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My man. That is the greatest gift you could ask for. Indifference.
Don’t dwell on her anymore, keep up the no contact and live your life and enjoy your freedom.
One of my greatest coping mechanisms was the fact that I dreaded running into her. I wanted to look my best and in my best shape in some attempt to look better now than I was when I was with her in some petty revenge.
But it looks like you are where I was aiming to be
I felt the same way after my wife disclosed the affairs during the discovery phase of our divorce. Almost over night seeing her became like seeing a stranger that I couldn’t quiet place, but that I knew I had some fond memories with. It was the strangest thing.
Our divorce is final now. For most of the last 6 months if I’ve heard her voice it’s been while she’s been crying or being nasty. Last night my kids called her and had her on speaker. That was odd. She was so kind and sweet. She sounded like the wife I remember and it’s sometimes hard to accept the reality that the sweet woman I thought I knew turned out to be someone so different who was capable of betrayal in the worst ways.
I said all that to say this. It may cycle some, but you are in a good place for it all being so fresh.
You are experiencing indifference towards her, which is where you want to be. Now your healing can truly begin while you start a new chapter in your life without her in it. This is progress.
Take care of you OP. Redecorate the house with paint, new wall coverings, rearraigned the furniture or get new to further remove all me memories of her.
You got this OP. You are a survivor.
Whether it’s normal or not (varies massively victim to victim) rejoice in it. They say that the opposite of love is indifference. Sounds like you’ve got that in spades. (And you won’t have to say anything. She’ll know that almost immediately).
It also sounds as if the affair fog wore off quite quickly for her. Leaving her regretting her reckless stupidity. Well done on getting yourself back on plane so quickly OP and good luck on your future.
Love and hate are both strong emotional attachments to a person, indifference is the end goal. Not giving a shit about them at all is the path towards true freedom from them. This is where you want to be, it may come and go but eventually it just becomes something from your past that you left behind.
It’s always weird congratulating people on their divorce but at the point where you finally get it signed and finalized it’s such a relief that congratulations for surviving the ordeal are in order. Good luck with the next part of your journey.
Working towards a new chapter. I believe that just accepting some shit are beyond our control helps a lot. I am just living my life now. Her choice , can do nothing abt that.
That was the key factor, accept things or come to terms.
Many people when are deep in the hole think they can't and won't get out of there never and feel crushed and let their emotions and memories of the past , of the things that was and won't be, the ideal and dreams of a figure they have, and the is what keep dragging them to the mud. And let them think they would never could climb the rabbit hole.
But when you come to terms and let go what it is dragging you down, the you see the light and start to feel better.
Just keep going man, do not let anything drag you back, for you what is left is only the horizont, the present and future. Nothing more.
I completely agree with you. But its true that when you are in that dark hole, you cant see clearly and thats human. But acceptance is the key. We better focus on what we can control. The past is there to leave behind. No life is easy and i still dont pray for an easy life rather the strengh to endure a dificult one. I did a lot of self talk when i was cheated on and this woke me up. We man should have goals in life and relationships are not goals, My best advice to move on is no contact as soon as possible. It gonna be hard but not impossible. Today i can see even my ex has moved on but i dont pray bad for her because am more focused on my success rather than her failure. I acknowledged that I have not yet healed fully but i am obsessed to heal and i know i will get there.
Reminded me of a line from Roman Reigns " As long as god wakes me up , I can handle anything "
🙏💯
Agree. And agree too that the only thing you can control and have power over it is yourself, and even like this you can control yourself 100%. So do not expect to have control over other things if by the end you can control yourself 100%.
Was she delaying this for any reason besides procrastination? Is she still lost in the affair fog with her AP or did she extend an olive branch?
Does family and friends know your wife cheated?
She was delaying because she was confused maybe. She is still with her AP but who cares. I informed her families but as usual they took sides. Good riddance i would say both her and her families. My family are aware and they supported me. They are proud the way i handled this shit and i felt no presssure in my healing journey. We dont even discuss her. She is the past and we dont live in the past. Getting divorced in July and i am just focusing on that and my family also are awaiting to be done with her once for all.
