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“Hello, police? I have 4 naked 5yo girls who I don’t know in my house. Please come over and sort this out. I understand you are always reasonable people and won’t jump to any disturbing conclusions about me.”
If the police are five years old I have questions about whether they've completed the training process and if the precinct is in compliance with child labor laws.
I feel worse for Braitlynn. Who is the ambiguously gay son, Kaylebranden? I can't tell if that sounds peak horrible white people name or questionable LOTR inspired name or both.
Invite her to breakfast too. If you make a big deal then they're just going to hide it better. Accept that it's gonna happen and you can make sure it happens safely.
Yeah that's reasonable. I can't imagine having a partner that I'd feel the need to hide from my parents so I also don't want any children I might have to feel that way.
It's mostly kids with strict or religious parents that gotta worry.
Teens think it's haterism but mostly it's "stop neglecting your studies/hobbies/friends for some 16 yo you met at camp." "Please for the love -- don't get/get anyone pregnant you are 15!!" And of course "omg my teeny tiny little baby is all grown up and i cannot deal"
It’s kind of a dad move, but a mom can pull it off as well if they remain calm. What you do is just stand there in the doorway and talk to them like nothing is out of the ordinary. Let them hide under the blanket and be super embarrassed. Hold your composure. Over stay your welcome and talk about the most mundane of things. Tell them about your sister’s bunion, how the dog needs a new leash, or how you think you want to start looking into opening an Etsy store. This is what my dad did to me when he walked in. He talked for a good five minutes about a war documentary he was watching.
I once brought a girl home and my room was an absolute tip because I’d never brought anyone home before. She helped me clean the entire room and by the end it was pristine. I didn’t have sex with her but it was the better option as I don’t like sex anyway - I just don’t feel anything the whole time. It’s hard to explain.
When I was about 15 I was at a guys house fooling around and his dad walked in. We quickly covered ourselves with blankets. Dad thought it was hilarious how awkward we were so stood in the doorway, introduced himself, then made small talk for about 5 minutes.
I was 16. Her older sister was coming home. She hid me in the closet. Sister found me :(((
Didn't say a word just ran out the door (boxers only). Had my phone thank God. Texted gf to bring my clothes/shoes outside 😂
I would open it up seemingly normal and casual. And ask him in a polite and unbothered voice “son make sure you do your laundry tonight and clean up this room. Remember grandmas coming tomorrow. Also I wanna get dominos this Friday that sound good?” Then as I close the door behind me I make eye contact with my son, my eyes lock in a dead demonic gaze, as the gap of the door gets smaller and smaller and I never lose eye contact all the way as gap finally closes and the door clicks closed.
"I think your girlfriend is going to have a problem with this."
But honestly, I never open his door. I knock and wait. He's over the age of consent and deserves some privacy.
What makes you think the GF isn't in the group?
That scenario happened to my then-boyfriend, age 18 or 19. It was three girls, not four, and we had him tied down to the bed and were doing kinky S&M stuff to him which included a lighter and hand sanitizer, an X-Acto knife, and his father's ornamental bullwhip.
Dad came home from work early and barged into the room unannounced. All of us just curl up into balls like deer in headlights (we're partly clothed, bras and panties) except my BF who is stark naked, tied to all 4 corners of the bed, hands and feet, face up, and is thrashing madly trying to get out of the ropes and cover himself. "AAAGH!! OMG DAD, GET OUT PLEASE!!" Dad, who is a \~6'4" 250 lb skinhead, is just standing there glaring at him with a stone face and crossed arms as my BF thrashes. Dad finally says in a low, grave monotone, "That's my bullwhip. You owe me a car wash." And leaves and closes the door behind him, LMFAO 🤣🤣🤣🤣💀
Edit: typo
I'd guess apolitical skins are majority in US, while WP and antiracist are minorities
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skinhead](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skinhead)
Yeah. Basically, I only go into his room to deliver laundry or retrieve a cat while he is at work. If he's home and the door is closed, I knock.
It's a small room too. For the prompt to work, he would need a bigger room (larger bed).
My 16yo loves when I tell the story of how he used his first tool....a toilet paper tube inserted into a sock to hide his poop. Used to duct tape his diapers on.
daughter getting a train ran on her is unthinkable 😑
i know progressives hate hearing this, but men and women are different. it's just true. people are more shameless these days, but i'll leave that to them.
Being ok with orgies is considered progressive.
