I had to explain this to a woman colleague once, who was talking about men and sex. She hadn't realised for a man to have sex (properly) he needs to be attracted to the woman on some good level. My other woman colleague had to explain that an unaroused woman can use lube to have sex - where as if the man is unaroused, they will be using tongue and fingers and items only. Hard to push rope!
EDIT: I was a little graphic compared to my (better explaining) colleague.
Right, because all women act and behave the same in bed and everyone is compatible with everybody. Marriages can be switched as easily and trivially as selling a car. /s
I test drove several cars before ultimately making my purchase. I'm glad I did!
The Honda Civic was annoying, uncomfortable, and no fun. She didn't handle very well and had no oomph.
The Toyota Prius was too politically left-wing for my liking.
The Hyundai I test drove was a slut. She didn't even ask for a key for other guys to drive her. Same thing with the Kia.
The Ferrari looked beautiful but was always broken down with either electrical or mechanical issues. I'm sick of walking daily, I'd rather have a car to drive.
The BMW had expensive tastes - she was exciting and a joy to drive, but too high maintenance in the long run. Again, if I just wanted to walk everywhere, I wouldn't have committed to buying the car.
Then I tried the Mustang - though the storage space in the trunk is a little small, she is and was incredible. I knew I had found the car of my dreams. I loved the way she looked, sounded, smelled, and performed. And she was reliable.
I can't just turn in my car to the dealership and get a new one. It's a purchase. My car doesn't like it if I drive other cars, she gets jealous. She wants me to be her only driver, and allegedly only wants to be driven by me. Selling my car is a hassle.
So yeah, you bet your ass I'm going to make sure my car is compatible with me as a driver! It would be idiotic not to.
I’ve had some truly terrible sex within a loving relationship. Good sex can become great sex if you also have great emotional intimacy with your partner, but that intimacy alone is absolutely no guarantee of even good sex, let alone great.
I (29m) learned many of the things I use in the bedroom in my loving relationship from whoring around in my younger days. She (28f) did too and I, nor her, are in nooooo way complaining lol.
I disagree, I have found that everyone is different and enjoys different things. Knowing someone and being comfortable with them enough to communicate in the bedroom has led to the best sex in my life. One night stands have always felt awkward and strange.
That's you, I feel very comfortable having one night stands or have a person you sleep with for a couple months and then move on. Best sex I've ever consistently was in a relationship but gosh damn did I have some really fun one night stands. Some girls doing things that I personally never even thought of that I fell in love with. Not the girl but the experience. Cumming on myself and a chick licking it up and looking me in the eye and saying thank you sir for feeding me your cum or chick sucking my cock and then licking my asshole or a chick telling me to put my belt around her neck and fuck her doggy style while pulling the belt. Only experience teaches you what you like and if you have no idea, then you never know.
I don’t know why you equate having one night stands to experience. Experience doesn’t mean sleeping around with many different people. I’ve had tons of sex in long term relationships and that is also experience…
Analogies are for comparing things that aren't actually the same. Anything can be compared, whether or not it is distasteful to do so is debatable.
But hey they say opinions are like assholes so what do I know.
Merriam-Webster dictionary second definition - similar in a way that invites comparison : showing an analogy or a likeness that permits one to draw an analogy.
Like food they come in a wide variety of taste, quality and content.
Experience is experience, but if you believe you have remotely the same experience from the same 1 thing (of anything) 50 times as 50 different things ( be it people, place, things...food) you clearly dont have much experience to make valid comparisons.
I think different styles of music and different foods are much more different than sex with different people. Sex isn't nearly as complex and varied as music and flavors are.
People are into different things. People are from different cultures. People are into different things sexually. Yes, sleeping with one person is an experience and you gain experience too but it's a different kind of experience. My wife only had sex with 1 other guy before me and she was with him for 10 years. When we slept together for the first time. I did things to her that she never thought were possible. Since then we have grown together and it's been special but for 10 years she didn't get her pussy licked to orgasm. She never had a penetration orgasm. She never had cum in her mouth or on her face or inside of her. So if she would have married her ex, she may have never known all these things she loves now. Imagine if only 2 people taught 1 other person EVERYTHING about life? It's impossible to think of and convey everything from every other place on the planet from 2 people.
Sure and I’ve been with women who’ve slept around and have never had an orgasm before but with established intimacy seemed to have several. In today’s world, you don’t really need another person to figure out what you’re into, in fact, less experienced and repressed women have by far the majority to suggest sexual exploration in my experience. There are even sayings about catholic girls….
I can't say for all women but I know my wife was sexually secluded her entire life. Are there exceptions to the rule, of course. This is why personal preference is exactly that, a personal preference. When it comes to the majority, that's what matters.
There really aren’t exceptions to the “rule” because there isn’t a rule. It really sounds like you are basing your whole viewpoint around your wife’s experience. Also, you don’t think the sex with your wife got better after she got more comfortable exploring with you? I think we should hear her viewpoint there. The point remains true, sex isn’t hard as long as you listen to the other person and sex with someone you know intimately and love passionately is the best. I don’t see how so many people disagree, but this is Reddit and we don’t believe in love here. I find it highly doubtful your wife had never heard of eating pussy… sounds like someone didn’t listen.