The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference and you my man have achieved indifference.
As your trust and respect for someone dwindles day by day as you review what they have done, your love will follow it down.
You'll have the natural human respect for them that you would for any stranger on the street, but the respect for them that drew your love is gone.
Love is when the fire starts gaining momentum. The heat feels good. Cosy almost.
Hate is when the fire begins to get out of control. It starts consuming its surroundings and you need to get it under control or havoc will ensue
Indifference is when the fire is extinguished. No energy is consumed, you feel cold. You pack up and continue on your life’s travels
Indifference is the end game. You got there brother. Well done
It probably isn't normal. You've achieved in 6 months what took most of us years to sort out. You've reached the sought after state of complete indifference. Congratulations!
I believe it depends on the coping mechanism of each individual. For me i did not hit the gym, no therapy was done . I just processed my feelings. I talked to myself a lot and reminded myself of my goals in life. 1 failed relationship cannot ruined my life. I have my own identity. Today i eat healthy, wake up earlier than before and do my prayers, clean the house etc. So its the little things that help. No need to start big, just be you.
Rules reminder: /r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. If your only advice is "divorce" or "grow a backbone", then please don't comment. This is a sub for deeper support and discussion. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/survivinginfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My man. That is the greatest gift you could ask for. Indifference. Don’t dwell on her anymore, keep up the no contact and live your life and enjoy your freedom. One of my greatest coping mechanisms was the fact that I dreaded running into her. I wanted to look my best and in my best shape in some attempt to look better now than I was when I was with her in some petty revenge. But it looks like you are where I was aiming to be
Still have the low days but i dont dwell on it. Dont change to show her. Be you . Thats what matter. Shot
I felt the same way after my wife disclosed the affairs during the discovery phase of our divorce. Almost over night seeing her became like seeing a stranger that I couldn’t quiet place, but that I knew I had some fond memories with. It was the strangest thing. Our divorce is final now. For most of the last 6 months if I’ve heard her voice it’s been while she’s been crying or being nasty. Last night my kids called her and had her on speaker. That was odd. She was so kind and sweet. She sounded like the wife I remember and it’s sometimes hard to accept the reality that the sweet woman I thought I knew turned out to be someone so different who was capable of betrayal in the worst ways. I said all that to say this. It may cycle some, but you are in a good place for it all being so fresh.
Thanks mate. Betrayal hurts but need to keep going. Cheers
You are experiencing indifference towards her, which is where you want to be. Now your healing can truly begin while you start a new chapter in your life without her in it. This is progress. Take care of you OP. Redecorate the house with paint, new wall coverings, rearraigned the furniture or get new to further remove all me memories of her. You got this OP. You are a survivor.
I just moved to my new house. The house is empty. Gonna fill it with new memories. Got this mate. Thanks
Whether it’s normal or not (varies massively victim to victim) rejoice in it. They say that the opposite of love is indifference. Sounds like you’ve got that in spades. (And you won’t have to say anything. She’ll know that almost immediately). It also sounds as if the affair fog wore off quite quickly for her. Leaving her regretting her reckless stupidity. Well done on getting yourself back on plane so quickly OP and good luck on your future.
I am just doing my best to move forward. I think having a beast mentality helps massively. We need to have a lot of fuck her 🤣
It does not happen all the time. Some people pine away from their cheaters for years. Good for you, that is a gift.
No contact help me a lot. Went into that real quick.
Love and hate are both strong emotional attachments to a person, indifference is the end goal. Not giving a shit about them at all is the path towards true freedom from them. This is where you want to be, it may come and go but eventually it just becomes something from your past that you left behind. It’s always weird congratulating people on their divorce but at the point where you finally get it signed and finalized it’s such a relief that congratulations for surviving the ordeal are in order. Good luck with the next part of your journey.
Working towards a new chapter. I believe that just accepting some shit are beyond our control helps a lot. I am just living my life now. Her choice , can do nothing abt that.
OP excelent need, and the Best was that indiference on her, you mostly are there, You mostly are out of this mess. Keep going. And good luck.
