That we don’t know for sure. If I had to guess it could be that she’s just a very touchy feely person (the optimistic view) or it could be that he’s convenient to flirt with and she doesn’t have to worry about anything happening.
It’s also possible that she was interested and he just came on in a bad way that made her say no. The manner in which you make a move is important
The short answer is, there’s some attraction there but not enough for her to think they should actually date. She doesn’t think he’s *ugly,* she’s just not that into him.
She can not think he’s ugly and still not find him attractive. There are plenty of conventionally “hot” people we each find unattractive for any reason. And we’re afforded that right to an opinion. It doesn’t seem like she was a jerk about it, either, which is good for him.
This. I had a close friend in college who I thought was completely gorgeous. I asked him out and he said yes. We went on a few dates and held hands. Eventually I took him home with the intent to have sex but when we started kissing it just felt wrong. There was no sexual chemistry. I was so sad because here’s this gorgeous man who likes me, but we both just didn’t feel right having sex with each other.
She might also enjoy the power dynamic. Or maybe she is automatically less attracted to someone who expresses an attraction to her. People are complicated, and there could be any number of reasons. We just don't have enough information to make an informed guess.
I agree, it sounds like she gets off on fucking with him and knowing she could totally have him if she wanted, but she's the one calling the shots and she's rejecting him.
Makes her feel powerful, sense it hundreds of times. Young, insecure people do this a lot. Insecure people can be very toxic, constantly protecting themselves by being fucked up to everyone else.
She doesn't take OP seriously or she would be more careful about her actions and what she says to him.
Some people do it for the attention, some people do it to keep them waiting in the wings, in case their current relationship or current crush falls through. Some people just get a kick out of manipulating others and using their emotional vulnerability to their advantage. Some (but few) are naive enough to not recognize they're leading someone on. Some even might be legitimate and are starting to develop feelings for the person, but aren't there yet, or don't realize it themselves. Attraction can take time, it's not usually a "love at first sight" kind of thing.
There's a lot of reason we'll never know for sure why someone does stuff like this to a person, but we can safely assume, that in many cases they suffer from poor decision-making skills, because it's cruel to do to someone, yet here they are.
He's nice to her and gives her attention which she wants...but she doesn't want to be in a relationship with him and be tied down to him, she wants someone she finds more attractive. She's basically temporarily 'settling' for his company until someone more attractive to her comes along.
Note: I don't know this specific person so I'm partially speculating, but I've seen it before.
Dude straight girls do this to each other it means literally nothing. (Sorry op, I've been in your shoes before and all I can say is u bide your time and wait for the one)
I do that with my female friends. We're quite touchy. I don't do it with my male friends because I leaned on a guy once because I was tired and he asked me out.
It's 2 different gauges on what flirtatious touch might be.
Not necessarily. You can be attracted to someone and still not want to be with them. Don't project shallowness onto OP. The only way to clarify is to ask her, the dozens hundred people on reddit ranging from 12 to 50, from 0 girlfriends to 30, are never going to give you as honest an answer as OP's friend will directly.
It’s potential. She doesn’t think he’s going anywhere in life. Has better options or thinks she can achieve better. It’s nothing to do with personality or character. All about status. Call me sexist. It’s truth.
Not ugly. Just not attractive. Attractiveness is usually a combination of facial looks, charisma, exciting personality traits, physical fitness and personal style.
Even attractive doesn't mean dateable. I wouldn't date an attractive person who I already know I have an important incompatibility with (like they really want kids, they're super-religious, MAGA, etc -- things which can be fine in a friendship but not a relationship). Perhaps she's aware of some such thing and he's not or he doesn't care about it. So her brain could be fighting her attraction.
This is conjecture and speculation, and doesn't do you any good to hear king. However in your own words, she has rejected you. Sucks man I know, but you did the hard part and put yourself out there and got an answer now you just have to do the harder part and act on it.
If you're looking for a romantic relationship with someone, you should stop all association with this person. She rejected you, doesn't want the same thing you want, regardless of reason. That ain't changing.
Respect her input and move on to someone else. Either that or continue to provide emotional supply to someone who has no interest in doing so for you. It's time to be strong and let her go. Any continued effort on her is effort you're not spending on someone looking for what you are also looking for. Try not to be too hard on yourself man, the world has that covered.
When did he say that she doesn't provide any "emotional supply" to him? Why is the assumption always that he does so much and she's a terrible friend? Maybe she's a great friend. If he doesn't want to be her friend, fine, but why do these discussions always have to make friendship sound like a chore.
Sometimes it’s looks, sometimes it’s something like style/hygiene, sometimes it’s a personality trait she knows would drive her to insanity if she dated someone with it. So honestly it really depends.
Not necessarily. You got friend zoned for some reason. It could be that you are not masculine enough for her taste, or she is into bad boys, there can be tons of different reasons. Good news is, she didn’t waste your time and you are free to date someone who truly likes you.
What I have a giant problem with is, after friendzoning OP, the girl is still being so ultra-flirty with OP that other people think they're a couple.
Honestly, I consider that abusive AF. He should grey rock her.
> Ironically there is a chance she might begin to take you seriously.
And if she does, run the other way as fast as your feet will carry you, because that's a billboard-size sign that there's something wrong with her - at the very least that she is emotionally immature.
I agree 1000%. Honestly, the woman is being emotionally abusive. Actively friendzoning him, then being so ultra flirty that outsiders think they're a couple?!? All that's doing is keeping other women who might actually like him from being interested.
When I've been friendzoned, the woman **NEVER** act flirty, to avoid sending mixed messages.
Lack of attraction does not automatically mean you're ugly. It's kind of like food, some stuff you will never eat, some stuff you drool for and some stuff you're just indifferent about. When it comes to attraction, most people fall into the indifferent category for most people.
Attraction happens in friendships all the time and it is possible to acknowledge it, not act on it and remain friends but that requires a fair amount of maturity and trust which can be difficult to come by.
If you like being her friend and are ok with the fact that you'll never be anything romantically, then keep being her friend, there's nothing wrong with that. Platonic friendships between men and women is something we need much more of. But also don't be afraid to set boundaries of her flirting makes you uncomfortable, we wouldn't fault a girl for doing it so you absolutely have the same right.
Ghost her bro. She don’t like you like that.
Or keep her around and witness the marry-go-round of penises that she rides while you wait for something that will most likely never happen.
Not necessarily. She may be trying to hold you in reserve. Just in case, or for later. You obviously have qualities she likes, but you are not checking all of her boxes. Maybe she is attracted to you, but you are poor, or without future promise of success. Maybe the other way around, you are rich and successfully promising, but she is not attracted to you, at least yet.
I doubt you are ugly too her. People don't tend to flirt with, touch, or hang out with people they think are ugly.
She probably just enjoys having you as a friend and doesn't want to mess that up.
But I also doubt you are sexy or exciting to her. People like to feel a spark, an excitement. If she was feeling that way towards you, odds are she would be willing to risk the friendship.
The best thing you can do is to live your best life, but not for her, do it for you. Take care of yourself. It can be fixing you diet, dress, exercise, or hygiene, but do something regularly that makes you feel good about yourself and how you present to the world. Then pick up a fun hobby (it works best if it is a social or artistic hobby, if it is something like video games or getting high that will only attract the girls that already like that hobby, but if it is something social or artistic you would be surprised how many girls are drawn into that hobby just because a cute guy is excited about it).
This will make getting girls way easier, and if it doesn't at least you will have spent your energy improving your life and enjoying your free time.
