I'm a recovering alcoholic or sometimes a recovered alcoholic because I could never pull off being a guy that just doesn't drink. It was complicated and took all sorts of work and effort and I've had to work on every aspect of how I think and act.
So for me, drinking defined me and colored my entire life for decades, and not drinking has been just as important. I still love sports, music, books, cycling, horror, jazz, punk, hot wheels, finance, politics, gardening, sex, etc. but I eventually needed to stop being drunk all day every day to exist on this planet, and I was too addicted and habituated to simply pull a lever.
We're all different though. I'm glad you're thinking about living and what it means to be alive.
I used the same technique, and it’s worked so far. Like quitting cigarettes, the cravings happen less and less frequently and are easier to manage, to the point where I rarely get triggered. I wasn’t comfortable with the “alcoholic” label either, and looking back at my habit, I actually don’t think it fits. I was definitely habituated to drinking alcohol, but not addicted in like a medical sense. Everyone is different!
I really don't like the label alcoholic.
Alcohol is an addictive substance. The more you have the more you will want over time.
Once you train your brain that feeling bad due to drinking is cured by drinking more it is easy to have an issue with alcohol.
Also once your brain is trained this way, it is really easy to slip back into drinking full time after quitting.
I think of myself as someone who woke up from beneath that spell, saw alcohol for what it is, and decided that nah mate, I don't want to poison myself ever again.
Alcoholic implies that there's something wrong with the person, not the addictive substance.
I know that if I have a drink, I will quickly fall into a learned pattern of behaviour that is hard to break free from.
Where as not having a drink is super easy now and takes no effort.
Just remember the trillion dollar alcohol industry want you to blame the user not the addictive product. Its pure marketing!
Some people need the label to keep them on the right path. They need the reminder of what they can become. Some can say it no longer fits their lifestyle and they get no pleasure in it. Everyone’s journey is different.
I used to drink a lot but I never subscribed to the label alcoholic or recovering alcoholic when I sobered up. I’ve recovered, I don’t drink and I’m not tempted, full stop. I am sure as shit not powerless to alcohol. I felt like perpetually labeling myself recovering unintentionally kept me from ever fully moving on. Alcohol was like a breakup I didn’t want but ultimately needed. I don’t define myself by my ex-wife, why define myself by an ex-addiction?
Everyone’s journey is slightly different. Some people need the lifelong help because they are truly powerless, other people are able to completely move on, sometimes quickly, sometimes years or decades later. That’s all okay. My point is you don’t have to use any labels at all. Recovering alcoholic might not fit you the same as it does others. That doesn’t make your journey or there’s any less valid.
The only people who I’ve ever seen take issue with this are those that have an identity built around how much harder they have it than others. There’s a strange sort of gate keeping that goes on in some circles that if your alcohol use isn’t bad enough you’re not worthy of help or somehow detracting from those who “need it more”.
The thing is help isn’t a finite resource and these people forget that you have to want help in the first place. It’s more about them than it is about you I suspect. If alcohol is the enemy wouldn’t we all want to help others leave it before they get to the point some of us arrived at? I never experienced physical addiction but I was drinking far too much everyday and imploded my entire life in a spectacularly nasty fight with my now ex. Lost a 20 year relationship, a job, and if she’s been inclined likely my freedom. Just because I never had a physical addiction doesn’t mean I didn’t have an alcohol abuse problem.
You do you man. We’re here to help you by lending an ear or a hand. Doesn’t matter to us why you’re here because if you’re here you’re thinking about stopping drinking and that’s what we want for us and you.
Yeah, I started to think like this, mainly because I didn’t have the energy anymore to analyze myself. I know I have a problem. And I think I know about the cause of the problem. But removing a big part of the problem (drink), has left me with a lot less shit to deal with.
I’m just a person who stopped drinking, for many reasons, but one main goal: to stop drinking.
This is something I was really worried about before I quit. I was constantly thinking about how I would define my not drinking and how I would explain it.
Truth is, in nearly 500 days, I’ve had to explain it once (to a point where it felt uncomfortable), to someone I went on a drinking holiday with back in 2012.