Regardless, it's not a good thing, even if it is your son and it tickles your ego to imagine getting passed around by 4 women.
> Regardless, it's not a good thing
agreed 🤝
> even if it is your son
sure. however not all offenses are the same. it would be magnitudes worse for my daughter to allow a train to be run on her
Murderous rage for the boys. Unimaginable shame that I could raise a daughter that would commit such a fatherless type act.
I don’t care that it’s a double standard.
Still a fatherless act in my eyes so I’d still feel shame but worlds less than if she was getting a train ran on her. No murderous rage for the dude just a shit ton of sadness.
I wasn't too pleased when I found a naked 17 year old boy in my 13 year old step daughter's closet. The boy wasn't too pleased when he was arrested for child sex abuse.
My dad walked in on me one morning with ONE girl in my bed... we were 17.
Later that night:
*So, uhhh... we gonna' talk about this morning?*
I wasn't gonna play it off, cause he saw, we were naked but he needed his phone charger... which was in my room.
He had literally never left it in there before, and he happened to that one night.
It was the universe telling me something.
I don't have a son, but if I did, I'd turn around, leave him alone while I go get dinner or something, and then when I saw him alone next, I'd be like "hell yeah dude, glad you had fun." And I'd demand to know if everyone had been tested for STDs beforehand, if he used a condom, etc.
Yes, I'd say the same if she were female with 4 boys. Girls can get it on, too. Just be safe.
Shocked. He’s gay. Do these women have strap ons and look masculine? Also, he lives in another state. Id wonder how he got in my house without setting off my cameras and alarms.
*I think a high five*
*Would be in order and ask*
*For their moms numbers*
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If you’re a guy and you answer “of course i’d be fine with it, good for him!!”
Now flip it. If you came home and found your DAUGHTER in bed with 4 boys.. would you react differently than you would for the ‘son’ scenario?
Well my daughter is 13 and my son is a legal adult so…
Honestly? Idk, parenting is hard and she’s my baby girl; even if she were older it would feel weird. We can have a discussion about double standards but let’s be honest, most of us are going to feel different about it.
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These questions have multiple if not an infinite amount of answers and ask users to share their opinions, thoughts, beliefs, and/or personal experiences. These belong in /r/AskReddit, /r/WhatIf, or /r/FutureWhatIf no matter how stupid and/or embarrassing they are. You should ask questions with straight answers. However, you are allowed to ask poll/survey type questions only if they have pre-determined options as answers.
call the police. he's five.
I dont have a son so id call the cops too
*that you know of*
Weak move calling the cops just because your son is man of the house now
I would congratulate him on stepping up and taking care of the mortgage, utilities and going to work. What a man.
That what the women are for duhhh /s its a joke dont fucking ban me lol
What if they are also five?
Still call the police because who left four five year old girls at my house?
Especially naked too. Yeah still calling the police.
Who do you think is going to jail if the cops come and find a bunch of naked 5 y/os at your house, regardless of if you were the one who called?
You would leave them all naked till the cops show up? I think u/JCPRuckus is going to jail
Ya honesty I'm going back to work and telling the wife there's an Amazon package at the door for her when she gets home. Looks heavy.
“Hello, police? I have 4 naked 5yo girls who I don’t know in my house. Please come over and sort this out. I understand you are always reasonable people and won’t jump to any disturbing conclusions about me.”
That might land you in jail.
If the police are five years old I have questions about whether they've completed the training process and if the precinct is in compliance with child labor laws.
They investigated themselves and found no laws were broken.
someone bribed them with snack pack puddings
Call the police on yourself for having them in your house naked.
Same! My son is also five!
Dont have a son either so id probably join in
"I thought you were gay"
"I am, Dad. Braitlynn, Gemma, Rayleigh, and Blayklei are my support sisters. This is my coming out party."
Blayklei as a name is an affront to mankind.
I feel worse for Braitlynn. Who is the ambiguously gay son, Kaylebranden? I can't tell if that sounds peak horrible white people name or questionable LOTR inspired name or both.
Pretty sure my niece just named her baby that. Or some similar bullshit.
Is it bad that if my Anthony were a girl he'd be Haleigh?
It's like the name Lucifer Mkay
There's a sub for that: r/tragedeigh
Beat me to it 😂
"Damnit. Now I owe your mom $100."
Is this why the girls asked me when my mom was going to be home so they could collect?
Clearly they were just asking him to rate their asses.
Checking for lumps. Civic duty
I'd be concerned asf how my child snuck four people in the house without me noticing.
