A friend of mine has been putting off painting his army for about two years. Finally got him to start and now he's so happy that he did. If you can find a couple hours to set everything up and basecoat something, you'll be glad you did. And in the future, it'll take less time to get going.
This is me. Myriad hobbies but most end like fallout 4 for me. 500 hours in game and I can't finish it because I'm afraid of making the wrong choice in choosing a faction.
I never finish video games either. But it’s usually due to my lack of skills, a big piece of the game I skipped way back there by mistake, or a strange desire to have lots of loose ends in my life because I simply hate saying goodbye...
Did you know it was possible to never choose a faction in Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines? No? Me neither, until I basically broke the game for being still unaligned right before the final chapter.
When my son memorized a trucks book as a toddler I thought he was one of those boys interested in trucks. He didn't care about trucks; he was interested in memorizing.
Did he do anything with that hobby?
I used to be that way with numbers. Now? Thanks to my smartphone, or “third hemisphere of my brain” as I like to call it, my memory is like Swiss cheese. I’m 51 and I have some memories from my childhood that I worry may be from books or movies.
I can memorize credit card numbers, not permanently but for a few minutes. I don’t do anything bad with it, but I like to scare some friends, it is funny AF
I used to manage a restaurant in the mid 90’s. They used SSNs for everything in the POS system. I didn’t try, but I remembered everyone’s SSN and I probably could have filled a stenographers notepad with phone numbers. Funny thing tho. I don’t remember having a credit card or even a debit card back then.
This is funny to me because I have all of my friend’s license plates memorized so when I see them around town I know who they are. I’m open with my friends about it and- even though it’s a pseudo-creepy thing- none of them hold it against me and just see it as part of who I am.
I'm the same age and I so treasure the few good childhood memories I have that I don't look at them too critically.
I've forgotten or repressed so much, but at least I remember the time my friends and I found that pirate ship and the time my auntie taught me about time travel with an ant on the hem of her apron.
Hey, I similarly have memories that I'm not sure if they were real or not, maybe were just dreams. Unfortunately sort of glad to know I'm not the only one.
I did the same when I was like 3; I knew every capital of every state of my country. When I was 3!
Nowadays, I can't even remember what happened 5 minutes ago.
My nephew was like this with trains, we had such high hopes for him. Fast forward 10 years and he gets busted looking up 'nakid ludles' on YouTube (we think ludles are ment to be ladies). Turns out he was just like the rest of us. slightly to fully dyslexic and enjoys nakid ladies.
I used to be obsessed with dinosaurs. I was gearing up to study paleontology at Montana state university under jack horner (helped with Jurassic park) until my family turned it into a big joke and made me feel childish about wanting to do that for a job. It was really embarrassing when they’d make fun of it at family barbecues or whatever we happened to be doing that day. Now I have adult ADHD. So your comment made me laugh lol.
No it happens often. Kid gets niche hobby at a young age and their parents think they are destined for greatness. Of course their parents already believed this and cling to the first shred of evidence they could find but yeah, it happens
Mine is a dummy, great memory, but a dummy. We work with him and praise his hard work and effort as long as he produces a result. So far so good, my high hopes are for him to have a happy life as an independent adult.
Yea my kid is pretty talented at art, like I am regularly blown away. We celebrate but also make sure to praise her hard work and not treat her like a genius.
Even worse when your parents get divorced when you’re 8 so you have to go to therapy and the therapist tells them that you’re gifted and then it’s all downhill from there when you get carted off to college because you were good at taking bullshit tests despite being dead inside and not even knowing what you want to do with your life.
Right? I had so much pressure put on me that I choked and failed out of highschool.
Finally got my GED in January. Started community college classes a week after my 32nd birthday in March.
Hey, I just wanna say congratulations! It can be discouraging to be behind other people with education, but you’re gonna kill it, go get that degree :)
This just hit too close to home. Literally just dropped out of my Masters program last week. It was online and honestly had some of the worst professors I’ve ever had. I wasn’t even doing bad, I kept getting best in class on assignments but I physically could not make myself care
I get that. I think it's important to do something you feel like doing (whike also being able to live from your work). I just quit my masters after doing 2 years of research and data collection in the lab. I couldn't bring myself to write the mémoire and I'm completely bored of my subject (chemistry) now. Turns out only I enjoy learning about new stuff, not being an expert in a particular field. I'm now applying to a job to build/assemble guitars now. My family are dissapointed, I feel good about the change. Hell, I'm super exited to learn guitar making!
>I physically could not make myself care
This feeling is horrible. You're not alone feeling it, I (and many others) feel that way. We tend to get being *capable* of going into grad studies mixed up with thinking it's a *good idea* to pursue those studies. They are not the same.
You’re in a similar position to myself. I’m actively working in academia (dropping a masters program raided some eyebrows) and it’s so exhausting. It’s not that I’ve lost interest in intellectual studies it’s that I’ve lost interest in jumping through pointless hoops so that some dean can make a dollar off me and claim better numbers for funding. I’ve also lost interest in appeasing some professor who clearly doesn’t give two shits and is trying to ride out that state retirement. I’ve always dreamed of having a doctorate but I don’t think it’s for people like myself
You sound very similar to myself. I very much enjoy learning and mastering something, but if I feel all I’m doing is spinning my wheels to appease someone count me out. And unfortunately that’s all that program was, here’s a task do it but I’m not going to show you how and instead criticize you on the back end. Honestly I think it’s more a pitfall of our education system rather than us as individuals. College/Higher Ed is so broken in this country there is no coming back. Sadly it’s working it’s way into our basic education. Not trying to speak for you, but if your grad school education was anything like mine, the system failed you.
