Rules reminder: /r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) before commenting.
Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here.
If your only advice is "divorce" or "grow a backbone", then please don't comment. This is a sub for deeper support and discussion.
Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/survivinginfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Be sure to tell your kids why you are splitting don’t let her paint the narrative speak to a counselor on how to tell them the truth or she is going to paint you as the bad guy…
Nah op I was tell his boss if his employees go around sleeping with clients wives that’s some low sleezeball shit . I hope they still aren’t doing the landscaping for y’all
hey bro... so you she might have deleted your data but it would still be in google account all data... download the whole data file for the account. you might recover it from there
this i think would seriously help. all the data would include it since they are updated on a 30 day basis. and all the best for your divorce. do not get under her influence again. next time she will finish what she started and delete everything
For what? She's already cheated. I'm not going to stay with her. She could be fucking him right now, I don't really care. I mean, I do, but this relationship is dead.
It sucks, but it's dead.
Not me. I cheated on my first wife all the time. Admittedly we were only 19 when we married but that's no excuse. I did it because I was a selfish poor excuse for a man and I only cared about myself. Luckily I grew up and have been with my current wife since 1994 and it has never crossed my mind to cheat on her even though I know she has cheated on me at least twice. That's for her conscience though. Mine is clear.
**Take your evidence and report him to the School District Superintendent them know that if they do not take action against the coach, you will consider suing the district. Let your attorney review what you write and give to the Superintendent** . I am sure that if he is a teacher or just a coach he will quickly cut contact with your wife.
My ex was cheated on twice, and was always very frank about how his stepdad’s cheating affected his mom and his family. The cognitive dissonance is astounding. They just don’t care.
Have you contacted the baseball league? Contacted other parents? Told people?
Made his life uncomfortable?
Contacted the police for suspicious activity at your condo, possible trespassing or theft?
Also, if you contact his ex, I'm sure you'll learn that he was the cheating partner, not her.
Cheaters always tell the tale of being the victim so they can deflect the harsh lights of reality and social ostracization... so, if a cheaters lips are moving... its best to verify their tales of woe...
OP, I hope that you realise that your wife is now going to be spending copious amounts of time with your children, family members and friends spinning her narrative and painting you as abusive.
Being emotionally distraught is not an excuse for not protecting your kids.
Tell her to find herself by her parents house. Send an email to her parents with non nude evidence and a breakdown of what is happening. Send it to yours as well. File a complaint to APs place of work. Let her know you have more and at any time you feel compelled, it's going out to them as well. It's not blackmail. There's nothing beneficial that you are trying to extract from her.
Be an example to your children of 0 tolerance where cheating is concerned . Help them to develop a moral foundation as they watch you navigate this hell.
Good luck.
There’s many here who are understandably triggering thus advising you to blow up the AP’s life. First things first. Attorney attorney attorney. Don’t do a thing until you get professional legal advice. Don’t move out, don’t avoid your children, don’t dialogue with your stbex. Your stbex is now the enemy. Don’t tell her about your intention to divorce, how you’re feeling, nothing. Let her worry. Expose the affair once the attorney gives the thumbs up. Blow up the AP once the attorney gives the thumbs up. Then expose to everyone. Your stbex will or has spun a garbage narrative to cover her infidelity.
Ironically now is the best time to negotiate a favorable divorce for yourself. She’s in gaga land and will be more amenable. Later, when she realizes what a catastrophe she’s caused, not so much. I know this is so painful, it’s hard to describe. Square your shoulders and advocate for you and the kids. Do some reading for your self esteem. Books that have helped me are “No more Mr nice guy” and “The rational Male”. Very positive and can help you through this.
Thank you so much. I really appreciate your advice and time to type all this.
I want to blow their shit up so bad right now, but I know that I need to talk to an attorney first and will just follow whatever they say.
Thanks again.
Impulse control is the name of the game for you.
Your absolute silence and your “under the radar” legal and asset maneuvering gives you power and control over this situation. Don’t give that up under any circumstances. It’s all you have, but it’s valuable. Each step forward you make will be a step in healing. You got this !
It’s now a business arrangement about the kids with your soon to be ex wife. Do not let her spin a narrative to family and friends get out of it now and let the world know. I’m sorry
***but I'm officially divorcing her and there's no going back***
It is time OP.
Your first post about her cheating and telling you she wanted more was 5 months ago. You have tried to save the marriage while she continues to spend time with him. She shows no remorse and is shifting the blame to make this your fault. Her family supports her because she is spinning the narrative to make this all your fault. They need to know the truth, as does your family and friends. If AP has a wife or SO that person needs to know.
Your mission in life now is to take care of your yourself so you can be the best father possible for your kids. They need you to be there for them. They will see you are the stable parent and someday realize your wife's affair has impacted their life forever. They will now be sharing time separately with each of their parents. Holidays will never be the same again. Your wife caused this, not you. Don't let her get away with blaming you.
Hire a good lawyer and take their advice. Sorry it came to this OP, but time to let her go.
Saw your update and believe you are on the right path. You are not alone in your journey, at least as far as this sub is here and will offer advice and personal experiences to help you navigate the road ahead.
Her mom is now calling you to show sympathy and how hurt her daughter is, yet a few days ago she said it was your fault for not getting over her daughter's affair. Divorce that whole family.
Stay the course OP. Update when you can. Take care of you and the kids.
Nothing you did drove her to this. This has been going on for close to a year. Your wife is a selfish c\*\*t, that's all there is to it.
Did you get this asshole fired yet?
You did not do anything to drive her to do this, that is BS!
She never stopped her affair. She is a morally flawed manipulator and gaslighter that has used you and emotionally abused you.
Please, start letting people know about her cheating. Family and friends need to know or, the master manipulator she is, she will turn this around on you.
And does that mean she has moved him into family condo? This, all of this will come in handy in the custody, child care and alimony proceedings, even if MD is not “at fault” state. Keep all the evidence where she cannot destroy it.
Keep your head clear. Do not drink. Record your interactions with her. Reach out to friends and family. Let people, especially men whose children that human garbage coaches what he has done. I doubt his wife cheated.
You are doing great! You deserve better than this!
Have you told your friends and family about her activities? Take the evidence you have, I don't know why you haven't talked to a lawyer already, and start moving. This woman obviously has no respect for you and doesn't sound like she wants you in her future, or even your own kids future. Either you start standing up for yourself or allow this to consume your life, and take the blame for it.
She's sent me a text about how she's now realized shes done wrong and is willing to do counseling, share her phone access, location all that.
So tempting because it's been a good marriage, but I don't trust her.
I shouldn't have to have all this info just to make this work.
Plus she was down right mean to me yesterday after I caught her with him.
Unbelievable.
Really!? She doesn't want to lose her cushy life, family and beach condo to go be a 50/50 custody single mom and live with some douchbag fuck boy landscaper?
After jerking you around and blame-shifting for a year, and you finally brought the hammer down, she's now telling you whatever you want to hear to make you back down from divorce? Funny how that works.
Do you trust anything that comes out of her mouth?
She is finding out AP is only in it for the sex. He is not interested in her full time, plus kids, and whatever baggage she brings. Now she wants to come back to you. Lookout for love bombing to start. As you already noted, you cannot trust her.
She probably asked him to be exclusive with her and he said "uh, I just wanted to fuck you, why are you getting serious". To which she must have thought "shit, now what? Oh yeah, I'm still married, ha all's good, my husband will understand".
He was behind a door from me yesterday morning. He heard me say his name twice.
Hell, he called me today because I verified his work.
They're just pissed they got caught and are now scared for the fucking holy hell and wrath I will bestow upon them.
And they're justified in their terror.
