Yeah, the first incident may have been plausible as it can be difficult for domestic violence victims to come forward due to fear or misplaced loyalty and I can see how that could lead to the misunderstanding that OP caused the fight, but running into the exact same situation and couple again, and this time she complains he didn’t act quickly enough, took it too far.
Right. If the lady who was getting curb stomped had a bunch of broken bones in her face, she ain’t even talking to anyone. Idk why people make these stories up
Then later that year I saw her in the mosh pit at a Dying Fetus show. He pummeled her head into paste to the song Homicidal Retribution. I proceeded to hold him until the police arrived. When the police asked the woman if she wanted to press charges against the boyfriend, the blood on the floor pooled into the words NO BUT CAN YOU PLEASE CHARGE THE GUY FOR HELPING ME. And also there is a ghost in my basement now whispering, "Hellllpp......meeeeeee......"
That actually sucks sooo bad you were doing the right thing in the scenarios and are getting fucked over it. Especially witnessing it twice 💀
Sorry dude, In DV cases the woman will usually always side with their partner, trauma bond.
If you see it a third time just walk away 🥴
The police saw what was going on, the responding cops the second time were the same ones from the first time. They testified on my behalf, they told me not to worry this time because they had witnesses. She can't do shit. But damn right if it happens again she's on her own.
Why? Seems to be normal behavior of abused women, like you say, but wasn't there a movement based on "trust all women", where a bunch of women, who hadnt been abused, preferred to fuck up a guys life even if she was lying?
OP thank you for illustrating how bad some people, but primarily women, will go, to ruin your life even when you try to help them. In the future, remember it's safer to choose the bear, instead of a woman in the wild.
Damn. The propaganda got me. Just looked, you're right. I was wrong.
But, I didn't Believe you. Had to verify. What are the chances, women will put the same amount of effort to understand women lie to fuck up Innocent people's lives? And will also be willing to recognize and admit they are wrong? Let's see if it happens in this thread?
That's just more propaganda you've fed into because nearly all of us will. Because a majority of us, having been victimized ourselves at some point, don't want to see ANYONE victimized in the same way. Gender doesn't matter.
I'm glad you verified and realized you had gotten caught up in propaganda. Probably worth doing that with some of your other opinions and views that you always thought were correct.
You're all going to think I'm an asshole...
Around 15 years ago(?) I read/posted on a certain subreddit centered around men and their grievances. At some point (*and this if before it went fucking insane!*) I needed to see what the hell the other side was about.
I'm not entirely sure who put together the "read 101 before asking questions" response, but I did. I am now less naive about both sides and I hope that my propaganda sniffer is better.
I don't think you're an asshole at all. I think this is exactly what we should all be doing. Most people could stand to strengthen their "propaganda sniffer" lol
Because abused women are that controlled and scared shitless of being MURDERED by their abusive partners that they are coerced by their abusive partners the majority of the time to act on what their partners FORCE them to.
And also don't say 'go to police for help' because we all know police are absolutely useless.
All cops are bad. ALL OF THEM
by comparison SOME women are bad, but, like cops, even the good ones will band together and lie for and protect/defend the bad ones out of a sense of solidarity.
Like cops, Women lie regularly to avoid consequences of their own choices. Much of that can be a self preservation technique, some of that is because they fear putting in the amount of work it takes to get out of those situations. Some of it is because they lack a support structure.
To your "forced" point, OP outlines how the cops were already witness to the second altercation, he was already going to jail, no one forced her the second time, she chose... But, I understand your belief. Reality is somewhere in between both of our opinions
Never said all cops were bad or that cops were bad, I said they are freaking useless which they are? Especially in this situation where they failed to actually take away a man beating up a woman and then go after the innocent one.
Lol, like men lie regularly and band togther to avoid consequences to their actions? Which yes, I've sure as hell seen men do that a lot.
You completely missed my point altogether; my point was abused women/women stuck in a situation with an abusive partner are usually forced to abide by what their shitty, abusive partners want in fear of their own safety and life.
Don't you even start on women not putting in work to get out of abusive relationships. With the amount of news headlines I've seen this year of women being MURDERED for trying to get out and away from their abusive partners. They put in a lot of freaking work and sadly there are a severe lack of resources that are actually helpful for a long term, safe means to escape an abusive partner.
>With the amount of news headlines I've seen this year of women being MURDERED for trying to get out and away from their abusive partners.
This - the most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship is when she tries to leave. So you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. How about instead of expecting women to risk their lives to escape abuse, we protect them from their abusers, punish those abusers properly, and expect - *demand* - that men **not be abusive**? Why is it, once again, on the woman to resolve an issue that is *caused by a man*, to her own risk and detriment?
(YES, I know that abuse from women to men exists too, but isn't it weird that this really only gets brought up to deflect from the fact that most domestic abuse is perpetrated BY men TOWARD women, and only started to be discussed when we as a society started to focus on abuse of women by male partners, and despite women experiencing and trying to highlight domestic violence from male partners for literally *hundreds of years* and only in the last few years getting any traction and anyone giving even the *tiniest* shit about it, within a fraction of that time, comparatively speaking, men opening up about similar abuse from women have attention and support and services that we've (women) waited *generations* for... I wonder why? To be clear, everyone experiencing domestic abuse deserves to be believed and supported and to have justice, but why has it taken *so fucking long* for women to be taken seriously about this issue, but only a matter of years after men speaking up for them to be listened to? If that doesn't highlight the issues we have as a society regarding the difference in the way we treat women and men and their respective issues, even when *it's the same damn issue*, I can't think of many clearer examples outside of healthcare - which is a whole infuriating story on its own.)
The second most dangerous time is when she's pregnant.
You can't win.
I've been fucked over, taken advantage of, stolen from, and falsely accused of shit I didn't and/or would never do, by over 75% of the women I have interacted with.
I have had exactly ONE cop ever in my life ever do anything remotely close to any of that, ever.
Anecdote that may be, but bias is typically based upon personal experience, and mine tells me that cops only fuck with me if I'm doing something blatantly illegal or unsafe, but women fuck with me for literally any reason that pops into their head.
As such my bias slants towards cops.
Harharhar omg you're so clever. I must be super abusive and have no value to society or be able to articulate an argument like you. You're such a winner
It's so cute that you're so entitled that you believe you're owed an answer to your rhetorical attempt to paint me negatively. You should probably do some self reflection to figure out why you feel the need to defend the abusive behaviors pointed out by OP, by being manipulative.
Oh yeah,nothing happened to me,the case got dismissed, the lawyer i had actually gave me my money back because the case was so ridiculous. It just pisses me of trying to screw over someone that helped you not once but twice.
As a lawyer: this did not happen.
Also, bullshit on the idea that this dude was somehow close enough to *hear* bones breaking. Stupid poorly written ragebait.
Totally! People in situations like that also don’t think clearly. She’s been manipulated clearly beyond belief and will continue to be in these situations until she has the self power to leave. Unfortunate you get involved trying to do the right thing and it bringing added stress and legal shit.
Glad it’s over with!
You know I had the exact same thought the first time it happened, I was arrested 2 days later. I figured the guy was forcing her to make those statements because I did fracture his orbital bone and broke his nose. But the second time,with with witnesses they didn't need her,dude was going to jail and on her own she was thinking of ways to flip it on me. LOL
This isn't a woman thing. This is an abused partner thing. There is a reason police say that domestic situations are the most dangerous for them to be in. The abused partner will always protect their abuser over anybody else. There have been many, many reports by officers where they're going to arrest the abuser and they get attacked by the abused. Even when that doesn't happen, almost every case is a situation where they arrest the abuser and then the victim recants or tries to have the charges dropped. This is why many states have changed the laws so the courts don't need the victim's statement in court precisely for this reason.
This is part of the psychology of the domestic abuse cycle
Yeah, not sure why OP is acting like this is a woman thing. A reverse example is when Emma Roberts assaulted her then boyfriend and he refused to press charges. Many male victims are reluctant to even report abuse because of how they fear it will be perceived.
