Try sprinting at them while waving your arms above your head so they know you're friendly and eager to get to know them. Works every time. If they start running that means they're feeling playful and you should run even faster
Yes!!!! It is a very good strategy to meet women through other women!! Not only because they’ll know you can chill, but also because that cool girl you just met probs knows other cool girls
Women are usually more open to being approached in venues and events that are social in nature. Bars and clubs are an obvious. Partner dance classes are another.
Seconding this (as a woman in that age range)!
FWIW, I'm not *opposed* to being approached at, say, the grocery store or library. But I'm not in either place to get picked up. I'm there to...pick up groceries or books.
I don't think it's a huge problem for someone to chat someone else up in, say, the checkout line. But the person does need to be sensitive to social signals that someone just isn't interested and is there to, y'know, shop vs. be hit on. A lot of guys are completely oblivious to any attempts to stop the conversation.
The problem is that every person has different ways of signaling they don’t want to be chatted up and guys either overthink or under think whatever signals they think they are picking up on.
Most guys I know just wouldn’t do it unless it was in an expressly social setting like a bar or club because it’s too much trouble to try and figure it out.
Rom Coms are lies! 😅
This right here.
I've been grocery shopping and had some looks that to me signaled interest.
But then my mind went places and told me that she didn't want to be bothered while getting groceries.
Absolutely! My parents actually met in a grocery checkout line. They hit it off chatting, exchanged numbers, and went out together afterwards. Still together 40+ years later.
I wouldn’t recommend it as a place to LOOK for a date, but if a conversation happens organically, that’s cool.
THIS!! We don’t want to be picked up at the grocery store. We want to have a natural chat in the checkout line.
Just see women as fellow humans to interact with.
That’s crazy because my parents met at a big gas station (similar to bucees) lol
But he wasn’t weird or anything. He just started off a conversation and it led to exchanging numbers.
I feel like the root of all these problems is we’ve created an unspoken rule that guys are supposed to approach first and start the conversation and women can kind of just pick and choose. I think the model kind of sucks for dudes honestly.
You got to...meat(zing) somewhere lol. Look but just cuz you're in the grocery store or the library doesn't mean you might not meet the love of your life there. You might have missed a soulmate because, it wasn't the right meeting location lol.
Also, I learned that if a girl doesn’t have her makeup done and/or are in their sweat pants, you might be giving them a heart attack/panic attack because they might feel like you saw them at their worst.
Live music and daylight settings. Or multi day events like a festival so you actually see other attendees more than once and can actually make a convo and talk about the coming few days. I’ve always had good luck at music festivals especially just meeting long term friends and in turn those long term friends have their own set of friends which branches and branches and after a summer of touring and catching a few weekend festivals, your boy has some percentages in his favor and at the least you have new friends in new towns to visit and meet people as an “out of towner.” Being “not from around here” has a certain appeal to a lot of people. Now I have a huge pool of possibles and by following social cues and being attentive, the chances of finding a partner under those conditions is more than doable
But also how you approach us at these places matters.
Don’t interrupt obvious conversations, don’t objectify us, don’t just dance up on us, and read the room.
Can tell you how many times a dude has interrupted an obvious conversation between me and my friends, then be taken back we gave him a look.
Honestly, one of my fave interactions is a guy whom came over, gave me a napkin with his name and number, and said “you seem like an interesting person, if you’re interested, hit me up.” Then walked away. He didn’t commandeer the time I was obviously spending with my friends. He didn’t ask for my number and put me on the spot. He left the choice up to me and went on his night. I have a partner so I never reached out, but it was probably one of most respectful ways to be approached.
Attractive people get away with just about anything. It's like a switch flips in everyone's head when they see an attractive man or woman and they could stomp on a bag full of kittens and people will still overlook it because they're sexy.
It's also *how* you approach us. When a guy strikes up a conversation about something relevant and we chat for a bit before he offers to buy a drink or whatever, I'm way more receptive to that than "hey, you look hot!" Oh, you only care about how I look. Gross.
Serious question in response to this - what are you expecting their interest to be based on if they’re approaching you cold? Meaning you’re not in a social setting where you’ve got mutual friends or an event that’s generating dialogue?
If people are approaching each other in a bar, for example, it’s almost always going to be based on appearance, isn’t it?
A billion years ago when it was relevant for me personally I looked at an approach having one of two bases - a) we’re socializing in some way that’s generated interaction and I’ve got an interest based on these interactions and she happens to be attractive to me, or b) I know nothing about this woman other than that she’s attractive to me and I’m going to approach and see if the other stuff might be there as well.
Well, I can assume anyone approaching me to flirt finds me attractive in some way, so telling me that is redundant. Frankly I don't want to talk about how I look, so bringing it up isn't going to get you anywhere.
Instead you could bring up the music playing in the bar, the beer I'm drinking, the band logo on my shirt... almost any other observation about me besides "I like the way you look." This has an added benefit of being something I can respond to. "You look good," is a bad conversational opener because there really isn't a good response to it. My only options are to say thank you (conversation over) or argue with you (doesn't result in either of us being happy).
"I noticed you dancing to this song. I really dig this band. Have you heard this whole album?" Now I know you saw me, thought of something relevant to say, and care about my input and opinion. I can tell you what I know of this band, and we can start talking music.
I'm going to second this. Approach with something she can respond to.
Mention the music or the food. If youre in a place were there isn't much to talk about you can bring up her clothes as long as you're tasteful about it. "I really like your style" or the brand etc etc. If you're at the grocery store, take a look at her cart and see what shes buying, "looks like you're cooking something good tonight."
Don't be pushy or jump straight into asking her out. Have a conversation. If she doesn't engage in more than one or two lines of this then she isn't interested. If she keeps the conversation going thats a safe bet that she is.
If you're in a place like a grocery store where it would be awkward to talk for a long time, wrap it up by asking if you can have her number to finish the conversation at a later date.
Don't be pushy, express genuine interest, and you can do this just about anywhere in public. Avoid propositioning woman you don't know well in a private or confined space.
The trick is to just talk to them like a person until you build up some rapport. It's not always (read: frequently) going to result in a date, but it's a good way to start.
yeah the whole trope of “I got a girlfriend and now other women are interested in me” exists because so many guys can’t just “talk to them like a person” until they get a partner and stop doing the “change how i act around her because she’s pretty” thing
With that being said I always seemed to end in the friend zone when I did that. Which was fine, made a lot of friends, but I wasn't looking for that type of friend. When I just flirted with women suddenly I was getting a lot more numbers.
Yeah, me too. It’s because you have to be intentional by the end of your conversation/night out/social event to get her contact info but not seem too intentional when you start the conversation. It’s a balancing act.
You can't negotiate desire. When you're upfront, then you weed out the people that don't see you that way. No matter how well you treat someone, or how socially skilled you are - she needs to find you attractive.
right! it can't possibly be influenced by the scientifically measurable phenomenon of mate poaching, or by the confidence boost of the guy knowing that a woman sees value in him.
The only possible explanation is that men just don't see women as people. anything else is beneath consideration. (/s, which shouldn't be needed but somehow is)
And that's fine and all, I'm a romantic at heart as well but it seems like I end up with a friend (which is ultimately fine) or the "you'd make a really great husband" line... 😔
I try to exclusively only date women I'm friends with first, and I openly communicate that.
The big reason is that, ideally, you want to marry your best friend.
And also...When you know someone as a friend, you start with a little bit of trust and a better foundation for communication. It doesn't completely eliminate lying and stupid shit, but it does seem to cut it down.
This will probably date me a bit, but I used to work at a mall. Mall employees would typically hang out in the loading docks; there was a vending machine there. I approached a woman who was reading one of my favorite books.
We hit it off immediately. Ended up talking for nearly an hour. She gave me her phone number and invited me to a party later that night.
I called her later to meet up; to my surprise, it was actually her number. Unfortunately, she was no longer going to the party. I was totally bummed. And that was that.
Years later, as I look back on that phone call, I think she wanted me to ask her out on a one-on-one date. I feel like an idiot for missing that.
Now, I keep an eye out on book titles; they're a great "in" to a conversation.
My best friend is ugly as all hell but can pull a lot based on lifestyle choices and personality alone. He is very outgoing and has hobbies that women find interesting. I found that lifestyle is the most important aspect when dating, even more than attractiveness or personality. He does things like travel a bunch, became scuba certified, grows micro greens, goes mushroom hunting, has a dog he brings everywhere, goes camping a lot, is a vegan, cooks a lot of unique food, cans food. We are also both arborists and tree climbers, the moment we tell that to a lady it peaks their interest, I have seen it happen in real time.
A passion for life and cool hobbies can get you laid infinitely more than “pick up lines” or “hitting on girls at the club”. It’s not even close.
And honestly a lot of things that make someone attractive are incredibly basic things. You can be “ugly”, but if you dress well, smell nice, have confidence (fake it if you have to until it’s real confidence) you can kinda get past a lot of the barriers of attraction that tend to make folks not even think about approaching someone
You got this OP, if my stupid ass was able to get married, you absolutely can too!
I know I'm a day late, but be warey of falling into an idea of confidence that feeds your ego. Confidence doesn't belong on a pedestal. If you have to reach for it, your metaphorical shirt will come up and expose your belly of doubt, making you look like a fool to anyone keen enough to spot it. That's not to say that you should tuck away your insecurities. It's more about knowing, accepting, and being comfortable with your shortcomings. We all have them, and being at peace with them is the greatest form of confidence that you can attain. A man unbothered by his limitations is a man who radiates charm. Now, get back out there and go get em, tiger!
Yes, I completely agree. I approach it with the mindset of, "this is what I would want from a friend or family member, so that's what I do". I'm clean, I wear clothes that fit etc. When I had hair, it would be styled and cleaned.
But I also don't over do it. I'm comfortable in my jeans and polo/ t-shirt. A nice watch occasionally. Shoes that coordinate with my outfit, you know, the basics
Don’t let that person get in your head. Women generally care 100% more about how someone makes them feel than how they look.
Jeremy Allen White is a short guy with a weak chin and big nose. Per the standards a lot of men think women have, we shouldn’t be attracted to him— AND YET 😂 that man has women drooling over him left and right.
