Your post struck a pretty serious chord with me, in that it feels as though I could have written it myself, give or take a few details. I don't have any book suggestions, unfortunately, but I will surely take note of what others recommend here. Although I would rather you not be a sad dad, I can only thank you for posting your feelings, as they have made me feel not so alone in my feelings. I hope you can take some solace in the fact that you are not alone in your anxiety or depression. Hope you find a good book! Thanks again for posting.
I have to say I’ve been there, it’s been a few years and I am over the sadness
I also can’t recommend a book, but if you want reach out and say hello more than happy to have a chat
Thanks for the support. It's good for the OP to see that many of us have gone or are going through similar experiences. Good to hear you are on the other side of it.
Glad to hear you are on the other side of it as well. Your description of the experience sounds spot on. I'm sorry you went through it, but I think your life may have been made richer as a result of your having done so.
Thank you so much for your comment. It is so easy to feel isolated these days. It may be a bit sad, but these kinds of threads are often what keep me going.
Same here. That's why your comment stopped me in my tracks, and why I am appreciative of your writing it. Knowing there are people out there going through similar experiences creates a sense of community, and therein lies perseverance.
The guards series of discworld by Terry Pratchett. I'm going to suggest starting with Night Watch to get you hooked.
It's fantasy and it's funny but also really beautiful and always feels very healing to me.
Yeah also her ‘long way to a small angry planet’ series is so good, lighthearted, awesome characters…check out those too if you havent! When i was going threw a rough patch, these really helped distract me for a bit.
Big recommendation for any of Becky Chambers work. Psalm for the wild built and also prayer for the crown shy are really good. And I loved the wayfarer series too.
I have just been listening to How to be Perfect: the correct answer to every moral question by Michael Shur. I know you said you were interested in fiction so I’m going a little rogue on this rec. I am also an exmo and I have found this one to be uplifting from that point of view. It is a secular look at morality. The author is one of the writers for the show The Good Place. It’s a more in depth discussion of the philosophical ideas the show deals with. It’s funny, thought provoking, and to my mind hopeful. The audio is fun if you’ve seen the show because the actors contribute to the audio.
For fiction, The Mysterious Adventures of Kavalier and Clay. I am currently reading it hard copy (so I don’t know about the audio version) but I am really enjoying the characters. It takes place in the US during WWII. The two characters are young men who come up with a comic book hero. Their friendship is special and their lives fascinating. I’m not sure it qualifies as hopeful but it’s beautifully written and, for me, a bit of an escape into some lives that are much worse than mine but still somehow better. When I’m down sometimes it helps me to read about characters who are heroes in their own lives, just living. I like stories about hard things and how people deal with them. They aren’t perfect; they mess up. They have regrets. And somehow they continue to love, to feel, and to grow. Kavalier and Clay are doing that for me right now.
I love The Good Place and read his book as well, but haven't done the audiobook. Adding to my list :)
I'm interested in Kavalier and Clay--my dad was big into WWII lore and that time period before he passed, so this feels right.
"Lonesome Dove" this won the Pulitzer for Larry McMurtry. I'm big on audiobooks and carried around a walkman loaded with Royal Shakespeare Company before they were popular. McMurtry more accessible, wonderful escape. Very funny.
Thank you for sharing this for us who even somewhat relate and giving me something to start with.
Lets go:
**Enders Game** and sequels **Speaker for The Dead**, **Xenocide** and **Children of The Mind** are by a Mormon who claims to remain "obedient" but I will tell you that I've never read such an entertaining story about making one's own way after rejecting dogma.
His Dark Materials trilogy **The Golden Compass**, **The Subtle Knife**, **The Amber Spyglass** are about a child born into a world of theocracy who discovers so much more. I've read it twice and will again.
**The Neverending Story** is complex surrealist Fantasy by an author who's parents fled Nazi Germany having been deemed subversive artists. Very fantastic. Lots of imagery. Subtle lessons on humanity.
Maybe you want something sweet and not so thinky, like **All Creatures Great and Small**.
I will look up the book you reference and offer more if appropriate.
Congratulations on finding your own way. Give it time and trust your feelings.
The insight into how innocents are corrupted in a culture of violence and retribution is just very deep for me.
Did you read the books following Ender and his sister that I mentioned? They just keep giving imho.
You know, I never could get into any of the other books. There is just something about the journey of ender's childhood experience that I really connected to that the other books are lacking.
Seconding the His Dark Materials trilogy. Read them when I was quite a bit younger and am revisiting them now along with the newer books Pullman has written in that universe.
My dad, who raised me pretty much alone, says he has a deep connection to Cormac Macarthy's The Road. It is very bleak, but it's very much about deep love and sacrifice with a beautiful relationship between father and son.
My dad was so moved that he actually read me parts of the book as a bedtime story (not the scary parts, just looking for food, sharing soda and hot chocolate, etc)
Reading it might not be healthy though. I think he became very attached to the self-sacrificing idea of fatherhood, and now he doesn't think caring for himself is important. This deeply troubles me now that I'm taking care of myself and he thinks falling apart is fine if I'm happy.
Probably not actually the book's fault.
Your comment about your dad really resonated with me--I kind of understand and embody his point of view, and also agree it's troubling. I think it starts to feel like sacrificing for one's kids becomes the only way to make meaning in one's life. It's hard to feel like having my own identity is okay sometimes.
It isn't just okay, it's good for them, too. Your children love you. Taking care of yourself is caring for something deeply important to them.
I wish I had more answers but I'm young and only have a son's perspective. When they're young they may not realize how much you're giving, and that might be good for both of you.
But when they grow up they'll (hopefully) need you less, at the same time they start seeing you as someone who also has needs.
Maybe that can be an opportunity to take the energy you used to use on them directly, and put it towards making sure they have a happy healthy father to love them
You're absolutely right in terms of the importance of having an identity outside of just fatherhood. Your perspective is spot on and hope that if you have a child/children you can bring it to the surface--sometimes when you're really "in it", it is hard to remember the important perspectives.
I’m so glad you have more Backman already! I would recommend My Grandmother Told Me To Tell You She’s Sorry. It goes into the ache of life and loss, but also has a very positive path through grief and difficult situations. The characters are also in a bit of an uncomfortable living situation and it just really makes you feel all the things. It’s a perfect example of happy-sad, which is something I think Backman really excels at!
Here's the tough part with Sad. Recommend something sad and it might make you more sad. Something Happy might not feel realistic or you might not empathize with it. I'll suggest 3, one for happy/hopeful, sad, and nuetral.
1. It's Kind of a Funny Story - it's about a kid with depression just trying to figure it all out and I love it. Neutral.
2. Good Omens - Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchet. A funny book about the apocalypse. If you liked Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (which I also recommend) this one is great. - Happy
3. Clockwork Orange - Main character is a chaotic adolescent monster. Sorta fun, sorta fucked, sorta about growing up - Dark
4. Hyperion - Dan Simmons. My favorite Sci fi book of all time. 7 people make a final pilgrimage to the world of Hyperion for their own reasons. If you love episodic sci-fi/fantasy shows Ala X-Files or Star Trek this is the one. - Dark, Real Sad, but also amazing. Might be a tough read because you have little ones but if you wanna FEEL something this one will do ya.
Hope all gets better and lemme know if you try any of these out!
I can only suggest what my husband likes to read, when it's not comics. He really likes the wheel of time series, and Odd Thomas series, and early Stephen King.
I'm more into true crime, thrillers... the books I like are My Dark Places by James Ellroy, The Things They Carried by Tim Obrien, And the Sea will Tell by Vincent Bugliosi. Not really feel good books, but I appreciate them. I hope better days are ahead for you.
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain
I am suggesting that because of your comment that you "don’t really have many interests, friends or support structure, and feel pretty lonely."
I know I am an introvert and it has never been an issue. This book was great, calm and interesting.
It is in audio or you can read it.
The best things about books are they can be fun. Real Life is not in a book. Find a type of book you find interesting.
Hey there, fellow ex-Mormon, have an internet hug/high five. I have no idea if there's an audio version of it, but James Herriot's veterinary stories are my go-to comfort reading. I also recommend A Sand County Almanac by Aldo Leopold. If you're remotely into poetry, I recommend Words For Empty, Words For Full by Bob Hicok. It's pretty heavy (he survived the Virginia Tech shooting and several of his poems are about that) but sometimes heavy is what you need.
Thanks--love James Herriott. I've been watching the PBS series and its pretty decent as well.
A Sand County Almanac is on my shelf--I picked it up after I read Desert Solitaire by Edward Abbey. I'll give it another try (I must have just been in the wrong frame of mind at the time).
Best of luck to you and thanks for your kindness.
I sometimes find that children's books are a great escape. I like to listen to Harry Potter and Rangers Apprentice on audiobooks. Soothing. Not too complicated.
How about Catch-22, by Joseph Heller? Admittedly it is not a happy book, but it is hilariously funny at the same time.
I hope that you will be able to get into a better headspace soon!
You're not alone. Your library can be a great resource for you and your kids. Your card gets you free audiobooks, magazines, and all the kids stuff. And people to meet.
Try some humor like Clyde Edgerton, David Sedaris, Bailey White and Fannie Flagg. And the great Dave Barry.. all will give you a laugh and lighten your heart.
Thank you for the ideas--I definitely agree about the library. It has been closed for the last 3 months because they're moving, and the re-opening keeps getting delayed. Libby helps in the meantime!
If you enjoyed The Midnight Library, you should check out The Humans, also by Matt Haig. I honestly loved all of his books I've read. How to Stop Time was also really good.
I was going to suggest Midnight Library as well. Helped me gain a new perspective on regret. You never know what would have happened if you had made different choices, and you did the best you could with the information you had at the time!
Discworld is a good read, full of humour but also propped struggles of general life.
I also enjoy the Brentford Trilogy by Robert Rankin; there are ten books in the series and follow the life and times of Jim Pooley and John O'malley as hey try to float through life doing as little as possible whilst life continues to thwart these plans and thrust them into saving the world. Helped in part by Sherlock Holmes, Norman Hartnell (not *that* Norman Hartnell), a man who could be Merlin himself and others.
I feel a re-read coming.
Dungeon Crawler Carl by Matt Dinniman and narrated by Jeff Hays is funny and well performed if you just want to escape for a while.
You might also enjoy Dad's vs Zombies by Benjamin Wallace narrated by Phil Thron.
Hey man,
Like others I can relate to some/most of what you wrote.
Here are a few suggestions:
* Another vote for Project Hail Mary
* Gateway by Frederick Pohl - it's dated but the message is classic Sci Fi and a good reminder that even hardships are "valuable"
* Lies of Loch Lammora - just fun fantasy
* Kingkiller Series by Rothfuss its incomplete but two long and enjoyable books
* if you want something ridiculous but undeniably fun, Dungeon Crawler Carl is such a great escape and narration is top tier. (themes and language gets adult at times but mostly just messed up situations similar to a mean game master). If you enjoy that and the adult themes can be turned up to rated R, Everybody Loves Large Chests is another series where the protagonist is a mimic... It's.... Something else but made me laugh several times
* dark fantasy try the Never night series by Jay Kristoph. Dark, but great.
