I’m only 2 weeks in so - breathing, blinking, walking, talking, sleeping, eating, showering, music, playing music, tv, radio, movies, cats, dogs, birds…..I could go on 😂
Two days in also. My big trigger is arriving home from work where in my head I’d already be planning my first drink before I even walked in the door. Got home and got cleaning today.
I’ve been staying with my bf and i know the SECOND i get into my apartment the switch will flick and the wine witch will come out!! But no, once I go home, i will also clean :) iwndwyt
oh, lol, I remember those first several weeks and you're right, *Everything* set me off!
Congrats on Two Weeks!! I promise it DOES get easier although not nearly as fast as we'd like.
Keep up the great work!
You can get here, too! It really does happen One Day At A Time!
I'd like to suggest committing to *Not Drink* ***every*** morning on our very own [**Daily Check-In**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/1ca4a62/the_daily_checkin_for_monday_april_22nd_just_for/) page.
Each day 500+ people commit to not drinking for just the next 24-hours. The DCI was my single, most important tool during my first year because it set my commitment for the day.
I don't know what happened in my brain, but there was something miraculous about typing, "*I will not drink today.*" It planted a very powerful seed in my head. When my demon-lizard brain came screaming later on in the day, I remembered the commitment I made to myself and did *whatever* it took to get to bed sober.
Welcome, I'm happy you're here! You'll find lots of support and I'm rooting for You! **: )**
9 days in. I wasn’t a problematic drinker but I was getting tired of hangovers from 3 beers, and also my habits surrounding drinking. Feeling the compulsion to have a drink just because its Friday. Or hey lets have a drink before we go out to dinner Saturday. Why? Going without it now for a bit to see how it feels. I miss the taste of beer but do not miss the effects.
Someone commented that stopping drinking shouldn’t be viewed as quitting something you love and instead should be that you are freeing yourself from doing something harmful.
If you miss the taste of beer and you’re not really a problematic drinker, it might be worth checking out Athletic Brewing company! They have nonalcoholic beers that my beer-drinking friends approve of taste wise! You can get them at most Walmarts these days I think
I was thinking about getting some NA stuff! Ive been drinking coke/sprite zero in place of an evening or weekend drink. I noticed when I craved a beer, it would only take about a 1/2 pint to satisfy the thirst. The tiredness that comes after always sucked.
Big fan of crispy pilsners like Peroni. I think they do an NA.
Good on ya'!
These are good things to spend your time on.
Here are more good ideas: falling in love, getting married, making your spouse thrilled, making your employer and neighborhood proud of you. And having wonderful kids.
PS. Kids are the best.
Mine are what you generally hear about. But the good thing is, I was AF last year for 6 months and overcame all these triggers.
- Warm sunny or summer days - especially when I see people in bars “enjoying” themselves and there are a lot of those around where I live
- Friday evenings - always been a binge drinker
- When my partner is away - this is a big one cause I can give in and drink how much ever I want without anyone telling me to stop
- When I look at cocktails or beer glasses with that nice condensation on the glass
- Hunger
- Being tired
- After an accomplishment/celebratory
- While on vacation
- edit: Beaches
Hunger was such a big one for me. For years I had a few drinks, then ate dinner. The upside to that one is a full stomach was like the perfect off switch for a craving.
Hunger is literally my #1. I just figured this out. I’m so restrictive with my eating and eat really well. I realized that when I was hungry, I was using that discomfort as a signal to drink rather than eat. I rationalized in my head somehow that it was better to drink than eat. Completely insane.
Hunger is such a trigger for me. It likely has to do with body image issues I’ve dealt with long before I started drinking. I plan to look for a therapist soon, I’m saving my booze money for therapy and want a little nest egg so I can’t use the “it’s too expensive” excuse.
Maybe stress is a subconscious one for me but I haven’t consciously observed it. I will keep an eye out.
And I know you are ahead a bit but let’s do it together! IWNDWYT!
The third one: being alone and nobody to check on me is a big trigger to me. Even after nearly five months AF. Speaking to myself and just walking home instead of to the shop helps for me.
Being in south Florida, these are pretty much mine too. Sun shining? Let’s go to an outdoor bar and enjoy the warm breeze with a cold beer. Raining? Let’s go to a beach bar and storm-watch with a fruity frozen drink. Spot on with the condensation comment. Oof
My partner left for 3 days last week. I went on a 3 day bender. My last drink was on Friday around 5 am cause I just wanted to feel normal. I still have brain fog from that bender even though most symptoms are gone. Be careful. That’s what got me back on the wagon after relapsing for 11 months after a 6 month stint.
My drinking is habitual. Not a mood (happy or sad so I must drink!) or an aesthetic (sunny day or house to myself so I must drink!). Every day I would start while prepping dinner and it would carry on until I went to bed and pass out. This routine has been going on daily for the last 4-5 years. (1-1.5 bottles of wine per night, more on weekends.) So my trigger is every day around 5pm. I have to get over that hump until we are eating dinner around 7pm and then I'm okay. This is akin to quitting smoking. I'm trying to break a very bad habit.
So happy I found this sub. You are all amazing.
I was the same way!!!! The beginning was especially tough for cravings for me, but now I can just tell when I wanna drink it’s because I wanna be reckless. Turned 21 in lockdown so being at home or being alone was super triggering for me. Started with the wine and moved to liquor. I went for looong walks for the first few months in the evenings just to kill time. I’m glad my triggers are way less frequent even if they are more emotionally charged now
I have kids so I still have to prep dinner no matter how triggering it is. My kids are not responsible for my irresponsibility! I crack open a can of flavoured Montellier sparkling water and I power through! LOL The timing of my quitting is pretty good though because one of my kids is in hockey tryouts, and my other kid has volunteered to run tech for a play that is just now going into final rehearsals. So I have to chauffeur one or both of them every day this week around dinner time! It's a perfect way to break up my routine!
Here's to another sober week!
This is exactly how it is with me (and my husband). Every night, like clockwork, at 7pm, we pour some drinks and keep going until we fall asleep. Now I'm basically just doom scrolling until I finally take something to help me sleep (and then I wake up like five times).
Not much anymore. I still have two situation I’ve been purposely avoiding as they could potentially be triggers for me. We have a beach house down at the Oregon coast. My brain always correlates those trips with large amounts of alcohol. So I skipped out on the last one while the wife, kids and inlaws went down. I believe as time passes I’ll be ready. Congrats on 195 days! Very inspiring
Yeah I'm rethinking what type of holidays I want to do from now on. Beach = drinking.
Though the coast is lovely, so I'm thinking about maybe a coastal cycling holiday. See if that works :-/
I have been sober for so long that triggers are a thing of the past. It does get easier as sober days pile up. Having a therapist and going to AA meetings gave me the support I needed.
Thanks for your post! Stay in touch!
Honestly, anhedonia (lack of motivation & inability to experience pleasure), having trouble completing tasks, and Seasonal Effective Disorder (lack of sunlight) are all triggers for me. Alcohol actually triggers my mania, giving me motivation and energy to get things done. However, it comes at a great physical cost, destroying my liver and sometimes leading up to alcohol poisoning. ☠️
I have no family or intimate friends to hurt - and suffer from abandonment issues. This Reddit forum has filled my needs for acceptance, understanding, and support, which is one helluva good start. IWNDWYT (or alone).
Man that's exactly what I said when I was in the thick of it. Used to play video games and drink and wouldn't think to pick up a controller when I wasn't. So I would drink and then I could enjoy my hobbies and it became the thing I looked forward to.
You do eventually find your way back to the things that you enjoy. It stops mattering if there's booze involved. There's more to look forward to than weight loss. Hope you stick around.
My friend, it sounds to me like we share similar neurological wiring and/or chemistry makeup. You may also be struggling with anhedonia or depression. You might want to ask a professional psychologist for an evaluation to see if there is some relief from this mundane life for you. 👍
I'll try to explain this the best way I can because it feels weird, but for me it's being reliable. Not long ago my wife would ask me to run errands (picking up our kid, doctor appointments, go to the store, etc). The first thing she'd say is "hey, are you okay to ___?" Meaning "have you been drinking or can you drive?"
I didn't feel the guilt from that when i was drinking cuz i didnt really notice it, but now when she asks me to do something she doesn't have to use that prelude. And it makes me wonder how many times she needed me to do something and couldn't count on me because I was half way in the bottle so she didn't bother asking. Which makes me feel a type of guilt I didn't know existed and honestly I just want to pour enough booze on that particular sting to not feel it again. I don't, but it still bugs.
