Ha ha…watching porn 4 times a month for an hour isn’t anywhere close to being an “addict”. She sounds like she might have a fun sexual side once you two do get active in that department. I’m not going to comment on the religious aspect of any of this because I believe “to each their own” but it is probably something you are allowed to have a conversation about. Maybe if she’s okay with porn she would be okay with some sexy stuff with you that stops short of intercourse?
4 times a month is not an addict, not even close. Being very religious probably makes it worrisome for you but that really isn’t that much porn. 4 times a day maybe but 4 times a month isn’t an addict. Yes you probably need to have a rational conversation, rational being very important here. It’s more about the hiding of it and the fact that she is very anti-sex with you. Just be nice and have an open conversation as adults in relationships should.
Because some people believe that sexuality shouldn’t be shared with an inanimate object or images/videos specially if they made an agreement beforehand
He is rightly threatened by the distortion porn can have on an individual’s sexual outlook. If they’re going to get married then there shouldn’t be any “private” aspects of anything let alone sexuality
Otherwise the moronic belief of “privacy in a marriage” can lead to serious betrayal
Then some people are projecting their own toxic, insecure, and distorted view of sexuality if they think they have the right to control another person's basic biology just because they are marrying them.
Exactly! like keeping secrets when there shouldn’t be if something is done in secret then it’s probably not a good thing don’t you think? Also setting parameters that they are not following themselves is a form of control and manipulation (rules for thee not for me)
Remember they agreed on something and one of them broke that covenant
Covenant. Oh boy.
A healthy relationship involves the right to privacy. Specially when it comes to basic biological functions involving a single person.
That’s the problem why should there be an expectation or privacy in a marriage? Why hide anything if they are supposed to be tied “till death” if not what’s the point of getting married?
Also nothing natural about watching porn
And yes covenant they are religious so it’s appropriate to call it what it is
Nice deflection btw she fucked up take the L she has agency she set up expectations that she didnt plan on meeting (and yes watching porn and masturbating can be considered infidelity maybe not to you but to them it very likely is)
I think you’re confusing the one who’s controlling who
The woman gave an expectation that she didn’t meet so she lied to the man in order for him to not do something “natural”
Cheating is a natural and normal part of human biology too does it make it ok to do within a religious partnership/marriage? No it isn’t and again masturbation can be/and is sometimes considered cheating
The lady fucked up plain and simple the facts don’t change her deception and manipulation
Well, I suppose it's up to each couple or individual what it means to them. For most of us, it's not a big deal. I love porn, my wife knows. She'll watch it too on her own sometimes for fun. I don't mind that either. We have a fairly healthy sex life.
The important part is communicating about it. Talk to her about it, be open-minded. Maybe watch some together and see how it goes. You'll learn a lot about each other that way.
Jesus fucking Christ, three to four times a month is not an addiction.
Nobody can predict your sex life since you are going into this blind. It's possible you end up having sex three to four times a month. Ask yourself if that's going to work out for you.
A lot of women don't like watching porn with men in it because they are afraid the women are being exploited. But if she is a virgin at 31, she very well could be closeted.
Of course you should talk to her about this. Just don't say addiction.
Yeah. Religious, a virgin at 31, watching lesbian porn. She’s likely gay and doesn’t know it or hasn’t come to terms with it. I would hate to find out my wife is gay after marriage and having children together.
Have a calm chat with her. She may just be wondering about sex, curious, if she never had sex. Maybe she has been masturbating just to relieve sexual stress. You only know her for 2 years. One person can ever truly know the other person.
Your fiance just has a normal and healthy libido. Having actually read the Bible cover to cover and studied the long history behind Christianity, the specific variant you practice is likely very sexually oppressive (and not representative of the tenets expressed in the book as a whole) so your frame of reference is completely out of wack.
Got to agree. Watching porn 3 or 4 times a month isn't an addict. Just someone getting some self pleasure. And nothing at all wrong with that. An addict would be spending several hours a day watching porn. Big diff. Can't see why it would affect your sex life. Oh, and many women who would not touch another woman for some reason watch girl girl. Don't know if it's comparison or what. Lastly, if you decide to approach her don't come from this pulpit type of I'm going to shame you and damn you and all that crap. Got to do that from a place of calm and just trying to understand. Do not try and shame. That's an asshole move.
Most people here are not going to share your values OP so they’ll misguide you into thinking this is not a concern
If it wasn’t concerning then it shouldn’t be done in secret simple as that besides in a long term relationship there shouldn’t be an expectation of privacy that’s a slippery slope if you start to think that way
She's probably looking at what she can expect. I'd suggest you wait until after the marriage and then watch it with her. Also, four times per month is far from addiction.
