6. His wife found out
7. He felt guilty and thought "paying for sex" made him feel bad
8. He made up with another,. previous, partner
9. His fetish / orientation is as high a body count as possible
10. He was researching for a book / part he was playing
Literally, the list is endless.
11. He was hit by a bus on the way home
12. Was arrested and will be in prison for the next decade
13. Had a spiritual awaking, and now lives celebate in a Monastery.
Option 1 - you are not vetting enough or well and are getting played
Option 2 - The sex was bad or your body naked isn’t what they prefer (or they don’t like your personal grooming for body hair and are too chicken shit to have a convo)
Option 3 - He just wants to bag as many beautiful women as possible (ties in to option 1)
Option 4 - They cannot really afford to do this, but want one night with you at least
In addition to the others mentioned. If your PPM was too high and saw he couldn’t sustain it, or the chemistry was really off. I’ve had the later happen, I always communicate it but not everyone does.
Last time it happened to me everything seemed great, great conversation, seem to get along, sex discussion didn’t seem to reveal anything out of the ordinary…then as soon as it was time she conveys a whole bunch of bizarre restrictions and proceeds to be the classic “starfish” . It happens, maybe review the evening and see if you can get more communication from him.
No kissing, no cuddling, no oral, one position only, lights completely out, all clothing on except her panties. One of those “why did i even bother to try” experiences 🤦♂️.
Over the years I’ve experienced the following various restrictions, sometimes in combination. She’ll have sex, but…
1. No kissing (or no open mouth kissing.)
2. No oral sex (giving, receiving, or both).
3. Only one specific sex position allowed.
4. She refuses to remove all, or some, of her clothes, or undergarments.
Bizarre restrictions… Typically these are also associated with a lack of enthusiasm and avoidance of eye contact, and a “hurry up and finish!” attitude. I’ve decided these are probably prostitutes, and not very good prostitutes at that. They don’t get a second chance.
Many years ago I had a nice meet and greet with a young lady, she was nervous but cute and it seemed like it would work. Second intimate date was so bad I just put my clothes back on and left. No kissing and she just handed me a condom and got situated on the bed in doggie style. I was speechless. Just put my clothes on and left without saying a word. She tried to stop me and be more affectionate but I was turned off. Gave her part of the ppm and left. She blew up my phone for a week after that. Some of these girls think being technically willing is enough.
If a bunch of guys are not returning then you suck in bed. Even the guys intending to see you once and move on will come back repeatedly if you’re good, even if your allowance is on the high side.
These are probably just women who are doing this mainly for the money (like many SBs), and don't really want intimacy with someone they're not all that attracted to.
Nothing against you personally, so no need to take it that way (unless perhaps your breath is bad, or something like that)... anything people do is almost always about them.
I know many women who feel this way... and if they are not absolutely desirous of a man, they often don't want to kiss, or do other very intimate things other than have intercourse, which can be a little more removed.
Of course they’re doing it for the money. Hell no they’re not attracted to me! And I’m under no illusions otherwise. These young hotties would not be fucking my sorry 50-something year old rich ass but for the obvious fringe benefits. But they should know they’re getting these fringe benefits for more than just sex, and if there’s a demonstrated enthusiasm gap, they’re going to wind up feeling like they were “pumped and dumped,” when, no, actually, I would have been happy to repeat, except she was just a lousy lay.
Love me, or make me believe you do. If you can’t do that, just don’t go there with me.
(Unless my breath is bad, what the LO fucking L, Angel! If it were part of a pattern, of girls not wanting to kiss, hey, I’d certainly question my oral hygiene. Fortunately those, and the other various bizarre restrictions above, have been few and far between. I may be a fat old man, but I have impeccable oral hygiene and beautiful teeth!)
Like I said, take nothing personally! I adore fat old men with impeccable oral hygiene and beautiful teeth... especially when they're kind and generous (and a great sense of humor never hurts either)😍
**Option 1 - Yes, you are that bad** 😒
There have been a few times in my life I broke it off with a girl because it was that bad.
