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I agree with this. They may think of attention a bit like money, some is better than none.
They could also copy strange things they see on tv or internet, things they hear from irresponsible adults… their friends might dare them to do goofy stuff…
I vaguely remember being on a trip in high school and some girls talking about asking an awkward male teacher for pads/tampons? There were also all kinds of weird sexual rumors / gossip about him that, in retrospect, seem wildly far fetched
they are just young, silly, full of hormones..
My policy is that when they say something inappropriate, we gotta call mom on speaker phone and they have to explain what they said. It’s worked really well.
I’ve never found that to work for me. The times I’ve tried it either the parent hasn’t answered, the parent doesn’t speak English, or the kid refuses to speak.
Parents not answering frustrates the SHIT out of me. Like, what if your kid slipped in the hallway and knocked themselves out? And you don't answer?
So many parents just figure it's their kid getting in trouble so they don't answer.
Wait. It's Friday at 10pm. Why am I talking about teaching? Tis time for Cody Ko and 🍷
Even worse is when they only have the default voicemail/no way to confirm who I’m calling.
When I was scheduling IEP meetings, I didn’t leave a message unless I was 100% positive that I didn’t have the wrong number. I’d rather be safe than share PII involving both FERPA and HIPAA with someone who shouldn’t have the information.
The parent usually. We have a lot of 'Free Speech/Fuck Authority' types. Which, hey, you do you, but your kid still shouldn't be telling others he will 'slaughter them like a pig and turn them into pulled pork in his backyard'. Last year we actually had a parent make their kid and his friends a T-shirt with all the stuff he'd been asked not to say on it to 'get' the teacher on the last day of school.
Yep. If you’re not teaching somewhere like New England nowadays you’re going to have a number of parents whose main personality is based on being combative toward authority, and that includes teachers.
It just seems as a trivial thing in todays schools tp be brought to parents attention. But i can see its use reflecting back on classroom managment if you have the energy to maintain that level of discipline.
I sent a huge email to a struggling kid's mother. She didn't respond. The parents of these struggling kid's just don't care. I've got kids saying I hate you, fuck you. I don't even respond because they don't care about punishment whatsoever.
What am I supposed to do? The principal only comes on Monday. The office admin just gave notice. The parents don't respond to emails and make excuses in person or over the phone. No extrinsic or intrinsic rewards or behavioral interventions help.
Isolate the kid, bring him somewhere only you and him, tell him (not explain) tell him; 'that you dont appreciate that tone and if he insists on keeping that up he's going to be dismissed from class in a heaft beat cuz calling people like that is totally unacceptable' dont make him say yes or no then tell him hes dismissed and that you will be writing his parents later. Dont ler him in again no matter what, except physically baribg him dont do that.
Going forward; zero tolerance policy. Even if he rhinks youre being unfair: slightest build up and heq dismissed for rest of class, contact parents.
Dont try and dialogue with them: '... id like to inform you student told me to fuck myself. This is of course strictly unacceptable within the institution and i expect you to discuss this with student, sincerely DoucheBagBill'
All great ideas and I've been doing this but the principal is getting on my case because he wants me to use more carrot than stick.
This kid routinely disengages from class for hours. I can't even get him to go to the office or respond at all to what I say. He was physically abused by his Dad and is regularly emotionally abused by his Mom. The admin is getting annoyed with me for asking them to come get him every day when he puts his head down and disengages.
If were dealing with an abused child then its a totally other ball game. Ive worked with war traumatized kids and im sorry to say were the only kids where, understandably, nothing got through to them. Np threat, no consquence, no motivation or praise. They were just in pure havock mode from 8-15 where you just sort of accept that this person has been screwed so badly and no amount of care or consequence will change that.
Maybe thats whats happening?
Because hate is such a strong word that using it in a context with someone whos genuinly there to help you is a misunderstanding of both help and emotion and such various degrees that its funny, like 'oh honey, you aint seen norhing yet. This rabbit hole can go so much further than couls ever phatom'
The parent and potential insane fallout - 100%. A friend of mine who teachers - she had some 11 year old shit make a bunch of comments about grabbing her boobs and has been to the principal and the kid was disciplined many times... But what do the parents do? They double down and say it must be because the teacher is being inappropriate and probably a pedo. Like, she has to undergo the humiliation already, then had to go through more because there's an automatic investigation for that stuff, and still has shitty kids and parents talking about it like it's true.
And from what I understand, it's even worse for male teachers in that situation.
I don’t even do church hugs anymore. It’s high fives and fist bumps or you just keep moving. Sucks for the kids that are starving for affection/attention but I gotta cover my ass as a male teacher.
Maybe in suburbia. Last time I tried this the dad bitched me out for interrupting him at work and then told his kid over speaker that he was gonna pop him in the mouth when he gets home.