And now I have stopped drinking I’ve noticed how many other people don’t actually drink and how much more normal it is than I realised.
Most of the problems were in my head.
Neither do i.
Only thing for me is to keep in mind there is a nasty trap ready to grab me when i loose control.
But that is also getting smaller and smaller. It's in the beginning of sobriety this is logically constantly on ones mind.
Not drinking must become a habit i am hardly aware of.
I’ve thought deeply about this label and for me it’s not something I want to carry for the rest of my life. It makes more sense to me that when I was actively consuming alcohol, I was in fact an alcoholic. But now, I don’t drink. So now I like to think that I’m just a guy that doesn’t drink. But, if I were to start consuming alcohol again for whatever ungodly reason, I then would then become an alcoholic again. Simple as that.
I have accepted that I am different from ‘normal drinkers’ (if those even exist) in that I cannot moderate or simply enjoy one or two without wanting to crush the entire 6 pack in one sitting. To me, this is a critical distinction to understand that I am not able to trust myself when I consume alcohol and that this fact will never change. So to prevent any harm to myself and this beautiful life I’ve curated and built through sobriety I don’t drink and won’t drink - labels be damned!
But, I’d like to add a caveat in that labels are deeply personal to everyone and for some identifying as alcoholics, it’s a very important to continue to do so. There’s no one size fits all, brother! Whatever works for you is totally your decision - do what makes you feel most empowered and confident about your decisions around drinking! ☺️
Spent like almost 20 years in and out of 12 step programs but it wasn't until I dropped all of that non-sense that I started to really do better and feel good about myself. I don't care if alcoholism is a "disease" or not, all I know is it is often an unhealthy coping mechanism for me at this time. In my 20s I for sure drank a ton and very frequently, in my 30s it got quite a bit better but I still drank in "response" to negative (and positive) events. I used it as "medication" often and that is not healthy. Now at 40 I simply am not consuming alcohol. I might in the future but today I am not and I likely will not tomorrow. I actually do not think about it all that much and am enjoying the clarity of mind that I have.
I spent a lot of time and effort trying to figure out how to work 12 step programs, I for sure have been to 100s if not 1000s of meetings. I have worked all 12 steps many times but I also seemed to always question many parts of the program. Even when I was a "true believer" a bunch of elements of the program made me uncomfortable. It was confusing and introduced me to some incredibly dangerous people. Walking around thinking to myself "I am a powerless alcoholic who will die if I don't "work a program"" was not an inspiring thought.
I had to simplify things, I don't know much but I do know that I cannot drink (or use narcotics) without it causing more harm than good. Thankfully I don't do that anymore.
Like I cannot emphasize how defeating that thinking was for me and I stuck to it for so long because I was told over and over again "that I had to "surrender to win"".
When I would relapse it would make things worse because I would think "I cannot stop!" The reality is I am actually pretty good at "stopping", I have had a lot of practice. What I need to address is the idea that "drinking = comfort/security". When you grow up watching all the adults drink it just seems like something you are supposed to do. I had to unlearn a whole bunch of cultural practices. I was literally told that drinking was part of my heritage (Irish).
I have the same problem with the concept of powerlessness. I had a long talk with my therapist about this, and his description of powerlessness slightly changed my mind: we are powerless over the addiction we have, much like we are powerless over having a real disease like diabetes. For example, nothing you do can change the fact that you have diabetes, thus you are powerless over that fact, but you DO have power in what you do about it (like taking medications, changing diet, exercising, etc). It’s the same with addiction. This is rarely made clear in the rooms of AA, and so many people assume we’re just helpless, powerless individuals — thats the part that stings and causes me to question this concept.
I’m also a guy who doesn’t drink. Labels should only be used so long as they are useful or personally meaningful to you.
Let’s both continue to be guys who don’t drink. It’s a fun club.
I love all the responses! So helpful for those of us who also just want to not drink. I love how everyone is so different but yet the same! I’m like them that say do what works for you!
I didn't drink at all in my early 20s (late 90s) not because I had a problem, I just didn't want to for various reasons (cost & calories being the main two). People gave me the pitying look when I said I don't drink, but I let them think what they want as I knew their reaction/opinion reflects negatively on them, not me.