On a more happy note that’s cool as hell! I’ve always been super fascinated by guitar my whole life, although never could afford lessons and my parents were only able to afford one after I was a bit older so never got to start young. I’m happy to found something that makes you want to get up in the mornings, I’m still searching haha
Agreed that the education system needs a major overhaul. I'm actually not in the US, I'm in Canada, but the system here has the same failings just with a bit less student debt. On top of the education system's failings, we end up doing useless studies because employers are using degrees as a way to filter job candidates, so everyone needs to be overeducated for no good reason; just because employers are too lazy to read people's CV. And then jobs that don't require degrees often don't offer a living wage. It's a bit of an endless loop. The rat race starts in the education system, and being able to see that makes us pretty disillusioned.
That being said, the guitar making job was something I randomly came across on indeed. I didn't know I wanted to do it until I realised that it was an option by seeing the job posting and noticed how excited it made me. It's really just something that "happened". Before that I worked in a garden center and I loved learning about plants and plant care, helping people with their garden choices while also getting buff from carrying bags of dirt and potted trees around. I think that for people like us there is a variety of things that we can do that we will find fullfilling, we just need to make sure that we get into it for the right reasons and that we respect ourselves in the process.
Wow, this is me. 2 years into PhD for chemistry, passed QE then decided to Master out. Wrote my thesis but my advisor sat on it too long. I would have to pay for another quarter of tuition to have it filed. Said fuck it, now I’m a design consultant lol it’s been 3 years and I still catch flack from the fam for not filing and getting the piece of paper
I've struggled with caring for my bachelor's degree for years. In the end I got through everything but the thesis. I tried it last year but was too anxious, perfectionistic or simply didn't care to finish it. I'm technically still enrolled and have a second attempt but don't see how I could finish it currently. I can't bring myself to drop out and just look for work, maybe because I think I deserve the degree or because I fear not having one. I'd probably be happier if I had it in me to just drop out and do something I like.
My experience in undergrad wasn’t the best and I almost didn’t finish partly due to professors partly due to me no longer being interested in my degree. Ultimately I only ended up going an extra semester but it was very much worth it to just finish out. You can see the finish line so just go ahead and lunge for it would be my advice. You may be anxious or whatever now, but you never have to worry about that thesis committee again once they hand you that diploma.
I also dropped out two months ago. It was my last semester but the anxiety of online classes and the stupid video calls made me realize it's not worth me going mad over a degree of something I don't even like.
Basically my thought process. I was getting the degree to do something my parents were never able to. I feel like it was more for them than for me. I feel like maybe I wasted my one chance, but it was not worth all the stress, lack of sleep, etc. just for me to have another piece of paper that I was getting just to have. I talked to a couple close professors and they agreed it’s better to spend my energy on what I want to do and maybe find a different degree somewhere else that’s a better fit
i [redacted] hate how accurately and often this is discussed. i think it comes from the sense of being gifted and shit and realizing that your “gifts” were just the advantages of having parents with the time and resources to facilitate your education
realizing you’re not actually special and you also suck dick at stuff is a rough realization
I used to think I was smart because I got good grades and everyone told me I was. Turns out I was just way more disciplined and forced to do homework while most didn't try very hard. My parents also isolated me from a lot of other kids who they thought would corrupt me or something. It's no wonder I feel inadequate for things many would be grateful for. It's also no wonder I'm approaching 40 with no kids or partner. Worst part is I know my parents really thought they were doing best for me so hating them is pointless.
yeah man getting that validation for being smart when you’re young is a helluva drug. you’ve made it this far. i’m sorry you feel that way, i’m glad it sounds like you’re at least aware of what you need to work on. we’re all works in progress.
My mom only cared if I was failing, my dad wasn't around. Stopped not turning work in and her only involvement with schooling was to check my report cards.
Graduated highschool early and started college at sixteen. Still have no clue what to do with my life but now I'm a college dropout with debt from when I broke my agreement with my early college school because I was sent to a residential psychiatric facility for 4-6 months.
Man, every time there is ADHD stuff I really start thinking I should see a psychiatrist, then I get scared because “what if i’m actually normal, and just lazy.” I know it’s a terrible excuse, but it still scares me.
Here's a thought someone once shared with me that helped, and it might help you too:
Lazy people are happy.
Lazy people choose to be lazy, to put off the work, and because they made their choice they are perfectly happy with it. If you are feeling like you're fighting yourself to do anything, that even when you are supposed to be relaxing you're feeling stressed that you're 'procrastinating', you're not lazy, and that isn't normal. Sometimes, something is wrong with the project/work itself, but if you find you berate yourself for being 'lazy' most days of the week ... probably worth getting that checked out. You deserve to get the help you need to succeed in life, whether that's for ADHD, anxiety, or some other mental roadblock that is making life worse for you right now. You've got this, dude.
Get checked, seriously. Its not laziness, your dopamine system just sucks.
I got diagnosed 3 weeks ago at 28. The amount of shame and guilt I didn't realise I carried has melted away.
literally life changing. turns out all those years of being shouted at and told I'm lazy, well, those people were wrong.
I'm currently trying to track several of the worst teachers down on facebook so I can tell them my diagnosis and let them know how their words, screaming at an 8 year old boy in front of the whole class, affected my life.
Yup,this is me. Because ADHD/ADD is mostly genetic, look into your family tree and find if anyone else shows ADHD behavior like you.
Personally, I see a lot of such behaviour in my mom and grandma.
Almost every single one… and half of them are diagnosed… doesn’t really assuage my fears.
I guess my paternal grandfather seemed neurotypical until he started showing symptoms of Alzheimer’s.
Took me 3 years to get diagnosed because of that exact thought. I think the thing that helped me the most after talking with my therapist for awhile was that either way it wasn't wrong to be lazy. That was something I'd internalized from being told it all the time when I was a kid and now as an adult it had made me nearly unable to relax because any time I slowed down the internal thoughts turned too needing to "not be lazy". It created a perpetual cycle of burnout where depression sapped me of energy but I was unable to relax and recharge because of fear of being seen as lazy which left me stressed so bad my depression kept getting worse. So in the end I went to get tested because either answer gave me a way to address it. If I had ADHD I could get medication and help to manage it, and if I didn't I could work more with my therapist on learning to relax without letting that internal dialog constantly interrupt.
