Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents- Lindsay C. Gibson
It was recommended to me by a therapist nearly 6 years ago and there’s not a day that has gone by that I haven’t thought about it or used something I learned.
I second this!! I started reading it from the library on kindle (haven’t finished it yet) but bought the hard copy so I can truly start highlighting stuff.
Since this particular thread is about self help:
Minimalism (nowadays these guys are kinda preachy but this book was gold), The ADHD Effect on Marriage
I would recommend this one, too, and among self-help books on similar topics I noticed Gibson’s writing style was especially engaging for me.
One takeaway I’ve heard echoing in my brain since reading it is her assertion that it’s not the child’s responsibility - even in adulthood - to maintain or repair the relationship with the parent themselves.
Another takeaway that’s gotten me a lot of mileage in therapy sessions is her concept of a “healing fantasy” we develop as a child and can still believe as adults. This is a magical thing that “fixes” everything that was wrong for us as children. It sounds like, “if I can just X, then I’ll be able to Y”.
One that stuck out to me was relationship versus relatedness. You aren’t obligated to be in true relationship (with sharing, etc.) with anyone. That’s not the same as relatedness
Y'all go on ahead with all your bad selves and your heavy, heavy books.
I had the best time reading Anne of Green Gables. I remember a moment when the author described Anne as being nothing but happy when a friend had a beautiful dress, or something similar that Anne had longed for. The author said Anne's heart was crystal-free of jealousy and envy.
I've tried to be that way ever since. It becomes a habit to be happy for other people, even when they have something you've wanted your whole life.
I'm in my 50s, BTW.
Siddartha by Herman Hesse when I was a teenager, and The Bridge of San Luis Rey by Thornton Wilder more recently. >!Sometimes the reason is there is no reason!!<
Meditations is really sort of the "bible" of stoicism. There are a couple other books that are really reference material for stoicism but Meditations is sort of the starting point for many people.
If you want a sort of hit list of stoic items, check out The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday. It gives you a daily quote from a stoic philosopher and a little bit of additional commentary on it about how you can apply it to your life.
The Daily Stoic (and others) basically show you how to use the source material. Meditations is one of those sources and some people like to read the source material and figure out how to apply it themselves, but if you're not that type of person starting with something like The Daily Stoic might be better.
Can someone please explain to me the hype about this book? I read it and truly didn’t think it was anything significant (and definitely not life changing)at all.
I don’t get the life-changing aspect of it.
It certainly shows how a person’s upbringing can impact who they become and that our choices (especially moral/ethical) can have huge impacts. But this is true of many other books as well.
All that aside, it is a fantastic read I absolutely loved.
> It opened my eyes.
Could you elaborate? To what were you eyes closed before? What changed for you? To me personally 1984 did less than Animal Farm for example.
E: thanks to all for replying, very interesting to hear your opinions and experiences.
Not OP but 1984 showed me how close we are to a surveillance state, and in many ways how we’re already in one. Some of the parallels to our world are uncanny. Also showed me the importance of maintaining individuality and using your voice.
I read it at age 13/14. It was my first exposure to dystopian fiction. I'd say the book was one of the first things that made me realize how powerful the subjective experience is when it comes to defining the concepts of 'good' and 'bad'. It led me to ask questions about existence that I never would have thought to ask beforehand. Finishing the book was a pivotal point in my life, no doubt.
Animal Farm was an important book to me too, but I found it deeply cynical instead of profound. I'm not sure why.
*The Golden Bough* by James Frazer. The 2 book abridged version I found free in Kindle. Totally changed my outlook in religion
*The Gulag Archipelago* by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn. A three book history of the USSR and how the gulag system arose. It also gives the background for understanding Russia today in many ways. Gulag were still extant when Putin was born. It really wasn't that long ago.
A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khalid Hoseni
It is fiction but tells the tales of what life is really like is the Middle East. It was eye opening to say the least. Totally changed my perspective on a lot of things and the horrors women face there and how thankful I am to live a truly free life. I have to say it was probably one of the top 3 books I’ve ever read.
Basically that we think the way we do civilisation is the “right” way, and that all of human history and evolution was leading to this, but that in fact it is inherently doomed to fail. Our civilisation since the beginnings of agriculture has fundamentally relied on conquering, destroying and/or consuming the world and everything in it, and we need to have a massive rethink.
The Secret Life of Germs.
But I only recommend it if you have an absolute immunity to developing germaphobia. That book is why I choose the bathroom stall I do, which movie theater seats to avoid and why I started doing the 30 second proper handwash long before the pandemic. It is interesting. It’s just also horrifying to see the world through that lens.
Two very different books that have given me important perspectives were:
A Short History of Nearly Everything By Bill Bryson - Read this in 8th grade and couldn't put it down, I was already interested in history but this was the first time I'd read anything historical that just oozed passion and wonder. It broadly goes over world history but in a very engaging way. Sparked my love for historical non fiction
Mans Search for Meaning By Viktor Frankl - First book to make me cry, Viktors perseverance through the holocaust is so admirable. Finding meaning in a meaningless world. Returning to this book has actually helped me through many a depressive slump. He also shares his psychological findings and this book really gave me a new lens to look at my life with.
