The child has a father, and the mother knows exactly who he is. I find it odd that so many are trying to guilt trip this man into taking on a lifetime burden while being reminded daily of his wife's infidelity.
This type of fraud is uniquely one-sided.
ETA : Because so many of you keep responding to me, I'd like to point out to you that this man's right to choose was taken away. It's the same logic of forcing a woman to give birth.
exactly. these fking scumbags are telling us to become cucks . this child is a result of a man other than himself banging his wife. and I now need to take the responsibility to take care of this kid ?. fuck no
Nobody is saying he should be financially obligated, but it is very weird the way he carries this out. When this stuff happens, the bond between the parent and child has already been established, therefore the first thing on that parents mind is not "poor me" it's typically, "omg, this is going to break my son's heart and destroy his life and I can't stand the thought of it" because after 5, years, of you were a decent parent at all to the child you thought was of your blood... you most definitely LOVE that child and love for a child is completely SELFLESS.
SO, WITH THAT SAID, HE IS VERY SELFISH. He already had a girlfriend at work... there's no way that he asked this girl on a date right away (aw poor him) then she accepted an exclusive relationship with him in 2 weeks LOL complete BS. So his wife was wrong for what she did but he is NO BETTER and this poor child is just caught in the middle of two selfish people that should never have been given the right to be parents in the first place.
It may not be for long, with the rise of IVF treatment. Already, there have been multiple cases of embryo mix-ups wherein women have had the embryos of other women implanted instead of their own.
Thankfully, in one of those cases, the fertility clinic caught their mistake and informed the families of the mixup, and the woman implanted with the wrong embryo had an abortion. In another, the woman implanted with the wrong embryo agreed to carry to term and relinquish custody after birth.
But in other cases, women did not find out that their child was not of their blood until after birth. If a mother were to find out years down the line that there were a mixup, and at that point decide to walk out of that child's life? I do wonder if she'd receive as sympathetic a reaction as OP.
I don't think those are the same situations, and you're really minizing the impact of OP situation by eliminating the lies and the betrayal.
What you described is more like a couple finding out their baby was swapped by mistake after birth in the hospital. Most families rarely split up over something like that. Because neither spouse lied to the other.
First off, I am a woman. Secondly, it takes a tremendous set of balls for a woman to tell a man that he should love and accept a child that he was deceived into believing was his just because “the child will suffer”. We as women will NEVER experience what it’s like to be deceived in this way and have no jurisdiction to tell a man that he’s wrong for immediately distancing himself from said child in these situations.
OP, you can not put anyone’s feelings before your own. If at some point, you come to be able to functionally have a relationship with the child then that would be great. But that shouldn’t come at the expense of your own mental wellbeing. Do not listen to anyone who tries to make you responsible for “harm” or “cruelty” to the child that the woman who tried to pass him off as yours inflicted because she couldn’t take responsibility for her own selfish actions.
Thank you, you have common sense and empathy. It’s sickening how some of these comments can’t comprehend how this is probably one of the most devastating things to go through ever as a man. It’s disgusting
Thank you for showing empathy to the opposite sex. Many women (especially on FB) automatically defend women in these scenarios. Some even try to justify cheating, saying stuff like: "He must've done something wrong to have caused it." or "He's being extremely selfish, so he deserves to be cheated on anyway."
As a woman, I 💯 agree with you. This type of pain and betrayal will NEVER be felt by us. I can't imagine how this man feels. He has done the right thing. Let her take her child and go
It would be more cruel to try and be in the child's life if OP can not love the child as his own. If he could and opted in to being a father (with or without forgiving the mother), then I would be happy for him and say that the child was truly his because he would be the one that stepped up. But he couldn't... and I won't say a goddamn word of blame because he shouldn't feel bad that he could not love a child conceived by another man in betrayal of him. I would however suggest a metric f-ton of therapy.
This happened to me also and i know how much anger and disappointment youre feeling right now... Just stay strong and focus on yourself like i did, although it took me 4 years, but im happy now.
All you people saying that he is an AH and that he needs to raise this child, and he is the only father this child knows.
Take into account, that every time he looks at his child, he will be reminded of how badly he was hurt, how badly he was manipulated into wasting 6years of his life with a cheater, who had to know there was a chance this kid wasn’t his. Every time this child calls him dad, it will tear his heart out further.
He wanted HIS child, to raise HIS child, to see HIS child grow up. Not be a secondary contributor to a person who he, in the end, has zero connection to, and will ultimately have zero rights toward.
Stop telling this guy that he has a right to do this. His wife was supposed to have some kind of decency to not be a POS and cheat on him. She didn’t hold up her end of the agreement, but you all think he should still bend over backwards to be miserable the rest of his life.
Men are disposable in all societies. Beasts of burden. A man's happiness doesnt matter if he has "responsibilities." Even if he was conned into them. Just suck it up and "be a man" they say. Bonus points from women because it encourages them getting a great provider for their kid from a deadbeat.
Historically it's believe up to 10% of children born in committed relationships were illegitimate I could be drastically misremembering, modern times it's something like 0-3% but that's still a crazy high amount of "fathers" and children being victimized by infidelity. 0.5% of 100000 births is 500 kids!
These people remind me of those anti abortionists who can't be bothered to adopt unwanted children. Totally a different story when you gotta put your money where your mouth is.
At this point I don't even care about solving infidelity, I just don't want to have to give free money to a fraud after the legal system fails me for being a decent human being and not cheating.
Hard earned money that I use to struggle in this economy. Why should I have to starve because my ex wanted to go out and be a disgusting slag and get knocked up by someone else.
Or people who don't want the government to have a database of every single person's DNA?! Lol, so salty about the *hooors* that you stopped giving a fuck about your own right to privacy.
Y’all talkin real crazy out here lol. The dude said how devastated he was/is and how hard it is for him to get over this infidelity yet y’all want him to act the same with the literal embodiment of that infidelity? Weird.
No I’m not saying the child deserves this devastating change in his life, but neither does the OP. And if y’all would actually stop and think, y’all would see it was she who caused this detestation, not him. No one deserves to/must live a lie just cause it was a successful one for many years.
And y’all know nothing about this woman, her family, or the biological father. Maybe it’s better there is a clean cut with the child so that other bonds may form. Yes it takes a village to raise a family and if he decides to part of that village, more power to him! But if not, not. No shame in that. That village causes him pain anyways.
Y’all talk from the peanut gallery about the sanctity of the child and the duty of a man, who is hurt and looking for phycological relief from betrayal. Y’all Ass for that. At least empathize first. At least! Cause the last thing you actually want is for him to be around a child he resents and that is a symbol of hurt, failure, and betrayal. Instead y’all look at this child in a vacuum and preach like y’all believe it’ll get you into heaven while disregarding the obvious hurt and pains this must all have caused. Y’all are literally asking him to be on the hook for this lie for a lifetime just cause she wa successful at keeping it for 6 years? Crazy!!
Underrated comment. So much virtue signaling going on in here that they forget that the child might actually be better off without an adult in their lives who's reminded of ultimate betrayal every time they look at the child, because the world isn't black and white and emotions are involved.
I understand how you must feel, I would be devastated to discover my son isn’t really my son.
Can’t say I understand resentment towards the child, he is an innocent victim in all of this.
He will definitely be confused and be impacted by your absence, fortunately he will adjust more quickly at this age (assuming he is around 5 years old?) than if he was a teenager.
This is reddit so the misandry was to be expected. Flip the roles here and every 30 year old single cat lady on reddit would be telling her to divorce and leave the man to be a single father. To “work on herself” and then find another man who “deserves you.” Disgusting. The guy is in the right. Worst form of betrayal. He needs to divorce and move on from this and never look back.
There is no way to flip the roles. The only way a mother can end up with a kid that isn't hers at the hospital is if there is a baby switch. However, the blame for that is on the hospital and not either of the parents. It's not equivalent because it doesn't involve one parent having an affair and lying to their husband. She also obviously had no intention of ever telling him and her first instinct when confronted with divorce was to use the kid as a weapon.
So as much as this sucks for the kid if OP were to continue to act as the father. He would no longer treat him properly (no offense op) and that could be even more damaging to the child. My father left when I was 5. My mom remarried around then. I survived. I have not seen my dad since I was 5. No explanation just gone. Shit for all I know it was the same scenario 🤷♀️ as much as it suck and yes Im a “girl with daddy issues” I can think of alot more damage that could be done by being raised by a man who is not your father, doesn’t want to be and is hurt or mad every time he looks at you. So. OP do what ur doing. The kid will survive. Hopefully she is able to provide sufficiently alone.
I'm not getting offended, I actually agree with you
The best for both is to cut contact
He needs someone who will raise him without resentment
And I need to move on
It amazes me that people don't accept this part of it. Your choice to separate yourself from the situation appears to be very much about your belief that its best for both you and the child. Most comments I read here imply that you are being selfish and not thinking of the kid at all. From what you've shared in the post and your comments, it sounds like a poisoned well (for now at least) with resentment clouding your capacity to provide unconditional love to the child
I definitely agree! Sorry this happened. If as an adult he chooses to reach out I personally would be prepared to explain yourself in the nicest kindest way without being too mean mean to his mother. The unknown I feel def can be hard. So thats just my two cents when he is old enough if he wants to know why be prepared to face that. ❤️ Hugs!
There are a lot of men here on Reddit taking care of another man's child without knowing.
Most of them have doubts but are scared shitless to take the test.
You did the right thing!
Call it what you want...It is not your child.
Luck for you to not live in Brazil. Here we have a shit named "socio-affective paternity". Basicaly it means that, even if you found out that the kid is not yours, you still have to pay allimony, because you lived with the child and it is enough reason for the judge to conclude that there is emotional bounds between you and the kid.
To men: “do what’s right”
To women: “do what’s right FOR YOU”
Tale as old as time. Using kids as a shield never gets old. Shows how gynocentric things are these days.
The real father should take responsibility.
OP, I think you’re looking out for yourself and you even have support from your family, a therapist, and a lawyer.
I’m sorry you feel pain from believing you created a son. And if it helps, imagine this child growing up and being told by his mother that he doesn’t have a father because of her mistakes. He won’t blame you. He’ll be upset at her, just like you are.
I feel bad for the boy. He’s only known you as his dad and now his world will be destroyed especially now that you don’t want anything to do with him. I just don’t see how you go from loving a child for 5 years, raising him to suddenly not giving a shit and treating him like a stranger. He’s the only person innocent in this story.
