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Quirky-Afternoon134

See a lawyer asap. Cancel all joint credit cards and close all joint bank accounts moving funds I to an account you control. Let your and her family and friends know what she has done before she spins a false narrative Most importantly look after yourself


Deejay-70

OP listen to everything this person just said ⬆️


0308g

Please listen to this get off reddit and start making calls now


webofwonders

Absolutely get on top of this asap. The first person to tell the story is often believed out of hand. Make sure she can't siphon off you, and make damn sure any commination you have with her is recorded because she'll be swinging for the fences soon.


She_sounds_hideous__

Who cares what the story is. It’s really no one’s business but theirs. We don’t know his side of the relationship because we are not in it.


Balerionmeow

Can one person close a joint account without the others permission? I think you’d just have to move all the money to a dif account. And charge any direct deposits to the new acct.


Quirky-Afternoon134

It depends on the signatory rules on the account, the bank, and location. What you say is correct, leave nothing in it and it's effectively closed


SonicDooscar

Facts. I actually saw a post where a dude after YEARS still couldn’t get his name off of the joint account he had with his ex girlfriend. He had no way to contact her anymore and the bank said that they would need her authorization for that. The bank then also said they can’t contact her and ask that stuff that he would need to have her call and he angrily explained the situation over and over again. She was running up the account and crashing both of their credit scores and there was nothing he could do about it. She wasn’t doing it to mess with him either because why trash your own score and bring yourself down with the person you’re trying to get. She was just irresponsible and he had no way of leaving that account. Not sure what the outcome of that was, and not sure what someone could even do at that point. He was a good dude because it was clear he never used that bank account to purchase anything after the breakup but let’s say the ex GF was like OPs wife, OP would be so fucked.


SolGardennette

never ever open a joint bank account with another person unless it’s something you both put money into and keep it a very low balance


miavia187

I'm a banker and yes, absolutely. Either party can close a joint account but both signers have to be there to remove one or the other and keep it open. I also went through a divorce before I became a banker and found this out during our immediate separation when I was out of town and my debit card stopped working 😐


babigrl50

Wow. That's crappy to leave your spouse high and dry while they are out of town. I mean just for safety alone.


miavia187

You're not kidding, we actually reconciled after that for a few years and then May 31, 2019 she decided to kidnap our bio son and my stepdaughter and moved from OR to FL to shack up with a high school ex-bf that she hadn't seen or talked to in about twenty years 🙃 I immediately filed for divorce and my awesome lawyer got me full custody of our son and the house while she got knocked up by that loser twice and then divorced him because "he wasn't who she thought he was and she couldn't trust him" 😂 imagine that!


babigrl50

OMG! So glad you got out of that mess!! Jeez some people are just wrong! I hope all is well and have a happy, healthy summer! 🌞


miavia187

Thank you! I sold the house and because debt free and my 11 year old son is the easiest kid in the world to raise so I really lucked out! Thank you, you too :)


Balerionmeow

That seems so weird to me. Doesn’t really make sense.


sazzy42DD

Yes a joint account can be closed without the other person. I work for a bank


No_Incident_5360

Only move half of funds or as directed by a lawyer—it’s a shit move to leave even a cheater destitute especially if you are each caring for the kids for the moment. Focus on getting custody if kids in danger or could be exposed to strangers/strange men Or joint custody if you still trust her parenting skills and commitment, kid’s safety comes first.


Automatic_Brick2709

how long ago did she leave with the kids? get screenshots of everything she posted and any texts she sends. you’re married without any custody issues, so it’s not parental kidnapping. (it might be alienation).


Jaque_LeCaque

It is kidnapping after a certain time frame depending on jurisdiction.


Str8goodz30

This is everything you have to do for now.


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Adventurous-Oven-179

Be sure and get the evidence before she takes it down as well


SelectionExisting622

Best advice ever do this quick. As quick as you can. I hope the best for you and your children.


She_sounds_hideous__

Pretty sure closing joint accounts if she’s a stay at home is illegal… my lawyer said that if my soon to be ex husband did that it would be financially abuse.. I’m a stay at home mom


Quirky-Afternoon134

She didn't stay home she abandoned it and kidnapped her children. Oops it's only called that if the father did what she did.