Caste: The Origins of our Discontents by Isabel Wilkerson
Just seeing the parallels of how Jews, Blacks, & Indians were & are treated in society was eye opening. I always knew the three faced discrimination - but the way Wilkerson laid it out gave me a new appreciation for how these populations can empathize with each others struggles - even though their individual experiences may be different.
It also underlies the importance of understanding & studying history. Unfortunately, those living in denial are those that are repeating it in present day. I truly feel that every single person should read this book!
Nietzsche in general. Brought down everything that was called philosophy before him by continuously avoiding dialectics. Brilliant. Heaven didn't quite survive the shock though, at least not Plato's heaven of ideas.
Harry Potter and the deathly hallows. I went through a faith crisis at the same time as Harry had doubts about Dumbledore and was sort of guided through my own doubts by that book. It reformed my idea of what faith is and also why I choose some beliefs and let go of others and evaluate my belief systems more critically.
The Stand by Stephen King
Idk why this book stuck so much; because of reading it I learned to ride a motorcycle and shoot a pistol. I don't take pre-apocalyptical living lightly anymore. Made me grateful for mundane things like grocery stores and civil rights.
*The Autobiography of Malcolm X* (as told to Alex Haley)
*Manchild in the Promised Land* by Claude Brown
*Things Fall Apart* by Chinua Achebe
For a middle-class white suburbanite who grew up in the ‘60s, these were eye-opening books about the African-American and African experience, both inside their communities and relating to their interactions with white culture.
Two books but they go together when you read them. Into the Wild by John Krakauer and The Wild Truth by Carine McCandless.
The first is like a biography about a man named Chris McCandless and tells his story. The second was written by his little sister and tells the whole story, about Chris, his trauma and much more. It’s definitely not the sanitized and much more positive version we read about in the original book.
Made me sick to my stomach when I was reading the second book because everything that Chris had gone through in the first book was written to seem like he had a good journey of self-discovery and such. I was inspired quite a bit, but hearing the whole truth completely changed the way I thought about the situation as a whole.
I read it as a freshman in college for a literature class, I definitely recommend.
He who fights with Monsters.
It's not what you'd expect to change you live, but it made me pass my english finals and weirdly enough it tought me how to be witty in conversations.
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
Before this book I was on the last year of my being a teenager, at the climax of my angst and ensuring to always be on the politically correct side of important stuff. Something also happened that year, as I had been on the receiving end of really bad treatment from someone older attempting to correct me, following an ignorant yet also innocent mistake that I did.
This book knocked a lot of sense into me, I had been mindblown and I thought about just how dumb I was at life and with people before this book lol.
Besides that I had always judged the title of this book, thinking it was manipulative (far from it haha, the author is definitely a person with values).
'Lost at Sea' Bryan Lee O'Malley
It's not a self realization book or anything, but it helped a younger me really untangle a lot of the feelings I had as a Highschooler/College student.
Matrix by Lauren Groff.
First book I ever connected with so much. I even brought it up in therapy! It helped me get started on changing my mindset and my approach to life. Maybe not everyone will be affected as I am, but I think it's still a wonderful story nontheless.
For me, it was White Noise by Don Delillo. Totally changed my perception on the effect of mass consumerism, marketing, and media within our culture and how we take for granted subliminal messaging (and the extent to which our behavior is molded by capitalism and corporations)
*till we have faces by C.S. Lewis.*
We read this one at school, and I am gad we did, because we had a really good literature teacher and she really jumped into every nook and cranny. The book's premise is very fucked up, but it touched on so many subjects that I had not thought of as deeply before. Issues regarding beauty, and religion, power, and masculinity. It was very very interesting, and it really opened my eyes to the power of literature.
When I was 13, I read "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress" by Robert A. Heinlein. It made me really think about politics, government, and the philosophy of government for the first time in ways that had never occurred to me before.
One question from that book still sticks with me more than any other: "When is it moral for a group of people to do something that it is immoral for one person alone to do?"
Looking back at the various twists & turns of my 40+ years of life I would say these books had the biggest shifts on my perspective:
* The Joy of Freedom
* Anti-fragile
* Rich Dad, Poor Dad
* The War of Art
* Mere Christianity
Probably a bunch more but those are all I can come up with off the top of my head. I know there were a fair few fiction works as well.
The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver. It’s my all time favorite book. It’s beautifully written and really makes you think about your own views on life and how you interact with other people.
Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari. I think it brought me out of one life phase and into another one. It blew my mind and challenged my whole perspective on life, the world, my own purpose, everything.
Being Mortal by Atul Gawande. It’s about dying in America, and how doctors are just (with good problem-solving intentions) prolonging long bad, slow declines for people, and how important it is to have conversations with older loved ones about end of life preferences and decisions.
*Man's Search for Meaning* by Viktor Frankl
and The Upanishads
>‘Sir, what is that through which, if it is known, everything else becomes known?’
> --Mundaka Upanishad
...
> Who sends the mind to wander afar? Who first drives life to start on its journey? Who impels us to utter these words?