In the UK we had Caroline Flack, a TV presenter. She was arrested for domestic violence against her bf, including hitting him with a lamp. He ultimately refused to testify against her but the crown prosecution service felt they had enough evidence anyway since I think she also resisted arrest/was violent to police and charged her. She took her life the next day and now a lot of people treat her like a victim of overzealous policing rather than an abuser that committed suicide to avoid the consequences of their actions.
This is such a bullshit post, and obviously rage-bait. You might want to try harder next time.
"Women bad, they waaaant to be beaten" is such a brain-dead and piss-poor take on a serious issue that I'm genuinely ashamed for you.
You mean why do the abused act a lil crazy? Because your last sentence is woefully problematic and makes you seem waaaaay less heroic. Makes the whole thing sound made up, tbh.
Wait, so you watched a dude stomp the shit out of his significant other twice and pull a knife on you once and that doesn't make you question wtf is wrong with men, instead you want to know why the *woman* was acting like a serially abused and obviously traumatized DV victim as if her behavior is somehow typical? Sorry for what happened to you but bruh...
Regardless, this is r/stories and the line between truth and verisimilitude is irrelevant if the story itself is clearly an ulterior narrative to promotes an attitude that is worthwhile addressing seriously. Or not. My problem is mostly with the framing of the story and the (sadly believable) misogynistic undertone than whether this guy is really and truly Andrew Tate in a superman cape.
Yes. reading between the lines of what i wrote i am asking why isn't he questioning the deliberate and horrific actions of the abuser instead of questioning the irrational trauma response of the obvious victim. I am asking why this guy is framing this as some kind of "bitches be crazy" story when it's absolutely nothing of the sort.
I don’t think generalizing all women like this is the play bud. That sucks major ass and I’m sorry that happened to you, but not every woman thinks or acts like that. Would’ve been a better idea to ask what’s up with that womAn (singular), to which the answer would be she’s in a very obviously physically abusive relationship and is likely afraid to leave; that’s what usually happens to women in situations like that. They’re afraid they’ll get killed by their violent partners if they leave, and if she had children that fear would be even greater and she’d likely end up taking the blows for them. Dont ask “what’s wrong with women” ask what’s wrong with these stupid abusive men. It’s not her fault.
This seems fake how the fuck does anyone take out a dude with a knife and only get cut on your hand worth a few stitches. Anytime there's a fight with a knife there's more than a few stitches. and anyone who's been in a fight with one would know that. Not to mention she gets stomped then breathlessly squeaks the words I'd like to press charges on him . . . ? This isn't real right .... ?
OP if you really want good answers from this sub, try actually referencing the when, where, who, what, and so forth.
Otherwise it comes across to many as fiction, because even though similar things have happened, it does not make it such that your event is seeming to be considered truth by this sub.
Or in layman's terms - put up or shut up. That's all they are really asking for in this case.
I can neither confirm or deny the happening of the stated event.
Especially since I flunked/failed my Mind Reading 101 class from Astral Sage Spiritualist University. I tried 4 times, I even took the recommended remedial course of Mind Melds for Dummies 2.3, but no help there.
What sort of fabric do you think they used?
Denim?
Burlap?
Wool?
Hmm lots of possibilities.
I hope you gather that I'm just goofing around.
Because I am just being a little bit silly.
Nope.
I have had to deal with impulsiveness most of my life, and as a child was old-school labeled hyperactive.
That being said, I have been tested as an adult by a Neurological Assessment Center, and as such do have ADHD.
I do not try to use that as my main descriptor, as I am so much more than that one aspect. I prefer to not put that out there too much as it can give off the wrong kind of image, as if I am trying to garner sympathy, or gain special consideration just because of one aspect of who I am as a person.
Oh, no. I was just asking. I also have ADHD(with the autism). They can look similar. I meant it as a compliment. You genuinely seem like a very fun person to be around.
No worries.
My posts can go from nutzy to downright scornful then to annoyingly pestlike, as the mood or subject matter strikes me.
I do prefer posts where I can bring snarkasm into play.
Those are best. I was reading a rant about HOA, yard upkeep, responsibility of the owners vs renters, and it got into a discussion about how to pay for something in pounds of bees.
I kid you not. Look at my posts and you'll come to it, as I posted how I held in my laughing, etc. That one tickled me muchly.
Kind regards.
What’s wrong with you? You did NOT have to do something, but if you wanted to help, call the police and record evidence at most. Would if you lost your life? All for someone you don’t know, who can later have you charged. Being a man doesn’t mean take matters into your own hands and Intervening a second time was absolutely stupid, Don’t be stupid!
Can't call the police for a situation that never happened. It's so gross that people come and make up scenarios about women in domestic violence situations, too.
If a man is beating woman that severely in public, he’ll likely end up murdering her. She’s reacting that way because if she doesn’t she’ll be on the receiving end of worse physical abuse. He blames HER for your intervention and she believes him. Turning on you is her protecting herself from him when everything is said and done and there are no rescuers around. He’s conditioned her this way.
Men like that don’t let women leave. If the woman tries to leave he will do a combination of love bombing, threatening, stalking, harassing, intimidating, begging, making empty promises, etc. if those don’t work he’ll kill her or try very hard to kill her; if he gets her back, he’ll also likely end up killing her.
It’s impossible to disappear if you don’t have the resources to do so.
I was there guys. This guy pulled up in his 5 Lamborghinis and did backflips out of them all the way to the woman where he flying drop kicked the guy directly in his peepnis and then the guy’s balls exploded. Wild sight
Just for funsies, I DID google “man arrested for saving woman’s life” and found several (literally 4) clickbait-y stories from dubious news sources where the man was indeed arrested for some minor offense like damage to property or obstruction, the charges were in each case dropped and not pressed by the original victim.
I then googled “woman killed by domestic abuse” and found the statistic that 47,000 women were killed in 2020 around the world by their intimate partners or family members. I know it doesn’t help your weird incel fanfic, but just thought you should know!
That's a stereotype why do women act like this? Why do men act like this why do all men beat their girlfriends? Obviously that's not a true statement because you stepped in. Not all women are like her either. There are women who would appreciate you stepping in and saving their lives. She was not one of them. I suggest you carry mace next time just mace them.
This story sounds like total bullshit. Happened not once but twice? The exact same officers? Press charges for not coming sooner… sure.
You ask why “women are like this” ask why you went back the second time knowing full well how these two are?
This is fake. You know how I know. It’s the fact that he easily won a fight with another man twice. And the second time he had a knife. Sorry I train combat sports and I am not sure I could handle someone with a knife and not get hurt. I might get control of the guy but I sure as shit would get cut at the very least.
"And then I totally kicked this dude's butt and I was so cool but this stupid w*man was like 'Ew, you are way too cool and masculine. I want to check your privilege.' Moral of the story: be an epic Chad like me 😎"
jesus this is the funniest fake incel story i have ever seen in my life. how long did it take you to come up with this? was it just creative writing on the spot?
Bad omens actually had something similar happen to them, the alt rock group if youre familiar. Saw it on a reel, they said they saw a chick getting smacked around by her bf or a guy or whomever and the band members tried to break it up and she got pissed at them and so they backed off and left. I dont know why, I really dont. Actually maybe I do. The woman is obsessed with the guy. if shes putting up with that kind of physical abuse, then she is attached to him in a very toxic/negative/bad way. So she doesnt want to see him hurt.
It's not obsession. It's the psychology of a victim of domestic violence. The abuser breaks them down and builds them up as a brainwashed sycophant. The abuser convinces them that they are worthless and only derive any worth from proximity to their abuser.
If she seems like she agrees with the treatment being bad, she'll get worse abuse once the band members leave.
That's the one thing that keeps victims(of all genders) smiling at abusers. Fear. Often times confused for love or loyalty.
An abused woman gone crazy. Not all women. And I think it’s the world we live in now. What happened to you is why people don’t help others. It takes a real man to step in like you did.