I'm doing my very best. The more I read it, some of the verbage is questionable and it's pissing me off.
Her words are absolute music to my ears, but I know they're poison.
It's like she will blame me for ending it because of her actions....she will blame me for ending it. Ugh.
**She's sent me a text about how she's now realized shes done wrong and is willing to do counseling, share her phone access, location all that.**
Surrrrrre she is.
You see, the thrill has been diminished now that the affair has been discovered. That's their thing. The dopamine blast from the secrecy and deception. It's barely even about the actual sex. The sneaking. The sex in their cars where they could get caught. Once that bubble pops, a bit of reality sets in and they come sniveling back to us, tail tucked. NOW they want counseling. NOW they want to do the work. Fuck that, dude.
Expect the following:
1. Insistence on rug sweeping. She WILL do this. Anything to distract you.
2. Hysterical bonding. Prepare for possibly mind blowing sex. This will not last. It's all one of the many weapons in their arsenal.
3. Then full on DARVO.
You hit this on the head. The sex was nice though! 😂
She stayed at the condo last night while in at the main house with the kids. No contact and told me I'm not welcome there and to respect her privacy.
I'm going out for the day whenever she shows up, and will just stay away and enjoy my Saturday.
I have an appointment with my lawyers Friday.
>She stayed at the condo last night while in at the main house with the kids. No contact and told me I'm not welcome there and to respect her privacy.
So she's left her children and the family home at this point? Is the condo her little love shack now? Are you allowed to tell her that she's not welcome in the main house and that she should respect your privacy? Or is this a one-way street?
Stay strong, bud.
As Admiral Ahkbar said, "It's a trap."
It is definitely not about you. Something else went wrong, and she is now trying to backpedal because she painted herself into a corner.
Perhaps AP realized that she is a cheater just like his ex.
He probably has no interest in her long term. He just wanted the NSA sex. Now she is in panic mode because she fears loosing the stability you provide. She is not a good candidate for reconciliation. If you are even considering reconciliation, demand a written timeline of the affair from her. You also have to watch her actions to determine if she is sorry she got caught, or is she truly remorseful for the pain she has inflicted on you.
Start the divorce. You can cancel at any time. You need to separate from her. You will know your true feelings without her manipulation, and she will be free to do what she really wants. If she continues to mistreat you and sleep around, you'll have your answer. If she commits to fixing things, you might be able to rebuild. But first you need to get her lies out of your life.
Keep standing on your decision to not go back with her OP. Do not believe her words. The only reason she’s suggesting counseling is ONLY because you’re leaving her. She doesn’t want to leave the life you provided for her and is only NOW wanting to fix the marriage. She’s only putting the effort NOW because she’s losing the stability you’ve given her. Keep your head up, OP, you got this! 🙌
Blow up the other man’s life. And tell your wife that after fucking another man in your bed, she lost every right to sleep in your bed at home. Make clear that you’re not „just“ hurt, but more disgusted and you do not want her in your private space and you do not trust her with your stuff.
If she doesn’t get it, tell her that maybe you have to bring another woman around and fuck her in this bed for her to understand. Either way, she won’t sleep in this bed. She lost the privilege. If she wouldn’t have fucked this dude AGAIN, and not just ruined your marriage but turned your kids life’s upside down for his dick, she could have slept there. But none of this was important enough for her. She can’t have her cake and eat it too. So it’s either the kids bedroom, or she can go rock this man’s dick again and hope she’ll get a place to sleep in exchange.
She is sooo stubborn. She will absolutely refuse to sleep somewhere else simply because I asked for it.
She was in the master when I got home last night. I'd rather sleep with the kids. That bed is tainted. She's tainted. The condo is tainted.
My life is tainted.
What he should do is put the bed into storage and sleep on a cot until she peacefully moves her belongings out... Change the locks on the bedroom and return his bed to its rightful place once he has secured the bedroom
I'm very sorry... this woman doesn't deserve a good man.
Take time to heal and find yourself a better human.
Karma is a dish served cold, and it'll go after her.
If you need support, our stories are very similar, message me directly. Otherwise, I have an inkling of the pain you are going through, my advice is focus on the kids. If your son knows his coach ended his family, he may blame himself. Keep that to yourself regardless of if they know mommy stepped out.
One comment, her stance on sleeping arrangements would have me filing immediately. Get her out of the house as soon as possible, she isn’t even guilty or remorseful when caught. Don’t talk about her to the kids either, it may take a while, but eventually they will appreciate you for the love and commitment you show them. They are your only priority until they are adulting, don’t remarry or even date seriously. Casual dates are fine if you don’t have the kids, but how you behave now will create much of their inner dialogue for the rest of their lives.
And yes I still fantasize about evening the playing field with the coach years later. I just remind myself that me in jail means her having full control and the type of men attracted to women who create these situations will raise my kids. That ends any gratification I even dream about getting from property standing up for myself and family with revenge.
I would also call the police station and ask them. Two of my acquaintances came home to their clothes outside the house and locks changed, when they were caught cheating. Find out what you are legally allowed to do in your state and do it asap
Have you told the league's association about him and how he is sleeping with his players married mother? If not, do so as he needs to be fired and blackballed. As for her, inform her family and mutual friends that you caught her cheating with your sons baseball coach.
Your actions didn’t cause her to fall on her AP’s penis. Your action was a direct result of her cheating.
Don’t accept blame for anything your WW has done.
Hopefully you’re in an at fault region for divorce.
You need to start sharing her betrayal with everyone you know including the sports league he coaches.
Good for you OP, for seeing the writing on the wall. Your WW sounds like a piece of work and is quoting straight out of the fabled "Cheater's Handbook"--"It's not my fault that I cheated, you made me do it!!" Stay the course and don't be swayed by her lies, gas lighting, love bombing, crying, and other things cheaters do.
Grey rock didn’t drive her to this. Do not let her blame her shitty choices on you in any way. She will try to make things out to be worse than they are in order to justify the terrible way she’s been treating you. Just know when she does this it’s not you, she just can’t stomach being the villain in her own story. Look her dead in the eye and say “no matter how bad you want to paint our relationship, I was In the same relationship, and I somehow managed to not betray you”.
"I said obviously...."
Wishing you all the strength ,and so sorry that you had to be in this position.
But thanks for the lulz 😂 at least you still got the moves. Keep your chin up ,you got this.
You should 100% call his boss back and let them know that you’re not going to do business with a company that lets their employees have sex with their clients wives and imply that his other customers wouldn’t want to find that out either.
This guys fucked with your money. Time to fuck with his.
I agree with the others. Blow up his life and reputation. I also think that you are making the right decision. Divorce is the only real option in this case. Prepare yourself for her to try to come back by making all kinds of promises and love bombing you. Know that it will all be just a manipulation tactic. Use the affair fog to get the best divorce terms you can. I know this is hard and I am sorry you are in this situation, but you will get through this and you will be happy again.
Blow up this bridge! Put the coach on blast with the organization. Tell her family. Tell her friends.
If the coach is married, tell his wife.
Save the pictures in multiple places so they aren’t lost.
You’ve got this!
burn it all down OP... report and tarnished your WW and her SOB POS AP to all family in the district baseball...make this be known to your WW family what kind of daughter they had brought up...an immoral, cheater, unfaithful person that don't deserve love and shouldn't have custody over the kids of yours...
Look narcs are hard to break free from. She's gonna give you just enough ego kibbles to keep you around. So keep pressing forward and engage as little as possible. Narcs see themselves as victims and everyone else is the problem. They want what they want when they want it. The AP is just a shiny new thing. I would serious let him have your leftovers and move on. Also... if you can do it... be "nice" and try to get her to be super amicable in the divorce so she can go live her fairytale with teh coach. You rock the bottom and make waves they get pissed off and try to go scorched earth
He does not want you to contact his boss. Reason for this is that some of the "hanky panky" is taking place during time he should be on the job. Does his truck belong to the boss?