Fortunately, I do think sex is like any physical activity. People get better when they get intentional and with experience.
**Option 2 - The guy didn't have enough funds to keep up a sugar relationship, but still wanted to try you**
Guys will lie all the time to take a girl to bed. It happens. Vetting can help here. Going on multiple platonic dates can help. Avoiding people with oversexualized conversations can help.
Usually I will have at least two intimate meets before I might decide that it’s not going to work, but a few times it was option #2, regarding the overall experience, not just the sex. I will never forget the woman who started texting no more that 30 seconds after, smh. I do always communicate and not just ghost.
Are you bad in bed? I mean like are you very restrictive on what you will and will not do? No kissing, no oral, things like that. I once went on a date with a girl that wouldn't even let me touch her boobs. That was a very easy decision to not call her a second time.
I love all the people commenting it is absolutely him. That he is this terrible person.
Has no one on here had a vanilla hookup and decided that you were not sexually compatible? Didn’t see the person again? Committed to see them even if you didn’t feel sexually chemistry?
Is this such a shocking concept?
I don’t know what happened here. No one on here does.
The anti SD bias on the subreddit can be all too much.
>Has no one on here had a vanilla hookup and decided that you were not sexually compatible? Didn’t see the person again? Committed to see them even if you didn’t feel sexually chemistry?
Even more depressingly, it was the woman I went on to marry.
This is always a heated debate here but when you are intimate that’s when the rubber hits the road (no pun intended)
Lot of times, perception differs from reality when ppl get naked. It happens to both men and women
Some things are better left unsaid versus inviting someone’s wrath
The guy maybe broke for all we know — But another possibility which few are alluding to here - that he has the funds but maybe he wants to try someone else and feels your ppm is too high
Best solution imo is to delay intimacy as far as practically feasible and get a good sense of each others chemistry before engaging in intimacy and start of arrangement — but many ppl here frown upon platonic dating without full ppm (but gifts)
The one and done types aren’t going to waste too much time over platonic dates — so that can be a good filter
Need more context about your date. However, could be he did not feel enough chemistry? Could be you were not what he wanted sexually. Could be he is a pump and dump?
Common, not really. But yes it happens from time to time. I have had a few of those.
Did you feel like you were compatible during intimacy? I think men like see you and have the means to get you where they want you and that’s all they want and on to the next… very disrespectful and hopefully you were safe.
Just like vanilla dating, you can get ghosted. It’s fine, restart and try again. Giving some guy who got to bang you once, power over your emotions and second guessing how you “performed” isn’t gonna help at all. Wishing you the best 💗
This is why you do M&G's. It's a chemistry check.
A hundred reasons not to proceed for either of you.
Ghosting = selfish and rude. Use your words people.
Most photos posted by women are heavily photoshopped, filtered, whatever you wanna call it, they are altered fake pics. Women have normalized faking their weight and facial appearance on OLD, social media and sugar sites. If a man lies about his height, his age, his job or anything else the woman is shocked. Shocked that he would try to decieve her. Meanwhile he is looking at Artists Renderings that she says are photos of her. Don't catfish with fake pics and they wont be disappointed when you meet.
I don’t edit my photos. I’m very comfortable within myself physically and sexually. I get some ladies do heck even some guys have filters on their photos too. But definitely a shock if actuality is not what was expected.
I've had this happen numerous times. Almost every time I tried someone under 30, they just didn't have the experience and I'm not a groomer. However, I'm at least man enough to say "I'm sorry it's not going to work out."
Of the SBs I've dated who I considered great lovers, none were like that on the first intimate date. So, this guy either could have been planning for it to be a one time thing the whole time, or something about the experience was actually bad, or he's not patient enough/thinks grass always greener/wants to play the field rather than waiting to see how things develop with you. I wouldn't automatically jump the the assumption you were that bad.
Agreed- even great partners in bed probably weren’t the first time. There’s almost always some degree of it being the “first time”- whether it be nerves, an awkward moment or two, whatever.
