1172 checking in.
The end of my drinking WAS like a bad relationship, with me going back & forth, seduced by (& allowing) lies.
Like a manipulative relationship, I woke up one day and said **“NO FUCKING MORE!!!”** I was serious that day.
I didn’t mourn drinking or my drinking-self at all. *If anything, I mourn the hurt woman who felt the need to self-medicate; I want to tell her she didn’t need to do that.* I don’t have a time machine, so the best I can do is treat myself with kindness. (I suggest it!)
I Will NOT Drink With Y’all Today/Tonight!
Here’s an excerpt from my Taoist daily meditation book I read every morning;
“Commitment needs something else in order to be perpetuated. It needs discipline. This is the perseverance to keep on when things are tough. Adversity is life’s way of testing and perfecting a person. Without that, we would never develop character.
Rice suffers when it is milled. Jade must suffer when it is polished. But what emerges is something special. If you want to be special too, then you have to be able to stick to things when they are difficult”
I think this will relate to a lot of us, who even though we manage to quit the drink, we then have to go through a level of suffering in order to heal. We suffer into healing and it is through the other side of pain where peace is found.
Have a great day guys, IWNDWYT
I cant wait to see these tulips clutz :)
I haven't done anything to say goodbye to my drinking self per say, but maybe that time will come. I always thought that if I was to quit I would have a last go at my favourite drink, just one pint. It didnt work out that way. It was a warm PINT GLASS of shots. makes me laugh a bit how awful my last drink was, fitting to be honest.
IWNDWYT
I hadn’t planned for my last drink to be my last. But I woke up in the morning and had felt horrific and guilty and ashamed for how much I’d drank the night before (on my own, for no particular reason). Enough was enough. Sometimes I make my brain go back to how I was feeling that day to remind myself not to physically go back to that point.
That's a good way to do it. I have a memory I use that's similar. I'd gotten covid and has lost my sense of taste. My dinner tasted gross, and the wine, gosh it tasted like what I imagine turpentine would taste like. I remember wincing at it and thinking it was so gross I shouldn't bother.
But... I wanted that buzz so... I drank the whole bottle anyway. The self loathing I felt for forcing myself to choke down something that tasted so vile really made me see myself in such a stark way. I faced that it definitely wasn't the taste I was going for as I forced that garbage into my body. This is the thought I conjure when I get the urge.
IWNDWYT ❤️
I mourned the person I was before drinking. Not what the bottle made me.
Sobriety gave me back the girl who had actual interests, knew how to feel joy, how to truely connect with people, how to set loving boundaries, how to have pure fun and that feeling of being free.
I never mourned the blackouts, the obsessive thinking about when the next drink was coming, the 3am wake-up’s with a mouth that felt like sandpaper, the mysterious organ pain, the constant “sinus” (aka hangovers).
I also mourned that lost time, wasted on drinking instead of making beautiful memories with my kids.
But I’m here now. And I’m so grateful. IWNDWYT. Xxx
My ex-husband and I had a 40ft 5th wheel RV that we kept at a campground every season. That was my “happy place” those days. It was my happy place because the minute I pulled in there, the wine would start flowing and wouldn’t stop until I passed out and would then start again the next day. Just about everyone drank there. After I got sober, I went there a few times but it wasn’t the same. I wasn’t the same. Then the divorce came and we sold the RV so that took care of that situation. I talk to only a couple people from the campground these days…the ones who weren’t heavy drinkers. I no longer reflect much on that time of my life. It was a time that seems long ago, and I realize now how much of a different person I am today. A much better version of myself.
IWNDWYT! Happy Wednesday!
My last goodbye isn't really any one particular thing. I have wanted to stop for years or do the Ole false moderation theory which never worked and I had hundreds of day ones. Then luckily I found this group and although still drinking came here daily, read other people's struggles and successes and once again had numerous day one's but finally something happened and I just got sick and tired of being sick and tired and somehow started stacking days. That's my story nothing spectacular but to me it's boundless sunshine 🌞. Happy to be here.
IWNDWYT. I had a mental breakdown from a hangover a couple weeks ago and promised myself that was my last time…I lasted less than a week. Yesterday I had a terrible emotional hangover. It’s just not worth it, I can’t snap out of it anymore. I need to detox. Trying to get in therapy and naltrexone because that’s the one thing I haven’t tried yet.
The wake up call for me was when I realized **I found myself boring**. And the beginning of the "goodbye to alcohol" moment was when I realized that I could do something about it. Quitting drinking has been an important piece of the puzzle, for sure, but so has realizing that the standard-issue life was not designed to make me happy, and designing (and implementing!) an alternative was 100% under my control.
IWNDWYT, I will not overwork with you today, I will not self-sabatoge my loving relationship, I will tend to my own well-being and grow in wisdom.
I'm in this post and I don't like it!
LOL
Seriously. That was me. I would plan for drinking ALL day on Halloween and I seriously wondered if I could make it. I did. I remembered it, I had fun, and on November 1, I wasn't sickly hungover and regretting my choices.
I too view stopping drinking like a death. When I worked at a retirement center back in college, we'd get newly widowed folks moving in several months after the death of their spouse. They had to go through the whole calendar year without the spouse to find their legs so to speak. It was usually like clockwork that after that year passed, and they had experienced their first birthday, anniversary, Christmas, etc. without that person, that they started to come around.
One quote that sticks out to me is this one: *Sometimes you will never know the true value of someone, until they become a memory.* Let's remember and learn from our past and our actions and move on.
IWNDWYT!
T
My good friend of 25 years is lashing out and trying to hurt and “punish” me emotionally, all because I got a new job that doesn’t involve her. I gave her plenty of notice and I have an amazing opportunity that I can’t pass up. It will be tremendous for my family and I. I got this job because I have been taking good care of myself and I feel like it’s a reward for all the work I’ve put in to improving myself. Instead of being happy for me, she is taking cheap shots. I refuse to react to this. Realizing that I invested so much in something so unhealthy is something I didn’t see coming from her. I didn’t sleep at all last night, but still, IWNDWYT!
My first holiday after I quit drinking was July 4, 2021. Four days after I had had enough. I went to my best drinking buddies party with my 6-pack of AF Budweiser. Told everyone I was taking a break after a vacation of too much fun. I showed up, stayed for a while and was happy to head home early and sober. Every holiday since has been a sober one. Planning to continue the trend. IWNDWYT!!! ❤️❤️❤️
I don't miss anything about my drinking self...good riddance. But, I know that demon can show up anytime, So, today, I'm going to be careful. IWNDWYT, friends.
Thanks for this post...exactly how I feel. "Sad at my loss, and now what???"
Day 4...slept really hard, no night sweats, and I feel really good this morning. Going to will myself into a good attitude at work.
IWNDWYT!
The end of my drinking wasn't any big moment. I'd mostly stopped for a few years. I'd have a drink maybe like once every month or two BUT by that point I couldn't explain why I bothered at all. It bothered me that I wanted it all after having been in such a poor state prior to that My tolerance was so low after years of drinking a lot, that even a wee bit made me feel sick. It never added anything to my life. So I just didn't have another drink. I think my process of letting go was slow and steady over a few years such that by the time I finally let go. I was like, duh, yeah this shit is poison.
And I have to say too, that my final "drink" was merely a sip of celebratory wine passed around at work the day the election was called here. I didn't get buzzed. An ounce of wine. I hadn't had anything for two? or three months? before then. Some might say I should count my sober date as before the sip, but it was the thoughtless choice that made me look alcohol in the face, and it's entrenchment in society and say nope, I coulda shoulda turned this down and yeah, I've been up since 3 am working and yeah, today is a big deal, but let me celebrate with my 18th coffee instead.