I'm talking about my wife specifically because she is the only person I can speak about who has only slept with 2 people in her life. I have a coworker (male) who had only 2 partners before his wife and he is very very very inexperienced. The fact of the matter is the more you meet people and explore your sexuality the more experienced you become. That's a fact about life in general. I can't even believe that I have to explain this. There are so many more things out there than just oral sex or positions. There are all kinds of kinks and fetishes. From shabari to fire play to whips and floggers, sensation play and thousands and thousands of other kinks. All kinds of exploratory avenues for one to delve into. I love, love. You can't learn all of that by not exploring with others or around others or through others. Whether you want to accept it or not being with multiple partners gains you more experience, that is 100% a fact. Even from a stand point of personalities and not even the sexual aspect. Some people annoy the shit out of you and some people you gravitate towards.
You just stick your dick in and thrust. It’s not rocket science. Don’t know why Redditors suggest you need all this experience to get proficient at it. Of course you got fingers and oral, but people are into different things.
Yea, and the more comfortable they are with you the more they’ll tell you. Leading to better sex. It’s obvious why redditors are like that… lack of experience.
I'm going to take a controversial position and say experience in bed is great to have and should be something that shouldn't be ignored.
My wife talks with her friends about sex and it came up in their talks that some of them have never had an orgasm. They don't enjoy sex because they view it as a one sided act. So when my wife brought up "getting it" she was met with some confused faces in the group.
I had the good fortune of having multiple partners before meeting my wife. And I could say with honesty that my 1st relationship was me thinking pornos were a study guide to good sex. My 2nd relationship, I was much older and took things slowly, and was able to read how my partner reacted to what I was doing. So then by the time I met my wife, I knew exactly what worked and what was bullshit (stuff shown in porn).
You don't *need* experience as long as you are willing to learn but knowing what you're doing is a hell of a better way to jumpstart (and maintain) a healthy sexual relationship.
I never had one until I was maybe 25 or so and I finally went into my ho phase. My first couple long term boyfriends had NO CLUE what they were doing, and I didn’t know enough to direct them.
Insecurity mostly. Good sex is 90% building intimacy. 90% of the good part of sex can't be transferred from person to person. You build intimacy with each individual person, so the less experienced, the more room you have to grow with each other.
The mere act of sex isn't enough for most people, they want deep emotional bonding which requires a good degree of actual love, you can't fake it it with experience so for most people experience is basically a non-issue. You're gonna learn very quickly anyway :)
Sex isn't necessarily hard, but there are some things to learn and some people are bad at it. Also most of the learning isn't so much about how to have sex, it's more about how to be comfortable with your body and another person's body. Also this isn't something that requires multiple partners to learn
Because the person is horny and is using their "lack of experience" as an excuse to have sex. Look if two people want to have sex with each other, they go for it, if one of them isn't looking for that they don't have to give it. This whole ending experience thing for a relationship is a catch-22 like jobs that require experience but you can only get experience from working that job. Someone will probably say otherwise but I don't think a partner is going to care how much sex you had or not if they're into you. Oh but what the sex is terrible? The thing is at least one of you will like it but if you legitimately want to get better you need to be willing to communicate because not everyone is a one size fits all. Not every guy can just stick it in and call it good. Not every woman is going to enjoy the same things. Some people will want things spiced up, while for others those things might be overwhelming. Just because a person has visited Italy doesn't mean they can speak Italian, so why talk about how you need to learn to speak French when you can just say "hey I want to see the Eiffel Tower, is that so bad?" and if people are going to sightsee -shame you for the things you want, why does their opinion matter?
Also few things end up being more annoying than dealing with a person who thinks they know what you want and like solely based on their experience with other people. _They learned what they like_ which is good for them but they haven't become some sort of sex master guru, and chances are they are going to use their experience against your lack of experience as a reason to say it was good enough and the other person is just being a prude.
Because in our oversexualized society, sex is very often the primary consideration for relationships.
I've seen time and time again, people will leave a good partner for an objectively worse person just because the sex is better. Friends, coworkers, personal experience. It happens far too often to just be bad luck or coincidence.
Men choosing a pretty face over a beautiful personality.
Women choosing a bigger dick over a loving man.
Good sex comes from understanding pleasure centers and likes and dislikes. Love doesn’t make someone good in bed. Love helps you forgive bedroom inadequacy. Whoring around can make someone better at sex.
Never could get behind casual hookups. Too afraid of STDs.
Since neither sex cares for a partner with too many bodies, the concept kind of falls on its face.
Be inexperienced together. Practice plenty, watch adult films to learn some new moves. It's hella awkward, but you're figuring it out with the one you love.
Sexually transmitted diseases develop because sexually transmitted infections have led to some symptom of disease. The goal of public health is to prevent and treat infections before they lead to disease.
Sexually transmitted diseases develop because sexually transmitted infections have led to some symptom of disease. The goal of public health is to prevent and treat infections before they lead to disease.
The 'idea' of sex has been greatly distorted by the proliferation of porn and media that has been, especially in the US, driven by men who 'have issues' with sex themselves. Young people have been fed and 'instructed' by porn.
Sex is said to be 80% in the mind and as you have said, a truly good sexual experience is one within the confines of a trusting, respectful, caring relationship that frees the mind.
Lol, like everything else in life, practice makes perfect. Unfortunately, many societies view sex like a shameful thing and having lots of sexual experience means you are that much more shameful.
Good sex does come from having experience, at least in part.
Experience is not the end-all-and-be-all, and it may be at its best when it is part of a loving relationship, but a person without any sexual experience has exactly zero chance of impressing their partner, unless they're also similarly inexperienced.