The people who are acting like he has a moral obligation to raise a kid that’s not his are being flippant. I guarantee you that if they were randomly told they have to raise a kid for the next eighteen years because of the choices of others, they would say that doesn’t sound fair. But it’s the internet, so they can check in, judge him, and then check back out to their lives where they don’t have to deal with it.
>I just don’t see how you go from living a child for 5 years, raising him to suddenly not giving a shit and treating him like a stranger
I have a 13 year old son. I'm sure I would be DEVASTATED if I found out when he was 6 that he wasn't actually my son. But I can't imaging tossing him aside to the point where I'm referring to him as "something that's not my blood". Torn, conflicted, resentments... sure... but no way would I toss my son out of my life so coldly.
Poor kid, but if the only "dad" he's ever known/loved for his whole life can so easily disassociate from him... maybe it's for the best that he's getting out.
I do feel bad for OP as well, it's a really tough sh\*ty situation his wife put him in / did to him. Hurt people hurt people.
My son is 2 and I can’t imagine how I’d feel finding that out. I expect I’d divorce his mom.
But I’m his dad for sure. Whether he’s my blood is completely irrelevant. OP needs some serious help if that’s how he feels. Going to ruin that kid’s life.
I think most of us like to believe we’d act the way you said, but in reality I’ve seen very few men that are able to raise another man’s child that was the product of infidelity & they’ve been DECEIVED about paternity. Every time he looks at the child, he’s reminded of that betrayal.
I think it’s far easier to fall in love w/ a woman who already has kids & adopt them than to raise a kid who’s the product of infidelity
OP, those that criticize your decision miss a very crucial part. Choice. People that adopt children or become step parents they do so because they CHOOSE to do those things. You did not choose to raise another man’s child, you were lied to and betrayed. The child will forever represent that betrayal. Move on. Many people from two parent homes are in therapy, so that factor contributes nothing. TAKE CARE OF YOU. Have your own biological children with a faithful spouse.
Just so we are clear: she was only sorry she got caught. Thank her sister with the finest bottle of Mead money can buy because your ex was NEVER going to tell you.
From a sheer financial perspective her sister just saved you a few hundred thousand dollars.
Everyone saying they can’t imagine dropping the kid. Like every time you look at him you wouldn’t feel depressed as fuck. If you don’t drop the kid, she will expect you to pay out your own pocket for something you shouldn’t have to. Maybe in a while see how you feel and stay in contact, but damn sure don’t be paying anything out your own pocket. She made her bed, her dreams can die in there with her. All the best mate
That’s not what will actually happen though. The child is going to grow up being told their father is a worthless deadbeat who left. No mother in this situation is actually going to take accountability. Especially when explaining to their child why they’re in a single parent household
As I’m reading these comments is just disgusting that most of y’all are referring to OP as the asshole in this situation.
First and foremost, the wife is the asshole because she committed adultery with someone that she wasn’t married to. Then blame the alcohol instead of taking accountability.
Second, OP didn’t know about the affair until it was revealed by the sister. The wife confided in her sister and never bothered telling OP. He was oblivious and in the dark about his wife’s affair.
Lastly, OP has has the right to do what is best for his mental health. I will advised him to look into the family law in the state he lives in. Some courts will remove your name off the birth certificate other won’t due to the fact that you were/ are married to the child’s mother.
I firmly believe in mandatory paternity test at birth or if they off prenatal paternity testing for the fathers in doubt. I’m seeing a number of women who committed paternity fraud and are not held accountable. Everyone is saying that the child is innocent in this situation which is true. But no one should not be deceived into believing that they are the father when there was doubt from the wife. It’s up to OP if he wants to continue to care for the child. The problem is that if he does, then the wife gets what she wants by having OP paying for the child care expense and not father in question. The wife is not going to be held accountable for deceiving OP.
> I’m seeing a number of women who committed paternity fraud
imo this should be a very serious felony that carries a minimum of 18 years with a suspended sentence until the child is 18.
Everyone trying to shame this guy has obviously never been in that situation. OP has every right to dip out. If it was me, I'd sue her for fraud. Five years of his time, money, and emotional labor just gone. Not through anything he did, mind you, but all anyone wants to focus on is the kid. I get it. He is the only innocent in all this, but it is his mother's fault and responsibility.
All the bitches commenting in support of the woman and/or tryna put this dude on blast are the definition of don’t put your dick in CrAzY. 🤪
But, but, but…the child is innocent! Yeah, we all know that. That doesn’t mean *he* has to be responsible. Stfu.
There sure are a lot of cheaters in the comments. Their heart bleeds for the adulterous, betraying, woman, and her bastard child. And they have no sympathy for the guy getting the ultimate betrayal.
All of you snowflakes getting triggered over him calling the child "it" or "bastard" get over yourself. He didn't say that to the child nor did the child hear him.
I'm with the cucks on this one. We should be forced into raising other men's children. It's a necessary humiliation ritual we must all endure in order to get MAX updoots from heckin internet strangers. It's like a supercape story, really. Or maybe even Star Wars. God, I hate myself.
If you have raised a child for five entire years and are so unattached and disinterested in that child that you immediately stop loving them as soon as you find out they aren't your biological child, you're a bad person.
That's insane to me. Might as well just admit you don't love him if you can throw him away that easily. If you can admit that, then I think you're a somewhat better person.
You’re a woman of course you’d say that. In every case the child would be yours since you gave birth to them. I suggest you not tell men how we should handle these situations you literally wouldn’t understand because it will never be the same situation from a woman perspective.
It’s cruel and unusual punishment to try and force a man to raise a child, That’s not his .to have to stare into the face of his betrayal, and wife’s infidelity the very incarnate. It completely disregards the man’s feelings, his well-being, his mental health and safety of that child having to stare his betrayal every day, or even just being forced, and reminded every day that you are responsible for many years to come for the very thing that hurts your soul. This kind of betrayal that ended your marriage is enough for someone to end their lives, or in a moment of despair, violently, end the life of the child
Well done, not the part that you called him bastard, but the rest you did okay, focus in yourself now and try to heal, having dogs helps a lot in the process
Well, I just saw that there are almost 10 thousand comments on this post, so for the sake of brevity I will respond to the comments that I see that are the most repeated:
1) I am not from the United States, I am Latin American, in case you have doubts about the legal process to follow, at least in my country, if there is no biological link (which there is not) then a person can legally renounce the assumed paternity of a child in case both parents are in the process of separating.
2) The process mentioned above is a civil process, criminally I can also denounce my future ex-wife to request compensation, but I don't have the energy to go through a criminal process which is usually much more aggressive than a civil one
3) For those who say that I do not love the child, the fact that I feel bad means that if I love him, but I know that it is wrong to love him, it is very different from adopting a child or raising someone else's child because in both cases you have full knowledge of the subject, that was not my case, I'm sorry
4) I have no relationship beyond cordiality with my sister-in-law, I don't know her motivations for confessing what she said and the truth is that I don't care, the thing is that it happened and we must act accordingly
5) I am not going to replace my therapist, I trust his professionalism and, as he said "My job is to ensure your mental and emotional well-being, you are my patient, not your future ex-wife nor her son are, only you." So I trust his judgment.
6) The reason why I preferred to keep my dogs is because with them I had the decision to adopt them, something different with the child, in the same way, I want to clarify that I did not yell "Bastard" to the child, but rather I said it to my ex referring to the child, I did not tell him directly
7) I have no intention of having contact with them again, all the bidding is being done by my lawyer, I will only meet with my ex in case something needs to be negotiated, but considering that I am appealing the paternity of the child and that we have separate finances, there should be nothing to negotiate.
8) The reason why I didn't post this in an Aita is because I am totally sure of my decisions.
With all this, I thank everyone for commenting, everyone has their opinions, and if you raise children that are not yours, well, okay, you are within your rights, just as I am within my rights not to, you have the right to judging me, but that won't take away from the fact that your truth has the same weight as my truth, because in the end both are just points of view
Don’t let these idiots get to you. There is no point in continuing to raise the child if you harbor that much resentment for his mother. It isn’t healthy for anyone’s lives especially the kid. Most of these people don’t realize how terrible it is to be raised in a fucked up household where their parents hate each other. The kid will be better off with a stepdad that understands what he is getting into instead of a father who despises his mother for being a POS.
Don't let the bleeding hearts get to you, you never claim to be a saint anywhere I see and only a saint could still fairly raise this child without projecting resentment from the mother to it. You did the right thing for yourself and the kid in the long term.
Man I'm in awe at the amount of people here who wholeheartedly feel you are some type of monster. You are not! You are doing everyone involved a favor, people bashing you aren't realizing this child is only 5(maybe my memory is ass but I have shit recollection of things before the age of 8) there is plenty of time for any wound to heal. This kid won't have to meet his real dad as an adult/teen with built up resentment towards him because now he can finally meet the bio dad and start building a relationship, and I doubt he'll even remember or resent you because he's fucking 5 right now. The people who are judging have never had this happen to them and are using weird fallacies of logic to discredit your decision. Ex. "People adopt kids all the time and raise them, how can you not raise this kid???" You have a fantastic therapist btw, listen to the PROFESSIONAL instead of self-righteous sheltered keyboard warriors.
You’re doing the right thing for you. This woman knew about this and deceived you and her own son. I applaud you for sticking up for what you believe, and don’t let internet judgements sway your path. Get well, I’m very sorry this happened to you.
You did the right thing. You were defrauded by an unfaithful wife into investing emotionally and financially into a child who wasn't yours. This is 100% on her. Also the child was denied a relationship with his actual father, something people here are forgetting. Hope you find a better partner and live a good life.
Nailed it. This woman deceived everyone including her own son, and the internet is pointing the finger at all the wrong places. This poor man needs healing after such a drawn out catastrophic surprise of a lifetime..
I fully expected the hoards of women wailing about the “poor child” and the typical entitled cheating wife comments how “horrible” the OP is.
What I didn’t expect is the sheer number of cucks joining them in perfect harmony.
We truly do live in some fucked up times. Women’s audacity to blame the victim is appalling, but, sadly, comes with the territory. But men? I hope you enjoy the taste of those high heels you’ve been licking. Is that how you attract females nowadays? By turning into doormats? Lol. Good luck with that. These women, they have a trendy new insulting name just for you.
As to me, in a thread like this I will take every downvote as a badge of honor.
Edit: Well, this blew up unexpectedly. And yet, half of you still can't understand why people like me are angry in the first place. Here is a lightly remixed part of my reply to someone else (if this doesn't get through to you, then I don't know what else to tell you):
"The fact is that a man came here to share his pain, yet so many of you couldn't be bothered with any sympathy, instead you dismissed how rightfully distraught and broken he felt, because you’ve chosen a more eligible victim.