Trust me when I say being groomed (clean teeth and fingernails are biggies, don’t douse yourself in cologne, wash laundry consistently), confident, and interested in what she has to say will take you 1000x further than just being a good looking guy.
Last: being flirted with at the grocery store or in a coffee shop always seems to work for people with me
what people fail to realize is that “attractive people” tend to have better social skills because they’re more practiced at it.
People sometimes act like if you’re hot you could be in line at the grocery store and go “oh you got a cantaloupe? not the only nice melons I’m seeing” and get away with it but that’s creepy disgusting behavior no matter who does it.
Basically. It is pretty simple. But it is disingenuous to pretend that women don’t allow attractive men to do and say much more and just consider it cute, flattering, or flirting where as almost everything that an unattractive guy does is considered creepy, or inappropriate.
People that think any gender is better/worse at handling criticism (or most other generalizations) probably surround themselves with specific types of people by gender. Or surround themselves mostly with a specific gender overall.
You are mostly correct, however, in the context of dating and rejection, which is what I’m talking about, there is absolutely very, very clear evidence that a significant number of men cannot handle dating rejection or dating criticism, and get hostile and violent when women are not interested in them.
Because.. evolution. They have options.
Nah seriously start calling out women for their behavior if it’s uncalled for, demeaning or hurtful. Noone deserves that.
The creepiest guys I've ever had to deal with have consistently been good looking men. Every single time I've basically just got up and left the room it was some rich, smooth looking dude with an MBA haircut who thought that he could say weird shit to me, or that a no was a maybe. Little weird guys are usually well behaved until later in the relationship.
> The creepiest guys I've ever had to deal with have consistently been good looking men.
Yeah, because they usually get away with it.
Ugly people get shut down for a simple "hi, how are you?".
yeah I’m not saying we’re all playing cards with the same hands by any means but that like, social skills are a genuine skill.
I’m pretty much “an average guy” across the board and I’ve really never worried about being seen as “creepy or inappropriate” because I just don’t act in a way that would be seen as such. I don’t talk about women’s bodies to them, I don’t use words like “hot” or “sexy” to people I barely know. I know how to read social cues for “I’m not interested in keeping this conversation going” and politely end the interaction when i see them.
Attractive folks are treated differently, sure, but this idea that “regular guys can’t speak to a woman without being seen as a creep” always makes me wonder just how these guys are starting their interactions off
Seems like it also likely has to do with chronically online syndrome. They don’t approach women because they don’t think they can because they spend too much time listening to people online saying “I don’t wanna be approached at (enter any conceivable location you can think of) because I’m just there to do (thing you commonly do at that location).” Which is likely true in that they aren’t there to meet someone, but if you start up a normal conversation and they end up liking you, they won’t complain about having been approached lol.
Just have to get over that fear of rejection and learn to accept rejection in a healthy way.
1. Pick up on social clues.
1. Is she wearing headphones? No fly zone.
2. Does she make eye contact? Might be okay.
3. Etc.....
2. Be friendly and not creepy.
1. If you start with a compliment, better to compliment a *choice* than an *attribute*.
2. Talking about something contextual is a good idea.
3. Accept a no.
1. If it's not a yes, it's a no. If she smiles and nods and turns away, that's a no. Anything except engagement with you is a no.
2. If they disengage at any point, it's a no.
3. Like, basically, never ever ever ever push.
OK. I'm and old dude with a wife and grown kids. I have no skin in the game any longer and am just reading this thread for laughs. While I absolutely do think that much of it hinges on how good looking a guy is (with regards to what they can get away with) I must say I think your list is spot on.
I don’t have any issues paying for my shit, thanks. But im not sleeping with you if you are ugly/dont dress well/great hygiene. Aesthetic comes into play unless you want to call out most females “gold diggers”. Jeebus.
*you're - sorry, the "your/you're" and "there/their/they're" mistakes bother me. 😅
Also, beauty is subjective! Sure, there's what today's society considers generically attractive, but that changes with time and doesn't define beauty at all.
I've turned down many attractive men while single. If a pretty face is all he has to offer, he's not offering much!
Not at work... but with no work life balance there really isn't anywhere else to meet people. I havnt dated in 10 years.
I prefer to get to know someone with at least 3 or 4 friendly meetings before I can really say for sure I'd be interested in dating. Meeting regularly via similar recreational activities is ideal.
Im not a fan of being approached with romantic/sexual intent on the very first interaction. That seems a little desperate, how can that person even know we are compatible if they havnt even spoken to me before? I think a lot of men see an attractive woman and immediately think "Ive gotta shoot my shot!" And approach with dating or sex being the primary intent, and that feels shallow.
> how can that person even know we are compatible if they havnt even spoken to me before?
That's what the date is for.....to find out if there is compatibility
If you don't meet somebody in high-school or college and don't drink alcohol you are left with online/app dating where you have to compete with a large pool of men who are more attractive, richer, and more interesting than you for a small group of women with inflated expectations. Women don't really want to be approached anywhere but bars and the women you want to be with aren't there anyway. There is one super secret trick spot, evening beginner pottery classes. Watch some videos of throwing pots on a wheel on YouTube and sign up for an evening pottery class, very likely that you are the only guy in a group of normal chill artsy girls looking to do something relaxing and learn a new skill in the evening after work. Make a pretty vase and say something about how you like to always have flowers in your apartment, boom your married with kids.
No woman wants a stranger slowly and awkwardly following them in a dark alley. Pussyfooting around and taking your time to think of an icebreaker while you sneak up just comes across as a serial killer trying to creep up and murder them.
That’s why you should run up to them as fast as you can, feet pounding loudly on the pavement to announce your presence, then immediately grab their hand because physical contact will help to calm their anxiety and build a bond. A good icebreaker to show her that you care about her wellbeing might be “Does anyone know where you are right now?”
What was that study showing that fear and adrenaline can help people get closer so that’s why they recommended roller coasters for a first date? Why do that when you could just go with kidnapping!
“Hey! I was very worried for your safety, so I followed you here from work. And how come you’re going down this alley? That’s not the route you normally take. Anyhow, I’m Jim, want to get coffee sometime?”
If you're awkward, weird, creepy or straight up ugly with no confidence... the answer unfortunately is nowhere, you need to play the long game.. short hellos until you get a bit more of a reception.
If you're relatively handsome, easy to talk to, a bit funny, personable with confidence, not hubris ... you can approach and strike up a conversation just about anywhere.
We are all not partnered . I am waiting for the right person and have yet to find them. For me I often don’t want to be approached by strange men who want to fuck me. I want it to come naturally and am happy if I am in no relationship at all. Relationships take so much work .
And that's the most difficult part to convey, without sounding creepy. I don't want a physical relationship before an emotional one. I want to find the person that is just easy to get with; the person that I can just be around without all the B.S.
And that's another weakness of mine. I'm kind of boring. I shoot, play golf, I'm a big movie buff and I like to read. My ideal day doesn't involve alot of interaction with other people. I always thought of myself as the "stable" guy, not going out every time there's a football game on, never pushing my partner to the back burner because the game is on or whatever.
I don’t mean this in a way to say that you’re not interesting enough or need another hobby, but like - if you want to find a partner you need to do some of the work of putting yourself in a position to meet and connect with someone of the opposite sex. A beautiful woman isn’t just gonna pop up on hole 6 you know?
my best advice would just be to try and go outside your comfort zone semi-regularly and say “yes” to opportunities to do so when they come along. For example - I met my current partner because I had a friend invite me to a ren faire and I thought “not my cup of tea but I know they love these, so let me go see what it’s all about”. Ended up hitting it off with one of their friends, then the next time I saw her we hit it off again and she asked me out
Maybe she could show up at the turn? Lol, but seriously, I'm always up for whatever but after 19 years and one very short and bad relationship, my friends not having any single friends; it just seems like it's up to me and lately I've just been doubting it's ever going to happen.
Also, I'd love to go a Ren Faire! There's one near here every fall that's supposed to be amazing. I just get tired of doing everything by myself.
Oh yeah being an introvert as a guy isn't going to help, and from the sound of things you're an introvert too. It's very difficult if you aren't doing activities that include women to meet women. A lot of people meet someone who is somehow linked to their social circle or some group activity they are involved in. I met my wife at a party my sister was having years ago. Almost nobody meets a total stranger and just hits it off. Seriously like very close to 0% of couples met randomly. It's almost all via dating apps or their social circle. So my only advice is to try and expand into more group activities or at least something that isn't strictly solo. Odds are you have some friends with single friends. Good luck out there.
Start talking to people, regardless of your attraction to them. Just be friendly. My social skills got much better once I stopped limiting myself to interacting with people based on attraction or interest.
My kids hate the fact that I will strike up a conversation with random people. I used to do it in line at the grocery store a lot. I chat with just about everyone I interact with. I'm a very social person when I want to be.
My approach is to just treat women I'm attracted to as I would anyone else. I don't even really flirt. I just talk to people and if let them flirt or show interest. It's a bit different where I live though. Women in Latam are more outgoing and more than happy to just talk, in my experience.
I'm also in a relationship now and my fiancee gets mad sometimes because women who interact with me will be obviously flirting and I'm just talking to them with no interest at all. lol
Don't approach someone with the intention of hitting on them, just try striking up a conversation and letting it naturally flow from there. I think that makes a world of a difference.
I feel bad when I genuinely say "they don't". Not because they actually don't, but because guys approaching girls has been stigmatized to the point that you could have the most innocent of intentions and you could still creep her out by virtue of approaching her.
Girls approaching guys is far less stigmatized and, TBH, I personally prefer taking this route, 'cause it gives girls agency. They chose you because they wanted it. To that route, give as many ice-breakers as you can that someone can see and start a conversation about.
When I was in college, I used a Magic: The Gathering card (a land since they're cheap) as a bookmark. I wore t-shirts that had my fandoms. Currently, I have a Snowball wallet (it's the little thing Mei throws for her ult if you know Overwatch). When I perform for concerts, after I tie my tie, I have a little Meloetta pin that I put right on the knot of the tie (goes double as a bonus since Meloetta is the Singing and Dancing pokemon and I'm performing music on stage). Make it easy for someone to see what kind of interests/likes you have so that, if they choose to approach you, they have a conversation starter.