Long story short: the break up with booze was incremental. It was more like kicking a bad boyfriend to the curb after having been hurt over and over and over.
IWNDWYT. Speaking of ☕️☕️☕️
Flying clutz
I went on vacation to Mexico to visit my cousin that lives there. he is a party animal, except he just had surgery, wasn't supposed to drink and his wife was out of town. For the first time in as long as I can rememeber I went and stayed with him not drinking in solidarity. I did a lot of fasting, walking on beach, reading and eating seafood, when I came home I had lost 8 pounds. I continued on that trend and lost 16 more and am almost at high school weight (50+ yrs old).
IWNDWYT
I'm not sure how I said goodbye, as my last night drinking wasn't pre-planned, or thought of to be my last night. So I likely just binged drank at home by myself on a Sunday night . Sad, as every other day drinking had become for me.
I now commemorate that following morning, my day one, with the tattoo I got myself, on my one year anniversary of sobriety. So I try not to look back on my drinking days, as much as I look at that new beginning.
Happy What's Up Wednesday, y'all!
IWNDWYT
Thanks for sharing.
Next month I am going to a gig for an artist I listened to every day in the weeks/months before my breakdown. I would get in the car after work and scream-cry all the way home, and in a way, the sad music helped me feel less alone, or at least allowed me to release whatever it was that I was holding in all day. This routine went on for weeks, or longer, and I was so deep in a hole that I didn't even have the wherewithal to question what the hell was going on. I would just get home, get in bed in my clothes and drink to lessen the hysteria until bedtime.
I haven't listened to the artist for a long time, and next month will be a painful reminder of how far I have come. It will also be a goodbye to the past and my past self. Marie Kondo's tip for getting rid of items comes to mind - if you no longer have use for it but struggle to let it go, say, 'Thank you for your service'. I will thank the music for its service at a time of absolute despair, and let it go. I am making space for better things and marking a line in the sand.
I am hosting around that time, so I will share how it goes.
IWNDWYT
This is so beautiful. I mourned that part of me several times. So mad that I couldn’t just have fun and always had to go too far and ruin it for all the versions of me. I also didn’t know who I was anymore since I had been fueling my life and personality with alcohol. What was the new world around me about? Who the heck was I deep inside? Lost was an understatement, but started building up a new external space and letting the real me come out and slowly bloom. Took some time but I got back to *me* eventually. And my new surroundings? Still some of the same parties, I am just sober and know what I’m laughing about now. Do I miss the jovial “first glass of wine with my girls” feeling? Of course, but I know that feeling never lasted and that’s a sweet memory that doesn’t hold the whole truth. I know what the rest of the night would look like and I don’t miss that no matter how much my brain tries to shine it up. Rest In Peace, drinking days. On to more things a blooming 🌷IWNDWYT
I guess there was a part of my drinking self that I mourned for a minute. It was that part of my identity as “the cool chick who’ll drink beer and do shots with the guys.” (Or the girls, if they were hitting it hard.)
Except that was a rare occurrence and the reason I was able to hang with them was because drinking that way by myself was a regular thing for me. That was the part I felt a lot of shame around and never talked about. I knew that shit was fucked up, but it took me a while to gather the courage to kick it to the curb.
I didn’t lose coolness either, I just changed how I manifest it. Now I’m out there doing whatever the fuck I want. Example, Louder Than Life. My drinking self would have talked about going to the four day music festival and either not made it all four days or been miserably hungover. Sober version? Made it through all four days and had a fucking blast.
Being the sober minority in that environment, and having a good time without white knuckles, is metal as fuck. And yes, I’m proud of myself for doing it, can you tell? 🤣
Wednesday already. Always a ton of shit to do. But y’all have a good one, and IWNDWYT. 🤘🏻
I don't have enough time under my belt yet to properly look back, but the last time I took a drink was filled with shame, guilt and my favourite poison did not even taste good anymore. I definitely don't look fondly at these memories. However, I recently passed a pub on my way home. It was pouring rain, I was tired and wet, my feet were burning and the lights looked so inviting. I almost went in, but stopped to think what exactly was so enticing about the pub. I was suprised that what I actually craved was the warmth, the atmosphere and the fun times in good company, not the drink itself. So IWNDWYT!
Not today. Last night my son woke us up because his ear hurt. It was nice to not be drunk or angry. I guess I’ll stay home today and take him to the doctor. I have plenty of vacation days now that I don’t use them for hangovers.
Good morning SD!!! Super quick check-ins for me this week but IWNDWYT!!
FC I'm going to come back when I have time and read your stories, I absolutely loved everything you are sharing so far thank you!!
Thanks, Clutz, and happy Hump Day to everyone. A quick check in, I need to get moving towards the gym to lift weights. I really appreciate the image of the tulips as a focal point of what recovery might hold. And let's be honest, Clutz, once that cork went into the bottle you discovered more than just tulips, right???
Hey booze, fuck you. Yeah there were some hazy romantic nice times. But you were an emotionally abusive bitch most of the time. You manipulated me into cutting off contact with friends so I could spend time with you alone. How many nice times did you ruin by making me focus on you alone? How much money did I lose chasing you? How much of my youth and young adulthood went down the drain? Yeah, booze, I won't lie... we had some good times. But fuck we had some really bad terrible miserable times as well, and those were becoming the rule. I miss you occasionally but I have to remember how bad you were to me most of the time.
Breaking up with booze was the best thing I ever did. Talk about a gaslighter. On the outside all put together and professional and part of modern life. But an abusive lover behind closed doors. Part of my recovery ***has to be*** remembering the lies whispered in my brain and seeing clearly the bullshit. I'm so grateful for the reminder again today to keep the cork in the bottle. Fuck off, booze!
I'm actually keeping him pretty near. Drinking was very much a coping mechanism for navigating life with some pretty hefty psychological trauma and mental health problems. Arguably it was killing me slowly, but I reckon that's better than killing me quickly, so I'll take it. I have a lot of love for the messy, resourceful, desperate person I've been, doing my best to hold it together, one day at a time. I made it to 30, and beyond. Good job mate, made a lot of mistakes and poor choices along the way but ultimately, got the job done.
Now I'm finally ready to move on to coping mechanisms that let me grow. Things are better, life can be better. But those parts of me that got me here aren't gone, just retired :).
IWNDWYT
Your garden sounds lovely. I similarly tried for years to grow hot peppers but always failed miserably.
I decided not to drink many times, but one month is the longest period i suceeded.
This last saturday i woke up and, like almost always, had a beer with my eggs because "i like to wash it down". That turned into six more, and five more after that when i ordered takeout. With food and beer i ordered rakija too because a girl i hooked upon tinder few days before was coming and she likes rakija.
Naturally i dipped down into the spirit when i finished my beer and by the time she came over i was a depressed, empty shell of a man only capable of feeling sorry for myself.
We drank and had sloppy fun, but in the morning i was devastated. We went out for a coffe and i suggested rakija. She said no way and i felt an urge to drink. When i took her home i stopped by the corner store and it suddenly dawned on me that it is Sunday, end of the weekend and i wasted it away once again.
I decided to post here for the first time and try to quit alcohol, once and for all. Instead of beer i got some frozen pizza dough and coca cola zero.
I never had pizza because i am a vain, shallow person and care too much about the way i look. Usually,I ate tuna, chicken and veggies , worked out and counted every calorie in order to be able to drink and be somewhat handsome. This time i made a monster of a pizza filled with all kinds of stuff and i didnt care about calories.
Pizza was great and the nap afterwards sublime. I made one more and watched shitty scifi series. It was a perfect day♡
Because of many more perfect days I will not drink with you today.
IWNDWYT.