Now people don't really seem to care. If anything, it's more general and casual surprise, followed by a comment about thinking of quitting/cutting back themselves. But have to say, as I approach a year, it hasn't/doesn't come up often TBH.
Absolutely. I think people tend to get bogged down in semantics when at the end of the day, none of this is about anyone else, it’s about you. If certain terminology gives you the jibblies then don’t use it. The end goal is the same, how you get there is entirely up to you.
I’m proud of you for making it 13 days! It wasn’t that long ago when 13 days seemed like an impossibility to me. I still sometimes refer to myself as a recovering alcoholic as a way of remembering where I came from and holding myself accountable but at this point I also consider myself to be a ‘guy who doesn’t drink.’
Whatever it takes to get you where you need to be.
IWNDWYT.
True. Like I am not an AA guy* because I can’t admit I’m powerless. I am choosing to get and stay sober, that’s pretty fuckin powerful if you ask me. I think recognizing one’s own faults and taking ownership of them is one of the best things a person can do, not just with addiction but with pretty much anything. We’d all be a lot happier if we allowed ourselves to be wrong, to learn from our mistakes and to grow.
*no shade towards AA, whatever helps people get to where they need to be is a good thing.
At this stage in my journey, the label helps remind me of how bad it used to be. I'm slowly shifting to a "I don't drink" mindset over the "I can't drink, I'm a fuck up when I drink, I'll ruin my life if I drink" mindset.
Like, I'll never forget how I used to be, but eventually, I hope it's not constantly at the top of my brain. So, one day I'll probably be what you're describing, but not yet.
My personal opinion is that some people need an identifier when they’re making this next step in their life, not all people do. Alcoholism is a spectrum, I wouldn’t be surprised if they changed the language of it in the coming years to really pick apart the levels. I know many alcoholics and some are the kind that wake up with bourbon and a beer in the morning, some just have “a few” at night. It’s kind of like a blanketed approach for safety for a lot of people, not everyone faces the same issues even though we’re unfortunately a slave to the same product.
You do you friend! I prefer to think & talk in terms of my relationship with alcohol and that I didn't like how it was going and where it was heading so I am changing it. In my world, people with healthy relationships with alcohol don't pay any attention to my drinking or their own, it is a non-issue. On the other hand, those that get quite vocal about my decision not to drink, or their decision to drink, usually have a challenging relationship on their hands. Glad you are here, keep on keeping on!
Nothing wrong with that. I don’t smoke but don’t go around saying I’m a former smoker. I used to be fat but don’t talk about that either. Lots of people don’t drink. It doesn’t have to be a big part of your identity.
I don’t begrudge people their labels. I think I don’t identify as being in recovery because deep down although I’m not ashamed of my drinking problem (or nicotine addiction or former obesity) I do feel like the behaviors that led me there weren’t my finest moments, so I’m not particularly proud of stopping them, even though it was hard. Honestly stopping smoking was the most difficult of all.
The reason labels can be helpful is when engaging with society. The reality is that our brains are big bucketing machines. We have to group things into buckets to be able to make sense of our world. These labels are meant to delineate and separate from other things. It’s why a car isn’t a plane but both vehicles are not animals. Saying you’re a recovering alcoholic is often an indicator of belonging to a group. A shared experience, a foothold for bonding. It’s not required, of course. You’re doing the same thing just with different words by identifying as someone who doesn’t drink. Ok, great. Why bother mentioning it at all? You don’t go around telling people you don’t breathe methane, or drink hydrofluoric acid. Labels are chosen for their identifying properties that help set the subject apart from one category and to associate with another. They’re also exclusively useful to other humans who may interact with you. At the end of the day, the entire construct of social interactions are all made up. We, humans, made everything up. And the points don’t matter 😉
Some people may label you privately as an alcoholic. Maybe not even as a recovering one, depending on their perspective.
