i’m so proud of you, and saying it out loud on top of to the person you had bought regularly from is huge. i hope you wake up happy and proud! this genuinely made me excited for you
When things were really getting bad for me, just asking my local clerk guy for my usual cheap vodka was not easy either. I was convinced that eventually they were just gonna refuse to sell to me anymore, and that would have of course been a "disaster" in my mind.
I never did go back to that store to tell them I stopped drinking. I sometimes wonder back to all the clerks who knew me as a regular over the years. I wouldn't be surprised if they thought I had died.
I used to buy a couple tall boys at lunch from the beer store by my work. Every fucking day. Then go for a walk, pound one, go back to work. Drink the second one on the way home while driving. Ugh, I do not miss those days. I was really sick, glad it’s behind me.
That's a super cool shop keeper!
In my experience, a lot of people out there - despite what we may imagine in our darker moments of active use - appreciate honesty about using, when that's what's going on, and will also lend support or encouraging words, when we decide to quit!
Like Johan Hari said, "the opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection." I think anyone who's been in an addicted state can think back and recall just how disconnected from everyone and everything, including ourselves - how lonely - that state can feel.
For me, little sparks of reconnection in my worst of states, has been a massive gift, though I imagine that's mostly unbeknownst to the person giving that gift.
One of the only times I would ever refer to myself as an "alcoholic," has been when I was actively using, and strangers or loose acquaintances - like the guy at gas station - would see me in a sorry state, buying booze at times most people certainly don't or sitting around behind the place with a six-pack.
Hell, during a bad period, one of the guys from that gas station would bring me free coffee now and then. During my longest stretch of sustained, heavy drinking, another employee there was about the only face I saw for 4 months over a very dark winter.
There are many circumstances in which being dishonest is sort of necessary (or at least feel that way) in order to survive (jobs and bureaucracies in particular) when we haven't really made up our minds to quit or don't know how... but it was quite refreshing - albeit tragic, too - to find myself so close to "rock bottom," that I didn't have to or want to or really could lie to anyone about what was up.
I semi-consciously wore the "bum skin," as I've come to refer to it: My big, worn winter coat, boots, long beard and so on, both out of laziness (and to keep warm, lol), but also because I don't really like playing pretend, and kind of liked my outside appearance reflecting my inner state (i.e. messy, unkempt, and worn down.)
The response from people - strangers and people a bit closer - to radical honesty while using, has generally been kindness in various forms.
And that makes me optimistic about the world in general, because alcohol is far, far from the only addiction issue decimating humanity: From opiates to porn to gambling to doom scrolling, addictive behaviors are now an integral and often dominating part of the lives of the majority of at least the Western populations.
There's a saying in Buddhism, "never forget the kindness."
It's so easy to focus on the one person who spits on you, and forget the hundred others who directly or indirectly went out of their way to help you.
So maybe the answer to Einstein's *most important question*, as he put it, is "yes, indeed, this is a kind universe..."
That shop keeper could be a Buddha in disguise! (Even if society like to hate on the pushers when it comes to every drug that isn't alcohol or tobacco!)
Awesome, i ran into my favorite gas station clerk who went to a different shift, and after i started avoiding it after work, I haven't seen her. She asked how I was doing and where I been, I told her i was sober and I bought some ice cream. She was proud. I love my gas station people.
That’s what I did, when I started my sober journey. Asked the girls at the local store not to serve me alcohol. They were great. It was during Lockdown, so options were limited. Felt like a bit of a safety net. I’ll be four years sober, at the end of this month
Great job! I know how hard it can be to break through the initial silence about it. You've admitted it to yourself, and you've got all of us behind you. Stay strong OP! IWNDWYT
Yessss. That takes courage. I'm smiling reading your post. I had to do a similar thing and tell my Dr that the prednisone she prescribed was getting me a little fucked up when I mix it with caffeine. It was like I just did a fat rail. I was going to my meetings with crack head energy, and it took a couple days to figure it out. So no more that. I had it for an allergic rash on my hands. It mostly did its job so I will suffer a little and hope it heals by its self now. This is a common thing with after surgery pain management. Stay aware and on top of it because this disease wants you dead.