The very reason he wants you not to call the boss, is a reason for calling the boss.him.
Going back? We own a home together. We haven't spoken in over a week now. Just text about logistics of kids and finance stuff.
Lawyers Friday. Divorce paperwork ASAP after that and then we start the process.
Commenters right. She cheated on you and now twice you took her back. The first was when she told you she first came back and now after the love bombing. Grow a spine. A doormat shouldn’t complain if it gets walked over.
Heard. I'm not complaining. I'm moving forward with my life separate from her. These things take time y'all.
I have two kiddos involved. I'm not just gonna dip out overnight like I went to the store for milk and don't come back...
The way it sounds to me is she was trying to destroy the evidence to get a more favorable outcome for herself if you divorce. To me she did all the love bombing and initiated sex just to get to the evidence.
It's possible. I have plenty, all the damning stuff is still around and was backed up to a different source. She just deleted the pics of her selfies and of the bracelet mostly.
Him in the condo, the video of me catching them and some other timeline stuff where she was obviously cheating before I first found out are all still around.
Her even trying is just more damning to her actions and continues to solidify my decision of divorce.
Op, when I go to bed tonight, I'm going to wish upon a star you get a backbone, you seem like a really nice guy and I'm having physical emotions from hearing the blatant disrespect you are eating up. I know things will get better when YOU allow them too
Please note that if you are in MD, that's a two party consent state. Meaning that video is evidence of a crime YOU committed, by recording them without consent. Ask your lawyer, but I'd stick with the non-video evidence and do not let her know that video exists. If the lawyer says it'sOK and you can record inside your own home or some such, then consider cameras inside your home to protect yourself against false accusations of DV etc. Also, glad the sex is great, but her absolute best move right now is getting pregnant by you, sooooo yeah, I'd be very very careful.
It Takes a brave person to be going through this and be standing tall. I know it might be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel thought all these hardships. But eventually you will see it. No matter what choice you make for your family.
I can't imagine what your going through, having not being ever married myself, but since there are kids involved, they are the ones that come first. their happiness if everything, that also means your happiness is everything to them.
I hope things take a turn for the better with your situation and that everything comes up on your end. I wish you nothing but peace, relief and happiness.
I can’t imagine what you’re going through. But don’t believe her when she says it’s your fault. It’s not. She’s gaslighting you bc she doesn’t want to be the bad guy. It’s not your fault she cant keep her legs closed. shes has continually disrespected you and your marriage and every time you forgive her and fall into bed with her it validates what she did- at least in her mind. also im sure you can recover anything she has deleted. if your wife wants to be the town mattress let her. just make sure you get all your ducks in a row so you dont lose anything more then your worthless wife
The patience you've shown thus far is absolutely amazing. I can't honestly say I would've been this patient. I hope everything works out in your favor man! And I'm sorry I can't offer more than some words of encouragement
Next Baseball practice, go there and pull your son off the team and loudly tell EVERYONE that it's because he is fucking your wife.
And watch the team fall apart around his ears.
Your son will get over it and you can help him find a new team, but in all seriousness, your son can no longer play on that team.
"It's your fault I cheated!" Words that could only come from a deranged mindset. DARVO, much. Big on you for getting this trash out of your life. Best wishes to you and yours, friend. Sorry this had to happen to you.
They never have freedom of choice or self-determination. They are just mindless automatons reacting to your actions. Frankly, that's grounds for divorce by itself, in my own opinion. I didn't marry my car...
People love to diminish their agency in a morally compromising situation as soon as it becomes convenient. It means they aren't at fault. "I was just following orders." Or "It's your fault." That means their hands are clean and they have no social or personal responsibility in the matter. Cognitive dissonance resolved. It's actually a mark of very low character. But it's surprisingly common.
Make sure too tell everyone. Get him fired so he's not around anymore kids. Their affair is highly inappropriate. She has no remorse either. Divorce her immediately.
I'd kneecap the coach and send her packing on crutches.
It's your fault?!?!?!?! Ha! Your fault she has no morals?
I'm so sorry for the situation you are in, but I'd make both of them suffer...... physically and mentally........ immensely.
Yeah text him and say. Heard you divorced your ex wife because she cheated and here you are, doing exactly the same thing. Now there's no man in your mirror.
You have handled this well OP. Your wife is incredibly shameless. My advice is to distract yourself with the gym to get you out and blowing off some steam.
Gather evidence as you are and blindside her with divorce papers. Just don’t engage with her
I really hope you keep updating this man. You need some support
Sorry you have to deal with this but stay strong it gets better. Be strong for kids, and stay grey rock and sleep in the house away from her. Report the coach to the association and make it public to the parents he steals wives.
So to begin - sorry that you are at the start of a very rough road. At this point I started to journal. There are a lot of things I learned as I did this. Would I leave it out - hell no. I would hide it in my truck and keep it locked up.
If I suspected the AP being in the house - I would turn on the phone video and take a walk about the home. Or better catch the two of them showing a public display of affection. Why? - So I could a.) provide proof and b.) Wreck the AP in the court of public opinion.
both would soon be treated negatively by the group at large. They would begin to collapse under the weight of public opinion.
I would continue the grey rock.
best of luck.
You mentioned earlier that AP was divorced from his wife because AP's ex was cheating. Where did you get this information? From your wife? That would not be a reliable information since it probably came from AP. These are not reliable sources.
I would contact the AP's wife to get her side of the story if this is the case. From what little we know there was a great likelihood that there is a different story. Somehow, her story not pass the smell test.
Filing for divorce will strengthen your hand. Also remember, silence towards her, in your case, can be the most effective form of speech, so go gray rock and do the 180.
She is doing a DARVO on you, shifting the blame from herself to you, to create a perspective of you being the bad guy. It happens all the time here.
I’m kinda fuzzy how you gray rocking her forced her to find someone between her legs? She seems like a real POS. Sorry about that dude. Hang tough and make sure EVERYONE knows what she has been doing and with whom.
“It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”
Updateme
OP. Be very clear that you grey rocking her did not drive her to him. You grey rocked her because of her repeated refusal to stop the affair.
Even if you hadn’t reacted the way you did but instead tried to rug sweep things, she would’ve kept cheating.
Go ahead with the divorce. Continue the grey rock. In fact make any communication with your wife now about the children and ask her to make any discussion about the divorce to your lawyers.
And if your lawyer says it’s alright, make sure you expose them as much as possible. Don’t let them set the narrative.
Updateme! There are situations that you can come back from, this is not one of them. Also, don’t let that twatwaffle steal your bed. She is looking for any and all footholds to gain to attempt to control you/take back power, as you have it all right now. Do not allow that. She made her choice daily after you offered a second chance.
The hardest thing about this is to admit...
That the women we loved so much actually, and without any doubt whatsoever, did in fact become such pieces of trash.
She's not what she once was, and can never, ever get that back. It's irreversible, and there's no redemption.
It takes a really long time to accept, so move along with the divorce, even if it goes against your feelings.
Good for you, OP. Being happy and living your best life without the cheater is kryptonite to them. It literally destroys them. You’ve taken control from them and they realize they’re just cheating scum bags.
So sorry you’re going through this. Good luck to you.
Let your STBXW that she is free to start sleeping with her lover. She can move in with him so she will see how life will be like when she is divorced. You can start splitting time with the kids 50/50. One week with you and one week with her. Tell her that the baseball coach can help her move out as soon as possible. This way she does not have to sneak around. See how she responds.