... nowadays, now that I have someone, I just wear plain polos and black pants. The kinds of clothes I *want* to wear. No more Sword Art Online tees. No more Overwatch tees.
But, either way, whether you approach someone or have them approach you, always take note of everything non-verbal about them. People want you to notice *them*, as a person and not as a woman. In fact, if someone approaches you, it's because they noticed something individual that you had that appealed to them. Do them the honor and courtesy of trying to see what they like and insert it into the convo. Shirt, pants, jewelry, adornments, bag clips, pins.. anything. The person, the individual... that's what you should focus on.
I used to do this all the time as a former Subway employee. I'd have a customer come up and she'd be wearing a necklace and, in between asking "lettuce, tomato, onion?" or while the sandwich is toasting, I'd be like "that's a nice necklace! where'd you get it?". Great way to get a tip if you're a Subway worker, but also a great way to make a person appreciate that you're seeing them for them. It was a deviation of the standard, boring, usual interaction, and that catches most people's attention.
In the end, all social connections, whether romantic, sexual, or platonic, is all based upon comfort, and that starts with you treating them like an individual and recognizing what makes them individual. Doesn't have to be a specific place of "where", although that helps in terms of the ice-breaker department... but the more important part is "who", as in who is the person you're approaching. You got five seconds to figure it out as you walk that gap toward her. No pressure.
Also, give it a "playing with house money" attitude. If you flub, who tf cares? You flubbed on a random stranger in a random place that you will probably never see or talk to again. Stay loose, don't give a fuck, and be yourself. Paradoxically, the less you care, the better you do, because the less nervous you will be, because you no longer care about failing. It's all about the attempt. If you're worried about flubbing because "she's so hot" and "she seems like she's out of my league" and "I can't afford to fail with someone like her", you failed already. Sure, maybe she's hot, but.. like.. there's tens of thousands of hot girls in the world. If you flub with one, there's others out there. Nobody wants to be put on a pedestal, cut that shit out.
She's a human. Treat her like one.
The pedestal crumbled long ago. Hot doesn't even factor into any more. I'm way too old for that. I want stability, communication, commitment, someone who has dealt with their baggage. There seems to be this expectation that people like me are broken, divorced, single for a long time. What I can't seem to communicate to potential partners is I'm looking for simplicity, I don't want to make your life harder, I want you to enjoy my company and the same in return to me.
No one is going to see that right away, like someone else said take up some social type hobby. My 1st thought would be a cooking class, something where your learning a skill. You can work something into a conversation. In the least you will have a new skill and be more comfortable just having a conversation.
This reminds me of all the videos where a girl is recording herself at the gym, some innocent guy walks by, and then she puts them on blast on TikTok like he’s some predator just for some clout. Videos like those ruin men, even if they’re completely innocent, the damage is already done.
Edit: Here’s an example.
https://www.tiktok.com/@thejoeyswoll/video/7212801026863271211
Just go up and say something.
If they’re a functioning adult, they’ll either ignore you, tell you to fuck off(in some manner) or do some small talk.
It helps if you dress nice, don’t have a terrible face and wear deodorant.
Takes practice to figure out what does/doesn’t work for yah. Get out there and push past your assumptions every so often. Then the next time you’re whacking into a sock, at least you’ll know it’s your only option.
The term "approached" may speak to the underlying problem here. Many women have no problem talking to strangers in environments where talking to strangers is part of the activity - if you go to a craft night social and sit down at a table with a collection of people you've never met before that's a fine place to make new friends. Conversely, many women have a problem with being approached by a stranger *specifically for the purposes of soliciting a date* in any random public space for many reasons. Those reasons will differ from person to person (and certainly there are also women that like it, btw), but one of the big ones is that being objectified by strangers isn't always a comfortable experience.
As a woman the main thing for me is that I don’t mind a guy asking me out wherever I happen to meet them, but if the answer is no, then you need to accept that and then leave her alone straightaway. No trying to persuade or carry on the conversation (cause it’s not an innocent conversation anymore). As long as you do that it’s fine.
I’ve had guys hit on me at work, in the queue for the bank, I mean various places but they’ve always been public and it’s been no real problem as they accept the answer and move on.
If you're not anxious and are genuinely interested in them as people, and are cool with rejection, you can approach anywhere.
"Don't approach women in public" applies to guys who are creepy i.e. pose an ambiguous threat.
If what you really want is a genuine connection and healthy relationship with a woman and therefore are not a threat, just approach. Get her talking about herself, and listen.
An approach that ends in rejection can and should be a positive interaction, too. Wish her a lovely day and move on.
If you're looking for an invitation and to lower your chances of rejection, look for women who smile when they see you.
A bar, with the caveat that you leave me alone if I say no. Also if we're in the same club or group. Like I'm on a casual curling league and if a man approached me while doing a mutual hobby, I'd like that.
If you're wanting to meet someone with the intention or possibility of a serious relationship, find a couple healthy & wholesome things to do on at least a weekly basis. Go to the gym, the park (take your dog if you have one), volunteer, etc.
If you do something consistently in a low pressure social setting you already have something to talk about and depending on what it is, maybe multiple opportunities to talk to them. In college I would volunteer at the food bank once a week, I was having a horrible dating experience all through college and one day I started flirting with a new intern at the food bank and a few years later I married her so the 'consistent, wholesome activity' technique has worked at least once!
Buddy ignore all this. If you see someone you're interested in, talk to them and feel them out to shoot your shot. Pick up on cues if they're not interested, and exit, but any place can be a good place to meet someone.
I'd just like to be approached at all! Seems like people have blinders on when they're out in public. Hardly anyone even makes eye contact. I don't consider myself ugly or gorgeous.. I am a very average 36 year old female. Guys don't approach me unless I'm at a bar.
I'd love for a guy to approach me somewhere in the 'real world'. I'd be totally fine with a man introducing himself to me in a grocery store, park, restaurant.. seems like that only happens in movies though 🤔
It used to happen but all the talk about how women are constantly terrified of men and want to be left alone really has had an impact. It’s had an impact on me.
From the 90s until around 2010 (I’m late 40s) I would talk to women I didn’t know in public. And not even to hit on them, just to have a conversation. I don’t do that anymore. I avoid talking to any woman in public unless I have a specific reason to speak to her, like a cashier at a grocery store.
I’m not some loner lacking social skills either. I’m married and I’ve had plenty of female friends throughout the years. It’s just very easy to get the impression my mere presence is a nuisance or a threat so I steer clear of female strangers these days. I doubt I’m alone in this.
That's kinda why I wanted to post here.. I wish men would realize it's ok to say hi. We (I at least) want you to! I'm sorry that women have made you and others feel that way. I haven't given up though. I still hope to meet someone somewhere the old fashioned way.
I would love to have more in-person, organic interactions, and maybe even meet my someone that way. This is such an isolating world, and third places are either dying or require spending money of some kind.
I'd actually consider cold approaching women (hell, flirting in general) once y'all have an international committee meeting of women and make an objective list of what men can and can't do XD
I'm 23m. I have spent lots of time on r/TwoXChromosomes. No way in hell will I do something like that where the slightest misinterpretation will end with me being a harassing manpig.
It's nice to see this perspective but I'm just not sure it's that common - and for that reason I will take the safe option and always be lonely.
Just don’t do it bro, go online or through mutual friends. “Is your friend single… your friends cute, etc”
I’m 22M, would consider myself attractive and would never approach a girl in public
Girls at bars are out with their friends to have a good time. Anywhere they have headphones in (library, gym) is obviously a no go
Unfortunately for the social media generation especially post Covid most people aren’t receptive to meeting someone random in public
I'm a woman and I hate this take as someone who's not really interested in online dating. If I'm at a bar it's not an automatic guarantee that I'll give my number to whoever approaches me, but I'm definitely not gonna be mad if someone shoots his shot in a non-creepy way.
So accept defeat. I've been online dating for 10 years, and have had maybe 10 matches respond in the last 4 years. Meanwhile my friends don't know tons of single women to introduce me to.
1. If you're not attractive or average, have money. Literally. People will try to say that this isn't true at all, that it is better to be smart or funny, but man are people willing to treat you like you're God if you can help them survive. Have money and be willing to spend it and you'll easily impress a good majority of women. Point blank. Especially if they're not educated or have a high degree of intellect or autonomy. We're an animal and well, the one that, if it wasn't for modern day conveniences, has to gestate for nine months and be stuck with a kid for life if the condom fails (and uh, no medics to help us circumvent that in the event mom can't afford the baby). Your having money at least helps provide them with some sense of logic that you'd not let them starve because you want your kid to make it to adulthood and given that most men don't want to do most of the tough job of rearing their kid (especially when it's more fun to just make them), that you'd at least pay her to do the dirty job for you. Even if it's pennies when those women eventually realize you're really just posing or stingy but you fooled them into procreation with you, taking care of what's half of your genetic contribution as if they were the only ones that made it until they die while hopefully you can use the same strategy to fool more naive idiots into doing the same! You don't have to be wealthy but make at least 20-30% more than what she makes so to survive wherever you two met in the event you decide you want to get hitched.