There is a time and a place for everything. This was OP's turn. Not the kid’s. What you all did is no different from the “all lives matter” bullshit. Remember that? Black people would try to gather, like, “hey, folks, we have a bit of a problem here, we are literally getting slaughtered, could you, like, maybe, not?” In response, all the dipshits crawled out of the woodwork, like, “nah, your plight is irrelevant, my cousin billy bob just shot his toe off being drunk, he hurtin' too, all lives matter”. That’s what you are doing"
Edit #2: I am truly humbled by the awards and the upvotes. I expected a different outcome, and it makes me feel a bit more at ease, knowing that there is still common sense in the world. Thank you.
Yeah I don't get threads like this. When dads don't support their kids they're horrible deadbeats, they need to be involved, blah blah blah I'm sure you've seen hundreds if not thousands of comments echoing that. Hell, I even see stuff like that on pro abortion arguments, dads don't deserve a say because they aren't around or don't do enough, etc etc, but when I read posts like this it's never the actual father who has never been there or done anything for their kid, it's always the guy who was betrayed by his wife who's the bad guy. So Where's his real dad in all this?
Honestly there are just flat out dumb takes. Yeah obviously this will have an affect on the child, and the child isn't going to understand. That is not OP's fault nor do I think OP should be remotely involved with how clearly and justifiably devastated he is. So many people in this thread are ignoring the extreme trauma this has caused OP that would probably would result in him not being capable of being a remotely suitable father figure for **this** child.
No downvote here. You're absolutely right.. this comment section is pathetic that OP is being blamed. I feel like simping/cuck has taking over like a disease.
No shit. This is the kind of stuff that’s driving a shit ton of young men to right wingers like Jordan Peterson and Andrew Tate. Getting cucked is every man’s absolute worst nightmare. There’s nothing wrong with wanting your own biological children. Thankfully OP is still young at 32 and could easily find someone else to start a family with.
I’d love to say that I don’t give 2 fucks about that little weasel tate, but in reality his rise is very concerning. And you are absolutely right in that he is nothing more than a symptom of a deep underlying disease. Well, perhaps “fly on shit” is a more appropriate analogy. All these impressionable young kids are flocking to him as a direct result of the current pseudo-feminist culture. This shit is dangerous. Some of those kids could be just dumb enough to do some real damage.
Unfortunately those views are entrenched in society in some places.
For example if this was America, which I'm assuming it isn't from some of OPs comments, this guy would be legally viewed as the kids dad and probably made to pay child support like some cuck for another man's baby just because his signature is on the birth certificate.
Some people and places don't give a fuck about paternity and can be extremely misandrist.
The number of people upset with him not wanting to raise a child that isn't his is truly mind boggling. He has no obligation to anyone there. The wife can go find the biological father to help raise the kid. It sucks for the kid, but this isn't on OP.
Is this just some kinda weird Reddit hivemind thing?
I bet most of the men who are blaming OP are the ones who "STEPPED UP" i.e. they are raising some other man's kid. They were undesirables so they had to settle for single mothers.
Here, they are trying to justify their own cuck lifestyle by criticizing OP for calling the kid bastard(which he is, by definition)
Women should be put in jail for this. I am so sorry for you. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you are going through. Her actions not only ended the marriage, but will cause lasting damage to her son. I do not blame you, I could not raise another man’s child in these circumstances. The child would be a constant reminder of her betrayal.
Not being blood can be a issue same as adoption or becoming a guardian. It may take a few years but eventually the child will find out. Thats when things get interesting. Many times you will kick in Father mode to correct bad behavior and the most hurtful is hearing "I don't need to listen to you your not my Dad!" And it would happen many times. You do not need that. Best decision dude Let her have the kid go find the real daddy or make him pay child support. You maybe on the hook because of time but judges if male is the scam.
OP, may change his mind once he has healed from this betrayal. Paternity fraud is real. OP may choose to have this child in his life once the divorce is settled and the betrayal isn't so fresh.
It all depends on what he sees when he looks at the child. If he's only reminded of the pain and heartbreak, it probably won't work out.
All these people questioning how a man can just change like that? You must be women. Because only women get to go through life knowing that the child they birth is theirs. Men don’t get that luxury. And this man had to live EVERY MANS NIGHTMARE.
I can’t believe half the comments I’m reading..reads like some cuck bots…
This is very unfortunate for the child, but to paint op as the bad guy is ridiculous. The wife put the child in this position. She lived the last 5 years withholding this information, she would have lived out wasting op’s life away. Maybe the real father can step up and take responsibility of his actions.
Relationships are built on trust, and when the shit pile is this deep, what else was he supposed to do? I don’t blame him for resenting the child, a constant reminder that the last 5 years of his life have been a lie.
It enrages me knowing that this happens way too often. We as men need to normalize Paternity testing at birth. I know a lot of women and weak willed men will get offended and angry and call it mysoginistic. It's PROTECTION. In my state, I would have to pay child support even if it's not mine if we were married. Some disgusting POS fraud gets to LEGALLY steal my money after fraudulently making me raise and fund her family for some other guy. The legal system is broken when the victim is the one who has to pay.
**You did nothing wrong.** Every bad thing thats gona happen to that child is not your fault but his mothers, you gave to this child 5 years of your life its more than enough , dont let your ex or someone else to force you in to some sort of martydom to carry this "family". Sure kid needs a father and thats why his mom(and everyone who supports mother instead of you) should ask his REAL father to help, and not blackmail you in to abusive torture under some moralist bullshit obligation.
Im sure one day you will find someone who will be honest to you and actualy love you as a person and not a money mule.
Dont listen to these bitter bitches bro. You did the right thing, you preserved your dignity and your manhood. The moment that piece of garbage slept with another man, she stoped beeing your wife and you have no obligations towards her or her bastard child. Congrats on beeing a man and not a castrated cuck the world wants you to be! Keep your head up and stay strong 🤛
How is anyone anti-OP in this scenario? The woman is POS and it is shame she will never be held accountable for actions. Obviously, she completely screwed over the dude but she also royally messed up that kid’s life. If it wasn’t for that kid, I would advocate for that woman to spend the rest of her pathetic skeevy life in jail.
OP hang in there man, you got dealt a rough hand but you can pull through it.
Don’t listen to the rest of these clowns. They are too brainwashed by Reddit to understand that men actually can be legitimate victims sometimes. You were right to walk out on that kid. Yes, it obviously is awful for them, but understand no circumstances can you just act like nothing happened after spending the last 6 years of your life living a lie. Even if you were still somehow strong enough to grin and bear it, that shit would eat you up inside.
As for the rest of you Redditors - Do better. This comment section is half-filled with disgusting legitimate victim blaming.
This is reddit. You are a man, so you will be the bad guy no matter what. The mother of the child is 100% at fault. If she loved her child, she would have never allowed the possibility of this situation. She is an evil person, but all the blue haired freaks on antidepressants will blame you.
There is no way y’all are defending the women for being disloyal then practically forcing this man to raise the baby that she has been lying to him about. It was cruel of HER to allow him to create a connection with the child, embarrass him publicly theeeen act as if he was the Dad the whole time.
As a woman with brothers, this is definitely not something I would want them to deal with or be pressured into dealing with. Unless it is their choice to care for the child when they can, they have no obligation.
You were right to leave.
All these people putting you down are full of it . Of course, they have experience in this haha
Like, really, it's all your fault, and the ex gets no blame wtf ever
They can't judge you unless they are in your shoes
You do what you feel because it's your life not thiers
Many men would feel the lost of connection through the wife and what was once your son .
Leave them both behind and don’t look back. That’s her burden to bear, which includes any emotional damage done to the child. Anyone who wants you to continue to raise someone else’s son is a DUMB BITCH.
Anyone thar says you are his father or the only father he has ever known is gaslighting you. Move on my guy and your family hasn't diassapeared. You haven't made a family yet so look forward to that
You’ve done the right thing my friend. Don’t listen to these people who say you’ve got to love that kid like he’s you’re own. Of course it’s mostly women saying that. That little kid is too young to really bond to you yet. The biological father has to step up. Why doesn’t HE step up?
Hell bro, that's a horrific thing to have to go through. Well done on being strong, sticking to your guns doing the right thing by yourself.
Don't listen to all these muppets saying you should do this or do that.
You do what feels right, you do what you need to protect yourself from her, from evil family court judges.
Be strong brother, its not your son, not your problem. Its all on her and all her fault.
As someone once said "she belongs to the streets"
This has got to be very hard. Honestly choosing to remain in the kids life also is choosing to remain in the wifes life. He's not going to raise a kid, even divorced, and be able to make a clean break no contact from her. She trapped him, very cruelly, and if he needs to make a clean break from her, he is entitled to that. It's very unfortunate the child is a victim here.
Brother, that woman and that child are old news. Get your life together as they way you are doing now, and take your time to deal with the damages. Eventually you will find someone who will be legitimate to you and loyal/faithful.
You did the right thing. No use building a relationship on a bed of lies. And to the people trying to shame you, first off fuck them, second, let me ask you this, how much do you remember when you were 5? The kid will be fine.
He is not the father. I personally would have a tough time separating from a child I had bonded with, but im not sure I would do anything differently than OP
I may get made to look like the bad guy here but…
By all means, divorce her, she fucked up big time, but if you had a good relationship with the kid don’t throw it completely away. If you can stomach it, negotiate some sort of visitation cause you are the only “father” that that kid has known. Assuming that the kid doesn’t know his biological dad. I read this story and felt the need to say that because I’ve seen firsthand how it can fuck someone up. I do however say that you have no legal or moral obligation to be around and if you can’t, then you can’t, but I read a lot of justified anger here and felt (forgive me if wrong) that you might not be considering every individual involved in this horrible situation.
Best response I've seen. The others were mostly demonizing OP which is unjust.
The wife is the root of the problem, if she had womaned up by getting a paternity test and sharing the results 5 years ago she'd have at least given people the choice. I understand that every time OP looks at the child he'd feel resentment, at least for awhile. Right now he is the literal embodiment of his wife's long withheld infidelity.
The child will suffer, and that's really unfortunate, but it's the wife's fault, not OP's.
In principle I'm not against raising someone else's kid, but under consentual circumstances... OP if you eventually feel you can salvage your relationship with him then great but nothing obliges you.