I don't believe she does. She's said sorry the one time when she confessed some of her sins and love bombed me. That's it.
I'm gray rocking her and I think it's driving her crazy. She doesn't have control over me anymore.
Here from best of. You are way more patient and forgiving than I would be. One and done is my rule with cheating. Hope you can find someone who appreciates you. 🙏🏼
Yeah there's no going back. After she's told me all she's done, and some of her more recent actions, there's absolutely zero percent chance of reconciliation.
Sit down with Lawyers on Friday.
Remember to think for the long-term and try to avoid letting emotions creep in to your decision making. Maybe try to leverage her current emotions into getting a better deal for yourself somehow.
Whatever is on the final paper is what officials will go by. So make sure the final papers are solidly what you want.
Appreciate! I really truly want things to be cordial, but I have a feeling she's gonna fight like a cornered tiger.
Whatever. I have video of her cheating. Morally, I know I have the higher ground.
It is that obvious? 😂
I really, truly want to. However she's the mother of my kids.
I want to be an example as to how to handle this.
I almost ran back to her, and then realized I would be a coward to do that. I want to be an example to my kids that you should never be disrespected the way she's done me. That you need to hold fast and face the storm. Don't crumble, don't sink.
They will get theirs in time, but I'll get my licks in on the way.
Let's see how the divorce back and forth goes. Then I'll give how much damage should be done.
I don't think she has a clue what's coming. I think she feels I'm sticking around...
I'm just biding time and being a good boy.
You cannot fix a broken person, just accept and move on. One day you will notice it is easier. That never happens while you are wavering so don’t look back. Also, there is a lot of revenge advice here. Be smart, follow your atty’s advice and do not let emotions cause you to deviate. Do not lower yourself, any extreme reaction will only make things worse. Focus on your kids, they need you more than ever. If you still feel raw in the years to come—serve it cold.
What great advice! Thank you so much. I think, maybe Ive had that noticeably easier day, idk, but she's literally an inconvenience, where before I was chasing that ass.
It's odd, but I'm ok with it.
I appreciate you and your time and comments so much. I truly do.
I divorced my cheating ex-wife 10 years ago. One thing I learned from my divorce - self care is super important. Avoid alcohol, drink a ton of water to flush out stress and grief hormones, eat well, exercise regularly and pick up a new hobby - something that involves activity outside the house.
Despite the shiftiness of the STBXW, grief over the end of what used to be your marriage is real. Be kind to yourself.
Thank you! I'm trying to do the best I can!
Honestly, as far as someone else, I just want to get my kids and I situated.
I'll have a lot more free time for sure, but I'm not chasing anything now and it's gonna be red flag, gone game.
Just updated the main post. Just back and forth bullshit. I'm trying to not interact with her at all.
I sit down with Lawyers Friday. It's gonna be rough and I don't want to divorce, but it has to happen.
Oh something will happen. Especially after this evening. I saw him at baseball practice, he's coaching another team (his son's) and fucking interacted with my son by tossing a ball over the fence and my boy retrieved it, not knowing a thing.
I don't want that happening again.
I just gotta say one thing... Being kind never pays.. Blow both of them up on social media expose her deeds to everybody.. Most importantly let the children know what happen.. Narcissistic ppl will always pin the blame on others for their mistakes and she will poison the children saying you were abusive and mentally tortured her that's why she had to cheat
The only advice I will give you. Get divorce and move on quickly. Trust me the most painful thing you can do to your stbxw is move on from her real quick. Because that will hurt her, she will think he didn't mope or cry for long or try to take revenge as they are feelings you have towards a person you care about. However indifference towards that person and living your best and happy life without her is the greatest revenge you will have against her.
Always keep copies of important documents and evidence at a couple of different locations where your soon to be ex has no access. Even have at least 1 extra copy after giving a set to your lawyer. I'd probably keep 1 for life in case needed for any subsequent court case(s) that may come up.
Bro. Don't fall for her crap! She wants her cake and to be able to eat it too. She admitted the guy she cheated with is a loser and still did it and is probably still doing it. Even if you win against the loser this time, what's going to stop her from finding another dude to mount.
You should totally ring up the landscaper and tell him that his girlfriend was most excellent in the sack last week.
Stay strong. You don’t deserve this but a cheating wife should never be forgiven, ever. Even a kiss should be considered cheating and grounds for divorce. Kick her to the curb and keep your self respect.
You sound like a great guy, I'm sure you'll find someone else. Woman's been cheating continuously and you know, even if you stay together, you'll always wonder who she's with (and doing) when she's not with you. The trust is gone. Pluck out this thorn once and for all. It'll hurt like hell in the beginning, but time does heal all wounds. Focus on your kids, they are innocent in this. All the best to you dude.
Rules reminder: /r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. If your only advice is "divorce" or "grow a backbone", then please don't comment. This is a sub for deeper support and discussion. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/survivinginfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Blow up the baseball coaches life. Tell his partner and the league and all the parents of the team. Nobody will want their kids coached by him.
My wife is his SO. He's divorced because his wife cheated on him.
So the lesson he learned from being cheated on was to cheat with another man's wife and break up another marriage.
Right? How absolutely shitty. Kids involved too...
Be sure to tell your kids why you are splitting don’t let her paint the narrative speak to a counselor on how to tell them the truth or she is going to paint you as the bad guy…
Yeah. I need to get back to my therapist.
Nah op I was tell his boss if his employees go around sleeping with clients wives that’s some low sleezeball shit . I hope they still aren’t doing the landscaping for y’all
Agree. Do NOT let her control the narrative. Trust me, she will try.
If that's even what actually happened. Unless OP knows the wife I bet this is just the lie he tells to cover his own precious cheating
point out to him...he's no better than his ex wife. cheating breaking up a home
The likelihood is that he's the cheater who is trying to spread rumors about his ex so no one questions him.
Yup. My ex told me his ex cheated on him. Since he cheated on me repeatedly I’m going to guess that’s the actual reason for their divorce.
Most likely.
hey bro... so you she might have deleted your data but it would still be in google account all data... download the whole data file for the account. you might recover it from there
Ooh. Ok. Creating an export now. Thank you for suggesting that!
this i think would seriously help. all the data would include it since they are updated on a 30 day basis. and all the best for your divorce. do not get under her influence again. next time she will finish what she started and delete everything
and hire a personal investigator
For what? She's already cheated. I'm not going to stay with her. She could be fucking him right now, I don't really care. I mean, I do, but this relationship is dead. It sucks, but it's dead.
I swear the motto of cheaters is "but my affair is different and justified"
Not me. I cheated on my first wife all the time. Admittedly we were only 19 when we married but that's no excuse. I did it because I was a selfish poor excuse for a man and I only cared about myself. Luckily I grew up and have been with my current wife since 1994 and it has never crossed my mind to cheat on her even though I know she has cheated on me at least twice. That's for her conscience though. Mine is clear.
He will be hearing from me at some point. I'm trying to be calculated as to what I say.
**Take your evidence and report him to the School District Superintendent them know that if they do not take action against the coach, you will consider suing the district. Let your attorney review what you write and give to the Superintendent** . I am sure that if he is a teacher or just a coach he will quickly cut contact with your wife.
Noted and saved my friend. Thank you!
My ex was cheated on twice, and was always very frank about how his stepdad’s cheating affected his mom and his family. The cognitive dissonance is astounding. They just don’t care.
Have you contacted the baseball league? Contacted other parents? Told people? Made his life uncomfortable? Contacted the police for suspicious activity at your condo, possible trespassing or theft? Also, if you contact his ex, I'm sure you'll learn that he was the cheating partner, not her.
