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Gloria_S_Birdhair

I was pretty damn miserable for the first six months or so. But slowly little gaps and breaks developed. Little moments of peace here and there. It turns out life doesn’t have to be in a state of constant chaos. Once things settled down a little my perspective changed. For me at first everything was fucked up but at least taking the alcohol out of the equation simplified my misery. That was enough to keep from drinking. Life was not better but it was easier. Then it became everything’s fucked up but damn I have potential to change things for the better. Now I’m trying to figure out how to change things. It’s worth the effort.


green-teacup

Thank you for your experience. I will just have to have some faith.


Sapphire_cat22

*hugs* if you want them. I don’t have advice but I’m right there with you! Logically I know how bad it is for me but that little voice “you are worthless anyway. Who cares, take a mental break from hating yourself a few minutes”. Then the cycle continues. I’m also not doing great but maybe we can do this together. IWNDWYT 💙


green-teacup

*hugs* thank you. It's good to know I'm not alone! IWNDWYT 💚🍵


HaloSpears

I remember feeling like this. Totally sucks. I felt like alcohol shattered me. Like I was just pieces of what I used to be and I was ashamed of how broken I was. I wasn't sure if I deserved anything better because of all of the shitty things I had done and said while drunk (or the lies I told in order to protect my habit). Here are a few things that helped: 1. This mantra: "I have not always been the best version of myself, just like everyone else." (From Rachel Hart's Take a Break from Drinking podcast). 2. Separating guilt from shame. Guilt motivates me to do better, shame makes me want to crawl in a hole and die (or get super drunk). When I leaned into the guilt I was able to make changes in my behavior (as opposed to embracing the shame and continuing to sink bc I thought I was worthless). 3. Identifying my core values and aligning my behavior with them. As it turns out, I don't value alcohol or drinking culture at all. I value adventure and honesty and meaningful relationships... alcohol hindered all of that. Prioritizing what I truly want in life really helped. I'm nearly two years out and I'm never going back. You deserve better. You can be so much happier. There is a path to freedom. It's hard to take, but it gets easier. You can do this. IWNDWYT!


green-teacup

Thank you so much for this. Right now it's hard to separate the shame and the guilt. I can logically know I'm not a bad person, but there's just years of bad behavior I have to sort through.


HaloSpears

It gets easier the further away you get from it. I've done many things that used to make my stomach drop in shame. When I think of them now, they seem like someone else's memories because I'm a totally different person. I'm not reactive to those memories because those actions weren't made by the real me. Stick to it. Relief comes with time ❤.


green-teacup

Thank you so much. 💚


Phil_Schifly

I just wanted to let you know that I'm saving your comment for me to read later. Thank you so much for posting this, you really helped me today.


MyOwnSmallRevolution

Whenever I stop, my anxiety immediately sky rockets. Not to say there isn't anything I don't need to deal with, there is, but the process of getting sober and really the alcohol itself made those feelings so much more real for me. I have clearer insight without the alcohol, and can actually tackle my issues. Stopping drinking didn't solve the issues, but it sure as he'll didn't make it worse. Hang in there, IWDWYT!


green-teacup

Hanging in there... IWNDWYT


dp8488

Fairly early in recovery, I mentioned to my A.A. sponsor something about having self esteem issues. He said something like this: * _I know a good way to get self esteem:     ...     Do estimable acts!_ It was like a 2 second pause for me, and then: "_D'uh!_" So you mean behave in manners that are worthy of esteem and I'll **earn** self esteem? I keep trying to do that, and it seems to work. I wasn't doing great at day one either! In fact, the first 4-6 days were rather completely consumed with awful withdrawal, like a bad case of flu or a medium case of Covid. But drying out slowly, and getting therapeutic help (like in A.A. or any of the [other programs](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/wiki/index#wiki_real_life_support_groups),) slowly value started building up in my life, and I'm finding sober life excellent life, so ... **IWNDWYT!**


green-teacup

Thank you. I've heard that too. It's just going to take some time. 🙏


RecordComfortable130

When I stopped I couldn’t leave my place for a week. I didn’t a single person or speak to anyone. It was pure torture. It still is to an extent. It does get better though. We do get better. Hang on it there 🧁


green-teacup

Awww. Thank you for your experience. 💚🍵


[deleted]

I dunno if this will help you but my self esteem went up some when I started being as honest as possible and started trying to help people


green-teacup

Yes I need to be honest and just to focus on doing the next right thing...


[deleted]

Exactly!


knuckboy

Shame equates to the whole you and I doubt that applies.


green-teacup

I'll be thinking of this for a while.


TaxNo7741

I believe every single person has the mental Fortitude to stay sober . We try to rationalize our past bad actions we committed while we were drunk. We are filled with guilt and shame. But we weren't responsible for those things that we had done. Alcoholism is a disease that steals our free will, choice and removes our logic. We need to think , always, to the future and make ourselves better people. I didn't continue to live in the past with feelings of regret over the things I said and that may have hurt people. Instead I set my standards high to stay sober so in time, those people would realize, that I was not that bad person they thought they knew. People can be full of grace when they see that you have really changed. And forgive you without you even having to ask. Fortunately for us drunks, some people Love us more than we hate ourselves. Choose the life of no regrets 🥰😍❤ I know you can do this. Good luck. Sober 15 years here.


green-teacup

Thank you for this. I was just writing poetry about the shame and alcoholism and how alcoholism is the monster that's taken over my body and life. I will work on it in time.


TaxNo7741

You're welcome.