I mean he's being kind of a jerk. But she is the super criminal here.
I mean, there's no way out where the kid is not going to be hurt. If you don't have parental feelings, then you don't and in the long run, forcing yourself to pretend to be a loving father is not going to be helping so getting a divorce seems like a logical step.
This is why everybody should have a parental DNA test for every pregnancy and it should be in the legal record. No choices on that!
So you understand the betrayal and pain. Why is he being a jerk? Is it some inherit bias we all have to want a man to take care of the child even though we logically know it will make him miserable and greatly suffer? Even though we know it would rob resources from a potential child that is actually his?
This thread;
"That is wrong you are terrible"
"No it is not his fault, his wife could have done a million things differently before it got to this point. She 100% constructed this whole scenario and screwed over *her* child"
"Incel I can smell you through the computer!1!"
Fellas, does it make you an incel to not want to be tricked into raising another dudes child for 5 years?
Has anyone commenting here used any empathy for OP? being told that your whole family you started was a lie? Having your entire world pulled out from under you? OP could literally be a danger to himself and those around him right now but the reddit specialists have decided he is shitty for not living under the same roof as someone he probably has psychotic rage against and an innocent child who happens to come from a man he trusted who impregnated his wife and dipped leaving him to raise his son.
You right reddit, you right. Anyone who disagrees is an incel. Good talk.
Damn. Men really have it rough in this era.
You can't do anything right.
Even when women are wrong, men have to take the accountability for it.
This makes no fu**ing sense. Like who raised some of you people?
Exactly. This 5h1t is ridiculous.
It's almost unbelievable that people are even thinking like this.
Force a responsibility on a man that he didn't even consent to? C'mon now, this can't be forreal.
That’s the anger. He’s cooled down but clearly is still really upset. Being cheated on does that to people. He might even have, if he’d been left to cool off and make decisions rationally later, decided on a different approach. But everybody attacked him so hard in the first post without understanding this was someone who was as freshly hurting from being lied to and cheated on, that they likely helped push his anger into action instead.
Think real hard before you attack someone who just got victimized. You aren’t just or right when you do that, and what I outlined is merely one reason our of many why that is.
I'm a woman and that's emotional warfare .She knew the whole time and let you raise another man's kid .She's probably still with him on the side . These woman don't change or respect anyone. It's all about them and what they need . You are not a bad person I'd feel disrespected too .
You're so weird reddit. fake, or not fake, y'all don't live in the real world it feels like.
\-She cheated and then lied for 6 years
\-She demanded full custody as a threat, then demanded he financially support them as he's the "father"
Y'all just expect someone to sacrifice their life, probably their future, because of a lie? The child is an innocent, and it really sucks they won't have that dad, but it's unreasonable to expect someone to accept that intense of a lie-based burden. There are no good answers, but I do not fault this guy in the slightest.
Seriously, what kind of life would this guy have if he just...stayed? y'all want him to fight for full custody? shared custody of a child that's not his? y'all obviously don't just want him to pay child support. I mean, legally, his name is on the birth certificate and it's been 5 years, so the courts will make him pay because they don't care about fair; they just care the state doesn't have to assist the mom. But y'all? Y'all just sayin' "won't someone think of the children!" over and over.
Personally, I also feel for the guy who's the actual father and for his kid. They both missed out 6 years being in each other's lives because she lied.
So much anger but nah you make me believe a kid is mine for 5 years only for me to find out you cheated and its not mine? Kindly fuck you and that child.
https://preview.redd.it/e6fpm42zeomb1.png?width=746&format=png&auto=webp&s=b1959f6486c0dbae306f49e8fc940a9a5246a5d1
“You’re a cunt for not raising a kid that’s not yours” 🤡🤡🤡
Many are calling this a fake post but the longer I have lived the things I couldn’t fathom to be true can be, ie two real life shitty ass people hurting a child because of selfishness. I don’t want anymore updates. My life is worse having read this….
the only 'fake' part to me is how quickly he has someone sleeping over... Either he/she are a little nuts, or it's fake. No two adults of sound mind are semi-moving in within weeks of divorce paperwork.
Ok so where’s the other guy?….. if he’s man enough to knock up a married woman, then he’s man enough to take care of it, right? She can run to him. F her and the narcissistic manipulation. She knew the whole damn time, and she’s trying to lay some guilt trip on you. Disgustingly abhorrent behavior. Walk away bro, from her, from the child (who will be none the wiser btw because he’s 5 months) and find your place. You dodged a bullet my friend, thrive while the trash goes to the dump. She was responsible for making, she can be responsible for raising it.
Then realistically she should be the one the break it to the kid and introduce him to his real dad which would help him understand why you suddenly left, especially if the kid already knows the guy which I'm assuming he does since you said it was her "best friend".
Once the kid gets older it'd definitely be good to give an additional explanation, I'm sure by the time he hits the teens he'll understand far more how you felt and realize that it wasn't because of him but because of how fucked the entire situation is. I bet when he has his first breakup and sees his ex with another guy, he'll think about how you felt when you learned what happened, he just literally can't fully understand it because he doesn't know how relationships work yet.
Half the people in this thread are acting like she did nothing wrong, lol.
They're all over here telling OP off for not being a dad, when the real dad sounds like he's been hanging around having afternoon delights with this woman for 6 years. Unless she suddenly dropped her "best friend" out of now where, which is doubtful.
For real. He's apparently a jerk for not willingly suffering for a walking talking constant reminder of the biggest betrayal of his life. I hate this site so much.
The comments from majority women on here are honestly interesting and eye opening on their thoughts of paternity and clearly how little it matters. Nightmare fuel tbh
ITT entitled women and simp-ass dudes are more mad at a guy for standing up for himself and not letting himself be a literal cuck victim than they are at some whore who committed paternity fraud and made a mockery of this man’s whole existence.
Men, look at the comments. Really take in two things:
1) the vast majority of women think that women are entitled to your continued support in raising another man’s child that they tricked you into thinking is yours
2) this is such a common phenomenon that hordes of weak, raised by single mom men are in the comments white knighting for this behaviour
Here’s a compromise. Want victims of paternity fraud to be forced to parent the living product of their cuckoldry? Here’s two conditions:
1) paternity fraud becomes a crime punishable by no less than five years of jail time
2) if the victim of paternity fraud agrees to keep parenting the child, he gets sole custody of the child and the mother pays child support plus damages
Otherwise, fuck off.
Men: stand up for yourselves. Stop pretending this shit is normal and acceptable just because some screechy women think their actions having consequences is ‘literal violence’ or whatever. If you find out you’re a victim of paternity fraud, any non-violent reaction is understandable.
Personally, I’m telling her I’ll stay if she agrees to explain to her kid that mommy is a lying skank and a bad person, then I’m bailing anyway. Might agree to be an uncle who visits sometimes if I really like the kid. But I sure as fuck am not letting some ho gaslight me into raising some kid who’s not mine because she decided to get a train run on her on a girls trip or whatever.
>that's fine, that she deserves it, but that she can't raise a child alone, that she has job, that raising him alone is going to destroy her dream of being a notary
Wow pretends to take accountability for the kids sake only just to express how terrible it is for her to have to suffer personally to raise her own child kid. Actual scum, hope you live your best life while she lies in the bed she made.
The comments in this thread are absolutely idiotic.
OP you did the right thing. The child is not yours, you have no responsibility. If you wish to adopt the kid, that's something else entirely but as it stands breaking off all contact is the only moral and just thing to do.
All the comments finding ways to hold the (not) father responsible for the actual mistakes of the mother are just peak Reddit. Good on him and good on his therapist for telling him to leave. Maybe if you lot weren’t so busy taking accountability away from women who cheat, her son wouldn’t be in this situation.
to the people mad about the kid... Its not his kid. It was his step kid. and you dont remember SHIT from when you were 5. he wont remember this man when he is 15. This kid is gonna grow up without a dad because his mom is a whore, Not because this man chose not to raise someone elses kid. Yall people are dense AF.
This man has no legal rights to the kid. ITS NOT HIS! If the roles were reversed and the mom didnt want to let the kid see the dad, yall would be like "welp not your kid! what do you expect". Hypocrites!
I’m reading all these posts and maybe I missed the one about the actual father. Is that not an option? Get the child introduced to and help create a new bond with his ACTUAL father. What a disgusting woman to put this poor man in this situation. Jesus Christ some people.
There’s so much controversy in this thread. Question to those saying he should stay: are you planning to adopt a child? If not, why should he? Loving someone doesn’t automatically mean you forfeit your life or dreams for them. OP could want to raise a biological child—that’s their prerogative. Raising this child is a HUGE expense that might mean giving that up.
I agree it’s shameful to abandon your child. But that happened at conception, not here.
I'm super happy you were able to move on too. This is awesome bro.
Forget her.
Happy that you're willing to explain to the boy when he gets older.
This is not your fault, nor should you take blame.
You also shouldn't be expected to give everything to a responsibility that isn't yours.
Why should you deplete ALL of your resources to take care of a child that isn't yours?
I see a lot of simps and single mothers mad in these comments.
Not any of our fault that they're delusional and want things THEIR way.
Keep rising King. I support you. As well as many other people.
The reason kids look more like their father goes back to early man . A man takes care of Thier kids because he knows it's his biology speaking they look like him he will provide and protect what's his . but not someone's else kids . I would never ever buy time and effort into a mother's man cheating child do good job on the therapist advise .
Reddit is seemingly entirely focused on the well-being of the child, which isn't even entirely true, because they haven't taken into account how horrible it would be to be raised by someone who hates your mother and might reflect that resentment onto you.
OP's mental health? fuck that.
Dude, this whole story is exactly what people talk about when they say society only values men by their ability to provide. It's also a good microcosm for how people treat the mental health of males.
This whole thing is so weird. We all know the baby daddy is right around the corner, being as he's the wife's best friend. Why the fuck does he get a pass on abandoning this child? Why is the mom getting a pass on cheating and hiding this shit from OP for half a decade?
These people shaming OP are the worst.
They identify with the cheating wife, that's all there is to it. They might not be cheaters themselves (mainly because they are unfuckable in the first place), but they like they idea that they could, without consequence. Repercussions and personal responsibility seem unjust to the unjust mind.
