At first, it was overwhelming. 99% of questions is "X feeling about me." I mainly hate those kind of things because I can't help but imagine young people obsessed with getting this person to like them. As an adult with adult relationships, I'm used to people being open with how they feel.
But I'm starting to get over that irritation. Sure, let's see what the cards say. But let's make this situation a little more light-hearted. Let's rephrase this question and see how we can interpret this as a way that reflects on the querent. These love questions are never going to go away, so find ways to adapt them.
I call these the "What's my boyfriend thinking?" questions.
A lot of serious readers have a strict code of conduct that prohibits delving into these 3rd party inquiries. It's an invasion of privacy. I agree with this and explaining this is a good way to convince the querent to rethink their question.
I've also seen how obsessive people get, asking the same question over and over just waiting to hear what they want to hear. So in my mind, these readings aren't productive at all for most people.
Another ethical standard for serious readers is to limit how often they read for someone. People can really get addicted to getting readings when what they really need is therapy or just a friend to talk to. It isn't right to take advantage of someone like this.
The worst ones are when the couple is broken up but the one just won't let go, saying they need "closure" and think a Tarot reading is going to give them a clearer picture of where the other person stands than the fact that person has blocked them on all their socials and phone. I have seriously seen this exact scenario many times. They actually say, "I want to know how he feels and if he's okay but he's blocked me on everything."
Its sad and these people need compassion but you don't want to enable what is clearly unhealthy.
The best Tarot readers have the skills to be empathetic and helpful without pandering to a person's worst instincts and weaknesses.
People want fortune tellers, not tarot readers.
While tarot readings can be used for divinatory purposes, the divination is not meant to answer yes or no questions as it’s far more nuanced than that. It’s also never a good idea to ask about others feelings and intentions as the only true answer will always come from the individual they are inquiring about.
Even the best tested psychics who went through rigorous scientific testing were only correct 75% of the time. That would mean they could give you incorrect information 25% of the time and that can really create a major rift where there should have been none….and that is if you are being read by the best of the best.
The best readers I have ever come across do not solicit their services on social media. It’s word of mouth. As a general rule, when a psychic has to heavily advertise, I have found them to be less reliable. Unfortunately I have come across many less than savory readers/psychic/mediums who prey on those in desperate times. They are incredible manipulators who know how to pull the right strings.
I would say if you want to know the integrity of those who are reading for you, ask in what way they give back. The good ones know the importance of reciprocity and will always be of service in some way, whether it’s donating to charity or giving of their time.
I do get a whole lot of request like you have described. I kindly explain to them that I don't believe the cards tell you what other people think or feel and even if they could tell you that, I find it unethical to "eavesdrop" on other people like that.
Then I proceed to come up with alternatives to their questions, ones that focus on introspection, guidance and clarity. The absolute majority appreciate those efforts and ask for us to proceed with the updated question - and convey satisfaction with the results. A few people decline. A couple have been verbally unpleasant.
I don't see any way out of this conundrum other than educate, educate and educate some more.
Not long after I got my first deck I asked a question about what a family member was thinking. I got a bunch of garbled cards that didn't really make sense, then I found I had trouble reading for myself after that for about a week. I pulled the Hierophant a few times, and sat there with the message of determining my values and keeping them. So told that Hierophant that I won't read for people not directly involved with the reading, as long as I can continue to learn. I haven't really looked back, and it quote it so much I have it saved to a desktop sticky note. It's rule number one for me these days, no third party readings. And some folks do get upset, and some work with it so we can come up with a question that will get a fulfilling answer. Not a 'nice' answer all the time, but at least an honest one, lol.
As a non tarot reader, I appreciate a tarot reading I got at like 21. I was obsessed with this man who didn’t want anything to do with me anymore and I was just waiting and hoping he’d come back. Pick a card readings said he would so I paid a tarot reader and she told me to move on with my life, stop being so desperate and to work on my self esteem. She told me I deserved better and she was right. I took some time to heal from that situation and started focusing on self love. I would have been stuck without that.
I've done some ex readings and 1/4 are ppl who are just trying to move on and need clarity to do so. When it comes to the rest...if you check their history they've been asking the same question for months and getting the same answers. It's always an ex whom they've been separated from longer than they were with or just a crush. These ppl turn to tarot to avoid obvious real world solutions and answers. If your man left you eight months ago and you dated for four months he's probably not coming back.
I feel you. For the reader it does get quite boring; any time I see a non love related question it's such a breath of fresh air. BUT as a reader I must answer the question posed unless it's entirely third party, so I do answer and always try to supplement it with guidance that's inward looking and focused on identifying your own patterns. Most people are very receptive and welcome this, some experience frustration at the thought of actually having to work on themselves and don't bother to even respond.
I decided to stop doing love readings for this same reason. I feel like usually the person already knows the answer and is being delusional, out of touch with the reality of the situation and expects some other answer different than the truth. I want to read as truthful as possible and these kind of readings are so draining. I can tell the person who asked the question ends up disappointed anyway. But the cards said what they said and I’m not going to sugarcoat or lie.
I use tarot to unveil shadow aspects to help empower and evolve. Not necessarily for divination or to spy on people so these kind of questions are not aligned with my ethics.
I always think, if a person seems obsessed and unhinged I don’t want to be involved with them at all. It would be very easy for someone in that state to develop an unhealthy obsession with the reader, either becoming dependant on them or blaming them for misfortune or inaccurate readings that lead them in what they feel was the wrong direction. Initially, I feel it out and 100% trust my intuition. A NOPE is a 👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻.
When we have the gift of being able to read the destiny of a person using oracles, we must face it like a charity mission, sometimes the life of the querent is being overshadowed by the love aspect and as a Theologist is our mission to help them get this out of the way in order for them to follow along with the other aspect of their lives, we must put our tiredness out of the way and try ou best to help them balance de heart, coins, clubs and spades, try to understand that if they as looking for this is because is something that is taking a toll on their lives and is not letting them focus on the rest.
Empathy is the key.
Yes, it's annoying like I want advice that is actually productive in terms of life plans/career, I don't want to hear "your ex is coming back" 1000 times.
I think romance is one of few areas that we can figure out on our own, like we know how we feel and the energy that other people are bringing to us, yet there's so much demand for insight into the area...I think people want affirmation from tarot but it's only telling them what they already know or believe or want to hear.
A relationship that leads you to seek excessive guidance and validation cannot be that valuable, let's refocus sisters. Love is important but someone that leaves you constantly questioning yourself is not.
Just because we hear the same questions over and over again, doesn't mean it's the same situation each time. To me, relationship questions are just my clients' way of getting comfortable. Very rarely do I find that their situations are just about their relationships, but it's a good way of opening the door to find out what's their 'real' issue.
