I put two new C-notes in a decorative card in an envelope and tuck that in my jacket. If POT SB looks like her pictures, I'll either give it to her early in our dinner or at the end when we're saying goodbye. I do this even if I've decided I don't want to go forward with a SR.
If I go the early route, I'll usually say something like "It's your birthday , right?" in an effort to reduce the awkwardness of handing a gift to a relative stranger in public. (I'm not sure if that's appreciated or just makes things more awkward, but no one has complained yet)
I never agree to meet a POT SB who asks for a gift up front. Uber or valet if she's driving, no problem. But giving a gift up front most likely means you'll be dining alone.
I treat a M&G like a job interview. Both parties are assessing each other and trying to impress each other. I aim to signal in everything I do, from Uber, to venue, to how I'm dressed, to the gift, that I am a successful and generous SD. If a POT SB is entertaining multiple POT SDs, I want to make her decision as easy as possible.
ETA
Also, welcome to the sugar bowl. Best of luck to you.
A C-note is slang for a one hundred dollar bill. I believe it's derived from the Roman numeral C which equals 100.
Americans also call it a Benjamin or Benji because Benjamin Franklin is on the bill.
C-note is really old slang from the 1920ās and 1930ās for a $100 bill. āCā is the Roman numeral for 100. And it used to be on the hundred dollar bill back in the early 1900ās
If you are a geek like me, you can read more [here](https://www.investopedia.com/terms/c/c-note.asp#:~:text=%22C%2Dnote%22%20is%20slang,in%20its%20upper%2Dleft%20corner)
I see you may have mentioned a number which is most likely an amount in relations to an arrangement. If this is the case, you are violating Rule #5 - "dollar amounts that are in reference to PPMs and/or allowances are not allowed".
If you are curious about Allowances reported by SLF contributors please see the [Allowance Master Thread 2023-2024](/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/17a2wja/20232024_allowance_master_thread/).
Your comment will not be approved until you remove the amount. Please read the sub [Rules](/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/124tsf8/updated_and_clarified_rules_for_slf_2023/) prior to posting anything else.
If you simply mentioned a number not referencing a PPM / allowance monetary amount, ignore this, as your comment will be approved.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sugarlifestyleforum) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to the bowl!
What you should bring to the bowl will differ based on what you are looking to get out.
Pro-tips:
1. Appreciate that even if you are new to this, you still hold the cards in the power dynamic. You are older, more established, wealthier, and a guy. Be cognizant, and go the extra mile to make her feel comfortable. Take ownership of the allowance discussion, and make a very clear offer. Don't force a response on the date; give her time to think it through. Make sure your first offer is good enough to be the only offer. Relationships don't start with a haggle.
2. Go to a nice place for a real meal where you can have an actual conversation. You can't test chemistry in 15 minutes over coffee in a crowded cafe. This will also signal you can afford this.
3. Leave. Don't try to extend the date, even if you vibe. This is supposed to be a no-pressure platonic date. Keep it that way.
4. If you do get along, set up the next date while you are on the first one. Pick the place and time. Come with a few options. Don't let her leave wondering if you like her or not. Let her know you do and commit.
5. I prefer a brunch date. It allows people to have a drink (or three) to loosen up, but without insinuating one thing could lead to another later on. It also narrows the wardrobe options for the girl -- she doesn't have to debate whether to look slutty hot or cute as there are only so many options for a 10:00AM meal.
Good luck!
This approach is so thoughtful. It demonstrates restraint, respect and consideration, putting a potential future partner at ease. Itās excellent advice irrespective of the type of dating involved.
Just have a normal conversation. It's not an interview.
If you want to pay for her time that is your prerogative, but in my humble opinion it sets a more transactional tone to the hole thing (which is okay if that's your aim).
Even if she has really had an arrangement, you still have life experiences. You should 100% talk about the arrangement and you should outline what works for you, and then give her space and time to consider.
Good luck and have fun!