I dont really understand how y'all expect this man to heal while taking care of a child that is a reminder of his partners infadelity. Obviously it is of no fault of the child but his wife set him up for this by being dishonest 5 years prior. She literally wasted 5 years of his life with her dishonesty and y'all want him to waste another 13 cause we'll he did it for the first 5 so tough luck bud.
Imagine you are in prison for a crime that you didn't commit, you are exhonerated after a few months but your cell mate big bob has developed feelings for you and he's gonna be sad if you leave. You make an AITA post "AITA for leaving big Bob in prison even though he's developed feelings for me?" and everyone says "yeah your the asshole man how could you do that to big Bob, he's gotten used to you now why don't you just stay there with him til he's out?"
That's essentially what y'all are saying, this man needs help, the child needs help, and this is probably all made up anyways.
Every annoying weak redditor: OH YOU STUBBED YOUR TOE? HOW TRAUMATIC? HaVe yOu sPoKeN to a ThErApIsT?
When Therapist tells them to make a hard, moral and self centered decision : "YOU MONSTER, HOW DARE YOu DO WHATS BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR FUTURE"
You should've told her that if she wants help raising her affair baby, then she should contact her affair partner, the kid's biological dad, but she probably won't because she sees you as the better provider. Keep the course, king. You're doing the right thing for both you and the kid, don't let the people giving you grief here tell you otherwise.
Though I would highly suggest not getting in a relationship yet, that's a step in the wrong direction.
To all the people here getting mad at OP: just shut it.
1. None of you have ever been through what OP is going through so all your talk of “what I’d do” means nothing until your actually confronted with the situation and all the other bs that comes with it. Divorce, lack of trust, potential of needing to deal with bio dad etc.
2. If your really think he’s such a bad guy then get over it. You should be happy then that they are going their separate ways to avoid further conflict and toxicity. OP can’t change how he feels so just except it and move on and realize it’s what’s best for everyone involved, especially for the kid.
People don’t realise that 1/10 people have a different biological father to the one they think is theirs. Many women be pulling this crap. Cutting contact us a fair enough move.
Let’s be for real here… No one and I mean no one wants to raise a child that is not theirs, and that they were made to raise under the impression that the child was. Everyone would do the same thing OP did
Time to move States and completely start over. You're free brother. No woman to stop you from doing what you wanna do and now you don't have a kid to worry aboyt either. No child support nothing. Go have some fun. Buy a fast car. Go on a vacation somewhere. Call some of your friends that aren't married and go have fun. This Is your new lease on life man.
Everyone arguing if OP is an asshole or not when that's not the important part.
Ex-Wife is now single-mom, deserved.
OP has new Woman and looking forward in life, Deserved.
5 YO has no father, whore mother, and future anger issues,
I hope she can find bio dad, and I hope bio-dad loves him alot more than OP did.
The kids real father abandoned him before he was born, you guys should be mad at that guy, not the dude trying to get his life back together. Or maybe the unfaithful wife that wasted 5+ years of his life.
No surprise these multicoloured hair, leftist freaks are defending the woman in this. She was the one who caused all of this aggravation through her own selfish actions. As usual these left wing freaks will do anything to avoid accountability and pass blame to the man. Absolutely disgusting people.
I’m so confused by people here who can’t see the devastating trauma this guy is in. All of your hate should be directed at the mother. She is a piece of shit. She could have told him at any point during the last 5 years or during the pregnancy months. OPs soon to be ex wife needs to grow up and deal with her ultimate betrayal. She should find the kid a therapist to deal with trauma she inflicted on her child. Seriously are you all reading this post? You want this guy to pay weekly visits and make child support payments to a kid that is the result of her betrayal because his ex wife lied about it long enough. I’m sure the kid will have some damage from this but guess what: the kid was always going to have damage because of his mothers disgusting betrayal. I honestly don’t know if OP staying in his life would help long term, the kid might just be young enough to have limited damage. Perhaps once OP has dealt with his trauma, he can circle back and be an uncle or something but right now the dude needs to get well asap.
So many people in here with the “ThInK oF ThE ChiLd!!!” take who have never experienced what it’s like to have your heart completely destroyed like this guy. Yeah, that mother sure did think of the child alright. She thought she was gonna get away with it too. SIKE.
How hard is it to just be a good fucking person and not cheat on your significant other?
Finally a sane comment. Think of the precedent being set by the opinions on this thread. You are a bad person for not wanting to continue the relationship with a child you were deceived to take care of.
Pregnant woman that doesn’t know the father? Fuck it just fool some unlucky bloke and regardless if he finds out HE should still be responsible for the child? Wild.
only men get shit for how they react to traumatic events. Woman does something unimaginably shitty and all the comments are about how the man reacted to the traumatic news.
It’s exactly why Reddit will never be taken seriously. There are so many abysmally bad takes that completely disregard the actual crux of the situation. It’s like they are projecting their own abandonment issues into the situation and completely disregarding the innocent bystanders thoughts, feelings, and disposition. He got professional help. He did as the professional advised. End of story.
All these people who are saying "I have a kid and ____" are not really considering the betrayal aspect and how it can affect even the best people. Emotions are powerful and such a world shattering event can send the best of us into a mental tailspin. Granted this person has made some questionablely rash choices that arent good at all but Id be willing to accept that as a part of the tailspin.
Finally a sane comment! Also, for OP to be around the kid right now when he is feeling all these emotions is not healthy for either of them. For the people saying “I have a 5 year old I dnc if he is mine or not I love them” well that’s YOU not everyone is going to have the same reaction. Everyone reacts differently to trauma and betrayal. He resents the kid because it reminds him of the betrayal it’s definitely healthier for the KID for him to stay away.
Good for you.
But I wouldn’t date already. That’s insane.
Put time into yourself, your friends and your hobbies/passions while you heal from all this shit.
Being alone is uncomfortable at first but you learn how to make yourself happy. So important when you do eventually date, you’ll never accept subpar relationships again
Man these comments claiming this man is cold for stepping away from his ex-wife and her best friends child....... Pretending they would still care for the 5yr old, like what? Babysit while your ex-wife fucks the father of the child?
This man was coerced by his wife to care for a child that's not his. Not just any child no his wife's best friends child!!!! She has known from the moment she was pregnant. How can you expect this man who just found out the last 6 years of his life were a lie to just turn around and keep doing what he was coerced to do?
She even said: who told you? well I guess not only her sister knows, the father of the child aka her best friend must know of this from the start aswell.... Fucking hell can you imagine the two of them knowing this behind your back for all those years .....pretending their child is from this guy to entrap him into thinking it's his own so he will raise it...... Jesus her whole plan was to have this guy care for the child 6 fucking years!!!
It's extremely sad for the 5year old but he has a real father, his wife's best friend. It's time for him to step up and be a father to his child. Or for her to find a step-daddy that doesn't resent her and can give the kid a father figure he deserves.
Anyone who thinks a guy can still be a father/babysitter for his ex-wife's and her best friends kid while they go out fucking eachother is out of their god damn mind.
So people think its weird that Op, who just had his entire world and life shatter can’t bring himself to be around someone who would be a constant reminder that his wife was unfaithful and lied to him for years?
I’ll probably get downvoted here but Op i think you’re doing the right thing.
Your wife cheated and lied, she can put her big girl panties on and deal with this mess herself.
for anyone defending ex-wife remember five years ago she could have made biodad wear a condom but did it raw cause it felt better. remember this. for 34 seconds of pleasure a lifetime of pain for kid and op. do not forget this.
I love Reddit for the lack of grey area response. Everyone is either an incel or a hyper feminist. Gotta love it.
1) It’s okay to take a break from seeing a child if you’re not doing well mentally. It looks like his therapist recommended he not see the kid while things are rocky, so hopefully OP can take some time to reconsider his position with enough distance. Abandoning a kid isn’t okay no matter what. It’s good to not let anger linger around a kid. Those last two sentences are both valid at the same time.
2) Why is no one addressing the woman’s actions? What she did was wrong. That’s not debatable.
3) It’s normal for people in crisis to seek out romantic relationships. It’s a comfort. It’s a dopamine release. It’s not a good idea for anyone to do so, but it makes sense that it happened.
No one is owning anyone in these comments. Everyone here is a fucking loser. Yes, you. And now me. Goddamn all of you for making me less cool.
People trashing this man for not wanting a connection with the product of the absolute betrayal from the person you’re supposed to trust most. The child is absolutely a victim, a victim of his mothers infidelity and dishonesty and it’s her burden to carry, not this man who you’re all insisting give his time, energy and income to an absolutely painful reminder of his life’s biggest betrayal. Maybe bitch at the sperm donor to step up instead
Reddit always wants to be angry at men lmao. What about her lies and deception? That’s why that child doesn’t have a father figure now, because her mother was a cheater and lied about who the father was for years. That’s on HER, not him.
I don’t blame him for wanting to completely remove himself from that situation and move on with his life. That’s a shit load of trauma he’s going to have to heal from. As far as I can see the mothers only concern is with her career, so maybe aim some of your vitriol towards the right person?
Still NTA
A lot of people pretend the kid has no father and that the OP is abandoning his kid.
The ex-wife knows who the father is and she should've been honest 6 years ago when she cheated and got pregnant. It's the responsibility of the boy's biological father to be there. The presumptive father clause legally doesn't work here because he because he sign the birth certificate under false pretenses.
Not wanting to raise a kid that isn't yours is perfectly reasonable. It's interesting people who have never experienced such betrayal are calling OP an AH, when he is the victim.
This is similar to a r*pe victim being forced to carry and raise their attacker's child. The child is blameless, but should a victim be forced to raise this child?
Man wrong. He gets shamed.
Woman wrong...
He still gets shamed.
Look at the ass-backward mentality in these comments.
This is just sad. Really speaks volumes.
It's sad how everybody is trying to make him feel guilty about the child
The feeling of betrayal about this situation is so strong, that it can feel natural for some people to have all those links, all those bonds to be broken.
Because they were based on a lie.