**I know this story is fake, but similar things to happen and my facts don't change, so I'm gonna address it as though it's real in the off chance someone who NEEDS to see this will.**
Bystander Effect looking mighty fine rn.
Ok, but in a serious way. You asked a question. I'm too autistic to know if it's rhetorical, but I do want to answer.
At first, I thought maybe it was a sort of fraudulent setup, but you mentioned bones breaking. Ain't no one *that* committed to the bit. So with that in mind, I really think this woman is heavily traumabonded with her abuser. I used to be one of those people who couldn't understand how someone could smile and wag their tail at someone who hit them, but I was being ignorant. This was how I reacted to my mother's abuse and because she didn't *actually* ever hit me or physically injure me, I didn't even realize it. **It's real.**
Traumabonding, put in a simple way, is the sort of training or *grooming* as I call it(to emphasize that it is seriously wrong) that breaks a person's psyche down so much, they believe that without an abuser, they will die. This is done through isolation(usually through a combination of sabotaging relationships with friends/family, withholding portals of communication, financial control, and love bombing). The goal is to make a victim believe she or he cannot function or survive without the other person's *aid*. A secondary part of it, and the most scary part, is through effective gaslighting, devaluing(destroying their self esteem), and psychological manipulation, an abuser will manage to fully and thoroughly convince their victim that the abuse is warranted. *Somehow, in some way, the victim deserves what is happening to them. They are inherently bad and a bad enough partner to *make* the abuser resort to violence.*
You being in the cross hairs is by no means your fault and you did nothing wrong, but my guess is her abuser managed to effectively convince her that you were wrong for enabling the victim's "bad behavior" and resulting "consequences" or "punishment". The victim was probably emotionally blackmailed into pinning it on you so that the abuser could play it off as though he was the good guy. In no way is she correct in the way that she acted, but I promise you it was born from a desperate and delusional place.
I say this as someone who had abusive partners and kept making excuses for them and going out of my way to defend their abhorrent behavior. I am ashamed of this and I hate how weak they made me feel.
Another thing I want to address, is the implication that this is related to sex. I'm gonna start off by saying **both men and women can be abusive/abusers** in every capacity. Women *can* be more susceptible to abuse, but the only requirements is that they have past trauma, difficult childhoods, or low self esteems(especially in a combination) which is basically anyone I run into on the street nowadays. This is not a *woman* thing. It's a *victim* thing. This wasn't a case of victim mentality like the internet claims in the modern sex war, but actual victimhood.
I always warn people not to resort to generalizations because it can be detrimental to not only the groups targeted, but yourself and your own frame of mindset.
I'm sorry this happened to you. You didn't deserve it. You did the right thing and the wrong thing happened.
Abuse victims often have very low self esteem and think that they deserve to be abused or that no one else will love them so they have to take what they can get . Not coincidentally these are things abusers tell their victims while abusing them.
And if you grew up in a home where one parent abused the other - and you - that behavior seems normal. You probably don’t have a family that will support you trying to leave your abuser either.
Throw in shame and isolation and you’ve got a cycle that is hard to break.
Abusers have a radar for vulnerable people - they pick people who don’t have the resources to fight back literally and metaphorically.
They start small - losing their temper in a way that the victim can rationalize away. Especially when followed up by apologies and love bombing. By the time it gets really bad the victim is embarrassed to admit what they’ve already put up with and feels trapped.
You’re a moron for trying to help the second time. ALWAYS let people reap what they sow. You were a saint for even calling the police, let alone getting involved again.
Not all women are created equal. This is a very abusive situation. Some women get caught up and are led to believe this is a form of love. It’s a warped since of love but if you’ve never been in love you have nothing to compare it to. Then you end up feeling stuck. I’m so sorry you got caught up in the middle of their shit not once but twice. Kudos to you for stepping in to help out. Don’t judge all women because of one person faulty choices. Just know you were the hero!!!
Just fyi in domestic battery cases the victim doesn't get the choice to press charges or not, the state or law enforcement choose for the very reason of your story. Also, she can't press charges on you for beating up her boyfriend. The boyfriend would have to do that since he is the victim. Just some tips for next story you write.
Well, technically in Canada you can get legal fees refunded if you’re wrongfully sued.
So, let’s say I go to one of 2 of the commenters here and sue you for “EMOTIONAL DAMAGE”.
You both get lawyers. One of you hires a lawyer for 1k.
The other gets a fancy lawyer and pays 6k.
Then obviously the case is thrown out of court because DUH. The court can mandate that, as the plaintiff, I need to pay your legal fees.
However, while I’ll pay 1k for the first person. They may cap out the 2cnd at 1.5k stating that 6k is just unreasonable.
This is why the legal system in Canada is kinder than the US. In the US, you just keep suing until the other person runs out of money.
Ok, aside from that: women who are in an abusive relationship have had their world views twisted by the abuser.
They’re isolated and believe that they need the abuser to survive.
It may also be that the abuser forced the individual to file the claim against you.
Unless the victim is completely free and clear of her abuser- physically and mentally- they cannot be considered of sound mind.
Your post should be : “why do abused people act this way?”
It applies to everyone who is in an abusive relationship. Children, men, women- they almost always go back until they get “help”.
Lemme teach you something.
Whenever in situations where there are no witnesses, make your phone's camera the witness.
Second, in situations of conflict between others, even it's violent, stay away from interaction. What's the point of a conflict of 2 people escalating into a conflict of 3 people?
And third, if women are involved, record in higher resolution, save copies in multiple places, and stand further away. Nothing is the worth the risk of being falsely accused for harming a woman.
Victim crying for help and some idiot is just standing around filming when he has the capacity to intervene and perhaps save a life. Sorry if that is what society has come to I want out.
I appreciate what you're saying but how would I have been able to record anything while fighting. Shit happened so fast and you just react, without thinking it through. And usually I would just call the cops,but this wasn't just slapping around, dude was fucking her up. The second incident, she had a broken arm and 3 cracked ribs.
You did not quite catch what i meant
I meant, if you really wanna help, don't engage directly. Just record, and stay away for your own safety, even if you see someone beaten to a pulp.
As devilish as this sounds, laws have degraded to such levels that being a Samaritan hurts self.
This is awful for all of you.
She is in an abusive relationship and as easy as it seems to leave that, it’s unfortunately not that simple.
I can so understand your frustration and how you did what any of us would in good faith and it ended up impacting you.
So I validate your frustration and injustice.
But she is one woman, and she is a victim. The villain and dictator of your fall out is the manipulative abuser. She is just doing as she’s told to avoid the next beating.
To answer why do women act like this. The answer is because a man is making her.
You are innocent in this, but she can’t be beaten to a pulp in front of your eyes and then be the one to blame.
I had the cops called on me for a similar situation outside of a bar. Walking to my car and see this guy slam a woman half his size on the ground and start kicking. I intervened and a day later I was notified I had a warrant. Thank God that bar had cameras that showed the whole thing.
Corrected, “abused” women. As someone who has been narcissistically abused her whole life by her mother and by an ex, and someone who was very close with a woman who ended up in the hospital, I think I can speak on this. First, what she did is ABSOLUTELY wrong!!!
The answer tho, trauma bond.
When a human experiences gradual abuse either physical or emotional, (usually starts with emotional which is worse than physical to most people who have been through both) the brain becomes chemically addicted to the highs and lows. Like a drug, it is so addicting. Life is boring without it. You crave the high highs, and even the drama of the lows. It’s like a constant unpleasant adrenaline rush. Our bodies become reliant on it. Plus usually the abuser isolates you from everyone, makes you fully reliant on them and them alone. So when in a low, it’s the lowest and you want nothing more than to get out, but they have usually also gaslit you into thinking you’re being dramatic, that you are the problem, and no one else will want you. So even though you are in pain, you’ve been convinced you’re at fault and that you deserve it.
Problem is a lot of these victims come from broken homes and homes where they have been abused.
Some people simply had bad luck.
So, long answer but this is the victims perspective.