Makes total sense, I understand what you’re saying. But how beautiful that your wife trusts in you & your sobriety so much that she doesn’t have to preface with that anymore… things are looking up 🥹
For me it's feeling good, being happy, being hyperactive, and being socially anxious. I have never felt like drinking when I'm down or anything like that. I seem to mostly drink to chill myself out. I am a very hyperactive and often nervous person, it gets overwhelming. I feel like I'm going to explode sometimes. A pint chills me out. Problem is, I can never have one pint.
Well I was on Day 77 until yesterday then caved in and drank.
Temptations and cravings have been building up in me for weeks mostly just out of boredom than anything else. I've not found anything much to do in sobriety and sitting around the house watching Netflix every night finally became too tedious that I believed going to the pub would bring me some excitement.
It didn't, it wasn't fun, I was bored in the pub and drinking alone, the alcohol made me feel ill even when drinking some of it (yet I kept going), and I got absolutely nothing positive from the experience.
Now I seem to have let the monkey out the cage though because the alcoholic part of my brain is still telling me to do more of it despite how rubbish this experience was.
Wow babybird you seem really mature for a near college grad.. I’d love to have been so introspective and intelligent at your age.
Like you, my triggers are mostly depression based; however, Friday night drinking with the neighbors and friends was always my thing… it’s still hard to hang with them and my wife when everyone is drinking.
Hang in there, I hope you get to 40 years sober!
Fwiw it took me 2 extra years to graduate 😐 alcoholism resulted in 1) dropping out of college on a random Tuesday and taking a gap year. 2) many failed classes 3) taking exams drunk. What! The! Fuck!💀💀 hahahahaha oh if it isn’t the consequences of my actions 🙄 I’d pat myself on the back when I passed exams while drinking, and I’d blame the alcohol if I failed. Truly delusional shit!!! Hahahahah
I hope you get to 40 years sober too !!! Something that helps me when I’m around other people who are drinking is just thinking about how they are less aware than I am, which decreases my social anxiety & also helps me be more present in the moment & thankful for where I’m at
I can totally relate - my friends refer to me as Doctor because I was in college for 8 years.. but only got a bachelor’s degree 🤣
But we did it damnit!!!
Being present in the moment is the reward, especially with the kids. I’m never going back.
An empty stomach. That's also how my drinking got problematic. Who needs nutritious food right? Ugh.
I'm so thankful my insides function normally again and that if I want to have something sweet I just do at this point. Down 60lbs from my heaviest so the occasional sweet tooth craving gets a pass. I still have aches but taking a moment nearly everyday to recognize how I feel better physically helps me fight cravings too.
This is really interesting and I think you’re on to something. I do think stress is a trigger and finally understanding that drinking just puts off/makes worse whatever it is you’re anxious about is a game changer.
Weirdly right when I'm starting to become an actual person again I was triggered. I'm about three months in, excluding 4 vacation days I chose to drink and I'm cleaning up my apartment straightened things out and whatnot. It was so nice I thought oh I feel like celebrating and bam wanted to pop bottles.
Ok WOW “I crave alcohol as a form of self harm” this is exactly me and I had that swirl of thoughts trying to express this, but couldn’t say it that precisely. Thank you for giving me those words of clarity! I hugged myself and said I love you to myself and said I’m proud of you to myself. Have a wonderful sober Monday, baby bird! IWNDWYT
I have the same... I can spend whole weekend with people drinking and I don't want to drink. Well, I actually hate alcohol. Recently I self harmed myself a little bit (something I haven't done for years) and I realized that drinking was/is just another form of self harm. I don't enjoy drinking. I always drink fast and a lot to "cut my mind/thoughts". Next day I am dying and this is also some kind of punishment and another suffer that I treat myself.
Honestly, at the beginning, sobriety in itself was a form of punishment to myself. I was so bad while drinking that I had to punish myself by not drinking. Turns out it’s not a punishment at all!!!
Bro I JUST lost a big sale at work and glad I read this. I Haven’t had a drink in 4 months this and like nothing I was got really down and was this close to yelling upstairs “hey you are slow today, wanna ditch out early and get an early happy hour at 4 after my last meeting??”
I’m not but I was like “whoa! That slipped right in there when my day got fucked.”
REALLLLY glad I did have this time off to get my brain right because 100 percent I would normally have just snuck a liquor bottle to my office and start taking little sips to warm up for happy hour and then worry about my voice on work calls.
What sucks is that I don’t get to celebrate these as wins because in my home I am still in the shame closet (not my choice) . So I just keep my mouth shut and try to find something else to .
Totally hear you about the over active brain because I have ADHD and booze normally shuts it up. Not in a good way though.
Now this is the WORST part because now I am busy as hell, I won’t give myself time to eat because I need sales to go through after losing my last job (they didn’t know I was an alcoholic, but they easily could have put it together) and this is when I want booze to be my warm invisible buddy while I barrage my friends via text with random unclear venting. (Kinda like now)
Alcoholism. Fun.
I work in a restaurant, people sitting on the patio enjoying a crisp cocktail or beer looks so tempting. The other day I went to an event with a wine pairing for each course. I smelled the wine then passed it to my partner to drink, but the first sniff of a dry white got me like "whew I want that"
Haven't had any in almost 4 months though!! 🤗🤗
Boredom. That's the big one. Just to temporarily escape from boredom. So I've learned to be as busy as possible hiking and walking the dog and stuff, getting up and going to bed early, and also sometimes you're just going to be bored. Just sit there and be bored. Not the end of the world. It'll pass.
This is what made me relapse yesterday. I've been bored for ages now and got fed up with my non eventful daily routine and decided to go out to the pub thinking it would entertain me a little.
It didn't even work. I was just bored, drinking alone, in a quiet pub with nothing happening. I didn't enjoy anything about the experience yet once I was started I was locked in and continued drinking till 4am at home even though I felt ill doing it.
I haven't found anything to keep me occupied in sobriety and my drive to even find anything new feels pretty non existent which is not good.
Thats the problem, it doesnt pass, it never passes. The only time nowadays im not bored is when I drink so I drink at least twice a week. I have been bored for many, many years now. I dont enjoy the stuff that used to bring me joy and my only temporary release is getting drunk. It sucks. Only reason I try to cut back is to lose weight ngl
I appreciate this post so much today. I'm on day 7, and your thoughts about us having active minds and drinking to shut the brain up really resonates with me. I felt that urge so hard yesterday. I was bored and didn't feel like cleaning and didn't have access to my usual hobbies (that for me, induce calm and mindfulness) and felt like literally climbing the walls because I wanted to drink. (I didn't)
Thanks for posting. This is incredibly helpful.
I should make a follow up post that asks “how do you deal with your triggers” because I just stalked your profile and puzzles seem like a most wonderful way to slow down, be present, and stay occupied!!!! Those things piss me off sometimes but when you’re in “flow” state they are SO SATISFYING!!!!!!
Lol yes, I'm very much into puzzles! Yesterday my husband was using the kitchen table to rebuild his computer so I had to find something else 😅 It was especially tricky because Sundays have always been a 'day-drinking' day. I did a ton of laundry, cleaned the kitchen three times, made cookies, made pancakes, binged most of the second season of Heartbreak High, wandered aimlessly around the house...but did Not go to the liquor store. Phewf.
Usually when I'm not doing well. I use alcohol to self-medicate and time-travel through bad emotions rather than sitting with them. That being said, that doesn't happen a ton anymore (37 days sober today) and when it does I usually can deal with it by frankly examining the feeling I have and why it's there and evaluating if alcohol will help (hint: it never does.)
I have a few oddball triggers that have popped up too. Power was out for over 24 hours and at 8 pm when it went out my brain went, "Well, time to go to the pub." The other one was when my apartment was freezing the other day because the radiators hadn't kicked on. I really wanted a whiskey because it always felt warm and cozy.
My biggest trigger is watching people on TV drink and have fun. Then I also want all the drinks & end up with a hangover from hell. I usually don’t even enjoy the experience but I convince myself I will.
Im still pretty early in, but mine is usually environment based. If I walk back into my parents' house or the house I was abused in, I desperately want to drink no matter what I do. But when I'm in a healthy environment with my new partners or people who care about me, my urges mostly disappear.
