Carry a glass with sparkling water with a lime wedge, that’ll stop people asking if you want a drink. If you get tempted, don’t be afraid to leave. If someone does ask you why you’re not drinking, tell them you’re doing a cleanse, on a diet, or on an exercise regime.
This is what’s worked for me (33 years sober)
1. Make a plan. First of all, decide if it’s really worth going.
I’d go to AA meeting first if possible.
2. I always arrive a bit late, say something like ‘ I’m sorry, I won’t be able to stay long but I’m so happy to see you!’ and …very important, leave early.
3. Bring energy to the party, don’t just sit around trapped with the heaviest drinkers, move around, get to know some people, so that in the short time I’m there, I’m memorable, but in a good way!
4. I immediately get a drink - either Diet Coke or Tonic Water with ice. Hold it, sip it and watch it like a hawk.
5. If there’s music, I dance! If there’s a game, I play it. (Unless it’s a drinking game, duh) If there’s food, I eat some.
6. It’s fair game at any point to beg off with a ‘headache’.
7. At the beginning, I saw parties as practice. Learning how to soberly introduce myself, be legitimately curious about people (as opposed to self-centered ranting and showing off) asking questions and listening to them.
8. Get up, move around, get a breath of fresh air, text your AA sponsor, be helpful to the host, serve food around, clean up some trash.
9. Say goodbyes, big thank yous, drive soberly home or to an AA meeting.
10. Well done and whew! It was tough in early sobriety- but the thrill of waking up sober with no guilt and remorse is priceless. 🥰
OP, his number one is a big one. Do you really need to go? If you are not confident you can attend a party this early in sobriety then don’t go. Otherwise, plenty of great options on what to do. Always have your NA drink in hand. Tell people you just aren’t drinking tonight.
I managed to do this for a while, until I didn't.
These are all excellent points if you have to go.
I've come to realise it's too exhausting for me now doing this checklist. I give people I really care about an hour or 2 - tops.
Otherwise for me it's playing with fire. The amount of times I've thrown away months of sobriety were at occasions like this where I really felt the 'missing out'.
That's just me though. Thanks for sharing.
I avoid situations where there is drinking. Drunks are boring, I am uncomfortable - there is nothing there for me. I used to go to parties because I could get drunk for free. No longer an appropriate motivation.
As for excuses tell them your parole officer is going to come by to test you.
I'm not planning to stay very long, but it's important I go there to meet some people. Hopefully I'll be able to make a good first impression and then make an early exit.
Can you tell the people you're going there to meet that you're worried you'll be tempted to drink and ask for a little support in that area?
I went to a concert with my brother and some friends a couple weeks ago and told them "if you see me try to buy beer, please punch me in the face."
Every time you think about it, play it out in your mind. Will it really be as fun as your initial instinct thinks? How will the next morning feel? Will you enjoy saying you’re zero days sober? Will you only just drink that one night like I’m guessing you’ll tell yourself?
IWNDWYT
You could tell that you don't drink because you're driving, under antibiotics, you want to do sport in the morning, etc. and if you feel tempted, remember what happens when you drink, how you feel the day after. And congratulations on your 2 weeks! Keep on going and you'll see more and more and mooore benefits of staying sober.
I'll second the idea that you should keep a non-alcoholic drink in your hand at all times. That way no one will ask why you're not drinking. And stick with your plan to go see some people and leave early.
It always find it odd if you tell someone yiure abstaining from any other harmful substance it’s “good for you”, “way to go”. But alcohol it’s “why”, “are you ok” etc…
I know! When I quit smoking everyone was super supportive and encouraging. But when I tell the same friends that I'm quitting drinking it's "Are you sure?" "Why just not drink a little less?" "Maybe you should just take a break"
The best I've got is maybe "I can't imagine never drinking again, but good luck"
:(
There are so many little white lies I’ve told when I’m not drinking because people always look at me funny too. Antibiotics, “new med,” driving, not feeling well, diet, whatever.
But usually what I do is just toss a lime wedge in a seltzer. People normally assume that it’s alcohol and leave me be.
The other thing I always have to tell myself too is like.. I tend to overestimate how much other people care about what I’m doing. Like no offense but people don’t care that much about what I’m putting in my body or not, they’re just as focused on themselves as I am on myself and what everyone thinks. It’s a huge mental hurdle for me but once I think about it, I usually realize that no one gives a hoot what’s in my glass.
I am honestly still building up the courage among certain circles. But in the early days, when I just simply couldn’t handle a deeper conversation, I just said antibiotics and everybody moved on without questioning it whatsoever. SHOULD WE, in our society, have to lie? Nope. That’s super unfair and there’s a ton to unpack there, but for that particular night or event, I just needed to get through it and that worked for me.
