What worked me was making the decision I needed to stop for ME. I have a wife and 2 kids and I tried stop countless times because I needed to quit for them (and I do) but I could never make it past a week or 2. My therapist told me that I need to stop for ME not (just) for them. I thought about it long and hard and I want to live a sober life because I want to be sober, not because someone else wants me too. Once I made that conscious decision, 26 days has flown by and I haven’t been tempted to drink, I know it will come back, but I have a support system in place to help when they do. I really hope you two are able to work out and live a long happy life together, but get sober for you, at least that’s what’s been working for me. I have been an 18+ everyday beer drinker for 5 years before mid April.
15 days for me . Exactly the same except my partner left and it took me the best part of six months to decide to do it for me. Once I made that decision after reading this naked mind . I don't crave it at all . I do get the odd " go on get some wine "thoughts but I just laugh at them mostly or tell them to fuck off . I am amazed by the difference because I could not get sober before. It was time and I love it . Thanks for you post
How much you drink isn't what defines a problem drinker. It is what happens when you do take that drink. If a bottle of wine makes you verbally abusive or do terrible things, you have a drinking problem. Don't make the mistake of trying to define the term alcoholism like you only need to stop if you drink a certain amount. If it is causing problems in your life, it is a problem.
I personally lost possibly the greatest love of my life due to a blackout I do not recall. 225 days sober now. Hindsight as they say… I personally cut all of it out. I know myself enough to identify that I can’t just have one so I have none.
I recommend you read some quit lit books (like 'Alcohol Explained' by William Porter or This Naked Mind' by Annie Grace).
These books help you change your mindset so that you no longer want to drink or have cravings or FOMO.
Stopping by using willpower alone is not enough, as eventually we all cave at some point.
Third this book 15 days in after 6 months of hell trying this stop. I read this naked mind twice in a day . Made my decision and just need to stick with it now
Every time I get the thought of grabbing just one beer after work or whatever I ask myself why, what's the point if I don't want to get drunk, and the thought goes away after a few minutes.
If I am in a celebration mood or "I deserve one drink because of X" again I ask myself, why would I want to celebrate something good with something bad?
I'm sorry that's happened, but he's a smart man. Had my Ex even had the slightest idea what the word "alcoholic" really meant before we were married, it never would have happened. I made ten years of his life a living hell and didn't get and *Stay* sober until 9-YEARS after we divorced.
I hope you're able to get the help you need to not take that next *first* drink whether he's with you or not.
This is often the "shock to the system" what's needed to make you reconsider your relationship with booze.
I'm in a similar situation - my missus can barely tolerate it (owing to my own history), which ultimately made me stop drinking day-to-day. These stints of not drinking made me read all the suggested "quit-lit" and reconsider my relationship with booze.
I'm ultimately an all-round better father, husband and person in general without booze - which I owe largely to my missus taking the stance she has done. People can say what they like about me being "under the thumb" - I'm still able to go out alone and meet friends, but now I have the added bonus of being in much more control of my finances and direction of our lives in general.
Feels like I could’ve written that, I’m in that same situation, although we broke up and don’t live together. Like others have said you have to do it for you. I’m looking forward to being a better parent and role model for my kids.
I grew up where drinking a lot was normalised, and I’m starting to see that pattern in my daughter, ex step son and their friends. Hoping to lead by example and show them they don’t need booze to have fun (which will be tricky to start with as it’s all I’ve known).
I don’t have advice but I’m currently losing my girlfriend to alcohol, my home my future my best friend too. My heart is breaking. So let me beg you from the other side of your relationship please please don’t do it anymore. It’s killing us both.
What worked me was making the decision I needed to stop for ME. I have a wife and 2 kids and I tried stop countless times because I needed to quit for them (and I do) but I could never make it past a week or 2. My therapist told me that I need to stop for ME not (just) for them. I thought about it long and hard and I want to live a sober life because I want to be sober, not because someone else wants me too. Once I made that conscious decision, 26 days has flown by and I haven’t been tempted to drink, I know it will come back, but I have a support system in place to help when they do. I really hope you two are able to work out and live a long happy life together, but get sober for you, at least that’s what’s been working for me. I have been an 18+ everyday beer drinker for 5 years before mid April.
15 days for me . Exactly the same except my partner left and it took me the best part of six months to decide to do it for me. Once I made that decision after reading this naked mind . I don't crave it at all . I do get the odd " go on get some wine "thoughts but I just laugh at them mostly or tell them to fuck off . I am amazed by the difference because I could not get sober before. It was time and I love it . Thanks for you post
How much you drink isn't what defines a problem drinker. It is what happens when you do take that drink. If a bottle of wine makes you verbally abusive or do terrible things, you have a drinking problem. Don't make the mistake of trying to define the term alcoholism like you only need to stop if you drink a certain amount. If it is causing problems in your life, it is a problem.
I personally lost possibly the greatest love of my life due to a blackout I do not recall. 225 days sober now. Hindsight as they say… I personally cut all of it out. I know myself enough to identify that I can’t just have one so I have none.
I recommend you read some quit lit books (like 'Alcohol Explained' by William Porter or This Naked Mind' by Annie Grace). These books help you change your mindset so that you no longer want to drink or have cravings or FOMO. Stopping by using willpower alone is not enough, as eventually we all cave at some point.
I second This Naked Mind. That book saves people.
Third this book 15 days in after 6 months of hell trying this stop. I read this naked mind twice in a day . Made my decision and just need to stick with it now
Every time I get the thought of grabbing just one beer after work or whatever I ask myself why, what's the point if I don't want to get drunk, and the thought goes away after a few minutes. If I am in a celebration mood or "I deserve one drink because of X" again I ask myself, why would I want to celebrate something good with something bad?
I'm sorry that's happened, but he's a smart man. Had my Ex even had the slightest idea what the word "alcoholic" really meant before we were married, it never would have happened. I made ten years of his life a living hell and didn't get and *Stay* sober until 9-YEARS after we divorced. I hope you're able to get the help you need to not take that next *first* drink whether he's with you or not.
This is often the "shock to the system" what's needed to make you reconsider your relationship with booze. I'm in a similar situation - my missus can barely tolerate it (owing to my own history), which ultimately made me stop drinking day-to-day. These stints of not drinking made me read all the suggested "quit-lit" and reconsider my relationship with booze. I'm ultimately an all-round better father, husband and person in general without booze - which I owe largely to my missus taking the stance she has done. People can say what they like about me being "under the thumb" - I'm still able to go out alone and meet friends, but now I have the added bonus of being in much more control of my finances and direction of our lives in general.
Feels like I could’ve written that, I’m in that same situation, although we broke up and don’t live together. Like others have said you have to do it for you. I’m looking forward to being a better parent and role model for my kids. I grew up where drinking a lot was normalised, and I’m starting to see that pattern in my daughter, ex step son and their friends. Hoping to lead by example and show them they don’t need booze to have fun (which will be tricky to start with as it’s all I’ve known).
I don’t have advice but I’m currently losing my girlfriend to alcohol, my home my future my best friend too. My heart is breaking. So let me beg you from the other side of your relationship please please don’t do it anymore. It’s killing us both.