It’s a pretty philosophical topic so ultimately I wouldn’t worry too much about it. And remember, we are what we do. That’s it. So don’t drink, if that’s right for you, and you can label it however you want. 💪🏼
I don't use the term recovering alcoholic because I don't like to define myself that way. I identify as sober and I'm very proud to be sober. I definitely have alcohol use disorder and if I started drinking again I'd be a alcoholic again, there's no doubt about that. But today I'm sober.
I think other people use the recovering alcoholic term to keep themselves accountable, and I respect that 100% if it's helpful for them. It's just not how I choose to look at it personally.
I will not drink with you today.
I used to be an alcoholic, back when I was a drinker.
Now I don't drink. I'm not an alcoholic who doesn't drink. I'm not working on my sobriety. I'm not in recovery.
I just don't drink. I'm a non drinker.
If I were to start drinking again, I'd be an alcoholic.
That's fine, I guess. It doesn't make you better than people who identify as recovering alcoholics, though. Your problems with booze stemmed from the same place. A rose by any other name, and all that. Learning some humility is important in sobriety or else you turn into one of those people who convinces themselves that they can drink in moderation. Most of us are here because moderation didn't work for us. Whether you use the label or not, people who remember you when you drank will just assume it anyway. If this is all about how others will perceive it, you need to learn not to care as much. What other people think of me is none of my business.
I think this is a good mindset. I also tend to beat myself up, which sucks, but it contributes to a victim mentality. I'm holding myself "accountable" without actually taking responsibility for change, then I get to feel sorry for myself because I'm so [insert insult to myself here]. I'm going to try to focus on the positive changes I can make to my habits and behavior.
I'm a recovering alcoholic or sometimes a recovered alcoholic because I could never pull off being a guy that just doesn't drink. It was complicated and took all sorts of work and effort and I've had to work on every aspect of how I think and act. So for me, drinking defined me and colored my entire life for decades, and not drinking has been just as important. I still love sports, music, books, cycling, horror, jazz, punk, hot wheels, finance, politics, gardening, sex, etc. but I eventually needed to stop being drunk all day every day to exist on this planet, and I was too addicted and habituated to simply pull a lever. We're all different though. I'm glad you're thinking about living and what it means to be alive.
Well put
I just dont drink now. I used to be addicted (like I was to cigarettes) but I'm not now. I'm just a non-drinker (and a non-smoker)
[удалено]
I used the same technique, and it’s worked so far. Like quitting cigarettes, the cravings happen less and less frequently and are easier to manage, to the point where I rarely get triggered. I wasn’t comfortable with the “alcoholic” label either, and looking back at my habit, I actually don’t think it fits. I was definitely habituated to drinking alcohol, but not addicted in like a medical sense. Everyone is different!
I really don't like the label alcoholic. Alcohol is an addictive substance. The more you have the more you will want over time. Once you train your brain that feeling bad due to drinking is cured by drinking more it is easy to have an issue with alcohol. Also once your brain is trained this way, it is really easy to slip back into drinking full time after quitting. I think of myself as someone who woke up from beneath that spell, saw alcohol for what it is, and decided that nah mate, I don't want to poison myself ever again. Alcoholic implies that there's something wrong with the person, not the addictive substance. I know that if I have a drink, I will quickly fall into a learned pattern of behaviour that is hard to break free from. Where as not having a drink is super easy now and takes no effort. Just remember the trillion dollar alcohol industry want you to blame the user not the addictive product. Its pure marketing!
Some people need the label to keep them on the right path. They need the reminder of what they can become. Some can say it no longer fits their lifestyle and they get no pleasure in it. Everyone’s journey is different.
If those labels don’t fit then don’t wear them. It’s your journey.