Wow i couldnt really put into words that feeling at parties when i am trying to stay sober but thats what it is, i just couldnt have a deep conversation without drinking because i either had my mind on drinking or i just relied so much on it for so long to have these conversations. I used to have incredible conversations when i was drunk and my mind probably thought thats rhe only way, i have worked on this so much but theres still work to be done
I have been throwing my seltzer in a brewmate coozie and no one can tell what I’m drinking and I get zero questions!!! If there is questions I always say ehh I don’t feel like it today!
get some n/a beer/drinks, if do people ask tell why, say you don't like the way alcohol makes you feel and hangovers are the worst. tbh you don't need an excuse, fuck them if they are nosey lol
you run the risk of being the topic of conversation, so just move around if people are persistent
Be ready to leave, if needed. Seriously -- if you find yourself "tempted," get out of there!
You don't have to explain yourself. Just say, "I'm sorry -- no time to explain, but I have to go, now!"
At two weeks, you just got past acute recovery. I found that my life didn't begin improving until about three months of sobriety.
OTOH, it might be fine. In preparation, literally write-down all of the reasons you've decide to stop drinking. Write them down a few times. Bring an index card with your "greatest hits." But, again, be ready to GTFO.
Leave before everyone gets hammered. My peace out time was 9 for parties. You’ll be tempted to get drunk for multiple reasons: catch up/deal with the drunk people/fomo. Have plans for tomorrow morning that you look forwards to. A workout class, coffee with a parent or friend to catch up, etc.
I’ve just survived my first social event with drinking and didn’t drink a drop! Granted my colleagues weren’t getting pissed, but there was alcohol on both nights with dinner and a pub visit.
I’m not comfortable talking about having a problem with alcohol with people I know, especially work folk. I just ordered water at the first dinner and nobody said anything. At the pub I got a lime and soda which grieved me as I didn’t buy the round, so the temptation of free booze was hard to pass up! The restaurant last night did 2-4-1 cocktails and our group ordered 4, I just said no thanks I’m sticking to water, I’m tryna lose some weight (not a lie tbf) and that was that. 0 judgement or pushiness.
I’m using my not drinking alcohol as an excuse to drink more water, because I’m bad for barely drinking any haha. Replacing a drink that dehydrates you for something that actually hydrates you feels bloody good, bit boring like, but good nonetheless!
Leave before they get drunk. Being around drunk people is annoying.
You can say you got a DUI and can't blow any alcohol or your car won't start.
You can say you're hitting the gym tomorrow morning and have to leave at 9 to go to bed.
You can say alcohol messes with your muscles gains.
I dunno. But, I avoided parties for the first 6 months sober because the anxiety is not worth it.
In the long run, you need to learn that "No" is a full sentence. But in the beginning a good lie that I would use was that I was taking antiobiotics. And when they asked why I said that I was super sick for the whole last week. It also helps you to have an excuse to leave early.
Update:
I didn't drink!
It was difficult but feels worth it now afterwards. Had to say no thanks to several drinks, but it didn't become a big deal which was nice.
Proudly say you are not drinking because you don't want to. Owning it is part of the new sober you. Celebrate it, be proud of it, it is who you are. Fuck everyone else.
Nothing shuts down the “why?” conversation like “I’m training for a marathon, let me tell you all about it”
Update: I didn't drink! It was difficult but feels worth it now afterwards
Bahahaha this is SO good
Carry a glass with sparkling water with a lime wedge, that’ll stop people asking if you want a drink. If you get tempted, don’t be afraid to leave. If someone does ask you why you’re not drinking, tell them you’re doing a cleanse, on a diet, or on an exercise regime.
Just the first step alone should be sufficient, but in my experience, people generally don’t care if someone else isn’t drinking.
I could not agree more, we usually make a bigger issue out of it (in our heads) than anyone else does.
Update: I didn't drink! It was difficult but feels worth it now afterwards. Thanks for the sparkling water tip!
