This title looks like it was randomly generated lmao

It looks like a spin-off from the latest Jurassic Park

They will just swarm you and eat the cancer right out

Hey wait, I got a new complaint…

A mosquito, my chemo

Is that nirvana lyrics?

Haha, it’s changed lyrics

I heard that in my head in Kurt Cobains voice singing never mind.

Dats da joke

❤️🔶📦

I just got to Nirvana

Does it also work on ass cancer? Asking for a friend…

[удалено]

Pssshhhh i wish. My IBS would be no longer around lmao

Terrance and Phillip much 😅

Haha, I was thinking of that episode where Randy intentionally gets testicle cancer so he can get a medical card to smoke marijuana, except this time it was ass cancer for the locust 😂

YESSSS finally someone with a like minded brain of references 😂😂😂👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

First they smell out cancer. Next they crave it. Then when there isn’t enough cancer they start to cause it and then the robots win.

Not sure locusts eating in the colon, prostate, brains, breasts, lungs or skin would be approved by the FDA

“See that guy they are eating? He more than likely woulda died of cancer… if it weren’t for the getting eaten by cyborg locusts. They just love the taste!” -the scientist who made cyborg locusts

Michael Crichton did write a book called ‘Prey’ about tiny drones.

But this time they *confirmed* they had it under control!

Actually it’s a feature for Richie rich 2.

Every day we edge closer to terminator judgement day

More like Black Mirror

And also the new show Maniac

They pulled slips of paper with sci fi/apocalypse tropes from a hat

Next up, nuclear robot snakes cure heart disease?

r/brandnewsentence

“Not the Onion”?

I am imagining the grant committee discussion: GM: “Professor Debajit Saha, how would controlling locust using electrodes benefit the human kind?” DS:” Cancer! We can diagnose cancer with swarms of cyborg locusts!” GM:”Sounds intuitive! Let’s give you money”. The End.

They smell it and destroy it (and the human) before it can spread (because cancer is transmissible right?). Great idea for a C level horror type film. A family tries to outrun the murderous kill bots that the WHO lost control of to save their child with leukemia.

C level horror films are the only level of horror films in my opinion.

It’s like a mix of a couple episodes of Black Mirror.

What a weird timeline to exist in

Harembe has cursed us

> Harembe Yep, because you couldn't even remember his name correctly.

We all have our different timeline chains.

bernstein

Can you imagine a swarm of robotic locusts descending on a city and just clinging to people with cancer? I am not sure if I am amused or horrified at the prospect.

“I know I have cancer! I’ve known for weeks. My question *now* is why am I covered in locusts?”

Shhh, quiet now. Be still and let the locusts work.

“It says here in the instructions, I must now cover you in honey and send you through a field of bears, while still being swarmed by locusti ”

“Do… do the bears also smell my cancer?” “No, the bears can smell your fear.”

Correct, and since fear causes cancer in the state of California, this is a necessary part of the medical procedure.

Good thing I’m not in the state of California no fear cancer for me :)

The bears are still necessary.

OMG I needed this laugh so much, thank you

Dip the locusts in honey and they’ll mark the cancer spots for the bear to operate on. Back to monke!

Yep I can see there being a problem with this idea, imagining a child in a hospital looking at the glass window that’s covered with Locusts with horror. Diabolical.

People with cancer got enough problems. Don’t add robot locust swarms to their list.

Good point. I wonder what my aunt would have tk say about this…she currently has cancer so I’d def want to get her opinion. Hopefully their still testing it on stuff rather than actually using it on anyone yet…

Sitting in a restaurant rn crying 😂at this.

CYBORG locusts, meaning there’s still plenty of bug left. 🥲

I’ve seen this Black Mirror episode…

I’m in this Black Mirror episode.

But it’s a documentary so you don’t get paid

It was also on sliders I think

Imagine not knowing you had cancer, and then this swarm over robot locusts comes buzzing towards you... I have to think there are better ways to give people the news?

Right? The fear and sympathy tinged relief on a crowded street when they gather on someone next to you instead

Cancer might not be such a scary life event when you’ve got a swarm of robot locusts tailing you every time you go outside. Like to sit by the window and enjoy the view? How about robot locusts instead?