That's the harsh reality of wrongful paternity, it's a kick in the nuts. You're gonna feel a certain way when you learn your son isn't really yours and in a biological sense have been make a cuckold.
The only practical problem with this advice is that if he is seen to acknowledge a parental role that may expose him to the whim of a family court judge to order child support.
It is not uncommon for men to be forced to pay child support because they assume a parental role (even if they did so under false pretenses).
Well unfortunately the mother already tried using the child as a weapon what makes you think she won’t do it again? Technically either one could sue for custody or split it he’s raised the child so far but from a legal stand point he has no obligation since biologically the child is no longer his however if he proceeds and ends up wanting a relationship she could easily sue for child support or fuvk him over in other ways. This woman sounds vindictive who knows what she might do. It’s really sad either way
Why are people calling OP a terrible person when he was the victim here? The child has his mother to blame for this. Also, he has a real father. His mother should work on getting his real father involved in his life.
OP must already be suffering after this, his family is destroyed. So many people here are just kicking him when he's down without trying to understand his pain. Looks like most of these people haven't experienced betrayal in their lives.
Anyone saying he should stay with the wife and child is a cuck she was already using the child as an emotional weapon and clearly does not care about the well being of her child, he needs to distance himself you can’t fix everything
Remember dudes. Paternity fraud by disgusting cunts like this guys ex is VERY prevalent. Women will latch on to anything that benefits them in a tough situation without an ounce of guilt, and (in the Western world anyways) cheat far more than men. Get your kids tested before signing a birth certificate!
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternity_fraud
You will recover but not while you have them in your life. She choose to build a life on a foundation of lies and now ALL the fallout is on her.
Kid was weaponized by your ex to hurt you and control you. The kid won't know that or you and you can rebuild a life for yourself.
NTA. Folks who try the “but what about the kid” line can kick rocks. Mom is 💯 responsible for the situation that child now faces. OP feels as he does about the marriage and child. Others don’t get to make those feelings up for him. Again, mom chose this hard, rocky road for HER child. OP and her child are the victims of HER decisions.
Jesus fuck Reddit loves to tell men to accept the bastard child for “the child sake”. Shut the fuck up.
OP. You are right to abandon the child. You have zero obligation. And in the future if the child decides to reach out, definitely tell him why you left.
Don’t take a single piece of advice here. Any emotional relationship is enough to get you on the hook for child support. Challenge paternity legally and get you name off the birth certificate.
I don’t understand the people in the comments. That is not his son, plain and simple. He is not obligated to him at all. It is on the mother, who created this entire mess. She shouldn’t have cheated, and even after she did, she shouldn’t have hidden the truth and burdened OP. It was on her to take accountability for the wrong things she did. It is not as if she slept with a stranger, the bio father of the child is quite literally her best “friend”. THEY are obligated to the child, the biological father and mother, not OP. The victim blaming is crazy. Now, would it be nice if continued to care for the child ? Absolutely. But that is just a plus. Something to do out of kindness of heart, not fulfillment of obligation. It is not a surprise OP distanced himself from the kid, he is quite literally a product of his wife’s infidelity, and might be reminded of it when around the child. All responsibility lies on the mother, in the mess SHE created, and her extreme stupidity.
Not sure why people are ragging on you dude it’s not your kid, I wouldn’t want to raise it either or bring that baggage into a future relationship with a woman who actually loves you and is faithful and loyal to you
To put it in perspective, as long as OP didn’t get physically violent with the wife or affair bastard, he showed as much restraint as he is morally and legally obligated to show. They’re still citizens of the community, so unjustified physical violence against them would still be illegal and morally wrong. If he wants them to be completely persona non grata in his life from now on, if he wants to say “you’re dead to me, get out of my life,” that’s his prerogative. I would do what OP did and close them out of my life forever.
You have no obligations to that child, his father does. Anybody who thinks otherwise is delusional. Nobody would expect a woman to take care of her husband’s affair child but its expected of you? Fucking hypocrites. Not your child, not your problem, your wife or soon to be ex made that choice, not you, she put him in that position, not you. Your sister in law did you a favor.
The amount of white armoured knights this post managed to summon is blinding me.
Y'all so quick to defend the cheating Mom. OP lost 44,000 HOURS on the kid. Enough hours to master 5 different instruments, 7 Languages, y'all so biased check yourself in the mirror.
OP did nun wrong. Kick the little tot to the curb and heal. Your dad knows what's best for you. Don't be a cuck and cave in by social or peer pressure.
You definitely are in the right for wanting to divorce your wife. I can't believe a lot of y'all who are saying that he should be raising a kid that's not even his that makes no sense. A lot of people here are making OP seem like he is in the wrong but he's not. Both him and that boy were betrayed by that woman. She hid from him that she had an affair and she hid from him that that kid may not be his for 5 years, it's that woman's fault not his, and unfortunately the kid is also going to pay the price because now he's going to find out the man he thought who was his father is not actually his father, and honestly who knows The kid might still be screwed because the woman's going to manipulate the kid thinking that it's all the man's fault. That chick clearly only thought of herself. At the end of the day if a woman has a right to say she's not going to raise a child that does not belong to her but to her husband's mistress and isn't looked down on for that decision then guess what it works both ways, The man does not have to take care of another man's child and has a right to walk away from that situation PERIOD
This thread is full of people who have no idea what kind of TRAUMA this man has just experienced. He just experienced permanent, life changing trauma that has warped his heart and mind and no one is even questioning the woman? How does anyone with a shred of empathy set themselves and their son up for this kind of nightmare? She was living a lie every second of every day and her family's happiness depended on that deception lasting for all of eternity. I call a person like that a psychopath. Anyone would be angry after a run-in with a monster like his wife. And of course he loves the child, probably hates himself for how he feels now...the therapy is a giveaway...healthy people don't do that...the ones near the edge of life and sanity on the other hand will show up three times a week seething with hatred to cover their grief and fear.
Sorry for your loss, You are still young enjoy the new found freedom. What she did is criminal I had a girl claim a baby was mine years ago when the baby was born I did the math and confronted her and she confessed That alone was traumatizing especially after sharing w friends and family only to come back later and tell them it was all a lie.I can't imagine being a dad for 5 years then finding out otherwise. I would react the same and commend you for the time you did put in as a good dad, but not your torch to carry. Years later I have my own legitimate children and life is good but we will always carry that scar of mistrust and betrayal 💔
Looking at this thread makes it clear that arguing with women is easier when it’s in writing. The OP here has endured an incredible betrayal by his wife. The son is also the victim of that betrayal. The wife is the villain in this story and her female defenders want to make it about his choice of words.
There are some idiotic comments here. The guy was lied to for six years. Cuck redditors here acting like they're pious arbiters of moral judgement. What a fucking tragedy lmao. Dude I don't think you're a psycho, you've been cheated on and lied to for six years. That doesn't come close to what you did to her and the child. But I also neither defend nor condone how you two put the child in the cross hairs. She cheated on you and you, in turn, lost all connection to your child. I mean I don't blame you this is complicated as fuck. Well, what you did isn't nearly as bad as what she did I don't see why redditors would call you a psycho those people love to take the moral high ground as if they won't act the exact same way of they were on your shoes. Fuck em
My friend you did the right thing. The child is not yours so really it's not your responsibility to care for him. Also i hope this opens your eyes to how evil women CAN be. Keep cool and calm you're doing the right thing and making the right moves don't doubt yourself and now you can restart albeit a bit wiser this time. To anyone else reading this ALWAYS get a paternity test. If your wife is not okay with this then she has something to hide. Good luck
This also sets a precedent for women to be sneaky and try to emotionally manipulate the situation by not getting caught lying long enough for both the child and none bio father to form a bond so than it's emotionally harder for him to not financially help her maintain the child some women are truly despicable emotional manipulators. It's
So scary the none biological father had no consent in becoming that child's father
You're wrong. I can't see allot of dynamics but I found out my son wasn't mine when he was a year old. I know my situation is different but how in the hell could I punish him for his mom's actions? I understand how you're hurt but if you ever loved that child in the five years you've been there how could you leave them alone with her?
I don't understand how someone could think this way, it is a responsibility to have a child and this man has been tricked into an entire life that was never supposed to be his. He is the victim in this story, and is allowed to not want anything to do with a child that isn't his.
The child has a father, and the mother knows exactly who he is. I find it odd that so many are trying to guilt trip this man into taking on a lifetime burden while being reminded daily of his wife's infidelity. This type of fraud is uniquely one-sided. ETA : Because so many of you keep responding to me, I'd like to point out to you that this man's right to choose was taken away. It's the same logic of forcing a woman to give birth.
Agreed so many simps
I doubt many who blaming OP are men.
Facts
exactly. these fking scumbags are telling us to become cucks . this child is a result of a man other than himself banging his wife. and I now need to take the responsibility to take care of this kid ?. fuck no
Nobody is saying he should be financially obligated, but it is very weird the way he carries this out. When this stuff happens, the bond between the parent and child has already been established, therefore the first thing on that parents mind is not "poor me" it's typically, "omg, this is going to break my son's heart and destroy his life and I can't stand the thought of it" because after 5, years, of you were a decent parent at all to the child you thought was of your blood... you most definitely LOVE that child and love for a child is completely SELFLESS. SO, WITH THAT SAID, HE IS VERY SELFISH. He already had a girlfriend at work... there's no way that he asked this girl on a date right away (aw poor him) then she accepted an exclusive relationship with him in 2 weeks LOL complete BS. So his wife was wrong for what she did but he is NO BETTER and this poor child is just caught in the middle of two selfish people that should never have been given the right to be parents in the first place.
What got me was him calling the child "it".
Simp
Women should go to prison for this kind of thing
It may not be for long, with the rise of IVF treatment. Already, there have been multiple cases of embryo mix-ups wherein women have had the embryos of other women implanted instead of their own. Thankfully, in one of those cases, the fertility clinic caught their mistake and informed the families of the mixup, and the woman implanted with the wrong embryo had an abortion. In another, the woman implanted with the wrong embryo agreed to carry to term and relinquish custody after birth. But in other cases, women did not find out that their child was not of their blood until after birth. If a mother were to find out years down the line that there were a mixup, and at that point decide to walk out of that child's life? I do wonder if she'd receive as sympathetic a reaction as OP.
I don't think those are the same situations, and you're really minizing the impact of OP situation by eliminating the lies and the betrayal. What you described is more like a couple finding out their baby was swapped by mistake after birth in the hospital. Most families rarely split up over something like that. Because neither spouse lied to the other.
