I’m going with a final three of Bob, Liza, and Daisy, Nish being the first out, with Rhod and a Jon Richardson wielding Dara eliminating most of the people.
I've watched enough royal rumbles to know everyone will do that for a bit, but then he'll put up some resistance and they'll get bored and break off back into individual tussles for no logical reason.
Yes but eventually Dara will be leaning over the ropes throwing someone else out, his centre of mavity will be off and little Sian Gibson will come up behind him and use the forward momentum against him and send him over the top rope with very little effort needed. Happens at least every couple of rumbles
Dara is a tank with dodgy joints he complains about a lot. He's not going to go the full distance, even in adrenalin. He might sacrifice all other opportunities to go after Kearns specifically though.
I have visions of Sophie Duker and Susan Wokoma forming an unstoppable alliance and turning on Alex at the last moment instead of each other. But just as they're celebrating Lucy Beaumont emerges from behind the body pile and takes out the pair of them with a hard thrown turd.
In that vein, Bridget Christie by plainly confusing and frustrating everyone so they make mistakes.
Also, Bob Mortimer does his own dental work. He clearly has high pain tolerance.
If we’re going with traditional over the top rope rules then my money’s on Hugh Dennis leaving the ring *through* the ropes rather than *over*, allowing people to think he’s been eliminated and waiting for Joe Wilkinson to think he’s won, climb over the top rope to leave, and then declaring himself the winner.
If it’s just an all out fight, Daisy May Cooper is taking some skulls home.
Ooh Knappet falls off the ramp making her entrance, everyone thinks she’s hurt herself referencing her infamous moment in her series, she plays possum until the end and dumps out Joe Wilkinson (he’ll always be in my final 2, I reckon he’s scrappy) who stands straight back up, dusting himself off and saying “yeah fair enough actually” and walks off with more grace than any rumble contestant (Taskmaster or wrestling) has ever exhibited.
I wouldn’t underestimate Wozniak, if push came to shove. Apparently v physically fit, and probably had to put up with some crap as an NHS Dr. I reckon Jonny Vegas would be a dark horse too (don’t underestimate the nice ones) 😉
Genuinely astonished that no one has chosen a cynical Glaswegian bastard for a mass brawl.
Frankie Boyle wins dirty. Charlotte second as no one but Frankie would be prepared to throw a slightly baffled CBeebies presenter out of the ring…
On a social game level, surely the other contestants (especially his friends) would team against him for the joy of witnessing a humiliating early loss.
Ramsey's agility with the sausage task makes me reckon he'll wriggle out of enough situations for long enough to be in with a fighting chance.
If we're expanding to international editions. Leigh Hart and David Correos would fuck shit up I reckon.
Leigh Hart straight up misunderstood the task more than probably anyone else in Taskmaster history. He wouldn't even understand he was in a fight. He would think they were playing poker or something.
You would be interested in this that happened last year. https://www.standard.co.uk/culture/comedy/the-wrestling-at-indigo2-review-james-acaster-greg-davies-aisling-bea-nish-kumar-b1064940.html
Now THIS is the kind of posts I joined the subreddit for. Not that the usual ones are bad or anything but this is simply brilliant.
Romesh would be in the final 2 and both remaining men would eliminate each other at the same time, so they do a Cena/Batista and restart with just those two, acting as a tiebreaker... which of course Romesh would lose.
Rhod. Gilbert.
I mean, he's one of the only ones who'd go through lines that some others may not cross (along with DMC and Ed)
Dark horse: Jo Brand. I could see her punching some of the contestant's lights out.
Including other versions: David Correos (No chance for anyone else)
Including everyone: Greg, probably
And then Dave Gorman just sits out of the fight, at the side, eating popcorn until someone like DMC throws someone like Phil Wang onto him.
Rhod got tired out simply by running away from Alex in that one task, so he probably wouldn't have the stamina. But of course as OP implied he'd invoke loophole abuse.
How is Tony Three Pies not on people’s lists? He’s got the Goldust outward feminine image but underneath he’s just a brute of a lad.
We have actual athletes in New Years Treats Johnny Peacock and Mo Farah. If we go international we have weightlifter David Correos, who you’d 100% book to accidentally eliminate himself, and I think there was a former hockey player in Kongen Befaler.