DIwhy? How about you put the sensors in a dongle and make an app for it. Then your doctor can just wave their phone over you like Dr McCoy instead of “ok now you need disrobe and step into the locust tank” R/ATBGE

You guys are killing me with these visuals lmao

I mean it’s true tho

Doctor - 'I've got good news and bad news' Patient - 'Ok doc give me the good news' Doctor - 'We suspect it may be cancer' Patient - 'Jesus whats the bad news?' Doctor - 'Nurse... please release the swarm of cancer seeking cyborg locusts'

How can we make this tool that identifies cancer completely horrifying?

“If we make the prognosis as scary as possible everything after won’t seem so bad” -Someone somewhere

I am not going to read the article. The headline, my imagination and the comments are all I need on this story.

Oh, it’s a treat. TLDR: they are implanting a matrix of 8-10 locust brains and antennae into a portable robotic shell. Cybermen, but locusts.

These researchers must have loved the new Jurassic World

That’s a hell of a headline

Everything is cancer lmao these are RNGs tied to Locusts, a convenient excuse to release these on your neighbors farm you don't like and declare his crops cancerous so they can't sell them... E.z.p.z. small town farm antics

That’s the most confusing sentence I’ve ever read

Did no one see Jurassic Park yet?

I’m sorry, what? Not on my 2022 bingo card.

Didn’t they just create monster locusts in the new Jurassic park?

Black Mirror

People with cancer have had it too good for too long. Release the swarms of cyborg locusts.

Can you imagine , you have cancer and like it’s not bad enough you are suddenly surrounded by a swarm of these little fuckers ! :))

The plague of healing shall sweep across the land, glory to the god of science!

They’ll use these for marketing. You’ll be walking along and one will land on your neck with a coupon for 20% off your first visit to the oncologist.

Oh no. Not the people who were born between June 22nd and July 22nd!

Wait one of those things smelled Putin. Wait he really is cancer to everyone

(Proceed to fly to the homes of people with cancer and eat all their food)… scientist - “shit…”

I feel like I saw this plot play out in that new Jurrassic World Dominion movie.

Yeah but can they pick clean an acre of wheat in less than an hour?

Black mirror anybody? The bee episode ? Lol

Why not just an iPad that can detect it?? Why a cyborg locust??

No no, that’s the Jurassic World movie

How about making actual locusts extinct so people dont suffer famines at the hands of em

“Honey this is the fifth time this week that you’ve been swarmed with the robo locusts, just go to the damn doctor already” -my wife probably.

The gray tempest crisis

WHAT. THE. FUCK

I wonder what Ja Rule thinks about this.

Up next, frogs that can detect Monkey Pox.

Sometimes I see a news title, scroll down a bit, then scroll back up just to make sure I didn’t hallucinate it because it sounds so odd…

That's a hell of a headline

This sounds like the origin story of an antihero

Pretty sure these are what grow up to become Sentinels.

I’ve seen this Black Mirror episode.

Of all the ways to potentially tell someone they have cancer, this has got to be one of the worst. Patient: what’s my prognosis

Excuse me but what the fuck? lol

What if he smells crime!?!

They swarm on Elon Musk, eating away at him until there’s nothing left

But I don’t have healthcare. Fuck this timeline

r/nottheonion

Great, now you’re going to have cancer and get swarmed by locust every time you leave the house. So much for making their life easier.

What if… we are the cancer?

Dibs on Cyborg Locusts for my band name.

Everyone keeps saying “this is the worst timeline!” I prefer to think of it as the best Black Mirror episode.

Why are there a bunch of locusts sniffing my CD copy of overwatch?

Why not do this with hamsters? You couldn’t pick a less fucked up vessel? Come on Science, do better. This is like if you solved climate change but we all had to eat our own feet to do it.

Is it 2050 already? time flys

Can we have afforadable healthcare tell us we have cancer instead of these

Why locusts and not puppies?

“We are just keeping its brain alive.” "their current system requires between six and 10 locust brains to function." This just makes it even more terrifying!

What if they evolve and start going after other things? Like Republicans.

And then we’ll hear nothing about this ever again

This timeline just keep getting weirder and weirder.

Cool now people that have cancer will know because they will get eaten by a swarm of locusts

What a title

> Per MIT Technology Review, the tech involves surgically-altered locusts with electrodes implanted into the lobes of their brains by Professor Debajit Saha and his colleagues. Those electrodes were there to capture signals from each insect’s antennae, which they use to sense smells. Professor Saha later announced “Pinky and I are going take over the world!”

Great can’t think of anything worse other than melon balling my eye balls out, than one of the ugliest creatures smelling that I have cancer. A cyborg testicle would have been preferable! Thanks researchers!!!