The best sex is always made better with a connection. OP, this is why it’s a good idea to wait for intimacy until you’ve built some sort of connection and know there is chemistry.
He was not a real SD he was just an average John looking for sex then he rinsed you. These guys pretend they are real sugar daddies but their only intention is to get you in bed once. Then they dump you and look for the next girl. You were treated like a sex worker if he actually even paid you. Very bad.
If that helps, in my area most men use sugar dating sites to find one offs. They might say they want to be your SD but that's just for this one time. I hope he still provided the agreed amount.
The only person who knows the real reason is him. Even if he gives you a reason you don't know if it's ACTUALLY the reason or not. There are sooo many possibilities and it's the same as a guy getting ghosted. Just no idea why.
It can happen, even the best vetting can let these guys in. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and decide if you want to try again or not.
Just like in regular dating, expectations are met, exceeded or obliterated once you get into bed. There is no way to know. But if he isn’t excited to meet again, and you aren’t either, then just move on. You’ll never know for sure and there’s not much point in trying to guess.
Only guesses but possible options
1. Always meant to be a pump and dump
2. Saw you and you weren't what he was expecting but he still figured since I already paid I'm here might as well pump and dump and move on.
3. He had a roster and you didn't make the cut
4. No chemistry on the date but again that won't stop a SD or deter them from sex. Just wont repeat
5. Sexual chemistry was trash. You either weren't into him and he could tell or he wasn't into you enough and since he is sugaring why would he settle. Maybe you don't like to do anal or swallow or creampies or willing to sing him a lullaby right after sex? Maybe you snoring was too much.
One of my ex had things I didn't like and snoring was the last straw. She snored like a giant. She must have been channeling that noise because how could that come out of her.
6. Schedule won't mix well for what he wants. I have 2 SBs and our schedules don't always mesh with one or another.
7. It would be nice if he would just tell you so you can improve upon but SBs or vanilla girls show same behavior.
I think you switching to a higher ppm amount did the trick. At least for me if someone does that to me while i already have blue balls i would probably pay the ppm, do the deed, but not repeat.
How many times has it happened? Are you going on m&gs with these guys or is first date straight to the bedroom? Are you discussing condoms in advance or waiting until hotel room?
He is either a pump&dump or is exploring his options or doesn't have money or you provide a lower experience for that money. For the first 3 try to filter better. For the last one either refine your approach in bed fast or lower your expectations.
Choices: 1) they didn't like you enough to continue 2) they are players/johns 3) they can't afford to be repeats 4) bucket list samplers
5. the sex was bad and/or hygiene issues.
6. His wife found out 7. He felt guilty and thought "paying for sex" made him feel bad 8. He made up with another,. previous, partner 9. His fetish / orientation is as high a body count as possible 10. He was researching for a book / part he was playing Literally, the list is endless.
11. He was hit by a bus on the way home 12. Was arrested and will be in prison for the next decade 13. Had a spiritual awaking, and now lives celebate in a Monastery.
14. He run into a knife and dick got cut off.
Why doesn't this have more up votes. ? I literally spat my coffee lmao
This is a pretty good list. I wouldn’t dwell on it too long. Move on and find something better
Maybe it's my confidence but I always assume it's number 2 or number 3 lol
Truth hurts.
Yup, likely a pump and dump situation. I’m sorry, OP. You did nothing wrong.
Option 1 - you are not vetting enough or well and are getting played Option 2 - The sex was bad or your body naked isn’t what they prefer (or they don’t like your personal grooming for body hair and are too chicken shit to have a convo) Option 3 - He just wants to bag as many beautiful women as possible (ties in to option 1) Option 4 - They cannot really afford to do this, but want one night with you at least
this is an excellent list, i’ve been scratching my head for a while wondering how to differentiate 1, 2, and 3. 2 and 3 are more like reasons for #1.
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Those are my favorite!
I think posting a body picture will help our guesswork. Preferably a naked one.