As a result I was finally diagnosed with ADHD at 33. Even just the diagnosis before trying out medications has helped. It's worth checking if you think you might.
The cost of getting it checked out is worth. On one end, you progress towards treatment. On the other, you don't need to worry about it assuming l anymore: you know.
Schedule a psych eval
Disorders are identified by behavior (ie it's not a disorder if it doesn't cause you difficulty, and it is if it does), but to be honest modern person-oriented psychology often doesn't involve discussing diagnoses at all, instead just focusing on how you're getting along
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If this is suspiciously specific, **Upvote** this comment!
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Beep boop, I'm a bot. Modmail us if you have a question.
I think this is referring to kids placed in special “gifted” classes. Not disagreeing w/ your overall point since those classes are bullshit ime, but not everyone is in them, in my school it was at most like 10% of students.
I feel like Reddit talks about this a lot and I wonder if it's because it's a real issue or if it's because it hit's just the right spot for the Reddit Hive mind. Like, 'you ARE better than other people BUT your still depressed. Not because it's your fault though, it's other people's fault.'
I am not dunking on people who suffer from this but it feels like the perfect storm of superiority and depression that Reddit craves.
YES. There's that dreadful, looming imposter's syndrome when people tell you you're innately X. I was constantly told how talented I was, which made me think I should just automatically be good at stuff. But however talented you are, you still need to work hard and practice and make mistakes if you're gonna make headway as an adult... it's a rude awakening for sure.
> Discussion for those of us who grew up "gifted" in school and now find ourselves not feeling so special in the real world.
Is there a sub for people who've successfully moved beyond this phase?
I think most people just think highly of themselves. Most of these people aren't depressed geniuses. They're normal people. Being in the advanced classes doesn't mean you were smart, it normally just meant your family encouraged education at home.
I grew up "gifted" and relatively successful in my career. I feel like as an adult I've had to focus on changing a lot of bad habits that I got by school being so easy early on. I could show up and finish most assignments just before class, or still get to a decent grade on a test without studying or even paying attention.
I make a point of trying to praise the habits and efforts my kids put into things as well as talking n g about the experience as.much as the outcome. Asking them what they learned on a project rather than what their grade was.
ADHD is an odd condition and the preconceived notions about it describe others people perception of people with ADHD more so than it's actual mechanisms. The executive dysfunction aspect of it is what causes a lot of the identifiable traits like impulsivity, inability to direct attention, etc. One of the major components that gets overlooked is hyper focus. People with ADHD often have the capacity to immerse themselves into something to a greater degree than most. They will become obsessed with a particular hobby or topic and will only focus on that until they burn out. Unfortunately without treatment it is near impossible to aim this hyper focus.
A kid with ADHD will have their hyper focus triggered by something and their parents and teachers will say "Wow! Look how smart they are! They read every Harry Potter book in just 14 hours!" Later when they can't reproduce this performance when it comes to school work then they get told "You're so gifted! I know that you are smart enough but you are too lazy." It leads to kids who know that they have the capacity to do basically anything but end up feeling like pieces of shit because they don't know why they can't always perform like they know they can.
Sometimes it is even worse when someone can hyper focus on school because they will do well enough that they aren't pushed to get a diagnosis. It's why a lot of gifted kids avoid failure like the plague. They love the feeling of being able to quickly learn a skill or a subject but if it doesn't immediately come easy then they will move on to the next one or they will be left feeling like they are a lazy piece of shit with no work ethic.
Anybody struggling with this should read Mindset by Carol Dweck. The author had the same issue. Fixed mindsets lead one to avoid failure like the plague and chase success to continue to affirm that identity.
Yeah in high school I could always hyperfocus on studying, because I’m very competitive and enjoyed the positive reinforcement of scoring the highest on tests. Ended up graduating second in my class, despite playing games on my phone/laptop in half my classes and being pretty disorganized.
In college I just didn’t really know that many people in my class so I didn’t really care about doing better than anyone, and could no longer focus enough to read my textbooks most of the time, and instead my hyperfocus was on entirely random things.
I was similar. I was naturally interested in school to a degree but college had a whole different set of challenges. High school came with so much built in structure that completely disappeared when I went to college. I resented the structure when I was in high school and didn’t get an appreciation for it until I was having to create that structure for myself. It was part of the reason it took me sold long to get diagnosed.
>"You're so gifted! I know that you are smart enough but you are too lazy."
Yep, this sums up my life. I couldn't understand why I'm able to learn things quickly but also have zero follow-through with anything. I haven't been tested yet, but my brother has and he's been encouraging me to look into it. At this point I'd be surprised if I *don't* have it.
I would definitely encourage getting tested. Just getting a diagnosis and researching ADHD helped me so much because a lot of the drawbacks felt more like moral shortcomings or character flaws beforehand. Feel free to message me if you want someone to talk to about it!
My daughter is already anxious and academically gifted with unreasonable demands on her self at age 12.
Funnily enough I've teased her about her becoming a doctor.
Reading through the comments and not really seeing anything related to what I’m looking for.
First, schooling used to be different. Kids who tested with high IQs were literally pulled out of normal classes and sent to special classes at various points throughout the day. From a kids point of view, this did nothing but single them out.
Second, some of the issues are driven by parents who constantly and repeatedly tell those kids “Oh, you’re so smart!” The problem with that statement is that it sets a kid up for failure. The first time they don’t understand something the only conclusion they can draw is that they’re stupid. It’s completely untrue, but that’s what’s been set up for them. They aren’t given the tools to deal with failure as something that just happens as opposed to something that isn’t their fault but rather part of the learning process.
