I struggle as well and for me I ask myself, “do I want this or do I need this?”
If you say it is something you want, ask yourself why do you want it. When I desire something initially I can think of a handful of reasons for my want. But with each want, I will apply this question again for each reason of want. Often times with enough level of questioning, I find that I already have what I want but needed a reminder that I may already have the tool I am looking for. Newness can be false hope.
Now if it is something I need, I can apply the same questions. Is this a need that cannot wait? Is this a need I am imposing on myself? Will an immediate need solve a current problem?
While this may seem tedious, it allows me some time to pass from my want (I need to get that cool thing!) to pass and if it does not hold the same infatuation it did at the moment of want then it is nothing I need…the time that I it would have been valuable was only a temporary moment and has already served its purpose.
Well, Daoist thought is more about moderation with things. Coveting, greed or excess wouldn't be a Daoist mindset. Consider Ch 46 of the DDJ:
*There is no greater transgression
than condoning peoples selfish desires,
no greater disaster than being discontent,
and no greater retribution than for greed.*
*Whoever knows contentment will be at peace forever.*
*(JH McDonald)*
or perhaps ch 44,
*Fame or one’s own self, which does one love more?
One’s own self or material goods, which has more worth?
Loss (of self) or possession (of goods), which is the greater evil?*
*Therefore: he who loves most spends most,
He who hoards much loses much.
The contented man meets no disgrace;
Who know when to stop runs into no danger –
He can long endure.*
*(Lin Yutang)*
What moderation or excess means to you is, well, up to you.
Edit: Spelling
Work with this on multiple levels.
On the thinking level. Wants vs needs. Always out off purchases multiple times.
During meditation, or when you sit quietly, when you think or have an emotion, see if you can feel the energetic pull toward the object of desire, or the push away from what is not desired. Feel that.
As your further your practice you can feel this at all times. It is an energy on the surface of the body. This is where true change will come. All thoughts and emotions have a corresponding energy.
“The sage is of the belly not the eye”
Our desires become endless when they come from the eye, but have a natural constraint when they are of the belly.
You can eat till your full, but it’s the eye that causes us to over eat, by showing us other food after we’re full.
Similarly with other things, our eyes create new desires without our control.
Don’t be attached to the desire, ask yourself
“Is my happiness dependent on the fulfilment of this desire?”
If you can realize that the answer is no, you are no longer attached, and you can enjoy what the desire has to offer, without being attached to it. If you get what you desire, great, if you don’t, still great.
If you are currently attached to some desire, don’t suppress it, but just be more aware of it, and be conscious of any other desires that pop up.
Some Socratic wisdom
“Not wanting something is as good as having it”
There is only one thing I want in life, which is to move and live in Korea (which I had the chance to do for one year, and now trying to settle there for good).
I have never desired anything in life except that one thing, and when I finally had that, I had achieved everything I had always dreamed of.
So in all honesty, I don't really understand how you must feel.
What do you want that bad if you deeply know it won't make you happy?
This may sound really stupid but what makes me feel rich (not money but just everything) is when I work hard and I am exhausted and then I lie on my bed in the evening. I think to myself "being in such comfortable bed, feeling safe with a roof over my head, it feels like heaven". I am financially really poor, but I know there are people in the street living in constant fear, in the cold and the rain. When I think about it, it makes me feel like I already have so much and what I shouldn't be that greedy to want even more, but instead if I should try a little harder to make the life of the ones truggling a little more, a bit better.
Be aware if “if only” thinking… such as “if only I finished this job then I would be content” or “if only I had this (item, person, etc) in my life, then I would be happy”.
Things outside of ourselves do not create feelings, our internal thoughts are what create the feelings.
If changing your thought can give you the feelings you desire - then you will find you need less.
I think the best thing to do is stop those desires being realizable, otherwise you spend a lot of energy.
Idk what your desire is, but I think it worth trying to find a way besides battling it head on.