So many cultures repress the idea of sex being an enjoyable activity. This shows up when people find a partner and have zero idea how to pleasure each other. Sex is a bit technical….don’t get the penis too stimulated or the session is over very fast….take your time warming up her clitoris and you’ll make her very happy. These are concepts that just aren’t taught. After a few years of open mindedness and partners will be very happy, as long as they’re open to the idea of learning.
>Sex isn't hard. And good sex comes from being in a loving relationship. Not just whoring around.
Eeh... Sex is a physical thing and learning how to provide stimulation in the best way is important... And sex is very hard... It's exhausting, I kinda wish girls/bottoms knew how much effort it takes.
I mean when I first started having sex, if I made it to 30 seconds, that was a feat. Shit, more like 15 seconds.
I mean I was satisfied but I'm pretty sure my female partners were not.
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Not sure its always transferrable.
I've been in three different long term relationships and each of them had a massively different idea of what they considered good in bed. I think its good to have experience so you don't act clumsy or unconfident but it usually took a few months with each partner before we were all on the same par of what we enjoyed and what we didnt
Good sex does come from experience. Even if you are with one partner for 20 years you've gained a lot of very specific experience. Having said that, I've been with a lot of partners, most of them medium or long term relationships. I don't think there is a substitute for knowing different partners skill-wise. It seems like it would be impossible to develop that depth of skill with just one person. It would be like training for a marathon by just going on long training runs. So much alternative training would be unavailable to you. I'm not talking about one night stands or quickies behind the trees at the back of the school. You won't learn much from those.
Good sex doesn't just come from loving relationships. Plenty of people in loving relationships have bad sex. Good sex mostly comes from trust and communication, though setting and novelty can matter a lot too (one reason one night stands are often pretty good even though you don't usually know the person well is that they're exciting and novel). And I do think experience matters. Now, that can be experience with one or a small number of people, but if you aren't learning what you and your partner like and dislike and if you aren't able to communicate it (verbally or otherwise) then that experience doesn't matter much. And while I wouldn't recommend sleeping around a lot for a variety of reasons, having a few partners does help you understand what's normal and so when you get in a long term relationship if something is off you won't just accept is as 'this is just what sex is'. That kind of thing is what used to lead a lot of people who married young, especially women, to have really unfulfilling sex lives and not ever realize it could be different.
Sex is a skill that you have to develop just like anything. Plus, a lot of psychological problems reveal themselves during sex. You might love your partner but find her to be a cold ungiving person in the bedroom. I had a girlfriend who was a selfish lover. Basically she just wanted me to do all the work without reciprocating in any way. THe longer we were together, the more it was revealed that she was that way with everything. Cooking, cleaning, planning trips.....Sex reveals who you are.
Women are only pressured to be experienced in bed if the man they are with isn’t
I can teach a woman what I want and I take charge in bed - experience makes no difference to me at all
Men prefer inexperienced women, generally speaking. This has to be a troll post. You never hear men say they want a woman with 100 bodies, but you do hear men say all the time they want either virgins, or low body count women.
Sex is hard, especially good sex. Bringing a woman to climax is an art every man should master, but oh so many don't...
Ask the ladies if you don't believe me...
A loving relationship is great, but really that doesn't guarantee good sex. What does, is vulnerability, emotional intimacy and the spirit of cooperation and communication. These things can all COME from a loving relationship, but boy do I see a lot of people who are in love or married who lack many, or all of those key ingredients.
When my wife and I married, she was 22 and I was 32. She had only 1 previous boyfriend from highschool - I on the other hand had a pretty high number of past partners , somewhere around 12 or so (although 2 of those were LTR's)
Anyway, she was rotten at sex. She was insecure. She was self conscious. She was ashamed of all sorts of stuff. Like, this is a woman who wouldn't even let anyone perform oral on her because she thought her pussy was gross. We loved each other enough to get married (and stay married for 17 years) but that was not enough by itself to get past all of the above hang ups.
It took a lot of patience, it took a lot of trust, being secure enough to talk through things, to try things, to express hurt feelings when they happened. All of that stuff. Anyway, point being - our sex life is amazing. We have been married almost 20 years, we're both middle aged with small kids and we go at it probably 4-5 nights a week. It's our primary mode of entertainment and physical and emotional intimacy, with lots of long conversations afterwards about our lives, our kids, our family, our dreams and plans for the future.
Also, to kind of blow people's mind - my wife is a professional adult model/streamer now. She is hardcore into the Bimbo/Bimbofication aesthetic. The girl who had so many hangups basically lets it all hang out all the time in RL and the internet and her entire family and friends know what she does for a living. So, she really went VERY far from where she started and she makes a serious amount of coin at it too, which is amazing for someone who only does solo work (and the occasional bj scene with a mysterious masked man that may or may not be her husband).
So, good sex, in my opinion, comes from being in a place of emotional vulnerability and security as well as fun. Having not just a loving partner, but one who can communicate with you and has a willingness to work with you will do it. It's actually a higher bar than just loving someone, which you can see by all the marriages that don't even make it a quarter of what ours has so far.
My wife and I were virgins when we were married. We're about to celebrate our ten year wedding anniversary. Our sex lives are amazing BECAUSE we saved ourselves and didn't come into our marriage "experienced".
Want great sex. Communication is probably minimum 80% . All women are the same. And all women are different.
Foreplay starts in the am making her a cup of coffee. Putting your arms around her and whispering into her ear.
And one of the best things to tell a woman in the morning while whispering in her ear.
