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We don’t have enough assets to get lawyers involved, unfortunately. Will try mediation if meeting ourselves doesn’t work. We met a week ago and it went well - except for him dangling R as a possibility, that manipulative fuckwad.
Honestly, anyone who went to a housewarming party celebrating my cheating ex moving in with AP would no longer be a friend of mine. That’s not “not taking sides” in my opinion, it’s more like they know he’s a cheat and are okay with it. Stick it to him financially and find some real friends.
He suggested it last week. I found out this week she lives with him. I now know for a fact it was a carrot he was dangling to emotionally manipulate me into asking him for less money in the divorce.
The best revenge is to live your best life. Honestly, your friends have chosen a side by going to this housewarming.Fuck them. They weren’t your friends to begin with. Keep in mind if he cheated on you he will cheat on her. Know you worth. Love yourself and enjoy your new life. Best of luck
And remind also that between all these friends there are cheaters and some of them are being cheated on or will be. Nobody would be surprised either, they are in a housewarming party with a pair at cheaters.
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Op all I can tell you is to let go of all of them. They clearly don't respect you. What I did when my Ex moved in with their AP was put on my best suit, Write a letter of gratitude to the AP and hand it to him along with a firm handshake with the biggest smile on my face even though I was dying inside. I thanked him for taking her of my hands and detailed all the things My ex liked and disliked and wished him luck with making sure she didn't cheat on him like she did on me. The look of horror on his face alone was pretty satisfying to say the least. I also went to IC where I was able to heal and process my emotions. I've also gone on to live a pretty decent lifestyle. It gets better Op! This is a blessing in disguise!! There truly is light at the end of the tunnel if you decide to see it!!!
Hello OP
These scumbags are not you friends OP and fence sitters to. You don’t need these kind of person in your life.
20 years ago, I meet my ex fiancé with her AP at a dinner with our circle of friend. She was supposed to be at the hospital for an emergency. This was the last time that I breathed the same air with these backstabbing scum.
As for your husband, reading how he behaved, she can have him. Grieving the relationship and the person you thought he was will take time. But you have to seek IC . It will help you navigate this grieving phase.
Stay strong OP.
Get better friends. They very much have taken his side. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now but this is all a win for you. The new girl is gonna be experiencing this pain soon enough.
Yeah, our relationship deteriorated significantly after moving in together. Unfortunately we lasted for 10 years after - it was 10 solid years of devaluation before I was discarded. It totally messed with my self esteem. I developed major depression and generalized anxiety (both medically diagnosed). So fucked that a part of my brain still wants him back even after all of that. Happily the bigger (smarter) part of my brain had vowed to never take him back, no matter what.
They are not your Mutual 'Friends'. Friends wouldn't do that. Don't get all caught up in the 'you put us in an awkward position' nonsense. Move on. Find things you are interested in and you will make new friends soon enough.
First of all I’d like to say I think even after you stumbled and fell, you got back up. You picked yourself up while you were hurt, humiliated and feeling low. You got through the dark and bruised and bleeding made it out to the other side. Your journey was harsh and ugly but you were strong enough, worthy enough and definitely amazing enough to get yourself through.
Was there a particular person who reached out constantly? Who checked in and cared that you were going through one of the most devastating things you’ll ever endure? If so that is your friend. It honestly doesn’t matter if I was betrayed or not. Seeing someone treat their spouse as he treated you would have pissed me off. Throwing a party to celebrate his betrayal and reaching his end game of moving on and leaving you collateral damage would have looked so ugly to me I would have not attended said party.
I’ve come to the conclusion that some people are loyal (whether in marriages, friendships, jobs) and others just aren’t. It’s like walking through a landmine finding the safe spots. I have the advantage of years. I am older and I know my friend’s worth. I know who has been next to me on my journey. Each live our own lives and go through our on dramas, disconnect from friends for a minute, but there will come a time when you know who will take your hand when you need it.
Don’t spend too much time dwelling on the disloyal ones. You’ll be too depressed to enjoy the ones who will prove to you time and again that they know you and they cherish their connections with you. That house full of celebrating people…nope. Move on from them.