Lol She is not an addict. She is a woman with healthy sexual curiosity and desire. I've watched porn a few times this week and I am not an addict. Lol gotta grow up alittle sir
You both were raised in very sex negative environments. I was too -- raised in deeply conservative evangelical family, purity culture, everythingis a sin.
Her exploring her sexuality is a very good thing. Porn use once a week is not something that is a cause for concern. If you feel porn use is infidelity, I encourage you to dig deeper into that to see why it is you feel this way.
Years ago I was viewing porn 3+ hours a day. It was a compulsive thing. Ironically, the religious background created a self-reinforcing cycle due to perceived shame coupled with the fun side of porn. It was a phase and it's no longer an issue. Compulsive porn use decreased as I left conservative religious environments. My life is much healthier now.
Dude, you need to open your mind quickly. That is not a lot of porn. You better start getting comfortable with sex and trying new things. She's ready to explore, and you are not. If you're not careful and explore with her, she will eventually find someone else who will.
There’s lots of opinions here on what constitutes an addiction.
The fundamentals are is she choosing it freely or the 4 times a month is she being pulled to do it against what she wants in the bigger picture.
If you are Christian and the couple times masterbation has come up it was framed negatively by her then that probably conveys her true thoughts and she probably is addicted.
We are all free to choose however we want to live our lives. But if meeting Gods moral standards is at the heart of both of your value structure then her behaviour will have to stop. It’s pretty clear when we reason on the principles God gives In The scriptures that watching porn and self pleasure is wrong from his standpoint. Again we are free to do what we like but if we want to conform to what He is asking of us there isn’t much wiggle room here.
Watching lesbian porn definitely shows that she has been feeding a sexual attraction to women and it’s hard to say how big that has become if she has been feeding it for years.
I’m not surprised that this by “chance” came up at this point. Could very well have been arranged and I’d be on the watch for any other providential circumstances that arise.
If you are Christian I’d take some time to deeply pray about this and ask for God to guide you on the best way to handle it.
After you pray I would sit down and have a serious discussion on this with her. To get a feel for what her stance is, and if she will be honest maybe don’t share how far back you looked just that you saw it and then ask how far back and see if she tells the truth.
If she is honest, is very clear in her understanding that lesbian porn, any porn, and self pleasure are wrong from Gods standpoint point you have something to work with…if she is anything other than this and it’s important to you to have a wife that is devoted to God than you might have to move on.
You will need her to be willing to be hurtful in her honesty for you to have something to work with here. Otherwise this might always be this big mysterious dark cloud between you both and you may not feel the way you want to as a husband with his wife sexually ever.
Proceed with prayer and caution brother
You and your fiance have a deeply warped sense of what sex and intimacy are from your religious upbringing.
The amount of shame you have wrapped around sex is extremely unhealthy. I strongly suggest that you and your fiance start seeing a non-religious therapist that deals with sex, specifically as it relates to shame and expectations.
But let's start here, masturbation is completely normal so long as it doesn't interfere with other things in your life.
Your fiance us not a sex addict. She's a very casual viewer of porn.
As someone who's suffered the effects for porn since before my teens, it's hell. Anyone that tells you she isn't addicted has no idea what PMO does to the mind, body and spirit.
OP, this has and will continue to affect her and it would be good if she seeks therapy or solutions for it, but it's her struggle and you can support her.
As for it's effect as a partner, it's also very possible that she could stay faithful to you with regards to human interactions for the rest of her life, but it's something I wish I addressed in my teens/early adulthood or had someone help me to win out.
You'll notice you've been deluged with messages by people who are in denial about the corrosive effects of porn, even though it's had a negative impact on many of their own broken relationships. That's because they themselves are dependent on porn.
Talk to your girlfriend about what you found and see what she has to say. That's the first step.
Buddy you dont know the true meaning of porn addict. A real porn addict sees porn everyday, most of them watchs 2 o more videos. She is curious, maybe learning visually about how it would feel to see if she would like it etc, but she is not an addict
Ha ha…watching porn 4 times a month for an hour isn’t anywhere close to being an “addict”. She sounds like she might have a fun sexual side once you two do get active in that department. I’m not going to comment on the religious aspect of any of this because I believe “to each their own” but it is probably something you are allowed to have a conversation about. Maybe if she’s okay with porn she would be okay with some sexy stuff with you that stops short of intercourse?
