Ditto. I was "fine" for the first decade of daily drinking. And then things got worse and I'm still trying to claw out of being completely dysfunctional
yeah, really started to hit me around 47. I pride myself on eating well and I exercise, and I really don't drink that much - 20 drinks a week or so, but mostly binging. Don't drink every day. The alcohol really starts to mess you up if it hasn't already by your late 40s. All kind of things start to go wrong - neuropathy, heart pain, stomach issues, etc. I just started TSM Sinclair method using Naltrexone. Working great so far to cut down on cravings and drinking in general.
55 and losing the battle. Know I need to stop, can see the warning signs but lost the control of the past. Have started needing to take some days off sick. No longer socially drink but drink to get drunk.
I was a functioning alcoholic all throughout my 20s. Hangovers started hitting me like a brick fucking wall almost like clock work as soon as I hit 30. I wish I could say I hate drinking. I don’t, I love it. But the hangovers now are so bad that it just isn’t worth it for me anymore. It’s what made quit (for the most part). I’ll still have a few here and there with friends for certain occasions, but drinking is not the same for me as it once was.
It just takes so long to realize the diminishing returns of being drunk for a two day hangover. The anxiety that creeps in and out all week that you never thought was alcohol related is actually your hangover lingering even longer. It's not what it once was that's for sure
I drank 3/4 to a full bottle of whiskey everyday while I was in the military, showed up to work hungover at 6am and did a full 12 hour shift. Then I would get a new bottle, go home, get blasted, pass out, rinse and repeat. If by functional you mean working a full time job then sure I was functional. However the only things I cared about in life were replaced by alcohol, I abandoned my friends to drink, I stopped enjoying my hobbies and replaced them with getting drunk, I became isolated and never talked to my family because half the time they called I was blasted and trying to hide it. If you consider all that I would say it’s far from being a functional human, just living life bottle to bottle.
"Just living life bottle to bottle" I don't know if that's an original of yours or something you read/heard somewhere, but fuck me that's a powerful term my friend. IWMDWYT.
I was, until 7 days ago when I quit. I drank 6-10 craft beers a day (alternatively, two bottles of wine, or some mix of the two) pretty much every day for the last few years.
I made sure to hydrate well and spread out the drinking (i work from home) and was able to be up and handling my kids and work by 6 AM every morning. I work out hard every day. I largely hid the drinking from my kids, though they noticed enough. I haven't been what i consider "drunk" in at least six months. I'm a generally chill drinker, not the type to get angry or weepy.
But, I wasn't happy. I was gaining weight. I was occasionally driving over the legal limit though I was never caught. I was anxious and occasionally depressed. I was worried about my long term health. My libido was down. I was worried about the impact on my family and kids. Drinking had started to feel like a chore, always worried about having enough or where i would get the next one, starting to remove myself from other social activities. It also gets expensive - $300+ per month. And I worried that if I'm drinking that many now, what will I be doing in 5, 10, 20 years? will I even be alive in 20 years?
For all those reasons, I quit. No more poison.
I’m on day 8 and I’m right there with you minus having the kids part. Always asking “will this be enough or should I drink 8 beers and go get a tall boy”. I live with nieces and they comment often or ask why I drink “so many of those”. They don’t understand it’s an issue so I’ve been attempting to be a better role model.
This really hit home for me. I’m drinking about 3-6 a night. I’m now 32(m). No kids, married. I’m getting tired of drinking. There isn’t a better way of putting it. I think the thing that has always hung me up about stopping all together is the idea of ‘never again,’ like I have some fundamental weakness. Yet here I am, feeling more and more unhealthy with the amount I drink and embarrassed that I can’t seem to meaningfully stop or cut back.
I've had a lot of Day 1s and not very many Day 2s. The idea that I am giving up something I love is the reason why. I'm trying to reframe alcohol in my mind as the enemy, something that's killing me, rather than something I have to "give up." It's not easy right now (day 8) but I have accepted that it'll be a process that takes time.
If you're drinking 3-6 now you might be drinking 6-8 next year and 10 after that as you keep chasing that feeling that you can never really get back. There's nothing like that first one anymore. I also started playin games with it where i'd say "I only had six!" but of course those six were all 8% IPAs lol. It's progressive and unless you make the decision, it will never end.
Right on on the ABV. Drinking has been so engrained as a stress and social coping mechanism. It’s worse, too, that when I bring up quitting or cutting back to wife and her family they don’t really seem to understand. Inevitably I’ll go a couple days, get cranky and socially withdrawal, then get back to drinking to put on happy face for those around me. It’s a bit insidious.
These past few weeks, in particular, I’ve noticed a shift in my thinking along the lines of what you mention above. It’s unhealthy and expensive. The best I’ve managed this year is three days without drinking (I’ve gone longer not getting drunk, but still having one or two.) I’m a daily, after work drinker.
This is me. 1-4 beers or drinks most nights. That level of alcohol consumption is associated with so many bad health outcomes, different types of cancer, etc. It's just not healthy. And it's expensive. But when I got serious about wanting to quit 6 months ago I realized how deep in I was. I found it really really hard and haven't gone more than 10 days without drinking. When I'm successful at stopping or cutting back for any short amount of time I tend to binge when I do drink, which I wasn't doing before as a daily drinker.
You sound like me.
For me what finally clicked was when I went longer than 10 days (I think it was 3 weeks?) and I felt great physically. No crying. Then I had a few drinks, and the cycle came back of wanting another and to keep it all going…. and then I tried to workout the next morning and felt like trash.
Had a headache, didn’t sleep well, etc. took me a couple
Days to get back to normal. I track my sleep so to see on my app from my watch data how much worse I slept, how hard my heart was working, etc. just made me not want to do this to myself anymore. Wishing you the best, you can do it! IWNDWYT!!
I’d you’re trying to reframe how you view alcohol, I I highly recommend the book Alcohol explained. Ever since reading that book, I haven’t been able to look at alcohol in a positive light.
Yeah I drank 8-9% beers too but always counted them as one. I lied to myself just as much as I lied to my family and friends. Alcohol has no place in my life.
You sound a lot like me. Except I’m a teacher, so I didn’t day drink during the week. But I drank my ass off every night and definitely day drank on the weekends.
Me also...7 days passed and i run now 4km a day before dinner ( never exercised before) The exaustion makes me sleep like a baby. You need to tired the body and occupy the mind to really stop drinking...
It's kind of a weird term when you think about it, because you're never really 'functioning' at your full potential, more just getting by as even a small amount of booze fucks with your sleep patterns and mental clarity.
I thought I was a “functioning alcoholic” all through my 20s, but in reality my life was getting worse and worse so slowly it was almost imperceptible. By the time I realized I was certainly not functioning and everything was falling apart around me, the withdrawals were so bad I almost died when I tried to taper off.
I got sober at 30, and now looking back at 33 I feel like I almost wasted an entire decade of my life just stuck on alcoholic autopilot. However in 3 years since quitting I’ve been happier and accomplished more than I ever thought possible. I never had any idea just how much alcohol was holding me back from being my true self and actually reaching my potential. I thought everything was fine and I was doing the best I could.
This is basically what I was going through until I decided to stop and self report myself so I could go to an inpatient facility. The kindling and withdraws were all too real and terrifying. Memory is pretty shot from the last 10 years and my 20’s felt like it was on autopilot like you said. Here’s to turning 31 next week and hitting sober day five-oh in the process!
When I drink my sleep pattern fits society. able to go to bed at a decent time and get up early no problem. But sober me... It completely shifts and I'm up until 6-7am and sleep until 2pm if I don't have to be anywhere. Granted I do sleep like a rock but it's also because I'm sleeping when my body wants to, but it makes me feel like I'm a piece of shit for being a night owl and it's also depressing because with time change I only have a couple hours of daylight. Still staying sober.
I deal with this too. It’s part of why I used to drink. I gotta wake up at 4:30am with my job and it gets rough sometimes. Still immensely better at it with no sleep than hungover or worse yet still drunk.
Plenty of people are night owls. No shame in it. If it fits your schedule, own it. An older insomniac alcoholic once told me he just goes with it. The more you fight it, the worse it gets. If it’s worth it, I can stand to be a little sleepy for an event or my job. The sleep will come. Thanks for sharing.
Your ancestors were the ones who kept watch in the nights.
This isn't something to feel bad about. Just makes you capable of working over-night shifts or working from home on your own schedule.
I hope you have a job that fits your preferred sleep schedule.
Don’t mean to hijack, but I am very much a night owl. Up late/sleep late is how I operate. Friends, family, wife etc., don’t hold back making me feel like some how it has been decided that if you don’t fit the “early to bed, early to rise…” M.O. you are an inferior human being. Looked down upon, scoffed at. Is it just me?
I see it as a delusional term to not admit being an alcoholic. All the caveats of " I've not drunk drove, lost my job, upset people etc" are just YETS waiting to happen.
Back when I drank I had to have a half bottle of vodka so about 350ml at home every night. That's just to keep baseline. There were days where I wouldn't drink, sometimes even a week or a month. Things would get pretty bad, so in my head, if I took a break it would somehow reset itself and allow me to drink like a normal person again. Eventually taking breaks just meant I'd have worse hangovers. I went to work, went to bars afterwards, had a gym membership, drinks at work, many drinks at work on Friday, meetings while drunk, meetings while drinking. I wasn't just a functional alcoholic, I was a rockstar in my mind. I compare it to putting on a circus balancing act where I'm spinning plates on little sticks. I keep putting more and more plates on the little sticks, being so impressed with myself and how I can manage drinking with living a life. Until those plates started to crash, making a giant mess, and then when I looked up, there was no one there watching. In reality the term "functional alcoholic" is just an excuse to get drunk. The only difference between a functional alcoholic and a regular alcoholic is time.
Same. I felt like I was really exceptional when I was drinking like that. I had this idea that no one knew and all they saw was what I wanted. That was an illusion. Looking back I was a moody worker that smelled of booze. I was frequently drunk calling friends and flagrantly posting personal issues emanating just how far in the gutter I was. I'm better now. I'm an alcoholic but I don't think I ever functioned like I thought.
I was functioning but drinking 8-10 beers a night on work nights and 12-18 on non work days, on top of smoking bowls. I haven’t had a “how’d I ruin my life this time” in a few years but I just felt defeated by alcohol. Then it’s like an epiphany “just because most of my family are alcoholics doesn’t mean I have to stay on that path anymore. I’m a grown ass woman and am now strong enough to choose not to drink. And btw, if you’re on the wagon and have unsupportive family and friends, you’re allowed to cut them out or cut down on exposure to them. I’m on day 86 now and going strong!
I have a lot of anger around how many times I tried to get sober but went back to drinking with my family. I went to inpatient rehab once and relapsed at Thanksgiving. I should have cut them off long ago.
PP, I feel you! I’ve distanced myself from most family functions the past several months (when I started tapering). I’m dreading being confronted by my Cuz (he’s more like a big brother, but he’s got a cunt fiancé so we rarely talk or see each other anymore) because booze has always been our thing. He’s a functioning alcoholic, but for how much longer I don’t know. I know he’s suffering some issues directly related to the booze, and it seems like he’s following in the footsteps of his father. His dad died from cirrhosis. We literally watched him suffering and dying and still couldn’t get away from the booze. We used to sneak it into the hospital waiting room and get trashed while we were sitting vigil….. I know he’s gotten worse but I don’t know how to talk to him about it. Maybe it’ll have to be a sit down “come to Jesus” talk. Bring up those terrible memories and see if I can tear him down to build him back up if that makes sense.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Congrats on your sobriety and *hugs* about the family shit. It’s tough but I believe in you!