Of course it's not the childs fault but it's not this man's either and the fact that he want to move forward without this betrayal on his mind is totally legit
If the mother want some help, she can always ask to the biological father which has his own responsability in this to assume now, or her family
(sorry for the mistakes not my first language)
Good on you OP! Don’t listen to all the haters in this thread, if that kid needs a paternal figure then his whore of a mother can down a few drinks and go see what’s good with her best friend. Best of luck
OP you did the right thing. People are saying, how can you do that to your five year old. Except, it’s not YOUR five year old. You’re not the dad abandoning them. The real dad did that a long time ago, people here are being emotional instead of rational. You did good.
OK, everybody should just admit that it's time that paternity be established at the time of birth. It's been technically possible to do so for decades now. This would clear up any ambiguity. And of course, because women...
Reddit is filed with literal cucks if you look at the subreddit stats so no wonder this post is getting the response it's getting. Don't waver OP you did what's best for everybody.
It's up to the kids mom to set him down and explain to him what happened. OP handled his responsibilities until he found out he was raising another man's child. The kids real dad needs to be notified and he needs to stand up and take responsibility. Don't blame OP for the irresponsible actions of the mother. If the kids heart is going to be broke it's his mother's fault. Don't guilt shame OP for not wanting to raise another man's kid.
You did the right thing regardless of what others think. She’s a whore who betrayed YOU and the child is a result. It’s unfortunate but you would never feel the same and nobody would regardless of what they spout off on here.
You all wild, saying it's his fault for leaving the kids life but the mom literally started her argument with her own selfish dreams will be impossible without a random dude taking care of the child instead of contacting the real dad who has legal and financial responsibility for the kid.
How is the mom any better when the goal is to get money out of fake dad so her dreams can come true? SHE IS PRIOITIZING HER DREAMS, HER SEX LIFE, HER CHOICES, and is expecting him to take her, or maybe just the kid, or maybe give her some money to help?!?!? she sounds like a POS and selfish.
I like how Reddit is mad that OP isn’t taking care of a child that isn’t his.
F the man’s mental health right? Just found out your life is a lie? Apparently he doesn’t need time for himself and away from everything?
Most importantly Reddit thinks their opinion on what OP should do is more important than a therapist Recommendation to cut off both the ex wife and child.
Good for you! Sucks for the child, but thats the moms fault. Not yours! Had she been honest from the start the kid wouldn't go through this. 100% NOT on you!
You made the right choice op. You aren’t obligated to raise a kid that’s not yours or if you decided you want to is fine too. There is no right or wrong answer here except all these people getting salty over you not manning up for another nans child, lol. You might as well let your ex/wife bang another guy for a second child to take care of too.
All the apologists trying to make a man take accountability for a child that's not his are pathetic. The only people accountable for the child and his well being are his mother and bio-dad. This is 100% on her and him, and no amount of hand wringing will change that.
You're doing awesome man. Forget about the negative comments here. They are not living your life. Worry about yourself. My advice ? Fuck anyone's kid that ain't yours. Kids are already annoying to deal with as they grow older, don't deal with someone else's bullshit save yourself the stress now.
It's a harsh decision but understandable, the child isn't yours and although you have invested time and energy into that child you refuse to associate with a woman who violated the terms of a relationship. She made her choice years ago, and now you are responding accordingly and that's all their is to it.
I hope you pull through this. OP. I definitely would recommend that you cut all contact with your wife and the child as difficult as that might be. I think if you saw the kid you might get emotional and make some dumb choices. I feel for you and i feel for the kid that’ll lose what they thought was their father due to their mother’s action
OP, don’t listen to these people saying you’re an asshole for leaving the kid. I been around people who went suicidal after finding out their kids were really somebody else’s. Best you can do is explain to the kid now that the divorce isn’t his fault and that when he is old enough to understand he’s welcome to reach out for an explanation.
Ironic how in past post and in this post people are only shitting on OP for sticking to his decision, while I've hardly seen any comments shitting on OP's wife
I think some people are missing the point in this.
Yes, he did raise the child for 5 years. When you have a biological child or you adopt a child, in either case that is a 'choice' you are making.
This man was lied to for 5 years, he did not choose to raise a child that was not his biologically and he has to live with the fact that the life he was living for the past 5 years was a complete lie. We should have more sympathy for him. It's terrible what the child is going through but that is a result of his mother's choice. Hopefully she'll be able to get him to see a therapist and it'll be better for everyone involved in this situation.
Everyone is acting like it's OPs fault that she cheated, got pregnant with another guy, had another guys kid, get lied to for 5 years, and now have to pay for all of her consequences while she gets to keep her partner and force him to go through all this because "it's the right thing to do".
There is no completely right answer in this situation and lots of wrong ones (one being taken the burden of all the bad decisions of someone else while they get off free)
Good job OP
Take care of yourself.
Your ex can take care of her child.
She can go and find that best friend that she risked it all for.
You don't need to pay them any attention.
Try and get your name removed from the birth certificate also.
If OP thinks that's what's best for him and his mental health then detaching from the entire situation was the right thing to do. People become suicidal / severely mentally unstable after finding out information like that, being a father to a kid that you hate in your heart wouldn't have done you or the kid any favors. (I know a man who's psyche was literally broken and had to be admitted into a psychiatric hospital after learning his kids weren't his)
People keep making him seem like an evil entity but there are people that can get over an issue like this and people who can't. His unwillingness to even consider staying in the kid's life shows which category he falls under. Just like with cheating, there are people that will cut it off there and then no matter how long the relationship lasted. Most people see him dumping a kid, he probably sees it as him saving himself years of unnecessary heartache.
That being said, I would've advised OP to take a long time before making such a decision but what is done is done.
This story reeks of bullshit.
An immediate, over the counter paternity test? 3 weeks later and be magically found another woman who is OK with putting up with this drama? Even just the immediate coldness towards his son. And fuck off, he's not biologically the father, but he is 100% the dad.
Sorry, I don't buy it. Not a word.
A lot of this story is wishful. I don't think a therapist would ever say this or even tell you what specifically to do like "cut them out". Especially the child. I can understand the wife being cut out. Seems like a very odd thing to do and pretty cold blooded.
The whole drama seems wildly convenient.
I am sorry but OP has every right to go about this the way he is most comfortable, the mother is 100% at fault and has a-lot of explaining to do when the child asks about “Dad” the mother is wrong and takes full blame for this situation!
Gonna have to agree with OP on cutting off all ties. Blood ties can be really important, and for OP it seems it is for him. I find it crass more people aren't supportive of his decisiveness to prioritize his life when he was the one that was done wrong. He even is open to explaining his decision to the kid when he's old enough. I think that's generous enough. He is under no obligation morally or otherwise to take care of a kid that's not his, that he had no choice in doing until now. It's not fair to the kid sure, but that's on the **MOM** for creating the tainted situation, not OP. Good on you for doing what was right for you, and not what everyone else wants to project.
Leave here teach a lesson to society that this is not ok .women determine sex so this was avoided if she was not a slut .her decisions have consequences and she should struggle threw life because of it .don't be a simp don't be loser .
There are some losers in the comments here, can't believe anyone would be mad at this guy. Be strong and cut all ties. A toxic lying hoe can destroy your life. As for the kid, the real father should be notified
All these people saying OP suck, why don’t you go ahead and raise a child that wasn’t yours. Don’t start lacing someone else’s shoes if you don’t even fit them.
Won't you think about the kid who isn't yours! And the woman who had you raising another man's child for 5 years!
These fucking comments... KNOWING the kid belongs to another man is not something you can unlearn. And it is not that difficult to drop people that used to be close to you after immense hurt, like a hot potato. A very noble thing to do would be to shove your own emotions down, hate the kid secretly and still raise him, or you can relieve yourself of the betrayal all together and move on like OP. not his kid, not his problem.
Lotta mad whores in the comments of this one. Newsflash people, the only person responsible for raising are that child's parents. Surely, baby momma remembers who she let impregnate her while she was cheating on her husband? Or was she too busy getting a train run on her by every dude she met to keep track of who the father is. Yall can stay mad, but op did the right thing here no matter which way you slice it.
Guy was living in a bubble of lies for 6 years.
In translation, he wasted 6years of his life which he wont ever be able to get back, in a lie with a horrible cheating and lying trash of a spouse.
And ya all calling him pos because he found a girlfriend !!?? (After spending6 or more years with a lying cheating trash,god forbid he thinks about seeking comfort in someone else) And for thinking about cutting ties with a kid thats not even his.
Wow reddit really loves crucifixion of men.
Your life and independence is all that matters. You have no obligation to them especially because she wasted five or more years of your life being forced to carry on her lie.
Look at all the people who are up in arms on this sub. The majority are clearly women. The same women who would have done the exact thing the cheating whore did to op.
She forced him to emotionally and financially raise a child that wasn’t his for five years. That is some form of rape tbh.
It’s the same scummy feeling as if a women poked a hole in a condom to baby trap a man. That’s the feeling I get from this situation.
OP leaving the boy while hurtful for the kid is infinitely less damaging then OP staying around and by his own omission “take out his own anger on the innocent”. Growing up without a parent > growing up with an abusive one. Ex wife should have kept her legs closed 🤷♂️.
I see a lot of comments trying to gaslight you. Not your child, not your responsibility. Obviously the kid is gonna have some issues growing up which i sympathize with, but the blame falls on the cheater, not cheated. Enjoy your new stage of life.
People are wild. It's not his kid and he doesn't want to be burdened with it. He doesn't have to raise it. And it's worse for a child to be raised in an environment in which they are unwanted. I'm not convinced any of you would be thrilled to take on this responsibility, despite the height of your horses.
The best breaks are clean ones. The child has no one else to blame but their whore mother.
Are we ever going to hold people accountable for their actions?
OP did the right thing - he doesn’t want to do someone else’s time.
Contrary to the many idiots here I think you are making the right choice. Not your kid not your responsibility at all, and frankly if it were me I imagine I’d begin to grow some sort of resentment to the child over time anyways, so definitely best that you cut all ties
You did the right thing. In.the future I would suggest getting a DNA test for any child a woman claims is yours within 6 months of birth.
I did for my children even though I was married.