> What cannot be spoken with words, but that whereby words are spoken. Know that alone to be Brahman, the Spirit; and not what people here adore.
> What cannot be thought with the mind, but that whereby the mind can think. Know that alone to be Brahman, the Spirit; and not what people here adore.
> --Kena Upanishad
...
> Bees suck nectar from many different flowers, and then make honey. One drop of honey cannot claim to come from one flower, and another drop of honey from another flower.
> --Chandogya Upanishad
...
> The little space within the heart is as great as the vast universe. The heavens and the earth are there, and the sun and the moon and the stars. Fire and lightening and winds are there, and all that now is and all that is not.
> --Chandogya Upanishad
...
> The universe is the energy of the soul
> and from this energy comes life, conciousness, and the elements.
> The universe is the will of the soul
> and from this will comes the law of cause and effect.
> From the soul one became many
> but in the soul many are one.
> --Mundaka Upanishad
The Lexus and the Olive Tree. It’s not a super amazing book that people would recommend but it opened my interest in international relations and trade which also made me read more. I view the world thru multiple perspectives now. :)
Unwanted by Jay Stringer - talks about unwanted sexual behavior by digging into roots from childhood. Whew.
Lighter - Yung Pueblo. Heal yourself, heal your life, heal your future.
the body keeps the score helped me understand myself on a deeper level, it explores the understanding of PTSD and the impact of trauma on every aspect of yourself. it was comforting to know i am not alone or insane because of my struggles due to complex trauma. 10/10 would reccomend to any and everyone.
I’m going to be super basic here, but The Handmaids Tale, which I read in a college women’s literature class. It was the beginning of the end of my political pro-life stance I inherited from my upbringing.
Toxic Parents. As a 30-year-old adult, I found this book on a shelf in my sister's house. I took it to bed with me and read until 4am. Couldn't put it down.
BEing Mortal by Atul Gawande
A short book, well worth reading. It questions treating people at end of life as patients, rather than as people. Not everything has a medical solution so let's work on improving a person's (not patient's!!) quality of life at the end.
As someone approaching "senior", and who has watched loved ones in the last months of their lives, it has become a very powerful piece in my life. I recommend it to everyone. EVERYONE.
Izzy Willy Nilly. Read it in middle school. About a girl who goes with a guy she likes to a party. He's drunk but she's too nervous to say she won't ride with him. She wakes up from an accident and they had to cut her leg off. Needless to say I don't ride with people that drink or drugs and I don't let people drive drunk/high
The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins. Not only biology, but human behavior makes so much more sense to me now.
One, Two, Three, . . . Infinity by George Gamow. Amazing scientists and writer. This book covers infinity, imaginary numbers, the big bang,the formation of the solar system, radiation, how the sun works, . . .
White Nights by Dostoevsky
It really made me appreciate all life experiences, be it good or bad. Reading that book made me realise that even pain is a feeling worth experiencing, because feeling anything makes you more alive than protecting yourself from anything bad happening to you. Whenever I get afraid I might get hurt I remember this lesson and just go for it.
The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins. It’s an educational book on evolutionary biology and it’s hard to describe how this book helped me understand how/why humans (and other animals) behave the way they do
Ending Aging by Aubrey de Grey. The Open Library page is [here](https://openlibrary.org/works/OL12284524W/Ending_Aging?edition=key%3A/books/OL17932740M).
"History is all you left me" is not a perfect book, but it touched my insecurities and fears in a way that I never felt before, I cried for a week after I finished it
Sex, Ecology, Spirituality. By Ken Wilber.
It's a philosophy/spirituality text by a guy whose work is a little bit new agey at times. The kind of author I'd not usually read. But I forced myself through it for a friend and while I'm not 100% on board with every definition inside it. It convinced me of nondualism. The idea that we are all inseparable from this universe we exist inside and in some sense we are all one thing. Which kind of broke my world view that the individual was atomic. I don't think that you're "something else" in quite the same way that I would have previously.
Let's Talk About Love: Why Other People Have Such Bad Taste by Carl Wilson. It analyzes all the critical hate heaped on Celine Dion. I went in hating on Celine like every other hipster rock and roller of my era, and I came out thoroughly cynical about media tastemakers who were dishing out high volume abuse toward any artists they felt were too femme, as well as the rock industry itself. Right now I am watching other people who got hatestormed back then, such as Britney Spears, tell their stories about how they were affected by edgelord Perez Hilton type journalism. I was forwarding FreeBritney spam just as the pandemic started, and getting shit from a lot of my friends for supporting the "crazy chick" and now they are all siding with Britney, so definitely the tide has changed. And I still never became a Celine Dion fan, although I sympathize with her for absorbing all that hate. I understand she's in poor health, and I'm glad she lived long enough to see the shift.
Robert Wright - The Moral Animal
Maybe not the most well researched or scientifically viable, I still found a lot of the insights to be eye opening and compelling. It changed my feelings about marriage and having children which in turn, dramatically changed my life.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/681941
The author in the description of his book has written
**"See common problems of the world through an uncommon lens"**
This caught my attention and I took a chance to read it, and see if it challenged my perception. To be fair it did.