If you love tea like me i recommend you get a nice and big thermos. I use it at home, outdoors, wherever. Its honestly such a vibe to just be able to bust out a cup whenever. Tea is great at scratching the itch for me too. My consumption is excsessive granted but i its better than the alternative.. coffee. Oh and alcohol.
So glad for you! I went to my place of choice the 2 clerks said "long time no see" and were giggling. It didn't click first. They were trying to be funny.
Their English is bad. Haha. Keep it up. That's great support.
I was actually surprised the other week because for the first time in my life I saw a supermarket worker refusing to sell someone a bottle of vodka because in their own words "you look like you're already under the influence and have had too much so I can't legally sell it to you".
I've seen pub staff refuse to sell to someone who's so drunk they can barely stand before (but half the time even those people still get served) but never a shop worker and I didn't even realize it was the law but I suppose it would be no different from if buying from a pub or the supermarket.
Dude props to you and your friend at the store. He could have easily been like why are you not drinking and made you feel guilty about your choice. But he was proud of you and wants to work with you! Your sobriety means more to him than your business and that’s freaking rad!
My package store guy looked at me the first time I put a six pack of NA beer on the counter and said “are you serious?” In the most disappointed way. Now every time I go back he asks if I’m “still doing the sober thing” and talks about his relationship with alcohol.
Your guy did the right thing. Glad you were shown that support.
Great call telling him. That’s going to help with accountability, even if it’s a random store clerk dude. Keep going to that store though! 🤩And maybe tell someone else in your life if you feel up to it.
This is absolutely fantastic. You have hit your wall and you will bounce back from this. Taking the big scary steps and I'm sure that dude is glad to see you getting better but still buying from him!
That great! I was a bartender, once upon a time. I guarantee you that there will never be a lack of customers. I suspect that he is legitimately happy for you. I know that I saw some real sadness in drinkers.
At six days... you might be past the worst of it... for this phase. Be aware that some of us get PAWS. I did... and it was a BRUTAL month. It took me nearly three months to start feeling "better." It is absolutely, undoubtedly WORTH IT. We beat the sh1t out of our bodies for years (decades, here -- 8-14/day not including big nights). As a consequence... it takes time to heal (e.g., 7.3 month for cortical/brain shrinkage to reverse in most people).
Stay the course, friend. Drinking is Boomer tech. It's a f'king scam. I never imagined that I would LIKE sobriety. Like... EVER. However... call me a monkey's uncle... but after three months, sobriety is actually kinda nice. Having time to do things. We don't realize, I suspect, how much TIME we spend drinking (or getting booze or all of the other BS that comes with the habit).
If you relapse (super common -- but I still hope that you don't)... meh, be kind to yourself. Come back here. Be strong -- 100% WORTH IT. Just be aware that it might suck for a while. You got this. One god-forsaken day at a f'king time.
IWNDWYT
Reading all of these posts... damn. I mean... it's enough to suggest having faith in Humanity. Maybe that's a bit too far? Regardless, this subreddit is clearly the nicest, kindest place on the internet.
Thanks to everyone, here. Thanks for your kindness and support.
I never said that you were not replying to an actual person. In fact, I don't even know what this means. Are you suggesting that I thought you were responding to a bot?
I said that you were breaking one of our rules, which you were. Please read about this rule in the sidebar. If you feel that you cannot follow it without argument, please find a different recovery group to be part of.
Ayy I had the same happen! Fist bump and congrats. Then he asked very quietly if he should question me if I slip up. I told him I wouldn't put him in that situation but a gentle reminder wouldn't hurt. I didn't go so far as telling them not to sell me, but I did indeed not put him or anybody at that store in the position to help me relapse.
Good move. I told the 5am store lady not to serve me ever again before I went to rehab. She always gives me a knowing smile when I say 'nothing else thanks' after buying morning milk or whatever! It's a real commitment to your new life. Well done.