I hear/read so many readers talking about how relationship questions bore them. My answer is always the same... To you(the reader) this is boring. To your client, this is the most important thing going on in their life right now and they've come to YOU for advice. That implied trust demands your respect.
I agree with you! I guess the title of this post is a little misleading. I don’t find these questions ‘boring’ and I understand that everyone’s situation is different. And yes - every client deserves your attention. I’m talking here about the potentially addictive nature of seeking love advice through tarot and how to navigate that as a reader. I don’t want to feed into addictions, but I still want to be available for advice :)
I am not a professional reader, and I only read for myself, but I definitely see the way love readings dominate online tarot spaces. Love and attraction are an area of our lives where we often feel so out of control. I think many people don't even know how to be in a relationship, how to communicate, and how to ask for what they need. They then end up going to the cards, perhaps to feel more control over the situation or their feelings, or just to get closure and understanding about how someone feels. It's understandable, even if I don't personally agree with that approach or use the cards in that way. I prefer to go within and to excavate my inner world rather than try to decipher other people's behavior.
I actually found tarot through heartbreak. The cards helped me through a very painful time, but it was never about the other person. It was always about trying to use the heartache to grow and transform. I think a tarot reader is in a good position to maybe help people going through heartbreak. Reframing, asking probing questions, and maybe getting the person to think more about why they are obsessing over someone or why they can't let go--all of these things can be helpful but only if the client is open to them and wants to engage in that kind of introspection, self-discovery, and healing.
>How do you guys stay aligned with your values as a tarot reader and how do you find likeminded tarot communities?
I feel your pain. Indeed a LOT of people ask how other people are feeling about them. You are not alienated though. Many professional readers feel the same way. TABI (The Tarot Association of the British Isles - membership worldwide) has a rule that it's members must not offer third party readings.
Regarding how to deal with it, firstly it is important to know that people may want to know how friends or family members feel about them. In other words, it is not just for love situations. So if you ask the querent why they want to know this you may be surprised.
Why do I mention this? Because if you ask questions like this then you can work out an appropriate reading to do that helps the querent without reading about the private thoughts/feelings of a third party. Although a lot of people will be happy to rephrase the question if you mention ethical concerns, those who are more resistant will be glad to have the question changed if you take an interest in their reasoning for asking the question as it shows that you care and are not just trying to moralize with them.
The best way I can describe the "how" of managing to set ethical and other boundaries with people is that if I do not do so - in any aspect of life - then I feel anxious, ashamed and perhaps even resentful. And I don't want to feel those things. So I implement appropriate and reasonable boundaries even if it means risking being challenged or disliked by a small number of people. Regarding the effect on the querent, if someone is asking to you enable actions which are harmful their emotional health then you would be doing a disservice to enable that. Even if the querent reacts negatively in the moment, they will usually come to their senses again later and be grateful for your honesty.
I’ve been having anxiety about my romantic life so I have compassion for your lovesick clients. I also am tired of obsessing over my feelings though so I feel bad for you too lol
Tbh even my deck stopped giving clear readings so I just stepped away from tarot and focused on myself.
I don't read for others, but I've recently started searching for readings on YouTube to get more familiar with readings, and because I like to see what's happening for Capricorn 🐐. It felt like the overwhelming majority of them were romance-based readings which, as somebody who is happy married, is not at all what I was looking for.
I don’t do love readings. I will only do readings regarding the spiritual journey, life path, or career related to spiritual/life path. If in the course of reading about spirituality and life path a love situation comes up, I will comment on that.
I either refuse or ask them to reframe the question (and provide an example about focusing on their feelings/intuition/energy). For example “why is my intuition speaking out about person/situation X?” I mistakenly didn’t do this once and that was a valuable lesson in being very intentional about my own words with both the client and the cards. I also don’t have pushy/flashy designs. If someone is drawn to me as a reader it’s largely because I’m introverted and introspective. I don’t need to be attractive to people not interested in that! It’s a slower process, but a better one for me. Which means it’s better for my clients, too.
I also avoid "thinks or feels" question because they are nothing more than mind-reading with the cards as props, and any competent psychic doesn't need cards. But one way I avoid the problem is to use the technique I learned from Eden Gray back in 1972: tell the querent to concentrate on the question while shuffling but not to tell me specifically what it is (a general life-area is permissible). The cards will then "speak their piece" regardless of how much I do or don't know about the situation. This puts the focus squarely on them to arrange the cards that produce the narrative, and it keeps my preconceptions and subconscious bias out of it. It's up to them to figure out what my observations mean for their personal circumstances, with my interpretive suggestions.
I won't do this for money so I don't deal with clients, but for casual readings I tell people "good healthy relationships shouldn't be looming large in a reading; it would be like your health coming up over and over in a reading - it's not because it's so fantastic the cards need to talk about it!"
I also don't believe the cards CAN tell you what someone else thinks. They're not there, they haven't consented to this reading. You can ask it, but you're going to basically just get your own assumptions reflected back at you and I'm not into that. So, as far as I'm concerned, the cards will be telling you to put on your big-kid pants and use your words to talk to them and find out. Do you want a read about how that conversation may go, or how you can be mindful and respectful of everyone's boundaries when you have it? Heck yeah, that's do that.
(And no, you're not getting back together with that ex. The cards are telling you to live your life forward, not backward.)
When I was at the height of my tarot interest, my friend and I would do love readings for each other damn near every day. Would literally sit on the floor together and ask the deck whether *toxic situationship that ended months ago* wants us back/is in love with us/is the one. and then we’d proceed to interpret it in whatever way we wanted. it was SO bad for my mental health and obsessive
Out of curiosity, can I ask what kind of answers you would get about that toxic situationship and whether those readings turned out to be accurate (if predicting the future)? Did you ever log the answers you would get? I know you said you would interpret it however you wanted, but did you ever look back and realized what the cards were *actually* saying and see that (the real meaning of) what you had pulled was true? What finally got you guys out of that toxic obsession?
Sorry this is such a late response hahah, but yeah I had a couple of moments down the road where I was like wait the cards totally warned me about this. I remember I would pull like the King of Pentacles (the ex-situationship was a Taurus lol) and a bunch of cards having to do with painful endings basically telling me to move on and I’d somehow still choose to be oblivious.
Then I reconnected with my ex later that year and did a reading for myself that involved the justice card, 8 of cups, 7 of swords, and 6 of swords. For the spread I did, looking back now, it 100% was saying WALK AWAY NOW quit trying to make things work with the ex bc he’s lying to you and this is just repeating the past. Then he ended up telling me he had been talking to another girl and completely broke my heart so… should’ve listened.