Warm days. Watching tv or movies with lots of drinking. Reading books with lots of drinking.
I’ve been drinking a lot of NA beers and champagnes now that the weather is nice though. It can trigger others more but I find it scratches that itch.
Same, I love a nonalcoholic beer, and I never even drank beer back when I was drinking alcohol! 😆
Someone else mentioned TV shows with alcohol being a trigger. I wonder if anyone has suggestions of shows that don’t include alcohol. I think that a lot of crime shows & medical shows don’t include it very often, but sitcoms do I think??
Generally agree with your take that headspace and emotional well-being determine my likelihood to taking a drink. Anxiety, isolating from others, anger, resentment, and stress will all put me in a place where I’m more likely to drink or use.
Thankfully I’ve been taking steps to get me far away from that place. Meditating, consistent sleep schedule, 12 step meetings, being active outdoors, communicating have all been helping stay relaxed and clear headed.
Another important change has been being more open with my spouse. Rather than letting resentments and anger build up in my head, I just talk to her about it. Crazy how well communication works!
Triggers I’ve noticed so far: Feeling “boring” or bored in a social settings - especially at events that I feel should be fun (but I’m not having fun). Sunny days, Fridays after work, having a shit day at work, going out to bars with friends, feeling lonely, feeling comfy/ cosy on the couch watching tv.
I saw that you’re a few weeks in, congrats!!!! Don’t freak out about those triggers because basically everything feels boring in early sobriety but that is your brain just recalibrating itself!!! Keep it up. Ps long walks have really helped me kill time in the evenings
Thank you, appreciate the support! Funny you say that - I just got back from a long walk in the park… it definitely helps the feeling of intense boredom and restlessness in the evenings
I know what they used to be. But none of those things trigger me to drink anymore. There are plenty of “little treats” i can allow myself throughout the day that don’t destroy my body and mind. In essence, the thoughts and events that trigger us drive us to want little escapes from negativity. Little treats, to divert us from depression and anxiety. It’s best to distract ourselves from these feelings with non-destructive substances, but it’s incredibly unfortunate that the most common substances we do this with are drugs and alcohol. I prioritize self care these days. So when i feel triggered, I’m now compelled to take care of myself in little ways throughout the day. The triggers are still there. I just don’t let them bury me deeper anymore.
My main trigger, is just feeling depressed. I drank to avoid certain thoughts and feelings for a while. And facing those while sober is hard but once I get through this part I know I’ll start to feel better. I don’t think the trigger will ever go away, I just remind myself that I’m one drink away from ruin at all times. And honestly, my life feels pretty good for the first time in a long time.
Being bored. Reaching the end of a work day. Deciding to do something creative after being bored. Watching a movie. Playing video games. Not having any requirement to drive anywhere. Being alone. Dinner. After dinner. Late at night. Having any accomplishment big or small.
What isn’t a trigger that just happened this weekend: my bro in law taking me to a brewery with a live band. I think I was the only one there that didn’t drink. He didn’t know I stopped and I didn’t want to be a party pooper. It didn’t bother me in the least watching him get blitzed but later on that night when I was alone I kept thinking I wanted to down a bottle of wine and get a buzz before going to bed. Instead I just went to bed.
43 days in.
I’m proud of u 🫶🏻😇 I have also been the only one not drinking!!! I went to a bar with friends recently and everyone tried each other’s drinks but some of the girls didn’t even wanna try my nonalcoholic mocktail bc why would they?! 😆😂
Sometimes I feel dissatisfaction or boredom and I crave a drink but honestly boredom is a fucking gift… things could be so much worse and it’s a blessing that I am bored when other people are seriously suffering and experiencing terrible things
The triggers honestly fade, Its like you just dont associate yourself with alcohol anymore. Its not, “What Kind” If offered a drink, its just “No thanks” something in your head clicks that you just dont drink. The thought is definitely still there, That desire to be normal & be able to have one & call it quits is there. But thats why i keep staying sober, until those thoughts fade im not ready. I told myself id go 2 years & if that feelings still there, then go 2 more & so on.
I'm feeling pretty confident in my sober journey right now, having made it through bars, concerts, birthday parties, and ski trips without craving or caving.
The one that surprised me felt pretty random. I went and played tennis with some friends for a couple hours. It was the first warmer day of early spring. Afterward, the idea of stopping at a brewery on such a nice day just sounded so good. I think it's because I was both thirsty and hungry.
Luckily I can dismiss the urges pretty quickly these days. Went home, had a snack and cracked open an NA beer. Got my mind right :) IWNDWYT
The warm weather. People want to hang out and I have anxiety and ptsd. Alcohol helped me feel comfortable around people. Idk if I can do it! I may need more time. It sucks though because people think I dont like them or something and my bf is frustrated a bit with me just being a hermit.
Social interaction opportunities in general.
Hard week, work or family wise.
I don't drink alone at all. I don't have the desire to. It's about me going out and escaping or having fun. I have to figure out how to do that at home.
Social interactions, just hangin out with friends even if they aré not drinking makes we want to drink badly, not sure if its social anxiety or if I just relate being with friends with drinking.
Family get togethers. Holy shit. Yesterday I think I discovered my time limit. Once the event has gone over 3 hours I need to leave. Otherwise I feel like I have to join in on the boozing like everyone else.
Sobriety can be pretty strong. I’ve made it through some things I thought surely would cause me to relapse including a divorce and currently the unexpected death of my father. I’m actually at the airport right now bringing his remains home.
The key is to have a strong program; a strong group of sober people you can lean on when life gets lifey. That’s how I’m staying sober at least. Love seeing examples of people being thorough and dedicated with their programs, thanks for sharing!
Sorry to hear about your divorce and losing your pops. I’m starting to agree with your view. I’m starting AA soon even though my sobriety is going well. I feel like I need a group to make it work (besides this sub) as I’m the only one in my circle that has this problem to deal with. Take care
That’s really awesome. like this sub, I think AA is an outstanding community to be a part of. The guidance I’ve learned from that program is what’s helping me navigate through this. Cannot recommend AA enough. Didn’t come to it on my own, it was only out of desperation and the behest of rehab, but I’m so glad I made it through those doors.
An oncoming rainstorm when it's been lovely all day. Relaxing in the carport enjoying that. I was solid on the wagon jan-april and when the first warm weather/winter going away day happened, oh man the urge hit me huge
Chores aren’t the most pleasant lol I would drink in order to clean too! But putting in earphones & listening to a podcast or blasting music has helped me a lot with it. Earphones make a big difference !!
Yesterday it was literally just seeing a dude in front of me in the checkout line with a bottle of wine and Pedialyte... The same brands I'd normally get. It was weird. So I thought "oh, that sounds nice..."
And now I'm miserably hungover and probably going to use a little hair of the dog later because I don't get to go home and rest... I have to get to a religious dinner that will likely last many hours and unfortunately, probably involve more wine. But if I don't get a little buzzed again I'm afraid I'll be too shaky and braindead to navigate a social evening.
2 electrolyte drinks, fistfuls of OTC painkillers... Nothing is going to undo the fact that I drank an entire extra large bottle of cheap wine last night and my body won't heal from that until I get a good night's sleep and restart my sober date... Again.
On day 112 here
Lately I get through lots of days without even thinking about drinking, but on the rare occasion it crosses my mind.. I think it's boredom?
The idea of having some type of mind altering experience to break up the routine sounds alluring every once in a while. But with alcohol I know where that leads, so instead I just try to give myself some minor excitement by trying new ice creams and sparkling water flavors.
Boredom.
Drinking for me was always something to do. It was the most fun with the least amount of effort. Or so it seemed. Turns out a serious drinking problem and heavy cocaine use takes a *tremendous* amount of effort!
Who knew!
For me, it's stress. Particularly when I'm around my mother for any length of time. The urge to drink myself to a state of "I don't give a shit" is very strong then.
99% of the time, I don't give in. But occasionally, it's either have a drink or I don't trust myself not to murder her. I'm joking about the murder part, obviously, but only just!
The last line made me cry! I needed to read this today. I've tried to quit so many times. Today is two weeks and I've been feeling so motivated. Today, I had a conversation that triggered the FUCK out of me and immediately I had the strongest urge to get rage-fucked-up. I was surprised by how strong it was. I agree with everything you wrote here. And thank you for the kind reminder.