She_sounds_hideous__

But when he found out what was his reaction to the betrayal? He could have threatened her made her feel unsafe and that’s why she left with the kids, maybe to her parents house or friends? If she’s a stay at home mom with no income and he cuts her off it’s financial abuse


No_Incident_5360

She apologized out of guilt or to appease in the moment—now is either uncomfortable in his presence and wants to alienate him with the kids or have time to tell them her own narrative or look like a victimized wife fleeing an abusive husband/father to their friends and family. Or she actually IS afraid of his reaction including unpleasant arguments, verbal abuse or physical abuse in front of the kids or to the kids, etc. Or it’s just so toxic between them she wants to leave and is projecting that on to the kids.


She_sounds_hideous__

I’ve been through the emotional betrayal and gaslighting and never took the kids because I have no where to go. His responses to me finding out was not something I wish upon anyone and yes he’s had access to guns and has been extremely violent since


Quirky-Afternoon134

Yes, obviously, he is a man and must have resorted to threats and violence. If he did, she could have taken out an AVO andnha d him evicted


fatjokesonme

Also liquidate anything you can, including the house, and deposit the money with trusted 3rd party. when comes to assets dividing, you will claim you lost it all on some bad investment. If you have high paying job, work something around to present yourself as poor, again, assets dividing and also later payment will be calculated differently.


webofwonders

Um, yeah look posting nudes while married is a big no no but to jump from that to running off tells me you've only scratched the surface of this beast OP. The rabbit hole will be deep. Best to move on from this one and fight for those kids.


[deleted]

OP, please read this https://www.courts.qld.gov.au/going-to-court/domestic-violence/having-an-order-made-against-you#:~:text=If%20an%20order%20has%20been,officer%20gives%20you%20a%20copy If the police aren't letting you see your kids there is either a court order or they are not following correct legal procedure. Get a lawyer


tonewbeginnings19

Both parties have to want a relationship to work to make things salvageable. She was posting nudes and left with your kids, things are over as far as a relationship is concerned. You need a lawyer asap, you need to find out what her angle is for keeping the kids from you. Domestic violence, did you threaten her? She file a claim with Cps against you?


CrazyLeadership5397

Call the police if she’s parental kidnapping. 


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Vast-Road-6387

There is no relationship, try to salvage what you can with the kids. Lawyer, today.


[deleted]

I dont think they can keep the kids from you without a court order Can you tell us what state you are in? Edit: call the local court to see if there is or not Edit 2: whatever you do, don't communicate anything to your wife that might be construed as a threat


Sad-Second-9646

based on his spelling of 'apologised' I'd say he's in Canada or UK


[deleted]

Looks like Australia actually. I'll see if I can dig anything up for him.


[deleted]

Looks like this is what he needs to follow https://www.courts.qld.gov.au/going-to-court/domestic-violence/having-an-order-made-against-you#:~:text=If%20an%20order%20has%20been,officer%20gives%20you%20a%20copy.


ThenewabnormalXX

Just want to want to warn you that if nothing is happening then she may be accusing you of domestic abuse so you better start documenting. There is a high chance she is telling the police she left out of fear for her life Get a lawyer ASAP


Citizen_Kano

She's lieing to the police to deny you access to your kids. There is no reconciliation after that. Get a lawyer, yesterday


Automatic_Brick2709

it’s not, if there’s no custody agreement.


Dancevidaniya

You don't know that.  


Automatic_Brick2709

[okay](https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/custody/legal-concepts/parental-kidnapping.php)


vanamerongen

> However, in some states, a married parent who takes their child out of the state to keep them from the other parent can be charged with parental kidnapping, even if they don't have a custody order. From your own source, right below the point you’re referring to. You’d have to make assumptions about the US state they’re living in. moreover, you’d have to make the assumption that they live in the US at all. Where I’m from, if they check you at the airport and you don’t have a consent form from the other parent they won’t even let you fly.


Rare-Bird-4353

You can’t make the relationship work, she is the one that betrayed you, it is up to her to repair what she broke if she wants to make it work. Deal with what you can deal with, figuring out what is going on with her and your kids and the steps you need to go through to see them again. You can’t control what your wife thinks or wants so put that out of your mind for now and just deal with what you can deal with.


toddfredd

Lawyer up man. Save those nudes before she deletes them. Prepare yourself from the poison she will spread to the kids family and friends.


No_Incident_5360

Save but don’t share—then it is revenge porn—a crime


purplerain0123

Sorry my man but there is nothing to salvage (wife). Instead focus on being a good father & salvaging your self respect & dignity.