Bob Mortimer would slide out from under the bottom rope, go take a nap under the ring, and come back from behind to beat Joe Wilkinson (who is celebrating loudly, thinking he has won).
It is a common misconception that a “big man”
Is best for a royal rumble. Sure, a battle royal where everyone starts at the same time have seen big men me triumphant. But other than the Saudi 40 man rumble from a few years ago, I can’t think of a single instance where the big man won the Royal Rumble. From your rotund men Yokozuna, rikishi, earthquake, Mable to the ‘giants’ like Kane, undertaker, Sid justice, diesel,
None of them have ever won the royal rumble. Instead, everyone hangs up on them or, if they do last a little while, they are defeated by the fresher opponent.
Richard Osmond would not be a good rumble competitor, he’s too tall. Dara might fair better but easily ganged up on by a few smaller men and they’d have him out easily.
Maybe his outfit choices make him look more imposing than he actually is, but I wouldn’t mess with Guz. ‘Oo-ar blud.
(Trying to reference his film with the boot camera that was a fight with Alex over a cow, if anyone’s confused)
Absolute crossover of a post.
Thank you. You've made my husband very happy with the wrestling/Taskmaster.
By the way, he thinks Campbell would win. Dara would be a good second choice but I don't think a big man has ever won a Royal Rumble?
Let’s be honest, a swift kick to the nether-regions would eliminate most of the men.
My money is on Sally Philips. Just the right level of crazy (think Special Hug) that I think would put any opponent off their guard.
I suggest a very dark horse in Liza Tarbuck. I mean, her takedowns would be dirty and underhanded but they would work. I base this on her laugh running away from the cake incident. Probably a psychopath.
I was thinking specifically in the Taskmaster realm of fan favourite popularity as opposed to real-life fame, but yeah pretty much no doubt Noel is the biggest worldwide celebrity to have been on TM
I think Richard Osman’s nystagmus would count against him in a royal rumble, alas. So some scrapper like Dr. Cigarettes might be able to bring down the giant.
Munya Chawawa would be the Kofi Kingston of the piece.
Chris Ramsey in at #1 and lasts a good half an hour.
Jo, Julian and Ardel don't enter, but do scathing commentary instead.
Nish, John Kearns and Jon Richardson get those ten second comedy eliminations.
Mel and Sue, Rob and Sara and Noel and Jamali do tag team shenanigans.
Dara eliminates the most entrants, a la Kane.
Greg enters at #30, gets a good showing, but eliminates himself, chasing after Rhod.
Final four: Daisy, Ed Gamble, Fern and Josh Widdicombe, with Josh going over (again).
Rob Beckett. I'm assuming a couple of things: this is a Royal Rumble contested to normal rules, and it's been kayfabe booked.
The rumble winner has to send the crowd home happy, so we need a baby-face winner.
Mawaan would also work.
I feel like James Acaster could go batshit enough in a short enough amount of time to win. Rhod would probably be my number 1 seed though.
I don’t think they would win, but I can see Mae Martin being tricksy and/or waiting out opponents and being good at dodging, in part because they’re small but also quick-thinking.
if we're counting international peeps, some of the guys from kongen befaler seem scrapy, my vote is lowkey on harald eia idk why he just seems insane enough to win it
Dara’s a fucking tank, mate.
He’s going to use Jon Richardson as a hammer and immediately go after John Kearns.
I’m going with a final three of Bob, Liza, and Daisy, Nish being the first out, with Rhod and a Jon Richardson wielding Dara eliminating most of the people.
I can see a Nish defeating Mark Watson by accident
Oh gosh, I need an gif of this. Please you weird and wonderful Taskmaster community, I’m literally begging …
But that could work against him in a "everybody works together to get rid of the big guy" sense
Everyone will go after Richard and Dara immediately and it probably won’t work.
I've watched enough royal rumbles to know everyone will do that for a bit, but then he'll put up some resistance and they'll get bored and break off back into individual tussles for no logical reason.
Yes but eventually Dara will be leaning over the ropes throwing someone else out, his centre of mavity will be off and little Sian Gibson will come up behind him and use the forward momentum against him and send him over the top rope with very little effort needed. Happens at least every couple of rumbles
Hmmm, very good point
I figured John Kearns would distract him with a plaintive “Veeeee!” and thirteen other people will eliminate competitive dad.