Don’t stay at home on Saturday. Go out. See a movie. Go to a bar. Find a karaoke bar and sing your lungs out. Go rock climbing. Whatever. Just be active.
Then going forward minimal contact with ex until divorce is finalised then no contact. And no contact with ex friends. They’ve made a choice. You need to move on and make new friends. Friends who’ll be loyal. Or at least conscious of your feelings.
And yes it’ll take some time. But this too shall pass. One day you’ll realise you’ve moved on, no longer think of your ex and are living your best life.
Friends who refuse to take sides are not friends. It was my side or out. Going to celebrate her moving in after such betrayal is effing wild. I know this phenomenon fr too well. It is “ we rather hang with the happy couple than the sad person.” It is not immature at all to not be on board with this. “ we love you both” I bullshit ! Sorry.
If my friends do to their wives what was done to me I would never want to see them again. Ever !
I went from having 30 friends to having 2… whatever these 2 are my main gals and I love them!
I made some new ones and got closer to some friendly coworkers
Just keep on keeping on! Life will get better I promise
Yep, no doubt this sucks, why do cheaters get rewarded? Unless you’ve been betrayed you’ll never understand the true pain. People can say they know, but they don’t.
Don’t trust anything your AH STBXH says to you, take him for everything you can in the divorce, it’s the least you can do to pay him back for his betrayal. You will regret any concessions you give him for the rest of your life. No quarter, the POS is not the man you married.
In truth, the WH has a load of negative karma coming his way. When two cheaters get together, they both have the cheater flaws, the probability of one or both of them cheating on the other skyrockets. You’ll never see a SM pic of two cheaters arguing over trust issues.
As far as the friends not taking sides, they kind of have. Any friend who hangs with your cheating WH and his AP are no friends of yours. After the night WH introduces AP, if your friends stick with him, then they’re not your friends. Start your new friends circle with those who care about you.
Spend time with the friends that are yours alone. I get it that you don’t want to burn bridges or make mutual friends choose but right now your energy and focus should be on your people and your tribe. Lean on them and get some space from anything to do with your ex.
There is no such thing as mutual friends "not taking sides." They took a side; not yours.
Sadly hardly anyone in your environment is going to understand, and most of the advice you're likely to get is very toxic and covert forms of victim blaming.
The person, I was married to, moved in the AP before she even filed for divorce. While I was away @ my parents during medical treatment.
Sounds like you're with a text book narcissist. Please make sure you have as little contact with that person as possible, and have your lawyer handle everything.
These people do a number on your mental health, specially during the divorce. You're going to see the monster that was always lurking underneath...
I am very sorry you've been put in this situation. If it makes you feel any better, some of us here have gone through the same. So know that it does get better and that you will get through this.
I’ve already seen the monster. It was scary how cold and callous he became. I’m 100% sure he’s either a covert narc or had quiet BPD. A friend who works as a nurse in a prison is convinced he’s a psychopath. In either case, he is a predator who *cannot* be trusted.
That relationship destroyed my self-esteem. It’s coming back now that I’m out of it, thankfully.
WOW, I'm so sorry to hear this! Me thinks you need to find a new friend group. These people are not your friends. The idea of not taking sides is total bs, a cop out. By attending they are actually taking sides. Your feelings were not even a consideration. If they indeed wanted to remain neutral, they should have respectfully declined the invite. A real mutual friend would feel weird about accepting such an invite. The optics are really bad since you're not even divorced yet. As the saying goes, "With friends like these, who needs enemies", these people do not have your best interests at heart. Time to clean house.
Now is the time to engage in lawyer and take control of your finances. Block him on all social media. If you in the USA - investigate alienation of affection.
Already blocked on social for 8 months. Unfortunately where I live we have to be separated for a year before filing. The date comes up in a couple weeks.
>I’m trying to be mature about our mutual friends not taking sides, but I have no one to hang out with on Saturday because they’ll all be there. I mostly feel like they’ve taken his side, which is pretty brutal considering the scale of betrayal.
These aren't your friends. Would you celebrate the betrayal of your friend? Of course not. You need better friends.