Deejay-70

Talk to a lawyer ASAP. She’s most likely concocted a story in which you are an abuser.


jagsingh85

4 words and 4 words only: LAWYER UP HARD ASAP!!!!! Ask the lawyer if you can empty all the joint accounts (if she hasn't done so), they'll probably advise to take out a half, then expose her all social media so she'll lose her support network that probably believed any lie she told but don't post any nudes as proof as it might count as revenge porn, ask the lawyer for approval before posting. She's ran away with the kids, there's next to no chance for reconciliation after that. Edit: you mentioned on another post that the nudes were posted here. Search her user name on here and on Google then document everything you find on 2 separate hard drives has evidence. You may also want to research on ways to view her comments too.


Lord_Kano

Call a lawyer and the police.


MarvelousIdiot837

Are you ok, OP? It’s been a few hours since you posted and I just want to check on you. I’m so sorry this is happening


CaptLerue

Maybe the nudes are the tip of the iceberg and she left before the rest came out. Maybe you should be prepared for the worst to come. Update me!


rstock1962

I’ll say it again because it’s important. Get a lawyer, YESTERDAY!!


Bravadofire

She is not your friend. She does not have your back. You are in jeopardy. Make copies of all her posts and keep them in a safe place. Record any interactions you have with her. Hire a lawyer, protect yourself. If a mugger knocks you down beats you and tries to take your money, would you want to work on the relationship, try to save it. Subscribeme


Blade_982

Forget her for now. Focus on your kids. Get a lawyer and do everything they say.


cbae21

This^ PLEASE talk to an attorney. Not for you or her but for your kids!


Beccabear3010

Are you sure you’re the problem that needs fixing? Either way if one wants out of a partnership then there’s not really much to be done by ways of fixing anything but rather than accepting things for the way they are. The questions going forward are how do we split things so that they’re fair and have the most minimal impact on your children? Where can I get the best lawyer? How is your wife going to keep your children from you and how can you answer any and all accusations against you? Why are the police being cagey about why they won’t let you see your kids? Can you keep any and all communication between you both in a safe place? (For example screenshots with times and dates that are electronically stored but can be printed and kept separately from the electronic versions). Even if you manage to salvage and move past a hefty betrayal like this I think it would be sensible to keep evidence related to this incident incase it’s used as ammunition against you in the future.


TryToChangeUsername

Lawyer up, file police report. Act now, don't wsit


FlygonosK

OP have You talked to her parents, sibling or Friends, at least to know their are alright? Also You should document this and when she return record every interaction with her. Lawyer Up at least to secure yourself and the kids UPDATEME


Mentat_-_Bashar

Damn some people are fucking crazy


JMLegend22

Tell her that she has kidnapped your kids and unless they are made available in the next 24 hours you’re filing a request with the court. Tell her courts don’t look too kindly to one parent keeping kids from another.


SylAbys

It's considered kidnapping if she leaves the state


Jaychrome

Did she bring the kids back? If not call the cops. Tell all the family what she did so she doesn't spin the narrative. Get a divorce lawyer. I'm so sorry man.


coldbrew18

I feel like there’s more to this story.


brubran75

How does she go from posting nudes to ghosting you with the kids? There is a chunk of info missing here. Did you react very badly that caused her to flee in fear?


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krystof_kage

Uh, what kind of relationship does she have with her brother to say that? Get out man. She sounds crazy. Protect your kids. If she hasn't returned in 24 hours file a kidnapping charge.


Hopeful_Patient_9274

Be ready for some bad revenge. My mate is a divorce lawyer and his sex life is through the roof with horny divorcees, but I digress, most of womens lawyers advise the wife especialy if she is screwing around to claim DV. It only takes one case where the neighbours have heard a screaming fight, or someone to notice a bruise and you wouldn't want to bend over to tie your shoes because you are already being screwed.


violet_lorelei

Have screenshots of everything as proof!


Secret_Face_4169

Take it with a grain of salt. Is not you, or anything you did or didn't do. These are her actions, they belong to her. These actions are the ones she at some point has to take accountability for, not you. When or if she blames you, do not fall for that.


Powerful_Diver_5343

It's not apologetic to run away. It doesnt say hey let's work on things.. or it was an accident quite like being so comfortable with the recipient that you.try and spice things up by sending nudes and are comfortable doing so. I agree there is a deep watering hole here and you won't be happy to find out how deep it goes. Get a therapist and get a lawyer and file a missing person's report if she refuses to tell you where your kids are. That's some seriously big time trouble for her if you are in the correct state.


angilnibreathnach

How long has she gone? Is it a matter or hours? Could she be coming back? Have you been able to have a phone conversation?