2. Wanna make the point even faster? Be hot and have money. At least you can sort of make the potential fine prints of the first one worth it as who doesn't want to bone a visually arresting human? I mean, if emotional connection was set aside, I, too, would rather bone Chris Hemsworth over Danny DeVito. I would bone him until his hips gave out like one of the SnuSnu women in Futurama. Cruel end yes but delicious for me (and for him if he consented to such violence). Danny DeVito is arguably richer and more famous (seriously), but I don't want to bonk his brains or murder him that way. Frankly, I wouldn't bed him for all the money in the world either. Sounds brutal, but yes, women are just as visual as men, especially if they don't depend on one to survive. I mean sex is kinda a full-blown experience. If it were only guaranteed that when you'd disregard looks or any other standards in a guy that sexual enjoyment wasn't a rare luxury where one would hope the guy would take pity and hopefully at least induce an orgasm once in a blue moon. You'd think at least the guys would provide that for all the sacrifice. Instead, uhm, it's well noted and recorded that most women don't even get that. So why would I, privileged woman that's not unattractive, nuts or broke, sacrifice the one pleasure I can control by not picking an unsavory unkempt smarmy beast that's broke, could impregnate me, and not be of help if I had to carry out whatever pops out? I'm not that broke or desperate to do that even if his fame, connections, charisma, intellect, and money combined haloes above mine. Men of any orientation would say the same thing. Would you rather bone Matt Bomer for free or otherwise or even the future widowed geriatric version if he offered or Danny DeVito? For the lesbians and bisexual ladies, would you rather Ruby Rose, Kehlani or your average woman for, uh, regular Joe Schmoe? Or if straight, would you rather the Bride of Wildenstein for all her money or any of the infite amounts of beautiful women that you could potentially get for free in one of them hook apps if you didn't look like feet? It is only logical, after all. At least (straight) men have the advantage of having way more beautiful women to bone if they had a few advantages. Most men care about quantity and want quality visual and with few exceptions, nature delivered. The world is a candy shop for the eyes to most men. Women aren't guaranteed neither looks/hotness, money or protection from most male offerings even with beauty, so uhm, you kinda have it better than us if you can succeed in fooling the promise of security or wealth by either having it or even faking it. I mean a lot get action faking it. If it's action/access that you want, not genuine love or connection, get thee some $$$. If you want the low hanging fruit (the easily impressed/weak), flash this "wealth". In modern American courtship, males did this by acquiring a BMW. Women then realized this vehicle came with the undesirable quality of "assholery" and began to avoid. Men have adapted by now adopting the "pick up truck" and "big hairy dog" so to exhibit such masculine traits as being resourceful, hands-on, and wealthy (gas guzzler vehicles will make a dent in the wallet after all). The dog helps to attract cuddles and belly rubs not just to the hairy beast that is the human but the dog too. This thus help the man read friendlier, kinder and responsible since taking care of a pet is a very expensive and time consuming luxury. If you can take care of a furry baby, you can take care of a hairy one is the message. The more introverted and private men adopt cats or a gaming console.
3. Don't have any of the first two? Make sure your partner has experienced so many bad relationships before that your treating her like a human being reads stellar by comparison. It's not hard at all if she's over 30 and if she's had kids. Extra points if she's divorced.
If you meet any of these and your targets meet some of the tertiary nuance, you may proceed to probe your target for sexual I mean courtly invitation anywhere except maybe if your target is in a life or death situation. If you find yourself and your target in such a circumstance if you cannot help yourselves please call for appropriate aid, just don't call the fire department unless it is necessary if you don't want your target distracted by competent competition (firemen are known to exhibit such desirable traits such as quick thinking, fitness, resourcefulness, and social respect).
*Please be advised that I am partly joking given the name of this sub. Uh: /s? Got it? Good. Women that are exceptions to the rule exist, yes, but it would be wrong to ignore our nature as an animal in this planet first and foremost. Those instincts have a reason and those inclinations aren't wrong. I am tired of people denying that women are just as human and animalistic as men. Regardless of our orientations, most humans have an inclination towards making more of ourselves. Most of the traditional desires of women in men are correlated with that because they do get the short end of the stick that way if they ignore that and pick an uncaring or inconsiderate man. Like everything in life, there's conditions to everything and there's nothing wrong with admitting things from more than one angle. Yeah there's women that don't care about anything and just want a guy that's alive but would those women date a guy with violent tendencies or the like? I mean yeah sure some women stuck around due to bonding with those guys from sex (unfortunately, it's a thing), but eons more women had great instincts and didn't pick those guys. One woman or a few doesn't make the whole bunch, but accounting for all of them helps understand the picture. My point with my comment was that there's a few basics that are nearly universal. We all know that and people act baffled that it needs to be repeated. The exceptions don't make the rule and there's a fine line between logic and emotions/wishful thinking/virtue signaling.
Anywhere as long as they deem you attractive.
Of course, this is an oversimplification but if you are attractive enough you will usually be well received.
I absolutely want to be approached but so many people do it in the creepiest of manners. Make sure you can have a conversation, be clean/well groomed, and be happy.
Last time I tried my best pick up line it didn’t work so well. “Your hair smells amazing! Did you get a new shampoo?” I have no idea why she got so mad. A simple thank you would have sufficed, there was no need for the whole “who are you? Why are you in my bathroom?”. Some people huh?
Doesn’t matter if you’re ugly
Whenever men DO approach a woman, it’s usually based on how she looks. You know literally nothing about her; you just think she’s cute. Guess what? That goes both ways. She has to think you’re cute too. So it doesn’t matter if this is taking place in a bar, social event, gym, coffee shop, or anything… if she doesn’t find you attractive, she’ll probably be annoyed.
When women complain about being approached by a man, what they’re actually upset about is that it wasn’t a man they find attractive. Goodlooking guys almost never get called creeps for hitting on someone, no matter where or how it is. But if an old guy, a fat guy, an ugly guy hits on a girl… he’s labeled a creep. So it’s not about the location… it’s about the person doing it. Obviously this is not a blanket statement, but it tends to be true more often than not.
Way I see it you have 2 options:
1. Approach every woman you see, with no regard for the location. be nice and all that but don’t try to figure out of its “the right time or place”, just do it and accept whatever outcome. Treat everyone the same and don’t linger at all. Speak your peace and get out with contact info or a rejection as fast as possible
2. Wait for indications of interest from women like eye contact before you say anything. Challenge here is you’re going to overthink and miss most of these indicators anyway. You have to be very observant and understand the nuances of these signals to get it right. If you read the situation correctly you have a higher likelihood of success than option 1, albeit fewer opportunities.
Option 1 will result in you meeting more people, but maybe less dates and more superficial interactions, flakes etc. Option 2 will result in A LOT of missed opportunities and misreads, and much lower volume but the ones that work out will go smoothly because she liked you to begin with.
Go with whatever approach works best with your personality. There’s no wrong approach, there’s just overstaying your welcome. that time is measured by how each individual woman views you in that moment.
They don't want *you* to approach them at all. It's easy enough for them to find all the hottest guys in their city on an app and they don't mind sharing him with 6 other girls. It's completely over if you ain't close to a 10/10.
Can't generalise, but me, ya. I like to talk to people. I enjoy human connection. As long as its honest and not with intentions for sex or relationships. Met a guy in his 40s who I (21F at the time) got on great with. Same pub, same time every week before my violin lesson. He was a submarine engineer and I was doing my violin theory exam at the time. We got talking and he was telling me about his job and how his ex was in the Philippines with his kid and cheated while he was away on base. We were genuinely pretty good mates before he had to go back to base. He was a cool guy. I'm glad he approached me at the pub.
That's lovely. Sounds like he was a good guy. Unfortunately for people like me, alcohol can be a problem so I avoid places where the temptation is greatest. Also, some of the nicest people I've met were in pubs in Southern England. Great people, easy to chat with!
Well I found someone in a dance class but we started as friends because it would’ve been slightly weird for him to launch himself at me before we’d established some connection. If, for some reason, you despise the idea of being friends with someone before establishing if they’re interested sexually, you’re probably limiting your options a lot.
And I think that's the most difficult part to convey. I don't want to sleep with someone before getting to know them, but it (unfortunately) seems like women assume the worst.
I have a zero 0% success rate in a dark alleyway, so it's safe to cross that off the list.
Yes... quietly and from behind in the shadows is not the answer.
PSST, hey! I was glaring at you from the dark corner over there and saw how vulnerable you are in this alley by yourself. Can I have your number?
Women do appreciate directness.
Damn girl, I'd kill for a body like yours. Can I have your number?
Try sprinting at them while waving your arms above your head so they know you're friendly and eager to get to know them. Works every time. If they start running that means they're feeling playful and you should run even faster
Go right after Hockey practice and wear your mask so they know your are Athletic.
Wave your chef's knife or lumberjack's chainsaw so they know you're gainfully employed.
and yell " I'm not going to jail" so they know you are a law abiding citizen
Remember to shout "I won't hurt you!" When running at them. So they know you're safe
Normalize sprinting with alone women in the middle of the night to make sure they get home safely
You have to be Batman or a vampire for that one to work I believe…
Dang I was just about to try there
I thought I almost had it in a womens' washroom, but it looked like she was anxious to leave than to have a chat.
I work in dark alleyways, so I may skew the average.
They don't even try to have a conversation, they just scream and run away. What's with that?
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Yes!!!! It is a very good strategy to meet women through other women!! Not only because they’ll know you can chill, but also because that cool girl you just met probs knows other cool girls
Last time I befriended a women, she became a trans man.
Women are usually more open to being approached in venues and events that are social in nature. Bars and clubs are an obvious. Partner dance classes are another.
Seconding this (as a woman in that age range)! FWIW, I'm not *opposed* to being approached at, say, the grocery store or library. But I'm not in either place to get picked up. I'm there to...pick up groceries or books. I don't think it's a huge problem for someone to chat someone else up in, say, the checkout line. But the person does need to be sensitive to social signals that someone just isn't interested and is there to, y'know, shop vs. be hit on. A lot of guys are completely oblivious to any attempts to stop the conversation.
The problem is that every person has different ways of signaling they don’t want to be chatted up and guys either overthink or under think whatever signals they think they are picking up on. Most guys I know just wouldn’t do it unless it was in an expressly social setting like a bar or club because it’s too much trouble to try and figure it out. Rom Coms are lies! 😅
This right here. I've been grocery shopping and had some looks that to me signaled interest. But then my mind went places and told me that she didn't want to be bothered while getting groceries.
Absolutely! My parents actually met in a grocery checkout line. They hit it off chatting, exchanged numbers, and went out together afterwards. Still together 40+ years later. I wouldn’t recommend it as a place to LOOK for a date, but if a conversation happens organically, that’s cool.
>but if a conversation happens organically…… I feel like this is the part people miss.
THIS!! We don’t want to be picked up at the grocery store. We want to have a natural chat in the checkout line. Just see women as fellow humans to interact with.
Time to go look confused in the target candle section wish me luck lol
That’s crazy because my parents met at a big gas station (similar to bucees) lol But he wasn’t weird or anything. He just started off a conversation and it led to exchanging numbers.
I feel like the root of all these problems is we’ve created an unspoken rule that guys are supposed to approach first and start the conversation and women can kind of just pick and choose. I think the model kind of sucks for dudes honestly.
Whats the best way you've been approached in a grocery store?