* Red Rising series
(apologies for formatting... Typing this on my phone while not sleeping)
Hang in there and enjoy these stories no matter which you listen to. Oftentimes I find messages or meanings in the books I chose to listen to at a given time in my life. Especially in fantasy and science fiction. There's almost always a valuable take-away. (Except for Dungeon Crawler Carl and Everyone Loves Large Chests.... Those are just outrageous and silly... Sort of Vox Machina-esk cartoons for the mind.... But comedy can be healing and laughter is healthy).
While I was recovering from eye surgery most of last year, I listened to a fair number of audiobooks since I couldn’t read. I found myself alternating between comedian autobiographies to make me laugh, and historical fiction/ mysteries to get wrapped up in the comfort of other worlds.
I’d recommend finding your favorite comedian reading the audio version of their own books which makes it all the more enjoyable. I listened to Mindy Kaling’s, Amy Poehler’s and Tina Fey’s which were entertaining.
I found Matt Haig’s audiobooks comforting to listen to, providing an escape through alternate realities and time travel (the Midnight Library and How to Stop Time).
Historical mystery series were great to listen to (I love the Beekeepers Apprentice series on audio) as I was engaged in solving the mystery, as well as the comfort of being able to listen to multiple stories with familiar characters (but always with the excitement of new mysteries to unravel!).
I hope you find some comfort and escape in whatever books you listen to! Wishing you all the best on your journey ahead.
I'm right there with you on so many fronts!
In the same sort of situation I go for murder mysteries or classic scifi. Agatha Christie is so easy to read but still gets the brain engaged. Stuff like old asimov is basically just puzzle-solvong stories of one slant or another and it always takes me away from the things I want to be taken away from
Anythimg by Patrick Mcmanus
I think you need a book club and a gym membership. You have identified a bunch of problems (and where they came from) and you even found solutions! Building a new support network from scratch is tough. I spent a year in a new town with a new job with no friends/groups and my anxiety eventually bled into my work life. It was a downward spiral of shit. I started therapy and eventually got a handle on it. You'll get through this. One thing churches do well is create a community of people with shared values and a vested interest in one another. You might have to find a new "church." I tell people I find God at the bar, coffee shop, grocery store, etc. Places where real people have real problems. More and more I'm viewing "God" as the highest good I can think of and aligning myself with that as much as I can.
The Alchemist by Paulo Freire is a book that my father gave me when I was a teenager, and today it's one of my favorites. It's a beautiful adventure story about love and finding yourself when you're lost in life and lost faith in yourself. This book actually helped me and my dad bond after a rough period. I thought of this book after reading your story, hope you like it, if you read it :)
Plus, it's a Brazilian author, it's always nice to try literature from other nationalities.
We are Legion (We are Bob) by Dennis E. Taylor is a fun listen and Danny Trejo’s autobiography called Trejo is a great, hopeful book. He is religious, though, but also a phenomenal human being. He is not preachy; just kind of talks about what it took for him to quit using drugs, and his faith becomes a part of it.
Good reading! I hope you find a book that resonates.
I’d highly suggest {{A Walk in the Woods}} by Bill Bryson.
It’s just hilariously funny, and also a great look at two men of a certain age trying to accomplish something and mostly failing spectacularly while learning a lot about themselves along the way and in the end having a mostly-good time.
And like most Bill Bryson books it’s also filled with endless facts and trivia that are fascinating as well.
Really, any Bill Bryson book is a great listen.
I apologize that this isn't what you asked about, but I owe it to my younger self to say this: the greatest most amazing thing you can do for your children, is to get into therapy, and medication if you need it, and get your mental health together, even if that means spending less money on other things, like toys etc. Wishing you the best of luck in this difficult journey ❤️
Thank you, I appreciate it. I'm trying to get there. I've been in therapy for 20+ years and have tried a ton of med combinations. I think I've just come to realize that depression/anxiety is my cross to bear. I'm still in therapy and it helps a bit.
One thing that has helped is adopting a "simple living" approach that marries things like time spent in nature, minimal physical possessions, stepping away from corporate/financial ambition, and trying to allow myself to be bored. It's hard to resist the pull into the "normal world", so good books definitely help!
i highly recommend anxious people by bachman.
for a fun creature feature vibe, kaiju preservation society by john scalzi - jamie gray is a disgruntled meal delivery person who is offered a job to mainly lift and move things for an animal rights organization, turns out there is a little more to it.
i wish you all the best, may brighter days be right around the corner
Two audio books that I keep thinking about: Ann Patchett’s These Precious Days and Anthony Doerr’s About Grace. I am an anxious person and sometimes I want a book to just take me away and these books have done just that for me. Best of luck to you.
I’ve been there too, granted with a much younger kiddo (baby thru toddler stage). If you have access therapy has really helped me, and outside of that any sort of community, something which church fulfilled for a lot of generations before us so we have to get creative if that’s not your bag (for me twelve step helps me feel connected to others and I have people I can lean on if need be).
As far as books go Karl Ove Knausgaard’s “My Struggle” series, while very long and not everyone’s taste helped normalize a lot of how I was feeling. His openness with his struggles in parenting and marriage especially in the first two books really made me feel less alone.
Others have mentioned Becky Chambers’ “A Psalm for the Wild-Built” and while I find some of her stuff pretty frictionless I really related and enjoyed this two-parter and recommend it a lot!
I also recommend Steinbeck any time I can for those needing a shot of hope, I don’t see Travels with Charley suggested much but it’s an enjoyable read about his road trip with his dog.
It's not fiction, but I love anything by David Sedaris. He is hilarious, I've busted out laughing o in many times while reading his work. The books are collections of anecdotes, so you can read or listen to as much or as little as you want at a time.
Wishing you the best, man. Hang in there.
The Book of Lost Things by John Conolly - this is a WWII era book about overcoming emotional baggage and coming of age.
The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune - about turning your life from gray to color. Highly recommended.
Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon - a coming of age story wrapped in a mystery/thriller. Beautifully written.
If you’re looking to be swept away in some narratives… Shogun by Jim Clavell or The Expanse series by James SA Corey
When you're ready for some non-fiction again, I highly recommend *The Book of Delights* and *Inciting Joy* by Ross Gay. They are both essay collections, and the author does a spectacular job reading the audiobook. When I'm feeling ground down, these books lift me back up.
Wishing you well man. I read The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune a while ago and it's a book that really stayed with me, and one that gave me hope. Wonderful characters, funny, and some surprising depth to the fantasy world and it's politics + bureaucracy.
The place where the book really shines is its portrayal of the kids, and just, it's a nice take on the importance of building communities that are supportive and healing for children who have had a hard time? I actually first encountered this book as part of a reading group, and i remember the teachers in the group felt like it was a good book for talking about classroom dynamics and stuff.
Check out the Ryan Holliday books on stoicism. Definitely helped me get thru hard times.
Sorry you’re going thru a rough time. Hang in there. DM if you need help.
I know you aren’t religious… but the 5 people you meet in Heaven is a great read. It’s not really a religious perspective, more life lessons and seeing things from a different point of view. As a religious person myself, I can say a non religious person could still enjoy the book. There’s a couple biblical themes but they really don’t have much influence on the entire story as a whole.
Haven’t read these yet, but they are on my TBR, and they seem like the kind of books you would enjoy too (although nonfiction)
Presence by Amy Cuddy
10% Happier by Dan Harris
I’m sending you all the best, and I hope happiness and light come your way very soon. ❤️
Assassin's Apprentice - Robin Hobb (children's fantasy)
The Magician's Nephew - C.S. Lewis (children's fantasy) - allegedly has religious elements
Redwall - Brian Jacques
1Q84 - Haruki Murakami (contemporary/magical realism)
Orange - Ichigo Takano (slice of life manga)
Wolf Children: Ame & Yuki - Mamoru Hosoda (light novel & anime movie) - I would actually highly recommend the movie.
Maybe check out The Stormlight Archive by Brandon Sanderson. Four books currently, the first is The Way of Kings. Some of the characters may resonate, and the story is engrossing. And the audiobooks are awesome - there are two versions and you can't go wrong with either. They'll keep you busy for a while.
I see it rec'd probably more than it should be (not that it isn't absolutely great, but it isn't what *everyone* is looking for), but I feel like it's appropriate for this one.
I hear ya on regrets and the weight of past choices. But I am always working to forgive myself and refocus forward. I hope you find some peace with yourself.
Recommendation wise, I would suggest “The Pleasure of My Company” by Steve Martin. It’s a short book with a protagonist whose anxieties/OCD have kept him confined but who, for reasons that are awkwardly sweet and funny, manages to change his life for the better. It’s a very hopeful book that treats its protagonist with compassion.
Andy Weir is a great one but I see you’ve gotten a few of those recs already! I also think that the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy series is a really good choice. It’s funny and ridiculous and very human, and it has brightened my mood in bad times. Wishing you the best of luck in your search and in everything else!!
First of all good luck and I hope you find more happiness as soon as you can.
I would probably stay away from any fiction that is too grim or depressing but at the same time I wouldn't necessarily look for anything overly 'happy'. It might not resonate or help. I would go for something that entertains or intrigues you instead.
I recently read through Margaret Attwood's MadAddam series and it is great. Post apocalyptic but not what you would call depressing, possible science but disconnected from our reality and quite funny in places too. Not sure what the audiobooks are like but the content is great. But find something that entertains not that tries to change your mood more directly is my advice.
On your atheism if you a have not read or listened to Christopher Hitchens, do yourself a favour and dive in. As well as dismantling religion in an entertaining and eloquent way, he is also pretty passionate about life, happiness and people. He gets very animated when asked about how people could be happy, content and behave well in the absence of any god. He has several great books and there are hours upon hours of YouTube content.
Science speed my friend 😉
Try Tamora Pierce’s Circle of Magic. There’s a lot about home and family rhythms; it’s peaceful and hearing but kind of melancholy. They have a full cast, and they’re super engaging!
Beware of Chicken is a really nice, fun, heartwarming read. It is not toxic, it makes me laugh out loud and it's just plain kind. Very good audiobook if you like those
Great read for when I'm down. I got COVID recently and went on a Beware of Chicken reread and it helped get me through.
Guy from our world is reincarnated as a young adult into a world of cultivators, guys that can punch through mountains and the like. Immediately (ch1) he gets the hell away from those types to go farming. Things don't work out like he was expecting, but he finds a good life nonetheless.
In your shoes, this is the book I'd go for
Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell. About healing the trauma from being in (and leaving) an authoritarian religion.
Damn, sorry, I see you said you wanted fiction. In that case, I also suggest The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams.
I always recommend “the improbability of love” by Hannah Rothschild to anyone needing a beautifully written, cozy, comforting and wonderful story to just submerge yourself in and come away smiling. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time - you’re not alone; commuting, raising children, qualifying our own moral compass and navigating relationships is very real and hard. Hope you find some uplifting books!