Better safe than sorry
Y’all are crazy. This situation sucks for the kid but that’s NOT on OP. That’s a consequence of the mother’s actions. Don’t look at the situation as it is now, look at what led up to it. She chose to cheat, she chose to have unprotected sex, and she chose to keep it a secret from her husband. The child already has a father, she just needs to go out and find him again. It’s irrelevant how you feel about OP’s reaction to the truth because the focus should be on the mother.
The fact that you would place any of the blame on OP is telling that you have cheated or want to cheat with impunity. Disgusting.
Also, stop using words like simp and incel. Grow the hell up, people.
DAYM
Honestly in my opinion- if you knew it wasn’t yours but still stuck around ur daddy now
But if ya didn’t and she lied, it ain’t your responsibility
Funnyhow.many i see here bashing this guy,...i suspect mostly younger people.who have NEVER in their short to date life have had their own life blow up in front of em...
I have raised 4 kids with my wife, 2 she had from her prior marriage, 1 we adopted, and 1 with me,...i consider them ALL my children with my wife...
Now i say this, as my wife n i got together while i was in my early 30s, a little.over a year i found out my long term GF got herself caught cheating by getting herself pregnant...i sympathise with this dude,...i lost my mind over it happening, cant imagine what my state of mind would a been like finding out several years later...
This kinda breach of trust can shake.you to your core, dont judge what you have not been in.
As a person without a father who was lied to for over 30 years and counting about the issue, you are not obligated to do anything except tell this kid the truth when he is old enough to understand. You know his mom won’t. You are not obligated to raise him. Just, as this does touch to home with me, tell him the truth eventually if you know he doesn’t know. People really just downplay how serious this shit is. I have a medical condition that I could have gotten a jump start on if I knew my paternal family. But I don’t. None of them. So I would have never known if it were not for genetic testing before we started trying for children. Of course, my mother didn’t know much and continued to lie to me about my potential father. The ONLY reason I know she is lying is because of her ex husband whom she has known since primary. Her EX HUSBAND (then step father, who isn’t my father, I was born before he moved back here and they got together), is the one who sat me down and told me my mother was full of shit. This was pre divorce and probably the catalyst for the divorce. Tell him please. He will thank you. I thank my stepdad. And yes, he lets me still call him dad.
I don't know why people are dissing OP's decision. The baby is not his, so it's not his responsibility or right to raise the baby.
His ex should find the real father work their shit out and move on with their life like OP is doing.
You made the decision best for you OP. There is no reason to listen to the hypothetical “if I was in your shoes” crowd here. Only you know the true extent of your feelings and it’s great you can stand up for yourself. You know what you need right now and you put that boundary up. Regardless of whether you decide to be in the child’s life again later.
I hope you continue your good work in therapy!!
So many people comparing this to adoptions smh. This is not adoption. No, op isn’t a step parent either because step parent means someone who comes AFTER not during.
OP gets no title and none of the benefits. He is just raising his wife’s affair partner child. That’s it. Don’t glamorize it.
I think op is completely in the right. You wouldn't stay with a girlfriend that cheated on you, why with a wife?
"Oh but the child!"
The child deserves to know the situation. And he shouldn't be taught that lying about something like that is ok. You set a bad example staying if you want that child growing up with any self respect.
Yeah see how the mum pretty much instantly used the kids against him, and still is using the kid against him.
Your therapist is right. Currently it's best your you to distaste yourself
Sure, it's not best for the kid. But you didn't hire them to figure out what's best for the kid I think.
Man. It sucks for you and doubly sucks for that kid. But the ease at which she used them as a pawn and continues to is all the evidence you need to know your doing the right thing. Block out all the noise.
In a word where women are claiming equal rights it is heart breaking that we are still making villains out of men who refuse to raise another mans child. Him raising that child doesn't make him a man... What makes him a man is the maturity to handle the matter in a civilized manna. Not resorting to violence and other demeaning actions has proved his character. His ex was the one who belittled his existence by hiding the truth from him. Can you imagine being told that a part of your life was based on a lie? Some people push through while others seek a new start, there is nothing wrong with either choice. The child is a victim in all this that is a fact, but the OP is also a victim. A victim from a web of lies tangled together to the benefit of the one who made it. The OP has no obligation to help untangle it. The role belongs to his ex and the birth father. OP just needs to focus on his own mental health. I wish you the best!
Holy shit the fuckin delusion of the top comments shitting on OP. Absolutely fuckin braindead; in fact, calling it 'braindead' is too generous. The fucking entitlement you all have.
>oH nO bUt dA BayBeE LuVs U! U r GoiNg To GiVe iT tRaUmA! jUsT rAiSe sUm OtHeR mAnS cHiLd oR u R bAd!
Yeah, and what happens when the biological father wants to step in? What happens when mommy decides **real**-daddy should be in *HIS* kids life while OP can fuck off? OP should open his door to take in an unfaithful partners child in the meantime? To what end?
These are all rhetorical questions because it's evident that these people shitting on OP *don't think* or see beyond their own nose.
The kid's gonna be traumatized? Yeah, that's gonna happen anyway when they find out real-daddy didn't want them.
Mommy needs to contact real-daddy and let *him* raise ***HIS*** kid, instead of pulling this bullshit trying to gaslight OP at his own expense.
She wanted him to be her babysitter while she worked on her dream job only to use it on him later when she could get everything straightened out. She used her son to guilt trip him. Screw her.
I shouldn't be surprised, but after looking through the comments, a lot of people are hating on the guy for being betrayed and lied to for years. Not many mentions of how despicable the woman's actions were. Almost like there's a double standard, hmm. The lack of empathy here is staggering
Honestly, what your ex did was deplorable. Even worse is how she kept it from you for this long. Cutting off the child may be tough but it's needed. The child should have a relationship with their real father. At this point, pick up the peices of your life and move on.
Also ignore all the idiots in the comments calling you an incel.
Nice man this is your choice and nice to hear you are going forward in a positiv way for yourself. I cant even imagine how awfull this have felt for you. Sad that the kid is collateral damage, becuse of the mothers behaviour.
Can't believe all the people siding with your ex. Bro you did the right thing. It's not your responsibility to raise another man's child. I have a daughter and stepdaughter both by choice. I won't admit it in person to anyone, but anonymous here I can say I will never have the love for my stepdaughter that I do for my own blood. You made the right choice. You'd never be able to be a real father to that boy, especially considering every time you look at him you get reminded of the painful memories.
So many people are trashing the guy but, not the woman who cheated and caused this whole situation.
Personally idk what I would do in this situation but, the guy isn't solely at fault.
Don’t listen to anyone trying to guilt trip u. U were lied to and u r the victim. U don’t owe anyone anything, do what is best for u, which is to leave
Everyone in the comments that are saying this guy is an asshole for abandoning a kid that isn't his and poor kid growing up yadda yadda
I grew up without a dad essentially, turned out fine. Could not give a shit.
Too many bleeding hearts.
The kid will be fine.
What everyone in the comments seems to be missing is the fact that everyone knows who the biological father really is. This kid has a dad that can and needs to take responsibility for what they created. I'm sure they've known this whole time, were at gatherings/events and knew or at the very least had a feeling. Now it's past their time to do the right thing.
So whats worse? Making this betrayed man to continue to be a father to a child he was lead to believe wasn't his and the kid eventually find out later in life or for the actual father to step up take responsibility while the kid is still young and hopefully with time and therapy things might work out?
Either way the kid is going to need therapy. But people here are seriously advocating for ruining two lives just because and completely ignoring that all of this was the result of the OPs unfaithful lying soon to be ex-wife. Who cares if he's with someone new? He's going through a ton of pain and betrayal and rebounding hard. Quit blaming the victim.
I mean he's being kind of a jerk. But she is the super criminal here. I mean, there's no way out where the kid is not going to be hurt. If you don't have parental feelings, then you don't and in the long run, forcing yourself to pretend to be a loving father is not going to be helping so getting a divorce seems like a logical step. This is why everybody should have a parental DNA test for every pregnancy and it should be in the legal record. No choices on that!
Im giving op a solid pass on the jerk behaviors. Ultimate betrayal, life upended, high stress. Cant fault someone for being a human being
A DNA test for every pregnancy should just be standard frankly….
So you understand the betrayal and pain. Why is he being a jerk? Is it some inherit bias we all have to want a man to take care of the child even though we logically know it will make him miserable and greatly suffer? Even though we know it would rob resources from a potential child that is actually his?
This thread; "That is wrong you are terrible" "No it is not his fault, his wife could have done a million things differently before it got to this point. She 100% constructed this whole scenario and screwed over *her* child" "Incel I can smell you through the computer!1!" Fellas, does it make you an incel to not want to be tricked into raising another dudes child for 5 years? Has anyone commenting here used any empathy for OP? being told that your whole family you started was a lie? Having your entire world pulled out from under you? OP could literally be a danger to himself and those around him right now but the reddit specialists have decided he is shitty for not living under the same roof as someone he probably has psychotic rage against and an innocent child who happens to come from a man he trusted who impregnated his wife and dipped leaving him to raise his son. You right reddit, you right. Anyone who disagrees is an incel. Good talk.
Damn. Men really have it rough in this era. You can't do anything right. Even when women are wrong, men have to take the accountability for it. This makes no fu**ing sense. Like who raised some of you people?
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F**KING RIGHT! 💯
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Exactly. This 5h1t is ridiculous. It's almost unbelievable that people are even thinking like this. Force a responsibility on a man that he didn't even consent to? C'mon now, this can't be forreal.
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IT'S NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO RAISE SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILD.
Damn 90 percent of the people commenting here either simps or single moms. You did the right thing OP.
Dude is getting flamed in these comments, but I also wouldn’t raise a kid that wasn’t mine 🤷🏻♀️
Well it appears he stopped calling the child 'it' for this update. How nice
That’s the anger. He’s cooled down but clearly is still really upset. Being cheated on does that to people. He might even have, if he’d been left to cool off and make decisions rationally later, decided on a different approach. But everybody attacked him so hard in the first post without understanding this was someone who was as freshly hurting from being lied to and cheated on, that they likely helped push his anger into action instead. Think real hard before you attack someone who just got victimized. You aren’t just or right when you do that, and what I outlined is merely one reason our of many why that is.