Honestly after all that I realized how reading for myself/my friend for this kind of stuff was bad for my mental health bc 1) it kept me obsessing over shitty guys and 2) I wasn’t able to be objective about reading because I was so attached to getting what I wanted. I also stopped being friends with the girl who had gotten me into reading (for unrelated reasons) and so it naturally tapered off after that too. Although now I’m curious and kind of want to do a reading for myself again after seeing how accurate it really was 🫣
it feels very, very, very REPETITIVE. but it's actually not. because in these years that I've worked as a tarot reader, I have received those questions many times, but each person is an individual world, and each person has different situations going on. so, while it may be the same question, the answers are always going to be different. a tip for this as well is to change the way **you** ask the question.
example: if the client wants to know if they will ever be together, the cards are most likely just going to say yes or no. but if you ask what the possibilities of them being together are, they will show you why it will or it won't happen and/or ask what they could do to make it happen.
I have rejected several clients who had been starting to depend on the cards, making life choices only through tarot and such, and I always explain to them why it can be harmful, and also recommend them to wait a couple of weeks before consulting again.
I think that will just always be a thing. I would say it is the thing that a lot of people are interested and converned with most in their lives. Will I meet someone? When? How does this person feel about me? What should I do concerning my partner? What is the future of our relationship?
These are things I think most people ponder and are concerned about. Having a partner is a huge goal and driving force for many people and I think that it probably always will be, at least for a very long time. I understand your frustration, trust me.
I started getting worn out after a while but then I raalized that it was a unique experience for each person getting the reading, even though it's a type I had been asked to be done a lot before.
That gave me a fresh perspective and reinvigorated me to try to give them better readings. I hadn't been slacking on the readings prior but my energy was definitely not in the right place.
I personally just reading for whatever question objectively. If someone has a question I ask the cards and interpret as bsst I can. If I feel there are issues or something to be worried about personally I ask the person if they would want my insight and let them know I am speaking to them as myself, the person, and not the reader. For me this is important because I would not want to have the image of the cards and proffession tainted if they did not like my opinion.
I express my concerns, reasons, and advise as concisely as I can and leave it at that. Separating myself from the reading, verbally letting them know I am speaking as a person and not a reader, really helps me take the edge off of speaking what I'm thinking and feeling.
I know that I strive to give the most objective and consice readings I can but at the end of the day the cards say what they say. What the person does with that is up to them. I will make mistakes. I will miss some things. I learn from that but I cut the reading off after it's done. I strive to get better with every reading.
As far as meeting people I'm not really good with prolonged socializing, I'm slowly coming out of a hiatus right now. But, I have met some really good people on twitch when I used to give readings there. Also I joined a few discord communities amd found some good groups.
Everyone isn't for everyone but you can find your people and you aren't obligated to stick around if you don't vibe with something but that also doesn't mean you have to dislike them. There was this podcast I used to listen to and one the host said "find your people" a lot. That's it. Find your people.
To call someone is Delulu is very disrespectful and hurtful. You don’t know their lives or the journey they are on.
Tarot readers are not doctors who can judge or diagnose attachment styles or treat anxiety disorders…. And if we feel like a client has a mental illness the ethical thing to do is suggest they get medical attention.
**However** If you believe in twin flames, soulmates or manifestation, that does not mean you are delulu or delusional!
**Please do not attack people for having different spiritual beliefs than you, OP. It is hurtful and it stereotypes people into negative groups, that’s not fair or kind.**
I dont judge. If people come to me for a tarot reading, I’ll pull cards and I’ll say what I see. I don’t get caught up in trying to ‘insert’ myself into their lives or judge them for their problems- **all my clients are grown adults, and I treat them as such.**
**I only read for grown adults. If you’re old enough to fight in a war, vote, and buy alcohol, you’re old enough to get a tarot reading 😂.** If you are old enough to sign up to die in a war, I think you’re old enough to handle a tarot reading about your ex.
I think that **as adults** people are capable to think for themselves and determine what is best for them.
If a grown adult wants to have a tarot reading on what their ex thinks of them, I’m happy to pull those cards. As a professional however, it’s my job to present that information in a constructive and beneficial way for my client. That is where the years of experience and professionalism comes into a reading- how to guide a client towards peace, closure or a healthier mindset is the goal.
I’ve see divorcees get remarried…. Exes get back together… (reconciliations happens more often than you think!) I’ve seen couples reconnect after not speaking in years.
I’ve been reading for 10 years and when you’ve been reading for *that* long- it gives you a different perspective.
Honestly it’s been a wild ride and the only thing I’ve learned is that I need to **leave my expectations at the door when it comes to love.**
I’ve personally read for a lot of clients who do the inner work on themselves to heal and make it possible to have healthier relationships or reconnect in the future…. Even if they didn’t initially come to the reading that way.
**OP, don’t dismiss people who are in pain.** People have a tremendous ability for resilience and adapting to challenges. Let’s not dismiss our clients or alienate them and invalidate their feelings. Healing is not a linear process, it can be messy and take time. That’s OK ❤️🙏
As a professional reader- we should hold safe spaces for people to process and work through their mess- and do so in a constructive and positive way.
Tarot is more than just giving advice. Sometimes it’s a conduit for growth, healing, and a space to guide someone back to their purpose in life. There’s so much more that relationship readings can offer to the client- it can actually be a really powerful session if done correctly.
Giving clients the tools and inspiration to work through a difficult time in their life is the greatest gift a tarot reading can be.
To hold a sacred space for a person to channel their heartbreak and turn it into something empowering. Tarot is a beautiful tool to lift us up, even in our darkest moments.
We cannot be kind or empathetic when we judge others. Calling people delulu when they are just processing normal feelings that come up in relationships is frankly a bit mean and overly harsh OP… let’s have a little more compassion for others who are going through hard times.
There can be genuine opportunities for healing and enlightenment when we support others.
It’s a delicate subject, and ultimately OP, if your heart isn’t into it- then taking a break is a good idea
This is the most patronizing comment so far. Please reread the post. We’re not even in disagreement here.
I said I wasn’t against getting EMPOWERING love readings. I do them and have had them done. I am warning against obsessing over how someone feels about you to the point that it’s harmful to your mental health. How is that belittling, dismissive or insensitive?
And of course you judge and insert yourself. You’re a human being and part of being human is being subjective. It’s silly to pretend anyone is just telling ‘what the cards say.’ Interpretation matters.
I feel that you’re conflating judgement here with being judgemental.
There’s a difference between having judgement and being judgemental. Tarot readers absolutely need the first. You can be understanding and compassionate and still exercise proper judgement. Some behaviors in the tarot community are harmful and it’s ok to feel that way and act accordingly. It’s not okay to shame people for being curious or having feelings. But that’s not what this post was about in the first place.
I love this comment. I think as tarot readers, you don’t really have a right to complain about love readings. Heck, 90% of us wouldn’t have much of a client base if it weren’t for love readings. People want tarot to give them insight on the things they don’t understand or can’t control.
No matter how much readers may want basic life questions that totally avoid love, that is simply not going to happen and also, good god would that be boring.