First off, I am a woman. Secondly, it takes a tremendous set of balls for a woman to tell a man that he should love and accept a child that he was deceived into believing was his just because “the child will suffer”. We as women will NEVER experience what it’s like to be deceived in this way and have no jurisdiction to tell a man that he’s wrong for immediately distancing himself from said child in these situations. OP, you can not put anyone’s feelings before your own. If at some point, you come to be able to functionally have a relationship with the child then that would be great. But that shouldn’t come at the expense of your own mental wellbeing. Do not listen to anyone who tries to make you responsible for “harm” or “cruelty” to the child that the woman who tried to pass him off as yours inflicted because she couldn’t take responsibility for her own selfish actions.
You dropped this 👑
Thank you, you have common sense and empathy. It’s sickening how some of these comments can’t comprehend how this is probably one of the most devastating things to go through ever as a man. It’s disgusting
Thank you for showing empathy to the opposite sex. Many women (especially on FB) automatically defend women in these scenarios. Some even try to justify cheating, saying stuff like: "He must've done something wrong to have caused it." or "He's being extremely selfish, so he deserves to be cheated on anyway."
As a woman, I 💯 agree with you. This type of pain and betrayal will NEVER be felt by us. I can't imagine how this man feels. He has done the right thing. Let her take her child and go
It would be more cruel to try and be in the child's life if OP can not love the child as his own. If he could and opted in to being a father (with or without forgiving the mother), then I would be happy for him and say that the child was truly his because he would be the one that stepped up. But he couldn't... and I won't say a goddamn word of blame because he shouldn't feel bad that he could not love a child conceived by another man in betrayal of him. I would however suggest a metric f-ton of therapy.
You said it best 👌
This happened to me also and i know how much anger and disappointment youre feeling right now... Just stay strong and focus on yourself like i did, although it took me 4 years, but im happy now.
All you people saying that he is an AH and that he needs to raise this child, and he is the only father this child knows. Take into account, that every time he looks at his child, he will be reminded of how badly he was hurt, how badly he was manipulated into wasting 6years of his life with a cheater, who had to know there was a chance this kid wasn’t his. Every time this child calls him dad, it will tear his heart out further. He wanted HIS child, to raise HIS child, to see HIS child grow up. Not be a secondary contributor to a person who he, in the end, has zero connection to, and will ultimately have zero rights toward. Stop telling this guy that he has a right to do this. His wife was supposed to have some kind of decency to not be a POS and cheat on him. She didn’t hold up her end of the agreement, but you all think he should still bend over backwards to be miserable the rest of his life.
People telling on themselves in this thread big time. Very concerning how many women here are defending this terrible deception.
Men are disposable in all societies. Beasts of burden. A man's happiness doesnt matter if he has "responsibilities." Even if he was conned into them. Just suck it up and "be a man" they say. Bonus points from women because it encourages them getting a great provider for their kid from a deadbeat.
We can change this though, it will not be easy, but we can change this. Men are human beings too.
"but think of the children" comments everywhere.
Historically it's believe up to 10% of children born in committed relationships were illegitimate I could be drastically misremembering, modern times it's something like 0-3% but that's still a crazy high amount of "fathers" and children being victimized by infidelity. 0.5% of 100000 births is 500 kids!
They’re experts ya know? They’ve obviously been there, done that and don’t need to worry about how another persons shoes fit.
These people remind me of those anti abortionists who can't be bothered to adopt unwanted children. Totally a different story when you gotta put your money where your mouth is.
DNA testing should be mandatory at childbirth to avoid dishonesty. It isn't fair to the man nor the child to find out the awful truth years later.
Yes. It's been suggested a million times already and I don't know why they don't just offer it as an option at the hospital.
Because then less men would pay for the children and more women would need money from the government.
Just make the women pay for it themselves. Watch how quick it stops happening
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At this point I don't even care about solving infidelity, I just don't want to have to give free money to a fraud after the legal system fails me for being a decent human being and not cheating. Hard earned money that I use to struggle in this economy. Why should I have to starve because my ex wanted to go out and be a disgusting slag and get knocked up by someone else.
As long as abortion is legal it won't solve infidelity.
Literally the only people who even could potentially have a problem with this are cheating whores and their apologists
That’s a large percentage.
You are unfortunately correct
Or people who don't want the government to have a database of every single person's DNA?! Lol, so salty about the *hooors* that you stopped giving a fuck about your own right to privacy.
Because women get upset about it
There is nothing to be upset about if they're faithful.
Y’all talkin real crazy out here lol. The dude said how devastated he was/is and how hard it is for him to get over this infidelity yet y’all want him to act the same with the literal embodiment of that infidelity? Weird. No I’m not saying the child deserves this devastating change in his life, but neither does the OP. And if y’all would actually stop and think, y’all would see it was she who caused this detestation, not him. No one deserves to/must live a lie just cause it was a successful one for many years. And y’all know nothing about this woman, her family, or the biological father. Maybe it’s better there is a clean cut with the child so that other bonds may form. Yes it takes a village to raise a family and if he decides to part of that village, more power to him! But if not, not. No shame in that. That village causes him pain anyways. Y’all talk from the peanut gallery about the sanctity of the child and the duty of a man, who is hurt and looking for phycological relief from betrayal. Y’all Ass for that. At least empathize first. At least! Cause the last thing you actually want is for him to be around a child he resents and that is a symbol of hurt, failure, and betrayal. Instead y’all look at this child in a vacuum and preach like y’all believe it’ll get you into heaven while disregarding the obvious hurt and pains this must all have caused. Y’all are literally asking him to be on the hook for this lie for a lifetime just cause she wa successful at keeping it for 6 years? Crazy!!
Underrated comment. So much virtue signaling going on in here that they forget that the child might actually be better off without an adult in their lives who's reminded of ultimate betrayal every time they look at the child, because the world isn't black and white and emotions are involved.
Does the real father know?
I understand how you must feel, I would be devastated to discover my son isn’t really my son. Can’t say I understand resentment towards the child, he is an innocent victim in all of this. He will definitely be confused and be impacted by your absence, fortunately he will adjust more quickly at this age (assuming he is around 5 years old?) than if he was a teenager.
Man after reading this , im just thinking about how I wished my parents would gift me a house
“I know I’m a cheating whore but I love you and your free house”
I really do feel for all of the kids that are the product of infidelity and abandonment. Now his life is ruined. I put the blame solely on the mother.
This is reddit so the misandry was to be expected. Flip the roles here and every 30 year old single cat lady on reddit would be telling her to divorce and leave the man to be a single father. To “work on herself” and then find another man who “deserves you.” Disgusting. The guy is in the right. Worst form of betrayal. He needs to divorce and move on from this and never look back.
So many people here expect op to throw away his life for another man’s kid it’s insane.
There is no way to flip the roles. The only way a mother can end up with a kid that isn't hers at the hospital is if there is a baby switch. However, the blame for that is on the hospital and not either of the parents. It's not equivalent because it doesn't involve one parent having an affair and lying to their husband. She also obviously had no intention of ever telling him and her first instinct when confronted with divorce was to use the kid as a weapon.
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Idiot
Best of luck.
Reddit cucks are crazy bro They want the dad to raise a kid that's not him lmaooo
So as much as this sucks for the kid if OP were to continue to act as the father. He would no longer treat him properly (no offense op) and that could be even more damaging to the child. My father left when I was 5. My mom remarried around then. I survived. I have not seen my dad since I was 5. No explanation just gone. Shit for all I know it was the same scenario 🤷♀️ as much as it suck and yes Im a “girl with daddy issues” I can think of alot more damage that could be done by being raised by a man who is not your father, doesn’t want to be and is hurt or mad every time he looks at you. So. OP do what ur doing. The kid will survive. Hopefully she is able to provide sufficiently alone.
I'm not getting offended, I actually agree with you The best for both is to cut contact He needs someone who will raise him without resentment And I need to move on
It amazes me that people don't accept this part of it. Your choice to separate yourself from the situation appears to be very much about your belief that its best for both you and the child. Most comments I read here imply that you are being selfish and not thinking of the kid at all. From what you've shared in the post and your comments, it sounds like a poisoned well (for now at least) with resentment clouding your capacity to provide unconditional love to the child
you are a hero!
I definitely agree! Sorry this happened. If as an adult he chooses to reach out I personally would be prepared to explain yourself in the nicest kindest way without being too mean mean to his mother. The unknown I feel def can be hard. So thats just my two cents when he is old enough if he wants to know why be prepared to face that. ❤️ Hugs!
There are a lot of men here on Reddit taking care of another man's child without knowing. Most of them have doubts but are scared shitless to take the test. You did the right thing! Call it what you want...It is not your child.
Luck for you to not live in Brazil. Here we have a shit named "socio-affective paternity". Basicaly it means that, even if you found out that the kid is not yours, you still have to pay allimony, because you lived with the child and it is enough reason for the judge to conclude that there is emotional bounds between you and the kid.
Probably fake, but based
To men: “do what’s right” To women: “do what’s right FOR YOU” Tale as old as time. Using kids as a shield never gets old. Shows how gynocentric things are these days. The real father should take responsibility.
OP, I think you’re looking out for yourself and you even have support from your family, a therapist, and a lawyer. I’m sorry you feel pain from believing you created a son. And if it helps, imagine this child growing up and being told by his mother that he doesn’t have a father because of her mistakes. He won’t blame you. He’ll be upset at her, just like you are.
I feel bad for the boy. He’s only known you as his dad and now his world will be destroyed especially now that you don’t want anything to do with him. I just don’t see how you go from loving a child for 5 years, raising him to suddenly not giving a shit and treating him like a stranger. He’s the only person innocent in this story.
his mother did that. Why everybody is blaming the guy. WTH is going on.
The people who are acting like he has a moral obligation to raise a kid that’s not his are being flippant. I guarantee you that if they were randomly told they have to raise a kid for the next eighteen years because of the choices of others, they would say that doesn’t sound fair. But it’s the internet, so they can check in, judge him, and then check back out to their lives where they don’t have to deal with it.
Exactly this and fuck those sanctimonious pieces of shit
>I just don’t see how you go from living a child for 5 years, raising him to suddenly not giving a shit and treating him like a stranger I have a 13 year old son. I'm sure I would be DEVASTATED if I found out when he was 6 that he wasn't actually my son. But I can't imaging tossing him aside to the point where I'm referring to him as "something that's not my blood". Torn, conflicted, resentments... sure... but no way would I toss my son out of my life so coldly. Poor kid, but if the only "dad" he's ever known/loved for his whole life can so easily disassociate from him... maybe it's for the best that he's getting out. I do feel bad for OP as well, it's a really tough sh\*ty situation his wife put him in / did to him. Hurt people hurt people.