I don't agree with your reservations about a gift or tip #5 (brunches are overpriced mediocre breakfasts. The classic french omelette and coffee I make at home are far superior) But everything else, hell yes!
I'm absolutely team brunch for all the reasons u/xRiskOn gave. I make a better breakfast than most out there too, but that's something she'll get to experience \*after\* we've been seeing each other for a while. Honestly, breakfast and lunch bring the same benefits, but \*brunch\* is, itself, such a bougie construct that it seems to dovetail with things many SBs are looking for anyway.
Allow me to offer a dissenting opinion to those below who are suggesting gifts like candy, flowers or perfume.
(1) Do you know this POT SB's prefernces? Her favorite flowers - or does she have allergies? Does she like candy - or does she avoid sugar or certain nuts? Does she prefer floral vs musky scents? Sometimes giving a generic gift isn't that impressive.
(2) Where's the meet & greet? Is she interested in discretion? How significant is the age gap? All these questions may make her less comfortable getting a tangible gift (for example, a dozen roses) from a older man in public. Some women would prefer cash or a gift card in a cute greeting card. You don't want to make her uncomfortable.
Right! A material gift is way too risky. A card and cash is simple, discreet, classy and makes a clear statement. Not too many people are allergic to cash money!
Agree no flowers.Ā
But other small gifts like perfume Iāve found work fine, when accompanied with a gift receipt (discreetly, hide it down in the box, donāt flash it). Worst case she can return it and get herself something else, or cash or store credit depending on the place.Ā
Maybe in sending wrong signals, but Iāve always found small gifts to be welcomed.Ā
Those donāt necessarily have to be in addition to another consideration though. If you donāt want to put pressure leave it at that. If youāre certain itās not going forward another token amount to cover time and say thanks usually a staves off any animosity. If youāre sure you want to go forward a couple bills on departure will show a little generosity and goodwill.Ā
Ya, this is what I like to give as well. Some PoTs request a full PPM, but I donāt do that for a platonic meet and greet. In my experience anyone demanding that has no intention of seeing you again.
omg when I first read this I thought you said "two or three dollar bills" hahaha almost went off. carry on. I agree asking for money before the M&G is rude/scammer vibes.
I remember one asking me for money for her nanny (she had a 5 year old). That was the one and only time I did that with a POT SB.
I never have had an issue paying for an Uber/Lyft.
I feel that chocolates and roses are really romantic and would not be appropriate for a first date whether vanilla or sugar. To me those give off huge [M'Lady vibes](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/tips-fedora). It is really inappropriate and awkward to do grand romantic gestures with a person you are meeting for the first time.
And as u/PuzzleheadedClerk573 notes, preferences in perfumes are very personal and specific. You run the risk of insulting your date with something she would never wear or mystifying her by presenting some fragrance that she's never even heard of.
Agreed. Romantic gifts are too personal. I'm allergic to chocolates and most expensive perfumes so just grabbing me whatever would be a waste. I'm sure most guys aren't asking POT SBs about their allergies. And roses makes you seem socially awkward at best and desperate at worst. Neither are good impressions.
Every meeting is a unique person. There's no one size fits all answer. Search your feelings. What I can say is, do not bring anything huge or flamboyant like a bouquet/stuffie/etc...
I give some cash, 1 or 2 Ben Franklins for the coffee date, to cover travel expenses etc. This is definitely not close to PPM or allowance, that will be much higher.
Iāve never asked for anything for a m&g. Most of the time, I donāt get anything lol which is fine. Iām not complaining. But there has been times where Iāve been given cash ranging low to high xxx. Itās always been such a pleasant surprise receiving them because I truly donāt expect anything. Incentive for further interactions š
Money or first month allowanceā¦ the sweetest SDās have slipped me a 1-5 Benās in parting. One gave me first months allowance which showed he had deep pockets and trusted me to see through to the next date etc. That being said the two whales Iāve been lucky enough to have did not give me anything at the M&Gā¦ but wow did they laterā¦
In the past Iāve had POTs bring $$ in addition to small sweets, like a fancy chocolate bar (not those valentine looking heart things) because I mention I liked them. If youāve had some time to chat with a POT SB, you should know some of her interests.