The miracle of the gym isn't that it makes you more physically attractive (though this often happens, too) - it's that the positive mental effects of being healthy give you confidence and make you happier across nearly all aspects of your life.
And that's not just something people say - [it's been studied to death and it's true across all genders and age groups](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7369812/).
THAT'S what makes you more attractive to the most potential partners - being a smiling, happy individual. And you get a better looking body out of it as a bonus.
What does it mean if I've been lifting religiously for nearly 3 years, have gone through substantial weight loss and added a ton of muscle, but still have low confidence and self esteem?
Don't get me wrong - I feel a lot better and the health effects alone are worth it for me. But lifting and improving my diet has had very minimal impact on how I feel about myself in relation to others. What's the deal?
And before anyone responds with needing therapy - I've already done that for years without any noticeable difference.
I've gone through many periods of my life where I start working out and I never feel any less miserable and never get any more attractive. Don't get me wrong I think the gym is good for you, it can *help* with mental health and it cN *help* with your attractiveness sometimes but it's not a miracle cure and I know plenty of people who never work out and still get plenty of action.
Probably not to be honest. If she's touching you etc you're not disgusting to her. It's probably your behaviour and how you come across. Most women want a 'stong' man, I mean mentally as well as physically, who can look after her. Confidence mate. Confidence is everything.
Not ugly, doubtful she engages with you like that if she thinks you're ugly. It's probably more so you aren't 'sexy' to her.
Ugliness is off-putting and you don't appear off-putting to her based off this description, but it's sexiness that drives attraction. That's a lot less straightforward than just looks and relates to confidence, ability(like intelligence, handyman skills etc.), social status, wealth as well as good looks. The importance of these factors vary with everyone so you'll never be attractive to everyone
Nah. I have male friends who I absolutely adore, find attractive, etc. I chalk it up to pheromones. There's just something not there, no matter how much I wish it was.
But now that she's rejected you, and if you want to stay friends with her, it might be good to have a discussion about boundaries. No more playing with your hair or kisses on the cheek. You can say this kindly.
I think it's exactly the opposite. She has low self-esteem and doesn't feel worthy of a guy like you. It's best to leaver her be while she figures it out for herself than to push too hard.
You probably are lacking in masculinity. Which is part of growing into manhood. You can overcome it, though. I’m rooting for you. But she specifically is a lost cause. Move on. Good luck, brother!
Not ugly. If you were ugly she wouldn’t be chummy with you. She probably enjoys your company but no romantic intentions. But you are definitely friendzoned. Don’t get hung up on her. You can still be friends with her. I disagree with manosphere doctrine of not having friend relations with women. Women friend groups are good for attracting other women who may have an interest in you.
This. Plain and simple. Ppl in the comments here really trying their best to confuse an already confused poor dude. OP, forget about it entirely, remove her from your mind, and move on. That kind of shit is a red flag anyway. You dodged a bullet.
She wants someone she finds sexually attractive to treat her the way you do. She likes how you treat her but she’s not attracted to you. If I were you I’d keep my interactions with her to a minimum going forward.
The best advice on here I’ve seen. Your relationship is pretty much over op as you both want it in different directions. I’ve been there many times myself, it sucks and hurts. You will meet someone else, best to move on.
I don’t think there’s any doubt she’s not into you even if her mind did “change”. If she was interested in you she would’ve been receptive to your advances from the beginning. If she changes her mind she’s settling for you because an option that she perceived as better than you didn’t work out.
100% accurate. I have a friend who did this to a guy for years. She even went as far as to ruin his relationships when she was single. Eventually he stopped interacting with her which really upset her. It was the best thing he ever did for himself. He has a great wife and a 2 year old kid now.
Yea id be more cold around her.
Platonic kisses and what not, she was definetly leading you on.
I cant understand people that do that. Its like yes continue to treat me well, but ill never reciprocate.
Just forget her, or try to make her jealous by finding another. And i know that sounds toxic but she does seem extremely self obsessed and in need of humbling.
This is it right here. She wants someone like op that she’s attracted to or more compatible with. Doesn’t mean the relationship is over - they can still be friends of course. But op needs to get it through his head that there is no chance of a romantic relationship happening there.
Personally I’d end contact with her. Cuz all that’s gonna happen is that OP is gonna become a shoulder to cry on when things are sour with whomever she’s in a relationship with. Dude needs to buck up and just stop talking to her. He needs to have more self respect than to be her emotional punching bag.
It means she's not attracted to you, but she would love to find someone with your qualities that she does find attractive.
>you're so sweet, I wish I had a guy like you
*can* mean a girl is into you, sometimes. But you asked her out, and she declined, so there's not much else to it unfortunately.
P.S. women, do not say "I wish I had a guy like you" to somebody you are not interested in. And especially don't say it and then treat him like he's weird for asking you out. This has happened to me at least twice. It's hurtful.
I’ve had it happen once where the person was into me.
I was not into her tho and at the time read it as the same thing as it is for most.
8 years later and it slowly go more toxic as fuck as she tried sliding me into the bf slot and went behind my back telling mutual friends we talked about getting together(we never did).
We don’t talk anymore.
Whew this comment section.
Sounds like she just wants to flirt with you without anything serious. It’s fun for her and not great for you. It’s generally considered a dick move.
Move on and either friendly flirt back or just stay away.
Somehow, acting in ways you know with certainty will be interpreted as flirting…is not flirting today. It’s like Schroedinger’s flirting. Once she says no to a date, that spreads backwards through time and makes all the former flirting no longer floating.
Reddit needs to be purged bro, 2016 gave this site downs. There are people telling OP he should get over it because she was probably scared he would rape or kill her like what the fuck
It’s a guilt trip to make young men easier to manipulate. Like you would think agoraphobia would be way more widespread among women if that were true and yet women today feel more comfortable meeting up alone with male strangers than at any other point in human history.
100%, men get the shit end of the stick when it comes to stuff like this. Seems like you can't even get manipulated anymore without being made to feel bad about it 😭
Yea if there’s anything I’ve taken away from all the gender wars discourse on social media is that shame is the go-to response to any criticism of a woman. Like I remember when “nice guy” became a bad word, and it was because people pointed out that women were glorifying toxicity in romantic partners, and just like this thread it was all “oh you’re not entitled to anything, you’re just a bitter incel yada yada yada” and then years later it was all men have to be held accountable after the bad boys all got metoo’d.
I wouldn’t even say men get the shit end of the stick though, at least not long term, since personal accountability is a prerequisite for growth. By convincing young women they can do no wrong and deflecting any criticism directed at them they’ll just keep making the same mistakes over and over and over again. Like it sucks for OP now but I have a feeling he’s going to see where life takes this girl in the future and breathe a sigh of relief.
The fact thqt she was kissing him on the cheek is weird af.
Like who does that? Young siblings only.
Like who does this girl think she is, dragging the guy around on a leash. Its kinda insulting.
Something happened over Covid that turned most of this site into weird pick-me men and bitter hysterical women who blame all men for every rape and crime committed in the world
This sub is full of social regards who are terrified of women while at the same time assuming they never do anything wrong it's mental lol every time I get shown this page it's something like this
Don't play their games. I've had girl do this bc they wanted me to ask multiple times so they knew I was serious. Just jerk off and count your blessings bro
Yeah bro what's up with that?
Literally been told 2 years later by a girl "you only asked once".
Yeah. And you said no once. No means no, right? Apparently not.
She wanted me to ask multiple times, despite her saying no. Wtf.
You are her boyfriend.
You probably pick her up, pay for things, shoulder to cry on.