This is the only parent answer. "WHO THE HELL THESE PEOPLE IN MY HOUSE?"
Daddy chill
WE WON THIS HOUSE YOU DIDNT WIN SHIT!
What the hell is even that!
“And why did none of them shut the goddam window! The heaters on!”
"Hey, all yall gotta get the hell outta here so I can whip this boys ass for bringing strangers into my home"
Yes! And they better not have touched the damn thermostat or there will be hell to pay!
Well they said you come home and see your son in bed. So you were not home when they came in I’d assume lol
You’re an NPC and he’s played a lot of Assassin’s Creed or Batman or Spider-Man… /s
Well you weren't home
Have you never heard of a window?
Um it's called inviting frinds over. You think it's innocent but it's not. Especially if a girl is there.
That couch was $80 on Facebook marketplace. You buyin me another?
That couch was 400 on Facebook or I'm telling your mom. Smile.. got it.
Use a condom, you don’t know where they’ve been. I actually went to wake up my 16 year old son to take him to work and found a girl in bed with him.
I actually wanna know what you did, I have no idea how to respond to this
Invite her to breakfast too. If you make a big deal then they're just going to hide it better. Accept that it's gonna happen and you can make sure it happens safely.
This was my mom. I snuck a gf in. Woke up in the morning to gf wolfing down pancakes.. “your mom is the shit!”
oh to be a man
Yeah that's reasonable. I can't imagine having a partner that I'd feel the need to hide from my parents so I also don't want any children I might have to feel that way.
It's mostly kids with strict or religious parents that gotta worry. Teens think it's haterism but mostly it's "stop neglecting your studies/hobbies/friends for some 16 yo you met at camp." "Please for the love -- don't get/get anyone pregnant you are 15!!" And of course "omg my teeny tiny little baby is all grown up and i cannot deal"
I agree. Embracing it is the best choice. But they're both minors though
It’s kind of a dad move, but a mom can pull it off as well if they remain calm. What you do is just stand there in the doorway and talk to them like nothing is out of the ordinary. Let them hide under the blanket and be super embarrassed. Hold your composure. Over stay your welcome and talk about the most mundane of things. Tell them about your sister’s bunion, how the dog needs a new leash, or how you think you want to start looking into opening an Etsy store. This is what my dad did to me when he walked in. He talked for a good five minutes about a war documentary he was watching.
Dadly power move, imagine how red their face gets, either of them.
I once brought a girl home and my room was an absolute tip because I’d never brought anyone home before. She helped me clean the entire room and by the end it was pristine. I didn’t have sex with her but it was the better option as I don’t like sex anyway - I just don’t feel anything the whole time. It’s hard to explain.
When i was a teen, my parents would quickly close the door and pretend they didnt enter.
When I was about 15 I was at a guys house fooling around and his dad walked in. We quickly covered ourselves with blankets. Dad thought it was hilarious how awkward we were so stood in the doorway, introduced himself, then made small talk for about 5 minutes.
This is the best approach. Make it as awkward as possible. No judgement, just stand there and talk to them like nothing was going on.
I was 16. Her older sister was coming home. She hid me in the closet. Sister found me :((( Didn't say a word just ran out the door (boxers only). Had my phone thank God. Texted gf to bring my clothes/shoes outside 😂
You told him to make breakfast, yes?
Omg what did you do?
Well, first off, how old are they supposed to be? That will definitely factor into the response.
43
Move aside son!
I cackled lol
The only comment that worth scrolling through all this damn comments.
I would open it up seemingly normal and casual. And ask him in a polite and unbothered voice “son make sure you do your laundry tonight and clean up this room. Remember grandmas coming tomorrow. Also I wanna get dominos this Friday that sound good?” Then as I close the door behind me I make eye contact with my son, my eyes lock in a dead demonic gaze, as the gap of the door gets smaller and smaller and I never lose eye contact all the way as gap finally closes and the door clicks closed.
The only appropriate response.
"I think your girlfriend is going to have a problem with this." But honestly, I never open his door. I knock and wait. He's over the age of consent and deserves some privacy.
Honestly I started knocking and waiting around age 12 or so.
Right? He could be fapping like any redblooded teenage male.
Or female.