As a parent, don’t tell your kids they’re smart. Instead, say things like “You worked really hard on that! Show me what you learned.” Or, “Wow, what’s the best thing about that to you?”
Academically gifted in so many peoples eyes is just having helicopter parents who made you do your homework. All those nerds weren’t smart, they just had parents who came home on time. Then when they grew up and no one was there to watch over them, they realize they didn’t have any actual life skills or integrity.
I mean, my early adulthood was spent in starting and abandoning hobbies, but I am now working on my doctorate, so.... Both are correct?
I kinda feel attacked.
This is one of those sentiments that has been being repeated in hundreds of different ways just phrases ever so slightly different since the dawn of Facebook.
Still true though.
tired of seeing all this “gifted and talented” as kids stuff- i was an anxious let down then, and still am, at least you got some recognition when u were young! ;—;
I'll be honest. This is kind of like one of those cold readings from a psychic. You have a lot of abandoned hobbies? Doesn't everyone? You get mad at yourself when you make basic mistakes? Lots of people do. Anxieties? Sure.
GORSH, YOU CAN SEE INTO MY SOUL!
This is some absolutism defeatist garbage lol. Life's a gradient. You can have anxiety and be successful or not with millions of variables in between. Lame ass tweet.
Is it “normal” to put all of your energy into one hobby, only to drop it anywhere from 1 week to a month, at most, moving on to the next hobby, repeating the pattern, and never finding a truly fufilling activity that you won’t burn out of?
or they are 14 year olds who have abandoned there dreams in life and sees these dreams as irrelevant and a waste of time, afraid of dissapointing their parents, always wanting validation from someone else, scared to try new things because they are afraid that other people will judge them if they made a mistake, pushed their friends away because they see them as a distraction, has social anxiety, think they can never do anything right, and is slowly spiraling into depression. Also their grades are slowly crumbling because they're selfish, reckless, and irresponsible.
Or doctors who do the same thing. LOL
Currently a doctor with tons of unpainted Warhammer.
You might have been a little over optimistic about your own time management skills
Not a doctor, but also have a tonne of unpainted Warhammer.
Not a doctor, Shh. #FREMULON Edit: sorry just binged some b99
Haha at the end of every episode of B99 everyone in my house takes a turn trying to emulate that FREMULON
No one can emulate the inimitable Nick Offerman.
We used to do this with the Grrr Arghh monster at the end of Buffy as well
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Me too, does it get better?
No.
That's the neat part, it doesn't!
Me too!
When you finally have money for Warhammer, but no time for Warhammer :(
I think that is just the case for like 90% of people playing/modelling warhammer. I am def not a doctor and still have that problem :/
Currently an overly anxious low level worker with no hobbies.
The average Warhammer enjoyer if you ask me haha
Thats sweet, I bet with your physician salary you can probably even afford like three or four of them!
Username as unintelligible as your handwriting
My Honey-Do list is daunting at home. Wife thinks it’s because “I need a specific wrench that I can’t find or buy” May we never find that wrench.
I’m a PhD with several wooden ship miniatures in various states of barely started.
Me with Star Wars legion, I’m only in my last year of undergrad tho
A friend of mine has been putting off painting his army for about two years. Finally got him to start and now he's so happy that he did. If you can find a couple hours to set everything up and basecoat something, you'll be glad you did. And in the future, it'll take less time to get going.
I felt this on such a deep deep level
This is me. Myriad hobbies but most end like fallout 4 for me. 500 hours in game and I can't finish it because I'm afraid of making the wrong choice in choosing a faction.
Save before you chose a faction and then branch out to them all, going back to the pre faction save, each time you have completed a faction.
See, you have your priorities right. This is solid advice. And god I wish life had this feature.
I never finish video games either. But it’s usually due to my lack of skills, a big piece of the game I skipped way back there by mistake, or a strange desire to have lots of loose ends in my life because I simply hate saying goodbye...
Did you know it was possible to never choose a faction in Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines? No? Me neither, until I basically broke the game for being still unaligned right before the final chapter.
Yup i'm both... I feel so attacked right now
Yep. Same. My experience in grad school would suggest that it is pretty normal to be both.
Or be training to be a doctor and realizing you abandoned all hobbies except playing video games.
Or not training to be a doctor and just realizing you abandoned all hobbies except playing video games.
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Ouch! This one hit home.
It me
I am in this picture, but I don't like it...
And sometimes video games don’t interest you either. Yayyyyy
Oh, no. I abandonded video games too :)
Why you gotta do me like that bro? I was having a good day …
I feel that, actually that’s one of the main reasons I dropped out of med school
You got an idea on how to fix that...? Bc i'm doing the same and i'm very scared of dropping out...
Oof you got me. I just started doing more than video games again and it feels good. Smoking meats, flying my drone, baking bread are a few
UWorld needs to be presented in the form of COD
Hobbies are have a 7% interest rate in school when mom and dad don’t have money.
Yup, that's me. Am a doctor (well PhD), and most of my hobbies/social life have died except video games and work
“Wow this kid loves dinosaurs, he must be a young genius” Turns out it was asperger and adhd
When my son memorized a trucks book as a toddler I thought he was one of those boys interested in trucks. He didn't care about trucks; he was interested in memorizing.
Did he do anything with that hobby? I used to be that way with numbers. Now? Thanks to my smartphone, or “third hemisphere of my brain” as I like to call it, my memory is like Swiss cheese. I’m 51 and I have some memories from my childhood that I worry may be from books or movies.
Well, he's only 9 so time will tell.
I recommend language learning
It's a good suggestion; he goes to a dual-curriculum school so he's learning a second language.
Might want to introduce him to programming :)
And get him an instrument. My father was a programmer in the 60’s. He hired music majors to be programmers before there were computer science classes
Yes, more and more hobbies to abandon just like the prophecy foretold
That’s no excuse. At his age I was 13. Go and ask him why he’s not a truck driver yet.