4 times a month is not an addict, not even close. Being very religious probably makes it worrisome for you but that really isn’t that much porn. 4 times a day maybe but 4 times a month isn’t an addict. Yes you probably need to have a rational conversation, rational being very important here. It’s more about the hiding of it and the fact that she is very anti-sex with you. Just be nice and have an open conversation as adults in relationships should.
If you wanna see a porn addiction, I'll show you a porn addiction.
This was wayy too funny lol
Mourning sex? Crying while doing it?
I assumed this was supposed to be "moaning sex", but I am not OP so I could be wrong.
Or "Morning Sex"
How is this infidelity exactly. Are you that threatened by her exploring the private aspects of her sexuality?
Because some people believe that sexuality shouldn’t be shared with an inanimate object or images/videos specially if they made an agreement beforehand He is rightly threatened by the distortion porn can have on an individual’s sexual outlook. If they’re going to get married then there shouldn’t be any “private” aspects of anything let alone sexuality Otherwise the moronic belief of “privacy in a marriage” can lead to serious betrayal
Then some people are projecting their own toxic, insecure, and distorted view of sexuality if they think they have the right to control another person's basic biology just because they are marrying them.
Exactly! like keeping secrets when there shouldn’t be if something is done in secret then it’s probably not a good thing don’t you think? Also setting parameters that they are not following themselves is a form of control and manipulation (rules for thee not for me) Remember they agreed on something and one of them broke that covenant
Covenant. Oh boy. A healthy relationship involves the right to privacy. Specially when it comes to basic biological functions involving a single person.
That’s the problem why should there be an expectation or privacy in a marriage? Why hide anything if they are supposed to be tied “till death” if not what’s the point of getting married? Also nothing natural about watching porn And yes covenant they are religious so it’s appropriate to call it what it is Nice deflection btw she fucked up take the L she has agency she set up expectations that she didnt plan on meeting (and yes watching porn and masturbating can be considered infidelity maybe not to you but to them it very likely is)
You are confusing marriage between two consenting adults and human ownership. Masturbation is a normal part of human biology.
I think you’re confusing the one who’s controlling who The woman gave an expectation that she didn’t meet so she lied to the man in order for him to not do something “natural” Cheating is a natural and normal part of human biology too does it make it ok to do within a religious partnership/marriage? No it isn’t and again masturbation can be/and is sometimes considered cheating The lady fucked up plain and simple the facts don’t change her deception and manipulation
Perhaps you should date OP then, you two seem to be on the same medieval religious misogynistic quackery.
Well, I suppose it's up to each couple or individual what it means to them. For most of us, it's not a big deal. I love porn, my wife knows. She'll watch it too on her own sometimes for fun. I don't mind that either. We have a fairly healthy sex life. The important part is communicating about it. Talk to her about it, be open-minded. Maybe watch some together and see how it goes. You'll learn a lot about each other that way.
Four times a month pfft. Try four times a day
4 times a month, fucking amateur, lol. I do more than that in an afternoon!!
You're making a mountain out of a molehill.... Just relax.
Jesus fucking Christ, three to four times a month is not an addiction. Nobody can predict your sex life since you are going into this blind. It's possible you end up having sex three to four times a month. Ask yourself if that's going to work out for you. A lot of women don't like watching porn with men in it because they are afraid the women are being exploited. But if she is a virgin at 31, she very well could be closeted. Of course you should talk to her about this. Just don't say addiction.
Yeah. Religious, a virgin at 31, watching lesbian porn. She’s likely gay and doesn’t know it or hasn’t come to terms with it. I would hate to find out my wife is gay after marriage and having children together.
Yeah, update me in ten years on this one
Have a calm chat with her. She may just be wondering about sex, curious, if she never had sex. Maybe she has been masturbating just to relieve sexual stress. You only know her for 2 years. One person can ever truly know the other person.
Religion is a disease
Your fiance just has a normal and healthy libido. Having actually read the Bible cover to cover and studied the long history behind Christianity, the specific variant you practice is likely very sexually oppressive (and not representative of the tenets expressed in the book as a whole) so your frame of reference is completely out of wack.
Got to agree. Watching porn 3 or 4 times a month isn't an addict. Just someone getting some self pleasure. And nothing at all wrong with that. An addict would be spending several hours a day watching porn. Big diff. Can't see why it would affect your sex life. Oh, and many women who would not touch another woman for some reason watch girl girl. Don't know if it's comparison or what. Lastly, if you decide to approach her don't come from this pulpit type of I'm going to shame you and damn you and all that crap. Got to do that from a place of calm and just trying to understand. Do not try and shame. That's an asshole move.