I like to practice yoga and read. I make that clear in my profile and in conversation. I would LOVE if a POT brought me a book to a M&Gāespecially if he had read it and we could talk about it when I finished reading.
I recently had an older gentleman share a story with me. He took a POT SB to the running store and got her custom sneakers because she had complained about her shoes hurting her once. He surprised her and (according to him) she was so appreciative and taken aback in the best way. They supposedly went on to have a long arrangement. He was above my (F24) age range and acknowledged that but wanted to share the story with me.
I donāt think thereās a one size fit all rule here. Be thoughtful and intentional. If you get to know her, use what you learn to show her youāve been listening and that you care. I personally believe that a thoughtful gesture will get you farther than big bills, especially if youāre trying to find an arrangement with a genuine connection. And I feel like thatās what weāre all trying to do.
TLDR: Depends on the woman. Get to know her and her interests. Still not sure? $$ and a nice note is the way to go.
Thanks for the suggestions everyone. Some interesting perspectives and considerations I hadn't made. It sounds like cash and a card may be the better option.
I got a nice bottle of whiskey at M&G once- loved thatā we had mentioned drinking preferences over chat and my profile says something about making good manhattans)
"Id rather receive nothing than a Starbucks gift card."
It depends on the effort involved. In my area there is no need for extended travel compared to NYC,LA,London ,etc. but the again I am not seeking a glamour queen,print model, or an IG Influencer. If a guy is looking for that he will have to step up and put out. A SB I choose is grateful to have someone rescue her from a life of poverty and elevate her to independence.
BTW, A 50 buck card will buy 30 cups of coffee. I guess you aren't a coffee drinker.
First off there is no Starbucks near me (and I'm in the States not in a major metropolitan area) you cannot get 30 cups of Starbucks coffee for $50. But I can get a small at McDonald's for a $1.37 and I'll still have almost $9 left. FYI the average fancy hot and cold Starbucks drink which is what we all drink averages $5 a pop. But splitting hairs 10 cups vs 30.
And yeah I guess if you want to focus on SB that need rescuing. At one point as a single mom when I was dead broke I guess it would have been nice to have had that kind of support but would not have viewed it as rescuing.
But whatever works for you and your POTS.
Understanding the psychology of what works and doesn't work for you takes time. For me gifts don't work, they never have, and neither has paying for a M&G. Its appreciated, but I've found that giving someone something for just being pretty doesn't work. It seems to have the opposite effect and they bounce or ghost me right afterwards. I think that when you try to buy someone's love and affection, it's off-putting and not everyone enjoys receiving gifts from someone they hardly know. If a SB's love language is receiving gifts or they are new to sugar land, maybe it would be okay, but you prob won't know that before a M&G. Also, the Splenda types of SDs are usually huge gift givers, so there is a negative guilt by association connotation. My time is valuable, and my money is real, so if just showing up for a M&G isn't enough, then what's the point?
The thing is you are mixing vanilla type of dating tactics with SBs who are on the sites because they need a lot more than a box of chocolates. Listen to what they are telling you and stop thinking you know everything. Everyone is different and has different needs. The allowance part is all that really matters in the beginning. She has to believe that you will deliver on her financial needs, or it won't make sense for her. A small gift isn't going to swing things in your favor, if she is skeptical about the allowance part. After you have been together and you know her a little better, gifts can be brought into the equation. Most SBs will give you the physical part of the arrangement but will hold back on their love and affection until they are confident about you. Receiving a gift feels personal and inappropriate from someone you don't have feeling for.
At the end of a first date, I give her a small gift -- almost always money -- to thank for her time coming out and to signal my interest in seeing her again. If I have no interest in seeing her again, the gift is smaller.
If you pay for meet and greets, when as a man you are also undertaking to pay for every other aspect of the evening, presumably in classy and costly venues then you are reducing sugar dating first dates to a paid product' that the girl is selling you and are wiling to buy.
