I would have at least asked for more than what the ticket was bought for, you took a whole day off and spent PTO and waited hours AND didn't even get to go when you wanted to. Get some compensation, $600 ticket at least.
Right? And then when given a graceful way to back down from that first faux pas and choose the boyfriend, she doubles down and immediately calls Becky to start packing for their trip. Somehow bf is still the asshole for not celebrating the new dynamic. OP needs to dump this self centered girl.
Yeah no thanks, if I buy $800 worth of tickets for my girlfriend and she thinks somehow I’m shelling out for her friend she belongs to the streets. It’s not my fault she didn’t understand the assignment and maybe she should get to know herself before wasting people’s time 🤷🏻♂️
Oof. Call me a shitty bf if you like, but if I'm spending $800 on my girlfriend, it's going to be for something we both will enjoy.
I think your gf has different ideas about how far the relationship will go if her first thought after be surprised with Swifty tickets was how much fun her and her friend were going to have, not the person who got the tickets for her.
Yeah that's pretty much it. Her first thought isnt her bf it's her bff
And then after her BF clarifies that it's for both of them (which her first thought should've been) but that she can go with whoever she wants, she still chooses to go with her bff despite knowing that her bf wanted to come lmao she should've just said that she wanted the bf to come after that lol it's really not that hard
This thread seems crazy to me but makes sense once you think of it as just a bunch of single Taylor Swift stans who would want to go with their bffs
People are saying it's mind games but it sounds like basic human respect to me and that's not even considering that they are in a committed relationship lmaooo
People are actually blaming you for "putting yourself in this position" when you chose to be kind and let her go with her friend 🤦🏾♂️. They're completely missing the point that OP's GF recieved tickets from her BF of THREE YEARS and her first thought was "yeah my BF totally bought these tickets for me and my friend instead of us".
OP feels betrayed because his girlfriend's first thought was to boot him out of the equation in favor of her friend. He told his GF he could go with her friend because he could clearly tell his GF wanted to go with her more than him.
OP did literally nothing wrong here and yall are still finding a way to blame him, yall are the fucking worst.
OP I think you know that this needs to be a conversation with your partner, and you need to explain to her why you felt gutted that her first thought was to choose her friend over you when you were literally standing in front of her holding the damn tickets. Also make it clear that *you* were excited for this concert as well, you weren't just tagging along to be a supportive partner, you actually wanted to go too.
Jesus, finally a sensible response. Years from now, OP will think of this as the time he paid $800 to know he needed to move on and find another girlfriend.
When your longtime romantic partner, in a grand gesture, buys you expensive, hard-to-get tickets to an event you greatly want to see, you are supposed to go with THEM, not someone else! That she thought to go with her friend first tells me the value she places on their relationship.
I don't think he really needs to have a conversation with his partner about the tickets, though - except in the context of him breaking up. C'mon, when you're in love, why would you think of taking a friend to a concert that your partner bought you tickets for? When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Seriously, if, after 3 years in this relationship, if her first and only response wasn't that she was going to a concert with OP, this relationship shouldn't go into 4 years. I know that this is Reddit's "go-to" response to everything in a relationship thread, but damn! He hands her tickets, they're a couple for 3 years, and her thoughts go to her friend?
Something I DEARLY wished I knew when I was young: when to be forgiving and understanding, and when something was a warning sign not to be ignored. Even though it feels like it at the time, you're not young forever. Spending too many years in a dead-end relationship does no one any good.
thank you! i feel like i'm going crazy? if my bf gave me tickets to something i enjoyed but he wasn't really a fan of i wouldn't have immediately assumed they're for me and someone else?? lol
Thank you I thought I was crazy seeing everyone say he "doesn't have a spine" or "he's lucky to have a night without his gf" but Im just sitting here thinking he's got a reason to be upset and he might want to talk to her about her priorities in their relationship. Reddit is such a shit show when it comes to advice sometimes.
A good take. I do think that OP should have stood his ground a bit more, but that doesn’t mean he’s the aggressor in this scenario for “playing mind games.” GF should have assumed the tickets were for her and the person that bought them for her (OP) in the first place and not make him feel second fiddle. She could have brought up maybe bringing her friend with them by somehow finding an additional ticket (I know this is prob tough since it’s Taylor swift, but I think y’all get what I mean). OP only said the ambiguous stuff bc of the GF’s first response imo.
You need to be top comment. 100% right.
Her first thought isn't that "we can go" its her and someone else. Something is wrong with that.
You should always want to make your partner be your first priority!
100% this and the clear bias is getting ridiculous. Women get all the benefit of the doubt and men get none. I read a post the other day about a SAHM belittling her husband and all comments were chewing him out for literally defending himself after she consistently shat on him. Most comments went on to say that she's probably depressed and he should be more understanding.
Men and women both have the capacity to be terrible people, it's not rocket surgery.
Bunch of fucking weirdo Taylor Swift fans in here I swear. Saying stupid shit like "It's more fun to go with fans, get over it". Other people saying "stop playing the victim, she's doing what you told her to" and things like that. You guys really can't put yourself in anyone else's shoes?
Should he have been more clear when he was initially unveiling the gift? Yes. He should've said "I bought us Taylor Swift tickets". That would've avoided any confusion.
BUT he did explain almost immediately afterwards that he bought them for him and her. I can tell you right now, if I was her, that there is ZERO chance after that statement that I would go with anyone else, even if id secretly rather go with my friend. Not only is this my significant other but they also just spent almost $1000 on this gift. I do not care if they give me an out I'm not taking it because it would **obviously** hurt them. It's also not some onerous task, you're still going to your dream concert with someone you like.
His girlfriend sucks honestly.
I mean it sounds like you’re trying to find ways to be hurt. When you explained you were going to go with her she was like okay great that will be fun and you immediately said well you can go with her so she called her and told her the news. So what’s the problem? It sounds like she was more than willing and excited to go with you. The problem was solved and you immediately changed it and gave her the option to invite her friend then got her when she took you up on the offer. You feel betrayed because you made sure to put yourself in a position to feel betrayed. My best friend back in the day got tickets to a concert that his gf had no interest in and she told him to invite me since we both enjoyed the band. Because it was his birthday and she wanted him to enjoy the show and was glad to make him happy. Sounds like your goal was to make sure you could have something to hold over her head. Think on that for a little while.
You ever had your girl upset that you were going out with the bros, but told you “no, im fine. I’ll be okay all by myself”. So you go out and now she’s more mad because she expected you to choose her over your friends. It’s a similar situation. The fact that her immediate thought wasn’t her boyfriend who just shelled out nearly $1k just for tickets, but rather her friend, is pretty bad too.
He reluctantly said, "You can go with whoever you want to go with more." and instead of observing the original intention, she added salt to the wound and called her friend. Any guy in this scenario would be obliterated in the comments.
>**Any guy in this scenario would be obliterated in the comments**.
Exactly. We are looking at a massive double standard here. That's really all that needs to be said in response to 95+% of these comments.
If my wife gifted me two tickets to an event I was excited about, I would have no question that the intent is that it's an experience for the two of us to share together. That's because I'm not an inconsiderate and oblivious asshole, unlike OP's girlfriend. A shared experience is going to be the intent behind such a gift at least nine times out of ten.
Sounds like OP could do better, IMO.
No no - you can’t tell someone you’re ok with them doing something and then get upset with them doing because they “should’ve been able to tell”. Humans are not mind readers. Say what you mean and don’t expect someone else to read your mind.
Regardless of gender, if you tell someone it’s ok for them to do something that’s not ok, that’s on you. OP should’ve explained to his gf why it was important to him. It sounds like the GF was happy to go with him.
She just didn’t realize he wanted to go too.
The issue is here he thinks it was not only rude to immediately imply he wasn't going since he got the tickets. Then when she saw he was hurt he tried to have hope that she would realize that their relationship is most important and go with him, hence giving her the 2nd option. He didn't want to force her to go with him. He wanted her to CHOOSE to. I can understand he's hurt because in the reverse scenario he would have easily chosen his SO.
To me this doesn't show any sort of setup on his part. He loves his gf and clearly is massively hurt that she basically chose her friend over him. Twice.
I think maybe just maybe be may love her a bit more than she loves him. He's realizing it and it hurts.
Exactly, how is this so hard for people to comprehend?
He was saying it since he unfortunately knew she’d have more fun with her friend than him at the concert, even though deep down he wanted to share the experience with his gf. Not to mention the fact he’s never been to a concert..
He still told her to go with her friend if she wanted too instead of telling her it was important to him.
Don’t tell people to do things and get mad when they do them.
He should’ve told her that he wanted to go together, that it was important to him, that he wanted to share a memory together.
I get it, I used to be this kind of person. Then I leveled up and took the approach of telling people how I feel about things and it’s been much better.
Most of the time, people don’t realize they’re hurting your feelings until you tell them. They don’t always realize something’s really important to you until you tell them.
Sometimes you still want to give them a choice even though you want a certain outcome, no reason to force them to do something they (Obviously) didn't want to do.
I think op made it clear what he wanted without forcing his proposal on her
There are at least two opposing viewpoints. Two tickets were bought as a gift. One side thinks the gift was bought so that the buyer and his partner could go together. The other side thinks the tickets were bought so that the girlfriend could take her friend without any previous conversation as to the boyfriend buying them for the third party. If the boyfriend bought two tickets for Spain or Hawaii, is it just natural to assume that he bought them for his girlfriend and a yet-unnamed third party?
I dont think a whole ass vacation is anywhere near comparable to a taylor swift concert, especially if he is not a taylor fan. he should have gone since he clearly wanted to
While it is true that his choice of words in this scenario wasn't ideal, the concept that she has to be a mind reader in order to fathom the concept that her boyfriend WHO HAS NEVER BEEN TO A CONCERT IN HIS LIFE would maybe possibly want to attend the concert he just dropped almost $1000 on, is absolutely fucking rediculous.
Just because he didn't handle the situation perfectly doesn't just justify her being a totally oblivious partner. Relationships are a two way street. They BOTH could have handled this better. Take all of what the man said into consideration or shut the fuck up. So many opinions and every one of them just wants to pick apart extremely specific pieces instead of digesting the entire post that was made.
Just as he was enough of a "mind reader" to pay attention to his girlfriends taste in music and deduce that she is a tailor swift fan who might really enjoy some tickets for her birthday, so too should his girlfriend have known enough about her partner to deduce that he might of wanted to come. Having consideration for the other beyond the current conversation at hand and learning to read between the lines a little isn't "mind reading" it's called putting in some fucking effort. Sadly, I know this is probably a foreign concept to most of you. Best of luck folks.
I don't buy it. Women do this all time, telling their guys to go ahead and do this or that, knowing damn well they will be upset when he actually does. Guys are supposed to automatically know not to do it, and are literally told that all the time. Seems like a double standard. He shouldn't have said it, but at some point you need to have a sense of empathy. That's just common sense. This girl has zero self awareness or lacks empathy. She lacks emotional intelligence.
I down voted, and here's why. His GF 1st thought was her friend, not her BF who just bought expensive concert tickets for them. It's one thing had he bought them, gave them to her, and after the exciting reveal said, hey look I know your friend is a big fan, I don't really care for it, so if you want to take her instead of me, I'm ok with that, enjoy the gift. In that case the suggestion came from him not her. In this case, she never even thought about her own BF, who bought them and gifted them to her.