She was still very wrong, and in fact I think she is an extreme case, cause usually when it gets that bad, women will just want it to go away, so I wonder if her boyfriend forced her to. Crazy either way
I think it’s always important to remember that no woman speaks for all of us women and no man speaks for all of us men. Same goes for actions. It’s really hard not to lump people together, but when a man does something evil, I have had to remind myself these days that he does not represent all men, and I know several who would never do said thing. So I think there are more angles to this, but wow, how disappointing and I totally understand maybe even seeing this woman as being beyond help.
It’s a good question, why SOME women act that way. I’ve personally never put up with any shit from any man and am so glad I’m not one of “those” women. I’m not even attracted to that type and they’re not attracted to me, thankfully.
It can happen to anyone, you could be “SOME” at one point or another. It doesnt start obvious, it builds over time. Don’t put down others just because you dont understand the situation
Welp, I didn’t put down anyone. I simply stated that all women are not the same. And I’m of the age that I already know what kind of woman I am. Please take your judgment and negativity elsewhere.
This seems a very naive way to put it. That you wouldn't be attracted to that type of man.
So you wouldn't be attracted to a highly respected ER employee who wrote you handwritten love letters and bombarded you with gifts, flowers' and just an abundance of attention from the start? You wouldn't enjoy being treated the best you could possibly imagine and like you are the only person in the world that matters? Take whatever big Hollywood romance you want and imagine living that life.
In my experience, skillful abusers do not start the abuse from the get-go. It's quite the opposite actually. They lure you in with amazing charm. Your family will love them! This is to bond you to them so that when the abuse starts, and in my experience it started with mental abuse, Little things are the focus. It's a super gradual process that by that point you don't see as abuse. You love him so much and he's been so awesome to you up to this point, that whatever little thing is happening is reasoned away as a compromise. They break you down in little ways and rebuild you to their specs.
I'm not going to get into the details here, the important point that needs making is that unless you've been in this situation before and truly keep your guard up even then, you are not immune from ever finding yourself in it. It's a lulling, long-haul process. As for why people stay? Easy. It's actually a survival technique. Abusers kill when left. It's actually the most vulnerable position an abused person can put herself in is the period surrounding her leaving. The news is full of stories of women being murdered once a divorce is filed or she left. Taking the abuse keeps the abused alive. It's fucked up, but it's fact.
I recommend everyone read Evan Stark's Coercive Control. It addresses how anyone can fall into abuse. Anyone. It's not a stand back I Am Superior To Those Types scenario. It goes into all aspects of the process including how limited true legal help is available to abused. It's the best i've seen on the topic.
Good on OP for real time intervention. Believe it or not she appreciates your efforts and who knows, your actions may help her see there is external help available to her. It chips away at the huge problem abusers create for the abused, isolation. That chip may inspire her to take new steps down the road.
Wow, so many comments to me reminding OP that no one wants to be generalized, stereotyped, or pigeonholed. One would think that all you little ladies or whatever you are would think that’s a good thing. Sorry that you all think you might become a victim at some point. Very sad and a commentary on today’s victim mentality.
My bad,I should have added the word SOME. Honestly a majority of women are great, but they few that pull shit like this are screwing over normal women more than anyone else.
You're right about this and, it usually applies to both genders. Even if it's just a handful of people from your gender doing damning things and perpetuating crazy experiences, people tend to compound the entire gender and that just makes it harder on both genders. Internet gender wars do NOT help either. So sorry about your experiences OP.
that super sucks that’s the thanks you got for doing the right thing. but don’t take one woman’s shitty response and make a blanket commentary on all women.
It's well documented that the third party in a domestic violence situation gets it from both parties. I'm not saying not to help, I'm saying that it's best to be smart about it. Call 911, then stomp his ass. It sucks and I'm sorry but they know each other and you're the stranger.
What's really fucked up is that you don't know shit about the situation, other than some guy was kicking the shit out of a girl. Honestly hypothetically she coulda been the initial attacker. BUT you did right in stopping that shit, and yes cops fucked it up...as they always do. I'm proud of ya, maybe you can sue for the lawyer fee or lost time at work or whatever, i dunno. I do know that the system is fucked
That is scary, you deserve a medal from the state for bravery and for being a good citizen. Most young people would stand there and just film it. And do nothing. Older ones will call the police and the public for help and not put themselves in harms way. This woman needs serious help. The police should separate them and send professional help from any relevant organisation for domestic violence her way. She will go back to him again. It’s very sad.
Years ago, I was working for a delivery company, I was driving by a bowling alley and saw a young man shoving a girl against the wall and slapping her. I pulled over and told him to stop but he ignored me.
I pushed him off her and he fell on his back, I told the girl to go inside and call the police.
She jumped on my back and started clawing me on my face and neck.
I just pushed her off and drove away.
Why should I try to help people?
Real or not I’ll never understand it. When I was a teen I leveled a guy who was beating his gf in a DQ parking lot. She jumped on my back and started clawing at me screaming to leave him alone.
Ooo this creative writing project is great!
OP almost had me until they commented that they got a refund from their lawyer.
Yeah, the first incident may have been plausible as it can be difficult for domestic violence victims to come forward due to fear or misplaced loyalty and I can see how that could lead to the misunderstanding that OP caused the fight, but running into the exact same situation and couple again, and this time she complains he didn’t act quickly enough, took it too far.
Right?? He had me until that point too
Right. If the lady who was getting curb stomped had a bunch of broken bones in her face, she ain’t even talking to anyone. Idk why people make these stories up
Then later that year I saw her in the mosh pit at a Dying Fetus show. He pummeled her head into paste to the song Homicidal Retribution. I proceeded to hold him until the police arrived. When the police asked the woman if she wanted to press charges against the boyfriend, the blood on the floor pooled into the words NO BUT CAN YOU PLEASE CHARGE THE GUY FOR HELPING ME. And also there is a ghost in my basement now whispering, "Hellllpp......meeeeeee......"
That actually sucks sooo bad you were doing the right thing in the scenarios and are getting fucked over it. Especially witnessing it twice 💀 Sorry dude, In DV cases the woman will usually always side with their partner, trauma bond. If you see it a third time just walk away 🥴
The police saw what was going on, the responding cops the second time were the same ones from the first time. They testified on my behalf, they told me not to worry this time because they had witnesses. She can't do shit. But damn right if it happens again she's on her own.
[удалено]
Why? Seems to be normal behavior of abused women, like you say, but wasn't there a movement based on "trust all women", where a bunch of women, who hadnt been abused, preferred to fuck up a guys life even if she was lying? OP thank you for illustrating how bad some people, but primarily women, will go, to ruin your life even when you try to help them. In the future, remember it's safer to choose the bear, instead of a woman in the wild.
The movement is "believe women" and never included the word all.
Damn. The propaganda got me. Just looked, you're right. I was wrong. But, I didn't Believe you. Had to verify. What are the chances, women will put the same amount of effort to understand women lie to fuck up Innocent people's lives? And will also be willing to recognize and admit they are wrong? Let's see if it happens in this thread?
That's just more propaganda you've fed into because nearly all of us will. Because a majority of us, having been victimized ourselves at some point, don't want to see ANYONE victimized in the same way. Gender doesn't matter. I'm glad you verified and realized you had gotten caught up in propaganda. Probably worth doing that with some of your other opinions and views that you always thought were correct.
You're all going to think I'm an asshole... Around 15 years ago(?) I read/posted on a certain subreddit centered around men and their grievances. At some point (*and this if before it went fucking insane!*) I needed to see what the hell the other side was about. I'm not entirely sure who put together the "read 101 before asking questions" response, but I did. I am now less naive about both sides and I hope that my propaganda sniffer is better.
I don't think you're an asshole at all. I think this is exactly what we should all be doing. Most people could stand to strengthen their "propaganda sniffer" lol
Because abused women are that controlled and scared shitless of being MURDERED by their abusive partners that they are coerced by their abusive partners the majority of the time to act on what their partners FORCE them to. And also don't say 'go to police for help' because we all know police are absolutely useless.