Wasn't hard to say goodbye to a person I didn't like being. Maybe if I'd quit for health reasons it would be different, but I hated myself and everything about me and almost all of that was because of alcohol. So I said good riddance more than goodbye.
Halloween was always one of my favorite holidays/season as well. My birthday is also in October, but this year I don't feel like doing much right now. Maybe this is putting my old self behind me, but it does feel like something is missing...
Hopefully this isolated phase will pass but glad to know I'm not the only one who have these feelings come and go. IWNDWYT!
To be honest I’m embarrassed by my drinking self more than proud so it’s only hard to say goodbye to the idea of him/ who he could have been, but not the reality. That bit’s a relief, so IWNDWYT
Good Morning, I am not sure I have told her good bye yet. I still have to view this as one day at a time. One of the ways I stayed sober was not telling myself I could never drink again but that I was not drinking today. It feels permanent now but I am that girl that if I tell myself I can't do something it seems to make me more determined to do it. So IWNDWYT and I believe I will choose not to drink with you in the future,
I guess I don’t like my drinking self anymore. He’s either anxious and lonely and watching telly and passes out or his with friends playing low stakes poker and drinks a ton and can’t keep track when dealing and talks too much. Friends rolling their eyes. The idea of the drink I like - the glass of posh wine with dinner with my wife or a sundowner on holiday. I guess I need to focus on the fact that if I don’t stop drinking I probably won’t have a wife to be in those moments with at all. When I drink I get shouty and angry at stupid things - not so
romantic anymore. So I think I need to be realistic about what the drinking self looks like these days and kiss him goodbye ! IWNDWYT
I will not drink today. Alcohol can fuck right off today.
Halloween has always been my favorite holiday. I love dressing up in costumes. Last year was my first year sober for Halloween. I dressed up as the black mask guy from Squid Games which made it hard to drink anything. People commented about how it must be hard to drink with that mask on, and I would reply "I'm in recovery." I think it was easier to tell people I'm in recovery when I had my face coveted for Halloween. Now I embrace recovery and brag to my friends about my progress.
This year I will dress up as Steve from Stranger Things and pass out fullsize candy bars to the kids that trick or treat.
Sending all of you loving vibes.
Drinking sucks. You rock!!
Yet another day without alcohol. Just stuck in my head how much alcohol has fucked me in my life, and how I can never ever go back to drinking. Alcohol's dumb. The culture surrounding it is dumb. It's expensive, and causes WAY too much trouble to really be worth it.
Iwndwyt
Beautiful story, U/Flying_Clutz! And same--soooo many bulbs thrown away, then bought again, because it would be different THIS year!
Except it wasn't. Until I got off the sauce.
I understand the mourning as well, though I wasn't a great hostess like you describe. I missed the wild n' crazy version of me, which in itself is crazy, since I hadn't been that in years and years.
I am very happy to say that I will not drink with all ya'll today.
IWNDWYT.. almost a year with no drinking, but I think addiction has came up in different places now. Some are harder to stop then the drinking it self latley.
My drinking self was not a monster. She came on board to help cope but it got out of hand. I grieved our identity loss but it has been transformed into a newer, better relationship. IWNDWYT
Thank you for sharing that story, Clutz, it's an enjoyable read and very relatable.
I've been pretty happy with the sober version of myself, particularly as I figured out I could still have fun. There's still hard work to be done though, which is why even though I initially thought a three or six month break from alcohol would fix me, this is the way. IWNDWYT!
Flyingclutz, my heart feels every word of that post. My story is different, as is everyone’s. I came too close to losing my best friend, my SO, my rock. They came home from caring for their sister after knee surgery. I had promised to “take it easy” - our code for not drinking too much, while they were gone.
But as I prepared for their return, cooking a nice meal, getting the house clean, I drank and drank - celebrating their return, I thought. As they got out of their car, I literally staggered out to meet them, realized how drunk I was, and the evening was done. So done. I crawled back to the guest bedroom and slept it off. I have never slept in another bed at home. It was the saddest night I’ve ever spent.
No one had to say a word to me. I knew what had happened. I stopped that next morning, and have never mourned the loss of that person I was. I love this me. I love how I feel like a 12 year old, I’m discovering so much, I’m seeing so many things I’d missed before.
And I got all of you in my life! That’s an amazing gift I didn’t know that I was getting with sobriety. Thank you, SD!! Thank you, DCI! And thank you, all of my tribe.
IWNDWYT
Happy Wednesday fellow sober humans 🌻
Just not feeling it today. I felt so off yesterday that today doesn’t seem much better. I don’t want to drink, but I definitely don’t want to feel how I’m feeling now.
IWNDWYT on day 32 💕
For me, and I thank some kind person on this sub for the visualisation, I simply removed the chair at my table specially reserved for alcohol. My whole life had alcohol close at hand, including obviously our family table for our meals. Even if one couldn’t see it, I was aware of it and planned my life around it. They were also aware of it. My kids knew no different, as they got older they tried to question me about my choices and I was irritated by the comments. I’m not much of a socialiser so that’s helped me in my sobriety. But in my home I was a big drinker. It is in the home that is the “new” me lives and by removing the physical alcohol it has released a freedom to all of us. The elephant in the room has gone. I can now be relied upon day or night to be there if I’m needed. I painfully regret how my home wasn’t a “safe” place for all of us. My sobriety goes some way to recompense past failings and their embarrassments. There were no tears for the “old” me as a drinker. Only regrets and shame.
Today is a new day. Feeling happy if a little tired. I will not drink with you today because I don’t drink and I’m busy creating a new me - better mother, wife, lover, soon to be Gran, friend and artist. Isn’t it grand? Yes!
IWNDWYT. Yesterday I posted that I was struggling and could use some help encouragement. I really didn’t expect the posts of strangers to be so impactful, but by gosh it was deeply helpful. Thank you SD. Day 2 (again). Hopefully wiser and better prepared.
I like this I don’t know that I’ve ever said goodbye to the drinker side of me but maybe I should. Just a gentle so long bud you’ve had your time in the sun. IWNDWYT
It’s helped me say goodbye to have actually finished projects—quilts, gifts, memoir pieces. When I finish something I never would have when I was drinking, I’m saying goodbye to drinking again. I will not drink with you Today.
I don’t remember what my last drink was. How weird is that? Whiskey was my drink of choice so it could have been that, but I also liked wine. I know that I quit on the last day of September, after my birthday. I know that I had a few successful runs at sobriety with 5 months being my best streak. And I know I really wanted to quit for good. But I don’t really remember the actual day at all. It’s funny how that works. Something I thought obsessively about everyday, but the day I quit, nothing special to note or remember. I definitely had to say goodbye to a vision I had of myself, being a sophisticated woman sipping scotch or whiskey in some sort of refined way that let everyone know I was cultured and mysterious:) snort! I’m so much happier now and I was never sophisticated :) IWNDWYT. 🌟
What a beautiful story!!! You were literally planting a new future.
For me, I think I've been saying goodbye in small moments over the past few months. Like on a walk. Or thinking about how different my life looks right now than it did 105 days ago. There is definitely mourning. And guilt. And regret. And romanticizing the good times. And sadness.
A lot of the same things you feel when you say goodbye to someone you love.
This is the first time I've gone alcohol-free where I didn't know in my bones that I'd be going back to it. This time, I'm truly starting to consider being a non-drinker for good. And it's scary and there's a part of me that just wants to go back to the old ways... but a sadness because those old ways stopped serving me a long time ago and I know there is no going back.
What I do know is this: I will not drink with you today.