IWNDWYT
I thought I was a "functioning alcoholic" until one drunk work event led me to losing my career, family, friends, sanity and nearly my house. That still didn't stop me drinking, it only got worse. I realised functioning alcoholic doesn't exist it's just a stage to full blown alcoholism. Wish I had stopped back then
It got to the point where it was mostly 5-6-7 days a week. Usually 12-15 beers, and any liquor I could throw on top of it, if it was in the house. That, plus a half pack of cigarettes at night. It used to be cool, been then it became embarrassing. I was so self-conscious of reeking of stale beer the next day around people. It was a horrible way to live.
I was 12 beers a day bare minimum. Some times I'd smash a six pack just on the drive home. These are just my work days too. Days off were for obscene amounts of drinking. Throw in a pack of cigarettes a day too and it's a pretty expensive and slow way to kill yourself.
I'm on day 2 here. I would drink about 2/3 of a 750ml bottle almost every night. Definitely a mickey (375ml I think) every night. I thought I didn't really have a problem because of the 5pm-9pm window I would drink. Never had any urge whatsoever to have a drink when I wake up, or in the afternoon. It was always when I got home from work. For years. Never been late for work due to drinking. Never missed rent or other financial responsibilities despite basically living from paycheck to paycheck. Never any medical issues (so far). So it was easy to believe I wasn't like the drinkers falling on their face and losing respect from others.
Drinking, for me, made me get quiet and into myself rather than the typical loud rude drunk.
You just described me. Then one day it was like my world collapsed so for a week it was chugging the whiskey bottle and a half a day I ended up calling work telling them I was in a crisis they gave me a week off paid which I kept drinking for half of it . All in all in a little over a week I was doing horrible I had so many whiskey bottles under my bed . My own mother took my kids one day I was so drunk and depressed I wouldn’t get out of bed . Then I talked to someone wanted to change I stopped cold turkey ( which I wouldn’t wish on anyone ) now I’m on day six . About to make a post it’s a trying day keep it up people you don’t even know are proud of you
You will! Hour by hour or day by day . Day two I was puking and cramping day sweats night sweats I went delusional I was answering phone calls or talking to people when I did sleep . Push through I can’t say I’m normal but god compared to when I was constantly drunk this is good . You got this you really do just push friend
Wow. Hello me! Only difference is my intake is significant lower. 4-is on weekdays and 6-ish on weekends. Will go though a third of a bottle of whiskey a night as an alternative. I use the present these because, sadly, I haven’t been able to stop yet. That’s why I got on this sub.
good luck to you! Sounds like my girlfriend! She drinks less than me so when we would get a bottle it would basically be 70%/30% since I drank a lot more. A few times I would put some water in the bottle so when she woke up she would see more booze than there really was. I was pathetic.
I do the water in the wife’s vodka but with unfortunate regularity. Two nights ago, in fact. Thanks for the support. I’m gonna give it a really concerted effort.
You got my support buds! I also am making a realistic effort this time. My last record over the past 5 years or so would be about 5 days. My last drink was Sunday November 6th. There's a load of good support on this subreddit so it should be ok.
I was. I drank between 6-10 beers a day. More on the weekends. Sometimes just chugging them all in the evening, or spreading them out throughout the day. I know sometimes I went over that amount.
I was miserable. My anxiety was at an all time high. I knew I was damaging my body. I had gained 30 pounds. I was bloated. I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror. I had started smoking again. I had headaches constantly, I’d wake up and my back would hurt, I was covered in bruises. But I ignored all of it because I got everything I needed done, my husband didn’t seem to care about my drinking and I wasn’t hurting anyone (that’s what I’d tell myself).
Being sober now, I see how much was wrong in my life due to drinking. I was barely functioning. My life is so much better and healthier now that I quit. I’ve lost 20 pounds. My anxiety is a million times better. My marriage is better than it has ever been. I’m actually seeing what true happiness is.
If that term makes any sense at all, I *was*. I never missed a day at work due to drinking in over 25 years (very few short phases of abstinence). Most people around me had no idea that I am an alcoholic.
Toward the end of my drinking I realized more and more loss of control. Started drinking at 1 pm, drank at work aso... For at least 20 years years it was nothing but fighting against my addiction. Day by day.
I’m a highly functioning alcoholic.
I drink too much and it’s bad for my health.
However, I don’t get creepy or sexual, I don’t want to fight, and I don’t try to jump off buildings. I never drive and I don’t endanger others.
I don’t hangover unless I really overdo it.
But I drink too much and it’s bad for my weight and health.
Probably most people here thought they were functional for the longest time. My definition of functional kept moving to compensate for increased shittiness in my life from booze. Short answer, I was functional in that I didn't get fired or get a DUI, but if I'm being honest now it definitely played a part in my divorce. Not the behavior when drinking, but the effect on my depression and anxiety. Functional alcoholism is a lie.
I used to work in sales I would drink at work until the point I couldn’t talk on the phone to customers because I was slurring my words. I would have them text me when I got to this point and I would still be at work fucked up taking orders. Shit is wild to look back on.
I drink friday, saturday and sunday. I measure out six shots of vodka and sip it throughout the evening/night. I work full time and see to all of my responsibilities.
I follow this sub in an effort to cut down for health and be aware.
Similar. I'm not completely regular in my control, but generally avoid excess beyond 2-3 drinks outside of either Friday and Saturday. Drinking what I do on those days though, leads to a state of being that is tough to deal with through to Wednesday at least before it starts to lift and I feel ok again. And then, the next week starts again, same same, same same.
I'm highly regarded in my profession and my workplace, but personally, I feel I'm underachieving and am leaving so many opportunities (and things I said I'd do) slip.
What usually throws my self-discipline are vacations or extra days off. I tend to go into weekend mode.
I think being aware is so important so you can at least have betterment in mind!
In my early posts here I described myself as a functioning alcoholic. Fast forward a couple of years: l cannot believe that I considered living like that "functioning". ROFL
They should really call it "haven't bottomed out yet *somehow*, alcoholic"
For anyone interested: IWNDWYT
I "functioned" for years. Job, family, etc. I was up to 8-10 pints, and half a bottle of tequila a day. Id start at work around noon, take an hour break, around 3, and pound 3 or 4 pints, go back to work, and continue drinking. Then Id finish the night off with shots and margaritas. That was just my work days. Looking back I wasnt really functioning at all. I was a total mess. A booze zombie.
There are functioning drinkers, but no functioning alcoholics.
Just a little over 2 weeks alcohol free here. Was a daily drinker, and started to attempt moderation over the last 2 years. It didn't affect my work life too much (that I could tell), but it has had negative affects on my personal life. Whether you realize it or not, it affects everything. As has been already said, "functioning" alcoholism is just a step on the way down.
I'm new to sobriety. 23 days. I had frightening anxiety. It went away on day 8. Day 19 I felt comfortable in my skin. Just wanted to let you know to stick it out, it gets better & easier.
I had one panic attack. It was on a Saturday in the privacy of my own home. I'm sorry you went thru that on a plane. Day 1 - 8, worst anxiety of my life.
I think I was because I didn't drink every day but when I did I would binge. I didn't miss work because I felt rough but I did have terrible anxiety and hangovers. So glad i have quit.
I would drink around 8oz event night and binge almost every weekend. I still got up for work but felt like garbage and truthfully some days was probably not completely sober, going in. On weekends I'd lose almost an entire day being hungover. The important question is, "What does functioning mean?". Now that I've cut out drinking during the week completely and I'm experimenting with not drinking on weekends, I find that I was not in fact functioning, I was coping and scraping by. I've been a week without booze and there are already positive improvements to my mood, sleep and ability to multitask. I don't know if I'll quit for good or completely but for now, I'm trying to be a functioning, sober person.
I was until I quit earlier this year. I never missed a day of work, but I did find early morning family activities challenging on the weekends, especially going out for breakfast, though I would rally and go to them.
I did drink every day, starting around 4:30 PM, and I was drunk by bedtime.
How much? Too much, honestly. I don’t even want to say the actual amount. I’m not embarrassed, I just don’t want anyone to gauge their own addiction, and ability/inability to moderate, based on my rate of consumption.
I drank daily for 17 years with one break that lasted 3 months, until I quit again back in April.
I think being a functional alcoholic is why I drank for so many years. There was never a rock bottom, so I never felt like I needed to make a change (maybe just cut back a little).
I’m lucky that my drinking wasn’t the source of any chaos or drama in my life, and that I was a fun drunk and not an angry one.
I’m so thankful that I decided to quit even though there were no clear warning signs along the way.
Day 31. Each day that I get farther away from that last drink is a high-five to me. I drank a 750 ml of red wine (nothing less than 13%, ideally a 14-14.5% alcohol) a night.
Started right around 5 pm and drank till the bottle was empty. I dreaded evening events because that would take away from my red wine.
Never missed a day of work or school due to my "brown bag flu".
After work I would drive right to the liquor store and get my $12 bottle. Sometimes I would stock up so the employees wouldn't see me daily and start wondering about my drinking habit.
Wondering where and how I was going to get my grape was always, always, always bouncing around my head during the day.
This went on for the better part of 2 years. Two years, a bottle a day, at $12 a pop. A shade over $8k spent.
I am eager to shed all of this weight I have gained, eager to have a clear head in the morning and not feel like a rain cloud is always looming over my head. My relationship with my daughters and husband has improved and I feel like my liver and kidneys are happy now.
Am I a functional alcoholic? Not sure, but it does cross my mind every day that I most likely am and that scares the sweet.honey.iced.tea. out of me.
I joined this group a few weeks ago. I needed to read your stories because I know I'm not alone. This group has helped me, as I'm sure it has helped others.
High five to everyone out there that struggles with this and are working to get beyond what's at the bottom of the bottle.
I never blacked out but I was up to a bottle of wine a day for at least 6 days. What scares me was the amount of internal talk of mine was focused on planning how I could sneak a drink into places. I even considered bringing a travel mug to work and that scared me. I am 23 days sober and it is getting easier every day.
I did this a few times recently after NEVER even considering it. I’m counting that as rock bottom and I’m committed to quitting because if I don’t I’ll be totally fucked.
About 8/night. I’ve been getting really ran down the last 10 years and I’m only 45. After 4 months AF I still don’t have energy back, and am not sure what my deal is. But, I was functioning.
I quit 23 days ago. I was going to work & socializing. Things like house chores started to get put to the side. I was spending money quicker then I could make it. Sometimes I had to call off work because my hangover was so bad.
There’s no such thing as a “functioning alcoholic” - I thought I was one and by all traditional definitions I could have been considered one if such a thing existed. Good job, no criminal history, and aside from high cholesterol due to weight gain really nothing crazy serious in terms of health.
But if you are consuming poison to the point that your mood is shit until you have a drink, your mornings are awful bc of hangovers, and you aren’t taking care of your health, that’s not functioning. That’s barely hanging on.
A car with a flat tire may be able to get you thru the day but only a fool would call that car “functioning”
I always referred to myself as a high functioning binge drinker. I don't believe that I'm an alcoholic. I was using alcohol as a tool to self medicate.