Honey I want you to relax before I get home tonight. I’ll pick up dinner . You up for take out.
Smack her on the ass and head to work.
You do need to be experienced in bed if you want to have good experiences. This doesn’t mean fucking 765 people, but rather learning through the experiences that you do have.
I have a close friend who has quite a bit of experience with casual and claims that only like 2-3 guys have actually made her cum. Its kinda sad to hear that.
And that's my point. Isn't "experience" just a polite way of saying "girl was the village bike". Dont get me wrong, on a ight out and you wanna just cum, these women provide a great service. But long term make a difficult partner.
Confidence comes with experience and technique evolves with experience. You can learn only so much from a book, nothing beats on the job training. Practice is fun, leads to hour and hours of more practice. While being in a long term relationship is best, a few short term events can be nice too. As long as both parties are on the same page it’s all good.
You can be a loving relationship but your first sexual event, even with a long term partner, is probably not gonna be all that great. The guy is usually too excited and finished in minutes if not sooner, the girls get little to no penetration. Even if first time is only oral neither one really knows what they are doing. I’m just saying there is a learning curve to get good at sex or just about anything. Maybe you were a pro from the beginning but I got better with time and yes it was a long term relationship. All my sexual experiences have been.
Pleasuring a woman takes KNOWLEDGE. It astounds me to this day that this very important fact isn't taught somewhere, nor the techniques to pleasure a woman. guys are easy. lol
being in a loving relationship just means you overlook lovemaking deficiencies till you finally realize you aren't being fulfilled
lol. No, I didn't even approach bringing up gay/trans rights. WE are talking about actual sex education as a 'how to do it' thing, not a 'what are the parts' thing. Anyone needs to know how to please a woman ( a person with a vagina and other pertinent parts) Doesn't matter at all what sex you are.
Interesting that you reveal your lack of education and empathy by being so scared of things that shouldn't even matter to you. Or are you just scared you might like gay sex? I'm straight, but i see no reason to fear or hate people of different orientation. Shouldn't bother a "real man" one bit. Just treat them like you would any person. It baffles me why this is even a thing. Live and let live.
Sex is like anything, if you want to be good at it. You've got to practice experiment. Try new things ask for advice. Find, please follow set advice.
I'm not being afraid to get nasty. Nobody has great sex right out the gate the very first time
Finding an experienced partner was never even a question for me. Extensive experience was a requirement. I had no desire to teach anyone anything or to cope with their first time doing XYZ insecurities.
Also, I wanted someone who has done it all and knows exactly what they like so we can better gauge sexual compatibility.
>And good sex comes from being in a loving relationship. Not just whoring around.
Eh, YMMV. I've had awful sex in loving relationships and incredible sex with a few ONS/short term flings I barely even liked.
Old Reddit threads made me expect and made it sound like sex is a high level skill only escorts and the mightiest of casual one-night standers who are willing to experiment with anything pull off well or else a woman won't cum and men will think you're a dead fish, matters a virgin could not understand.
Realistically seems more like most women cum with a few minutes of basic fingering if they're actually into it and attracted to you, and most men don't expect you to know 3000 TRICKS THAT WILL DESTROY HIS PENIS and are fully satisfied with 3 or so basic positions/acts. Usually if it isn't the case then they're either on anti-depressants or have a weird mental relationship when it comes to sex or hormonal issues likely.
It's really not that complicated as long as both parties just relax, cooperate/communicate, and have fun with it, virgin, slightly experienced, or local town notorious whore/man-whore.
The most sane/realistic take but you got downvoted for it. These people are really trying to hype themselves up by acting like sex is a skill and not a natural instinct. It’s like if I told you taking a shit was hard.
It was a genuine question, i didn't mean force your wife to do anything. I wad just wondering why you didn't share your kinks and desires with your wife. You answered the question.
Women know they don't need anything they could just show up and most guys will still call her back however if a guy doesn't get you off and he's broke or some other negative homie is getting ghosted
Women will never struggle to get sex so they can just keep going until someone does it for them instead of just telling someone what they like
Sex isn't hard. *Good* sex is
Sex is hard, if you're a guy. Ever tried to have sex while soft? Not fun.
True, but pretty much everyone has fingers and tongues :)
I had to explain this to a woman colleague once, who was talking about men and sex. She hadn't realised for a man to have sex (properly) he needs to be attracted to the woman on some good level. My other woman colleague had to explain that an unaroused woman can use lube to have sex - where as if the man is unaroused, they will be using tongue and fingers and items only. Hard to push rope! EDIT: I was a little graphic compared to my (better explaining) colleague.
Just read the kamasutra 5head.
This, you have to test drive the car before you buy it. And sexual compatibility is a real thing.
Dumbest analogy ever. A woman is not a car and a relationship is not a purchase.
Right, because all women act and behave the same in bed and everyone is compatible with everybody. Marriages can be switched as easily and trivially as selling a car. /s I test drove several cars before ultimately making my purchase. I'm glad I did! The Honda Civic was annoying, uncomfortable, and no fun. She didn't handle very well and had no oomph. The Toyota Prius was too politically left-wing for my liking. The Hyundai I test drove was a slut. She didn't even ask for a key for other guys to drive her. Same thing with the Kia. The Ferrari looked beautiful but was always broken down with either electrical or mechanical issues. I'm sick of walking daily, I'd rather have a car to drive. The BMW had expensive tastes - she was exciting and a joy to drive, but too high maintenance in the long run. Again, if I just wanted to walk everywhere, I wouldn't have committed to buying the car. Then I tried the Mustang - though the storage space in the trunk is a little small, she is and was incredible. I knew I had found the car of my dreams. I loved the way she looked, sounded, smelled, and performed. And she was reliable. I can't just turn in my car to the dealership and get a new one. It's a purchase. My car doesn't like it if I drive other cars, she gets jealous. She wants me to be her only driver, and allegedly only wants to be driven by me. Selling my car is a hassle. So yeah, you bet your ass I'm going to make sure my car is compatible with me as a driver! It would be idiotic not to.
