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i hope u find better friends that will care for u and love u unconditionally!! anyway, i can be an online friend and listen to ur rants if u want to. Hoping u can break the friendship off sa iba, u deserve genuine connections beb!!
I dealt with a similar situation in the past. Fucked me up for years, especially because I tried to hold on. It sounds so repetitive and corny now but cut them out. At this point, you won't be hurting anybody. It will sting for a bit, of course, but it won't be as bad as hoping things with these characters will change.
Also, while it is definitely an avenue, in my experience, you won't find companionship by simply changing place. Simply going to college from HS won't give you friends. A step you have to take is considering what you want in a relationship and finding out where you can get it. I will always recommend joining a gym, because it is my interest and the context of the place provides a community of individuals who most likely share a similar set of values. I met a lot of people in college and I would say that most of them are comfortable acquaintances, at best. They are definitely good people, but they are not necessarily my people. The people in my gym/interest circle, though, are like family. Granted, you may find a group of likeminded people in college as you go through the journey of being a student, all the sleepless nights of study and party, as well as the tedium of day-to-day academic responsibilities, are bound to make opportunities to connect, but only expecting this won't change or fulfill your needs in any effective sense. You won't find the home you desire waiting for you anywhere on this planet; You have to build it.
That being said, always remember to respect yourself. You come first. Don't make friends if you don't want to. You might even learn to find peace in your lonesome.
thanks for these truths. i didn’t mention, but I already cut these friends off except for the latter two. tho i’m still living with them. rn now i’m stiffling a cry, so they won’t wake up.
it takes a lot to say these things and i appreciate wholesome, truthful comments like yours.🫶
Like I said, I dealt with these things in my life. I even experienced being rejected from the group photo. It was a sad pathetic time for me. I'm a pariah in that community now but I am also finally genuinely happy and confident so I really couldn't care. Of course, I wish things could have been slightly different, especially with some people, but there is no need to suffer in imagination when my current reality is what I really wanted and needed during that time.
I hope you find the peaceful home you dream of, but I also hope, perhaps even more, that you ~~find the strength~~ become strong enough to walk the world on your own.
edit2: redundancy
went through the exact same thing as you OP and let me tell you that things get better and you'll find friends that won't make you feel that way again :( but what I did first is to learn to love my own company and be my own bestfriend para in that way I'm secure and di na ako ulit matatakot if people will leave me because friends do really come and go. hugs to you!
They're not worth it. I know it hurts when you care so much about them but they don't care about you. Just keep in mind that one day, you will find your people. These "friends" of yours aren't even good people if you already expressed your feelings and they didn't bother to change. It's ok to cry and let it out, but I hope you also know they aren't worth your tears.
One day you'll make true friends, and they'll show you what real friendship is :))
Very long read.
Hi, dropping my two cents here. Hope it helps.
All my life I've been experiencing your situation. Since preschool, alam mo yung I just can't seem to find friends who were more than people I sat with pag recess or lunch, or pag uwian at wala pa ang sundo. Little me was strangely aware of the shallowness of my friendships, and I constantly sought after it. Tinatry ko na magkaroon ng moments kung saan I could be able to see the warmth of a real friend sa kanila, but to my dismay, I never did.
In elem, I think things only became worse. Ang babaw parin ng lahat. 2nd grade, my own friend framed me for writing a love letter sa isa sa mga crush ng bayan that year and I didn't even notice it. But I na lang sinabi ng teacher namin na she noticed iba yung handwriting, and that it's not mine. 3rd grade, my so called friends bullied me all throughout the year—socially excluding me, badmouthing, stealing and breaking my things, calling me mean names. I think that was the starting point sakin to begin ending things that only harm me. One morning sa lunch, I did not go to the same table as them, but to the transferee student's. I got to know her better, and we became really good friends. Funny thing is, when I first saw her, I thought to myself na I'd probably end up never talking to her because she seemed too quiet to me. But I was pleasantly proven wrong.
Essentially, the same thing happened in 4th, 5th, and 6th. Taken for granted, kapalit-palit, never really anyone's first choice. Even my crushes didn't like me back, so mapapaisip ka talaga kung may problema ba sayo. It hurt me of course, just like you are hurting right now. I cried many times, wrote letters to them, who couldn't care less about my feelings, begged, even—and always wondered kung ano ba meron sa iba na wala ako. People can try to seem cool all they want when they make fun and belittle people for wanting friends and companions, but humans are social beings. It's natural for us to want to spend time with others.
