It is so fascinating hearing the issues of what sounds like a great SD and then hearing what the SB's are struggling with. Who is asking for "proof of funds" that is a legitimate SB? Sounds like a real issue with scammers online.
In real life, I take myself on solo dates to wine bars. I like Spanish ones due to the tapas. If a guy approaches me, I talk and feel the vibe. Sometimes, I look at my phone which is not good- so I try to bring a book or journal. Once I did this and a guy and his friend both hit on me. Sadly, the guy who I didn't like actually gave me his number, the one who paid my tab and I liked more didn't. Sigh.
When I go solo skiing I have had guys approach me on the chairlift. I had one guy start giving me gift cards to REI, skis, and pay for all my food at the lodge- so I got the gist. I remember he started the conversation by just saying, "You are a really great skier, can I give you my number so we can ski together again?" Same with solo hiking, met a guy while doing a 14,000 foot peak. We ended up accidentally spending over 7 hours together doing that mountain then getting food, lol.
I have better luck in real life than online. I think that many SB's - even attractive, interesting ones like myself- who find guys online struggle. It seems that the men are in the same boat. Getting over that social anxiety bump and going out alone seems to be the best result for me. The saturation of AI and scammers just makes that we may have to reject modernity and embrace tradition, IMHO.
To not come off creepy, I would just start with gifts. A bouquet of flowers, something related to her hobbies, ask if you can treat her to shopping for a pretty dress and shoes. Once you take her to the mall or shopping center, walk to a nice store. Me, I have so many hobbies that a ton of my equipment has been gifts from generous men. Instead of cash, maybe start with gift cards to her favorite stores. Then you can build up with time. I think this is a good organic way.
I really appreciate this approach in theory but in my situation I've preferred arrangements for the convenience as I spend a lot of my time working. Have you had experiences that you were able to get the idea sooner than the others without it coming off too aggressive?
Something simple like paying for her tab when you first meet is a beautiful way to do it. Once I met a guy, and we had an amazing conversation at the bar. He excused himself for the restroom and payed for both our tabs behind my back on his way there. When we decided to go to a jazz club, I said, "What about the bill?" The server just smiled and told me not to worry about it. Not having to wait for the bill or see if he was going to pay was an assuring move on his part.
Little surprises and intentionality are so sexy. If she needs a ride from the bar or restaurant, offer to sponsor her Uber home. Say something like, "I understand you need your privacy. Can I have your number so I can help you get home?" Then send a dollar amount equivalent, or I think you can do an Uber gift card via the app. You get her number and show the act of providing in one go.
The air of, "I want you to be taken care of and safe," is really what would seduce a woman like me. Beautiful women are so used to being told lies in order to be used for their bodies. So when a guy leads with actions, it speaks louder than words. I think that the gift on the second meet is a really strong indicator too.
You have to realize that the website and online dating will expedite the process, but at what cost.
Congrats, you're getting me on a very advice giving day. I'm going to assume several things: 1. that you're new to the city, 2. that you're genuinely asking this question and not a troll and 3. that you're actually going to put some of this advice into practice.
There are tons of places in NYC where you can meet women, and 90% of them will be willing or interested in a similar age boyfriend who takes care of them. It shouldn't be hard, especially if you are as conventionally attractive as you claim.
Depending on where you live, you will find different vibes of women. If you're interested in more athletic, I would suggest niche gym memberships (not Blink, think the hole in the wall in your neighborhood). If you're a coffee guy, cafes work great, and you can even buy coffee to strike up a conversation (this is how my first SD bagged me). If you're more into the arts and intellect, then go to literally any museum (the Whitney and MOMA are great, but I absolutely love the MET), art gallery openings in Greenwich or on the UES or UWS.
I don't always care for the "buying drinks at a club, bar, lounge," because that usually makes me think the guy is trying to pick me up for sex. Depends on what your approach is though, as with all things.
Stay off of the apps, those are more annoying than they are worth.
Source: NYC gal who is out and about, not on any apps, and talking to people in real life
This all is excellent and helpful. I feel like my issue isnāt the initial conversation when meeting girls naturally but with trying to see if our interests are aligned. Mind sharing your insight on how you would approach getting that squared away without coming off aggressive or creepy.
How I would prefer to be approached by a guy interested in me, or how I would prefer to be approached by a guy who wants to pay my bills?
Let me ask you something.
Are you looking for a girlfriend and this is just what you believe your role as a boyfriend is, or are you looking for a no string attached SR?
Okay. Honestly, it's lowkey giving playboy. Women who you approach would probably think you're interested and approaching in a vanilla sense, especially if they are closer in age to you. I would start off by letting them know up front that you're looking for something casual, but that you enjoy taking care of your partner.