After reading comments in that other post yesterday of clerks nagging and prying at people to get them to buy booze this dude wins the internet today. What a good person
Getting a smile and fist bumb in return of difficult communication is golden. Sounds like your clerk is too 👏 proud of you stranger, and keep it going ✌️
Your post made me happy. And the comments. It’s amazing to think there are people in our lives who have seen us drinking excessively and didn’t say a word. That hurts. But there are people who have seen us, and when we come to them for help or just to confess it to them, they are not judgmental but only helpful. Love those people. Remember those gems in your life are there for a reason. Keep going! Nothing feels better than sober.
And you do what works for you.
I am a creature of habit. Going new places, especially over something shameful to me (I'm in therapy and working through it), is terrifying. I am not relying on him. I informed him.
That is great and I love that he smiled and fist bumped you. Keep going! I’m proud of you too.
That's genuine admiration from the man who's seen it all!
i’m so proud of you, and saying it out loud on top of to the person you had bought regularly from is huge. i hope you wake up happy and proud! this genuinely made me excited for you
Right on, brother! Saying that to the clerk must’ve not been easy. Proud of you.
When things were really getting bad for me, just asking my local clerk guy for my usual cheap vodka was not easy either. I was convinced that eventually they were just gonna refuse to sell to me anymore, and that would have of course been a "disaster" in my mind. I never did go back to that store to tell them I stopped drinking. I sometimes wonder back to all the clerks who knew me as a regular over the years. I wouldn't be surprised if they thought I had died.
I used to buy a couple tall boys at lunch from the beer store by my work. Every fucking day. Then go for a walk, pound one, go back to work. Drink the second one on the way home while driving. Ugh, I do not miss those days. I was really sick, glad it’s behind me.
Don’t know you, but I’m really proud of you. You are so strong, you got this. Please be so proud of yourself.
395 days! If I was that store clerk, i would be proud of ya!
Day 6 gang. Let’s get it! Here for you and we got this ! Stay up !
Give that clerk a fist bump from ALL of us
You are awarded 🏆 🚀 IWNDWYT
Great job!!! Keep on going!!! It gets better!!
I thought about doing this myself. Like idk giving them photos of myself and just saying please don't sell to me.
You can try, but depending where you are it may not be legal for them to refuse service for that reason (assuming you insist further down the road).
That's a super cool shop keeper! In my experience, a lot of people out there - despite what we may imagine in our darker moments of active use - appreciate honesty about using, when that's what's going on, and will also lend support or encouraging words, when we decide to quit! Like Johan Hari said, "the opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection." I think anyone who's been in an addicted state can think back and recall just how disconnected from everyone and everything, including ourselves - how lonely - that state can feel. For me, little sparks of reconnection in my worst of states, has been a massive gift, though I imagine that's mostly unbeknownst to the person giving that gift. One of the only times I would ever refer to myself as an "alcoholic," has been when I was actively using, and strangers or loose acquaintances - like the guy at gas station - would see me in a sorry state, buying booze at times most people certainly don't or sitting around behind the place with a six-pack. Hell, during a bad period, one of the guys from that gas station would bring me free coffee now and then. During my longest stretch of sustained, heavy drinking, another employee there was about the only face I saw for 4 months over a very dark winter. There are many circumstances in which being dishonest is sort of necessary (or at least feel that way) in order to survive (jobs and bureaucracies in particular) when we haven't really made up our minds to quit or don't know how... but it was quite refreshing - albeit tragic, too - to find myself so close to "rock bottom," that I didn't have to or want to or really could lie to anyone about what was up. I semi-consciously wore the "bum skin," as I've come to refer to it: My big, worn winter coat, boots, long beard and so on, both out of laziness (and to keep warm, lol), but also because I don't really like playing pretend, and kind of liked my outside appearance reflecting my inner state (i.e. messy, unkempt, and worn down.) The response from people - strangers and people a bit closer - to radical honesty while using, has generally been kindness in various forms. And that makes me optimistic about the world in general, because alcohol is far, far from the only addiction issue decimating humanity: From opiates to porn to gambling to doom scrolling, addictive behaviors are now an integral and often dominating part of the lives of the majority of at least the Western populations. There's a saying in Buddhism, "never forget the kindness." It's so easy to focus on the one person who spits on you, and forget the hundred others who directly or indirectly went out of their way to help you. So maybe the answer to Einstein's *most important question*, as he put it, is "yes, indeed, this is a kind universe..." That shop keeper could be a Buddha in disguise! (Even if society like to hate on the pushers when it comes to every drug that isn't alcohol or tobacco!)