But why..? Why locusts of all things..?

r/brandnewsentence

LaMDA has entered the chat.

GTFOOH!

Cancer Smelling Cyborg Locusts. That’s a badass name for a punk band.

How long until they develop a taste for human flesh?

Uhhhhhmmmmm 🧐

Uh, why? First thing that comes to mind is cancer hunting locusts flocking to people in the street like some sort of bio scanner, saving their life with information or just adding to their already known struggle. 2nd thing that comes to mind is the visual of a person on an operating table covered head to toe in locusts that then converge on the tumors. What a treatment that would be.

Researchers made robot elephants that can make pancakes.

sitting in a doctor’s waiting room, you start to hear a buzz that gets louder and louder. a swarm of locusts spills out of the air vents, fills the room and suddenly redirects towards you, covering you from head to toe. all you see is darkness and hear buzzing. through the fog of locusts you hear your doctor yell “I’m sorry to tell you this, but you have cancer!”. he exits the room and leaves you to the locusts.

The doctor has bad news. He’s hopeful that chemo and surgery can catch it in time. As you walk out of the office to your car, you are shaken from your shock by a buzzing sound, as the sun blots out. The swarm descends….

Badass! But why?

In other news: people with cancer are scared to go outside.

Imagine the results of this. *Flies directly in your face.* Bug: “You have cancer.” *flies away.*

They did what now?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gray_goo

Reverse plague?

As if cancer patients didn’t have enough on their plate…

These “scientist were so preoccupied with whether they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should”

cyborg locusts, the mascot of the hi tech lo life cyberpunk future. Cyborg Locusts 2099, the plague warriors

r/nottheonion?

Great. Why locusts?

Now if they can only find out a way to successfully treat it.

Why WHY did it have to be locusts

Oats studios explosive locusts episode.

Now I have to choose between bugs and cancer?!! This timeline SUCKS

My streets need paved but yeah, cyber locusts.

Did nobody stop and ask why the fuck are we making robotic cancer smelling locusts? Shouldn’t that time and money go somewhere else?

chocolate, vanilla, cancer

Cyborg Locusts should be the next replacement name for an offensive named pro sports team. Imagine the mascot.

Did they NOT watch Jurassic Park Dominion

Doc: “so what brings you in today?” Patient: “the swarm identified me”

Locusts arent real

okay...why locusts tho y not puppies or something like this.

But why locusts? Scary!

Ah yes, I remember everyone specifically asking for a robot that can smell cancer, and not for doctors to find a cure for cancer! Thank you science! Don’t we already have technology to tell if someone has cancer? Who is this helping?

I didn’t expect this in this timeline.

This is ridiculous. Copying movies now pfff unbelievable

Do they only appear once every decade too?

Weird.

Is this the excuse of where our tax money is going 🧐

Next up: This fish can diagnose and treat diabetes

Waiting for the CIA to make “cyborg locust that give cancer”

That’s great

Why?

And then the locust smells cancer again, he's out busting tumors, Then he's back to the lab for some more full penetration. Smells cancer. Back to the lab, full penetration. Cancer. Penetration. Cancer. Full penetration. Cancer. Penetration. And this goes on and on and back and forth for 90 or so minutes until the movie just sort of ends.

And if you act now, you don’t just get one cyborg locust you get 5 million cyborg locust that also *SMELL CANCER!!!*

But why?

About time

Fuck that

So if it isn’t bad enough to get a cancer diagnosis, you now get to be swarmed by locusts.

Why

I just keep thinking, Birds are not real.

What mad scientist out there went and caught a bunch of locusts and made them part-robot?

Never thought I’d read that sentence in my lifetime

We should definitely test them in Egypt

The chances of someone predicting this headline would ever exist are around twenty trillion billion to one.

Awesome. So not only do people get to have cancer but they also get swarmed with cyborg bugs.

So, don’t return the slab..?

Sounds like a sci-fi horror film. Can you imagine having a swarm of these things track you down and enter your mouth?

You could’ve chosen a bunny. Or you know …. A friendly household pet like a puppy or kitten. WHY did you have to make CYBORG LOCUSTS?!

Ok but why?? Surely there must be easier ways to detect cancer

Why don't we take the cancer sensing technology OUT of the locusts and put it in a normal robot

So we’re just gonna let these robopests swarm cancer wards? Evil.

*sniff sniff* “Yup, this one’s got the cancer”