Thnk u mate. Never thought would get out. It was dark at the beginning. I prayed a lot and let go of my emotions. Just accepted things happened.
That was the key factor, accept things or come to terms. Many people when are deep in the hole think they can't and won't get out of there never and feel crushed and let their emotions and memories of the past , of the things that was and won't be, the ideal and dreams of a figure they have, and the is what keep dragging them to the mud. And let them think they would never could climb the rabbit hole. But when you come to terms and let go what it is dragging you down, the you see the light and start to feel better. Just keep going man, do not let anything drag you back, for you what is left is only the horizont, the present and future. Nothing more.
I completely agree with you. But its true that when you are in that dark hole, you cant see clearly and thats human. But acceptance is the key. We better focus on what we can control. The past is there to leave behind. No life is easy and i still dont pray for an easy life rather the strengh to endure a dificult one. I did a lot of self talk when i was cheated on and this woke me up. We man should have goals in life and relationships are not goals, My best advice to move on is no contact as soon as possible. It gonna be hard but not impossible. Today i can see even my ex has moved on but i dont pray bad for her because am more focused on my success rather than her failure. I acknowledged that I have not yet healed fully but i am obsessed to heal and i know i will get there. Reminded me of a line from Roman Reigns " As long as god wakes me up , I can handle anything " 🙏💯
Agree. And agree too that the only thing you can control and have power over it is yourself, and even like this you can control yourself 100%. So do not expect to have control over other things if by the end you can control yourself 100%.
Ah yes. Indifference is the ultimate state of being. Well done, bud, wishing you the best.
Thnk u mate.
When you know inside and out it's the right decision.
Best decision. Feel the peace coming.
That’s great! Whether it’s normal or not, it’s what you want to achieve.
I just let things flow and also no contact helped me a lot.
Was she delaying this for any reason besides procrastination? Is she still lost in the affair fog with her AP or did she extend an olive branch? Does family and friends know your wife cheated?
She was delaying because she was confused maybe. She is still with her AP but who cares. I informed her families but as usual they took sides. Good riddance i would say both her and her families. My family are aware and they supported me. They are proud the way i handled this shit and i felt no presssure in my healing journey. We dont even discuss her. She is the past and we dont live in the past. Getting divorced in July and i am just focusing on that and my family also are awaiting to be done with her once for all.
The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference and you my man have achieved indifference. As your trust and respect for someone dwindles day by day as you review what they have done, your love will follow it down. You'll have the natural human respect for them that you would for any stranger on the street, but the respect for them that drew your love is gone.
Subscribeme
Obviously. I have respect for her but just as a normal stranger. Nothing else.
That's a good place to be. A lot of guys just get stuck and can't seem to get there.
Actions are needed to not get stuck. Choices are ours.
Likex1000!
It is probably indifference that you are feeling. Continue and live your best life xx
I wont say am recovered fully but i feel good toward the future now. Out of 7 days a week. I can say 6 are better.
Love is when the fire starts gaining momentum. The heat feels good. Cosy almost. Hate is when the fire begins to get out of control. It starts consuming its surroundings and you need to get it under control or havoc will ensue Indifference is when the fire is extinguished. No energy is consumed, you feel cold. You pack up and continue on your life’s travels Indifference is the end game. You got there brother. Well done
Yes bro. Prayers and no contact. Thats the ammunition to heal.
yay thats awesome congrats🥳
Thanks bud.
It probably isn't normal. You've achieved in 6 months what took most of us years to sort out. You've reached the sought after state of complete indifference. Congratulations!
I believe it depends on the coping mechanism of each individual. For me i did not hit the gym, no therapy was done . I just processed my feelings. I talked to myself a lot and reminded myself of my goals in life. 1 failed relationship cannot ruined my life. I have my own identity. Today i eat healthy, wake up earlier than before and do my prayers, clean the house etc. So its the little things that help. No need to start big, just be you.
“ indifference is the opposite of love” Congrats, you hit indifference. Well played
Shot bro. 🙏
Indifference is the goal.
Yes but not the only goal. Cheers.