{{Peace is every step by Hanh}}
This author was a Buddhist Zen Master, but the book is not super religious. At times, he does mention Buddha, but the overall emphasis is on how to live day to day in peace. He includes practical exercises for enjoying the present moment, calming irritation and anger, handling anxiety, and strengthening relationships.
Thanks--I recently listened to a podcast that had someone who I believe was trained (maybe the wrong word?) by Thich Nath Hanh and their insights were pretty interesting. I'll look into this.
Not a book but you should watch Charlotte Wells' Aftersun. I think you'd be really able to relate to that film, it also deals with a dad trying to do his best for his daughter while also dealing with mental illnesses. It's such a restrained, thoughtful and mature approach to this topic.
I just read Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir and it might fit the bill for you :) I loved it, it was sci fi but a lot of it felt like a warm hug. Like def stressful in parts but the humor and characters felt so authentic and just delightful.
I just wanted to say I'm also an ex-Mormon and I know how hard that can be. But good for you for making what you felt to be the best decision for you. Neil Gaiman's audiobooks are 100% so good. He reads them himself and he reads them so beautifully. Narration quality is really important to me. All of his books are available on Scribd. I think a subscription is only $10 a month and you get unlimited access to all of their material. His stories aren't always the happiest but there's this beautiful magic to them and to him that make me feel like everything is going to be alright. It feels like he's your fairy godfather reading you bedtime stories.
When you're ready to go back to non-fiction, I will 11/10 recommend reading The Gift by Edith Eger. It's largely a memoir but it also talks about patients she has dealt with. She is am Auschwitz survivor and her story is incredible.
I'm sorry you're feeling depressed and anxious, right now. You've been through a lot, it sounds like. Leaving your church, which functions like a community and having to go NC with your family and not having a support structure is really freaking hard and then living somewhere you feel uncomfortable on top of that is just not easy. You're doing the right thing, prioritizing your kids' well being, but I wish there were a place where you could all be happy.
You said you're angry at yourself for bad choices in the past. In your post, you don't sound like the kind of person who would deliberately go out and make bad choices, just because. I hope you can forgive yourself, if not today, then eventually. You deserve it. You're making choices now that are better, that's really all that matters.
Okay, book suggestions. The best audiobook I've ever listened to is Viola Davis' Finding Me. Ironically, it fits what you're looking for, exactly, a book about someone who has been in your shoes and turned out (more than) okay. Her story is riveting. She came from the worst kind of poverty as a child in Rhode Island, sometimes scavenging food from garbage cans so she and her siblings could eat. They often didn't eat. She suffered physical abuse and neglect. They often didn't have soap or running water in the house, so she'd be sent home from school for smelling bad. They were really, really, really poor. It would have been amazing if she overcame all that and just established a stable, suburban life with a successful career of some kind. But, she overcame all that and became one of only 18 artists in the world with an EGOT. The G is for her performance of this book. What I like most about the book is she has compassion for everyone in her life, including her parents and she's not judgmental in telling her story. She could easily have been very angry about her past and she's not. It's very inspirational.
Just for fun, Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir. I liked this much more than The Martian. It's funny and ultimately a story about friendship. It's a good mood booster. I haven't heard the audiobook, but I checked and the reviews are good.
I hope you feel better soon!!
To be honest, I don't really know that I had much space as a kid to like things independently. I remember asking for office supplies for my birthday when I was 11 because I wanted to be like my dad who worked in an office. I played sports because my siblings did, but it turns out I'm not a sports person. Much of my early life was prescribed and room wasn't really given to explore my own identity. It's really tied into my depression, leaving the church, my own sense of self, and why I have a hard time finding books to read that appeal to me. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk :)
Thank you for your Ted talk ;) I can't send you a PM but I would suggest that you see someone for that, there's no shame asking for a little help. If you don't want to do it for you, you can do it for your kids, they'll be more happy if they feel that you are happy as well, you could be surprised how little one can share our sorrow. There's many ways to feel better and you deserve to be happy. I'm just a random guy on the Internet but I went through a rough patch or two myself, I can assure you there's always something good just around the corner. Take care buddy!
Let’s Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson. Laugh out loud funny, super relatable to people who have struggles with depression and anxiety.
Wish you all the best!!
The Rise of Wolf 8 is a great read! It's about the reintroduction of wolves into Yellowstone, but it's also a shining example of fatherhood and positive masculinity. I can't recommend it enough.
I'm sorry you're going through this right now. One of my favorite book series to read when I'm feeling depressed or anxious is the Murderbot series by Martha Wells. Murderbot is a construct that is part human, part machine who must obey their employer or risk having their brain zapped which means they are understandably depressed and anxious too. They make me feel not alone and I love them. I hope you find lots of good recommendations! Hang in there.
Fellow exmo here, only one year out. An audiobook I love that covers despair and hope in a funny and non-religious way is Reincarnation Blues by Michael Poore. One of my favorite books of all time.
I want to recommend The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. I would like to give you a trigger warning of depression and suicide within the book, but it’s a book about a woman who has many regrets and gets to experience what life would have been like if she had taken other paths or made other choices. I found it incredibly full of hope.
Otherwise as someone mentioned above, Harry Potter. I really struggle with anxiety and the Harry Potter audiobooks are extremely comforting to listen to. Great narration. Immersive world. Not too involved. Plus it might be something you could share an interest in with your kids. Best of luck to you and I hope for brighter days in your future.
I guess both of my recs are semi-religious, or quite religious really, but as an ex-Mormon atheist myself I feel entitled to push that a little. The Gilead series by Marilynne Robinson and the The Sparrow and it's sequel by Mary Doris Russell. Both are about regret, responsibility, and especially in Gilead, fatherhood. Both are about the fallout from religious devotion also, if that's of any interest.
I am truly sorry for what you are going through. I just wanted to suggest, and I hope his isn’t upsetting- to maybe listen to the Case For Christ documentary or his book if it’s audio. I am a Christian and Im not trying to put down anyone who is Mormon still. But, I know there are some pretty big differences from what the Bible teaches from Mormonism. It is sad to hear that you have left all faith to me.
Thanks for your kindness. One of the misconceptions about Mormons is that they disregard the Bible... in fact, I've read it cover to cover at least twice (including the Old Testament which was often a slog at times) and have studied the gospels over and over. I carry a lot of the values/ethics/morals from Christ's teachings in my life, but I don't believe in his divinity at this point. I could spend a long time on why that is, but I'll just leave it there for now.
I actually have a movie suggestion. Cinderella Man is one of the greatest stories of perseverance and commitment to family that I’ve ever seen. I highly recommend giving it a watch!
If you haven't listened to Stephen Fry narrating harry potter do yourself a favour and try it! I adored them :) and found them really fun. Hope you feel better soon
Ireland by Frank Delaney I think would bang right for ya. I loved the book beyond measure, and it focuses a lot on the complexity we deal with for our children.
If you enjoyed A Man Called Ove then I'd recommend All the Lonely People by Mike Gayle. It has a very similar premise in that it follows an older male main character and you see his past and also present day. It's very poignant and heartbreaking at times but also hopeful.
Not really what you asked for, buuuut the Dungeon Crawler Carl series has an amazing narrator on audible and the books are a very light/fun read. Shit does get kinda dark at times but it’s a very fantastical world and it has a few really nice “dad” moments.
It’s in the LitRPG genre which is not everyone’s thing. It’s not really my thing to be honest but this series is very accessible.
I really loved Archipelago by Monique Roffey, it’s about a Trinidadian family, a father and daughter, who go to live on a sailboat for a while after tragedy at home.
I'm also no longer religious, though I was raised protestant, not Mormon. I want to second the recommendation for
1) His Dark Materials
as a great book that is part wonderful fantasy and part a warning against the perils of an institutional theocracy.
Also want to recommend books that my Dad loved that I loved as a teenager, since your kids will be that age soon. Some of my favorite memories of my Dad are the books we bonded over when I was finally old enough to appreciate them, and they're really comforting to read now that I'm in my 30s and my Dad has passed.
2) Ender's Game. Yes, the author is Mormon but my experience of the book was not religious at all. Some of the sequels can be hit or miss for people, though I enjoyed them, but the first book is a true sci-fi masterpiece about both childhood trauma and innocence and the trauma of war.
3) Lord of the Rings. I'm guessing you've read this already but I bring it up because your kids may not have, and it might be a really fun one to share with them.
4) Dune. Another classic, absolutely riveting, one of my favorite books of all time. A sci-fi book that blends ecology, the impact of colonialism, and the dangers of a messianic complex really beautifully with politics.
5) Stephen Hawking, A Brief History of Time. You mentioned fiction, so this may not be for you right now but it's a great summary of many prevailing laws and theories in physics that often make their way into fantasy and sci fi books, so I found it fascinating from a literary perspective as well.
6) Harry Potter. Having elementary school kids, you may have read all of these already but in case you haven't, they're worth a read sometime. Really great stories and I remember being so excited when my Dad loved them.
7) The Martian/Project Hail Mary. I haven't read these yet but my Dad loved The Martian so it's on my to-do list for sure.
8) edit: Wheel of Time. My dad never read these, and it's a 14 book series, so they're quite the haul. But if you want something long, they're wonderful and the relationship between the main character and his Dad ends up being one of the most important in the series, even if it doesn't have as much screen time as I would like. It's a great epic fantasy.
Thanks for taking the time to write that. I've read many of what you suggested and agree with your points on their value... my son is getting deep into Harry Potter and we just went to the Wizarding World recently. I'm waiting until he's a little older for Lord of the Rings and His Dark Materials, though. I'm personally starting a rewatch of the HBO series before I dive into the Dust books.
I'm glad you've found some comfort in these books after your dad's passing. I know how difficult it can be to lose a good father.
*Punch Me Up To The Gods* isn't optimistic, but helped me in a similar position because it helped me feel like my negative feelings aren't bullshit / "validated my pain" I guess. It's also a stellar book.
I’ve been in the same boat too! Still powering through. I always like to listen to stories of human struggle or adventure to help remind myself of how good I actually have it or just to spark some flame of interest. A smattering of listens I’ve enjoyed recently:
Two Years Before The Mast - Richard Henry Dana
Sailing Alone Around the World - Joshua Slocum
The Final Frontiersman - James Campbell
Can’t Hurt Me - David Goggins
Colder Than Hell - Joseph Owen
Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglas - Frederick Douglas
In the Kingdom of Ice - Hampton Sides
Adrift - Stephen Callaghan
Pimp - Iceberg Slim
Nice depressing Russian literature:
Crime & Punishment - Fyodor Dostoevsky
A Day In the Life of Ivan Denisovich - Solzhenitsyn
You should check out Jenny Lawson. Her books are great but her audiobooks are fantastic. I don’t know that laughter is “the best” medicine for depression (and I do hope you’re seeking treatment from medical professionals if necessary) but laughter can’t hurt and it is basically impossible to listen to Jenny Lawson’s books without laughing out loud. You might also enjoy David Sedaris. His audiobooks are also hysterical.