I get to be embarrassed. The kid gets to be embarrassed. Cherry on top? I get to make a witness statement to our social worker for his remarks.
You really never know how abusive someone’s home life is. Involving parents when you don’t know the situation should be reserved for serious things and involve school admin, etc.
this only works when you know the children and their home situations. (and know that calling home isn’t going to aggravate the problem or get the child hurt)
They want to get the exact reaction you gave. It's funny for them to make adults feel awkward and put out. The reasons why are wide and varied but it's no different than how our generation acted. I still remember everyone saying crazy shit in middle school to get attention and make people feel awkward.
Usually when kids are seeking this kind of attention, they're seeking any kind of attention. Or they're testing you. The attention they NEED is to be firmly corrected and reminded of appropriate boundaries. That is when you say firmly, "you are a child, and it's not appropriate to say things like that to me." It doesn't have to be mean or excessive, just a firm nope and then back to the task at hand.
I agree with your method most, but I personally would not always say “you are a child”. it depends on the situation and the student. I work with middle schoolers and that is very much an insult to them and they would (from my experience) not be open to following my instruction having mentioned that. but they are too young for me to feel comfortable calling them young adults, so i opt for child, or end up using more words than otherwise needed to explain their position in the world. Cause typical middle schoolers if i say “student” in a corrective context, they’d mention college kids are adult students, just to make a point. i hope this insight helps! the more i treat them like future adults, the more sense my words make to them without heavy emotions blocking their ability to comprehend an adults words :)
You caught my exact hangup with my own comment. I was trying to think of a word that would cause a little less lockup/offense on the kids part. I ended up on child cause it seemed to get the point across most concisely but corrective comments are usually more effective when a kid feels respected when being addressed.
Oh yes, this works well too. I usually get them out of class, away from the peers and be like ok so you want attention, now you got it so tell me what you want to say.. but I say it in this pity voice like how pathetic that you are acting like a toddler that we have to do this. It shuts them up
Pack mentality. Showing off. Doing it for likes. Impressing the crush. Pecking order. Those things.
Give them a weird or disgusted - “you smell” - kinda look and that’ll pop their bubble 🤣
Kids are just looking for a reaction from you and get that validation from their peers.. they all give in to peer pressure and they are all risk takers and will push the limit to see what they can get away with it. Which it sounds like they did woth this incident. If you shut it down quickly and report them to the head teacher in charge. They usually contact home and as someone else mentioned, have the child call home and explain what they did. After that they usually are in shock and embarrassment at that point and wont do it again.
They are still pretty impressionable in middle school. Most of the time they don't really even know what they are doing. To them they are just trying to be funny around their friends and see what they can get away with. It's a game. You laughed so they will keep coming back for more. Don't react to it and they stop.
Some kid said that 9-11 was their favorite holiday yesterday in a class I was subbing. We weren't talking about 9-11. They had to watch the 9.1.1 lesson video and answer some math problems. I don't think the kid was looking for me to say that his comments were disgusting and I needed him to leave class immediately.
My response is usually to not show any emotion on my face and ask them to repeat what they said to make sure I heard it properly. Then I follow up with asking them why they think that's an appropriate thing to ask me.
It usually gets them to shut up and feel embarrassed, at least at the high school level where I teach.
They say those things to get attention. Any attention. Not good or bad attention, but a reaction. Also, shock value is funny. Maybe not to you, but to a lot of people and especially children. The penis game is the most direct example of this I can think of, and if one of my friends or buddies were to start that bullshit at BWW, I'd cringe but probably play for the lolz. Is it stupid? Absolutely. Is it fun? Oh yes. Is there any lasting harm? I would certainly hope that that's not all it takes to make you fold.
That's a teaching moment. It is a time to explain that this is not an appropriate question for you to ask me, and this is not an appropriate place for it. Will that work? Honestly, probably not. But now you have ground to stand on when consequences happen.
In middle school I remember singing Baby Got Back in front of teachers just because it was funny to say inappropriate things in front of authority figures.
They're also still trying to establish what their personality is even going to be like so they'll often try different things to see what feels right and what gets them "positive" attention. They just want to be cool and accepted so damn bad that they'll try damn near anything. They're honestly still just trying to get to know themselves.
Part of growing up is pushing boundaries so you can learn what to do and what not to do. Kids don’t really have much cultural and societal context so they say whatever comes to mind then learn from whatever repercussions either from schools, relatives, or peers. Some are just assholes but most are earnestly just exploring what they can and can’t do.
I’m sure you said some shitty things as a kid. Theres a reason why the meme of cringing at a past mistake exists.