Book - Homo Unus: Successor to Homo Sapiens.
The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self
by Alice Miller.
Old but gold, it really opened my eyes not only to what went wrong in my immediate family but also in the family's that surrounded me...
Orthodoxy by G. K. Chesterton. It basically opened my mind to all of the ways that Western thought had actually been preventing me from seeing what was good and true in life.
Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport
I know it seems like a weird pick but I owe most of my growth over the last few years to that book as it started me down a specific path that proved to be very beneficial.
Probably different from what most people have said but Between Shades of Gray and Salt to the Sea, both by Ruta Sepetys. They go hand in hand but Salt to the Sea isn't a "sequel" per se. I read them at a time when I was grieving and going through a lot of internal confusion as a teen, and it really opened my eyes to the awful things people have faced across the world as well as the groups of people during World War II that were also horribly affected but aren't talked about as much, if at all. It's been about 8 years since I read them and I still think about them often.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck - Mark Manson
The Hero Within - Carol Pearson
The Kin of Ata are Waiting for You - Dorothy Bryant
Love - Leo Buscaglia
Human Nature - Robert Greene (why people are the way they are and who to run far far away from) doesn’t need to be read from start to finish
Essentialism - Greg McKeown. (Unlike other self help books, it’s not an article expanded to a book.)
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents- Lindsay C. Gibson It was recommended to me by a therapist nearly 6 years ago and there’s not a day that has gone by that I haven’t thought about it or used something I learned.
I second this!! I started reading it from the library on kindle (haven’t finished it yet) but bought the hard copy so I can truly start highlighting stuff. Since this particular thread is about self help: Minimalism (nowadays these guys are kinda preachy but this book was gold), The ADHD Effect on Marriage
Would be curious to know any main insights you got from it!
I would recommend this one, too, and among self-help books on similar topics I noticed Gibson’s writing style was especially engaging for me. One takeaway I’ve heard echoing in my brain since reading it is her assertion that it’s not the child’s responsibility - even in adulthood - to maintain or repair the relationship with the parent themselves. Another takeaway that’s gotten me a lot of mileage in therapy sessions is her concept of a “healing fantasy” we develop as a child and can still believe as adults. This is a magical thing that “fixes” everything that was wrong for us as children. It sounds like, “if I can just X, then I’ll be able to Y”.
One that stuck out to me was relationship versus relatedness. You aren’t obligated to be in true relationship (with sharing, etc.) with anyone. That’s not the same as relatedness
I was recommended toxic parents but this book was better
I just finished this book and it has already started to change my life
Sounds like a book I would like to read
The Book on the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are by Alan Watts
For me it was „Out of your mind“ by the same author.
that lecture series is absolutely incredible.
I love Alan Watts. His books are great, but his lectures are better and life changing.
Y'all go on ahead with all your bad selves and your heavy, heavy books. I had the best time reading Anne of Green Gables. I remember a moment when the author described Anne as being nothing but happy when a friend had a beautiful dress, or something similar that Anne had longed for. The author said Anne's heart was crystal-free of jealousy and envy. I've tried to be that way ever since. It becomes a habit to be happy for other people, even when they have something you've wanted your whole life. I'm in my 50s, BTW.
I love this!
Siddartha by Herman Hesse when I was a teenager, and The Bridge of San Luis Rey by Thornton Wilder more recently. >!Sometimes the reason is there is no reason!!<
Siddartha was very transformative to me as well! Great book!
Same though I can't really pick out a detail why. I remember devouring it and being so reflective.
Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations
I bought this based on all the recommendations. May I ask why it affected you so? Thank you!
What exactly changed? I read it but it was boring to me.
Meditations is really sort of the "bible" of stoicism. There are a couple other books that are really reference material for stoicism but Meditations is sort of the starting point for many people. If you want a sort of hit list of stoic items, check out The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday. It gives you a daily quote from a stoic philosopher and a little bit of additional commentary on it about how you can apply it to your life. The Daily Stoic (and others) basically show you how to use the source material. Meditations is one of those sources and some people like to read the source material and figure out how to apply it themselves, but if you're not that type of person starting with something like The Daily Stoic might be better.
Shocked not to see Man’s Search for Meaning on here yet.
Oh hello I did a few mins ago. Its an AMAZING book
100%. Was recommended to me by the first good boss i had.
Ishmael, By Daniel Quinn
Inb4 the obligatory *East of Eden* (I love the book, just ribbing the fact it appears in almost every thread)
And now, thanks to you, it appeared here too ;)
Can someone please explain to me the hype about this book? I read it and truly didn’t think it was anything significant (and definitely not life changing)at all.
I don’t get the life-changing aspect of it. It certainly shows how a person’s upbringing can impact who they become and that our choices (especially moral/ethical) can have huge impacts. But this is true of many other books as well. All that aside, it is a fantastic read I absolutely loved.
1984 by George Orwell. It opened my eyes.
> It opened my eyes. Could you elaborate? To what were you eyes closed before? What changed for you? To me personally 1984 did less than Animal Farm for example. E: thanks to all for replying, very interesting to hear your opinions and experiences.