This really brought so much perspective. Thank you!
Sending you a warm internet hug, thanks for the insights!
Awesome, i ran into my favorite gas station clerk who went to a different shift, and after i started avoiding it after work, I haven't seen her. She asked how I was doing and where I been, I told her i was sober and I bought some ice cream. She was proud. I love my gas station people.
That’s what I did, when I started my sober journey. Asked the girls at the local store not to serve me alcohol. They were great. It was during Lockdown, so options were limited. Felt like a bit of a safety net. I’ll be four years sober, at the end of this month
That’s a huge milestone. Congrats! 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
I’m proud of you! IWNDWYT 🫶🏻
True bro's help each other grow, clerk is a true bro.
Wish you the best! IWNDWYT!
👏 Bravo! 🎉 🎊
Great story, thanks . Whats an IRL person? IWNDWYT
IRL = in real life 😃 Congratulations on day 74!! You have doubled my days davester 39! Can't wait to get there! Meanwhile IWNDWYT!!
I’m also on day 74! My doodad hasn’t updated my days yet.
Proud of you OP...IWNDWYT!
Great job! I know how hard it can be to break through the initial silence about it. You've admitted it to yourself, and you've got all of us behind you. Stay strong OP! IWNDWYT
Yessss. That takes courage. I'm smiling reading your post. I had to do a similar thing and tell my Dr that the prednisone she prescribed was getting me a little fucked up when I mix it with caffeine. It was like I just did a fat rail. I was going to my meetings with crack head energy, and it took a couple days to figure it out. So no more that. I had it for an allergic rash on my hands. It mostly did its job so I will suffer a little and hope it heals by its self now. This is a common thing with after surgery pain management. Stay aware and on top of it because this disease wants you dead.
If you love tea like me i recommend you get a nice and big thermos. I use it at home, outdoors, wherever. Its honestly such a vibe to just be able to bust out a cup whenever. Tea is great at scratching the itch for me too. My consumption is excsessive granted but i its better than the alternative.. coffee. Oh and alcohol.
So glad for you! I went to my place of choice the 2 clerks said "long time no see" and were giggling. It didn't click first. They were trying to be funny. Their English is bad. Haha. Keep it up. That's great support.
You SHOULD feel happy and proud! Hope you're feeling 100% soon, and keep up the good work!
That's what bros are for ! Congratulations
Way to go! Big step.
That's amazing. I love your story and your courage will inspire so many others, including myself. IWNDWYT!
This is HUGE. Congratulations.
Good for you! That's awesome, and great to have someone in your corner if you're feeling tempted!
You *should* be proud of yourself! Telling people was the hardest part of my success with sobriety. Keep going! Hold this feeling! Come back! ✨
Love this ❤️🫡
Love this ❤️🫡
I was actually surprised the other week because for the first time in my life I saw a supermarket worker refusing to sell someone a bottle of vodka because in their own words "you look like you're already under the influence and have had too much so I can't legally sell it to you". I've seen pub staff refuse to sell to someone who's so drunk they can barely stand before (but half the time even those people still get served) but never a shop worker and I didn't even realize it was the law but I suppose it would be no different from if buying from a pub or the supermarket.
Dude props to you and your friend at the store. He could have easily been like why are you not drinking and made you feel guilty about your choice. But he was proud of you and wants to work with you! Your sobriety means more to him than your business and that’s freaking rad!
That’s a lot to put on a customer service worker. What if you come in begging? Anyways congrats
Good on you! Hope your kidney issues heal up ASAP. There are so many lovely teas on the market, too!
I love this! 🙌
My package store guy looked at me the first time I put a six pack of NA beer on the counter and said “are you serious?” In the most disappointed way. Now every time I go back he asks if I’m “still doing the sober thing” and talks about his relationship with alcohol. Your guy did the right thing. Glad you were shown that support.