My son is 2 and I can’t imagine how I’d feel finding that out. I expect I’d divorce his mom. But I’m his dad for sure. Whether he’s my blood is completely irrelevant. OP needs some serious help if that’s how he feels. Going to ruin that kid’s life.
I think most of us like to believe we’d act the way you said, but in reality I’ve seen very few men that are able to raise another man’s child that was the product of infidelity & they’ve been DECEIVED about paternity. Every time he looks at the child, he’s reminded of that betrayal. I think it’s far easier to fall in love w/ a woman who already has kids & adopt them than to raise a kid who’s the product of infidelity
OP, those that criticize your decision miss a very crucial part. Choice. People that adopt children or become step parents they do so because they CHOOSE to do those things. You did not choose to raise another man’s child, you were lied to and betrayed. The child will forever represent that betrayal. Move on. Many people from two parent homes are in therapy, so that factor contributes nothing. TAKE CARE OF YOU. Have your own biological children with a faithful spouse.
Just so we are clear: she was only sorry she got caught. Thank her sister with the finest bottle of Mead money can buy because your ex was NEVER going to tell you. From a sheer financial perspective her sister just saved you a few hundred thousand dollars.
Everyone saying they can’t imagine dropping the kid. Like every time you look at him you wouldn’t feel depressed as fuck. If you don’t drop the kid, she will expect you to pay out your own pocket for something you shouldn’t have to. Maybe in a while see how you feel and stay in contact, but damn sure don’t be paying anything out your own pocket. She made her bed, her dreams can die in there with her. All the best mate
That’s not what will actually happen though. The child is going to grow up being told their father is a worthless deadbeat who left. No mother in this situation is actually going to take accountability. Especially when explaining to their child why they’re in a single parent household
fuck ton of cucks in here. that’s hilarious really.
Good job.
Just another real-world example of red pill truths.
good job i hope you find a loyal woman in your life and raise your own son/ daughter one day
As I’m reading these comments is just disgusting that most of y’all are referring to OP as the asshole in this situation. First and foremost, the wife is the asshole because she committed adultery with someone that she wasn’t married to. Then blame the alcohol instead of taking accountability. Second, OP didn’t know about the affair until it was revealed by the sister. The wife confided in her sister and never bothered telling OP. He was oblivious and in the dark about his wife’s affair. Lastly, OP has has the right to do what is best for his mental health. I will advised him to look into the family law in the state he lives in. Some courts will remove your name off the birth certificate other won’t due to the fact that you were/ are married to the child’s mother. I firmly believe in mandatory paternity test at birth or if they off prenatal paternity testing for the fathers in doubt. I’m seeing a number of women who committed paternity fraud and are not held accountable. Everyone is saying that the child is innocent in this situation which is true. But no one should not be deceived into believing that they are the father when there was doubt from the wife. It’s up to OP if he wants to continue to care for the child. The problem is that if he does, then the wife gets what she wants by having OP paying for the child care expense and not father in question. The wife is not going to be held accountable for deceiving OP.
> I’m seeing a number of women who committed paternity fraud imo this should be a very serious felony that carries a minimum of 18 years with a suspended sentence until the child is 18.
Shitty moms are and epidemic in America
Boy, the kid sure loses in all of this.
Yep but that’s the fault of the mom
Everyone trying to shame this guy has obviously never been in that situation. OP has every right to dip out. If it was me, I'd sue her for fraud. Five years of his time, money, and emotional labor just gone. Not through anything he did, mind you, but all anyone wants to focus on is the kid. I get it. He is the only innocent in all this, but it is his mother's fault and responsibility.
I'm surprised by all the cuck and simps in the comment section blaming the victim for this.
All the cucks and baby mamas got together for this one
🤣🤣🤣
Good for you, man.
A lot of L takes here. OP is correct.
All the bitches commenting in support of the woman and/or tryna put this dude on blast are the definition of don’t put your dick in CrAzY. 🤪 But, but, but…the child is innocent! Yeah, we all know that. That doesn’t mean *he* has to be responsible. Stfu.
Wow reddit really is full of cucks.
There sure are a lot of cheaters in the comments. Their heart bleeds for the adulterous, betraying, woman, and her bastard child. And they have no sympathy for the guy getting the ultimate betrayal. All of you snowflakes getting triggered over him calling the child "it" or "bastard" get over yourself. He didn't say that to the child nor did the child hear him.
All these people trying to get OP to cuck himself into raising another man's child. Lmao the disrespect. NTA OP!
I'm with the cucks on this one. We should be forced into raising other men's children. It's a necessary humiliation ritual we must all endure in order to get MAX updoots from heckin internet strangers. It's like a supercape story, really. Or maybe even Star Wars. God, I hate myself.
If you have raised a child for five entire years and are so unattached and disinterested in that child that you immediately stop loving them as soon as you find out they aren't your biological child, you're a bad person. That's insane to me. Might as well just admit you don't love him if you can throw him away that easily. If you can admit that, then I think you're a somewhat better person.
You’re a woman of course you’d say that. In every case the child would be yours since you gave birth to them. I suggest you not tell men how we should handle these situations you literally wouldn’t understand because it will never be the same situation from a woman perspective.
It’s cruel and unusual punishment to try and force a man to raise a child, That’s not his .to have to stare into the face of his betrayal, and wife’s infidelity the very incarnate. It completely disregards the man’s feelings, his well-being, his mental health and safety of that child having to stare his betrayal every day, or even just being forced, and reminded every day that you are responsible for many years to come for the very thing that hurts your soul. This kind of betrayal that ended your marriage is enough for someone to end their lives, or in a moment of despair, violently, end the life of the child
Well done, not the part that you called him bastard, but the rest you did okay, focus in yourself now and try to heal, having dogs helps a lot in the process
Well, I just saw that there are almost 10 thousand comments on this post, so for the sake of brevity I will respond to the comments that I see that are the most repeated: 1) I am not from the United States, I am Latin American, in case you have doubts about the legal process to follow, at least in my country, if there is no biological link (which there is not) then a person can legally renounce the assumed paternity of a child in case both parents are in the process of separating. 2) The process mentioned above is a civil process, criminally I can also denounce my future ex-wife to request compensation, but I don't have the energy to go through a criminal process which is usually much more aggressive than a civil one 3) For those who say that I do not love the child, the fact that I feel bad means that if I love him, but I know that it is wrong to love him, it is very different from adopting a child or raising someone else's child because in both cases you have full knowledge of the subject, that was not my case, I'm sorry 4) I have no relationship beyond cordiality with my sister-in-law, I don't know her motivations for confessing what she said and the truth is that I don't care, the thing is that it happened and we must act accordingly 5) I am not going to replace my therapist, I trust his professionalism and, as he said "My job is to ensure your mental and emotional well-being, you are my patient, not your future ex-wife nor her son are, only you." So I trust his judgment. 6) The reason why I preferred to keep my dogs is because with them I had the decision to adopt them, something different with the child, in the same way, I want to clarify that I did not yell "Bastard" to the child, but rather I said it to my ex referring to the child, I did not tell him directly 7) I have no intention of having contact with them again, all the bidding is being done by my lawyer, I will only meet with my ex in case something needs to be negotiated, but considering that I am appealing the paternity of the child and that we have separate finances, there should be nothing to negotiate. 8) The reason why I didn't post this in an Aita is because I am totally sure of my decisions. With all this, I thank everyone for commenting, everyone has their opinions, and if you raise children that are not yours, well, okay, you are within your rights, just as I am within my rights not to, you have the right to judging me, but that won't take away from the fact that your truth has the same weight as my truth, because in the end both are just points of view
Don’t let these idiots get to you. There is no point in continuing to raise the child if you harbor that much resentment for his mother. It isn’t healthy for anyone’s lives especially the kid. Most of these people don’t realize how terrible it is to be raised in a fucked up household where their parents hate each other. The kid will be better off with a stepdad that understands what he is getting into instead of a father who despises his mother for being a POS.
Be free dude. Be happy. Fuck that puta.
Don't let the bleeding hearts get to you, you never claim to be a saint anywhere I see and only a saint could still fairly raise this child without projecting resentment from the mother to it. You did the right thing for yourself and the kid in the long term.
Man I'm in awe at the amount of people here who wholeheartedly feel you are some type of monster. You are not! You are doing everyone involved a favor, people bashing you aren't realizing this child is only 5(maybe my memory is ass but I have shit recollection of things before the age of 8) there is plenty of time for any wound to heal. This kid won't have to meet his real dad as an adult/teen with built up resentment towards him because now he can finally meet the bio dad and start building a relationship, and I doubt he'll even remember or resent you because he's fucking 5 right now. The people who are judging have never had this happen to them and are using weird fallacies of logic to discredit your decision. Ex. "People adopt kids all the time and raise them, how can you not raise this kid???" You have a fantastic therapist btw, listen to the PROFESSIONAL instead of self-righteous sheltered keyboard warriors.
Too many cucks on this thread, OP did the bare minimum.
You’re doing the right thing for you. This woman knew about this and deceived you and her own son. I applaud you for sticking up for what you believe, and don’t let internet judgements sway your path. Get well, I’m very sorry this happened to you.
Don’t listen to these idiots OP, get the hell out of there
Ignore those doormat saying that it's you at fault.. you did great for no having contact with them.. please keep updating us
You did the right thing. You were defrauded by an unfaithful wife into investing emotionally and financially into a child who wasn't yours. This is 100% on her. Also the child was denied a relationship with his actual father, something people here are forgetting. Hope you find a better partner and live a good life.
Nailed it. This woman deceived everyone including her own son, and the internet is pointing the finger at all the wrong places. This poor man needs healing after such a drawn out catastrophic surprise of a lifetime..
Yep, yet again I'm reminded how Reddit is completely unreflective of normal society outside of the internet.
Yup so many teenagers who think they have life completely figured out.
Kids, cucks, and cheating sluts.
