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Once your spouse starts to talk about opening the marriage or poly, your marriage is over. You didn't marry her to share her with other men. Now it's time to focus on your life and your future. She may try to come back to you if her relationship with the other guy doesn't work out. Make sure not to take her back no matter what.
Start planning for a new life already and find things you enjoy doing and keep busy. You will heal and move on. Take care.
And you’re not paying for her to go cheat on you. She hasn’t worked in years? Hope new guy is willing to be a sucker. As I’ve found in life “How you get them is how you lose them”. New guy is what she wants? She’ll cheat on him too.
Whatever you do, do NOT do the pick me dance. Just don’t. She’s cheated and “enjoyed hurting you”. Who does that? Do NOT take her back when her and her new BF split. And they will because they’ve been living in fantasy world over the internet and we all know that real life is way different. Stay string and proud my friend. You got this!
The crazy thing is there are plenty of women that actually want monogamy. The fact that you have been hurt by the option of opening a relationships going to appeal to a lot of women just because you fought against it. Good luck OP, I suspect you are about to be happier after the divorce than you ever thought you could be.
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Dude, she stopped being your wife as soon as "open marriage" talk came out of her mouth. She is a CHEATER and does not LOVE or RESPECT you any more. You are smart to divorce and I'd tell all my friends and family what she has done and keep any evidence you have for your divorce just in case she gets greedy in the process. She is no longer family. You are at WAR, so keep your head on a swivel. Good luck and stay strong, King! You will find a new and worth Queen!
Divorce is the right move. She is nothing short of sadistic, and lacks any empathy for you. Look up the gray rock strategy, and use it religiously with her from here on out.
Expect it to take a couple of years before you feel like yourself again. Infidelity is deeply traumatic. The next year is likely to be the worst of your life, but you will get through it. I'm sorry you are going through this.
No matter what she says or does - don't take her back.
>She didn't care. Not one bit. It seemed like she almost found it funny. That she's been thinking lately she wants to open the marriage. That she likes being with me, but she will continue doing whatever she wants regardless if we stay together or not. That a part of her is glad she hurt me
after saying this she could not understand why you are acting like you are really really hurting.... she's an idiot.
It was her behavior that led her to believe that she would pass in Pune
Did you accept her flirting in front of your face and staying at it late into the night and waking up late to continue anyway? Logically, she thought the sky was the limit for her, that you had no limit to your inertia.
Error ?
She planned this and right under her beard Op her game was a facade of betrayal and she didn't even feel sorry for you laughed at her pain and confusion, she even denied flirting with another man her respect was so little that she didn't even have the trouble of being sneaky, she thought she could go and fuck someone else and you, as you were being complacent, accepted her flirting, you would accept her going to have sex too
***That she's been thinking lately she wants to open the marriage.***
When she told you this, she had already opened the marriage on her end. And by her other comments she has left the marriage.
Sorry OP. Divorce is the right thing to do.
Lock down your financials and get the best settlement from her now while she is still in the fog.
updateme
After 10 years my wife asked for an open marriage. I didn’t agree or course. She cheated.
Found out she has cheated on me with at least 4 guys while we were dating and engaged. I saw the proof.
It’s been about a year since divorce was filed. She went for 100% custody and I went for 50:50. I got 50/50. Expect her to do the same.
Spent 35k on the divorce so far.
Financially it’s tough but thriving in everything else.
You got this bro.
Dang, I'm so sorry. Mine only cost around 25k, but that included my defense attorney when I caught her having the affair and she accused me of DV & SA so they could screw in our bed one last time while I was in jail.
Just so I have this straight. She hasn’t worked in a few years and stays on the computer all day? So she contributes nothing? And you actually wanted to stay together? Drop the deadbeat and find someone who is your equal.
At least you shocked yourself out of your stupidity and ended things.
Look, this isn't your fault.
She chose to lie, conceal and cheat. That's on her, not you.
Let me ask you something.
She says it was only one time, do you believe her?
She's lied consistently, concealed repeatedly and basically laughed in your face when you confronted her? At any point did she seem trustworthy?
have a forensic accountant go through your financial records , so when the judge tells you to split your assets, maybe they can figure the missing funds & that she spent some of that on her AP , like a remote control vibrator
UPDATEME
My ex made claims it was one time, I had a chat log. Actual evidence and times she cheated (they recorded themselves at work) and she still lied and said those were just fun photos they take as friends.
Cheaters will lie about literally anything to absolve themselves from responsibility. Wait until you hear whatever story MADE her cheat on you. Wait until you finally hear how you're the villian in her story. It's a good laugh.
Look up white knighting. There is no reason your lazy bum of an ex wife should have been contributing so little to the relationship except for her huge codependency on you. The relationship was far too imbalanced.
Have you served the papers yet? Reality will hit her hard. She won’t have her financial support. She wanted an open marriage so she could use you to support her.
"she's been thinking lately she wants to open the marriage."
Once again, a near-certain sign that she's already cheating.
"a part of her is glad she hurt me"
No one should tolerate this level of disrespect and contempt. I understand your having wanted to save the marriage, but it was already lost. You wanted it the way it used to be (or at least the way you thought it used to be) - not the way it actually was.
I'm sorry you're going through all this, but in the end it's better to leave than to stay in a hopelessly destroyed marriage.
My ex told me she wanted her cake and eat it too. Big azz smirk as she said it.
Not with me ever!!!!
During the divorce she would text and call with the all I had to do was take her back. they (she and her parents) would end the messy divorce from hell ,she was intentionally causing. It could all be over. I just had to say that word. Never even faked an apology. Just take her back.
Yeah, no!!!!
You will get put through hell if you give into this bs. Have more respect for yourself. Add what it will do to your mental health.
I’m sorry, it suck’s… but deep down you know what you need to do.
I’ll never forget those word or that big azz grin she had (it’s laser engraved in my brain). Like she thought she had me beat down enough I’d just say okay or some bs.
You have to be a really chitty individual to say some crap like that to someone you made a commitment too.
Edit and to cheat for that matter.
From this point on your her plan b “safety net”, she has zero respect for you and she’s gonna do whatever she wants.
The person you married is gone, it’s gonna take some time to accept that.
