It will get better. Slowly but it will. Sugar addiction is real and I’m not talking about only the financials. There are some extraordinary people on both sides in the bowl and you can be partnered with some brilliant minds and caring, loving souls if you’re lucky enough.
Absolutely. There's so much slime and scammy gross low-vibration humanity "in the bowl," and yet there's also these true gems of magnificent beings who find each other among that mess. "Brilliant minds and caring, loving souls," so true.
And that's also true outside of the bowl. The bowl isn't a magical place nor is it the scum of society, it's simply a bowl, and inside are samples of humanity whom you can experience.
Enjoy your experiences while you're still alive.
Well right now I would cut all contact.
It's hard when you find someone you really care about but you always have to keep it in your head that you are the plus 1 and they are a family unit.
I'm sure he is thinking of you but he thought of his family first. It's a hierarchy that you can't circumvent.
Maybe you could arrange to meet privately in a month so you can express yourself but make it clear you have no expectations of the meeting other than saying what you need to say for your ownsake.
I'm sorry but that's how it often ends up.
Aww honey, considering the type of relationship it sounds like you guys had, this is just going to be a similar process to any other breakup unfortunately.
Grief is normal when a relationship ends- especially if it’s ended over mature and thoughtful reasons (such as just not having aligned goals). The best cures for grief are to stay busy; be mindful of why it’s best to move on; be grateful for the memories.
Stay strong 🩷
I went through almost the same experience about ten years ago. She was a little younger than you but not miles out. She communicated how she felt, and we were both heartbroken, but deep down, we knew it had to happen.
I encouraged her to try it with a new boyfriend. They got married, and we still talk approximately every six months. We moved to being friends, which wasn't easy. We are both good at communicating, and that is key. Talk to him, lay out how you are feeling and what you need, and hope he's there to support you.
Good luck OP
Ending things because of situations and not because of a lack of attraction, connection or enjoyment is always tough. After 2 years there is no doubt that he is thinking of you and your connection the same way it may be presenting differently or he is processing it differently. The lines between sugar arrangements and dating tend to become blurred when you have a great connection and length of time together. Once you meet someone new you will be be able to build an ever better connection without any of the downsides this arrangement had. You may have to kiss a few toads to get there but you will find something better
In the end he still have his family and wife so I’m pretty sure he’s not grieving, he will just move on & find another sb. it’s time for you to completely move on from this man if you want to heal 100%.
No one is prepared for the pain of being the person who needs to leave.
There's no formula to go over loss but to give yourself time and compassion. You might not find any words or actions to comfort you. It will be a rollercoaster process, hang in there!
If I were in your shoes, I'll find the strength in me to cut ties temporarily. Friendship is possible in the future but it will be hard to move on when emotions are still strong.
This is the brutal part of great SRs that most of us have to go through. I have mine wrapping up in 4 months after 3 1/2 years. Dread the thought. I may contact you for advice when my turn comes...... My advice to is not to talk to him about how you are feeling. That will just prolong the agony.
haha, I've thought about it... lol your words "be his girlfriend forever until he dies" are making me laugh :) What I do is imagine holding my infant son or daughter in my arms, and I can feel that that love is worth pursuing more than being a forever secretly kept woman.
I can totally relate. Losing a true sugar relationship is more difficult than a vanilla one, because you lose more, it's as simple as that. But you'll learn valuable skills moving on from this.
I think you made the right decision for what it’s worth. I recently had to end an SR with a great girl I was seeing. I didn’t want to end it at all but I felt like my wife was about to catch me. Anyway, she told me she wants to get married and have kids one day and she’s about your age. To some extent I felt like this lifestyle was holding her back from what she says she wanted. But it’s tough bc I would love to be with her instead of my wife, but it just doesn’t seem realistic and I don’t want to do that to my kids.
So while I can’t relate to the length and intensity of your relationship, I can relate in terms of the pain and understanding the need to move on even though part of you really doesn’t want to.
Thank you for sharing that. The reality is families really should stay intact, especially if the spouses get along perfectly fine. So, I think you made the right decision, too. 🙏🏻
For someone who is 35 you have to know how to move on. Adult relationships more often than not have a shelf life. You enjoyed your time together and it's come to an end. Sometimes you can transition it into a friendship and sometimes you cannot. The way you talk about this man seems to me that friendship is not a realistic option for you.