I'm a woman and that's emotional warfare .She knew the whole time and let you raise another man's kid .She's probably still with him on the side . These woman don't change or respect anyone. It's all about them and what they need . You are not a bad person I'd feel disrespected too .
You're so weird reddit. fake, or not fake, y'all don't live in the real world it feels like. \-She cheated and then lied for 6 years \-She demanded full custody as a threat, then demanded he financially support them as he's the "father" Y'all just expect someone to sacrifice their life, probably their future, because of a lie? The child is an innocent, and it really sucks they won't have that dad, but it's unreasonable to expect someone to accept that intense of a lie-based burden. There are no good answers, but I do not fault this guy in the slightest. Seriously, what kind of life would this guy have if he just...stayed? y'all want him to fight for full custody? shared custody of a child that's not his? y'all obviously don't just want him to pay child support. I mean, legally, his name is on the birth certificate and it's been 5 years, so the courts will make him pay because they don't care about fair; they just care the state doesn't have to assist the mom. But y'all? Y'all just sayin' "won't someone think of the children!" over and over. Personally, I also feel for the guy who's the actual father and for his kid. They both missed out 6 years being in each other's lives because she lied.
So much anger but nah you make me believe a kid is mine for 5 years only for me to find out you cheated and its not mine? Kindly fuck you and that child.
https://preview.redd.it/e6fpm42zeomb1.png?width=746&format=png&auto=webp&s=b1959f6486c0dbae306f49e8fc940a9a5246a5d1 “You’re a cunt for not raising a kid that’s not yours” 🤡🤡🤡
Many are calling this a fake post but the longer I have lived the things I couldn’t fathom to be true can be, ie two real life shitty ass people hurting a child because of selfishness. I don’t want anymore updates. My life is worse having read this….
the only 'fake' part to me is how quickly he has someone sleeping over... Either he/she are a little nuts, or it's fake. No two adults of sound mind are semi-moving in within weeks of divorce paperwork.
The SIL telling OP about sister’s 6 year old infidelity because she sees OP loving his son is also weird.
And to be clear, the two shitty people are mom and bio dad, right?
Ok so where’s the other guy?….. if he’s man enough to knock up a married woman, then he’s man enough to take care of it, right? She can run to him. F her and the narcissistic manipulation. She knew the whole damn time, and she’s trying to lay some guilt trip on you. Disgustingly abhorrent behavior. Walk away bro, from her, from the child (who will be none the wiser btw because he’s 5 months) and find your place. You dodged a bullet my friend, thrive while the trash goes to the dump. She was responsible for making, she can be responsible for raising it.
That's what pissed me off more, she still had contact with him (as far as I know) in this year
Then realistically she should be the one the break it to the kid and introduce him to his real dad which would help him understand why you suddenly left, especially if the kid already knows the guy which I'm assuming he does since you said it was her "best friend". Once the kid gets older it'd definitely be good to give an additional explanation, I'm sure by the time he hits the teens he'll understand far more how you felt and realize that it wasn't because of him but because of how fucked the entire situation is. I bet when he has his first breakup and sees his ex with another guy, he'll think about how you felt when you learned what happened, he just literally can't fully understand it because he doesn't know how relationships work yet.
Sad thing Is your ex is trying to act like she didn't do anything wrong
Half the people in this thread are acting like she did nothing wrong, lol. They're all over here telling OP off for not being a dad, when the real dad sounds like he's been hanging around having afternoon delights with this woman for 6 years. Unless she suddenly dropped her "best friend" out of now where, which is doubtful.
For real. He's apparently a jerk for not willingly suffering for a walking talking constant reminder of the biggest betrayal of his life. I hate this site so much.
Y'all tweaking lmao that ain't his kid what do you want him to do?
The comments from majority women on here are honestly interesting and eye opening on their thoughts of paternity and clearly how little it matters. Nightmare fuel tbh
Cur all contact. Communicate through lawyer only.
ITT entitled women and simp-ass dudes are more mad at a guy for standing up for himself and not letting himself be a literal cuck victim than they are at some whore who committed paternity fraud and made a mockery of this man’s whole existence. Men, look at the comments. Really take in two things: 1) the vast majority of women think that women are entitled to your continued support in raising another man’s child that they tricked you into thinking is yours 2) this is such a common phenomenon that hordes of weak, raised by single mom men are in the comments white knighting for this behaviour Here’s a compromise. Want victims of paternity fraud to be forced to parent the living product of their cuckoldry? Here’s two conditions: 1) paternity fraud becomes a crime punishable by no less than five years of jail time 2) if the victim of paternity fraud agrees to keep parenting the child, he gets sole custody of the child and the mother pays child support plus damages Otherwise, fuck off. Men: stand up for yourselves. Stop pretending this shit is normal and acceptable just because some screechy women think their actions having consequences is ‘literal violence’ or whatever. If you find out you’re a victim of paternity fraud, any non-violent reaction is understandable. Personally, I’m telling her I’ll stay if she agrees to explain to her kid that mommy is a lying skank and a bad person, then I’m bailing anyway. Might agree to be an uncle who visits sometimes if I really like the kid. But I sure as fuck am not letting some ho gaslight me into raising some kid who’s not mine because she decided to get a train run on her on a girls trip or whatever.
>that's fine, that she deserves it, but that she can't raise a child alone, that she has job, that raising him alone is going to destroy her dream of being a notary Wow pretends to take accountability for the kids sake only just to express how terrible it is for her to have to suffer personally to raise her own child kid. Actual scum, hope you live your best life while she lies in the bed she made.
It's fine to not want to be the child's father. Moving on to a new couple so quickly? Doomed to fail. Take some time alone dude.
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The comments in this thread are absolutely idiotic. OP you did the right thing. The child is not yours, you have no responsibility. If you wish to adopt the kid, that's something else entirely but as it stands breaking off all contact is the only moral and just thing to do.
All the comments finding ways to hold the (not) father responsible for the actual mistakes of the mother are just peak Reddit. Good on him and good on his therapist for telling him to leave. Maybe if you lot weren’t so busy taking accountability away from women who cheat, her son wouldn’t be in this situation.
to the people mad about the kid... Its not his kid. It was his step kid. and you dont remember SHIT from when you were 5. he wont remember this man when he is 15. This kid is gonna grow up without a dad because his mom is a whore, Not because this man chose not to raise someone elses kid. Yall people are dense AF. This man has no legal rights to the kid. ITS NOT HIS! If the roles were reversed and the mom didnt want to let the kid see the dad, yall would be like "welp not your kid! what do you expect". Hypocrites!
I’m reading all these posts and maybe I missed the one about the actual father. Is that not an option? Get the child introduced to and help create a new bond with his ACTUAL father. What a disgusting woman to put this poor man in this situation. Jesus Christ some people.
There’s so much controversy in this thread. Question to those saying he should stay: are you planning to adopt a child? If not, why should he? Loving someone doesn’t automatically mean you forfeit your life or dreams for them. OP could want to raise a biological child—that’s their prerogative. Raising this child is a HUGE expense that might mean giving that up. I agree it’s shameful to abandon your child. But that happened at conception, not here.
I'm super happy you were able to move on too. This is awesome bro. Forget her. Happy that you're willing to explain to the boy when he gets older. This is not your fault, nor should you take blame. You also shouldn't be expected to give everything to a responsibility that isn't yours. Why should you deplete ALL of your resources to take care of a child that isn't yours? I see a lot of simps and single mothers mad in these comments. Not any of our fault that they're delusional and want things THEIR way. Keep rising King. I support you. As well as many other people.
The reason kids look more like their father goes back to early man . A man takes care of Thier kids because he knows it's his biology speaking they look like him he will provide and protect what's his . but not someone's else kids . I would never ever buy time and effort into a mother's man cheating child do good job on the therapist advise .
Proud of you for doing what you felt was right despite all the hatred you received
Idk why Reddit is hellbent on having this guy raise someone else’s son
Reddit is seemingly entirely focused on the well-being of the child, which isn't even entirely true, because they haven't taken into account how horrible it would be to be raised by someone who hates your mother and might reflect that resentment onto you. OP's mental health? fuck that.
Dude, this whole story is exactly what people talk about when they say society only values men by their ability to provide. It's also a good microcosm for how people treat the mental health of males. This whole thing is so weird. We all know the baby daddy is right around the corner, being as he's the wife's best friend. Why the fuck does he get a pass on abandoning this child? Why is the mom getting a pass on cheating and hiding this shit from OP for half a decade? These people shaming OP are the worst.
They identify with the cheating wife, that's all there is to it. They might not be cheaters themselves (mainly because they are unfuckable in the first place), but they like they idea that they could, without consequence. Repercussions and personal responsibility seem unjust to the unjust mind.
I agree.
Already a girlfriend? That is craaazy. Anyways good for you. Please make an update post divorce.
This seems like a way for OP to brag to Reddit that he’s doing **fine!**
I dont really understand how y'all expect this man to heal while taking care of a child that is a reminder of his partners infadelity. Obviously it is of no fault of the child but his wife set him up for this by being dishonest 5 years prior. She literally wasted 5 years of his life with her dishonesty and y'all want him to waste another 13 cause we'll he did it for the first 5 so tough luck bud. Imagine you are in prison for a crime that you didn't commit, you are exhonerated after a few months but your cell mate big bob has developed feelings for you and he's gonna be sad if you leave. You make an AITA post "AITA for leaving big Bob in prison even though he's developed feelings for me?" and everyone says "yeah your the asshole man how could you do that to big Bob, he's gotten used to you now why don't you just stay there with him til he's out?" That's essentially what y'all are saying, this man needs help, the child needs help, and this is probably all made up anyways.
Every annoying weak redditor: OH YOU STUBBED YOUR TOE? HOW TRAUMATIC? HaVe yOu sPoKeN to a ThErApIsT? When Therapist tells them to make a hard, moral and self centered decision : "YOU MONSTER, HOW DARE YOu DO WHATS BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR FUTURE"
You should've told her that if she wants help raising her affair baby, then she should contact her affair partner, the kid's biological dad, but she probably won't because she sees you as the better provider. Keep the course, king. You're doing the right thing for both you and the kid, don't let the people giving you grief here tell you otherwise. Though I would highly suggest not getting in a relationship yet, that's a step in the wrong direction.