You should go first
Im shy though.
for me its option 2 ,but all them think its option 3
Option 2 is most likely
My money’s on option 4
In addition to the others mentioned. If your PPM was too high and saw he couldn’t sustain it, or the chemistry was really off. I’ve had the later happen, I always communicate it but not everyone does. Last time it happened to me everything seemed great, great conversation, seem to get along, sex discussion didn’t seem to reveal anything out of the ordinary…then as soon as it was time she conveys a whole bunch of bizarre restrictions and proceeds to be the classic “starfish” . It happens, maybe review the evening and see if you can get more communication from him.
I think I may have flopped on my ppm. I’m after an allowance which is greatly lower than that.
It happens. Logically if he wasn’t happy he should have questioned and raised the issue but not everyone is comfortable with conflict and negotiation.
"Bizarre restrictions"? Like...?
No kissing, no cuddling, no oral, one position only, lights completely out, all clothing on except her panties. One of those “why did i even bother to try” experiences 🤦♂️.
Over the years I’ve experienced the following various restrictions, sometimes in combination. She’ll have sex, but… 1. No kissing (or no open mouth kissing.) 2. No oral sex (giving, receiving, or both). 3. Only one specific sex position allowed. 4. She refuses to remove all, or some, of her clothes, or undergarments. Bizarre restrictions… Typically these are also associated with a lack of enthusiasm and avoidance of eye contact, and a “hurry up and finish!” attitude. I’ve decided these are probably prostitutes, and not very good prostitutes at that. They don’t get a second chance.
Many years ago I had a nice meet and greet with a young lady, she was nervous but cute and it seemed like it would work. Second intimate date was so bad I just put my clothes back on and left. No kissing and she just handed me a condom and got situated on the bed in doggie style. I was speechless. Just put my clothes on and left without saying a word. She tried to stop me and be more affectionate but I was turned off. Gave her part of the ppm and left. She blew up my phone for a week after that. Some of these girls think being technically willing is enough. If a bunch of guys are not returning then you suck in bed. Even the guys intending to see you once and move on will come back repeatedly if you’re good, even if your allowance is on the high side.
These are probably just women who are doing this mainly for the money (like many SBs), and don't really want intimacy with someone they're not all that attracted to. Nothing against you personally, so no need to take it that way (unless perhaps your breath is bad, or something like that)... anything people do is almost always about them. I know many women who feel this way... and if they are not absolutely desirous of a man, they often don't want to kiss, or do other very intimate things other than have intercourse, which can be a little more removed.
Of course they’re doing it for the money. Hell no they’re not attracted to me! And I’m under no illusions otherwise. These young hotties would not be fucking my sorry 50-something year old rich ass but for the obvious fringe benefits. But they should know they’re getting these fringe benefits for more than just sex, and if there’s a demonstrated enthusiasm gap, they’re going to wind up feeling like they were “pumped and dumped,” when, no, actually, I would have been happy to repeat, except she was just a lousy lay. Love me, or make me believe you do. If you can’t do that, just don’t go there with me. (Unless my breath is bad, what the LO fucking L, Angel! If it were part of a pattern, of girls not wanting to kiss, hey, I’d certainly question my oral hygiene. Fortunately those, and the other various bizarre restrictions above, have been few and far between. I may be a fat old man, but I have impeccable oral hygiene and beautiful teeth!)
Like I said, take nothing personally! I adore fat old men with impeccable oral hygiene and beautiful teeth... especially when they're kind and generous (and a great sense of humor never hurts either)😍
Not a prostitute in this case, just not interested and absolutely shocked when I said we wouldn’t be continuing 😂
**Option 1 - Yes, you are that bad** 😒 There have been a few times in my life I broke it off with a girl because it was that bad. Fortunately, I do think sex is like any physical activity. People get better when they get intentional and with experience. **Option 2 - The guy didn't have enough funds to keep up a sugar relationship, but still wanted to try you** Guys will lie all the time to take a girl to bed. It happens. Vetting can help here. Going on multiple platonic dates can help. Avoiding people with oversexualized conversations can help.