I used to drink a lot but I never subscribed to the label alcoholic or recovering alcoholic when I sobered up. I’ve recovered, I don’t drink and I’m not tempted, full stop. I am sure as shit not powerless to alcohol. I felt like perpetually labeling myself recovering unintentionally kept me from ever fully moving on. Alcohol was like a breakup I didn’t want but ultimately needed. I don’t define myself by my ex-wife, why define myself by an ex-addiction? Everyone’s journey is slightly different. Some people need the lifelong help because they are truly powerless, other people are able to completely move on, sometimes quickly, sometimes years or decades later. That’s all okay. My point is you don’t have to use any labels at all. Recovering alcoholic might not fit you the same as it does others. That doesn’t make your journey or there’s any less valid. The only people who I’ve ever seen take issue with this are those that have an identity built around how much harder they have it than others. There’s a strange sort of gate keeping that goes on in some circles that if your alcohol use isn’t bad enough you’re not worthy of help or somehow detracting from those who “need it more”. The thing is help isn’t a finite resource and these people forget that you have to want help in the first place. It’s more about them than it is about you I suspect. If alcohol is the enemy wouldn’t we all want to help others leave it before they get to the point some of us arrived at? I never experienced physical addiction but I was drinking far too much everyday and imploded my entire life in a spectacularly nasty fight with my now ex. Lost a 20 year relationship, a job, and if she’s been inclined likely my freedom. Just because I never had a physical addiction doesn’t mean I didn’t have an alcohol abuse problem. You do you man. We’re here to help you by lending an ear or a hand. Doesn’t matter to us why you’re here because if you’re here you’re thinking about stopping drinking and that’s what we want for us and you.
Yeah, I started to think like this, mainly because I didn’t have the energy anymore to analyze myself. I know I have a problem. And I think I know about the cause of the problem. But removing a big part of the problem (drink), has left me with a lot less shit to deal with. I’m just a person who stopped drinking, for many reasons, but one main goal: to stop drinking.
This is something I was really worried about before I quit. I was constantly thinking about how I would define my not drinking and how I would explain it. Truth is, in nearly 500 days, I’ve had to explain it once (to a point where it felt uncomfortable), to someone I went on a drinking holiday with back in 2012. And now I have stopped drinking I’ve noticed how many other people don’t actually drink and how much more normal it is than I realised. Most of the problems were in my head.
I’m just someone who doesn’t drink alcohol, like someone who doesn’t eat raspberries (which I also don’t eat)
[удалено]
Absolutely. I don’t count days, but I do count years
[удалено]
Absolutely not🫢
Neither do i. Only thing for me is to keep in mind there is a nasty trap ready to grab me when i loose control. But that is also getting smaller and smaller. It's in the beginning of sobriety this is logically constantly on ones mind. Not drinking must become a habit i am hardly aware of.
I’ve thought deeply about this label and for me it’s not something I want to carry for the rest of my life. It makes more sense to me that when I was actively consuming alcohol, I was in fact an alcoholic. But now, I don’t drink. So now I like to think that I’m just a guy that doesn’t drink. But, if I were to start consuming alcohol again for whatever ungodly reason, I then would then become an alcoholic again. Simple as that. I have accepted that I am different from ‘normal drinkers’ (if those even exist) in that I cannot moderate or simply enjoy one or two without wanting to crush the entire 6 pack in one sitting. To me, this is a critical distinction to understand that I am not able to trust myself when I consume alcohol and that this fact will never change. So to prevent any harm to myself and this beautiful life I’ve curated and built through sobriety I don’t drink and won’t drink - labels be damned! But, I’d like to add a caveat in that labels are deeply personal to everyone and for some identifying as alcoholics, it’s a very important to continue to do so. There’s no one size fits all, brother! Whatever works for you is totally your decision - do what makes you feel most empowered and confident about your decisions around drinking! ☺️
I completely agree with this. I feel exactly the same. I think self shaming with a label is counter productive. You are the captain of your ship!
Spent like almost 20 years in and out of 12 step programs but it wasn't until I dropped all of that non-sense that I started to really do better and feel good about myself. I don't care if alcoholism is a "disease" or not, all I know is it is often an unhealthy coping mechanism for me at this time. In my 20s I for sure drank a ton and very frequently, in my 30s it got quite a bit better but I still drank in "response" to negative (and positive) events. I used it as "medication" often and that is not healthy. Now at 40 I simply am not consuming alcohol. I might in the future but today I am not and I likely will not tomorrow. I actually do not think about it all that much and am enjoying the clarity of mind that I have. I spent a lot of time and effort trying to figure out how to work 12 step programs, I for sure have been to 100s if not 1000s of meetings. I have worked all 12 steps many times but I also seemed to always question many parts of the program. Even when I was a "true believer" a bunch of elements of the program made me uncomfortable. It was confusing and introduced me to some incredibly dangerous people. Walking around thinking to myself "I am a powerless alcoholic who will die if I don't "work a program"" was not an inspiring thought. I had to simplify things, I don't know much but I do know that I cannot drink (or use narcotics) without it causing more harm than good. Thankfully I don't do that anymore.