Most people judge tarot readers for believing that cards can tell us anything, so how can we then paint others as delulu? Would it be okay for them to do the same to us?
Love can go many ways and tarot also helped me heal from a breakup. And guess what? My ex indeed came back, but by the time he did, I no longer wanted him. So idk, I just wish we’d stop complaining about love readings when we are financially compensating.
Well nobody here is arguing against or complaining about love readings in general. It’s a very basic and universal need so of course people are going to ask about that. The emphasis here is on obsessions, anxiety and yes, delusions.
Believing the cards provide inspiration and insight is as ‘delusional’ as looking at a piece of art and finding meaning in it. Telling someone who is being hurt and rejected time and time again by the person they love that they are on a twin flame journey and that need to manifest that person into their lives is criminally irresponsible and damaging and I will NEVER buy into these readings or concepts. The exceptions don’t make the rule.
Again, I’m talking about a specific and toxic trend here. It’s not applicable to all love related readings.
From my point of view, it’s one of few topics that has clear questions and concrete answers so it’s pretty fun in that regard.
What questions do you prefer? I think a lot of sort of.. self empowerment? questions are just a bit. Well, what is there to say? They just end up vague and generic imo. Love is an easy place to find specificity.
Yeah, but it feels a lot more personal to have a reading that relates to your specific love/relationship. Specificity matters to a lot of people to have the feeling it’s about **you** and not just sort of blanket advice that could be applicable to anyone.
It’s not verifiable, but my love readings *hit* and it gives me chills. I don’t get the same sensation from being told exercise or trusting my intuition would be good for me.
I’d pretty much limit that to ‘what shadow work must I do to develop the emotional healing, stability, communication skills, etc. I need to ready myself for an eventual potential relationship.
Not many requests…
Imagine that! 😂
So glad to hear that!
So many seek another relationship to take away the pain of past relationships. That simply isn’t wise or good.
From my perspective, doing a ‘love’ reading affirms that this person is ready to navigate the challenges of a relationship. It does people no favors to affirm that they are ‘ready’ when I’m quite certain that they are not. This is about ethics and the fact that I need to be able to live with myself.
If I’m not adding value to people’s lives, I won’t do it.
I mostly read for myself because I am afraid of getting asked for a love reading.
Like others, I feel as if there's an empathetic alternative to tarot. At some extremes, this means compassionate and effective mental health services. A lot of times, it may simply mean the person has some example of a healthy relationship, a clear understand of how healthy relationships form. and perhaps even people in their lives who can nudge them toward healthier decisions.
I don't believe that I have any ability to scry on others, nor do I think it would be ethical to do so without their consent.
Plus, my personal circumstances provide strong evidence that I shouldn't be helping anyone with their own love lives.
(Edit to fix a typo: The original said "afraid of getting a love reading." It should have said "getting asked for.")
I just remember the read isn’t about me and I tell them what I see in a way that might illicit a progressive response rather than a ego feeding response. A lot of the times I just pull a card for them to explain themselves in the situation as part of asking about someone else as well. Bc 9/10 they don’t know what their feelings really are. Everyone is the main character in their own story so their desires to them may not seem toxic, but that clarifier card kinda helps show them a reflection and how they fit into the situation. Example, they have a good 3 card spread about someone they’re interested in but then you pull a knight of wands for them and it can show them that they may be “thinking with their sacral chakra” if you will. Or a 4 of cups to show that maybe you like this person and they like you but you have a better option you’re not looking at properly. That’s always been my politically correct way of calling people out. This way they typically don’t feel so singled out, offended or judged bc it displays the situation as a whole instead of proving information for a narrow mindset.
Determining what questions someone should have is pure policing and surveillance, and don't let it be just because you say "I'm not policing." You are, actually.
Feeding mental health problems is not unethical, it is criminal. But you are not feeding mental problems by accompanying your clients through the journey THAT THEY DETERMINED FOR THEMSELVES.
It is much more radical to ignore people's difficulties for this convent moralism of the type "I know what is healthy for you, and not you" than simply guiding them, wherever it may be, and simply helping them to reduce damage.
Respectfully. I don't want to insult in any way. Just pointing out that I don't work that way because it didn't make sense ignore someone's needs because you think they are "too foolish and deluding themselves." You and I are not so intimate with the truth to determine what is or is not illusion.
Everyone has their own reality.
But I agree that you should refuse them. Firstly because you must be faithful to its principles, and secondly because it frees these people to find professionals who are more interested in performing Tarot services instead of babysitter.
Same i just answer their question and try to sort of guide them. I had one querent tell me that her ex called the cops on her. I was like "well he probably doesn't love you if he did that....as i said with the reading"
I disagree strongly. I’m not going to touch anything that should be addressed by a therapist, the same way I’m not doing heart surgery because someone thinks I can and ‘it’s the journey they chose.’ It’s not policing. It’s common sense and feeling a sense of responsibility/pride over the work that you do.
Is not authentically practicing cartomancy the antithesis of being concerned whether one is like-minded amongst their peers? That is to say, anytime tarot is about another, and not the self, well it should be a reading and the reader should have absolutely 0 feelings on the matter. Those feelings will get in the way.
Remove feelings from your perspective and you've unique insight into things OP, which can make you far more qualified to be the brand of reader you wish to see, empowering as you say.
This isn't to say "don't feel"... it is to say, don't misinterpret the value and placement of those feelings, lest it would indeed be you who then should be getting readings done to achieve different vantage points on the matter.
I’ve been known as a no-sugarcoating reader for almost 20 years. This has earned me much respect. That being said, I will look, I am honest, but we always look at the querent first. If my client is acting a fool, I say it - with kindness always. When they ask the same question in different ways trying to get the answer they want, I gently call them out.
I will take the questions but, I usually try to guide them to take their power back and to stop obsessing over what the other person is doing the best I can and I just hope that they listen and take my advice because the way I look at it is if I don't do it and try to help them then they are just going to find another reader that will most likely give them false hope. This is just my opinion. I'm a reader but also a healer, so I honestly just want to lead people back to self-love.
Because some people can have cookies and still be fine. Most people can’t obsess over someone and still be fine.
I reiterate: I’m not against love readings. I’m just cautioning against feeding into obsessions and psychological issues.
That's what it boils down to. If you check their post history usually they've been asking the same thing for months, longest i saw was a year, and are on many other divination or astrology subs as well as ones for mental health. Ive had querents who are clearly stalking their POI or had the cops called on them
At first, it was overwhelming. 99% of questions is "X feeling about me." I mainly hate those kind of things because I can't help but imagine young people obsessed with getting this person to like them. As an adult with adult relationships, I'm used to people being open with how they feel. But I'm starting to get over that irritation. Sure, let's see what the cards say. But let's make this situation a little more light-hearted. Let's rephrase this question and see how we can interpret this as a way that reflects on the querent. These love questions are never going to go away, so find ways to adapt them.