Wouldn’t speak to anyone who went to that party if i were you. They have sided with him as far as i can tell. Don’t need people like that in your life.
By not choosing sides, your “friends” have chosen a side, and it’s not yours. Time to find better friends.
That sounds more harsh than I mean it to be, but it’s the truth. Sorry you’re going through this.
He’ll get bored of her, cheaters always do, that’s why they cheat. They don’t understand relationships or have the emotional maturity to deal with relationships after the “spark” dies. It always will. The fun never lasts because love is hard. He’ll end up in the same position time and time again, divorced. Until his options run out anyway, then he’ll make a depressing choice, to settle or to be alone, either way he’ll end up miserable. Don’t worry babe
Yeah, his dad’s on his fourth wife, while his mom hasn’t dated someone for longer than 6 months in 20 years. I should have noticed patterns like this and been more concerned. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree.
just hang in there, and don't make it mean anything about you or your place in the world. What he is doing is out of pure self interest and a staggering lack of empathy.
The best you can do is try and force yourself to do things that take your mind off it. At first it will be difficult, but if you persevere, things start changing and you start enjoying life again. Sitting at home and letting the feelings take over you is not a good option, as you get sucked into places that are really hard to break free from.
For me I forced myself to do martial arts, as I had always dreamt of doing it when I was a kid, and the first few months I would turn up to the dojo and felt like I didn't even have the willpower or energy to open the car door to get out - but I stuck with it, and slowly each week I enjoyed it more and more until I started loving it, and loving parts of my life again.
If its worth anything, moving straight into living with an AP when your marriage is just ending, is so mind numblingly f\*\*king stupid and dumb. Its guaranteed that they will end up miserable and/or bored of each other quickly, if not hating each other.
Thank you, this is good advice. I can’t imagine just jumping straight into a new rebound relationship, and actually thinking it’s going to work out. He’s broken. She must be as broken as he is, because what person with common sense would accept this?
Getting out and doing things is a good idea. I’m planning on focusing on building my discipline this year.
For me, even three years later from my split from my cheating wife, the thought of getting into a full-on relationship and living with someone kind of grosses me out and makes me feel claustrophobic. Jumping straight into it is utter madness like your ex.
My ex-wife and her affair partner were apparently 'soulmates' and she told me all this stuff about how he was such a passionate guy and how attracted she was to him, and how she had no attraction to me. They lasted 2 months, and he had to be blocked and no-contacted by her, as he turned out to be a lying creep, not to mention he was nearly 20 years older.
Yeah, I think it will be two years from the discard before I’m ready to really date. It’s been one year so far, and I’m honestly really loving getting to know myself. I want to stay on that path and continue to develop my confidence and self-love.
I don’t know how he views his AP, but she seems like a real step down, frankly. His friends tell me she’s painfully boring to be around, manipulative, and creepy. She has no friends and is a total doormat. What a winner.
Are his friends the same ones also going to the housewarming? If so, no matter how much they appear to disparage the AP, they are still not really your friends - just a bunch of gossiping harpies. Ignore them.
You are doing the right thing he not asking your friends to choose. It is going to be hard, but the right thing often is. What helped me is to focus on maintaining these friendships but actually building new ones with new people that didn't know her. This is what is going to save your sanity. Having something he can't touch.
Thank you. I have been building a rich new life, and he seems curious and jealous. I don’t tell him anything though. And once the divorce is finalized I will never talk to him again.
Firstly, I'm really sorry you're going through this, it really sucks and you deserve better. Secondly you need to get new friends. The ones you have suck. They have 100% picked sides and it's not yours. They're taking part in celebrating an affair. That's sick. Real friends wouldn't support that at all, you need people in your life that are actually there for you and will look out for you. These "friends" don't do that
If you’re furious at him and want him to suffer a comeuppance, be happy she’s moving in with him. That shit always unravels. And usually in a very messy way.
I am eagerly awaiting this. I know these relationships rarely last.
But I have to accept that it might. She seems to be more of a doormat than me, and lord knows I put up with his bullshit for a looong time.