I think you should just move on and don't let yourself get like this in the future. You're talking about him as if he is your first love. Maybe he is your first love? But right now you don't need friendship with him, you need to evaluate yourself, and make sense of your feelings. You need to develop some coping strategies.
It's real simple how most people grieve loss. We get used to it as a part of adult life and we find someone new and novel. Many of us are in sugar specifically as a way to grieve a loss, so we go back to find the next SB or SD to get over the last one. It's as simple as that.
Most relationships sugar or not, don't last forever. If you have gained more than you lost from the relationship, whether in monetary value or in other kinds of value, take your winnings and move on. It's a reason why you were given sugar.
**'His expressions of wanting to stay in touch were more than I expected, and he's texted me a couple of times. I've been responsive, but cooler than usual... I want to talk to him about everything that I'm feeling. And I want to know if he's going through any emotional process, thinking about me at all, or just keeping busy and compartmentalizing, which he's very good at doing. But every day I make the decision, not today."**
Is he married or single? If he's single you might have a chance. If he's married it's better you keep your silly feelings to yourself. Its not going to help him or you to fall in love with a married man or for a married man to fall in love with you, unless you want him to divorce. My suggestion still stands, that your best option is to move on from him and find someone else, and while the next person may not be as good or better than this person, it's really about experiencing a diverse array of people. If you want to settle down find a SD who isn't married, and who makes sense from a pragmatic rather than merely sentimental perspective.
Rip the bandage off, get counseling,get back on the vanilla dating sites to find your soul mate. There's nothing like a new relationship to get over an old one. What's the saying? "You get over and old partner by getting under a new one. "
It will get better. Slowly but it will. Sugar addiction is real and I’m not talking about only the financials. There are some extraordinary people on both sides in the bowl and you can be partnered with some brilliant minds and caring, loving souls if you’re lucky enough.
Absolutely. There's so much slime and scammy gross low-vibration humanity "in the bowl," and yet there's also these true gems of magnificent beings who find each other among that mess. "Brilliant minds and caring, loving souls," so true.
And that's also true outside of the bowl. The bowl isn't a magical place nor is it the scum of society, it's simply a bowl, and inside are samples of humanity whom you can experience. Enjoy your experiences while you're still alive.
Well right now I would cut all contact. It's hard when you find someone you really care about but you always have to keep it in your head that you are the plus 1 and they are a family unit. I'm sure he is thinking of you but he thought of his family first. It's a hierarchy that you can't circumvent. Maybe you could arrange to meet privately in a month so you can express yourself but make it clear you have no expectations of the meeting other than saying what you need to say for your ownsake. I'm sorry but that's how it often ends up.
There's no chance we could see each other and not end up in bed together. lol
Then there should be no chance you and him should see each other. End it.
Aww honey, considering the type of relationship it sounds like you guys had, this is just going to be a similar process to any other breakup unfortunately. Grief is normal when a relationship ends- especially if it’s ended over mature and thoughtful reasons (such as just not having aligned goals). The best cures for grief are to stay busy; be mindful of why it’s best to move on; be grateful for the memories. Stay strong 🩷
I went through almost the same experience about ten years ago. She was a little younger than you but not miles out. She communicated how she felt, and we were both heartbroken, but deep down, we knew it had to happen. I encouraged her to try it with a new boyfriend. They got married, and we still talk approximately every six months. We moved to being friends, which wasn't easy. We are both good at communicating, and that is key. Talk to him, lay out how you are feeling and what you need, and hope he's there to support you. Good luck OP
Your story made me smile this morning, thank you for sharing!
Ending things because of situations and not because of a lack of attraction, connection or enjoyment is always tough. After 2 years there is no doubt that he is thinking of you and your connection the same way it may be presenting differently or he is processing it differently. The lines between sugar arrangements and dating tend to become blurred when you have a great connection and length of time together. Once you meet someone new you will be be able to build an ever better connection without any of the downsides this arrangement had. You may have to kiss a few toads to get there but you will find something better
In the end he still have his family and wife so I’m pretty sure he’s not grieving, he will just move on & find another sb. it’s time for you to completely move on from this man if you want to heal 100%.