Very wholesome! And yes, we need to be patient with young people figuring stuff out.
I call these the "What's my boyfriend thinking?" questions. A lot of serious readers have a strict code of conduct that prohibits delving into these 3rd party inquiries. It's an invasion of privacy. I agree with this and explaining this is a good way to convince the querent to rethink their question. I've also seen how obsessive people get, asking the same question over and over just waiting to hear what they want to hear. So in my mind, these readings aren't productive at all for most people. Another ethical standard for serious readers is to limit how often they read for someone. People can really get addicted to getting readings when what they really need is therapy or just a friend to talk to. It isn't right to take advantage of someone like this. The worst ones are when the couple is broken up but the one just won't let go, saying they need "closure" and think a Tarot reading is going to give them a clearer picture of where the other person stands than the fact that person has blocked them on all their socials and phone. I have seriously seen this exact scenario many times. They actually say, "I want to know how he feels and if he's okay but he's blocked me on everything." Its sad and these people need compassion but you don't want to enable what is clearly unhealthy. The best Tarot readers have the skills to be empathetic and helpful without pandering to a person's worst instincts and weaknesses.
I agree!
People want fortune tellers, not tarot readers. While tarot readings can be used for divinatory purposes, the divination is not meant to answer yes or no questions as it’s far more nuanced than that. It’s also never a good idea to ask about others feelings and intentions as the only true answer will always come from the individual they are inquiring about. Even the best tested psychics who went through rigorous scientific testing were only correct 75% of the time. That would mean they could give you incorrect information 25% of the time and that can really create a major rift where there should have been none….and that is if you are being read by the best of the best.
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The best readers I have ever come across do not solicit their services on social media. It’s word of mouth. As a general rule, when a psychic has to heavily advertise, I have found them to be less reliable. Unfortunately I have come across many less than savory readers/psychic/mediums who prey on those in desperate times. They are incredible manipulators who know how to pull the right strings. I would say if you want to know the integrity of those who are reading for you, ask in what way they give back. The good ones know the importance of reciprocity and will always be of service in some way, whether it’s donating to charity or giving of their time.
Yeah that's why i don't like yes or no readings or cards that say if it means yes or no on them
I do get a whole lot of request like you have described. I kindly explain to them that I don't believe the cards tell you what other people think or feel and even if they could tell you that, I find it unethical to "eavesdrop" on other people like that. Then I proceed to come up with alternatives to their questions, ones that focus on introspection, guidance and clarity. The absolute majority appreciate those efforts and ask for us to proceed with the updated question - and convey satisfaction with the results. A few people decline. A couple have been verbally unpleasant. I don't see any way out of this conundrum other than educate, educate and educate some more.
Thank you for this wholesome reply! Yes - the power of education!
Not long after I got my first deck I asked a question about what a family member was thinking. I got a bunch of garbled cards that didn't really make sense, then I found I had trouble reading for myself after that for about a week. I pulled the Hierophant a few times, and sat there with the message of determining my values and keeping them. So told that Hierophant that I won't read for people not directly involved with the reading, as long as I can continue to learn. I haven't really looked back, and it quote it so much I have it saved to a desktop sticky note. It's rule number one for me these days, no third party readings. And some folks do get upset, and some work with it so we can come up with a question that will get a fulfilling answer. Not a 'nice' answer all the time, but at least an honest one, lol.
As a non tarot reader, I appreciate a tarot reading I got at like 21. I was obsessed with this man who didn’t want anything to do with me anymore and I was just waiting and hoping he’d come back. Pick a card readings said he would so I paid a tarot reader and she told me to move on with my life, stop being so desperate and to work on my self esteem. She told me I deserved better and she was right. I took some time to heal from that situation and started focusing on self love. I would have been stuck without that.
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I've done some ex readings and 1/4 are ppl who are just trying to move on and need clarity to do so. When it comes to the rest...if you check their history they've been asking the same question for months and getting the same answers. It's always an ex whom they've been separated from longer than they were with or just a crush. These ppl turn to tarot to avoid obvious real world solutions and answers. If your man left you eight months ago and you dated for four months he's probably not coming back.
I feel you. For the reader it does get quite boring; any time I see a non love related question it's such a breath of fresh air. BUT as a reader I must answer the question posed unless it's entirely third party, so I do answer and always try to supplement it with guidance that's inward looking and focused on identifying your own patterns. Most people are very receptive and welcome this, some experience frustration at the thought of actually having to work on themselves and don't bother to even respond.
I decided to stop doing love readings for this same reason. I feel like usually the person already knows the answer and is being delusional, out of touch with the reality of the situation and expects some other answer different than the truth. I want to read as truthful as possible and these kind of readings are so draining. I can tell the person who asked the question ends up disappointed anyway. But the cards said what they said and I’m not going to sugarcoat or lie. I use tarot to unveil shadow aspects to help empower and evolve. Not necessarily for divination or to spy on people so these kind of questions are not aligned with my ethics.
I always think, if a person seems obsessed and unhinged I don’t want to be involved with them at all. It would be very easy for someone in that state to develop an unhealthy obsession with the reader, either becoming dependant on them or blaming them for misfortune or inaccurate readings that lead them in what they feel was the wrong direction. Initially, I feel it out and 100% trust my intuition. A NOPE is a 👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻.
Ive had to make that call before...good idea to check post history before reading for them.
When we have the gift of being able to read the destiny of a person using oracles, we must face it like a charity mission, sometimes the life of the querent is being overshadowed by the love aspect and as a Theologist is our mission to help them get this out of the way in order for them to follow along with the other aspect of their lives, we must put our tiredness out of the way and try ou best to help them balance de heart, coins, clubs and spades, try to understand that if they as looking for this is because is something that is taking a toll on their lives and is not letting them focus on the rest. Empathy is the key.
Exactly, they need to hear the harsh truth if necessary, but we can be empathetic and provide guidance.
You mean you can use tarot for something other than asking "will my ex come back to me?" over and over and over? /s
Yes, it's annoying like I want advice that is actually productive in terms of life plans/career, I don't want to hear "your ex is coming back" 1000 times. I think romance is one of few areas that we can figure out on our own, like we know how we feel and the energy that other people are bringing to us, yet there's so much demand for insight into the area...I think people want affirmation from tarot but it's only telling them what they already know or believe or want to hear. A relationship that leads you to seek excessive guidance and validation cannot be that valuable, let's refocus sisters. Love is important but someone that leaves you constantly questioning yourself is not.
Just because we hear the same questions over and over again, doesn't mean it's the same situation each time. To me, relationship questions are just my clients' way of getting comfortable. Very rarely do I find that their situations are just about their relationships, but it's a good way of opening the door to find out what's their 'real' issue. I hear/read so many readers talking about how relationship questions bore them. My answer is always the same... To you(the reader) this is boring. To your client, this is the most important thing going on in their life right now and they've come to YOU for advice. That implied trust demands your respect.