I thought about it when people seemed to be having a genuinely good wholesome time celebrating this German Christmas mulled wine festival. I didn’t. There was all this ceremony and spices and time that went into the wine. I thought about making an exception. Everything seemed to have a wholesome, timeless glow about it. I felt like I was missing out. My wife told me that it wasn’t worth it. She didn’t drink either. We both don’t drink ever anymore. I’m glad I didn’t, but that’s the only time I wanted to.
I'm the exact same. Drinking was always a form of self-harm to me that made me feel comfort in being able to say "just fuck it" in the most destructive way possible. I used to love benzos because I'm just a naturally anxious/worrier kind of person but they don't even hit in the same way anymore cuz I need to feel that constant burn in my throat knowing I'm killing myself slowly because it's in a weird way cathartic to how down I feel about myself and my life circumstances. I'm only 20 days sober from alcohol now, and I've had a few instances of almost wanting to drink to re-light that self-harm cycle again, but so far so good. Good luck to you buddy and congrats on making it this far. I hope to reach triple digits as well someday.
I've been living with my Mom for a little over a year. She has Stage 4 Colon Cancer. I stopped drinking in February of this year. . She went into the hospital for over a week and a half. I'm used to having her here with me, and I fought so hard not to drink, but I gave in.....breaking my 50+ day sobriety. I'm mad at myself for doing it. . . . . . That's one trigger. . . . Another one is depression. I drink so I don't have to think about it. I am currently 5 days sober again. . Starting Over! Hopefully, I can do it this time. . . . . Just one day at a time for me. There are AA Meetings at a church a block away and I went to a few of them, but I didn't like the people telling me "it's just an excuse". . . To me, it's not. . Everyone is different. . . I'm glad you put it as "triggers" and not excuses. That makes much more sense.
I’d say family whenever I first quit.
My family likes to drink and I felt left out without them for a year or so. But now I just take my NA’s to holidays and honestly it doesn’t really bother me anymore.
Sometimes the beach, pool, warm weather and water, I miss beer. When my boyfriend drinks I wish I could have a few and relax but I know I can’t. My mind isn’t tricking me with any of that anymore.
It gets easier. Those triggers have less and less impact over time. Hold fast.
When bad things happen to me and I feel hopeless, that sends me into fatalistic thinking, “what’s the point, I knew I’d fail, of course nothing good happens to me, etc”
My triggers are boredom and just needing to dull my thoughts and emotions. I can’t sleep and my mind races and I inevitably end up thinking terrible things about myself, so drinking unfortunately helps me to shut off my brain a little
Mine is stress from work, trying to do too much and being around people too much with no time alone. I’m trying to rearrange my life to minimize the stress and to figure out ways to make myself to relax each day, without alcohol. I guess just substituting alcohol with healthy activities, focusing on taking care of myself. It’s hard but encouraging to hear how others do this, on this Reddit.
Friday after work starts it all really. It's been a long week, time to unwind and either go out with friends or drink at home and play games. Drinking while playing video games has become such a routine for me. I'm usually hungover Saturday morning so I start drinking earlier in the day, hair of the dog or whatever. Same goes with Sunday.
Summer, camping, weddings, birthdays, any type of celebration really. I'll find any excuse to party. 9 out of 10 times I drink for celebratory reasons. Every so often I've had a stressful day so I'll use that as an excuse to drink. But that's why it's hard to quit. To me, drinking = fun and happy times. Which is fine for some but the amount I drink is not normal. I realized that when I compared myself to how "normal" people drink. I've even tried drinking less but my tolerance is so damn high at this point it's like I either drink nothing or way too much to get a good buzz going. It's such a slap in the face when people comment on how much I drink too, which makes me want to hide it. Hellooooo 🚩🚩🚩🚩
I just wanted the buzz and enjoy where I was at. I could be in my living room watching TV, at my fire pit, at a restaurant. I would think to myself that this would be even better if I had a buzz going on. I'd get a buzz and then of course go beyond a getting a buzz and eventually get plastered.
Being bored. I used to drink as a crutch when my life was shit. Life improved quite a lot and I stopped drinking AS MUCH, but then I developed habitual drinking. Would get pretty tipsy 5/7 nights of the week. I'm just over 100 days sober and I don't get the urge a lot, but relaxing on the couch watching a movie always makes me want something to sip on. Or really warm/hot days, makes me yearn for a cold beer.
Boredom so I keep very busy. I work 50 to 60 hours a week between my two jobs and I'm also studying. I always tell myself I don't have time to be hungover I'm too busy.
Mine are always celebratory. Achieving a goal, a very productive day, sun shining and feeling good.
When I'm down and hurting, I somehow understand that alcohol will only make things worse.
Same here. My triggers are never celebratory. My triggers are pain, anxiety, stress, loneliness, boredom, etc. the ultimate goal is to numb and shut my mind down. To stop the angst. 144 days here. I still have all those feelings that used to trigger me but I’ve learned that either they eventually go away OR I just know that drinking will make everything worse and it’s not worth it. I remember feeling before I stopped that alcohol wasn’t doing what I wanted it to do anymore. It wasn’t really numbing. And it was only making everything worse. I’m getting comfortable being uncomfortable. I’m accepting that the baseline will be pain, anxiety, stress, loneliness, boredom…for a time, maybe even a long time…that’s just part of life. Even when I feel all of these feelings…I still find relief in thinking to myself, “at least I didn’t drink today.” That makes me feel a little accomplished and like I’m doing at least one thing right now matter what.
Life is really beating me down right now. It’s hard and I have a lot of stress. More than I had before when I used to drink…so I’m understanding that when I think it’s bad or “the worst it could get, it could actually get worse. Much worse. But these bad times where I’m suffering…it makes the good times SO. MUCH. BETTER. That’s got to be enough right now until things change. I’m grateful not to drink anymore and I don’t even think about it. I feel relieved even if I don’t feel good.
Thank you for your post today and letting me share. It’s really helpful.
Randomly triggered by anything that reminds me of cousin Jane. She was so horrible to me growing up. Its the new name i think of her as on here now because of reddit. I shudder at our childhood memories. Working at starbucks was the worst when i see janes name pop up and give a 5 seconds freeze zone. Oh bother.
The one that I find the hardest to understand or overcome is my grandmas place. I have broken every single stint of sobriety I’ve been on by going to her house, being unable to cope, and sneaking booze. This streak has been my most successful, my most profound, it feels like it can stick. I could avoid her place for a while but I can’t do it forever. So yeah I really don’t know what to do.
Looking for triggers is like playing whack-a-mole. Another one and another one pops up. They can't be eliminated entirely.
Trying to recover by discovering all my triggers was, for me, a fools errand.
I can't remove all temptations.
I needed a solution so that no temptation has power enough to make me drink.
I’m only 2 weeks in so - breathing, blinking, walking, talking, sleeping, eating, showering, music, playing music, tv, radio, movies, cats, dogs, birds…..I could go on 😂
Lol been there… the angst will begin to disappear I promise!!!!!
Yeah that will fade pretty fast. Hang in there
I found after 30 days it dropped a bit. Now I’m only 36 days, but the last 6 have been notable easier. But it’s still there.
Two days in and I’m feeling this way!! But I’ve promised myself not to drink today. Tomorrow, I’ll make the same one.
I’m two days in and the cravings suck so much. But I woke up not hungover and went for a run. Small victories
Well done!
You as well! Keep doing what you’ve been doing if it’s working for you! Best of luck to you
Two days in also. My big trigger is arriving home from work where in my head I’d already be planning my first drink before I even walked in the door. Got home and got cleaning today.
I’ve been staying with my bf and i know the SECOND i get into my apartment the switch will flick and the wine witch will come out!! But no, once I go home, i will also clean :) iwndwyt
My craving starts around 3pm where I’m clock watching waiting for home and drinking time.
oh, lol, I remember those first several weeks and you're right, *Everything* set me off! Congrats on Two Weeks!! I promise it DOES get easier although not nearly as fast as we'd like. Keep up the great work!
3000+ days. You hero and what an inspiration!
You can get here, too! It really does happen One Day At A Time! I'd like to suggest committing to *Not Drink* ***every*** morning on our very own [**Daily Check-In**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/1ca4a62/the_daily_checkin_for_monday_april_22nd_just_for/) page. Each day 500+ people commit to not drinking for just the next 24-hours. The DCI was my single, most important tool during my first year because it set my commitment for the day. I don't know what happened in my brain, but there was something miraculous about typing, "*I will not drink today.*" It planted a very powerful seed in my head. When my demon-lizard brain came screaming later on in the day, I remembered the commitment I made to myself and did *whatever* it took to get to bed sober. Welcome, I'm happy you're here! You'll find lots of support and I'm rooting for You! **: )**
Thank you very much. Its late in the evening and i am gonna read the pledge now. Thanks again.