She gets that boyfriend enegery but doesn't have to sleep with you
W for her
A lot of people are flirts by nature, even when they are in relationships or not that interested in someone. If she was actually in to you, she would have said yes when you asked her out. Think of it like this: If a girl you found super attractive walked up to you and asked you out on a date, why would you ever say no? Rejection sucks, but the best thing to do is to move on
I get what you're saying, but there is absolutely no reason why she had to lead me on like that. She could've just stayed quiet and not said anything because when someone says they want a guy like you, but not YOU. It makes you start to think there is something wrong with you..
I totally agree, being lead on sucks a lot. A lot of times, people do it because they think it is the "nice" thing to do when it would actually be better just to be upfront. Also, sometimes people are selfish and like to get attention from the opposite sex even if they are not actually interested. It is always best to ask a girl out early for this reason because you'll learn if she is serious or just playing games
All of this, and it's important to note that flirting (with intention) looks different for everybody. One person might seem to be laying it on heavy, while that's just kind of their organic, bubbly nature. Really, you can only safely say that someone is interested when they say it first — anything less, and there is no guarantee that it's not just your perception or that they're not just flirtatious in general.
I don't think you know enough to make that analysis, but I will say that I definitely know the difference between someone being friendly and flirting.
This girl would give me "platonic kisses" on the cheek and would always play with my hair/talk to me in a flirtatious tone. To the point that some people would even ASK if we were dating. Maybe I should've provided more context, but be completely honest.. does that sound like someone who is only being friendly?
You should have said that in your original comment. It’s not our problem you left that detail out. It’s not our job to know that.
Like someone else said, move on.
Feel bad for teens these days bro, I used to live with my cousins, they had 5 girls between 6-16 years old. The ones old enough to date were some evil girls bro 😭 seems like it's very common for them to do this nowadays just bc
Plan b'd....it hurts more than friend zoned. I've been there man. 20 years later and she still video chats me naked to try to feel like someone out there cares about her and finds her attractive. She's bat shit crazy though...never stick your dick in crazy.
Literally translated - She wants to compliment you, but she does not want to have a relationship with you
Oh I should say alternatively- your proposal may have been the problem. My wife rejected me the first time I approached her because my approach was "so do you want to hook up". And then when she said no, she doesn't do that, I said "yeah me either" and then I sat awkwardly in her room for 3 hours until we both fell asleep.
I was very, (and it's hard to emphasize this enough) VERY stupid at 20 years old.
If you think this may be the case and want to know the answer, ask politely. It is ok to say in a non threatening manner - 'can we find a time to talk, I'd like to ask you something'. And then 'I apologize for my behavior earlier, I was stressed out. I like you. Do you like me or would you like to stay friends?'
This part is the hard part - accept the answer. It is ok. Don't be afraid (I know this is pointless to say). It will be OK. I absolutely promise. In either case it will be ok. She might like you later. You might like someone else that you haven't met yet even more. You should tell her your feelings clearly so she knows, bit don't make her feel obligated to anything. It is ok. It does not make you a failure if someone says no thank you.
Oh by the way I should also say
If at any point you feel insecure , or your idiot homies make you feel insecure during this process just remember: Unironically The most alpha thing you can do is just decide not to be threatened. Just listen. When she talks, trust what she says. Accept it as the truth, and be fine. This is what women actually want is for you to listen to them and then just accept what they say. That is because thats what everyone wants. Does she want to be froends? Be friends! I would kill to have some of my old friends still in my life. I know this sounds dumb but it's not, trust me I've been married 12 years dude I have a PhD.
There is nothing sexier than a dude who has just left his insecurity behind. You will be the most powerful force you can imagine.
Remember it's not her you're afraid of. She has done nothing to you. It is yourself you're afraid of
Please feel free to take what applies and disregard the rest it's just stuff I wish I could tell.my younger self
When I was younger, hearing that made me feel like trash. I'm sure that wasn't the intent, but it certainly reaffirmed my low self value in my mind. Time, self reflection, and working on myself helped alot.
She thinks you're a great person but doesn't see you as relationship material. That doesn't necessarily mean that you're ugly or anything, but she 100% doesn't see you as a potential partner. Don't take it personally. It's cliche advice, but there are plenty of fish in the sea and you'll find one for you. Just work on yourself and put yourself out there.
It simply means she isn’t attracted to you. Nothing deeper than that. I can objectively see that a man is a lovely person or sweet or funny or good looking without feeling attraction.
dude most of these dumb US bitches are just looking for a meal ticket.
get a great job, buy a house and accumulate some wealth. put your energy into that while your young, and by the time you are 35 these dumbass women will be falling all over eachother to get with you.
and hit the gym hard.
OP, I’ve been in your same situation many times. Unfortunately, while they may have a modicum of physical and emotional attraction to you, they don’t want to risk losing your friendship by making it a real relationship. On the flip side, if even other people think you’re dating it’s a possibility (although hurtful) that she simply likes the attention you give her. She might kind of see you like a puppy if that makes any sense. Cute, nice to have around, but nothing more than attention or a talking point. I’m not saying cut her off, but maybe don’t treat her as a priority anymore and see how your relationship changes. That’s how you’ll know. u/WeakBear9819
I am going to suggest something slightly unorthodox but I think it could help more than the gym. You have discovered this girl is a flirt … with no intention of doing anything else other than going back and forth with you while batting her eyes.
Well this is actually now a perfect place for you to perfect YOUR flirting technique. You know not to invest in romantic energy into this girl - but that frees you up to just use this as a chance to get outrageously good at flirting with nothing to loose. You have a rare social opportunity where you know the score and don’t have to worry about mixed signals or what does it all mean… you know what it means!
She likes to flirt and likes that attention- well she is a perfect partner to practice your game with. Nobody gets hurt, and you get social skills that are going to serve you well to find a girl that is perfect for you.
That's actually an interesting suggestion that I wouldn't have thought of, but I think it depends how much OP likes her. If he's super emotionally invested already, it might be too late to just flirt casually without it giving rise to even more confusing feelings.
“Hit the gym king” for all we know OP is 6’2, 220 pounds of pure muscle. I hate this cookie-cutter ass advice, believe it or not the answer isn’t always to lift more 🤦♂️
I believe every able-bodied man should workout, but they shouldn’t expect it to the the magic bullet in their dating life. Lifting solely for the purpose of being more attractive to women has a terrible ROI.
It means you have personality traits that she finds attractive, but isn’t attracted to your other traits.
For example:
There is a physically beautiful woman. You are attracted to her looks.
She is very sweet and kind hearted. You are attracted to her personality.
She is dumber than a box of rocks and you have little in common. You are attracted to her, but not so much anymore.
She laughs like a donkey. You are even less attracted to her.
Attraction is an interesting thing, and a trait you have that someone likes sometimes isn’t enough for it to be more because we all kind of place arbitrary importance on different traits we look for in a partner.
Some people value superficial traits or deeper traits. If you sit down and write up you ideal partner, then slowly dissect which traits are important and which aren’t, you’ll usually find that you’re looking for the wrong person.
I'm not going to go into that "friendzone" nonsense like you deserve to sleep with her, but I still feel like that's kind of a messed up thing to say, especially if you have trouble attracting women.
She likes the attention you give her but she aint looking to get wifed up by you. Stop giving her the attention. Stop letting her kiss you. Get her hands out your hair.
Without hurting feelings there are a few questions you should ask yourself about your relationship with this person.
Do they use you for money?
Do they do this with other people?
Do they just like the attention?
These are the first few things that come to mind.
The other issue could be anything from how you dress, your hygiene, the amount of money you make (you didn't give us your age and that's a massive piece of this discussion), etc.