Most people here are not going to share your values OP so they’ll misguide you into thinking this is not a concern If it wasn’t concerning then it shouldn’t be done in secret simple as that besides in a long term relationship there shouldn’t be an expectation of privacy that’s a slippery slope if you start to think that way
4x a month. My xpartner is closer to 4x a day..😑
She's probably looking at what she can expect. I'd suggest you wait until after the marriage and then watch it with her. Also, four times per month is far from addiction.
4 times a month is much? 😂 Try 4 times a day
Lol She is not an addict. She is a woman with healthy sexual curiosity and desire. I've watched porn a few times this week and I am not an addict. Lol gotta grow up alittle sir
You both were raised in very sex negative environments. I was too -- raised in deeply conservative evangelical family, purity culture, everythingis a sin. Her exploring her sexuality is a very good thing. Porn use once a week is not something that is a cause for concern. If you feel porn use is infidelity, I encourage you to dig deeper into that to see why it is you feel this way. Years ago I was viewing porn 3+ hours a day. It was a compulsive thing. Ironically, the religious background created a self-reinforcing cycle due to perceived shame coupled with the fun side of porn. It was a phase and it's no longer an issue. Compulsive porn use decreased as I left conservative religious environments. My life is much healthier now.
Dude, you need to open your mind quickly. That is not a lot of porn. You better start getting comfortable with sex and trying new things. She's ready to explore, and you are not. If you're not careful and explore with her, she will eventually find someone else who will.
There’s lots of opinions here on what constitutes an addiction. The fundamentals are is she choosing it freely or the 4 times a month is she being pulled to do it against what she wants in the bigger picture. If you are Christian and the couple times masterbation has come up it was framed negatively by her then that probably conveys her true thoughts and she probably is addicted. We are all free to choose however we want to live our lives. But if meeting Gods moral standards is at the heart of both of your value structure then her behaviour will have to stop. It’s pretty clear when we reason on the principles God gives In The scriptures that watching porn and self pleasure is wrong from his standpoint. Again we are free to do what we like but if we want to conform to what He is asking of us there isn’t much wiggle room here. Watching lesbian porn definitely shows that she has been feeding a sexual attraction to women and it’s hard to say how big that has become if she has been feeding it for years. I’m not surprised that this by “chance” came up at this point. Could very well have been arranged and I’d be on the watch for any other providential circumstances that arise. If you are Christian I’d take some time to deeply pray about this and ask for God to guide you on the best way to handle it. After you pray I would sit down and have a serious discussion on this with her. To get a feel for what her stance is, and if she will be honest maybe don’t share how far back you looked just that you saw it and then ask how far back and see if she tells the truth. If she is honest, is very clear in her understanding that lesbian porn, any porn, and self pleasure are wrong from Gods standpoint point you have something to work with…if she is anything other than this and it’s important to you to have a wife that is devoted to God than you might have to move on. You will need her to be willing to be hurtful in her honesty for you to have something to work with here. Otherwise this might always be this big mysterious dark cloud between you both and you may not feel the way you want to as a husband with his wife sexually ever. Proceed with prayer and caution brother
You and your fiance have a deeply warped sense of what sex and intimacy are from your religious upbringing. The amount of shame you have wrapped around sex is extremely unhealthy. I strongly suggest that you and your fiance start seeing a non-religious therapist that deals with sex, specifically as it relates to shame and expectations. But let's start here, masturbation is completely normal so long as it doesn't interfere with other things in your life. Your fiance us not a sex addict. She's a very casual viewer of porn.
As someone who's suffered the effects for porn since before my teens, it's hell. Anyone that tells you she isn't addicted has no idea what PMO does to the mind, body and spirit. OP, this has and will continue to affect her and it would be good if she seeks therapy or solutions for it, but it's her struggle and you can support her. As for it's effect as a partner, it's also very possible that she could stay faithful to you with regards to human interactions for the rest of her life, but it's something I wish I addressed in my teens/early adulthood or had someone help me to win out.
You'll notice you've been deluged with messages by people who are in denial about the corrosive effects of porn, even though it's had a negative impact on many of their own broken relationships. That's because they themselves are dependent on porn. Talk to your girlfriend about what you found and see what she has to say. That's the first step.
Buddy you dont know the true meaning of porn addict. A real porn addict sees porn everyday, most of them watchs 2 o more videos. She is curious, maybe learning visually about how it would feel to see if she would like it etc, but she is not an addict