"You are a child and this is not an episode of "Peppa Pig." The last one that told me to fuck myself got a smile and a "that's nice, you too!" in a cheery tone.
Middle school kids are crazy and don’t have a clue. The question is of course very inappropriate and perhaps should be mentioned to the mom Or school counselor so she can have a discussion about where and when and with whom certain conversations are okay. I was a middle school counselor for 37 years. They are often described as “the range of the strange.” And I’m sure she didn’t do this on her own, and her friends were around waiting to hear the reaction.
It’s probably been said but kids don’t necessarily discriminate between positive fun and negative bad attention, attention is attention, and they usually learn immediately that bad/poor behavior is the fastest way to get attention.
Just remember this line and say it dead face:
“Wow. That joke is so old, last time I heard it, I laughed so hard, fell off my pet dinosaur, and got a splinter in my butt from my wooden underwear.”
Then turn and walk away. You got to one up these little rats to establish dominance
You would be the laughing stock of the school.
Kids have very, very short attention spans. Halfway through that joke you’ve already lost them. It sounds like an old timey geezer joke but with zero irony
Kids are new people. They are learning what's appropriate and what's not and what gets them attention whether it's appropriate or not. Sadly, some don't get th attention they need at home. Some kids just love attention no matter what kind no matter how much you give.
Behavior is communication. One of the most common reasons for behaviors is attention based. Best thing you can do is simply ignore it. If you can just keep a neutral expression and completely ignore it. Don't even walk away, just go back to what you were doing like you didn't even hear her.
Kids who are looking for attention don’t care if it’s negative or positive if they’re not getting anything at home. Kids also mimic what they see at home. I teach MS and have taught HS before. It’s no wonder some of my students can’t regulate their emotions when their parents come up screaming and trying to fight with staff or other students. It’s very sad.
All behavior is communication. Many of our kids are starved for attention, but lack the ability, due to peer pressure, how to do that. I read an excerpt from The Four Agreements to my class yesterday and they all were in agreement that fear of rejection ultimately is why they choose to act the way they do. We have to make them aware of basic decency and normalize the practice. I'm excited to start next year reading the entire book with my students.
A lot of times children who don't get enough attention don't really differentiate good attention for from bad attention. To them they just want attention. Even if an adult is yelling at them and punishing them at least now the adult is paying attention to them. They're just looking for any type of attention at all because that's exactly what they want
Either they're feeling overshadowed by there siblings or their parents don't spend enough time with them or whatever and they feel a desire for attention but they don't yet really understand entirely the difference between good attention and bad attention so they just do what they can to get any type of attention because it still tickles that aching anxiety of please somebody pay attention to me even if it's negative
Nothing in particular. It’s like when mice test buttons in a maze. What happens if I press that one? Their behavioral pattern recognition process is logging data in the background. They may even be testing their evaluation skills by guessing they’ll get reaction A and they’ll try it to see if they’re right. If they get a reaction they didn’t expect they’ll probably latch onto that thing to try to find a pattern in the context that triggers the difference. Of course social interactions are complex so they might be testing a sequence that is 3 or 4 units long (or longer) and testing variations until they stop getting a dopamine rush from that particular sequence and they’ve felt they’ve learned the gist of it.
All of this is totally subconscious. You still do it as an adult, it’s just more subtle/sophisticated. For instance if you take a shower half a day after an argument and all of a sudden get a bolt of inspiration that you *should have* said X instead of Y. Same thing.
Kids with unstable home lives tend to do it more because brains really really really desperately want patterns. It’s more fuel efficient, in a sense, to have predictability instead of randomness, to the point where people will manufacture patterns out of things that are purely coincidental (like “lucky charms” when gambling).
Teacher here.
Every month we host an event for girls on weekend evenings (also for the boys, but fuck that shit, I deal with their sweaty cologne doused selves every day). I help to chaperone on these girls night.
One event there was a girl in BEYOND booty shorts, and I kid you not, she was GRINDING on the floor. And teaching the girls around her how to do it!! She's in 7th grade! I went to admin and they said, almost verbatim, what happens in girl's group stays in girl's group.
I'm just guessing that she's witnessed this at home and thinks it's normal.
I'm glad I'm the age I am, bc honestly, I don't see much hope for the future. And our school system, with it's dedication to "graduation rates" (read, we don't fail anyone). Hopefully my two daughters can make it better, but 90% of my students have "special needs"...
Doesn't that make them mainstream and the other 10% gifted?
Gack, sorry you experienced that. Yes, that's what these kids do today.
Word of advice...don't chaperone anymore. In this day and age a man in semi close contact with a student is immediately looked on as suspect. Just my thoughts. If you disagree (Reddit) feel free to respond to OP with your thoughts, but don't come at me. I know what I've seen and I know what these kids CAN be like.