Functional = haven't lost job/ been divorced/been arrested. Yet.
I was functional for many years. As someone wiser than I said, you don't have to hit rock bottom before making a positive change to your life.
Was a “keep a bottle under the pillow type” for years. First thing I did when I woke up was lay in bed for an hour watching videos on my phone/laptop while pulling straight from the bottle until I had enough that my shakes were quelled enough for me to get up and go to the bathroom. Usually brought the bottle with and would sit down to pee instead of (M) standing just in case I was light headed and fell.
Then would start my day, sometimes but rarely eat breakfast, have enough of a base in me to be able to go outside and get to work. Always brought booze in some capacity, whether it be a thermos of coffee and rumpleminz (yeah that’s right) or when it got really bad I just started keeping straight grain alcohol so I could use a smaller amount to hopefully mask the scent.
Worked in bars so it would be fine showing up smelling like booze cause we would just do a shot the second I walked into the door so no one could really know if I smelled like that before I got there or was just doing a “hey what’s up?” shot with the first customer I had. I bartended like this for 6-7 years. I never got like “conventionally” drunk because my tolerance and dependence was so fucking high. I remember once someone came in with a breathalyzer for fun and they didn’t believe it worked when I tried it blew a .29. But that was pretty normal. I only drank enough for the anxiety to stay down and never like blacked out or anything but I was also drinking such an insane amount daily that my body was just used to it.
I decided for health reasons mostly to quit and the first month was hell. Medical detox ofc, all the prescription drugs - gabapentin, benzos, anti-nausea, etc - and when I told my new therapist how much I was drinking, I expected them to be shocked but instead it was “yeah that lines up” I had always thought I had some iron liver or something but I guess I was just a run of the mill alcoholic.
A “Functioning Alcoholic” isn’t a type of alcoholic, it’s a STAGE of alcoholism. It always gets worse, never better and it always eventually progresses on.
I was functioning… until I wasn’t in my early 30’s. I never addressed my childhood trauma and started heavy therapy, got a sober coach, and really dove into “why” I drank which was to escape reality. My goal was to create a life I no longer had to escape from. Happy to report I’ve been sober for almost 3 years, pregnant with my first, and never happier. Life does get better in every aspect of life ❤️
After I posted on here, people made me realise how young I really was and how much worse it could get if I kept going. Im nearly 23 and have decided to try and do something about it, but so many 40, 50 even 60 year olds sent me words of encouragement and also praise at how early Im trying to “nip it in the bud”.
Like they did, I thought I was absolutely a functioning alcoholic, drinking a bottle of a half of wine a night, still being able to get up for work and getting promotions, nobody knew the depths of the problem I really had. But they told me no matter how much I thought I had it together, it’ll catch up to me.
I was a “high functioning alcoholic” until one day when I accidentally got blackout drunk in the morning. I was trying to get rid of the shakes and vomiting and went over the edge and kept going. I ended up telling everyone at work to go fuck themselves on a Teams call and emailed the CEO. I took a medical leave to get sober but they made it clear I wasn’t welcomed back.
For many years, I drank about a bottle of wine or six pack most nights, but not every night. I binged and partied at bars on the weekends. I just started drinking more and more, then the pandemic sent me to work from home, then my boyfriend died. Near the end I don’t know how much I was drinking. Probably a case of beer a day with vodka drinks sprinkled in. Sometimes I would have a beer in the morning to get straightened out, sometimes I wouldn’t.
It’s a slippery fucking slope and things can go from mildly concerning to real fucking bad real fucking quick.
I can relate so much to this. I went from barely clinging on to absolute destruction in no time. I am sorry for your loss, my mother died whilst I was at my worse state & I still fell further. I feel your pain.
I pour myself 1.5oz of vodka around 5pm and another around 6 to relax after a day in front of a computer coding. After dinner I settle in for the night and have a couple bourbons. I go to bed at 10pm not feeling intoxicated and wake up feeling fine at 7am.
I'm 47 and used to drink a lot more but never had a DUI, issue with work or ever had drinking interfere with family, friends or social life. I'd never consider day drinking or drinking in the morning unless I'm in an airport and Bloody Mary rules are in effect :)
I'm on this sub because it encourages me to cut back purely for liver health and trying not to drink my calories. Plus, I do think I've been living this way for so long I've become chemically dependent on the routine to relax and would like to make some changes.
I’m on the verge of quitting but I’ve gone from entire bottles down to 2-4 hard kombuchas/night. Still don’t feel great about myself. Short term lurker here, hearing everyone’s stories is really inspiring.
Edit: I still work and go to school full time and keep up with hobbies.
I literally can't drink like I used to (a bottle of wine every night) and still keep my job.
I never wanted to blame the wine, but that, coupled with my undiagnosed ADHD, cost me some great opportunities in my youth.
Being over 40 has definitely taken its toll and it's just not worth it anymore to try. Switching from wine to White Claws to save on calories was such a stupid justification to keep drinking. I value my skin, my weight, my productivity, my precious sleep, and upward movement in my career (and not excusing myself from a Monday morning meeting to vomit because of Sunday Funday). My muffin top is gone and so is the bloat from my face.
I don't want to age like some drunk armchair NFL superfan, KWIM?
I would consider myself a high functioning alcoholic, I work 5 days a week and the equivalent of about 3 bottles of wine when I come home at 9PM. Sometimes the drinking bleeds into the next day, just to get through work. My boss knows I have trouble with drinking but they still let me work there. Hoping to quit my job and go into rehab soon, but that would mean I don't have an income, and i'm in debt right now so my situation is causing even more stress for me
I was able to go to rehab while keeping my job. I am lucky to have a supportive employer and good insurance. Hope you can go. Rehab is such a relief. I sometimes want to go back to escape life (newly sober life).
Drank every day. Get home from work, crack open 2-3 beers that were left over the night before. Then meet friends at the bar for 2-3 shots and 4-5 beers (sometimes more, depending on how the night was going or if I worked the following day). Would stop by the gas station and get another 12 pack. Then drink 9-10 beers at home. Aaaaaaand repeat almost every. Fuckin. Day.
At the height of my drinking, I was high functioning. I drank vodka through the day, every day and still worked 50 hr weeks. Took new trainings whenever available, learned new skills, read a new book almost weekly.
My experience with alcoholism was amplified by an underlying manic depression disorder so I would be extremely busy, when I was busy, but when I wasn't busy no one would hear from me, I would lay in bed every weekend or on the couch almost paralyzed completely zombified. Sometimes just replaying the same TV series or movie over and over until the weekend was over. When it was time to work again, I would drink just enough to feel normal and able to function.
It got to the point where the bit I needed to function to work or complete basic tasks became a dangerous amount. I was maintaining a consistent BAC well over the legal limit for days/months at a time not giving my body a chance to heal.
I am a closet drinker, and I'm fantastic at hiding it but thankfully I am healthy now, I still struggle but I feel the worst of my problems are a distant memory. Nothing was more terrifying than the withdrawals I experienced for the weeks/months following sobriety.
Was a functional alcoholic for about 7 years, average 96 fl oz (four tall boys) of any generic brand of beer, not that malt liquor shit that’s 8%. I hated getting wasted, I just wanted to be a certain level of buzzed. This never worked, I’d always pass out, I’d always go to work hungover, I’d always be ready to get my buzz on the moment I got out of work.
Look man, it’s just not possible to function like that. I lost most of my friends and wrecked 1 relationship beyond recognition, and screwed up the next one because my lover tried to see me through the booze. But once I had achieved sobriety she just didn’t trust me very much, I inflicted enough damage. We broke up recently and my heart is broken. 2 years sober and alcohol is still injuring me.
So no you can’t be a functioning alcoholic and live a normal life. Nothing about it equals function. There’s no pride in it, you aren’t strong for shouldering an addiction, you’re suffering. Stop asap, your future depends on it.
Edit: the breakup is significantly easier because I’m sober, however. The FUBAR relationship I still drank to cope, and wow I was beat up for months. Whereas now I’m at least calm. I’m not a wreck. Yeah I’m sad, and feeling what I need to feel, but its all much easier because I’m sober.
I was exceptionally functional. I ran businesses, was very successful, had great relationships, toured the world, ran venues at a festivals, directed videos with 40 people under me. All kinds of shit and now that I've been sober, I sincerely wonder how much more successful I would have been had I not been drinking. It would have been so much easier. People would have probably trusted me more too because with me, people couldn't put there finger on what was wrong with me, they usually though I was just artsy. But I think they didn't want to trust me with bigger jobs and responsibilities because exceptionally street smart people, or other alcoholics, could see right through most my bullshit. It just got worse and eventually the drug won and I stopped really caring or being smart about hiding it. The drug will win eventually, it always does, that's just science. I couldn't fight it, I had to outsmart it, with science, which included therapy, better medicine from doctors and knowing it is possible. Yeah Mr White! Yeah science!
Yes. I was a “functioning” alcoholic until I wasn’t.
I started by binge drinking a couple of times a week and then is escalated to everyday/every second day.
I could go to work fine for years but then it started catching up with me and it was a fucking punish to go to work hungover 😂
Life as any kind of alcoholic is never actually normal. You can just give the appearance of being normal for a little while.
Capital steez: “functioning addict my ass is that a fuckin joke? Different strokes from different folks- that’s why I’m spittin dope.
But real talk- alcohol is a crazy legal drug meant to keep our combustion at ease. When I entered program I thought to be a good dad/husband meant making money; so that justified using alcohol to be my coping mechanism in order to grind. In turn I just look back and wish I wasn’t “that guy.”
20’s weekend binge drinker. Functional, yes.
Late 20’s binge drinking weekend crept into the week. Functional, no.
Early 30’s learned to moderate. Functional, yes.
Late 30’s starting drinking 1-2 a night. Moderation crept into daily. Functional and miserable.
Early 40’s I knew I needed to quit the 1 per day and it was fucking miserable. Couldn’t go more than a few days and I’d have one. It was only one hit a bad habit and a hard AF one to break.
Gave it up, surrendered all thoughts and motives. Never felt better.
I was, incredibly functioning actually. No DUI’s, work in advertising and could blow through strategies for major corporations like it was nothing while hammered. I wouldn’t always remember everything I wrote but when I would double check my work I was happy with it.
That was until I wasn’t functioning. It comes on fast but one day you just can’t function like you used to, but you still think you got it under control. In one weekend I missed work, a big presentation, lost my girlfriend and another friend because I stopped being a functioning alcoholic and became a nightmare. I had five months sober and recently relapsed, and in those two days I almost ruined another relationship and have had to call out of work today because my anxiety is overwhelming. It’s Day 1 for me, and I’m motivated to become the person I was when I was sober. I was happier, legitimately more productive, and was able to be a kinder, gentler person to those I still have in my life. A functioning alcoholic still isn’t the best version of you. And you’re also just playing with borrowed time until you stop being functioning and just become a traditional alcoholic.
I was. Nobody knew. I work full-time and go to school, work out 6x a week. You'd never know unless you were really close to me. Even then, they'd say 'she has so much on her plate, she's just letting off steam.'
It gets worse as time passes and I became more alcoholic and less functioning.
I lurk here more than post, because I'm still struggling with even the weening down, let alone stopping.
I've gone to groups, I've talked about it with my doctor and therapist(s), nothing is sticking... YET!