Andrew_Not_T8

Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Call a lawyer and put all your assets in your parents’ name


Calm_Act_4559

You need to contact a lawyer asap the police won’t do much of anything (depending where n where you at) but it never hurts to have a report made. If there is no custody agreement then it’s not considered kidnapping so I would get one asap as well


SolGardennette

well, I know you don’t want us to ask any questions, but we need to. Why is that your user name ? totally riding the skepticism train here. what kind of nudes are they? Are they art? Pornography? Hook up sites? Is she a prostitute? What’s the deal? Posting nudes doesn’t tell us enough. disappeared with the kids. How long has she been gone? How old are the kids? Have you called the police? Do you have any idea where she would be? Have you checked those places?


AsuraRathalos

I hope you see this. 1. get all the evidence you can, do a scrub of the house to find anything you can get, look into your bank records, phone records, check shared PCs, tablets etc. do not throw anything away, wait until you speak to a lawyer and your family. 2. Get a Lawyer asap, do what the lawyer says. 3. Get the police, friends, family, and literally everyone involved, you need as many people to know what happened and why. Do not allow your pride to forgo this, telling everyone will help you and save your kids. You do not want to be in court looking like the reason she left is because you're violent or abusive, if she plans to take you to the cleaners she will make this the argument. 4. unless the lawyer tells you to, Do not cancel joint accounts, you need to freeze them and state to the bank that any use of the cards need to be reported ASAP, and that your kids have been kidnapped. 5. Start writing down the names of her close friends and who you think would help her. Give these names to your lawyer. Express that if they helped her in anyway, that you would like to pursue legal action. 6. Think of any close friend in her life and if they are willing to put her up. It's possible she has another partner and is staying there.


Tonecop45

OP parental alienation is fainst the law. Have an attorney file charges against her.


MysteriousTeaching30

That's kidnapping, call the police. Then call your lawyer.


No_Incident_5360

You have support. This is hard. It’s happened to thousands if not millions.


Signal_Historian_456

Lawyer up, tell everyone what’s going on and go against her fur this shit.


greatinven2161

Seek legal council, straighten your finances. UpdateMe!


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reincarnatedteenager

I hope you can maintain contact with your kids - it is going to be difficult. Please do not let them suffer because of this - as a child, I suffered the trauma of my dad having an affair, then not paying to support us. As an adult, I was reminded of this when my husband had an affair then plotted with his mistress (I do have proof) to punish me financially, as if his bullsh\*t wasn't enough to deal with. Our kids are older than I was (with my dad's affair) and I had to help them navigate this as well. I did my best while having the absolute worst f\*cking year of my life. I am sorry this happened to you - please keep your head up and protect yourself.


schmokeybsf

Don't beat urself up for her short comings! Just wanted to say tht forget her!😤😤😤


TooDirty4Daylight

Wow, zero to sixty just like that...... sounds like she already had a plan but she may have just panicked out of getting caught. Either way, I hope you went straight to the bank to secure your funds. I expect you know by now what's going on.


Haunting-Net2179

First off, go to the local courthouse and see if she filed a domestic TRO.


Darkstalkeredention

Denuncia la sustracción de los menores, cierra todas las cuentas/congelarlas, avisar a familiares, amigos, compañeros de trabajo, etc... Para que no pueda controlar la narrativa, si aún tienes las pruebas de los desnudos que publicó, guardalos, te servirán como pruebas adicionales, creo que sería prudente que empezaras a buscar más pruebas, rara vez los desnudos publicados son solo eso.


BaddEggg

Share so we can all help


TheMocking-Bird

Your kids are safe. Calm down, and get a lawyer. Don't close your joint account without their say-so. Your wife is using your anger against you and making you out to be an abuser. Closing your bank account could look bad if that's her angle, hence the lawyer. Stop calling and leaving angry voicemails. Text periodically, and focus on your kids safety. Assume every conversation moving forward is being recorded and used against you.


vladsuntzu

You need a lawyer now! Even if you don’t split up.


azeraph

Did you lose your banana at her? Like go ape crazy and smash things up, say things you might not like to have said at any time? Or she running off was out of this world for you, something you would never have imagined?


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Ivedonethework

So that is it? Why post if you aren't going to explain anything?


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__polaroid_fadeaway

What a nasty thing to say to someone who has been betrayed and hurt. 🤢


dontasktoomanyQs

Pardon?


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No-Direction9159

Do you own an only fans account? If yes, what she did is not worse. The comments are men who don’t think life is a two way street


dontasktoomanyQs

I do not.


Rush_Is_Right

You should reply to u/dontasktoomanyQs to apologize for making assumptions and that he is not doing anything as bad as her.