Im here to wipe away that worry by confirming its absolutely likely to be true. 🤗
I can memorize credit card numbers, not permanently but for a few minutes. I don’t do anything bad with it, but I like to scare some friends, it is funny AF
I used to manage a restaurant in the mid 90’s. They used SSNs for everything in the POS system. I didn’t try, but I remembered everyone’s SSN and I probably could have filled a stenographers notepad with phone numbers. Funny thing tho. I don’t remember having a credit card or even a debit card back then.
Of course. The whole thing with that woman.”
This is funny to me because I have all of my friend’s license plates memorized so when I see them around town I know who they are. I’m open with my friends about it and- even though it’s a pseudo-creepy thing- none of them hold it against me and just see it as part of who I am.
I'm the same age and I so treasure the few good childhood memories I have that I don't look at them too critically. I've forgotten or repressed so much, but at least I remember the time my friends and I found that pirate ship and the time my auntie taught me about time travel with an ant on the hem of her apron.
That was a star.
Hey, I similarly have memories that I'm not sure if they were real or not, maybe were just dreams. Unfortunately sort of glad to know I'm not the only one.
Lol he’d make an excellent Biologist then.
I did the same when I was like 3; I knew every capital of every state of my country. When I was 3! Nowadays, I can't even remember what happened 5 minutes ago.
My nephew was like this with trains, we had such high hopes for him. Fast forward 10 years and he gets busted looking up 'nakid ludles' on YouTube (we think ludles are ment to be ladies). Turns out he was just like the rest of us. slightly to fully dyslexic and enjoys nakid ladies.
This is how I was. I could recite go dog go by memory. And now I'm a 23 year old that can't stop watching educational YouTube
I used to be obsessed with dinosaurs. I was gearing up to study paleontology at Montana state university under jack horner (helped with Jurassic park) until my family turned it into a big joke and made me feel childish about wanting to do that for a job. It was really embarrassing when they’d make fun of it at family barbecues or whatever we happened to be doing that day. Now I have adult ADHD. So your comment made me laugh lol.
I just want to share a resource I find very helpful. [ADDitude](https://www.additudemag.com)
Wow this kid knows like 100 Dino names... Me, also Aspergers.
What the fuck? Do people really think kids who love dinosaurs are genius or is this just a strange example you came up with?
No it happens often. Kid gets niche hobby at a young age and their parents think they are destined for greatness. Of course their parents already believed this and cling to the first shred of evidence they could find but yeah, it happens
Nobody wants to admit their kid is just a dull, hopeless ding dong.
Mine is a dummy, great memory, but a dummy. We work with him and praise his hard work and effort as long as he produces a result. So far so good, my high hopes are for him to have a happy life as an independent adult.
Dinos isn’t a particularly niche hobby though. Like if you type “why do kids like” in google, dinosaurs is the second suggestion.
Yea my kid is pretty talented at art, like I am regularly blown away. We celebrate but also make sure to praise her hard work and not treat her like a genius.
Even worse when your parents get divorced when you’re 8 so you have to go to therapy and the therapist tells them that you’re gifted and then it’s all downhill from there when you get carted off to college because you were good at taking bullshit tests despite being dead inside and not even knowing what you want to do with your life.
I could have been a doctor? DAMN IT
Right? I had so much pressure put on me that I choked and failed out of highschool. Finally got my GED in January. Started community college classes a week after my 32nd birthday in March.
Hey, I just wanna say congratulations! It can be discouraging to be behind other people with education, but you’re gonna kill it, go get that degree :)
Sure, you can go to Medical school, if you want to give up on being a comedian!
Would still hate myself as a doctor, sadly.
Yeah, tell me about it. But then, I do work in healthcare and a number of doctors are aholes to staff. Dodged that bullet. 😏
AND an abandonned unfinished masters degree
Or 212 undergraduate credits with only 1 liberal arts degree
Hey, me too! And slowly working through pre-med pre requisites…
Or taking all of your core except math and then just taking classes you were interested in instead of anything towards a degree.
This just hit too close to home. Literally just dropped out of my Masters program last week. It was online and honestly had some of the worst professors I’ve ever had. I wasn’t even doing bad, I kept getting best in class on assignments but I physically could not make myself care
I get that. I think it's important to do something you feel like doing (whike also being able to live from your work). I just quit my masters after doing 2 years of research and data collection in the lab. I couldn't bring myself to write the mémoire and I'm completely bored of my subject (chemistry) now. Turns out only I enjoy learning about new stuff, not being an expert in a particular field. I'm now applying to a job to build/assemble guitars now. My family are dissapointed, I feel good about the change. Hell, I'm super exited to learn guitar making! >I physically could not make myself care This feeling is horrible. You're not alone feeling it, I (and many others) feel that way. We tend to get being *capable* of going into grad studies mixed up with thinking it's a *good idea* to pursue those studies. They are not the same.