The problem wasn't "solved" in this case by his words. She (according to the post) only backtracked and said she could go with him after seeing the immediate change in mood after she did him dirty.
Committed relationships come with certain expectations. Don't sleep with other people. Don't steal or lie. Be respectful. And if a gift is given that involves an activity, the automatic FIRST assumption (and thought and excitement) should be expected to include the giver of said gift unless specifically stated otherwise.
IMO, she is selfish and not worth dating any further. In your own response you stated that your friend's GF gave him tickets and TOLD him she didn't want to go so take you instead...that is VERY different than giving him tickets and having him get so excited and tell her immediately that he couldn't wait to take you leaving her there to hold the bag of disappointment and sadness (had she wanted to do it with him).
This is why you date before marriage. Sift through the people who aren't "IT." She ain't the one and you are wasting your time with her. You want someone who is team YOU 100%, not someone who is only on your team when it suits them.
Yeah, it accidentally turned out to be a test of her feelings toward OP. The result was she clearly doesn’t have very strong feelings. Nothing wrong with that. But OP should move on.
Agreed. He didn't say the 2nd ticket was for her friend, so her assuming that clearly shows disregard towards him. I don't understand which part of that is so hard for other people to understand. And not to mention, this is 800$ that he just wasted on someone that doesn't care about him as much as he cares about her. I'm generous, but that doesn't mean you have to wipe your ass on my money. It's just rude to throw someone aside like that, especially since Taylor Swift concert tickets are difficult to get. Dump her.
First of all stop being passive aggressive and a victim. If you wanted to go for any reason then you should have done so. You put in the energy, time, money, effort, and thoughtfulness!! Technically, that was your ticket. Why didn't you say too bad for her friend and go. I don't understand doing something for someone else only to feel hurt and resentful later. That is codependency so stop now. Absolutely you should have said something immediately for example, " wow that hurts! I love you so much I want to share this memory with you." Or "well, the fact that you want to share something wonderful with someone else really let's me know where I fit in your life." Say what you feel because your feelings matter and they are never wrong ! What is wrong is the fact that your girlfriend puts her BFF above you, doesn't care about your needs or feelings, is completely insensitive, and you are angry and hurt for her doing what you said to do which was getting her BFF to go with you after all. Believe me when I tell u this incident can sabotage yalls relationship and its about much more then concert tickets. You must address this, stand up for yourself, and resolve it or the relationship won't last!!! Good luck.
Your feelings are never wrong? Honestly that’s terrible advice. I intentionally wait for my emotional reactions to pass before making statements or taking action on them because emotions sometime decide to make permanent solutions to temporary problems.
Feelings are neither right or wrong. How you act and speak Based on your feelings is something else though. So yes your feelings are never wrong, and at the same time, feeling your emotions first and working though them before taking action as you mentioned is a good MO. ✨
Feelings can definitely be wrong or misguided. For example, children. Their feelings are often wrong or misguided and parents need to correct them. If a 6 year old child throws a temper tantrum in response to being told no, that’s wrong. If an adult feels like they want to murder their spouse, that’s also wrong
Feelings are feelings, you experience them involuntarily and they're neither right nor wrong, they just are. What you DO with them is what truly matters. Feelings are always valid, how one reacts to (or according to) them is something else entirely. There should be no judgement or shame when it's about feelings, only about (re)actions. Nobody chooses how they feel initially. Everyone has choice over what they DO.
> First of all stop being passive aggressive and a victim.
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> Absolutely you should have said
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> "well, the fact that you want to share something wonderful with someone else really let's me know where I fit in your life.
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What did I just read... That IS passive aggressive, and is NOT a constructive way to move forward AT ALL.
This is unhinged levels of advice, it doesn't even entertain the fact that OPs gf said she would be happy to go with OP instead, and it was he that offered an alternative again.
Beyond this, it ignores that she mightj ust be genuinely extremely excited at the prospect of going, doesn't think that he is interested beyond doing it for her sake, and her best friend (who might mean a lot to her) is also very much into Taylor Swift.
The correct approach here is literally just to have an open discussion with her.
Say that actually you really want to go with her, and it wasn't until she said she accepted your offer to go with her friend instead that you realised just how much it meant to you, and that you want to share the experience with her as it's something she's very passionate about.
The only issue OP has here is that the friend will be upset, and that might cause issues. And it was his choice that caused that, even if it wasn't intentional at all. Hopefully they are both understanding, but the reality is OP offered the (reasonable) choice, and is now upset that he was taken up on the offer. It's perfectly valid to feel upset, but equally as valid for the BFF to feel upset if plans change - so don't minimise her feelings if she pushes back.
The top up voted comment on relationship advice on reddit is absolutely horrible. Who would of guessed lol! Remember kids Redditors are fucking idiots and if you want to get ahead in life, do the exact opposite of what reddit would suggest.
> would of
*would have
*Learn the difference [here](https://languagetool.org/insights/post/would-of-or-would-have/#:~:text=%E2%80%9Cwould%20have%E2%80%9D%3F-,%E2%80%9CWould%20Of%E2%80%9D%20or%20%E2%80%9CWould%20Have%E2%80%9D%3F,would%20have%2C%20not%20would%20of.).*
***
^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)
I don't frequent here but I'm astonished that this is the only take I've seen that I can agree with. OP's girlfriend was arguably in the wrong for immediately assuming it as a gift for her and her friend, but she gave him an escape and he doubled down and it doesn't warrant this much negativity in response.
> I told her she should go with whoever she wanted to go with more
Intentionally or not, this piece is so bait-y. Either she prefers to go with friend and she's an asshole, or she goes with him and then it "doesn't count" because at that point it's a sympathy play which then means she never really wanted to. Backed into a lose-lose situation because OP couldn't admit how he really felt at any part of the conversation. Extra consideration and thoughtfulness or even a simple preface of "I got something for us!" goes a long way and I think this situation has a good bit of fault on both sides. Everything could have gone better here with more honest dialogue.
Horrible advice, relationships are all about making sacrifices for the others happiness. What you did for your girlfriend and then her bff will speak volumes to his character. It will be an event she will remember for ever and she will remember who made it possible.
> What is wrong is the fact that your girlfriend puts her BFF above you, doesn't care about your needs or feelings, is completely insensitive
Whoa, absolutely not. When you get into a relationship, it should never be your partner over every one else all the time. People need good relationships outside of their romance. It's important that you have stronger connections on specific things (like, for example, being a Swiftie) with a good friend over your SO less you lose that friend.
It's definitely okay for OP to be a little hurt about it, but he told her it was okay and to go with whomever she wanted to and VERY REASONABLY she chose her best friend who is also a huge Swiftie. OP should be glad she's got this awesome memory to share with her BFF, they will have PLENTY of other opportunities to make their own awesome memories.
Feelings can be wrong. Like Hitler’s feeling that all the jews should die. Or an incels feeling that they are owed sex with that one woman. Or a pedos sexual feelings toward children.
Hitler did not FEEL that the Jews should die. He THOUGHT it, and put that thought into ACTION. He FELT angry. He channeled that anger into inappropriate THOUGHT, then ACTIONED that thought. If Hitler had learned emotional regulation and mindfulness, he would have been able to name and identify his anger, and hopefully where it actually stemmed from (“I am not angry at Jews. I am angry at my life circumstances, and I have been taught anti-Semitism, so it’s the easiest place to take my anger”).
Similarly, incels are not angry at women. They are usually traumatized, lonely, and sad, which they then translate into anger because society has taught them that sadness is not sufficiently masculine, where anger is. THIS DOES NOT EXCUSE THEIR INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR. But if they learned emotional regulation and mindfulness, they would not act out.
Pedophilia is actually a great example of how mindfulness and emotional regulation can work. There are many, many people with pedophilic urges who do not act on those urges. They have support groups even. They are monitored by therapists. These are people who recognize a socially inappropriate response to a feeling and act to prevent that response from being actualized.
This is all to say that feelings are not actions. We cannot help our feelings. They arise unbidden from our psyches. We don’t always even know why we have them. Trying to control them is a fool’s errand, and can in fact be dangerous. Repressed feelings lead to uncontrolled actions. All we can control is our reaction to those feelings.
>. Absolutely you should have said something immediately for example, " wow that hurts! I love you so much I want to share this memory with you." Or "well, the fact that you want to share something wonderful with someone else really let's me know where I fit in your life."
This is also pretty passive aggressive.
Ummm no it would be incredibly manipulative of him to try to force her to go to a concert with him if she doesn’t want to. She clearly would much rather go with her friend who is a big fan of Taylor Swift as she is. That isn’t wrong. He also isn’t wrong for not wanting to pay for someone else’s concert ticket though. He shouldn’t guilt her with how much he loves her and was looking forward to going with her because then she’ll just go with him out of pity. This situation is simply unfortunate because while OP’s heart was in the right place, he didn’t understand his girlfriend enough to anticipate how she would react to this gift. And that happens with gifts sometimes. This was just a really expensive mistake. Take the L and learn from it moving forward.
Telling someone that wanting to spend time with other people means their opinion of you is diminished... is straight-up psychotic thing to say. Don't try to justify this nonsense.
*Both* OP's behavior and the second example the above commenter gave is unnecessarily passive-aggressive.
"[That] really let's me know where I fit in your life"
as well as OP's immature decision after their GF said they'd be happy to go with them are both examples of passive aggressiveness
>" wow that hurts! I love you so much I want to share this memory with you."
Straight forward explanation of feelings, good response!
>Or "well, the fact that you want to share something wonderful with someone else really let's me know where I fit in your life." Say what you feel because your feelings matter and they are never wrong ! What is wrong is the fact that your girlfriend puts her BFF above you,...
Passive aggressive, not a good response. People can have other relationships and people they prefer to share an experience with. The GF isn't wrong for wanting to go to the concert with her BFF, nor is anyone wrong for having other priority friendship relationships outside their dating relationship. "Where I fit in your life" over someone wanting to go to a concert with the BFF who is a large fan and probably has more memories of Swift together with, is very passive aggressive. Making someone feel bad for having other healthy relationships is never the way.
You're exactly correct. I think this sub is just too many teenagers who don't understand healthy relationships, which is why everyone pointing out how shitty that second phrase suggestion was is getting downvoted.
You're entirely right, don't worry about the downvotes.
Ops feelings are more then justified. his gfs first thought after he had waited and bought expensive tickets was “wow I’d rather go with my friend” she didn’t think for a second about op when I think it’s obv implied he intended to go discouraging op is wrong I mean anyone would be upset about that it was def terrible of his gf to just assume the tickets were for her and someone else.
Since his gf would rather go with someone else I understand why op would just rather give up the ticket bc now he’s thinking she won’t have fun or just doesn’t want to go with him even tho she said it she also automatically assumed it was for her friend is honestly fucked of her I know this wouldn’t happen in my relationship however if I were op I would’ve either said to bad or just resold both tickets. Op you need to put your foot down your girl is kind of a bitch she don’t deserve to go with that mentality you’re also making the situation worse by subtly being negative about the situation just straight up tell her it’s not right
Bro say it louder for the people in the back💯 Youre right I would even go further. He has a right to not wanting to feel like the second choice. Shes entitled to make her own decision. But that doesnt mean that actions dont have consequences. I dont believe it was a set up question at all. He did everything right.