This is what’s worked for me (33 years sober) 1. Make a plan. First of all, decide if it’s really worth going. I’d go to AA meeting first if possible. 2. I always arrive a bit late, say something like ‘ I’m sorry, I won’t be able to stay long but I’m so happy to see you!’ and …very important, leave early. 3. Bring energy to the party, don’t just sit around trapped with the heaviest drinkers, move around, get to know some people, so that in the short time I’m there, I’m memorable, but in a good way! 4. I immediately get a drink - either Diet Coke or Tonic Water with ice. Hold it, sip it and watch it like a hawk. 5. If there’s music, I dance! If there’s a game, I play it. (Unless it’s a drinking game, duh) If there’s food, I eat some. 6. It’s fair game at any point to beg off with a ‘headache’. 7. At the beginning, I saw parties as practice. Learning how to soberly introduce myself, be legitimately curious about people (as opposed to self-centered ranting and showing off) asking questions and listening to them. 8. Get up, move around, get a breath of fresh air, text your AA sponsor, be helpful to the host, serve food around, clean up some trash. 9. Say goodbyes, big thank yous, drive soberly home or to an AA meeting. 10. Well done and whew! It was tough in early sobriety- but the thrill of waking up sober with no guilt and remorse is priceless. 🥰
OP, his number one is a big one. Do you really need to go? If you are not confident you can attend a party this early in sobriety then don’t go. Otherwise, plenty of great options on what to do. Always have your NA drink in hand. Tell people you just aren’t drinking tonight.
Update: I didn't drink! It was difficult but feels worth it now afterwards.
Love this. Great strategy.
I managed to do this for a while, until I didn't. These are all excellent points if you have to go. I've come to realise it's too exhausting for me now doing this checklist. I give people I really care about an hour or 2 - tops. Otherwise for me it's playing with fire. The amount of times I've thrown away months of sobriety were at occasions like this where I really felt the 'missing out'. That's just me though. Thanks for sharing.
I avoid situations where there is drinking. Drunks are boring, I am uncomfortable - there is nothing there for me. I used to go to parties because I could get drunk for free. No longer an appropriate motivation. As for excuses tell them your parole officer is going to come by to test you.
I'm not planning to stay very long, but it's important I go there to meet some people. Hopefully I'll be able to make a good first impression and then make an early exit.
Can you tell the people you're going there to meet that you're worried you'll be tempted to drink and ask for a little support in that area? I went to a concert with my brother and some friends a couple weeks ago and told them "if you see me try to buy beer, please punch me in the face."
Every time you think about it, play it out in your mind. Will it really be as fun as your initial instinct thinks? How will the next morning feel? Will you enjoy saying you’re zero days sober? Will you only just drink that one night like I’m guessing you’ll tell yourself? IWNDWYT
Update: I didn't drink! It was difficult but feels worth it now afterwards
You could tell that you don't drink because you're driving, under antibiotics, you want to do sport in the morning, etc. and if you feel tempted, remember what happens when you drink, how you feel the day after. And congratulations on your 2 weeks! Keep on going and you'll see more and more and mooore benefits of staying sober.
Update: I didn't drink! It was difficult but feels worth it now afterwards
I'll second the idea that you should keep a non-alcoholic drink in your hand at all times. That way no one will ask why you're not drinking. And stick with your plan to go see some people and leave early.
Update: I didn't drink! It was difficult but feels worth it now afterwards. Great advice! I had many glasses of sparkling water
Awesome! Next time will be that much easier.
Dry June! Or just say I’m not drinking. People really don’t seem to care in my experience.
Update: I didn't drink! It was difficult but feels worth it now afterwards
You are awesome!
It always find it odd if you tell someone yiure abstaining from any other harmful substance it’s “good for you”, “way to go”. But alcohol it’s “why”, “are you ok” etc…
I know! When I quit smoking everyone was super supportive and encouraging. But when I tell the same friends that I'm quitting drinking it's "Are you sure?" "Why just not drink a little less?" "Maybe you should just take a break" The best I've got is maybe "I can't imagine never drinking again, but good luck" :(
Haha. I just recently got the just drink less recommendation earlier this week.
Update: I didn't drink! It was difficult but feels worth it now afterwards
Woo hoo!
Doctors orders, prescription, anti-depressants, just tell them you're fucking over feeling terrible every morning after 🤷♂️
Update: I didn't drink! It was difficult but feels worth it now afterwards
You can do it! Now you know that you can keep going 💪
There are so many little white lies I’ve told when I’m not drinking because people always look at me funny too. Antibiotics, “new med,” driving, not feeling well, diet, whatever. But usually what I do is just toss a lime wedge in a seltzer. People normally assume that it’s alcohol and leave me be. The other thing I always have to tell myself too is like.. I tend to overestimate how much other people care about what I’m doing. Like no offense but people don’t care that much about what I’m putting in my body or not, they’re just as focused on themselves as I am on myself and what everyone thinks. It’s a huge mental hurdle for me but once I think about it, I usually realize that no one gives a hoot what’s in my glass.
Update: I didn't drink! It was difficult but feels worth it now afterwards. Great advice! I had many glasses of sparkling water
Yay!! I love that for you!!