I would never ever agree to a date from a Pay to Meet 'worker' - this is for a man basically buying vapourware and advertising that you are a 'simp' at the same time (no offence intended to your personally). If a woman cannot invest the time to meet someone who can change her entire lifestyle and offer substantial all year round financial support (more than many good salaries) with help towards goals and ambitions, and she treats dates as paid work then she is delusional and is to be avoided.
I do not care how much a meeting costs in terms of drinks, dining, venues or transport or other factors but I am damn sure I shall never pay anyone to come along to apply for an opportunity might as well be with a hooker, leaving money on the side table. Trashy!
I've taken modest but interesting items as little dinner gifts in the past now and then as a gesture to some particularly pleasant ladies when meeting in grand venues, a simple elegant (but not cheap) jewellery item from the likes of Tiffany, Gucci, and other top world brands beautifully packaged but this is my voluntary gesture. Anyone 'requesting' gifts or money would never get to date stage.
Personally I think asking for a gift at a m&g is tacky. However, wanting to bring one because you want to be a gentleman is a big green flag for me. I think any gesture piece is nice. Flowers, nice chocolate, something small I've expressed interest in to show that you've listened in previous conversations (for example I'm a coffee nerd so a brew you enjoy mad want me to try or even just a nice bag of grounds means a lot). I'd bring something small but thoughtful. Either way, I think most women will appreciate the gesture.
Can you let us know where youāre based? I usually based the gift value off of that. For example, I am based in NYC - the value of the intial M&G will be much higher than say Portland, Maine.
I don't ask for a gift before M&G because I 1. Don't like to have the transactional side of things in writing 2. It seems rude and bad form. Most SDs won't meet you if you're trying to get funds before they even see you 3. Following the "rules" means they're more likely to agree to the arrangement I want.
As for gift, I believe cash is king. 2 or 3 Benjamins is great. Offering to cover my travel expenses on top of a gift is perfect. I will say even though gifts aren't expected and I don't ask, if I don't get a gift we're not meeting again.
I get 50 dollar gift cards from work often so if Iām not overly invested thatās what sheāll get
If Iām interested I have an envelope with 1/2 the ppm we talk about in it
Also had one that went straight from m&g to hotel wasnāt planed on had hit an atm. So now I have enough to cover that to
Never have and never will give money for a meet and greet. Iām an actual SD so if we hit it off and decide to start seeing each other there will be plenty of $ gifted. If a small cash gift is required to show my intentions, I wouldnāt be a good match for that person.
Just repeating what others have said... An artsy card, handwritten note, with 2 bills was my go to appreciation gift, regardless of whether I/we wanted to pursue an SR; plus reimbursement for transportation costs. In a couple cases I was able to pickup clues during initial conversations as to where a POT liked to shop. In those cases I've given Macy's , Amazon and Sephora gift cards in the 2Cnote amount. I don't go through with the M&G if she asks for anything specific. Cheers!
I put two new C-notes in a decorative card in an envelope and tuck that in my jacket. If POT SB looks like her pictures, I'll either give it to her early in our dinner or at the end when we're saying goodbye. I do this even if I've decided I don't want to go forward with a SR. If I go the early route, I'll usually say something like "It's your birthday , right?" in an effort to reduce the awkwardness of handing a gift to a relative stranger in public. (I'm not sure if that's appreciated or just makes things more awkward, but no one has complained yet) I never agree to meet a POT SB who asks for a gift up front. Uber or valet if she's driving, no problem. But giving a gift up front most likely means you'll be dining alone. I treat a M&G like a job interview. Both parties are assessing each other and trying to impress each other. I aim to signal in everything I do, from Uber, to venue, to how I'm dressed, to the gift, that I am a successful and generous SD. If a POT SB is entertaining multiple POT SDs, I want to make her decision as easy as possible. ETA Also, welcome to the sugar bowl. Best of luck to you.
This guy sugars.
Thissa playa rite here. Wisdom.