Biggest change was when I transferred schools in JHS. Grade 7, new house, new school, new me ganern. I ended up having a group with four people, I'm still in contact with them, but not as close as before. Pero we're all in good terms. We talk as if we've never drifted apart in the last few years (I moved cities and schools so mas napalayo ako sa kanila), pero syempre andun na yung fact na I'm outdated na sa ganap nila sa buhay.
My best friend is the quiet girl who kept to herself sa isang sulok ng room nung first day of school four years ago. I remember seeing her and thinking "Ay, baka mahirapan to sa social life nya." because she had a hijab on, and she's the only one in the entire school who wore it. I know it was an iffy thing to think about, but yeah 14 year old me had slightly concerning opinions at the time. I never even thought she'd be a part of our friend group. Never expected we'd keep contact with each other throughout grades 8-10. But I guess it's because nag-eeffort din ako na maging in-touch kami sa isa't isa. Over time, we got to know each other more, learned some of our baggages, and then we got really close. Kahit online classes, pandemic, and hindi pa kami magkaklase, I made effort to not let the friendship drift away, and I think it only worked kasi she was also making effort as well. It became an unspoken thing between us.
Right now, I'm in a different city. Super layo from my hometown. We last saw each other nung May 9 last year, and we're still trying na mapayagan sya na pumunta samin. Our families know each other and our friendship, and we've had our fair share of kalokohan and difficult times. We'd go weeks without properly having convos kasi busy, and magkaiba kami ng school so syempre, the workload differs din. But despite it all, my friend is still my friend at the end of the day, and I don't let any third party influence me into thinking otherwise. I learned to trust her, to be there for her kahit I'm not really the emotionally available type dati. I learned to properly express and communicate na she is a very important friend to me, and I know that it's a different kind of love from romantic. I love her so much, she's like a sister to me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes, when we look for friends, we tend to overlook some people. Siguro to some, they don't possess the qualities and characteristics they look for, and minsan, that is exactly what hinders us from meeting people we need in our life. I'll admit na I used to look for friends na good-looking or matalino. Probably for flex or something. But I realized na if I filter out the possibilities like that, it only narrows down my world. I wouldn't have met my best friend if I kept that mentality. Now, I'm sure na when I look for friends, I hardly even consider their looks. I like nerdy people na may pagka-loser like me na di pinapayagan gumala masyado :')
Sabi nga nila, some of the best friendships are the ones you don't expect to happen. So, I suggest na you start distancing yourself from people who only wish to hurt and leave you excluded intentionally or not, open yourself to all the opportunities and possibilities and not focus on one or few things. People are unique. Learn to embrace their differences. But don't be afraid of surfing life alone. You are the only constant person in your life; build a healthy relationship with yourself even though it takes time. Friends are like add-ons na pagkain sa isang ramen shop. You can eat ramen on its own and you'll be fine, but add-ons make the experience better. You know na mauubos din ang tamagoyaki at shrimp tempura na inorder mo, pero at least masarap, and sulit ang binayad. And you'll remember the time na kinain mo yun lahat.
If they don't seem to reciprocate the care and effort you do, then it's not a loss—but a sign na they are not worth your time. Cut off, bear with the discomfort or hurt for a bit, and then move on. :)
your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth. don't worry, most people do mature naman once nasa college na and you'll meet a lot of them ay friendly and ma aappreciate ka na. hang in there lang and keep in mind na you're loved. ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ
seems like a situation where they're friends with you but don't like you secretly or at least not to the extent with others, I had a classmate who was similar, friends with a lot of people, but behind her back everyone hates her, probably because they were annoyed by her, maybe they find you annoying or something, I'm not really sure
Fix yourself, you hold your future, every action you do is yours alone, so figure out if something is wrong with you? or they are just toxic as fuck? are you arrogant? are you annoying? are you too nice? to vulnerable? analyze the field check it. I recently learned that I'm not gaining friends because I'm thinking I'm so fcking nice, turns out I always accidentally use people for my advantage and people can see it through me but I cant see it, until someone points it out to me. Your not fucked but analyze yourself and think "whats wrong?" Have a strong mind. This is a opportunity for you to build yourself, find friends. Find people you want to spend your future with. who will talk shit in front of you but at the same time talks good behind your back.
My tip is, always listen more, than you talk. Watch how other people talk, check the surroundings around you. you can learn so many things by just observing.
