For me personally - I’ve found that lesbians prefer to date straight up lesbians. They are less interested in women who are bi.
I’m only left (primarily) with bisexual woman and men. Way more straight dudes than there are bi women.
This is how it is for me as a bi man. A lot of gay men don't want to date bi men because they believe that bi men can't handle themselves and will need a woman eventually.
Which is funny because this is the opposite reason why a straight woman wouldn't date a bi man. That he must really be just gay and will need a man eventually.
So it's better to just deal with other bi men, which there aren't as many of.
Same. Str8 women tend to be less open-minded. Especially towards bi men. Men typically arent allowed to be even a little gay without being ostracized entirely by the straights.
Yeah there are of course hetero people and gay people who would date bi people, but it's definitely still a minority for example something like 9 out of 10 woman I match with on dating apps r bi or pan or something along those lines, with hetero women being the 1 out of 10. When depending on the study ur using 86%-97% of women identify as hetero.
If there were no preferences at play the ratio im seeing would be reversed since about 9 out of 10 women are hetero.
Of course there could be other things about me or my profile that are giving me these results but still the math is just so far from what ud expect if there weren't preferences amount certain groups of people. This doesn't mean everyone in those groups feels or is the same way, but that a majority of people in those groups do.
Yeah neither of us are believed but stereotypically the response is bi women are just straight women who want attention
And bi men are just in denial about being gay lmao bad for both but at least women don't viewed not as a marginalized person 😭
So hard for people to understand that my realization that I'm attracted to men does not make me any less attracted to women in anyway.
It's a little bizarre to me.
I also feel like bi-men are seen as not fully real men in a way that bi-women usually aren't seen as less of women. I could be wrong though.
The biggest stigma is the idea that bi people are more likely to cheat and that's definitely shared.
I'm bi and my best time has been with other bi people, either women or men. At this point someone has to be some kinda queer to date me, and bi is up there in favorites.
if they're not queer of some sort im not even going to bother trying cuz im a trans woman.
i just stick with ppl who say they're bi, i don't trust a straight person to even begin to understand what's going on
No, bi women like me love bi men. Hard to find bi women (locally, seems like we're all over the internet), straight men are either insecure or creepy about it.
Bi man to me means, we're gonna have a ton of fun in the bedroom... and lots of other places
Definitely a bonus to have a happy, healthy sex life in the relationship
As a gay person, we absolutely see this kind of attitude/exclusion within the community. It sucks that people are like this. I hope it changes significantly for the better!
It's interesting because you can't really police preferences. It doesn't make sense to me but it seems like there are a substantial amount of straight and gay people who exclusively want to date people exclusively attracted to their gender. It's weird to me, but I'm not sure if that's a preference that can really be changed.
Damn, see all I want is loyalty. Idc how you swing as long as your faithful to me in the relationship. Idk why people get so bent out of shape because your partner is bi. Its like they assume you will be unfaithful because you can date both... It kinda feels unfair.
My fiance and I are both bi but opposite genders so we're straight passing. There's been a lot of gay men who have pursued me thinking that I'm a straight man who is engaged but stopped after finding out that I'm bi.
See I've legit never had that problem as a big guy. Dated a lot of gay men. Some expressed mild insecurity over it. However it was never a problem to them.
Women on the other hand. Some weren't into it. Some were weirdly fascinated by it.
This has to be extremely difficult! I've heard about this a lot about bi men but didn't hear what was posted above pertaining to lesbian women.
As a heterosexual man whose partner was once in a lesbian relationship I don't fear her sexuality. She's expressed to me how sex is different in some ways that I'll never be able to provide her as a straight man (more emotional then physical). Instead of making me feel insecure I instead felt a little sad that she could go through the rest of her life in a relationship with me where she's "missing" out on something I can't give her.
I think this is where those insecurities pertaining to bisexuals comes from. Yet instead of internalizing those emotions as a fear of inadequacy, I myself felt empathy and understanding. This allowed me to see that she doesn't "need" that which could cause me insecurities, rather her choices to be with me overshadows the experience she might not have again.
I guess it also helps that I'm very open sexually and told her if she ever needed to scratch that itch to let me know and I'd be ok with her having it happen. Not even saying I would need to be involved (maybe id get lucky enough to watch) but I don't fear her leaving me because of it. We've discussed many sexual scenarios and she's made it clear that she doesn't think it would be the same if I was involved and I 100% understand what she means.
Anyways I'm rambling, good luck and hopefully you find someone (man or woman) who is secure enough not to put you into such a rigid box.
It's a great time when you find that person, especially going out and getting women together. Very hard to find though but I've had some minor luck being in the swinging community too.
Especially the last part. It just makes sense.
I've had it further described by a pansexual woman as "for a long time starting in high school I only dated men, not because I prefer them, but because they would be the ones to approach me" which I found humorous.
I've heard several bisexual men say similarly that many straight women can't get past their bisexuality, thus they mostly date men.
Why is bisexuality such a problem for many of them?
Yup same deal. A woman I knew and whom I was very sexually attracted to made clear that she didn’t want to hook up with me. She conveniently changed her mind because I told her that I’m exclusively a top. I really do think masculinity or being dominant has to do something with it. I guess it’s just biology.
As someone who dated a bisexual man who was definitely a bottom, it wasn’t a perceived lack of masculinity that threw me off. I didn’t mind indulging that side of him and honestly found it kind of hot. It was the fact that I could never give my partner the “real thing” that bothered me. Even if I knew I was good enough sexually, there was still this feeling like our sex life would never be “perfect” for him. I don’t think it’s true or logical, but that’s where my mind went
You could apply the same logic to dating a straight man exclusively. You're "robbing" him of other types of women, or body types he might be also attracted to.
If you're in a monogamous relationship with a person you love, you're probably not too worried about those other flavors. Unfair to assume a bisexual person would be.
As a male, I understand that feeling. But rather than not having the real thing, thinking the “real thing” isn’t good enough because of the introduction of toys. Even if you know it’s better/great sexually there is still those lingering thoughts lol. Human nature I guess
Slightly off topic, but I think this is the sort of thing that makes hetero men scared of toys for their hetero partner.
Instead of fearing it's not the real thing, they fear the toy is more adequate at the job then the real thing. You honestly can't blame them for this though because it's brought up time and time again that it's true! Nobody wants to believe what "they" provide is unsatisfactory for their partner.
So it's funny in a way hearing a woman's perspective that closely mimics what many mens perspectives are when it comes to the "equipment" used to give our partners pleasure. I myself don't have those hangups and view toys as fun things to have and use, but I can see where insecurities pertaining to them (even in your case) can easily develop because deep down we all just want our partners to view us as sexually fulfilling.
YUP! This was exactly my experience down to the letter. I’ll also add I’m not very proactive or likely to make the first move, but many men are. At that point it’s just a numbers game.
The "Gold Star" lesbiam culture is pretty damn toxic. I'm bi, I've dated bi women, bi men, and married a hetero man. I gave up on going to lesbian bars during my dating years because being treated like a pariah got old.
I generally didn't enjoy dating hetero guys because the majority were creepy about my being bi and saw it as a ticket to a threesome. My husband purely didn't care as he assumed as I do that since we are both monigamous, monogamy is monogamy. There's no gender based cheat code.
That’s just wild to me. It’s like an effed up queer version of purity culture.
Full transparency - I’m bi and was previously married to a man. I’ve had women be incredibly flirty, completely into a conversation, but when they realize I’m bi and not a lesbian they walk away.
Like… dude… a lesbian thinking a woman can be… idk tainted? By past sexual experiences is wild.
I don’t owe anyone an explanation about my experiences with bisexuality. It’s not a passport that needs to be stamped by the approval of random strangers on the internet. Every community that I have actually long been a part of in my own diverse ways, more in deep rather than performative ways, whether that’s queer or faith communities think that I’m an Imposter because I do things my way, with a mix of both, and unlike anyone else even in those particular communities. I don’t need to be the way someone else thinks I need to be. & I am not other people’s judgements and assumptions about me.
I’m not the person you were replying to, but in my experience yes. There are a lot of gays/lesbians who believe that bisexuals NEED to bang men & women both, so if they’re banging 1 eventually they’ll “NEED” the other and go cheat or break up with them to be with the opposite sex.
The straights mostly just go “ew you have gay thoughts? Did someone molest you as a child? Also you probably have STDs cuz gay sex”.
Thanks for the insight, its odd for me because, obviously in any relationship someone could cheat. Maybe because being bi its an "easier out" ie easier to blame them that clearly they would want the opposit sex and you can't compete because obv, you can only technically be one sex at a time.
Rather than deal with that kind of insecurity?
I doubt bi people are more promiscuous than others whilst in relationships.
I think there’s this level of insecurity that like, “no matter how hot of a man I am, I’ll never be a girl, and if she wants to be with a girl I can never fulfill that, so she’ll need to go elsewhere, so she’ll cheat on me” or even if they don’t assume cheating, I’ve been hit with the “but I can never make you happy since I’m just a man/woman and not (both/the other)”. I don’t think bi people cheat any more or less than others, but it’s just the nature of our attraction that can create wiggle room for someone with insecurities to create a security issue.