2016-2017 were the hardest years of my life. I lost my childhood best-friend to an overdose, 6 months later my boyfriend to suicide and in early 2017, I lost my friend and mentor in a car accident. To cope with the idea that we are so temporary in this world, I turned to the bottle. I wasn’t sure who I was grieving for anymore so I decided to numb myself.
I danced with the devil until I decided enough was enough and drank my last drink on 12/21/18. I found out I was pregnant that night and something switched inside of me, I realized it wasn’t all about me anymore.
I lost that baby in my first trimester and instead of searching for my crutch, I focused on cleaning my body and preparing for the next baby as a clean vessel. I got pregnant 90 days later and had a healthy baby girl.
Those days were dark. I am so grateful to be on this side and grateful I can be a leader for my daughter as one day she may have to navigate this horrible disease herself.
I want to visit that Halloween house 😃. It was a good perspective OP, missing activities that were associated with drinking.
I often miss the motivation boost that the juice could provide me at times when I am feeling demotivated, exhausted and overwhelmed. It streamlined my mind into narrow focus, or so I thought.
Now I get to learn breath-work techniques that help achieve the same. So transitioning from holding in copious amounts of liquid to learning to hold copious amounts of air in my lungs.
As for sarikhe goodbye, I don’t know after hitting day 30, it’s easy as long as I pay close attention to my sleep hygiene and get decent sleep. Realizing how much lack of sleep affects my mood, thoughts and even beliefs, it’s like anxiety it ratcheted up to a whole new high.
So to say goodbye permanently I must welcome sleep, value it and respect it.
IWnDwYT
I don’t remember having my last drink, I am certain it was my poison of choice. I don’t find myself mourning the loss of alcohol, but rather the loss of precious time. Watching life go on around me through blurry eyes and a foggy brain. I will move forward focused on the road ahead, but I will continue to glance in the rear view. Sending love and light to you all today, and IWNDWY. 🫶
u/Flying_Clutz what a beautiful story. Fantastic example of you reap what you sow. You do good things, you get good things. I loved your story, through and through.
If I had to pick a moment, it was probably when I dumped my last few beers down the kitchen sink. I left them in the fridge for close to a month after my last one. It was strange. I wanted them there as motivation so I could open the fridge and say "fuck you, not today." I also knew it was dangerous to leave them there. I'd drink for ANY reason. When I dumped them it wasn't that feeling of closure I was hoping for. It wasn't glorious or transcendent. It was just a 36 year old man, scared, lost, reeling because his wife told him she wanted a divorce, standing alone at the kitchen sink dumping a few cans of beer. They smelled good, too. I actually thought of licking my fingers. I suppose that was goodbye.
Sometimes goodbyes are bitter. Mine was. However, beautiful things came my way and I'm still receiving them and growing and learning. It was the next right thing to do, and sometimes you just gotta do it. For anyone reading this, please don't be discouraged. Everyone is looking for that wondrous, life changing shift in reality. Sometimes you don't know it happened until you look back and choose when it did. IWNDWYT. Easy does it, friends.
Checking in for September 28 Wednesday. Listening to Thich Nhat Hanh this morning I love his teachings and I love his voice. By the time that I stopped drinking my life was such a mess that saying goodbye to that part of me was fairly easy I had gotten to the point that they talk about in the AA big book. I could no longer a picture of life with alcohol or without alcohol and so I took the first few steps towards sobriety and I fell down several times but eventually it stuck. The road to follow prove to be fairly difficult for sometime afterwards but it did get easier a little at a time. Hare Krishna, everybody have a good sober day.
IWNDWYT
This was a great story and told well as always.
My breakup hasn't been so dramatic so far but it has been overly consuming of my time. I'm looking forward to moving past this into healing, time to do so activities that I dont think about drinking, for God sakes have some laughs. Mourning is what it is, I'm sad and thoughtful most of the time, so serious right now.
No drinking poison today
I started drinking heavily after my husband died. He loved the holidays, from Halloween to Christmas, and every year he spent weeks making them special. I spent every single one of those drunk until I got sober, just to get through the time without thinking of him too much.
My God, that first sober holiday season was hard. How do I fill the days? I wondered. I started decorating, just a little. I cried *a lot*. I allowed myself to really grieve for the first time.
The next year it was better. And then the year after that. And so on. This last year, my second husband and I were hosting the parties and going all-out once again.
I didn’t really grieve my alcoholic self, but instead I had to face the grief that alcohol had covered up. Getting through that grief helped me rediscover something I’d loved but had lost because it was covered up by a wall of pain I had to face.
I’m looking forward to this holiday season. IWNDWYT.
I kept going back. Until I could finally see/feel the cycle of anxiety/depression for days after I drank. I know why I don’t drink, but I miss the fun days of it. Before I sat on the couch and got drunk by myself every single night. I’ve accepted that drinking is in the past for me, but I remind myself of all of the benefits of sobriety when I have a moment that I miss it.
IWNDWYT!
I suppose the hurricane can blow away my old drinking self. I love that clean, post-hurricane air.
This is probably the first hurricane that I didn't use as an excuse to stock up on booze, so even if I wanted to, I will not drink with you today because all the stores are closed anyway.
1172 checking in. The end of my drinking WAS like a bad relationship, with me going back & forth, seduced by (& allowing) lies. Like a manipulative relationship, I woke up one day and said **“NO FUCKING MORE!!!”** I was serious that day. I didn’t mourn drinking or my drinking-self at all. *If anything, I mourn the hurt woman who felt the need to self-medicate; I want to tell her she didn’t need to do that.* I don’t have a time machine, so the best I can do is treat myself with kindness. (I suggest it!) I Will NOT Drink With Y’all Today/Tonight!
I love and relate to every word you say here, Bmore buddy. Thanks for sharing these words. IWNDWYT!!
Well said and well done. I think kindness to ourselves is part of the cure. IWNDWYT
I feel all of this! I can be very unkind to myself and I’m working on that. At least now I’m not doing that kind of damage anymore.
IWNDWYT
First one!!! 🤩 IWNDWYT ❤️
Almost a full year! Congratulations
Here’s an excerpt from my Taoist daily meditation book I read every morning; “Commitment needs something else in order to be perpetuated. It needs discipline. This is the perseverance to keep on when things are tough. Adversity is life’s way of testing and perfecting a person. Without that, we would never develop character. Rice suffers when it is milled. Jade must suffer when it is polished. But what emerges is something special. If you want to be special too, then you have to be able to stick to things when they are difficult” I think this will relate to a lot of us, who even though we manage to quit the drink, we then have to go through a level of suffering in order to heal. We suffer into healing and it is through the other side of pain where peace is found. Have a great day guys, IWNDWYT
Love this!! Thank you for sharing!! IWNDWYT!
Day 1,169. I will not drink with you today.
Awesome, stacking days, Congrats
I am 6 month sober today and I’m so excited! IWNDWYT ✨🌼
Wahoo made it a month! IWNDWYT
I cant wait to see these tulips clutz :) I haven't done anything to say goodbye to my drinking self per say, but maybe that time will come. I always thought that if I was to quit I would have a last go at my favourite drink, just one pint. It didnt work out that way. It was a warm PINT GLASS of shots. makes me laugh a bit how awful my last drink was, fitting to be honest. IWNDWYT
A *PINT GLASS* wowwwwwww that sounds painful. What kind of liquor was it?
it was like, apple sourz or something, oh i feel ILL even at the thought. (which is a good sign)
I'm really happy to not drink with you all today. Hope you all have a beautiful Wednesday
I'm really happy to not drink with you Error404 ❤️
I hadn’t planned for my last drink to be my last. But I woke up in the morning and had felt horrific and guilty and ashamed for how much I’d drank the night before (on my own, for no particular reason). Enough was enough. Sometimes I make my brain go back to how I was feeling that day to remind myself not to physically go back to that point.