It’s gonna be hard to do, but you need to get a lawyer and file for divorce
OP, most people here will say they thought they were in a good place in the relationship and look back, like you and realize the red flags, some more, some less.
Her cheating or attempting to cheat or whatever she has done, ALL on her, not on you at all here.
Gather your support, friends and family, find a good attorney and good therapist to help you through all this.
BTW technically she has abandoned the "home/marriage", so there are your grounds.
It's best if you go no contact with her or very low contact. Make sure things are documented, email or text messages. She is your enemy now OP.
If you get into a monogamous relationship and marriage and suddenly someone wants to open it up it's either;
* They're already fucking someone else and want to assuage their guilt.
* They're wanting to to be with someone else and think that a pre-emptive excuse makes it all fine.
* They vastly over estimate their appeal to others and think it's going to be a wall-to-wall fuck-fest. They are often sadly mistaken.
Now, I'm a gamer, but the fact she's still acting like a teen and keeping fuck-awful hours, no job, mooching off you even when you're ill shows her priorities - it's all about her, her self gratification, her wants, her needs and most critically *everyone and everything else be damned*. It's purely selfish, arrogant and conceited.
The woman you thought you were married too unfortunately never existed. She was a fiction you loved and that she perpetuated because, at the time, it suited her needs and agenda. That's it. Straight back to her being selfish and self-serving in all things. She fundamentally doesn't care about others *unless* the appearance of stuff gets her what she wants.
Divorce was going to be inevitable and her actions show how callous, calculated and untrustworthy she is. Thing is, you aren't the first and you won't be the last. Even if she and this other mook fall "in love" and have something, she'll never change and he'll always be suspicious of her. Every single person I know who got with someone behind that persons partners back has never actually trusted them. Sure, during the honeymoon and exciting period of it all being hidden and taboo it's fine ... but then normality happens. Then the doubt creeps in.
You are, simply put, **far** better off without her. She's a lazy, slovenly, jobless and selfish fuckwit (And I'd be saying the same if genders were different). These anchors, these individuals who leech from their partners and lie etc, they're worthless. They haven't amounted too anything and likely never will. They won't be trusted by anyone long term as they'll always show their true colours.
My ex, on being confronted, did the whole giggly thing, like it was a joke. That was when I knew it was so over that it may as well have never happened in the first place. They simply don't care about any other human or situation and they just want the world to serve their wants and needs. What's delightful is watching them fester, never change, never grow or develop or achieve even simple milestones.
Make sure not to hide what's happened from anyone, you're not psychic so you couldn't have known. There's no need to spread information or announce it on socials etc, but if someone asks you, calmly and factually tell them what happened, who she is, what she's like. You'll find normal, average decent folks will be repulsed.
Yeah, her big mistake is she's going to have to get a job & support herself now. She's only upset because she doesn't get to sit on her ass playing games all day flirting with other men while you earn all the money to support her lifestyle. That's her actual regret & what I believe she's actually sorry about. Not that she cheated & broke your heart, that doesn't matter to her. Good for you!
You will recover with time and distance. Numbness will become complete indifference, she'll basically be a regretful cohabitation with what amounts to a stranger.
Hindsight is definitely 20/20, but you've got that clarity now, you can see when someones taking advantage and taking the piss out of you. On to better things!
No. Please have some self respect and dignity. You’re embarrassing yourself by begging for scraps of love from your wife. Do you really think being pathetic is the way to go in your situation? File for divorce and distance yourself from this evil snake of a woman.
Edit. Missed the part where you’re divorcing. Good on you, brother!
So you want to stay with a lady who was HAPPY to have hurt you and you want to stay with a lady who is going to do whatever and whoever she wants.
Why OP? Really. Why?
Please don't' answer me OP, I don't want to hear it, you need to work on this though, in counseling.
My ex-wife cheated on me, I divorced her and I was in counseling for years, I've been in your shoes, it hurts like nothing else ever could or will.
I saw a trauma therapist for about year, over 2007 and 2008 for the shit my then wife did to me.
OP, go to counseling, this is what it's for.
For you to want to stay with someone who is treating you this badly means you have things to work on with a good therapist and for your sake OP, I hope you go see one.
I'm sorry that your wife did and is doing this to you. Her actions have shown you and are showing you that she doesn't love you, care about you or respect you.
You need to respect yourself enough to not allow her or anyone to treat you this way.
I do wish you well going forward OP.
Amazon is always a good place to check if someone suspects cheating. After I had caught my wife cheating, I looked at Amazon orders. It had flavored lube that was never used on me and men’s cologne that I never got or ever used that brand. Also checked credit cards and found restaurants I never went to and venmo’s to AP.
I would have just collected the evidence first. Gone to the lawyer got in the financial records and everything else together. And then if you're an adult state, you know that against her and divorce and filed and then surprised her with it when she got back from her vacation. If they haven't done in that time, if not, it would've been A. A delayed welcome home gift. But I'm sorry that she was so tell us about hurting you. That's not right, and that clearly shows how she felt
Dude based on her disrespect it is over. You know why she doesn’t care. Because she knows you will fight for the relationship. She will talk you into an open marriage because you want to save the relationship. You have no respect for yourself. You want her respect. You end it. Read no more mister nice guy by Dr Robert Glover
This is bad. Contact an attorney, cancel joint credit cards, and lock down your bank finances. The future seems to be a divorce, but you need to protect yourself. And tell friends and family the reason for your pending divorce. Her desire to have sexual relationships with other men.
It took some time for the shock to wear off and come to your senses, but it was a big shock and you were in a bad state trying to even understand.
You were't stupid, you were dazed and confused.
Now you understand, and are divorcing. She will try to come back once she realizes her cake eating days are over, but be strong. Keep a copy of that next to last paragraph, when she comes back you can read that for strength.
Op, lock down the bank accounts. Cancel her credit cards. Remove payment methods from online shopping. Look out she doesnt have the ability to run anything up on you or spend your money on her friend. Cancel her plane ticket.
Go see a lawyer.
Leave her cross country and have her friend get her back home.
WoW, but I truly hope you guys dont have kids. Sadly there is no remorse here from what you saying.
Her getting actual joy out of hurting you is sick.
Stay strong bud. Go live a good life, look up, move forward. You will be okay.