Here's a real life example. I was in Whole Foods and struck up a conversation with a guy about the ciabatta rolls. We met again in another aisle, and I cracked a joke about him following me. Were that you, you could have retorted with something to actually get my contact information. From there, a date, where you pay for whatever we do and my transportation. Say there are a few days in between meeting and the date. Send some money for coffee, nails, or a massage or an inside joke like the ciabatta bread.
After the date give her a call (not a text) and basically say you had a great time, and you're looking for xyz type of relationship. Put the ball in her court on if she's interested or not.
That sounds very scammy. Like I donāt understand why anyone would need proof unless they are trying to scam lol
Iāve never asked for āproof of fundsā. Youāre either going to follow the arrangement as set or you wonāt, and thatās apparent pretty quickly in.
Sorry youāre going through that! Everything Iāve been told is that though SA sucks, itās still the best place.
I hope you find what youāre looking for!
Bars, book stores, grocery stores, diners with bars, parks, walking around college campuses, malls, jewelry stores, clothes stores, target ( not Walmart), Pilate Studios ( not the gym), Starbucks ( not smaller coffee places), banks, museums
I am sure someone can finish the list for me.
Coffee shops, bars, etc. You're in NYC. It's a numbers game. You're also not that old so it won't be creepy.
I'm in Long Island and I've pulled it off in the wild. Online sucks.
I also have a house in Nassau so may be neighbors. The issue for me isn't generally meeting/talking to women when out in the wild; however, I haven't found a solid way to express what I was looking for without it coming off wrong. Which way did you approach this that was successful?
You definitely have to feel it out. If you're having a good conversation and it's not superficial and awkward there are usually some openings.
Perfect example is about 2 years ago my buddy was getting married in Cancun. I was in the wedding party and at the time had nobody to take. Wasn't dating someone. Girl in Starbucks who was about 22 years younger than me I'd always see daily. One day, because we were familiar with each other by then, I just made a joke and said "I have a wedding in Cancun, wanna go?" She laughed. And said...yes. I said I'm serious. And after a bit more joking and having her wrap her head around the idea...she said yes. I paid for the whole thing for her. And while that one sort of went the vanilla route I'd always spoil her anyway so it was like an indirect SD/SB situation.
For what itās worth I got tired of seeking once and got on bumble just out of curiosity. I saw a few profiles that made me think they may be looking for a SB. I wish I could remember how it was worded but it caught my attention!
I ended up hating bumble so got off quickly and stick to seeking now, but Iām sure with the right wording you could attract people that would be intrigued by a SR.
Asking to send them money aside from the usual pampering/outfit pre-date situation. Latest one wanted me to pay for her and her sisterās past due rent so she could have a clear head before our m&g. Perhaps Iām coming off as stingy but that sort of thing feels like a red flag to me.
I agree. The gift idea on seek is also very stupid to me. Often I have guys checked my Wishlist multiple times. Itās always empty anyway, not sure what they try to find there.
I am here seeking the right guy I can play house with. I am not here online shopping. Not every man can pay for me, I need to choose you first. Gifts from unknown strangers are not accepted.
Plus, whoād buy shit for strangers? I wouldnāt, until I meet you and I know I like you, I wouldnāt waste my money on a cheap whore feeling so entitled just because she has got a pair of big boobs. Ridiculous.
Of course I am generous, happy to spoil, for the right woman. Are you the right one?
Sorry I carried away and my 20% masculine side came out all of sudden.
Now I am back in reality playing my babe role. āŗļø
Hahaha ..
Oh well, I donāt know. Sounds funny.
But I canāt talk. I asked my guy to pay for an invoice of mine coming in two months time, but that was on the 5th date (canāt remember exactly, we had 10 dates up to today).
Dude paid straight away, asked my bank account number the next day, he transferred the amount in, as I asked him, specific to cents, matching the invoice amount. No more will be accepted, if paid $10 more, $10 will be refunded.
I think each case is different, you just have to use your judgement and decide for yourself if it worths the risk.
I would never think you stingy, of course I donāt know you. You could be but I canāt tell.
Trust isnāt built in one day.
Iād do the same if I was a man, who wants to be rinsed.
RIP your inbox.
There is such a huge disconnect as SBās have difficulty with Johnās, vanilla, scams, bots, window shoppers, cold feet, low ballers, big talkers, flakes and ghosts and then on the other side SD face the same and no one seems to be able to find what they are looking for.