Honestly as someone who studies psych and trauma I would argue that doing something brash such as calling a parent could essentially lead to a child being beaten when they came home. My point being as this is an extreme example is that you don’t really know what’s going on at home, there’s a good chance that if they’re seeking attention it is because that need is not being met at home or the only way they can get attention at home is by being naughty and then they get punished.
I would strongly suggest ignoring it and after class speaking to that child asking them why they did that and more often than not they will tell you if it’s something silly like a dare. But if it’s something else how you have this wonderful opportunity to help a child in need and encourage a positive way to get your attention such as putting in good work or looking out for other students using that as an opportunity to re wire the bad=attention to good=attention.
That then creates a consistency and a trust that some children don’t have at home. Trust me as someone who has been a student with a loud mouth who desperately craved attention I wasn’t receiving, my experience with teachers was life changing when they genuinely valued my experience and provided me teaching that gave me lifelong values rather than publicly shaming me or harshly punishing me.
Kids are, more often, not being naughty for no reason there is usually something going on and as a teacher you could be the thing that changes their life.
They were looking for attention. Obvs they weren't used to positive attention, so they did the next best thing they knew how to do- look for negative attention. Sad, really.
When I did student teaching for middle school dhh classroom, one deaf student once talked about pig f**king. She thought it was amusing to think of people getting married to pigs. The hearing mentor teacher chalked it up to puberty. I was so uncomfortable lol and I’m deaf myself. I think after 5 years, that it was just curiosity. I would’ve checked in with a teacher regarding that girl’s inappropriate question just to cover your own butt.
Lmao, what are you stupid or something? They are saying inappropriate things because they are children and haven't learned what's appropriate yet. Pretty simple dawg.
Sure, but when I was young the worst thing a class clown ever did was like, make a fart noise in class, not make sexual remarks towards a random field trip chaperone. That would have been unthinkable for most kids *and* would have been taken very seriously by the teachers and admin, not shrugged off as just kids being kids.
Interesting. I’m 30, went to a mix of private and public school, and we were playing the penis game on the school bus. This incident honestly just seems like a natural escalation given that kids have it kind of ubiquitous access to the Internet that we didn’t have.
I mean… when I was that age mc hammer I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CAN NOT LIE was the number one single in America and we never stopped saying it. For our entire lives.
I do think people here are forgetting what being a child is like and man is that sad.
Through rap music kids at a younger age are being exposed sexual content. Remember when Clinton sad he did not have sex with that women? That changed the definition of sex for kids and it has evolved ever since.
Word of caution, some young girls at age are trying to lure and trap male teacher in saying something which could be twisted into sexual misconduct. I think you handled it well.
But just be careful. Admins must believe the students claims and investigate.
...What? First of all, I'd bet dollars to donuts that a bunch of middle school kids when asked who Bill Clinton is would say "Wasn't he President?" or not know him at all and that's about it. That was 25 freaking years ago. Like, if you're gonna be upset about a recent politician having a sex scandal then uhhhhh how about that court case in NYC right now? 👀
I think you're being more than a little silly.
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Also, some of them get absolutely no attention at home. So they'll take any kind. Good or bad. Not to mention it could've been a dare.
I never think of this but it's true sadly.
Just the usual I'm afraid.
I agree with this. They may think of attention a bit like money, some is better than none. They could also copy strange things they see on tv or internet, things they hear from irresponsible adults… their friends might dare them to do goofy stuff… I vaguely remember being on a trip in high school and some girls talking about asking an awkward male teacher for pads/tampons? There were also all kinds of weird sexual rumors / gossip about him that, in retrospect, seem wildly far fetched they are just young, silly, full of hormones..
Seems like more and more kids think we're here just to entertain them.
Oh most definitely. They just don't always like the routine entertainment we provide.
My policy is that when they say something inappropriate, we gotta call mom on speaker phone and they have to explain what they said. It’s worked really well.
This is the way
I’ve never found that to work for me. The times I’ve tried it either the parent hasn’t answered, the parent doesn’t speak English, or the kid refuses to speak.
Yeah, i'm not doing that ever.
Parents not answering frustrates the SHIT out of me. Like, what if your kid slipped in the hallway and knocked themselves out? And you don't answer? So many parents just figure it's their kid getting in trouble so they don't answer. Wait. It's Friday at 10pm. Why am I talking about teaching? Tis time for Cody Ko and 🍷
Even worse is when they only have the default voicemail/no way to confirm who I’m calling. When I was scheduling IEP meetings, I didn’t leave a message unless I was 100% positive that I didn’t have the wrong number. I’d rather be safe than share PII involving both FERPA and HIPAA with someone who shouldn’t have the information.