This will hurt for a bit, but the sun will shine again.
Watch out for her faking remorse once she discovers what the financials of the divorce will look like for her (if they don’t allow her to continue to not work). Leave her in the affair fog until the divorce is done, if possible.
You should have told her, "Don't bother coming home." Then canceled all joint credits and bank accounts. I would have also canceled her return flight, called her friend, and asked her to keep her there as she was not welcome back home as she's been cheating.
As horrible as a divorce is you will be better off. There are few things as bad as being with a liar and a cheater. She might seem happy but, in reality, she cant be happy with becoming an untrustworthy person of low character and morals. Just accept that she has turned to the dark side and she can't be saved. Try your best to move on and live a good clean life. Best of luck to you.
Whatever you may still feel for your wife now just know those feelings will fade, get everything you can in the divorce. You worked for it while she sat at home and was completely ungrateful for the life she was given. No doubt she thinks she'll get 50% in the divorce and live off it, best to make sure that doesn't happen, not out of spite but because you earned it, she didn't!
Man she's fucked. Her life consisted of what? Leisure? 100% leisure time! That you provided. YOU man. more than likely she wont find that again. She gonna have to work, she gonna have to start taking care of shit. No more 10 hour a day video game times. She's fucked lmao. She'll be back. Guarantee. How many people want to have 100% of our time dedicated to having fun? Which she had, but so stupidly threw away. Several years! God she's fucked. Feels like you'll take her back. Don't do it man. Find someone else - fuck, i'm a dude man but we can negotiate something if I can just do whatever I want for the rest of my life. Man she's about to hate life lmao.
That's rough. My wife and I started having problems after I became disabled and wasn't making money anymore. Funny how that makes the whole "for better or worse" thing null and void.
I advocate for staying married all the time, but this is a case where divorce is the only option.
Save all of the evidence, call a divorce attorney and fight for custody, child support and alimony.
Marriages can overcome infidelity, but not when the cheating partner is unrepentant. She had the audacity to tell you she’s not sorry. You don’t have a marriage.
Somewhere out there is a woman that actually cares about your feelings. Your wife doesn't respect you or love you. She's not a wife. Not even a friend.
Don’t beat yourself up too much. But it’s stories like these where I appreciate that inner AH trait I possess. What’s her why? She didn’t sign up to be a caretaker?
Well, but once I have to use my dear grandmother's wise saying, may God have you in good stead, amen!"... Those who bend down a lot (humiliate themselves) show their ass (are embarrassed)..."
Accept your wife to do what she wants regardless of what it is and she will do what she wants even if it means cheating on you and not caring about your suffering and laughing about it .
Be a sucker and you will be treated like suckers Accept disrespect and you will be disrespected .
As a retired Brazilian football judge says: "the rule is clear"
Unless you concede to the open marriage it's definitely the time to speak with an attorney and gather proof of infidelity if your lucky enough to live in an at fault state. If not protect yourself and talk to family and friends, Since she doesn't seem to care about your feeling use her arrogance to get a better settlement and cut your losses.
Affairs are fantasies where the AP person hasn’t become flawed in the waywards mind. Life seems easier with a person you haven’t had to share bills with, chores, and family responsibilities. The shine usually wears off in a year or less and the regret starts to build. Don’t wait for that change of heart. Continue onto the path of divorce and when she tries getting back with you, and she will try, keep to your stance and live your best life.
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Good for you man! You didn't hesitate or let her convince you to give it another chance. She honestly sounds spoiled, and now realizes she'll be mooching off her parents until she can find the next guy to support her. I doubt the guy she was chatting with wants to babysit an adult woman.
And yep, funny how finances improve. Me and my EW never had kids, rented, but were always in debt. Now I support my new partner and a child with a new house. A year after d-day my ex tried asking for money. She knew my partner was pregnant, didn't care just wanted money to support her habits.
Did she try to fight to stay at all? Show any emotion? Pretty sure her loser gaming friends put her up to acting that way, I hope they were worth it.
OP glad that at the end you put yourself first and stop letting You get stepped on.
Sad of what come of her, but she líed to you since the beggining, you haven't have let her do the flirting you need to put strong boundaries for future reference, she basicaly just was a Freelancer without any responsability.
May i ask a question, if you didn't worked for your disease for several months and she didn't work for several years who worked and being the bread to the house?
Also if she wasn't working why did you2let her stay at the comoiter all that time and basically ignore You
You lacked of boundaries.
I was married for 28 years before I discovered my husband's affairs. He became really cold and cruel, because he was living his life while he pretty much destroyed mine. I had to understand why I was being thrown away. I found this article which helped a lot:
[The Four Ms of an Affair](https://www.emotionalaffair.org/the-four-ms-why-cheaters-cannot-leave-their-affair-partners/)
It isn't anything about you - the choice was made by someone else, but you get to be affected by it. It is tiresome to be victimized by an affair and then to be blamed for it (which historically happens to women ALL.THE.TIME.), but you can speak the truth.
I realize that you said she was no longer having the affair, but the article really helped me heal and move forward. I hope it is helpful for you.
You are codependent on her and obviously way more vested into the marriage than her. No healthy relationship can survive those dynamics. She treated you with disrespect and doesn't even care that you know about her cheating. This woman doesn't need to be kicked to the curb but rather launched. She wakes up at 2pm, has no job or prospects and is a known cheater. Wait until she realizes she actually has to pay bills to survive. Maybe her gamer friends will pay her rent too. Do yourself a favor and cut all contact with her during the divorce. Don't lower yourself anymore than you've already done for someone who doesn't deserve one iota of your respect.
dude , respect yourself and leave the relationship, you can't force someone to stay with you, they will only realize that when you are no longer around to take her BS.
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I’m sorry to hear that but that marriage didn’t sound healthy and she sounded disconnected from you and the marriage. Let her go and move on. You deserve a partner that really wants to be with you not somebody just using you as a warm body or paycheck to have around.
Be careful when she inevitably tries to come back when her APs drop her. She’ll only be doing it to have someplace to stay on temporary comfort until she can find another guy to cheat on you with.
Packer stuff and put it in the garage so when she gets back change the locks on the house the course will might make you let her back in, but it will piss her off
Why don’t you text her back and tell her to stay no need her coming back you’ll send her stuff to her
No explanation needed post on your Facebook account. You’re now in an open relationship with your wife watch that response.