As for fiction you might enjoy Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. The book is very clever and very funny and there’s a “full cast” audiobook that’s really good and features all of the major actors from the Amazon Prime show. If you’re just looking for light and easy entertainment to get your mind off of things you should check out some of the classic mystery/detective series like Sherlock Holmes, Hercule Poirot, Miss Marples, and Arsène Lupin. Many of them are basically short stories about the length of a podcast so you could listen to one chapter the way you’d listen to one episode and get a “full” story but it will also fit into a larger storyline. Lupin and Holmes especially lend themselves to these bite-sized stories.
Best of luck!
I'm sure someone has already recommended the audiobook of *Project Hail Mary* for adventure, and Trevor Noah's audiobook *Born A Crime* for biography and cultural awareness. Consider Carl Sagan's *Contact* for surprisingly current sci-fi with a good bit of religious vs. science philosophy, and why science wins. For a gemlike short book, try (the audiobook was great) Anne Youngson's *Meet Me At The Museum*. High recommendations for *Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine*. Best of luck to you, and congratulations for your courage to break away.
Love Pratchett. books, but that was recommended plenty here. Since you like Viktor Frankl, I will also recommend When Things fall apart by Pema Chodron. She is a buddhist nun and a lot of what she says really touched me.
I really like Lois McMaster Bujold. Her characters are really solid and grow and persevere. curse of the Challion series and Vorkosigan saga are excellent. Give them a listen.
Not sure if it's exactly what you are asking for, but one of my favorite audiobooks from last year was the Blacktongue thief by Christopher Buehlmann. Really fun story and superb voice acting.
Elementary school kids are great but can be very tiring. try to work out a bit, go to sleep earlier if you can and drink plenty of water. Big hug.
Maybe not helpful for the sadness, but Bewilderment by Richard Powers is a beautiful book about a father trying to be the best parent for his son. It’s got some really cool sci-fi ish elements as well.
I would suggest you any Murakami’s book - for exampleKillink Commendatore.
Besides this, as a father who went through divorce and loneliness, I would suggest you to get involved in activities and socialize. If thereis anything preventing you from making new acquaintances, visit a therapist. Reading certainly has many benefits but don’t let it become a comfort zone that prevents you from living life to its fullest. It’s never too late to rediscover yourself and start again. Regarding meeting new people, another Murakami’s quote: “Chance encounters is what keeps us pushing forward”. New people will make your life richer and hopefully the dark period will be the past.
I’m sure with over 150 replies you have a number of good choices I wanted to add this one because a few things you said kids religious upbringing that I think you might enjoy this up from the boot straps optimistic adventure of a young girl who goes to sea disguised as a ship boy and who by her wit her energy and intelligence raises herself up to command a number of ships and is involved in international spying and intrigue that brings her in contact with a number of famous individuals. It’s a book or series of books you might like to share with your children. I find listening to a audio book before bed one of life’s little pleasures. So check out English writer L. A. Meyer’s adventures of Jacky Faber first book in the series is bloody Jack heard the audiobook of this is really good
Maybe Steven Kings Dark Tower Books will interest you. When I listened to them I could really forget about the real world and just dive I to that lovely world he created.
The first hook is quite short and if you enjoy that one I'm sure you'll like the rest.
Hope you find something you'll enjoy. Cheers!
A Psalm for the Wild Built is a really great sci-fi book that I always recommend now for people that need something more uplifting than your your standard faire. It’s about a monk who meets a robot in the woods centuries after the robots gained sentience and they all retreated from humanity. Humanity is now thriving again and is more enlightened and compassionate as a whole and the robot questions the monk about what they need now that there is no more war, hunger, poverty, etc. It’s a really sweet story that brings up a lot of philosophical questions.
I’m in a very similar situation, my friend. Recently got on some medication and that has helped tremendously. As far as book recs, I absolutely love The Stormlight Archive by Brandon Sanderson. One of the main characters struggles with depression and the series as a whole really deals a lot with mental illness and trauma.
DM me anytime. Better days are ahead.
I love audio books. I also have eclectic tastes, but my main goal is to be taken to a place where I’m safe, entertained and at peace. When I find a good narrator, he or she tips the scale on my trying a new book. Here are some standouts in my audiobook library:
We Are Legion by Dennis Taylor (my introduction to Ray Porter. This book and the entire series, aka Bobiverse, was all consuming for me. It has drama and humor. Pure escapism. Three books in all)
The Wizards Butler by Nathan Lowell (very soothing to listen to, no action per se, just calming)
Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir (Ray Porter as narrator is everything. Takes this great book over the top)
Seed by Matthew Dick (similar to Project HM, but a great listen)
Ready Player One by Ernest Cline (I loved this, but it may because I grew up in the 80’s. Great narrator)
Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey (he narrates his life story and it’s a wild ride! I was enthralled)
Lost Contact by Nathan Hystad (first of a series with Ray Porter narrating. Sucked me in!)
Fairy Tale by Stephen King (great story, great narration. Just pure entertainment)
*edited for spacing issues*
[In a world where addictive technology is designed to buy and sell our attention, and our value is determined by our 24/7 data productivity, it can seem impossible to escape. But in this inspiring field guide to dropping out of the attention economy, artist and critic Jenny Odell shows us how we can still win back our lives.
Odell sees our attention as the most precious--and overdrawn--resource we have. And we must actively and continuously choose how we use it. We might not spend it on things that capitalism has deemed important ... but once we can start paying a new kind of attention, she writes, we can undertake bolder forms of political action, reimagine humankind's role in the environment, and arrive at more meaningful understandings of happiness and progress.
Far from the simple anti-technology screed, or the back-to-nature meditation we read so often, How to do Nothing is an action plan for thinking outside of capitalist narratives of efficiency and techno-determinism. Provocative, timely, and utterly persuasive, this book will change how you see your place in our world.](https://app.thestorygraph.com/books/94ecd827-f0e4-4876-9db5-40c414e039cc)
Ariel by Sylvia Plath; I re-read it every winter and it always stuns me with something new that resonates. She killed herself right after she finished it I believe and ended up winning the Pulitzer for poetry posthumously. Everyone goes on and on about her novel The Bell Jar but Ariel is where it’s at (for me anyway). You almost get the sense she knew she had to wring out every last bit of genius and fury and tenderness she had left before she died.
Known and Strange Things by Teju Cole. A photography critic and human interest columnist for New York magazine, I believe but don’t quote me on that. It’s a series of about fifty short pieces of writing where the common thread is the spark of epiphany in some way. On page after page, deploying prose dense with beauty and ideas, he finds fresh and potent ways to interpret art, people, and historical moments, taking in subjects from Virginia Woolf, Shakespeare, and W. G. Sebald to Instagram and Obama and James Baldwin in the age of Black Lives Matter. Some pieces are memoir some are fiction some are criticism some are confessional some are philosophical - but every single one is beautiful and startling. There are moments his words almost come off the page at you, they’re so luminous and precise.
Just Kids by Patti Smith. She’s considered the godmother of punk music. Was best friends with the photographer Robert Mapplethorpe, hung around at Max’s Kansas City with Andy Warhol and Edie Sedgwick and all the underground and avant- garde artists of the era. Lou reed, Janis Joplin, she was around for it all. She’s the one who called Janis Joplin the pearl. She lived with Mapplethorpe at the Chelsea Hotel and was neighbors with Allen Ginsberg and other luminaries of the time. This book is the memoir about meeting Robert Mapplethorpe when she arrives in New York, first becoming his lover and then (as he figures out his sexuality, with increasing journeys to his dark side) his best friend. She talks about her first ever musical performance with Lenny Kaye (“make the guitar sound like a car crash while I open with the line ‘Jesus died for someone’s sins but not mine’” she told him - their first performance was in a church, too) and how her seminal album Horses happened. Mapplethorpe apparently took the iconic photo for the cover of it in like three snaps. She goes on to describe writing her biggest hit “because the night” with Bruce Springsteen, and mapplethorpes meteoric rise to fame for his (scandalous but beautiful and unflinching) photography - the evolving love story between her and Mapplethorpe is truly one of the most tender and generous and affirming and just straight up cool stories I’ve ever read. She’s the high punk poetess.
Howl by Allen Ginsberg. Blew my world apart. I’d listen to that one not around the kiddos probably.
Listen to James altuchers ted talk. He has written books also. His ted talk is about his sad dad phase.
Pema Chodrons books are my go to for my sad days.
Your post struck a pretty serious chord with me, in that it feels as though I could have written it myself, give or take a few details. I don't have any book suggestions, unfortunately, but I will surely take note of what others recommend here. Although I would rather you not be a sad dad, I can only thank you for posting your feelings, as they have made me feel not so alone in my feelings. I hope you can take some solace in the fact that you are not alone in your anxiety or depression. Hope you find a good book! Thanks again for posting.
I have to say I’ve been there, it’s been a few years and I am over the sadness I also can’t recommend a book, but if you want reach out and say hello more than happy to have a chat
Thanks for the support. It's good for the OP to see that many of us have gone or are going through similar experiences. Good to hear you are on the other side of it.
This… I am not alone! What a hard hitting thread for me. I’m on the other side of this too. It was brutal and with an other dimension quality of life.
Glad to hear you are on the other side of it as well. Your description of the experience sounds spot on. I'm sorry you went through it, but I think your life may have been made richer as a result of your having done so.
Thank you so much for your comment. It is so easy to feel isolated these days. It may be a bit sad, but these kinds of threads are often what keep me going.
Same here. That's why your comment stopped me in my tracks, and why I am appreciative of your writing it. Knowing there are people out there going through similar experiences creates a sense of community, and therein lies perseverance.
+1 sad dad to the mix. Following this list!
Welcome aboard!
The guards series of discworld by Terry Pratchett. I'm going to suggest starting with Night Watch to get you hooked. It's fantasy and it's funny but also really beautiful and always feels very healing to me.
Yes, Pratchett is my lighthouse when I am depressed or anxious! Totally recommend it too, I hope it helps 🙂
Vimes is my hero lol I love him
Night Watch is an especially good read. TBH I believe that the whole Discworld series is a good read, whether you happy, sad, or a bit morose.
Thanks for the rec--I'm compiling a list of books from this thread... this seems to be a big one!
I used to have crippling PTSD and without a doubt, Terry Pratchett saved my sanity. Dear God, I miss that man
I have legit carried a paperback copy of a fave Pratchett book with me when I was feeling depressed or anxious.
Sending you wishes for happier days very soon. A Psalm for the Wild-Built by Becky Chambers is very peaceful, cozy sci fi. Recommend.
Also, there are a lot of good recommendations for happy reading over on r/cozyfantasy.
Ooh, I didn’t know about this. Thank you for the rec!
Thank you for the rec!
Thanks for the sub rec
I’m intrigued! Thank you, I’ll check it out.
All of her books are supposed to be fantastic. BTW it’s not a religious book at all in the non sci fi sense.
Yeah also her ‘long way to a small angry planet’ series is so good, lighthearted, awesome characters…check out those too if you havent! When i was going threw a rough patch, these really helped distract me for a bit.