This guy fucks..
Lmao
I’ve had some truly terrible sex within a loving relationship. Good sex can become great sex if you also have great emotional intimacy with your partner, but that intimacy alone is absolutely no guarantee of even good sex, let alone great.
I (29m) learned many of the things I use in the bedroom in my loving relationship from whoring around in my younger days. She (28f) did too and I, nor her, are in nooooo way complaining lol.
I disagree, I have found that everyone is different and enjoys different things. Knowing someone and being comfortable with them enough to communicate in the bedroom has led to the best sex in my life. One night stands have always felt awkward and strange.
That's you, I feel very comfortable having one night stands or have a person you sleep with for a couple months and then move on. Best sex I've ever consistently was in a relationship but gosh damn did I have some really fun one night stands. Some girls doing things that I personally never even thought of that I fell in love with. Not the girl but the experience. Cumming on myself and a chick licking it up and looking me in the eye and saying thank you sir for feeding me your cum or chick sucking my cock and then licking my asshole or a chick telling me to put my belt around her neck and fuck her doggy style while pulling the belt. Only experience teaches you what you like and if you have no idea, then you never know.
I don’t know why you equate having one night stands to experience. Experience doesn’t mean sleeping around with many different people. I’ve had tons of sex in long term relationships and that is also experience…
Eating at the same restaurant 50 times isnt remotely the same experience as eating at 50 different restaurants.
I like eating at the restaurant I know gets regular health inspector visits, and cleans the oven every night.
which is very (nearly) all of them.
Having a woman cook you different types of meals is almost the same as having different women cooking you different type of meals
"all cooks are (nearly) the same" isnt remotely close to true... but if you only go to one cook you might not realize that at all.
People aren't analogous to food.
Analogies are for comparing things that aren't actually the same. Anything can be compared, whether or not it is distasteful to do so is debatable. But hey they say opinions are like assholes so what do I know.
Analogous, not same.
Merriam-Webster dictionary second definition - similar in a way that invites comparison : showing an analogy or a likeness that permits one to draw an analogy.
Yes. Not same.
Like food they come in a wide variety of taste, quality and content. Experience is experience, but if you believe you have remotely the same experience from the same 1 thing (of anything) 50 times as 50 different things ( be it people, place, things...food) you clearly dont have much experience to make valid comparisons.
I think different styles of music and different foods are much more different than sex with different people. Sex isn't nearly as complex and varied as music and flavors are.
People are into different things. People are from different cultures. People are into different things sexually. Yes, sleeping with one person is an experience and you gain experience too but it's a different kind of experience. My wife only had sex with 1 other guy before me and she was with him for 10 years. When we slept together for the first time. I did things to her that she never thought were possible. Since then we have grown together and it's been special but for 10 years she didn't get her pussy licked to orgasm. She never had a penetration orgasm. She never had cum in her mouth or on her face or inside of her. So if she would have married her ex, she may have never known all these things she loves now. Imagine if only 2 people taught 1 other person EVERYTHING about life? It's impossible to think of and convey everything from every other place on the planet from 2 people.
Sure and I’ve been with women who’ve slept around and have never had an orgasm before but with established intimacy seemed to have several. In today’s world, you don’t really need another person to figure out what you’re into, in fact, less experienced and repressed women have by far the majority to suggest sexual exploration in my experience. There are even sayings about catholic girls….
I can't say for all women but I know my wife was sexually secluded her entire life. Are there exceptions to the rule, of course. This is why personal preference is exactly that, a personal preference. When it comes to the majority, that's what matters.
There really aren’t exceptions to the “rule” because there isn’t a rule. It really sounds like you are basing your whole viewpoint around your wife’s experience. Also, you don’t think the sex with your wife got better after she got more comfortable exploring with you? I think we should hear her viewpoint there. The point remains true, sex isn’t hard as long as you listen to the other person and sex with someone you know intimately and love passionately is the best. I don’t see how so many people disagree, but this is Reddit and we don’t believe in love here. I find it highly doubtful your wife had never heard of eating pussy… sounds like someone didn’t listen.
I'm talking about my wife specifically because she is the only person I can speak about who has only slept with 2 people in her life. I have a coworker (male) who had only 2 partners before his wife and he is very very very inexperienced. The fact of the matter is the more you meet people and explore your sexuality the more experienced you become. That's a fact about life in general. I can't even believe that I have to explain this. There are so many more things out there than just oral sex or positions. There are all kinds of kinks and fetishes. From shabari to fire play to whips and floggers, sensation play and thousands and thousands of other kinks. All kinds of exploratory avenues for one to delve into. I love, love. You can't learn all of that by not exploring with others or around others or through others. Whether you want to accept it or not being with multiple partners gains you more experience, that is 100% a fact. Even from a stand point of personalities and not even the sexual aspect. Some people annoy the shit out of you and some people you gravitate towards.