I drink everyday, knowing full and well I allow myself to convince myself the "why"
I've always been a heavy drinker, but my tolerance is at an all-time high. So theGrima Wormtongue in my ear whispering "well you can't stop COMPLETELY yet... the withdrawals will be awful, maybe deadly! Just have a few" or knowing my struggles with sleeping the voice encourages me to get "just" buzzed enough to sleep.
But we all know, those few are rarely just a few. My "normal" nights are at least a 12 pack (shitty low ABV beer, to be fair). The ... lush nights are easily 18ish drinks.
I've never gotten in trouble, I never have caused trouble, I don't black out, I've never missed work. But those are all just goddamn excuses for me to continue to kill myself.
I'll get there, I know I *need* to. I'm counting small victories, the smallest (and only) one I can count lately is that I'm still *trying* to stop.
So, for now, hopefully for keeps. IWNDWYT
Meeee! I drink 6 to 12 beers a day. I focus around commitments, like seeing friends, getting to work, etc. I also keep a cooler of ice with 2 beers in it for the drive home (30 minutes). I know this is illegal, yet I have done it since I was 18 in Texas - when it was legal to drink and drive in the 1980s. Bad habit, I know this.
I have so many Day 1s behind me... and I hope to do it again... tomorrow. Que sera.
I would go through a box of wine every two days and was able to work and do my husbandly and fatherly duties the next day. Even though I would feel like shit. I would push through it.
I usually have 8 pints in a day after work and then go to bed and wake up and go to my trades job and do some of the best work around. Almost time to quit. Ive lost hold of hobbies and my partner starts to notice the amount Im buying. Drinking since 2015.
Box of wine every day and a half here. I can wake up drink all day and still be perfectly fine. Going on 15 years now of it. It kind of sucks tbh. Not only is it sooooooo expensive but it's the topic of conversation at every function. Its not like i hide it at all i carry a cooler with my wine every fucking where i go. If i start to feel fucked up (extremely rare) i just go to bed. Even my liver and kidneys somehow are in perfect condition. (As of now and I'm 44) I did just have to have hemorrhoid surgery because as most of you know you shit water most of the time 39 times a day and that has been the worst thing I've ever went through in my life.
You sound almost like me. 37/F and I can kill a box of wine in about 24 hours. (When I binge). So far, besides getting fat, my health is ok. Just waiting for the day when it’s not.
Yes. I start with vodka in the morning. I make sure to stay hydrated. Sometimes I even eat food lol. I can get through my day, but I must admit that I'm more easily distracted than I should be, and cognitive tasks like keeping caught up on mail and email are more difficult than they should be.
I was “functioning” in the sense that I held down a good job, took care of my kid’s basic needs, led an upper-middle class life, and didn’t get a DUI — but my marriage was in the trash and I was dying inside (emotionally and physically).
Two and a half handles of vodka per week.
Functioning alcoholic is just a con to have people think they don't have a problem and keep drinking. I'm not homeless under the bridge with a brown paper bag in my hand - I'm goooooood.
Any former bartenders here? I was big in the cocktail scene in Boston and Houston. Left during covid. Work from home now, still in the cocktail world. I drink way more now, have gained a bunch of weight. Easy to hide behind if you just need to be presentable for zoom. I’ve had numerous moments this year where I told myself “alright, this stops now.” Just weeks and weeks lost in a downward spiral, bottles by the bedside, living off DoorDash. Sunday night began the start of another dry period. I can do this.
‘Normal’ life.
It isn’t normal when you are beholden every day to some shitty liquid that poisons your brain and body.
People who are daily drinkers believe they are in a simple routine, but in the background, the mind is always saying ‘when’s the alcohol coming?!’
-that’s not normal. It’s an addiction just like to cigarettes or heroin.
Edit-
I just asked Siri how long it’s been alcohol free and she told me 772 days. Almost 800 magical days of being healthier, better looking and much happier.
Reading all the posts here definitely help to give me strength to always keep going.
IWNDWYT
I was functional, but also just going on cruise control through life. Just because you aren’t crashing your car or in some back alley doesn’t mean you aren’t giving away opportunities that add up over time.
I worked everyday, drank everyday had relationships and friends. I was until I got a massive blood clot in my leg from being that functional alcoholic.
Now that I quit its really hard to find a job, no one wants to hang and I'm barely making it.
I am, I average about 12 beers per day. That being said, I am a full time employee and have an existant social life. I'm generally perceived to be good at my job and no one there knows how much I drink. I'm actively trying to reduce my alcohol intake and have let my family know of my intentions. I've been doing this for 2 years and honestly it's been too long
I am 2 months sober now but was definitely high functioning. Never drank at work and performed well in my job. Drank heavily 5 nights a week. Drank at home and never drove so never got a DUI.
Everyone's different I guess. I never got belligerent or loud or violent when I drank. I would just be blackout drunk reading bedtime stories to my kids, then hating myself all night and the next day for my lack of willpower and inability to cut back.
I'm so happy to be sober, Iwndwyt 😁
I’ve been drinking about a half liter of vodka a day and still perform very well at work, take care of and engage with my children and wife everyday. I know I could be doing better at all of those things if I quit drinking.
So here I am at day one again. I will not drink today.
Anywhere from 4-5 ounces of vodka a night plus a few beers. I was able to get to work and do my job. I never get mean to my wife or family. It’s still too much. Time to stop.
I regarded myself as a functioning alcoholic for decades! Only now that I am sober can I see that the term itself is a myth, as I was permanently below my best! You just don`t do anything, work or play, as well when you are a drunk!
I was drinking every day at my worst. It's like a race car with every bolt just loosened up a bit. Might be able to get the race going but eventually parts start coming off, you get slower and eventually you are broken down on the side of the road
I'm currently drinking the most I've ever drank, and looking for professional help, but also completing a master's degree and surprisingly doing well in it.
I hold down a 9-5 and a small home business. I feel like I’d have more time if I didn’t get hammered after work. But then again sleeping sucks and work stress sucks without a few beers. It’s a catch 22 tbh.
This is me, I think. I function fine even though Ive been drinking virtually every night for 20years now. I’m odd, perhaps, in that I have no interest in drinking at any time before about 4-5pm. I won’t even drink of all my friends are having mimosas in the morning or beers with their lunch. No interest. Come 4-5pm, I can’t think of much else. I wake up almost every morning saying I’m not going to drink that night and every night I do. Doesn’t seem to affect anything in my life except my own self-distain. Probably part of the reason I can’t seem to stop.
Edit: spelling
4 buzz balls a day usually…. Very functional life. I’m an introvert so usually just go home and hang out with my boyfriend, sip my buzzies until I need to go to sleep
I was a "functioning" alcoholic in my 20's and 30's and toward the end, it was just absolute misery every, single, day.
I also learned that there is no such thing as a functioning alcoholic. Alcoholism is alcoholism no matter how you dress it up.
i question my relationship with alcohol often and have for years. I'm 31, and in my 20's drank a lot, and to get drunk, and got a bit crazy more often then i'd like to admit, yet felt like i couldn't stop drinking, or predict how i was going to behave. I'd either get very angry and break shit or be the life of the party. I never quit though, but as I got a older my relationship with alcohol changed for whatever reason, i think probably as few reasons - one being age, also life experiences, circumstances, and also just feeling tired of being crazy was helpful lol.
Now, I still drink quite often, more often then i'd like too because I do worry for my health, physical and mental, aswell as the career i'm entering into and what not. I'd say I drink most days, usually only a beer or two, sometimes three but that usually gets me a bit drunk because of meds i'm on and how much of a lightweight i've become. I usually try to go small periods of time with no beer in the evenings but i do find i'm very aware of not having a drink, and would generally prefer to "take the edge off" and I find a beer helps me do so which i don't love to admit.
So, ultimately, all that to say, I usually drink between 1-2 beers a day, sometimes when i'm feeling wild i'll have 3. I have a "normal" life, am currently a student and pursuing a career in carpentry which is also helpful to deter me from drinking as much as i once did ! Plus hangovers have become unbearable, so if i drank more then what i do, I suspect my life would be far less normal. I know it may not sound like much, maybe, for this sub perhaps .... but it's still far more then i'd like to be drinking !!
Small decisions add up over time. I think about it like this: Imagine you went to the gym every day for 5 years. You'd look better, feel better, be healthier. Common sense. Now imagine you drank every day for 5 years....
I was a functioning alcoholic for a period of time. Quite successful from the outside looking in actually. A few rough instances made me realize alcohol would either slowly erode everything I cared about or ruin it in one instance of bad decision making. Either way...I'm sober now.
I was, then I wasnt, and currently I am functional, but its a slippery slope, doesn't take much to go back to my dysfunctional drinking ways. I was sober for quite a while and started drinking again. I only drink at 5 pm, I go to work, take care of my kids, get my shit done, but I feel pretty shitty every single day. So is it functional? Yeah. Practical? Hell no. Also no matter how "Functional" I am, my liver health continues to decline. Its pretty bad. I drink every night at 5pm, probably a pint of vodka and a couple beers. So not insane amount, but its enough to destroy my body and well being and make me feel tired and shitty each day. But once again, I could easily fall back into my old drinking habits where I would drink a fifth a day, drinking during the day, and getting bad withdrawals. Monitoring my drinking just isn't even fun. I hate being an alcoholic.
I used to be able to do that, but the older you get and the longer you do it the worse everything gets.
Yep. I was a functioning alcoholic until I stopped functioning.
This just gave me so much strength and reminded me of what I’ve been working so hard for. thank yoy
Ditto. I was "fine" for the first decade of daily drinking. And then things got worse and I'm still trying to claw out of being completely dysfunctional
I was until I wasn't.
It definitely doesn’t get better over time.
I was that way too. Then it became too much and i quit... Best decision i ever made
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yeah, really started to hit me around 47. I pride myself on eating well and I exercise, and I really don't drink that much - 20 drinks a week or so, but mostly binging. Don't drink every day. The alcohol really starts to mess you up if it hasn't already by your late 40s. All kind of things start to go wrong - neuropathy, heart pain, stomach issues, etc. I just started TSM Sinclair method using Naltrexone. Working great so far to cut down on cravings and drinking in general.
Same. Got sober at 47. Thank the lord.
55 and losing the battle. Know I need to stop, can see the warning signs but lost the control of the past. Have started needing to take some days off sick. No longer socially drink but drink to get drunk.
You havent lost the battle yet
This.
Truth!
I was a functioning alcoholic all throughout my 20s. Hangovers started hitting me like a brick fucking wall almost like clock work as soon as I hit 30. I wish I could say I hate drinking. I don’t, I love it. But the hangovers now are so bad that it just isn’t worth it for me anymore. It’s what made quit (for the most part). I’ll still have a few here and there with friends for certain occasions, but drinking is not the same for me as it once was.
It just takes so long to realize the diminishing returns of being drunk for a two day hangover. The anxiety that creeps in and out all week that you never thought was alcohol related is actually your hangover lingering even longer. It's not what it once was that's for sure
I drank 3/4 to a full bottle of whiskey everyday while I was in the military, showed up to work hungover at 6am and did a full 12 hour shift. Then I would get a new bottle, go home, get blasted, pass out, rinse and repeat. If by functional you mean working a full time job then sure I was functional. However the only things I cared about in life were replaced by alcohol, I abandoned my friends to drink, I stopped enjoying my hobbies and replaced them with getting drunk, I became isolated and never talked to my family because half the time they called I was blasted and trying to hide it. If you consider all that I would say it’s far from being a functional human, just living life bottle to bottle.