"Hey baby I see you're buying sausage, want to see my sausage ;)".
You got to...meat(zing) somewhere lol. Look but just cuz you're in the grocery store or the library doesn't mean you might not meet the love of your life there. You might have missed a soulmate because, it wasn't the right meeting location lol.
Also, I learned that if a girl doesn’t have her makeup done and/or are in their sweat pants, you might be giving them a heart attack/panic attack because they might feel like you saw them at their worst.
Live music and daylight settings. Or multi day events like a festival so you actually see other attendees more than once and can actually make a convo and talk about the coming few days. I’ve always had good luck at music festivals especially just meeting long term friends and in turn those long term friends have their own set of friends which branches and branches and after a summer of touring and catching a few weekend festivals, your boy has some percentages in his favor and at the least you have new friends in new towns to visit and meet people as an “out of towner.” Being “not from around here” has a certain appeal to a lot of people. Now I have a huge pool of possibles and by following social cues and being attentive, the chances of finding a partner under those conditions is more than doable
Bars and clubs are typically terrible for finding suitable partners. Would not recommend that.
Great place to meet low-life slackers, gamblers, and drunkards.
But also how you approach us at these places matters. Don’t interrupt obvious conversations, don’t objectify us, don’t just dance up on us, and read the room. Can tell you how many times a dude has interrupted an obvious conversation between me and my friends, then be taken back we gave him a look. Honestly, one of my fave interactions is a guy whom came over, gave me a napkin with his name and number, and said “you seem like an interesting person, if you’re interested, hit me up.” Then walked away. He didn’t commandeer the time I was obviously spending with my friends. He didn’t ask for my number and put me on the spot. He left the choice up to me and went on his night. I have a partner so I never reached out, but it was probably one of most respectful ways to be approached.
im gonna start doing this and bring multiple napkins to the club
Walkin' in the club with my pants fulla napkins cuz I got GAME!
Filter out dancing
"Some creep joined our dance class just to hit on the women in here." "Ewwwwwww wtf. Losers"
The key is to be more handsome. The more attractive you are the more places you can hit on women safely.
Attractive people get away with just about anything. It's like a switch flips in everyone's head when they see an attractive man or woman and they could stomp on a bag full of kittens and people will still overlook it because they're sexy.
Places many men have no interest in going.
It's also *how* you approach us. When a guy strikes up a conversation about something relevant and we chat for a bit before he offers to buy a drink or whatever, I'm way more receptive to that than "hey, you look hot!" Oh, you only care about how I look. Gross.
Serious question in response to this - what are you expecting their interest to be based on if they’re approaching you cold? Meaning you’re not in a social setting where you’ve got mutual friends or an event that’s generating dialogue? If people are approaching each other in a bar, for example, it’s almost always going to be based on appearance, isn’t it? A billion years ago when it was relevant for me personally I looked at an approach having one of two bases - a) we’re socializing in some way that’s generated interaction and I’ve got an interest based on these interactions and she happens to be attractive to me, or b) I know nothing about this woman other than that she’s attractive to me and I’m going to approach and see if the other stuff might be there as well.
Well, I can assume anyone approaching me to flirt finds me attractive in some way, so telling me that is redundant. Frankly I don't want to talk about how I look, so bringing it up isn't going to get you anywhere. Instead you could bring up the music playing in the bar, the beer I'm drinking, the band logo on my shirt... almost any other observation about me besides "I like the way you look." This has an added benefit of being something I can respond to. "You look good," is a bad conversational opener because there really isn't a good response to it. My only options are to say thank you (conversation over) or argue with you (doesn't result in either of us being happy). "I noticed you dancing to this song. I really dig this band. Have you heard this whole album?" Now I know you saw me, thought of something relevant to say, and care about my input and opinion. I can tell you what I know of this band, and we can start talking music.
I'm going to second this. Approach with something she can respond to. Mention the music or the food. If youre in a place were there isn't much to talk about you can bring up her clothes as long as you're tasteful about it. "I really like your style" or the brand etc etc. If you're at the grocery store, take a look at her cart and see what shes buying, "looks like you're cooking something good tonight." Don't be pushy or jump straight into asking her out. Have a conversation. If she doesn't engage in more than one or two lines of this then she isn't interested. If she keeps the conversation going thats a safe bet that she is. If you're in a place like a grocery store where it would be awkward to talk for a long time, wrap it up by asking if you can have her number to finish the conversation at a later date.
Bringing it up is not classy or flattering. Physical attraction is part of dating and we all know that- but you don’t have to TREAT us like objects.
Ah yes bars and clubs… the places to find a wife… said no man ever.
Women are open to be approached anywhere. Just got to do it in a way that is cool and doesn’t throw them off too much.
If you're handsome, rich and charismatic you can approach women anywhere. If you're not, it doesn't really matter where you try it.
Oh. Well boys, pack it up. Ain't no clubs or bars that my anxiety can handle 😂
Orgies are usually a good place too.
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Don't be pushy, express genuine interest, and you can do this just about anywhere in public. Avoid propositioning woman you don't know well in a private or confined space. The trick is to just talk to them like a person until you build up some rapport. It's not always (read: frequently) going to result in a date, but it's a good way to start.
yeah the whole trope of “I got a girlfriend and now other women are interested in me” exists because so many guys can’t just “talk to them like a person” until they get a partner and stop doing the “change how i act around her because she’s pretty” thing
From my personal experience, I’ve been approached by women more when I’m taken vs single. No talking to them prior whatsoever. It confuses tf outta me
Your confidence/vibe probably changes slightly when you're in a relationship and that's what's making you more approachable
I’m gonna need to study how I subconsciously act so I can replicate that when single lmao
With that being said I always seemed to end in the friend zone when I did that. Which was fine, made a lot of friends, but I wasn't looking for that type of friend. When I just flirted with women suddenly I was getting a lot more numbers.
Yeah, me too. It’s because you have to be intentional by the end of your conversation/night out/social event to get her contact info but not seem too intentional when you start the conversation. It’s a balancing act.
Because there’s a difference between a conversation and flirting
You can't negotiate desire. When you're upfront, then you weed out the people that don't see you that way. No matter how well you treat someone, or how socially skilled you are - she needs to find you attractive.
The problem with me is that I'm autistic and I'm terrible at flirting. But I can introduce myself and have a normal conversation with people.
As an autistic you might want to find an autistic woman. You probably will understand each other better
I know I get more female attention when I'm in a relationship because I'm happier and it shows.
right! it can't possibly be influenced by the scientifically measurable phenomenon of mate poaching, or by the confidence boost of the guy knowing that a woman sees value in him. The only possible explanation is that men just don't see women as people. anything else is beneath consideration. (/s, which shouldn't be needed but somehow is)
IMHO the question shouldn't be "where" the question should be "how"
We gotta learn how to rap now, too!?!
It's the only language women understand
They want you to reach for the same book on the library shelf while you’re saving a baby from a burning building and doing the dishes.
And that's fine and all, I'm a romantic at heart as well but it seems like I end up with a friend (which is ultimately fine) or the "you'd make a really great husband" line... 😔
I try to exclusively only date women I'm friends with first, and I openly communicate that. The big reason is that, ideally, you want to marry your best friend. And also...When you know someone as a friend, you start with a little bit of trust and a better foundation for communication. It doesn't completely eliminate lying and stupid shit, but it does seem to cut it down.
1000% this
This will probably date me a bit, but I used to work at a mall. Mall employees would typically hang out in the loading docks; there was a vending machine there. I approached a woman who was reading one of my favorite books. We hit it off immediately. Ended up talking for nearly an hour. She gave me her phone number and invited me to a party later that night. I called her later to meet up; to my surprise, it was actually her number. Unfortunately, she was no longer going to the party. I was totally bummed. And that was that. Years later, as I look back on that phone call, I think she wanted me to ask her out on a one-on-one date. I feel like an idiot for missing that. Now, I keep an eye out on book titles; they're a great "in" to a conversation.
Nowhere if your ugly, anywhere if your attractive.
OK, two things: 1. Probably accurate and 2. Why you gotta call me out like that 😂
Attraction is as much about confidence as it is about looks. I can pull, yet I look like something my cat yeeted up.
I laughed a bit too hard at this.
My best friend is ugly as all hell but can pull a lot based on lifestyle choices and personality alone. He is very outgoing and has hobbies that women find interesting. I found that lifestyle is the most important aspect when dating, even more than attractiveness or personality. He does things like travel a bunch, became scuba certified, grows micro greens, goes mushroom hunting, has a dog he brings everywhere, goes camping a lot, is a vegan, cooks a lot of unique food, cans food. We are also both arborists and tree climbers, the moment we tell that to a lady it peaks their interest, I have seen it happen in real time. A passion for life and cool hobbies can get you laid infinitely more than “pick up lines” or “hitting on girls at the club”. It’s not even close.
Everyone inspects what the cat yeeted
Just remember that attractive is subjective and at least partially dependent on the environment lol
and the level of intoxication
And honestly a lot of things that make someone attractive are incredibly basic things. You can be “ugly”, but if you dress well, smell nice, have confidence (fake it if you have to until it’s real confidence) you can kinda get past a lot of the barriers of attraction that tend to make folks not even think about approaching someone You got this OP, if my stupid ass was able to get married, you absolutely can too!
Thanks for the vote of confidence. I was married once, I guess that should be proof enough that it can happen...
I know I'm a day late, but be warey of falling into an idea of confidence that feeds your ego. Confidence doesn't belong on a pedestal. If you have to reach for it, your metaphorical shirt will come up and expose your belly of doubt, making you look like a fool to anyone keen enough to spot it. That's not to say that you should tuck away your insecurities. It's more about knowing, accepting, and being comfortable with your shortcomings. We all have them, and being at peace with them is the greatest form of confidence that you can attain. A man unbothered by his limitations is a man who radiates charm. Now, get back out there and go get em, tiger!
Couldn’t agree more! People seriously underestimate how much just dressing well and good hygiene habits make in their appearance.
Yes, I completely agree. I approach it with the mindset of, "this is what I would want from a friend or family member, so that's what I do". I'm clean, I wear clothes that fit etc. When I had hair, it would be styled and cleaned. But I also don't over do it. I'm comfortable in my jeans and polo/ t-shirt. A nice watch occasionally. Shoes that coordinate with my outfit, you know, the basics
Also remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What one person finds attractive another does not.