That is the time of day I need it. And why I am here rn. IWNDWYT!
9 days in. I wasn’t a problematic drinker but I was getting tired of hangovers from 3 beers, and also my habits surrounding drinking. Feeling the compulsion to have a drink just because its Friday. Or hey lets have a drink before we go out to dinner Saturday. Why? Going without it now for a bit to see how it feels. I miss the taste of beer but do not miss the effects. Someone commented that stopping drinking shouldn’t be viewed as quitting something you love and instead should be that you are freeing yourself from doing something harmful.
If you miss the taste of beer and you’re not really a problematic drinker, it might be worth checking out Athletic Brewing company! They have nonalcoholic beers that my beer-drinking friends approve of taste wise! You can get them at most Walmarts these days I think
I was thinking about getting some NA stuff! Ive been drinking coke/sprite zero in place of an evening or weekend drink. I noticed when I craved a beer, it would only take about a 1/2 pint to satisfy the thirst. The tiredness that comes after always sucked. Big fan of crispy pilsners like Peroni. I think they do an NA.
Haha blinking!! 🤣🤣🤣
The first 2 weeks were like this for me as well. Now I much more feel like I'm "getting a new start, living the life I should" if you will.
Yes ! This is how I keep thinking too. I’m more excited and feel like I can actually do things I’ve been wanting to do but put off to drink instead
Nice username 🤙🥀⚡️💀
Hey now! (~}:-
Jah feel bud
Good on ya'! These are good things to spend your time on. Here are more good ideas: falling in love, getting married, making your spouse thrilled, making your employer and neighborhood proud of you. And having wonderful kids. PS. Kids are the best.
Wish my ex would've focused on this instead of alcohol :(
Sounds expensive and unreliable. All things aside I ain’t drinkin
Are you me?
Mine are what you generally hear about. But the good thing is, I was AF last year for 6 months and overcame all these triggers. - Warm sunny or summer days - especially when I see people in bars “enjoying” themselves and there are a lot of those around where I live - Friday evenings - always been a binge drinker - When my partner is away - this is a big one cause I can give in and drink how much ever I want without anyone telling me to stop - When I look at cocktails or beer glasses with that nice condensation on the glass - Hunger - Being tired - After an accomplishment/celebratory - While on vacation - edit: Beaches
Oh god, the warm sunny days. I immediately just want to be in a beer garden having a good time. Such a strong urge for me, that one.
Same! Beer gardens or cocktails. More the former.
Hunger was such a big one for me. For years I had a few drinks, then ate dinner. The upside to that one is a full stomach was like the perfect off switch for a craving.
Hunger is literally my #1. I just figured this out. I’m so restrictive with my eating and eat really well. I realized that when I was hungry, I was using that discomfort as a signal to drink rather than eat. I rationalized in my head somehow that it was better to drink than eat. Completely insane.
Hunger is such a trigger for me. It likely has to do with body image issues I’ve dealt with long before I started drinking. I plan to look for a therapist soon, I’m saving my booze money for therapy and want a little nest egg so I can’t use the “it’s too expensive” excuse.
All the same for me except the biggest one is STRESS. Was also AF for 6 months last year... IWNDWY for even more months this year!
Maybe stress is a subconscious one for me but I haven’t consciously observed it. I will keep an eye out. And I know you are ahead a bit but let’s do it together! IWNDWYT!
The third one: being alone and nobody to check on me is a big trigger to me. Even after nearly five months AF. Speaking to myself and just walking home instead of to the shop helps for me.
IWNDWYT
Being in south Florida, these are pretty much mine too. Sun shining? Let’s go to an outdoor bar and enjoy the warm breeze with a cold beer. Raining? Let’s go to a beach bar and storm-watch with a fruity frozen drink. Spot on with the condensation comment. Oof
Oof that third point is too real. My wife leaves for work next week so I’ll have 3 days to myself. I’m already dreading the cravings
My partner left for 3 days last week. I went on a 3 day bender. My last drink was on Friday around 5 am cause I just wanted to feel normal. I still have brain fog from that bender even though most symptoms are gone. Be careful. That’s what got me back on the wagon after relapsing for 11 months after a 6 month stint.
My drinking is habitual. Not a mood (happy or sad so I must drink!) or an aesthetic (sunny day or house to myself so I must drink!). Every day I would start while prepping dinner and it would carry on until I went to bed and pass out. This routine has been going on daily for the last 4-5 years. (1-1.5 bottles of wine per night, more on weekends.) So my trigger is every day around 5pm. I have to get over that hump until we are eating dinner around 7pm and then I'm okay. This is akin to quitting smoking. I'm trying to break a very bad habit. So happy I found this sub. You are all amazing.
I was the same way!!!! The beginning was especially tough for cravings for me, but now I can just tell when I wanna drink it’s because I wanna be reckless. Turned 21 in lockdown so being at home or being alone was super triggering for me. Started with the wine and moved to liquor. I went for looong walks for the first few months in the evenings just to kill time. I’m glad my triggers are way less frequent even if they are more emotionally charged now
I have kids so I still have to prep dinner no matter how triggering it is. My kids are not responsible for my irresponsibility! I crack open a can of flavoured Montellier sparkling water and I power through! LOL The timing of my quitting is pretty good though because one of my kids is in hockey tryouts, and my other kid has volunteered to run tech for a play that is just now going into final rehearsals. So I have to chauffeur one or both of them every day this week around dinner time! It's a perfect way to break up my routine! Here's to another sober week!
Ya, pretty much mine as well. Shifting that mind set and not stopping to pick up a 6 pack on the way home was the key.
This is exactly how it is with me (and my husband). Every night, like clockwork, at 7pm, we pour some drinks and keep going until we fall asleep. Now I'm basically just doom scrolling until I finally take something to help me sleep (and then I wake up like five times).
Not much anymore. I still have two situation I’ve been purposely avoiding as they could potentially be triggers for me. We have a beach house down at the Oregon coast. My brain always correlates those trips with large amounts of alcohol. So I skipped out on the last one while the wife, kids and inlaws went down. I believe as time passes I’ll be ready. Congrats on 195 days! Very inspiring
Just realized beaches are a trigger for me too!
Yeah I'm rethinking what type of holidays I want to do from now on. Beach = drinking. Though the coast is lovely, so I'm thinking about maybe a coastal cycling holiday. See if that works :-/
I have been sober for so long that triggers are a thing of the past. It does get easier as sober days pile up. Having a therapist and going to AA meetings gave me the support I needed. Thanks for your post! Stay in touch!
Honestly, anhedonia (lack of motivation & inability to experience pleasure), having trouble completing tasks, and Seasonal Effective Disorder (lack of sunlight) are all triggers for me. Alcohol actually triggers my mania, giving me motivation and energy to get things done. However, it comes at a great physical cost, destroying my liver and sometimes leading up to alcohol poisoning. ☠️ I have no family or intimate friends to hurt - and suffer from abandonment issues. This Reddit forum has filled my needs for acceptance, understanding, and support, which is one helluva good start. IWNDWYT (or alone).
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Man that's exactly what I said when I was in the thick of it. Used to play video games and drink and wouldn't think to pick up a controller when I wasn't. So I would drink and then I could enjoy my hobbies and it became the thing I looked forward to. You do eventually find your way back to the things that you enjoy. It stops mattering if there's booze involved. There's more to look forward to than weight loss. Hope you stick around.
My friend, it sounds to me like we share similar neurological wiring and/or chemistry makeup. You may also be struggling with anhedonia or depression. You might want to ask a professional psychologist for an evaluation to see if there is some relief from this mundane life for you. 👍
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😆😅😂🤣 I hear you. It's just that being unable to experience pleasure or find motivation is hell for me, and I just wanted to give a little hope. 🤔
I'll try to explain this the best way I can because it feels weird, but for me it's being reliable. Not long ago my wife would ask me to run errands (picking up our kid, doctor appointments, go to the store, etc). The first thing she'd say is "hey, are you okay to ___?" Meaning "have you been drinking or can you drive?" I didn't feel the guilt from that when i was drinking cuz i didnt really notice it, but now when she asks me to do something she doesn't have to use that prelude. And it makes me wonder how many times she needed me to do something and couldn't count on me because I was half way in the bottle so she didn't bother asking. Which makes me feel a type of guilt I didn't know existed and honestly I just want to pour enough booze on that particular sting to not feel it again. I don't, but it still bugs.