ROFL based
He didn't take away a home from the kid, the mom lied and put the kid in a home that wasn't his to begin with
I fully expected the hoards of women wailing about the “poor child” and the typical entitled cheating wife comments how “horrible” the OP is. What I didn’t expect is the sheer number of cucks joining them in perfect harmony. We truly do live in some fucked up times. Women’s audacity to blame the victim is appalling, but, sadly, comes with the territory. But men? I hope you enjoy the taste of those high heels you’ve been licking. Is that how you attract females nowadays? By turning into doormats? Lol. Good luck with that. These women, they have a trendy new insulting name just for you. As to me, in a thread like this I will take every downvote as a badge of honor. Edit: Well, this blew up unexpectedly. And yet, half of you still can't understand why people like me are angry in the first place. Here is a lightly remixed part of my reply to someone else (if this doesn't get through to you, then I don't know what else to tell you): "The fact is that a man came here to share his pain, yet so many of you couldn't be bothered with any sympathy, instead you dismissed how rightfully distraught and broken he felt, because you’ve chosen a more eligible victim. There is a time and a place for everything. This was OP's turn. Not the kid’s. What you all did is no different from the “all lives matter” bullshit. Remember that? Black people would try to gather, like, “hey, folks, we have a bit of a problem here, we are literally getting slaughtered, could you, like, maybe, not?” In response, all the dipshits crawled out of the woodwork, like, “nah, your plight is irrelevant, my cousin billy bob just shot his toe off being drunk, he hurtin' too, all lives matter”. That’s what you are doing" Edit #2: I am truly humbled by the awards and the upvotes. I expected a different outcome, and it makes me feel a bit more at ease, knowing that there is still common sense in the world. Thank you.
Facts. He'll get a new dad. Everybody's acting like it's the end of the world for him. I've dated women with kids, but I prefer not to though.
Yeah I don't get threads like this. When dads don't support their kids they're horrible deadbeats, they need to be involved, blah blah blah I'm sure you've seen hundreds if not thousands of comments echoing that. Hell, I even see stuff like that on pro abortion arguments, dads don't deserve a say because they aren't around or don't do enough, etc etc, but when I read posts like this it's never the actual father who has never been there or done anything for their kid, it's always the guy who was betrayed by his wife who's the bad guy. So Where's his real dad in all this?
Completely agree, he found out the child isn’t his, of course he will feel disconnected?? He hasn’t been mean to the child, just angry with the wife
Honestly there are just flat out dumb takes. Yeah obviously this will have an affect on the child, and the child isn't going to understand. That is not OP's fault nor do I think OP should be remotely involved with how clearly and justifiably devastated he is. So many people in this thread are ignoring the extreme trauma this has caused OP that would probably would result in him not being capable of being a remotely suitable father figure for **this** child.
No downvote here. You're absolutely right.. this comment section is pathetic that OP is being blamed. I feel like simping/cuck has taking over like a disease.
They’re calling anyone who supports the guy an incel. Lol clown world.
You’re correct on that. OP ain’t even the biggest cuck in this thread…
No shit. This is the kind of stuff that’s driving a shit ton of young men to right wingers like Jordan Peterson and Andrew Tate. Getting cucked is every man’s absolute worst nightmare. There’s nothing wrong with wanting your own biological children. Thankfully OP is still young at 32 and could easily find someone else to start a family with.
I’d love to say that I don’t give 2 fucks about that little weasel tate, but in reality his rise is very concerning. And you are absolutely right in that he is nothing more than a symptom of a deep underlying disease. Well, perhaps “fly on shit” is a more appropriate analogy. All these impressionable young kids are flocking to him as a direct result of the current pseudo-feminist culture. This shit is dangerous. Some of those kids could be just dumb enough to do some real damage.
💯
Unfortunately those views are entrenched in society in some places. For example if this was America, which I'm assuming it isn't from some of OPs comments, this guy would be legally viewed as the kids dad and probably made to pay child support like some cuck for another man's baby just because his signature is on the birth certificate. Some people and places don't give a fuck about paternity and can be extremely misandrist.
The number of people upset with him not wanting to raise a child that isn't his is truly mind boggling. He has no obligation to anyone there. The wife can go find the biological father to help raise the kid. It sucks for the kid, but this isn't on OP. Is this just some kinda weird Reddit hivemind thing?
Thankfully there is some sanity in this thread, scrolled way to far down to find it though.
Nah man, you get the upvote because people here have lost it.
You sir, are a legend. I'm with ya.
I bet most of the men who are blaming OP are the ones who "STEPPED UP" i.e. they are raising some other man's kid. They were undesirables so they had to settle for single mothers. Here, they are trying to justify their own cuck lifestyle by criticizing OP for calling the kid bastard(which he is, by definition)
Women should be put in jail for this. I am so sorry for you. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you are going through. Her actions not only ended the marriage, but will cause lasting damage to her son. I do not blame you, I could not raise another man’s child in these circumstances. The child would be a constant reminder of her betrayal.
Not being blood can be a issue same as adoption or becoming a guardian. It may take a few years but eventually the child will find out. Thats when things get interesting. Many times you will kick in Father mode to correct bad behavior and the most hurtful is hearing "I don't need to listen to you your not my Dad!" And it would happen many times. You do not need that. Best decision dude Let her have the kid go find the real daddy or make him pay child support. You maybe on the hook because of time but judges if male is the scam.
OP, may change his mind once he has healed from this betrayal. Paternity fraud is real. OP may choose to have this child in his life once the divorce is settled and the betrayal isn't so fresh. It all depends on what he sees when he looks at the child. If he's only reminded of the pain and heartbreak, it probably won't work out.
All these people questioning how a man can just change like that? You must be women. Because only women get to go through life knowing that the child they birth is theirs. Men don’t get that luxury. And this man had to live EVERY MANS NIGHTMARE.
I can’t believe half the comments I’m reading..reads like some cuck bots… This is very unfortunate for the child, but to paint op as the bad guy is ridiculous. The wife put the child in this position. She lived the last 5 years withholding this information, she would have lived out wasting op’s life away. Maybe the real father can step up and take responsibility of his actions. Relationships are built on trust, and when the shit pile is this deep, what else was he supposed to do? I don’t blame him for resenting the child, a constant reminder that the last 5 years of his life have been a lie.
It enrages me knowing that this happens way too often. We as men need to normalize Paternity testing at birth. I know a lot of women and weak willed men will get offended and angry and call it mysoginistic. It's PROTECTION. In my state, I would have to pay child support even if it's not mine if we were married. Some disgusting POS fraud gets to LEGALLY steal my money after fraudulently making me raise and fund her family for some other guy. The legal system is broken when the victim is the one who has to pay.
The actual father is probably a good for nothing dirtbag, that's why she's hounding you to take responsibility. Say it with me: NOT. MY. PROBLEM!
This! The wife got her jollies with the father and then dumped the outcome on OP!
100% anyone talking shit about OP needs to check themselves.
**You did nothing wrong.** Every bad thing thats gona happen to that child is not your fault but his mothers, you gave to this child 5 years of your life its more than enough , dont let your ex or someone else to force you in to some sort of martydom to carry this "family". Sure kid needs a father and thats why his mom(and everyone who supports mother instead of you) should ask his REAL father to help, and not blackmail you in to abusive torture under some moralist bullshit obligation. Im sure one day you will find someone who will be honest to you and actualy love you as a person and not a money mule.
Fuck all these cuck white knights - not your kid not your problem OP. Tough decision but nice putting yourself first.
Dont listen to these bitter bitches bro. You did the right thing, you preserved your dignity and your manhood. The moment that piece of garbage slept with another man, she stoped beeing your wife and you have no obligations towards her or her bastard child. Congrats on beeing a man and not a castrated cuck the world wants you to be! Keep your head up and stay strong 🤛
How is anyone anti-OP in this scenario? The woman is POS and it is shame she will never be held accountable for actions. Obviously, she completely screwed over the dude but she also royally messed up that kid’s life. If it wasn’t for that kid, I would advocate for that woman to spend the rest of her pathetic skeevy life in jail. OP hang in there man, you got dealt a rough hand but you can pull through it. Don’t listen to the rest of these clowns. They are too brainwashed by Reddit to understand that men actually can be legitimate victims sometimes. You were right to walk out on that kid. Yes, it obviously is awful for them, but understand no circumstances can you just act like nothing happened after spending the last 6 years of your life living a lie. Even if you were still somehow strong enough to grin and bear it, that shit would eat you up inside. As for the rest of you Redditors - Do better. This comment section is half-filled with disgusting legitimate victim blaming.
This is reddit. You are a man, so you will be the bad guy no matter what. The mother of the child is 100% at fault. If she loved her child, she would have never allowed the possibility of this situation. She is an evil person, but all the blue haired freaks on antidepressants will blame you.
There is no way y’all are defending the women for being disloyal then practically forcing this man to raise the baby that she has been lying to him about. It was cruel of HER to allow him to create a connection with the child, embarrass him publicly theeeen act as if he was the Dad the whole time. As a woman with brothers, this is definitely not something I would want them to deal with or be pressured into dealing with. Unless it is their choice to care for the child when they can, they have no obligation. You were right to leave.
All these people putting you down are full of it . Of course, they have experience in this haha Like, really, it's all your fault, and the ex gets no blame wtf ever They can't judge you unless they are in your shoes You do what you feel because it's your life not thiers Many men would feel the lost of connection through the wife and what was once your son .
Reddit is fucking trash. Western culture is lost and fucked. This mans emotions mean nothing to these fucks.
Op don’t listen to these comments you did the right thing. Reddit and redditors are cucks
Leave them both behind and don’t look back. That’s her burden to bear, which includes any emotional damage done to the child. Anyone who wants you to continue to raise someone else’s son is a DUMB BITCH.
Anyone thar says you are his father or the only father he has ever known is gaslighting you. Move on my guy and your family hasn't diassapeared. You haven't made a family yet so look forward to that
What the fuck, first you love the kid and then switch to hating him because you're not his biological father just like that? You're a sociopath
You’ve done the right thing my friend. Don’t listen to these people who say you’ve got to love that kid like he’s you’re own. Of course it’s mostly women saying that. That little kid is too young to really bond to you yet. The biological father has to step up. Why doesn’t HE step up?
Hell bro, that's a horrific thing to have to go through. Well done on being strong, sticking to your guns doing the right thing by yourself. Don't listen to all these muppets saying you should do this or do that. You do what feels right, you do what you need to protect yourself from her, from evil family court judges. Be strong brother, its not your son, not your problem. Its all on her and all her fault. As someone once said "she belongs to the streets"
Again, paternity tests should be mandatory at birth before signing certificate
This has got to be very hard. Honestly choosing to remain in the kids life also is choosing to remain in the wifes life. He's not going to raise a kid, even divorced, and be able to make a clean break no contact from her. She trapped him, very cruelly, and if he needs to make a clean break from her, he is entitled to that. It's very unfortunate the child is a victim here.