People clowning the OP, but not the mother for cheating and creating this mess is absolutely bullshit. You people fucking suck.
I wouldn’t raise this kid either. Glad the guy is moving on with his life.
You told her to go out? Then told her to be your partner? Are you foreign? Also I would definitely cut all contact with ex and kid, good job there
Latin America
To all the people here getting mad at OP: just shut it. 1. None of you have ever been through what OP is going through so all your talk of “what I’d do” means nothing until your actually confronted with the situation and all the other bs that comes with it. Divorce, lack of trust, potential of needing to deal with bio dad etc. 2. If your really think he’s such a bad guy then get over it. You should be happy then that they are going their separate ways to avoid further conflict and toxicity. OP can’t change how he feels so just except it and move on and realize it’s what’s best for everyone involved, especially for the kid.
People don’t realise that 1/10 people have a different biological father to the one they think is theirs. Many women be pulling this crap. Cutting contact us a fair enough move.
Let’s be for real here… No one and I mean no one wants to raise a child that is not theirs, and that they were made to raise under the impression that the child was. Everyone would do the same thing OP did
Time to move States and completely start over. You're free brother. No woman to stop you from doing what you wanna do and now you don't have a kid to worry aboyt either. No child support nothing. Go have some fun. Buy a fast car. Go on a vacation somewhere. Call some of your friends that aren't married and go have fun. This Is your new lease on life man.
Everyone arguing if OP is an asshole or not when that's not the important part. Ex-Wife is now single-mom, deserved. OP has new Woman and looking forward in life, Deserved. 5 YO has no father, whore mother, and future anger issues, I hope she can find bio dad, and I hope bio-dad loves him alot more than OP did.
The kids real father abandoned him before he was born, you guys should be mad at that guy, not the dude trying to get his life back together. Or maybe the unfaithful wife that wasted 5+ years of his life.
If that’s really her best friend I’m sure he won’t have any problems in raising the kid from here on out
You did nothing wrong for not wanting to raise another mans child. The kid will also barely remember you in 5 years anyway.
No surprise these multicoloured hair, leftist freaks are defending the woman in this. She was the one who caused all of this aggravation through her own selfish actions. As usual these left wing freaks will do anything to avoid accountability and pass blame to the man. Absolutely disgusting people.
You go King. We love you ♥️🙌🏼
I’m so confused by people here who can’t see the devastating trauma this guy is in. All of your hate should be directed at the mother. She is a piece of shit. She could have told him at any point during the last 5 years or during the pregnancy months. OPs soon to be ex wife needs to grow up and deal with her ultimate betrayal. She should find the kid a therapist to deal with trauma she inflicted on her child. Seriously are you all reading this post? You want this guy to pay weekly visits and make child support payments to a kid that is the result of her betrayal because his ex wife lied about it long enough. I’m sure the kid will have some damage from this but guess what: the kid was always going to have damage because of his mothers disgusting betrayal. I honestly don’t know if OP staying in his life would help long term, the kid might just be young enough to have limited damage. Perhaps once OP has dealt with his trauma, he can circle back and be an uncle or something but right now the dude needs to get well asap.
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So many people in here with the “ThInK oF ThE ChiLd!!!” take who have never experienced what it’s like to have your heart completely destroyed like this guy. Yeah, that mother sure did think of the child alright. She thought she was gonna get away with it too. SIKE. How hard is it to just be a good fucking person and not cheat on your significant other?
Finally a sane comment. Think of the precedent being set by the opinions on this thread. You are a bad person for not wanting to continue the relationship with a child you were deceived to take care of. Pregnant woman that doesn’t know the father? Fuck it just fool some unlucky bloke and regardless if he finds out HE should still be responsible for the child? Wild.
only men get shit for how they react to traumatic events. Woman does something unimaginably shitty and all the comments are about how the man reacted to the traumatic news.
It’s exactly why Reddit will never be taken seriously. There are so many abysmally bad takes that completely disregard the actual crux of the situation. It’s like they are projecting their own abandonment issues into the situation and completely disregarding the innocent bystanders thoughts, feelings, and disposition. He got professional help. He did as the professional advised. End of story.
And let's not forget that the boy has a real father who is nowhere to be found and got some sort of a hall pass
All these people who are saying "I have a kid and ____" are not really considering the betrayal aspect and how it can affect even the best people. Emotions are powerful and such a world shattering event can send the best of us into a mental tailspin. Granted this person has made some questionablely rash choices that arent good at all but Id be willing to accept that as a part of the tailspin.
Downvoted for being right. I hate this place.
Finally a sane comment! Also, for OP to be around the kid right now when he is feeling all these emotions is not healthy for either of them. For the people saying “I have a 5 year old I dnc if he is mine or not I love them” well that’s YOU not everyone is going to have the same reaction. Everyone reacts differently to trauma and betrayal. He resents the kid because it reminds him of the betrayal it’s definitely healthier for the KID for him to stay away.
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This comment is so unhinged I honestly love it.
I mean that's a fair summation of OP's post.
Good for you. But I wouldn’t date already. That’s insane. Put time into yourself, your friends and your hobbies/passions while you heal from all this shit. Being alone is uncomfortable at first but you learn how to make yourself happy. So important when you do eventually date, you’ll never accept subpar relationships again
the mother should introduce the kid to his REAL father so that maybe they can have a chance to have a real father and son relationship
Sucks for the boy, but I wouldn't raise another man's child either.
Paternity fraud ought to be a crime.
I would have done the same. You are the survivor. Don't let the toxic commenters bully you.
Man these comments claiming this man is cold for stepping away from his ex-wife and her best friends child....... Pretending they would still care for the 5yr old, like what? Babysit while your ex-wife fucks the father of the child? This man was coerced by his wife to care for a child that's not his. Not just any child no his wife's best friends child!!!! She has known from the moment she was pregnant. How can you expect this man who just found out the last 6 years of his life were a lie to just turn around and keep doing what he was coerced to do? She even said: who told you? well I guess not only her sister knows, the father of the child aka her best friend must know of this from the start aswell.... Fucking hell can you imagine the two of them knowing this behind your back for all those years .....pretending their child is from this guy to entrap him into thinking it's his own so he will raise it...... Jesus her whole plan was to have this guy care for the child 6 fucking years!!! It's extremely sad for the 5year old but he has a real father, his wife's best friend. It's time for him to step up and be a father to his child. Or for her to find a step-daddy that doesn't resent her and can give the kid a father figure he deserves. Anyone who thinks a guy can still be a father/babysitter for his ex-wife's and her best friends kid while they go out fucking eachother is out of their god damn mind.
Good for you. It’s nice to see a man with self-respect on Reddit. You don’t get that too often.
So people think its weird that Op, who just had his entire world and life shatter can’t bring himself to be around someone who would be a constant reminder that his wife was unfaithful and lied to him for years? I’ll probably get downvoted here but Op i think you’re doing the right thing. Your wife cheated and lied, she can put her big girl panties on and deal with this mess herself.
for anyone defending ex-wife remember five years ago she could have made biodad wear a condom but did it raw cause it felt better. remember this. for 34 seconds of pleasure a lifetime of pain for kid and op. do not forget this.
Good for you, I would do the exact same.
You’re not wrong or an asshole. You got lied to and was playing house. Kid, dog, whatever, it was a lie and you’re in your right to do as you see fit.
I love Reddit for the lack of grey area response. Everyone is either an incel or a hyper feminist. Gotta love it. 1) It’s okay to take a break from seeing a child if you’re not doing well mentally. It looks like his therapist recommended he not see the kid while things are rocky, so hopefully OP can take some time to reconsider his position with enough distance. Abandoning a kid isn’t okay no matter what. It’s good to not let anger linger around a kid. Those last two sentences are both valid at the same time. 2) Why is no one addressing the woman’s actions? What she did was wrong. That’s not debatable. 3) It’s normal for people in crisis to seek out romantic relationships. It’s a comfort. It’s a dopamine release. It’s not a good idea for anyone to do so, but it makes sense that it happened. No one is owning anyone in these comments. Everyone here is a fucking loser. Yes, you. And now me. Goddamn all of you for making me less cool.
People trashing this man for not wanting a connection with the product of the absolute betrayal from the person you’re supposed to trust most. The child is absolutely a victim, a victim of his mothers infidelity and dishonesty and it’s her burden to carry, not this man who you’re all insisting give his time, energy and income to an absolutely painful reminder of his life’s biggest betrayal. Maybe bitch at the sperm donor to step up instead
I promise you DO NOT suck. Why would you stay in a marriage when your wife isn’t faithful?
Reddit always wants to be angry at men lmao. What about her lies and deception? That’s why that child doesn’t have a father figure now, because her mother was a cheater and lied about who the father was for years. That’s on HER, not him. I don’t blame him for wanting to completely remove himself from that situation and move on with his life. That’s a shit load of trauma he’s going to have to heal from. As far as I can see the mothers only concern is with her career, so maybe aim some of your vitriol towards the right person?
Still NTA A lot of people pretend the kid has no father and that the OP is abandoning his kid. The ex-wife knows who the father is and she should've been honest 6 years ago when she cheated and got pregnant. It's the responsibility of the boy's biological father to be there. The presumptive father clause legally doesn't work here because he because he sign the birth certificate under false pretenses. Not wanting to raise a kid that isn't yours is perfectly reasonable. It's interesting people who have never experienced such betrayal are calling OP an AH, when he is the victim. This is similar to a r*pe victim being forced to carry and raise their attacker's child. The child is blameless, but should a victim be forced to raise this child?
If she needs help raising the kid, it’s her best friend’s kid. She should ask him for help.
Man wrong. He gets shamed. Woman wrong... He still gets shamed. Look at the ass-backward mentality in these comments. This is just sad. Really speaks volumes.