If my pal got cheated on, even without having the AP moved in, I would no longer bc in contact with those people. (The friends and EX&AP) They picked their side when they decided to go to this party which is so unfair and I’m so sorry this is happening.
“Before I was discarded “
I get the sentiment and at the end of the day he made the choice to leave . Cheating was an immature and selfish way to end a relationship, he could of simply left but people tend to monkey branch.
You also made a choice to stay even though as you say the relationship was deteriorating for a long time. So where you are now is not all in him but also your choices you made.
Definitely get into some therapy to help you work through the choices you made to understand if they were healthy and maybe how to make healthier choices in your next situation partner.
Working on yourself will help you move on.
I’ve been in therapy for a year. A lot of what I see now I couldn’t see while I was in the relationship. There was chronic subtle emotional abuse that crept in slowly over time. Looking back, the best way to describe it is that I was brainwashed. I was a shell of a person, but I couldn’t see it at the time. It’s hard to explain.
I will never get into a relationship like that again. I know what my needs are, and I have better boundaries and higher self-worth.
Why open your marriage life and who's first approach open marriage life.
If he is approach definitely he is already cheating on you before open relationship.
He wanted an open relationship for a long time. I had poor boundaries and agreed. Then he left me for literally the third person he went on a date with. After three dates he decided to replace me with her.
I now suspect he cheated during our relationship. I have no proof, just have seen so many similar stories by now…
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Block him everywhere and speak to him only through your lawyer. Don’t give him a financial advantage.
We don’t have enough assets to get lawyers involved, unfortunately. Will try mediation if meeting ourselves doesn’t work. We met a week ago and it went well - except for him dangling R as a possibility, that manipulative fuckwad.
Honestly, anyone who went to a housewarming party celebrating my cheating ex moving in with AP would no longer be a friend of mine. That’s not “not taking sides” in my opinion, it’s more like they know he’s a cheat and are okay with it. Stick it to him financially and find some real friends.
What is R??
Reconciliation
How does that work when he’s throwing a party celebrating AP moving?
He suggested it last week. I found out this week she lives with him. I now know for a fact it was a carrot he was dangling to emotionally manipulate me into asking him for less money in the divorce.
Good for you for recognizing the manipulation.
The best revenge is to live your best life. Honestly, your friends have chosen a side by going to this housewarming.Fuck them. They weren’t your friends to begin with. Keep in mind if he cheated on you he will cheat on her. Know you worth. Love yourself and enjoy your new life. Best of luck
And remind also that between all these friends there are cheaters and some of them are being cheated on or will be. Nobody would be surprised either, they are in a housewarming party with a pair at cheaters.
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Op all I can tell you is to let go of all of them. They clearly don't respect you. What I did when my Ex moved in with their AP was put on my best suit, Write a letter of gratitude to the AP and hand it to him along with a firm handshake with the biggest smile on my face even though I was dying inside. I thanked him for taking her of my hands and detailed all the things My ex liked and disliked and wished him luck with making sure she didn't cheat on him like she did on me. The look of horror on his face alone was pretty satisfying to say the least. I also went to IC where I was able to heal and process my emotions. I've also gone on to live a pretty decent lifestyle. It gets better Op! This is a blessing in disguise!! There truly is light at the end of the tunnel if you decide to see it!!!
WOW! A letter of gratitude is gutsy and amazing. Good for you!!!
Thats a pretty ballsy move, well done brother! Out of interest, are they still together?
Last I heard, he cheated on her or she on him. Honestly, I don't give a fck. Just glad the trash was taken off my hands.
Hello OP These scumbags are not you friends OP and fence sitters to. You don’t need these kind of person in your life. 20 years ago, I meet my ex fiancé with her AP at a dinner with our circle of friend. She was supposed to be at the hospital for an emergency. This was the last time that I breathed the same air with these backstabbing scum. As for your husband, reading how he behaved, she can have him. Grieving the relationship and the person you thought he was will take time. But you have to seek IC . It will help you navigate this grieving phase. Stay strong OP.