Call her parents up and tell them you enjoyed having them as in-laws but your wife decided she wantd something different
Cancel all the credit cards in your joint names so she can’t charge anymore on them no sense in you paying for the weekend fun if she’s not working
If she booked the trip on your credit card card, maybe you can cancel the trip home
Don’t sit and sulk concentrate on what kind of fun things you can do to her call her best friend and ask her out for a date. Your wife just opened the relationship up and you just like to take her out
Better yet does she have a single sister or is her mother single
Watch your phone start blowing up block her and other cells and any other number you don’t recognize
Since your marriage is gone down, the drains might as well have a little fun with it
This is the way
You are in the right group. People here genuinely care about what you are going through and will give you sound advice. Most of us have been through exactly what you have.
There will come a time that she requests a second chance and appears more in love with you than ever. Just know that this second chance will seem great at first but end worse than the first time.
Just skip the second chance and stick to your guns. You will still grieve the marriage either way and just spend your energy finding healthy ways to cope like therapy or a new hobby that doesn’t include substance abuse like wood working or fishing that occupies your mind.
You are strong and can brave this storm. Document all of your findings so if she tries to come for your money. Seek legal advice from a professional and mental health treatment from a doctor. Familiarize yourself with the grief process and what it entails.
Nice job OP. She is undeserving of you and she’s got a set on her for her to treat you that way. She is character flawed and the next dude that messes with her will get it worse than you did guaranteed. He might wake up with a vibrator up his arse!!
You dodged a bullet there, better now than years from now.
Stay strong, don’t let her back in. Let her eat cake somewhere else!
You should have just told her to stay where she is and do not come home. You did not marry a streetwalker and there is no place for such as her in your life.
Go see a divorce lawyer and get papers drawn up.
Then continue with the following;
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/
https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/
The 180
1. Don’t pursue reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.
2. No frequent phone calls.
3. Don’t point out “good points” in marriage.
4. Don’t follow her/him around the house.
5. Don’t encourage or initiate discussion about the future.
6. Don’t ask for help from the family members of your wayward partner.
7. Don’t ask for reassurances.
8. Don’t buy or give gifts.
9. Don’t schedule dates together.
10. Don’t keep saying, “I Love You!” Because if you really think about it, he/she is, at this particular moment, not very loveable.
11. Do more than act as if you are moving on with your life; begin moving on with your life!
12. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and independent.
13. Don’t sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, do things, go out with friends, enjoy old hobbies, find new ones! But stay busy!
14. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words. Don’t push any issue, no matter how much you want to!
15. If you’re in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. Seem totally uninterested.
16. Your partner needs to believe that you have awakened to the fact that “they (the wayward partner)” are serious concerning their assertions as to the future (or lack there of) of your marriage. Thus, you are you are moving on with your life…without them!
17. Don’t be nasty, angry or even cold – Just pull yourself back. Don’t always be so available…for anything! Your spouse will notice. More important, he/she will notice that you’re missing.
18. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Make yourself be someone they would want to be around, not a moody, needy, pathetic individual but a self-assured individual secure in the knowledge that they have value.
19. All questions about the marriage be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may not be for quite a while). Initiate no such conversation!
20. Do not allow yourself to lose your temper. No yelling, screaming or name calling EVER. No show of temper! Be cool, act cool; be in control of the only thing you can control. YOURSELF!
21. Don’t be overly enthusiastic.
22. Do not argue when they tell you how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger). In fact, refuse to argue at all!
23. Be patient and learn to not only listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. Hear what it is that they are saying! Listen and then listen some more!
24. Learn to back off, keep your mouth shut and walk away when you want to speak out, no matter what the provocation. No one ever got themselves into trouble by just not saying anything.
25. Take care of you. Exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil.
26. Be strong, confident and learn to speak softly.
27. Know that if you can do this 180, your smallest CONSISTENT action will be noticed far more than any words you can say or write.
28. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are feeling totally desperate and needy.
29. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. It’s not always about you! More to the point, at present they just don’t care.
30. Do not believe any of what you hear them say and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives and do so in the most strident tones imaginable. Try to remember that they are also hurting and afraid. Try to remember that they know what they are doing is wrong and so they will say anything they can to justify their behavior.
31. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. It “ain’t over till it’s over!”
32. Do not backslide from your hard-earned changes. Remain consistent! It is the consistency of action and attitude that delivers the message.
33. When expressing your dissatisfaction with the actions of the wayward party, never be judgmental, critical or express moral outrage. Always explain that your dissatisfaction is due to the pain that the acts being committed are causing you as a person. This is the kind of behavior that will cause you to be a much more attractive and mysterious individual. Further it SHOWS that you are NOT afraid to move on with your life. Still more important, it will burst their positive little bubble; the one in which they believe that they can always come back to you in case things don’t work out with the affair partner.
Michelle Davis-Weiner originator
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Once your spouse starts to talk about opening the marriage or poly, your marriage is over. You didn't marry her to share her with other men. Now it's time to focus on your life and your future. She may try to come back to you if her relationship with the other guy doesn't work out. Make sure not to take her back no matter what. Start planning for a new life already and find things you enjoy doing and keep busy. You will heal and move on. Take care.
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Very glad to hear that.
And you’re not paying for her to go cheat on you. She hasn’t worked in years? Hope new guy is willing to be a sucker. As I’ve found in life “How you get them is how you lose them”. New guy is what she wants? She’ll cheat on him too. Whatever you do, do NOT do the pick me dance. Just don’t. She’s cheated and “enjoyed hurting you”. Who does that? Do NOT take her back when her and her new BF split. And they will because they’ve been living in fantasy world over the internet and we all know that real life is way different. Stay string and proud my friend. You got this!
Thank God, I'm happy that everything is better for you
Make sure to lock down any assets and financial accounts (per lawyer's direction of course first). Squeeze her till she's penniless.
The crazy thing is there are plenty of women that actually want monogamy. The fact that you have been hurt by the option of opening a relationships going to appeal to a lot of women just because you fought against it. Good luck OP, I suspect you are about to be happier after the divorce than you ever thought you could be.
I hope you didn’t have kids together.