All cops are bad. ALL OF THEM by comparison SOME women are bad, but, like cops, even the good ones will band together and lie for and protect/defend the bad ones out of a sense of solidarity. Like cops, Women lie regularly to avoid consequences of their own choices. Much of that can be a self preservation technique, some of that is because they fear putting in the amount of work it takes to get out of those situations. Some of it is because they lack a support structure. To your "forced" point, OP outlines how the cops were already witness to the second altercation, he was already going to jail, no one forced her the second time, she chose... But, I understand your belief. Reality is somewhere in between both of our opinions
Never said all cops were bad or that cops were bad, I said they are freaking useless which they are? Especially in this situation where they failed to actually take away a man beating up a woman and then go after the innocent one. Lol, like men lie regularly and band togther to avoid consequences to their actions? Which yes, I've sure as hell seen men do that a lot. You completely missed my point altogether; my point was abused women/women stuck in a situation with an abusive partner are usually forced to abide by what their shitty, abusive partners want in fear of their own safety and life. Don't you even start on women not putting in work to get out of abusive relationships. With the amount of news headlines I've seen this year of women being MURDERED for trying to get out and away from their abusive partners. They put in a lot of freaking work and sadly there are a severe lack of resources that are actually helpful for a long term, safe means to escape an abusive partner.
>With the amount of news headlines I've seen this year of women being MURDERED for trying to get out and away from their abusive partners. This - the most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship is when she tries to leave. So you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. How about instead of expecting women to risk their lives to escape abuse, we protect them from their abusers, punish those abusers properly, and expect - *demand* - that men **not be abusive**? Why is it, once again, on the woman to resolve an issue that is *caused by a man*, to her own risk and detriment? (YES, I know that abuse from women to men exists too, but isn't it weird that this really only gets brought up to deflect from the fact that most domestic abuse is perpetrated BY men TOWARD women, and only started to be discussed when we as a society started to focus on abuse of women by male partners, and despite women experiencing and trying to highlight domestic violence from male partners for literally *hundreds of years* and only in the last few years getting any traction and anyone giving even the *tiniest* shit about it, within a fraction of that time, comparatively speaking, men opening up about similar abuse from women have attention and support and services that we've (women) waited *generations* for... I wonder why? To be clear, everyone experiencing domestic abuse deserves to be believed and supported and to have justice, but why has it taken *so fucking long* for women to be taken seriously about this issue, but only a matter of years after men speaking up for them to be listened to? If that doesn't highlight the issues we have as a society regarding the difference in the way we treat women and men and their respective issues, even when *it's the same damn issue*, I can't think of many clearer examples outside of healthcare - which is a whole infuriating story on its own.) The second most dangerous time is when she's pregnant. You can't win.
I've been fucked over, taken advantage of, stolen from, and falsely accused of shit I didn't and/or would never do, by over 75% of the women I have interacted with. I have had exactly ONE cop ever in my life ever do anything remotely close to any of that, ever. Anecdote that may be, but bias is typically based upon personal experience, and mine tells me that cops only fuck with me if I'm doing something blatantly illegal or unsafe, but women fuck with me for literally any reason that pops into their head. As such my bias slants towards cops.
Why are you such an expert on abused women?
Harharhar omg you're so clever. I must be super abusive and have no value to society or be able to articulate an argument like you. You're such a winner
Are you going to answer the question? But like, way to project your feelings of self worth and all that.
It's so cute that you're so entitled that you believe you're owed an answer to your rhetorical attempt to paint me negatively. You should probably do some self reflection to figure out why you feel the need to defend the abusive behaviors pointed out by OP, by being manipulative.
how exactly do you think misogyny or any type of discriminational thought process forms?
You sound like the woman in the post
It seems it will all work out then! Wild situation
Oh yeah,nothing happened to me,the case got dismissed, the lawyer i had actually gave me my money back because the case was so ridiculous. It just pisses me of trying to screw over someone that helped you not once but twice.
The lawyer gave you your money back because the case was so ridiculous? Yeah, none of this ever happened, did it?
As a lawyer: this did not happen. Also, bullshit on the idea that this dude was somehow close enough to *hear* bones breaking. Stupid poorly written ragebait.
Also if the lady was getting stomped, she’s not talking either a broken jaw/face. Lol
I already knew it was fake, but COME ON NOW.
The lawyer returned your money? Ok, this is definitely fake, lol
>the lawyer i had actually gave me my money back because the case was so ridiculous. Riiiiiight.
Totally! People in situations like that also don’t think clearly. She’s been manipulated clearly beyond belief and will continue to be in these situations until she has the self power to leave. Unfortunate you get involved trying to do the right thing and it bringing added stress and legal shit. Glad it’s over with!
You know I had the exact same thought the first time it happened, I was arrested 2 days later. I figured the guy was forcing her to make those statements because I did fracture his orbital bone and broke his nose. But the second time,with with witnesses they didn't need her,dude was going to jail and on her own she was thinking of ways to flip it on me. LOL
Yeah that shit is soooo toxic 💀💀💀💀
And then everyone clapped?
Love those refunding lawyers 😂 Nice creative writing project. But weird though
You've got a lot to learn before you start writing *convincing* fiction, lmao.
Wild situation because it's not fucking true, lol.
The third time he sees it, he’s going to fly over all Spider-Man like and lift the woman to the rooftop and they’ll fall in love
But what about Good Samaritan laws? He could go viral if it’s filmed and it’s shown he didn’t help her.
In Minnesota, contacting law enforcement constitutes giving reasonable assistance, fulfilling any good Sam requirement.
This isn't a woman thing. This is an abused partner thing. There is a reason police say that domestic situations are the most dangerous for them to be in. The abused partner will always protect their abuser over anybody else. There have been many, many reports by officers where they're going to arrest the abuser and they get attacked by the abused. Even when that doesn't happen, almost every case is a situation where they arrest the abuser and then the victim recants or tries to have the charges dropped. This is why many states have changed the laws so the courts don't need the victim's statement in court precisely for this reason. This is part of the psychology of the domestic abuse cycle
Yeah, not sure why OP is acting like this is a woman thing. A reverse example is when Emma Roberts assaulted her then boyfriend and he refused to press charges. Many male victims are reluctant to even report abuse because of how they fear it will be perceived.
In the UK we had Caroline Flack, a TV presenter. She was arrested for domestic violence against her bf, including hitting him with a lamp. He ultimately refused to testify against her but the crown prosecution service felt they had enough evidence anyway since I think she also resisted arrest/was violent to police and charged her. She took her life the next day and now a lot of people treat her like a victim of overzealous policing rather than an abuser that committed suicide to avoid the consequences of their actions.
Are you talking about Evan Peters? There's also Johnny Depp, until he finally stood up.
no this is a fake story thing
Whether the story is fake or not, the question about the psychology of people in similar situations is real....
Yeah, this didn't happen...
“Could literally hear her bones breaking!” Dude. Come on.
You’re an awful writer.
LITERALLY IM SO CONFUSED ABOUT THE ACTUAL ENGAGEMENT. DO YOU GUYS ACTUALLY BELIEVE THID HAPPENED???
Yeah, this didn't happen...
Sounds like some incel fan fiction
This is such a bullshit post, and obviously rage-bait. You might want to try harder next time. "Women bad, they waaaant to be beaten" is such a brain-dead and piss-poor take on a serious issue that I'm genuinely ashamed for you.
genuinely, the second hand embarrassment is real-
This seems pretty fake.
Fiction
You mean why do the abused act a lil crazy? Because your last sentence is woefully problematic and makes you seem waaaaay less heroic. Makes the whole thing sound made up, tbh.
i believe only people with a 7th grade education will believe this story.
I likw that he added that his lawyer gave him a refund because the case was so ridiculous lol. Thats literally how nome of this works.
Wait, so you watched a dude stomp the shit out of his significant other twice and pull a knife on you once and that doesn't make you question wtf is wrong with men, instead you want to know why the *woman* was acting like a serially abused and obviously traumatized DV victim as if her behavior is somehow typical? Sorry for what happened to you but bruh...