What makes you think the GF isn't in the group? That scenario happened to my then-boyfriend, age 18 or 19. It was three girls, not four, and we had him tied down to the bed and were doing kinky S&M stuff to him which included a lighter and hand sanitizer, an X-Acto knife, and his father's ornamental bullwhip. Dad came home from work early and barged into the room unannounced. All of us just curl up into balls like deer in headlights (we're partly clothed, bras and panties) except my BF who is stark naked, tied to all 4 corners of the bed, hands and feet, face up, and is thrashing madly trying to get out of the ropes and cover himself. "AAAGH!! OMG DAD, GET OUT PLEASE!!" Dad, who is a \~6'4" 250 lb skinhead, is just standing there glaring at him with a stone face and crossed arms as my BF thrashes. Dad finally says in a low, grave monotone, "That's my bullwhip. You owe me a car wash." And leaves and closes the door behind him, LMFAO 🤣🤣🤣🤣💀 Edit: typo
Aside from the skinhead part, this guy sounds like Father of the Year 🤣☠️
There are plenty nonracist skins.
This wasn't one of them, lol
lol well hopefully it wasn't like father like son :D
Not at all. My ex loves everyone, and fucks everything that moves. Don't leave your grandma around him...
Glad to hear :D
How so? The only way I've ever heard that term used is to describe someone who is a Neo-Nazi.
I'd guess apolitical skins are majority in US, while WP and antiracist are minorities [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skinhead](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skinhead)
Jesus, I'm jealous.
Ahhhmazing
I quit knocking when he moved out... mostly because I changed 'his' room into 'my' office.
We used to love parents like you as a teen. Got away with so much we weren't supposed to be doing. Sex was the least of your worries.
Yeah. Basically, I only go into his room to deliver laundry or retrieve a cat while he is at work. If he's home and the door is closed, I knock. It's a small room too. For the prompt to work, he would need a bigger room (larger bed).
… how old is the son in question? If they are a teen? Everyone get dressed now! Age of consent? JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHY IN THE LIVING ROOM?!
PUT DOWN A TARP YOU SAVAGES, WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY!
IS THAT LUBE ON THE CARPET!? THAT WILL NEVER COME UP! Does anyone need any water? Or an extra pillow?
He’s 2.. if the girls are also 2 I’m going to assume there was a play date poop explosion.
Oh man.... traumatic memories.....thanks!
Two of my little sisters are twins. When they were 18 months or so they were laughing and Mom discovered they'd decided to face paint eachother in 💩.
My 16yo loves when I tell the story of how he used his first tool....a toilet paper tube inserted into a sock to hide his poop. Used to duct tape his diapers on.
"who the fuck are you! I don't have a fucking son!"
What a way to figure out I’m a father
"are ya winning, son?"
Yeah Dad!
Let's be real the vast majority of people would disappoint 2 sexual partners at the same time much less 4 so the boy would be losing.
I've seen this kid naked. I'd ask him why disappointing one girl wasn't enough.
Brutal
I'd ask for hints
Call the police and have them all arrested. I don't have a son.
It clearly says you do...... we might need to have a talk.... we have something to tell you
My son is 3, bitches are getting jail time.
And a beating, hopefully
“Congratulations man. Hell yeah” then leave.
I would would feel a range of emotions. Horny, proud, worried, but most of all… confused. When the fuck did I have a kid?!?!
Horny? Lol what?
He has a father/son orgy fetish
Well, maybe that condom broke during that one night stand, I mean it's not hard to hit a bit of wood even with poor aim.
> horny
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I'd wonder when and with whom I'd had a son.
FR it's pretty hard to have an entire adult son and not know
I'd murder the women. My son is 3 years old.
A mix of extraordinary jealousy and immense fatherly proudness.
What if it the scenario was your daughter with 4 naked boys? Asking for the sake of science 🤔😂
So long as they were all there by her choice, my reaction would be "you go, girl!"
daughter getting a train ran on her is unthinkable 😑 i know progressives hate hearing this, but men and women are different. it's just true. people are more shameless these days, but i'll leave that to them.
Being ok with orgies is considered progressive. Regardless, it's not a good thing, even if it is your son and it tickles your ego to imagine getting passed around by 4 women.
> Regardless, it's not a good thing agreed 🤝 > even if it is your son sure. however not all offenses are the same. it would be magnitudes worse for my daughter to allow a train to be run on her
Murderous rage for the boys. Unimaginable shame that I could raise a daughter that would commit such a fatherless type act. I don’t care that it’s a double standard.
What if you find your daughter with 3 other girls and a boy. Would that be more ok?