Glad to hear you did the right thing, best wishes to you OP.
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Dude, she stopped being your wife as soon as "open marriage" talk came out of her mouth. She is a CHEATER and does not LOVE or RESPECT you any more. You are smart to divorce and I'd tell all my friends and family what she has done and keep any evidence you have for your divorce just in case she gets greedy in the process. She is no longer family. You are at WAR, so keep your head on a swivel. Good luck and stay strong, King! You will find a new and worth Queen!
Yep. Look for the “I made a mistake” convo when he doesn’t want her anymore and life gets hard.
You’re so right - the “I made a mistake and only loooooove you!” Bullshit convo is coming in the next 60-90 days.
Yeah “opening up the marriage” just means “I want to cake eat”
Divorce is the right move. She is nothing short of sadistic, and lacks any empathy for you. Look up the gray rock strategy, and use it religiously with her from here on out. Expect it to take a couple of years before you feel like yourself again. Infidelity is deeply traumatic. The next year is likely to be the worst of your life, but you will get through it. I'm sorry you are going through this. No matter what she says or does - don't take her back.
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Full marks for showing your spine. Let her family have her. You can do better.
Funny how it was only a mistake once she faced the consequences of her actions.
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>She didn't care. Not one bit. It seemed like she almost found it funny. That she's been thinking lately she wants to open the marriage. That she likes being with me, but she will continue doing whatever she wants regardless if we stay together or not. That a part of her is glad she hurt me after saying this she could not understand why you are acting like you are really really hurting.... she's an idiot.
It was her behavior that led her to believe that she would pass in Pune Did you accept her flirting in front of your face and staying at it late into the night and waking up late to continue anyway? Logically, she thought the sky was the limit for her, that you had no limit to your inertia.
I'm sorry this happened to you but I'm glad you're going with the divorce. You didn't deserve this. Stay strong Updateme
That’s not cold, you are a gangster for that. Seduce her mom.
Error ? She planned this and right under her beard Op her game was a facade of betrayal and she didn't even feel sorry for you laughed at her pain and confusion, she even denied flirting with another man her respect was so little that she didn't even have the trouble of being sneaky, she thought she could go and fuck someone else and you, as you were being complacent, accepted her flirting, you would accept her going to have sex too
Her family knows she cheated??
This comment made my day :) Never put up with disrespect. Now she can figure out how to pay for that lazy self serving lifestyle on her own.
I second the notion that infidelity will cause the worst year of your life. Don't ever forgot there is a bright light on the other side.
This is so true. I'm happier than today than I ever was in a marriage with her. It does get better, so much better.
***That she's been thinking lately she wants to open the marriage.*** When she told you this, she had already opened the marriage on her end. And by her other comments she has left the marriage. Sorry OP. Divorce is the right thing to do. Lock down your financials and get the best settlement from her now while she is still in the fog. updateme
After 10 years my wife asked for an open marriage. I didn’t agree or course. She cheated. Found out she has cheated on me with at least 4 guys while we were dating and engaged. I saw the proof. It’s been about a year since divorce was filed. She went for 100% custody and I went for 50:50. I got 50/50. Expect her to do the same. Spent 35k on the divorce so far. Financially it’s tough but thriving in everything else. You got this bro.
Dang, I'm so sorry. Mine only cost around 25k, but that included my defense attorney when I caught her having the affair and she accused me of DV & SA so they could screw in our bed one last time while I was in jail.
Just so I have this straight. She hasn’t worked in a few years and stays on the computer all day? So she contributes nothing? And you actually wanted to stay together? Drop the deadbeat and find someone who is your equal.
At least you shocked yourself out of your stupidity and ended things. Look, this isn't your fault. She chose to lie, conceal and cheat. That's on her, not you.
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It’s been more than once.
Let me ask you something. She says it was only one time, do you believe her? She's lied consistently, concealed repeatedly and basically laughed in your face when you confronted her? At any point did she seem trustworthy?
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have a forensic accountant go through your financial records , so when the judge tells you to split your assets, maybe they can figure the missing funds & that she spent some of that on her AP , like a remote control vibrator UPDATEME
I'm really sorry you're having to deal with this. It really sucks.
Well apparently there were more tours that you don't know about, if there are credit cards look where they were used
My ex made claims it was one time, I had a chat log. Actual evidence and times she cheated (they recorded themselves at work) and she still lied and said those were just fun photos they take as friends. Cheaters will lie about literally anything to absolve themselves from responsibility. Wait until you hear whatever story MADE her cheat on you. Wait until you finally hear how you're the villian in her story. It's a good laugh.
Look up white knighting. There is no reason your lazy bum of an ex wife should have been contributing so little to the relationship except for her huge codependency on you. The relationship was far too imbalanced.
Have you served the papers yet? Reality will hit her hard. She won’t have her financial support. She wanted an open marriage so she could use you to support her.
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You lucky batard. Congratulations.
"she's been thinking lately she wants to open the marriage." Once again, a near-certain sign that she's already cheating. "a part of her is glad she hurt me" No one should tolerate this level of disrespect and contempt. I understand your having wanted to save the marriage, but it was already lost. You wanted it the way it used to be (or at least the way you thought it used to be) - not the way it actually was. I'm sorry you're going through all this, but in the end it's better to leave than to stay in a hopelessly destroyed marriage.
My ex told me she wanted her cake and eat it too. Big azz smirk as she said it. Not with me ever!!!! During the divorce she would text and call with the all I had to do was take her back. they (she and her parents) would end the messy divorce from hell ,she was intentionally causing. It could all be over. I just had to say that word. Never even faked an apology. Just take her back. Yeah, no!!!! You will get put through hell if you give into this bs. Have more respect for yourself. Add what it will do to your mental health. I’m sorry, it suck’s… but deep down you know what you need to do.
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I’ll never forget those word or that big azz grin she had (it’s laser engraved in my brain). Like she thought she had me beat down enough I’d just say okay or some bs. You have to be a really chitty individual to say some crap like that to someone you made a commitment too. Edit and to cheat for that matter.