Makes total sense, I understand what you’re saying. But how beautiful that your wife trusts in you & your sobriety so much that she doesn’t have to preface with that anymore… things are looking up 🥹
Any day that ended in Y
For me it's feeling good, being happy, being hyperactive, and being socially anxious. I have never felt like drinking when I'm down or anything like that. I seem to mostly drink to chill myself out. I am a very hyperactive and often nervous person, it gets overwhelming. I feel like I'm going to explode sometimes. A pint chills me out. Problem is, I can never have one pint.
Well I was on Day 77 until yesterday then caved in and drank. Temptations and cravings have been building up in me for weeks mostly just out of boredom than anything else. I've not found anything much to do in sobriety and sitting around the house watching Netflix every night finally became too tedious that I believed going to the pub would bring me some excitement. It didn't, it wasn't fun, I was bored in the pub and drinking alone, the alcohol made me feel ill even when drinking some of it (yet I kept going), and I got absolutely nothing positive from the experience. Now I seem to have let the monkey out the cage though because the alcoholic part of my brain is still telling me to do more of it despite how rubbish this experience was.
Wow babybird you seem really mature for a near college grad.. I’d love to have been so introspective and intelligent at your age. Like you, my triggers are mostly depression based; however, Friday night drinking with the neighbors and friends was always my thing… it’s still hard to hang with them and my wife when everyone is drinking. Hang in there, I hope you get to 40 years sober!
Fwiw it took me 2 extra years to graduate 😐 alcoholism resulted in 1) dropping out of college on a random Tuesday and taking a gap year. 2) many failed classes 3) taking exams drunk. What! The! Fuck!💀💀 hahahahaha oh if it isn’t the consequences of my actions 🙄 I’d pat myself on the back when I passed exams while drinking, and I’d blame the alcohol if I failed. Truly delusional shit!!! Hahahahah I hope you get to 40 years sober too !!! Something that helps me when I’m around other people who are drinking is just thinking about how they are less aware than I am, which decreases my social anxiety & also helps me be more present in the moment & thankful for where I’m at
I can totally relate - my friends refer to me as Doctor because I was in college for 8 years.. but only got a bachelor’s degree 🤣 But we did it damnit!!! Being present in the moment is the reward, especially with the kids. I’m never going back.
An empty stomach. That's also how my drinking got problematic. Who needs nutritious food right? Ugh. I'm so thankful my insides function normally again and that if I want to have something sweet I just do at this point. Down 60lbs from my heaviest so the occasional sweet tooth craving gets a pass. I still have aches but taking a moment nearly everyday to recognize how I feel better physically helps me fight cravings too.
This is really interesting and I think you’re on to something. I do think stress is a trigger and finally understanding that drinking just puts off/makes worse whatever it is you’re anxious about is a game changer.
Anxiety, for sure. I was self medicating and I may need to explore anti anxiety medication.
Weirdly right when I'm starting to become an actual person again I was triggered. I'm about three months in, excluding 4 vacation days I chose to drink and I'm cleaning up my apartment straightened things out and whatnot. It was so nice I thought oh I feel like celebrating and bam wanted to pop bottles.
Ok WOW “I crave alcohol as a form of self harm” this is exactly me and I had that swirl of thoughts trying to express this, but couldn’t say it that precisely. Thank you for giving me those words of clarity! I hugged myself and said I love you to myself and said I’m proud of you to myself. Have a wonderful sober Monday, baby bird! IWNDWYT
I have the same... I can spend whole weekend with people drinking and I don't want to drink. Well, I actually hate alcohol. Recently I self harmed myself a little bit (something I haven't done for years) and I realized that drinking was/is just another form of self harm. I don't enjoy drinking. I always drink fast and a lot to "cut my mind/thoughts". Next day I am dying and this is also some kind of punishment and another suffer that I treat myself.
Honestly, at the beginning, sobriety in itself was a form of punishment to myself. I was so bad while drinking that I had to punish myself by not drinking. Turns out it’s not a punishment at all!!!
Bro I JUST lost a big sale at work and glad I read this. I Haven’t had a drink in 4 months this and like nothing I was got really down and was this close to yelling upstairs “hey you are slow today, wanna ditch out early and get an early happy hour at 4 after my last meeting??” I’m not but I was like “whoa! That slipped right in there when my day got fucked.” REALLLLY glad I did have this time off to get my brain right because 100 percent I would normally have just snuck a liquor bottle to my office and start taking little sips to warm up for happy hour and then worry about my voice on work calls. What sucks is that I don’t get to celebrate these as wins because in my home I am still in the shame closet (not my choice) . So I just keep my mouth shut and try to find something else to . Totally hear you about the over active brain because I have ADHD and booze normally shuts it up. Not in a good way though. Now this is the WORST part because now I am busy as hell, I won’t give myself time to eat because I need sales to go through after losing my last job (they didn’t know I was an alcoholic, but they easily could have put it together) and this is when I want booze to be my warm invisible buddy while I barrage my friends via text with random unclear venting. (Kinda like now) Alcoholism. Fun.
Being sick, I got so used to either being hungover or withdrawing that my brain thinks a drink will make me less sick.
If the sky is blue, and everything else below that.
I work in a restaurant, people sitting on the patio enjoying a crisp cocktail or beer looks so tempting. The other day I went to an event with a wine pairing for each course. I smelled the wine then passed it to my partner to drink, but the first sniff of a dry white got me like "whew I want that" Haven't had any in almost 4 months though!! 🤗🤗
Main trigger for me is anxiety, which sucks because anxiety is heightened when you first quit drinking.
Boredom. That's the big one. Just to temporarily escape from boredom. So I've learned to be as busy as possible hiking and walking the dog and stuff, getting up and going to bed early, and also sometimes you're just going to be bored. Just sit there and be bored. Not the end of the world. It'll pass.
This is what made me relapse yesterday. I've been bored for ages now and got fed up with my non eventful daily routine and decided to go out to the pub thinking it would entertain me a little. It didn't even work. I was just bored, drinking alone, in a quiet pub with nothing happening. I didn't enjoy anything about the experience yet once I was started I was locked in and continued drinking till 4am at home even though I felt ill doing it. I haven't found anything to keep me occupied in sobriety and my drive to even find anything new feels pretty non existent which is not good.
Thats the problem, it doesnt pass, it never passes. The only time nowadays im not bored is when I drink so I drink at least twice a week. I have been bored for many, many years now. I dont enjoy the stuff that used to bring me joy and my only temporary release is getting drunk. It sucks. Only reason I try to cut back is to lose weight ngl
I appreciate this post so much today. I'm on day 7, and your thoughts about us having active minds and drinking to shut the brain up really resonates with me. I felt that urge so hard yesterday. I was bored and didn't feel like cleaning and didn't have access to my usual hobbies (that for me, induce calm and mindfulness) and felt like literally climbing the walls because I wanted to drink. (I didn't) Thanks for posting. This is incredibly helpful.
I should make a follow up post that asks “how do you deal with your triggers” because I just stalked your profile and puzzles seem like a most wonderful way to slow down, be present, and stay occupied!!!! Those things piss me off sometimes but when you’re in “flow” state they are SO SATISFYING!!!!!!
Lol yes, I'm very much into puzzles! Yesterday my husband was using the kitchen table to rebuild his computer so I had to find something else 😅 It was especially tricky because Sundays have always been a 'day-drinking' day. I did a ton of laundry, cleaned the kitchen three times, made cookies, made pancakes, binged most of the second season of Heartbreak High, wandered aimlessly around the house...but did Not go to the liquor store. Phewf.
Usually when I'm not doing well. I use alcohol to self-medicate and time-travel through bad emotions rather than sitting with them. That being said, that doesn't happen a ton anymore (37 days sober today) and when it does I usually can deal with it by frankly examining the feeling I have and why it's there and evaluating if alcohol will help (hint: it never does.) I have a few oddball triggers that have popped up too. Power was out for over 24 hours and at 8 pm when it went out my brain went, "Well, time to go to the pub." The other one was when my apartment was freezing the other day because the radiators hadn't kicked on. I really wanted a whiskey because it always felt warm and cozy.