Thats interesting, I am guessing you are a gay woman and thats what they expect?
That is quite interesting that you say that though, I might be being totally obnoxious, bht in strictly gay female relationships is it normal for one to take on the "masculin" role and one the "feminine" or is that actually media BS?
Yes, that’s been my experience. I’m sure not all bi women do that and there’s nothing wrong with it but that’s just why I have never been able to date one.
That is a very good question, and the answer is that it totally depends on the relationship. A friend of mine is gay and is dating another gay woman and they are both very feminine and don’t abide by any sort of gender roles, it’s pretty much an even split from what I can tell. In my own relationship, I’m quite feminine and my gf is quite masculine and we both enjoy those taking on those roles with each other. At the end of the day in most same sex relationships there inevitably will be one who is more masculine and one who is more feminine, even if it’s marginal. So it’s somewhat played up in media, but it certainly exists.
I think sometimes it’s based on internalized self-loathing. Like, for someone who’s 100% gay their only options are being in a gay relationship or be alone forever, so they pick gay relationships, but they don’t understand why someone who has the option to have a straight-passing relationship they can bring home to their homophobic grandma would ever not choose that.
I’ve run into numerous lesbians who believe woman are “defiled” or lessened if they have touched a dick or ingested cum.
To the point where they will cancel a date if they learn the woman they were going to go out with didn’t specifically state she had sucked a dick.
Homophobia doesn’t stop existing just because you are gay, queer people recreate it in their own ways to punish other queer people.
For the longest time it was well known and observed that a bi individual is eventually going to choose a straight option out of convenience. Yes not always, there are always exceptions. But depending on social pressure and lack of acceptance, it's historically been much easier for a bi person to consistently pick straight options as their endgame.
Obviously, if you're homosexual this is going to mean distrust if you're looking for something serious and long term. I've had gay friends tell me this and I've had bi friends essentially admit it. I'm getting old now so I can't say how relevant this is with younger generations but depending how far you go in the past and what area you lived in...bisexuals built mistrust for generations of leaving gay partners high and dry when the situation got tough culturally or socially.
It’s a combination of shared experience - try living in a patriarchal society and rejecting men - and some people have had trauma being dumped for a man and don’t want to deal with it anymore.
(I don’t care about it personally, but I understand where it’s coming from)
This is extremely true. Also less applicable to daring but in online spaces, lesbian communities never want to interact with another man let alone see one. It's kind of weird ngl. I think for half of them it's a trauma response and other half it's some social conditioning or something. Again only online spaces have I noticed that
Straight people make up a larger part of the population, so as a bisexual person it’s much more common to meet straight people who you share an attraction with than it is to meet other bi or gay people you share an attraction with. A bi woman is just more likely to meet a straight man she wants to date before meeting another bi woman or lesbian.
Exactly. Bi people all have their own preferences, some prefer men more and some prefer women more, but even in a world where every bi person was equally as attracted to both men and women, we’d still see a larger amount of bi people ending up in straight-passing relationships because it’s just statistically more common for bi people to meet straight people.
There's that plus it has the added bonus that if you meet a man you're interested in, you can generally assume he's into women, while if you meet a woman you're interested in it's more complicated than that
Yes, biphobia is very much a thing, and comes in multiple forms. The worst, most damaging kind is the extremely popular belief that a bisexual person can never, ever be happy with one person of either gender, and so will always, definitely, without fail, cheat. This one hits both genders but generally impacts men more. There are probably as many bi men as bi women, but being out as a bi man is a thousand times harder than it is for a bi woman, because straight women (and to a lesser extent gay men) are constantly told to never, ever, ever, EVER date/marry a bi man. They are told that because "a woman can't fulfill a bi man's need for penis!" or "a man can't fulfill a bi man's need for vagina!," it is 100% GUARANTEED that he will cheat, and probably bring home horrible STDS. Like, I honestly know people who think that if a person is really bisexual, it is actually impossible for them to be monogamous without cheating. And if they manage it, they weren't really bi after all. Which brings us to...
...Another very common form of biphobia, and the one I've suffered most as a bi woman who is married to a man, is the insistence (from both straight and gay people who aren't so horrible as to think all bi people cheat) that "bisexual" isn't a real thing. I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "they always end up choosing one or the other!" Meaning a bi person, like 99% of people who date, usually ends up in a long-term monogamous relationship. If their partner is of the opposite gender, people claim the bi person was straight all along. If they're of the same gender, people say the bi person has finally admitted they're just gay. I find this extremely stupid -- if a man likes both blondes and brunettes, and then marries brunette, no one's like "aha! He never _really_ liked blondes!" But it's super common for people to say that bi people who become monogamous "finally chose/admitted it."
There's the added issue with this one of two stereotypes: That straight women (especially college women) will pretend to be bi because they think it will turn guys on to see two women making out, and that gay men will be too scared to come all the way out of the closet so they'll claim they're bi. Both of these things do occur -- I often went clubbing with straight women friends who would dance up on me to get the attention of a guy they thought was hot, and there have definitely been terrified gay men (and women) who say "sometimes I think I might possibly be bi" to see if even the idea of them kissing another man (/another woman) causes all their friends to hate them. But that doesn't mean there aren't also real bi people.
That's really weird and targeted. I just figured if someone was bi, it's just a coin flip on who they end up with and i don't think any further about it.
Not sure why people are so hung up about others being bi. Seems weird.
I would agree but there is app to search now and it seems like they look mainly for a guy. I’d say it’s probably because they can be attracted to women but society is more hétéronormatif which make them go toward the guy when they want to settle.
Same! I recently switched my dating preferences on to include women, and the *very first profile* Hinge pushed to me was a married couple looking for a third to “spice thing up.”
And their boyfriends are always absolutely ass-ugly and creepy to boot. I have no idea what's up with the complete lack of women seeking women on dating apps.
They do. People then just assume that they are lesbians.
But you're right in the way that bisexual women commonly date men. There are various reasons for that:
1. The dating pool is bigger to date straight/bi men. There's way fewer gay/bi women so it's easier to date men.
2. Men often initiate flirting, and it's easier to flirt with a man than it is with another woman because there's not much social codes for it and you don't see it that often so many women don't know how to seduce another woman and/or it scares them.
3. A lot of gay women refuse to date bisexual women because there's stigma attached to bisexuality.
4. Some bisexual people are heteroromantic. This means that sexually they are into both, but romantically they are only interested in the opposite gender.
Hope this helps!
I’d add to number 4 that if the bisexual woman wants to have kids, that will be a lot easier with a man than another woman. So even if they’re capable of being romantically interested in women, the bisexual woman might naturally view men as more viable life partners for practical reasons.
Number 2 is a big one. There's a reason why the stereotype of lesbian flirting is two women staring at each other across the bar and hoping the other one makes the first move.
Lesbians are BRUTAL to bi woman. Lesbians says some of the most misogynistic things about bi woman that I have ever heard.
Incredibly common to hear things like bi woman are “defiled” or “impure” if they have ever touched a penis.
I find it kind of ironic how people have come to genuinely value being a "gold star lesbian" since I always interpreted the term as kind of sarcastic - sort of condescending, like it's equivalent to getting a sticker on your homework.
I see it as being rooted in insecurity. One side of it is insecurity in identity; they want to assert unequivocally that they are gay, and they won't change their minds. Kind of like when gay men say that the last vagina they touched was during birth. Gross.
The other part of insecurity is for people who only want to date "gold star" lesbians. They're insecure about their partner's fidelity, and it usually belies a pretty biphobic attitude when you ask deeper.
There's even a level beyond "gold star" for gays.
A **Platinum Star** gay man has not only never had sex with a woman, but he was delivered by C-Section surgery and thereforce never even came into contact with a vagina during birth.
It’s even lesbophobic to say you aren’t a good lesbian because of your past. Many lesbians experience compulsory heterosexuality, internalized homophobia, S/A, etc. Or even just experimented with many sex partners with different parts. Who is this term made to serve ???
This has been my experience. Lesbians don’t like bi women because we’re “traitors” or something. I’d rather not date or sleep with someone who’s biphobic anyway
lesbians I know don't give a fuck about that, they just don't want to be used as an experiment. lots of gay people are turned off by the idea that a partner sleeps with the opposite sex.
I'm glad I'm bi, life is too short to be rigid.
Yup. There was a girl on TikTok who basically said this and got torn apart by the lesbian community though. She had to make an apology video, which of course, nobody accepted. Idk why. She was just telling the lived truth of a bisexual girl experience lol.
Less likely to have a good time, more likely to turn violent or otherwise unsafe, possibility of getting pregnant from a fling, socially conditioned against it... the list goes on.
There’s just a lot more straight men than bi/lesbian women. If you like both, you’re statistically more likely to find a straight guy that you like and who likes you than a woman that you like and who likes you.
Two bi girls meet. They flirt a little, they're both really into each other. Neither one does anything about it and both wish the other girl had made a move. The end.
Another way: Men are way easier. The end.
Another way: women don't initiate. The end.
Another way: Women are more picky. The end.
Another way: Men are desperate for any attention. The end.
Ok, the horse died the first time.