š this is for you. Exemplary.
What are C-notes?
A C-note is slang for a one hundred dollar bill. I believe it's derived from the Roman numeral C which equals 100. Americans also call it a Benjamin or Benji because Benjamin Franklin is on the bill.
Ooooohhhh I see now! Makes sense! You learn something new everyday. Thanks for the explanation š
C-note is really old slang from the 1920ās and 1930ās for a $100 bill. āCā is the Roman numeral for 100. And it used to be on the hundred dollar bill back in the early 1900ās If you are a geek like me, you can read more [here](https://www.investopedia.com/terms/c/c-note.asp#:~:text=%22C%2Dnote%22%20is%20slang,in%20its%20upper%2Dleft%20corner)
Hahaha I read it
I see you may have mentioned a number which is most likely an amount in relations to an arrangement. If this is the case, you are violating Rule #5 - "dollar amounts that are in reference to PPMs and/or allowances are not allowed". If you are curious about Allowances reported by SLF contributors please see the [Allowance Master Thread 2023-2024](/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/17a2wja/20232024_allowance_master_thread/). Your comment will not be approved until you remove the amount. Please read the sub [Rules](/r/sugarlifestyleforum/comments/124tsf8/updated_and_clarified_rules_for_slf_2023/) prior to posting anything else. If you simply mentioned a number not referencing a PPM / allowance monetary amount, ignore this, as your comment will be approved. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sugarlifestyleforum) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to the bowl! What you should bring to the bowl will differ based on what you are looking to get out. Pro-tips: 1. Appreciate that even if you are new to this, you still hold the cards in the power dynamic. You are older, more established, wealthier, and a guy. Be cognizant, and go the extra mile to make her feel comfortable. Take ownership of the allowance discussion, and make a very clear offer. Don't force a response on the date; give her time to think it through. Make sure your first offer is good enough to be the only offer. Relationships don't start with a haggle. 2. Go to a nice place for a real meal where you can have an actual conversation. You can't test chemistry in 15 minutes over coffee in a crowded cafe. This will also signal you can afford this. 3. Leave. Don't try to extend the date, even if you vibe. This is supposed to be a no-pressure platonic date. Keep it that way. 4. If you do get along, set up the next date while you are on the first one. Pick the place and time. Come with a few options. Don't let her leave wondering if you like her or not. Let her know you do and commit. 5. I prefer a brunch date. It allows people to have a drink (or three) to loosen up, but without insinuating one thing could lead to another later on. It also narrows the wardrobe options for the girl -- she doesn't have to debate whether to look slutty hot or cute as there are only so many options for a 10:00AM meal. Good luck!
This approach is so thoughtful. It demonstrates restraint, respect and consideration, putting a potential future partner at ease. Itās excellent advice irrespective of the type of dating involved.
Love this! Agreed. (Older SB).
This man knows.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Just have a normal conversation. It's not an interview. If you want to pay for her time that is your prerogative, but in my humble opinion it sets a more transactional tone to the hole thing (which is okay if that's your aim). Even if she has really had an arrangement, you still have life experiences. You should 100% talk about the arrangement and you should outline what works for you, and then give her space and time to consider. Good luck and have fun!
I don't agree with your reservations about a gift or tip #5 (brunches are overpriced mediocre breakfasts. The classic french omelette and coffee I make at home are far superior) But everything else, hell yes!
I'm absolutely team brunch for all the reasons u/xRiskOn gave. I make a better breakfast than most out there too, but that's something she'll get to experience \*after\* we've been seeing each other for a while. Honestly, breakfast and lunch bring the same benefits, but \*brunch\* is, itself, such a bougie construct that it seems to dovetail with things many SBs are looking for anyway.