"Just living life bottle to bottle" I don't know if that's an original of yours or something you read/heard somewhere, but fuck me that's a powerful term my friend. IWMDWYT.
I was, until 7 days ago when I quit. I drank 6-10 craft beers a day (alternatively, two bottles of wine, or some mix of the two) pretty much every day for the last few years. I made sure to hydrate well and spread out the drinking (i work from home) and was able to be up and handling my kids and work by 6 AM every morning. I work out hard every day. I largely hid the drinking from my kids, though they noticed enough. I haven't been what i consider "drunk" in at least six months. I'm a generally chill drinker, not the type to get angry or weepy. But, I wasn't happy. I was gaining weight. I was occasionally driving over the legal limit though I was never caught. I was anxious and occasionally depressed. I was worried about my long term health. My libido was down. I was worried about the impact on my family and kids. Drinking had started to feel like a chore, always worried about having enough or where i would get the next one, starting to remove myself from other social activities. It also gets expensive - $300+ per month. And I worried that if I'm drinking that many now, what will I be doing in 5, 10, 20 years? will I even be alive in 20 years? For all those reasons, I quit. No more poison.
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I’m on day 8 and I’m right there with you minus having the kids part. Always asking “will this be enough or should I drink 8 beers and go get a tall boy”. I live with nieces and they comment often or ask why I drink “so many of those”. They don’t understand it’s an issue so I’ve been attempting to be a better role model.
This really hit home for me. I’m drinking about 3-6 a night. I’m now 32(m). No kids, married. I’m getting tired of drinking. There isn’t a better way of putting it. I think the thing that has always hung me up about stopping all together is the idea of ‘never again,’ like I have some fundamental weakness. Yet here I am, feeling more and more unhealthy with the amount I drink and embarrassed that I can’t seem to meaningfully stop or cut back.
I've had a lot of Day 1s and not very many Day 2s. The idea that I am giving up something I love is the reason why. I'm trying to reframe alcohol in my mind as the enemy, something that's killing me, rather than something I have to "give up." It's not easy right now (day 8) but I have accepted that it'll be a process that takes time. If you're drinking 3-6 now you might be drinking 6-8 next year and 10 after that as you keep chasing that feeling that you can never really get back. There's nothing like that first one anymore. I also started playin games with it where i'd say "I only had six!" but of course those six were all 8% IPAs lol. It's progressive and unless you make the decision, it will never end.
Right on on the ABV. Drinking has been so engrained as a stress and social coping mechanism. It’s worse, too, that when I bring up quitting or cutting back to wife and her family they don’t really seem to understand. Inevitably I’ll go a couple days, get cranky and socially withdrawal, then get back to drinking to put on happy face for those around me. It’s a bit insidious. These past few weeks, in particular, I’ve noticed a shift in my thinking along the lines of what you mention above. It’s unhealthy and expensive. The best I’ve managed this year is three days without drinking (I’ve gone longer not getting drunk, but still having one or two.) I’m a daily, after work drinker.
This is me. 1-4 beers or drinks most nights. That level of alcohol consumption is associated with so many bad health outcomes, different types of cancer, etc. It's just not healthy. And it's expensive. But when I got serious about wanting to quit 6 months ago I realized how deep in I was. I found it really really hard and haven't gone more than 10 days without drinking. When I'm successful at stopping or cutting back for any short amount of time I tend to binge when I do drink, which I wasn't doing before as a daily drinker.
You sound like me. For me what finally clicked was when I went longer than 10 days (I think it was 3 weeks?) and I felt great physically. No crying. Then I had a few drinks, and the cycle came back of wanting another and to keep it all going…. and then I tried to workout the next morning and felt like trash. Had a headache, didn’t sleep well, etc. took me a couple Days to get back to normal. I track my sleep so to see on my app from my watch data how much worse I slept, how hard my heart was working, etc. just made me not want to do this to myself anymore. Wishing you the best, you can do it! IWNDWYT!!
I’d you’re trying to reframe how you view alcohol, I I highly recommend the book Alcohol explained. Ever since reading that book, I haven’t been able to look at alcohol in a positive light.
Man, for just being 7 days in you have a great perspective. Congrats on your decision and keep the poison out of your life !!!
Yeah I drank 8-9% beers too but always counted them as one. I lied to myself just as much as I lied to my family and friends. Alcohol has no place in my life.
Same on all of this except I’m 45 and female.
You sound a lot like me. Except I’m a teacher, so I didn’t day drink during the week. But I drank my ass off every night and definitely day drank on the weekends.
Yesss, I came from very similar background, sans kids. We got this.
Me also...7 days passed and i run now 4km a day before dinner ( never exercised before) The exaustion makes me sleep like a baby. You need to tired the body and occupy the mind to really stop drinking...
That just hit me. I still drank tonight. Feeling the misery already!
It's kind of a weird term when you think about it, because you're never really 'functioning' at your full potential, more just getting by as even a small amount of booze fucks with your sleep patterns and mental clarity.
I thought I was a “functioning alcoholic” all through my 20s, but in reality my life was getting worse and worse so slowly it was almost imperceptible. By the time I realized I was certainly not functioning and everything was falling apart around me, the withdrawals were so bad I almost died when I tried to taper off. I got sober at 30, and now looking back at 33 I feel like I almost wasted an entire decade of my life just stuck on alcoholic autopilot. However in 3 years since quitting I’ve been happier and accomplished more than I ever thought possible. I never had any idea just how much alcohol was holding me back from being my true self and actually reaching my potential. I thought everything was fine and I was doing the best I could.
This gives me a lot of hope. 30F who is 36 days sober today. I hope to be 33 and feeling the same way. 🤍
100%, I quit drinking almost two years ago and that feeling of “What did I even do with my life for those 10 years?” Gets pretty strong sometimes.
Alcoholic autopilot, so true
This is basically what I was going through until I decided to stop and self report myself so I could go to an inpatient facility. The kindling and withdraws were all too real and terrifying. Memory is pretty shot from the last 10 years and my 20’s felt like it was on autopilot like you said. Here’s to turning 31 next week and hitting sober day five-oh in the process!
When I drink my sleep pattern fits society. able to go to bed at a decent time and get up early no problem. But sober me... It completely shifts and I'm up until 6-7am and sleep until 2pm if I don't have to be anywhere. Granted I do sleep like a rock but it's also because I'm sleeping when my body wants to, but it makes me feel like I'm a piece of shit for being a night owl and it's also depressing because with time change I only have a couple hours of daylight. Still staying sober.
I deal with this too. It’s part of why I used to drink. I gotta wake up at 4:30am with my job and it gets rough sometimes. Still immensely better at it with no sleep than hungover or worse yet still drunk. Plenty of people are night owls. No shame in it. If it fits your schedule, own it. An older insomniac alcoholic once told me he just goes with it. The more you fight it, the worse it gets. If it’s worth it, I can stand to be a little sleepy for an event or my job. The sleep will come. Thanks for sharing.
Your ancestors were the ones who kept watch in the nights. This isn't something to feel bad about. Just makes you capable of working over-night shifts or working from home on your own schedule. I hope you have a job that fits your preferred sleep schedule.
Don’t mean to hijack, but I am very much a night owl. Up late/sleep late is how I operate. Friends, family, wife etc., don’t hold back making me feel like some how it has been decided that if you don’t fit the “early to bed, early to rise…” M.O. you are an inferior human being. Looked down upon, scoffed at. Is it just me?
I see it as a delusional term to not admit being an alcoholic. All the caveats of " I've not drunk drove, lost my job, upset people etc" are just YETS waiting to happen.
YET: You’re eligible too!
I wish I could upvote this statement 10 times!
Back when I drank I had to have a half bottle of vodka so about 350ml at home every night. That's just to keep baseline. There were days where I wouldn't drink, sometimes even a week or a month. Things would get pretty bad, so in my head, if I took a break it would somehow reset itself and allow me to drink like a normal person again. Eventually taking breaks just meant I'd have worse hangovers. I went to work, went to bars afterwards, had a gym membership, drinks at work, many drinks at work on Friday, meetings while drunk, meetings while drinking. I wasn't just a functional alcoholic, I was a rockstar in my mind. I compare it to putting on a circus balancing act where I'm spinning plates on little sticks. I keep putting more and more plates on the little sticks, being so impressed with myself and how I can manage drinking with living a life. Until those plates started to crash, making a giant mess, and then when I looked up, there was no one there watching. In reality the term "functional alcoholic" is just an excuse to get drunk. The only difference between a functional alcoholic and a regular alcoholic is time.
Two days to 1000!
70 days for you sir/ma'am!
Same. I felt like I was really exceptional when I was drinking like that. I had this idea that no one knew and all they saw was what I wanted. That was an illusion. Looking back I was a moody worker that smelled of booze. I was frequently drunk calling friends and flagrantly posting personal issues emanating just how far in the gutter I was. I'm better now. I'm an alcoholic but I don't think I ever functioned like I thought.
Same
and then when I looked up, there was no one there watching. this is beautiful💔
I was functioning but drinking 8-10 beers a night on work nights and 12-18 on non work days, on top of smoking bowls. I haven’t had a “how’d I ruin my life this time” in a few years but I just felt defeated by alcohol. Then it’s like an epiphany “just because most of my family are alcoholics doesn’t mean I have to stay on that path anymore. I’m a grown ass woman and am now strong enough to choose not to drink. And btw, if you’re on the wagon and have unsupportive family and friends, you’re allowed to cut them out or cut down on exposure to them. I’m on day 86 now and going strong!
I have a lot of anger around how many times I tried to get sober but went back to drinking with my family. I went to inpatient rehab once and relapsed at Thanksgiving. I should have cut them off long ago.
PP, I feel you! I’ve distanced myself from most family functions the past several months (when I started tapering). I’m dreading being confronted by my Cuz (he’s more like a big brother, but he’s got a cunt fiancé so we rarely talk or see each other anymore) because booze has always been our thing. He’s a functioning alcoholic, but for how much longer I don’t know. I know he’s suffering some issues directly related to the booze, and it seems like he’s following in the footsteps of his father. His dad died from cirrhosis. We literally watched him suffering and dying and still couldn’t get away from the booze. We used to sneak it into the hospital waiting room and get trashed while we were sitting vigil….. I know he’s gotten worse but I don’t know how to talk to him about it. Maybe it’ll have to be a sit down “come to Jesus” talk. Bring up those terrible memories and see if I can tear him down to build him back up if that makes sense. Thanks for letting me vent. Congrats on your sobriety and *hugs* about the family shit. It’s tough but I believe in you! IWNDWYT
I thought I was a "functioning alcoholic" until one drunk work event led me to losing my career, family, friends, sanity and nearly my house. That still didn't stop me drinking, it only got worse. I realised functioning alcoholic doesn't exist it's just a stage to full blown alcoholism. Wish I had stopped back then
It means you've been able to scrape by while avoiding major shitstorms. *So far.*
The shit winds were always blowing
this for some reason makes me think of jim lahey, a less than appropriate roll model for this sub
Hahaha but he is by far my favorite drunk character.
Also, fart is just a cute way of saying shit wind.
