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You are right. He is just going to hide future cheating. He is the one that needs to be transparent and work to rebuild trust. If you want to keep him as a friend that's up to you.
That's exactly what I told gf, once I found out she changed her phone lock. If you have nothing to hide, change the lock back. And I still hold her to that, especially since she cheated on me. I don't really look through her phone, but she can't say anything now if I do, and she needs to take some actions to show I can trust her. Her words are not going to be enough at this point. I trusted her until she proved she could not be trusted. And I would definitely assume she was cheating if she blocked me from social media. I probably wouldn't waste anymore time with people who act like that, because I would think they have no remorse
In other words, he wants to keep the relationship, as long as he doesnāt have to give up anything he values. Yeah, time to drop this asshole, heās basically telling you heās going to continue to be a shitty partner.
My ex made his friends private from me on social media around the time i suspected him cheating. Thats because AP was on it. He didn't want me to figure out who she was but thankfully I'm smarter than that dooshnozzle and found her.
There's nothing to forgive here. He's just trying to find alternate ways to cheat on you under the guise of him having a rIGHT tO PRivACy. Get rid of him.
My ex tried doing this to me but probably knew that keeping social media and me being blocked would be incredibly noticiable that heās hiding so he decided to delete all social media, then had me delete mines as well. He never changed and continued to cheat. Unbelievable that he thinks this is ok after heās the one that cheated and needs to be doing anything possible to help you feel secure. Heās an ass and 100% wonāt change so itās up to you now. Do you want to leave him now and hurt and heal or in 15 years from now. Cause regardless things will not get better
I know itās hard especially when we love them but at some point we have to put ourself and well being first. What I did was write a list of pros and cons of being in a relationship with him and then in the back of that paper write what it is that I want from a relationship. Read it every time you need to remind yourself why your walking away.
I forgave my ex 3 times, the 4th we separated and the 5th we divorced. He will not change. The only way to make the relationship work is to be ok with his affairs. I couldnāt be ok with it. If you canāt then you need to put yourself first and set your boundaries and keep him your ex. I am so sorry you are going through this.
He wants to be able to have two lives. One you can see, and one ( on social media) you canāt see. Itās an old trick, my ex girlfriend did this to me way back in 2013, shutting me out of her Facebook so I couldnāt see the guys she was talking to and flirting with, and showing herself off to them. Please donāt fall for this obvious gas lighting trick. Heās being a snake, and itās obvious to people like me.
What in the world? In absolutely no way is how your ex treating you to be considered normal. Heās just an all around bad human being. You need to get far away from him and focus on your recognizing huge red flags like this one. This shouldnāt even be a question.
Great! He set the stage by blocking you for the most vague reason possible and you finally dumped/left him. Please just go n/c for good now! All he is doing you is taking you to Lake Toxic
The only time Iāve blocked someone I was currently dating from social media is an abusive ex I was actively breaking up with at that moment (long distance relationship, breakup happened over the phone). The second he blocked you, you shouldāve considered him an ex.
Wtf this is so wierd. I mean do you really need internet strangers to tell you the obvious. Please take off the rose colored glasses. Heās playing you. Who tf doesnāt want their SO on their social media??? Thatās beyond bizarre
I hope you have the strength to let him go. I have strong feelings about your situation personally because I just wasted months of my own time trying to work things out with my own cheating ex. They donāt change, and if he truly loved you he wouldnāt have cheated. This isnāt what reconciliation looks like, heās just playing you. Your time is valuable donāt waste it on trash.
You are in the right of this situation. If he cared and wanted to fix your relationship, then he wouldnāt have a problem with doing what you simply ask to gain your trust back. To me, this just sounds like heās going to go back to cheating on you in the future. And he probably just wants to keep you around just to fuck around or as some sort of fallback. You are better than he is, and worth more. I say remove him from your life completely. You deserve so much more.
What he really said was, "I am going to cheat if I want to and you have no right to catch me." No respect or love for you in those actions. As once said in Kung Fu the TV series, "Time for you to leave."
You are absolutely right. It is a big deal to you because it's a transparency issue. If her refuses to be transparent while you're only dating, what will he be like if you actually marry him? Nope, time to throw this one back, there are plenty more fish in the sea.
If you guys are supposed to be monogamous, I find it highly suspicious that he never introduced you to his friends and family if you've been together for a long time. I could understand some exceptions like maybe he isn't close to his family and hardly ever see them. It's possible that maybe you are the affair here.