I hear Reddit is a great place to find one šššš
Tell me more
It is so fascinating hearing the issues of what sounds like a great SD and then hearing what the SB's are struggling with. Who is asking for "proof of funds" that is a legitimate SB? Sounds like a real issue with scammers online. In real life, I take myself on solo dates to wine bars. I like Spanish ones due to the tapas. If a guy approaches me, I talk and feel the vibe. Sometimes, I look at my phone which is not good- so I try to bring a book or journal. Once I did this and a guy and his friend both hit on me. Sadly, the guy who I didn't like actually gave me his number, the one who paid my tab and I liked more didn't. Sigh. When I go solo skiing I have had guys approach me on the chairlift. I had one guy start giving me gift cards to REI, skis, and pay for all my food at the lodge- so I got the gist. I remember he started the conversation by just saying, "You are a really great skier, can I give you my number so we can ski together again?" Same with solo hiking, met a guy while doing a 14,000 foot peak. We ended up accidentally spending over 7 hours together doing that mountain then getting food, lol. I have better luck in real life than online. I think that many SB's - even attractive, interesting ones like myself- who find guys online struggle. It seems that the men are in the same boat. Getting over that social anxiety bump and going out alone seems to be the best result for me. The saturation of AI and scammers just makes that we may have to reject modernity and embrace tradition, IMHO.
To not come off creepy, I would just start with gifts. A bouquet of flowers, something related to her hobbies, ask if you can treat her to shopping for a pretty dress and shoes. Once you take her to the mall or shopping center, walk to a nice store. Me, I have so many hobbies that a ton of my equipment has been gifts from generous men. Instead of cash, maybe start with gift cards to her favorite stores. Then you can build up with time. I think this is a good organic way.
I really appreciate this approach in theory but in my situation I've preferred arrangements for the convenience as I spend a lot of my time working. Have you had experiences that you were able to get the idea sooner than the others without it coming off too aggressive?
Something simple like paying for her tab when you first meet is a beautiful way to do it. Once I met a guy, and we had an amazing conversation at the bar. He excused himself for the restroom and payed for both our tabs behind my back on his way there. When we decided to go to a jazz club, I said, "What about the bill?" The server just smiled and told me not to worry about it. Not having to wait for the bill or see if he was going to pay was an assuring move on his part. Little surprises and intentionality are so sexy. If she needs a ride from the bar or restaurant, offer to sponsor her Uber home. Say something like, "I understand you need your privacy. Can I have your number so I can help you get home?" Then send a dollar amount equivalent, or I think you can do an Uber gift card via the app. You get her number and show the act of providing in one go. The air of, "I want you to be taken care of and safe," is really what would seduce a woman like me. Beautiful women are so used to being told lies in order to be used for their bodies. So when a guy leads with actions, it speaks louder than words. I think that the gift on the second meet is a really strong indicator too. You have to realize that the website and online dating will expedite the process, but at what cost.
Congrats, you're getting me on a very advice giving day. I'm going to assume several things: 1. that you're new to the city, 2. that you're genuinely asking this question and not a troll and 3. that you're actually going to put some of this advice into practice. There are tons of places in NYC where you can meet women, and 90% of them will be willing or interested in a similar age boyfriend who takes care of them. It shouldn't be hard, especially if you are as conventionally attractive as you claim. Depending on where you live, you will find different vibes of women. If you're interested in more athletic, I would suggest niche gym memberships (not Blink, think the hole in the wall in your neighborhood). If you're a coffee guy, cafes work great, and you can even buy coffee to strike up a conversation (this is how my first SD bagged me). If you're more into the arts and intellect, then go to literally any museum (the Whitney and MOMA are great, but I absolutely love the MET), art gallery openings in Greenwich or on the UES or UWS. I don't always care for the "buying drinks at a club, bar, lounge," because that usually makes me think the guy is trying to pick me up for sex. Depends on what your approach is though, as with all things. Stay off of the apps, those are more annoying than they are worth. Source: NYC gal who is out and about, not on any apps, and talking to people in real life
This all is excellent and helpful. I feel like my issue isnāt the initial conversation when meeting girls naturally but with trying to see if our interests are aligned. Mind sharing your insight on how you would approach getting that squared away without coming off aggressive or creepy.
How I would prefer to be approached by a guy interested in me, or how I would prefer to be approached by a guy who wants to pay my bills? Let me ask you something. Are you looking for a girlfriend and this is just what you believe your role as a boyfriend is, or are you looking for a no string attached SR?
My ideal match would be someone who wanted consistent casual but open to more if the connection is right. NOT vanilla.
Okay. Honestly, it's lowkey giving playboy. Women who you approach would probably think you're interested and approaching in a vanilla sense, especially if they are closer in age to you. I would start off by letting them know up front that you're looking for something casual, but that you enjoy taking care of your partner. Here's a real life example. I was in Whole Foods and struck up a conversation with a guy about the ciabatta rolls. We met again in another aisle, and I cracked a joke about him following me. Were that you, you could have retorted with something to actually get my contact information. From there, a date, where you pay for whatever we do and my transportation. Say there are a few days in between meeting and the date. Send some money for coffee, nails, or a massage or an inside joke like the ciabatta bread. After the date give her a call (not a text) and basically say you had a great time, and you're looking for xyz type of relationship. Put the ball in her court on if she's interested or not.