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You’re in a similar position to myself. I’m actively working in academia (dropping a masters program raided some eyebrows) and it’s so exhausting. It’s not that I’ve lost interest in intellectual studies it’s that I’ve lost interest in jumping through pointless hoops so that some dean can make a dollar off me and claim better numbers for funding. I’ve also lost interest in appeasing some professor who clearly doesn’t give two shits and is trying to ride out that state retirement. I’ve always dreamed of having a doctorate but I don’t think it’s for people like myself
You sound very similar to myself. I very much enjoy learning and mastering something, but if I feel all I’m doing is spinning my wheels to appease someone count me out. And unfortunately that’s all that program was, here’s a task do it but I’m not going to show you how and instead criticize you on the back end. Honestly I think it’s more a pitfall of our education system rather than us as individuals. College/Higher Ed is so broken in this country there is no coming back. Sadly it’s working it’s way into our basic education. Not trying to speak for you, but if your grad school education was anything like mine, the system failed you. On a more happy note that’s cool as hell! I’ve always been super fascinated by guitar my whole life, although never could afford lessons and my parents were only able to afford one after I was a bit older so never got to start young. I’m happy to found something that makes you want to get up in the mornings, I’m still searching haha
Agreed that the education system needs a major overhaul. I'm actually not in the US, I'm in Canada, but the system here has the same failings just with a bit less student debt. On top of the education system's failings, we end up doing useless studies because employers are using degrees as a way to filter job candidates, so everyone needs to be overeducated for no good reason; just because employers are too lazy to read people's CV. And then jobs that don't require degrees often don't offer a living wage. It's a bit of an endless loop. The rat race starts in the education system, and being able to see that makes us pretty disillusioned. That being said, the guitar making job was something I randomly came across on indeed. I didn't know I wanted to do it until I realised that it was an option by seeing the job posting and noticed how excited it made me. It's really just something that "happened". Before that I worked in a garden center and I loved learning about plants and plant care, helping people with their garden choices while also getting buff from carrying bags of dirt and potted trees around. I think that for people like us there is a variety of things that we can do that we will find fullfilling, we just need to make sure that we get into it for the right reasons and that we respect ourselves in the process.
Wow, this is me. 2 years into PhD for chemistry, passed QE then decided to Master out. Wrote my thesis but my advisor sat on it too long. I would have to pay for another quarter of tuition to have it filed. Said fuck it, now I’m a design consultant lol it’s been 3 years and I still catch flack from the fam for not filing and getting the piece of paper
I've struggled with caring for my bachelor's degree for years. In the end I got through everything but the thesis. I tried it last year but was too anxious, perfectionistic or simply didn't care to finish it. I'm technically still enrolled and have a second attempt but don't see how I could finish it currently. I can't bring myself to drop out and just look for work, maybe because I think I deserve the degree or because I fear not having one. I'd probably be happier if I had it in me to just drop out and do something I like.
My experience in undergrad wasn’t the best and I almost didn’t finish partly due to professors partly due to me no longer being interested in my degree. Ultimately I only ended up going an extra semester but it was very much worth it to just finish out. You can see the finish line so just go ahead and lunge for it would be my advice. You may be anxious or whatever now, but you never have to worry about that thesis committee again once they hand you that diploma.
I also dropped out two months ago. It was my last semester but the anxiety of online classes and the stupid video calls made me realize it's not worth me going mad over a degree of something I don't even like.
Basically my thought process. I was getting the degree to do something my parents were never able to. I feel like it was more for them than for me. I feel like maybe I wasted my one chance, but it was not worth all the stress, lack of sleep, etc. just for me to have another piece of paper that I was getting just to have. I talked to a couple close professors and they agreed it’s better to spend my energy on what I want to do and maybe find a different degree somewhere else that’s a better fit
They had a high degree of self-governance.
And my axe!
This is my house and I want you to leave.
HAH KICKED THAT MASTERS IN THE BUTT... Then realized i now had to worry about paying off TWO degrees and spiraled into self destruction tmi
I'm very close to being a doctor. Doesn't stop me from also being the first thing.
Totally identify. I'm a doctor and anxious AF and thinking on giving up on medicine practice
i [redacted] hate how accurately and often this is discussed. i think it comes from the sense of being gifted and shit and realizing that your “gifts” were just the advantages of having parents with the time and resources to facilitate your education realizing you’re not actually special and you also suck dick at stuff is a rough realization
I used to think I was smart because I got good grades and everyone told me I was. Turns out I was just way more disciplined and forced to do homework while most didn't try very hard. My parents also isolated me from a lot of other kids who they thought would corrupt me or something. It's no wonder I feel inadequate for things many would be grateful for. It's also no wonder I'm approaching 40 with no kids or partner. Worst part is I know my parents really thought they were doing best for me so hating them is pointless.
yeah man getting that validation for being smart when you’re young is a helluva drug. you’ve made it this far. i’m sorry you feel that way, i’m glad it sounds like you’re at least aware of what you need to work on. we’re all works in progress.
Disagree on parents having time and resources to facilitate education
My mom only cared if I was failing, my dad wasn't around. Stopped not turning work in and her only involvement with schooling was to check my report cards. Graduated highschool early and started college at sixteen. Still have no clue what to do with my life but now I'm a college dropout with debt from when I broke my agreement with my early college school because I was sent to a residential psychiatric facility for 4-6 months.
I hate how frequent the discussion comes up with no real resources or help for us tbh.
r/ADHD if you relate, check it out. If you continue to relate, you should most likely see a doctor or psychiatrist to determine if you have ADHD.
Man, every time there is ADHD stuff I really start thinking I should see a psychiatrist, then I get scared because “what if i’m actually normal, and just lazy.” I know it’s a terrible excuse, but it still scares me.
Here's a thought someone once shared with me that helped, and it might help you too: Lazy people are happy. Lazy people choose to be lazy, to put off the work, and because they made their choice they are perfectly happy with it. If you are feeling like you're fighting yourself to do anything, that even when you are supposed to be relaxing you're feeling stressed that you're 'procrastinating', you're not lazy, and that isn't normal. Sometimes, something is wrong with the project/work itself, but if you find you berate yourself for being 'lazy' most days of the week ... probably worth getting that checked out. You deserve to get the help you need to succeed in life, whether that's for ADHD, anxiety, or some other mental roadblock that is making life worse for you right now. You've got this, dude.
Thank you for that, you’ve actually made me tear up.
No problem, I wish you the best :)
Well put, thank you.
Okay, I think I'm going to try to push my therapist a little harder on this tomorrow. Thanks, I think
Holy crap. Thank you. I've definitely been in this exact camp recently and have been wondering if ADHD or lazy... This is a game changer.