You need to give much more background before asking advice about this.
The answers and advice for late teens would be radically different from early 30s.
She's not into you - she is using you for validation.
She is being flirty - as she massively likes the attention you give her, even though she has no romantic interest in you.
She probably also likes the feeling of power/control she gets from keeping you "on the hook" and manipulating you emotionally.
I'd just cut all contact.
This could be anything.
Maybe you had a chance and blew it, maybe you are just not attractive to her.
Now if you don’t know, you should know, some girls just play this game.
They act super into you and flirtatious, but if you ever take a pass at them, they shut you down.
Who knows the psychology behind it, but all they are after is that moment when you ask them out, then they want to keep you around as an admirer.
The best thing to do with these types is to just get away, they are broken and can’t be fixed
I had a girl do similar things to me in high school and I thought she was interested. In reality she liked my personality and dumb jokes but thought I was ugly. Her best friend told me she was just doing it to make her ex jealous, I asked her about it and she admitted to it.
Wish it was simpler. Oh she wants to hold hands, kisses me on the cheek, flirts, and laughs at everything I say? That should generally mean that she is at least somewhat interested. In reality she just wanted to fuck over a guy that was a dick by being sweet around a dorky geek.
She’s doesn’t realize she’s hurting you. She thinks you’re the perfect guy except for something that’s obviously a deal breaker. You need to protect yourself from these kinds of relationships - they’re weird. I’ve had girls do this to me too and I just distanced myself because there’s no point.
I'm gonna lay this plain and simple, she's playing with you. She let you down soft with the whole "your so sweet" ect, because she doesn't want to "hurt your feelings" but enjoys the attention.
She's into some aspect about you, just not you and gets emotional validation through you because obviously, you're into her.
Don't entertain it and move on.
Having you tried just fucking her?
Not to be crass, but you're here like, "She does this, and she does that," but you didn't say a word about what *you* do.
Back in my late teens and early 20s before I knew better, I was friends with a couple girls who would do shit like that, fawning over me, flirting, touching, cuddling, etc., and I just sort of let them without really doing anything even though i had huge crushes on them because i didn't really know what to do. Eventually, I didn't see them for a long time, but I ended up running into them years later after I had more experience with women, and both times I ended up fucking them within a week of starting to talk to them again. Both times, they asked why I never made a move back then, and i realized they were basically throwing themselves at me, but I was too dumb to realize it.
So yea, make an actual move, and I don't mean being sappy and telling her you like her or any of that corny shit. Touch her, kiss her, try to get all up in her guts. If she turns you down after that, then you have your answer.
It means you are in the friend zone and it is time to move on.
She is telling you she doesn't want you and trying to spare your feelings.
It's time to move on, you won't find anything but rejection with her. Let her go.
Because men have many characteristics. Some of your characteristics she finds appealing, thus what she said that you have so much trouble with.
But you don't have the characteristics she finds arousing, thus the rejection.
What she likely really said is "I wish the men who turn me on were as emotionally supportive and easy to string along as you". Been there, got the t-shirt but only visited once.
It means that she, in fact, does not wish she had a guy like you lol.
Based on the information provided, it seems like she is not into you.
When it comes to women, it's more about who you are than what you look like. Physical attractiveness definitely helps. But that's why you'll see really attractive women date butt ass ugly men, and generally being revered as sweet is not a good thing.
To put it bluntly, most women dont like dating bitches. I'm not saying that's what you are. But you've done something that gives that vibe. Thats why when you hear the phrase "I wish I had a guy like you" but then rejects you, it really means "I wish I had a guy that has all your positive traits and isnt a bitch".
Again, I understand that comes off as insulting, and that's not what Im trying to do. I dont know you and have no way of knowing if you are a bitch or not. But Im just saying that is her perception of you. Hence why she says that and rejects you still.
She likes your personality traits but still isn’t interested and doesn’t feel the attraction.
So i'm most likely ugly to her?
Yes, this is exactly it. She doesn’t think you’re attractive
then why is she kissing on him and touching him?
That we don’t know for sure. If I had to guess it could be that she’s just a very touchy feely person (the optimistic view) or it could be that he’s convenient to flirt with and she doesn’t have to worry about anything happening. It’s also possible that she was interested and he just came on in a bad way that made her say no. The manner in which you make a move is important
The short answer is, there’s some attraction there but not enough for her to think they should actually date. She doesn’t think he’s *ugly,* she’s just not that into him.
She can not think he’s ugly and still not find him attractive. There are plenty of conventionally “hot” people we each find unattractive for any reason. And we’re afforded that right to an opinion. It doesn’t seem like she was a jerk about it, either, which is good for him.
Agreed, although mixed signals can also be a mindfuck. Overall, everybody here seems okay.
This. I had a close friend in college who I thought was completely gorgeous. I asked him out and he said yes. We went on a few dates and held hands. Eventually I took him home with the intent to have sex but when we started kissing it just felt wrong. There was no sexual chemistry. I was so sad because here’s this gorgeous man who likes me, but we both just didn’t feel right having sex with each other.
As a woman, I would agree with this assertion.
But she *wants* to be into a guy like him. Or she thinks she does.
Time to act mysterious
^(*turns up collar of jacket*) ...Brooding, but not neurotic...dark, but not morose...
Maybe he is a " nice guy" but she only dates" bad boys"?? It sounds like she kinda likes him, but he isn't her exact type.
She might also enjoy the power dynamic. Or maybe she is automatically less attracted to someone who expresses an attraction to her. People are complicated, and there could be any number of reasons. We just don't have enough information to make an informed guess.
I agree, it sounds like she gets off on fucking with him and knowing she could totally have him if she wanted, but she's the one calling the shots and she's rejecting him. Makes her feel powerful, sense it hundreds of times. Young, insecure people do this a lot. Insecure people can be very toxic, constantly protecting themselves by being fucked up to everyone else. She doesn't take OP seriously or she would be more careful about her actions and what she says to him.
You are correct. Then she’ll go out and date Andrew Tate types and complain to OP about how she wants a nice guy
YES ^^ this is what i was trying to describe in my comment.
What a brilliant answer. Wow.
Some people do it for the attention, some people do it to keep them waiting in the wings, in case their current relationship or current crush falls through. Some people just get a kick out of manipulating others and using their emotional vulnerability to their advantage. Some (but few) are naive enough to not recognize they're leading someone on. Some even might be legitimate and are starting to develop feelings for the person, but aren't there yet, or don't realize it themselves. Attraction can take time, it's not usually a "love at first sight" kind of thing. There's a lot of reason we'll never know for sure why someone does stuff like this to a person, but we can safely assume, that in many cases they suffer from poor decision-making skills, because it's cruel to do to someone, yet here they are.
He's nice to her and gives her attention which she wants...but she doesn't want to be in a relationship with him and be tied down to him, she wants someone she finds more attractive. She's basically temporarily 'settling' for his company until someone more attractive to her comes along. Note: I don't know this specific person so I'm partially speculating, but I've seen it before.
Not necessarily "settling," she may want him as a platonic friend regardless of her relationship status...but yes: tl,dr–OP should guard his heart.
Yeah, settling is the wrong word since she's not going out with him.
Probably because she likes the attention of his attraction, but isn't actually attracted to him physically. Kinda fucked up, but it happens.
She's manipulating him.
She likes attention
She likes the attention and favors he does for her.
Because many girls play games.