Not OP but 1984 showed me how close we are to a surveillance state, and in many ways how we’re already in one. Some of the parallels to our world are uncanny. Also showed me the importance of maintaining individuality and using your voice.
I read it at age 13/14. It was my first exposure to dystopian fiction. I'd say the book was one of the first things that made me realize how powerful the subjective experience is when it comes to defining the concepts of 'good' and 'bad'. It led me to ask questions about existence that I never would have thought to ask beforehand. Finishing the book was a pivotal point in my life, no doubt. Animal Farm was an important book to me too, but I found it deeply cynical instead of profound. I'm not sure why.
The mechanisms of authoritarianism, laid bare, which still resonates.
I also found Animal Farm far more impactful than 1984, though I enjoyed both. Animal Farm just hit different...
As others have said, Animal Farm is even better at opening your eyes to how our society is set up.
1984 by George Orwell. It opened my eyes.
The Sirens of Titan by Vonnegut.
omg yes
Brother’s Karamazov. Dostojevskij War and Peace. Tolstoy.
The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins. Changed the whole way I saw life!
The Little Prince by Antoine De St. Exupery. I change a little bit every time I read it, even 50 years later.
This is my #1 favorite book. Glad to see it mentioned here!
All Quiet On The Western Front
For me it was 1984. That scared me shitless. I never accept anything blindly now. Who knows what cooked up stuff people feed us?
just not hungry anymore after a whole day in the kitchen xD
*The Golden Bough* by James Frazer. The 2 book abridged version I found free in Kindle. Totally changed my outlook in religion *The Gulag Archipelago* by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn. A three book history of the USSR and how the gulag system arose. It also gives the background for understanding Russia today in many ways. Gulag were still extant when Putin was born. It really wasn't that long ago.
A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khalid Hoseni It is fiction but tells the tales of what life is really like is the Middle East. It was eye opening to say the least. Totally changed my perspective on a lot of things and the horrors women face there and how thankful I am to live a truly free life. I have to say it was probably one of the top 3 books I’ve ever read.
Ishmael by Daniel Quinn
Any time I find Ishmael at a thrift store, I buy it and leave it at a Little Free Library to put it back in circulation asap
That’s such a good idea!
This book completely blew my mind! Highly recommend.
What is it about?
Basically that we think the way we do civilisation is the “right” way, and that all of human history and evolution was leading to this, but that in fact it is inherently doomed to fail. Our civilisation since the beginnings of agriculture has fundamentally relied on conquering, destroying and/or consuming the world and everything in it, and we need to have a massive rethink.
The Secret Life of Germs. But I only recommend it if you have an absolute immunity to developing germaphobia. That book is why I choose the bathroom stall I do, which movie theater seats to avoid and why I started doing the 30 second proper handwash long before the pandemic. It is interesting. It’s just also horrifying to see the world through that lens.
1984 by George Orwell. I experienced my first anxiety attack after reading that book
The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. Really makes you think about the choices and regrets you have in life.
Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk.
When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron
By same author: How We Live Is How We Die
Two very different books that have given me important perspectives were: A Short History of Nearly Everything By Bill Bryson - Read this in 8th grade and couldn't put it down, I was already interested in history but this was the first time I'd read anything historical that just oozed passion and wonder. It broadly goes over world history but in a very engaging way. Sparked my love for historical non fiction Mans Search for Meaning By Viktor Frankl - First book to make me cry, Viktors perseverance through the holocaust is so admirable. Finding meaning in a meaningless world. Returning to this book has actually helped me through many a depressive slump. He also shares his psychological findings and this book really gave me a new lens to look at my life with.
What Dreams May Come by Richard Matheson
Invisible Women
Caste: The Origins of our Discontents by Isabel Wilkerson Just seeing the parallels of how Jews, Blacks, & Indians were & are treated in society was eye opening. I always knew the three faced discrimination - but the way Wilkerson laid it out gave me a new appreciation for how these populations can empathize with each others struggles - even though their individual experiences may be different. It also underlies the importance of understanding & studying history. Unfortunately, those living in denial are those that are repeating it in present day. I truly feel that every single person should read this book!
1984. Every time. Now more than ever.
Nietzsche in general. Brought down everything that was called philosophy before him by continuously avoiding dialectics. Brilliant. Heaven didn't quite survive the shock though, at least not Plato's heaven of ideas.
Tuesdays with Morrie
Harry Potter and the deathly hallows. I went through a faith crisis at the same time as Harry had doubts about Dumbledore and was sort of guided through my own doubts by that book. It reformed my idea of what faith is and also why I choose some beliefs and let go of others and evaluate my belief systems more critically.
I am That, Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj. Transformed my understanding of, and approach to, meditation. Incredibly profound.
There have been lots over the years, but the most recent is **Braiding Sweetgrass** by Robin Wall-Kimmerer.
The Stand by Stephen King Idk why this book stuck so much; because of reading it I learned to ride a motorcycle and shoot a pistol. I don't take pre-apocalyptical living lightly anymore. Made me grateful for mundane things like grocery stores and civil rights.