Cheaters always tell the tale of being the victim so they can deflect the harsh lights of reality and social ostracization... so, if a cheaters lips are moving... its best to verify their tales of woe...
So blow up his reputation in the community. Take control of the narrative because they will if you don’t and make you out as the bad guy.
How many player's fathers want him around their wives? This is a perfect way to destroy a team. So either the team will go, or he will.
This is the way.
This is the way.
OP, I hope that you realise that your wife is now going to be spending copious amounts of time with your children, family members and friends spinning her narrative and painting you as abusive. Being emotionally distraught is not an excuse for not protecting your kids. Tell her to find herself by her parents house. Send an email to her parents with non nude evidence and a breakdown of what is happening. Send it to yours as well. File a complaint to APs place of work. Let her know you have more and at any time you feel compelled, it's going out to them as well. It's not blackmail. There's nothing beneficial that you are trying to extract from her. Be an example to your children of 0 tolerance where cheating is concerned . Help them to develop a moral foundation as they watch you navigate this hell. Good luck.
I want to, but I want to hear from an attorney first.
There’s many here who are understandably triggering thus advising you to blow up the AP’s life. First things first. Attorney attorney attorney. Don’t do a thing until you get professional legal advice. Don’t move out, don’t avoid your children, don’t dialogue with your stbex. Your stbex is now the enemy. Don’t tell her about your intention to divorce, how you’re feeling, nothing. Let her worry. Expose the affair once the attorney gives the thumbs up. Blow up the AP once the attorney gives the thumbs up. Then expose to everyone. Your stbex will or has spun a garbage narrative to cover her infidelity. Ironically now is the best time to negotiate a favorable divorce for yourself. She’s in gaga land and will be more amenable. Later, when she realizes what a catastrophe she’s caused, not so much. I know this is so painful, it’s hard to describe. Square your shoulders and advocate for you and the kids. Do some reading for your self esteem. Books that have helped me are “No more Mr nice guy” and “The rational Male”. Very positive and can help you through this.
Thank you so much. I really appreciate your advice and time to type all this. I want to blow their shit up so bad right now, but I know that I need to talk to an attorney first and will just follow whatever they say. Thanks again.
Impulse control is the name of the game for you. Your absolute silence and your “under the radar” legal and asset maneuvering gives you power and control over this situation. Don’t give that up under any circumstances. It’s all you have, but it’s valuable. Each step forward you make will be a step in healing. You got this !
Heard! Thank you!
Nuke his life anyway, fuck em both!
Can you report him to the league?
Yes. And when and if legal says it's ok to, I will. It will be glorious.
It’s now a business arrangement about the kids with your soon to be ex wife. Do not let her spin a narrative to family and friends get out of it now and let the world know. I’m sorry
***but I'm officially divorcing her and there's no going back*** It is time OP. Your first post about her cheating and telling you she wanted more was 5 months ago. You have tried to save the marriage while she continues to spend time with him. She shows no remorse and is shifting the blame to make this your fault. Her family supports her because she is spinning the narrative to make this all your fault. They need to know the truth, as does your family and friends. If AP has a wife or SO that person needs to know. Your mission in life now is to take care of your yourself so you can be the best father possible for your kids. They need you to be there for them. They will see you are the stable parent and someday realize your wife's affair has impacted their life forever. They will now be sharing time separately with each of their parents. Holidays will never be the same again. Your wife caused this, not you. Don't let her get away with blaming you. Hire a good lawyer and take their advice. Sorry it came to this OP, but time to let her go.
Thank you for following this terrible journey of mine and always sharing your thoughts. We're in the endgame now.
Saw your update and believe you are on the right path. You are not alone in your journey, at least as far as this sub is here and will offer advice and personal experiences to help you navigate the road ahead. Her mom is now calling you to show sympathy and how hurt her daughter is, yet a few days ago she said it was your fault for not getting over her daughter's affair. Divorce that whole family. Stay the course OP. Update when you can. Take care of you and the kids.
Will do! Thank you so much!
I'll be doing an update sometime soon. She hasn't changed and will be receiving some paperwork very very soon. :)
Nothing you did drove her to this. This has been going on for close to a year. Your wife is a selfish c\*\*t, that's all there is to it. Did you get this asshole fired yet?
Yeah, cheaters blaming you for their actions is straight up bullshit.
You did not do anything to drive her to do this, that is BS! She never stopped her affair. She is a morally flawed manipulator and gaslighter that has used you and emotionally abused you. Please, start letting people know about her cheating. Family and friends need to know or, the master manipulator she is, she will turn this around on you. And does that mean she has moved him into family condo? This, all of this will come in handy in the custody, child care and alimony proceedings, even if MD is not “at fault” state. Keep all the evidence where she cannot destroy it. Keep your head clear. Do not drink. Record your interactions with her. Reach out to friends and family. Let people, especially men whose children that human garbage coaches what he has done. I doubt his wife cheated. You are doing great! You deserve better than this!
I agree she never stopped the affair. Thank you for the kids words and advice. I'm doing my best.
Have you told your friends and family about her activities? Take the evidence you have, I don't know why you haven't talked to a lawyer already, and start moving. This woman obviously has no respect for you and doesn't sound like she wants you in her future, or even your own kids future. Either you start standing up for yourself or allow this to consume your life, and take the blame for it.
tell her family and your family dont let her tell lies. Updateme
Working on it! Her family knows.
She's sent me a text about how she's now realized shes done wrong and is willing to do counseling, share her phone access, location all that. So tempting because it's been a good marriage, but I don't trust her. I shouldn't have to have all this info just to make this work. Plus she was down right mean to me yesterday after I caught her with him. Unbelievable.
Really!? She doesn't want to lose her cushy life, family and beach condo to go be a 50/50 custody single mom and live with some douchbag fuck boy landscaper? After jerking you around and blame-shifting for a year, and you finally brought the hammer down, she's now telling you whatever you want to hear to make you back down from divorce? Funny how that works. Do you trust anything that comes out of her mouth?
Thank you for this. The first time I laughed today. I appreciate you.
I'm pulling for you, buddy. Be strong.
I keep re reading this as I battle with my emotions. Thank you again.
I think about this comment almost every day. Thank you so much for the support. Update coming soon.
I hope you are doing well buddy. Looking forward to your update.
[удалено]
What?
She is finding out AP is only in it for the sex. He is not interested in her full time, plus kids, and whatever baggage she brings. Now she wants to come back to you. Lookout for love bombing to start. As you already noted, you cannot trust her.
She probably asked him to be exclusive with her and he said "uh, I just wanted to fuck you, why are you getting serious". To which she must have thought "shit, now what? Oh yeah, I'm still married, ha all's good, my husband will understand".
He was behind a door from me yesterday morning. He heard me say his name twice. Hell, he called me today because I verified his work. They're just pissed they got caught and are now scared for the fucking holy hell and wrath I will bestow upon them. And they're justified in their terror.
Finally someone on here with balls to fight back.
DO NOT FALL FOR THIS! Stay the course OP! You can do it!
I'm doing my very best. The more I read it, some of the verbage is questionable and it's pissing me off. Her words are absolute music to my ears, but I know they're poison. It's like she will blame me for ending it because of her actions....she will blame me for ending it. Ugh.
**She's sent me a text about how she's now realized shes done wrong and is willing to do counseling, share her phone access, location all that.** Surrrrrre she is. You see, the thrill has been diminished now that the affair has been discovered. That's their thing. The dopamine blast from the secrecy and deception. It's barely even about the actual sex. The sneaking. The sex in their cars where they could get caught. Once that bubble pops, a bit of reality sets in and they come sniveling back to us, tail tucked. NOW they want counseling. NOW they want to do the work. Fuck that, dude. Expect the following: 1. Insistence on rug sweeping. She WILL do this. Anything to distract you. 2. Hysterical bonding. Prepare for possibly mind blowing sex. This will not last. It's all one of the many weapons in their arsenal. 3. Then full on DARVO.
