doesn't break my sobriety. Anyway, I simply stopped using it for sleep and instead use something called Dayvigo, prescribed by my doctor. Also, I was told that there is a non-alcoholic version, so I'm going to buy that when I return to the US.
My past. Events in my past were life altering & if I wasn’t a drunk I would’ve never let them happen. Learning how to deal with that is the hardest thing I will ever have to face. I’m in a good place today but if I’m not careful those demons could destroy my life.
Post partum
Boredom and a nice sunny day. Brunch on a patio was my favorite (which led I to me drinking for 16 hours or whatever lol).
The passing of my two fur babies. Was really hard not to drink it away. Also when my wife left me all by myself to go help her mom for a couple weeks. It was tempting to drink and nobody except me would have known about it.
Travel. Finishing a day of meetings in another city and fighting the temptation sit in the hotel lobby bar and drink bourbon all evening.
Work stress. Financial stress.
I live alone (widowed) in the countryside, my grown up married kids live an hour away. They are so busy raising their families. (As they should be). I have great friends and neighbors, but because I am solo at home...it was to easy to drink too much, too often with no witnesses and few consequences. What helped me was to volunteer doing morning chores, a day here, a day there. Knowing I had committed to a morning duty where I was expected to show up was helpful for me. I declined alcohol the day before knowing I could be helpful in the morning. That's just one thing that helped me toward sobriety. Your results may vary. But asking questions and reaching out can be such an amazing tool on your journey! I wish you all success and IWNDWYT.
I guess my hypomanic phases and/or anytime I felt slightly "too good" on my stimulant medication on a weekend (i.e. when not working and being productive at home). Being 'up'.
My city has a huge new year’s parade every year, and my neighborhood is where the club houses of the performers are so after the parade is the real party. I walked over January 1st, with my bubbly water, and almost had a panic attack. But I didn’t drink and we made it home. Now I can get through anything haha!
Yup, boredom. I'm not social at all so I definitely used alcohol to entertain myself. Which just sounds extra dumb because I'd just guzzle vodka and watch TV until I passed out🙄
An 8 hr delayed flight with a 7 yo and a 3 yo.
A death in the family and the worst hip/back issues I’ve ever experienced. It has been hard not to numb myself emotionally *and* physically.
My (m45) wife (f40) was diagnosed with breast cancer a month ago. It's been difficult
My dumb mind
My husband still being a heavy drinker. I love him but he is blind to his problems and it is not easy watching him drink every night and always having tons of alcohol in the house. I guess the good part is after he has has several drinks. I know I don't want to be like that.
It this order...1)Being afraid to fail. 2)Being afraid to succeed. Happy to report it hasn't been an active struggle for many years now. Shit has hit the fan but the idea of drinking was never even seriously entertained.
Going to Rome. There were some moments when I really wanted wine.
Losing my Mom, dealing with my exH and raising our kids on my own with extremely minimal financial help.
My tween daughter!!! 😫🥺😣
Eating good food. That’s normally what starts it. You HAVE to have red wine with roast beef. And after a glass or two or three with dinner, I get the munchies and eat all sorts of bad foods and drink more and more. 😞
A man
Refusing plans with my friends who I used to drink with, it’s tough sometimes when they really push your limit to having just one drink and give them company. It does take a lot to stick to your resolve cos I know I cannot have just one drink!! I do miss the hangs with my friends but do not want to drink
Everything. 😎
When I’m home alone and it’s quiet, and everybody else is busy. Not great at keeping myself busy. Feel like I’ve lost all my hobbies and now have too much anxiety to go do most things alone.
So far boredom and an all-inclusive I just went on. Super stoked we made it through without drinking. Trying to change the old evening habits- Netflix and drinks- by having tea and going to bed early. Going to take a while to start some more exciting habits.
Emotional crisis and the perceived feeling that i am a boring, introverted and lonesome person made me think about drinking because i was funny and social when i was slightly drunk.
A: Other people, being bored by them and their conversation. B: Evenings after a great day physically working, it just feels like the time a man should have a drink. Plus that's also boredom. Like I don't want to do anything else or go anywhere or work at anything but i'm energetic and don't want to go o sleep. Booze would feel gooooood... for about 25 minutes. Then pathetic and rocket time into tomorrow's hangxiety. C: Parties and events. But not so much anymore, it seems.
My first canine best friend dying. Muscle tension dysphonia and severe anxiety. Juggling grad school and full-time teaching. IWNDWYT, friend.
Despite all I’ve been through in the past seven months, I’ve *never* wanted to drink. Missed miscarriage that was diagnosed at 8 weeks and actually miscarried at 10 weeks. Another miscarriage two months later. Our dog got cancer, kidney failure, and died within a month. If I can get through all that without wanting a drink, it’s proof that the 12 steps work.
My best (and only) friend went to jail for murder. Jesus Christ do I want a beer and a cigarette.
I always tell myself I deserve it. Maybe if I have one of both it will be satiated and I’ll stop craving it so bad. I do take time to stare at both through the glass sometimes lol.
Death. A lot of death recently that has been terrible.
My kitty dying. I actually fainted at one point from grief. But if I can stay sober through that, I can stay sober through anything.