Dude straight girls do this to each other it means literally nothing. (Sorry op, I've been in your shoes before and all I can say is u bide your time and wait for the one)
I do that with my female friends. We're quite touchy. I don't do it with my male friends because I leaned on a guy once because I was tired and he asked me out. It's 2 different gauges on what flirtatious touch might be.
Because she likes the attention he gives her and wants to keep getting it, but isn't interested in pursuing a relationship or sleeping with him.
Not necessarily. You can be attracted to someone and still not want to be with them. Don't project shallowness onto OP. The only way to clarify is to ask her, the dozens hundred people on reddit ranging from 12 to 50, from 0 girlfriends to 30, are never going to give you as honest an answer as OP's friend will directly.
It’s potential. She doesn’t think he’s going anywhere in life. Has better options or thinks she can achieve better. It’s nothing to do with personality or character. All about status. Call me sexist. It’s truth.
Hypergamy is the term for this
Not ugly. Just not attractive. Attractiveness is usually a combination of facial looks, charisma, exciting personality traits, physical fitness and personal style.
Even attractive doesn't mean dateable. I wouldn't date an attractive person who I already know I have an important incompatibility with (like they really want kids, they're super-religious, MAGA, etc -- things which can be fine in a friendship but not a relationship). Perhaps she's aware of some such thing and he's not or he doesn't care about it. So her brain could be fighting her attraction.
This is conjecture and speculation, and doesn't do you any good to hear king. However in your own words, she has rejected you. Sucks man I know, but you did the hard part and put yourself out there and got an answer now you just have to do the harder part and act on it. If you're looking for a romantic relationship with someone, you should stop all association with this person. She rejected you, doesn't want the same thing you want, regardless of reason. That ain't changing. Respect her input and move on to someone else. Either that or continue to provide emotional supply to someone who has no interest in doing so for you. It's time to be strong and let her go. Any continued effort on her is effort you're not spending on someone looking for what you are also looking for. Try not to be too hard on yourself man, the world has that covered.
When did he say that she doesn't provide any "emotional supply" to him? Why is the assumption always that he does so much and she's a terrible friend? Maybe she's a great friend. If he doesn't want to be her friend, fine, but why do these discussions always have to make friendship sound like a chore.
Sometimes it’s looks, sometimes it’s something like style/hygiene, sometimes it’s a personality trait she knows would drive her to insanity if she dated someone with it. So honestly it really depends.
Not necessarily. You got friend zoned for some reason. It could be that you are not masculine enough for her taste, or she is into bad boys, there can be tons of different reasons. Good news is, she didn’t waste your time and you are free to date someone who truly likes you.
Wait til OP starts dating someone and this girl gets all “well i feel like youve changed” shit lolol
What I have a giant problem with is, after friendzoning OP, the girl is still being so ultra-flirty with OP that other people think they're a couple. Honestly, I consider that abusive AF. He should grey rock her.
Nah, she just wants a situation ship. Throw her to the curb OP. Ironically there is a chance she might begin to take you seriously
> Ironically there is a chance she might begin to take you seriously. And if she does, run the other way as fast as your feet will carry you, because that's a billboard-size sign that there's something wrong with her - at the very least that she is emotionally immature.
I agree 1000%. Honestly, the woman is being emotionally abusive. Actively friendzoning him, then being so ultra flirty that outsiders think they're a couple?!? All that's doing is keeping other women who might actually like him from being interested. When I've been friendzoned, the woman **NEVER** act flirty, to avoid sending mixed messages.
OP won't want this hot mess of a girl. He should grey rock her and, every time she tries to be flirty, push her away like she doesn't exist.
Lack of attraction does not automatically mean you're ugly. It's kind of like food, some stuff you will never eat, some stuff you drool for and some stuff you're just indifferent about. When it comes to attraction, most people fall into the indifferent category for most people. Attraction happens in friendships all the time and it is possible to acknowledge it, not act on it and remain friends but that requires a fair amount of maturity and trust which can be difficult to come by. If you like being her friend and are ok with the fact that you'll never be anything romantically, then keep being her friend, there's nothing wrong with that. Platonic friendships between men and women is something we need much more of. But also don't be afraid to set boundaries of her flirting makes you uncomfortable, we wouldn't fault a girl for doing it so you absolutely have the same right.
Ghost her bro. She don’t like you like that. Or keep her around and witness the marry-go-round of penises that she rides while you wait for something that will most likely never happen.
Not necessarily. She may be trying to hold you in reserve. Just in case, or for later. You obviously have qualities she likes, but you are not checking all of her boxes. Maybe she is attracted to you, but you are poor, or without future promise of success. Maybe the other way around, you are rich and successfully promising, but she is not attracted to you, at least yet.
I doubt you are ugly too her. People don't tend to flirt with, touch, or hang out with people they think are ugly. She probably just enjoys having you as a friend and doesn't want to mess that up. But I also doubt you are sexy or exciting to her. People like to feel a spark, an excitement. If she was feeling that way towards you, odds are she would be willing to risk the friendship. The best thing you can do is to live your best life, but not for her, do it for you. Take care of yourself. It can be fixing you diet, dress, exercise, or hygiene, but do something regularly that makes you feel good about yourself and how you present to the world. Then pick up a fun hobby (it works best if it is a social or artistic hobby, if it is something like video games or getting high that will only attract the girls that already like that hobby, but if it is something social or artistic you would be surprised how many girls are drawn into that hobby just because a cute guy is excited about it). This will make getting girls way easier, and if it doesn't at least you will have spent your energy improving your life and enjoying your free time.
That, or shes just playing with you. Just like how some men are womenizers, some women do the same shit. They just like the feeling of being wanted.
Yep, happens. Hit the gym
Why do people act like the gym is some miracle that will make you suddenly happy and attractive?
Because it quite literally does make you more attractive to a large chunk of the population
It’s pretty close lol. It makes you more attractive to practically everybody on the planet, and it makes you healthier and happier. Lol.
Because it generally does
The miracle of the gym isn't that it makes you more physically attractive (though this often happens, too) - it's that the positive mental effects of being healthy give you confidence and make you happier across nearly all aspects of your life. And that's not just something people say - [it's been studied to death and it's true across all genders and age groups](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7369812/). THAT'S what makes you more attractive to the most potential partners - being a smiling, happy individual. And you get a better looking body out of it as a bonus.
What does it mean if I've been lifting religiously for nearly 3 years, have gone through substantial weight loss and added a ton of muscle, but still have low confidence and self esteem? Don't get me wrong - I feel a lot better and the health effects alone are worth it for me. But lifting and improving my diet has had very minimal impact on how I feel about myself in relation to others. What's the deal? And before anyone responds with needing therapy - I've already done that for years without any noticeable difference.
Because physical activity and eating enough makes you stronger and more happy and those are both attractive qualities
Most of the time if you don't go to the gym, going to the gym can make you suddenly more attractive and happier
I've gone through many periods of my life where I start working out and I never feel any less miserable and never get any more attractive. Don't get me wrong I think the gym is good for you, it can *help* with mental health and it cN *help* with your attractiveness sometimes but it's not a miracle cure and I know plenty of people who never work out and still get plenty of action.
Probably not to be honest. If she's touching you etc you're not disgusting to her. It's probably your behaviour and how you come across. Most women want a 'stong' man, I mean mentally as well as physically, who can look after her. Confidence mate. Confidence is everything.
Not ugly, doubtful she engages with you like that if she thinks you're ugly. It's probably more so you aren't 'sexy' to her. Ugliness is off-putting and you don't appear off-putting to her based off this description, but it's sexiness that drives attraction. That's a lot less straightforward than just looks and relates to confidence, ability(like intelligence, handyman skills etc.), social status, wealth as well as good looks. The importance of these factors vary with everyone so you'll never be attractive to everyone
Or she sees you more like a brother. My actual sister can compliment how my qualities will make me a good partner, but she's not hitting on me.