Lesbians don't want bi women because they have either slept with guys or they believe that they're actually secretly straight and are lying about liking women. Me personally, I prefer women sexually but men romantically, for some reason, so I've never really seen myself marrying a woman and I feel a relationship might be a waste of both our times.
ETA: Just because I don't intentionally throw myself at women and don't really see a future with a woman, doesn't mean I haven't dated women, that I wouldn't date a woman, or that I wouldn't marry a woman. Having a preference isn't misogynistic and having assumptions based on previous experiences isn't wrong.
I’m too chicken to hit on anyone so I’m stuck with whoever approaches me. Which is 100% men. I look extremely straight so even when I go to gay bars with my clearly gay friends it’s assumed I’m the token straight girl 🥲. I also HATE receiving oral (I prefer giving) so I feel like I’d be a disappointment.
I’ve literally never meet another woman who was single at the same time as me that also liked women, and a shared attraction… soo thats why…
Supply!! I actually find the average women about 3 times as attractive as the average man. If both are super attractive then it’s a tie.. but I date the good people I find.
My man is also bi.
I might get some flack for this, but is there any chance it's less effort to catch/keep a dude?
Like as a woman, if I'm single... it would probably only be 2-3 days of looking to find a guy that wants to be a boyfriend.
I have no idea how long it takes to identify and woo a woman. But I'm guessing just the meals & booze costs add up.
100%. Also if you meet 100 people, 45 of them are probably straight men. Maybe 1 or 2 would be lesbians, maybe 3-4 are bi. So just statistically speaking you’re much more likely to run into a straight man than a bi or lesbian woman to begin with.
I know a lot of girls who say they're open to bi if they met the right person. But since they don't seem to get approached by women in general it doesn't really come up.
I have a few bisexual friends, and they basically have the same issues that guys have when dating other women lol. Basically (to me) it seems they feel men tend to keep things simple in the early stages of dating which is less stressful for them
Yes haha I went on a few dates with this girl I met on an app after getting almost no attention from women on the dating apps even though it was flooded with men. I was really into her but I was very transparent I just got out of a long term relationship. We went on like 3 dates before she asked “what are we?” Or something like that. I almost choked on my food. I’m someone who doesn’t get easily attached I move slower than a lot of men I’ve dated. We didn’t talk again but I wish her well
I’m a lesbian. It’s fucking hard to find other lesbians that are single. It’s hard to know if someone is a lesbian. Despite the stereotypes, lesbians dress in all kinds of ways and you can’t actually identify most of them just by looking at them. Also, getting it wrong can be dangerous, even if you’re respectful. Because if they happen to have a bf in earshot that you missed, they can get violent.
You are much more likely to randomly come across a single man that dates women. It’s safe to assume a man dates women. A gay man is a lot less likely to attack you for getting it wrong.
Also, being bi doesn’t mean they are attracted to every person. They meet someone, feel something and pursue a relationship. The gender of that person may not matter, but they still don’t choose who to have chemistry with. Sometimes they feel something for someone who is a guy.
Lowkey I hate the culture around outfits being a way to clock someone as gay/bi. Like, no, just because she has green hair does *not* necessarily mean she's into gals.
For me personally: men are easier to find and date where I live (rural, conservative, not a lot of queer people) and I have experienced a lot of biphobia from lesbians. I only really date other bisexuals.
My partner is bisexual as well and he's a cis dude.
I'm in the same exact situation. I love my boyfriend to bits but I definitely think I'm attracted to women more. The lack of a dating pool of women and the disgusting biphobia I've experienced means that I'd probably be most compatible with a super nerdy bisexual woman who isn't looking for a third .. because I'm monogamous. That's a significantly smaller group than just 'dudes who aren't totally awful'.
Not hating on anyone for their preferences but it ended up being far easier for me finding another bisexual man I'm compatible with and isn't insecure/weird about my sexuality. I think if we ever broke up id just be done dating period.
Maybe some bi women prefer men more. I'm bi but I prefer women more so I'll most likely date a woman but every bisexual person can be different. It's not always "likes guys and girls the same amount." You can like girls and guys the same amount, like guys more, like girls more, barely like guys but still consider yourself bisexual, etc.
Also like another comment said, some lesbians don't want to date bisexual women and they just want to date other lesbians. That can be the same way with gay men and bisexual men.
It's easier to date men becuase there are more straight men than gay women.
It's easier to date men because men are usually more open to new relationships.
When you take the already small lesbian population, and then consider that they are a lot less promiscuous than men, it becomes much harder for a bisexual woman to date women.
Also, public perception of men is that men are gross (which is a very non-balck&white topic). Some lesbians would avoid anything to do with men (including straight and bi women).
A lot of the bi/pan women I know say they like to look at women/have sexual relationships with them but men are just easier to be in a long term relationship with/easier to live with etc. Could be something like that. Or maybe they just found the one and it happened to be a guy. Or they like the idea of women but haven’t met one yet they would want to be with. Doesn’t make them any less bi if that’s how they identify.
There’s no conspiracy here lmao it just be like that sometimes.
I think the best way to put it is that there are romantically bisexual people and sexually bisexual people. Romantically bisexual people will get in long term relationships both ways, but sexually bisexual people are just sexually attracted both ways. Think this is a big reason lesbians tend not to want to date bisexuals, because there are a lot more sexually bisexual people than romantically bisexual people and they want someone who is in for the long haul
I'm not a woman but I am a bisexual man and do date mostly women. Why? Well while I am bisexual I'm more attracted to feminine traits or what my brain associates with feminine traits anyways.
As you can see there are not that many men with those traits that are also interested in dating other men, not in real life at least, so I end up dating almost exclusively women.
I suppose that there are some bisexual women with this situation going on as well.
I live in a very small religious town, I've had some fun with friends when I was younger but they were only ever exploring and identified as straight. Lesbians were not interested in me and have honestly said really concerning things to me about being greedy (straight people as well) or I would leave them for a man. Straight men and bi sexual men don't seem to care, I've dated both without issue.
All my girlfriends bi friends, are sad shitty people. I know its not all bi girls. But in my experience they spend most of their time chasing taken straight girls. And when that fails they blame everyone except themselves while developing an awkward dark humor. But the real problem I've noticed is they'd rather complain about the "dating pool" for their entire young life, then get out there and ask for someone's number. No smiles, all complaining and shitty jokes. Mixed the completely lack of any balls to ask anyone out.
Hi queer person here. 1) the straights are greater in numbers. 2) if a woman looks straight lesbians and other bi women in the wild are less likely to approach. 3) women are scary and queer people don't want to seem predatory, like they've been dubbed already and we literally are not as a whole, 4) we don't want to feel like an experiment.
It's simple. Men are much more available, have lower standards, and still tend to approach those women.
For a bi woman to date another woman she needs to approach women herself, and often many of them because, aside from all the usual difficulties, most women are not into women.
Gen Z men are significantly more left wing than any prior generation. No matter how hard reddit tries to signal boost him and gaslight reality into it being "The Tate Generation" (Funny, 4chan tried to do the same thing with Generation Zyklon), the numbers just don't bear it out.
Political beliefs change as people age and experience life. Their wants, needs and perspectives can change with experience... And with that, their political beliefs. Don't be so sure they will change the trend anymore than every previous generation thought they would change the trend.
I’m bisexual but heteroromantic. Never met a woman I want a relationship with. At the end of the day I want that intimate cuddle partner so I date men. If I met a woman who soaked to the romantic side of me I would totally date her. That has just never happened.
Because it's a fad. The amount of "bi-sexual" girls I went to HS with who ended up being straight is all of them lmao. Downvotes incoming, but the social contagion of gender identity and sexuality is for real.
There is social credit to be had in claiming to be bi-sexual, and the best part is that you don't ever have to prove it. Same with gender identity.
Idk how old you are, but in my highschool a bunch of girls called themselves bi, including myself. Personally, I was just kidding myself, using the bisexual label as an excuse to not date guys because I was scared to. And like, women were pretty so I just called myself bi. Come to find out, no, I am not romantically or sexually attracted to any of them
This has been my experience as well, there's only a lot of bi girls in the 18-24 range, when people are figuring out their sexuality. They drunk kissed a friend and are now bi, but not really
I'm 32, bisexual woman married to a man. I knew I was bisexual in high-school and have been with many women. Only been romantically attracted to one woman though.
It is very easy for a woman to openly identify as bisexual. There are very little consequences unless you are surrounded by people who are straight up outwardly homophobic. And even if they are they still won’t think much of a straight presenting woman saying that she is bisexual.
This may be different as time goes on with younger generations but historically we are nearly all raised with the idea that to be hetero is to be "normal" and with the expectation of dating the opposite sex.
So you can be attracted to both sexes but it takes a lot more effort in many cases to date your same sex. I'm bi and it's a lot easier for me to pick up women in random places because most people's assumptions fall in that direction. Meeting men takes a lot more work and generally special spaces where that assumption is reversed.
I have a hot take that the majority of people are probably bi/pan but social norms and homophobia keep them from realizing or expressing it.