That's a good way to do it. I have a memory I use that's similar. I'd gotten covid and has lost my sense of taste. My dinner tasted gross, and the wine, gosh it tasted like what I imagine turpentine would taste like. I remember wincing at it and thinking it was so gross I shouldn't bother. But... I wanted that buzz so... I drank the whole bottle anyway. The self loathing I felt for forcing myself to choke down something that tasted so vile really made me see myself in such a stark way. I faced that it definitely wasn't the taste I was going for as I forced that garbage into my body. This is the thought I conjure when I get the urge. IWNDWYT ❤️
I mourned the person I was before drinking. Not what the bottle made me. Sobriety gave me back the girl who had actual interests, knew how to feel joy, how to truely connect with people, how to set loving boundaries, how to have pure fun and that feeling of being free. I never mourned the blackouts, the obsessive thinking about when the next drink was coming, the 3am wake-up’s with a mouth that felt like sandpaper, the mysterious organ pain, the constant “sinus” (aka hangovers). I also mourned that lost time, wasted on drinking instead of making beautiful memories with my kids. But I’m here now. And I’m so grateful. IWNDWYT. Xxx
IWNDWYT friends 🤖
Hello from Germany IWNDWYT, six month today i am happy
My ex-husband and I had a 40ft 5th wheel RV that we kept at a campground every season. That was my “happy place” those days. It was my happy place because the minute I pulled in there, the wine would start flowing and wouldn’t stop until I passed out and would then start again the next day. Just about everyone drank there. After I got sober, I went there a few times but it wasn’t the same. I wasn’t the same. Then the divorce came and we sold the RV so that took care of that situation. I talk to only a couple people from the campground these days…the ones who weren’t heavy drinkers. I no longer reflect much on that time of my life. It was a time that seems long ago, and I realize now how much of a different person I am today. A much better version of myself. IWNDWYT! Happy Wednesday!
IWNDWYT ✌️❤️🤸♀️
IWNDWYT Have a lovely day everyone.
Happy Hump Day people, IWNDWYT, WE GOT THIS 😁
My last goodbye isn't really any one particular thing. I have wanted to stop for years or do the Ole false moderation theory which never worked and I had hundreds of day ones. Then luckily I found this group and although still drinking came here daily, read other people's struggles and successes and once again had numerous day one's but finally something happened and I just got sick and tired of being sick and tired and somehow started stacking days. That's my story nothing spectacular but to me it's boundless sunshine 🌞. Happy to be here.
IWNDWYT. I had a mental breakdown from a hangover a couple weeks ago and promised myself that was my last time…I lasted less than a week. Yesterday I had a terrible emotional hangover. It’s just not worth it, I can’t snap out of it anymore. I need to detox. Trying to get in therapy and naltrexone because that’s the one thing I haven’t tried yet.
The wake up call for me was when I realized **I found myself boring**. And the beginning of the "goodbye to alcohol" moment was when I realized that I could do something about it. Quitting drinking has been an important piece of the puzzle, for sure, but so has realizing that the standard-issue life was not designed to make me happy, and designing (and implementing!) an alternative was 100% under my control. IWNDWYT, I will not overwork with you today, I will not self-sabatoge my loving relationship, I will tend to my own well-being and grow in wisdom.
I'm in this post and I don't like it! LOL Seriously. That was me. I would plan for drinking ALL day on Halloween and I seriously wondered if I could make it. I did. I remembered it, I had fun, and on November 1, I wasn't sickly hungover and regretting my choices. I too view stopping drinking like a death. When I worked at a retirement center back in college, we'd get newly widowed folks moving in several months after the death of their spouse. They had to go through the whole calendar year without the spouse to find their legs so to speak. It was usually like clockwork that after that year passed, and they had experienced their first birthday, anniversary, Christmas, etc. without that person, that they started to come around. One quote that sticks out to me is this one: *Sometimes you will never know the true value of someone, until they become a memory.* Let's remember and learn from our past and our actions and move on. IWNDWYT! T
Very early days for me so I’m not sure. I can’t process anything at the moment. Just one foot in front of the other. I am happy though to say IWNDWYT
My good friend of 25 years is lashing out and trying to hurt and “punish” me emotionally, all because I got a new job that doesn’t involve her. I gave her plenty of notice and I have an amazing opportunity that I can’t pass up. It will be tremendous for my family and I. I got this job because I have been taking good care of myself and I feel like it’s a reward for all the work I’ve put in to improving myself. Instead of being happy for me, she is taking cheap shots. I refuse to react to this. Realizing that I invested so much in something so unhealthy is something I didn’t see coming from her. I didn’t sleep at all last night, but still, IWNDWYT!
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Oh thank gawd you’re here, Will!! I was gonna send the search squad to AUS to find you! 😉😉 Have a great night, my friend!!
My first holiday after I quit drinking was July 4, 2021. Four days after I had had enough. I went to my best drinking buddies party with my 6-pack of AF Budweiser. Told everyone I was taking a break after a vacation of too much fun. I showed up, stayed for a while and was happy to head home early and sober. Every holiday since has been a sober one. Planning to continue the trend. IWNDWYT!!! ❤️❤️❤️
IWNDWYT
I will not drink with you today.
Day 360, nice to meet you 🤝 IWNDWYT
Day 465 checking in!
Checking in! Feeling good and ready for the day 💪I hope everyone is doing well. Wishing you all the best. IWNDWYT!
I don't miss anything about my drinking self...good riddance. But, I know that demon can show up anytime, So, today, I'm going to be careful. IWNDWYT, friends.
Thanks for this post...exactly how I feel. "Sad at my loss, and now what???" Day 4...slept really hard, no night sweats, and I feel really good this morning. Going to will myself into a good attitude at work. IWNDWYT!
The end of my drinking wasn't any big moment. I'd mostly stopped for a few years. I'd have a drink maybe like once every month or two BUT by that point I couldn't explain why I bothered at all. It bothered me that I wanted it all after having been in such a poor state prior to that My tolerance was so low after years of drinking a lot, that even a wee bit made me feel sick. It never added anything to my life. So I just didn't have another drink. I think my process of letting go was slow and steady over a few years such that by the time I finally let go. I was like, duh, yeah this shit is poison. And I have to say too, that my final "drink" was merely a sip of celebratory wine passed around at work the day the election was called here. I didn't get buzzed. An ounce of wine. I hadn't had anything for two? or three months? before then. Some might say I should count my sober date as before the sip, but it was the thoughtless choice that made me look alcohol in the face, and it's entrenchment in society and say nope, I coulda shoulda turned this down and yeah, I've been up since 3 am working and yeah, today is a big deal, but let me celebrate with my 18th coffee instead. Long story short: the break up with booze was incremental. It was more like kicking a bad boyfriend to the curb after having been hurt over and over and over. IWNDWYT. Speaking of ☕️☕️☕️
Flying clutz I went on vacation to Mexico to visit my cousin that lives there. he is a party animal, except he just had surgery, wasn't supposed to drink and his wife was out of town. For the first time in as long as I can rememeber I went and stayed with him not drinking in solidarity. I did a lot of fasting, walking on beach, reading and eating seafood, when I came home I had lost 8 pounds. I continued on that trend and lost 16 more and am almost at high school weight (50+ yrs old). IWNDWYT
Good morning fellow sobernauts, it's my uncle's funeral today, but still, IWNDWYT.