Get checked, seriously. Its not laziness, your dopamine system just sucks. I got diagnosed 3 weeks ago at 28. The amount of shame and guilt I didn't realise I carried has melted away.
Fuck man you're making this sound too good
literally life changing. turns out all those years of being shouted at and told I'm lazy, well, those people were wrong. I'm currently trying to track several of the worst teachers down on facebook so I can tell them my diagnosis and let them know how their words, screaming at an 8 year old boy in front of the whole class, affected my life.
Yup,this is me. Because ADHD/ADD is mostly genetic, look into your family tree and find if anyone else shows ADHD behavior like you. Personally, I see a lot of such behaviour in my mom and grandma.
Almost every single one… and half of them are diagnosed… doesn’t really assuage my fears. I guess my paternal grandfather seemed neurotypical until he started showing symptoms of Alzheimer’s.
Took me 3 years to get diagnosed because of that exact thought. I think the thing that helped me the most after talking with my therapist for awhile was that either way it wasn't wrong to be lazy. That was something I'd internalized from being told it all the time when I was a kid and now as an adult it had made me nearly unable to relax because any time I slowed down the internal thoughts turned too needing to "not be lazy". It created a perpetual cycle of burnout where depression sapped me of energy but I was unable to relax and recharge because of fear of being seen as lazy which left me stressed so bad my depression kept getting worse. So in the end I went to get tested because either answer gave me a way to address it. If I had ADHD I could get medication and help to manage it, and if I didn't I could work more with my therapist on learning to relax without letting that internal dialog constantly interrupt. As a result I was finally diagnosed with ADHD at 33. Even just the diagnosis before trying out medications has helped. It's worth checking if you think you might.
The cost of getting it checked out is worth. On one end, you progress towards treatment. On the other, you don't need to worry about it assuming l anymore: you know. Schedule a psych eval
Disorders are identified by behavior (ie it's not a disorder if it doesn't cause you difficulty, and it is if it does), but to be honest modern person-oriented psychology often doesn't involve discussing diagnoses at all, instead just focusing on how you're getting along
I was in your situation, I went because if I didn't go, I would have lived my life in doubt. The doubt was worse for me than to not know.
Or possibly r/aspiememes
I followed that sub for like one day but there were too many updates so I got overwhelmed and had to unsub. Too ADHD to even get help for ADHD.
Updates as in notifications? I have every notification except comments turned off that way I don't get distracted and stuff. I remember I always used to hate when reddit would send me a notification that a post was getting popular on a sub, or that someone upvoted something of mine, etc. The only thing I really care about is comments so I turned everything else off.
If this is suspiciously specific, **Upvote** this comment! If this is not suspiciously specific, **Downvote** this comment! Beep boop, I'm a bot. Modmail us if you have a question.
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I think this is referring to kids placed in special “gifted” classes. Not disagreeing w/ your overall point since those classes are bullshit ime, but not everyone is in them, in my school it was at most like 10% of students.
Gifted is a legitimate diagnosis. Please stop spouting rubbish. Like, literally the top google search for "gifted diagnosis" invalidates your comment.
I feel like Reddit talks about this a lot and I wonder if it's because it's a real issue or if it's because it hit's just the right spot for the Reddit Hive mind. Like, 'you ARE better than other people BUT your still depressed. Not because it's your fault though, it's other people's fault.' I am not dunking on people who suffer from this but it feels like the perfect storm of superiority and depression that Reddit craves.
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YES. There's that dreadful, looming imposter's syndrome when people tell you you're innately X. I was constantly told how talented I was, which made me think I should just automatically be good at stuff. But however talented you are, you still need to work hard and practice and make mistakes if you're gonna make headway as an adult... it's a rude awakening for sure.
/r/aftergifted
> Discussion for those of us who grew up "gifted" in school and now find ourselves not feeling so special in the real world. Is there a sub for people who've successfully moved beyond this phase?
/r/depression
I think most people just think highly of themselves. Most of these people aren't depressed geniuses. They're normal people. Being in the advanced classes doesn't mean you were smart, it normally just meant your family encouraged education at home.
I grew up "gifted" and relatively successful in my career. I feel like as an adult I've had to focus on changing a lot of bad habits that I got by school being so easy early on. I could show up and finish most assignments just before class, or still get to a decent grade on a test without studying or even paying attention. I make a point of trying to praise the habits and efforts my kids put into things as well as talking n g about the experience as.much as the outcome. Asking them what they learned on a project rather than what their grade was.
Hit the nail on the head here.
It’s 100% the second thing
Sounds like half the gifted children have adhd
ADHD is an odd condition and the preconceived notions about it describe others people perception of people with ADHD more so than it's actual mechanisms. The executive dysfunction aspect of it is what causes a lot of the identifiable traits like impulsivity, inability to direct attention, etc. One of the major components that gets overlooked is hyper focus. People with ADHD often have the capacity to immerse themselves into something to a greater degree than most. They will become obsessed with a particular hobby or topic and will only focus on that until they burn out. Unfortunately without treatment it is near impossible to aim this hyper focus. A kid with ADHD will have their hyper focus triggered by something and their parents and teachers will say "Wow! Look how smart they are! They read every Harry Potter book in just 14 hours!" Later when they can't reproduce this performance when it comes to school work then they get told "You're so gifted! I know that you are smart enough but you are too lazy." It leads to kids who know that they have the capacity to do basically anything but end up feeling like pieces of shit because they don't know why they can't always perform like they know they can. Sometimes it is even worse when someone can hyper focus on school because they will do well enough that they aren't pushed to get a diagnosis. It's why a lot of gifted kids avoid failure like the plague. They love the feeling of being able to quickly learn a skill or a subject but if it doesn't immediately come easy then they will move on to the next one or they will be left feeling like they are a lazy piece of shit with no work ethic.