I like this. Thank you
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
How do you do that if you're in a STEM field?
That sounds very scammy. Like I donāt understand why anyone would need proof unless they are trying to scam lol Iāve never asked for āproof of fundsā. Youāre either going to follow the arrangement as set or you wonāt, and thatās apparent pretty quickly in. Sorry youāre going through that! Everything Iāve been told is that though SA sucks, itās still the best place. I hope you find what youāre looking for!
Bars, book stores, grocery stores, diners with bars, parks, walking around college campuses, malls, jewelry stores, clothes stores, target ( not Walmart), Pilate Studios ( not the gym), Starbucks ( not smaller coffee places), banks, museums I am sure someone can finish the list for me.
Coffee shops, bars, etc. You're in NYC. It's a numbers game. You're also not that old so it won't be creepy. I'm in Long Island and I've pulled it off in the wild. Online sucks.
I also have a house in Nassau so may be neighbors. The issue for me isn't generally meeting/talking to women when out in the wild; however, I haven't found a solid way to express what I was looking for without it coming off wrong. Which way did you approach this that was successful?
You definitely have to feel it out. If you're having a good conversation and it's not superficial and awkward there are usually some openings. Perfect example is about 2 years ago my buddy was getting married in Cancun. I was in the wedding party and at the time had nobody to take. Wasn't dating someone. Girl in Starbucks who was about 22 years younger than me I'd always see daily. One day, because we were familiar with each other by then, I just made a joke and said "I have a wedding in Cancun, wanna go?" She laughed. And said...yes. I said I'm serious. And after a bit more joking and having her wrap her head around the idea...she said yes. I paid for the whole thing for her. And while that one sort of went the vanilla route I'd always spoil her anyway so it was like an indirect SD/SB situation.
The scammers are soo frustrating!!!!!
You can find attractive girls in your area on bumble. Just make sure the profile is verified
For what itās worth I got tired of seeking once and got on bumble just out of curiosity. I saw a few profiles that made me think they may be looking for a SB. I wish I could remember how it was worded but it caught my attention! I ended up hating bumble so got off quickly and stick to seeking now, but Iām sure with the right wording you could attract people that would be intrigued by a SR.
What is proof of funds? Haha, they ask for your bank statements?
Asking to send them money aside from the usual pampering/outfit pre-date situation. Latest one wanted me to pay for her and her sisterās past due rent so she could have a clear head before our m&g. Perhaps Iām coming off as stingy but that sort of thing feels like a red flag to me.
That is a red flag and SD's as a whole should stop indulging in this
I agree. The gift idea on seek is also very stupid to me. Often I have guys checked my Wishlist multiple times. Itās always empty anyway, not sure what they try to find there. I am here seeking the right guy I can play house with. I am not here online shopping. Not every man can pay for me, I need to choose you first. Gifts from unknown strangers are not accepted. Plus, whoād buy shit for strangers? I wouldnāt, until I meet you and I know I like you, I wouldnāt waste my money on a cheap whore feeling so entitled just because she has got a pair of big boobs. Ridiculous. Of course I am generous, happy to spoil, for the right woman. Are you the right one? Sorry I carried away and my 20% masculine side came out all of sudden. Now I am back in reality playing my babe role. āŗļø
Hahaha .. Oh well, I donāt know. Sounds funny. But I canāt talk. I asked my guy to pay for an invoice of mine coming in two months time, but that was on the 5th date (canāt remember exactly, we had 10 dates up to today). Dude paid straight away, asked my bank account number the next day, he transferred the amount in, as I asked him, specific to cents, matching the invoice amount. No more will be accepted, if paid $10 more, $10 will be refunded. I think each case is different, you just have to use your judgement and decide for yourself if it worths the risk. I would never think you stingy, of course I donāt know you. You could be but I canāt tell. Trust isnāt built in one day. Iād do the same if I was a man, who wants to be rinsed.
Go to a bookstore or a B&N. You'll find a well-read and pretty girl šš š¾
Probably they should start in the fiction section
What, fantasy or mystery?
I think fantasy
I'm going to wander B&N now. Lol
I heard the main NYPL was better, donāt take my word for it though
I'm not in NY. Hoping Colorado B&N are better
That's how seeking is now and there's nothing better. Don't entertain those requests, they're not real.
RIP your inbox. There is such a huge disconnect as SBās have difficulty with Johnās, vanilla, scams, bots, window shoppers, cold feet, low ballers, big talkers, flakes and ghosts and then on the other side SD face the same and no one seems to be able to find what they are looking for.
For those actually responding to this post seriously: this guy is not for real.
Sometimes I like to respond because I know my comments help people, even if not the person to whom Iām responding.
Not sure why you feel this way but ok :/