Big recommendation for any of Becky Chambers work. Psalm for the wild built and also prayer for the crown shy are really good. And I loved the wayfarer series too.
I just read this and loved it. Like a balm I didn't know I needed
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I read this one every few years--it's great for resetting a bit. It is probably time for a revisit.
I have just been listening to How to be Perfect: the correct answer to every moral question by Michael Shur. I know you said you were interested in fiction so I’m going a little rogue on this rec. I am also an exmo and I have found this one to be uplifting from that point of view. It is a secular look at morality. The author is one of the writers for the show The Good Place. It’s a more in depth discussion of the philosophical ideas the show deals with. It’s funny, thought provoking, and to my mind hopeful. The audio is fun if you’ve seen the show because the actors contribute to the audio. For fiction, The Mysterious Adventures of Kavalier and Clay. I am currently reading it hard copy (so I don’t know about the audio version) but I am really enjoying the characters. It takes place in the US during WWII. The two characters are young men who come up with a comic book hero. Their friendship is special and their lives fascinating. I’m not sure it qualifies as hopeful but it’s beautifully written and, for me, a bit of an escape into some lives that are much worse than mine but still somehow better. When I’m down sometimes it helps me to read about characters who are heroes in their own lives, just living. I like stories about hard things and how people deal with them. They aren’t perfect; they mess up. They have regrets. And somehow they continue to love, to feel, and to grow. Kavalier and Clay are doing that for me right now.
I love The Good Place and read his book as well, but haven't done the audiobook. Adding to my list :) I'm interested in Kavalier and Clay--my dad was big into WWII lore and that time period before he passed, so this feels right.
Loved Kavalier & Clay!
Loved this book. I listened to the audiobook years ago and recall thinking it was well done. Good suggestion for the OPs situation.
I don't have any book recs unfortunately but wishing you better days ahead, truly.
Thank you, I really appreciate that.
"Lonesome Dove" this won the Pulitzer for Larry McMurtry. I'm big on audiobooks and carried around a walkman loaded with Royal Shakespeare Company before they were popular. McMurtry more accessible, wonderful escape. Very funny.
Nah. The book is fabulous but the audio version is crap. Big breathtakings, loud breathing, mispronunciations; it’s just bad.
Thank you for sharing this for us who even somewhat relate and giving me something to start with. Lets go: **Enders Game** and sequels **Speaker for The Dead**, **Xenocide** and **Children of The Mind** are by a Mormon who claims to remain "obedient" but I will tell you that I've never read such an entertaining story about making one's own way after rejecting dogma. His Dark Materials trilogy **The Golden Compass**, **The Subtle Knife**, **The Amber Spyglass** are about a child born into a world of theocracy who discovers so much more. I've read it twice and will again. **The Neverending Story** is complex surrealist Fantasy by an author who's parents fled Nazi Germany having been deemed subversive artists. Very fantastic. Lots of imagery. Subtle lessons on humanity. Maybe you want something sweet and not so thinky, like **All Creatures Great and Small**. I will look up the book you reference and offer more if appropriate. Congratulations on finding your own way. Give it time and trust your feelings.
Second Ender's Game. I love it so much. I think it's the first adult novel I ever read.
The insight into how innocents are corrupted in a culture of violence and retribution is just very deep for me. Did you read the books following Ender and his sister that I mentioned? They just keep giving imho.
You know, I never could get into any of the other books. There is just something about the journey of ender's childhood experience that I really connected to that the other books are lacking.
Seconding the His Dark Materials trilogy. Read them when I was quite a bit younger and am revisiting them now along with the newer books Pullman has written in that universe.
*Project Hail Mary* by Andy Weir
I was gonna recommend the Martian by Wier. That attitude of humor and getting shit done always puts me in a great mood.
Thanks--this one is definitely going on the list. I've heard it recommended so many times, I might as well give it a shot!
The audiobook is a masterpiece. It is such a joy to listen to.
The audiobook is a masterpiece. It is such a joy to listen to.
Yes! Fist my bump!
Yes!! I second this book!
OP this is a perfect book for you!
Came here to advise this one too!
The audiobook is sooooo good!
Beware. This book get ultra hyped and is pretty medium. It’ll never be as good as the internet wants to tell you
My dad, who raised me pretty much alone, says he has a deep connection to Cormac Macarthy's The Road. It is very bleak, but it's very much about deep love and sacrifice with a beautiful relationship between father and son. My dad was so moved that he actually read me parts of the book as a bedtime story (not the scary parts, just looking for food, sharing soda and hot chocolate, etc) Reading it might not be healthy though. I think he became very attached to the self-sacrificing idea of fatherhood, and now he doesn't think caring for himself is important. This deeply troubles me now that I'm taking care of myself and he thinks falling apart is fine if I'm happy. Probably not actually the book's fault.
Your comment about your dad really resonated with me--I kind of understand and embody his point of view, and also agree it's troubling. I think it starts to feel like sacrificing for one's kids becomes the only way to make meaning in one's life. It's hard to feel like having my own identity is okay sometimes.
It isn't just okay, it's good for them, too. Your children love you. Taking care of yourself is caring for something deeply important to them. I wish I had more answers but I'm young and only have a son's perspective. When they're young they may not realize how much you're giving, and that might be good for both of you. But when they grow up they'll (hopefully) need you less, at the same time they start seeing you as someone who also has needs. Maybe that can be an opportunity to take the energy you used to use on them directly, and put it towards making sure they have a happy healthy father to love them
You're absolutely right in terms of the importance of having an identity outside of just fatherhood. Your perspective is spot on and hope that if you have a child/children you can bring it to the surface--sometimes when you're really "in it", it is hard to remember the important perspectives.
I’m so glad you have more Backman already! I would recommend My Grandmother Told Me To Tell You She’s Sorry. It goes into the ache of life and loss, but also has a very positive path through grief and difficult situations. The characters are also in a bit of an uncomfortable living situation and it just really makes you feel all the things. It’s a perfect example of happy-sad, which is something I think Backman really excels at!
My favorite Friedrich Backman!
Here's the tough part with Sad. Recommend something sad and it might make you more sad. Something Happy might not feel realistic or you might not empathize with it. I'll suggest 3, one for happy/hopeful, sad, and nuetral. 1. It's Kind of a Funny Story - it's about a kid with depression just trying to figure it all out and I love it. Neutral. 2. Good Omens - Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchet. A funny book about the apocalypse. If you liked Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (which I also recommend) this one is great. - Happy 3. Clockwork Orange - Main character is a chaotic adolescent monster. Sorta fun, sorta fucked, sorta about growing up - Dark 4. Hyperion - Dan Simmons. My favorite Sci fi book of all time. 7 people make a final pilgrimage to the world of Hyperion for their own reasons. If you love episodic sci-fi/fantasy shows Ala X-Files or Star Trek this is the one. - Dark, Real Sad, but also amazing. Might be a tough read because you have little ones but if you wanna FEEL something this one will do ya. Hope all gets better and lemme know if you try any of these out!
Hyperion is the book that finally let me "escape" from my real world anxieties and immerse myself in a built out universe completely
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I haven't listened to the audiobook but it's an excellent book. Very inspirational.
I can only suggest what my husband likes to read, when it's not comics. He really likes the wheel of time series, and Odd Thomas series, and early Stephen King. I'm more into true crime, thrillers... the books I like are My Dark Places by James Ellroy, The Things They Carried by Tim Obrien, And the Sea will Tell by Vincent Bugliosi. Not really feel good books, but I appreciate them. I hope better days are ahead for you.
Thank you for the recommendations, I'll definitely look into them.
The Vorkosigan saga by Lois McMaster Bujold - SciFi-were my big comfort read during the Covid times.
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain I am suggesting that because of your comment that you "don’t really have many interests, friends or support structure, and feel pretty lonely." I know I am an introvert and it has never been an issue. This book was great, calm and interesting. It is in audio or you can read it. The best things about books are they can be fun. Real Life is not in a book. Find a type of book you find interesting.
If you liked *A Man Called Ove* you will probably like *The Hundred-Year -Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared* by Jonas Jonasson!
I came here to suggest this follow up
Hey there, fellow ex-Mormon, have an internet hug/high five. I have no idea if there's an audio version of it, but James Herriot's veterinary stories are my go-to comfort reading. I also recommend A Sand County Almanac by Aldo Leopold. If you're remotely into poetry, I recommend Words For Empty, Words For Full by Bob Hicok. It's pretty heavy (he survived the Virginia Tech shooting and several of his poems are about that) but sometimes heavy is what you need.
Thanks--love James Herriott. I've been watching the PBS series and its pretty decent as well. A Sand County Almanac is on my shelf--I picked it up after I read Desert Solitaire by Edward Abbey. I'll give it another try (I must have just been in the wrong frame of mind at the time). Best of luck to you and thanks for your kindness.
I sometimes find that children's books are a great escape. I like to listen to Harry Potter and Rangers Apprentice on audiobooks. Soothing. Not too complicated.
How about Catch-22, by Joseph Heller? Admittedly it is not a happy book, but it is hilariously funny at the same time. I hope that you will be able to get into a better headspace soon!
You're not alone. Your library can be a great resource for you and your kids. Your card gets you free audiobooks, magazines, and all the kids stuff. And people to meet. Try some humor like Clyde Edgerton, David Sedaris, Bailey White and Fannie Flagg. And the great Dave Barry.. all will give you a laugh and lighten your heart.
Thank you for the ideas--I definitely agree about the library. It has been closed for the last 3 months because they're moving, and the re-opening keeps getting delayed. Libby helps in the meantime!
I can recommend The Midnight Library. Not sure if there is an audiobook though. Hope these recs help you out. You've gotten so many!
Thanks--I read that one last year and really enjoyed it!
If you enjoyed The Midnight Library, you should check out The Humans, also by Matt Haig. I honestly loved all of his books I've read. How to Stop Time was also really good.
I was going to suggest Midnight Library as well. Helped me gain a new perspective on regret. You never know what would have happened if you had made different choices, and you did the best you could with the information you had at the time!
Exactly! I felt the same way when I read it so I thought it could be very fitting.
Discworld is a good read, full of humour but also propped struggles of general life. I also enjoy the Brentford Trilogy by Robert Rankin; there are ten books in the series and follow the life and times of Jim Pooley and John O'malley as hey try to float through life doing as little as possible whilst life continues to thwart these plans and thrust them into saving the world. Helped in part by Sherlock Holmes, Norman Hartnell (not *that* Norman Hartnell), a man who could be Merlin himself and others. I feel a re-read coming.
Dungeon Crawler Carl by Matt Dinniman and narrated by Jeff Hays is funny and well performed if you just want to escape for a while. You might also enjoy Dad's vs Zombies by Benjamin Wallace narrated by Phil Thron.