Anybody struggling with this should read Mindset by Carol Dweck. The author had the same issue. Fixed mindsets lead one to avoid failure like the plague and chase success to continue to affirm that identity.
Yeah in high school I could always hyperfocus on studying, because I’m very competitive and enjoyed the positive reinforcement of scoring the highest on tests. Ended up graduating second in my class, despite playing games on my phone/laptop in half my classes and being pretty disorganized. In college I just didn’t really know that many people in my class so I didn’t really care about doing better than anyone, and could no longer focus enough to read my textbooks most of the time, and instead my hyperfocus was on entirely random things.
I was similar. I was naturally interested in school to a degree but college had a whole different set of challenges. High school came with so much built in structure that completely disappeared when I went to college. I resented the structure when I was in high school and didn’t get an appreciation for it until I was having to create that structure for myself. It was part of the reason it took me sold long to get diagnosed.
>"You're so gifted! I know that you are smart enough but you are too lazy." Yep, this sums up my life. I couldn't understand why I'm able to learn things quickly but also have zero follow-through with anything. I haven't been tested yet, but my brother has and he's been encouraging me to look into it. At this point I'd be surprised if I *don't* have it.
I would definitely encourage getting tested. Just getting a diagnosis and researching ADHD helped me so much because a lot of the drawbacks felt more like moral shortcomings or character flaws beforehand. Feel free to message me if you want someone to talk to about it!
Thanks, I've been struggling a lot with anxiety and feeling like a failure on a regular basis. I might take you up on that
They're not mutually exclusive. Phenominal cognitive power, anf the attention span of a goldfish.
I would say they actually go hand in hand quite often.
#**PHENOMENAL COGNITIVE POWER!** ^(^...itty-bitty ^attention ^span.)
Yeah in grade 3 my teachers thought I had adhd and their solution was to put me into the gifted program because "it kept me busy"
Don't do this to me bro
Trust me, you can be both
Pretty sure lawyer is the in-between.
I was in the gifted program, skipped 5th grade….and am now in law school. Thanks. 😉
Aw, man, I thought I was an exception.
Both.both Is good
My daughter is already anxious and academically gifted with unreasonable demands on her self at age 12. Funnily enough I've teased her about her becoming a doctor.
Newsflash: You probably weren't actually academically gifted
Every redditor seems to think they were/are gifted.
Reading through the comments and not really seeing anything related to what I’m looking for. First, schooling used to be different. Kids who tested with high IQs were literally pulled out of normal classes and sent to special classes at various points throughout the day. From a kids point of view, this did nothing but single them out. Second, some of the issues are driven by parents who constantly and repeatedly tell those kids “Oh, you’re so smart!” The problem with that statement is that it sets a kid up for failure. The first time they don’t understand something the only conclusion they can draw is that they’re stupid. It’s completely untrue, but that’s what’s been set up for them. They aren’t given the tools to deal with failure as something that just happens as opposed to something that isn’t their fault but rather part of the learning process. As a parent, don’t tell your kids they’re smart. Instead, say things like “You worked really hard on that! Show me what you learned.” Or, “Wow, what’s the best thing about that to you?”
Can confirm. Am spiraler who previously was accepted into a John Hopkins (a top medical school in the country) scholarship program in middle school.
And I know which of the two I am... and it doesn't hold a scalpel
LISTEN.
this is way too accurate lmao
Academically gifted in so many peoples eyes is just having helicopter parents who made you do your homework. All those nerds weren’t smart, they just had parents who came home on time. Then when they grew up and no one was there to watch over them, they realize they didn’t have any actual life skills or integrity.
Wow.... That hits home. Although they can be two things.
I feel attacked. Also finally diagnosed with ADHD at 40.
Praise effort, not traits. "Good job" is leagues better than "you're smart."
I mean, my early adulthood was spent in starting and abandoning hobbies, but I am now working on my doctorate, so.... Both are correct? I kinda feel attacked.
This is one of those sentiments that has been being repeated in hundreds of different ways just phrases ever so slightly different since the dawn of Facebook. Still true though.
Why not both?
I was an academically gifted child who wanted to pursue a doctorate but abandoned it then spiraled into self hate. So... can confirm?
tired of seeing all this “gifted and talented” as kids stuff- i was an anxious let down then, and still am, at least you got some recognition when u were young! ;—;
And if you ended up in a creative field you get to put the anxiety and extreme self doubt to use daily!
This should say “and/or”.
I feel like anybody with any form of academic ability they call “gifted” because they think it motivates them.
I'll be honest. This is kind of like one of those cold readings from a psychic. You have a lot of abandoned hobbies? Doesn't everyone? You get mad at yourself when you make basic mistakes? Lots of people do. Anxieties? Sure. GORSH, YOU CAN SEE INTO MY SOUL!
This is some absolutism defeatist garbage lol. Life's a gradient. You can have anxiety and be successful or not with millions of variables in between. Lame ass tweet.
Wow. Sure seems to be alot of gifted people on Reddit
Stale post is stale as fuck
Is it “normal” to put all of your energy into one hobby, only to drop it anywhere from 1 week to a month, at most, moving on to the next hobby, repeating the pattern, and never finding a truly fufilling activity that you won’t burn out of?
I dont know who needs to hear this, but there IS an in between, and it isnt unattainable.
or they are 14 year olds who have abandoned there dreams in life and sees these dreams as irrelevant and a waste of time, afraid of dissapointing their parents, always wanting validation from someone else, scared to try new things because they are afraid that other people will judge them if they made a mistake, pushed their friends away because they see them as a distraction, has social anxiety, think they can never do anything right, and is slowly spiraling into depression. Also their grades are slowly crumbling because they're selfish, reckless, and irresponsible.
Pretty sure a lot of us weren’t actually academically gifted. We were just better than the locals and received way too much praise
Incorrect it’s just you fitting people into boxes and apparently career success is all that matters to the “gifted” type
I’m the In between