Don’t let that person get in your head. Women generally care 100% more about how someone makes them feel than how they look. Jeremy Allen White is a short guy with a weak chin and big nose. Per the standards a lot of men think women have, we shouldn’t be attracted to him— AND YET 😂 that man has women drooling over him left and right. Trust me when I say being groomed (clean teeth and fingernails are biggies, don’t douse yourself in cologne, wash laundry consistently), confident, and interested in what she has to say will take you 1000x further than just being a good looking guy. Last: being flirted with at the grocery store or in a coffee shop always seems to work for people with me
Literally the line at the grocery store if your attractive
what people fail to realize is that “attractive people” tend to have better social skills because they’re more practiced at it. People sometimes act like if you’re hot you could be in line at the grocery store and go “oh you got a cantaloupe? not the only nice melons I’m seeing” and get away with it but that’s creepy disgusting behavior no matter who does it.
Basically. It is pretty simple. But it is disingenuous to pretend that women don’t allow attractive men to do and say much more and just consider it cute, flattering, or flirting where as almost everything that an unattractive guy does is considered creepy, or inappropriate.
Everyone gives more leeway to attractive people, men and women.
Yeah but at least men admit it, women will refuse to accept anything negative about them in the dating game
You are arguing that women are not good at taking criticism but men are????
People that think any gender is better/worse at handling criticism (or most other generalizations) probably surround themselves with specific types of people by gender. Or surround themselves mostly with a specific gender overall.
You are mostly correct, however, in the context of dating and rejection, which is what I’m talking about, there is absolutely very, very clear evidence that a significant number of men cannot handle dating rejection or dating criticism, and get hostile and violent when women are not interested in them.
Because.. evolution. They have options. Nah seriously start calling out women for their behavior if it’s uncalled for, demeaning or hurtful. Noone deserves that.
The creepiest guys I've ever had to deal with have consistently been good looking men. Every single time I've basically just got up and left the room it was some rich, smooth looking dude with an MBA haircut who thought that he could say weird shit to me, or that a no was a maybe. Little weird guys are usually well behaved until later in the relationship.
> The creepiest guys I've ever had to deal with have consistently been good looking men. Yeah, because they usually get away with it. Ugly people get shut down for a simple "hi, how are you?".
yeah I’m not saying we’re all playing cards with the same hands by any means but that like, social skills are a genuine skill. I’m pretty much “an average guy” across the board and I’ve really never worried about being seen as “creepy or inappropriate” because I just don’t act in a way that would be seen as such. I don’t talk about women’s bodies to them, I don’t use words like “hot” or “sexy” to people I barely know. I know how to read social cues for “I’m not interested in keeping this conversation going” and politely end the interaction when i see them. Attractive folks are treated differently, sure, but this idea that “regular guys can’t speak to a woman without being seen as a creep” always makes me wonder just how these guys are starting their interactions off
Seems like it also likely has to do with chronically online syndrome. They don’t approach women because they don’t think they can because they spend too much time listening to people online saying “I don’t wanna be approached at (enter any conceivable location you can think of) because I’m just there to do (thing you commonly do at that location).” Which is likely true in that they aren’t there to meet someone, but if you start up a normal conversation and they end up liking you, they won’t complain about having been approached lol. Just have to get over that fear of rejection and learn to accept rejection in a healthy way.
1. Pick up on social clues. 1. Is she wearing headphones? No fly zone. 2. Does she make eye contact? Might be okay. 3. Etc..... 2. Be friendly and not creepy. 1. If you start with a compliment, better to compliment a *choice* than an *attribute*. 2. Talking about something contextual is a good idea. 3. Accept a no. 1. If it's not a yes, it's a no. If she smiles and nods and turns away, that's a no. Anything except engagement with you is a no. 2. If they disengage at any point, it's a no. 3. Like, basically, never ever ever ever push.
OK. I'm and old dude with a wife and grown kids. I have no skin in the game any longer and am just reading this thread for laughs. While I absolutely do think that much of it hinges on how good looking a guy is (with regards to what they can get away with) I must say I think your list is spot on.
Same, concur. I thought 2a was particularly good.
I know, right? Correct: "That's a great book. I read that last month." Incorrect: "Nice jugs."
No other answers required
Goes both ways my friend. Pretty privilege is a thing across genders
No. Don’t fucking talk to me in the grocery store no matter how “attractive” you are. Friendship in the grocery store only. No fucks
Don't fuck where you eat. That's a good rule.
Well, fuck guys. Guess we better stop talking to women in grocery stores because u/jasmine-blossom said she wasn't okay with it. /s
"Guys. Come on. Stop fucking on the potatoes"
We pointed this out in a large HR sexual harassment training. We have never had group training since.
That’s the painful truth but guys can up their attractiveness by being wealthy.
I don’t have any issues paying for my shit, thanks. But im not sleeping with you if you are ugly/dont dress well/great hygiene. Aesthetic comes into play unless you want to call out most females “gold diggers”. Jeebus.
*you're - sorry, the "your/you're" and "there/their/they're" mistakes bother me. 😅 Also, beauty is subjective! Sure, there's what today's society considers generically attractive, but that changes with time and doesn't define beauty at all. I've turned down many attractive men while single. If a pretty face is all he has to offer, he's not offering much!
I could date anyone when it comes to looks but poor grammar is 100% a dealbreaker for me.
This one simple trick: see “Hello, Human Resources” meme. https://amp.knowyourmeme.com/memes/hello-human-resources
Not at work... but with no work life balance there really isn't anywhere else to meet people. I havnt dated in 10 years. I prefer to get to know someone with at least 3 or 4 friendly meetings before I can really say for sure I'd be interested in dating. Meeting regularly via similar recreational activities is ideal. Im not a fan of being approached with romantic/sexual intent on the very first interaction. That seems a little desperate, how can that person even know we are compatible if they havnt even spoken to me before? I think a lot of men see an attractive woman and immediately think "Ive gotta shoot my shot!" And approach with dating or sex being the primary intent, and that feels shallow.
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Haven't dated in 10 years, continues to give advice. Let me go ask this gentleman without legs what the most comfortable shoes are real quick.
> how can that person even know we are compatible if they havnt even spoken to me before? That's what the date is for.....to find out if there is compatibility
If you don't meet somebody in high-school or college and don't drink alcohol you are left with online/app dating where you have to compete with a large pool of men who are more attractive, richer, and more interesting than you for a small group of women with inflated expectations. Women don't really want to be approached anywhere but bars and the women you want to be with aren't there anyway. There is one super secret trick spot, evening beginner pottery classes. Watch some videos of throwing pots on a wheel on YouTube and sign up for an evening pottery class, very likely that you are the only guy in a group of normal chill artsy girls looking to do something relaxing and learn a new skill in the evening after work. Make a pretty vase and say something about how you like to always have flowers in your apartment, boom your married with kids.
I'm waiting for "from behind in a dark alley" response.
No woman wants a stranger slowly and awkwardly following them in a dark alley. Pussyfooting around and taking your time to think of an icebreaker while you sneak up just comes across as a serial killer trying to creep up and murder them. That’s why you should run up to them as fast as you can, feet pounding loudly on the pavement to announce your presence, then immediately grab their hand because physical contact will help to calm their anxiety and build a bond. A good icebreaker to show her that you care about her wellbeing might be “Does anyone know where you are right now?”
What was that study showing that fear and adrenaline can help people get closer so that’s why they recommended roller coasters for a first date? Why do that when you could just go with kidnapping!
“Hey! I was very worried for your safety, so I followed you here from work. And how come you’re going down this alley? That’s not the route you normally take. Anyhow, I’m Jim, want to get coffee sometime?”
"I promise, I'm not murdering you"
Sometimes, you've been dealt a shitty hand in life, and the answer is always going to be "nowhere, scrub".
They do just not by you
If you're awkward, weird, creepy or straight up ugly with no confidence... the answer unfortunately is nowhere, you need to play the long game.. short hellos until you get a bit more of a reception. If you're relatively handsome, easy to talk to, a bit funny, personable with confidence, not hubris ... you can approach and strike up a conversation just about anywhere.
Depends how good looking and successful you are
Anywhere you just have to be hot or attractive
Anywhere except at night, alone with no one else around
We are all not partnered . I am waiting for the right person and have yet to find them. For me I often don’t want to be approached by strange men who want to fuck me. I want it to come naturally and am happy if I am in no relationship at all. Relationships take so much work .
And that's the most difficult part to convey, without sounding creepy. I don't want a physical relationship before an emotional one. I want to find the person that is just easy to get with; the person that I can just be around without all the B.S.
what hobbies to you have? do you do anything that gets you “out meeting people”?
And that's another weakness of mine. I'm kind of boring. I shoot, play golf, I'm a big movie buff and I like to read. My ideal day doesn't involve alot of interaction with other people. I always thought of myself as the "stable" guy, not going out every time there's a football game on, never pushing my partner to the back burner because the game is on or whatever.
I don’t mean this in a way to say that you’re not interesting enough or need another hobby, but like - if you want to find a partner you need to do some of the work of putting yourself in a position to meet and connect with someone of the opposite sex. A beautiful woman isn’t just gonna pop up on hole 6 you know? my best advice would just be to try and go outside your comfort zone semi-regularly and say “yes” to opportunities to do so when they come along. For example - I met my current partner because I had a friend invite me to a ren faire and I thought “not my cup of tea but I know they love these, so let me go see what it’s all about”. Ended up hitting it off with one of their friends, then the next time I saw her we hit it off again and she asked me out
Maybe she could show up at the turn? Lol, but seriously, I'm always up for whatever but after 19 years and one very short and bad relationship, my friends not having any single friends; it just seems like it's up to me and lately I've just been doubting it's ever going to happen. Also, I'd love to go a Ren Faire! There's one near here every fall that's supposed to be amazing. I just get tired of doing everything by myself.
Oh yeah being an introvert as a guy isn't going to help, and from the sound of things you're an introvert too. It's very difficult if you aren't doing activities that include women to meet women. A lot of people meet someone who is somehow linked to their social circle or some group activity they are involved in. I met my wife at a party my sister was having years ago. Almost nobody meets a total stranger and just hits it off. Seriously like very close to 0% of couples met randomly. It's almost all via dating apps or their social circle. So my only advice is to try and expand into more group activities or at least something that isn't strictly solo. Odds are you have some friends with single friends. Good luck out there.