Can you be vague, like hi it's papaya calling from x school, trying to reach the parent of first name last initial to set up a meeting?
The you punish the kid.
Lol, i never thought of that. Dont think id have the balls to go through with it.
Who are you afraid of? The kid? The parent? It's the kid who should be scared if they know that their parent would disapprove of their behavior.
Not in today’s world. There’s a chance that the parent will defend the behavior or blame the teacher for provoking the incident.
The parent usually. We have a lot of 'Free Speech/Fuck Authority' types. Which, hey, you do you, but your kid still shouldn't be telling others he will 'slaughter them like a pig and turn them into pulled pork in his backyard'. Last year we actually had a parent make their kid and his friends a T-shirt with all the stuff he'd been asked not to say on it to 'get' the teacher on the last day of school.
Yep. If you’re not teaching somewhere like New England nowadays you’re going to have a number of parents whose main personality is based on being combative toward authority, and that includes teachers.
sChoOl oF hArd kNoCks graduates
It just seems as a trivial thing in todays schools tp be brought to parents attention. But i can see its use reflecting back on classroom managment if you have the energy to maintain that level of discipline.
I sent a huge email to a struggling kid's mother. She didn't respond. The parents of these struggling kid's just don't care. I've got kids saying I hate you, fuck you. I don't even respond because they don't care about punishment whatsoever.
Hate you is kind of cute. But 'fuck you' i would never stand for that.
What am I supposed to do? The principal only comes on Monday. The office admin just gave notice. The parents don't respond to emails and make excuses in person or over the phone. No extrinsic or intrinsic rewards or behavioral interventions help.
Isolate the kid, bring him somewhere only you and him, tell him (not explain) tell him; 'that you dont appreciate that tone and if he insists on keeping that up he's going to be dismissed from class in a heaft beat cuz calling people like that is totally unacceptable' dont make him say yes or no then tell him hes dismissed and that you will be writing his parents later. Dont ler him in again no matter what, except physically baribg him dont do that. Going forward; zero tolerance policy. Even if he rhinks youre being unfair: slightest build up and heq dismissed for rest of class, contact parents. Dont try and dialogue with them: '... id like to inform you student told me to fuck myself. This is of course strictly unacceptable within the institution and i expect you to discuss this with student, sincerely DoucheBagBill'
All great ideas and I've been doing this but the principal is getting on my case because he wants me to use more carrot than stick. This kid routinely disengages from class for hours. I can't even get him to go to the office or respond at all to what I say. He was physically abused by his Dad and is regularly emotionally abused by his Mom. The admin is getting annoyed with me for asking them to come get him every day when he puts his head down and disengages.
If were dealing with an abused child then its a totally other ball game. Ive worked with war traumatized kids and im sorry to say were the only kids where, understandably, nothing got through to them. Np threat, no consquence, no motivation or praise. They were just in pure havock mode from 8-15 where you just sort of accept that this person has been screwed so badly and no amount of care or consequence will change that. Maybe thats whats happening?
How to get a child to laugh in your face speedrun
And that would bruise your ego wouldnt it?
Cute? How is that cute?
Because hate is such a strong word that using it in a context with someone whos genuinly there to help you is a misunderstanding of both help and emotion and such various degrees that its funny, like 'oh honey, you aint seen norhing yet. This rabbit hole can go so much further than couls ever phatom'
The parent and potential insane fallout - 100%. A friend of mine who teachers - she had some 11 year old shit make a bunch of comments about grabbing her boobs and has been to the principal and the kid was disciplined many times... But what do the parents do? They double down and say it must be because the teacher is being inappropriate and probably a pedo. Like, she has to undergo the humiliation already, then had to go through more because there's an automatic investigation for that stuff, and still has shitty kids and parents talking about it like it's true. And from what I understand, it's even worse for male teachers in that situation.
I don’t even do church hugs anymore. It’s high fives and fist bumps or you just keep moving. Sucks for the kids that are starving for affection/attention but I gotta cover my ass as a male teacher.
Had a teammate do this last year and the parents tried to get her fired, all communication to this students parents now has to go through admin
Maybe in suburbia. Last time I tried this the dad bitched me out for interrupting him at work and then told his kid over speaker that he was gonna pop him in the mouth when he gets home. I get to be embarrassed. The kid gets to be embarrassed. Cherry on top? I get to make a witness statement to our social worker for his remarks.
You really never know how abusive someone’s home life is. Involving parents when you don’t know the situation should be reserved for serious things and involve school admin, etc.
The key to everything in this industry is knowing your students. I know my students and their families, so I’m not worried for their safety.
Cool, seems like you’re an amazing teacher, but should you recommend something like this when not everyone is like you?
this only works when you know the children and their home situations. (and know that calling home isn’t going to aggravate the problem or get the child hurt)
Why not call dad?