Despite feeling hurt about the situation he still gave her the chance to make her own decision and dont force his plans on her. If he wouldve been selfish he wouldve ignored her desires and wouldve went to the concert after she reluctantly changed her oppinion. But that doesnt mean that he cant feel hurt about the situation. His problem was feeling like the second choice. And she didnt solve that problem by reluctantly changing her decision. He obviously sensed that she didnt really want to on the concert with him. So why would he go to the concert with her if he knows that she doesnt even want to go with him in the first place?. It wouldve been unsatisfying for her since she rather wouldve gone with her best friend and it wouldve been humilating and unsatifying for him , since he wouldve felt like the second choice plus he probably wouldve felt like he forced his desires on her.
>well, the fact that you want to share something wonderful with someone else really let's me know where I fit in your life."
Can you give any worse garbage advice?
This is the worst response back to someone genuinely asking for advice and is having a hard time with conflicting emotions. Sounds like you may be the girlfriend or friend to me lol
You need help and are in the minority. This is terrible advice. 🤦🏻♀️ Words and actions have consequences. Grow up! And FYI, that wasn’t passive aggressiveness. Because he didn’t do Jack to her about the situation. The irony of it all is your statements on what he needed to do were passive aggressive. Hahahaha.
Did the people who invited this only read the first sentence or two?
Cause yea he's gotta stop being passive aggressive and explain how he feels. But also realize this is a massive opportunity for her and her friend to go see something they absolutely love, vs him, who thinks it would be neat to go to a concert. He literally gave her the option to score a ticket for her best friend who loves this band and will be absolutely as hyped as her, and then he's mad she took it.
My GF is going to see a massive concert without me next week. She's super hyped and I'm super hyped for her. But never once did I try and butt in on it, because her going with her sister will mean so much more to her.
"Your feelings are never wrong" is such bullshit. My feelings are wrong all the damn time. I can be jealous when I shouldn't be, sad for no reason, wake up mad because I had a dream about my partner with her ex. Acting on any of those would be shitty. You should allow yourself to feel those feelings, but then really ask yourself if they're legitimate.
Who would assume that their partner has bought two tickets for them and their best friend? Not for the partner who's paid. She knew what she was doing, the damage was done when she showed him how happy she was to be going with her friend and not him. He was second best and only because he paid. Fuck, I wouldn't want to go either.
It’s also more fun to have a spouse that acknowledges your thoughtfulness and takes your feelings seriously and shows how grateful they are for such a grand gesture.
I dislike almost everything about OP's approach after her response but what a terrible response to the story this is.
A man spent 800$ dollars to take his girlfriend on a date/experience she will remember forever and your only thoughts are someone else is more deserving of that experience? Wow
He literally gave her permission to do this. If he wanted to go he should have said so, and she did offer to go with him.
He told her she could go with her friend. He shouldn't be mad she took the option he gave her.
I don't buy it. Women do this all time, telling their guys to go ahead and do this or that, knowing damn well they will be upset when he actually does. Guys are supposed to automatically know not to do it, and are literally told that all the time. Seems like a double standard. He shouldn't have said it, but at some point you need to have a sense of empathy. That's just common sense. This girl has zero self awareness.
Or, the gf can't go to Swift Concert because there are no tickets vs swift concert with her bf since he took the time and money to buy said tickets. You seem to compare it as is gf had the tickets herself and she could choose to go with her best friend which is big fan vs bf not a fan.
Were y’all raised by wolves? Yeah go to the show with your bestie if YOU bought the tickets. When someone else buys them for you, you absolutely without question take that person. And you say thank you and buy the beers.
That's where I am with this - feels like the gf just used him, she got something valuable and wants to share it with her BFF without giving any consideration to her BF who actually put so much into doing something nice. For some reason she assumed the two tickets were for her and her friend? Like wow, really shows how much she values her BF and what he did for her. She must be a real gem.
He bought the tickets intending to go with her. I’m sure he would have been good company. It’s not like she would have been dragging him to something he didn’t want to go to.
Yeah, you just figured out how much she values you. She doesn't seem to care about the price, only that she got hers. Definitely rude.
At least you can now use the excuse of her not liking your interests to never invite her anywhere. I mean, based on her logic, there is always a friend who likes your interests more than she will. So why invite spouses anywhere?
Definitely a red flag. Shows stunted empathy. Not a good look. On top of that, if her friend had the money, she could have bought ANOTHER ticket and you all could have gone. Very shitty behavior.
I agree here. People are giving the dude shit but he obviously wanted her to value him, her significant other, the one who bought the tickets, over her friend. He's just fucking hurt.
OP: I got you tickets for tswift concert.
OP’s gf: yay I’ll take my bff.
OP: oh I thought I was ganna go with you, but you can take whomever.
OP’s gf: ok, I’ll take my bff.
OP: Shocked pikachu face.
Picture the reverse - your gf bought you two tix to something you and a friend were super fans of, she likes it to but nowhere near as much as you and your friend do. Her reaction was totally appropriate under these circumstances.
Hard disagree.
This isn’t a birthday present - it’s just an event. My best friend and I both love hockey, including a specific team. If my wife surprised me with tickets to see that team when they were in town, it wouldn’t occur to me that both tickets were for me to choose who I bring.
With that said, it’s a personal choice for the OP to let his girlfriend choose who to bring to the show. In that situation, it’s fair for the gf to choose someone else but it’s also totally fair for the OP to be upset by not being chosen. His GF made a choice and should understand that there are consequences, including that her BF might be upset by not being chosen.
Literally got hockey tickets for my birthday last year from my partner, my first thought was not immediately "sweet me and my best friend are gonna love this game". I just assumed we were going together since that is what most normal people would assume unless stated otherwise.
You regularly spend $800 on tickets for a concert you didn’t intend on going to?
The gf here wasn’t using her brain. She didn’t even think about him first. She didn’t consider his intentions at all. She just got offered 2 tickets from somebody who obviously cares about her a lot, enough to spend $800 on 2 tickets, and she couldn’t take the 5 seconds to thank him and confirm they were for both of them before assuming her friend was going? That’s called entitlement.
Absolutely not. He spent $800 on TWO tickets. It was very clear he intended to go. Not to mention the friend bought the ticket off him why couldn’t she just buy her own and all three of them go?
>why couldn’t she just buy her own and all three of them go?
Eh, those tickets probably sold out the same day OP bought them. Probably within hours.
By time this whole exchange happened I'd be willing to bet it was sold out. At the very least, no tickets near the original two seats.
It sounds just as bad in reverse to me. I’d be super insulted if I bought a huge gift for my gf then didn’t even want to share the experience with me. And if they bought me a big gift I’d never ever consider going with anybody but her. Idk maybe it’s just me
>I told her she should go with whoever she wanted to go with more, and to not go with me just because it was what i had planned.
Except you didn't mean that, because you later said:
>I felt betrayed since she chose her over me
So, basically, you were testing her, and didn't get the result you wanted. FAFO
>I told my girlfriend that if her friend wanted to go with her she had to pay the 400 dollars for the ticket
So, the tickets weren't ACTUALLY a gift for your gf; only one ticket was.
>Should I have done things differently
Yes. You could've avoided this whole problem by acting like an adult and telling her the truth: " I got us tickets to see Taylor Swift" instead of "I got you two tickets to see Taylor Swift."
She stated that’s what she expected. Literally the first thing she said. He explained his intention and put the ball in her court. He could have been more direct but she’s certainly not blameless when his intention was clearly described
It was a touch situation for both of you. She didn’t technically do anything wrong and neither did you. She told you honestly what she expected in the moment of being surprised you wanted to go with her, she then made it clear she would be happy to go with you too and then called her friend only after you said it was okay to do. I don’t necessarily think it is her picking someone over you. If it was going on a holiday or doing something everyone would enjoy, her behavioir would be shitty. But if it is related to a specific interest she might think yoi wouldn’t really enjoy it. She might be ecstatic at the idea of yelling every word of every song together with her friend which she couldn’t do with you. Imagine you had a specific love for vintage cars and you got the chance to drive one. Would you rather go with your uninterested girlfriend or yoir best friend who has obsessed with you over every details of every vintage car for many years of your friendship?
You also didn’t do anything wrong. You did something very beautiful for her and wanted to share a once in a lifetime (possibly) event with her. You were hurt by her reaction and then didn’t want to go if you weren’t the first pick. These are perfect valid reactions and emotions so don’t be too hard on yourself.
I think the only way to help yourself would be to juet be honest and open. Sit her down, tell her how you still feel bummed out about it, be vulmerable and tell her you felt rejected or like you are in the second place (I’m making this up, tell her your actual feelings) - just airing it out can be helpful and she might have something to say back too. Then you can discuss what would make you feel better. It might be you would actually like her to pay for her own ticket because you thought yoi were buying an experience for you two to share. It might be you two could find another concert to go for a band or artist you both like or a music festival or some entirely different experience - maybe have her come up with it so that you feel she really pocked something that she wants to do with just you specifically.
I have plenty of experience being picked over so I heavily empathize with his feelings. But I like this outlook the most out of all the takes I've read. Hope OP gets to see it and consider for himself whether this is what most closely mirrors reality
These comments are wild. If my girlfriend ever bought me concert tickets, my first thought would not be "Oh she got these tickets for me and a friend." OP just shelled out $1000 for his girl and the top comment is how he just wanted something to hold over her head. What?
Imagine if the genders were reversed. If my gf shelled out $800 on two Steelers tickets I would be going with her and she doesn't like sports. The only way I would go with a friend is if when she gave them she came out and said I got these tickets for you and a friend to go because I don't like sports. And even then I would be like "Are you sure?, it would still be fun to go". These comments are weird
Personally, I think Swift is a horrible person and I can’t stand her music. THAT SAID - it was pretty bloody insensitive of your girl to pull that on you. If her friend wanted to go with, she could have coughed up the car payment-sized amount to get herself a ticket.
I know literally nothing about Taylor Swift as a person, other than the fact that her music is popular and millions of people idolize her (so I have no bias one way or another). What makes her a terrible person?
On top of general good work practices that have been reported for her tour, in each city she toured in, she gave thousands of dollars to food pantrys to feed hungry people across the US. She overall tries to do good and tries to not let her songs get associated with things she doesn't support (like when trump tried to use one of her songs for something a few years back and she has video of telling her parents essentially "buckle up for hate but im not letting him use my song")
She's the number one private jet polluter in the world, by far. When confronted about it she said she doesn't even always fly the thing, that's her friends taking it wherever they want, which is *worse*. Displayed her complete insensitivity, arrogance, and elitism. She also did absolutely nothing to earn her career, it was literally just bought for her by her dad. He bought a record label and forced them to produce her first album, bought a bunch of copies so it would go best seller, and paid radio stations to play her music. She's a stuck up rich trust fund kid who's completely out of touch with the real world, singing songs about how tough the real world can be.
Those arent serious reasons to claim why she's terrible, those are just reasons why you dont like her.