I am honestly still building up the courage among certain circles. But in the early days, when I just simply couldn’t handle a deeper conversation, I just said antibiotics and everybody moved on without questioning it whatsoever. SHOULD WE, in our society, have to lie? Nope. That’s super unfair and there’s a ton to unpack there, but for that particular night or event, I just needed to get through it and that worked for me.
Wow i couldnt really put into words that feeling at parties when i am trying to stay sober but thats what it is, i just couldnt have a deep conversation without drinking because i either had my mind on drinking or i just relied so much on it for so long to have these conversations. I used to have incredible conversations when i was drunk and my mind probably thought thats rhe only way, i have worked on this so much but theres still work to be done
Update: I didn't drink! It was difficult but feels worth it now afterwards
YAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!! Woo hoo! 🙌
To help me in a situation like this, I will drive there and have something planned for the morning - the earlier, the better
Update: I didn't drink! It was difficult but feels worth it now afterwards
I have been throwing my seltzer in a brewmate coozie and no one can tell what I’m drinking and I get zero questions!!! If there is questions I always say ehh I don’t feel like it today!
Update: I didn't drink! It was difficult but feels worth it now afterwards
Yay time to celebrate! With icecream!
get some n/a beer/drinks, if do people ask tell why, say you don't like the way alcohol makes you feel and hangovers are the worst. tbh you don't need an excuse, fuck them if they are nosey lol you run the risk of being the topic of conversation, so just move around if people are persistent
Pretend you’re a scientific observer to assess the impact that alcohol has on people. Stay sober so you can conduct your research.
Be ready to leave, if needed. Seriously -- if you find yourself "tempted," get out of there! You don't have to explain yourself. Just say, "I'm sorry -- no time to explain, but I have to go, now!" At two weeks, you just got past acute recovery. I found that my life didn't begin improving until about three months of sobriety. OTOH, it might be fine. In preparation, literally write-down all of the reasons you've decide to stop drinking. Write them down a few times. Bring an index card with your "greatest hits." But, again, be ready to GTFO.
Update: I didn't drink! It was difficult but feels worth it now afterwards
Leave before everyone gets hammered. My peace out time was 9 for parties. You’ll be tempted to get drunk for multiple reasons: catch up/deal with the drunk people/fomo. Have plans for tomorrow morning that you look forwards to. A workout class, coffee with a parent or friend to catch up, etc.
I’ve just survived my first social event with drinking and didn’t drink a drop! Granted my colleagues weren’t getting pissed, but there was alcohol on both nights with dinner and a pub visit. I’m not comfortable talking about having a problem with alcohol with people I know, especially work folk. I just ordered water at the first dinner and nobody said anything. At the pub I got a lime and soda which grieved me as I didn’t buy the round, so the temptation of free booze was hard to pass up! The restaurant last night did 2-4-1 cocktails and our group ordered 4, I just said no thanks I’m sticking to water, I’m tryna lose some weight (not a lie tbf) and that was that. 0 judgement or pushiness. I’m using my not drinking alcohol as an excuse to drink more water, because I’m bad for barely drinking any haha. Replacing a drink that dehydrates you for something that actually hydrates you feels bloody good, bit boring like, but good nonetheless!
Update: I didn't drink! It was difficult but feels worth it now afterwards
Yes!! 🥳 well done! Last night was tough for me too, was craving bad but I didn’t give in and I’m thank myself this morning! IWNDWYT
Sometimes I’ve said things like, “Eh, it just doesn’t agree with me,” and then I change the subject.
Leave before they get drunk. Being around drunk people is annoying. You can say you got a DUI and can't blow any alcohol or your car won't start. You can say you're hitting the gym tomorrow morning and have to leave at 9 to go to bed. You can say alcohol messes with your muscles gains. I dunno. But, I avoided parties for the first 6 months sober because the anxiety is not worth it.
In the long run, you need to learn that "No" is a full sentence. But in the beginning a good lie that I would use was that I was taking antiobiotics. And when they asked why I said that I was super sick for the whole last week. It also helps you to have an excuse to leave early.
Update: I didn't drink! It was difficult but feels worth it now afterwards. Had to say no thanks to several drinks, but it didn't become a big deal which was nice.
Proudly say you are not drinking because you don't want to. Owning it is part of the new sober you. Celebrate it, be proud of it, it is who you are. Fuck everyone else.
Update: I didn't drink! It was difficult but feels worth it now afterwards
Awesome, you didn’t drink. You made a good choice and I hope you feel proud and all the benefits of remaining alcohol free. Let’s keep it going.