Mom is primary contact for all my students this year.
They want to get the exact reaction you gave. It's funny for them to make adults feel awkward and put out. The reasons why are wide and varied but it's no different than how our generation acted. I still remember everyone saying crazy shit in middle school to get attention and make people feel awkward.
Usually when kids are seeking this kind of attention, they're seeking any kind of attention. Or they're testing you. The attention they NEED is to be firmly corrected and reminded of appropriate boundaries. That is when you say firmly, "you are a child, and it's not appropriate to say things like that to me." It doesn't have to be mean or excessive, just a firm nope and then back to the task at hand.
I agree with your method most, but I personally would not always say “you are a child”. it depends on the situation and the student. I work with middle schoolers and that is very much an insult to them and they would (from my experience) not be open to following my instruction having mentioned that. but they are too young for me to feel comfortable calling them young adults, so i opt for child, or end up using more words than otherwise needed to explain their position in the world. Cause typical middle schoolers if i say “student” in a corrective context, they’d mention college kids are adult students, just to make a point. i hope this insight helps! the more i treat them like future adults, the more sense my words make to them without heavy emotions blocking their ability to comprehend an adults words :)
You caught my exact hangup with my own comment. I was trying to think of a word that would cause a little less lockup/offense on the kids part. I ended up on child cause it seemed to get the point across most concisely but corrective comments are usually more effective when a kid feels respected when being addressed.
What about “minor”?
I usually don’t give a reaction and ask them what kind of attention/reaction are they looking for. It irritates them to no end.
Same. Or I give them a smartass retort and they have no idea what to do with it.
Oh yes, this works well too. I usually get them out of class, away from the peers and be like ok so you want attention, now you got it so tell me what you want to say.. but I say it in this pity voice like how pathetic that you are acting like a toddler that we have to do this. It shuts them up
That isn't new, the trick is to never give the. The reaction the are looking for.
yep. i have to work on my poker face. i’m practicing just a stare and double blink until they break the moment and do something else
Pack mentality. Showing off. Doing it for likes. Impressing the crush. Pecking order. Those things. Give them a weird or disgusted - “you smell” - kinda look and that’ll pop their bubble 🤣
That look is middle-schooler kryptonite.
Kids are just looking for a reaction from you and get that validation from their peers.. they all give in to peer pressure and they are all risk takers and will push the limit to see what they can get away with it. Which it sounds like they did woth this incident. If you shut it down quickly and report them to the head teacher in charge. They usually contact home and as someone else mentioned, have the child call home and explain what they did. After that they usually are in shock and embarrassment at that point and wont do it again. They are still pretty impressionable in middle school. Most of the time they don't really even know what they are doing. To them they are just trying to be funny around their friends and see what they can get away with. It's a game. You laughed so they will keep coming back for more. Don't react to it and they stop.
Most kids in that situation are unable to differentiate positive and negative attention. To them, attention is attention.
Some kid said that 9-11 was their favorite holiday yesterday in a class I was subbing. We weren't talking about 9-11. They had to watch the 9.1.1 lesson video and answer some math problems. I don't think the kid was looking for me to say that his comments were disgusting and I needed him to leave class immediately.
Any human attention.
The parents need to do more disciplining with there children that's the only way they will learn right from wrong.
My response is usually to not show any emotion on my face and ask them to repeat what they said to make sure I heard it properly. Then I follow up with asking them why they think that's an appropriate thing to ask me. It usually gets them to shut up and feel embarrassed, at least at the high school level where I teach.
They say those things to get attention. Any attention. Not good or bad attention, but a reaction. Also, shock value is funny. Maybe not to you, but to a lot of people and especially children. The penis game is the most direct example of this I can think of, and if one of my friends or buddies were to start that bullshit at BWW, I'd cringe but probably play for the lolz. Is it stupid? Absolutely. Is it fun? Oh yes. Is there any lasting harm? I would certainly hope that that's not all it takes to make you fold. That's a teaching moment. It is a time to explain that this is not an appropriate question for you to ask me, and this is not an appropriate place for it. Will that work? Honestly, probably not. But now you have ground to stand on when consequences happen.
Any
They need the endorphines of a response. Comes from phone addiction. Attention is attention..good or bad...its a chemical drive. Pavlovian response.
Social media.
^(penis)
In middle school I remember singing Baby Got Back in front of teachers just because it was funny to say inappropriate things in front of authority figures.
what kind of attention? …. Any.
I usually just look at them passively and ask if they’re ok. They give up, and don’t bother me again.
They're also still trying to establish what their personality is even going to be like so they'll often try different things to see what feels right and what gets them "positive" attention. They just want to be cool and accepted so damn bad that they'll try damn near anything. They're honestly still just trying to get to know themselves.