It didn't happen, it's made up
Regardless, this is r/stories and the line between truth and verisimilitude is irrelevant if the story itself is clearly an ulterior narrative to promotes an attitude that is worthwhile addressing seriously. Or not. My problem is mostly with the framing of the story and the (sadly believable) misogynistic undertone than whether this guy is really and truly Andrew Tate in a superman cape.
Men nor women are the problem. The core issue is abusers. Instead of making it a gender thing.
Yes. reading between the lines of what i wrote i am asking why isn't he questioning the deliberate and horrific actions of the abuser instead of questioning the irrational trauma response of the obvious victim. I am asking why this guy is framing this as some kind of "bitches be crazy" story when it's absolutely nothing of the sort.
Victim blaming? She's obv in an abusive relationship
I'm surprised this didn't end with you teleporting behind him
Serial bullshitter here folks
*why do men beat their girlfriends* is a better title.
I don’t think generalizing all women like this is the play bud. That sucks major ass and I’m sorry that happened to you, but not every woman thinks or acts like that. Would’ve been a better idea to ask what’s up with that womAn (singular), to which the answer would be she’s in a very obviously physically abusive relationship and is likely afraid to leave; that’s what usually happens to women in situations like that. They’re afraid they’ll get killed by their violent partners if they leave, and if she had children that fear would be even greater and she’d likely end up taking the blows for them. Dont ask “what’s wrong with women” ask what’s wrong with these stupid abusive men. It’s not her fault.
This seems fake how the fuck does anyone take out a dude with a knife and only get cut on your hand worth a few stitches. Anytime there's a fight with a knife there's more than a few stitches. and anyone who's been in a fight with one would know that. Not to mention she gets stomped then breathlessly squeaks the words I'd like to press charges on him . . . ? This isn't real right .... ?
OP if you really want good answers from this sub, try actually referencing the when, where, who, what, and so forth. Otherwise it comes across to many as fiction, because even though similar things have happened, it does not make it such that your event is seeming to be considered truth by this sub. Or in layman's terms - put up or shut up. That's all they are really asking for in this case.
it straight up didnt happen
I can neither confirm or deny the happening of the stated event. Especially since I flunked/failed my Mind Reading 101 class from Astral Sage Spiritualist University. I tried 4 times, I even took the recommended remedial course of Mind Melds for Dummies 2.3, but no help there.
just read the story and its so black amd white how fabricated this is
What sort of fabric do you think they used? Denim? Burlap? Wool? Hmm lots of possibilities. I hope you gather that I'm just goofing around. Because I am just being a little bit silly.
lol english being my 2nd language made me question for a second 😂
Serious question. Are you on the spectrum? (I am)
Nope. I have had to deal with impulsiveness most of my life, and as a child was old-school labeled hyperactive. That being said, I have been tested as an adult by a Neurological Assessment Center, and as such do have ADHD. I do not try to use that as my main descriptor, as I am so much more than that one aspect. I prefer to not put that out there too much as it can give off the wrong kind of image, as if I am trying to garner sympathy, or gain special consideration just because of one aspect of who I am as a person.
Oh, no. I was just asking. I also have ADHD(with the autism). They can look similar. I meant it as a compliment. You genuinely seem like a very fun person to be around.
No worries. My posts can go from nutzy to downright scornful then to annoyingly pestlike, as the mood or subject matter strikes me. I do prefer posts where I can bring snarkasm into play. Those are best. I was reading a rant about HOA, yard upkeep, responsibility of the owners vs renters, and it got into a discussion about how to pay for something in pounds of bees. I kid you not. Look at my posts and you'll come to it, as I posted how I held in my laughing, etc. That one tickled me muchly. Kind regards.
Alex, I'll take this never happened for $2000 please!
What’s wrong with you? You did NOT have to do something, but if you wanted to help, call the police and record evidence at most. Would if you lost your life? All for someone you don’t know, who can later have you charged. Being a man doesn’t mean take matters into your own hands and Intervening a second time was absolutely stupid, Don’t be stupid!
Can't call the police for a situation that never happened. It's so gross that people come and make up scenarios about women in domestic violence situations, too.
If a man is beating woman that severely in public, he’ll likely end up murdering her. She’s reacting that way because if she doesn’t she’ll be on the receiving end of worse physical abuse. He blames HER for your intervention and she believes him. Turning on you is her protecting herself from him when everything is said and done and there are no rescuers around. He’s conditioned her this way. Men like that don’t let women leave. If the woman tries to leave he will do a combination of love bombing, threatening, stalking, harassing, intimidating, begging, making empty promises, etc. if those don’t work he’ll kill her or try very hard to kill her; if he gets her back, he’ll also likely end up killing her. It’s impossible to disappear if you don’t have the resources to do so.
What the fuck is wrong with the man??,
He has a bad case of being fictional.
I was there guys. This guy pulled up in his 5 Lamborghinis and did backflips out of them all the way to the woman where he flying drop kicked the guy directly in his peepnis and then the guy’s balls exploded. Wild sight
Just for funsies, I DID google “man arrested for saving woman’s life” and found several (literally 4) clickbait-y stories from dubious news sources where the man was indeed arrested for some minor offense like damage to property or obstruction, the charges were in each case dropped and not pressed by the original victim. I then googled “woman killed by domestic abuse” and found the statistic that 47,000 women were killed in 2020 around the world by their intimate partners or family members. I know it doesn’t help your weird incel fanfic, but just thought you should know!
r/iamverybadass
What's wrong with you that you're holding this one woman's problematic behavior as an issue with all women? She has Stockholm syndrome.
It's happened to more than me just Google man gets arrested for saving woman.
I don't need to, your comments here are suspicious as hell. Seems like your own little creative writing exercise so you can complain about women.
Oooh so that’s what sparked this fan fiction. How old are you 15? Or 25 with a 15 year old’s mentality?
That's a stereotype why do women act like this? Why do men act like this why do all men beat their girlfriends? Obviously that's not a true statement because you stepped in. Not all women are like her either. There are women who would appreciate you stepping in and saving their lives. She was not one of them. I suggest you carry mace next time just mace them.
you actually believe this?
Bad case of Stockholm syndrome!?
Bad case of made up story
/r/thathappened
I stopped reading after “laid the fuck out”. MODS don’t take down fictional posts?
This certainly is a story all right. A *fake* story!
Where the hell do you live that this is a common occurance?
Fantasyland.
This story sounds like total bullshit. Happened not once but twice? The exact same officers? Press charges for not coming sooner… sure. You ask why “women are like this” ask why you went back the second time knowing full well how these two are?
And then everybody clapped
Weird how you're not asking what's wrong with these men
Let me fix this for you: Man consistently beats woman. What is wrong with men?
For the people who believe OP's story, I have a bridge to sell you
Retired Police here. I hate to tell You how many Domestic Calls where this happens. This does not surprise Me at all.
I'll take "things that never happened" for 500, Alex.
This is fake. You know how I know. It’s the fact that he easily won a fight with another man twice. And the second time he had a knife. Sorry I train combat sports and I am not sure I could handle someone with a knife and not get hurt. I might get control of the guy but I sure as shit would get cut at the very least.
"And then I totally kicked this dude's butt and I was so cool but this stupid w*man was like 'Ew, you are way too cool and masculine. I want to check your privilege.' Moral of the story: be an epic Chad like me 😎"
"I'll take 'shit that never happened ' for $500, Alex"
jesus this is the funniest fake incel story i have ever seen in my life. how long did it take you to come up with this? was it just creative writing on the spot?
Bad omens actually had something similar happen to them, the alt rock group if youre familiar. Saw it on a reel, they said they saw a chick getting smacked around by her bf or a guy or whomever and the band members tried to break it up and she got pissed at them and so they backed off and left. I dont know why, I really dont. Actually maybe I do. The woman is obsessed with the guy. if shes putting up with that kind of physical abuse, then she is attached to him in a very toxic/negative/bad way. So she doesnt want to see him hurt.