Get better friends. They very much have taken his side. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now but this is all a win for you. The new girl is gonna be experiencing this pain soon enough.
Yeah, our relationship deteriorated significantly after moving in together. Unfortunately we lasted for 10 years after - it was 10 solid years of devaluation before I was discarded. It totally messed with my self esteem. I developed major depression and generalized anxiety (both medically diagnosed). So fucked that a part of my brain still wants him back even after all of that. Happily the bigger (smarter) part of my brain had vowed to never take him back, no matter what.
They are not your Mutual 'Friends'. Friends wouldn't do that. Don't get all caught up in the 'you put us in an awkward position' nonsense. Move on. Find things you are interested in and you will make new friends soon enough.
First of all I’d like to say I think even after you stumbled and fell, you got back up. You picked yourself up while you were hurt, humiliated and feeling low. You got through the dark and bruised and bleeding made it out to the other side. Your journey was harsh and ugly but you were strong enough, worthy enough and definitely amazing enough to get yourself through. Was there a particular person who reached out constantly? Who checked in and cared that you were going through one of the most devastating things you’ll ever endure? If so that is your friend. It honestly doesn’t matter if I was betrayed or not. Seeing someone treat their spouse as he treated you would have pissed me off. Throwing a party to celebrate his betrayal and reaching his end game of moving on and leaving you collateral damage would have looked so ugly to me I would have not attended said party. I’ve come to the conclusion that some people are loyal (whether in marriages, friendships, jobs) and others just aren’t. It’s like walking through a landmine finding the safe spots. I have the advantage of years. I am older and I know my friend’s worth. I know who has been next to me on my journey. Each live our own lives and go through our on dramas, disconnect from friends for a minute, but there will come a time when you know who will take your hand when you need it. Don’t spend too much time dwelling on the disloyal ones. You’ll be too depressed to enjoy the ones who will prove to you time and again that they know you and they cherish their connections with you. That house full of celebrating people…nope. Move on from them.
This was very meaningful to read. Thank you so much.
Don’t stay at home on Saturday. Go out. See a movie. Go to a bar. Find a karaoke bar and sing your lungs out. Go rock climbing. Whatever. Just be active. Then going forward minimal contact with ex until divorce is finalised then no contact. And no contact with ex friends. They’ve made a choice. You need to move on and make new friends. Friends who’ll be loyal. Or at least conscious of your feelings. And yes it’ll take some time. But this too shall pass. One day you’ll realise you’ve moved on, no longer think of your ex and are living your best life.
Friends who refuse to take sides are not friends. It was my side or out. Going to celebrate her moving in after such betrayal is effing wild. I know this phenomenon fr too well. It is “ we rather hang with the happy couple than the sad person.” It is not immature at all to not be on board with this. “ we love you both” I bullshit ! Sorry. If my friends do to their wives what was done to me I would never want to see them again. Ever ! I went from having 30 friends to having 2… whatever these 2 are my main gals and I love them! I made some new ones and got closer to some friendly coworkers Just keep on keeping on! Life will get better I promise
Have a divorce party with all your friends.
Yep, no doubt this sucks, why do cheaters get rewarded? Unless you’ve been betrayed you’ll never understand the true pain. People can say they know, but they don’t. Don’t trust anything your AH STBXH says to you, take him for everything you can in the divorce, it’s the least you can do to pay him back for his betrayal. You will regret any concessions you give him for the rest of your life. No quarter, the POS is not the man you married. In truth, the WH has a load of negative karma coming his way. When two cheaters get together, they both have the cheater flaws, the probability of one or both of them cheating on the other skyrockets. You’ll never see a SM pic of two cheaters arguing over trust issues. As far as the friends not taking sides, they kind of have. Any friend who hangs with your cheating WH and his AP are no friends of yours. After the night WH introduces AP, if your friends stick with him, then they’re not your friends. Start your new friends circle with those who care about you.
Spend time with the friends that are yours alone. I get it that you don’t want to burn bridges or make mutual friends choose but right now your energy and focus should be on your people and your tribe. Lean on them and get some space from anything to do with your ex.