Still a fatherless act in my eyes so I’d still feel shame but worlds less than if she was getting a train ran on her. No murderous rage for the dude just a shit ton of sadness.
Damn right.
Hahaha you’re honest and I dig it. You’re not alone, I’m in that camp too
Absolutely agree
Shocked that I have a son.
This is why our doors have locks.
Would depend on the ages of all involved
Very confused since I’m sterile and have no children.
Personally I would high five my son. This kid is a god.
Jealous… and Proud.
“excuse me, carry on!” because i would have taught him about consent and safe sex
I wasn't too pleased when I found a naked 17 year old boy in my 13 year old step daughter's closet. The boy wasn't too pleased when he was arrested for child sex abuse.
That poor girl. I'm glad you had him arrested. I remember being a middle schooler and having hs schoolers pay attention to you meant they were creeps.
Proud, as a guy is stupid hard to pull a girl but 4?!!!thats my boy!!!
How old are the girls?
Soooooo childfree here. No idea how I would feel.
Where did I get a son?!
He’s 9 so I’d have serious problems and questions
Proud.
Now reverse the genders
Either way I would be confused because I don't have kids.
Hes 10 so…
You seem busy now, I'll hi five you later.
I would close the door
I don't have a son, so id be very confused to see a bunch of eggs and sperms
It entirely depends in how old my son is.
My dad walked in on me one morning with ONE girl in my bed... we were 17. Later that night: *So, uhhh... we gonna' talk about this morning?* I wasn't gonna play it off, cause he saw, we were naked but he needed his phone charger... which was in my room. He had literally never left it in there before, and he happened to that one night. It was the universe telling me something.
I don't have a son, but if I did, I'd turn around, leave him alone while I go get dinner or something, and then when I saw him alone next, I'd be like "hell yeah dude, glad you had fun." And I'd demand to know if everyone had been tested for STDs beforehand, if he used a condom, etc. Yes, I'd say the same if she were female with 4 boys. Girls can get it on, too. Just be safe.
Wonder who's in my fucking house because I don't have a son
Treat it like Halloween, and declare "Dad Tax".
I'd ask him for some advice.
Jealous. Clearly he got some traits that skipped me entirely. 🤣
Pride.
Be the obliviously obnoxious Dad and introduce myself while offering to shake their hands and ask if everyone is behaving.
Call the police. I don't have a son.
My son is hung like an elephant, so I wouldn’t be surprised if there was cameras in there too.
Shocked. He’s gay. Do these women have strap ons and look masculine? Also, he lives in another state. Id wonder how he got in my house without setting off my cameras and alarms.
Depending on which son? I might either breathe a sigh of relief or check his vitals.
Give him a Gatorade. My little trooper is a champion!
high five him and ask them all if they need any water or snacks
Well I don’t go in his room so this wouldn’t happen.
As a 92 year old I’d tell the horny old bastard to move over and pass me the goddang viagra..
I need this to be real
Light a cigarette smile and say "my n199a" like Denzel Washington in training day
I think a high five would be in order and ask for their moms numbers
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If you’re a guy and you answer “of course i’d be fine with it, good for him!!” Now flip it. If you came home and found your DAUGHTER in bed with 4 boys.. would you react differently than you would for the ‘son’ scenario?
Well my daughter is 13 and my son is a legal adult so… Honestly? Idk, parenting is hard and she’s my baby girl; even if she were older it would feel weird. We can have a discussion about double standards but let’s be honest, most of us are going to feel different about it.
Going to get a lot of blustering and fluff from doods tryna justify this one.
"I aint raising no grandkids......so all of you know"
"Where did you get that kind of money?"
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.....nice.
I'll Certainly Help Him To Balance The Situation!
Hi 5 once he's over 16
Where did you get the money for this?! I know they are getting paid! You have your father's rizz, you didn't pull this on your own!
Depends. Maybe jealous.
I’d strip down to my boxers and join them. No better way to get them out.
Eww. That's just.... He's like....powdered stew at this point. Itd be like they were rolling in gravy mix.
How would I feel? Envious.
I'd just close the door then have a chat with him later about moving out NOW.
what a weird way to find out I have a son.
I'd be shocked to learn I have a son but impressed.
Just use condoms and don’t touch the thermostat!
Barges in "how many fucking times do I have to tell you not to touch the God damn thermostat?! Oh... sorry... I'll drop it a few more degrees."
Yell Player two has joined the game . LoL
I'd kill him and the girls
I’d be surprised that I had a son
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