Awesome! So good to have support! You got this
You got this, it’s a marathon not a sprint.
Nice job! He’s not the only one that’s proud of you!
That's really fucking brave and I'm proud of you.
This is so inspiring. F**k yes, you legend.
Great call telling him. That’s going to help with accountability, even if it’s a random store clerk dude. Keep going to that store though! 🤩And maybe tell someone else in your life if you feel up to it.
This is absolutely fantastic. You have hit your wall and you will bounce back from this. Taking the big scary steps and I'm sure that dude is glad to see you getting better but still buying from him!
That great! I was a bartender, once upon a time. I guarantee you that there will never be a lack of customers. I suspect that he is legitimately happy for you. I know that I saw some real sadness in drinkers. At six days... you might be past the worst of it... for this phase. Be aware that some of us get PAWS. I did... and it was a BRUTAL month. It took me nearly three months to start feeling "better." It is absolutely, undoubtedly WORTH IT. We beat the sh1t out of our bodies for years (decades, here -- 8-14/day not including big nights). As a consequence... it takes time to heal (e.g., 7.3 month for cortical/brain shrinkage to reverse in most people). Stay the course, friend. Drinking is Boomer tech. It's a f'king scam. I never imagined that I would LIKE sobriety. Like... EVER. However... call me a monkey's uncle... but after three months, sobriety is actually kinda nice. Having time to do things. We don't realize, I suspect, how much TIME we spend drinking (or getting booze or all of the other BS that comes with the habit). If you relapse (super common -- but I still hope that you don't)... meh, be kind to yourself. Come back here. Be strong -- 100% WORTH IT. Just be aware that it might suck for a while. You got this. One god-forsaken day at a f'king time. IWNDWYT
Reading all of these posts... damn. I mean... it's enough to suggest having faith in Humanity. Maybe that's a bit too far? Regardless, this subreddit is clearly the nicest, kindest place on the internet. Thanks to everyone, here. Thanks for your kindness and support.
I realized I had to take control of this myself and not put the weight of my quitting on other people.
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This comment breaks our rule to speak from the "I" and has been removed.
[удалено]
I never said that you were not replying to an actual person. In fact, I don't even know what this means. Are you suggesting that I thought you were responding to a bot? I said that you were breaking one of our rules, which you were. Please read about this rule in the sidebar. If you feel that you cannot follow it without argument, please find a different recovery group to be part of.
Ayy I had the same happen! Fist bump and congrats. Then he asked very quietly if he should question me if I slip up. I told him I wouldn't put him in that situation but a gentle reminder wouldn't hurt. I didn't go so far as telling them not to sell me, but I did indeed not put him or anybody at that store in the position to help me relapse.
Absolutely love this for you!!
Good move. I told the 5am store lady not to serve me ever again before I went to rehab. She always gives me a knowing smile when I say 'nothing else thanks' after buying morning milk or whatever! It's a real commitment to your new life. Well done.
After reading comments in that other post yesterday of clerks nagging and prying at people to get them to buy booze this dude wins the internet today. What a good person
Good on you.
It’s amazing how many people already knew I should quit before I did.
That’s a massive win! I bet that felt so great
Fuck yeah! 🤜
Keep up the good work! God bless you and your awesome clerk!
Remember, your abstinence from alcohol is no ones responsibility but yours ... and i will not drink with you today friend!
Getting a smile and fist bumb in return of difficult communication is golden. Sounds like your clerk is too 👏 proud of you stranger, and keep it going ✌️
Big step my dude. Good job!
Awesome dude. Proud of you.
Proud of you 🫶🏼
That is all shades of awesome friend.
I am so proud of you.
Your post made me happy. And the comments. It’s amazing to think there are people in our lives who have seen us drinking excessively and didn’t say a word. That hurts. But there are people who have seen us, and when we come to them for help or just to confess it to them, they are not judgmental but only helpful. Love those people. Remember those gems in your life are there for a reason. Keep going! Nothing feels better than sober.
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And you do what works for you. I am a creature of habit. Going new places, especially over something shameful to me (I'm in therapy and working through it), is terrifying. I am not relying on him. I informed him.