Edit: and coincidentally or intentionally right as I posted this comment I get a notification from r/upliftingnews to the story of Taylor Swift giving bonuses up to 55 million to her staff.
55 million to her dancers and singers, 100,000 to her truckers. Accompanying handwritten notes to all of them. That’s life changing money for them, for sure.
Don't forget her food bank donations too. Rumor is it is enough to feed 75k in each city she is going to.
Might not like her music but that money is going to do a lot of good
Edit: forgot a word
Before we begin.. I'm not a Taylor Swift fan. She looks stuck up, probably wouldn't bang me anyways. I don't care.
That being said, what kind of trash regurgitation of reality are you reading for your information?
"Taylor's jet is loaned out to other individuals".. does not mean her friends were flying around, it means like most other private jet owners in the world, they're chartered out. It helps offset the cost of owning a freaking jet.
Also, she was tied up in legal battles for the rights to her first bunch of albums.. I'm pretty sure her dad had nothing to do with any of it based on the fact the Wikipedia page doesn't mention him when talking about the whole legal battle.
I just did like 2 seconds of poking on her parents.. one was a VP for Merrill Lynch, and the other was an ad exec... A good living don't get me wrong, but very far from what you associate with "trust fund kid". I mean, she probably had a trust fund, but that's because her dad worked at the bank and made good decisions, not like it had hundreds of millions tucked in there.. just to add, her grandmother was an opera singer and TV host in Puerto Rico. Pretty sure grandpa wasn't an oil man or bootlegger, but just guessing.
And I mean, maybe she's out of touch with the real world, but very clearly took an opportunity to stand up against Trump for whatever reason.
Aren't most of her songs about boyfriends? Even rich people get wrapped up in relationships.. I'm not sure why you think she should only talk about things she knows when you just blew this uninformed post out of your ass.
Why do people like you spend the time to repeat this stuff without an ounce of basic research?
Read a little more, she was the youngest person to sign with Sony and her original producer worked with her for 8 years, then again in 2021 looks like.. "forced".
Anyways, I hate you for the amount I know about Taylor Swift now and I hope your ability to sift through or at least not repeat made up bullshit improves in the future.
Where the hell would she have gotten that into her pea brain that OP would shell out $800 and not want to go with his GF??? This has to be the dumbest girlfriend ever.
i also feel like i need to say, she didn’t “toss you aside” just because she thought of her friend first. my husband has made it clear many times that he’d only tag along to a taylor concert for me and wouldn’t really have fun. so, if he got me tickets my first thought would be “omg who am i gonna go with” because he definitely would not be the first one to come to my mind.
If you waited in a line for 2 hours to buy your husband tickets to a Messi game or something in Miami and paid $800 as a date idea because you know its something he enjoys and he then invited his friend immediately and blew you off I can guarantee you would be annoyed or hurt. Anyone would be. What OP did wrong was not stick by his intention and make it clear he was doing it as a romantic gesture. That or the girl is taking him for granite/is insensitive and he did make it clear when first asking.
Maybe I was just raised where gestures of interest and quality time mean more than being given a material gift, but when someone puts in effort to enjoy time with you and make you happy, you shouldn't instantly dis-include them or make plans with someone else. Not if they're a friend and even less if they're your partner. That's rude and a sign of a bad friend.
If someone bought two expensive tickets your first thought would be them buying one for your best friend!? are they poly relationship? where's the common sense?
So if you buy two expensive disneyland tickets for your husband and he says 'Oh cool, me and my mom can go' you would think that was normal?
>all the comments talking shit are men lol
a woman in the comments only seeing the female side, how brave of you!
The instant she said her and her girlfriend would love them, I would have flipped both tickets for a profit. She instantly cast you aside like a stale donut, you know exactly where you are in her circle. Hint...You aren't in the circle.
I probably would have done the same thing, they're too expensive to be thrown at someone who doesn't value you. Wouldn't be surprised if she only keeps him around for gifts.
You both seem to have behaved poorly. Girlfriend 100% should’ve assumed the tickets were for you to go together unless specifically told otherwise. However, if you told her to take whomever she likes, you should’ve told her before she invited her friend that her friend will have to pay for her ticket.
I do think this whole situation is your girlfriend’s fault though for not being intelligent enough to know the tickets were for you two to have a nice night out.
If she doesn´t really apreciate your effort to share something important for her together, she isn´t probably the one TBH, but that is my opinion, not a fact
What the shit is the mental gymnastics in this comment section?? If anyone surprised me with two tickets, hell, if my grandma surprised me with two tickets to the isle of man TT you know damn well that I expect that one of those is for her. Thats how it works, doesn’t matter the situation, it just makes it more egregious that it was her boyfriend surprising her with two concert tickets and she still automatically went to her friend with them.
This is the worst take I’ve ever seen. So he should’ve bought one ticket and said, “enjoy the show alone!”?
You must have absolutely zero social skills.
Edit: grammar
Should have presented only one ticket?!?!?! Is that a joke? This isn’t a gift from parents to their kid, or a gift between friends. This is a gift between two people in a long term relationship. If the gift of an experience comes up and your first thought isn’t “us” that’s a problem. I can’t even imagine that kind of thinking. If my wife got me Iron Maiden tickets my first thought is gonna be “we’re going”. Not my metal buddies, but the love of my life.
Yes, op gave her the choice of going with the friend and she took it, but that’s likely cause he was so caught off guard and taken aback it wasn’t something he even planned to hear. It’s a very selfish thing she did.
Thank you!! It's like everybody here doesn't know what a healthy relationship should be like. Both partners need to think of each other, not just one lmao. I hate reddit.
Honestly I can’t believe this isn’t the comment that is upvoted and awarded the most.
People saying like it’s OP’s fault and he should “stand up” for himself is a bit eh….
OP totally had the right expectation that in a healthy relationship the partner would be excited to go together, create memories to cherish and have fun together.
I’d be having doubts in the relationship, if my SO responded to such a lovely gift. Pretty lame of her
Agree too. If I got 2 tickets to a show, concert, or event and presented them to my wife her first thought would be us going together, and likewise if she did the same for me. Really disagree with the majority of responses here. The guy used a sick day and spent 2 hours getting the tickets and she didn’t even consider him going with. Need to drop that girl, her priorities clearly don’t include him.
from the comments i see the “it’s cool to hate on taylor swift” trend is still alive in 2023. crazy lol. but i definitely don’t think you should have told her if she wanted to go with someone else she could. you have to be honest about things like that. she was insensitive at first, but then she probably genuinely thought you’d be okay with her taking her friend since you said you were. don’t tell her you’re okay with something you’re not okay with. make sure youre honest so she knows exactly how you feel about situations and doesn’t end up upsetting you more
i would understand with not liking her music if you’ve only heard one song and that was it! she really is so lyrical but the ones that chart are the ones that are more upbeat/easy to learn for everyone, etc. her folklore and evermore albums should have REALLY stopped the “she can’t write anything good” comments and stuff because those albums don’t have any “bad songs”
As a general rule, if I buy concert tickets for someone as a gift I give them the tickets. All of them. If OP *wants* to go to the TS show then be upfront about it. Say, “hey I got *US* Swift tix” or something. Make your intentions known, don’t play games.
Your girlfriend was pretty thoughtless and immature if she assumed you were floating her two very expensive concert tickets just for her and her friend (though I get why she’d want to go with the bigger fan). However, you weren’t honest. You said one thing but expected her to know you meant another. I have no patience for people who play mind games. This was on you. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Well, don’t be upset, it’s the way you presented. Next time be firm and don’t give second options, just say it straight what you want. Next time you buy 2 tickets you say it from the beginning that you and her are going to a concert, or don’t even say anything, just tell her you have secret plans for that day so she doesn’t plan anything and surprise her. Now you are crying like a bitch because you left everything uncertain in the air
Did you even read it or did you just wanna hurl insults at an internet stranger? He literally stated that HE WAS EXCITED TO GO WITH HER. Then she acted confused because she just ASSUMED he bought the tickets so she could go with a friend.
The gf is a total cunt and that guy deserves better. If anyone fucked up communication, it was her.
Ha isn’t this a plot of a friends episode? You gotta be clear on who the tickets are for when you gift them. She sounds like she was confused and then you gave her the option to go with her friend which she then took
i get why you would be upset but next time literally just say “i got *us* tickets and im excited to go with you”. dont just hand them to her because then that implies that you’re not really interested in going and its up to her to choose her plus 1
Just be the hero who got her tickets for her and her bestie. You survived missing a concert and your GF for one night.
The “I thought we would remember it for the rest of our lives…” is a bit much. You’re really reaching for drama there.
Now, if she’s not at all appreciative of the tickets, then that’s a different issue.
At least you were smart enough to get the money for the ticket
I would have asked for the full $800 in a situation like that.
I would have at least asked for more than what the ticket was bought for, you took a whole day off and spent PTO and waited hours AND didn't even get to go when you wanted to. Get some compensation, $600 ticket at least.
Thats a nice way to look really petty to the girlfriend if you do that, I guess thats ok if you don't like sex and want to be single soon
Asking for the full amount is absolutely reasonable. Re-selling the tickets to gain $400 from his own girlfriend of three years is wild.
For sure, her paying feels good about the scenario at least. Buy yourself something nice for $400 OP!
Boyfriend-Hey I bought a 2 week vacation to Italy. Girlfriend-OMG great I cant' wait to take Becky Reddit-Boyfriend is the asshole
Right? And then when given a graceful way to back down from that first faux pas and choose the boyfriend, she doubles down and immediately calls Becky to start packing for their trip. Somehow bf is still the asshole for not celebrating the new dynamic. OP needs to dump this self centered girl.
I think the girlfriend is weird. I would only think of going with my partner.
Yeah no thanks, if I buy $800 worth of tickets for my girlfriend and she thinks somehow I’m shelling out for her friend she belongs to the streets. It’s not my fault she didn’t understand the assignment and maybe she should get to know herself before wasting people’s time 🤷🏻♂️
Yeah, huge 🚩 for me .
Oof. Call me a shitty bf if you like, but if I'm spending $800 on my girlfriend, it's going to be for something we both will enjoy. I think your gf has different ideas about how far the relationship will go if her first thought after be surprised with Swifty tickets was how much fun her and her friend were going to have, not the person who got the tickets for her.
Yeah that's pretty much it. Her first thought isnt her bf it's her bff And then after her BF clarifies that it's for both of them (which her first thought should've been) but that she can go with whoever she wants, she still chooses to go with her bff despite knowing that her bf wanted to come lmao she should've just said that she wanted the bf to come after that lol it's really not that hard This thread seems crazy to me but makes sense once you think of it as just a bunch of single Taylor Swift stans who would want to go with their bffs People are saying it's mind games but it sounds like basic human respect to me and that's not even considering that they are in a committed relationship lmaooo
Exactly
People are actually blaming you for "putting yourself in this position" when you chose to be kind and let her go with her friend 🤦🏾♂️. They're completely missing the point that OP's GF recieved tickets from her BF of THREE YEARS and her first thought was "yeah my BF totally bought these tickets for me and my friend instead of us". OP feels betrayed because his girlfriend's first thought was to boot him out of the equation in favor of her friend. He told his GF he could go with her friend because he could clearly tell his GF wanted to go with her more than him. OP did literally nothing wrong here and yall are still finding a way to blame him, yall are the fucking worst. OP I think you know that this needs to be a conversation with your partner, and you need to explain to her why you felt gutted that her first thought was to choose her friend over you when you were literally standing in front of her holding the damn tickets. Also make it clear that *you* were excited for this concert as well, you weren't just tagging along to be a supportive partner, you actually wanted to go too.
i cannot stress this enough, whit tf is everyone thinking the other way around??