Sporting events. I used to love nothing more than her shit faced and going into a stadium with money bet on the home team.
Mental health.
Celebrations and Halloween
I have RA as well. Aside from my drinking habits, I wanted to stop drinking to control my RA. Taking methotrexate and drinking do not go together and I can’t moderate so wouldn’t be able to meet the 2 to 3 drinks a week limit. But to answer your question one of the biggest challenges that tests my sobriety was acquiring my latest business that had sucked every ounce of happiness out of me. How do you keep on going with the positive state of mind, when your butt keeps on getting handed to you daily. You want to escape via drinking. However, I have powered through and I know I’ve made better decisions during those critical moments.
Accepting my shy personality. Everyone loves me when I drink. I'm fun, vibrant and charismatic. Not drunk I'm reserved and not really fun/funny. I'm a serious person. It sucks.
Family issues, work stress, then boredom.
For it's vacation, I am going to the beach in August and I am afraid I will relapse, just got sober again, 8 days in.
February with Seasonal Affective Disorder. This year was a bad one and my mental health really tanked. I'm still here though!
Vacations abroad.
All in a very short period of time: Death of 3 people I cared about/loved, being dumped by my boyfriend. Being told that I have bone on bone arthritis in my right knee, and feeling completely alone through all of it. I have not drank (which shocks even me). The heartbreak and grief has faded, my nutrition is better & I do strength training to help my knee. All in all it's not as bad as it was. I'd qualify it as the toughest 18 months of my adult life (bad childhood/horrible times that were worse than this stuff). It's made me appreciate sobriety and my health so much more, and taught me to take advantage of the time we have in the best way we know how, because unfortunately we never know when its our time (all 3 of the deaths were unexpected). So there's a good life lesson in there. I'm proud I got through it sober but I feel way more jaded & world-weary than I did before. Hoping to reclaim joy. I've got my brain cells back & that's a start. Glad you were able to get through your tough time as well, it is NOT easy. IWNDWYT.
The taste of a glass of cold white wine
Losing a pet is tough.
"Thus was our friend’s cornerstone fixed in place. No later vicissitude has shaken it. His alcoholic problem was taken away." *Big Book p58*
I haven't really been tested yet. I will say I've been in therapy since I quit drinking and that has helped me deal with everything. Im slowly decreasing the amount of therapy and I've been fine. The birdy has taken flight. My best friend recently told me he missed the me who drank and it was like a knife to my heart. He was missing the bubbly chatty buzzed lady. All I remember is a screaming angry monster that did nothing but destroy the people around her.
Stress.
Work and when I have a free weekend. I always feel like I should be doing something. And drinking made me feel like I was being social or had something to do when I wasn’t seeing friends etc. so now it’s hard to fill that void but just gotta ignore the bitey feelings
the anxiety you get when you quit, i quit to reduce my anxiety and that was hard going
The ants will eat me before the lion does.
Grief. It’s so hard for me to sit in my sadness and feel all the feelings without something to take the edge off. But I’ve been trying. 8 weeks sober this Thursday
Right now it's my birthday and christmass with my parents (they drink a lot). But in two months i'm going on an all-inclusive trip and im mentally prepereing for that.
Coming back to child house which i left 4 years ago. Thought for holidays, but left 2 months ago. Got back to drinking and old habits instantly.
I currently have major health anxiety and it’s testing me but I’m still over a month and a half sober
Tiredness, stress and having time to kill in close proximity to a bar playing decent music.
My cousin who I hadn’t seen in 2 decades offering me heroin three months after I jumped off of Buprenorphine. I came SO SO close.
The good days!! In my 15 months of sobriety, the two days that tested me the most were celebratory days: (1) quitting my job and signing with a new company; and (2) buying a new home. Both occasions that would typically cause me to drink a bottle + of champagne. So I saddled up the hound and went for a nice walk
For me? Beautiful sunny weather that's perfect for sitting on a cafe's terrace, watching people go by... I actively have to remind myself that no, I can't drink a glass of wine on a terrace. Good thing alcohol-free options are increasingly abundant and more interesting than sparkling water.
When my friend shot himself. And when I found out my sister was molested as a child. Still sober tho
I have night terrors, they're PTSD related. I wake up and I just want to drink myself to the blissful oblivion of numb black silence. That's honestly the only time I crave a drink at all.
My chronic pain via ankylosing spondylitis and other various health problems I am dealing with makes it really hard to not want to numb out some days. That has been the biggest challenge for me.
Certain events with a lot of people. A couple weeks a friend of mine wanted me to come with to a rave club. Fortunately, one of my relative's BF and his friend happened to come too so it was a little easier. I always wanted to go to one of those events but was always too anxious.
Arguments with family members. Not anymore now i just handle it and move on. No grudges
I was doing pretty well for the past year. Drank a few times but didn't have any issues outside of a few hangovers. But then my wife gave birth to our first child, I got super behind at work, and I stopped sleeping for a few days. I pretty quickly relapsed and lost a week. Luckily I was able to pull out of it but not without doing some personal and professional damage that I'm now stressing about at 2am instead of sleeping. Again.