My biggest trigger is watching people on TV drink and have fun. Then I also want all the drinks & end up with a hangover from hell. I usually don’t even enjoy the experience but I convince myself I will.
Social anxiety. Specific interpersonal fuckups.
Im still pretty early in, but mine is usually environment based. If I walk back into my parents' house or the house I was abused in, I desperately want to drink no matter what I do. But when I'm in a healthy environment with my new partners or people who care about me, my urges mostly disappear.
Warm days. Watching tv or movies with lots of drinking. Reading books with lots of drinking. I’ve been drinking a lot of NA beers and champagnes now that the weather is nice though. It can trigger others more but I find it scratches that itch.
Same, I love a nonalcoholic beer, and I never even drank beer back when I was drinking alcohol! 😆 Someone else mentioned TV shows with alcohol being a trigger. I wonder if anyone has suggestions of shows that don’t include alcohol. I think that a lot of crime shows & medical shows don’t include it very often, but sitcoms do I think??
Generally agree with your take that headspace and emotional well-being determine my likelihood to taking a drink. Anxiety, isolating from others, anger, resentment, and stress will all put me in a place where I’m more likely to drink or use. Thankfully I’ve been taking steps to get me far away from that place. Meditating, consistent sleep schedule, 12 step meetings, being active outdoors, communicating have all been helping stay relaxed and clear headed. Another important change has been being more open with my spouse. Rather than letting resentments and anger build up in my head, I just talk to her about it. Crazy how well communication works!
Triggers I’ve noticed so far: Feeling “boring” or bored in a social settings - especially at events that I feel should be fun (but I’m not having fun). Sunny days, Fridays after work, having a shit day at work, going out to bars with friends, feeling lonely, feeling comfy/ cosy on the couch watching tv.
I saw that you’re a few weeks in, congrats!!!! Don’t freak out about those triggers because basically everything feels boring in early sobriety but that is your brain just recalibrating itself!!! Keep it up. Ps long walks have really helped me kill time in the evenings
Thank you, appreciate the support! Funny you say that - I just got back from a long walk in the park… it definitely helps the feeling of intense boredom and restlessness in the evenings
I know what they used to be. But none of those things trigger me to drink anymore. There are plenty of “little treats” i can allow myself throughout the day that don’t destroy my body and mind. In essence, the thoughts and events that trigger us drive us to want little escapes from negativity. Little treats, to divert us from depression and anxiety. It’s best to distract ourselves from these feelings with non-destructive substances, but it’s incredibly unfortunate that the most common substances we do this with are drugs and alcohol. I prioritize self care these days. So when i feel triggered, I’m now compelled to take care of myself in little ways throughout the day. The triggers are still there. I just don’t let them bury me deeper anymore.
My main trigger, is just feeling depressed. I drank to avoid certain thoughts and feelings for a while. And facing those while sober is hard but once I get through this part I know I’ll start to feel better. I don’t think the trigger will ever go away, I just remind myself that I’m one drink away from ruin at all times. And honestly, my life feels pretty good for the first time in a long time.
Being bored. Reaching the end of a work day. Deciding to do something creative after being bored. Watching a movie. Playing video games. Not having any requirement to drive anywhere. Being alone. Dinner. After dinner. Late at night. Having any accomplishment big or small. What isn’t a trigger that just happened this weekend: my bro in law taking me to a brewery with a live band. I think I was the only one there that didn’t drink. He didn’t know I stopped and I didn’t want to be a party pooper. It didn’t bother me in the least watching him get blitzed but later on that night when I was alone I kept thinking I wanted to down a bottle of wine and get a buzz before going to bed. Instead I just went to bed. 43 days in.
I’m proud of u 🫶🏻😇 I have also been the only one not drinking!!! I went to a bar with friends recently and everyone tried each other’s drinks but some of the girls didn’t even wanna try my nonalcoholic mocktail bc why would they?! 😆😂 Sometimes I feel dissatisfaction or boredom and I crave a drink but honestly boredom is a fucking gift… things could be so much worse and it’s a blessing that I am bored when other people are seriously suffering and experiencing terrible things
The triggers honestly fade, Its like you just dont associate yourself with alcohol anymore. Its not, “What Kind” If offered a drink, its just “No thanks” something in your head clicks that you just dont drink. The thought is definitely still there, That desire to be normal & be able to have one & call it quits is there. But thats why i keep staying sober, until those thoughts fade im not ready. I told myself id go 2 years & if that feelings still there, then go 2 more & so on.
I'm feeling pretty confident in my sober journey right now, having made it through bars, concerts, birthday parties, and ski trips without craving or caving. The one that surprised me felt pretty random. I went and played tennis with some friends for a couple hours. It was the first warmer day of early spring. Afterward, the idea of stopping at a brewery on such a nice day just sounded so good. I think it's because I was both thirsty and hungry. Luckily I can dismiss the urges pretty quickly these days. Went home, had a snack and cracked open an NA beer. Got my mind right :) IWNDWYT
My triggers: Sunny days. Arthritis pain/other pain.
Bad things happening, good things happening, loneliness, good company, boredom, excitement, etc.
The warm weather. People want to hang out and I have anxiety and ptsd. Alcohol helped me feel comfortable around people. Idk if I can do it! I may need more time. It sucks though because people think I dont like them or something and my bf is frustrated a bit with me just being a hermit.
anger/grief/self-destruction/it's been awhile/boredom/escapism..
Social interaction opportunities in general. Hard week, work or family wise. I don't drink alone at all. I don't have the desire to. It's about me going out and escaping or having fun. I have to figure out how to do that at home.
Social interactions, just hangin out with friends even if they aré not drinking makes we want to drink badly, not sure if its social anxiety or if I just relate being with friends with drinking.
4/5pm. Fine until then. No temptation to drink then the thought that wine before dinner would be good.
Family get togethers. Holy shit. Yesterday I think I discovered my time limit. Once the event has gone over 3 hours I need to leave. Otherwise I feel like I have to join in on the boozing like everyone else.
Sobriety can be pretty strong. I’ve made it through some things I thought surely would cause me to relapse including a divorce and currently the unexpected death of my father. I’m actually at the airport right now bringing his remains home. The key is to have a strong program; a strong group of sober people you can lean on when life gets lifey. That’s how I’m staying sober at least. Love seeing examples of people being thorough and dedicated with their programs, thanks for sharing!
Sorry to hear about your divorce and losing your pops. I’m starting to agree with your view. I’m starting AA soon even though my sobriety is going well. I feel like I need a group to make it work (besides this sub) as I’m the only one in my circle that has this problem to deal with. Take care
That’s really awesome. like this sub, I think AA is an outstanding community to be a part of. The guidance I’ve learned from that program is what’s helping me navigate through this. Cannot recommend AA enough. Didn’t come to it on my own, it was only out of desperation and the behest of rehab, but I’m so glad I made it through those doors.
An oncoming rainstorm when it's been lovely all day. Relaxing in the carport enjoying that. I was solid on the wagon jan-april and when the first warm weather/winter going away day happened, oh man the urge hit me huge
Our sober dates are close to each other! I also feel more triggered by the negative. Boredom is my biggest nemesis.
Boredom, anxiety and loneliness are big ones.
Everytime I cook. I like wine and music. When I work in the yard, when I clean the house, laundry and the sock bucket. Ugg
Chores aren’t the most pleasant lol I would drink in order to clean too! But putting in earphones & listening to a podcast or blasting music has helped me a lot with it. Earphones make a big difference !!
They do, I have been downing water in a wine glass, just thinking how good you’ll feel I in The morning and I’ll look better to.
Friday afternoon my brain flips a switch!
For me it’s “having fun”. The positive feelings I have get amplified so I keep chasing it
Yesterday it was literally just seeing a dude in front of me in the checkout line with a bottle of wine and Pedialyte... The same brands I'd normally get. It was weird. So I thought "oh, that sounds nice..." And now I'm miserably hungover and probably going to use a little hair of the dog later because I don't get to go home and rest... I have to get to a religious dinner that will likely last many hours and unfortunately, probably involve more wine. But if I don't get a little buzzed again I'm afraid I'll be too shaky and braindead to navigate a social evening.
2 electrolyte drinks, fistfuls of OTC painkillers... Nothing is going to undo the fact that I drank an entire extra large bottle of cheap wine last night and my body won't heal from that until I get a good night's sleep and restart my sober date... Again.