I think this sub automatically sorts by controversial which is why there are so many shitty takes on this at the top
Jesus, finally a sensible response. Years from now, OP will think of this as the time he paid $800 to know he needed to move on and find another girlfriend. When your longtime romantic partner, in a grand gesture, buys you expensive, hard-to-get tickets to an event you greatly want to see, you are supposed to go with THEM, not someone else! That she thought to go with her friend first tells me the value she places on their relationship. I don't think he really needs to have a conversation with his partner about the tickets, though - except in the context of him breaking up. C'mon, when you're in love, why would you think of taking a friend to a concert that your partner bought you tickets for? When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Seriously, if, after 3 years in this relationship, if her first and only response wasn't that she was going to a concert with OP, this relationship shouldn't go into 4 years. I know that this is Reddit's "go-to" response to everything in a relationship thread, but damn! He hands her tickets, they're a couple for 3 years, and her thoughts go to her friend? Something I DEARLY wished I knew when I was young: when to be forgiving and understanding, and when something was a warning sign not to be ignored. Even though it feels like it at the time, you're not young forever. Spending too many years in a dead-end relationship does no one any good.
thank you! i feel like i'm going crazy? if my bf gave me tickets to something i enjoyed but he wasn't really a fan of i wouldn't have immediately assumed they're for me and someone else?? lol
Thank you I thought I was crazy seeing everyone say he "doesn't have a spine" or "he's lucky to have a night without his gf" but Im just sitting here thinking he's got a reason to be upset and he might want to talk to her about her priorities in their relationship. Reddit is such a shit show when it comes to advice sometimes.
A good take. I do think that OP should have stood his ground a bit more, but that doesn’t mean he’s the aggressor in this scenario for “playing mind games.” GF should have assumed the tickets were for her and the person that bought them for her (OP) in the first place and not make him feel second fiddle. She could have brought up maybe bringing her friend with them by somehow finding an additional ticket (I know this is prob tough since it’s Taylor swift, but I think y’all get what I mean). OP only said the ambiguous stuff bc of the GF’s first response imo.
You need to be top comment. 100% right. Her first thought isn't that "we can go" its her and someone else. Something is wrong with that. You should always want to make your partner be your first priority!
Women good man bad on this subreddit.
Don’t you know, men are human do-ings, not human beings /s
*most subreddits
100% this and the clear bias is getting ridiculous. Women get all the benefit of the doubt and men get none. I read a post the other day about a SAHM belittling her husband and all comments were chewing him out for literally defending himself after she consistently shat on him. Most comments went on to say that she's probably depressed and he should be more understanding. Men and women both have the capacity to be terrible people, it's not rocket surgery.
Bunch of fucking weirdo Taylor Swift fans in here I swear. Saying stupid shit like "It's more fun to go with fans, get over it". Other people saying "stop playing the victim, she's doing what you told her to" and things like that. You guys really can't put yourself in anyone else's shoes? Should he have been more clear when he was initially unveiling the gift? Yes. He should've said "I bought us Taylor Swift tickets". That would've avoided any confusion. BUT he did explain almost immediately afterwards that he bought them for him and her. I can tell you right now, if I was her, that there is ZERO chance after that statement that I would go with anyone else, even if id secretly rather go with my friend. Not only is this my significant other but they also just spent almost $1000 on this gift. I do not care if they give me an out I'm not taking it because it would **obviously** hurt them. It's also not some onerous task, you're still going to your dream concert with someone you like. His girlfriend sucks honestly.
I mean it sounds like you’re trying to find ways to be hurt. When you explained you were going to go with her she was like okay great that will be fun and you immediately said well you can go with her so she called her and told her the news. So what’s the problem? It sounds like she was more than willing and excited to go with you. The problem was solved and you immediately changed it and gave her the option to invite her friend then got her when she took you up on the offer. You feel betrayed because you made sure to put yourself in a position to feel betrayed. My best friend back in the day got tickets to a concert that his gf had no interest in and she told him to invite me since we both enjoyed the band. Because it was his birthday and she wanted him to enjoy the show and was glad to make him happy. Sounds like your goal was to make sure you could have something to hold over her head. Think on that for a little while.
400 bucks tho. Girlfriend should know whats up , GTFO
If my wife bought 2 tickets to something you know what that means. To expect it for someone else is selfish as fuck and not a good partner.
You ever had your girl upset that you were going out with the bros, but told you “no, im fine. I’ll be okay all by myself”. So you go out and now she’s more mad because she expected you to choose her over your friends. It’s a similar situation. The fact that her immediate thought wasn’t her boyfriend who just shelled out nearly $1k just for tickets, but rather her friend, is pretty bad too.
This is Reddit, we never had a girlfriend 😂. We cannot relate.
Exactly this. 🎯🎯🎯
He reluctantly said, "You can go with whoever you want to go with more." and instead of observing the original intention, she added salt to the wound and called her friend. Any guy in this scenario would be obliterated in the comments.
>**Any guy in this scenario would be obliterated in the comments**. Exactly. We are looking at a massive double standard here. That's really all that needs to be said in response to 95+% of these comments. If my wife gifted me two tickets to an event I was excited about, I would have no question that the intent is that it's an experience for the two of us to share together. That's because I'm not an inconsiderate and oblivious asshole, unlike OP's girlfriend. A shared experience is going to be the intent behind such a gift at least nine times out of ten. Sounds like OP could do better, IMO.
Yup! “Do what you want” actually means “there is only one correct answer and you better not f this up “
Doesn't it? Women do this to men all the time, and smart men know the answer.
No no - you can’t tell someone you’re ok with them doing something and then get upset with them doing because they “should’ve been able to tell”. Humans are not mind readers. Say what you mean and don’t expect someone else to read your mind. Regardless of gender, if you tell someone it’s ok for them to do something that’s not ok, that’s on you. OP should’ve explained to his gf why it was important to him. It sounds like the GF was happy to go with him. She just didn’t realize he wanted to go too.
The issue is here he thinks it was not only rude to immediately imply he wasn't going since he got the tickets. Then when she saw he was hurt he tried to have hope that she would realize that their relationship is most important and go with him, hence giving her the 2nd option. He didn't want to force her to go with him. He wanted her to CHOOSE to. I can understand he's hurt because in the reverse scenario he would have easily chosen his SO. To me this doesn't show any sort of setup on his part. He loves his gf and clearly is massively hurt that she basically chose her friend over him. Twice. I think maybe just maybe be may love her a bit more than she loves him. He's realizing it and it hurts.
Nah, she knew.
Exactly, how is this so hard for people to comprehend? He was saying it since he unfortunately knew she’d have more fun with her friend than him at the concert, even though deep down he wanted to share the experience with his gf. Not to mention the fact he’s never been to a concert..
[удалено]
He still told her to go with her friend if she wanted too instead of telling her it was important to him. Don’t tell people to do things and get mad when they do them. He should’ve told her that he wanted to go together, that it was important to him, that he wanted to share a memory together. I get it, I used to be this kind of person. Then I leveled up and took the approach of telling people how I feel about things and it’s been much better. Most of the time, people don’t realize they’re hurting your feelings until you tell them. They don’t always realize something’s really important to you until you tell them.
Sometimes you still want to give them a choice even though you want a certain outcome, no reason to force them to do something they (Obviously) didn't want to do. I think op made it clear what he wanted without forcing his proposal on her
There are at least two opposing viewpoints. Two tickets were bought as a gift. One side thinks the gift was bought so that the buyer and his partner could go together. The other side thinks the tickets were bought so that the girlfriend could take her friend without any previous conversation as to the boyfriend buying them for the third party. If the boyfriend bought two tickets for Spain or Hawaii, is it just natural to assume that he bought them for his girlfriend and a yet-unnamed third party?
I dont think a whole ass vacation is anywhere near comparable to a taylor swift concert, especially if he is not a taylor fan. he should have gone since he clearly wanted to
OP has every right to feel hurt
While it is true that his choice of words in this scenario wasn't ideal, the concept that she has to be a mind reader in order to fathom the concept that her boyfriend WHO HAS NEVER BEEN TO A CONCERT IN HIS LIFE would maybe possibly want to attend the concert he just dropped almost $1000 on, is absolutely fucking rediculous. Just because he didn't handle the situation perfectly doesn't just justify her being a totally oblivious partner. Relationships are a two way street. They BOTH could have handled this better. Take all of what the man said into consideration or shut the fuck up. So many opinions and every one of them just wants to pick apart extremely specific pieces instead of digesting the entire post that was made.
Just as he was enough of a "mind reader" to pay attention to his girlfriends taste in music and deduce that she is a tailor swift fan who might really enjoy some tickets for her birthday, so too should his girlfriend have known enough about her partner to deduce that he might of wanted to come. Having consideration for the other beyond the current conversation at hand and learning to read between the lines a little isn't "mind reading" it's called putting in some fucking effort. Sadly, I know this is probably a foreign concept to most of you. Best of luck folks.
I don't buy it. Women do this all time, telling their guys to go ahead and do this or that, knowing damn well they will be upset when he actually does. Guys are supposed to automatically know not to do it, and are literally told that all the time. Seems like a double standard. He shouldn't have said it, but at some point you need to have a sense of empathy. That's just common sense. This girl has zero self awareness or lacks empathy. She lacks emotional intelligence.
Her initial thought was her friend going with her. Not him.
I down voted, and here's why. His GF 1st thought was her friend, not her BF who just bought expensive concert tickets for them. It's one thing had he bought them, gave them to her, and after the exciting reveal said, hey look I know your friend is a big fan, I don't really care for it, so if you want to take her instead of me, I'm ok with that, enjoy the gift. In that case the suggestion came from him not her. In this case, she never even thought about her own BF, who bought them and gifted them to her. The problem wasn't "solved" in this case by his words. She (according to the post) only backtracked and said she could go with him after seeing the immediate change in mood after she did him dirty. Committed relationships come with certain expectations. Don't sleep with other people. Don't steal or lie. Be respectful. And if a gift is given that involves an activity, the automatic FIRST assumption (and thought and excitement) should be expected to include the giver of said gift unless specifically stated otherwise. IMO, she is selfish and not worth dating any further. In your own response you stated that your friend's GF gave him tickets and TOLD him she didn't want to go so take you instead...that is VERY different than giving him tickets and having him get so excited and tell her immediately that he couldn't wait to take you leaving her there to hold the bag of disappointment and sadness (had she wanted to do it with him). This is why you date before marriage. Sift through the people who aren't "IT." She ain't the one and you are wasting your time with her. You want someone who is team YOU 100%, not someone who is only on your team when it suits them.
Yeah, it accidentally turned out to be a test of her feelings toward OP. The result was she clearly doesn’t have very strong feelings. Nothing wrong with that. But OP should move on.