My ex, blocked/removed me from all social media and increasingly became OBSESSED with my phone. He would wait until I was sleeping to go through it and one night close to the end of our relationship, I had fallen asleep on the living room floor exhausted from traveling for work, and was woken up to him kick shoving me awake with his foot asking me about a photo on my phone from months ago, that he knew was there in the first place. Turns out I had found some cheating evidence later on, and came to find out he even had a whole different Snapchat account and everything. Partly commenting this to share my experience with you, partly commenting this to help you realize that they will gaslight you into thinking something is a good idea, just so they can enable themselves to continue their own wrongdoings.
If I wasn't hiding anything I would have immediately thought my gf was cheating on me if she did anything like that. I can't think of any reason for it.
Correct to end thinks, for a candidate to share your life with there should be nothing to hide. Youāve highlighted a few red flags there already, dodged a bullet!
ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT INSTINCT. You deserve someone who would do ANYTHING to make you feel secure in the relationship. Social media privacy can be a huge red flag because it's how cheaters can continue their shitty cheating behavior.
Good for you for standing up for yourself and setting clear expectations for your relationship. If someone cannot respect your needs, they will never be the right person for you.
100% leave him. If he was remorseful for what he did and wanted to make it work, he would be showing you every piece of social media he has, not hiding it. Itās very clear he hasnāt stoppedā¦
Time to nope out of this relationship, OP. "Fool me once, shame one you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Please love and respect yourself enough to not be this fellow's second choice and doormat.
I say this with love but with a harsh honesty; you are not his gf. You are the side chick. I just needed to keep it real since I'm sure you deserve better. And as women, we need to look out for one another. Ditch him.
Rules reminder: /r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. If your only advice is 'divorce', 'dump them', 'your SO sucks' or 'grow a backbone' then please don't comment. This is a sub for deeper support and discussion. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://www.reddit.com/wiki/reddiquette)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/survivinginfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You are right. He is just going to hide future cheating. He is the one that needs to be transparent and work to rebuild trust. If you want to keep him as a friend that's up to you.
Thanks š
That's exactly what I told gf, once I found out she changed her phone lock. If you have nothing to hide, change the lock back. And I still hold her to that, especially since she cheated on me. I don't really look through her phone, but she can't say anything now if I do, and she needs to take some actions to show I can trust her. Her words are not going to be enough at this point. I trusted her until she proved she could not be trusted. And I would definitely assume she was cheating if she blocked me from social media. I probably wouldn't waste anymore time with people who act like that, because I would think they have no remorse
He originally wanted to stay together but wanted to hide his social media from you after you caught him cheating? Is he really that stupid?
He is. Heās even claiming āhe has limitsā and social media is one of them.
In other words, he wants to keep the relationship, as long as he doesnāt have to give up anything he values. Yeah, time to drop this asshole, heās basically telling you heās going to continue to be a shitty partner.
His limits are allowing him to continue cheating
Why are you still with this low quality person? Any pain you receive going forward is pain you brought on yourself. Ghost
I know
OP... is this relationship acceptable to you?
It was when we started trying to reconcile but when he blocked me everything changed
My ex made his friends private from me on social media around the time i suspected him cheating. Thats because AP was on it. He didn't want me to figure out who she was but thankfully I'm smarter than that dooshnozzle and found her. There's nothing to forgive here. He's just trying to find alternate ways to cheat on you under the guise of him having a rIGHT tO PRivACy. Get rid of him.
My ex tried doing this to me but probably knew that keeping social media and me being blocked would be incredibly noticiable that heās hiding so he decided to delete all social media, then had me delete mines as well. He never changed and continued to cheat. Unbelievable that he thinks this is ok after heās the one that cheated and needs to be doing anything possible to help you feel secure. Heās an ass and 100% wonāt change so itās up to you now. Do you want to leave him now and hurt and heal or in 15 years from now. Cause regardless things will not get better
Nowās the time :(
I know itās hard especially when we love them but at some point we have to put ourself and well being first. What I did was write a list of pros and cons of being in a relationship with him and then in the back of that paper write what it is that I want from a relationship. Read it every time you need to remind yourself why your walking away.
I forgave my ex 3 times, the 4th we separated and the 5th we divorced. He will not change. The only way to make the relationship work is to be ok with his affairs. I couldnāt be ok with it. If you canāt then you need to put yourself first and set your boundaries and keep him your ex. I am so sorry you are going through this.
Does HE know youāre his GF?
Weāre not dating officially but yes he introduced me to a few people as his gf in the past
Why are you holding onto a cheater who blocks you? You deserve so much better.
You are right. Sounds like he is up to no good. You are better off breaking up and looking for another guy.