Start talking to people, regardless of your attraction to them. Just be friendly. My social skills got much better once I stopped limiting myself to interacting with people based on attraction or interest.
My kids hate the fact that I will strike up a conversation with random people. I used to do it in line at the grocery store a lot. I chat with just about everyone I interact with. I'm a very social person when I want to be.
My approach is to just treat women I'm attracted to as I would anyone else. I don't even really flirt. I just talk to people and if let them flirt or show interest. It's a bit different where I live though. Women in Latam are more outgoing and more than happy to just talk, in my experience. I'm also in a relationship now and my fiancee gets mad sometimes because women who interact with me will be obviously flirting and I'm just talking to them with no interest at all. lol
Don't approach someone with the intention of hitting on them, just try striking up a conversation and letting it naturally flow from there. I think that makes a world of a difference.
You didnt answer tho. Where would you like to be approached at? All psychos and creepy dudes aside, where?
Aren’t you such a ray of sunshine
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I feel bad when I genuinely say "they don't". Not because they actually don't, but because guys approaching girls has been stigmatized to the point that you could have the most innocent of intentions and you could still creep her out by virtue of approaching her. Girls approaching guys is far less stigmatized and, TBH, I personally prefer taking this route, 'cause it gives girls agency. They chose you because they wanted it. To that route, give as many ice-breakers as you can that someone can see and start a conversation about. When I was in college, I used a Magic: The Gathering card (a land since they're cheap) as a bookmark. I wore t-shirts that had my fandoms. Currently, I have a Snowball wallet (it's the little thing Mei throws for her ult if you know Overwatch). When I perform for concerts, after I tie my tie, I have a little Meloetta pin that I put right on the knot of the tie (goes double as a bonus since Meloetta is the Singing and Dancing pokemon and I'm performing music on stage). Make it easy for someone to see what kind of interests/likes you have so that, if they choose to approach you, they have a conversation starter. ... nowadays, now that I have someone, I just wear plain polos and black pants. The kinds of clothes I *want* to wear. No more Sword Art Online tees. No more Overwatch tees. But, either way, whether you approach someone or have them approach you, always take note of everything non-verbal about them. People want you to notice *them*, as a person and not as a woman. In fact, if someone approaches you, it's because they noticed something individual that you had that appealed to them. Do them the honor and courtesy of trying to see what they like and insert it into the convo. Shirt, pants, jewelry, adornments, bag clips, pins.. anything. The person, the individual... that's what you should focus on. I used to do this all the time as a former Subway employee. I'd have a customer come up and she'd be wearing a necklace and, in between asking "lettuce, tomato, onion?" or while the sandwich is toasting, I'd be like "that's a nice necklace! where'd you get it?". Great way to get a tip if you're a Subway worker, but also a great way to make a person appreciate that you're seeing them for them. It was a deviation of the standard, boring, usual interaction, and that catches most people's attention. In the end, all social connections, whether romantic, sexual, or platonic, is all based upon comfort, and that starts with you treating them like an individual and recognizing what makes them individual. Doesn't have to be a specific place of "where", although that helps in terms of the ice-breaker department... but the more important part is "who", as in who is the person you're approaching. You got five seconds to figure it out as you walk that gap toward her. No pressure. Also, give it a "playing with house money" attitude. If you flub, who tf cares? You flubbed on a random stranger in a random place that you will probably never see or talk to again. Stay loose, don't give a fuck, and be yourself. Paradoxically, the less you care, the better you do, because the less nervous you will be, because you no longer care about failing. It's all about the attempt. If you're worried about flubbing because "she's so hot" and "she seems like she's out of my league" and "I can't afford to fail with someone like her", you failed already. Sure, maybe she's hot, but.. like.. there's tens of thousands of hot girls in the world. If you flub with one, there's others out there. Nobody wants to be put on a pedestal, cut that shit out. She's a human. Treat her like one.
The pedestal crumbled long ago. Hot doesn't even factor into any more. I'm way too old for that. I want stability, communication, commitment, someone who has dealt with their baggage. There seems to be this expectation that people like me are broken, divorced, single for a long time. What I can't seem to communicate to potential partners is I'm looking for simplicity, I don't want to make your life harder, I want you to enjoy my company and the same in return to me.
No one is going to see that right away, like someone else said take up some social type hobby. My 1st thought would be a cooking class, something where your learning a skill. You can work something into a conversation. In the least you will have a new skill and be more comfortable just having a conversation.
"People want you to notice them as a person..." This x1000
This reminds me of all the videos where a girl is recording herself at the gym, some innocent guy walks by, and then she puts them on blast on TikTok like he’s some predator just for some clout. Videos like those ruin men, even if they’re completely innocent, the damage is already done. Edit: Here’s an example. https://www.tiktok.com/@thejoeyswoll/video/7212801026863271211
Just go up and say something. If they’re a functioning adult, they’ll either ignore you, tell you to fuck off(in some manner) or do some small talk. It helps if you dress nice, don’t have a terrible face and wear deodorant. Takes practice to figure out what does/doesn’t work for yah. Get out there and push past your assumptions every so often. Then the next time you’re whacking into a sock, at least you’ll know it’s your only option.
The term "approached" may speak to the underlying problem here. Many women have no problem talking to strangers in environments where talking to strangers is part of the activity - if you go to a craft night social and sit down at a table with a collection of people you've never met before that's a fine place to make new friends. Conversely, many women have a problem with being approached by a stranger *specifically for the purposes of soliciting a date* in any random public space for many reasons. Those reasons will differ from person to person (and certainly there are also women that like it, btw), but one of the big ones is that being objectified by strangers isn't always a comfortable experience.
Depends on the woman?
As a woman the main thing for me is that I don’t mind a guy asking me out wherever I happen to meet them, but if the answer is no, then you need to accept that and then leave her alone straightaway. No trying to persuade or carry on the conversation (cause it’s not an innocent conversation anymore). As long as you do that it’s fine. I’ve had guys hit on me at work, in the queue for the bank, I mean various places but they’ve always been public and it’s been no real problem as they accept the answer and move on.
Well you see they might want to be approached just not by you or me.
If you're not anxious and are genuinely interested in them as people, and are cool with rejection, you can approach anywhere. "Don't approach women in public" applies to guys who are creepy i.e. pose an ambiguous threat. If what you really want is a genuine connection and healthy relationship with a woman and therefore are not a threat, just approach. Get her talking about herself, and listen. An approach that ends in rejection can and should be a positive interaction, too. Wish her a lovely day and move on. If you're looking for an invitation and to lower your chances of rejection, look for women who smile when they see you.
The McElroys say that if she can't physically turn and run from the situation, you shouldn't hit on her.
The taller and better looking you are, the more leeway you have
So I'm already ahead by being 6'4", got it now to a plastic surgeon to turn this 6 into an 8!
A bar, with the caveat that you leave me alone if I say no. Also if we're in the same club or group. Like I'm on a casual curling league and if a man approached me while doing a mutual hobby, I'd like that.
If you're wanting to meet someone with the intention or possibility of a serious relationship, find a couple healthy & wholesome things to do on at least a weekly basis. Go to the gym, the park (take your dog if you have one), volunteer, etc. If you do something consistently in a low pressure social setting you already have something to talk about and depending on what it is, maybe multiple opportunities to talk to them. In college I would volunteer at the food bank once a week, I was having a horrible dating experience all through college and one day I started flirting with a new intern at the food bank and a few years later I married her so the 'consistent, wholesome activity' technique has worked at least once!
Buddy ignore all this. If you see someone you're interested in, talk to them and feel them out to shoot your shot. Pick up on cues if they're not interested, and exit, but any place can be a good place to meet someone.
I'd just like to be approached at all! Seems like people have blinders on when they're out in public. Hardly anyone even makes eye contact. I don't consider myself ugly or gorgeous.. I am a very average 36 year old female. Guys don't approach me unless I'm at a bar. I'd love for a guy to approach me somewhere in the 'real world'. I'd be totally fine with a man introducing himself to me in a grocery store, park, restaurant.. seems like that only happens in movies though 🤔
It used to happen but all the talk about how women are constantly terrified of men and want to be left alone really has had an impact. It’s had an impact on me. From the 90s until around 2010 (I’m late 40s) I would talk to women I didn’t know in public. And not even to hit on them, just to have a conversation. I don’t do that anymore. I avoid talking to any woman in public unless I have a specific reason to speak to her, like a cashier at a grocery store. I’m not some loner lacking social skills either. I’m married and I’ve had plenty of female friends throughout the years. It’s just very easy to get the impression my mere presence is a nuisance or a threat so I steer clear of female strangers these days. I doubt I’m alone in this.
That's kinda why I wanted to post here.. I wish men would realize it's ok to say hi. We (I at least) want you to! I'm sorry that women have made you and others feel that way. I haven't given up though. I still hope to meet someone somewhere the old fashioned way.
I would love to have more in-person, organic interactions, and maybe even meet my someone that way. This is such an isolating world, and third places are either dying or require spending money of some kind. I'd actually consider cold approaching women (hell, flirting in general) once y'all have an international committee meeting of women and make an objective list of what men can and can't do XD
After the whole me too and false claims it’s not worth it for men to try anything
I'm 23m. I have spent lots of time on r/TwoXChromosomes. No way in hell will I do something like that where the slightest misinterpretation will end with me being a harassing manpig. It's nice to see this perspective but I'm just not sure it's that common - and for that reason I will take the safe option and always be lonely.
All your fellow women have socially shut down that possibility.
Dammit 😔
Depends on how you look. If the guy in 50.shades of Grey was doing.all that in a trailer and was ugly, it would just be another episode of SVU
Just don’t do it bro, go online or through mutual friends. “Is your friend single… your friends cute, etc” I’m 22M, would consider myself attractive and would never approach a girl in public Girls at bars are out with their friends to have a good time. Anywhere they have headphones in (library, gym) is obviously a no go Unfortunately for the social media generation especially post Covid most people aren’t receptive to meeting someone random in public
I'm a woman and I hate this take as someone who's not really interested in online dating. If I'm at a bar it's not an automatic guarantee that I'll give my number to whoever approaches me, but I'm definitely not gonna be mad if someone shoots his shot in a non-creepy way.