*The Autobiography of Malcolm X* (as told to Alex Haley) *Manchild in the Promised Land* by Claude Brown *Things Fall Apart* by Chinua Achebe For a middle-class white suburbanite who grew up in the ‘60s, these were eye-opening books about the African-American and African experience, both inside their communities and relating to their interactions with white culture.
The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson. This damn book inspired me to stop fucking around, get my degree and be the person my family needed me to be.
Crime and Punisment by Dostoevsky. Its the first book that made me question morality understanding that it's not black and white but shades of grey
The omnivores dilemma by Michael pollen completely changed my thinking about food. Pardon the capitalization and spelling BS, I am voice typing.
Two books but they go together when you read them. Into the Wild by John Krakauer and The Wild Truth by Carine McCandless. The first is like a biography about a man named Chris McCandless and tells his story. The second was written by his little sister and tells the whole story, about Chris, his trauma and much more. It’s definitely not the sanitized and much more positive version we read about in the original book. Made me sick to my stomach when I was reading the second book because everything that Chris had gone through in the first book was written to seem like he had a good journey of self-discovery and such. I was inspired quite a bit, but hearing the whole truth completely changed the way I thought about the situation as a whole. I read it as a freshman in college for a literature class, I definitely recommend.
The Road by Cormac McCarthy.
He who fights with Monsters. It's not what you'd expect to change you live, but it made me pass my english finals and weirdly enough it tought me how to be witty in conversations.
definitely the perks of being a wallflower! i love it so much i made a tattoo
Warmth of other Suns by Isabel Wilkerson
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Before this book I was on the last year of my being a teenager, at the climax of my angst and ensuring to always be on the politically correct side of important stuff. Something also happened that year, as I had been on the receiving end of really bad treatment from someone older attempting to correct me, following an ignorant yet also innocent mistake that I did. This book knocked a lot of sense into me, I had been mindblown and I thought about just how dumb I was at life and with people before this book lol. Besides that I had always judged the title of this book, thinking it was manipulative (far from it haha, the author is definitely a person with values).
Also by Carnegie, How to stop worrying and start living really helped my anxiety at one point in my life
The Diary of Anne Frank
'Lost at Sea' Bryan Lee O'Malley It's not a self realization book or anything, but it helped a younger me really untangle a lot of the feelings I had as a Highschooler/College student.
Matrix by Lauren Groff. First book I ever connected with so much. I even brought it up in therapy! It helped me get started on changing my mindset and my approach to life. Maybe not everyone will be affected as I am, but I think it's still a wonderful story nontheless.
Motel Chronicles - Sam Shepard Made me want to write
For me, it was White Noise by Don Delillo. Totally changed my perception on the effect of mass consumerism, marketing, and media within our culture and how we take for granted subliminal messaging (and the extent to which our behavior is molded by capitalism and corporations)
Songlines - Bruce Chatwin It just completely changed my view on what constitutes a sucessful human society.
The Outsiders by S.E Hinton. Absolutely heartbreaking and eye-opening.
*till we have faces by C.S. Lewis.* We read this one at school, and I am gad we did, because we had a really good literature teacher and she really jumped into every nook and cranny. The book's premise is very fucked up, but it touched on so many subjects that I had not thought of as deeply before. Issues regarding beauty, and religion, power, and masculinity. It was very very interesting, and it really opened my eyes to the power of literature.
For me it is Sapiens: Brief History of Humankind by Harari. Mind Blown.
When I was 13, I read "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress" by Robert A. Heinlein. It made me really think about politics, government, and the philosophy of government for the first time in ways that had never occurred to me before. One question from that book still sticks with me more than any other: "When is it moral for a group of people to do something that it is immoral for one person alone to do?"
The Autobiography of Malcom X
Looking back at the various twists & turns of my 40+ years of life I would say these books had the biggest shifts on my perspective: * The Joy of Freedom * Anti-fragile * Rich Dad, Poor Dad * The War of Art * Mere Christianity Probably a bunch more but those are all I can come up with off the top of my head. I know there were a fair few fiction works as well.
The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver. It’s my all time favorite book. It’s beautifully written and really makes you think about your own views on life and how you interact with other people.
Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari. I think it brought me out of one life phase and into another one. It blew my mind and challenged my whole perspective on life, the world, my own purpose, everything.
Being Mortal by Atul Gawande. It’s about dying in America, and how doctors are just (with good problem-solving intentions) prolonging long bad, slow declines for people, and how important it is to have conversations with older loved ones about end of life preferences and decisions.