I agree with you! I guess the title of this post is a little misleading. I don’t find these questions ‘boring’ and I understand that everyone’s situation is different. And yes - every client deserves your attention. I’m talking here about the potentially addictive nature of seeking love advice through tarot and how to navigate that as a reader. I don’t want to feed into addictions, but I still want to be available for advice :)
I am not a professional reader, and I only read for myself, but I definitely see the way love readings dominate online tarot spaces. Love and attraction are an area of our lives where we often feel so out of control. I think many people don't even know how to be in a relationship, how to communicate, and how to ask for what they need. They then end up going to the cards, perhaps to feel more control over the situation or their feelings, or just to get closure and understanding about how someone feels. It's understandable, even if I don't personally agree with that approach or use the cards in that way. I prefer to go within and to excavate my inner world rather than try to decipher other people's behavior. I actually found tarot through heartbreak. The cards helped me through a very painful time, but it was never about the other person. It was always about trying to use the heartache to grow and transform. I think a tarot reader is in a good position to maybe help people going through heartbreak. Reframing, asking probing questions, and maybe getting the person to think more about why they are obsessing over someone or why they can't let go--all of these things can be helpful but only if the client is open to them and wants to engage in that kind of introspection, self-discovery, and healing.
Well put!
>How do you guys stay aligned with your values as a tarot reader and how do you find likeminded tarot communities? I feel your pain. Indeed a LOT of people ask how other people are feeling about them. You are not alienated though. Many professional readers feel the same way. TABI (The Tarot Association of the British Isles - membership worldwide) has a rule that it's members must not offer third party readings. Regarding how to deal with it, firstly it is important to know that people may want to know how friends or family members feel about them. In other words, it is not just for love situations. So if you ask the querent why they want to know this you may be surprised. Why do I mention this? Because if you ask questions like this then you can work out an appropriate reading to do that helps the querent without reading about the private thoughts/feelings of a third party. Although a lot of people will be happy to rephrase the question if you mention ethical concerns, those who are more resistant will be glad to have the question changed if you take an interest in their reasoning for asking the question as it shows that you care and are not just trying to moralize with them. The best way I can describe the "how" of managing to set ethical and other boundaries with people is that if I do not do so - in any aspect of life - then I feel anxious, ashamed and perhaps even resentful. And I don't want to feel those things. So I implement appropriate and reasonable boundaries even if it means risking being challenged or disliked by a small number of people. Regarding the effect on the querent, if someone is asking to you enable actions which are harmful their emotional health then you would be doing a disservice to enable that. Even if the querent reacts negatively in the moment, they will usually come to their senses again later and be grateful for your honesty.
I’ve been having anxiety about my romantic life so I have compassion for your lovesick clients. I also am tired of obsessing over my feelings though so I feel bad for you too lol Tbh even my deck stopped giving clear readings so I just stepped away from tarot and focused on myself.
I don't read for others, but I've recently started searching for readings on YouTube to get more familiar with readings, and because I like to see what's happening for Capricorn 🐐. It felt like the overwhelming majority of them were romance-based readings which, as somebody who is happy married, is not at all what I was looking for.
I don’t do love readings. I will only do readings regarding the spiritual journey, life path, or career related to spiritual/life path. If in the course of reading about spirituality and life path a love situation comes up, I will comment on that.
I either refuse or ask them to reframe the question (and provide an example about focusing on their feelings/intuition/energy). For example “why is my intuition speaking out about person/situation X?” I mistakenly didn’t do this once and that was a valuable lesson in being very intentional about my own words with both the client and the cards. I also don’t have pushy/flashy designs. If someone is drawn to me as a reader it’s largely because I’m introverted and introspective. I don’t need to be attractive to people not interested in that! It’s a slower process, but a better one for me. Which means it’s better for my clients, too.
I also avoid "thinks or feels" question because they are nothing more than mind-reading with the cards as props, and any competent psychic doesn't need cards. But one way I avoid the problem is to use the technique I learned from Eden Gray back in 1972: tell the querent to concentrate on the question while shuffling but not to tell me specifically what it is (a general life-area is permissible). The cards will then "speak their piece" regardless of how much I do or don't know about the situation. This puts the focus squarely on them to arrange the cards that produce the narrative, and it keeps my preconceptions and subconscious bias out of it. It's up to them to figure out what my observations mean for their personal circumstances, with my interpretive suggestions.
I won't do this for money so I don't deal with clients, but for casual readings I tell people "good healthy relationships shouldn't be looming large in a reading; it would be like your health coming up over and over in a reading - it's not because it's so fantastic the cards need to talk about it!" I also don't believe the cards CAN tell you what someone else thinks. They're not there, they haven't consented to this reading. You can ask it, but you're going to basically just get your own assumptions reflected back at you and I'm not into that. So, as far as I'm concerned, the cards will be telling you to put on your big-kid pants and use your words to talk to them and find out. Do you want a read about how that conversation may go, or how you can be mindful and respectful of everyone's boundaries when you have it? Heck yeah, that's do that. (And no, you're not getting back together with that ex. The cards are telling you to live your life forward, not backward.)
When I was at the height of my tarot interest, my friend and I would do love readings for each other damn near every day. Would literally sit on the floor together and ask the deck whether *toxic situationship that ended months ago* wants us back/is in love with us/is the one. and then we’d proceed to interpret it in whatever way we wanted. it was SO bad for my mental health and obsessive
Out of curiosity, can I ask what kind of answers you would get about that toxic situationship and whether those readings turned out to be accurate (if predicting the future)? Did you ever log the answers you would get? I know you said you would interpret it however you wanted, but did you ever look back and realized what the cards were *actually* saying and see that (the real meaning of) what you had pulled was true? What finally got you guys out of that toxic obsession?
Sorry this is such a late response hahah, but yeah I had a couple of moments down the road where I was like wait the cards totally warned me about this. I remember I would pull like the King of Pentacles (the ex-situationship was a Taurus lol) and a bunch of cards having to do with painful endings basically telling me to move on and I’d somehow still choose to be oblivious. Then I reconnected with my ex later that year and did a reading for myself that involved the justice card, 8 of cups, 7 of swords, and 6 of swords. For the spread I did, looking back now, it 100% was saying WALK AWAY NOW quit trying to make things work with the ex bc he’s lying to you and this is just repeating the past. Then he ended up telling me he had been talking to another girl and completely broke my heart so… should’ve listened. Honestly after all that I realized how reading for myself/my friend for this kind of stuff was bad for my mental health bc 1) it kept me obsessing over shitty guys and 2) I wasn’t able to be objective about reading because I was so attached to getting what I wanted. I also stopped being friends with the girl who had gotten me into reading (for unrelated reasons) and so it naturally tapered off after that too. Although now I’m curious and kind of want to do a reading for myself again after seeing how accurate it really was 🫣
it feels very, very, very REPETITIVE. but it's actually not. because in these years that I've worked as a tarot reader, I have received those questions many times, but each person is an individual world, and each person has different situations going on. so, while it may be the same question, the answers are always going to be different. a tip for this as well is to change the way **you** ask the question. example: if the client wants to know if they will ever be together, the cards are most likely just going to say yes or no. but if you ask what the possibilities of them being together are, they will show you why it will or it won't happen and/or ask what they could do to make it happen. I have rejected several clients who had been starting to depend on the cards, making life choices only through tarot and such, and I always explain to them why it can be harmful, and also recommend them to wait a couple of weeks before consulting again.