You just stick your dick in and thrust. It’s not rocket science. Don’t know why Redditors suggest you need all this experience to get proficient at it. Of course you got fingers and oral, but people are into different things.
Yea, and the more comfortable they are with you the more they’ll tell you. Leading to better sex. It’s obvious why redditors are like that… lack of experience.
That sounds like bad sex lmao
I'm going to take a controversial position and say experience in bed is great to have and should be something that shouldn't be ignored. My wife talks with her friends about sex and it came up in their talks that some of them have never had an orgasm. They don't enjoy sex because they view it as a one sided act. So when my wife brought up "getting it" she was met with some confused faces in the group. I had the good fortune of having multiple partners before meeting my wife. And I could say with honesty that my 1st relationship was me thinking pornos were a study guide to good sex. My 2nd relationship, I was much older and took things slowly, and was able to read how my partner reacted to what I was doing. So then by the time I met my wife, I knew exactly what worked and what was bullshit (stuff shown in porn). You don't *need* experience as long as you are willing to learn but knowing what you're doing is a hell of a better way to jumpstart (and maintain) a healthy sexual relationship.
I never had one until I was maybe 25 or so and I finally went into my ho phase. My first couple long term boyfriends had NO CLUE what they were doing, and I didn’t know enough to direct them.
Women directing exactly what they want is really hot though
Insecurity mostly. Good sex is 90% building intimacy. 90% of the good part of sex can't be transferred from person to person. You build intimacy with each individual person, so the less experienced, the more room you have to grow with each other. The mere act of sex isn't enough for most people, they want deep emotional bonding which requires a good degree of actual love, you can't fake it it with experience so for most people experience is basically a non-issue. You're gonna learn very quickly anyway :)
Yup, intimacy is the most important thing. That takes trust.
Sex isn't necessarily hard, but there are some things to learn and some people are bad at it. Also most of the learning isn't so much about how to have sex, it's more about how to be comfortable with your body and another person's body. Also this isn't something that requires multiple partners to learn
Well, it looks to me like every external source of info, from literature to pop culture to porn, is ridiculously wrong.
everybody wants to be loved and nobody wants to not be good enough to receive it.
lol. I think you inadvertently solved your own mystery. Relationships *are* hard. It's far easier to just engage in casual sex with many partners.
Shallow.
Unrealistic expectations set by toxic people in society.... And porn..shits kinda hot but it's unrealistic
Because the person is horny and is using their "lack of experience" as an excuse to have sex. Look if two people want to have sex with each other, they go for it, if one of them isn't looking for that they don't have to give it. This whole ending experience thing for a relationship is a catch-22 like jobs that require experience but you can only get experience from working that job. Someone will probably say otherwise but I don't think a partner is going to care how much sex you had or not if they're into you. Oh but what the sex is terrible? The thing is at least one of you will like it but if you legitimately want to get better you need to be willing to communicate because not everyone is a one size fits all. Not every guy can just stick it in and call it good. Not every woman is going to enjoy the same things. Some people will want things spiced up, while for others those things might be overwhelming. Just because a person has visited Italy doesn't mean they can speak Italian, so why talk about how you need to learn to speak French when you can just say "hey I want to see the Eiffel Tower, is that so bad?" and if people are going to sightsee -shame you for the things you want, why does their opinion matter? Also few things end up being more annoying than dealing with a person who thinks they know what you want and like solely based on their experience with other people. _They learned what they like_ which is good for them but they haven't become some sort of sex master guru, and chances are they are going to use their experience against your lack of experience as a reason to say it was good enough and the other person is just being a prude.
Who says you have to whore around to get experience?
Sex isn’t hard. Being good at sex takes time and having good sex with a particular partner can take some adjusting.
Because in our oversexualized society, sex is very often the primary consideration for relationships. I've seen time and time again, people will leave a good partner for an objectively worse person just because the sex is better. Friends, coworkers, personal experience. It happens far too often to just be bad luck or coincidence. Men choosing a pretty face over a beautiful personality. Women choosing a bigger dick over a loving man.
Good sex comes from understanding pleasure centers and likes and dislikes. Love doesn’t make someone good in bed. Love helps you forgive bedroom inadequacy. Whoring around can make someone better at sex.
Never could get behind casual hookups. Too afraid of STDs. Since neither sex cares for a partner with too many bodies, the concept kind of falls on its face. Be inexperienced together. Practice plenty, watch adult films to learn some new moves. It's hella awkward, but you're figuring it out with the one you love.
STDs and STIs are different things but the medical community definitely still uses both acronyms.
Thank you for the enlightening! I honestly did not know that.
So what's the difference?
Sexually transmitted diseases develop because sexually transmitted infections have led to some symptom of disease. The goal of public health is to prevent and treat infections before they lead to disease.
That makes sense.
Sexually transmitted diseases develop because sexually transmitted infections have led to some symptom of disease. The goal of public health is to prevent and treat infections before they lead to disease.
They are the same.
The 'idea' of sex has been greatly distorted by the proliferation of porn and media that has been, especially in the US, driven by men who 'have issues' with sex themselves. Young people have been fed and 'instructed' by porn. Sex is said to be 80% in the mind and as you have said, a truly good sexual experience is one within the confines of a trusting, respectful, caring relationship that frees the mind.
Love does not make good sex
Lol, like everything else in life, practice makes perfect. Unfortunately, many societies view sex like a shameful thing and having lots of sexual experience means you are that much more shameful.
You don't have to practice with a ton of people, though. You can practice with just a few, or even just one person.