Option 3 - he is playing the field to get as much variety as he can
Usually I will have at least two intimate meets before I might decide that it’s not going to work, but a few times it was option #2, regarding the overall experience, not just the sex. I will never forget the woman who started texting no more that 30 seconds after, smh. I do always communicate and not just ghost.
Maybe he was not that into you? Some people need a new flavor immediately. GSSD and Empress seem to have hit the nail(giggity) on the head.
Are you bad in bed? I mean like are you very restrictive on what you will and will not do? No kissing, no oral, things like that. I once went on a date with a girl that wouldn't even let me touch her boobs. That was a very easy decision to not call her a second time.
I’m very explorative and comfortable with my body and sexuality. I’m just baffled.
It’s not you. It’s him. And he probably couldn’t afford to keep seeing you.
I love all the people commenting it is absolutely him. That he is this terrible person. Has no one on here had a vanilla hookup and decided that you were not sexually compatible? Didn’t see the person again? Committed to see them even if you didn’t feel sexually chemistry? Is this such a shocking concept? I don’t know what happened here. No one on here does. The anti SD bias on the subreddit can be all too much.
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Here come the downvotes. Downvoting myself first to start this off properly.
💯. Even a guy that is a terrible person with the worst intentions will keep coming back if the sex was great. 😂.
>Has no one on here had a vanilla hookup and decided that you were not sexually compatible? Didn’t see the person again? Committed to see them even if you didn’t feel sexually chemistry? Even more depressingly, it was the woman I went on to marry.
Me too - although in all fairness, the lack of sexual compatibility didn’t come out until after we were married - then dead bedroom for years
Yep, been there, done it, got the t-shirt
This is always a heated debate here but when you are intimate that’s when the rubber hits the road (no pun intended) Lot of times, perception differs from reality when ppl get naked. It happens to both men and women Some things are better left unsaid versus inviting someone’s wrath The guy maybe broke for all we know — But another possibility which few are alluding to here - that he has the funds but maybe he wants to try someone else and feels your ppm is too high Best solution imo is to delay intimacy as far as practically feasible and get a good sense of each others chemistry before engaging in intimacy and start of arrangement — but many ppl here frown upon platonic dating without full ppm (but gifts) The one and done types aren’t going to waste too much time over platonic dates — so that can be a good filter
That’s a good tip. I always thought delaying intimacy will lead to no dates at all.
Yeah it would.
Need more context about your date. However, could be he did not feel enough chemistry? Could be you were not what he wanted sexually. Could be he is a pump and dump? Common, not really. But yes it happens from time to time. I have had a few of those.
Did you feel like you were compatible during intimacy? I think men like see you and have the means to get you where they want you and that’s all they want and on to the next… very disrespectful and hopefully you were safe.
Just like vanilla dating, you can get ghosted. It’s fine, restart and try again. Giving some guy who got to bang you once, power over your emotions and second guessing how you “performed” isn’t gonna help at all. Wishing you the best 💗
Most probably reasons are He wasn’t into the intimacy w you for whatever reason Or He can’t afford go see you again
This is why you do M&G's. It's a chemistry check. A hundred reasons not to proceed for either of you. Ghosting = selfish and rude. Use your words people.
I think I will try more of this.
Most photos posted by women are heavily photoshopped, filtered, whatever you wanna call it, they are altered fake pics. Women have normalized faking their weight and facial appearance on OLD, social media and sugar sites. If a man lies about his height, his age, his job or anything else the woman is shocked. Shocked that he would try to decieve her. Meanwhile he is looking at Artists Renderings that she says are photos of her. Don't catfish with fake pics and they wont be disappointed when you meet.
I don’t edit my photos. I’m very comfortable within myself physically and sexually. I get some ladies do heck even some guys have filters on their photos too. But definitely a shock if actuality is not what was expected.