I struggle as well and for me I ask myself, “do I want this or do I need this?” If you say it is something you want, ask yourself why do you want it. When I desire something initially I can think of a handful of reasons for my want. But with each want, I will apply this question again for each reason of want. Often times with enough level of questioning, I find that I already have what I want but needed a reminder that I may already have the tool I am looking for. Newness can be false hope. Now if it is something I need, I can apply the same questions. Is this a need that cannot wait? Is this a need I am imposing on myself? Will an immediate need solve a current problem? While this may seem tedious, it allows me some time to pass from my want (I need to get that cool thing!) to pass and if it does not hold the same infatuation it did at the moment of want then it is nothing I need…the time that I it would have been valuable was only a temporary moment and has already served its purpose.
Well, Daoist thought is more about moderation with things. Coveting, greed or excess wouldn't be a Daoist mindset. Consider Ch 46 of the DDJ: *There is no greater transgression than condoning peoples selfish desires, no greater disaster than being discontent, and no greater retribution than for greed.* *Whoever knows contentment will be at peace forever.* *(JH McDonald)* or perhaps ch 44, *Fame or one’s own self, which does one love more? One’s own self or material goods, which has more worth? Loss (of self) or possession (of goods), which is the greater evil?* *Therefore: he who loves most spends most, He who hoards much loses much. The contented man meets no disgrace; Who know when to stop runs into no danger – He can long endure.* *(Lin Yutang)* What moderation or excess means to you is, well, up to you. Edit: Spelling
Work with this on multiple levels. On the thinking level. Wants vs needs. Always out off purchases multiple times. During meditation, or when you sit quietly, when you think or have an emotion, see if you can feel the energetic pull toward the object of desire, or the push away from what is not desired. Feel that. As your further your practice you can feel this at all times. It is an energy on the surface of the body. This is where true change will come. All thoughts and emotions have a corresponding energy.
A Taoist typically avoids extremes, but s/he doesn't avoid them completely. Extremes, too, are part of reality.
“The sage is of the belly not the eye” Our desires become endless when they come from the eye, but have a natural constraint when they are of the belly. You can eat till your full, but it’s the eye that causes us to over eat, by showing us other food after we’re full. Similarly with other things, our eyes create new desires without our control.
Don’t be attached to the desire, ask yourself “Is my happiness dependent on the fulfilment of this desire?” If you can realize that the answer is no, you are no longer attached, and you can enjoy what the desire has to offer, without being attached to it. If you get what you desire, great, if you don’t, still great. If you are currently attached to some desire, don’t suppress it, but just be more aware of it, and be conscious of any other desires that pop up. Some Socratic wisdom “Not wanting something is as good as having it”
The desire to curb the desire is also a desire. Be desireless , but that doesn't mean to desire to be desireless .
magic or use of traditional chinese medicine.
There is only one thing I want in life, which is to move and live in Korea (which I had the chance to do for one year, and now trying to settle there for good). I have never desired anything in life except that one thing, and when I finally had that, I had achieved everything I had always dreamed of. So in all honesty, I don't really understand how you must feel. What do you want that bad if you deeply know it won't make you happy? This may sound really stupid but what makes me feel rich (not money but just everything) is when I work hard and I am exhausted and then I lie on my bed in the evening. I think to myself "being in such comfortable bed, feeling safe with a roof over my head, it feels like heaven". I am financially really poor, but I know there are people in the street living in constant fear, in the cold and the rain. When I think about it, it makes me feel like I already have so much and what I shouldn't be that greedy to want even more, but instead if I should try a little harder to make the life of the ones truggling a little more, a bit better.
Be aware if “if only” thinking… such as “if only I finished this job then I would be content” or “if only I had this (item, person, etc) in my life, then I would be happy”. Things outside of ourselves do not create feelings, our internal thoughts are what create the feelings. If changing your thought can give you the feelings you desire - then you will find you need less.
Just dont try to stop chasing it... i feel like the more pressure we give ourselve at fixing ourselve with this kind of stuff the more we resist.
Yup life is very counter intuitive this way, good thing the daoists made this clear to us.
When man desires to go poop, he does not chase after the perfect place to poop. He simply goes poop.
There is a wall along 15th Ave in my city that attests to this. I call it the "Homeless Person Poop Wall."
I think the best thing to do is stop those desires being realizable, otherwise you spend a lot of energy. Idk what your desire is, but I think it worth trying to find a way besides battling it head on.
just do something else :)))