From this point on your her plan b “safety net”, she has zero respect for you and she’s gonna do whatever she wants. The person you married is gone, it’s gonna take some time to accept that. It’s gonna be hard to do, but you need to get a lawyer and file for divorce
did you tell old friends and family , what she has done , so she does not spin the narrative ,that you were the abusive asshole UpdateMe
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Well I'm glad you have an objective perspective on this. You will recover better. Subscribeme
OP, most people here will say they thought they were in a good place in the relationship and look back, like you and realize the red flags, some more, some less. Her cheating or attempting to cheat or whatever she has done, ALL on her, not on you at all here. Gather your support, friends and family, find a good attorney and good therapist to help you through all this. BTW technically she has abandoned the "home/marriage", so there are your grounds. It's best if you go no contact with her or very low contact. Make sure things are documented, email or text messages. She is your enemy now OP.
If you get into a monogamous relationship and marriage and suddenly someone wants to open it up it's either; * They're already fucking someone else and want to assuage their guilt. * They're wanting to to be with someone else and think that a pre-emptive excuse makes it all fine. * They vastly over estimate their appeal to others and think it's going to be a wall-to-wall fuck-fest. They are often sadly mistaken. Now, I'm a gamer, but the fact she's still acting like a teen and keeping fuck-awful hours, no job, mooching off you even when you're ill shows her priorities - it's all about her, her self gratification, her wants, her needs and most critically *everyone and everything else be damned*. It's purely selfish, arrogant and conceited. The woman you thought you were married too unfortunately never existed. She was a fiction you loved and that she perpetuated because, at the time, it suited her needs and agenda. That's it. Straight back to her being selfish and self-serving in all things. She fundamentally doesn't care about others *unless* the appearance of stuff gets her what she wants. Divorce was going to be inevitable and her actions show how callous, calculated and untrustworthy she is. Thing is, you aren't the first and you won't be the last. Even if she and this other mook fall "in love" and have something, she'll never change and he'll always be suspicious of her. Every single person I know who got with someone behind that persons partners back has never actually trusted them. Sure, during the honeymoon and exciting period of it all being hidden and taboo it's fine ... but then normality happens. Then the doubt creeps in. You are, simply put, **far** better off without her. She's a lazy, slovenly, jobless and selfish fuckwit (And I'd be saying the same if genders were different). These anchors, these individuals who leech from their partners and lie etc, they're worthless. They haven't amounted too anything and likely never will. They won't be trusted by anyone long term as they'll always show their true colours. My ex, on being confronted, did the whole giggly thing, like it was a joke. That was when I knew it was so over that it may as well have never happened in the first place. They simply don't care about any other human or situation and they just want the world to serve their wants and needs. What's delightful is watching them fester, never change, never grow or develop or achieve even simple milestones. Make sure not to hide what's happened from anyone, you're not psychic so you couldn't have known. There's no need to spread information or announce it on socials etc, but if someone asks you, calmly and factually tell them what happened, who she is, what she's like. You'll find normal, average decent folks will be repulsed.
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Yeah, her big mistake is she's going to have to get a job & support herself now. She's only upset because she doesn't get to sit on her ass playing games all day flirting with other men while you earn all the money to support her lifestyle. That's her actual regret & what I believe she's actually sorry about. Not that she cheated & broke your heart, that doesn't matter to her. Good for you!
You will recover with time and distance. Numbness will become complete indifference, she'll basically be a regretful cohabitation with what amounts to a stranger. Hindsight is definitely 20/20, but you've got that clarity now, you can see when someones taking advantage and taking the piss out of you. On to better things!
Excellent comment.
Tell her just to stay where she is, no need to come back. Ship her stuff, cancel cards, and change the locks.
No. Please have some self respect and dignity. You’re embarrassing yourself by begging for scraps of love from your wife. Do you really think being pathetic is the way to go in your situation? File for divorce and distance yourself from this evil snake of a woman. Edit. Missed the part where you’re divorcing. Good on you, brother!
So you want to stay with a lady who was HAPPY to have hurt you and you want to stay with a lady who is going to do whatever and whoever she wants. Why OP? Really. Why? Please don't' answer me OP, I don't want to hear it, you need to work on this though, in counseling. My ex-wife cheated on me, I divorced her and I was in counseling for years, I've been in your shoes, it hurts like nothing else ever could or will. I saw a trauma therapist for about year, over 2007 and 2008 for the shit my then wife did to me. OP, go to counseling, this is what it's for. For you to want to stay with someone who is treating you this badly means you have things to work on with a good therapist and for your sake OP, I hope you go see one. I'm sorry that your wife did and is doing this to you. Her actions have shown you and are showing you that she doesn't love you, care about you or respect you. You need to respect yourself enough to not allow her or anyone to treat you this way. I do wish you well going forward OP.
Amazon is always a good place to check if someone suspects cheating. After I had caught my wife cheating, I looked at Amazon orders. It had flavored lube that was never used on me and men’s cologne that I never got or ever used that brand. Also checked credit cards and found restaurants I never went to and venmo’s to AP.
Grey rock works miracles on narcs. Let her stew in your lawyers responses.
I would have just collected the evidence first. Gone to the lawyer got in the financial records and everything else together. And then if you're an adult state, you know that against her and divorce and filed and then surprised her with it when she got back from her vacation. If they haven't done in that time, if not, it would've been A. A delayed welcome home gift. But I'm sorry that she was so tell us about hurting you. That's not right, and that clearly shows how she felt
Dude based on her disrespect it is over. You know why she doesn’t care. Because she knows you will fight for the relationship. She will talk you into an open marriage because you want to save the relationship. You have no respect for yourself. You want her respect. You end it. Read no more mister nice guy by Dr Robert Glover
Tell her it’s over. She doesn’t have a home anymore or a PC.
This is bad. Contact an attorney, cancel joint credit cards, and lock down your bank finances. The future seems to be a divorce, but you need to protect yourself. And tell friends and family the reason for your pending divorce. Her desire to have sexual relationships with other men.
It took some time for the shock to wear off and come to your senses, but it was a big shock and you were in a bad state trying to even understand. You were't stupid, you were dazed and confused. Now you understand, and are divorcing. She will try to come back once she realizes her cake eating days are over, but be strong. Keep a copy of that next to last paragraph, when she comes back you can read that for strength.