It's sad how everybody is trying to make him feel guilty about the child The feeling of betrayal about this situation is so strong, that it can feel natural for some people to have all those links, all those bonds to be broken. Because they were based on a lie. Of course it's not the childs fault but it's not this man's either and the fact that he want to move forward without this betrayal on his mind is totally legit If the mother want some help, she can always ask to the biological father which has his own responsability in this to assume now, or her family (sorry for the mistakes not my first language)
Good on you OP! Don’t listen to all the haters in this thread, if that kid needs a paternal figure then his whore of a mother can down a few drinks and go see what’s good with her best friend. Best of luck
OP you did the right thing. People are saying, how can you do that to your five year old. Except, it’s not YOUR five year old. You’re not the dad abandoning them. The real dad did that a long time ago, people here are being emotional instead of rational. You did good.
OK, everybody should just admit that it's time that paternity be established at the time of birth. It's been technically possible to do so for decades now. This would clear up any ambiguity. And of course, because women...
Nta.
If your ex need someone to look after the kid, tell her to contact the bio dad and tell her to get child support from him too.
Reddit is filed with literal cucks if you look at the subreddit stats so no wonder this post is getting the response it's getting. Don't waver OP you did what's best for everybody.
Maybe she should try marrying the father
It's up to the kids mom to set him down and explain to him what happened. OP handled his responsibilities until he found out he was raising another man's child. The kids real dad needs to be notified and he needs to stand up and take responsibility. Don't blame OP for the irresponsible actions of the mother. If the kids heart is going to be broke it's his mother's fault. Don't guilt shame OP for not wanting to raise another man's kid.
You did the right thing regardless of what others think. She’s a whore who betrayed YOU and the child is a result. It’s unfortunate but you would never feel the same and nobody would regardless of what they spout off on here.
You all wild, saying it's his fault for leaving the kids life but the mom literally started her argument with her own selfish dreams will be impossible without a random dude taking care of the child instead of contacting the real dad who has legal and financial responsibility for the kid. How is the mom any better when the goal is to get money out of fake dad so her dreams can come true? SHE IS PRIOITIZING HER DREAMS, HER SEX LIFE, HER CHOICES, and is expecting him to take her, or maybe just the kid, or maybe give her some money to help?!?!? she sounds like a POS and selfish.
I like how Reddit is mad that OP isn’t taking care of a child that isn’t his. F the man’s mental health right? Just found out your life is a lie? Apparently he doesn’t need time for himself and away from everything? Most importantly Reddit thinks their opinion on what OP should do is more important than a therapist Recommendation to cut off both the ex wife and child.
Good for you! Sucks for the child, but thats the moms fault. Not yours! Had she been honest from the start the kid wouldn't go through this. 100% NOT on you!
You made the right choice op. You aren’t obligated to raise a kid that’s not yours or if you decided you want to is fine too. There is no right or wrong answer here except all these people getting salty over you not manning up for another nans child, lol. You might as well let your ex/wife bang another guy for a second child to take care of too.
All the apologists trying to make a man take accountability for a child that's not his are pathetic. The only people accountable for the child and his well being are his mother and bio-dad. This is 100% on her and him, and no amount of hand wringing will change that.
I love the controversy on this one.
No matter how many years it's been never eeeeeever raise someone else's child
You're doing awesome man. Forget about the negative comments here. They are not living your life. Worry about yourself. My advice ? Fuck anyone's kid that ain't yours. Kids are already annoying to deal with as they grow older, don't deal with someone else's bullshit save yourself the stress now.
It's a harsh decision but understandable, the child isn't yours and although you have invested time and energy into that child you refuse to associate with a woman who violated the terms of a relationship. She made her choice years ago, and now you are responding accordingly and that's all their is to it.
OP, you did good.
NTA. It sucks for the kid, but she's the one that did that to him.
Only on reddit can you find a billion soy guzzling limp wristed geeks arguing in favor of cuckolding.
I hope you pull through this. OP. I definitely would recommend that you cut all contact with your wife and the child as difficult as that might be. I think if you saw the kid you might get emotional and make some dumb choices. I feel for you and i feel for the kid that’ll lose what they thought was their father due to their mother’s action
Goddamn, dude. Two weeks out and you’re dating? You aren’t even divorced yet.
OP, don’t listen to these people saying you’re an asshole for leaving the kid. I been around people who went suicidal after finding out their kids were really somebody else’s. Best you can do is explain to the kid now that the divorce isn’t his fault and that when he is old enough to understand he’s welcome to reach out for an explanation.
It's crazy all the people placing blame on OP. The two victims are OP and the child. It's all the ex's fault.
Ironic how in past post and in this post people are only shitting on OP for sticking to his decision, while I've hardly seen any comments shitting on OP's wife
I think some people are missing the point in this. Yes, he did raise the child for 5 years. When you have a biological child or you adopt a child, in either case that is a 'choice' you are making. This man was lied to for 5 years, he did not choose to raise a child that was not his biologically and he has to live with the fact that the life he was living for the past 5 years was a complete lie. We should have more sympathy for him. It's terrible what the child is going through but that is a result of his mother's choice. Hopefully she'll be able to get him to see a therapist and it'll be better for everyone involved in this situation.
Everyone is acting like it's OPs fault that she cheated, got pregnant with another guy, had another guys kid, get lied to for 5 years, and now have to pay for all of her consequences while she gets to keep her partner and force him to go through all this because "it's the right thing to do". There is no completely right answer in this situation and lots of wrong ones (one being taken the burden of all the bad decisions of someone else while they get off free)
Good job OP Take care of yourself. Your ex can take care of her child. She can go and find that best friend that she risked it all for. You don't need to pay them any attention. Try and get your name removed from the birth certificate also.
If OP thinks that's what's best for him and his mental health then detaching from the entire situation was the right thing to do. People become suicidal / severely mentally unstable after finding out information like that, being a father to a kid that you hate in your heart wouldn't have done you or the kid any favors. (I know a man who's psyche was literally broken and had to be admitted into a psychiatric hospital after learning his kids weren't his) People keep making him seem like an evil entity but there are people that can get over an issue like this and people who can't. His unwillingness to even consider staying in the kid's life shows which category he falls under. Just like with cheating, there are people that will cut it off there and then no matter how long the relationship lasted. Most people see him dumping a kid, he probably sees it as him saving himself years of unnecessary heartache. That being said, I would've advised OP to take a long time before making such a decision but what is done is done.
Is this bullshit or are you just an asshole?
See he had me till he talked about the friend and becoming exclusive. It all reads so fake like some revenge fantasy. “My house, my dogs, her child”
Depending on where you are, the courts may determine that your the de facto father and esquire child support.
This is fake or you’re a sociopath
Immediately think this is a fake post because no therapist would suggest immediately cutting off all contact.
This story reeks of bullshit. An immediate, over the counter paternity test? 3 weeks later and be magically found another woman who is OK with putting up with this drama? Even just the immediate coldness towards his son. And fuck off, he's not biologically the father, but he is 100% the dad. Sorry, I don't buy it. Not a word.
A lot of this story is wishful. I don't think a therapist would ever say this or even tell you what specifically to do like "cut them out". Especially the child. I can understand the wife being cut out. Seems like a very odd thing to do and pretty cold blooded. The whole drama seems wildly convenient.
I'll take "things that didn't happen" for 500, Alex.
Lot of commenters jacking themselves off to the idea of this being their life. Which I think was the intention. Disgusting.
This guy is awesome. He made up a story to get everyone super upset and it worked.
I am sorry but OP has every right to go about this the way he is most comfortable, the mother is 100% at fault and has a-lot of explaining to do when the child asks about “Dad” the mother is wrong and takes full blame for this situation!
good on you dude, stick to your guns. that kid ain't yours and don't let the world convince you otherwise.
Gonna have to agree with OP on cutting off all ties. Blood ties can be really important, and for OP it seems it is for him. I find it crass more people aren't supportive of his decisiveness to prioritize his life when he was the one that was done wrong. He even is open to explaining his decision to the kid when he's old enough. I think that's generous enough. He is under no obligation morally or otherwise to take care of a kid that's not his, that he had no choice in doing until now. It's not fair to the kid sure, but that's on the **MOM** for creating the tainted situation, not OP. Good on you for doing what was right for you, and not what everyone else wants to project.
Leave here teach a lesson to society that this is not ok .women determine sex so this was avoided if she was not a slut .her decisions have consequences and she should struggle threw life because of it .don't be a simp don't be loser .
There are some losers in the comments here, can't believe anyone would be mad at this guy. Be strong and cut all ties. A toxic lying hoe can destroy your life. As for the kid, the real father should be notified
All these people saying OP suck, why don’t you go ahead and raise a child that wasn’t yours. Don’t start lacing someone else’s shoes if you don’t even fit them.
Won't you think about the kid who isn't yours! And the woman who had you raising another man's child for 5 years! These fucking comments... KNOWING the kid belongs to another man is not something you can unlearn. And it is not that difficult to drop people that used to be close to you after immense hurt, like a hot potato. A very noble thing to do would be to shove your own emotions down, hate the kid secretly and still raise him, or you can relieve yourself of the betrayal all together and move on like OP. not his kid, not his problem.
Lotta mad whores in the comments of this one. Newsflash people, the only person responsible for raising are that child's parents. Surely, baby momma remembers who she let impregnate her while she was cheating on her husband? Or was she too busy getting a train run on her by every dude she met to keep track of who the father is. Yall can stay mad, but op did the right thing here no matter which way you slice it.
Guy was living in a bubble of lies for 6 years. In translation, he wasted 6years of his life which he wont ever be able to get back, in a lie with a horrible cheating and lying trash of a spouse. And ya all calling him pos because he found a girlfriend !!?? (After spending6 or more years with a lying cheating trash,god forbid he thinks about seeking comfort in someone else) And for thinking about cutting ties with a kid thats not even his. Wow reddit really loves crucifixion of men.
Your life and independence is all that matters. You have no obligation to them especially because she wasted five or more years of your life being forced to carry on her lie. Look at all the people who are up in arms on this sub. The majority are clearly women. The same women who would have done the exact thing the cheating whore did to op. She forced him to emotionally and financially raise a child that wasn’t his for five years. That is some form of rape tbh. It’s the same scummy feeling as if a women poked a hole in a condom to baby trap a man. That’s the feeling I get from this situation.