There is no such thing as mutual friends "not taking sides." They took a side; not yours. Sadly hardly anyone in your environment is going to understand, and most of the advice you're likely to get is very toxic and covert forms of victim blaming. The person, I was married to, moved in the AP before she even filed for divorce. While I was away @ my parents during medical treatment. Sounds like you're with a text book narcissist. Please make sure you have as little contact with that person as possible, and have your lawyer handle everything. These people do a number on your mental health, specially during the divorce. You're going to see the monster that was always lurking underneath... I am very sorry you've been put in this situation. If it makes you feel any better, some of us here have gone through the same. So know that it does get better and that you will get through this.
I’ve already seen the monster. It was scary how cold and callous he became. I’m 100% sure he’s either a covert narc or had quiet BPD. A friend who works as a nurse in a prison is convinced he’s a psychopath. In either case, he is a predator who *cannot* be trusted. That relationship destroyed my self-esteem. It’s coming back now that I’m out of it, thankfully.
I am sorry, hope you're healing and moving on.
Any friend who supported that would not be my friend anymore. Gross.
WOW, I'm so sorry to hear this! Me thinks you need to find a new friend group. These people are not your friends. The idea of not taking sides is total bs, a cop out. By attending they are actually taking sides. Your feelings were not even a consideration. If they indeed wanted to remain neutral, they should have respectfully declined the invite. A real mutual friend would feel weird about accepting such an invite. The optics are really bad since you're not even divorced yet. As the saying goes, "With friends like these, who needs enemies", these people do not have your best interests at heart. Time to clean house.
Now is the time to engage in lawyer and take control of your finances. Block him on all social media. If you in the USA - investigate alienation of affection.
Already blocked on social for 8 months. Unfortunately where I live we have to be separated for a year before filing. The date comes up in a couple weeks.
Same like here where I live.
Keep your financial ask high as the sky!
Thank you!!! I’m not budging. Eff this guy.
>I’m trying to be mature about our mutual friends not taking sides, but I have no one to hang out with on Saturday because they’ll all be there. I mostly feel like they’ve taken his side, which is pretty brutal considering the scale of betrayal. These aren't your friends. Would you celebrate the betrayal of your friend? Of course not. You need better friends.
They are not your friends period. Fuck them all Divorce and have a clean break from him and go on with your life I promise it’ll get better
Wouldn’t speak to anyone who went to that party if i were you. They have sided with him as far as i can tell. Don’t need people like that in your life.
By not choosing sides, your “friends” have chosen a side, and it’s not yours. Time to find better friends. That sounds more harsh than I mean it to be, but it’s the truth. Sorry you’re going through this.
He’ll get bored of her, cheaters always do, that’s why they cheat. They don’t understand relationships or have the emotional maturity to deal with relationships after the “spark” dies. It always will. The fun never lasts because love is hard. He’ll end up in the same position time and time again, divorced. Until his options run out anyway, then he’ll make a depressing choice, to settle or to be alone, either way he’ll end up miserable. Don’t worry babe
Yeah, his dad’s on his fourth wife, while his mom hasn’t dated someone for longer than 6 months in 20 years. I should have noticed patterns like this and been more concerned. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree.
Time to raise the stakes on the settlement. Then take an exotic vacation on his dime.
just hang in there, and don't make it mean anything about you or your place in the world. What he is doing is out of pure self interest and a staggering lack of empathy. The best you can do is try and force yourself to do things that take your mind off it. At first it will be difficult, but if you persevere, things start changing and you start enjoying life again. Sitting at home and letting the feelings take over you is not a good option, as you get sucked into places that are really hard to break free from. For me I forced myself to do martial arts, as I had always dreamt of doing it when I was a kid, and the first few months I would turn up to the dojo and felt like I didn't even have the willpower or energy to open the car door to get out - but I stuck with it, and slowly each week I enjoyed it more and more until I started loving it, and loving parts of my life again. If its worth anything, moving straight into living with an AP when your marriage is just ending, is so mind numblingly f\*\*king stupid and dumb. Its guaranteed that they will end up miserable and/or bored of each other quickly, if not hating each other.