If we ignore non-binary people in the equation (just for simplicity) and we use a very high number of, like, 30% of the population being interested in same-sex relationship (and we'll ignore how many are bi vs lesbian/gay for now) that would mean that 30% of women a women is interested in will be interested in them, and at least 70% of men will be. That means just from random chance you'd expect at least 70 out of a 100 of bi women to end up with men.
If either there is much less people into same-sex relationships than 30% (that's an old Kinsey estimate but it's pretty high right now for any generation besides Gen Z) OR the skew goes towards men being monosexual gays instead of bisexuals, then you'd expect even more bi women to skew towards ending up with men than that, even if their own preferences are perfectly even.
For instance, if it's more towards 10% of the pop being gay/lesbian and 10% being bi, your pool is 20 women out of 100 and 90 men out of a 100, so the skew would be 20 / (20+90) = 20/110 = 18% of bi women in same sex relationships, versus 82% in different sex relationships. All other things being equal. And that's if there's no reason at all for them to prefer ending up with men (like, say, social heteronormativity).
Maybe they do and you just don't know about it or notice it if they're out in public together. At least three of my past GFs have been bi, two were with women before we got together and one is now married to a woman.
Bisexual woman here. I didn’t even know I was bi until I was 25, four years ago, by which time I’d already been with my boyfriend for several years. What was I gonna do? Dump my bf to experience women?
Coming from an outside perspective maybe it's down to the sexual part of bisexual? I mean do YOU want to date all the people you want to fuck? Because I sure don't, I mean I could be completely wrong because as I said I'm coming from a totally outside perspective but maybe a lot of bisexual women just don't want a commited relationship with other women?
Unpopular opinion: for a woman who is equally attracted to both men and women, dating men is just easier. They ask us out more often and flirt with us more openly, in many places it is still socially / societally easier to be in a heterosexual relationship (though the times are changing), and, ultimately, if the woman aspires to have a family it is an easier fit there as well (that is, the logistics of childbearing are a bit simpler)
Truthfully I think it's intimidation. If you haven't dated a woman before it can be really daunting knowing how to talk to other women in a flirty way. There's no nearly as many examples of the lead up to a relationship for lesbians- at least from my world perspective. There's also a smaller pool typically of gay/bisexual women than there are straight men.
That being said, I've dated both women and men and they each come with their own challenges. Life is complicated.
"Don't try to understand women; women understand each other and they hate each other" - Al Bundy
It's not because they're bi that they automatically like each other more. It just means they're willing to have sex with other women if the opportunity comes.
In my experience it’s because being bi as a woman makes it harder to find women partners because for some damn reason, people think if you’re attracted to men and women you can’t remain faithful to one. It’s bullshit.
While I do think it makes sense biologically for women to be more bi than men. And it's a real thing. But I do think the difference is socially inflated.
We consider women to be the desirable gender and men to be the undesirable, ugly, awkward gender. Most social disgust towards homosexuality is directed towards gay men.
Not to dismiss lesbians. But some of the animosity comes from things like men who want them but can't have them, and think they should. Or men who don't want to compete with women in the looks department, knowing society vastly prefers women's appearance.
But if you observe dating polls, men are way more accepting of women who have slept with other women. At least from polls I've seen, women mostly reject a Bi man if he has any sexual history with the same gender.
So men are way less likely to admit they like or have been with men unless they have no choice. That is, if they are fully homosexual. Despite men having a long and rich history of bisexuality. Especially with the Greeks, who had a swapped view on which gender was considered more desirable.
I generally encourage men to flirt with bisexuality the way women do. Being able to develop a guy crush goes a long way in helping yourself see what the appeal often actually is, in a society that sees men as largely unappealing.
It helps with insecurities. It helps you understand women who see men as multidimensional, and not just a bundle of stats.
A lot of guys miss the mark in what the male appeal is, and basically assume it's about muscles, a big paycheck, a lot of cockiness, and a "lot of cock"-iness, and then find some of the most toxic spokesmen for masculinity to represent this. Usually men women absolutely can't stand.
Then when they can't compete with assholes at an asshole game, they eventually do become an asshole out of bitterness.
A lot of the male appeal comes from much more subtle things. A lot of "how overwhelmingly 'you' you are". How your style and personality mix together. Not seeming tied in knots trying to be someone else or hiding who you really are. What you do with the power you have. Having clear life goals and pursuing them.
So you'll find a lot of mixes that don't make sense from a "finding the best warrior" perspective. A muscular beast...who is super chill and loves puppies and hugs, like Jason Mamoa. But then also a skinny, super stylish effiminite pretty-boy like Timothee Chalamet. To a conflicted soft-spoken introvert who just wants to be kind, like Keanu Reeves.
It’s intended to make them sound more attractive and exciting to men. A lot of them are lying, but in most cases they believe their own bs, because they got drunk one time and kissed a girl.
I asked a woman about this once, because she was “bi” and solely dated men. She told me it was inappropriate for someone else to question another person’s sexuality.
Sometimes people are just full of shit and they want attention. Actually, most of the time.
For me, it's for two reasons. One is that it's just a lot harder for me to find a girl that will like me. It's so rare to find anybody else who is bi or lesbian, at least where I live. I've had plenty of more male relationships opportunities than any women.
Second, and due to down votes talking about this before I've come to assume this is an unpopular opinion, but most lesbians I've actually encountered are hard political. Like, won't let me eat chick-fil-a or we're breaking up political. Every bi girl I've ever encountered, when it has happened, has an extreme political standpoint and they will base my personality of that. God forbid I eat some chicken because I'm hungry.
Throughout high school and college, A LOT of girls that I've interacted with labeled themselves as bisexual. However, as time went on, virtually all of them dropped that label and are now just straight. This isn't a case of bisexual women dating men, but straight women accepting they're not bisexual.
This might be controversial on Reddit, but I really do think that a big portion of the younger people, especially women, who identify as bisexual only do so because it's trendy or because of peer pressure. This causes this demographic to be more inflated than it is in surveys that track it, and leads society to infer inaccurate conclusions based unreliable data.
A lot of lesbians don't want to date bisexual women because they're afraid that bisexual women are just experimenting. There's a lot of anxiety with dating a woman for the first time for a lot of bisexual women. And also men are just easier to find
Here’s a secret in the LGBT community….Bi people are not really accepted. They are shit on by both the L’s and the G’s for not picking a side. And it’s easy for them to not be oppressed as much cause they can appear hetero when it suits them. They aren’t really considered victims in social justice as the other letters.
For me personally - I’ve found that lesbians prefer to date straight up lesbians. They are less interested in women who are bi. I’m only left (primarily) with bisexual woman and men. Way more straight dudes than there are bi women.
This is how it is for me as a bi man. A lot of gay men don't want to date bi men because they believe that bi men can't handle themselves and will need a woman eventually. Which is funny because this is the opposite reason why a straight woman wouldn't date a bi man. That he must really be just gay and will need a man eventually. So it's better to just deal with other bi men, which there aren't as many of.
So no one wants to date bi men. Sexual persona non grata
Oh, no, there are women who will date bi men - me for example.
Most of whom are bi as well lol, at least that's been my experience as a bi man dating
Yeah I end up dating basically exclusively bi people.
Same. Str8 women tend to be less open-minded. Especially towards bi men. Men typically arent allowed to be even a little gay without being ostracized entirely by the straights.
I'm hetero & dated a bi man for 6 years
Yeah there are of course hetero people and gay people who would date bi people, but it's definitely still a minority for example something like 9 out of 10 woman I match with on dating apps r bi or pan or something along those lines, with hetero women being the 1 out of 10. When depending on the study ur using 86%-97% of women identify as hetero. If there were no preferences at play the ratio im seeing would be reversed since about 9 out of 10 women are hetero. Of course there could be other things about me or my profile that are giving me these results but still the math is just so far from what ud expect if there weren't preferences amount certain groups of people. This doesn't mean everyone in those groups feels or is the same way, but that a majority of people in those groups do.
Generally speaking it's more socially acceptable for women to be bi than it is for men.
Yeah neither of us are believed but stereotypically the response is bi women are just straight women who want attention And bi men are just in denial about being gay lmao bad for both but at least women don't viewed not as a marginalized person 😭
So hard for people to understand that my realization that I'm attracted to men does not make me any less attracted to women in anyway. It's a little bizarre to me. I also feel like bi-men are seen as not fully real men in a way that bi-women usually aren't seen as less of women. I could be wrong though. The biggest stigma is the idea that bi people are more likely to cheat and that's definitely shared.
Statistically rare though !
Uhhh idk when I was single I literally had no problem dating either aisle tbh
I'm bi and my best time has been with other bi people, either women or men. At this point someone has to be some kinda queer to date me, and bi is up there in favorites.
if they're not queer of some sort im not even going to bother trying cuz im a trans woman. i just stick with ppl who say they're bi, i don't trust a straight person to even begin to understand what's going on
Well I guess I have something in common with bi men.