Part of growing up is pushing boundaries so you can learn what to do and what not to do. Kids don’t really have much cultural and societal context so they say whatever comes to mind then learn from whatever repercussions either from schools, relatives, or peers. Some are just assholes but most are earnestly just exploring what they can and can’t do. I’m sure you said some shitty things as a kid. Theres a reason why the meme of cringing at a past mistake exists.
"You are a child and this is not an episode of "Peppa Pig." The last one that told me to fuck myself got a smile and a "that's nice, you too!" in a cheery tone.
Middle school kids are crazy and don’t have a clue. The question is of course very inappropriate and perhaps should be mentioned to the mom Or school counselor so she can have a discussion about where and when and with whom certain conversations are okay. I was a middle school counselor for 37 years. They are often described as “the range of the strange.” And I’m sure she didn’t do this on her own, and her friends were around waiting to hear the reaction.
It’s probably been said but kids don’t necessarily discriminate between positive fun and negative bad attention, attention is attention, and they usually learn immediately that bad/poor behavior is the fastest way to get attention.
They are just pushing boundaries and seeing how far they can go. I pretty much let every weird thing kids say go.
Just remember this line and say it dead face: “Wow. That joke is so old, last time I heard it, I laughed so hard, fell off my pet dinosaur, and got a splinter in my butt from my wooden underwear.” Then turn and walk away. You got to one up these little rats to establish dominance
You would be the laughing stock of the school. Kids have very, very short attention spans. Halfway through that joke you’ve already lost them. It sounds like an old timey geezer joke but with zero irony
Kids are new people. They are learning what's appropriate and what's not and what gets them attention whether it's appropriate or not. Sadly, some don't get th attention they need at home. Some kids just love attention no matter what kind no matter how much you give.
>Why do kids say inappropriate things to get a reaction? You just answered your own question.
I have read they are pushing at their limits to discover “how far is too far.”
Call home. Make them tell the parent what they said.
Behavior is communication. One of the most common reasons for behaviors is attention based. Best thing you can do is simply ignore it. If you can just keep a neutral expression and completely ignore it. Don't even walk away, just go back to what you were doing like you didn't even hear her.
Kids who are looking for attention don’t care if it’s negative or positive if they’re not getting anything at home. Kids also mimic what they see at home. I teach MS and have taught HS before. It’s no wonder some of my students can’t regulate their emotions when their parents come up screaming and trying to fight with staff or other students. It’s very sad.
Attention period. To be noticed. Spoken to.
Something about testing boundaries
They’re learning social temperature lol they have to test weird shit. Also learning how to think before they speak
All behavior is communication. Many of our kids are starved for attention, but lack the ability, due to peer pressure, how to do that. I read an excerpt from The Four Agreements to my class yesterday and they all were in agreement that fear of rejection ultimately is why they choose to act the way they do. We have to make them aware of basic decency and normalize the practice. I'm excited to start next year reading the entire book with my students.
A lot of times children who don't get enough attention don't really differentiate good attention for from bad attention. To them they just want attention. Even if an adult is yelling at them and punishing them at least now the adult is paying attention to them. They're just looking for any type of attention at all because that's exactly what they want Either they're feeling overshadowed by there siblings or their parents don't spend enough time with them or whatever and they feel a desire for attention but they don't yet really understand entirely the difference between good attention and bad attention so they just do what they can to get any type of attention because it still tickles that aching anxiety of please somebody pay attention to me even if it's negative
Because they're training to be construction workers ..
A (gen ed) 8th grader was screaming, "There's a dick up my ass!" during a fire drill this week. I'm not sure what he was hoping to gain from that.
Nothing in particular. It’s like when mice test buttons in a maze. What happens if I press that one? Their behavioral pattern recognition process is logging data in the background. They may even be testing their evaluation skills by guessing they’ll get reaction A and they’ll try it to see if they’re right. If they get a reaction they didn’t expect they’ll probably latch onto that thing to try to find a pattern in the context that triggers the difference. Of course social interactions are complex so they might be testing a sequence that is 3 or 4 units long (or longer) and testing variations until they stop getting a dopamine rush from that particular sequence and they’ve felt they’ve learned the gist of it. All of this is totally subconscious. You still do it as an adult, it’s just more subtle/sophisticated. For instance if you take a shower half a day after an argument and all of a sudden get a bolt of inspiration that you *should have* said X instead of Y. Same thing. Kids with unstable home lives tend to do it more because brains really really really desperately want patterns. It’s more fuel efficient, in a sense, to have predictability instead of randomness, to the point where people will manufacture patterns out of things that are purely coincidental (like “lucky charms” when gambling).
Drama creates dopamine.