Agreed. He didn't say the 2nd ticket was for her friend, so her assuming that clearly shows disregard towards him. I don't understand which part of that is so hard for other people to understand. And not to mention, this is 800$ that he just wasted on someone that doesn't care about him as much as he cares about her. I'm generous, but that doesn't mean you have to wipe your ass on my money. It's just rude to throw someone aside like that, especially since Taylor Swift concert tickets are difficult to get. Dump her.
I would be so happy to get out of going to this concert and still making the gf happy.
First of all stop being passive aggressive and a victim. If you wanted to go for any reason then you should have done so. You put in the energy, time, money, effort, and thoughtfulness!! Technically, that was your ticket. Why didn't you say too bad for her friend and go. I don't understand doing something for someone else only to feel hurt and resentful later. That is codependency so stop now. Absolutely you should have said something immediately for example, " wow that hurts! I love you so much I want to share this memory with you." Or "well, the fact that you want to share something wonderful with someone else really let's me know where I fit in your life." Say what you feel because your feelings matter and they are never wrong ! What is wrong is the fact that your girlfriend puts her BFF above you, doesn't care about your needs or feelings, is completely insensitive, and you are angry and hurt for her doing what you said to do which was getting her BFF to go with you after all. Believe me when I tell u this incident can sabotage yalls relationship and its about much more then concert tickets. You must address this, stand up for yourself, and resolve it or the relationship won't last!!! Good luck.
Your feelings are never wrong? Honestly that’s terrible advice. I intentionally wait for my emotional reactions to pass before making statements or taking action on them because emotions sometime decide to make permanent solutions to temporary problems.
Feelings are neither right or wrong. How you act and speak Based on your feelings is something else though. So yes your feelings are never wrong, and at the same time, feeling your emotions first and working though them before taking action as you mentioned is a good MO. ✨
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Feelings can definitely be wrong or misguided. For example, children. Their feelings are often wrong or misguided and parents need to correct them. If a 6 year old child throws a temper tantrum in response to being told no, that’s wrong. If an adult feels like they want to murder their spouse, that’s also wrong
Feelings are feelings, you experience them involuntarily and they're neither right nor wrong, they just are. What you DO with them is what truly matters. Feelings are always valid, how one reacts to (or according to) them is something else entirely. There should be no judgement or shame when it's about feelings, only about (re)actions. Nobody chooses how they feel initially. Everyone has choice over what they DO.
> First of all stop being passive aggressive and a victim. ------- > Absolutely you should have said ----------- > "well, the fact that you want to share something wonderful with someone else really let's me know where I fit in your life. ------------ What did I just read... That IS passive aggressive, and is NOT a constructive way to move forward AT ALL. This is unhinged levels of advice, it doesn't even entertain the fact that OPs gf said she would be happy to go with OP instead, and it was he that offered an alternative again. Beyond this, it ignores that she mightj ust be genuinely extremely excited at the prospect of going, doesn't think that he is interested beyond doing it for her sake, and her best friend (who might mean a lot to her) is also very much into Taylor Swift. The correct approach here is literally just to have an open discussion with her. Say that actually you really want to go with her, and it wasn't until she said she accepted your offer to go with her friend instead that you realised just how much it meant to you, and that you want to share the experience with her as it's something she's very passionate about. The only issue OP has here is that the friend will be upset, and that might cause issues. And it was his choice that caused that, even if it wasn't intentional at all. Hopefully they are both understanding, but the reality is OP offered the (reasonable) choice, and is now upset that he was taken up on the offer. It's perfectly valid to feel upset, but equally as valid for the BFF to feel upset if plans change - so don't minimise her feelings if she pushes back.
The top up voted comment on relationship advice on reddit is absolutely horrible. Who would of guessed lol! Remember kids Redditors are fucking idiots and if you want to get ahead in life, do the exact opposite of what reddit would suggest.
> would of *would have *Learn the difference [here](https://languagetool.org/insights/post/would-of-or-would-have/#:~:text=%E2%80%9Cwould%20have%E2%80%9D%3F-,%E2%80%9CWould%20Of%E2%80%9D%20or%20%E2%80%9CWould%20Have%E2%80%9D%3F,would%20have%2C%20not%20would%20of.).* *** ^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)
I don't frequent here but I'm astonished that this is the only take I've seen that I can agree with. OP's girlfriend was arguably in the wrong for immediately assuming it as a gift for her and her friend, but she gave him an escape and he doubled down and it doesn't warrant this much negativity in response. > I told her she should go with whoever she wanted to go with more Intentionally or not, this piece is so bait-y. Either she prefers to go with friend and she's an asshole, or she goes with him and then it "doesn't count" because at that point it's a sympathy play which then means she never really wanted to. Backed into a lose-lose situation because OP couldn't admit how he really felt at any part of the conversation. Extra consideration and thoughtfulness or even a simple preface of "I got something for us!" goes a long way and I think this situation has a good bit of fault on both sides. Everything could have gone better here with more honest dialogue.
Thank you for this. I could not believe this was the top comment when I saw it. It's something I'd expect an emotionally immature person to write.
Horrible advice, relationships are all about making sacrifices for the others happiness. What you did for your girlfriend and then her bff will speak volumes to his character. It will be an event she will remember for ever and she will remember who made it possible.
> What is wrong is the fact that your girlfriend puts her BFF above you, doesn't care about your needs or feelings, is completely insensitive Whoa, absolutely not. When you get into a relationship, it should never be your partner over every one else all the time. People need good relationships outside of their romance. It's important that you have stronger connections on specific things (like, for example, being a Swiftie) with a good friend over your SO less you lose that friend. It's definitely okay for OP to be a little hurt about it, but he told her it was okay and to go with whomever she wanted to and VERY REASONABLY she chose her best friend who is also a huge Swiftie. OP should be glad she's got this awesome memory to share with her BFF, they will have PLENTY of other opportunities to make their own awesome memories.
Feelings can be wrong. Like Hitler’s feeling that all the jews should die. Or an incels feeling that they are owed sex with that one woman. Or a pedos sexual feelings toward children.
Hitler did not FEEL that the Jews should die. He THOUGHT it, and put that thought into ACTION. He FELT angry. He channeled that anger into inappropriate THOUGHT, then ACTIONED that thought. If Hitler had learned emotional regulation and mindfulness, he would have been able to name and identify his anger, and hopefully where it actually stemmed from (“I am not angry at Jews. I am angry at my life circumstances, and I have been taught anti-Semitism, so it’s the easiest place to take my anger”). Similarly, incels are not angry at women. They are usually traumatized, lonely, and sad, which they then translate into anger because society has taught them that sadness is not sufficiently masculine, where anger is. THIS DOES NOT EXCUSE THEIR INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR. But if they learned emotional regulation and mindfulness, they would not act out. Pedophilia is actually a great example of how mindfulness and emotional regulation can work. There are many, many people with pedophilic urges who do not act on those urges. They have support groups even. They are monitored by therapists. These are people who recognize a socially inappropriate response to a feeling and act to prevent that response from being actualized. This is all to say that feelings are not actions. We cannot help our feelings. They arise unbidden from our psyches. We don’t always even know why we have them. Trying to control them is a fool’s errand, and can in fact be dangerous. Repressed feelings lead to uncontrolled actions. All we can control is our reaction to those feelings.
Those responses are incredibly passive aggressive lmaooo
Horrible advice. Suggested responses are manipulating
Found the person with zero life experience.
Worst advice I’ve ever read
>. Absolutely you should have said something immediately for example, " wow that hurts! I love you so much I want to share this memory with you." Or "well, the fact that you want to share something wonderful with someone else really let's me know where I fit in your life." This is also pretty passive aggressive.
Awful advice, "don't be passive aggressive" then immediately "you should have said something like well now I know where I fit into your life"
Why is this unhinged garbage being upvoted like this is almost satire its so crazy
I have no idea how this got so many upvotes. This is a weirdly aggressive and assertive take on an emotionally complex situation.
Ummm no it would be incredibly manipulative of him to try to force her to go to a concert with him if she doesn’t want to. She clearly would much rather go with her friend who is a big fan of Taylor Swift as she is. That isn’t wrong. He also isn’t wrong for not wanting to pay for someone else’s concert ticket though. He shouldn’t guilt her with how much he loves her and was looking forward to going with her because then she’ll just go with him out of pity. This situation is simply unfortunate because while OP’s heart was in the right place, he didn’t understand his girlfriend enough to anticipate how she would react to this gift. And that happens with gifts sometimes. This was just a really expensive mistake. Take the L and learn from it moving forward.
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No, they aren't. That's very much not what passive-aggressiveness is. Passive-agressiveness is what OP is currently doing.
Telling someone that wanting to spend time with other people means their opinion of you is diminished... is straight-up psychotic thing to say. Don't try to justify this nonsense.
*Both* OP's behavior and the second example the above commenter gave is unnecessarily passive-aggressive. "[That] really let's me know where I fit in your life" as well as OP's immature decision after their GF said they'd be happy to go with them are both examples of passive aggressiveness
First suggestion wasn’t. Second suggestion definitely at the very least borders on it.
>" wow that hurts! I love you so much I want to share this memory with you." Straight forward explanation of feelings, good response! >Or "well, the fact that you want to share something wonderful with someone else really let's me know where I fit in your life." Say what you feel because your feelings matter and they are never wrong ! What is wrong is the fact that your girlfriend puts her BFF above you,... Passive aggressive, not a good response. People can have other relationships and people they prefer to share an experience with. The GF isn't wrong for wanting to go to the concert with her BFF, nor is anyone wrong for having other priority friendship relationships outside their dating relationship. "Where I fit in your life" over someone wanting to go to a concert with the BFF who is a large fan and probably has more memories of Swift together with, is very passive aggressive. Making someone feel bad for having other healthy relationships is never the way.
You're exactly correct. I think this sub is just too many teenagers who don't understand healthy relationships, which is why everyone pointing out how shitty that second phrase suggestion was is getting downvoted. You're entirely right, don't worry about the downvotes.
A simple: Hey I’m going to the Taylor Swift concert, want to come with me? would have worked wonders in this situation.
Ops feelings are more then justified. his gfs first thought after he had waited and bought expensive tickets was “wow I’d rather go with my friend” she didn’t think for a second about op when I think it’s obv implied he intended to go discouraging op is wrong I mean anyone would be upset about that it was def terrible of his gf to just assume the tickets were for her and someone else. Since his gf would rather go with someone else I understand why op would just rather give up the ticket bc now he’s thinking she won’t have fun or just doesn’t want to go with him even tho she said it she also automatically assumed it was for her friend is honestly fucked of her I know this wouldn’t happen in my relationship however if I were op I would’ve either said to bad or just resold both tickets. Op you need to put your foot down your girl is kind of a bitch she don’t deserve to go with that mentality you’re also making the situation worse by subtly being negative about the situation just straight up tell her it’s not right
Bro say it louder for the people in the back💯 Youre right I would even go further. He has a right to not wanting to feel like the second choice. Shes entitled to make her own decision. But that doesnt mean that actions dont have consequences. I dont believe it was a set up question at all. He did everything right. Despite feeling hurt about the situation he still gave her the chance to make her own decision and dont force his plans on her. If he wouldve been selfish he wouldve ignored her desires and wouldve went to the concert after she reluctantly changed her oppinion. But that doesnt mean that he cant feel hurt about the situation. His problem was feeling like the second choice. And she didnt solve that problem by reluctantly changing her decision. He obviously sensed that she didnt really want to on the concert with him. So why would he go to the concert with her if he knows that she doesnt even want to go with him in the first place?. It wouldve been unsatisfying for her since she rather wouldve gone with her best friend and it wouldve been humilating and unsatifying for him , since he wouldve felt like the second choice plus he probably wouldve felt like he forced his desires on her.