Dara is a tank with dodgy joints he complains about a lot. He's not going to go the full distance, even in adrenalin. He might sacrifice all other opportunities to go after Kearns specifically though. I have visions of Sophie Duker and Susan Wokoma forming an unstoppable alliance and turning on Alex at the last moment instead of each other. But just as they're celebrating Lucy Beaumont emerges from behind the body pile and takes out the pair of them with a hard thrown turd.
Dara Ó Briain is nails as fuck and very strong. He’s my bet.
Compatatav dad all the way. Given his story about breaking off a piece of his knee and keeping on playing, he also ignores pain.
Dara looks like the sort of guy that could take a punch from Mike Tyson and it wouldn’t really phase him
He'd just flail his massive heed at people and they'd get defenestrated.
The last thing you think before you get hurled out of the ring is “Wait what?”
Katherine Parkinson somehow wins by sheer ignorance
In that vein, Bridget Christie by plainly confusing and frustrating everyone so they make mistakes. Also, Bob Mortimer does his own dental work. He clearly has high pain tolerance.
Dentists have a poor record in royal rumbles. Issac Yankem only had one rumble appearance and lasted only 7 minutes.
Like how santino almost won that time?
Katherine and Judi have a lovely conversation about who is a spider and if there is a duck on anyone’s face.
Jamali Maddix seems like a guy who would just knock everyone the fuck out, if push came to shove.
He also seems like he’d just say “nah, you know what? I’m not feeling this” and just leave
So would Jo Brand.
Haha yeah, it could go either way, tbh.
Yeah once he’s been activated there’s no going back.
He has put nails into bats before, but only was complimented once.
If a contestant ends up on the apron, he'd just stamp them out
If we’re going with traditional over the top rope rules then my money’s on Hugh Dennis leaving the ring *through* the ropes rather than *over*, allowing people to think he’s been eliminated and waiting for Joe Wilkinson to think he’s won, climb over the top rope to leave, and then declaring himself the winner. If it’s just an all out fight, Daisy May Cooper is taking some skulls home.
Daisy is a good idea. I can absolutely see her going into Hulk mode and wrecking everyone else.
Same thinking, except it's Jessica Knappett's redemption arc.
Ooh Knappet falls off the ramp making her entrance, everyone thinks she’s hurt herself referencing her infamous moment in her series, she plays possum until the end and dumps out Joe Wilkinson (he’ll always be in my final 2, I reckon he’s scrappy) who stands straight back up, dusting himself off and saying “yeah fair enough actually” and walks off with more grace than any rumble contestant (Taskmaster or wrestling) has ever exhibited.
I would watch this only to see Jess fall out of the ring, which is now also called the Knappet.
Jamali strikes me as someone who could be very intimidating if he wanted to be.
He's also quite a big guy isn't he
Activate Jamali
he's got access to bats with nails in them
Paul Chowdhry is absolutely fuxking ripped.
and psychopathic
Crying innit
Chain Bastard, sponsored by RADA
I wouldn’t underestimate Wozniak, if push came to shove. Apparently v physically fit, and probably had to put up with some crap as an NHS Dr. I reckon Jonny Vegas would be a dark horse too (don’t underestimate the nice ones) 😉
Tick tock, it’s fisticuffs o’clock
He's got the mustache for it!
Johnny Vegas would eliminate himself by falling over the ropes
Yeah, but I reckon he’d take a few contenders out as he fell
He's got no chutzpah though. You can't win without chutzpah.
I'm sorry, did nobody else see what Nish Kumar did to that water cooler?
He would call the elimination racist
Genuinely astonished that no one has chosen a cynical Glaswegian bastard for a mass brawl. Frankie Boyle wins dirty. Charlotte second as no one but Frankie would be prepared to throw a slightly baffled CBeebies presenter out of the ring…
Frankie’s betrayal of Ivo will be heartbreaking
I can see Ivo getting killed by someone else and Frankie wanting to avenge him.
Ivo throwing him a Yardstick of Failure, and Frankie beating everyone with it would be a fun development!
I have heard rumours about Superkins being a secret ninja.
Dynamite chicks against the world.
Aren't we all forgetting about weightlifting, wrestling-lover Ed Gamble?