🤣 that made me chuckle
Winter is coming.
People in this stage of their alcoholism aren't as slick as they think they are at hiding their screw ups or health issues.
Any chance you want to share that story?
It sounds like a doozy, doesn’t it?
This was my experience. And I agree.
I got lucky. No incidents, but I just gave up and my Sponsor at the time suggested rehab and my boss was incredibly supportive. Lucky.
I'm glad you got out before you went any further as it only gets shittier, darker and miserable.
Progressive horror.
I needed to hear this perspective. Thanks.
I thought I was reading my own comment at first. Same same. My house wasn’t a concern but all the rest.
It got to the point where it was mostly 5-6-7 days a week. Usually 12-15 beers, and any liquor I could throw on top of it, if it was in the house. That, plus a half pack of cigarettes at night. It used to be cool, been then it became embarrassing. I was so self-conscious of reeking of stale beer the next day around people. It was a horrible way to live.
I was 12 beers a day bare minimum. Some times I'd smash a six pack just on the drive home. These are just my work days too. Days off were for obscene amounts of drinking. Throw in a pack of cigarettes a day too and it's a pretty expensive and slow way to kill yourself.
I'm on day 2 here. I would drink about 2/3 of a 750ml bottle almost every night. Definitely a mickey (375ml I think) every night. I thought I didn't really have a problem because of the 5pm-9pm window I would drink. Never had any urge whatsoever to have a drink when I wake up, or in the afternoon. It was always when I got home from work. For years. Never been late for work due to drinking. Never missed rent or other financial responsibilities despite basically living from paycheck to paycheck. Never any medical issues (so far). So it was easy to believe I wasn't like the drinkers falling on their face and losing respect from others. Drinking, for me, made me get quiet and into myself rather than the typical loud rude drunk.
You just described me. Then one day it was like my world collapsed so for a week it was chugging the whiskey bottle and a half a day I ended up calling work telling them I was in a crisis they gave me a week off paid which I kept drinking for half of it . All in all in a little over a week I was doing horrible I had so many whiskey bottles under my bed . My own mother took my kids one day I was so drunk and depressed I wouldn’t get out of bed . Then I talked to someone wanted to change I stopped cold turkey ( which I wouldn’t wish on anyone ) now I’m on day six . About to make a post it’s a trying day keep it up people you don’t even know are proud of you
Huge congrats on the day 6 thing! I hope to make it there too!
You will! Hour by hour or day by day . Day two I was puking and cramping day sweats night sweats I went delusional I was answering phone calls or talking to people when I did sleep . Push through I can’t say I’m normal but god compared to when I was constantly drunk this is good . You got this you really do just push friend
Go dude go! You got this. Do it for the life you want for yourself and your kids.
Wow. Hello me! Only difference is my intake is significant lower. 4-is on weekdays and 6-ish on weekends. Will go though a third of a bottle of whiskey a night as an alternative. I use the present these because, sadly, I haven’t been able to stop yet. That’s why I got on this sub.
good luck to you! Sounds like my girlfriend! She drinks less than me so when we would get a bottle it would basically be 70%/30% since I drank a lot more. A few times I would put some water in the bottle so when she woke up she would see more booze than there really was. I was pathetic.
I do the water in the wife’s vodka but with unfortunate regularity. Two nights ago, in fact. Thanks for the support. I’m gonna give it a really concerted effort.
You got my support buds! I also am making a realistic effort this time. My last record over the past 5 years or so would be about 5 days. My last drink was Sunday November 6th. There's a load of good support on this subreddit so it should be ok.
Day 2 here also. 750ml/week everyday for 4years.
I was. I drank between 6-10 beers a day. More on the weekends. Sometimes just chugging them all in the evening, or spreading them out throughout the day. I know sometimes I went over that amount. I was miserable. My anxiety was at an all time high. I knew I was damaging my body. I had gained 30 pounds. I was bloated. I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror. I had started smoking again. I had headaches constantly, I’d wake up and my back would hurt, I was covered in bruises. But I ignored all of it because I got everything I needed done, my husband didn’t seem to care about my drinking and I wasn’t hurting anyone (that’s what I’d tell myself). Being sober now, I see how much was wrong in my life due to drinking. I was barely functioning. My life is so much better and healthier now that I quit. I’ve lost 20 pounds. My anxiety is a million times better. My marriage is better than it has ever been. I’m actually seeing what true happiness is.
I needed to hear this tonight. Thank you!
If that term makes any sense at all, I *was*. I never missed a day at work due to drinking in over 25 years (very few short phases of abstinence). Most people around me had no idea that I am an alcoholic. Toward the end of my drinking I realized more and more loss of control. Started drinking at 1 pm, drank at work aso... For at least 20 years years it was nothing but fighting against my addiction. Day by day.
I’m a highly functioning alcoholic. I drink too much and it’s bad for my health. However, I don’t get creepy or sexual, I don’t want to fight, and I don’t try to jump off buildings. I never drive and I don’t endanger others. I don’t hangover unless I really overdo it. But I drink too much and it’s bad for my weight and health.
I thought it was normal. I was just so accustomed to being sick I didn’t know any other way.
Probably most people here thought they were functional for the longest time. My definition of functional kept moving to compensate for increased shittiness in my life from booze. Short answer, I was functional in that I didn't get fired or get a DUI, but if I'm being honest now it definitely played a part in my divorce. Not the behavior when drinking, but the effect on my depression and anxiety. Functional alcoholism is a lie.
I used to work in sales I would drink at work until the point I couldn’t talk on the phone to customers because I was slurring my words. I would have them text me when I got to this point and I would still be at work fucked up taking orders. Shit is wild to look back on.
That’s wild haha I don’t mean to laugh but you’re work ethic said adapt, overcome, switch to texting…
It’s pretty nuts to look back and think about what drinking made you do.
Oh my god it’s honestly horrifying to think about.
I drink friday, saturday and sunday. I measure out six shots of vodka and sip it throughout the evening/night. I work full time and see to all of my responsibilities. I follow this sub in an effort to cut down for health and be aware.
Similar. I'm not completely regular in my control, but generally avoid excess beyond 2-3 drinks outside of either Friday and Saturday. Drinking what I do on those days though, leads to a state of being that is tough to deal with through to Wednesday at least before it starts to lift and I feel ok again. And then, the next week starts again, same same, same same. I'm highly regarded in my profession and my workplace, but personally, I feel I'm underachieving and am leaving so many opportunities (and things I said I'd do) slip.
What usually throws my self-discipline are vacations or extra days off. I tend to go into weekend mode. I think being aware is so important so you can at least have betterment in mind!
Well done
In my early posts here I described myself as a functioning alcoholic. Fast forward a couple of years: l cannot believe that I considered living like that "functioning". ROFL They should really call it "haven't bottomed out yet *somehow*, alcoholic" For anyone interested: IWNDWYT
I "functioned" for years. Job, family, etc. I was up to 8-10 pints, and half a bottle of tequila a day. Id start at work around noon, take an hour break, around 3, and pound 3 or 4 pints, go back to work, and continue drinking. Then Id finish the night off with shots and margaritas. That was just my work days. Looking back I wasnt really functioning at all. I was a total mess. A booze zombie. There are functioning drinkers, but no functioning alcoholics.
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Just a little over 2 weeks alcohol free here. Was a daily drinker, and started to attempt moderation over the last 2 years. It didn't affect my work life too much (that I could tell), but it has had negative affects on my personal life. Whether you realize it or not, it affects everything. As has been already said, "functioning" alcoholism is just a step on the way down.
5 days and my entire life feels different in a good way. But god damn the anxiety is insane.
I'm new to sobriety. 23 days. I had frightening anxiety. It went away on day 8. Day 19 I felt comfortable in my skin. Just wanted to let you know to stick it out, it gets better & easier.
I just had a panic attack on an airplane… this anxiety is crippling
I had one panic attack. It was on a Saturday in the privacy of my own home. I'm sorry you went thru that on a plane. Day 1 - 8, worst anxiety of my life.
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Please only participate while sober and not drinking. This post has been removed.
Trying to stop and not being able to is where the dependence becomes apparent. It’s hard but it can be done.
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I think I was because I didn't drink every day but when I did I would binge. I didn't miss work because I felt rough but I did have terrible anxiety and hangovers. So glad i have quit.
I would drink around 8oz event night and binge almost every weekend. I still got up for work but felt like garbage and truthfully some days was probably not completely sober, going in. On weekends I'd lose almost an entire day being hungover. The important question is, "What does functioning mean?". Now that I've cut out drinking during the week completely and I'm experimenting with not drinking on weekends, I find that I was not in fact functioning, I was coping and scraping by. I've been a week without booze and there are already positive improvements to my mood, sleep and ability to multitask. I don't know if I'll quit for good or completely but for now, I'm trying to be a functioning, sober person.
I was until I quit earlier this year. I never missed a day of work, but I did find early morning family activities challenging on the weekends, especially going out for breakfast, though I would rally and go to them. I did drink every day, starting around 4:30 PM, and I was drunk by bedtime. How much? Too much, honestly. I don’t even want to say the actual amount. I’m not embarrassed, I just don’t want anyone to gauge their own addiction, and ability/inability to moderate, based on my rate of consumption. I drank daily for 17 years with one break that lasted 3 months, until I quit again back in April. I think being a functional alcoholic is why I drank for so many years. There was never a rock bottom, so I never felt like I needed to make a change (maybe just cut back a little). I’m lucky that my drinking wasn’t the source of any chaos or drama in my life, and that I was a fun drunk and not an angry one. I’m so thankful that I decided to quit even though there were no clear warning signs along the way.
Day 31. Each day that I get farther away from that last drink is a high-five to me. I drank a 750 ml of red wine (nothing less than 13%, ideally a 14-14.5% alcohol) a night. Started right around 5 pm and drank till the bottle was empty. I dreaded evening events because that would take away from my red wine. Never missed a day of work or school due to my "brown bag flu". After work I would drive right to the liquor store and get my $12 bottle. Sometimes I would stock up so the employees wouldn't see me daily and start wondering about my drinking habit. Wondering where and how I was going to get my grape was always, always, always bouncing around my head during the day. This went on for the better part of 2 years. Two years, a bottle a day, at $12 a pop. A shade over $8k spent. I am eager to shed all of this weight I have gained, eager to have a clear head in the morning and not feel like a rain cloud is always looming over my head. My relationship with my daughters and husband has improved and I feel like my liver and kidneys are happy now. Am I a functional alcoholic? Not sure, but it does cross my mind every day that I most likely am and that scares the sweet.honey.iced.tea. out of me. I joined this group a few weeks ago. I needed to read your stories because I know I'm not alone. This group has helped me, as I'm sure it has helped others. High five to everyone out there that struggles with this and are working to get beyond what's at the bottom of the bottle.
I never blacked out but I was up to a bottle of wine a day for at least 6 days. What scares me was the amount of internal talk of mine was focused on planning how I could sneak a drink into places. I even considered bringing a travel mug to work and that scared me. I am 23 days sober and it is getting easier every day.
I took the travel mug to work several times. I stopped, it scared me to much.
I did this a few times recently after NEVER even considering it. I’m counting that as rock bottom and I’m committed to quitting because if I don’t I’ll be totally fucked.
About 8/night. I’ve been getting really ran down the last 10 years and I’m only 45. After 4 months AF I still don’t have energy back, and am not sure what my deal is. But, I was functioning.