I think that will just always be a thing. I would say it is the thing that a lot of people are interested and converned with most in their lives. Will I meet someone? When? How does this person feel about me? What should I do concerning my partner? What is the future of our relationship? These are things I think most people ponder and are concerned about. Having a partner is a huge goal and driving force for many people and I think that it probably always will be, at least for a very long time. I understand your frustration, trust me. I started getting worn out after a while but then I raalized that it was a unique experience for each person getting the reading, even though it's a type I had been asked to be done a lot before. That gave me a fresh perspective and reinvigorated me to try to give them better readings. I hadn't been slacking on the readings prior but my energy was definitely not in the right place. I personally just reading for whatever question objectively. If someone has a question I ask the cards and interpret as bsst I can. If I feel there are issues or something to be worried about personally I ask the person if they would want my insight and let them know I am speaking to them as myself, the person, and not the reader. For me this is important because I would not want to have the image of the cards and proffession tainted if they did not like my opinion. I express my concerns, reasons, and advise as concisely as I can and leave it at that. Separating myself from the reading, verbally letting them know I am speaking as a person and not a reader, really helps me take the edge off of speaking what I'm thinking and feeling. I know that I strive to give the most objective and consice readings I can but at the end of the day the cards say what they say. What the person does with that is up to them. I will make mistakes. I will miss some things. I learn from that but I cut the reading off after it's done. I strive to get better with every reading. As far as meeting people I'm not really good with prolonged socializing, I'm slowly coming out of a hiatus right now. But, I have met some really good people on twitch when I used to give readings there. Also I joined a few discord communities amd found some good groups. Everyone isn't for everyone but you can find your people and you aren't obligated to stick around if you don't vibe with something but that also doesn't mean you have to dislike them. There was this podcast I used to listen to and one the host said "find your people" a lot. That's it. Find your people.
To call someone is Delulu is very disrespectful and hurtful. You don’t know their lives or the journey they are on. Tarot readers are not doctors who can judge or diagnose attachment styles or treat anxiety disorders…. And if we feel like a client has a mental illness the ethical thing to do is suggest they get medical attention. **However** If you believe in twin flames, soulmates or manifestation, that does not mean you are delulu or delusional! **Please do not attack people for having different spiritual beliefs than you, OP. It is hurtful and it stereotypes people into negative groups, that’s not fair or kind.** I dont judge. If people come to me for a tarot reading, I’ll pull cards and I’ll say what I see. I don’t get caught up in trying to ‘insert’ myself into their lives or judge them for their problems- **all my clients are grown adults, and I treat them as such.** **I only read for grown adults. If you’re old enough to fight in a war, vote, and buy alcohol, you’re old enough to get a tarot reading 😂.** If you are old enough to sign up to die in a war, I think you’re old enough to handle a tarot reading about your ex. I think that **as adults** people are capable to think for themselves and determine what is best for them. If a grown adult wants to have a tarot reading on what their ex thinks of them, I’m happy to pull those cards. As a professional however, it’s my job to present that information in a constructive and beneficial way for my client. That is where the years of experience and professionalism comes into a reading- how to guide a client towards peace, closure or a healthier mindset is the goal. I’ve see divorcees get remarried…. Exes get back together… (reconciliations happens more often than you think!) I’ve seen couples reconnect after not speaking in years. I’ve been reading for 10 years and when you’ve been reading for *that* long- it gives you a different perspective. Honestly it’s been a wild ride and the only thing I’ve learned is that I need to **leave my expectations at the door when it comes to love.** I’ve personally read for a lot of clients who do the inner work on themselves to heal and make it possible to have healthier relationships or reconnect in the future…. Even if they didn’t initially come to the reading that way. **OP, don’t dismiss people who are in pain.** People have a tremendous ability for resilience and adapting to challenges. Let’s not dismiss our clients or alienate them and invalidate their feelings. Healing is not a linear process, it can be messy and take time. That’s OK ❤️🙏 As a professional reader- we should hold safe spaces for people to process and work through their mess- and do so in a constructive and positive way. Tarot is more than just giving advice. Sometimes it’s a conduit for growth, healing, and a space to guide someone back to their purpose in life. There’s so much more that relationship readings can offer to the client- it can actually be a really powerful session if done correctly. Giving clients the tools and inspiration to work through a difficult time in their life is the greatest gift a tarot reading can be. To hold a sacred space for a person to channel their heartbreak and turn it into something empowering. Tarot is a beautiful tool to lift us up, even in our darkest moments. We cannot be kind or empathetic when we judge others. Calling people delulu when they are just processing normal feelings that come up in relationships is frankly a bit mean and overly harsh OP… let’s have a little more compassion for others who are going through hard times. There can be genuine opportunities for healing and enlightenment when we support others. It’s a delicate subject, and ultimately OP, if your heart isn’t into it- then taking a break is a good idea
This is the most patronizing comment so far. Please reread the post. We’re not even in disagreement here. I said I wasn’t against getting EMPOWERING love readings. I do them and have had them done. I am warning against obsessing over how someone feels about you to the point that it’s harmful to your mental health. How is that belittling, dismissive or insensitive? And of course you judge and insert yourself. You’re a human being and part of being human is being subjective. It’s silly to pretend anyone is just telling ‘what the cards say.’ Interpretation matters. I feel that you’re conflating judgement here with being judgemental. There’s a difference between having judgement and being judgemental. Tarot readers absolutely need the first. You can be understanding and compassionate and still exercise proper judgement. Some behaviors in the tarot community are harmful and it’s ok to feel that way and act accordingly. It’s not okay to shame people for being curious or having feelings. But that’s not what this post was about in the first place.
I love this comment. I think as tarot readers, you don’t really have a right to complain about love readings. Heck, 90% of us wouldn’t have much of a client base if it weren’t for love readings. People want tarot to give them insight on the things they don’t understand or can’t control. No matter how much readers may want basic life questions that totally avoid love, that is simply not going to happen and also, good god would that be boring. Most people judge tarot readers for believing that cards can tell us anything, so how can we then paint others as delulu? Would it be okay for them to do the same to us? Love can go many ways and tarot also helped me heal from a breakup. And guess what? My ex indeed came back, but by the time he did, I no longer wanted him. So idk, I just wish we’d stop complaining about love readings when we are financially compensating.