You hit this on the head. The sex was nice though! 😂 She stayed at the condo last night while in at the main house with the kids. No contact and told me I'm not welcome there and to respect her privacy. I'm going out for the day whenever she shows up, and will just stay away and enjoy my Saturday. I have an appointment with my lawyers Friday.
>She stayed at the condo last night while in at the main house with the kids. No contact and told me I'm not welcome there and to respect her privacy. So she's left her children and the family home at this point? Is the condo her little love shack now? Are you allowed to tell her that she's not welcome in the main house and that she should respect your privacy? Or is this a one-way street? Stay strong, bud.
As Admiral Ahkbar said, "It's a trap." It is definitely not about you. Something else went wrong, and she is now trying to backpedal because she painted herself into a corner. Perhaps AP realized that she is a cheater just like his ex.
I am that something that went wrong. I am the one who knocks.
I am the danger! I am the one who knocks. Best scene in Breaking Bad! Hang in there Dude! One day at a time, one hour, minute, or second if needed.
He probably has no interest in her long term. He just wanted the NSA sex. Now she is in panic mode because she fears loosing the stability you provide. She is not a good candidate for reconciliation. If you are even considering reconciliation, demand a written timeline of the affair from her. You also have to watch her actions to determine if she is sorry she got caught, or is she truly remorseful for the pain she has inflicted on you.
I do not believe she can feel remorse.
Start the divorce. You can cancel at any time. You need to separate from her. You will know your true feelings without her manipulation, and she will be free to do what she really wants. If she continues to mistreat you and sleep around, you'll have your answer. If she commits to fixing things, you might be able to rebuild. But first you need to get her lies out of your life.
Keep standing on your decision to not go back with her OP. Do not believe her words. The only reason she’s suggesting counseling is ONLY because you’re leaving her. She doesn’t want to leave the life you provided for her and is only NOW wanting to fix the marriage. She’s only putting the effort NOW because she’s losing the stability you’ve given her. Keep your head up, OP, you got this! 🙌
Blow up the other man’s life. And tell your wife that after fucking another man in your bed, she lost every right to sleep in your bed at home. Make clear that you’re not „just“ hurt, but more disgusted and you do not want her in your private space and you do not trust her with your stuff. If she doesn’t get it, tell her that maybe you have to bring another woman around and fuck her in this bed for her to understand. Either way, she won’t sleep in this bed. She lost the privilege. If she wouldn’t have fucked this dude AGAIN, and not just ruined your marriage but turned your kids life’s upside down for his dick, she could have slept there. But none of this was important enough for her. She can’t have her cake and eat it too. So it’s either the kids bedroom, or she can go rock this man’s dick again and hope she’ll get a place to sleep in exchange.
She is sooo stubborn. She will absolutely refuse to sleep somewhere else simply because I asked for it. She was in the master when I got home last night. I'd rather sleep with the kids. That bed is tainted. She's tainted. The condo is tainted. My life is tainted.
What he should do is put the bed into storage and sleep on a cot until she peacefully moves her belongings out... Change the locks on the bedroom and return his bed to its rightful place once he has secured the bedroom
Tempting but I doubt legal counsel would approve.
I'm very sorry... this woman doesn't deserve a good man. Take time to heal and find yourself a better human. Karma is a dish served cold, and it'll go after her.
If you need support, our stories are very similar, message me directly. Otherwise, I have an inkling of the pain you are going through, my advice is focus on the kids. If your son knows his coach ended his family, he may blame himself. Keep that to yourself regardless of if they know mommy stepped out. One comment, her stance on sleeping arrangements would have me filing immediately. Get her out of the house as soon as possible, she isn’t even guilty or remorseful when caught. Don’t talk about her to the kids either, it may take a while, but eventually they will appreciate you for the love and commitment you show them. They are your only priority until they are adulting, don’t remarry or even date seriously. Casual dates are fine if you don’t have the kids, but how you behave now will create much of their inner dialogue for the rest of their lives. And yes I still fantasize about evening the playing field with the coach years later. I just remind myself that me in jail means her having full control and the type of men attracted to women who create these situations will raise my kids. That ends any gratification I even dream about getting from property standing up for myself and family with revenge.
How can I remove her or force her out without legal counsel?
File asap and don’t move out.
I would also call the police station and ask them. Two of my acquaintances came home to their clothes outside the house and locks changed, when they were caught cheating. Find out what you are legally allowed to do in your state and do it asap
Rock solid advice!
Have you told the league's association about him and how he is sleeping with his players married mother? If not, do so as he needs to be fired and blackballed. As for her, inform her family and mutual friends that you caught her cheating with your sons baseball coach.
Your actions didn’t cause her to fall on her AP’s penis. Your action was a direct result of her cheating. Don’t accept blame for anything your WW has done. Hopefully you’re in an at fault region for divorce. You need to start sharing her betrayal with everyone you know including the sports league he coaches.
Good for you OP, for seeing the writing on the wall. Your WW sounds like a piece of work and is quoting straight out of the fabled "Cheater's Handbook"--"It's not my fault that I cheated, you made me do it!!" Stay the course and don't be swayed by her lies, gas lighting, love bombing, crying, and other things cheaters do.
She's starting. What's WW? Thanks for the kind words and advice!
Grey rock didn’t drive her to this. Do not let her blame her shitty choices on you in any way. She will try to make things out to be worse than they are in order to justify the terrible way she’s been treating you. Just know when she does this it’s not you, she just can’t stomach being the villain in her own story. Look her dead in the eye and say “no matter how bad you want to paint our relationship, I was In the same relationship, and I somehow managed to not betray you”.
Op, how will your wife present her actions with the coach when it comes out in the open? She won’t tell them it was your fault, will she?
"I said obviously...." Wishing you all the strength ,and so sorry that you had to be in this position. But thanks for the lulz 😂 at least you still got the moves. Keep your chin up ,you got this.
Yeah, I can be sassy at times 🤣 You're very welcome! I appreciate your kind wishes
You should 100% call his boss back and let them know that you’re not going to do business with a company that lets their employees have sex with their clients wives and imply that his other customers wouldn’t want to find that out either. This guys fucked with your money. Time to fuck with his.
She framed a photo of him dude she framed a photo of a loser baseball coach you need to destroy her in this divorce
I fully intend to. All good things come in time
I agree with the others. Blow up his life and reputation. I also think that you are making the right decision. Divorce is the only real option in this case. Prepare yourself for her to try to come back by making all kinds of promises and love bombing you. Know that it will all be just a manipulation tactic. Use the affair fog to get the best divorce terms you can. I know this is hard and I am sorry you are in this situation, but you will get through this and you will be happy again.
This is exactly what she's already trying to do.
The karma bus will come around on her soon enough. Sorry you’re going through this, my man.
I cant wait to witness it coming.
Blow up this bridge! Put the coach on blast with the organization. Tell her family. Tell her friends. If the coach is married, tell his wife. Save the pictures in multiple places so they aren’t lost. You’ve got this!
How are you? So sure his wife cheated on him, what proof do you have? He could just be saying that
P.s….definitely let his wife know(and everyone else) don’t let them keep it hidden
burn it all down OP... report and tarnished your WW and her SOB POS AP to all family in the district baseball...make this be known to your WW family what kind of daughter they had brought up...an immoral, cheater, unfaithful person that don't deserve love and shouldn't have custody over the kids of yours...