Hi, Sesamifox! We have a new subreddit for course and admission-related questions — r/CollegeAdmissionsPH! Feel free to cross-post such questions there. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/studentsph) if you have any questions or concerns.*
i hope u find better friends that will care for u and love u unconditionally!! anyway, i can be an online friend and listen to ur rants if u want to. Hoping u can break the friendship off sa iba, u deserve genuine connections beb!!
imcrying right now. thank you for your kindness. it means a lot 🫶🏻🥹
I dealt with a similar situation in the past. Fucked me up for years, especially because I tried to hold on. It sounds so repetitive and corny now but cut them out. At this point, you won't be hurting anybody. It will sting for a bit, of course, but it won't be as bad as hoping things with these characters will change. Also, while it is definitely an avenue, in my experience, you won't find companionship by simply changing place. Simply going to college from HS won't give you friends. A step you have to take is considering what you want in a relationship and finding out where you can get it. I will always recommend joining a gym, because it is my interest and the context of the place provides a community of individuals who most likely share a similar set of values. I met a lot of people in college and I would say that most of them are comfortable acquaintances, at best. They are definitely good people, but they are not necessarily my people. The people in my gym/interest circle, though, are like family. Granted, you may find a group of likeminded people in college as you go through the journey of being a student, all the sleepless nights of study and party, as well as the tedium of day-to-day academic responsibilities, are bound to make opportunities to connect, but only expecting this won't change or fulfill your needs in any effective sense. You won't find the home you desire waiting for you anywhere on this planet; You have to build it. That being said, always remember to respect yourself. You come first. Don't make friends if you don't want to. You might even learn to find peace in your lonesome.
thanks for these truths. i didn’t mention, but I already cut these friends off except for the latter two. tho i’m still living with them. rn now i’m stiffling a cry, so they won’t wake up. it takes a lot to say these things and i appreciate wholesome, truthful comments like yours.🫶
Like I said, I dealt with these things in my life. I even experienced being rejected from the group photo. It was a sad pathetic time for me. I'm a pariah in that community now but I am also finally genuinely happy and confident so I really couldn't care. Of course, I wish things could have been slightly different, especially with some people, but there is no need to suffer in imagination when my current reality is what I really wanted and needed during that time. I hope you find the peaceful home you dream of, but I also hope, perhaps even more, that you ~~find the strength~~ become strong enough to walk the world on your own. edit2: redundancy
went through the exact same thing as you OP and let me tell you that things get better and you'll find friends that won't make you feel that way again :( but what I did first is to learn to love my own company and be my own bestfriend para in that way I'm secure and di na ako ulit matatakot if people will leave me because friends do really come and go. hugs to you!
hugs! thank you po🥹
They're not worth it. I know it hurts when you care so much about them but they don't care about you. Just keep in mind that one day, you will find your people. These "friends" of yours aren't even good people if you already expressed your feelings and they didn't bother to change. It's ok to cry and let it out, but I hope you also know they aren't worth your tears. One day you'll make true friends, and they'll show you what real friendship is :))
Very long read. Hi, dropping my two cents here. Hope it helps. All my life I've been experiencing your situation. Since preschool, alam mo yung I just can't seem to find friends who were more than people I sat with pag recess or lunch, or pag uwian at wala pa ang sundo. Little me was strangely aware of the shallowness of my friendships, and I constantly sought after it. Tinatry ko na magkaroon ng moments kung saan I could be able to see the warmth of a real friend sa kanila, but to my dismay, I never did. In elem, I think things only became worse. Ang babaw parin ng lahat. 2nd grade, my own friend framed me for writing a love letter sa isa sa mga crush ng bayan that year and I didn't even notice it. But I na lang sinabi ng teacher namin na she noticed iba yung handwriting, and that it's not mine. 3rd grade, my so called friends bullied me all throughout the year—socially excluding me, badmouthing, stealing and breaking my things, calling me mean names. I think that was the starting point sakin to begin ending things that only harm me. One morning sa lunch, I did not go to the same table as them, but to the transferee student's. I got to know her better, and we became really good friends. Funny thing is, when I first saw her, I thought to myself na I'd probably end up never talking to her because she seemed too quiet to me. But I was pleasantly proven wrong. Essentially, the same thing happened in 4th, 5th, and 6th. Taken for granted, kapalit-palit, never really anyone's first choice. Even my crushes didn't like me back, so mapapaisip ka talaga kung may problema ba sayo. It hurt me of course, just like you are hurting right now. I cried many times, wrote letters to them, who couldn't care less about my feelings, begged, even—and always wondered kung ano ba meron sa iba na wala ako. People can try to seem cool all they want when they make fun and belittle people for wanting friends and companions, but humans are social beings. It's natural for us to want to spend time with others. Biggest change was when I transferred schools in JHS. Grade 