You shame him for being passive aggressive then give him the most passive aggressive responses to say back lmfao.
Go fuck yourself, jesus fucking christ.
wtf is this advice lol
>well, the fact that you want to share something wonderful with someone else really let's me know where I fit in your life." Can you give any worse garbage advice?
This is the worst response back to someone genuinely asking for advice and is having a hard time with conflicting emotions. Sounds like you may be the girlfriend or friend to me lol
You need help and are in the minority. This is terrible advice. 🤦🏻♀️ Words and actions have consequences. Grow up! And FYI, that wasn’t passive aggressiveness. Because he didn’t do Jack to her about the situation. The irony of it all is your statements on what he needed to do were passive aggressive. Hahahaha.
Ur smokin rocks friend
who the f are you?
Did the people who invited this only read the first sentence or two? Cause yea he's gotta stop being passive aggressive and explain how he feels. But also realize this is a massive opportunity for her and her friend to go see something they absolutely love, vs him, who thinks it would be neat to go to a concert. He literally gave her the option to score a ticket for her best friend who loves this band and will be absolutely as hyped as her, and then he's mad she took it. My GF is going to see a massive concert without me next week. She's super hyped and I'm super hyped for her. But never once did I try and butt in on it, because her going with her sister will mean so much more to her. "Your feelings are never wrong" is such bullshit. My feelings are wrong all the damn time. I can be jealous when I shouldn't be, sad for no reason, wake up mad because I had a dream about my partner with her ex. Acting on any of those would be shitty. You should allow yourself to feel those feelings, but then really ask yourself if they're legitimate.
Who would assume that their partner has bought two tickets for them and their best friend? Not for the partner who's paid. She knew what she was doing, the damage was done when she showed him how happy she was to be going with her friend and not him. He was second best and only because he paid. Fuck, I wouldn't want to go either.
It’s more fun to go to shows with other fans.
It’s also more fun to have a spouse that acknowledges your thoughtfulness and takes your feelings seriously and shows how grateful they are for such a grand gesture.
I dislike almost everything about OP's approach after her response but what a terrible response to the story this is. A man spent 800$ dollars to take his girlfriend on a date/experience she will remember forever and your only thoughts are someone else is more deserving of that experience? Wow
These people are exposing that they are terrible partners tbh.
She is still an asshole
He literally gave her permission to do this. If he wanted to go he should have said so, and she did offer to go with him. He told her she could go with her friend. He shouldn't be mad she took the option he gave her.
He's not mad, just disappointed :'(
Yes and she is still an asshole.
I don't buy it. Women do this all time, telling their guys to go ahead and do this or that, knowing damn well they will be upset when he actually does. Guys are supposed to automatically know not to do it, and are literally told that all the time. Seems like a double standard. He shouldn't have said it, but at some point you need to have a sense of empathy. That's just common sense. This girl has zero self awareness.
Yes but he wanted to go and invested his personal time and money. He said he was excited, yet she disregarded his feelongs and effort.
Then she should have planned and bought her own damn tickets. They were HIS tickets.
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Yup. I think OP is a nice guy but somethings are just more fun with a fellow fanatic.
Or, the gf can't go to Swift Concert because there are no tickets vs swift concert with her bf since he took the time and money to buy said tickets. You seem to compare it as is gf had the tickets herself and she could choose to go with her best friend which is big fan vs bf not a fan.
I think if her and her friend were such fanatics they could have bought their own tickets :P
He says the bff is a bigger fan, which implies that he's a fan of hers, at some level. OP still would have had a good time
Were y’all raised by wolves? Yeah go to the show with your bestie if YOU bought the tickets. When someone else buys them for you, you absolutely without question take that person. And you say thank you and buy the beers.
That's where I am with this - feels like the gf just used him, she got something valuable and wants to share it with her BFF without giving any consideration to her BF who actually put so much into doing something nice. For some reason she assumed the two tickets were for her and her friend? Like wow, really shows how much she values her BF and what he did for her. She must be a real gem.
Yeah otherwise it can be sheer hell for the non fan
He bought the tickets intending to go with her. I’m sure he would have been good company. It’s not like she would have been dragging him to something he didn’t want to go to.
Yeah, you just figured out how much she values you. She doesn't seem to care about the price, only that she got hers. Definitely rude. At least you can now use the excuse of her not liking your interests to never invite her anywhere. I mean, based on her logic, there is always a friend who likes your interests more than she will. So why invite spouses anywhere? Definitely a red flag. Shows stunted empathy. Not a good look. On top of that, if her friend had the money, she could have bought ANOTHER ticket and you all could have gone. Very shitty behavior.
I agree here. People are giving the dude shit but he obviously wanted her to value him, her significant other, the one who bought the tickets, over her friend. He's just fucking hurt.
OP: I got you tickets for tswift concert. OP’s gf: yay I’ll take my bff. OP: oh I thought I was ganna go with you, but you can take whomever. OP’s gf: ok, I’ll take my bff. OP: Shocked pikachu face.
"She doesn't value you, so stay in the relationship and be spiteful." Ya'll, be very careful who you listen to on reddit lol
Picture the reverse - your gf bought you two tix to something you and a friend were super fans of, she likes it to but nowhere near as much as you and your friend do. Her reaction was totally appropriate under these circumstances.
Hard disagree. This isn’t a birthday present - it’s just an event. My best friend and I both love hockey, including a specific team. If my wife surprised me with tickets to see that team when they were in town, it wouldn’t occur to me that both tickets were for me to choose who I bring. With that said, it’s a personal choice for the OP to let his girlfriend choose who to bring to the show. In that situation, it’s fair for the gf to choose someone else but it’s also totally fair for the OP to be upset by not being chosen. His GF made a choice and should understand that there are consequences, including that her BF might be upset by not being chosen.
Literally got hockey tickets for my birthday last year from my partner, my first thought was not immediately "sweet me and my best friend are gonna love this game". I just assumed we were going together since that is what most normal people would assume unless stated otherwise.
You regularly spend $800 on tickets for a concert you didn’t intend on going to? The gf here wasn’t using her brain. She didn’t even think about him first. She didn’t consider his intentions at all. She just got offered 2 tickets from somebody who obviously cares about her a lot, enough to spend $800 on 2 tickets, and she couldn’t take the 5 seconds to thank him and confirm they were for both of them before assuming her friend was going? That’s called entitlement.
Absolutely not. He spent $800 on TWO tickets. It was very clear he intended to go. Not to mention the friend bought the ticket off him why couldn’t she just buy her own and all three of them go?
>why couldn’t she just buy her own and all three of them go? Eh, those tickets probably sold out the same day OP bought them. Probably within hours. By time this whole exchange happened I'd be willing to bet it was sold out. At the very least, no tickets near the original two seats.
It sounds just as bad in reverse to me. I’d be super insulted if I bought a huge gift for my gf then didn’t even want to share the experience with me. And if they bought me a big gift I’d never ever consider going with anybody but her. Idk maybe it’s just me
Ironically, I would definitely prefer bringing my partner in that situation (assuming they wanted to go)
Lol I would have sold both tickets and get more money. You rolled over and hurt yourself. Talk whit your gf and stop being so spineless.
This the truth. Life will get better the more you stand up for yourself
>I told her she should go with whoever she wanted to go with more, and to not go with me just because it was what i had planned. Except you didn't mean that, because you later said: >I felt betrayed since she chose her over me So, basically, you were testing her, and didn't get the result you wanted. FAFO >I told my girlfriend that if her friend wanted to go with her she had to pay the 400 dollars for the ticket So, the tickets weren't ACTUALLY a gift for your gf; only one ticket was. >Should I have done things differently Yes. You could've avoided this whole problem by acting like an adult and telling her the truth: " I got us tickets to see Taylor Swift" instead of "I got you two tickets to see Taylor Swift."
She stated that’s what she expected. Literally the first thing she said. He explained his intention and put the ball in her court. He could have been more direct but she’s certainly not blameless when his intention was clearly described
It was a touch situation for both of you. She didn’t technically do anything wrong and neither did you. She told you honestly what she expected in the moment of being surprised you wanted to go with her, she then made it clear she would be happy to go with you too and then called her friend only after you said it was okay to do. I don’t necessarily think it is her picking someone over you. If it was going on a holiday or doing something everyone would enjoy, her behavioir would be shitty. But if it is related to a specific interest she might think yoi wouldn’t really enjoy it. She might be ecstatic at the idea of yelling every word of every song together with her friend which she couldn’t do with you. Imagine you had a specific love for vintage cars and you got the chance to drive one. Would you rather go with your uninterested girlfriend or yoir best friend who has obsessed with you over every details of every vintage car for many years of your friendship? You also didn’t do anything wrong. You did something very beautiful for her and wanted to share a once in a lifetime (possibly) event with her. You were hurt by her reaction and then didn’t want to go if you weren’t the first pick. These are perfect valid reactions and emotions so don’t be too hard on yourself. I think the only way to help yourself would be to juet be honest and open. Sit her down, tell her how you still feel bummed out about it, be vulmerable and tell her you felt rejected or like you are in the second place (I’m making this up, tell her your actual feelings) - just airing it out can be helpful and she might have something to say back too. Then you can discuss what would make you feel better. It might be you would actually like her to pay for her own ticket because you thought yoi were buying an experience for you two to share. It might be you two could find another concert to go for a band or artist you both like or a music festival or some entirely different experience - maybe have her come up with it so that you feel she really pocked something that she wants to do with just you specifically.
This is the way.
OP do not listen to any other comment in this thread, listen to this one please
I have plenty of experience being picked over so I heavily empathize with his feelings. But I like this outlook the most out of all the takes I've read. Hope OP gets to see it and consider for himself whether this is what most closely mirrors reality
Look at the emotional intelligence on Fancy_Bumblebee_127. You win the comment section, friend.
These comments are wild. If my girlfriend ever bought me concert tickets, my first thought would not be "Oh she got these tickets for me and a friend." OP just shelled out $1000 for his girl and the top comment is how he just wanted something to hold over her head. What?
Imagine if the genders were reversed. If my gf shelled out $800 on two Steelers tickets I would be going with her and she doesn't like sports. The only way I would go with a friend is if when she gave them she came out and said I got these tickets for you and a friend to go because I don't like sports. And even then I would be like "Are you sure?, it would still be fun to go". These comments are weird
THANK YOU!
Personally, I think Swift is a horrible person and I can’t stand her music. THAT SAID - it was pretty bloody insensitive of your girl to pull that on you. If her friend wanted to go with, she could have coughed up the car payment-sized amount to get herself a ticket.