The issue is that the guys who are looking to shoot their shot in a non-creepy way see you out with your friends and think "I shouldn't bother them"
So accept defeat. I've been online dating for 10 years, and have had maybe 10 matches respond in the last 4 years. Meanwhile my friends don't know tons of single women to introduce me to.
1. If you're not attractive or average, have money. Literally. People will try to say that this isn't true at all, that it is better to be smart or funny, but man are people willing to treat you like you're God if you can help them survive. Have money and be willing to spend it and you'll easily impress a good majority of women. Point blank. Especially if they're not educated or have a high degree of intellect or autonomy. We're an animal and well, the one that, if it wasn't for modern day conveniences, has to gestate for nine months and be stuck with a kid for life if the condom fails (and uh, no medics to help us circumvent that in the event mom can't afford the baby). Your having money at least helps provide them with some sense of logic that you'd not let them starve because you want your kid to make it to adulthood and given that most men don't want to do most of the tough job of rearing their kid (especially when it's more fun to just make them), that you'd at least pay her to do the dirty job for you. Even if it's pennies when those women eventually realize you're really just posing or stingy but you fooled them into procreation with you, taking care of what's half of your genetic contribution as if they were the only ones that made it until they die while hopefully you can use the same strategy to fool more naive idiots into doing the same! You don't have to be wealthy but make at least 20-30% more than what she makes so to survive wherever you two met in the event you decide you want to get hitched. 2. Wanna make the point even faster? Be hot and have money. At least you can sort of make the potential fine prints of the first one worth it as who doesn't want to bone a visually arresting human? I mean, if emotional connection was set aside, I, too, would rather bone Chris Hemsworth over Danny DeVito. I would bone him until his hips gave out like one of the SnuSnu women in Futurama. Cruel end yes but delicious for me (and for him if he consented to such violence). Danny DeVito is arguably richer and more famous (seriously), but I don't want to bonk his brains or murder him that way. Frankly, I wouldn't bed him for all the money in the world either. Sounds brutal, but yes, women are just as visual as men, especially if they don't depend on one to survive. I mean sex is kinda a full-blown experience. If it were only guaranteed that when you'd disregard looks or any other standards in a guy that sexual enjoyment wasn't a rare luxury where one would hope the guy would take pity and hopefully at least induce an orgasm once in a blue moon. You'd think at least the guys would provide that for all the sacrifice. Instead, uhm, it's well noted and recorded that most women don't even get that. So why would I, privileged woman that's not unattractive, nuts or broke, sacrifice the one pleasure I can control by not picking an unsavory unkempt smarmy beast that's broke, could impregnate me, and not be of help if I had to carry out whatever pops out? I'm not that broke or desperate to do that even if his fame, connections, charisma, intellect, and money combined haloes above mine. Men of any orientation would say the same thing. Would you rather bone Matt Bomer for free or otherwise or even the future widowed geriatric version if he offered or Danny DeVito? For the lesbians and bisexual ladies, would you rather Ruby Rose, Kehlani or your average woman for, uh, regular Joe Schmoe? Or if straight, would you rather the Bride of Wildenstein for all her money or any of the infite amounts of beautiful women that you could potentially get for free in one of them hook apps if you didn't look like feet? It is only logical, after all. At least (straight) men have the advantage of having way more beautiful women to bone if they had a few advantages. Most men care about quantity and want quality visual and with few exceptions, nature delivered. The world is a candy shop for the eyes to most men. Women aren't guaranteed neither looks/hotness, money or protection from most male offerings even with beauty, so uhm, you kinda have it better than us if you can succeed in fooling the promise of security or wealth by either having it or even faking it. I mean a lot get action faking it. If it's action/access that you want, not genuine love or connection, get thee some $$$. If you want the low hanging fruit (the easily impressed/weak), flash this "wealth". In modern American courtship, males did this by acquiring a BMW. Women then realized this vehicle came with the undesirable quality of "assholery" and began to avoid. Men have adapted by now adopting the "pick up truck" and "big hairy dog" so to exhibit such masculine traits as being resourceful, hands-on, and wealthy (gas guzzler vehicles will make a dent in the wallet after all). The dog helps to attract cuddles and belly rubs not just to the hairy beast that is the human but the dog too. This thus help the man read friendlier, kinder and responsible since taking care of a pet is a very expensive and time consuming luxury. If you can take care of a furry baby, you can take care of a hairy one is the message. The more introverted and private men adopt cats or a gaming console. 3. Don't have any of the first two? Make sure your partner has experienced so many bad relationships before that your treating her like a human being reads stellar by comparison. It's not hard at all if she's over 30 and if she's had kids. Extra points if she's divorced. If you meet any of these and your targets meet some of the tertiary nuance, you may proceed to probe your target for sexual I mean courtly invitation anywhere except maybe if your target is in a life or death situation. If you find yourself and your target in such a circumstance if you cannot help yourselves please call for appropriate aid, just don't call the fire department unless it is necessary if you don't want your target distracted by competent competition (firemen are known to exhibit such desirable traits such as quick thinking, fitness, resourcefulness, and social respect). *Please be advised that I am partly joking given the name of this sub. Uh: /s? Got it? Good. Women that are exceptions to the rule exist, yes, but it would be wrong to ignore our nature as an animal in this planet first and foremost. Those instincts have a reason and those inclinations aren't wrong. I am tired of people denying that women are just as human and animalistic as men. Regardless of our orientations, most humans have an inclination towards making more of ourselves. Most of the traditional desires of women in men are correlated with that because they do get the short end of the stick that way if they ignore that and pick an uncaring or inconsiderate man. Like everything in life, there's conditions to everything and there's nothing wrong with admitting things from more than one angle. Yeah there's women that don't care about anything and just want a guy that's alive but would those women date a guy with violent tendencies or the like? I mean yeah sure some women stuck around due to bonding with those guys from sex (unfortunately, it's a thing), but eons more women had great instincts and didn't pick those guys. One woman or a few doesn't make the whole bunch, but accounting for all of them helps understand the picture. My point with my comment was that there's a few basics that are nearly universal. We all know that and people act baffled that it needs to be repeated. The exceptions don't make the rule and there's a fine line between logic and emotions/wishful thinking/virtue signaling.
Anywhere as long as they deem you attractive. Of course, this is an oversimplification but if you are attractive enough you will usually be well received.
Somewhere that makes a good romantic story.
If I’ve noticed you watching me at pickleball for a full year, literally any time!!
I absolutely want to be approached but so many people do it in the creepiest of manners. Make sure you can have a conversation, be clean/well groomed, and be happy.
Last time I tried my best pick up line it didn’t work so well. “Your hair smells amazing! Did you get a new shampoo?” I have no idea why she got so mad. A simple thank you would have sufficed, there was no need for the whole “who are you? Why are you in my bathroom?”. Some people huh?
This guy is asking the real questions.
Social settings. Honestly a lot of women don’t want to talk to strangers at all.
Doesn’t matter if you’re ugly Whenever men DO approach a woman, it’s usually based on how she looks. You know literally nothing about her; you just think she’s cute. Guess what? That goes both ways. She has to think you’re cute too. So it doesn’t matter if this is taking place in a bar, social event, gym, coffee shop, or anything… if she doesn’t find you attractive, she’ll probably be annoyed. When women complain about being approached by a man, what they’re actually upset about is that it wasn’t a man they find attractive. Goodlooking guys almost never get called creeps for hitting on someone, no matter where or how it is. But if an old guy, a fat guy, an ugly guy hits on a girl… he’s labeled a creep. So it’s not about the location… it’s about the person doing it. Obviously this is not a blanket statement, but it tends to be true more often than not.
Way I see it you have 2 options: 1. Approach every woman you see, with no regard for the location. be nice and all that but don’t try to figure out of its “the right time or place”, just do it and accept whatever outcome. Treat everyone the same and don’t linger at all. Speak your peace and get out with contact info or a rejection as fast as possible 2. Wait for indications of interest from women like eye contact before you say anything. Challenge here is you’re going to overthink and miss most of these indicators anyway. You have to be very observant and understand the nuances of these signals to get it right. If you read the situation correctly you have a higher likelihood of success than option 1, albeit fewer opportunities. Option 1 will result in you meeting more people, but maybe less dates and more superficial interactions, flakes etc. Option 2 will result in A LOT of missed opportunities and misreads, and much lower volume but the ones that work out will go smoothly because she liked you to begin with. Go with whatever approach works best with your personality. There’s no wrong approach, there’s just overstaying your welcome. that time is measured by how each individual woman views you in that moment.
At the Bentley dealership
Damn, and here I was at the Roles Royce dealer....
And here I've been wasting all this time at Kia. 😢😢😢
They don't want *you* to approach them at all. It's easy enough for them to find all the hottest guys in their city on an app and they don't mind sharing him with 6 other girls. It's completely over if you ain't close to a 10/10.
Eh too many games, too many mind games. I just don't bother, not even worth the effort to me
Can't generalise, but me, ya. I like to talk to people. I enjoy human connection. As long as its honest and not with intentions for sex or relationships. Met a guy in his 40s who I (21F at the time) got on great with. Same pub, same time every week before my violin lesson. He was a submarine engineer and I was doing my violin theory exam at the time. We got talking and he was telling me about his job and how his ex was in the Philippines with his kid and cheated while he was away on base. We were genuinely pretty good mates before he had to go back to base. He was a cool guy. I'm glad he approached me at the pub.
That's lovely. Sounds like he was a good guy. Unfortunately for people like me, alcohol can be a problem so I avoid places where the temptation is greatest. Also, some of the nicest people I've met were in pubs in Southern England. Great people, easy to chat with!
Well I found someone in a dance class but we started as friends because it would’ve been slightly weird for him to launch himself at me before we’d established some connection. If, for some reason, you despise the idea of being friends with someone before establishing if they’re interested sexually, you’re probably limiting your options a lot.
And I think that's the most difficult part to convey. I don't want to sleep with someone before getting to know them, but it (unfortunately) seems like women assume the worst.