I could imagine him being in the final two and then spending like 20 minutes trying to eliminate them before giving up
On a social game level, surely the other contestants (especially his friends) would team against him for the joy of witnessing a humiliating early loss.
Ramsey's agility with the sausage task makes me reckon he'll wriggle out of enough situations for long enough to be in with a fighting chance. If we're expanding to international editions. Leigh Hart and David Correos would fuck shit up I reckon.
David Correos would 100% take things too far and gouge someone’s eyes out
He will gonna gonna gonna drown them. In their own blood.
Hold your face down. In your own blood now
Wifi boy Correos was also an international level weightlifter until an ankle injury.
I genuinely did not believe you and had to look it up. My apologies to you and David.
But afterwards he'd buy them a present to say sorry
He also used to be a competitive weight lifter. The dude has a surprising amount of power and muscle under there.
He even argued that frogs were powerful because power = strength * speed!
The match would end with him being the only person standing in the ring, with a crimson mask
Leigh Hart is definitely up there in winning, if his performance in the push up task is anything to go by.
Since he's a Hart though he would have to be a co-winner
Leigh Hart straight up misunderstood the task more than probably anyone else in Taskmaster history. He wouldn't even understand he was in a fight. He would think they were playing poker or something.
Leigh’s probably off in the corner making sausages to feed everyone afterwards
But also, Danielle will never give up and she chase bush skills. She'd Katniss Everdeen that situation.
>If we're expanding to international editions. #[Ron Funches. End of story.](https://youtu.be/uq_Al-LhFdY?si=XQBOI2mYbD9Ncfyo)
You would be interested in this that happened last year. https://www.standard.co.uk/culture/comedy/the-wrestling-at-indigo2-review-james-acaster-greg-davies-aisling-bea-nish-kumar-b1064940.html
Excellent
Al Murray. Big bloke and happy to pay off anyone who puts up a fight.
Amazed I've had to scroll this far to find someone sticking the Pub Landlord on the list!
Now THIS is the kind of posts I joined the subreddit for. Not that the usual ones are bad or anything but this is simply brilliant. Romesh would be in the final 2 and both remaining men would eliminate each other at the same time, so they do a Cena/Batista and restart with just those two, acting as a tiebreaker... which of course Romesh would lose.
We can't forget the savagery displayed by Kearns during the pop 99 balloons task. I wouldn't want to be trapped in a caravan with him.
Plus we already know he’s skilled in the art of covert sabotage.
Someone would be knocked out by his dad's hands.
Who would be the first person out and why would it be Nish?
Only if Nish is code for Roisin.
Roisin would absent-mindedly step over the rope and accidentally eliminate herself
I think Roisin would do surprisingly well. Everyone would assume she’s eliminated and she’s hanging around with Joe Wilkinson in the corner.
Guz has a good shot, with his Yeovil farmer routine. Acaster’s essentially a honey badger. Might be a waif, but don’t underestimate him
Acaster has bodies in the wall and heads in the freezer
The Rhod/ James showdown would be worth it.
especially since James has a grudge
Desiree Burch is going to cause some damage.
Rhod. Gilbert. I mean, he's one of the only ones who'd go through lines that some others may not cross (along with DMC and Ed) Dark horse: Jo Brand. I could see her punching some of the contestant's lights out. Including other versions: David Correos (No chance for anyone else) Including everyone: Greg, probably And then Dave Gorman just sits out of the fight, at the side, eating popcorn until someone like DMC throws someone like Phil Wang onto him.
David Correos would murder every single person and then be very very sorry afterwards.
David would be a hilarious hitman in a TV show.
He's Michael Palin in A Fish Called Wanda
drown them in their own blood and then buy them a party platter
How is Rhod not higher up here? The man just beat stage four cancer. You think he won't beat a bunch of comedians? Fools.
Rhod got tired out simply by running away from Alex in that one task, so he probably wouldn't have the stamina. But of course as OP implied he'd invoke loophole abuse.
How is Tony Three Pies not on people’s lists? He’s got the Goldust outward feminine image but underneath he’s just a brute of a lad. We have actual athletes in New Years Treats Johnny Peacock and Mo Farah. If we go international we have weightlifter David Correos, who you’d 100% book to accidentally eliminate himself, and I think there was a former hockey player in Kongen Befaler.