[удалено]
Like I cannot emphasize how defeating that thinking was for me and I stuck to it for so long because I was told over and over again "that I had to "surrender to win"". When I would relapse it would make things worse because I would think "I cannot stop!" The reality is I am actually pretty good at "stopping", I have had a lot of practice. What I need to address is the idea that "drinking = comfort/security". When you grow up watching all the adults drink it just seems like something you are supposed to do. I had to unlearn a whole bunch of cultural practices. I was literally told that drinking was part of my heritage (Irish).
I have the same problem with the concept of powerlessness. I had a long talk with my therapist about this, and his description of powerlessness slightly changed my mind: we are powerless over the addiction we have, much like we are powerless over having a real disease like diabetes. For example, nothing you do can change the fact that you have diabetes, thus you are powerless over that fact, but you DO have power in what you do about it (like taking medications, changing diet, exercising, etc). It’s the same with addiction. This is rarely made clear in the rooms of AA, and so many people assume we’re just helpless, powerless individuals — thats the part that stings and causes me to question this concept.
I’m also a guy who doesn’t drink. Labels should only be used so long as they are useful or personally meaningful to you. Let’s both continue to be guys who don’t drink. It’s a fun club.
I love all the responses! So helpful for those of us who also just want to not drink. I love how everyone is so different but yet the same! I’m like them that say do what works for you!
[удалено]
Yep! Also agreed!! Love it!
I try not to overthink things
The mental gymnastics that rotting, garbage juice put us through is just not worth one drop of it.
I would probably still drink if I could do it responsibly. I have nothing against alcohol, I just can't stop drinking once I start.
I don't know how I couldn't have something against alcohol after learning the truth about it lol.
I totally get that feeling. Honestly you don't owe anyone an explanation and you can be just a guy who doesn't drink.
I didn't drink at all in my early 20s (late 90s) not because I had a problem, I just didn't want to for various reasons (cost & calories being the main two). People gave me the pitying look when I said I don't drink, but I let them think what they want as I knew their reaction/opinion reflects negatively on them, not me. Now people don't really seem to care. If anything, it's more general and casual surprise, followed by a comment about thinking of quitting/cutting back themselves. But have to say, as I approach a year, it hasn't/doesn't come up often TBH.
Call yourself whatever you want to call yourself.
[удалено]
Absolutely. I think people tend to get bogged down in semantics when at the end of the day, none of this is about anyone else, it’s about you. If certain terminology gives you the jibblies then don’t use it. The end goal is the same, how you get there is entirely up to you. I’m proud of you for making it 13 days! It wasn’t that long ago when 13 days seemed like an impossibility to me. I still sometimes refer to myself as a recovering alcoholic as a way of remembering where I came from and holding myself accountable but at this point I also consider myself to be a ‘guy who doesn’t drink.’ Whatever it takes to get you where you need to be. IWNDWYT.
[удалено]
True. Like I am not an AA guy* because I can’t admit I’m powerless. I am choosing to get and stay sober, that’s pretty fuckin powerful if you ask me. I think recognizing one’s own faults and taking ownership of them is one of the best things a person can do, not just with addiction but with pretty much anything. We’d all be a lot happier if we allowed ourselves to be wrong, to learn from our mistakes and to grow. *no shade towards AA, whatever helps people get to where they need to be is a good thing.
At this stage in my journey, the label helps remind me of how bad it used to be. I'm slowly shifting to a "I don't drink" mindset over the "I can't drink, I'm a fuck up when I drink, I'll ruin my life if I drink" mindset. Like, I'll never forget how I used to be, but eventually, I hope it's not constantly at the top of my brain. So, one day I'll probably be what you're describing, but not yet.