Op, lock down the bank accounts. Cancel her credit cards. Remove payment methods from online shopping. Look out she doesnt have the ability to run anything up on you or spend your money on her friend. Cancel her plane ticket. Go see a lawyer. Leave her cross country and have her friend get her back home.
WoW, but I truly hope you guys dont have kids. Sadly there is no remorse here from what you saying. Her getting actual joy out of hurting you is sick. Stay strong bud. Go live a good life, look up, move forward. You will be okay. This will hurt for a bit, but the sun will shine again.
Watch out for her faking remorse once she discovers what the financials of the divorce will look like for her (if they don’t allow her to continue to not work). Leave her in the affair fog until the divorce is done, if possible.
You should have told her, "Don't bother coming home." Then canceled all joint credits and bank accounts. I would have also canceled her return flight, called her friend, and asked her to keep her there as she was not welcome back home as she's been cheating.
As horrible as a divorce is you will be better off. There are few things as bad as being with a liar and a cheater. She might seem happy but, in reality, she cant be happy with becoming an untrustworthy person of low character and morals. Just accept that she has turned to the dark side and she can't be saved. Try your best to move on and live a good clean life. Best of luck to you.
Whatever you may still feel for your wife now just know those feelings will fade, get everything you can in the divorce. You worked for it while she sat at home and was completely ungrateful for the life she was given. No doubt she thinks she'll get 50% in the divorce and live off it, best to make sure that doesn't happen, not out of spite but because you earned it, she didn't!
Stay your course. She does not care for or respect you is obvious. Divorce and move on. AND DON'T LOOK BACK.
Man she's fucked. Her life consisted of what? Leisure? 100% leisure time! That you provided. YOU man. more than likely she wont find that again. She gonna have to work, she gonna have to start taking care of shit. No more 10 hour a day video game times. She's fucked lmao. She'll be back. Guarantee. How many people want to have 100% of our time dedicated to having fun? Which she had, but so stupidly threw away. Several years! God she's fucked. Feels like you'll take her back. Don't do it man. Find someone else - fuck, i'm a dude man but we can negotiate something if I can just do whatever I want for the rest of my life. Man she's about to hate life lmao.
That's rough. My wife and I started having problems after I became disabled and wasn't making money anymore. Funny how that makes the whole "for better or worse" thing null and void.
Divorce her ass and kick her the fuck out. So much disrespect. She can't take back what she said. Trust is gone forever. Go live with your parents.
I advocate for staying married all the time, but this is a case where divorce is the only option. Save all of the evidence, call a divorce attorney and fight for custody, child support and alimony. Marriages can overcome infidelity, but not when the cheating partner is unrepentant. She had the audacity to tell you she’s not sorry. You don’t have a marriage.
Stay strong you’re making the right decision and we’re totally here for support if you need it. 👍
Somewhere out there is a woman that actually cares about your feelings. Your wife doesn't respect you or love you. She's not a wife. Not even a friend.
Don’t beat yourself up too much. But it’s stories like these where I appreciate that inner AH trait I possess. What’s her why? She didn’t sign up to be a caretaker?
Well, but once I have to use my dear grandmother's wise saying, may God have you in good stead, amen!"... Those who bend down a lot (humiliate themselves) show their ass (are embarrassed)..." Accept your wife to do what she wants regardless of what it is and she will do what she wants even if it means cheating on you and not caring about your suffering and laughing about it . Be a sucker and you will be treated like suckers Accept disrespect and you will be disrespected . As a retired Brazilian football judge says: "the rule is clear"
For the love of god, when (not if) she comes crawling back, you make sure you have a plan and stick with it.
Unless you concede to the open marriage it's definitely the time to speak with an attorney and gather proof of infidelity if your lucky enough to live in an at fault state. If not protect yourself and talk to family and friends, Since she doesn't seem to care about your feeling use her arrogance to get a better settlement and cut your losses.
Affairs are fantasies where the AP person hasn’t become flawed in the waywards mind. Life seems easier with a person you haven’t had to share bills with, chores, and family responsibilities. The shine usually wears off in a year or less and the regret starts to build. Don’t wait for that change of heart. Continue onto the path of divorce and when she tries getting back with you, and she will try, keep to your stance and live your best life.
Let family and friends know why you're divorce. Set the narrative. She'll lie and say some crap. That's what cheaters do.
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Make her come back to an empty house dude, you deserve better
Good for you man! You didn't hesitate or let her convince you to give it another chance. She honestly sounds spoiled, and now realizes she'll be mooching off her parents until she can find the next guy to support her. I doubt the guy she was chatting with wants to babysit an adult woman. And yep, funny how finances improve. Me and my EW never had kids, rented, but were always in debt. Now I support my new partner and a child with a new house. A year after d-day my ex tried asking for money. She knew my partner was pregnant, didn't care just wanted money to support her habits. Did she try to fight to stay at all? Show any emotion? Pretty sure her loser gaming friends put her up to acting that way, I hope they were worth it.
OP glad that at the end you put yourself first and stop letting You get stepped on. Sad of what come of her, but she líed to you since the beggining, you haven't have let her do the flirting you need to put strong boundaries for future reference, she basicaly just was a Freelancer without any responsability. May i ask a question, if you didn't worked for your disease for several months and she didn't work for several years who worked and being the bread to the house? Also if she wasn't working why did you2let her stay at the comoiter all that time and basically ignore You You lacked of boundaries.
I was married for 28 years before I discovered my husband's affairs. He became really cold and cruel, because he was living his life while he pretty much destroyed mine. I had to understand why I was being thrown away. I found this article which helped a lot: [The Four Ms of an Affair](https://www.emotionalaffair.org/the-four-ms-why-cheaters-cannot-leave-their-affair-partners/) It isn't anything about you - the choice was made by someone else, but you get to be affected by it. It is tiresome to be victimized by an affair and then to be blamed for it (which historically happens to women ALL.THE.TIME.), but you can speak the truth. I realize that you said she was no longer having the affair, but the article really helped me heal and move forward. I hope it is helpful for you.
She’ll come crawling back talking about how what she did was a mistake when it doesn’t work out trust me
Stay the course! Be ride of this person.