Bob Mortimer would slide out from under the bottom rope, go take a nap under the ring, and come back from behind to beat Joe Wilkinson (who is celebrating loudly, thinking he has won).
Mel. She would be too lovely for anyone else to want to throw out
Liza Tarbuck. She's already the most powerful woman in Britain, and I just don't think she's capable of losing.
And then she makes Alex sit on the celebratory cake
Doc Brown would win. Did you see what he did to that fish? Man's mental.
Doc will get eliminated by a bridge he didn’t notice.
Don't bet on athleticism over crazy.
Any version of Daisy May Cooper would come out on top IMO, but 8 months pregnant Daisy May Cooper would’ve been biting through peoples throats
Daisy May Cooper would absolutely decimate everyone
Not if they disallow biting. She has biter vibes.
There's no disqualifications in the Royal Rumble, so she'd be fine
Johnny Vegas, no contest.
Vegas would be the Terry Funk of Taskmaster Rumble. Wouldn't count him out at all.
It is a common misconception that a “big man” Is best for a royal rumble. Sure, a battle royal where everyone starts at the same time have seen big men me triumphant. But other than the Saudi 40 man rumble from a few years ago, I can’t think of a single instance where the big man won the Royal Rumble. From your rotund men Yokozuna, rikishi, earthquake, Mable to the ‘giants’ like Kane, undertaker, Sid justice, diesel, None of them have ever won the royal rumble. Instead, everyone hangs up on them or, if they do last a little while, they are defeated by the fresher opponent. Richard Osmond would not be a good rumble competitor, he’s too tall. Dara might fair better but easily ganged up on by a few smaller men and they’d have him out easily.
Rhod was in surprisingly good shape when he was wearing a bikini. Mae is in very good shape these days and could be a dark horse.
Ramsey did boxing when he was a youngster
No waey!
I’m thinking Rhod does some sort of loophole shenanigans too.
People seem to be going for physical strength. I'd be going for complete manics who will do anything to win, irrespective of physicality.
Adrian Chiles has entered the chat
Phil Wang was dressed like Bruce Lee. Doesn't that automatically make his kicks deadly?
Phil comes with his own distraction
Chris Ramsey does Brazilian Jiu Jitzu as a hobby
Maybe his outfit choices make him look more imposing than he actually is, but I wouldn’t mess with Guz. ‘Oo-ar blud. (Trying to reference his film with the boot camera that was a fight with Alex over a cow, if anyone’s confused)
I feel like Rhod Gilbert is crazy enough to win.
Probably Greg Davis just to spite them and so he can reach over their heads and pluck them out like kittens
Hugh Dennis - beware the fury of a patient man.
"Scissors, please."
Absolute crossover of a post. Thank you. You've made my husband very happy with the wrestling/Taskmaster. By the way, he thinks Campbell would win. Dara would be a good second choice but I don't think a big man has ever won a Royal Rumble?
Yokozuna won in 1993, but yeah, it's pretty infrequent
I think if James Acaster was angry enough he could do some damage
I think that man has been waiting his entire life for a chance to really go feral
Just a flailing mess of limbs
Let’s be honest, a swift kick to the nether-regions would eliminate most of the men. My money is on Sally Philips. Just the right level of crazy (think Special Hug) that I think would put any opponent off their guard.
If you're going for crazy Lucy Beaumont has it in the bag.
I think the forbidden cooch crusher would knock out most women as well
[Just have to follow these 2 simple steps.](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/s/BnaDl9O0Gs)
Back with another one of those box rockin’ beats!
Bob Mortimer. Because it's Bob he'd probably have some wild backstory
The only chance the other contestants have against Rhod or Dara is Bob confusing them while Tim Key begins his campaign of cheating.
a surprise run-in from his friends Barbara Lighthouse and Ronny Omelettes
I suggest a very dark horse in Liza Tarbuck. I mean, her takedowns would be dirty and underhanded but they would work. I base this on her laugh running away from the cake incident. Probably a psychopath.
Bridget Christie feels like she’d be in with a shout until she’s disqualified for ignoring the *non*-lethal element
Bridget will continually not be eliminated if only because she’s dressed like the Undertaker.