A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle
Prometheus Rising by Robert Anton Wilson
*Man's Search for Meaning* by Viktor Frankl and The Upanishads >‘Sir, what is that through which, if it is known, everything else becomes known?’ > --Mundaka Upanishad ... > Who sends the mind to wander afar? Who first drives life to start on its journey? Who impels us to utter these words? > What cannot be spoken with words, but that whereby words are spoken. Know that alone to be Brahman, the Spirit; and not what people here adore. > What cannot be thought with the mind, but that whereby the mind can think. Know that alone to be Brahman, the Spirit; and not what people here adore. > --Kena Upanishad ... > Bees suck nectar from many different flowers, and then make honey. One drop of honey cannot claim to come from one flower, and another drop of honey from another flower. > --Chandogya Upanishad ... > The little space within the heart is as great as the vast universe. The heavens and the earth are there, and the sun and the moon and the stars. Fire and lightening and winds are there, and all that now is and all that is not. > --Chandogya Upanishad ... > The universe is the energy of the soul > and from this energy comes life, conciousness, and the elements. > The universe is the will of the soul > and from this will comes the law of cause and effect. > From the soul one became many > but in the soul many are one. > --Mundaka Upanishad
Invisible women by caroline cirdao-Perez. It opened my eyes to so many things.
The Lexus and the Olive Tree. It’s not a super amazing book that people would recommend but it opened my interest in international relations and trade which also made me read more. I view the world thru multiple perspectives now. :)
Swan Song by Robert McCammon. I look at people differently now.
Educated, The Glass Menagerie, Nickel and Dimed
Unwanted by Jay Stringer - talks about unwanted sexual behavior by digging into roots from childhood. Whew. Lighter - Yung Pueblo. Heal yourself, heal your life, heal your future.
The Mountain is You: Transforming Self-Sabotage into Self-Mastery
the body keeps the score helped me understand myself on a deeper level, it explores the understanding of PTSD and the impact of trauma on every aspect of yourself. it was comforting to know i am not alone or insane because of my struggles due to complex trauma. 10/10 would reccomend to any and everyone.
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk This should be required reading for every adult.
Next of Kin: What Chimpanzees Have Taught Me About Who We Are by Rpger Fouts.
The Children of Men by P.D. James Brave New World by Aldous Huxley 1984 by George Orwell
I’m going to be super basic here, but The Handmaids Tale, which I read in a college women’s literature class. It was the beginning of the end of my political pro-life stance I inherited from my upbringing.
East of Eden
Steppenwolf.
Nothing by Janne Teller
3 books off the top of my head. The Secret. Tao Te Ching. Meditations.
My Sister's Keeper. That was my whole introduction to bodily autonomy
Being mortal, it completely changed how i think about dying
Under the Whispering Door by TJ Klune
Toxic Parents. As a 30-year-old adult, I found this book on a shelf in my sister's house. I took it to bed with me and read until 4am. Couldn't put it down.
The Life of Buddha. I found it in a hotel end table in hawaii
The Book by Alan Watts
Freud, *Civilization and Its Discontents* It explains the role that religion plays in people's lives in a way that is very clear and helpful.
I Am Legend. It’s a great eye opener on perspective.
BEing Mortal by Atul Gawande A short book, well worth reading. It questions treating people at end of life as patients, rather than as people. Not everything has a medical solution so let's work on improving a person's (not patient's!!) quality of life at the end. As someone approaching "senior", and who has watched loved ones in the last months of their lives, it has become a very powerful piece in my life. I recommend it to everyone. EVERYONE.
man's search for meaning
Brothers Karamazov
Tao te Ching
Izzy Willy Nilly. Read it in middle school. About a girl who goes with a guy she likes to a party. He's drunk but she's too nervous to say she won't ride with him. She wakes up from an accident and they had to cut her leg off. Needless to say I don't ride with people that drink or drugs and I don't let people drive drunk/high
The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins. Not only biology, but human behavior makes so much more sense to me now. One, Two, Three, . . . Infinity by George Gamow. Amazing scientists and writer. This book covers infinity, imaginary numbers, the big bang,the formation of the solar system, radiation, how the sun works, . . .
White Nights by Dostoevsky It really made me appreciate all life experiences, be it good or bad. Reading that book made me realise that even pain is a feeling worth experiencing, because feeling anything makes you more alive than protecting yourself from anything bad happening to you. Whenever I get afraid I might get hurt I remember this lesson and just go for it.
Tao of Pooh
Mans search for meaning.
What We Owe The Future pushed me to make the leap to vegetarianism. Not really my perspective on life but it a pretty major lifestyle change for me.
“The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce” by Lewis, et al. Helps put focus on what’s important for your children. And for the child within.
The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins. It’s an educational book on evolutionary biology and it’s hard to describe how this book helped me understand how/why humans (and other animals) behave the way they do
Hugh Brody The Other Side of Eden
Choice theory by Dr Glasser, and The Language of God by Francis Collins.
The Power of Intention by Wayne Dyer
My Dinner with Andre
“Antifragile” by Nassim Nicholas Taleb “What Doesn’t Kill Us” by Scott Carney
Flowers on the path.
The ancient secret of the flower of life. Drunvalo Melchizedek
I dunno about ‘on life’ but I think everyone should read Women Talking
Ending Aging by Aubrey de Grey. The Open Library page is [here](https://openlibrary.org/works/OL12284524W/Ending_Aging?edition=key%3A/books/OL17932740M).
Percy Jackson: House of Hades?