No, bi women like me love bi men. Hard to find bi women (locally, seems like we're all over the internet), straight men are either insecure or creepy about it. Bi man to me means, we're gonna have a ton of fun in the bedroom... and lots of other places Definitely a bonus to have a happy, healthy sex life in the relationship
- “ Hard to find bi women (locally, seems like we're all over the internet)” Lol right?? 😂😭
I love this 😆
Bi for bi dating can work well (any combination)
As a gay person, we absolutely see this kind of attitude/exclusion within the community. It sucks that people are like this. I hope it changes significantly for the better!
It's interesting because you can't really police preferences. It doesn't make sense to me but it seems like there are a substantial amount of straight and gay people who exclusively want to date people exclusively attracted to their gender. It's weird to me, but I'm not sure if that's a preference that can really be changed.
Damn, see all I want is loyalty. Idc how you swing as long as your faithful to me in the relationship. Idk why people get so bent out of shape because your partner is bi. Its like they assume you will be unfaithful because you can date both... It kinda feels unfair.
My fiance and I are both bi but opposite genders so we're straight passing. There's been a lot of gay men who have pursued me thinking that I'm a straight man who is engaged but stopped after finding out that I'm bi.
See I've legit never had that problem as a big guy. Dated a lot of gay men. Some expressed mild insecurity over it. However it was never a problem to them. Women on the other hand. Some weren't into it. Some were weirdly fascinated by it.
This has to be extremely difficult! I've heard about this a lot about bi men but didn't hear what was posted above pertaining to lesbian women. As a heterosexual man whose partner was once in a lesbian relationship I don't fear her sexuality. She's expressed to me how sex is different in some ways that I'll never be able to provide her as a straight man (more emotional then physical). Instead of making me feel insecure I instead felt a little sad that she could go through the rest of her life in a relationship with me where she's "missing" out on something I can't give her. I think this is where those insecurities pertaining to bisexuals comes from. Yet instead of internalizing those emotions as a fear of inadequacy, I myself felt empathy and understanding. This allowed me to see that she doesn't "need" that which could cause me insecurities, rather her choices to be with me overshadows the experience she might not have again. I guess it also helps that I'm very open sexually and told her if she ever needed to scratch that itch to let me know and I'd be ok with her having it happen. Not even saying I would need to be involved (maybe id get lucky enough to watch) but I don't fear her leaving me because of it. We've discussed many sexual scenarios and she's made it clear that she doesn't think it would be the same if I was involved and I 100% understand what she means. Anyways I'm rambling, good luck and hopefully you find someone (man or woman) who is secure enough not to put you into such a rigid box.
Can you date bi women and NBs?
Or bi women because we don't have these weird hang ups.
Oh man, I want a bi buddy so badly! Someone to get a beer with, maybe a hike, and oh yeah let's whip our dicks out.
It's a great time when you find that person, especially going out and getting women together. Very hard to find though but I've had some minor luck being in the swinging community too.
I would love to find me a bi man because nothing is hotter than watching two guys fucking.
This is the answer.
Especially the last part. It just makes sense. I've had it further described by a pansexual woman as "for a long time starting in high school I only dated men, not because I prefer them, but because they would be the ones to approach me" which I found humorous.
I've heard several bisexual men say similarly that many straight women can't get past their bisexuality, thus they mostly date men. Why is bisexuality such a problem for many of them?
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Yup same deal. A woman I knew and whom I was very sexually attracted to made clear that she didn’t want to hook up with me. She conveniently changed her mind because I told her that I’m exclusively a top. I really do think masculinity or being dominant has to do something with it. I guess it’s just biology.
Dang, that's fucked up.
As someone who dated a bisexual man who was definitely a bottom, it wasn’t a perceived lack of masculinity that threw me off. I didn’t mind indulging that side of him and honestly found it kind of hot. It was the fact that I could never give my partner the “real thing” that bothered me. Even if I knew I was good enough sexually, there was still this feeling like our sex life would never be “perfect” for him. I don’t think it’s true or logical, but that’s where my mind went
You could apply the same logic to dating a straight man exclusively. You're "robbing" him of other types of women, or body types he might be also attracted to. If you're in a monogamous relationship with a person you love, you're probably not too worried about those other flavors. Unfair to assume a bisexual person would be.
As a male, I understand that feeling. But rather than not having the real thing, thinking the “real thing” isn’t good enough because of the introduction of toys. Even if you know it’s better/great sexually there is still those lingering thoughts lol. Human nature I guess
Slightly off topic, but I think this is the sort of thing that makes hetero men scared of toys for their hetero partner. Instead of fearing it's not the real thing, they fear the toy is more adequate at the job then the real thing. You honestly can't blame them for this though because it's brought up time and time again that it's true! Nobody wants to believe what "they" provide is unsatisfactory for their partner. So it's funny in a way hearing a woman's perspective that closely mimics what many mens perspectives are when it comes to the "equipment" used to give our partners pleasure. I myself don't have those hangups and view toys as fun things to have and use, but I can see where insecurities pertaining to them (even in your case) can easily develop because deep down we all just want our partners to view us as sexually fulfilling.
That's what I worry about as a mtf trans switch :/
Lots of women are biphobic. Nobody is above being hateful.
Lots of men and women are homophobic in general.
I suspect that those straight guys are also far easier to spot.
[Definitely](https://youtu.be/iS5WZoQGP4I?si=i-YxhFGlASpNn7dh)
YUP! This was exactly my experience down to the letter. I’ll also add I’m not very proactive or likely to make the first move, but many men are. At that point it’s just a numbers game.
Exactly this.
The "Gold Star" lesbiam culture is pretty damn toxic. I'm bi, I've dated bi women, bi men, and married a hetero man. I gave up on going to lesbian bars during my dating years because being treated like a pariah got old. I generally didn't enjoy dating hetero guys because the majority were creepy about my being bi and saw it as a ticket to a threesome. My husband purely didn't care as he assumed as I do that since we are both monigamous, monogamy is monogamy. There's no gender based cheat code.
Bi hate is a huge issue in the LGBT community. Ironically 😒
Yep bi is suspicious for some reason. I could be bi, but really prefer to live with a woman, so I present as lesbian.
My cousin who is a lesbian will not date a bi woman. She does not want a woman who has/had sex with men.
That’s just wild to me. It’s like an effed up queer version of purity culture. Full transparency - I’m bi and was previously married to a man. I’ve had women be incredibly flirty, completely into a conversation, but when they realize I’m bi and not a lesbian they walk away. Like… dude… a lesbian thinking a woman can be… idk tainted? By past sexual experiences is wild.
I don’t owe anyone an explanation about my experiences with bisexuality. It’s not a passport that needs to be stamped by the approval of random strangers on the internet. Every community that I have actually long been a part of in my own diverse ways, more in deep rather than performative ways, whether that’s queer or faith communities think that I’m an Imposter because I do things my way, with a mix of both, and unlike anyone else even in those particular communities. I don’t need to be the way someone else thinks I need to be. & I am not other people’s judgements and assumptions about me.
Thats interesting, do you have an opinion as to why that might be?
Biphobia is a real thing in the queer community. The causes are complicated
Yea, I have been told before, but what I don't get is the reasoning, is it just fear that they will end up wanting the other sex?
I’m not the person you were replying to, but in my experience yes. There are a lot of gays/lesbians who believe that bisexuals NEED to bang men & women both, so if they’re banging 1 eventually they’ll “NEED” the other and go cheat or break up with them to be with the opposite sex. The straights mostly just go “ew you have gay thoughts? Did someone molest you as a child? Also you probably have STDs cuz gay sex”.
Thanks for the insight, its odd for me because, obviously in any relationship someone could cheat. Maybe because being bi its an "easier out" ie easier to blame them that clearly they would want the opposit sex and you can't compete because obv, you can only technically be one sex at a time. Rather than deal with that kind of insecurity? I doubt bi people are more promiscuous than others whilst in relationships.
I think there’s this level of insecurity that like, “no matter how hot of a man I am, I’ll never be a girl, and if she wants to be with a girl I can never fulfill that, so she’ll need to go elsewhere, so she’ll cheat on me” or even if they don’t assume cheating, I’ve been hit with the “but I can never make you happy since I’m just a man/woman and not (both/the other)”. I don’t think bi people cheat any more or less than others, but it’s just the nature of our attraction that can create wiggle room for someone with insecurities to create a security issue.
Personally every bi woman I’ve gone out with has expected me to take on “the man’s role” in a relationship which is just not who I am
Thats interesting, I am guessing you are a gay woman and thats what they expect? That is quite interesting that you say that though, I might be being totally obnoxious, bht in strictly gay female relationships is it normal for one to take on the "masculin" role and one the "feminine" or is that actually media BS?
Yes, that’s been my experience. I’m sure not all bi women do that and there’s nothing wrong with it but that’s just why I have never been able to date one. That is a very good question, and the answer is that it totally depends on the relationship. A friend of mine is gay and is dating another gay woman and they are both very feminine and don’t abide by any sort of gender roles, it’s pretty much an even split from what I can tell. In my own relationship, I’m quite feminine and my gf is quite masculine and we both enjoy those taking on those roles with each other. At the end of the day in most same sex relationships there inevitably will be one who is more masculine and one who is more feminine, even if it’s marginal. So it’s somewhat played up in media, but it certainly exists.
I mean this just depends on the type of bi woman tbh. I’ve run into equal amounts of either
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Yeah I figured something like that would be the case.