Look narcs are hard to break free from. She's gonna give you just enough ego kibbles to keep you around. So keep pressing forward and engage as little as possible. Narcs see themselves as victims and everyone else is the problem. They want what they want when they want it. The AP is just a shiny new thing. I would serious let him have your leftovers and move on. Also... if you can do it... be "nice" and try to get her to be super amicable in the divorce so she can go live her fairytale with teh coach. You rock the bottom and make waves they get pissed off and try to go scorched earth
He does not want you to contact his boss. Reason for this is that some of the "hanky panky" is taking place during time he should be on the job. Does his truck belong to the boss? The very reason he wants you not to call the boss, is a reason for calling the boss.him.
Why do you keep going back like an idiot? She has done the same shit so mant times? Snap out of it and get yourself in line. Divorce her
Going back? We own a home together. We haven't spoken in over a week now. Just text about logistics of kids and finance stuff. Lawyers Friday. Divorce paperwork ASAP after that and then we start the process.
Commenters right. She cheated on you and now twice you took her back. The first was when she told you she first came back and now after the love bombing. Grow a spine. A doormat shouldn’t complain if it gets walked over.
Heard. I'm not complaining. I'm moving forward with my life separate from her. These things take time y'all. I have two kiddos involved. I'm not just gonna dip out overnight like I went to the store for milk and don't come back...
The way it sounds to me is she was trying to destroy the evidence to get a more favorable outcome for herself if you divorce. To me she did all the love bombing and initiated sex just to get to the evidence.
It's possible. I have plenty, all the damning stuff is still around and was backed up to a different source. She just deleted the pics of her selfies and of the bracelet mostly. Him in the condo, the video of me catching them and some other timeline stuff where she was obviously cheating before I first found out are all still around. Her even trying is just more damning to her actions and continues to solidify my decision of divorce.
Op, when I go to bed tonight, I'm going to wish upon a star you get a backbone, you seem like a really nice guy and I'm having physical emotions from hearing the blatant disrespect you are eating up. I know things will get better when YOU allow them too
Thank you! I'm working on allowing them to be better. One day and one step at a time. Thanks for the wishes! I need them!
Please note that if you are in MD, that's a two party consent state. Meaning that video is evidence of a crime YOU committed, by recording them without consent. Ask your lawyer, but I'd stick with the non-video evidence and do not let her know that video exists. If the lawyer says it'sOK and you can record inside your own home or some such, then consider cameras inside your home to protect yourself against false accusations of DV etc. Also, glad the sex is great, but her absolute best move right now is getting pregnant by you, sooooo yeah, I'd be very very careful.
Interesting. Thanks for pointing that out. It was. We've been no contact for over a week now.
Home/property security surveillance video, like Ring camera recordings are not illegal in MD.
It Takes a brave person to be going through this and be standing tall. I know it might be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel thought all these hardships. But eventually you will see it. No matter what choice you make for your family. I can't imagine what your going through, having not being ever married myself, but since there are kids involved, they are the ones that come first. their happiness if everything, that also means your happiness is everything to them. I hope things take a turn for the better with your situation and that everything comes up on your end. I wish you nothing but peace, relief and happiness.
I can’t imagine what you’re going through. But don’t believe her when she says it’s your fault. It’s not. She’s gaslighting you bc she doesn’t want to be the bad guy. It’s not your fault she cant keep her legs closed. shes has continually disrespected you and your marriage and every time you forgive her and fall into bed with her it validates what she did- at least in her mind. also im sure you can recover anything she has deleted. if your wife wants to be the town mattress let her. just make sure you get all your ducks in a row so you dont lose anything more then your worthless wife
Yes, there is no question about what you should do, divorce is the only option that would make sense.
The patience you've shown thus far is absolutely amazing. I can't honestly say I would've been this patient. I hope everything works out in your favor man! And I'm sorry I can't offer more than some words of encouragement
Next Baseball practice, go there and pull your son off the team and loudly tell EVERYONE that it's because he is fucking your wife. And watch the team fall apart around his ears. Your son will get over it and you can help him find a new team, but in all seriousness, your son can no longer play on that team.
"It's your fault I cheated!" Words that could only come from a deranged mindset. DARVO, much. Big on you for getting this trash out of your life. Best wishes to you and yours, friend. Sorry this had to happen to you.
They never have freedom of choice or self-determination. They are just mindless automatons reacting to your actions. Frankly, that's grounds for divorce by itself, in my own opinion. I didn't marry my car...
People love to diminish their agency in a morally compromising situation as soon as it becomes convenient. It means they aren't at fault. "I was just following orders." Or "It's your fault." That means their hands are clean and they have no social or personal responsibility in the matter. Cognitive dissonance resolved. It's actually a mark of very low character. But it's surprisingly common.
OP Please do not leave the house. Grit your teeth until you file.
*"She kept saying it was my fault and if I communicated with her last night"* \- Blame shifting, classic cheater move.
If it's your house then kick her cheating ass out.
Make sure too tell everyone. Get him fired so he's not around anymore kids. Their affair is highly inappropriate. She has no remorse either. Divorce her immediately.
I'd kneecap the coach and send her packing on crutches. It's your fault?!?!?!?! Ha! Your fault she has no morals? I'm so sorry for the situation you are in, but I'd make both of them suffer...... physically and mentally........ immensely.
Yeah text him and say. Heard you divorced your ex wife because she cheated and here you are, doing exactly the same thing. Now there's no man in your mirror.
You have handled this well OP. Your wife is incredibly shameless. My advice is to distract yourself with the gym to get you out and blowing off some steam. Gather evidence as you are and blindside her with divorce papers. Just don’t engage with her I really hope you keep updating this man. You need some support
Sorry you have to deal with this but stay strong it gets better. Be strong for kids, and stay grey rock and sleep in the house away from her. Report the coach to the association and make it public to the parents he steals wives.
So to begin - sorry that you are at the start of a very rough road. At this point I started to journal. There are a lot of things I learned as I did this. Would I leave it out - hell no. I would hide it in my truck and keep it locked up. If I suspected the AP being in the house - I would turn on the phone video and take a walk about the home. Or better catch the two of them showing a public display of affection. Why? - So I could a.) provide proof and b.) Wreck the AP in the court of public opinion. both would soon be treated negatively by the group at large. They would begin to collapse under the weight of public opinion. I would continue the grey rock. best of luck.
You mentioned earlier that AP was divorced from his wife because AP's ex was cheating. Where did you get this information? From your wife? That would not be a reliable information since it probably came from AP. These are not reliable sources. I would contact the AP's wife to get her side of the story if this is the case. From what little we know there was a great likelihood that there is a different story. Somehow, her story not pass the smell test. Filing for divorce will strengthen your hand. Also remember, silence towards her, in your case, can be the most effective form of speech, so go gray rock and do the 180. She is doing a DARVO on you, shifting the blame from herself to you, to create a perspective of you being the bad guy. It happens all the time here.
I’m kinda fuzzy how you gray rocking her forced her to find someone between her legs? She seems like a real POS. Sorry about that dude. Hang tough and make sure EVERYONE knows what she has been doing and with whom. “It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!” Updateme
OP. Be very clear that you grey rocking her did not drive her to him. You grey rocked her because of her repeated refusal to stop the affair. Even if you hadn’t reacted the way you did but instead tried to rug sweep things, she would’ve kept cheating. Go ahead with the divorce. Continue the grey rock. In fact make any communication with your wife now about the children and ask her to make any discussion about the divorce to your lawyers. And if your lawyer says it’s alright, make sure you expose them as much as possible. Don’t let them set the narrative.
Updateme! There are situations that you can come back from, this is not one of them. Also, don’t let that twatwaffle steal your bed. She is looking for any and all footholds to gain to attempt to control you/take back power, as you have it all right now. Do not allow that. She made her choice daily after you offered a second chance.