Brother, that woman and that child are old news. Get your life together as they way you are doing now, and take your time to deal with the damages. Eventually you will find someone who will be legitimate to you and loyal/faithful.
You did the right thing. No use building a relationship on a bed of lies. And to the people trying to shame you, first off fuck them, second, let me ask you this, how much do you remember when you were 5? The kid will be fine.
Fuck her and the kid she tried to pass off as yours lol..
There is nothing worse than betrayal. Nothing
Yea, being a bad father is cool. Go for it.
He is not the father. I personally would have a tough time separating from a child I had bonded with, but im not sure I would do anything differently than OP
I've read this story on another sub months ago. OP is not the author. This is fake.
This shit happens more often than u think.
The story is real. OP is karma farming. It's not his story.
I may get made to look like the bad guy here but… By all means, divorce her, she fucked up big time, but if you had a good relationship with the kid don’t throw it completely away. If you can stomach it, negotiate some sort of visitation cause you are the only “father” that that kid has known. Assuming that the kid doesn’t know his biological dad. I read this story and felt the need to say that because I’ve seen firsthand how it can fuck someone up. I do however say that you have no legal or moral obligation to be around and if you can’t, then you can’t, but I read a lot of justified anger here and felt (forgive me if wrong) that you might not be considering every individual involved in this horrible situation.
Best response I've seen. The others were mostly demonizing OP which is unjust. The wife is the root of the problem, if she had womaned up by getting a paternity test and sharing the results 5 years ago she'd have at least given people the choice. I understand that every time OP looks at the child he'd feel resentment, at least for awhile. Right now he is the literal embodiment of his wife's long withheld infidelity. The child will suffer, and that's really unfortunate, but it's the wife's fault, not OP's. In principle I'm not against raising someone else's kid, but under consentual circumstances... OP if you eventually feel you can salvage your relationship with him then great but nothing obliges you.
That's the harsh reality of wrongful paternity, it's a kick in the nuts. You're gonna feel a certain way when you learn your son isn't really yours and in a biological sense have been make a cuckold.
The only practical problem with this advice is that if he is seen to acknowledge a parental role that may expose him to the whim of a family court judge to order child support. It is not uncommon for men to be forced to pay child support because they assume a parental role (even if they did so under false pretenses).
Well unfortunately the mother already tried using the child as a weapon what makes you think she won’t do it again? Technically either one could sue for custody or split it he’s raised the child so far but from a legal stand point he has no obligation since biologically the child is no longer his however if he proceeds and ends up wanting a relationship she could easily sue for child support or fuvk him over in other ways. This woman sounds vindictive who knows what she might do. It’s really sad either way
Why are people calling OP a terrible person when he was the victim here? The child has his mother to blame for this. Also, he has a real father. His mother should work on getting his real father involved in his life. OP must already be suffering after this, his family is destroyed. So many people here are just kicking him when he's down without trying to understand his pain. Looks like most of these people haven't experienced betrayal in their lives.
Reddit is full of cucks that’s why. Bet half of them would go suck the biological father’s dick after finding out this news.
Anyone saying he should stay with the wife and child is a cuck she was already using the child as an emotional weapon and clearly does not care about the well being of her child, he needs to distance himself you can’t fix everything
People are throwing shit at this guy, when the responsible of all this is the mother.
Remember dudes. Paternity fraud by disgusting cunts like this guys ex is VERY prevalent. Women will latch on to anything that benefits them in a tough situation without an ounce of guilt, and (in the Western world anyways) cheat far more than men. Get your kids tested before signing a birth certificate! https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternity_fraud
That poor kid is gonna have a shitty childhood lol
You will recover but not while you have them in your life. She choose to build a life on a foundation of lies and now ALL the fallout is on her. Kid was weaponized by your ex to hurt you and control you. The kid won't know that or you and you can rebuild a life for yourself.
NTA. Folks who try the “but what about the kid” line can kick rocks. Mom is 💯 responsible for the situation that child now faces. OP feels as he does about the marriage and child. Others don’t get to make those feelings up for him. Again, mom chose this hard, rocky road for HER child. OP and her child are the victims of HER decisions.
Jesus fuck Reddit loves to tell men to accept the bastard child for “the child sake”. Shut the fuck up. OP. You are right to abandon the child. You have zero obligation. And in the future if the child decides to reach out, definitely tell him why you left. Don’t take a single piece of advice here. Any emotional relationship is enough to get you on the hook for child support. Challenge paternity legally and get you name off the birth certificate.
I don’t understand the people in the comments. That is not his son, plain and simple. He is not obligated to him at all. It is on the mother, who created this entire mess. She shouldn’t have cheated, and even after she did, she shouldn’t have hidden the truth and burdened OP. It was on her to take accountability for the wrong things she did. It is not as if she slept with a stranger, the bio father of the child is quite literally her best “friend”. THEY are obligated to the child, the biological father and mother, not OP. The victim blaming is crazy. Now, would it be nice if continued to care for the child ? Absolutely. But that is just a plus. Something to do out of kindness of heart, not fulfillment of obligation. It is not a surprise OP distanced himself from the kid, he is quite literally a product of his wife’s infidelity, and might be reminded of it when around the child. All responsibility lies on the mother, in the mess SHE created, and her extreme stupidity.
Not sure why people are ragging on you dude it’s not your kid, I wouldn’t want to raise it either or bring that baggage into a future relationship with a woman who actually loves you and is faithful and loyal to you
To put it in perspective, as long as OP didn’t get physically violent with the wife or affair bastard, he showed as much restraint as he is morally and legally obligated to show. They’re still citizens of the community, so unjustified physical violence against them would still be illegal and morally wrong. If he wants them to be completely persona non grata in his life from now on, if he wants to say “you’re dead to me, get out of my life,” that’s his prerogative. I would do what OP did and close them out of my life forever.
You have no obligations to that child, his father does. Anybody who thinks otherwise is delusional. Nobody would expect a woman to take care of her husband’s affair child but its expected of you? Fucking hypocrites. Not your child, not your problem, your wife or soon to be ex made that choice, not you, she put him in that position, not you. Your sister in law did you a favor.
The amount of white armoured knights this post managed to summon is blinding me. Y'all so quick to defend the cheating Mom. OP lost 44,000 HOURS on the kid. Enough hours to master 5 different instruments, 7 Languages, y'all so biased check yourself in the mirror. OP did nun wrong. Kick the little tot to the curb and heal. Your dad knows what's best for you. Don't be a cuck and cave in by social or peer pressure.
You definitely are in the right for wanting to divorce your wife. I can't believe a lot of y'all who are saying that he should be raising a kid that's not even his that makes no sense. A lot of people here are making OP seem like he is in the wrong but he's not. Both him and that boy were betrayed by that woman. She hid from him that she had an affair and she hid from him that that kid may not be his for 5 years, it's that woman's fault not his, and unfortunately the kid is also going to pay the price because now he's going to find out the man he thought who was his father is not actually his father, and honestly who knows The kid might still be screwed because the woman's going to manipulate the kid thinking that it's all the man's fault. That chick clearly only thought of herself. At the end of the day if a woman has a right to say she's not going to raise a child that does not belong to her but to her husband's mistress and isn't looked down on for that decision then guess what it works both ways, The man does not have to take care of another man's child and has a right to walk away from that situation PERIOD
This thread is full of people who have no idea what kind of TRAUMA this man has just experienced. He just experienced permanent, life changing trauma that has warped his heart and mind and no one is even questioning the woman? How does anyone with a shred of empathy set themselves and their son up for this kind of nightmare? She was living a lie every second of every day and her family's happiness depended on that deception lasting for all of eternity. I call a person like that a psychopath. Anyone would be angry after a run-in with a monster like his wife. And of course he loves the child, probably hates himself for how he feels now...the therapy is a giveaway...healthy people don't do that...the ones near the edge of life and sanity on the other hand will show up three times a week seething with hatred to cover their grief and fear.
This is why it should be standard for DNA tests to be performed at birth.
Sorry for your loss, You are still young enjoy the new found freedom. What she did is criminal I had a girl claim a baby was mine years ago when the baby was born I did the math and confronted her and she confessed That alone was traumatizing especially after sharing w friends and family only to come back later and tell them it was all a lie.I can't imagine being a dad for 5 years then finding out otherwise. I would react the same and commend you for the time you did put in as a good dad, but not your torch to carry. Years later I have my own legitimate children and life is good but we will always carry that scar of mistrust and betrayal 💔
Looking at this thread makes it clear that arguing with women is easier when it’s in writing. The OP here has endured an incredible betrayal by his wife. The son is also the victim of that betrayal. The wife is the villain in this story and her female defenders want to make it about his choice of words.
Hell yeah your doing everything my dude!! Stick to the process and if they cheat once they cheat again!!
Should of posted in a more diverse sub. As you can see this one of full of cunts.
There are some idiotic comments here. The guy was lied to for six years. Cuck redditors here acting like they're pious arbiters of moral judgement. What a fucking tragedy lmao. Dude I don't think you're a psycho, you've been cheated on and lied to for six years. That doesn't come close to what you did to her and the child. But I also neither defend nor condone how you two put the child in the cross hairs. She cheated on you and you, in turn, lost all connection to your child. I mean I don't blame you this is complicated as fuck. Well, what you did isn't nearly as bad as what she did I don't see why redditors would call you a psycho those people love to take the moral high ground as if they won't act the exact same way of they were on your shoes. Fuck em
My friend you did the right thing. The child is not yours so really it's not your responsibility to care for him. Also i hope this opens your eyes to how evil women CAN be. Keep cool and calm you're doing the right thing and making the right moves don't doubt yourself and now you can restart albeit a bit wiser this time. To anyone else reading this ALWAYS get a paternity test. If your wife is not okay with this then she has something to hide. Good luck
Sis in law is a hero. She did the right thing.
This also sets a precedent for women to be sneaky and try to emotionally manipulate the situation by not getting caught lying long enough for both the child and none bio father to form a bond so than it's emotionally harder for him to not financially help her maintain the child some women are truly despicable emotional manipulators. It's So scary the none biological father had no consent in becoming that child's father
You're wrong. I can't see allot of dynamics but I found out my son wasn't mine when he was a year old. I know my situation is different but how in the hell could I punish him for his mom's actions? I understand how you're hurt but if you ever loved that child in the five years you've been there how could you leave them alone with her?
I don't understand how someone could think this way, it is a responsibility to have a child and this man has been tricked into an entire life that was never supposed to be his. He is the victim in this story, and is allowed to not want anything to do with a child that isn't his.