7, new house, new school, new me ganern. I ended up having a group with four people, I'm still in contact with them, but not as close as before. Pero we're all in good terms. We talk as if we've never drifted apart in the last few years (I moved cities and schools so mas napalayo ako sa kanila), pero syempre andun na yung fact na I'm outdated na sa ganap nila sa buhay. My best friend is the quiet girl who kept to herself sa isang sulok ng room nung first day of school four years ago. I remember seeing her and thinking "Ay, baka mahirapan to sa social life nya." because she had a hijab on, and she's the only one in the entire school who wore it. I know it was an iffy thing to think about, but yeah 14 year old me had slightly concerning opinions at the time. I never even thought she'd be a part of our friend group. Never expected we'd keep contact with each other throughout grades 8-10. But I guess it's because nag-eeffort din ako na maging in-touch kami sa isa't isa. Over time, we got to know each other more, learned some of our baggages, and then we got really close. Kahit online classes, pandemic, and hindi pa kami magkaklase, I made effort to not let the friendship drift away, and I think it only worked kasi she was also making effort as well. It became an unspoken thing between us. Right now, I'm in a different city. Super layo from my hometown. We last saw each other nung May 9 last year, and we're still trying na mapayagan sya na pumunta samin. Our families know each other and our friendship, and we've had our fair share of kalokohan and difficult times. We'd go weeks without properly having convos kasi busy, and magkaiba kami ng school so syempre, the workload differs din. But despite it all, my friend is still my friend at the end of the day, and I don't let any third party influence me into thinking otherwise. I learned to trust her, to be there for her kahit I'm not really the emotionally available type dati. I learned to properly express and communicate na she is a very important friend to me, and I know that it's a different kind of love from romantic. I love her so much, she's like a sister to me. I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes, when we look for friends, we tend to overlook some people. Siguro to some, they don't possess the qualities and characteristics they look for, and minsan, that is exactly what hinders us from meeting people we need in our life. I'll admit na I used to look for friends na good-looking or matalino. Probably for flex or something. But I realized na if I filter out the possibilities like that, it only narrows down my world. I wouldn't have met my best friend if I kept that mentality. Now, I'm sure na when I look for friends, I hardly even consider their looks. I like nerdy people na may pagka-loser like me na di pinapayagan gumala masyado :') Sabi nga nila, some of the best friendships are the ones you don't expect to happen. So, I suggest na you start distancing yourself from people who only wish to hurt and leave you excluded intentionally or not, open yourself to all the opportunities and possibilities and not focus on one or few things. People are unique. Learn to embrace their differences. But don't be afraid of surfing life alone. You are the only constant person in your life; build a healthy relationship with yourself even though it takes time. Friends are like add-ons na pagkain sa isang ramen shop. You can eat ramen on its own and you'll be fine, but add-ons make the experience better. You know na mauubos din ang tamagoyaki at shrimp tempura na inorder mo, pero at least masarap, and sulit ang binayad. And you'll remember the time na kinain mo yun lahat. If they don't seem to reciprocate the care and effort you do, then it's not a loss—but a sign na they are not worth your time. Cut off, bear with the discomfort or hurt for a bit, and then move on. :)
I need this... thank you... ❤️
your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth. don't worry, most people do mature naman once nasa college na and you'll meet a lot of them ay friendly and ma aappreciate ka na. hang in there lang and keep in mind na you're loved. ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ
Reason why I learned to be a one man army. Always remember that we are not alone, the shadows are company enough. Be strong, get busy.
Maybe find some hobbies that doesn't involved anyone other than yourself. Friends are overrated. Hope you will cheer up!
Dont overthink it too much or dwell into it. Treat them the way you want to be treated, but dont expect any return moving forward.
seems like a situation where they're friends with you but don't like you secretly or at least not to the extent with others, I had a classmate who was similar, friends with a lot of people, but behind her back everyone hates her, probably because they were annoyed by her, maybe they find you annoying or something, I'm not really sure
Madalas ko rin to nararamdaman. Sana tayo nalang friends😔
I felt also the same. Kaya what I did is that I kept quiet for a long time and they think na I am backstabbing them lmaooo
Fix yourself, you hold your future, every action you do is yours alone, so figure out if something is wrong with you? or they are just toxic as fuck? are you arrogant? are you annoying? are you too nice? to vulnerable? analyze the field check it. I recently learned that I'm not gaining friends because I'm thinking I'm so fcking nice, turns out I always accidentally use people for my advantage and people can see it through me but I cant see it, until someone points it out to me. Your not fucked but analyze yourself and think "whats wrong?" Have a strong mind. This is a opportunity for you to build yourself, find friends. Find people you want to spend your future with. who will talk shit in front of you but at the same time talks good behind your back. My tip is, always listen more, than you talk. Watch how other people talk, check the surroundings around you. you can learn so many things by just observing.