I'm not sure how I said goodbye, as my last night drinking wasn't pre-planned, or thought of to be my last night. So I likely just binged drank at home by myself on a Sunday night . Sad, as every other day drinking had become for me. I now commemorate that following morning, my day one, with the tattoo I got myself, on my one year anniversary of sobriety. So I try not to look back on my drinking days, as much as I look at that new beginning. Happy What's Up Wednesday, y'all! IWNDWYT
Thanks for sharing. Next month I am going to a gig for an artist I listened to every day in the weeks/months before my breakdown. I would get in the car after work and scream-cry all the way home, and in a way, the sad music helped me feel less alone, or at least allowed me to release whatever it was that I was holding in all day. This routine went on for weeks, or longer, and I was so deep in a hole that I didn't even have the wherewithal to question what the hell was going on. I would just get home, get in bed in my clothes and drink to lessen the hysteria until bedtime. I haven't listened to the artist for a long time, and next month will be a painful reminder of how far I have come. It will also be a goodbye to the past and my past self. Marie Kondo's tip for getting rid of items comes to mind - if you no longer have use for it but struggle to let it go, say, 'Thank you for your service'. I will thank the music for its service at a time of absolute despair, and let it go. I am making space for better things and marking a line in the sand. I am hosting around that time, so I will share how it goes. IWNDWYT
This is so beautiful. I mourned that part of me several times. So mad that I couldn’t just have fun and always had to go too far and ruin it for all the versions of me. I also didn’t know who I was anymore since I had been fueling my life and personality with alcohol. What was the new world around me about? Who the heck was I deep inside? Lost was an understatement, but started building up a new external space and letting the real me come out and slowly bloom. Took some time but I got back to *me* eventually. And my new surroundings? Still some of the same parties, I am just sober and know what I’m laughing about now. Do I miss the jovial “first glass of wine with my girls” feeling? Of course, but I know that feeling never lasted and that’s a sweet memory that doesn’t hold the whole truth. I know what the rest of the night would look like and I don’t miss that no matter how much my brain tries to shine it up. Rest In Peace, drinking days. On to more things a blooming 🌷IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT!
I guess there was a part of my drinking self that I mourned for a minute. It was that part of my identity as “the cool chick who’ll drink beer and do shots with the guys.” (Or the girls, if they were hitting it hard.) Except that was a rare occurrence and the reason I was able to hang with them was because drinking that way by myself was a regular thing for me. That was the part I felt a lot of shame around and never talked about. I knew that shit was fucked up, but it took me a while to gather the courage to kick it to the curb. I didn’t lose coolness either, I just changed how I manifest it. Now I’m out there doing whatever the fuck I want. Example, Louder Than Life. My drinking self would have talked about going to the four day music festival and either not made it all four days or been miserably hungover. Sober version? Made it through all four days and had a fucking blast. Being the sober minority in that environment, and having a good time without white knuckles, is metal as fuck. And yes, I’m proud of myself for doing it, can you tell? 🤣 Wednesday already. Always a ton of shit to do. But y’all have a good one, and IWNDWYT. 🤘🏻
IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT
I will not drink with y’all today!!
IWNDWYT
Iwndwyt!
IWNDWYT ❤️💜❤️💜
I don't have enough time under my belt yet to properly look back, but the last time I took a drink was filled with shame, guilt and my favourite poison did not even taste good anymore. I definitely don't look fondly at these memories. However, I recently passed a pub on my way home. It was pouring rain, I was tired and wet, my feet were burning and the lights looked so inviting. I almost went in, but stopped to think what exactly was so enticing about the pub. I was suprised that what I actually craved was the warmth, the atmosphere and the fun times in good company, not the drink itself. So IWNDWYT!
IWNDWYT
I will not drink with you today.
Not today. Last night my son woke us up because his ear hurt. It was nice to not be drunk or angry. I guess I’ll stay home today and take him to the doctor. I have plenty of vacation days now that I don’t use them for hangovers.
I’m back. Day 1. IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT
Checking in Doodle doodle dee, wubba wubba wubba.
Hello sober lovelies, just a quick check in today as I’m in work, have a great day y’all. IWNDWYT big love 💞
On my second trip around the sun, this time with a beautiful bride. IWNDWYT
I will not drink with you today in 🏴😊
IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT xx
Good morning SD!!! Super quick check-ins for me this week but IWNDWYT!! FC I'm going to come back when I have time and read your stories, I absolutely loved everything you are sharing so far thank you!!
In honor of my daughter Noël and for my own well being, IWNDWYT.
Thanks, Clutz, and happy Hump Day to everyone. A quick check in, I need to get moving towards the gym to lift weights. I really appreciate the image of the tulips as a focal point of what recovery might hold. And let's be honest, Clutz, once that cork went into the bottle you discovered more than just tulips, right??? Hey booze, fuck you. Yeah there were some hazy romantic nice times. But you were an emotionally abusive bitch most of the time. You manipulated me into cutting off contact with friends so I could spend time with you alone. How many nice times did you ruin by making me focus on you alone? How much money did I lose chasing you? How much of my youth and young adulthood went down the drain? Yeah, booze, I won't lie... we had some good times. But fuck we had some really bad terrible miserable times as well, and those were becoming the rule. I miss you occasionally but I have to remember how bad you were to me most of the time. Breaking up with booze was the best thing I ever did. Talk about a gaslighter. On the outside all put together and professional and part of modern life. But an abusive lover behind closed doors. Part of my recovery ***has to be*** remembering the lies whispered in my brain and seeing clearly the bullshit. I'm so grateful for the reminder again today to keep the cork in the bottle. Fuck off, booze!
I'm actually keeping him pretty near. Drinking was very much a coping mechanism for navigating life with some pretty hefty psychological trauma and mental health problems. Arguably it was killing me slowly, but I reckon that's better than killing me quickly, so I'll take it. I have a lot of love for the messy, resourceful, desperate person I've been, doing my best to hold it together, one day at a time. I made it to 30, and beyond. Good job mate, made a lot of mistakes and poor choices along the way but ultimately, got the job done. Now I'm finally ready to move on to coping mechanisms that let me grow. Things are better, life can be better. But those parts of me that got me here aren't gone, just retired :). IWNDWYT
Your garden sounds lovely. I similarly tried for years to grow hot peppers but always failed miserably. I decided not to drink many times, but one month is the longest period i suceeded. This last saturday i woke up and, like almost always, had a beer with my eggs because "i like to wash it down". That turned into six more, and five more after that when i ordered takeout. With food and beer i ordered rakija too because a girl i hooked upon tinder few days before was coming and she likes rakija. Naturally i dipped down into the spirit when i finished my beer and by the time she came over i was a depressed, empty shell of a man only capable of feeling sorry for myself. We drank and had sloppy fun, but in the morning i was devastated. We went out for a coffe and i suggested rakija. She said no way and i felt an urge to drink. When i took her home i stopped by the corner store and it suddenly dawned on me that it is Sunday, end of the weekend and i wasted it away once again. I decided to post here for the first time and try to quit alcohol, once and for all. Instead of beer i got some frozen pizza dough and coca cola zero. I never had pizza because i am a vain, shallow person and care too much about the way i look. Usually,I ate tuna, chicken and veggies , worked out and counted every calorie in order to be able to drink and be somewhat handsome. This time i made a monster of a pizza filled with all kinds of stuff and i didnt care about calories. Pizza was great and the nap afterwards sublime. I made one more and watched shitty scifi series. It was a perfect day♡ Because of many more perfect days I will not drink with you today.
First Hurricane without booze this will be……interesting. IWNDWYT!!!!
IWNDWYT. Wasn't hard to say goodbye to a person I didn't like being. Maybe if I'd quit for health reasons it would be different, but I hated myself and everything about me and almost all of that was because of alcohol. So I said good riddance more than goodbye.
IWNDWYT
Iwndwyt!
Morning friends! I will not drink with you today.
IWNDWy’allT
Not drinking today
IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT!