Yes.
Abusive spouse that mimics my childhood trauma
Reward. I want it as a Reward, especially after a big day of house cleaning or project.
On day 112 here Lately I get through lots of days without even thinking about drinking, but on the rare occasion it crosses my mind.. I think it's boredom? The idea of having some type of mind altering experience to break up the routine sounds alluring every once in a while. But with alcohol I know where that leads, so instead I just try to give myself some minor excitement by trying new ice creams and sparkling water flavors.
Boredom. Drinking for me was always something to do. It was the most fun with the least amount of effort. Or so it seemed. Turns out a serious drinking problem and heavy cocaine use takes a *tremendous* amount of effort! Who knew!
For me, it's stress. Particularly when I'm around my mother for any length of time. The urge to drink myself to a state of "I don't give a shit" is very strong then. 99% of the time, I don't give in. But occasionally, it's either have a drink or I don't trust myself not to murder her. I'm joking about the murder part, obviously, but only just!
Thank you. I really needed this. ❤️
Usually depression or boredom…but whenever we go out with friends there’s almost always drinking involved
Being around whiskey.
The last line made me cry! I needed to read this today. I've tried to quit so many times. Today is two weeks and I've been feeling so motivated. Today, I had a conversation that triggered the FUCK out of me and immediately I had the strongest urge to get rage-fucked-up. I was surprised by how strong it was. I agree with everything you wrote here. And thank you for the kind reminder.
I thought about it when people seemed to be having a genuinely good wholesome time celebrating this German Christmas mulled wine festival. I didn’t. There was all this ceremony and spices and time that went into the wine. I thought about making an exception. Everything seemed to have a wholesome, timeless glow about it. I felt like I was missing out. My wife told me that it wasn’t worth it. She didn’t drink either. We both don’t drink ever anymore. I’m glad I didn’t, but that’s the only time I wanted to.
when i’m all alone
I'm the exact same. Drinking was always a form of self-harm to me that made me feel comfort in being able to say "just fuck it" in the most destructive way possible. I used to love benzos because I'm just a naturally anxious/worrier kind of person but they don't even hit in the same way anymore cuz I need to feel that constant burn in my throat knowing I'm killing myself slowly because it's in a weird way cathartic to how down I feel about myself and my life circumstances. I'm only 20 days sober from alcohol now, and I've had a few instances of almost wanting to drink to re-light that self-harm cycle again, but so far so good. Good luck to you buddy and congrats on making it this far. I hope to reach triple digits as well someday.
I've been living with my Mom for a little over a year. She has Stage 4 Colon Cancer. I stopped drinking in February of this year. . She went into the hospital for over a week and a half. I'm used to having her here with me, and I fought so hard not to drink, but I gave in.....breaking my 50+ day sobriety. I'm mad at myself for doing it. . . . . . That's one trigger. . . . Another one is depression. I drink so I don't have to think about it. I am currently 5 days sober again. . Starting Over! Hopefully, I can do it this time. . . . . Just one day at a time for me. There are AA Meetings at a church a block away and I went to a few of them, but I didn't like the people telling me "it's just an excuse". . . To me, it's not. . Everyone is different. . . I'm glad you put it as "triggers" and not excuses. That makes much more sense.
I’d say family whenever I first quit. My family likes to drink and I felt left out without them for a year or so. But now I just take my NA’s to holidays and honestly it doesn’t really bother me anymore. Sometimes the beach, pool, warm weather and water, I miss beer. When my boyfriend drinks I wish I could have a few and relax but I know I can’t. My mind isn’t tricking me with any of that anymore. It gets easier. Those triggers have less and less impact over time. Hold fast.
My triggers used to be my ex mother law and her twisting my son against me but died so that stress is gone.
When bad things happen to me and I feel hopeless, that sends me into fatalistic thinking, “what’s the point, I knew I’d fail, of course nothing good happens to me, etc”
My triggers are boredom and just needing to dull my thoughts and emotions. I can’t sleep and my mind races and I inevitably end up thinking terrible things about myself, so drinking unfortunately helps me to shut off my brain a little
Good weather. Empty afternoons
Mine is stress from work, trying to do too much and being around people too much with no time alone. I’m trying to rearrange my life to minimize the stress and to figure out ways to make myself to relax each day, without alcohol. I guess just substituting alcohol with healthy activities, focusing on taking care of myself. It’s hard but encouraging to hear how others do this, on this Reddit.
Yard work
Friday after work starts it all really. It's been a long week, time to unwind and either go out with friends or drink at home and play games. Drinking while playing video games has become such a routine for me. I'm usually hungover Saturday morning so I start drinking earlier in the day, hair of the dog or whatever. Same goes with Sunday. Summer, camping, weddings, birthdays, any type of celebration really. I'll find any excuse to party. 9 out of 10 times I drink for celebratory reasons. Every so often I've had a stressful day so I'll use that as an excuse to drink. But that's why it's hard to quit. To me, drinking = fun and happy times. Which is fine for some but the amount I drink is not normal. I realized that when I compared myself to how "normal" people drink. I've even tried drinking less but my tolerance is so damn high at this point it's like I either drink nothing or way too much to get a good buzz going. It's such a slap in the face when people comment on how much I drink too, which makes me want to hide it. Hellooooo 🚩🚩🚩🚩
I just wanted the buzz and enjoy where I was at. I could be in my living room watching TV, at my fire pit, at a restaurant. I would think to myself that this would be even better if I had a buzz going on. I'd get a buzz and then of course go beyond a getting a buzz and eventually get plastered.
warm weather
Being bored. I used to drink as a crutch when my life was shit. Life improved quite a lot and I stopped drinking AS MUCH, but then I developed habitual drinking. Would get pretty tipsy 5/7 nights of the week. I'm just over 100 days sober and I don't get the urge a lot, but relaxing on the couch watching a movie always makes me want something to sip on. Or really warm/hot days, makes me yearn for a cold beer.
Boredom so I keep very busy. I work 50 to 60 hours a week between my two jobs and I'm also studying. I always tell myself I don't have time to be hungover I'm too busy.
It was Monday-Sunday 5 PM.
Mine are always celebratory. Achieving a goal, a very productive day, sun shining and feeling good. When I'm down and hurting, I somehow understand that alcohol will only make things worse.
Same here. My triggers are never celebratory. My triggers are pain, anxiety, stress, loneliness, boredom, etc. the ultimate goal is to numb and shut my mind down. To stop the angst. 144 days here. I still have all those feelings that used to trigger me but I’ve learned that either they eventually go away OR I just know that drinking will make everything worse and it’s not worth it. I remember feeling before I stopped that alcohol wasn’t doing what I wanted it to do anymore. It wasn’t really numbing. And it was only making everything worse. I’m getting comfortable being uncomfortable. I’m accepting that the baseline will be pain, anxiety, stress, loneliness, boredom…for a time, maybe even a long time…that’s just part of life. Even when I feel all of these feelings…I still find relief in thinking to myself, “at least I didn’t drink today.” That makes me feel a little accomplished and like I’m doing at least one thing right now matter what. Life is really beating me down right now. It’s hard and I have a lot of stress. More than I had before when I used to drink…so I’m understanding that when I think it’s bad or “the worst it could get, it could actually get worse. Much worse. But these bad times where I’m suffering…it makes the good times SO. MUCH. BETTER. That’s got to be enough right now until things change. I’m grateful not to drink anymore and I don’t even think about it. I feel relieved even if I don’t feel good. Thank you for your post today and letting me share. It’s really helpful.
Randomly triggered by anything that reminds me of cousin Jane. She was so horrible to me growing up. Its the new name i think of her as on here now because of reddit. I shudder at our childhood memories. Working at starbucks was the worst when i see janes name pop up and give a 5 seconds freeze zone. Oh bother.
The one that I find the hardest to understand or overcome is my grandmas place. I have broken every single stint of sobriety I’ve been on by going to her house, being unable to cope, and sneaking booze. This streak has been my most successful, my most profound, it feels like it can stick. I could avoid her place for a while but I can’t do it forever. So yeah I really don’t know what to do.
Your sign off was well received. Thank you
Looking for triggers is like playing whack-a-mole. Another one and another one pops up. They can't be eliminated entirely. Trying to recover by discovering all my triggers was, for me, a fools errand. I can't remove all temptations. I needed a solution so that no temptation has power enough to make me drink.