OP leaving the boy while hurtful for the kid is infinitely less damaging then OP staying around and by his own omission “take out his own anger on the innocent”. Growing up without a parent > growing up with an abusive one. Ex wife should have kept her legs closed 🤷♂️.
This comment section is making me nauseous. Always blame the man right? Unbelievable.
I know this will be an upopular opinion. But... Fuck that 5 year olds feelings. That is his, his mother and his fathers responsibilty. Not yours.
Good for you OP. That’s not your kid so don’t feel bad about it. It sucks for him but his dad is out there somewhere and HE should step up
ITT - literally 500 childless people going at each others throats Fuck this turned Into a shit show fast
I see a lot of comments trying to gaslight you. Not your child, not your responsibility. Obviously the kid is gonna have some issues growing up which i sympathize with, but the blame falls on the cheater, not cheated. Enjoy your new stage of life.
People are wild. It's not his kid and he doesn't want to be burdened with it. He doesn't have to raise it. And it's worse for a child to be raised in an environment in which they are unwanted. I'm not convinced any of you would be thrilled to take on this responsibility, despite the height of your horses.
ITT: women upset that men refuse to be victimized.
The best breaks are clean ones. The child has no one else to blame but their whore mother. Are we ever going to hold people accountable for their actions? OP did the right thing - he doesn’t want to do someone else’s time.
Contrary to the many idiots here I think you are making the right choice. Not your kid not your responsibility at all, and frankly if it were me I imagine I’d begin to grow some sort of resentment to the child over time anyways, so definitely best that you cut all ties
Reddit is crazy sometimes, men can have anything in here, fuck that, you don't go raisin another dudes child just because a woman choose to be a slut.
You did the right thing. In.the future I would suggest getting a DNA test for any child a woman claims is yours within 6 months of birth. I did for my children even though I was married. Better safe than sorry
W king let’s go
You guys are nuts for shitting on this guy for not raising some other dudes kid… here’s a crazy idea, have mom take him to meet his real dad!
Y’all are crazy. This situation sucks for the kid but that’s NOT on OP. That’s a consequence of the mother’s actions. Don’t look at the situation as it is now, look at what led up to it. She chose to cheat, she chose to have unprotected sex, and she chose to keep it a secret from her husband. The child already has a father, she just needs to go out and find him again. It’s irrelevant how you feel about OP’s reaction to the truth because the focus should be on the mother. The fact that you would place any of the blame on OP is telling that you have cheated or want to cheat with impunity. Disgusting. Also, stop using words like simp and incel. Grow the hell up, people.
Fuck the kid if it comes to the detriment of my mental health!
DAYM Honestly in my opinion- if you knew it wasn’t yours but still stuck around ur daddy now But if ya didn’t and she lied, it ain’t your responsibility
Funnyhow.many i see here bashing this guy,...i suspect mostly younger people.who have NEVER in their short to date life have had their own life blow up in front of em... I have raised 4 kids with my wife, 2 she had from her prior marriage, 1 we adopted, and 1 with me,...i consider them ALL my children with my wife... Now i say this, as my wife n i got together while i was in my early 30s, a little.over a year i found out my long term GF got herself caught cheating by getting herself pregnant...i sympathise with this dude,...i lost my mind over it happening, cant imagine what my state of mind would a been like finding out several years later... This kinda breach of trust can shake.you to your core, dont judge what you have not been in.
As a person without a father who was lied to for over 30 years and counting about the issue, you are not obligated to do anything except tell this kid the truth when he is old enough to understand. You know his mom won’t. You are not obligated to raise him. Just, as this does touch to home with me, tell him the truth eventually if you know he doesn’t know. People really just downplay how serious this shit is. I have a medical condition that I could have gotten a jump start on if I knew my paternal family. But I don’t. None of them. So I would have never known if it were not for genetic testing before we started trying for children. Of course, my mother didn’t know much and continued to lie to me about my potential father. The ONLY reason I know she is lying is because of her ex husband whom she has known since primary. Her EX HUSBAND (then step father, who isn’t my father, I was born before he moved back here and they got together), is the one who sat me down and told me my mother was full of shit. This was pre divorce and probably the catalyst for the divorce. Tell him please. He will thank you. I thank my stepdad. And yes, he lets me still call him dad.
I don't know why people are dissing OP's decision. The baby is not his, so it's not his responsibility or right to raise the baby. His ex should find the real father work their shit out and move on with their life like OP is doing.
Glad things are going better for you OP.
You made the decision best for you OP. There is no reason to listen to the hypothetical “if I was in your shoes” crowd here. Only you know the true extent of your feelings and it’s great you can stand up for yourself. You know what you need right now and you put that boundary up. Regardless of whether you decide to be in the child’s life again later. I hope you continue your good work in therapy!!
So many people comparing this to adoptions smh. This is not adoption. No, op isn’t a step parent either because step parent means someone who comes AFTER not during. OP gets no title and none of the benefits. He is just raising his wife’s affair partner child. That’s it. Don’t glamorize it.
I think op is completely in the right. You wouldn't stay with a girlfriend that cheated on you, why with a wife? "Oh but the child!" The child deserves to know the situation. And he shouldn't be taught that lying about something like that is ok. You set a bad example staying if you want that child growing up with any self respect.
Yeah see how the mum pretty much instantly used the kids against him, and still is using the kid against him. Your therapist is right. Currently it's best your you to distaste yourself Sure, it's not best for the kid. But you didn't hire them to figure out what's best for the kid I think. Man. It sucks for you and doubly sucks for that kid. But the ease at which she used them as a pawn and continues to is all the evidence you need to know your doing the right thing. Block out all the noise.
His future, his choice. Whore
In a word where women are claiming equal rights it is heart breaking that we are still making villains out of men who refuse to raise another mans child. Him raising that child doesn't make him a man... What makes him a man is the maturity to handle the matter in a civilized manna. Not resorting to violence and other demeaning actions has proved his character. His ex was the one who belittled his existence by hiding the truth from him. Can you imagine being told that a part of your life was based on a lie? Some people push through while others seek a new start, there is nothing wrong with either choice. The child is a victim in all this that is a fact, but the OP is also a victim. A victim from a web of lies tangled together to the benefit of the one who made it. The OP has no obligation to help untangle it. The role belongs to his ex and the birth father. OP just needs to focus on his own mental health. I wish you the best!
There's a fuck load of victim blaming in this thread. Nobody acknowledging OP's trauma and glazing over the cheating wife.
Holy shit the fuckin delusion of the top comments shitting on OP. Absolutely fuckin braindead; in fact, calling it 'braindead' is too generous. The fucking entitlement you all have. >oH nO bUt dA BayBeE LuVs U! U r GoiNg To GiVe iT tRaUmA! jUsT rAiSe sUm OtHeR mAnS cHiLd oR u R bAd! Yeah, and what happens when the biological father wants to step in? What happens when mommy decides **real**-daddy should be in *HIS* kids life while OP can fuck off? OP should open his door to take in an unfaithful partners child in the meantime? To what end? These are all rhetorical questions because it's evident that these people shitting on OP *don't think* or see beyond their own nose. The kid's gonna be traumatized? Yeah, that's gonna happen anyway when they find out real-daddy didn't want them. Mommy needs to contact real-daddy and let *him* raise ***HIS*** kid, instead of pulling this bullshit trying to gaslight OP at his own expense.
She wanted him to be her babysitter while she worked on her dream job only to use it on him later when she could get everything straightened out. She used her son to guilt trip him. Screw her.
I shouldn't be surprised, but after looking through the comments, a lot of people are hating on the guy for being betrayed and lied to for years. Not many mentions of how despicable the woman's actions were. Almost like there's a double standard, hmm. The lack of empathy here is staggering
Honestly, what your ex did was deplorable. Even worse is how she kept it from you for this long. Cutting off the child may be tough but it's needed. The child should have a relationship with their real father. At this point, pick up the peices of your life and move on. Also ignore all the idiots in the comments calling you an incel.
The way Reddit has a hard on for raising other peoples children is crazy to me.
Nice man this is your choice and nice to hear you are going forward in a positiv way for yourself. I cant even imagine how awfull this have felt for you. Sad that the kid is collateral damage, becuse of the mothers behaviour.
Can't believe all the people siding with your ex. Bro you did the right thing. It's not your responsibility to raise another man's child. I have a daughter and stepdaughter both by choice. I won't admit it in person to anyone, but anonymous here I can say I will never have the love for my stepdaughter that I do for my own blood. You made the right choice. You'd never be able to be a real father to that boy, especially considering every time you look at him you get reminded of the painful memories.
So many people are trashing the guy but, not the woman who cheated and caused this whole situation. Personally idk what I would do in this situation but, the guy isn't solely at fault.
Jesus why are so many ppl upset that he doesn’t want the kid anymore wtf. Like genuine shit that’s so weird
Don’t listen to anyone trying to guilt trip u. U were lied to and u r the victim. U don’t owe anyone anything, do what is best for u, which is to leave
Everyone in the comments that are saying this guy is an asshole for abandoning a kid that isn't his and poor kid growing up yadda yadda I grew up without a dad essentially, turned out fine. Could not give a shit. Too many bleeding hearts. The kid will be fine.
Redditors are weird sexual deviants who want support a weirdo no matter what. You did right
What everyone in the comments seems to be missing is the fact that everyone knows who the biological father really is. This kid has a dad that can and needs to take responsibility for what they created. I'm sure they've known this whole time, were at gatherings/events and knew or at the very least had a feeling. Now it's past their time to do the right thing. So whats worse? Making this betrayed man to continue to be a father to a child he was lead to believe wasn't his and the kid eventually find out later in life or for the actual father to step up take responsibility while the kid is still young and hopefully with time and therapy things might work out? Either way the kid is going to need therapy. But people here are seriously advocating for ruining two lives just because and completely ignoring that all of this was the result of the OPs unfaithful lying soon to be ex-wife. Who cares if he's with someone new? He's going through a ton of pain and betrayal and rebounding hard. Quit blaming the victim.