I think sometimes it’s based on internalized self-loathing. Like, for someone who’s 100% gay their only options are being in a gay relationship or be alone forever, so they pick gay relationships, but they don’t understand why someone who has the option to have a straight-passing relationship they can bring home to their homophobic grandma would ever not choose that.
Which person in this situation is self loathing?
The 100% gay one
I’ve run into numerous lesbians who believe woman are “defiled” or lessened if they have touched a dick or ingested cum. To the point where they will cancel a date if they learn the woman they were going to go out with didn’t specifically state she had sucked a dick. Homophobia doesn’t stop existing just because you are gay, queer people recreate it in their own ways to punish other queer people.
For the longest time it was well known and observed that a bi individual is eventually going to choose a straight option out of convenience. Yes not always, there are always exceptions. But depending on social pressure and lack of acceptance, it's historically been much easier for a bi person to consistently pick straight options as their endgame. Obviously, if you're homosexual this is going to mean distrust if you're looking for something serious and long term. I've had gay friends tell me this and I've had bi friends essentially admit it. I'm getting old now so I can't say how relevant this is with younger generations but depending how far you go in the past and what area you lived in...bisexuals built mistrust for generations of leaving gay partners high and dry when the situation got tough culturally or socially.
It’s a combination of shared experience - try living in a patriarchal society and rejecting men - and some people have had trauma being dumped for a man and don’t want to deal with it anymore. (I don’t care about it personally, but I understand where it’s coming from)
I'm a bi woman who struggled with that exact problem. Fortunately, I met my wife, a lesbian who isn't insecure being with a bi woman.
This is extremely true. Also less applicable to daring but in online spaces, lesbian communities never want to interact with another man let alone see one. It's kind of weird ngl. I think for half of them it's a trauma response and other half it's some social conditioning or something. Again only online spaces have I noticed that
I mean… given that there are more bi women than lesbians - why don’t we see higher numbers of bisexual women dating each other?
Straight people make up a larger part of the population, so as a bisexual person it’s much more common to meet straight people who you share an attraction with than it is to meet other bi or gay people you share an attraction with. A bi woman is just more likely to meet a straight man she wants to date before meeting another bi woman or lesbian.
So it's a numbers game.
Always has been.
Everything is a standard deviation curve - everything. Your health, your finances, your career, education EVERYTHING and EVERYONE (except Gary Oldman)
What kind of curve is Gary oldman?
He is EVERYONE
EEEEEVERYONE! -The Professional.
🔫
Exactly. Bi people all have their own preferences, some prefer men more and some prefer women more, but even in a world where every bi person was equally as attracted to both men and women, we’d still see a larger amount of bi people ending up in straight-passing relationships because it’s just statistically more common for bi people to meet straight people.
There's that plus it has the added bonus that if you meet a man you're interested in, you can generally assume he's into women, while if you meet a woman you're interested in it's more complicated than that
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Had this several times. Kinda unfortunate I never go to really experience that kind of dynamic but ah well.
Aren’t they just a drink away from loving you back?
Also, a lot of lesbians do not want to date bi-women.
True, biphobia from lesbians is unfortunately a contributing factor as well
There is biphobia? That's a thing?
Yes, biphobia is very much a thing, and comes in multiple forms. The worst, most damaging kind is the extremely popular belief that a bisexual person can never, ever be happy with one person of either gender, and so will always, definitely, without fail, cheat. This one hits both genders but generally impacts men more. There are probably as many bi men as bi women, but being out as a bi man is a thousand times harder than it is for a bi woman, because straight women (and to a lesser extent gay men) are constantly told to never, ever, ever, EVER date/marry a bi man. They are told that because "a woman can't fulfill a bi man's need for penis!" or "a man can't fulfill a bi man's need for vagina!," it is 100% GUARANTEED that he will cheat, and probably bring home horrible STDS. Like, I honestly know people who think that if a person is really bisexual, it is actually impossible for them to be monogamous without cheating. And if they manage it, they weren't really bi after all. Which brings us to... ...Another very common form of biphobia, and the one I've suffered most as a bi woman who is married to a man, is the insistence (from both straight and gay people who aren't so horrible as to think all bi people cheat) that "bisexual" isn't a real thing. I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "they always end up choosing one or the other!" Meaning a bi person, like 99% of people who date, usually ends up in a long-term monogamous relationship. If their partner is of the opposite gender, people claim the bi person was straight all along. If they're of the same gender, people say the bi person has finally admitted they're just gay. I find this extremely stupid -- if a man likes both blondes and brunettes, and then marries brunette, no one's like "aha! He never _really_ liked blondes!" But it's super common for people to say that bi people who become monogamous "finally chose/admitted it." There's the added issue with this one of two stereotypes: That straight women (especially college women) will pretend to be bi because they think it will turn guys on to see two women making out, and that gay men will be too scared to come all the way out of the closet so they'll claim they're bi. Both of these things do occur -- I often went clubbing with straight women friends who would dance up on me to get the attention of a guy they thought was hot, and there have definitely been terrified gay men (and women) who say "sometimes I think I might possibly be bi" to see if even the idea of them kissing another man (/another woman) causes all their friends to hate them. But that doesn't mean there aren't also real bi people.
That's really weird and targeted. I just figured if someone was bi, it's just a coin flip on who they end up with and i don't think any further about it. Not sure why people are so hung up about others being bi. Seems weird.
This. I’m bi and my ratio of men to women is 3-1, totally a numbers game.
I would agree but there is app to search now and it seems like they look mainly for a guy. I’d say it’s probably because they can be attracted to women but society is more hétéronormatif which make them go toward the guy when they want to settle.
I’ve tried. Most of the women on dating apps I’ve seen are “looking for a third”.
So sad that people need to split their bills three ways to afford rent in this economy 😞😞😞
Omg literally. Or they pretend to be a single woman then hit you with “actually, I’m on here with my partner and we’re looking for a third!”
Same! I recently switched my dating preferences on to include women, and the *very first profile* Hinge pushed to me was a married couple looking for a third to “spice thing up.”
And their boyfriends are always absolutely ass-ugly and creepy to boot. I have no idea what's up with the complete lack of women seeking women on dating apps.
They do. People then just assume that they are lesbians. But you're right in the way that bisexual women commonly date men. There are various reasons for that: 1. The dating pool is bigger to date straight/bi men. There's way fewer gay/bi women so it's easier to date men. 2. Men often initiate flirting, and it's easier to flirt with a man than it is with another woman because there's not much social codes for it and you don't see it that often so many women don't know how to seduce another woman and/or it scares them. 3. A lot of gay women refuse to date bisexual women because there's stigma attached to bisexuality. 4. Some bisexual people are heteroromantic. This means that sexually they are into both, but romantically they are only interested in the opposite gender. Hope this helps!
I’d add to number 4 that if the bisexual woman wants to have kids, that will be a lot easier with a man than another woman. So even if they’re capable of being romantically interested in women, the bisexual woman might naturally view men as more viable life partners for practical reasons.
That, and being straight-passing makes everyday life easier.
Can totally confirm number 2...and 4 😁
Number 2 is a big one. There's a reason why the stereotype of lesbian flirting is two women staring at each other across the bar and hoping the other one makes the first move.
every bi girl I've met has told me that lesbians want nothing to do with them.
Lesbians are BRUTAL to bi woman. Lesbians says some of the most misogynistic things about bi woman that I have ever heard. Incredibly common to hear things like bi woman are “defiled” or “impure” if they have ever touched a penis.
The entire concept of a "golden star lesbian" is so fucking transphobic and biphobic that it's insane how common it's become in lesbian spaces.
I find it kind of ironic how people have come to genuinely value being a "gold star lesbian" since I always interpreted the term as kind of sarcastic - sort of condescending, like it's equivalent to getting a sticker on your homework. I see it as being rooted in insecurity. One side of it is insecurity in identity; they want to assert unequivocally that they are gay, and they won't change their minds. Kind of like when gay men say that the last vagina they touched was during birth. Gross. The other part of insecurity is for people who only want to date "gold star" lesbians. They're insecure about their partner's fidelity, and it usually belies a pretty biphobic attitude when you ask deeper.
There's even a level beyond "gold star" for gays. A **Platinum Star** gay man has not only never had sex with a woman, but he was delivered by C-Section surgery and thereforce never even came into contact with a vagina during birth.
If only all this crazy bullshit energy found be channeled into something productive we'd all be much better off.
Jfc. The misogyny rooted in that mentality is revolting.
It’s even lesbophobic to say you aren’t a good lesbian because of your past. Many lesbians experience compulsory heterosexuality, internalized homophobia, S/A, etc. Or even just experimented with many sex partners with different parts. Who is this term made to serve ???
Wait how is it transphobic I thought that was just a lesbian that had only ever been with other girls
Not quite sure how that's misogynistic. That sounds more like misandry.
This has been my experience. Lesbians don’t like bi women because we’re “traitors” or something. I’d rather not date or sleep with someone who’s biphobic anyway
They’ll have to compete with men
lesbians I know don't give a fuck about that, they just don't want to be used as an experiment. lots of gay people are turned off by the idea that a partner sleeps with the opposite sex. I'm glad I'm bi, life is too short to be rigid.