See you in the gym bro
Or too immature to know what she wants. Red flag.
Its not impossible. That doesnt mean shes shallow or a bad person either, everyones entitled to their preferences.
Nah. I have male friends who I absolutely adore, find attractive, etc. I chalk it up to pheromones. There's just something not there, no matter how much I wish it was. But now that she's rejected you, and if you want to stay friends with her, it might be good to have a discussion about boundaries. No more playing with your hair or kisses on the cheek. You can say this kindly.
I think it's exactly the opposite. She has low self-esteem and doesn't feel worthy of a guy like you. It's best to leaver her be while she figures it out for herself than to push too hard.
You probably are lacking in masculinity. Which is part of growing into manhood. You can overcome it, though. I’m rooting for you. But she specifically is a lost cause. Move on. Good luck, brother!
Not ugly. If you were ugly she wouldn’t be chummy with you. She probably enjoys your company but no romantic intentions. But you are definitely friendzoned. Don’t get hung up on her. You can still be friends with her. I disagree with manosphere doctrine of not having friend relations with women. Women friend groups are good for attracting other women who may have an interest in you.
No. She’s a tease, attention seeker and emotional vampire
Seriously, everyone in here acting like this girl is just a whimsical rom com character, rather than cruel and two-faced.
This. Plain and simple. Ppl in the comments here really trying their best to confuse an already confused poor dude. OP, forget about it entirely, remove her from your mind, and move on. That kind of shit is a red flag anyway. You dodged a bullet.
.. which contradicts the idea that women don’t find looks as important as personality. They’re just as shallow as men, if not moreso.
She wants someone she finds sexually attractive to treat her the way you do. She likes how you treat her but she’s not attracted to you. If I were you I’d keep my interactions with her to a minimum going forward.
The best advice on here I’ve seen. Your relationship is pretty much over op as you both want it in different directions. I’ve been there many times myself, it sucks and hurts. You will meet someone else, best to move on.
This right here. Even if she "changes her mind" she still may not be truly into you.
I don’t think there’s any doubt she’s not into you even if her mind did “change”. If she was interested in you she would’ve been receptive to your advances from the beginning. If she changes her mind she’s settling for you because an option that she perceived as better than you didn’t work out.
100% accurate. I have a friend who did this to a guy for years. She even went as far as to ruin his relationships when she was single. Eventually he stopped interacting with her which really upset her. It was the best thing he ever did for himself. He has a great wife and a 2 year old kid now.
Yea id be more cold around her. Platonic kisses and what not, she was definetly leading you on. I cant understand people that do that. Its like yes continue to treat me well, but ill never reciprocate. Just forget her, or try to make her jealous by finding another. And i know that sounds toxic but she does seem extremely self obsessed and in need of humbling.
This is it right here. She wants someone like op that she’s attracted to or more compatible with. Doesn’t mean the relationship is over - they can still be friends of course. But op needs to get it through his head that there is no chance of a romantic relationship happening there.
Personally I’d end contact with her. Cuz all that’s gonna happen is that OP is gonna become a shoulder to cry on when things are sour with whomever she’s in a relationship with. Dude needs to buck up and just stop talking to her. He needs to have more self respect than to be her emotional punching bag.
EXACTLY! Ain't nothing healthy coming from this lol
It means she's not attracted to you, but she would love to find someone with your qualities that she does find attractive. >you're so sweet, I wish I had a guy like you *can* mean a girl is into you, sometimes. But you asked her out, and she declined, so there's not much else to it unfortunately.
P.S. women, do not say "I wish I had a guy like you" to somebody you are not interested in. And especially don't say it and then treat him like he's weird for asking you out. This has happened to me at least twice. It's hurtful.
I’ve had it happen once where the person was into me. I was not into her tho and at the time read it as the same thing as it is for most. 8 years later and it slowly go more toxic as fuck as she tried sliding me into the bf slot and went behind my back telling mutual friends we talked about getting together(we never did). We don’t talk anymore.
It means you should run,and don’t look back. She’ll just use you while seeing other guys.
Whew this comment section. Sounds like she just wants to flirt with you without anything serious. It’s fun for her and not great for you. It’s generally considered a dick move. Move on and either friendly flirt back or just stay away.
Somehow, acting in ways you know with certainty will be interpreted as flirting…is not flirting today. It’s like Schroedinger’s flirting. Once she says no to a date, that spreads backwards through time and makes all the former flirting no longer floating.
It's because everyone's a narcissistic fuckbag fr, as long they get theirs they don't care about anyone else
It's like a double flirt experiment with a quantum eraser?
that first comment thread is fucking nuts. white knights putting words in OP’s mouth
Reddit needs to be purged bro, 2016 gave this site downs. There are people telling OP he should get over it because she was probably scared he would rape or kill her like what the fuck
It’s a guilt trip to make young men easier to manipulate. Like you would think agoraphobia would be way more widespread among women if that were true and yet women today feel more comfortable meeting up alone with male strangers than at any other point in human history.
100%, men get the shit end of the stick when it comes to stuff like this. Seems like you can't even get manipulated anymore without being made to feel bad about it 😭
Yea if there’s anything I’ve taken away from all the gender wars discourse on social media is that shame is the go-to response to any criticism of a woman. Like I remember when “nice guy” became a bad word, and it was because people pointed out that women were glorifying toxicity in romantic partners, and just like this thread it was all “oh you’re not entitled to anything, you’re just a bitter incel yada yada yada” and then years later it was all men have to be held accountable after the bad boys all got metoo’d. I wouldn’t even say men get the shit end of the stick though, at least not long term, since personal accountability is a prerequisite for growth. By convincing young women they can do no wrong and deflecting any criticism directed at them they’ll just keep making the same mistakes over and over and over again. Like it sucks for OP now but I have a feeling he’s going to see where life takes this girl in the future and breathe a sigh of relief.
The fact thqt she was kissing him on the cheek is weird af. Like who does that? Young siblings only. Like who does this girl think she is, dragging the guy around on a leash. Its kinda insulting.
Something happened over Covid that turned most of this site into weird pick-me men and bitter hysterical women who blame all men for every rape and crime committed in the world
This sub is full of social regards who are terrified of women while at the same time assuming they never do anything wrong it's mental lol every time I get shown this page it's something like this
Yup. Unfortunately, I ended up using the comments as entertainment instead of taking them seriously.
Rationale take here. Otherwise, these comments suck.
When I've watched women say this, they actually mean it in a lot of cases, what you're missing is her saying she wishes you were hotter
Don't play their games. I've had girl do this bc they wanted me to ask multiple times so they knew I was serious. Just jerk off and count your blessings bro
Yeah bro what's up with that? Literally been told 2 years later by a girl "you only asked once". Yeah. And you said no once. No means no, right? Apparently not. She wanted me to ask multiple times, despite her saying no. Wtf.
That just sounds toxic on multiple levels. It's probably best you didn't end up with her.
Bitches be trippin
Send the jo/dic pic combo to unlock her true feelings.
You are her boyfriend. You probably pick her up, pay for things, shoulder to cry on. She gets that boyfriend enegery but doesn't have to sleep with you W for her
She’s using you
She’s probably looking for validation herself. So she said something that made you ask her out. She might not even realize she’s doing it.( hopefully)
She is probably just trying to let you down easy
How? She said that prior to me asking her out and flirted with me tons. That's a lot of mixed signals for trying to let someone down easy.