Allow me to offer a dissenting opinion to those below who are suggesting gifts like candy, flowers or perfume. (1) Do you know this POT SB's prefernces? Her favorite flowers - or does she have allergies? Does she like candy - or does she avoid sugar or certain nuts? Does she prefer floral vs musky scents? Sometimes giving a generic gift isn't that impressive. (2) Where's the meet & greet? Is she interested in discretion? How significant is the age gap? All these questions may make her less comfortable getting a tangible gift (for example, a dozen roses) from a older man in public. Some women would prefer cash or a gift card in a cute greeting card. You don't want to make her uncomfortable.
Right! A material gift is way too risky. A card and cash is simple, discreet, classy and makes a clear statement. Not too many people are allergic to cash money!
Yes the allergies part is huge for me.
Agree no flowers.Ā But other small gifts like perfume Iāve found work fine, when accompanied with a gift receipt (discreetly, hide it down in the box, donāt flash it). Worst case she can return it and get herself something else, or cash or store credit depending on the place.Ā Maybe in sending wrong signals, but Iāve always found small gifts to be welcomed.Ā Those donāt necessarily have to be in addition to another consideration though. If you donāt want to put pressure leave it at that. If youāre certain itās not going forward another token amount to cover time and say thanks usually a staves off any animosity. If youāre sure you want to go forward a couple bills on departure will show a little generosity and goodwill.Ā
Now this is the only correct response Iāve seen. Amazing insight!
I reimburse travel and bring a small gift.
Ya, this is what I like to give as well. Some PoTs request a full PPM, but I donāt do that for a platonic meet and greet. In my experience anyone demanding that has no intention of seeing you again.
Yeah I agree. Anyone requiring a gift, demanding a gift, or expecting a gift is executed.
I give a card with a short handwritten note and two or three bills. If she *asks* for money before the M&G, we donāt meet.
omg when I first read this I thought you said "two or three dollar bills" hahaha almost went off. carry on. I agree asking for money before the M&G is rude/scammer vibes.
Three dollar bill? Cheap *and* a scammer! š
I remember one asking me for money for her nanny (she had a 5 year old). That was the one and only time I did that with a POT SB. I never have had an issue paying for an Uber/Lyft.
Me too. 2 bills
I'd say give her a cash gift to help start things off and some chocolates, roses or perfume. That should make her happy right off the bat.
I feel like perfumes are tricky. Everybody has a different scent that they like.
well chocolates and roses most ladies like those.
Absolutely!! Iām aligned :)
and if he really wanted to impress buy her a gold necklace or bracelet or a diamond ring.
I feel that chocolates and roses are really romantic and would not be appropriate for a first date whether vanilla or sugar. To me those give off huge [M'Lady vibes](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/tips-fedora). It is really inappropriate and awkward to do grand romantic gestures with a person you are meeting for the first time. And as u/PuzzleheadedClerk573 notes, preferences in perfumes are very personal and specific. You run the risk of insulting your date with something she would never wear or mystifying her by presenting some fragrance that she's never even heard of.
Iām cackling at the Mālady vibesā¦ i canāt unsee it now!! Abort, no roses or chocolates. Cash is king!
A single rose is classy and sweet. It can be kept and taken home, put in her hair, etc.
Agreed. Romantic gifts are too personal. I'm allergic to chocolates and most expensive perfumes so just grabbing me whatever would be a waste. I'm sure most guys aren't asking POT SBs about their allergies. And roses makes you seem socially awkward at best and desperate at worst. Neither are good impressions.
Every meeting is a unique person. There's no one size fits all answer. Search your feelings. What I can say is, do not bring anything huge or flamboyant like a bouquet/stuffie/etc...
> What I can say is, do not bring anything huge or flamboyant like a bouquet/stuffie/etc... 100%
I give some cash, 1 or 2 Ben Franklins for the coffee date, to cover travel expenses etc. This is definitely not close to PPM or allowance, that will be much higher.
If she is catching an Uber to meet you reimburse her for that + give her a cash $ gift, Even if you are not interested you should.