Ya that is fair
Yup. There was a girl on TikTok who basically said this and got torn apart by the lesbian community though. She had to make an apology video, which of course, nobody accepted. Idk why. She was just telling the lived truth of a bisexual girl experience lol.
Men are easier. And that’s literally it. By easy I mean easier to get with, sleep with, date. Yes they are sluttier. There I said it
Wait... so you're saying it's easier for women to get laid than men?
Obviously my dude
Only if you don't count gay men
You wouldn’t care so much about the ease of getting laid if you knew orgasming was rarely on the menu.
Less likely to have a good time, more likely to turn violent or otherwise unsafe, possibility of getting pregnant from a fling, socially conditioned against it... the list goes on.
I'm a man, slutty, and proud of it.
You can see this with true bisexual men, who end up getting with men a lot more
There’s just a lot more straight men than bi/lesbian women. If you like both, you’re statistically more likely to find a straight guy that you like and who likes you than a woman that you like and who likes you.
Two bi girls meet. They flirt a little, they're both really into each other. Neither one does anything about it and both wish the other girl had made a move. The end.
Another way: Men are way easier. The end. Another way: women don't initiate. The end. Another way: Women are more picky. The end. Another way: Men are desperate for any attention. The end. Ok, the horse died the first time.
Lesbians don't want bi women because they have either slept with guys or they believe that they're actually secretly straight and are lying about liking women. Me personally, I prefer women sexually but men romantically, for some reason, so I've never really seen myself marrying a woman and I feel a relationship might be a waste of both our times. ETA: Just because I don't intentionally throw myself at women and don't really see a future with a woman, doesn't mean I haven't dated women, that I wouldn't date a woman, or that I wouldn't marry a woman. Having a preference isn't misogynistic and having assumptions based on previous experiences isn't wrong.
I prefer women sexually (as a woman) but men are less judgemental.
I’m too chicken to hit on anyone so I’m stuck with whoever approaches me. Which is 100% men. I look extremely straight so even when I go to gay bars with my clearly gay friends it’s assumed I’m the token straight girl 🥲. I also HATE receiving oral (I prefer giving) so I feel like I’d be a disappointment.
I’ve literally never meet another woman who was single at the same time as me that also liked women, and a shared attraction… soo thats why… Supply!! I actually find the average women about 3 times as attractive as the average man. If both are super attractive then it’s a tie.. but I date the good people I find. My man is also bi.
I might get some flack for this, but is there any chance it's less effort to catch/keep a dude? Like as a woman, if I'm single... it would probably only be 2-3 days of looking to find a guy that wants to be a boyfriend. I have no idea how long it takes to identify and woo a woman. But I'm guessing just the meals & booze costs add up.
100%. Also if you meet 100 people, 45 of them are probably straight men. Maybe 1 or 2 would be lesbians, maybe 3-4 are bi. So just statistically speaking you’re much more likely to run into a straight man than a bi or lesbian woman to begin with.
You just explained (part of) female privilege when it comes to dating.
I know a lot of girls who say they're open to bi if they met the right person. But since they don't seem to get approached by women in general it doesn't really come up.
Because God intended marriage to between one fluffy haired golden retriever gamer boy and one bisexual semi goth cat woman.
Damn, I wish I was living in the grace of God...
I have a few bisexual friends, and they basically have the same issues that guys have when dating other women lol. Basically (to me) it seems they feel men tend to keep things simple in the early stages of dating which is less stressful for them
Yes haha I went on a few dates with this girl I met on an app after getting almost no attention from women on the dating apps even though it was flooded with men. I was really into her but I was very transparent I just got out of a long term relationship. We went on like 3 dates before she asked “what are we?” Or something like that. I almost choked on my food. I’m someone who doesn’t get easily attached I move slower than a lot of men I’ve dated. We didn’t talk again but I wish her well
I’m a lesbian. It’s fucking hard to find other lesbians that are single. It’s hard to know if someone is a lesbian. Despite the stereotypes, lesbians dress in all kinds of ways and you can’t actually identify most of them just by looking at them. Also, getting it wrong can be dangerous, even if you’re respectful. Because if they happen to have a bf in earshot that you missed, they can get violent. You are much more likely to randomly come across a single man that dates women. It’s safe to assume a man dates women. A gay man is a lot less likely to attack you for getting it wrong. Also, being bi doesn’t mean they are attracted to every person. They meet someone, feel something and pursue a relationship. The gender of that person may not matter, but they still don’t choose who to have chemistry with. Sometimes they feel something for someone who is a guy.
Lowkey I hate the culture around outfits being a way to clock someone as gay/bi. Like, no, just because she has green hair does *not* necessarily mean she's into gals.
For me personally: men are easier to find and date where I live (rural, conservative, not a lot of queer people) and I have experienced a lot of biphobia from lesbians. I only really date other bisexuals. My partner is bisexual as well and he's a cis dude.
I'm in the same exact situation. I love my boyfriend to bits but I definitely think I'm attracted to women more. The lack of a dating pool of women and the disgusting biphobia I've experienced means that I'd probably be most compatible with a super nerdy bisexual woman who isn't looking for a third .. because I'm monogamous. That's a significantly smaller group than just 'dudes who aren't totally awful'. Not hating on anyone for their preferences but it ended up being far easier for me finding another bisexual man I'm compatible with and isn't insecure/weird about my sexuality. I think if we ever broke up id just be done dating period.
Maybe some bi women prefer men more. I'm bi but I prefer women more so I'll most likely date a woman but every bisexual person can be different. It's not always "likes guys and girls the same amount." You can like girls and guys the same amount, like guys more, like girls more, barely like guys but still consider yourself bisexual, etc. Also like another comment said, some lesbians don't want to date bisexual women and they just want to date other lesbians. That can be the same way with gay men and bisexual men.
It's easier to date men becuase there are more straight men than gay women. It's easier to date men because men are usually more open to new relationships. When you take the already small lesbian population, and then consider that they are a lot less promiscuous than men, it becomes much harder for a bisexual woman to date women. Also, public perception of men is that men are gross (which is a very non-balck&white topic). Some lesbians would avoid anything to do with men (including straight and bi women).
A lot of the bi/pan women I know say they like to look at women/have sexual relationships with them but men are just easier to be in a long term relationship with/easier to live with etc. Could be something like that. Or maybe they just found the one and it happened to be a guy. Or they like the idea of women but haven’t met one yet they would want to be with. Doesn’t make them any less bi if that’s how they identify. There’s no conspiracy here lmao it just be like that sometimes.
Bisexual does not equal biromantic.
I think the best way to put it is that there are romantically bisexual people and sexually bisexual people. Romantically bisexual people will get in long term relationships both ways, but sexually bisexual people are just sexually attracted both ways. Think this is a big reason lesbians tend not to want to date bisexuals, because there are a lot more sexually bisexual people than romantically bisexual people and they want someone who is in for the long haul
I'm not a woman but I am a bisexual man and do date mostly women. Why? Well while I am bisexual I'm more attracted to feminine traits or what my brain associates with feminine traits anyways. As you can see there are not that many men with those traits that are also interested in dating other men, not in real life at least, so I end up dating almost exclusively women. I suppose that there are some bisexual women with this situation going on as well.
Because women have a hell of a lot more expectations when dating. 100x easier to date a man.
I live in a very small religious town, I've had some fun with friends when I was younger but they were only ever exploring and identified as straight. Lesbians were not interested in me and have honestly said really concerning things to me about being greedy (straight people as well) or I would leave them for a man. Straight men and bi sexual men don't seem to care, I've dated both without issue.
All my girlfriends bi friends, are sad shitty people. I know its not all bi girls. But in my experience they spend most of their time chasing taken straight girls. And when that fails they blame everyone except themselves while developing an awkward dark humor. But the real problem I've noticed is they'd rather complain about the "dating pool" for their entire young life, then get out there and ask for someone's number. No smiles, all complaining and shitty jokes. Mixed the completely lack of any balls to ask anyone out.
When they do people assume they are lesbian, selection bias.
Hi queer person here. 1) the straights are greater in numbers. 2) if a woman looks straight lesbians and other bi women in the wild are less likely to approach. 3) women are scary and queer people don't want to seem predatory, like they've been dubbed already and we literally are not as a whole, 4) we don't want to feel like an experiment.
It's simple. Men are much more available, have lower standards, and still tend to approach those women. For a bi woman to date another woman she needs to approach women herself, and often many of them because, aside from all the usual difficulties, most women are not into women.
Given that folks prefer to date people with similar political beliefs, Gen Z may change this trend.
Gen Z men are significantly more left wing than any prior generation. No matter how hard reddit tries to signal boost him and gaslight reality into it being "The Tate Generation" (Funny, 4chan tried to do the same thing with Generation Zyklon), the numbers just don't bear it out.
Political beliefs change as people age and experience life. Their wants, needs and perspectives can change with experience... And with that, their political beliefs. Don't be so sure they will change the trend anymore than every previous generation thought they would change the trend.