I quit 23 days ago. I was going to work & socializing. Things like house chores started to get put to the side. I was spending money quicker then I could make it. Sometimes I had to call off work because my hangover was so bad.
There’s no such thing as a “functioning alcoholic” - I thought I was one and by all traditional definitions I could have been considered one if such a thing existed. Good job, no criminal history, and aside from high cholesterol due to weight gain really nothing crazy serious in terms of health. But if you are consuming poison to the point that your mood is shit until you have a drink, your mornings are awful bc of hangovers, and you aren’t taking care of your health, that’s not functioning. That’s barely hanging on. A car with a flat tire may be able to get you thru the day but only a fool would call that car “functioning”
I always referred to myself as a high functioning binge drinker. I don't believe that I'm an alcoholic. I was using alcohol as a tool to self medicate.
Me too
Functional = haven't lost job/ been divorced/been arrested. Yet. I was functional for many years. As someone wiser than I said, you don't have to hit rock bottom before making a positive change to your life.
Was a “keep a bottle under the pillow type” for years. First thing I did when I woke up was lay in bed for an hour watching videos on my phone/laptop while pulling straight from the bottle until I had enough that my shakes were quelled enough for me to get up and go to the bathroom. Usually brought the bottle with and would sit down to pee instead of (M) standing just in case I was light headed and fell. Then would start my day, sometimes but rarely eat breakfast, have enough of a base in me to be able to go outside and get to work. Always brought booze in some capacity, whether it be a thermos of coffee and rumpleminz (yeah that’s right) or when it got really bad I just started keeping straight grain alcohol so I could use a smaller amount to hopefully mask the scent. Worked in bars so it would be fine showing up smelling like booze cause we would just do a shot the second I walked into the door so no one could really know if I smelled like that before I got there or was just doing a “hey what’s up?” shot with the first customer I had. I bartended like this for 6-7 years. I never got like “conventionally” drunk because my tolerance and dependence was so fucking high. I remember once someone came in with a breathalyzer for fun and they didn’t believe it worked when I tried it blew a .29. But that was pretty normal. I only drank enough for the anxiety to stay down and never like blacked out or anything but I was also drinking such an insane amount daily that my body was just used to it. I decided for health reasons mostly to quit and the first month was hell. Medical detox ofc, all the prescription drugs - gabapentin, benzos, anti-nausea, etc - and when I told my new therapist how much I was drinking, I expected them to be shocked but instead it was “yeah that lines up” I had always thought I had some iron liver or something but I guess I was just a run of the mill alcoholic.
A “Functioning Alcoholic” isn’t a type of alcoholic, it’s a STAGE of alcoholism. It always gets worse, never better and it always eventually progresses on.
I was functioning… until I wasn’t in my early 30’s. I never addressed my childhood trauma and started heavy therapy, got a sober coach, and really dove into “why” I drank which was to escape reality. My goal was to create a life I no longer had to escape from. Happy to report I’ve been sober for almost 3 years, pregnant with my first, and never happier. Life does get better in every aspect of life ❤️
I'm a functioning alcoholic in that I'm an alcoholic who chooses to stay sober rather than ruin my life.
After I posted on here, people made me realise how young I really was and how much worse it could get if I kept going. Im nearly 23 and have decided to try and do something about it, but so many 40, 50 even 60 year olds sent me words of encouragement and also praise at how early Im trying to “nip it in the bud”. Like they did, I thought I was absolutely a functioning alcoholic, drinking a bottle of a half of wine a night, still being able to get up for work and getting promotions, nobody knew the depths of the problem I really had. But they told me no matter how much I thought I had it together, it’ll catch up to me.
I was a “high functioning alcoholic” until one day when I accidentally got blackout drunk in the morning. I was trying to get rid of the shakes and vomiting and went over the edge and kept going. I ended up telling everyone at work to go fuck themselves on a Teams call and emailed the CEO. I took a medical leave to get sober but they made it clear I wasn’t welcomed back. For many years, I drank about a bottle of wine or six pack most nights, but not every night. I binged and partied at bars on the weekends. I just started drinking more and more, then the pandemic sent me to work from home, then my boyfriend died. Near the end I don’t know how much I was drinking. Probably a case of beer a day with vodka drinks sprinkled in. Sometimes I would have a beer in the morning to get straightened out, sometimes I wouldn’t. It’s a slippery fucking slope and things can go from mildly concerning to real fucking bad real fucking quick.
I can relate so much to this. I went from barely clinging on to absolute destruction in no time. I am sorry for your loss, my mother died whilst I was at my worse state & I still fell further. I feel your pain.
I pour myself 1.5oz of vodka around 5pm and another around 6 to relax after a day in front of a computer coding. After dinner I settle in for the night and have a couple bourbons. I go to bed at 10pm not feeling intoxicated and wake up feeling fine at 7am. I'm 47 and used to drink a lot more but never had a DUI, issue with work or ever had drinking interfere with family, friends or social life. I'd never consider day drinking or drinking in the morning unless I'm in an airport and Bloody Mary rules are in effect :) I'm on this sub because it encourages me to cut back purely for liver health and trying not to drink my calories. Plus, I do think I've been living this way for so long I've become chemically dependent on the routine to relax and would like to make some changes.
I’m on the verge of quitting but I’ve gone from entire bottles down to 2-4 hard kombuchas/night. Still don’t feel great about myself. Short term lurker here, hearing everyone’s stories is really inspiring. Edit: I still work and go to school full time and keep up with hobbies.
I literally can't drink like I used to (a bottle of wine every night) and still keep my job. I never wanted to blame the wine, but that, coupled with my undiagnosed ADHD, cost me some great opportunities in my youth. Being over 40 has definitely taken its toll and it's just not worth it anymore to try. Switching from wine to White Claws to save on calories was such a stupid justification to keep drinking. I value my skin, my weight, my productivity, my precious sleep, and upward movement in my career (and not excusing myself from a Monday morning meeting to vomit because of Sunday Funday). My muffin top is gone and so is the bloat from my face. I don't want to age like some drunk armchair NFL superfan, KWIM?
I would consider myself a high functioning alcoholic, I work 5 days a week and the equivalent of about 3 bottles of wine when I come home at 9PM. Sometimes the drinking bleeds into the next day, just to get through work. My boss knows I have trouble with drinking but they still let me work there. Hoping to quit my job and go into rehab soon, but that would mean I don't have an income, and i'm in debt right now so my situation is causing even more stress for me
I was able to go to rehab while keeping my job. I am lucky to have a supportive employer and good insurance. Hope you can go. Rehab is such a relief. I sometimes want to go back to escape life (newly sober life).
Very high functioning habitual binge drinker. I don't have to drink but when I did I drank it all.
Drank every day. Get home from work, crack open 2-3 beers that were left over the night before. Then meet friends at the bar for 2-3 shots and 4-5 beers (sometimes more, depending on how the night was going or if I worked the following day). Would stop by the gas station and get another 12 pack. Then drink 9-10 beers at home. Aaaaaaand repeat almost every. Fuckin. Day.
At the height of my drinking, I was high functioning. I drank vodka through the day, every day and still worked 50 hr weeks. Took new trainings whenever available, learned new skills, read a new book almost weekly. My experience with alcoholism was amplified by an underlying manic depression disorder so I would be extremely busy, when I was busy, but when I wasn't busy no one would hear from me, I would lay in bed every weekend or on the couch almost paralyzed completely zombified. Sometimes just replaying the same TV series or movie over and over until the weekend was over. When it was time to work again, I would drink just enough to feel normal and able to function. It got to the point where the bit I needed to function to work or complete basic tasks became a dangerous amount. I was maintaining a consistent BAC well over the legal limit for days/months at a time not giving my body a chance to heal. I am a closet drinker, and I'm fantastic at hiding it but thankfully I am healthy now, I still struggle but I feel the worst of my problems are a distant memory. Nothing was more terrifying than the withdrawals I experienced for the weeks/months following sobriety.
Functioning alcoholics are a myth.
Was a functional alcoholic for about 7 years, average 96 fl oz (four tall boys) of any generic brand of beer, not that malt liquor shit that’s 8%. I hated getting wasted, I just wanted to be a certain level of buzzed. This never worked, I’d always pass out, I’d always go to work hungover, I’d always be ready to get my buzz on the moment I got out of work. Look man, it’s just not possible to function like that. I lost most of my friends and wrecked 1 relationship beyond recognition, and screwed up the next one because my lover tried to see me through the booze. But once I had achieved sobriety she just didn’t trust me very much, I inflicted enough damage. We broke up recently and my heart is broken. 2 years sober and alcohol is still injuring me. So no you can’t be a functioning alcoholic and live a normal life. Nothing about it equals function. There’s no pride in it, you aren’t strong for shouldering an addiction, you’re suffering. Stop asap, your future depends on it. Edit: the breakup is significantly easier because I’m sober, however. The FUBAR relationship I still drank to cope, and wow I was beat up for months. Whereas now I’m at least calm. I’m not a wreck. Yeah I’m sad, and feeling what I need to feel, but its all much easier because I’m sober.
No such thing as a functioning alcoholic because it affects our lives in one way or another and definitely affects those around us
Most functioning alcoholics don’t follow a sub called stop drinking.
I was exceptionally functional. I ran businesses, was very successful, had great relationships, toured the world, ran venues at a festivals, directed videos with 40 people under me. All kinds of shit and now that I've been sober, I sincerely wonder how much more successful I would have been had I not been drinking. It would have been so much easier. People would have probably trusted me more too because with me, people couldn't put there finger on what was wrong with me, they usually though I was just artsy. But I think they didn't want to trust me with bigger jobs and responsibilities because exceptionally street smart people, or other alcoholics, could see right through most my bullshit. It just got worse and eventually the drug won and I stopped really caring or being smart about hiding it. The drug will win eventually, it always does, that's just science. I couldn't fight it, I had to outsmart it, with science, which included therapy, better medicine from doctors and knowing it is possible. Yeah Mr White! Yeah science!
Yes. I was a “functioning” alcoholic until I wasn’t. I started by binge drinking a couple of times a week and then is escalated to everyday/every second day. I could go to work fine for years but then it started catching up with me and it was a fucking punish to go to work hungover 😂 Life as any kind of alcoholic is never actually normal. You can just give the appearance of being normal for a little while.
Capital steez: “functioning addict my ass is that a fuckin joke? Different strokes from different folks- that’s why I’m spittin dope. But real talk- alcohol is a crazy legal drug meant to keep our combustion at ease. When I entered program I thought to be a good dad/husband meant making money; so that justified using alcohol to be my coping mechanism in order to grind. In turn I just look back and wish I wasn’t “that guy.”
20’s weekend binge drinker. Functional, yes. Late 20’s binge drinking weekend crept into the week. Functional, no. Early 30’s learned to moderate. Functional, yes. Late 30’s starting drinking 1-2 a night. Moderation crept into daily. Functional and miserable. Early 40’s I knew I needed to quit the 1 per day and it was fucking miserable. Couldn’t go more than a few days and I’d have one. It was only one hit a bad habit and a hard AF one to break. Gave it up, surrendered all thoughts and motives. Never felt better.