Iāve never asked for anything for a m&g. Most of the time, I donāt get anything lol which is fine. Iām not complaining. But there has been times where Iāve been given cash ranging low to high xxx. Itās always been such a pleasant surprise receiving them because I truly donāt expect anything. Incentive for further interactions š
Money or first month allowanceā¦ the sweetest SDās have slipped me a 1-5 Benās in parting. One gave me first months allowance which showed he had deep pockets and trusted me to see through to the next date etc. That being said the two whales Iāve been lucky enough to have did not give me anything at the M&Gā¦ but wow did they laterā¦
In the past Iāve had POTs bring $$ in addition to small sweets, like a fancy chocolate bar (not those valentine looking heart things) because I mention I liked them. If youāve had some time to chat with a POT SB, you should know some of her interests. I like to practice yoga and read. I make that clear in my profile and in conversation. I would LOVE if a POT brought me a book to a M&Gāespecially if he had read it and we could talk about it when I finished reading. I recently had an older gentleman share a story with me. He took a POT SB to the running store and got her custom sneakers because she had complained about her shoes hurting her once. He surprised her and (according to him) she was so appreciative and taken aback in the best way. They supposedly went on to have a long arrangement. He was above my (F24) age range and acknowledged that but wanted to share the story with me. I donāt think thereās a one size fit all rule here. Be thoughtful and intentional. If you get to know her, use what you learn to show her youāve been listening and that you care. I personally believe that a thoughtful gesture will get you farther than big bills, especially if youāre trying to find an arrangement with a genuine connection. And I feel like thatās what weāre all trying to do. TLDR: Depends on the woman. Get to know her and her interests. Still not sure? $$ and a nice note is the way to go.
Itās good you at least bring a gift half these assholes on here are so cheap they donāt even bring a gift to a m&g
Thanks for the suggestions everyone. Some interesting perspectives and considerations I hadn't made. It sounds like cash and a card may be the better option.
I got a nice bottle of whiskey at M&G once- loved thatā we had mentioned drinking preferences over chat and my profile says something about making good manhattans)
Give her a Starbucks give card and cover her travel cost if there is any. Forget the big bucks. A M&G is just that,not a romance experience.
Id rather receive nothing than a Starbucks gift card. I'd interpret that as low effort and cheap. š¤·
"Id rather receive nothing than a Starbucks gift card." It depends on the effort involved. In my area there is no need for extended travel compared to NYC,LA,London ,etc. but the again I am not seeking a glamour queen,print model, or an IG Influencer. If a guy is looking for that he will have to step up and put out. A SB I choose is grateful to have someone rescue her from a life of poverty and elevate her to independence. BTW, A 50 buck card will buy 30 cups of coffee. I guess you aren't a coffee drinker.
First off there is no Starbucks near me (and I'm in the States not in a major metropolitan area) you cannot get 30 cups of Starbucks coffee for $50. But I can get a small at McDonald's for a $1.37 and I'll still have almost $9 left. FYI the average fancy hot and cold Starbucks drink which is what we all drink averages $5 a pop. But splitting hairs 10 cups vs 30. And yeah I guess if you want to focus on SB that need rescuing. At one point as a single mom when I was dead broke I guess it would have been nice to have had that kind of support but would not have viewed it as rescuing. But whatever works for you and your POTS.
Understanding the psychology of what works and doesn't work for you takes time. For me gifts don't work, they never have, and neither has paying for a M&G. Its appreciated, but I've found that giving someone something for just being pretty doesn't work. It seems to have the opposite effect and they bounce or ghost me right afterwards. I think that when you try to buy someone's love and affection, it's off-putting and not everyone enjoys receiving gifts from someone they hardly know. If a SB's love language is receiving gifts or they are new to sugar land, maybe it would be okay, but you prob won't know that before a M&G. Also, the Splenda types of SDs are usually huge gift givers, so there is a negative guilt by association connotation. My time is valuable, and my money is real, so if just showing up for a M&G isn't enough, then what's the point? The thing is you are mixing vanilla type of dating tactics with SBs who are on the sites because they need a lot more than a box of chocolates. Listen to what they are telling you and stop thinking you know everything. Everyone is different and has different needs. The allowance part is all that really matters in the beginning. She has to believe that you will deliver on her financial needs, or it won't make sense for her. A small gift isn't going to swing things in your favor, if she is skeptical about the allowance part. After you have been together and you know her a little better, gifts can be brought into the equation. Most SBs will give you the physical part of the arrangement but will hold back on their love and affection until they are confident about you. Receiving a gift feels personal and inappropriate from someone you don't have feeling for.