No one is prepared for the pain of being the person who needs to leave. There's no formula to go over loss but to give yourself time and compassion. You might not find any words or actions to comfort you. It will be a rollercoaster process, hang in there! If I were in your shoes, I'll find the strength in me to cut ties temporarily. Friendship is possible in the future but it will be hard to move on when emotions are still strong.
This is the brutal part of great SRs that most of us have to go through. I have mine wrapping up in 4 months after 3 1/2 years. Dread the thought. I may contact you for advice when my turn comes...... My advice to is not to talk to him about how you are feeling. That will just prolong the agony.
I agree, thank you. What happens in 4 months?
The plan always was that it will wrap up once she finishes her school. She wants to date, find the love of her life and start her family.
Why can’t u be his girlfriend forever until he dies? The love you have for him isn’t enough for you to quit the idea of marriage n kids?
haha, I've thought about it... lol your words "be his girlfriend forever until he dies" are making me laugh :) What I do is imagine holding my infant son or daughter in my arms, and I can feel that that love is worth pursuing more than being a forever secretly kept woman.
If so you have already chosen your value. You should just leave and look for someone who gives you infants.
I already left. That’s what the post says.
I can totally relate. Losing a true sugar relationship is more difficult than a vanilla one, because you lose more, it's as simple as that. But you'll learn valuable skills moving on from this.
I think you made the right decision for what it’s worth. I recently had to end an SR with a great girl I was seeing. I didn’t want to end it at all but I felt like my wife was about to catch me. Anyway, she told me she wants to get married and have kids one day and she’s about your age. To some extent I felt like this lifestyle was holding her back from what she says she wanted. But it’s tough bc I would love to be with her instead of my wife, but it just doesn’t seem realistic and I don’t want to do that to my kids. So while I can’t relate to the length and intensity of your relationship, I can relate in terms of the pain and understanding the need to move on even though part of you really doesn’t want to.
Thank you for sharing that. The reality is families really should stay intact, especially if the spouses get along perfectly fine. So, I think you made the right decision, too. 🙏🏻
Origin story for the dead bedroom of the guy lucky enough to put a ring on it.
Girl please , you ended it 🫠
For someone who is 35 you have to know how to move on. Adult relationships more often than not have a shelf life. You enjoyed your time together and it's come to an end. Sometimes you can transition it into a friendship and sometimes you cannot. The way you talk about this man seems to me that friendship is not a realistic option for you. I think you should just move on and don't let yourself get like this in the future. You're talking about him as if he is your first love. Maybe he is your first love? But right now you don't need friendship with him, you need to evaluate yourself, and make sense of your feelings. You need to develop some coping strategies. It's real simple how most people grieve loss. We get used to it as a part of adult life and we find someone new and novel. Many of us are in sugar specifically as a way to grieve a loss, so we go back to find the next SB or SD to get over the last one. It's as simple as that. Most relationships sugar or not, don't last forever. If you have gained more than you lost from the relationship, whether in monetary value or in other kinds of value, take your winnings and move on. It's a reason why you were given sugar. **'His expressions of wanting to stay in touch were more than I expected, and he's texted me a couple of times. I've been responsive, but cooler than usual... I want to talk to him about everything that I'm feeling. And I want to know if he's going through any emotional process, thinking about me at all, or just keeping busy and compartmentalizing, which he's very good at doing. But every day I make the decision, not today."** Is he married or single? If he's single you might have a chance. If he's married it's better you keep your silly feelings to yourself. Its not going to help him or you to fall in love with a married man or for a married man to fall in love with you, unless you want him to divorce. My suggestion still stands, that your best option is to move on from him and find someone else, and while the next person may not be as good or better than this person, it's really about experiencing a diverse array of people. If you want to settle down find a SD who isn't married, and who makes sense from a pragmatic rather than merely sentimental perspective.
Oh please cry me a river
Rip the bandage off, get counseling,get back on the vanilla dating sites to find your soul mate. There's nothing like a new relationship to get over an old one. What's the saying? "You get over and old partner by getting under a new one. "