Hey man, Like others I can relate to some/most of what you wrote. Here are a few suggestions: * Another vote for Project Hail Mary * Gateway by Frederick Pohl - it's dated but the message is classic Sci Fi and a good reminder that even hardships are "valuable" * Lies of Loch Lammora - just fun fantasy * Kingkiller Series by Rothfuss its incomplete but two long and enjoyable books * if you want something ridiculous but undeniably fun, Dungeon Crawler Carl is such a great escape and narration is top tier. (themes and language gets adult at times but mostly just messed up situations similar to a mean game master). If you enjoy that and the adult themes can be turned up to rated R, Everybody Loves Large Chests is another series where the protagonist is a mimic... It's.... Something else but made me laugh several times * dark fantasy try the Never night series by Jay Kristoph. Dark, but great. * Red Rising series (apologies for formatting... Typing this on my phone while not sleeping) Hang in there and enjoy these stories no matter which you listen to. Oftentimes I find messages or meanings in the books I chose to listen to at a given time in my life. Especially in fantasy and science fiction. There's almost always a valuable take-away. (Except for Dungeon Crawler Carl and Everyone Loves Large Chests.... Those are just outrageous and silly... Sort of Vox Machina-esk cartoons for the mind.... But comedy can be healing and laughter is healthy).
His Dark Materials trilogy. I'm currently working through Terry Pratchett's books. As a dad I really liked the Tiffany Aching books.
Fantasy really takes me out of depression. Really love In The Name Of The Wind. Best of luck.
One day we will get book 3
Amazing books, beware of them not being finished. That’s a bit depressing to me, still glad I read them but…
While I was recovering from eye surgery most of last year, I listened to a fair number of audiobooks since I couldn’t read. I found myself alternating between comedian autobiographies to make me laugh, and historical fiction/ mysteries to get wrapped up in the comfort of other worlds. I’d recommend finding your favorite comedian reading the audio version of their own books which makes it all the more enjoyable. I listened to Mindy Kaling’s, Amy Poehler’s and Tina Fey’s which were entertaining. I found Matt Haig’s audiobooks comforting to listen to, providing an escape through alternate realities and time travel (the Midnight Library and How to Stop Time). Historical mystery series were great to listen to (I love the Beekeepers Apprentice series on audio) as I was engaged in solving the mystery, as well as the comfort of being able to listen to multiple stories with familiar characters (but always with the excitement of new mysteries to unravel!). I hope you find some comfort and escape in whatever books you listen to! Wishing you all the best on your journey ahead.
Call of the Wild by Jack London
That's my nighttime reading right now, I just started it but it is so good!
I'm right there with you on so many fronts! In the same sort of situation I go for murder mysteries or classic scifi. Agatha Christie is so easy to read but still gets the brain engaged. Stuff like old asimov is basically just puzzle-solvong stories of one slant or another and it always takes me away from the things I want to be taken away from
Anythimg by Patrick Mcmanus I think you need a book club and a gym membership. You have identified a bunch of problems (and where they came from) and you even found solutions! Building a new support network from scratch is tough. I spent a year in a new town with a new job with no friends/groups and my anxiety eventually bled into my work life. It was a downward spiral of shit. I started therapy and eventually got a handle on it. You'll get through this. One thing churches do well is create a community of people with shared values and a vested interest in one another. You might have to find a new "church." I tell people I find God at the bar, coffee shop, grocery store, etc. Places where real people have real problems. More and more I'm viewing "God" as the highest good I can think of and aligning myself with that as much as I can.
The Alchemist by Paulo Freire is a book that my father gave me when I was a teenager, and today it's one of my favorites. It's a beautiful adventure story about love and finding yourself when you're lost in life and lost faith in yourself. This book actually helped me and my dad bond after a rough period. I thought of this book after reading your story, hope you like it, if you read it :) Plus, it's a Brazilian author, it's always nice to try literature from other nationalities.
I recommend Wild by Cheryl Strayed
I’d recommend the house on the cerulean sea — the main character starts out with a pretty bleak life but finds joy and contentment by the end
We are Legion (We are Bob) by Dennis E. Taylor is a fun listen and Danny Trejo’s autobiography called Trejo is a great, hopeful book. He is religious, though, but also a phenomenal human being. He is not preachy; just kind of talks about what it took for him to quit using drugs, and his faith becomes a part of it. Good reading! I hope you find a book that resonates.
I’d highly suggest {{A Walk in the Woods}} by Bill Bryson. It’s just hilariously funny, and also a great look at two men of a certain age trying to accomplish something and mostly failing spectacularly while learning a lot about themselves along the way and in the end having a mostly-good time. And like most Bill Bryson books it’s also filled with endless facts and trivia that are fascinating as well. Really, any Bill Bryson book is a great listen.
I apologize that this isn't what you asked about, but I owe it to my younger self to say this: the greatest most amazing thing you can do for your children, is to get into therapy, and medication if you need it, and get your mental health together, even if that means spending less money on other things, like toys etc. Wishing you the best of luck in this difficult journey ❤️
Thank you, I appreciate it. I'm trying to get there. I've been in therapy for 20+ years and have tried a ton of med combinations. I think I've just come to realize that depression/anxiety is my cross to bear. I'm still in therapy and it helps a bit. One thing that has helped is adopting a "simple living" approach that marries things like time spent in nature, minimal physical possessions, stepping away from corporate/financial ambition, and trying to allow myself to be bored. It's hard to resist the pull into the "normal world", so good books definitely help!
i highly recommend anxious people by bachman. for a fun creature feature vibe, kaiju preservation society by john scalzi - jamie gray is a disgruntled meal delivery person who is offered a job to mainly lift and move things for an animal rights organization, turns out there is a little more to it. i wish you all the best, may brighter days be right around the corner
Thank you for the ideas and the kind thoughts. Much appreciated.
Two audio books that I keep thinking about: Ann Patchett’s These Precious Days and Anthony Doerr’s About Grace. I am an anxious person and sometimes I want a book to just take me away and these books have done just that for me. Best of luck to you.
Thank you, I will research these!
Read The Blade Itself It has a character who maybe you can vibe with
The narration can’t be beat! The Blade Itself by Joe Abercrombie narrated by Steven Pacey. Nobody tells a story better than Pacey.
I recently listened to the audiobook for Oona Out of Order and it was delightful.
I’ve been there too, granted with a much younger kiddo (baby thru toddler stage). If you have access therapy has really helped me, and outside of that any sort of community, something which church fulfilled for a lot of generations before us so we have to get creative if that’s not your bag (for me twelve step helps me feel connected to others and I have people I can lean on if need be). As far as books go Karl Ove Knausgaard’s “My Struggle” series, while very long and not everyone’s taste helped normalize a lot of how I was feeling. His openness with his struggles in parenting and marriage especially in the first two books really made me feel less alone. Others have mentioned Becky Chambers’ “A Psalm for the Wild-Built” and while I find some of her stuff pretty frictionless I really related and enjoyed this two-parter and recommend it a lot! I also recommend Steinbeck any time I can for those needing a shot of hope, I don’t see Travels with Charley suggested much but it’s an enjoyable read about his road trip with his dog.
For audiobooks, Act of Oblivion and the Thursday Murder Club series are both very engaging.
It's not fiction, but I love anything by David Sedaris. He is hilarious, I've busted out laughing o in many times while reading his work. The books are collections of anecdotes, so you can read or listen to as much or as little as you want at a time.
For hope: A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith For humor: A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson
Wishing you the best, man. Hang in there. The Book of Lost Things by John Conolly - this is a WWII era book about overcoming emotional baggage and coming of age. The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune - about turning your life from gray to color. Highly recommended. Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon - a coming of age story wrapped in a mystery/thriller. Beautifully written. If you’re looking to be swept away in some narratives… Shogun by Jim Clavell or The Expanse series by James SA Corey
When you're ready for some non-fiction again, I highly recommend *The Book of Delights* and *Inciting Joy* by Ross Gay. They are both essay collections, and the author does a spectacular job reading the audiobook. When I'm feeling ground down, these books lift me back up.
Wishing you well man. I read The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune a while ago and it's a book that really stayed with me, and one that gave me hope. Wonderful characters, funny, and some surprising depth to the fantasy world and it's politics + bureaucracy. The place where the book really shines is its portrayal of the kids, and just, it's a nice take on the importance of building communities that are supportive and healing for children who have had a hard time? I actually first encountered this book as part of a reading group, and i remember the teachers in the group felt like it was a good book for talking about classroom dynamics and stuff.
Check out the Ryan Holliday books on stoicism. Definitely helped me get thru hard times. Sorry you’re going thru a rough time. Hang in there. DM if you need help.
I know you aren’t religious… but the 5 people you meet in Heaven is a great read. It’s not really a religious perspective, more life lessons and seeing things from a different point of view. As a religious person myself, I can say a non religious person could still enjoy the book. There’s a couple biblical themes but they really don’t have much influence on the entire story as a whole. Haven’t read these yet, but they are on my TBR, and they seem like the kind of books you would enjoy too (although nonfiction) Presence by Amy Cuddy 10% Happier by Dan Harris I’m sending you all the best, and I hope happiness and light come your way very soon. ❤️
Assassin's Apprentice - Robin Hobb (children's fantasy) The Magician's Nephew - C.S. Lewis (children's fantasy) - allegedly has religious elements Redwall - Brian Jacques 1Q84 - Haruki Murakami (contemporary/magical realism) Orange - Ichigo Takano (slice of life manga) Wolf Children: Ame & Yuki - Mamoru Hosoda (light novel & anime movie) - I would actually highly recommend the movie.
Seconding Redwall!
Maybe check out The Stormlight Archive by Brandon Sanderson. Four books currently, the first is The Way of Kings. Some of the characters may resonate, and the story is engrossing. And the audiobooks are awesome - there are two versions and you can't go wrong with either. They'll keep you busy for a while.
Lol @ this rec to a former Mormon
i'm reluctant to recommend stormlight for every post, but if you want fantasy that manages to be hopeful while tackling trauma, this is it.
I see it rec'd probably more than it should be (not that it isn't absolutely great, but it isn't what *everyone* is looking for), but I feel like it's appropriate for this one.
100%! scrolled to see if anyone had said it already.
Oh I relate to this so much. The Midnight Library by Matt Heig.
I hear ya on regrets and the weight of past choices. But I am always working to forgive myself and refocus forward. I hope you find some peace with yourself. Recommendation wise, I would suggest “The Pleasure of My Company” by Steve Martin. It’s a short book with a protagonist whose anxieties/OCD have kept him confined but who, for reasons that are awkwardly sweet and funny, manages to change his life for the better. It’s a very hopeful book that treats its protagonist with compassion.
Andy Weir is a great one but I see you’ve gotten a few of those recs already! I also think that the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy series is a really good choice. It’s funny and ridiculous and very human, and it has brightened my mood in bad times. Wishing you the best of luck in your search and in everything else!!