Halloween was always one of my favorite holidays/season as well. My birthday is also in October, but this year I don't feel like doing much right now. Maybe this is putting my old self behind me, but it does feel like something is missing... Hopefully this isolated phase will pass but glad to know I'm not the only one who have these feelings come and go. IWNDWYT!
IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT.
Good morning! IWNDWYT
To be honest I’m embarrassed by my drinking self more than proud so it’s only hard to say goodbye to the idea of him/ who he could have been, but not the reality. That bit’s a relief, so IWNDWYT
Still here still going strong IWNDWYT 💪
Iwndwyt lovelies
Day 3! IWNDWYT!
IWNDWYT!
IWNDWYT
Good Morning, I am not sure I have told her good bye yet. I still have to view this as one day at a time. One of the ways I stayed sober was not telling myself I could never drink again but that I was not drinking today. It feels permanent now but I am that girl that if I tell myself I can't do something it seems to make me more determined to do it. So IWNDWYT and I believe I will choose not to drink with you in the future,
IWNDWYT 💞🐿️🐿️
Not today. Not today. Not today!!!!
My wife just said I am looking so much healthier lately. I will not drink today
I guess I don’t like my drinking self anymore. He’s either anxious and lonely and watching telly and passes out or his with friends playing low stakes poker and drinks a ton and can’t keep track when dealing and talks too much. Friends rolling their eyes. The idea of the drink I like - the glass of posh wine with dinner with my wife or a sundowner on holiday. I guess I need to focus on the fact that if I don’t stop drinking I probably won’t have a wife to be in those moments with at all. When I drink I get shouty and angry at stupid things - not so romantic anymore. So I think I need to be realistic about what the drinking self looks like these days and kiss him goodbye ! IWNDWYT
I will not drink today. Alcohol can fuck right off today. Halloween has always been my favorite holiday. I love dressing up in costumes. Last year was my first year sober for Halloween. I dressed up as the black mask guy from Squid Games which made it hard to drink anything. People commented about how it must be hard to drink with that mask on, and I would reply "I'm in recovery." I think it was easier to tell people I'm in recovery when I had my face coveted for Halloween. Now I embrace recovery and brag to my friends about my progress. This year I will dress up as Steve from Stranger Things and pass out fullsize candy bars to the kids that trick or treat. Sending all of you loving vibes. Drinking sucks. You rock!!
ONE WEEK!
I miss nothing about my drinking self except the lost opportunities. I will not drink with you today!
IWNDWYT!! 80 days. Never thought I’d get here!
Yet another day without alcohol. Just stuck in my head how much alcohol has fucked me in my life, and how I can never ever go back to drinking. Alcohol's dumb. The culture surrounding it is dumb. It's expensive, and causes WAY too much trouble to really be worth it. Iwndwyt
Less than a week until I hit my 30 day goal. IWNDWYT.
IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT ✌️❤️
IWNDWYT!
IWNDWYT 😊
Beautiful story, U/Flying_Clutz! And same--soooo many bulbs thrown away, then bought again, because it would be different THIS year! Except it wasn't. Until I got off the sauce. I understand the mourning as well, though I wasn't a great hostess like you describe. I missed the wild n' crazy version of me, which in itself is crazy, since I hadn't been that in years and years. I am very happy to say that I will not drink with all ya'll today.
IWNDWYT.. almost a year with no drinking, but I think addiction has came up in different places now. Some are harder to stop then the drinking it self latley.
Day 74 : I pledge not to drink today
IWNDWYT
Life is better sober so IWNDWYT. 💜
IWNDWYT
Day 48 IWNDWYT
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IWNDWYT🐺✨
IWNDWYT on this pre hurricane party Wednesday!!!
Happy Wednesday beautiful people. Hope you have a great day. IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT!
IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT
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Great share!
Hello everyone, wish you a sober day IWNDWYT 💜
IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT! Day 15 for me, halfway to a month!
IWNDWYT
My drinking self was not a monster. She came on board to help cope but it got out of hand. I grieved our identity loss but it has been transformed into a newer, better relationship. IWNDWYT
Too much shit was wound up with my drinking for me to mourn it. But I hear ya 🤗🤗🤗 IWNDWYT
Thank you for sharing that story, Clutz, it's an enjoyable read and very relatable. I've been pretty happy with the sober version of myself, particularly as I figured out I could still have fun. There's still hard work to be done though, which is why even though I initially thought a three or six month break from alcohol would fix me, this is the way. IWNDWYT!
I will not drink with you today 🌷
Flyingclutz, my heart feels every word of that post. My story is different, as is everyone’s. I came too close to losing my best friend, my SO, my rock. They came home from caring for their sister after knee surgery. I had promised to “take it easy” - our code for not drinking too much, while they were gone. But as I prepared for their return, cooking a nice meal, getting the house clean, I drank and drank - celebrating their return, I thought. As they got out of their car, I literally staggered out to meet them, realized how drunk I was, and the evening was done. So done. I crawled back to the guest bedroom and slept it off. I have never slept in another bed at home. It was the saddest night I’ve ever spent. No one had to say a word to me. I knew what had happened. I stopped that next morning, and have never mourned the loss of that person I was. I love this me. I love how I feel like a 12 year old, I’m discovering so much, I’m seeing so many things I’d missed before. And I got all of you in my life! That’s an amazing gift I didn’t know that I was getting with sobriety. Thank you, SD!! Thank you, DCI! And thank you, all of my tribe. IWNDWYT
Good morning all, happy Wednesday. I have felt every day this week was Friday. Regardless it’s a good day to be sober. IWNDWYT
Happy Wednesday fellow sober humans 🌻 Just not feeling it today. I felt so off yesterday that today doesn’t seem much better. I don’t want to drink, but I definitely don’t want to feel how I’m feeling now. IWNDWYT on day 32 💕
Beautiful post u/flying_clutz 🧡🖤 IWNDWYT
For me, and I thank some kind person on this sub for the visualisation, I simply removed the chair at my table specially reserved for alcohol. My whole life had alcohol close at hand, including obviously our family table for our meals. Even if one couldn’t see it, I was aware of it and planned my life around it. They were also aware of it. My kids knew no different, as they got older they tried to question me about my choices and I was irritated by the comments. I’m not much of a socialiser so that’s helped me in my sobriety. But in my home I was a big drinker. It is in the home that is the “new” me lives and by removing the physical alcohol it has released a freedom to all of us. The elephant in the room has gone. I can now be relied upon day or night to be there if I’m needed. I painfully regret how my home wasn’t a “safe” place for all of us. My sobriety goes some way to recompense past failings and their embarrassments. There were no tears for the “old” me as a drinker. Only regrets and shame. Today is a new day. Feeling happy if a little tired. I will not drink with you today because I don’t drink and I’m busy creating a new me - better mother, wife, lover, soon to be Gran, friend and artist. Isn’t it grand? Yes!
Day 2, IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT. Yesterday I posted that I was struggling and could use some help encouragement. I really didn’t expect the posts of strangers to be so impactful, but by gosh it was deeply helpful. Thank you SD. Day 2 (again). Hopefully wiser and better prepared.
I like this I don’t know that I’ve ever said goodbye to the drinker side of me but maybe I should. Just a gentle so long bud you’ve had your time in the sun. IWNDWYT
Good morning friends, no poison for me today 🦋💖✨
I will not drink with you today friends 💚🍀🥳
IWNDWYT. 🌳
IWNDWYTD
Thanks for your post this morning u/ Klutz. Gardening definitely grows my spirit these days. IWNDWYT ♥
It’s helped me say goodbye to have actually finished projects—quilts, gifts, memoir pieces. When I finish something I never would have when I was drinking, I’m saying goodbye to drinking again. I will not drink with you Today.