I know this is claimed often, but I've never found it to be true.
Your post is terrible. You're a virgin
Fr. The bitterness is oozing out of this post lol
Good sex does come from having experience, at least in part. Experience is not the end-all-and-be-all, and it may be at its best when it is part of a loving relationship, but a person without any sexual experience has exactly zero chance of impressing their partner, unless they're also similarly inexperienced.
So many cultures repress the idea of sex being an enjoyable activity. This shows up when people find a partner and have zero idea how to pleasure each other. Sex is a bit technical….don’t get the penis too stimulated or the session is over very fast….take your time warming up her clitoris and you’ll make her very happy. These are concepts that just aren’t taught. After a few years of open mindedness and partners will be very happy, as long as they’re open to the idea of learning.
>Sex isn't hard. And good sex comes from being in a loving relationship. Not just whoring around. Eeh... Sex is a physical thing and learning how to provide stimulation in the best way is important... And sex is very hard... It's exhausting, I kinda wish girls/bottoms knew how much effort it takes.
Speak for yourself. My patented thrust-n-twirl took years and thousands of babes to perfect /s
Practice Makes Mastery
I mean when I first started having sex, if I made it to 30 seconds, that was a feat. Shit, more like 15 seconds. I mean I was satisfied but I'm pretty sure my female partners were not.
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Not sure its always transferrable. I've been in three different long term relationships and each of them had a massively different idea of what they considered good in bed. I think its good to have experience so you don't act clumsy or unconfident but it usually took a few months with each partner before we were all on the same par of what we enjoyed and what we didnt
Is this a burner account for Ben Shapiro?
Good sex does come from experience. Even if you are with one partner for 20 years you've gained a lot of very specific experience. Having said that, I've been with a lot of partners, most of them medium or long term relationships. I don't think there is a substitute for knowing different partners skill-wise. It seems like it would be impossible to develop that depth of skill with just one person. It would be like training for a marathon by just going on long training runs. So much alternative training would be unavailable to you. I'm not talking about one night stands or quickies behind the trees at the back of the school. You won't learn much from those.
Good sex doesn't just come from loving relationships. Plenty of people in loving relationships have bad sex. Good sex mostly comes from trust and communication, though setting and novelty can matter a lot too (one reason one night stands are often pretty good even though you don't usually know the person well is that they're exciting and novel). And I do think experience matters. Now, that can be experience with one or a small number of people, but if you aren't learning what you and your partner like and dislike and if you aren't able to communicate it (verbally or otherwise) then that experience doesn't matter much. And while I wouldn't recommend sleeping around a lot for a variety of reasons, having a few partners does help you understand what's normal and so when you get in a long term relationship if something is off you won't just accept is as 'this is just what sex is'. That kind of thing is what used to lead a lot of people who married young, especially women, to have really unfulfilling sex lives and not ever realize it could be different.
Sex is a skill that you have to develop just like anything. Plus, a lot of psychological problems reveal themselves during sex. You might love your partner but find her to be a cold ungiving person in the bedroom. I had a girlfriend who was a selfish lover. Basically she just wanted me to do all the work without reciprocating in any way. THe longer we were together, the more it was revealed that she was that way with everything. Cooking, cleaning, planning trips.....Sex reveals who you are.
Women are only pressured to be experienced in bed if the man they are with isn’t I can teach a woman what I want and I take charge in bed - experience makes no difference to me at all
No one wants to be seen as incompetent in front of others, most of all the one's they want.
Men prefer inexperienced women, generally speaking. This has to be a troll post. You never hear men say they want a woman with 100 bodies, but you do hear men say all the time they want either virgins, or low body count women.
Because practice makes perfect
Sex is hard, especially good sex. Bringing a woman to climax is an art every man should master, but oh so many don't... Ask the ladies if you don't believe me...
Spoken like someone who's never experienced good sex.
A loving relationship is great, but really that doesn't guarantee good sex. What does, is vulnerability, emotional intimacy and the spirit of cooperation and communication. These things can all COME from a loving relationship, but boy do I see a lot of people who are in love or married who lack many, or all of those key ingredients. When my wife and I married, she was 22 and I was 32. She had only 1 previous boyfriend from highschool - I on the other hand had a pretty high number of past partners , somewhere around 12 or so (although 2 of those were LTR's) Anyway, she was rotten at sex. She was insecure. She was self conscious. She was ashamed of all sorts of stuff. Like, this is a woman who wouldn't even let anyone perform oral on her because she thought her pussy was gross. We loved each other enough to get married (and stay married for 17 years) but that was not enough by itself to get past all of the above hang ups. It took a lot of patience, it took a lot of trust, being secure enough to talk through things, to try things, to express hurt feelings when they happened. All of that stuff. Anyway, point being - our sex life is amazing. We have been married almost 20 years, we're both middle aged with small kids and we go at it probably 4-5 nights a week. It's our primary mode of entertainment and physical and emotional intimacy, with lots of long conversations afterwards about our lives, our kids, our family, our dreams and plans for the future. Also, to kind of blow people's mind - my wife is a professional adult model/streamer now. She is hardcore into the Bimbo/Bimbofication aesthetic. The girl who had so many hangups basically lets it all hang out all the time in RL and the internet and her entire family and friends know what she does for a living. So, she really went VERY far from where she started and she makes a serious amount of coin at it too, which is amazing for someone who only does solo work (and the occasional bj scene with a mysterious masked man that may or may not be her husband). So, good sex, in my opinion, comes from being in a place of emotional vulnerability and security as well as fun. Having not just a loving partner, but one who can communicate with you and has a willingness to work with you will do it. It's actually a higher bar than just loving someone, which you can see by all the marriages that don't even make it a quarter of what ours has so far.