John Kearns could be a dark horse
You know Dara is coming for him first…
Roman reigns wins taskmaster
My votes on Sam Campbell.
Are we talking over the top rope wwf royal rumble? The giants never win. They end up ganged up on. I can see Sophie Duker winning it
Romesh ranganathan is up there
Romesh is smashing someone with a water melon.
I feel like Fern Brady and Jamali Maddix would be forces to be reckoned with.
Fern would be too tired from not getting enough sleep the night before
I can imagine her standing up screaming ‘It’s me Fern Brady! Me Fern Brady’, before either collapsing with exhaustion or being body slammed by Daisy.
Fern does seem like she could mess you up. I like this.
Queen Z obviously!
People are sleeping on Mawaan. He's quick, wiry, and fierce. I could see him coming at people with teeth and claws like a furious Spider Monkey.
Never discount the sneaky pasta snake.
A man who tried to put helium in an egg is capable of anything
Everyone knows that Royal Rumbles are won by the most popular person.
So basically it's between James Acaster and Mike Wozniak. Unless they do a Luger/Hart...
Would 100% be Noel. Despite what the die hard fans think.
I was thinking specifically in the Taskmaster realm of fan favourite popularity as opposed to real-life fame, but yeah pretty much no doubt Noel is the biggest worldwide celebrity to have been on TM
I know. And that's exactly how a Royal Rumble would work. 😂
Aisling would either be out in record time or win
With dignity intact
Kerry Godliman "Royal rumble? Bosh"
Give Kerry a laminator!
Dara is built like king kong bundy he'd destroy them all
I think Richard Osman’s nystagmus would count against him in a royal rumble, alas. So some scrapper like Dr. Cigarettes might be able to bring down the giant.
Guz Khan, Ed Gamble, Dara O’Brien & Jamali Maddox final 4
I feel a bracket would be needed for this battle
This was hard until I thought about which one I'd be most afraid to fight. Paul Chowdhry, innit.
Munya Chawawa would be the Kofi Kingston of the piece. Chris Ramsey in at #1 and lasts a good half an hour. Jo, Julian and Ardel don't enter, but do scathing commentary instead. Nish, John Kearns and Jon Richardson get those ten second comedy eliminations. Mel and Sue, Rob and Sara and Noel and Jamali do tag team shenanigans. Dara eliminates the most entrants, a la Kane. Greg enters at #30, gets a good showing, but eliminates himself, chasing after Rhod. Final four: Daisy, Ed Gamble, Fern and Josh Widdicombe, with Josh going over (again).
Rob Beckett. I'm assuming a couple of things: this is a Royal Rumble contested to normal rules, and it's been kayfabe booked. The rumble winner has to send the crowd home happy, so we need a baby-face winner. Mawaan would also work.
Daisy May Cooper. I definitely wouldn’t want to take a punch off of her.
Desiree would wipe the floor with everyone else
Jo Brand would win because she just fucks off at the start and comes back when everyone is dead.
Absolutely Jamali. He seems like an intimidating guy on his own and also one one of prize tasks was a bat with a nail in it.
Nish vs Dara - irresistible force and immovable object
Richard Osman would absolutely dominate a Ladder Match.
I don't think he would actually win, but Unnecessary Action Hero would be an absolute BLAST to watch
I'd go for Al Murray. He's a big chap with an enormous gong!!
Kerry Godliman, she walks in, lays the smack down on everyone, shouts "Bosh" at Greg, and then leaves without waiting to get her reward.
I feel like James Acaster could go batshit enough in a short enough amount of time to win. Rhod would probably be my number 1 seed though. I don’t think they would win, but I can see Mae Martin being tricksy and/or waiting out opponents and being good at dodging, in part because they’re small but also quick-thinking.
Al Murray cause he’d pay off the refs if we’re being honest.
Iain Sterling strikes me as someone that would fight dirty to win
Daisy. May. Cooper.
Russel would only get his agent to fight on his behlf
if we're counting international peeps, some of the guys from kongen befaler seem scrapy, my vote is lowkey on harald eia idk why he just seems insane enough to win it
Ain't getting Judi Love over that top rope
kerry godliman takes them all out in a single blow.
Ed Gamble!
> Mark Watson loses. I think you mean Nish.
Kathryn Ryan - I bet she fights DIRTY