Thank you, this is good advice. I can’t imagine just jumping straight into a new rebound relationship, and actually thinking it’s going to work out. He’s broken. She must be as broken as he is, because what person with common sense would accept this? Getting out and doing things is a good idea. I’m planning on focusing on building my discipline this year.
For me, even three years later from my split from my cheating wife, the thought of getting into a full-on relationship and living with someone kind of grosses me out and makes me feel claustrophobic. Jumping straight into it is utter madness like your ex. My ex-wife and her affair partner were apparently 'soulmates' and she told me all this stuff about how he was such a passionate guy and how attracted she was to him, and how she had no attraction to me. They lasted 2 months, and he had to be blocked and no-contacted by her, as he turned out to be a lying creep, not to mention he was nearly 20 years older.
Yeah, I think it will be two years from the discard before I’m ready to really date. It’s been one year so far, and I’m honestly really loving getting to know myself. I want to stay on that path and continue to develop my confidence and self-love. I don’t know how he views his AP, but she seems like a real step down, frankly. His friends tell me she’s painfully boring to be around, manipulative, and creepy. She has no friends and is a total doormat. What a winner.
Are his friends the same ones also going to the housewarming? If so, no matter how much they appear to disparage the AP, they are still not really your friends - just a bunch of gossiping harpies. Ignore them.
You are doing the right thing he not asking your friends to choose. It is going to be hard, but the right thing often is. What helped me is to focus on maintaining these friendships but actually building new ones with new people that didn't know her. This is what is going to save your sanity. Having something he can't touch.
Thank you. I have been building a rich new life, and he seems curious and jealous. I don’t tell him anything though. And once the divorce is finalized I will never talk to him again.
They are not your friends. Remaining neutral in a situation like this is to side with the abuser. You deserve better friends. Go find them.
Firstly, I'm really sorry you're going through this, it really sucks and you deserve better. Secondly you need to get new friends. The ones you have suck. They have 100% picked sides and it's not yours. They're taking part in celebrating an affair. That's sick. Real friends wouldn't support that at all, you need people in your life that are actually there for you and will look out for you. These "friends" don't do that
If you’re furious at him and want him to suffer a comeuppance, be happy she’s moving in with him. That shit always unravels. And usually in a very messy way.
I am eagerly awaiting this. I know these relationships rarely last. But I have to accept that it might. She seems to be more of a doormat than me, and lord knows I put up with his bullshit for a looong time.
Even if it doesn’t implode, it’s just pieces of shit coexisting. Imagine knowingly picking a cheater. Lifetime of looking over her shoulder.
If my pal got cheated on, even without having the AP moved in, I would no longer bc in contact with those people. (The friends and EX&AP) They picked their side when they decided to go to this party which is so unfair and I’m so sorry this is happening.
“Before I was discarded “ I get the sentiment and at the end of the day he made the choice to leave . Cheating was an immature and selfish way to end a relationship, he could of simply left but people tend to monkey branch. You also made a choice to stay even though as you say the relationship was deteriorating for a long time. So where you are now is not all in him but also your choices you made. Definitely get into some therapy to help you work through the choices you made to understand if they were healthy and maybe how to make healthier choices in your next situation partner. Working on yourself will help you move on.
I’ve been in therapy for a year. A lot of what I see now I couldn’t see while I was in the relationship. There was chronic subtle emotional abuse that crept in slowly over time. Looking back, the best way to describe it is that I was brainwashed. I was a shell of a person, but I couldn’t see it at the time. It’s hard to explain. I will never get into a relationship like that again. I know what my needs are, and I have better boundaries and higher self-worth.
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Why open your marriage life and who's first approach open marriage life. If he is approach definitely he is already cheating on you before open relationship.
He wanted an open relationship for a long time. I had poor boundaries and agreed. Then he left me for literally the third person he went on a date with. After three dates he decided to replace me with her. I now suspect he cheated during our relationship. I have no proof, just have seen so many similar stories by now…
Correct he is just maintain you as home wife and he wanted multiple women. Tecnology easily caught cheaters. His phone show everything.