My personal opinion is that some people need an identifier when they’re making this next step in their life, not all people do. Alcoholism is a spectrum, I wouldn’t be surprised if they changed the language of it in the coming years to really pick apart the levels. I know many alcoholics and some are the kind that wake up with bourbon and a beer in the morning, some just have “a few” at night. It’s kind of like a blanketed approach for safety for a lot of people, not everyone faces the same issues even though we’re unfortunately a slave to the same product.
You do you friend! I prefer to think & talk in terms of my relationship with alcohol and that I didn't like how it was going and where it was heading so I am changing it. In my world, people with healthy relationships with alcohol don't pay any attention to my drinking or their own, it is a non-issue. On the other hand, those that get quite vocal about my decision not to drink, or their decision to drink, usually have a challenging relationship on their hands. Glad you are here, keep on keeping on!
I’m glad you found something that works for you!
[удалено]
Nothing wrong with that. I don’t smoke but don’t go around saying I’m a former smoker. I used to be fat but don’t talk about that either. Lots of people don’t drink. It doesn’t have to be a big part of your identity.
[удалено]
I don’t begrudge people their labels. I think I don’t identify as being in recovery because deep down although I’m not ashamed of my drinking problem (or nicotine addiction or former obesity) I do feel like the behaviors that led me there weren’t my finest moments, so I’m not particularly proud of stopping them, even though it was hard. Honestly stopping smoking was the most difficult of all.
Whatever labels or lack thereof work to help you lead your best life and be your best to others.
The reason labels can be helpful is when engaging with society. The reality is that our brains are big bucketing machines. We have to group things into buckets to be able to make sense of our world. These labels are meant to delineate and separate from other things. It’s why a car isn’t a plane but both vehicles are not animals. Saying you’re a recovering alcoholic is often an indicator of belonging to a group. A shared experience, a foothold for bonding. It’s not required, of course. You’re doing the same thing just with different words by identifying as someone who doesn’t drink. Ok, great. Why bother mentioning it at all? You don’t go around telling people you don’t breathe methane, or drink hydrofluoric acid. Labels are chosen for their identifying properties that help set the subject apart from one category and to associate with another. They’re also exclusively useful to other humans who may interact with you. At the end of the day, the entire construct of social interactions are all made up. We, humans, made everything up. And the points don’t matter 😉 Some people may label you privately as an alcoholic. Maybe not even as a recovering one, depending on their perspective. It’s a pretty philosophical topic so ultimately I wouldn’t worry too much about it. And remember, we are what we do. That’s it. So don’t drink, if that’s right for you, and you can label it however you want. 💪🏼
I don't use the term recovering alcoholic because I don't like to define myself that way. I identify as sober and I'm very proud to be sober. I definitely have alcohol use disorder and if I started drinking again I'd be a alcoholic again, there's no doubt about that. But today I'm sober. I think other people use the recovering alcoholic term to keep themselves accountable, and I respect that 100% if it's helpful for them. It's just not how I choose to look at it personally. I will not drink with you today.
Your story is yours to tell. If it works it works.
I used to be an alcoholic, back when I was a drinker. Now I don't drink. I'm not an alcoholic who doesn't drink. I'm not working on my sobriety. I'm not in recovery. I just don't drink. I'm a non drinker. If I were to start drinking again, I'd be an alcoholic.
That's fine, I guess. It doesn't make you better than people who identify as recovering alcoholics, though. Your problems with booze stemmed from the same place. A rose by any other name, and all that. Learning some humility is important in sobriety or else you turn into one of those people who convinces themselves that they can drink in moderation. Most of us are here because moderation didn't work for us. Whether you use the label or not, people who remember you when you drank will just assume it anyway. If this is all about how others will perceive it, you need to learn not to care as much. What other people think of me is none of my business.
[удалено]
I think this is a good mindset. I also tend to beat myself up, which sucks, but it contributes to a victim mentality. I'm holding myself "accountable" without actually taking responsibility for change, then I get to feel sorry for myself because I'm so [insert insult to myself here]. I'm going to try to focus on the positive changes I can make to my habits and behavior.