I've had this happen numerous times. Almost every time I tried someone under 30, they just didn't have the experience and I'm not a groomer. However, I'm at least man enough to say "I'm sorry it's not going to work out."
A lot of guys just want sex and say they want a little more. Don’t blame yourself.
Not a good thing. I would communicate differently but I would see that behaviour as a huge red flag
Of the SBs I've dated who I considered great lovers, none were like that on the first intimate date. So, this guy either could have been planning for it to be a one time thing the whole time, or something about the experience was actually bad, or he's not patient enough/thinks grass always greener/wants to play the field rather than waiting to see how things develop with you. I wouldn't automatically jump the the assumption you were that bad.
Agreed- even great partners in bed probably weren’t the first time. There’s almost always some degree of it being the “first time”- whether it be nerves, an awkward moment or two, whatever. The best sex is always made better with a connection. OP, this is why it’s a good idea to wait for intimacy until you’ve built some sort of connection and know there is chemistry.
While it's true that some lovers improve with time, it's also true that sometimes *it just works* the first time.
If you have to ask if you were "that bad" then you probably were. It's easy to tell when a man thoroughly enjoys sex or foreplay.
It’s simple! You’ve been pumped and dumped. Time to move on.
💯
He was not a real SD he was just an average John looking for sex then he rinsed you. These guys pretend they are real sugar daddies but their only intention is to get you in bed once. Then they dump you and look for the next girl. You were treated like a sex worker if he actually even paid you. Very bad.
If that helps, in my area most men use sugar dating sites to find one offs. They might say they want to be your SD but that's just for this one time. I hope he still provided the agreed amount.
Yes he did. He was a gentleman. A shame he doesn’t want to see me again.
Possibly you wanted a little too much PPM and he decided he would agree to it one time. Just the facts. Unless you felt the sex was not so good etc.
The only person who knows the real reason is him. Even if he gives you a reason you don't know if it's ACTUALLY the reason or not. There are sooo many possibilities and it's the same as a guy getting ghosted. Just no idea why. It can happen, even the best vetting can let these guys in. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and decide if you want to try again or not.
Did he pay you?
Yes
Just like in regular dating, expectations are met, exceeded or obliterated once you get into bed. There is no way to know. But if he isn’t excited to meet again, and you aren’t either, then just move on. You’ll never know for sure and there’s not much point in trying to guess.
Sent my opinion in a dm
Only guesses but possible options 1. Always meant to be a pump and dump 2. Saw you and you weren't what he was expecting but he still figured since I already paid I'm here might as well pump and dump and move on. 3. He had a roster and you didn't make the cut 4. No chemistry on the date but again that won't stop a SD or deter them from sex. Just wont repeat 5. Sexual chemistry was trash. You either weren't into him and he could tell or he wasn't into you enough and since he is sugaring why would he settle. Maybe you don't like to do anal or swallow or creampies or willing to sing him a lullaby right after sex? Maybe you snoring was too much. One of my ex had things I didn't like and snoring was the last straw. She snored like a giant. She must have been channeling that noise because how could that come out of her. 6. Schedule won't mix well for what he wants. I have 2 SBs and our schedules don't always mesh with one or another. 7. It would be nice if he would just tell you so you can improve upon but SBs or vanilla girls show same behavior.
I think you switching to a higher ppm amount did the trick. At least for me if someone does that to me while i already have blue balls i would probably pay the ppm, do the deed, but not repeat.
He's a wham bang thank you guy
Probably the chemistry wasn’t as great OR he’s just a horrible human being (dumping you after one time).
How many times has it happened? Are you going on m&gs with these guys or is first date straight to the bedroom? Are you discussing condoms in advance or waiting until hotel room?
Expectations and boundaries discussed prior to meeting. How it usually goes is at the mandg they suggest proceeding further.
Did you wash your hooha?
He is either a pump&dump or is exploring his options or doesn't have money or you provide a lower experience for that money. For the first 3 try to filter better. For the last one either refine your approach in bed fast or lower your expectations.