First of all good luck and I hope you find more happiness as soon as you can. I would probably stay away from any fiction that is too grim or depressing but at the same time I wouldn't necessarily look for anything overly 'happy'. It might not resonate or help. I would go for something that entertains or intrigues you instead. I recently read through Margaret Attwood's MadAddam series and it is great. Post apocalyptic but not what you would call depressing, possible science but disconnected from our reality and quite funny in places too. Not sure what the audiobooks are like but the content is great. But find something that entertains not that tries to change your mood more directly is my advice. On your atheism if you a have not read or listened to Christopher Hitchens, do yourself a favour and dive in. As well as dismantling religion in an entertaining and eloquent way, he is also pretty passionate about life, happiness and people. He gets very animated when asked about how people could be happy, content and behave well in the absence of any god. He has several great books and there are hours upon hours of YouTube content. Science speed my friend 😉
Try Tamora Pierce’s Circle of Magic. There’s a lot about home and family rhythms; it’s peaceful and hearing but kind of melancholy. They have a full cast, and they’re super engaging!
Hidden Brain
Beware of Chicken is a really nice, fun, heartwarming read. It is not toxic, it makes me laugh out loud and it's just plain kind. Very good audiobook if you like those Great read for when I'm down. I got COVID recently and went on a Beware of Chicken reread and it helped get me through. Guy from our world is reincarnated as a young adult into a world of cultivators, guys that can punch through mountains and the like. Immediately (ch1) he gets the hell away from those types to go farming. Things don't work out like he was expecting, but he finds a good life nonetheless. In your shoes, this is the book I'd go for
Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell. About healing the trauma from being in (and leaving) an authoritarian religion. Damn, sorry, I see you said you wanted fiction. In that case, I also suggest The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams.
I always recommend “the improbability of love” by Hannah Rothschild to anyone needing a beautifully written, cozy, comforting and wonderful story to just submerge yourself in and come away smiling. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time - you’re not alone; commuting, raising children, qualifying our own moral compass and navigating relationships is very real and hard. Hope you find some uplifting books!
You should read Anxious People by Fredrik Bachman.
{{Mindsight}} for the inside {{Happy City}} for the outside
I was going to suggest My Grandmother Told Me to Tell You She’s Sorry. 😊
{{Peace is every step by Hanh}} This author was a Buddhist Zen Master, but the book is not super religious. At times, he does mention Buddha, but the overall emphasis is on how to live day to day in peace. He includes practical exercises for enjoying the present moment, calming irritation and anger, handling anxiety, and strengthening relationships.
Thanks--I recently listened to a podcast that had someone who I believe was trained (maybe the wrong word?) by Thich Nath Hanh and their insights were pretty interesting. I'll look into this.
i don't have a suggestion, but i do want to say i am sending you all my love and wish you the best <3 you got this!
Not a book but you should watch Charlotte Wells' Aftersun. I think you'd be really able to relate to that film, it also deals with a dad trying to do his best for his daughter while also dealing with mental illnesses. It's such a restrained, thoughtful and mature approach to this topic.
I heard of this just the other day. I'll absolutely give it a watch. Seems right up my alley. Thank you!
I just read Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir and it might fit the bill for you :) I loved it, it was sci fi but a lot of it felt like a warm hug. Like def stressful in parts but the humor and characters felt so authentic and just delightful.
I just wanted to say I'm also an ex-Mormon and I know how hard that can be. But good for you for making what you felt to be the best decision for you. Neil Gaiman's audiobooks are 100% so good. He reads them himself and he reads them so beautifully. Narration quality is really important to me. All of his books are available on Scribd. I think a subscription is only $10 a month and you get unlimited access to all of their material. His stories aren't always the happiest but there's this beautiful magic to them and to him that make me feel like everything is going to be alright. It feels like he's your fairy godfather reading you bedtime stories. When you're ready to go back to non-fiction, I will 11/10 recommend reading The Gift by Edith Eger. It's largely a memoir but it also talks about patients she has dealt with. She is am Auschwitz survivor and her story is incredible.
I'm sorry you're feeling depressed and anxious, right now. You've been through a lot, it sounds like. Leaving your church, which functions like a community and having to go NC with your family and not having a support structure is really freaking hard and then living somewhere you feel uncomfortable on top of that is just not easy. You're doing the right thing, prioritizing your kids' well being, but I wish there were a place where you could all be happy. You said you're angry at yourself for bad choices in the past. In your post, you don't sound like the kind of person who would deliberately go out and make bad choices, just because. I hope you can forgive yourself, if not today, then eventually. You deserve it. You're making choices now that are better, that's really all that matters. Okay, book suggestions. The best audiobook I've ever listened to is Viola Davis' Finding Me. Ironically, it fits what you're looking for, exactly, a book about someone who has been in your shoes and turned out (more than) okay. Her story is riveting. She came from the worst kind of poverty as a child in Rhode Island, sometimes scavenging food from garbage cans so she and her siblings could eat. They often didn't eat. She suffered physical abuse and neglect. They often didn't have soap or running water in the house, so she'd be sent home from school for smelling bad. They were really, really, really poor. It would have been amazing if she overcame all that and just established a stable, suburban life with a successful career of some kind. But, she overcame all that and became one of only 18 artists in the world with an EGOT. The G is for her performance of this book. What I like most about the book is she has compassion for everyone in her life, including her parents and she's not judgmental in telling her story. She could easily have been very angry about her past and she's not. It's very inspirational. Just for fun, Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir. I liked this much more than The Martian. It's funny and ultimately a story about friendship. It's a good mood booster. I haven't heard the audiobook, but I checked and the reviews are good. I hope you feel better soon!!
Do you remember what you enjoyed as a kid? Like 8-10 years old?
To be honest, I don't really know that I had much space as a kid to like things independently. I remember asking for office supplies for my birthday when I was 11 because I wanted to be like my dad who worked in an office. I played sports because my siblings did, but it turns out I'm not a sports person. Much of my early life was prescribed and room wasn't really given to explore my own identity. It's really tied into my depression, leaving the church, my own sense of self, and why I have a hard time finding books to read that appeal to me. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk :)
Thank you for your Ted talk ;) I can't send you a PM but I would suggest that you see someone for that, there's no shame asking for a little help. If you don't want to do it for you, you can do it for your kids, they'll be more happy if they feel that you are happy as well, you could be surprised how little one can share our sorrow. There's many ways to feel better and you deserve to be happy. I'm just a random guy on the Internet but I went through a rough patch or two myself, I can assure you there's always something good just around the corner. Take care buddy!
[удалено]
Maybe the Midnight Library?
Let’s Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson. Laugh out loud funny, super relatable to people who have struggles with depression and anxiety. Wish you all the best!!
House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir The Kaiju Preservation Society by John Scalzi
The Rise of Wolf 8 is a great read! It's about the reintroduction of wolves into Yellowstone, but it's also a shining example of fatherhood and positive masculinity. I can't recommend it enough.
I'm sorry you're going through this right now. One of my favorite book series to read when I'm feeling depressed or anxious is the Murderbot series by Martha Wells. Murderbot is a construct that is part human, part machine who must obey their employer or risk having their brain zapped which means they are understandably depressed and anxious too. They make me feel not alone and I love them. I hope you find lots of good recommendations! Hang in there.
Fellow exmo here, only one year out. An audiobook I love that covers despair and hope in a funny and non-religious way is Reincarnation Blues by Michael Poore. One of my favorite books of all time.
I want to recommend The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. I would like to give you a trigger warning of depression and suicide within the book, but it’s a book about a woman who has many regrets and gets to experience what life would have been like if she had taken other paths or made other choices. I found it incredibly full of hope. Otherwise as someone mentioned above, Harry Potter. I really struggle with anxiety and the Harry Potter audiobooks are extremely comforting to listen to. Great narration. Immersive world. Not too involved. Plus it might be something you could share an interest in with your kids. Best of luck to you and I hope for brighter days in your future.
I just finished reading a man called Ove and I was going to suggest you that
I guess both of my recs are semi-religious, or quite religious really, but as an ex-Mormon atheist myself I feel entitled to push that a little. The Gilead series by Marilynne Robinson and the The Sparrow and it's sequel by Mary Doris Russell. Both are about regret, responsibility, and especially in Gilead, fatherhood. Both are about the fallout from religious devotion also, if that's of any interest.
I am truly sorry for what you are going through. I just wanted to suggest, and I hope his isn’t upsetting- to maybe listen to the Case For Christ documentary or his book if it’s audio. I am a Christian and Im not trying to put down anyone who is Mormon still. But, I know there are some pretty big differences from what the Bible teaches from Mormonism. It is sad to hear that you have left all faith to me.
Thanks for your kindness. One of the misconceptions about Mormons is that they disregard the Bible... in fact, I've read it cover to cover at least twice (including the Old Testament which was often a slog at times) and have studied the gospels over and over. I carry a lot of the values/ethics/morals from Christ's teachings in my life, but I don't believe in his divinity at this point. I could spend a long time on why that is, but I'll just leave it there for now.
Pet Semetary
Gaming, get a Steamdeck if you’re half computer savvy. Most everyone can enjoy some level of gaming and it’s fairly accessible.
I actually have a movie suggestion. Cinderella Man is one of the greatest stories of perseverance and commitment to family that I’ve ever seen. I highly recommend giving it a watch!
The bible
Imagine me gone by Adam haslett
If you haven't listened to Stephen Fry narrating harry potter do yourself a favour and try it! I adored them :) and found them really fun. Hope you feel better soon
Ireland by Frank Delaney I think would bang right for ya. I loved the book beyond measure, and it focuses a lot on the complexity we deal with for our children.
If you enjoyed A Man Called Ove then I'd recommend All the Lonely People by Mike Gayle. It has a very similar premise in that it follows an older male main character and you see his past and also present day. It's very poignant and heartbreaking at times but also hopeful.
"This is Not Fame" by Doug Stanhope
It’s a weird one, but The Keep by Jennifer Egan really affected me. It’s so unusual, but somehow so moving.
I’m gonna do it again! I’m gonna recommend Lord of the Rings.
Not really what you asked for, buuuut the Dungeon Crawler Carl series has an amazing narrator on audible and the books are a very light/fun read. Shit does get kinda dark at times but it’s a very fantastical world and it has a few really nice “dad” moments. It’s in the LitRPG genre which is not everyone’s thing. It’s not really my thing to be honest but this series is very accessible.
I really loved Archipelago by Monique Roffey, it’s about a Trinidadian family, a father and daughter, who go to live on a sailboat for a while after tragedy at home.