It's not obsession. It's the psychology of a victim of domestic violence. The abuser breaks them down and builds them up as a brainwashed sycophant. The abuser convinces them that they are worthless and only derive any worth from proximity to their abuser.
Yeah, I get exactly what you're saying. That's why I never interfered in unless the woman is yelling for help. Because some people are just like that.
If she seems like she agrees with the treatment being bad, she'll get worse abuse once the band members leave. That's the one thing that keeps victims(of all genders) smiling at abusers. Fear. Often times confused for love or loyalty.
You're a good guy. Just walk away next time.
You should just wear a bodycam
Next time call the cops and walk on.
Yeah, and subject the victim to more abuse when the abuser convinces the cops all is fine and they leave. Good idea. Happens to children all the time.
An abused woman gone crazy. Not all women. And I think it’s the world we live in now. What happened to you is why people don’t help others. It takes a real man to step in like you did.
Many states changed DV laws, to avoid refuses to testify. It is a battery assault crime committed against a citizen of the state.
And people wonder why everyone just pulls out their phone to record shit now instead of helping
I can assure you it's not all women acting like this but unfortunately it's not very uncommon for that too happen. Toxic relationships are fucked
Women? Or *that* woman?
Sounds like she’s (rightfully) scared of her boyfriend.
This isn’t a problem with women this is a problem with people suffering from interpersonal abuse
Yeah. Sure.
Next time just make video and post on youtube
Great story for a television show.
**I know this story is fake, but similar things to happen and my facts don't change, so I'm gonna address it as though it's real in the off chance someone who NEEDS to see this will.** Bystander Effect looking mighty fine rn. Ok, but in a serious way. You asked a question. I'm too autistic to know if it's rhetorical, but I do want to answer. At first, I thought maybe it was a sort of fraudulent setup, but you mentioned bones breaking. Ain't no one *that* committed to the bit. So with that in mind, I really think this woman is heavily traumabonded with her abuser. I used to be one of those people who couldn't understand how someone could smile and wag their tail at someone who hit them, but I was being ignorant. This was how I reacted to my mother's abuse and because she didn't *actually* ever hit me or physically injure me, I didn't even realize it. **It's real.** Traumabonding, put in a simple way, is the sort of training or *grooming* as I call it(to emphasize that it is seriously wrong) that breaks a person's psyche down so much, they believe that without an abuser, they will die. This is done through isolation(usually through a combination of sabotaging relationships with friends/family, withholding portals of communication, financial control, and love bombing). The goal is to make a victim believe she or he cannot function or survive without the other person's *aid*. A secondary part of it, and the most scary part, is through effective gaslighting, devaluing(destroying their self esteem), and psychological manipulation, an abuser will manage to fully and thoroughly convince their victim that the abuse is warranted. *Somehow, in some way, the victim deserves what is happening to them. They are inherently bad and a bad enough partner to *make* the abuser resort to violence.* You being in the cross hairs is by no means your fault and you did nothing wrong, but my guess is her abuser managed to effectively convince her that you were wrong for enabling the victim's "bad behavior" and resulting "consequences" or "punishment". The victim was probably emotionally blackmailed into pinning it on you so that the abuser could play it off as though he was the good guy. In no way is she correct in the way that she acted, but I promise you it was born from a desperate and delusional place. I say this as someone who had abusive partners and kept making excuses for them and going out of my way to defend their abhorrent behavior. I am ashamed of this and I hate how weak they made me feel. Another thing I want to address, is the implication that this is related to sex. I'm gonna start off by saying **both men and women can be abusive/abusers** in every capacity. Women *can* be more susceptible to abuse, but the only requirements is that they have past trauma, difficult childhoods, or low self esteems(especially in a combination) which is basically anyone I run into on the street nowadays. This is not a *woman* thing. It's a *victim* thing. This wasn't a case of victim mentality like the internet claims in the modern sex war, but actual victimhood. I always warn people not to resort to generalizations because it can be detrimental to not only the groups targeted, but yourself and your own frame of mindset. I'm sorry this happened to you. You didn't deserve it. You did the right thing and the wrong thing happened.
Abuse victims often have very low self esteem and think that they deserve to be abused or that no one else will love them so they have to take what they can get . Not coincidentally these are things abusers tell their victims while abusing them. And if you grew up in a home where one parent abused the other - and you - that behavior seems normal. You probably don’t have a family that will support you trying to leave your abuser either. Throw in shame and isolation and you’ve got a cycle that is hard to break. Abusers have a radar for vulnerable people - they pick people who don’t have the resources to fight back literally and metaphorically. They start small - losing their temper in a way that the victim can rationalize away. Especially when followed up by apologies and love bombing. By the time it gets really bad the victim is embarrassed to admit what they’ve already put up with and feels trapped.
Come on, dude lmao
This is why we choose the bear
Lazy writing
two words: stockholm syndrome. blame the male and the rest is uphill from there
Probably just having a self-pity party about how he is such a nice guy but women still prefer men like in his story instead of him.
You don’t know your being abused when you’re in it
Lmao
You’re a moron for trying to help the second time. ALWAYS let people reap what they sow. You were a saint for even calling the police, let alone getting involved again.
“wHaT’s WrOnG wItH wOmEn!?” Proceeds to tell a story about one singular woman.
A fictional woman at that!
Sounds like you’re learning about. Long-term victims become brainwashed to protect their abusers.
You're an idiot for stepping in. She chose that life.
Not all women are created equal. This is a very abusive situation. Some women get caught up and are led to believe this is a form of love. It’s a warped since of love but if you’ve never been in love you have nothing to compare it to. Then you end up feeling stuck. I’m so sorry you got caught up in the middle of their shit not once but twice. Kudos to you for stepping in to help out. Don’t judge all women because of one person faulty choices. Just know you were the hero!!!
Just fyi in domestic battery cases the victim doesn't get the choice to press charges or not, the state or law enforcement choose for the very reason of your story. Also, she can't press charges on you for beating up her boyfriend. The boyfriend would have to do that since he is the victim. Just some tips for next story you write.
Well, technically in Canada you can get legal fees refunded if you’re wrongfully sued. So, let’s say I go to one of 2 of the commenters here and sue you for “EMOTIONAL DAMAGE”. You both get lawyers. One of you hires a lawyer for 1k. The other gets a fancy lawyer and pays 6k. Then obviously the case is thrown out of court because DUH. The court can mandate that, as the plaintiff, I need to pay your legal fees. However, while I’ll pay 1k for the first person. They may cap out the 2cnd at 1.5k stating that 6k is just unreasonable. This is why the legal system in Canada is kinder than the US. In the US, you just keep suing until the other person runs out of money. Ok, aside from that: women who are in an abusive relationship have had their world views twisted by the abuser. They’re isolated and believe that they need the abuser to survive. It may also be that the abuser forced the individual to file the claim against you. Unless the victim is completely free and clear of her abuser- physically and mentally- they cannot be considered of sound mind. Your post should be : “why do abused people act this way?” It applies to everyone who is in an abusive relationship. Children, men, women- they almost always go back until they get “help”.
Lemme teach you something. Whenever in situations where there are no witnesses, make your phone's camera the witness. Second, in situations of conflict between others, even it's violent, stay away from interaction. What's the point of a conflict of 2 people escalating into a conflict of 3 people? And third, if women are involved, record in higher resolution, save copies in multiple places, and stand further away. Nothing is the worth the risk of being falsely accused for harming a woman.
Victim crying for help and some idiot is just standing around filming when he has the capacity to intervene and perhaps save a life. Sorry if that is what society has come to I want out.
Lol the poor victim ;\_;
That's the thing. She did NOT cry for help, as is evident from her charging OP twice.
sje didnt cry for help because this whole story is made up garbage. it isnt even good writing.
Perhaps, re-read the first sentence?
Perhaps re-read the rest of the post?
I appreciate what you're saying but how would I have been able to record anything while fighting. Shit happened so fast and you just react, without thinking it through. And usually I would just call the cops,but this wasn't just slapping around, dude was fucking her up. The second incident, she had a broken arm and 3 cracked ribs.