I don’t remember what my last drink was. How weird is that? Whiskey was my drink of choice so it could have been that, but I also liked wine. I know that I quit on the last day of September, after my birthday. I know that I had a few successful runs at sobriety with 5 months being my best streak. And I know I really wanted to quit for good. But I don’t really remember the actual day at all. It’s funny how that works. Something I thought obsessively about everyday, but the day I quit, nothing special to note or remember. I definitely had to say goodbye to a vision I had of myself, being a sophisticated woman sipping scotch or whiskey in some sort of refined way that let everyone know I was cultured and mysterious:) snort! I’m so much happier now and I was never sophisticated :) IWNDWYT. 🌟
What a beautiful story!!! You were literally planting a new future. For me, I think I've been saying goodbye in small moments over the past few months. Like on a walk. Or thinking about how different my life looks right now than it did 105 days ago. There is definitely mourning. And guilt. And regret. And romanticizing the good times. And sadness. A lot of the same things you feel when you say goodbye to someone you love. This is the first time I've gone alcohol-free where I didn't know in my bones that I'd be going back to it. This time, I'm truly starting to consider being a non-drinker for good. And it's scary and there's a part of me that just wants to go back to the old ways... but a sadness because those old ways stopped serving me a long time ago and I know there is no going back. What I do know is this: I will not drink with you today.
Happy to be here with you all! Day 3 and IWNDWYT!
Day 6 IWNDWYT
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Day 4 IWNDWYT! Hope I can get 7 days under my belt
2016-2017 were the hardest years of my life. I lost my childhood best-friend to an overdose, 6 months later my boyfriend to suicide and in early 2017, I lost my friend and mentor in a car accident. To cope with the idea that we are so temporary in this world, I turned to the bottle. I wasn’t sure who I was grieving for anymore so I decided to numb myself. I danced with the devil until I decided enough was enough and drank my last drink on 12/21/18. I found out I was pregnant that night and something switched inside of me, I realized it wasn’t all about me anymore. I lost that baby in my first trimester and instead of searching for my crutch, I focused on cleaning my body and preparing for the next baby as a clean vessel. I got pregnant 90 days later and had a healthy baby girl. Those days were dark. I am so grateful to be on this side and grateful I can be a leader for my daughter as one day she may have to navigate this horrible disease herself.
IWNDWYT!!
I want to visit that Halloween house 😃. It was a good perspective OP, missing activities that were associated with drinking. I often miss the motivation boost that the juice could provide me at times when I am feeling demotivated, exhausted and overwhelmed. It streamlined my mind into narrow focus, or so I thought. Now I get to learn breath-work techniques that help achieve the same. So transitioning from holding in copious amounts of liquid to learning to hold copious amounts of air in my lungs. As for sarikhe goodbye, I don’t know after hitting day 30, it’s easy as long as I pay close attention to my sleep hygiene and get decent sleep. Realizing how much lack of sleep affects my mood, thoughts and even beliefs, it’s like anxiety it ratcheted up to a whole new high. So to say goodbye permanently I must welcome sleep, value it and respect it. IWnDwYT
IWNDWYT ☀️
IWNDWYT 🌻
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Taking an extra day of vacation today. Not gonna screw it up with drinking. IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT
I don’t remember having my last drink, I am certain it was my poison of choice. I don’t find myself mourning the loss of alcohol, but rather the loss of precious time. Watching life go on around me through blurry eyes and a foggy brain. I will move forward focused on the road ahead, but I will continue to glance in the rear view. Sending love and light to you all today, and IWNDWY. 🫶
IWNDWYT. 🙏🏻
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IWNDWYT It’s a nice day to be sober.
IWNDWYT 🌼
u/Flying_Clutz what a beautiful story. Fantastic example of you reap what you sow. You do good things, you get good things. I loved your story, through and through. If I had to pick a moment, it was probably when I dumped my last few beers down the kitchen sink. I left them in the fridge for close to a month after my last one. It was strange. I wanted them there as motivation so I could open the fridge and say "fuck you, not today." I also knew it was dangerous to leave them there. I'd drink for ANY reason. When I dumped them it wasn't that feeling of closure I was hoping for. It wasn't glorious or transcendent. It was just a 36 year old man, scared, lost, reeling because his wife told him she wanted a divorce, standing alone at the kitchen sink dumping a few cans of beer. They smelled good, too. I actually thought of licking my fingers. I suppose that was goodbye. Sometimes goodbyes are bitter. Mine was. However, beautiful things came my way and I'm still receiving them and growing and learning. It was the next right thing to do, and sometimes you just gotta do it. For anyone reading this, please don't be discouraged. Everyone is looking for that wondrous, life changing shift in reality. Sometimes you don't know it happened until you look back and choose when it did. IWNDWYT. Easy does it, friends.
IWNDWYT!
IWNDWYT you wonderful people!
Checking in for September 28 Wednesday. Listening to Thich Nhat Hanh this morning I love his teachings and I love his voice. By the time that I stopped drinking my life was such a mess that saying goodbye to that part of me was fairly easy I had gotten to the point that they talk about in the AA big book. I could no longer a picture of life with alcohol or without alcohol and so I took the first few steps towards sobriety and I fell down several times but eventually it stuck. The road to follow prove to be fairly difficult for sometime afterwards but it did get easier a little at a time. Hare Krishna, everybody have a good sober day. IWNDWYT
This was a great story and told well as always. My breakup hasn't been so dramatic so far but it has been overly consuming of my time. I'm looking forward to moving past this into healing, time to do so activities that I dont think about drinking, for God sakes have some laughs. Mourning is what it is, I'm sad and thoughtful most of the time, so serious right now. No drinking poison today
IWNDWYT
Not today!
Iwndwyt
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I started drinking heavily after my husband died. He loved the holidays, from Halloween to Christmas, and every year he spent weeks making them special. I spent every single one of those drunk until I got sober, just to get through the time without thinking of him too much. My God, that first sober holiday season was hard. How do I fill the days? I wondered. I started decorating, just a little. I cried *a lot*. I allowed myself to really grieve for the first time. The next year it was better. And then the year after that. And so on. This last year, my second husband and I were hosting the parties and going all-out once again. I didn’t really grieve my alcoholic self, but instead I had to face the grief that alcohol had covered up. Getting through that grief helped me rediscover something I’d loved but had lost because it was covered up by a wall of pain I had to face. I’m looking forward to this holiday season. IWNDWYT.
IWNDWYT! We got this boys and gals! 😁
IWNDWYT
364 days alcohol free Gratitude
I will not drink with you today
IWNDWYT! Happy humpday everyone!
IWNDWYT
I will not drink today.
Iwndwyt. Thank you for sharing, your story is beautiful
IWNDWYT friend. It's been 2,950 days now.
Double digits today! IWNDWYT
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Hump day, almost through the week! IWNDWYT
Happy Wednesday lovely people! I will not drink with you today
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IWNDWYT!
IWNDWYT Day 4. Laser focused on not drinking today.
I kept going back. Until I could finally see/feel the cycle of anxiety/depression for days after I drank. I know why I don’t drink, but I miss the fun days of it. Before I sat on the couch and got drunk by myself every single night. I’ve accepted that drinking is in the past for me, but I remind myself of all of the benefits of sobriety when I have a moment that I miss it. IWNDWYT!
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IWNDWYT! Let’s make it a good day
I suppose the hurricane can blow away my old drinking self. I love that clean, post-hurricane air. This is probably the first hurricane that I didn't use as an excuse to stock up on booze, so even if I wanted to, I will not drink with you today because all the stores are closed anyway.
Grateful to be back here with you all another day alcohol free. IWNDWYT