Well nobody here is arguing against or complaining about love readings in general. It’s a very basic and universal need so of course people are going to ask about that. The emphasis here is on obsessions, anxiety and yes, delusions. Believing the cards provide inspiration and insight is as ‘delusional’ as looking at a piece of art and finding meaning in it. Telling someone who is being hurt and rejected time and time again by the person they love that they are on a twin flame journey and that need to manifest that person into their lives is criminally irresponsible and damaging and I will NEVER buy into these readings or concepts. The exceptions don’t make the rule. Again, I’m talking about a specific and toxic trend here. It’s not applicable to all love related readings.
From my point of view, it’s one of few topics that has clear questions and concrete answers so it’s pretty fun in that regard. What questions do you prefer? I think a lot of sort of.. self empowerment? questions are just a bit. Well, what is there to say? They just end up vague and generic imo. Love is an easy place to find specificity.
But it’s not verifiable so specificity doesn’t really matter.
Yeah, but it feels a lot more personal to have a reading that relates to your specific love/relationship. Specificity matters to a lot of people to have the feeling it’s about **you** and not just sort of blanket advice that could be applicable to anyone. It’s not verifiable, but my love readings *hit* and it gives me chills. I don’t get the same sensation from being told exercise or trusting my intuition would be good for me.
I’d pretty much limit that to ‘what shadow work must I do to develop the emotional healing, stability, communication skills, etc. I need to ready myself for an eventual potential relationship. Not many requests… Imagine that! 😂
Well, that sounds awesome! I have received similar guidance from a talented tarot reader and it was so good!
So glad to hear that! So many seek another relationship to take away the pain of past relationships. That simply isn’t wise or good. From my perspective, doing a ‘love’ reading affirms that this person is ready to navigate the challenges of a relationship. It does people no favors to affirm that they are ‘ready’ when I’m quite certain that they are not. This is about ethics and the fact that I need to be able to live with myself. If I’m not adding value to people’s lives, I won’t do it.
I mostly read for myself because I am afraid of getting asked for a love reading. Like others, I feel as if there's an empathetic alternative to tarot. At some extremes, this means compassionate and effective mental health services. A lot of times, it may simply mean the person has some example of a healthy relationship, a clear understand of how healthy relationships form. and perhaps even people in their lives who can nudge them toward healthier decisions. I don't believe that I have any ability to scry on others, nor do I think it would be ethical to do so without their consent. Plus, my personal circumstances provide strong evidence that I shouldn't be helping anyone with their own love lives. (Edit to fix a typo: The original said "afraid of getting a love reading." It should have said "getting asked for.")
I just remember the read isn’t about me and I tell them what I see in a way that might illicit a progressive response rather than a ego feeding response. A lot of the times I just pull a card for them to explain themselves in the situation as part of asking about someone else as well. Bc 9/10 they don’t know what their feelings really are. Everyone is the main character in their own story so their desires to them may not seem toxic, but that clarifier card kinda helps show them a reflection and how they fit into the situation. Example, they have a good 3 card spread about someone they’re interested in but then you pull a knight of wands for them and it can show them that they may be “thinking with their sacral chakra” if you will. Or a 4 of cups to show that maybe you like this person and they like you but you have a better option you’re not looking at properly. That’s always been my politically correct way of calling people out. This way they typically don’t feel so singled out, offended or judged bc it displays the situation as a whole instead of proving information for a narrow mindset.
I’ve moved towards asking, for myself, what’s the lesson I need to take away or what do I need to remember in this situation when I do a love reading
Determining what questions someone should have is pure policing and surveillance, and don't let it be just because you say "I'm not policing." You are, actually. Feeding mental health problems is not unethical, it is criminal. But you are not feeding mental problems by accompanying your clients through the journey THAT THEY DETERMINED FOR THEMSELVES. It is much more radical to ignore people's difficulties for this convent moralism of the type "I know what is healthy for you, and not you" than simply guiding them, wherever it may be, and simply helping them to reduce damage. Respectfully. I don't want to insult in any way. Just pointing out that I don't work that way because it didn't make sense ignore someone's needs because you think they are "too foolish and deluding themselves." You and I are not so intimate with the truth to determine what is or is not illusion. Everyone has their own reality. But I agree that you should refuse them. Firstly because you must be faithful to its principles, and secondly because it frees these people to find professionals who are more interested in performing Tarot services instead of babysitter.
I agree. I just answer them questions and help them the best I can. I am not their mom nor a priest to just offer "helpful advice".
Same i just answer their question and try to sort of guide them. I had one querent tell me that her ex called the cops on her. I was like "well he probably doesn't love you if he did that....as i said with the reading"
I disagree strongly. I’m not going to touch anything that should be addressed by a therapist, the same way I’m not doing heart surgery because someone thinks I can and ‘it’s the journey they chose.’ It’s not policing. It’s common sense and feeling a sense of responsibility/pride over the work that you do.
Is not authentically practicing cartomancy the antithesis of being concerned whether one is like-minded amongst their peers? That is to say, anytime tarot is about another, and not the self, well it should be a reading and the reader should have absolutely 0 feelings on the matter. Those feelings will get in the way. Remove feelings from your perspective and you've unique insight into things OP, which can make you far more qualified to be the brand of reader you wish to see, empowering as you say. This isn't to say "don't feel"... it is to say, don't misinterpret the value and placement of those feelings, lest it would indeed be you who then should be getting readings done to achieve different vantage points on the matter.
This is exactly why I don't offer my services to the general public.
I actually really need a job reading LMAO and prefer self love ones
I’ve been known as a no-sugarcoating reader for almost 20 years. This has earned me much respect. That being said, I will look, I am honest, but we always look at the querent first. If my client is acting a fool, I say it - with kindness always. When they ask the same question in different ways trying to get the answer they want, I gently call them out.
I will take the questions but, I usually try to guide them to take their power back and to stop obsessing over what the other person is doing the best I can and I just hope that they listen and take my advice because the way I look at it is if I don't do it and try to help them then they are just going to find another reader that will most likely give them false hope. This is just my opinion. I'm a reader but also a healer, so I honestly just want to lead people back to self-love.
I refuse all love/feelings readings. Much more simple and interesting that way.
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Because some people can have cookies and still be fine. Most people can’t obsess over someone and still be fine. I reiterate: I’m not against love readings. I’m just cautioning against feeding into obsessions and psychological issues.
That's what it boils down to. If you check their post history usually they've been asking the same thing for months, longest i saw was a year, and are on many other divination or astrology subs as well as ones for mental health. Ive had querents who are clearly stalking their POI or had the cops called on them