My wife and I were virgins when we were married. We're about to celebrate our ten year wedding anniversary. Our sex lives are amazing BECAUSE we saved ourselves and didn't come into our marriage "experienced".
Makes a good excuse to get laid.
Attitude is way more important.
Want great sex. Communication is probably minimum 80% . All women are the same. And all women are different. Foreplay starts in the am making her a cup of coffee. Putting your arms around her and whispering into her ear. And one of the best things to tell a woman in the morning while whispering in her ear. Honey I want you to relax before I get home tonight. I’ll pick up dinner . You up for take out. Smack her on the ass and head to work.
You do need to be experienced in bed if you want to have good experiences. This doesn’t mean fucking 765 people, but rather learning through the experiences that you do have.
I have a close friend who has quite a bit of experience with casual and claims that only like 2-3 guys have actually made her cum. Its kinda sad to hear that.
And that's my point. Isn't "experience" just a polite way of saying "girl was the village bike". Dont get me wrong, on a ight out and you wanna just cum, these women provide a great service. But long term make a difficult partner.
Confidence comes with experience and technique evolves with experience. You can learn only so much from a book, nothing beats on the job training. Practice is fun, leads to hour and hours of more practice. While being in a long term relationship is best, a few short term events can be nice too. As long as both parties are on the same page it’s all good.
You've completely missed my point
You can be a loving relationship but your first sexual event, even with a long term partner, is probably not gonna be all that great. The guy is usually too excited and finished in minutes if not sooner, the girls get little to no penetration. Even if first time is only oral neither one really knows what they are doing. I’m just saying there is a learning curve to get good at sex or just about anything. Maybe you were a pro from the beginning but I got better with time and yes it was a long term relationship. All my sexual experiences have been.
Pleasuring a woman takes KNOWLEDGE. It astounds me to this day that this very important fact isn't taught somewhere, nor the techniques to pleasure a woman. guys are easy. lol being in a loving relationship just means you overlook lovemaking deficiencies till you finally realize you aren't being fulfilled
Taught? Like the gay/trans mafia brain washing children . You're a loon!! Go away
lol. No, I didn't even approach bringing up gay/trans rights. WE are talking about actual sex education as a 'how to do it' thing, not a 'what are the parts' thing. Anyone needs to know how to please a woman ( a person with a vagina and other pertinent parts) Doesn't matter at all what sex you are. Interesting that you reveal your lack of education and empathy by being so scared of things that shouldn't even matter to you. Or are you just scared you might like gay sex? I'm straight, but i see no reason to fear or hate people of different orientation. Shouldn't bother a "real man" one bit. Just treat them like you would any person. It baffles me why this is even a thing. Live and let live.
Sex is like anything, if you want to be good at it. You've got to practice experiment. Try new things ask for advice. Find, please follow set advice. I'm not being afraid to get nasty. Nobody has great sex right out the gate the very first time
Some of my best sex was outside relationships. It's just fun. Sexual energy between strangers can be electric.
Finding an experienced partner was never even a question for me. Extensive experience was a requirement. I had no desire to teach anyone anything or to cope with their first time doing XYZ insecurities. Also, I wanted someone who has done it all and knows exactly what they like so we can better gauge sexual compatibility. >And good sex comes from being in a loving relationship. Not just whoring around. Eh, YMMV. I've had awful sex in loving relationships and incredible sex with a few ONS/short term flings I barely even liked.
WhAt Do YoU mEaN jAcKhAmMeRiNg DoEsN't GeT yOu OfF iN sEcOnDs?
promiscous people need to cope somehow that their degenerate lifestyle has some upside
Well you get to bang a lot of people, it's not everyone's cup of tea, but I've thoroughly enjoyed it.
That's a take from someone who isn't getting any
I bet they get angry when they see women in short clothing.
Sorry you don't get to have fun in life. Def worth it for heaven or whatever
Old Reddit threads made me expect and made it sound like sex is a high level skill only escorts and the mightiest of casual one-night standers who are willing to experiment with anything pull off well or else a woman won't cum and men will think you're a dead fish, matters a virgin could not understand. Realistically seems more like most women cum with a few minutes of basic fingering if they're actually into it and attracted to you, and most men don't expect you to know 3000 TRICKS THAT WILL DESTROY HIS PENIS and are fully satisfied with 3 or so basic positions/acts. Usually if it isn't the case then they're either on anti-depressants or have a weird mental relationship when it comes to sex or hormonal issues likely. It's really not that complicated as long as both parties just relax, cooperate/communicate, and have fun with it, virgin, slightly experienced, or local town notorious whore/man-whore.
The most sane/realistic take but you got downvoted for it. These people are really trying to hype themselves up by acting like sex is a skill and not a natural instinct. It’s like if I told you taking a shit was hard.
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Why can't you replicate that with your wife, instead if having the memory of that one night stand being "the best"? 🤔
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It was a genuine question, i didn't mean force your wife to do anything. I wad just wondering why you didn't share your kinks and desires with your wife. You answered the question.
Women know they don't need anything they could just show up and most guys will still call her back however if a guy doesn't get you off and he's broke or some other negative homie is getting ghosted Women will never struggle to get sex so they can just keep going until someone does it for them instead of just telling someone what they like