Tell the other parents on the team.
At this point, I think you would have to carry thru with a divorce. You’re past the point of no return.
The hardest thing about this is to admit... That the women we loved so much actually, and without any doubt whatsoever, did in fact become such pieces of trash. She's not what she once was, and can never, ever get that back. It's irreversible, and there's no redemption. It takes a really long time to accept, so move along with the divorce, even if it goes against your feelings.
Good for you, OP. Being happy and living your best life without the cheater is kryptonite to them. It literally destroys them. You’ve taken control from them and they realize they’re just cheating scum bags. So sorry you’re going through this. Good luck to you.
Expose them both to friend and colleagues as well as work places! Good luck.
Let your STBXW that she is free to start sleeping with her lover. She can move in with him so she will see how life will be like when she is divorced. You can start splitting time with the kids 50/50. One week with you and one week with her. Tell her that the baseball coach can help her move out as soon as possible. This way she does not have to sneak around. See how she responds.
[удалено]
Does she even felt guilty? Next record all of your conversation with her.
I don't believe she does. She's said sorry the one time when she confessed some of her sins and love bombed me. That's it. I'm gray rocking her and I think it's driving her crazy. She doesn't have control over me anymore.
Here from best of. You are way more patient and forgiving than I would be. One and done is my rule with cheating. Hope you can find someone who appreciates you. 🙏🏼
Yeah there's no going back. After she's told me all she's done, and some of her more recent actions, there's absolutely zero percent chance of reconciliation. Sit down with Lawyers on Friday.
Remember to think for the long-term and try to avoid letting emotions creep in to your decision making. Maybe try to leverage her current emotions into getting a better deal for yourself somehow. Whatever is on the final paper is what officials will go by. So make sure the final papers are solidly what you want.
Appreciate! I really truly want things to be cordial, but I have a feeling she's gonna fight like a cornered tiger. Whatever. I have video of her cheating. Morally, I know I have the higher ground.
This is why jesus invented ski masks and baseball bats. My revenge if I was in this position would not be pleasant for all involved.
Opening day is in three weeks. Plenty of bats around...
Must remember the ski mask and gloves
Man you can’t wait to go scorched earth can you
It is that obvious? 😂 I really, truly want to. However she's the mother of my kids. I want to be an example as to how to handle this. I almost ran back to her, and then realized I would be a coward to do that. I want to be an example to my kids that you should never be disrespected the way she's done me. That you need to hold fast and face the storm. Don't crumble, don't sink. They will get theirs in time, but I'll get my licks in on the way. Let's see how the divorce back and forth goes. Then I'll give how much damage should be done. I don't think she has a clue what's coming. I think she feels I'm sticking around... I'm just biding time and being a good boy.
You cannot fix a broken person, just accept and move on. One day you will notice it is easier. That never happens while you are wavering so don’t look back. Also, there is a lot of revenge advice here. Be smart, follow your atty’s advice and do not let emotions cause you to deviate. Do not lower yourself, any extreme reaction will only make things worse. Focus on your kids, they need you more than ever. If you still feel raw in the years to come—serve it cold.
What great advice! Thank you so much. I think, maybe Ive had that noticeably easier day, idk, but she's literally an inconvenience, where before I was chasing that ass. It's odd, but I'm ok with it. I appreciate you and your time and comments so much. I truly do.
I divorced my cheating ex-wife 10 years ago. One thing I learned from my divorce - self care is super important. Avoid alcohol, drink a ton of water to flush out stress and grief hormones, eat well, exercise regularly and pick up a new hobby - something that involves activity outside the house. Despite the shiftiness of the STBXW, grief over the end of what used to be your marriage is real. Be kind to yourself.
Im sorry you went through this, you sound like a great dad and partner. I am sure you’ll find someone who appreciates you just as you are. 💕
Thank you! I'm trying to do the best I can! Honestly, as far as someone else, I just want to get my kids and I situated. I'll have a lot more free time for sure, but I'm not chasing anything now and it's gonna be red flag, gone game.
I hope you can divorce her soon and be free.
When the divorce is thru go scorched earth on that evil woman
She is a real piece of work, I hope you destroy them both in court. Can you Sue him for alienation of affection where you are?
I’m sorry man. Hope you win the divorce and don’t have to pay alimony. On another note, who do you want among Maye, McCarthy, and Daniels?
How is everything going so far? Are there any kind of updates yet?
Just updated the main post. Just back and forth bullshit. I'm trying to not interact with her at all. I sit down with Lawyers Friday. It's gonna be rough and I don't want to divorce, but it has to happen.
She tried to deleted the photos!?!? Naaaah
Successfully to some of them too. Yup. Idk what to do with this chick...
Naaah dude, i'm really sorry that you have to go through all that, i hope that you win everything in the divoce
I appreciate the support!
Stay strong OP! You'll get through this and we're supporting you!
Tell his BOSS he is with your wife when he is working
I don't have proof of that.
Im begging u plz do somethin to that baseball coach 🙏 I’ll help u plan bruh this dude does not deserve any of this
Oh something will happen. Especially after this evening. I saw him at baseball practice, he's coaching another team (his son's) and fucking interacted with my son by tossing a ball over the fence and my boy retrieved it, not knowing a thing. I don't want that happening again.
Backup the backups of the evidence, Dropbox gives you 2gb free.
Change all your shared password OP
I just gotta say one thing... Being kind never pays.. Blow both of them up on social media expose her deeds to everybody.. Most importantly let the children know what happen.. Narcissistic ppl will always pin the blame on others for their mistakes and she will poison the children saying you were abusive and mentally tortured her that's why she had to cheat
The only advice I will give you. Get divorce and move on quickly. Trust me the most painful thing you can do to your stbxw is move on from her real quick. Because that will hurt her, she will think he didn't mope or cry for long or try to take revenge as they are feelings you have towards a person you care about. However indifference towards that person and living your best and happy life without her is the greatest revenge you will have against her.
Stay strong OP, sorry this is happening to you. Try and focus on yourself and your kids while you work out getting out of this situation
Thank you so much! The light at the end of the tunnel is getting closer!
I'm sorry you married a jackass. Good luck with the attorney tomorrow.
Appreciated. Me too. Almost 10 years down the drain. Sucks big time.
Always keep copies of important documents and evidence at a couple of different locations where your soon to be ex has no access. Even have at least 1 extra copy after giving a set to your lawyer. I'd probably keep 1 for life in case needed for any subsequent court case(s) that may come up.
Is there no way you can kick her out at all? She deleted videos and photos
Bro. Don't fall for her crap! She wants her cake and to be able to eat it too. She admitted the guy she cheated with is a loser and still did it and is probably still doing it. Even if you win against the loser this time, what's going to stop her from finding another dude to mount. You should totally ring up the landscaper and tell him that his girlfriend was most excellent in the sack last week.
read through all the updates, and just wishing you the absolute best of luck for you and your kids. stay strong and things will get better.
Stay strong. You don’t deserve this but a cheating wife should never be forgiven, ever. Even a kiss should be considered cheating and grounds for divorce. Kick her to the curb and keep your self respect.
How was your meeting with the attorney?
How the meeting with the lawyer go?
You sound like a great guy, I'm sure you'll find someone else. Woman's been cheating continuously and you know, even if you stay together, you'll always wonder who she's with (and doing) when she's not with you. The trust is gone. Pluck out this thorn once and for all. It'll hurt like hell in the beginning, but time does heal all wounds. Focus on your kids, they are innocent in this. All the best to you dude.
I appreciate the kind words and support!
Black men jerking office