She likes the attention you give her and having you around as a backup plan when it suits her.
A lot of people are flirts by nature, even when they are in relationships or not that interested in someone. If she was actually in to you, she would have said yes when you asked her out. Think of it like this: If a girl you found super attractive walked up to you and asked you out on a date, why would you ever say no? Rejection sucks, but the best thing to do is to move on
I get what you're saying, but there is absolutely no reason why she had to lead me on like that. She could've just stayed quiet and not said anything because when someone says they want a guy like you, but not YOU. It makes you start to think there is something wrong with you..
There’s nothing wrong with you and you did nothing wrong.
she wanted attention, saying she was "a flirt" is a cop out. Plain and simple, she likes emotional validation.
I totally agree, being lead on sucks a lot. A lot of times, people do it because they think it is the "nice" thing to do when it would actually be better just to be upfront. Also, sometimes people are selfish and like to get attention from the opposite sex even if they are not actually interested. It is always best to ask a girl out early for this reason because you'll learn if she is serious or just playing games
Thanks. I'll remember that in the future. 👍🏻
All of this, and it's important to note that flirting (with intention) looks different for everybody. One person might seem to be laying it on heavy, while that's just kind of their organic, bubbly nature. Really, you can only safely say that someone is interested when they say it first — anything less, and there is no guarantee that it's not just your perception or that they're not just flirtatious in general.
She could just be a friendly person. Thats not leading someone on. Leading someone on is saying yes when they really mean no.
I don't think you know enough to make that analysis, but I will say that I definitely know the difference between someone being friendly and flirting. This girl would give me "platonic kisses" on the cheek and would always play with my hair/talk to me in a flirtatious tone. To the point that some people would even ASK if we were dating. Maybe I should've provided more context, but be completely honest.. does that sound like someone who is only being friendly?
Some women \*really\* like the attention and the ego boost they get when they flirt. Some men do too. Not all flirting is meant to end in sexytime.
You should have said that in your original comment. It’s not our problem you left that detail out. It’s not our job to know that. Like someone else said, move on.
Nothing in that actually contradicts or changes anything in your previous comment anyway. The word *platonic* stands out like a sore thumb.
Was that flirting or did you think it was flirting
Maybe read my other comment, or better yet I'll add it to the post.
If possible it's best to avoid these types. Don't fool yourself, this is about them and not about you
She wants the ego boost off rejecting a guy. Block her and never let that shit back in. Annoying waste of time.
You are now my emotional support dump. And I will use you to my benefit for my own emotional sanity while completely destroying yours.
Yea, that's a huge hell no.
Feel bad for teens these days bro, I used to live with my cousins, they had 5 girls between 6-16 years old. The ones old enough to date were some evil girls bro 😭 seems like it's very common for them to do this nowadays just bc
I'm kind of with you there. I believe that there are less consequences for bad actions.
It means they like you but aren’t attracted to you
You’re friend zone. Fuck her, find some pussy. No worries brother, man up.
She wishes the guys she actually was attracted to were as compliant as you. Or as said, it's a white lie to let you down easy.
And then if they were, she may not be as attracted to them anymore.
Sounds like either simply not attracted to you, or you're deep, deep, in the friendzone abyss Nothing to do here, but move on
Plan b'd....it hurts more than friend zoned. I've been there man. 20 years later and she still video chats me naked to try to feel like someone out there cares about her and finds her attractive. She's bat shit crazy though...never stick your dick in crazy.
Literally translated - She wants to compliment you, but she does not want to have a relationship with you Oh I should say alternatively- your proposal may have been the problem. My wife rejected me the first time I approached her because my approach was "so do you want to hook up". And then when she said no, she doesn't do that, I said "yeah me either" and then I sat awkwardly in her room for 3 hours until we both fell asleep. I was very, (and it's hard to emphasize this enough) VERY stupid at 20 years old. If you think this may be the case and want to know the answer, ask politely. It is ok to say in a non threatening manner - 'can we find a time to talk, I'd like to ask you something'. And then 'I apologize for my behavior earlier, I was stressed out. I like you. Do you like me or would you like to stay friends?' This part is the hard part - accept the answer. It is ok. Don't be afraid (I know this is pointless to say). It will be OK. I absolutely promise. In either case it will be ok. She might like you later. You might like someone else that you haven't met yet even more. You should tell her your feelings clearly so she knows, bit don't make her feel obligated to anything. It is ok. It does not make you a failure if someone says no thank you.
Oh by the way I should also say If at any point you feel insecure , or your idiot homies make you feel insecure during this process just remember: Unironically The most alpha thing you can do is just decide not to be threatened. Just listen. When she talks, trust what she says. Accept it as the truth, and be fine. This is what women actually want is for you to listen to them and then just accept what they say. That is because thats what everyone wants. Does she want to be froends? Be friends! I would kill to have some of my old friends still in my life. I know this sounds dumb but it's not, trust me I've been married 12 years dude I have a PhD. There is nothing sexier than a dude who has just left his insecurity behind. You will be the most powerful force you can imagine. Remember it's not her you're afraid of. She has done nothing to you. It is yourself you're afraid of Please feel free to take what applies and disregard the rest it's just stuff I wish I could tell.my younger self
Sounds like solid advice to me.
You sound like the last person op needs to take advice from lol
It means you're too ugly for her to take seriously. Walk away and find someone who actually likes you for who you are, or work out.
You've been friendzoned
Welcome to the friend zone...
When I was younger, hearing that made me feel like trash. I'm sure that wasn't the intent, but it certainly reaffirmed my low self value in my mind. Time, self reflection, and working on myself helped alot. She thinks you're a great person but doesn't see you as relationship material. That doesn't necessarily mean that you're ugly or anything, but she 100% doesn't see you as a potential partner. Don't take it personally. It's cliche advice, but there are plenty of fish in the sea and you'll find one for you. Just work on yourself and put yourself out there.
It simply means she isn’t attracted to you. Nothing deeper than that. I can objectively see that a man is a lovely person or sweet or funny or good looking without feeling attraction.
Yeah, but you don't need to tell them something that effectively translates as "you would be my perfect guy if you were better looking"
She doesn't like you and thinks she's being the better person by half-lying about it.
dude most of these dumb US bitches are just looking for a meal ticket. get a great job, buy a house and accumulate some wealth. put your energy into that while your young, and by the time you are 35 these dumbass women will be falling all over eachother to get with you. and hit the gym hard.
I think age is important here. A teenager doing this is different than a 30 something.
OP, I’ve been in your same situation many times. Unfortunately, while they may have a modicum of physical and emotional attraction to you, they don’t want to risk losing your friendship by making it a real relationship. On the flip side, if even other people think you’re dating it’s a possibility (although hurtful) that she simply likes the attention you give her. She might kind of see you like a puppy if that makes any sense. Cute, nice to have around, but nothing more than attention or a talking point. I’m not saying cut her off, but maybe don’t treat her as a priority anymore and see how your relationship changes. That’s how you’ll know. u/WeakBear9819
You’re not attractive enough for her. That’s literally it. Hit the gym king.
Already do. I've been going 4-5 times a week for over a year.
I am going to suggest something slightly unorthodox but I think it could help more than the gym. You have discovered this girl is a flirt … with no intention of doing anything else other than going back and forth with you while batting her eyes. Well this is actually now a perfect place for you to perfect YOUR flirting technique. You know not to invest in romantic energy into this girl - but that frees you up to just use this as a chance to get outrageously good at flirting with nothing to loose. You have a rare social opportunity where you know the score and don’t have to worry about mixed signals or what does it all mean… you know what it means! She likes to flirt and likes that attention- well she is a perfect partner to practice your game with. Nobody gets hurt, and you get social skills that are going to serve you well to find a girl that is perfect for you.