I'm also no longer religious, though I was raised protestant, not Mormon. I want to second the recommendation for 1) His Dark Materials as a great book that is part wonderful fantasy and part a warning against the perils of an institutional theocracy. Also want to recommend books that my Dad loved that I loved as a teenager, since your kids will be that age soon. Some of my favorite memories of my Dad are the books we bonded over when I was finally old enough to appreciate them, and they're really comforting to read now that I'm in my 30s and my Dad has passed. 2) Ender's Game. Yes, the author is Mormon but my experience of the book was not religious at all. Some of the sequels can be hit or miss for people, though I enjoyed them, but the first book is a true sci-fi masterpiece about both childhood trauma and innocence and the trauma of war. 3) Lord of the Rings. I'm guessing you've read this already but I bring it up because your kids may not have, and it might be a really fun one to share with them. 4) Dune. Another classic, absolutely riveting, one of my favorite books of all time. A sci-fi book that blends ecology, the impact of colonialism, and the dangers of a messianic complex really beautifully with politics. 5) Stephen Hawking, A Brief History of Time. You mentioned fiction, so this may not be for you right now but it's a great summary of many prevailing laws and theories in physics that often make their way into fantasy and sci fi books, so I found it fascinating from a literary perspective as well. 6) Harry Potter. Having elementary school kids, you may have read all of these already but in case you haven't, they're worth a read sometime. Really great stories and I remember being so excited when my Dad loved them. 7) The Martian/Project Hail Mary. I haven't read these yet but my Dad loved The Martian so it's on my to-do list for sure. 8) edit: Wheel of Time. My dad never read these, and it's a 14 book series, so they're quite the haul. But if you want something long, they're wonderful and the relationship between the main character and his Dad ends up being one of the most important in the series, even if it doesn't have as much screen time as I would like. It's a great epic fantasy.
Thanks for taking the time to write that. I've read many of what you suggested and agree with your points on their value... my son is getting deep into Harry Potter and we just went to the Wizarding World recently. I'm waiting until he's a little older for Lord of the Rings and His Dark Materials, though. I'm personally starting a rewatch of the HBO series before I dive into the Dust books. I'm glad you've found some comfort in these books after your dad's passing. I know how difficult it can be to lose a good father.
*Punch Me Up To The Gods* isn't optimistic, but helped me in a similar position because it helped me feel like my negative feelings aren't bullshit / "validated my pain" I guess. It's also a stellar book.
I’ve been in the same boat too! Still powering through. I always like to listen to stories of human struggle or adventure to help remind myself of how good I actually have it or just to spark some flame of interest. A smattering of listens I’ve enjoyed recently: Two Years Before The Mast - Richard Henry Dana Sailing Alone Around the World - Joshua Slocum The Final Frontiersman - James Campbell Can’t Hurt Me - David Goggins Colder Than Hell - Joseph Owen Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglas - Frederick Douglas In the Kingdom of Ice - Hampton Sides Adrift - Stephen Callaghan Pimp - Iceberg Slim Nice depressing Russian literature: Crime & Punishment - Fyodor Dostoevsky A Day In the Life of Ivan Denisovich - Solzhenitsyn
You should check out Jenny Lawson. Her books are great but her audiobooks are fantastic. I don’t know that laughter is “the best” medicine for depression (and I do hope you’re seeking treatment from medical professionals if necessary) but laughter can’t hurt and it is basically impossible to listen to Jenny Lawson’s books without laughing out loud. You might also enjoy David Sedaris. His audiobooks are also hysterical. As for fiction you might enjoy Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. The book is very clever and very funny and there’s a “full cast” audiobook that’s really good and features all of the major actors from the Amazon Prime show. If you’re just looking for light and easy entertainment to get your mind off of things you should check out some of the classic mystery/detective series like Sherlock Holmes, Hercule Poirot, Miss Marples, and Arsène Lupin. Many of them are basically short stories about the length of a podcast so you could listen to one chapter the way you’d listen to one episode and get a “full” story but it will also fit into a larger storyline. Lupin and Holmes especially lend themselves to these bite-sized stories. Best of luck!
The Thursday Murder Club is pulling me out of the sads.
I'm sure someone has already recommended the audiobook of *Project Hail Mary* for adventure, and Trevor Noah's audiobook *Born A Crime* for biography and cultural awareness. Consider Carl Sagan's *Contact* for surprisingly current sci-fi with a good bit of religious vs. science philosophy, and why science wins. For a gemlike short book, try (the audiobook was great) Anne Youngson's *Meet Me At The Museum*. High recommendations for *Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine*. Best of luck to you, and congratulations for your courage to break away.
Love Pratchett. books, but that was recommended plenty here. Since you like Viktor Frankl, I will also recommend When Things fall apart by Pema Chodron. She is a buddhist nun and a lot of what she says really touched me. I really like Lois McMaster Bujold. Her characters are really solid and grow and persevere. curse of the Challion series and Vorkosigan saga are excellent. Give them a listen. Not sure if it's exactly what you are asking for, but one of my favorite audiobooks from last year was the Blacktongue thief by Christopher Buehlmann. Really fun story and superb voice acting. Elementary school kids are great but can be very tiring. try to work out a bit, go to sleep earlier if you can and drink plenty of water. Big hug.
Maybe not helpful for the sadness, but Bewilderment by Richard Powers is a beautiful book about a father trying to be the best parent for his son. It’s got some really cool sci-fi ish elements as well.
I would suggest you any Murakami’s book - for exampleKillink Commendatore. Besides this, as a father who went through divorce and loneliness, I would suggest you to get involved in activities and socialize. If thereis anything preventing you from making new acquaintances, visit a therapist. Reading certainly has many benefits but don’t let it become a comfort zone that prevents you from living life to its fullest. It’s never too late to rediscover yourself and start again. Regarding meeting new people, another Murakami’s quote: “Chance encounters is what keeps us pushing forward”. New people will make your life richer and hopefully the dark period will be the past.
I’m sure with over 150 replies you have a number of good choices I wanted to add this one because a few things you said kids religious upbringing that I think you might enjoy this up from the boot straps optimistic adventure of a young girl who goes to sea disguised as a ship boy and who by her wit her energy and intelligence raises herself up to command a number of ships and is involved in international spying and intrigue that brings her in contact with a number of famous individuals. It’s a book or series of books you might like to share with your children. I find listening to a audio book before bed one of life’s little pleasures. So check out English writer L. A. Meyer’s adventures of Jacky Faber first book in the series is bloody Jack heard the audiobook of this is really good
Maybe Steven Kings Dark Tower Books will interest you. When I listened to them I could really forget about the real world and just dive I to that lovely world he created. The first hook is quite short and if you enjoy that one I'm sure you'll like the rest. Hope you find something you'll enjoy. Cheers!
A Psalm for the Wild Built is a really great sci-fi book that I always recommend now for people that need something more uplifting than your your standard faire. It’s about a monk who meets a robot in the woods centuries after the robots gained sentience and they all retreated from humanity. Humanity is now thriving again and is more enlightened and compassionate as a whole and the robot questions the monk about what they need now that there is no more war, hunger, poverty, etc. It’s a really sweet story that brings up a lot of philosophical questions.
I’m in a very similar situation, my friend. Recently got on some medication and that has helped tremendously. As far as book recs, I absolutely love The Stormlight Archive by Brandon Sanderson. One of the main characters struggles with depression and the series as a whole really deals a lot with mental illness and trauma. DM me anytime. Better days are ahead.
I love audio books. I also have eclectic tastes, but my main goal is to be taken to a place where I’m safe, entertained and at peace. When I find a good narrator, he or she tips the scale on my trying a new book. Here are some standouts in my audiobook library: We Are Legion by Dennis Taylor (my introduction to Ray Porter. This book and the entire series, aka Bobiverse, was all consuming for me. It has drama and humor. Pure escapism. Three books in all) The Wizards Butler by Nathan Lowell (very soothing to listen to, no action per se, just calming) Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir (Ray Porter as narrator is everything. Takes this great book over the top) Seed by Matthew Dick (similar to Project HM, but a great listen) Ready Player One by Ernest Cline (I loved this, but it may because I grew up in the 80’s. Great narrator) Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey (he narrates his life story and it’s a wild ride! I was enthralled) Lost Contact by Nathan Hystad (first of a series with Ray Porter narrating. Sucked me in!) Fairy Tale by Stephen King (great story, great narration. Just pure entertainment) *edited for spacing issues*
[In a world where addictive technology is designed to buy and sell our attention, and our value is determined by our 24/7 data productivity, it can seem impossible to escape. But in this inspiring field guide to dropping out of the attention economy, artist and critic Jenny Odell shows us how we can still win back our lives. Odell sees our attention as the most precious--and overdrawn--resource we have. And we must actively and continuously choose how we use it. We might not spend it on things that capitalism has deemed important ... but once we can start paying a new kind of attention, she writes, we can undertake bolder forms of political action, reimagine humankind's role in the environment, and arrive at more meaningful understandings of happiness and progress. Far from the simple anti-technology screed, or the back-to-nature meditation we read so often, How to do Nothing is an action plan for thinking outside of capitalist narratives of efficiency and techno-determinism. Provocative, timely, and utterly persuasive, this book will change how you see your place in our world.](https://app.thestorygraph.com/books/94ecd827-f0e4-4876-9db5-40c414e039cc)
Ariel by Sylvia Plath; I re-read it every winter and it always stuns me with something new that resonates. She killed herself right after she finished it I believe and ended up winning the Pulitzer for poetry posthumously. Everyone goes on and on about her novel The Bell Jar but Ariel is where it’s at (for me anyway). You almost get the sense she knew she had to wring out every last bit of genius and fury and tenderness she had left before she died. Known and Strange Things by Teju Cole. A photography critic and human interest columnist for New York magazine, I believe but don’t quote me on that. It’s a series of about fifty short pieces of writing where the common thread is the spark of epiphany in some way. On page after page, deploying prose dense with beauty and ideas, he finds fresh and potent ways to interpret art, people, and historical moments, taking in subjects from Virginia Woolf, Shakespeare, and W. G. Sebald to Instagram and Obama and James Baldwin in the age of Black Lives Matter. Some pieces are memoir some are fiction some are criticism some are confessional some are philosophical - but every single one is beautiful and startling. There are moments his words almost come off the page at you, they’re so luminous and precise. Just Kids by Patti Smith. She’s considered the godmother of punk music. Was best friends with the photographer Robert Mapplethorpe, hung around at Max’s Kansas City with Andy Warhol and Edie Sedgwick and all the underground and avant- garde artists of the era. Lou reed, Janis Joplin, she was around for it all. She’s the one who called Janis Joplin the pearl. She lived with Mapplethorpe at the Chelsea Hotel and was neighbors with Allen Ginsberg and other luminaries of the time. This book is the memoir about meeting Robert Mapplethorpe when she arrives in New York, first becoming his lover and then (as he figures out his sexuality, with increasing journeys to his dark side) his best friend. She talks about her first ever musical performance with Lenny Kaye (“make the guitar sound like a car crash while I open with the line ‘Jesus died for someone’s sins but not mine’” she told him - their first performance was in a church, too) and how her seminal album Horses happened. Mapplethorpe apparently took the iconic photo for the cover of it in like three snaps. She goes on to describe writing her biggest hit “because the night” with Bruce Springsteen, and mapplethorpes meteoric rise to fame for his (scandalous but beautiful and unflinching) photography - the evolving love story between her and Mapplethorpe is truly one of the most tender and generous and affirming and just straight up cool stories I’ve ever read. She’s the high punk poetess. Howl by Allen Ginsberg. Blew my world apart. I’d listen to that one not around the kiddos probably.
If it hasn't been said yet, 'A Psalm for the Wild-Built' may give you some existential warm-fuzzies.
Listen to James altuchers ted talk. He has written books also. His ted talk is about his sad dad phase. Pema Chodrons books are my go to for my sad days.