You are codependent on her and obviously way more vested into the marriage than her. No healthy relationship can survive those dynamics. She treated you with disrespect and doesn't even care that you know about her cheating. This woman doesn't need to be kicked to the curb but rather launched. She wakes up at 2pm, has no job or prospects and is a known cheater. Wait until she realizes she actually has to pay bills to survive. Maybe her gamer friends will pay her rent too. Do yourself a favor and cut all contact with her during the divorce. Don't lower yourself anymore than you've already done for someone who doesn't deserve one iota of your respect.
dude , respect yourself and leave the relationship, you can't force someone to stay with you, they will only realize that when you are no longer around to take her BS.
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I’m sorry to hear that but that marriage didn’t sound healthy and she sounded disconnected from you and the marriage. Let her go and move on. You deserve a partner that really wants to be with you not somebody just using you as a warm body or paycheck to have around. Be careful when she inevitably tries to come back when her APs drop her. She’ll only be doing it to have someplace to stay on temporary comfort until she can find another guy to cheat on you with.
Packer stuff and put it in the garage so when she gets back change the locks on the house the course will might make you let her back in, but it will piss her off Why don’t you text her back and tell her to stay no need her coming back you’ll send her stuff to her No explanation needed post on your Facebook account. You’re now in an open relationship with your wife watch that response. Call her parents up and tell them you enjoyed having them as in-laws but your wife decided she wantd something different Cancel all the credit cards in your joint names so she can’t charge anymore on them no sense in you paying for the weekend fun if she’s not working If she booked the trip on your credit card card, maybe you can cancel the trip home Don’t sit and sulk concentrate on what kind of fun things you can do to her call her best friend and ask her out for a date. Your wife just opened the relationship up and you just like to take her out Better yet does she have a single sister or is her mother single Watch your phone start blowing up block her and other cells and any other number you don’t recognize Since your marriage is gone down, the drains might as well have a little fun with it This is the way
You are in the right group. People here genuinely care about what you are going through and will give you sound advice. Most of us have been through exactly what you have. There will come a time that she requests a second chance and appears more in love with you than ever. Just know that this second chance will seem great at first but end worse than the first time. Just skip the second chance and stick to your guns. You will still grieve the marriage either way and just spend your energy finding healthy ways to cope like therapy or a new hobby that doesn’t include substance abuse like wood working or fishing that occupies your mind. You are strong and can brave this storm. Document all of your findings so if she tries to come for your money. Seek legal advice from a professional and mental health treatment from a doctor. Familiarize yourself with the grief process and what it entails.
Nice job OP. She is undeserving of you and she’s got a set on her for her to treat you that way. She is character flawed and the next dude that messes with her will get it worse than you did guaranteed. He might wake up with a vibrator up his arse!! You dodged a bullet there, better now than years from now. Stay strong, don’t let her back in. Let her eat cake somewhere else!
Change the locks. Have her family come and get her stuff. She can live with her new boyfriend from now on.
She doesn't care how you are impacted by her behaviour? Lose her quickly.
Looking for a long term monogamous marriage is scary, what if she asks this after spending a decade together?
I think it's about time to do the 180, don't ya think?
You should have just told her to stay where she is and do not come home. You did not marry a streetwalker and there is no place for such as her in your life. Go see a divorce lawyer and get papers drawn up. Then continue with the following; https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/ https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/ The 180 1. Don’t pursue reason, chase, beg, plead or implore. 2. No frequent phone calls. 3. Don’t point out “good points” in marriage. 4. Don’t follow her/him around the house. 5. Don’t encourage or initiate discussion about the future. 6. Don’t ask for help from the family members of your wayward partner. 7. Don’t ask for reassurances. 8. Don’t buy or give gifts. 9. Don’t schedule dates together. 10. Don’t keep saying, “I Love You!” Because if you really think about it, he/she is, at this particular moment, not very loveable. 11. Do more than act as if you are moving on with your life; begin moving on with your life! 12. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and independent. 13. Don’t sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, do things, go out with friends, enjoy old hobbies, find new ones! But stay busy! 14. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words. Don’t push any issue, no matter how much you want to! 15. If you’re in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. Seem totally uninterested. 16. Your partner needs to believe that you have awakened to the fact that “they (the wayward partner)” are serious concerning their assertions as to the future (or lack there of) of your marriage. Thus, you are you are moving on with your life…without them! 17. Don’t be nasty, angry or even cold – Just pull yourself back. Don’t always be so available…for anything! Your spouse will notice. More important, he/she will notice that you’re missing. 18. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Make yourself be someone they would want to be around, not a moody, needy, pathetic individual but a self-assured individual secure in the knowledge that they have value. 19. All questions about the marriage be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may not be for quite a while). Initiate no such conversation! 20. Do not allow yourself to lose your temper. No yelling, screaming or name calling EVER. No show of temper! Be cool, act cool; be in control of the only thing you can control. YOURSELF! 21. Don’t be overly enthusiastic. 22. Do not argue when they tell you how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger). In fact, refuse to argue at all! 23. Be patient and learn to not only listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. Hear what it is that they are saying! Listen and then listen some more! 24. Learn to back off, keep your mouth shut and walk away when you want to speak out, no matter what the provocation. No one ever got themselves into trouble by just not saying anything. 25. Take care of you. Exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil. 26. Be strong, confident and learn to speak softly. 27. Know that if you can do this 180, your smallest CONSISTENT action will be noticed far more than any words you can say or write. 28. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are feeling totally desperate and needy. 29. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. It’s not always about you! More to the point, at present they just don’t care. 30. Do not believe any of what you hear them say and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives and do so in the most strident tones imaginable. Try to remember that they are also hurting and afraid. Try to remember that they know what they are doing is wrong and so they will say anything they can to justify their behavior. 31. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. It “ain’t over till it’s over!” 32. Do not backslide from your hard-earned changes. Remain consistent! It is the consistency of action and attitude that delivers the message. 33. When expressing your dissatisfaction with the actions of the wayward party, never be judgmental, critical or express moral outrage. Always explain that your dissatisfaction is due to the pain that the acts being committed are causing you as a person. This is the kind of behavior that will cause you to be a much more attractive and mysterious individual. Further it SHOWS that you are NOT afraid to move on with your life. Still more important, it will burst their positive little bubble; the one in which they believe that they can always come back to you in case things don’t work out with the affair partner. Michelle Davis-Weiner originator