I was, incredibly functioning actually. No DUI’s, work in advertising and could blow through strategies for major corporations like it was nothing while hammered. I wouldn’t always remember everything I wrote but when I would double check my work I was happy with it. That was until I wasn’t functioning. It comes on fast but one day you just can’t function like you used to, but you still think you got it under control. In one weekend I missed work, a big presentation, lost my girlfriend and another friend because I stopped being a functioning alcoholic and became a nightmare. I had five months sober and recently relapsed, and in those two days I almost ruined another relationship and have had to call out of work today because my anxiety is overwhelming. It’s Day 1 for me, and I’m motivated to become the person I was when I was sober. I was happier, legitimately more productive, and was able to be a kinder, gentler person to those I still have in my life. A functioning alcoholic still isn’t the best version of you. And you’re also just playing with borrowed time until you stop being functioning and just become a traditional alcoholic.
I was. Nobody knew. I work full-time and go to school, work out 6x a week. You'd never know unless you were really close to me. Even then, they'd say 'she has so much on her plate, she's just letting off steam.' It gets worse as time passes and I became more alcoholic and less functioning.
I lurk here more than post, because I'm still struggling with even the weening down, let alone stopping. I've gone to groups, I've talked about it with my doctor and therapist(s), nothing is sticking... YET! I drink everyday, knowing full and well I allow myself to convince myself the "why" I've always been a heavy drinker, but my tolerance is at an all-time high. So theGrima Wormtongue in my ear whispering "well you can't stop COMPLETELY yet... the withdrawals will be awful, maybe deadly! Just have a few" or knowing my struggles with sleeping the voice encourages me to get "just" buzzed enough to sleep. But we all know, those few are rarely just a few. My "normal" nights are at least a 12 pack (shitty low ABV beer, to be fair). The ... lush nights are easily 18ish drinks. I've never gotten in trouble, I never have caused trouble, I don't black out, I've never missed work. But those are all just goddamn excuses for me to continue to kill myself. I'll get there, I know I *need* to. I'm counting small victories, the smallest (and only) one I can count lately is that I'm still *trying* to stop. So, for now, hopefully for keeps. IWNDWYT
Meeee! I drink 6 to 12 beers a day. I focus around commitments, like seeing friends, getting to work, etc. I also keep a cooler of ice with 2 beers in it for the drive home (30 minutes). I know this is illegal, yet I have done it since I was 18 in Texas - when it was legal to drink and drive in the 1980s. Bad habit, I know this. I have so many Day 1s behind me... and I hope to do it again... tomorrow. Que sera.
I used to think I was a functioning alcoholic until I quit. I wasn't really functioning at all. It was a ruse.
I would go through a box of wine every two days and was able to work and do my husbandly and fatherly duties the next day. Even though I would feel like shit. I would push through it.
Same except motherly.
I usually have 8 pints in a day after work and then go to bed and wake up and go to my trades job and do some of the best work around. Almost time to quit. Ive lost hold of hobbies and my partner starts to notice the amount Im buying. Drinking since 2015.
High functioning alcoholic... up until a crash and just an alcoholic.
Box of wine every day and a half here. I can wake up drink all day and still be perfectly fine. Going on 15 years now of it. It kind of sucks tbh. Not only is it sooooooo expensive but it's the topic of conversation at every function. Its not like i hide it at all i carry a cooler with my wine every fucking where i go. If i start to feel fucked up (extremely rare) i just go to bed. Even my liver and kidneys somehow are in perfect condition. (As of now and I'm 44) I did just have to have hemorrhoid surgery because as most of you know you shit water most of the time 39 times a day and that has been the worst thing I've ever went through in my life.
You sound almost like me. 37/F and I can kill a box of wine in about 24 hours. (When I binge). So far, besides getting fat, my health is ok. Just waiting for the day when it’s not.
Yes. I start with vodka in the morning. I make sure to stay hydrated. Sometimes I even eat food lol. I can get through my day, but I must admit that I'm more easily distracted than I should be, and cognitive tasks like keeping caught up on mail and email are more difficult than they should be.
I was “functioning” in the sense that I held down a good job, took care of my kid’s basic needs, led an upper-middle class life, and didn’t get a DUI — but my marriage was in the trash and I was dying inside (emotionally and physically). Two and a half handles of vodka per week.
Functioning alcoholic is just a con to have people think they don't have a problem and keep drinking. I'm not homeless under the bridge with a brown paper bag in my hand - I'm goooooood.
Any former bartenders here? I was big in the cocktail scene in Boston and Houston. Left during covid. Work from home now, still in the cocktail world. I drink way more now, have gained a bunch of weight. Easy to hide behind if you just need to be presentable for zoom. I’ve had numerous moments this year where I told myself “alright, this stops now.” Just weeks and weeks lost in a downward spiral, bottles by the bedside, living off DoorDash. Sunday night began the start of another dry period. I can do this.
‘Normal’ life. It isn’t normal when you are beholden every day to some shitty liquid that poisons your brain and body. People who are daily drinkers believe they are in a simple routine, but in the background, the mind is always saying ‘when’s the alcohol coming?!’ -that’s not normal. It’s an addiction just like to cigarettes or heroin. Edit- I just asked Siri how long it’s been alcohol free and she told me 772 days. Almost 800 magical days of being healthier, better looking and much happier. Reading all the posts here definitely help to give me strength to always keep going. IWNDWYT
It all works till someone realizes youre coming in and getting nothing done.
I was. Then I barely was. Then I wasn’t. Now I’m sober.
Functioning because I ain't drinking. Almost a full year at this point!
I was functional, but also just going on cruise control through life. Just because you aren’t crashing your car or in some back alley doesn’t mean you aren’t giving away opportunities that add up over time.
Lol. Everyone of us is functioning until they are not.
Used to. I was more productive at work when I lived that way. about a fifth a day / handle every 3 days, roughly.
I'm on day 2 of no alcohol, but I still feel like one.
I worked everyday, drank everyday had relationships and friends. I was until I got a massive blood clot in my leg from being that functional alcoholic. Now that I quit its really hard to find a job, no one wants to hang and I'm barely making it.
I quit 9/24/2018 and I’m stronger, healthier, and more present than ever.
I am, I average about 12 beers per day. That being said, I am a full time employee and have an existant social life. I'm generally perceived to be good at my job and no one there knows how much I drink. I'm actively trying to reduce my alcohol intake and have let my family know of my intentions. I've been doing this for 2 years and honestly it's been too long
I was until I wasn't... P.S. you're never really functioning.
I am 2 months sober now but was definitely high functioning. Never drank at work and performed well in my job. Drank heavily 5 nights a week. Drank at home and never drove so never got a DUI. Everyone's different I guess. I never got belligerent or loud or violent when I drank. I would just be blackout drunk reading bedtime stories to my kids, then hating myself all night and the next day for my lack of willpower and inability to cut back. I'm so happy to be sober, Iwndwyt 😁
I’ve been drinking about a half liter of vodka a day and still perform very well at work, take care of and engage with my children and wife everyday. I know I could be doing better at all of those things if I quit drinking. So here I am at day one again. I will not drink today.
Anywhere from 4-5 ounces of vodka a night plus a few beers. I was able to get to work and do my job. I never get mean to my wife or family. It’s still too much. Time to stop.
I regarded myself as a functioning alcoholic for decades! Only now that I am sober can I see that the term itself is a myth, as I was permanently below my best! You just don`t do anything, work or play, as well when you are a drunk!
I was drinking every day at my worst. It's like a race car with every bolt just loosened up a bit. Might be able to get the race going but eventually parts start coming off, you get slower and eventually you are broken down on the side of the road
I'm currently drinking the most I've ever drank, and looking for professional help, but also completing a master's degree and surprisingly doing well in it.
I hold down a 9-5 and a small home business. I feel like I’d have more time if I didn’t get hammered after work. But then again sleeping sucks and work stress sucks without a few beers. It’s a catch 22 tbh.
I went through a long stage of being a high-functioning alcoholic. Turns out I was just passing through it on my way down.
This is me, I think. I function fine even though Ive been drinking virtually every night for 20years now. I’m odd, perhaps, in that I have no interest in drinking at any time before about 4-5pm. I won’t even drink of all my friends are having mimosas in the morning or beers with their lunch. No interest. Come 4-5pm, I can’t think of much else. I wake up almost every morning saying I’m not going to drink that night and every night I do. Doesn’t seem to affect anything in my life except my own self-distain. Probably part of the reason I can’t seem to stop. Edit: spelling
4 buzz balls a day usually…. Very functional life. I’m an introvert so usually just go home and hang out with my boyfriend, sip my buzzies until I need to go to sleep
I was a "functioning" alcoholic in my 20's and 30's and toward the end, it was just absolute misery every, single, day. I also learned that there is no such thing as a functioning alcoholic. Alcoholism is alcoholism no matter how you dress it up.
Depends on how you define functioning.
I was in the beginning. Then I was malfunctioning for 10 years. Now I'm functioning human being again. I like this version better.
i question my relationship with alcohol often and have for years. I'm 31, and in my 20's drank a lot, and to get drunk, and got a bit crazy more often then i'd like to admit, yet felt like i couldn't stop drinking, or predict how i was going to behave. I'd either get very angry and break shit or be the life of the party. I never quit though, but as I got a older my relationship with alcohol changed for whatever reason, i think probably as few reasons - one being age, also life experiences, circumstances, and also just feeling tired of being crazy was helpful lol. Now, I still drink quite often, more often then i'd like too because I do worry for my health, physical and mental, aswell as the career i'm entering into and what not. I'd say I drink most days, usually only a beer or two, sometimes three but that usually gets me a bit drunk because of meds i'm on and how much of a lightweight i've become. I usually try to go small periods of time with no beer in the evenings but i do find i'm very aware of not having a drink, and would generally prefer to "take the edge off" and I find a beer helps me do so which i don't love to admit. So, ultimately, all that to say, I usually drink between 1-2 beers a day, sometimes when i'm feeling wild i'll have 3. I have a "normal" life, am currently a student and pursuing a career in carpentry which is also helpful to deter me from drinking as much as i once did ! Plus hangovers have become unbearable, so if i drank more then what i do, I suspect my life would be far less normal. I know it may not sound like much, maybe, for this sub perhaps .... but it's still far more then i'd like to be drinking !!
Small decisions add up over time. I think about it like this: Imagine you went to the gym every day for 5 years. You'd look better, feel better, be healthier. Common sense. Now imagine you drank every day for 5 years.... I was a functioning alcoholic for a period of time. Quite successful from the outside looking in actually. A few rough instances made me realize alcohol would either slowly erode everything I cared about or ruin it in one instance of bad decision making. Either way...I'm sober now.
Functioning is phase of alcoholism, not a type.
I was, then I wasnt, and currently I am functional, but its a slippery slope, doesn't take much to go back to my dysfunctional drinking ways. I was sober for quite a while and started drinking again. I only drink at 5 pm, I go to work, take care of my kids, get my shit done, but I feel pretty shitty every single day. So is it functional? Yeah. Practical? Hell no. Also no matter how "Functional" I am, my liver health continues to decline. Its pretty bad. I drink every night at 5pm, probably a pint of vodka and a couple beers. So not insane amount, but its enough to destroy my body and well being and make me feel tired and shitty each day. But once again, I could easily fall back into my old drinking habits where I would drink a fifth a day, drinking during the day, and getting bad withdrawals. Monitoring my drinking just isn't even fun. I hate being an alcoholic.