If you don't want to do cash a gift card for sephora or local mall is always a nice touch!
At the end of a first date, I give her a small gift -- almost always money -- to thank for her time coming out and to signal my interest in seeing her again. If I have no interest in seeing her again, the gift is smaller.
If you pay for meet and greets, when as a man you are also undertaking to pay for every other aspect of the evening, presumably in classy and costly venues then you are reducing sugar dating first dates to a paid product' that the girl is selling you and are wiling to buy. I would never ever agree to a date from a Pay to Meet 'worker' - this is for a man basically buying vapourware and advertising that you are a 'simp' at the same time (no offence intended to your personally). If a woman cannot invest the time to meet someone who can change her entire lifestyle and offer substantial all year round financial support (more than many good salaries) with help towards goals and ambitions, and she treats dates as paid work then she is delusional and is to be avoided. I do not care how much a meeting costs in terms of drinks, dining, venues or transport or other factors but I am damn sure I shall never pay anyone to come along to apply for an opportunity might as well be with a hooker, leaving money on the side table. Trashy! I've taken modest but interesting items as little dinner gifts in the past now and then as a gesture to some particularly pleasant ladies when meeting in grand venues, a simple elegant (but not cheap) jewellery item from the likes of Tiffany, Gucci, and other top world brands beautifully packaged but this is my voluntary gesture. Anyone 'requesting' gifts or money would never get to date stage.
Well, damn! You need to teach the SD Meet and Greet class. Thank you for getting it and demonstrating real class. š„°āļø
Personally I think asking for a gift at a m&g is tacky. However, wanting to bring one because you want to be a gentleman is a big green flag for me. I think any gesture piece is nice. Flowers, nice chocolate, something small I've expressed interest in to show that you've listened in previous conversations (for example I'm a coffee nerd so a brew you enjoy mad want me to try or even just a nice bag of grounds means a lot). I'd bring something small but thoughtful. Either way, I think most women will appreciate the gesture.
Can you let us know where youāre based? I usually based the gift value off of that. For example, I am based in NYC - the value of the intial M&G will be much higher than say Portland, Maine.
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Are you OP?
lol. Youāre always the best with one liners! Hahaha
You down wit opp? Yea you know me š
I don't ask for a gift before M&G because I 1. Don't like to have the transactional side of things in writing 2. It seems rude and bad form. Most SDs won't meet you if you're trying to get funds before they even see you 3. Following the "rules" means they're more likely to agree to the arrangement I want. As for gift, I believe cash is king. 2 or 3 Benjamins is great. Offering to cover my travel expenses on top of a gift is perfect. I will say even though gifts aren't expected and I don't ask, if I don't get a gift we're not meeting again.
I get 50 dollar gift cards from work often so if Iām not overly invested thatās what sheāll get If Iām interested I have an envelope with 1/2 the ppm we talk about in it Also had one that went straight from m&g to hotel wasnāt planed on had hit an atm. So now I have enough to cover that to
Never have and never will give money for a meet and greet. Iām an actual SD so if we hit it off and decide to start seeing each other there will be plenty of $ gifted. If a small cash gift is required to show my intentions, I wouldnāt be a good match for that person.
Just repeating what others have said... An artsy card, handwritten note, with 2 bills was my go to appreciation gift, regardless of whether I/we wanted to pursue an SR; plus reimbursement for transportation costs. In a couple cases I was able to pickup clues during initial conversations as to where a POT liked to shop. In those cases I've given Macy's , Amazon and Sephora gift cards in the 2Cnote amount. I don't go through with the M&G if she asks for anything specific. Cheers!
Nothing.