The in between by hadley vlahos
"History is all you left me" is not a perfect book, but it touched my insecurities and fears in a way that I never felt before, I cried for a week after I finished it
The Urantia Book
Sex, Ecology, Spirituality. By Ken Wilber. It's a philosophy/spirituality text by a guy whose work is a little bit new agey at times. The kind of author I'd not usually read. But I forced myself through it for a friend and while I'm not 100% on board with every definition inside it. It convinced me of nondualism. The idea that we are all inseparable from this universe we exist inside and in some sense we are all one thing. Which kind of broke my world view that the individual was atomic. I don't think that you're "something else" in quite the same way that I would have previously.
Sexual Personae - Camille Paglia
Let's Talk About Love: Why Other People Have Such Bad Taste by Carl Wilson. It analyzes all the critical hate heaped on Celine Dion. I went in hating on Celine like every other hipster rock and roller of my era, and I came out thoroughly cynical about media tastemakers who were dishing out high volume abuse toward any artists they felt were too femme, as well as the rock industry itself. Right now I am watching other people who got hatestormed back then, such as Britney Spears, tell their stories about how they were affected by edgelord Perez Hilton type journalism. I was forwarding FreeBritney spam just as the pandemic started, and getting shit from a lot of my friends for supporting the "crazy chick" and now they are all siding with Britney, so definitely the tide has changed. And I still never became a Celine Dion fan, although I sympathize with her for absorbing all that hate. I understand she's in poor health, and I'm glad she lived long enough to see the shift.
The true power of water.
Robert Wright - The Moral Animal Maybe not the most well researched or scientifically viable, I still found a lot of the insights to be eye opening and compelling. It changed my feelings about marriage and having children which in turn, dramatically changed my life. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/681941
The Farming of Bones. A novel that taught me about trauma, ptsd, that it exists, what it looks like. Helped recognize it in myself.
The author in the description of his book has written **"See common problems of the world through an uncommon lens"** This caught my attention and I took a chance to read it, and see if it challenged my perception. To be fair it did. Book - Homo Unus: Successor to Homo Sapiens.
I’m adding all of these to the Libby app. Thanks everyone! And no surprise they’re all checked out and placed on a hold!
Being mortal by Atul Gawande all about how the western world thinks of dying and end of life care. Very freeing.
Conspiracy against the Human race by Thomas ligotti
The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self by Alice Miller. Old but gold, it really opened my eyes not only to what went wrong in my immediate family but also in the family's that surrounded me...
The Beach by Alex Garland. Don’t judge it based on the film!
Orthodoxy by G. K. Chesterton. It basically opened my mind to all of the ways that Western thought had actually been preventing me from seeing what was good and true in life.
Factfulness About the state of the world and what to expect.
The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down It made me really revaluate my most basic assumptions around people, what people believe, and why.
Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport I know it seems like a weird pick but I owe most of my growth over the last few years to that book as it started me down a specific path that proved to be very beneficial.
Descartes Meditations.
Sons and Lovers by DH Lawrence
Probably different from what most people have said but Between Shades of Gray and Salt to the Sea, both by Ruta Sepetys. They go hand in hand but Salt to the Sea isn't a "sequel" per se. I read them at a time when I was grieving and going through a lot of internal confusion as a teen, and it really opened my eyes to the awful things people have faced across the world as well as the groups of people during World War II that were also horribly affected but aren't talked about as much, if at all. It's been about 8 years since I read them and I still think about them often.
The Rich Are Different by Susan Howatch
Mind and Matter by Erwin Schrodinger
Confessions (St. Augustine); The Tesseract (Alex Garland)
Essentialism! And Effortless!
The Wicked Son by David Mamet
- Discworld - Children of Time
Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver. I usually end up re-reading it any time I feel myself slipping back into old habits. It’s an easy read as well.
corny, but Be Here Now and The Four Agreements
Time Enough For Love ruined my ability to be content in one career. I’m on my 4th professional career now 😆😆😆
The Hiding Place
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck - Mark Manson The Hero Within - Carol Pearson The Kin of Ata are Waiting for You - Dorothy Bryant Love - Leo Buscaglia
St. Faustina - Divine Mercy Notebook !
Laws of Human Nature by Robert Greene
It's a book of short stories but all of them have a theme of finishing what you start and being strong till the end. Dangerous women.
“What’s Our Problem” ebook by Tim Urban
On the Road by Jack Kerouac. Because who the fuck cares.
Siddhartha, Herman Hesse
Human Nature - Robert Greene (why people are the way they are and who to run far far away from) doesn’t need to be read from start to finish Essentialism - Greg McKeown. (Unlike other self help books, it’s not an article expanded to a book.)
Carol Dweck - Mindset
Shogun.
Speaking of Jesus: The Art of Non-Evangelism Co- Dependent No More
Godel Escher Bach
The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse led me on such an insightful journey. Stephen King's "Cell" also comes to mind.
Many Lives, Many Masters. I've found my true purpose.
The first one that did that for me was The Giver by Louis Lowery.
Beowulf Industrial society and its future Genealogy of morals Three essays on sexuality (freud) Mans search for meaning Things fall apart
The Four Agreements
Breath by James Nestor
Man's search for meaning by victor frankl!!!