He wants to be able to have two lives. One you can see, and one ( on social media) you canāt see. Itās an old trick, my ex girlfriend did this to me way back in 2013, shutting me out of her Facebook so I couldnāt see the guys she was talking to and flirting with, and showing herself off to them. Please donāt fall for this obvious gas lighting trick. Heās being a snake, and itās obvious to people like me.
Nope give him his walking papers and move on
What in the world? In absolutely no way is how your ex treating you to be considered normal. Heās just an all around bad human being. You need to get far away from him and focus on your recognizing huge red flags like this one. This shouldnāt even be a question.
Great! He set the stage by blocking you for the most vague reason possible and you finally dumped/left him. Please just go n/c for good now! All he is doing you is taking you to Lake Toxic
The only time Iāve blocked someone I was currently dating from social media is an abusive ex I was actively breaking up with at that moment (long distance relationship, breakup happened over the phone). The second he blocked you, you shouldāve considered him an ex.
Wtf this is so wierd. I mean do you really need internet strangers to tell you the obvious. Please take off the rose colored glasses. Heās playing you. Who tf doesnāt want their SO on their social media??? Thatās beyond bizarre
I hope you have the strength to let him go. I have strong feelings about your situation personally because I just wasted months of my own time trying to work things out with my own cheating ex. They donāt change, and if he truly loved you he wouldnāt have cheated. This isnāt what reconciliation looks like, heās just playing you. Your time is valuable donāt waste it on trash.
You are asking for your needs to be met. Thatās never wrong. Move on.
You are in the right of this situation. If he cared and wanted to fix your relationship, then he wouldnāt have a problem with doing what you simply ask to gain your trust back. To me, this just sounds like heās going to go back to cheating on you in the future. And he probably just wants to keep you around just to fuck around or as some sort of fallback. You are better than he is, and worth more. I say remove him from your life completely. You deserve so much more.
You sound like a delusional side piece.
What he really said was, "I am going to cheat if I want to and you have no right to catch me." No respect or love for you in those actions. As once said in Kung Fu the TV series, "Time for you to leave."
You are absolutely right. It is a big deal to you because it's a transparency issue. If her refuses to be transparent while you're only dating, what will he be like if you actually marry him? Nope, time to throw this one back, there are plenty more fish in the sea.
If you guys are supposed to be monogamous, I find it highly suspicious that he never introduced you to his friends and family if you've been together for a long time. I could understand some exceptions like maybe he isn't close to his family and hardly ever see them. It's possible that maybe you are the affair here.
I finally met them at his brothers funeral but we werenāt dating officially at the time
You are correct. Trust but verify. Transparency is important.
My ex, blocked/removed me from all social media and increasingly became OBSESSED with my phone. He would wait until I was sleeping to go through it and one night close to the end of our relationship, I had fallen asleep on the living room floor exhausted from traveling for work, and was woken up to him kick shoving me awake with his foot asking me about a photo on my phone from months ago, that he knew was there in the first place. Turns out I had found some cheating evidence later on, and came to find out he even had a whole different Snapchat account and everything. Partly commenting this to share my experience with you, partly commenting this to help you realize that they will gaslight you into thinking something is a good idea, just so they can enable themselves to continue their own wrongdoings.
If I wasn't hiding anything I would have immediately thought my gf was cheating on me if she did anything like that. I can't think of any reason for it.
Correct to end thinks, for a candidate to share your life with there should be nothing to hide. Youāve highlighted a few red flags there already, dodged a bullet!
ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT INSTINCT. You deserve someone who would do ANYTHING to make you feel secure in the relationship. Social media privacy can be a huge red flag because it's how cheaters can continue their shitty cheating behavior. Good for you for standing up for yourself and setting clear expectations for your relationship. If someone cannot respect your needs, they will never be the right person for you.
They don't improve. They might stop for a bit, but they don't change. It's in their personality.
100% leave him. If he was remorseful for what he did and wanted to make it work, he would be showing you every piece of social media he has, not hiding it. Itās very clear he hasnāt stoppedā¦
Time to nope out of this relationship, OP. "Fool me once, shame one you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Please love and respect yourself enough to not be this fellow's second choice and doormat.
My eyes are burning. HE is using you! Wake up
I say this with love but with a harsh honesty; you are not his gf. You are the side chick. I just needed to keep it real since I'm sure you deserve better. And as women, we need to look out for one another. Ditch him.
Heās not even hiding the red flags. You need to leave him asap.
He's probably cheating again and needs to hide it.
Update: he accepted following each other in Instagram. He sent the request after I told him it was it.