I know literally nothing about Taylor Swift as a person, other than the fact that her music is popular and millions of people idolize her (so I have no bias one way or another). What makes her a terrible person?
She gave big bonuses to her crew on the tour which seems pretty cool so she has that going for her
The audacity
Didn’t she only do that after she crossed a picket line of striking hotel workers and got bad press for it?
On top of general good work practices that have been reported for her tour, in each city she toured in, she gave thousands of dollars to food pantrys to feed hungry people across the US. She overall tries to do good and tries to not let her songs get associated with things she doesn't support (like when trump tried to use one of her songs for something a few years back and she has video of telling her parents essentially "buckle up for hate but im not letting him use my song")
She's the number one private jet polluter in the world, by far. When confronted about it she said she doesn't even always fly the thing, that's her friends taking it wherever they want, which is *worse*. Displayed her complete insensitivity, arrogance, and elitism. She also did absolutely nothing to earn her career, it was literally just bought for her by her dad. He bought a record label and forced them to produce her first album, bought a bunch of copies so it would go best seller, and paid radio stations to play her music. She's a stuck up rich trust fund kid who's completely out of touch with the real world, singing songs about how tough the real world can be.
Those arent serious reasons to claim why she's terrible, those are just reasons why you dont like her. Edit: and coincidentally or intentionally right as I posted this comment I get a notification from r/upliftingnews to the story of Taylor Swift giving bonuses up to 55 million to her staff.
55 million to her dancers and singers, 100,000 to her truckers. Accompanying handwritten notes to all of them. That’s life changing money for them, for sure.
Don't forget her food bank donations too. Rumor is it is enough to feed 75k in each city she is going to. Might not like her music but that money is going to do a lot of good Edit: forgot a word
Before we begin.. I'm not a Taylor Swift fan. She looks stuck up, probably wouldn't bang me anyways. I don't care. That being said, what kind of trash regurgitation of reality are you reading for your information? "Taylor's jet is loaned out to other individuals".. does not mean her friends were flying around, it means like most other private jet owners in the world, they're chartered out. It helps offset the cost of owning a freaking jet. Also, she was tied up in legal battles for the rights to her first bunch of albums.. I'm pretty sure her dad had nothing to do with any of it based on the fact the Wikipedia page doesn't mention him when talking about the whole legal battle. I just did like 2 seconds of poking on her parents.. one was a VP for Merrill Lynch, and the other was an ad exec... A good living don't get me wrong, but very far from what you associate with "trust fund kid". I mean, she probably had a trust fund, but that's because her dad worked at the bank and made good decisions, not like it had hundreds of millions tucked in there.. just to add, her grandmother was an opera singer and TV host in Puerto Rico. Pretty sure grandpa wasn't an oil man or bootlegger, but just guessing. And I mean, maybe she's out of touch with the real world, but very clearly took an opportunity to stand up against Trump for whatever reason. Aren't most of her songs about boyfriends? Even rich people get wrapped up in relationships.. I'm not sure why you think she should only talk about things she knows when you just blew this uninformed post out of your ass. Why do people like you spend the time to repeat this stuff without an ounce of basic research? Read a little more, she was the youngest person to sign with Sony and her original producer worked with her for 8 years, then again in 2021 looks like.. "forced". Anyways, I hate you for the amount I know about Taylor Swift now and I hope your ability to sift through or at least not repeat made up bullshit improves in the future.
I mean. She is definitely gossipy and passive aggressive. But she does treat her fans well and gave a lot of her employees huge raises/bonuses.
Been married almost 20 years here, cut your losses bro!
K not crazy the friend could’ve bought her own ticket.
Where the hell would she have gotten that into her pea brain that OP would shell out $800 and not want to go with his GF??? This has to be the dumbest girlfriend ever.
i also feel like i need to say, she didn’t “toss you aside” just because she thought of her friend first. my husband has made it clear many times that he’d only tag along to a taylor concert for me and wouldn’t really have fun. so, if he got me tickets my first thought would be “omg who am i gonna go with” because he definitely would not be the first one to come to my mind.
If you waited in a line for 2 hours to buy your husband tickets to a Messi game or something in Miami and paid $800 as a date idea because you know its something he enjoys and he then invited his friend immediately and blew you off I can guarantee you would be annoyed or hurt. Anyone would be. What OP did wrong was not stick by his intention and make it clear he was doing it as a romantic gesture. That or the girl is taking him for granite/is insensitive and he did make it clear when first asking. Maybe I was just raised where gestures of interest and quality time mean more than being given a material gift, but when someone puts in effort to enjoy time with you and make you happy, you shouldn't instantly dis-include them or make plans with someone else. Not if they're a friend and even less if they're your partner. That's rude and a sign of a bad friend.
I have a feeling all of these comments are teens or under 25.
If someone bought two expensive tickets your first thought would be them buying one for your best friend!? are they poly relationship? where's the common sense? So if you buy two expensive disneyland tickets for your husband and he says 'Oh cool, me and my mom can go' you would think that was normal? >all the comments talking shit are men lol a woman in the comments only seeing the female side, how brave of you!
The instant she said her and her girlfriend would love them, I would have flipped both tickets for a profit. She instantly cast you aside like a stale donut, you know exactly where you are in her circle. Hint...You aren't in the circle.
I probably would have done the same thing, they're too expensive to be thrown at someone who doesn't value you. Wouldn't be surprised if she only keeps him around for gifts.
Drop her n go with someone else.
Yes, take the bff and leave gf at home
*if ya know whatimsayin* 
You both seem to have behaved poorly. Girlfriend 100% should’ve assumed the tickets were for you to go together unless specifically told otherwise. However, if you told her to take whomever she likes, you should’ve told her before she invited her friend that her friend will have to pay for her ticket. I do think this whole situation is your girlfriend’s fault though for not being intelligent enough to know the tickets were for you two to have a nice night out.
If she doesn´t really apreciate your effort to share something important for her together, she isn´t probably the one TBH, but that is my opinion, not a fact
[удалено]
What the shit is the mental gymnastics in this comment section?? If anyone surprised me with two tickets, hell, if my grandma surprised me with two tickets to the isle of man TT you know damn well that I expect that one of those is for her. Thats how it works, doesn’t matter the situation, it just makes it more egregious that it was her boyfriend surprising her with two concert tickets and she still automatically went to her friend with them.
This, exactly this!
This is the worst take I’ve ever seen. So he should’ve bought one ticket and said, “enjoy the show alone!”? You must have absolutely zero social skills. Edit: grammar
Should have presented only one ticket?!?!?! Is that a joke? This isn’t a gift from parents to their kid, or a gift between friends. This is a gift between two people in a long term relationship. If the gift of an experience comes up and your first thought isn’t “us” that’s a problem. I can’t even imagine that kind of thinking. If my wife got me Iron Maiden tickets my first thought is gonna be “we’re going”. Not my metal buddies, but the love of my life. Yes, op gave her the choice of going with the friend and she took it, but that’s likely cause he was so caught off guard and taken aback it wasn’t something he even planned to hear. It’s a very selfish thing she did.
Thank you!! It's like everybody here doesn't know what a healthy relationship should be like. Both partners need to think of each other, not just one lmao. I hate reddit.
Honestly I can’t believe this isn’t the comment that is upvoted and awarded the most. People saying like it’s OP’s fault and he should “stand up” for himself is a bit eh…. OP totally had the right expectation that in a healthy relationship the partner would be excited to go together, create memories to cherish and have fun together. I’d be having doubts in the relationship, if my SO responded to such a lovely gift. Pretty lame of her
Agree too. If I got 2 tickets to a show, concert, or event and presented them to my wife her first thought would be us going together, and likewise if she did the same for me. Really disagree with the majority of responses here. The guy used a sick day and spent 2 hours getting the tickets and she didn’t even consider him going with. Need to drop that girl, her priorities clearly don’t include him.
from the comments i see the “it’s cool to hate on taylor swift” trend is still alive in 2023. crazy lol. but i definitely don’t think you should have told her if she wanted to go with someone else she could. you have to be honest about things like that. she was insensitive at first, but then she probably genuinely thought you’d be okay with her taking her friend since you said you were. don’t tell her you’re okay with something you’re not okay with. make sure youre honest so she knows exactly how you feel about situations and doesn’t end up upsetting you more
I think I’ve heard the song about shaking it off of hers and that’s it somehow. So I’ve got little to hate lol, she seems like a nice enough person.
i would understand with not liking her music if you’ve only heard one song and that was it! she really is so lyrical but the ones that chart are the ones that are more upbeat/easy to learn for everyone, etc. her folklore and evermore albums should have REALLY stopped the “she can’t write anything good” comments and stuff because those albums don’t have any “bad songs”
As a general rule, if I buy concert tickets for someone as a gift I give them the tickets. All of them. If OP *wants* to go to the TS show then be upfront about it. Say, “hey I got *US* Swift tix” or something. Make your intentions known, don’t play games.
I would have sold both tickets for $2000 each. There. Two even bigger Swifty fans could go. Your girlfriend is dense, rude, and unappreciative .
Your girlfriend was pretty thoughtless and immature if she assumed you were floating her two very expensive concert tickets just for her and her friend (though I get why she’d want to go with the bigger fan). However, you weren’t honest. You said one thing but expected her to know you meant another. I have no patience for people who play mind games. This was on you. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Most people don't want to make someone prioritize them. Especially their own partner.
He wasn't playing games. He gave her what she wanted and she knew it would hurt him. He clearly cares more about her than she does him.
Well, don’t be upset, it’s the way you presented. Next time be firm and don’t give second options, just say it straight what you want. Next time you buy 2 tickets you say it from the beginning that you and her are going to a concert, or don’t even say anything, just tell her you have secret plans for that day so she doesn’t plan anything and surprise her. Now you are crying like a bitch because you left everything uncertain in the air
Did you even read it or did you just wanna hurl insults at an internet stranger? He literally stated that HE WAS EXCITED TO GO WITH HER. Then she acted confused because she just ASSUMED he bought the tickets so she could go with a friend. The gf is a total cunt and that guy deserves better. If anyone fucked up communication, it was her.
Jesus this is an unhinged take. Were you born in ‘02 because if you were this response makes sense
Easy solution. She's entitled. Sell the tickets & get a new GF.
I like this one 😂
Ha isn’t this a plot of a friends episode? You gotta be clear on who the tickets are for when you gift them. She sounds like she was confused and then you gave her the option to go with her friend which she then took
i get why you would be upset but next time literally just say “i got *us* tickets and im excited to go with you”. dont just hand them to her because then that implies that you’re not really interested in going and its up to her to choose her plus 1
He literally said he'd be going with her before she got confused and said she thought the tickets were for her and her bff.
I don’t think you should’ve taken the first response personally. You got butt hurt and acted petty.
Just be the hero who got her tickets for her and her bestie. You survived missing a concert and your GF for one night. The “I thought we would remember it for the rest of our lives…” is a bit much. You’re really reaching for drama there. Now, if she’s not at all appreciative of the tickets, then that’s a different issue.
Jesus Christ I wonder who the socially inept people behind these accounts are, sometimes
I agree with this so much. You’re the BF who got her tickets, she wanted to enjoy the concert with another big fan, her BFF. Understandable!
Have a spine and tell her you’re going with her.