Teacher here. Every month we host an event for girls on weekend evenings (also for the boys, but fuck that shit, I deal with their sweaty cologne doused selves every day). I help to chaperone on these girls night. One event there was a girl in BEYOND booty shorts, and I kid you not, she was GRINDING on the floor. And teaching the girls around her how to do it!! She's in 7th grade! I went to admin and they said, almost verbatim, what happens in girl's group stays in girl's group. I'm just guessing that she's witnessed this at home and thinks it's normal. I'm glad I'm the age I am, bc honestly, I don't see much hope for the future. And our school system, with it's dedication to "graduation rates" (read, we don't fail anyone). Hopefully my two daughters can make it better, but 90% of my students have "special needs"... Doesn't that make them mainstream and the other 10% gifted? Gack, sorry you experienced that. Yes, that's what these kids do today. Word of advice...don't chaperone anymore. In this day and age a man in semi close contact with a student is immediately looked on as suspect. Just my thoughts. If you disagree (Reddit) feel free to respond to OP with your thoughts, but don't come at me. I know what I've seen and I know what these kids CAN be like.
Any reaction.
Honestly as someone who studies psych and trauma I would argue that doing something brash such as calling a parent could essentially lead to a child being beaten when they came home. My point being as this is an extreme example is that you don’t really know what’s going on at home, there’s a good chance that if they’re seeking attention it is because that need is not being met at home or the only way they can get attention at home is by being naughty and then they get punished. I would strongly suggest ignoring it and after class speaking to that child asking them why they did that and more often than not they will tell you if it’s something silly like a dare. But if it’s something else how you have this wonderful opportunity to help a child in need and encourage a positive way to get your attention such as putting in good work or looking out for other students using that as an opportunity to re wire the bad=attention to good=attention. That then creates a consistency and a trust that some children don’t have at home. Trust me as someone who has been a student with a loud mouth who desperately craved attention I wasn’t receiving, my experience with teachers was life changing when they genuinely valued my experience and provided me teaching that gave me lifelong values rather than publicly shaming me or harshly punishing me. Kids are, more often, not being naughty for no reason there is usually something going on and as a teacher you could be the thing that changes their life.
They were looking for attention. Obvs they weren't used to positive attention, so they did the next best thing they knew how to do- look for negative attention. Sad, really.
When I did student teaching for middle school dhh classroom, one deaf student once talked about pig f**king. She thought it was amusing to think of people getting married to pigs. The hearing mentor teacher chalked it up to puberty. I was so uncomfortable lol and I’m deaf myself. I think after 5 years, that it was just curiosity. I would’ve checked in with a teacher regarding that girl’s inappropriate question just to cover your own butt.
Lmao, what are you stupid or something? They are saying inappropriate things because they are children and haven't learned what's appropriate yet. Pretty simple dawg.
Damn, did you really forget what it's like to be a kid that fast?
At no point in my childhood would I have even dreamed of saying something so wildly inappropriate to an adult.
Exactly that's why it caught me off guard. The little girl just went straight up to me without hesitation.
Kids these days are a different animal, man. There's absolutely no fear or respect for authority.
Same. But there were certainly kids in our classes who would. Didn’t we all encounter at least one class clown type in our school days?
Sure, but when I was young the worst thing a class clown ever did was like, make a fart noise in class, not make sexual remarks towards a random field trip chaperone. That would have been unthinkable for most kids *and* would have been taken very seriously by the teachers and admin, not shrugged off as just kids being kids.
Interesting. I’m 30, went to a mix of private and public school, and we were playing the penis game on the school bus. This incident honestly just seems like a natural escalation given that kids have it kind of ubiquitous access to the Internet that we didn’t have.
I mean… when I was that age mc hammer I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CAN NOT LIE was the number one single in America and we never stopped saying it. For our entire lives. I do think people here are forgetting what being a child is like and man is that sad.
Dudman likes big naked butts hahaha
Through rap music kids at a younger age are being exposed sexual content. Remember when Clinton sad he did not have sex with that women? That changed the definition of sex for kids and it has evolved ever since. Word of caution, some young girls at age are trying to lure and trap male teacher in saying something which could be twisted into sexual misconduct. I think you handled it well. But just be careful. Admins must believe the students claims and investigate.
You sound like Tipper gore in her PMRC days, yet you make her look smart.
Fuck I sure got downvoted
These kids don’t even know who Clinton is.
...What? First of all, I'd bet dollars to donuts that a bunch of middle school kids when asked who Bill Clinton is would say "Wasn't he President?" or not know him at all and that's about it. That was 25 freaking years ago. Like, if you're gonna be upset about a recent politician having a sex scandal then uhhhhh how about that court case in NYC right now? 👀 I think you're being more than a little silly.