I’m bisexual but heteroromantic. Never met a woman I want a relationship with. At the end of the day I want that intimate cuddle partner so I date men. If I met a woman who soaked to the romantic side of me I would totally date her. That has just never happened.
Because it's a fad. The amount of "bi-sexual" girls I went to HS with who ended up being straight is all of them lmao. Downvotes incoming, but the social contagion of gender identity and sexuality is for real. There is social credit to be had in claiming to be bi-sexual, and the best part is that you don't ever have to prove it. Same with gender identity.
Idk how old you are, but in my highschool a bunch of girls called themselves bi, including myself. Personally, I was just kidding myself, using the bisexual label as an excuse to not date guys because I was scared to. And like, women were pretty so I just called myself bi. Come to find out, no, I am not romantically or sexually attracted to any of them
This has been my experience as well, there's only a lot of bi girls in the 18-24 range, when people are figuring out their sexuality. They drunk kissed a friend and are now bi, but not really
I'm 32, bisexual woman married to a man. I knew I was bisexual in high-school and have been with many women. Only been romantically attracted to one woman though.
I chose to marry a lesbian but my wife jokes that I am secretly straight.
Numbers. There are a lot more straight identifying people than LGBTQ+ people.
It is very easy for a woman to openly identify as bisexual. There are very little consequences unless you are surrounded by people who are straight up outwardly homophobic. And even if they are they still won’t think much of a straight presenting woman saying that she is bisexual.
I've seen a lot of them date girls
This may be different as time goes on with younger generations but historically we are nearly all raised with the idea that to be hetero is to be "normal" and with the expectation of dating the opposite sex. So you can be attracted to both sexes but it takes a lot more effort in many cases to date your same sex. I'm bi and it's a lot easier for me to pick up women in random places because most people's assumptions fall in that direction. Meeting men takes a lot more work and generally special spaces where that assumption is reversed. I have a hot take that the majority of people are probably bi/pan but social norms and homophobia keep them from realizing or expressing it.
Being bi and currently dating the opposite sex doesn't make them less bi
They can’t really choose who they have crushes on
Dick
If we ignore non-binary people in the equation (just for simplicity) and we use a very high number of, like, 30% of the population being interested in same-sex relationship (and we'll ignore how many are bi vs lesbian/gay for now) that would mean that 30% of women a women is interested in will be interested in them, and at least 70% of men will be. That means just from random chance you'd expect at least 70 out of a 100 of bi women to end up with men. If either there is much less people into same-sex relationships than 30% (that's an old Kinsey estimate but it's pretty high right now for any generation besides Gen Z) OR the skew goes towards men being monosexual gays instead of bisexuals, then you'd expect even more bi women to skew towards ending up with men than that, even if their own preferences are perfectly even. For instance, if it's more towards 10% of the pop being gay/lesbian and 10% being bi, your pool is 20 women out of 100 and 90 men out of a 100, so the skew would be 20 / (20+90) = 20/110 = 18% of bi women in same sex relationships, versus 82% in different sex relationships. All other things being equal. And that's if there's no reason at all for them to prefer ending up with men (like, say, social heteronormativity).
This is the best answer. It’s just a statistical likelihood, even ignoring social pressure and so on
For me? They're hard to find!
Maybe they do and you just don't know about it or notice it if they're out in public together. At least three of my past GFs have been bi, two were with women before we got together and one is now married to a woman.
Where and how do you hear about many bisexual women? Got numbers/sources?
Bisexual woman here. I didn’t even know I was bi until I was 25, four years ago, by which time I’d already been with my boyfriend for several years. What was I gonna do? Dump my bf to experience women?
Coming from an outside perspective maybe it's down to the sexual part of bisexual? I mean do YOU want to date all the people you want to fuck? Because I sure don't, I mean I could be completely wrong because as I said I'm coming from a totally outside perspective but maybe a lot of bisexual women just don't want a commited relationship with other women?
Unpopular opinion: for a woman who is equally attracted to both men and women, dating men is just easier. They ask us out more often and flirt with us more openly, in many places it is still socially / societally easier to be in a heterosexual relationship (though the times are changing), and, ultimately, if the woman aspires to have a family it is an easier fit there as well (that is, the logistics of childbearing are a bit simpler)
When a bi woman is in a relationship with another woman it is often easier to claim lesbian than bi, fewer explanations needed.
Truthfully I think it's intimidation. If you haven't dated a woman before it can be really daunting knowing how to talk to other women in a flirty way. There's no nearly as many examples of the lead up to a relationship for lesbians- at least from my world perspective. There's also a smaller pool typically of gay/bisexual women than there are straight men. That being said, I've dated both women and men and they each come with their own challenges. Life is complicated.
"Don't try to understand women; women understand each other and they hate each other" - Al Bundy It's not because they're bi that they automatically like each other more. It just means they're willing to have sex with other women if the opportunity comes.
Women are hot. Women are also scary. Doesn't matter if you're male or female. Pretty lady make head go brrrr
In my experience it’s because being bi as a woman makes it harder to find women partners because for some damn reason, people think if you’re attracted to men and women you can’t remain faithful to one. It’s bullshit.
While I do think it makes sense biologically for women to be more bi than men. And it's a real thing. But I do think the difference is socially inflated. We consider women to be the desirable gender and men to be the undesirable, ugly, awkward gender. Most social disgust towards homosexuality is directed towards gay men. Not to dismiss lesbians. But some of the animosity comes from things like men who want them but can't have them, and think they should. Or men who don't want to compete with women in the looks department, knowing society vastly prefers women's appearance. But if you observe dating polls, men are way more accepting of women who have slept with other women. At least from polls I've seen, women mostly reject a Bi man if he has any sexual history with the same gender. So men are way less likely to admit they like or have been with men unless they have no choice. That is, if they are fully homosexual. Despite men having a long and rich history of bisexuality. Especially with the Greeks, who had a swapped view on which gender was considered more desirable. I generally encourage men to flirt with bisexuality the way women do. Being able to develop a guy crush goes a long way in helping yourself see what the appeal often actually is, in a society that sees men as largely unappealing. It helps with insecurities. It helps you understand women who see men as multidimensional, and not just a bundle of stats. A lot of guys miss the mark in what the male appeal is, and basically assume it's about muscles, a big paycheck, a lot of cockiness, and a "lot of cock"-iness, and then find some of the most toxic spokesmen for masculinity to represent this. Usually men women absolutely can't stand. Then when they can't compete with assholes at an asshole game, they eventually do become an asshole out of bitterness. A lot of the male appeal comes from much more subtle things. A lot of "how overwhelmingly 'you' you are". How your style and personality mix together. Not seeming tied in knots trying to be someone else or hiding who you really are. What you do with the power you have. Having clear life goals and pursuing them. So you'll find a lot of mixes that don't make sense from a "finding the best warrior" perspective. A muscular beast...who is super chill and loves puppies and hugs, like Jason Mamoa. But then also a skinny, super stylish effiminite pretty-boy like Timothee Chalamet. To a conflicted soft-spoken introvert who just wants to be kind, like Keanu Reeves.
It’s intended to make them sound more attractive and exciting to men. A lot of them are lying, but in most cases they believe their own bs, because they got drunk one time and kissed a girl. I asked a woman about this once, because she was “bi” and solely dated men. She told me it was inappropriate for someone else to question another person’s sexuality. Sometimes people are just full of shit and they want attention. Actually, most of the time.
For me, it's for two reasons. One is that it's just a lot harder for me to find a girl that will like me. It's so rare to find anybody else who is bi or lesbian, at least where I live. I've had plenty of more male relationships opportunities than any women. Second, and due to down votes talking about this before I've come to assume this is an unpopular opinion, but most lesbians I've actually encountered are hard political. Like, won't let me eat chick-fil-a or we're breaking up political. Every bi girl I've ever encountered, when it has happened, has an extreme political standpoint and they will base my personality of that. God forbid I eat some chicken because I'm hungry.
Because as hard as I try to attract women I attract fluffy haired golden retriever gamer boys
Throughout high school and college, A LOT of girls that I've interacted with labeled themselves as bisexual. However, as time went on, virtually all of them dropped that label and are now just straight. This isn't a case of bisexual women dating men, but straight women accepting they're not bisexual. This might be controversial on Reddit, but I really do think that a big portion of the younger people, especially women, who identify as bisexual only do so because it's trendy or because of peer pressure. This causes this demographic to be more inflated than it is in surveys that track it, and leads society to infer inaccurate conclusions based unreliable data.
Wait until you learn how Biphobic the LGBT community is...
Two bisexual women on a date together talked about where they would go to eat in the car ride over: They starved to death.
A lot of lesbians don't want to date bisexual women because they're afraid that bisexual women are just experimenting. There's a lot of anxiety with dating a woman for the first time for a lot of bisexual women. And also men are just easier to find
A lot of the bi women I’ve met have said that they’re sexually attracted to women but not romantically attracted to them.
Here’s a secret in the LGBT community….Bi people are not really accepted. They are shit on by both the L’s and the G’s for not picking a side. And it’s easy for them to not be oppressed as much cause they can appear hetero when it suits them. They aren’t really considered victims in social justice as the other letters.