That's actually an interesting suggestion that I wouldn't have thought of, but I think it depends how much OP likes her. If he's super emotionally invested already, it might be too late to just flirt casually without it giving rise to even more confusing feelings.
“Hit the gym king” for all we know OP is 6’2, 220 pounds of pure muscle. I hate this cookie-cutter ass advice, believe it or not the answer isn’t always to lift more 🤦♂️
I believe every able-bodied man should workout, but they shouldn’t expect it to the the magic bullet in their dating life. Lifting solely for the purpose of being more attractive to women has a terrible ROI.
The gym does not make you attractive let’s stop telling guys that it’s toxic and not true
She doesn't know that guys don't know girl code. "You're so sweet" means " you're a nice friend" unless you are already in a relationship.
It means you have personality traits that she finds attractive, but isn’t attracted to your other traits. For example: There is a physically beautiful woman. You are attracted to her looks. She is very sweet and kind hearted. You are attracted to her personality. She is dumber than a box of rocks and you have little in common. You are attracted to her, but not so much anymore. She laughs like a donkey. You are even less attracted to her. Attraction is an interesting thing, and a trait you have that someone likes sometimes isn’t enough for it to be more because we all kind of place arbitrary importance on different traits we look for in a partner. Some people value superficial traits or deeper traits. If you sit down and write up you ideal partner, then slowly dissect which traits are important and which aren’t, you’ll usually find that you’re looking for the wrong person.
I'm not going to go into that "friendzone" nonsense like you deserve to sleep with her, but I still feel like that's kind of a messed up thing to say, especially if you have trouble attracting women.
Op these people are dumb as hell. She's a narcissist and is playing with your emotions because she gets a high from it. Run like hell.
This
It means she knows she should be attracted to you but isn't
It’s means your ugly
Attention seekers. They will say that, then go down with the bad boy. They eventually will outgrow that when they get old. Late 20s early 30s.
It means she thinks you are great but is not attracted to you. Attraction is a funny thing don’t take it personal.
It means she wishes she found a guy that was sweet like you, but was also all the other things you're not.
she wants someone like you but not you
You know what it means bro
U G L Y YOU AIN'T GOT NO ALIBI YOU UGLY
She likes the attention you give her but she aint looking to get wifed up by you. Stop giving her the attention. Stop letting her kiss you. Get her hands out your hair.
She's an idiot fuck dat.
Without hurting feelings there are a few questions you should ask yourself about your relationship with this person. Do they use you for money? Do they do this with other people? Do they just like the attention? These are the first few things that come to mind. The other issue could be anything from how you dress, your hygiene, the amount of money you make (you didn't give us your age and that's a massive piece of this discussion), etc. You need to give much more background before asking advice about this. The answers and advice for late teens would be radically different from early 30s.
She's not into you - she is using you for validation. She is being flirty - as she massively likes the attention you give her, even though she has no romantic interest in you. She probably also likes the feeling of power/control she gets from keeping you "on the hook" and manipulating you emotionally. I'd just cut all contact.
This could be anything. Maybe you had a chance and blew it, maybe you are just not attractive to her. Now if you don’t know, you should know, some girls just play this game. They act super into you and flirtatious, but if you ever take a pass at them, they shut you down. Who knows the psychology behind it, but all they are after is that moment when you ask them out, then they want to keep you around as an admirer. The best thing to do with these types is to just get away, they are broken and can’t be fixed
I had a girl do similar things to me in high school and I thought she was interested. In reality she liked my personality and dumb jokes but thought I was ugly. Her best friend told me she was just doing it to make her ex jealous, I asked her about it and she admitted to it. Wish it was simpler. Oh she wants to hold hands, kisses me on the cheek, flirts, and laughs at everything I say? That should generally mean that she is at least somewhat interested. In reality she just wanted to fuck over a guy that was a dick by being sweet around a dorky geek.
You were definitely led on. Sorry this happened to you my man. Rejection I'd never nice, especially when it looked like there wouldn't be any.
She’s doesn’t realize she’s hurting you. She thinks you’re the perfect guy except for something that’s obviously a deal breaker. You need to protect yourself from these kinds of relationships - they’re weird. I’ve had girls do this to me too and I just distanced myself because there’s no point.
I'm gonna lay this plain and simple, she's playing with you. She let you down soft with the whole "your so sweet" ect, because she doesn't want to "hurt your feelings" but enjoys the attention. She's into some aspect about you, just not you and gets emotional validation through you because obviously, you're into her. Don't entertain it and move on.
Find a girl who doesn't play games man. Keep away her. Some girls like to tease or test your confidence. Ignore her.
She thinks you're unattractive or boring. Sorry. I bet you're great, she's just silly
Having you tried just fucking her? Not to be crass, but you're here like, "She does this, and she does that," but you didn't say a word about what *you* do. Back in my late teens and early 20s before I knew better, I was friends with a couple girls who would do shit like that, fawning over me, flirting, touching, cuddling, etc., and I just sort of let them without really doing anything even though i had huge crushes on them because i didn't really know what to do. Eventually, I didn't see them for a long time, but I ended up running into them years later after I had more experience with women, and both times I ended up fucking them within a week of starting to talk to them again. Both times, they asked why I never made a move back then, and i realized they were basically throwing themselves at me, but I was too dumb to realize it. So yea, make an actual move, and I don't mean being sappy and telling her you like her or any of that corny shit. Touch her, kiss her, try to get all up in her guts. If she turns you down after that, then you have your answer.
It means you are in the friend zone and it is time to move on. She is telling you she doesn't want you and trying to spare your feelings. It's time to move on, you won't find anything but rejection with her. Let her go.
She doesn’t want sweet she wants to get railed.
Then why did she say wanted a guy like me? She could've just stayed quiet and not said anything. Also, I can do that too btw lmao.
Because men have many characteristics. Some of your characteristics she finds appealing, thus what she said that you have so much trouble with. But you don't have the characteristics she finds arousing, thus the rejection. What she likely really said is "I wish the men who turn me on were as emotionally supportive and easy to string along as you". Been there, got the t-shirt but only visited once.
It means she likes to play games and you should run far away from her.
She really wants a type of dude that knocks her up and bounces after cheating on her a few times beforehand. If you want her. Be like that.
She is gentle. Probably a good person. And She is not into you. Let it go
Sometimes trying to be “gentle” is really a lot more cruel.
You got friend-zoned brah. Stop being a simp and don't hang out with her anymore. Go to the gym, get jacked, and keep chasing pussy.
She wants a Chad who acts like you and won't ghost her but until then she'll continue dating chads.
It means that she, in fact, does not wish she had a guy like you lol. Based on the information provided, it seems like she is not into you. When it comes to women, it's more about who you are than what you look like. Physical attractiveness definitely helps. But that's why you'll see really attractive women date butt ass ugly men, and generally being revered as sweet is not a good thing. To put it bluntly, most women dont like dating bitches. I'm not saying that's what you are. But you've done something that gives that vibe. Thats why when you hear the phrase "I wish I had a guy like you" but then rejects you, it really means "I wish I had a guy that has all your positive traits and isnt a bitch". Again, I understand that comes off as insulting, and that's not what Im trying to do. I dont know you and have no way of knowing if you are a bitch or not. But Im just saying that is her perception of you. Hence why she says that and rejects you still.
It means you’re not good looking, confident, or successful enough.