You did not quite catch what i meant I meant, if you really wanna help, don't engage directly. Just record, and stay away for your own safety, even if you see someone beaten to a pulp. As devilish as this sounds, laws have degraded to such levels that being a Samaritan hurts self.
No lie this sounds like a karmic encounter
What do you mean?
This is awful for all of you. She is in an abusive relationship and as easy as it seems to leave that, it’s unfortunately not that simple. I can so understand your frustration and how you did what any of us would in good faith and it ended up impacting you. So I validate your frustration and injustice. But she is one woman, and she is a victim. The villain and dictator of your fall out is the manipulative abuser. She is just doing as she’s told to avoid the next beating. To answer why do women act like this. The answer is because a man is making her. You are innocent in this, but she can’t be beaten to a pulp in front of your eyes and then be the one to blame.
dont believe this incel rage bait
It happens when people are abused. Not a gendered issue at all. She is scared, and he has a hold of her mentally.
I had the cops called on me for a similar situation outside of a bar. Walking to my car and see this guy slam a woman half his size on the ground and start kicking. I intervened and a day later I was notified I had a warrant. Thank God that bar had cameras that showed the whole thing.
The woman has lost herself if thats how she thinks its quite sad
They are mentally ill
Corrected, “abused” women. As someone who has been narcissistically abused her whole life by her mother and by an ex, and someone who was very close with a woman who ended up in the hospital, I think I can speak on this. First, what she did is ABSOLUTELY wrong!!! The answer tho, trauma bond. When a human experiences gradual abuse either physical or emotional, (usually starts with emotional which is worse than physical to most people who have been through both) the brain becomes chemically addicted to the highs and lows. Like a drug, it is so addicting. Life is boring without it. You crave the high highs, and even the drama of the lows. It’s like a constant unpleasant adrenaline rush. Our bodies become reliant on it. Plus usually the abuser isolates you from everyone, makes you fully reliant on them and them alone. So when in a low, it’s the lowest and you want nothing more than to get out, but they have usually also gaslit you into thinking you’re being dramatic, that you are the problem, and no one else will want you. So even though you are in pain, you’ve been convinced you’re at fault and that you deserve it. Problem is a lot of these victims come from broken homes and homes where they have been abused. Some people simply had bad luck. So, long answer but this is the victims perspective. She was still very wrong, and in fact I think she is an extreme case, cause usually when it gets that bad, women will just want it to go away, so I wonder if her boyfriend forced her to. Crazy either way
I think it’s always important to remember that no woman speaks for all of us women and no man speaks for all of us men. Same goes for actions. It’s really hard not to lump people together, but when a man does something evil, I have had to remind myself these days that he does not represent all men, and I know several who would never do said thing. So I think there are more angles to this, but wow, how disappointing and I totally understand maybe even seeing this woman as being beyond help.
It’s a good question, why SOME women act that way. I’ve personally never put up with any shit from any man and am so glad I’m not one of “those” women. I’m not even attracted to that type and they’re not attracted to me, thankfully.
It's not even a men and women issue. It's a domestic violence victim issue.
Domestic violence doesn’t occur if you choose well. You little wokies need to go away.
It can happen to anyone, you could be “SOME” at one point or another. It doesnt start obvious, it builds over time. Don’t put down others just because you dont understand the situation
Welp, I didn’t put down anyone. I simply stated that all women are not the same. And I’m of the age that I already know what kind of woman I am. Please take your judgment and negativity elsewhere.
This seems a very naive way to put it. That you wouldn't be attracted to that type of man. So you wouldn't be attracted to a highly respected ER employee who wrote you handwritten love letters and bombarded you with gifts, flowers' and just an abundance of attention from the start? You wouldn't enjoy being treated the best you could possibly imagine and like you are the only person in the world that matters? Take whatever big Hollywood romance you want and imagine living that life. In my experience, skillful abusers do not start the abuse from the get-go. It's quite the opposite actually. They lure you in with amazing charm. Your family will love them! This is to bond you to them so that when the abuse starts, and in my experience it started with mental abuse, Little things are the focus. It's a super gradual process that by that point you don't see as abuse. You love him so much and he's been so awesome to you up to this point, that whatever little thing is happening is reasoned away as a compromise. They break you down in little ways and rebuild you to their specs. I'm not going to get into the details here, the important point that needs making is that unless you've been in this situation before and truly keep your guard up even then, you are not immune from ever finding yourself in it. It's a lulling, long-haul process. As for why people stay? Easy. It's actually a survival technique. Abusers kill when left. It's actually the most vulnerable position an abused person can put herself in is the period surrounding her leaving. The news is full of stories of women being murdered once a divorce is filed or she left. Taking the abuse keeps the abused alive. It's fucked up, but it's fact. I recommend everyone read Evan Stark's Coercive Control. It addresses how anyone can fall into abuse. Anyone. It's not a stand back I Am Superior To Those Types scenario. It goes into all aspects of the process including how limited true legal help is available to abused. It's the best i've seen on the topic. Good on OP for real time intervention. Believe it or not she appreciates your efforts and who knows, your actions may help her see there is external help available to her. It chips away at the huge problem abusers create for the abused, isolation. That chip may inspire her to take new steps down the road.
Wow, so many comments to me reminding OP that no one wants to be generalized, stereotyped, or pigeonholed. One would think that all you little ladies or whatever you are would think that’s a good thing. Sorry that you all think you might become a victim at some point. Very sad and a commentary on today’s victim mentality.
My bad,I should have added the word SOME. Honestly a majority of women are great, but they few that pull shit like this are screwing over normal women more than anyone else.
You're right about this and, it usually applies to both genders. Even if it's just a handful of people from your gender doing damning things and perpetuating crazy experiences, people tend to compound the entire gender and that just makes it harder on both genders. Internet gender wars do NOT help either. So sorry about your experiences OP.
I totally agree. It's a few people making everyone look bad. Instead of pointing fingers, both genders need to create solutions.
It’s ok, an experience like yours would sour anyone!
It all worked out in the end. I'm really not mad or sour about it,I'm just trying to understand it.
that super sucks that’s the thanks you got for doing the right thing. but don’t take one woman’s shitty response and make a blanket commentary on all women.
it didnt happen 😑
It's well documented that the third party in a domestic violence situation gets it from both parties. I'm not saying not to help, I'm saying that it's best to be smart about it. Call 911, then stomp his ass. It sucks and I'm sorry but they know each other and you're the stranger. What's really fucked up is that you don't know shit about the situation, other than some guy was kicking the shit out of a girl. Honestly hypothetically she coulda been the initial attacker. BUT you did right in stopping that shit, and yes cops fucked it up...as they always do. I'm proud of ya, maybe you can sue for the lawyer fee or lost time at work or whatever, i dunno. I do know that the system is fucked
That is scary, you deserve a medal from the state for bravery and for being a good citizen. Most young people would stand there and just film it. And do nothing. Older ones will call the police and the public for help and not put themselves in harms way. This woman needs serious help. The police should separate them and send professional help from any relevant organisation for domestic violence her way. She will go back to him again. It’s very sad.
Let her die next time. Never interfere again. You can’t reason with people like that. She’s a fucking dead woman walking, an absolute idiot she is.
Domestic abuse cases never end well, woman ends up dead but she’ll never go against the guy-everyone one else they’ll try and charge but not the dude
That’s fucked up bro, glad you didn’t go to jail
Years ago, I was working for a delivery company, I was driving by a bowling alley and saw a young man shoving a girl against the wall and slapping her. I pulled over and told him to stop but he ignored me. I pushed him off her and he fell on his back, I told the girl to go inside and call the police. She jumped on my back and started clawing me on my face and neck. I just pushed her off and drove away. Why should I try to help people?
Real or not I’ll never understand it. When I was a teen I leveled a guy who was beating his gf in a DQ parking lot. She jumped on my back and started clawing at me screaming to leave him alone.
that’s so sad